People Try Not To Destroy Their Lives In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

"We've always kept our finances separate and split bills evenly. We made roughly the same income so it wasn't an issue. We had our first child 1.5 years ago. I was working part-time a lot during my pregnancy and after my 12 weeks of leave because we couldn't find daycare. I also just started my own business but it's taking longer to get clients so I'm currently not even making enough income to cover "my half" of the bills. I started working 16-hour shifts on weekends to make more income but it's not enough. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, and most things for our son. I'm still nursing him. My husband has never bathed him. I have done it every single night (he still wakes 1-2 times/night). My husband works mostly full-time but does whatever he wants when he comes home and on the weekends. We've traveled a lot together. Before we started trying to conceive, we talked about how we would have to put travel on hold for a bit. He agreed and was fine with it. That turned into having one more trip before trying to conceive so we went to Greece. Once pregnant it was one more trip before he was born so we went to Iceland. Then he planned another trip with his friend to Spain without me knowing and told me about 2 weeks before he left. I was 28 weeks pregnant and very upset. Then he tried going to Mexico with his brother-in-law 2 weeks before my due date and I talked him out of it. Then we went on a trip to MA when our son was 3 months old and then to CO when he was 10 months old. Then he went to Mexico with his brother-in-law a few months ago which he told me about days before he left. I just found out he is planning another trip with his friend to Albania without me knowing again. I finally put my foot down. We are a family and just because our finances are separate, we are in this together and can't afford it. Just because I am not making as much income doesn't mean I am doing less or are less valuable. People don't leave the country with their friends while their wives stay home to take care of the baby alone. Sometimes we need to sacrifice our wants. It's just temporary. He was begging me to let him go and I said I am not okay with it and I'm sorry but I think you're being selfish. He said he deserves a vacation. I kept firm and told him I was not okay with it. Since then (1 week) he hasn't spoken to me. He sent me this text: "I feel like I had my soul sucked out. I'm not trying to be dramatic but I would do anything just to take a few days to travel. It's my biggest passion that I get excited about. And don't pretend a person with a family never goes on a vacation with friends/family. All I want is every 2 years to go on a trip with (friend). I feel like that is very minimal compared to what others have as hobbies. Even before we were married I begged you to go on trips with your friends because I know what it does spiritually. Life is so short and it could be gone in an instant. Seeing more and more friends of mine pass away is truly making me depressed and scared. I don't want to hear a counterpoint because I don't want to argue." Is he the jerk for doing this to me again or AITJ for not letting him?" Another User Comments: "You're not his wife. You were his incubator and now you're his nanny and maid. He wanted to have a child, he had to help with said child. You need to sit down and have a serious talk about what your expectations for him are if he wants the marriage to continue. NTJ" MThomas Another User Comments: "NTJ. You and your husband need to sit down and reevaluate. You are a family, not roommates. Having everything separate and split down the middle makes no sense once you have kids and aren’t working the same. You need a family budget for family expenses and a plan for how to save family money for future expenses and vacations. Can you each have some fun money for yourself? Sure. On the “he doesn’t help at home” bit. That also needs to stop. Let’s just assume you are a stay-at-home mom with no outside job. Then your “job” is taking care of the house from 9-5 while his “job” is working at the bank from 9-5. Outside of work hours, it’s family time. And as part of the family, everyone does childcare and housework. Your job of taking care of the child should not be 24/7 while his job is only 9-5. It makes no sense. And he’s a jerk. Get into some couples counseling ASAP because he doesn’t sound like he’s the kind of guy who will hear it from you." Traditional-Load8228 Another User Comments: "NTJ. Your life goals are incompatible; you want to settle down, start a business, and have a child. All he wants to do is travel the world. That doesn't make either of you jerks but it does mean neither of you planned out your life together very well. I do think the husband is a jerk because he said "one more trip" before the baby arrived - what he meant was "one more trip until my next one". I'd go for the divorce now while he is earning more money than you are." Waste_Worker6122