People Try To Interact With These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Laughing At My Ex's Mother And Revealing The Minimal Child Support I Receive?
“My ex and I parted ways back in 2023. Ever since it happened, the communication between him and his family has been rocky. He was not interested in providing for our child (6) and I had to apply for child maintenance. He’s in debt with them (circa £1.3k), and has only paid about £120 in total.
I’ve not been on good terms with his parents (Among other things, they asked me not to apply for child maintenance, etc., as their boy cannot afford it, and so on, so you could say we’re not the best of friends).
Here’s where the problem started- they recently found out about quite a few concerts I’m planning to go to yes I’d posted about it on social media, but they have no access to my accounts, so I don’t know how exactly they found that info).
Recently, during child drop-off, my ex’s mother got very upset about the concert mumbo-jumbo and started telling me off for making my ex pay child support I just wasted on myself and so on. I couldn’t hold it in and just started laughing, which aggravated her even more.
When she stopped ranting, and I stopped giggling, I told her, that her son’s child support wouldn’t even cover the travel cost of the trip, and they could rest assured that I don’t live off of his child support given, that I wouldn’t be able to raise my child on that amount, let alone the both of us.
I should’ve stopped there, but I also added that so far we’ve received approximately £10/month, which doesn’t even cover the cost of fruit my child eats, so neither of them has any say in how I spend MY own money (Note: I’m not sure if it matters, but yes, I work full time, so I spend my earned money).
She called me a liar and stormed off.
Now their whole family is upset with me, saying that I was rude and they expect apologies. I was also told that I was a jerk for telling them how much I actually receive as it’s put my ex in a bad light.
My friends are divided too- some found the situation hilarious and others say that while it was fair to stand up for myself, I shouldn’t have told her how much I get in ChM. In my defense- I had no idea it was such a big secret, I genuinely assumed she just didn’t care about the amount, and just focused on the idea of me getting any money from them).
Also, it’s worth noting: My child didn’t witness this interaction, she was already indoors, I’m sure it would’ve gone differently (I would’ve stopped the rant sooner) with the kid present.
So, AITJ for laughing and telling her how much ChM I’ve been receiving?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, I told everyone about the £10 per month my kids were expected to live off to anyone who told me I was living off of my ex’s hard-earned dosh. If he’s a deadbeat, make sure everyone knows about it, because I am not going to work my butt off to maintain my children in a good lifestyle whilst he takes the credit.
Ex was similarly upset because I set the record straight.” Frankie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why give them any information about your finances or activities? If your goal was to give her the business, then it would have upset her even more had you simply shut the door in her face.
There was no need for you to defend your actions; indeed, it only led to them demanding – completely unwarranted – apologies. Less is more. Tell them nothing, and don’t post your business on social media.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is a deadbeat father, which is among the lowest of the low.
And the money he owes you is the obligation he took on when he became a father. It is his responsibility and if he and his family had any testicular fortitude, they would live up to their obligations and not try to guilt you into giving up what rightly belongs to your child.
You don’t owe them an apology – they started it. It’s not your fault they can’t take what they dished out.” bamf1701
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Won't Accompany Me To Visit My Dying Grandmother?
“I’ve decided to make this post to get other views on this matter that might help me see the “big picture”.
I apologize in advance if my English is not perfect, it’s not my mother tongue.
So, here’s what’s happening: my grandma has been ill for the past 6 months and we all hoped she would recover (she’s not that old and was in great shape before that).
Unfortunately, she was more and more tired lately and I just learned this week that the doctors decided she had to go to palliative care.
She’s not anymore returning my phone calls or messages because she’s too tired, so all the info I get from my relatives who live near her hospital.
I (29 F) live with my partner (29M) at more or less 4h hours by train from the city where she is, and we were already planning to go there at the end of next week for another reason. The thing is, her condition is getting worse and I’m not sure she will still be conscious next week.
So I decided to go see her now. I was close to her, and my partner of almost 3 years knows her too (he saw her more than his grandparents these years). He said to me he didn’t want to go because he was already coming to this city next week.
He said the only reason he would consider coming is if I asked him to be there for me.
As I currently do feel in the need of support I said I would appreciate his presence. But he showed me he really did not want to come and I felt it was really inappropriate to force him on such a serious situation, that the only fact that I would have to beg him doesn’t suit the importance of the situation.
So, for now, he’s not coming and I’m angry at him, even more, I’m thinking maybe I should reconsider our relationship if he’s not able to show up for me when I ask him and it feels really weird to go alone.
He also made me feel guilty (and regretted it right after) for reconsidering coming to a concert that we had planned this week.
So, he’s not planning on coming but I should respect my engagement even though the situation is bigger than that.
So, should I insist on wanting him there, considering the fact that it’s expensive and that it takes a lot of time, or should I let it go and hope I will forgive him Also, he’s a bit angry at me for putting him in this position, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband wouldn’t have hesitated if I asked this of him 3 months into our relationship let alone 3 years in. To me, this lack of support is a huge red flag. What other major things will he refuse to support you through?
Go be with your grandmother. Hold her hand. Reminisce about memories with her. Play music for her. I’m sorry that you are going through this and I hope she has a very peaceful time, however long she has left.” loislolane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Partner is selfish as heck. You mention you’re living together. That implies that the relationship is serious and you’re sharing a life. Sharing a life means sharing the good and the bad. When my partner’s aunt died I drove him four hours to be with the family and I stayed there for two nights with him.
I barely knew the family back then but I came with him and visited his aunt a couple of times in hospital before she passed. Not telling you to reconsider the whole relationship, but if he’s behaving this way when a close family member of yours is dying then I have a lot of questions about his morality and maturity.” Terryt9584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner is showing his true colors through this situation and it is not a good look. He is a person who puts himself first before other people, including you. He is shockingly selfish. When you need him most, he is refusing to be there for you.
He is also disrespectful of you and your grandmother. This is a difficult and upsetting time for you because you are losing your grandma and he cannot be bothered to show up and be a support for you. This is not right. I would rethink whether you want someone this selfish in your life.” laurasdiary
20. AITJ For Insisting My Ex Takes Full Responsibility During His Custody Time?
“Ex and I separated a few months ago and in the beginning, we agreed that 50/50 was the best thing for our daughter.
Then we went to the first mediation and I learned he expected me to be fully responsible for finding and paying for childcare on his weeks. I was not okay with that and said as much. We didn’t get anywhere because he insisted all childcare-related tasks were my responsibility since I had always done them.
After mediation, he continued to argue with me and I told him that 50/50 custody means he is 100% responsible during his time with her and I am 100% responsible during my time. His counter-offer was still 50/50 custody but she could stay with me most of the summer and he would see her every other weekend but we still switch weeks during the school year.
I again refused and told him “50/50 custody means 50/50 all year long not just when it’s convenient for you.” That got through to him and he’s told me I can have primary physical custody and he will take her every other weekend and we split holidays during the school year when he can take vacation to stay with her instead of working.
But now he’s told his family about our disagreement and they are texting and calling me because I’m stealing his child from him. They think I should continue to be responsible for all childcare all year long since he works so hard and needs the help.
His mother was being particularly vocal about it and I asked her why doesn’t she volunteer to pay for childcare for him. She responded that it was too expensive and not her responsibility. Again I disagreed because I’m not her son’s nanny. I told the rest of his family the same thing.
I was sure I was right until his sister who I’ve always thought of as level-headed also told me I was being unfair. Ex hasn’t ever had to do any of those tasks and he shouldn’t be expected to start doing them now after so many years.
Am I the jerk for telling him he’s responsible for our daughter during his time with her which is now preventing him from having 50/50 custody?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not prevent your ex from getting 50/50 custody of your child. He decided that he didn’t want it if he had to pay for childcare during his custody time.
You are lucky to be out of that family. If they are blaming you for his reduced custody rather than telling him to man up and pay for his child when he earns 70k a year more than you, they are just as delusional as he is.
Please tell me that you are getting child support. Based on his salary compared to yours his child support payments would probably cover his 2 weeks of childcare payments and some more besides. He could have paid the childcare for his 50% and still have shared custody.” chez2202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex never had to do any of those tasks because you were a couple who each had their areas of responsibility, with a fair division of labor in the relationship and parenting roles. But you’re not a couple anymore. For example, if you used to do all the cooking when you were married, you don’t still have to cook for him now that you’re separated simply because he never had to cook in the past. It’s HIS responsibility to take care of his meals.
Equal custody means equal responsibilities and equal costs. Your ex and his family are wrong here.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“Keep as much of the communication as possible in texts. The judge will just love it. Always nice when unreasonable demands and harassment are in writing.
Your ex is being unreasonable. He simply doesn’t want to take full responsibility for his child when she’s in his custody. Peter Pan is not such a great parental figure. I think that you’re being completely reasonable. The new custodial arrangement is entirely based upon your ex’s lack of willingness to take responsibility during his days with the 50/50 you’ve supported. He brought it upon himself.
It’s on him. It’s not your responsibility to be a mommy both to your child and your ex, no matter how much his family thinks being his mommy is your job. NTJ” Nester1953
19. AITJ For Dismissing My Biological Parents' Claims About Inheritance?
“My grandparents’ son and his wife are my biological parents. I (17m) has been raised by my grandparents since birth and do not recognize their son or his wife as my parents.
My biological parents had me in their mid-20s but they “weren’t ready to be parents” and asked my grandparents to raise me at the last minute, like 2 days before I was born last minute.
They (my biological parents) walked out of the hospital and just left me there. Called my grandparents first but they were gone by the time my grandparents got there.
I grew up around my paternal family minus my parents. I didn’t “meet” them until earlier this year.
I’m close to aunts and uncles who are more like siblings in some ways but also like aunts and uncles. Cousins I’m close to it as well. My grandparents are my favorite people though and I’m SO glad they raised me. They were amazing grandparents turned parents again.
About a year and a half ago my biological parents returned and told the family they had kids. My grandparents didn’t push me to interact or meet any of them so I stayed out of it. My grandparents only interacted twice. My biological parents chased after them to be more involved but my grandparents said no. The extended family didn’t see them often either even though my biological parents tried to act like it was all one big family around them again.
The discussion of inheritance and wills came up and my biological parents wanted to know if their kids had been added as equal grandkids and they said they heard I was being treated like a kid and why was that happening. I was no more their kid than the other grandkids and I shouldn’t take priority as a grandkid either since I was one of the oldest. I didn’t need anything.
My grandparents kicked them out and told them to get lost (in their more mature nature). This brought my biological parents to me and asked to have a serious talk and they blamed me for my grandparents not wanting to know their kids better. I rolled my eyes when they brought it up and it irritated them off I just shut the door on them my grandparents were outraged they approached me for the first time to shame me for their decisions that were not mine.
But then my grandpa’s brother was saying they had a point and that caused a fight between my grandparents and him and made me question stuff.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would avoid your bio parents moving forward if they want to meet up again.
They are just coming around “for the money” and hopingto beg put in the will. Don’t allow them to guilt you for their negative choices. You did nothing wrong. You are lucky to have such great grandparents as parents to you growing up. They are your real parents.
As far as any will or inheritance, simply refuse to discuss this matter with your biological parents. In my opinion, it’s horrible etiquette to discuss or make demands about someone else’s will. Your bio parents need to mind their own business. The fact is. They weren’t around and didn’t put in any effort in your life and upbringing.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done nothing wrong. Stay away from them and their child. They’ve only come back to stake a claim on money. They’ll treat their kid better than you – no need to subject yourself to that. 1) The OTHERS are ridiculous to think that they have any say in how YOUR parents divide THEIR estate.
2) The OTHERS not only left you, but they also left YOUR parents. 3) Rolling your eyes was polite compared to the things that could be said and are ALL TRUE. 4) It is time to drop grand. If EVER approached by the OTHERS, tell them “You’ll have to speak to MY PARENTS, they taught me about stranger danger.”” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents certainly are. They have had no contact with you or their parents BUT now they are demanding that their new kids be equal in the eyes of your grandparents. And to come back only to ask about inheritance To your grandparents – you are more like their child – not their grandchild.
Have your grandparents tell your parents they may consider including them and their kids in family discussions AFTER they pay back the money used to raise you for 17 years. Also the row in a charge for every hour they watched you.” Defiant_Falcon520
18. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Roach-Infested House After She Didn't Warn Me?
” I recently moved to my hometown and my friend had an extra room that she offered to me. She said I didn’t have to pay for rent as long as I helped with her 5-year-old and 11-month year old and helped with paying utilities, I of course initially said I would pay rent before this offer but agreed to help with other things.
I called her beforehand to discuss what expectations and house rules she had but she said “Nothing, I’m easy.” So I left it at that. Fast forward, to the day I moved my stuff into the garage, she tells me pest control is doing a treatment because of some roaches so I think okay, like normal. That happens.
Well no, I moved in 2 days later and it’s a severe roach infestation. Nothing like I have ever seen before and the house is also quite filthy. The day I moved my stuff into the garage I didn’t go upstairs to see the room because I was so tired and she had shown me most of the apartment on Facetime.
Anyway, the roach situation is pretty heinous. All over the walls, in the pantry, all over the sofa, the floor, counters, I mean it was bad. I cleaned for 3 days and found dead roaches in the fridge under the fresh drawers and roach eggs under her baby’s high chair cushion, I mean it was evident nothing had ever really been cleaned in there.
The 3 days I spent cleaning were 10-hour days at least, I was having mental breakdowns, it was a lot but I tried to be understanding because she’s a single mom and the baby daddy only goes over a few times a week but the thing is she goes to the gym every day and sits at night to watch tv and drink a glass of wine but doesn’t try to keep clean during a roach infestation?
So today I finally told her I’m moving out after being there 2 weeks and that I wish she told me about the problem beforehand. She reacted poorly, said I’m not kind, I have negative energy, and called me rude and condescending. She said she didn’t have to tell me anything because I was living rent-free and felt shocked that I was frustrated that she never told me.
I don’t know, I tried to not say anything because she wasn’t charging rent, but I do think she should have mentioned it. Am I in the wrong? I don’t know how to feel. I tried all I could to not judge her for it because I’m not a mom, but it felt impossible.
I don’t know if I should just have never said anything and moved out.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re only the jerk because you didn’t turn tail and leave immediately once you entered the home. Then all the snarky beggars can’t be choosers fight could have been avoided. I’m wondering if her strong reaction was masking embarrassment/shame.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s reasonable to expect transparency about significant issues like a pest infestation, especially before moving in. Your frustration is valid, as living in such conditions is not just uncomfortable but can also pose health risks. Your friend should have been honest about the situation, regardless of the rent arrangement….” casandraswit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That wasn’t fair; that wasn’t a friend. Feel relieved that you got out of that environment before it affected your mental health any worse. Those things are relentless and unsanitary. Think about it, restaurants get shut down because it isn’t safe to operate with roaches.
Now imagine LIVING with them. Nope, be selfish in this matter, and don’t give a darn! However, I do feel bad for the kids who can’t defend themselves living like that.” Smooth_Ship4436
17. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Partner's Family?
“I (26F) live with my partner (28M) in his grandma’s house (70F) along with his brother and his brother’s partner (both 21).
My partner and I are moving out soon, but the situation has caused many arguments, so I’m looking for an outside opinion.
I clean up after myself and my partner in shared spaces. I clean the bathroom after use, scrub the toilet after I use it, wipe down surfaces after showering, etc, and hoover up my dog’s hair in areas she’s allowed to go in.
When I use the kitchen which is very rare due to the state of it, I wash my dishes and clean up before and after cooking. I mainly stay in our room, eat pre-packaged ready-to-eat foods or take out and everyone agrees that I don’t leave any mess behind me and regularly joke if I wasn’t seen no one would know if I ever left our room.
The issue is that I don’t help with general cleaning, like dishes after meals because I don’t eat the same meal as everyone else ever, or deep-cleaning tasks. My stance is that I clean up after myself, and if everyone did the same, there wouldn’t be a mess.
The others leave food out, splatter sauces, and don’t clean the bathroom properly (stains left in the loo, urine on the seat and floor, etc) Basic food hygiene is never followed which is why I buy my foods, and there’s often meat left open on the side to defrost for days at a time which attracts flies.
There’s a lack of hygiene, which results in frequent sickness for his grandma and brother, and I refuse to clean up after them because I don’t contribute to the mess.
While I understand I should help an elderly person, she’s perfectly able-bodied and has no issues stopping her from being hygienic, she’s just got nasty habits.
Equally, my partner’s brother and partner don’t clean up after themselves ever and I’ll be darned if I clean up after grown adults.
Despite this, my partner thinks I’m causing tension and should make a compromise and help for the sake of peace like he does.
I refuse as in my eyes it’s his choice to clean up the mess he isn’t making, I’m not a live-in cleaner, she is not my relative, I pay a ridiculous amount of rent for 1 bedroom, and in my opinion, it’s a health hazard and I’m not risking my health to clean up her moldy festering messes.
To be clear if the others cleaned after themselves I would gladly help do a deep clean. But I’m not going to clean up their mess first, especially as it’s so disgusting and they don’t clean after themselves enough leaving the bathroom disgusting and rotting foods in the kitchen.
Should I just compromise to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Considering the level of mess the brother and his partner make but make no attempt to clean, I’m not surprised you don’t clean it up. There is a thin line between helping and enabling.
Sounds like your partner cleans up after them and is now resentful that no one else is helping him when he isn’t willing to speak up to them about being cleaner, to begin with. I disagree about keeping the peace and doing it anyway. That’s not accountability, it’s passive and only hurts you” SmolSpaces15.
Another User Comments:
“Your partner can do more if he feels like it. You are not making any of the mess that is in question, so, no, don’t clean any of it. Just because you know how to clean up after yourself doesn’t mean that you should be responsible for other people’s mess.
NTJ Tell your partner to suggest that his grandmother hire a cleaner to come in and get everything spic and span. (She can afford it with the rent you are all paying.) Once the place is clean, each adult is responsible for their mess, no excuses.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ there was a mention of making a chore list. It probably won’t work for everyone to do their part, but, making one of the chores for each public area of the house and marking off what you are doing could prove to your partner that you are already doing your part.
Have him mark off what he is currently doing regularly and see what is left. As far as the kitchen, it appears that you are cleaning up any mess you make and leaving the rest of the mess, you could list that with a spot for everyone’s name and don’t leave Grandma off the list. I would expect the kitchen for personal cleanup would include tossing trash and putting away ingredients used, washing dishes and pans used, cleaning the table or counter used, and cleaning spills on the stove.
This doesn’t solve a generalcleaningn of the kitchen. After that, it is up to him to discuss with the rest of his family.” Agreeable-Region-310
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Time With My Mom's Childish Partner?
“So, My mom (50F) got a partner (47M) a few months ago.
He’s a great guy for her and I (17F) have met him a few times, however, for me, he is insufferable every time I try to interact with him. Every conversation results in him “jokingly mocking” me, giving me weird/rude looks (Such as scowling at me for asking a question, rolling his eyes at a simple statement, generally just acting like an extremely immature teenager.), refusing to answer simple questions if I’m trying to do something for him, and just generally extremely childish behavior every time I try to have a conversation with him.
Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t hate him at all, I just have a strong dislike for almost every interaction we’ve had.
I’ve tried so many different ways of interacting with him, including my behavior in the interaction, and nothing seems to change. I’ve brought this up multiple times that I just find it generally rude the way that he treats me (since he doesn’t do this to his daughter, or my mother) to my mother and him, and there has been no change at all.
My mother stays at his house a lot, which I’m quite content with since I enjoy living alone for short periods while I try to get my bearings of being an adult and living alone, and it allows me to avoid interacting with him. However, recently my mother brought it up that she dislikes that I don’t spend any time with them at his house, and while I brought it up to her about how he treats me she seemed to just brush it off that “He’s Childish” and “Don’t take it to heart”.
I can understand being childish, and I know it’s fun and games and all, but when every conversation I have with a 47-year-old man makes me feel like I’m speaking to a 14-year-old boy and just being mocked for asking a simple question or saying something, I lose my want to be around that person, as I assume some others would too.
I should mention that while I don’t spend time with my mother’s partner, I do spend time with his daughter (19f) who I get along with quite well, but the only time we spend time together is outside of her house, or watching movies at my Moms house, or going out to the farm (Which mother’s partner refuses to go up to)
Context to the fam: Her partner used to race horses, so he isn’t used to riding horses let alone the horses not being his own, so he gets frustrated because he isn’t able to do what he wants with said horses in “fear” I guess of ruining their training, so he doesn’t come up to the farm.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mother straight up that he’s unpleasant to be around and you don’t like him. *You’re* not seeing him; she is. And that’s fine. She can see whom she likes. But her relationship doesn’t impose any obligation on you to be friendly with him.
Or the reverse, which is good because he’s failing at the task: he’s a jerk to you. Tell her that if everyone relaxes, no doubt the two of you can evolve a relationship where everyone is polite to each other when need be. But if the two of them try to force a closer relationship on you, things will likely get very sour indeed. And nobody wants that.
NTJ.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“It honestly sounds like he’s using mockery to either get attention or flirt in an immature way, especially since he acts normally with your mom and his daughter. Your mom needs to stop brushing it off and call him out on this—it’s obvious he treats you differently.
She should address it directly with him because it’s not fair to you. Also, sometimes childish behavior like this can be a sign of lower emotional intelligence or even a lower IQ, and that’s not something you might fully realize yet as a younger person.
If your mom won’t intervene, it’s completely fair for you to keep your distance. You shouldn’t have to tolerate disrespect, no matter how ‘playful’ it’s supposed to be.” HarmonicObserver
15. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Friends They Can't Come Over As Often?
“AITJ (24F) for telling my husband’s (25M) friends (26M & 27M) they can’t come over as often. These two guys have been my friends for 8+ years. They regularly communicate with me outside of my husband. These aren’t random people I don’t know.
My text to my husband and two friends: Avi can’t have people over every day. It’s just disrupting my peace. We will host a boy’s night once a week, where I will provide pizza and dinner. Other than that, if y’all are going to hang out, it’s not going to be here.
My husband’s friend left the conversation and I added my husband’s friend back to the conversation.
My text to two husbands and two friends: That’s disrespectful now you’re not coming over here at all.
He replied: Stop talking to me like a little boy I don’t know who you think you are.
you are Avi’s WIFE, not my freaking mom. I’ve been over there 3 times out of five months. You are obviously not talking to me cause I never came over there every day. Go talk to somebody else like a kid
Now that I have the context out of the way, my husband’s friends have been coming over most days for the past month and a half.
When I say most days, I don’t mean 15 out of 30, I mean closer to 25 out of 30. They eat all my food, leave trash out after I’ve cleaned, have let my dogs run away multiple times, leave trash in my yard, smoke in my car, mess with my workstation set up where I work from home to play on my Xbox, and ignore me when I speak to them.
My Husband did not respond positively to the feedback that I gave regarding having his friends come over less often or picking another place to hang out. I decided to take it upon myself to send a message to him and his friends setting a boundary for my home.
We have a five-year-old daughter and they are often over here late into the night on school nights. My Husband did not defend me when his friends spoke to me that way instead he reacted with an iMessage ha ha to the texts. He then proceeded to text them separately to ignore me and leave the chat.
Am I the jerk or are he and his friends disrespecting me my boundaries and my home?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband’s friends don’t respect you or your home because your husband doesn’t respect you. Can’t say it more plainly than that.
Now what do you do about it? Kick his butt out or make your peace with it. I can guarantee that your husband is currently making fun of you with his friends right now on a different chat. This isn’t an adult relationship interaction.” SlinkyMalinky20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your issue is not with his friends. Your issue is with your husband. Why aren’t you addressing it with him instead of them? He’s the problem. He’s the one who should be setting boundaries with his friends, making them clean up after themselves, leave at a reasonable time, etc. Not you.
This does not sound like a functional partnership. You guys need marriage counseling ASAP.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
” YTJ because you are staying married to a man who doesn’t care about you, or your child apparently if he’s fine keeping them up all night by partying with friends.
If he’s partying with friends almost every night he sure isn’t spending much quality time with the kid. Is this the kind of relationship you want your child to have in the future? I’m fine with the group text and boundaries but you need to get your kid out of this whole situation.” yonk182
14. AITJ For Refusing To Rehome My Dog Despite Roommates' Complaints?
“I (22F) live with my partner (23M) and another couple (both 22). We all moved in together at the same time, and the woman in the couple is a high school friend.
They already had a cat, and after settling in, I decided to adopt a dog. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and ADD, and I’ve found that living with a dog helps. Plus, I’m planning to move abroad in a year and wanted a familiar companion.
Before getting the dog, I asked my roommates how they felt, and they were fine with it since they already had a cat, and their cat liked dogs. I adopted a mix-breed dog, and I’ve worked hard to potty train him (no accidents for three months).
I also invested in professional training, and he’s doing advanced obedience classes.
The main issue is my dog has separation anxiety. When we were at work for 8 hours, he used to cry, bark, throw up, and even escape his crate. To help, I walked him in the mornings, did light training, and hired a dog walker.
That became too expensive, so I started leaving him in my room with a chew toy. This reduced some behaviors, but my roommates still complained about his whining.
I eventually sent him to a $2,000 board-and-train program. Since returning, he no longer cries, whines, or escapes his crate, and he’s no longer destructive.
However, he still barks once every 2-10 minutes for about four hours. I’ve been working with the trainer, but my roommates don’t think the progress is enough. They’ve asked me to rehome him, saying it’s unfair he’s crated for 8 hours and that the barking is disruptive.
My dog came from a shelter, and I’ve done everything I can to give him a better life. He gets daily park visits, plenty of exercise, vet visits, etc. He comes on trips and hikes with me and socializes with my mom’s dog.
He’s not perfect, but he’s made progress, and I don’t think rehoming is the answer.
I also feel entitled to keep him due to other roommate issues. I’ve spent over $1,100 on shared house items, and they’ve never contributed or helped with chores.
They clogged our shower drain, and my partner paid for the plumber. The woman sometimes flirts with my partner or tries to villainize me, which is uncomfortable. When they mention dog issues, they say, “You need to take care of it,” even though I’m at work (it’s usually at 7 am).
When I mentioned contacting the trainer or rehoming, the woman immediately latched onto rehoming, offering to help find him a new home, which felt insensitive.
I’ve been quiet about these frustrations because they’ve been patient while my dog’s in training, but I feel like I deserve to keep him after everything I’ve handled. I don’t think rehoming is the right solution.
WIBTJ if I refuse to rehome my dog even though my roommates want him gone?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Due to your financial situation, your dog is stuck in a single bedroom for hours per day. – The dog being upset is disturbing your roommates and making them upset.
– You did well by sending the dog to a trainer, but now you have a new problem that’s far more disruptive to the shared home. – It’s nice that you think you’re doing what you can but at the end of the day, the dog is still stuck in a single room for 8 hours without any kind of interaction and stimulation.
– Your issues with your roommates have nothing to do with your dog, it’s a whole separate issue that needs to be dealt with separately.” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I adopted a puppy and was able to take it to work for the first three months it was with me.
Then, I had to leave her at home and she was miserable and was barking a lot. So I got her a friend, and it worked out well. But I have a dog that is 10lbs. The second dog I got is also the same size.
So my apartment ends up being ginormous for them and they have plenty of room to run around and play, I come home on my lunch, and I have friends who will stop by and take them for walks. But, when I first moved out of my parent’s house, I had to leave behind my husky because the first week she was in my apartment she was so miserable she tried to eat her way out the door.
There was not enough room for her, she didn’t have as much attention on her, and she was used to an active house with tons of people. She’s now back with my parents, who have a big yard, and home because they’re retired. They hire someone to come and walk her twice a day, and she is spoiled rotten.
As much as I would have loved to be able to keep my dog with me, the location, the type of house you have, and the size of the dog, all matter. You are essentially doing the same thing that the dog had in the shelter.
Your dog is being kept locked up, without enough exercise, with just a chew toy to keep it company.” X_Deejae_X
Another User Comments:
“You had good intentions and you’ve spent a lot of funds, but you’re giving your dog a terrible life. Honestly, I doubt that a reputable rescue would have given you a dog had they realized the miserable life you’d give him.
You need to rehome. You need to rehome immediately. Not just for the sake of your dog but because it’s ridiculous for you to expect your roommates to have a dog bark every 2-10 minutes for hours at a time. On a scale of 1-10 of inconsiderateness, it’s a 14.
I’m sorry, but you’re an irresponsible dog owner and the life you’ve given him is heartless plus you’re extremely inconsiderate of your human roommates who have every reason to complain. Rehome, rehome, rehome. YTJ. This situation is shameful, and maintaining it is on you, no matter how hard you’ve tried.” Nester1953
13. AITJ For Not Paying For My Abusive Stepfather's Ticket To Visit My Newborn?
“I’m (F28) Brazilian, but I live in Japan with my husband (M26).
My entire family still lives in Brazil, and they’re not rich or anything, mostly middle class I think… Adding it for some context.
We came here to work and save money and I just found out I’m pregnant! I’m very very happy about it, as we always wanted to have a big family.
Now I’m saving some money so I can invite my mom (F51), my dad (M60), and my stepmom (F62) to come visit and help with the baby after labor. I intend to pay for the 3 of them. However, after I told my mom I refused to pay for my stepfather’s (M53) ticket, she got really sad and said she wasn’t coming.
She said she ‘can’t leave him alone for 2 months, he can’t deal with everything alone’ (mind you they live in a small house in the middle of nowhere, but he can drive and as an adult man should be able to take a little care of the house and the cat).
You guys must be wondering why I will not pay for him, well… when I was a teenager he used to offend me, call me ugly, freak, and dumb, forbidden me from having house keys (he said I’d lost it and then random people would follow me and enter the house) and I ended up locked outside many times, he said I (13 yo at the time) was plotting to separate him and my mom, said I was a burden and kicked me out ‘his house’ (which my mom helped to pay for) and I had to go live with my grandma.
During this time my mom would only see me once a week and spent all her free days with him. I know she has her flaws and made choices, but she said sorry and we’re trying to rebuild this relationship, also because I grew to see how abusive, narcissistic, and selfish he is and how it affects her.
Now, coming back to present times. Me and my mom have been trying to bond again for the last few years and we can have good times together, and as I said, I’m polite around my stepfather.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepfather has done nothing to be owed your kindness and your mother’s crappy excuse that an adult can’t look after himself shows you the relationship with her may not be salvageable.
She chose him over you. She’s now choosing him over her grandchild. No grandma is better than a bad grandma.” coolerbeans1981
12. AITJ For Choosing My Long-Planned Ice Track Trip Over My Father's Last-Minute Family Vacation?
“I am 27 Male, my name is Y for this purpose.
My Father F 51 male. All his life, he had most of his focus on his business. He would take us on vacations once a year. It was a good average childhood, I don’t have any complaints from my parents. My Father has no other hobbies whatsoever.
His life has been his business, and he would travel only when there are family functions which would occur once every 1-3 years due to a big extended family on both parents’ side.
Now, let’s refer to my reasons for this post. I have been interested in taking mountain tracks since I was 21 years old.
I have been going on many safe mid-range mountain tracks for the last 5 years. I would even invite him on a few tracks that align with his vacation trip choices over the years. But he always refuses. I am ok with this, and I have always made time for his family trips in the middle of my office, education, and careers which he plans suddenly.
In July, he planned another family vacation to a religious place. It’s a 3-day trip, but his trips have always been very fast. He would just spend the fixed trip days as per his plan, and travel back home fast.
I had work pressure, so I refused to go on the trip this time.
He was angry, but he let go of the topic after a few angry discussions.
Now, I have a track to an ice location planned which involves a track over a river, it’s 7-10 days long and I have been planning this for 2-3 years now.
He started to argue, for random reasons, when he first saw me doing shopping for the trip. (He doesn’t prefer too cold, especially ice places in winter,) (and Ice locations are limited in my country). Now, he is angry, and involving his mother and city because I refused just a 3-day trip when I was busy with office work.
He is saying that I should cancel my trip, and he would plan another “trip” during the same time for the family to get together.
Everyone including relatives is saying, that since he rarely makes plans, I should drop my ice track.
I refused, and everyone in the family is just being passively aggressive (angry) since then.
I want to do the ice track, I have been living in another city since December 2022, and I always keep updates on family or any health risks. And even spend 2 weeks (every quarter with family, even if I have to take work-from-home permissions)”
Another User Comments:
“No. You’re not wrong. This is a passion of yours and you should feel free (as an adult) to use your vacation time as you wish. It does not put your relationship with your family in jeopardy as you regularly spend time with them throughout the year.
Without wishing to be alarmist, you’re getting older (27 isn’t old, I know) and the longer you delay such an expedition the harder, physically, it will be for you. Also, with the severe climate changes we’re going through it’s entirely feasible that in the years to come the trek would not be the same and you’d find it a disappointment.
Your father is used to having things all go his way and he finds it difficult to understand that not only are you an adult now but that you also have different interests to him. He also doesn’t understand (some parents are like this) that as an adult with a job you have responsibilities and professional commitments that you cannot cancel and still expect to retain your job.
They find it difficult to fathom that your role requires you to act responsibly – he still thinks of you as a child. I had the same problems with my parents, they couldn’t understand why I had to work long hours and couldn’t just leave when their imagined ’end of the working day’ bell tolled to run errands for them.
You need to stand firm and be true to yourself. Have a great trek! NTJ” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and you get to decide what to spend your free time doing despite what your father/family thinks. He seems to not understand that you have obligations at work and will not always be able to drop everything to go on his trips.
It is entirely inappropriate for him to demand that you change a trip that you have planned in detail for the past 2 to 3 years. This doesn’t seem like a family unity issue. It seems more like a control issue on your father’s part. Whatever you do don’t change your mind on this.
I hope you have an amazing time on your ice track trip.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve made a lot of effort to be present for family trips, even when they were on short notice and conflicted with your schedule. Understandably, you want to prioritize something you’ve been planning for years.
While your father may not share your interests, he needs to respect that you have your passions and plans too. You’ve been balancing family and your own life well so far, and it’s okay to take time for yourself” Open-Box-4292.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay High Rent To My Mother?
“When I was 18, my mom indirectly kicked me out during my final year of high school by asking for €500 a month in rent, even though I was barely earning anything and trying to save for college.
When I started college, I had to move out since my family lives too far from any college to commute. I was on a government grant, receiving €150 every two weeks, but it was tough to manage. I had to work full-time while also studying full-time.
Meanwhile, my mom was receiving €150 a week in child support for me and another €150 for my younger brother, but I didn’t get any financial support from her. Balancing work and school became overwhelming, and this year I had to drop out because my grant was denied due to higher earnings, rent prices increased, and I couldn’t keep up with working 45-hour weeks plus 25 hours of classes.
Now, I’m back living with my mom, working full-time, and saving as much as I can. My mom is nearly 50 and works as a bartender like me, but she only does 20 hours a week, claiming she’s too old for more. While I’m working 50+ hours, she feels entitled to my earnings.
She drinks and smokes daily, and even though she owns the house outright and has 6 acres of land, she complains she doesn’t have money to turn it into a BnBase she planned. She built a cabin but lets her partner live there rent-free, and sometimes even gives him money for drinks or smokes.
The house is falling apart—there are rats in the walls, and when I returned, my bedroom was in terrible shape. There was no bed frame, black mold under the mattress, and a filthy carpet. I had to buy a new bed frame, mattress, and carpet with my own money, but my mom complained that I had enough disposable income to afford those things.
Now, she’s asking me for €100-150 a week in rent, which I feel is unfair. She refused to work more hours, gave her BnB away rent-free, and let the house deteriorate while I wasn’t living here. I already cover all my own food, laundry, and personal expenses, and contribute minimally to household costs like utilities.
I don’t mind helping her out, but I think asking for that much rent is unreasonable given the situation. Am I wrong for not wanting to pay it? Or at least not in cash?
It’s very difficult for me to just leave as I have a 14-year-old brother who frankly if I don’t make sure he doesn’t get into trouble my mom just leaves him to his own devices, he misses a lot of school and has had a couple of run-ins with the cops, she feeds him and cares about him but she’s just not responsible enough to parent him right now.
She wasn’t always like this, my dad stripped her of all her life’s work and worth and left her with very little money or prospects and since then she’s delved much deeper into her vices and insecurities”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, mildly so.
Pay the rent or move out; it’s that simple. It’s your mother’s house. And unfortunately, if she wants to treat you like a tenant instead of her son, that’s her privilege. Honestly, if the place is as bad as you claim it is (rats in the walls), I would agree with your tacit claim that it’s not worth paying that much rent to stay there.
However, it IS her place. All you can do is decline to live there under those conditions and move out.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d understand if she needed it to pay her mortgage or rent, but if she owns the house outright and does the bare minimum to uphold it, there’s no reason you should contribute that much to the household when you are already paying for utilities.
Also, she claimed child support while you were gone and did not support you. Child support is for one’s child, not for the mother. She can consider that as an upfront rent. For your mental health, it would be best to move out as fast as your financial status allows you to.
Honestly, I am a bit confused as to why you moved back anyway because she asked you for unreasonable rent when you were 18 – did you expect her not to do it this time?” limiz87
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Friend To Sleep Over At Our House?
“I (20f) have been living with my partner (21f) for a year.
She is friends with a girl that I’ll call Avery (20f). Next weekend they’re all going to a friend’s birthday party, but since Avery lives pretty far from the party my partner told her she could sleep at our house.
I didn’t know about this and only found out because I heard Avery asking my partner for our address and saying that it was nice of her to offer.
I asked my partner about it and she explained why she offered that.
Here’s why I have a problem with it. A few years ago, a friend of mine, for similar reasons, didn’t have a place to sleep for the night so I invited her to my house.
We had met two months before and got along well, but I didn’t know her that well. While I was sleeping, she stole my computer and some stuff around the house and left. I never saw her again. Because of that, I don’t want to let people in my house unless it’s friends that I’ve known for a very long time and trust. My partner knows that.
Next weekend, I’m going back home to see my family, so I won’t even be in my house, which makes it worse for me. My partner got a bit mad at me for insinuating that her friend was a thief and assured me that she trusted her, but I told her that they’d only been friends for a few months, and I trusted my other friend too.
She’s getting a bit upset at me for making a big deal out of it and told me that Avery would sleep at our house whether I liked it or not and that I wouldn’t even be here so she didn’t understand what my problem was.
I know it’s ridiculous, and I’m not saying that Avery is a thief or that anything bad is going to happen because I know it’s highly unlikely, but when you’ve experienced something like that it’s normal to worry. What my partner doesn’t understand is I can’t do anything about it.
I worry, and I really *can’t* let someone sleep at my house, it’s not that I don’t want to. She told me to “just get over it and stop being paranoid”. I know I’m being difficult but I truly can’t help it.
Also, for context, a lot of her other friends have also told Avery she could sleep at their house, so it’s not like I would be leaving her without a solution.
And I have absolutely nothing against Avery, she’s a really nice girl, it’s just a general thing.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are not a jerk for having your feelings on the matter. She is not a jerk for offering a common courtesy to her friend.
It’s up to both of you to figure out how to move forward here. Her bluntly saying “It’s happening whether you like it or not” is kind of a mean move, but you are being irrational. If you have a deep worry that YOUR things will be stolen, just hide them or lock them up before this happens.
Then if the girl happens to steal from your partner you will have warned her. The most important thing though is that just because this has happened before, doesn’t mean you can live your whole life thinking that everyone you bring into your home is going to steal from you.
It’s very unlikely your partner would be such a bad judge of character that this Avery person is nefariously trying to get into your house to steal stuff.” EbbOpen5242
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Your partner should’ve asked you first, that’s just common courtesy.
One does not invite guests over without giving their SO a heads up, and if it’s an overnight guest that would be something that impacts your ‘use’ of your own spaces, so your consent would be necessary. Your issues with the previous theft are technically a Problem, and treating everyone as if they are a thief is no different than treating your partner like a dirtbag when they didn’t do anything to you – someone else did.
Either you trust your partner, or you don’t. In this case, it sounds like you DON’T, so this now becomes a whole new relationship problem. All because you are still carrying the ‘baggage’ from the earlier theft. Get your You Problem fixed, and stop dumping your baggage on others.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“She should have asked you first, and it doesn’t sound like she is being very sensitive. I do think, however, it is not a good place to land that you just never have people over. That sounds like someone violated your trust, but you’ll probably be happier if you can find a way to heal and trust people again.
I’ve had people staying with me steal, and it sucks. But 99% of people are not going to do this. I put away my valuables when people I don’t necessarily know come over, and I don’t mention I am doing it to anyone. It helps me feel safe, but also I am not missing out.
It can be nice to host friends. It’s sort of like never driving again because you got in an accident. Not feeling safe is understandable, but it’s probably a difficult feeling worth working through?” probgonnamarrymydog
9. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Sister To Contribute Financially Now That She Has A Job?
“I’m (27M) currently living with my partner, Sarah (25F), and her younger sister, Mia (21F). Mia moved in with us about two years ago after dealing with personal struggles, including the passing of their father.
At the time, Mia was experiencing anxiety attacks, and Sarah wanted to support her in getting back on her feet.
For the past two years, Mia hasn’t been contributing financially to our household. She wasn’t cleaning, cooking, or helping out with chores, which put a strain on our living situation.
Despite this, Sarah and I managed to keep things running smoothly, largely because Mia was going through a tough time.
Less than a month ago, Mia secured a part-time job. While her income isn’t substantial, it’s enough to cover at least one household bill, like electricity, for example.
Before getting her job, Mia sometimes contributed minimally when she had extra funds, often spending it on clothes for herself instead.
Mia’s participation in household chores is minimal. The only thing she occasionally does is the dishes, and nothing else.
Mia no longer experiences anxiety and hasn’t expressed any interest in increasing her involvement in the household or her job situation.
I thought it was a positive step that Mia now has a source of income, so I suggested to Sarah that Mia could start contributing something towards the household expenses. I reasoned that even a small contribution could help alleviate some of the financial pressure and encourage Mia to take more responsibility.
However, Sarah didn’t take this suggestion well. She got annoyed, and we ended up having a heated argument. She explained that she doesn’t want Mia to feel pressured to contribute, especially since her part-time job doesn’t pay well. Sarah emphasized that she wants her sister to have a better paycheck before asking her to contribute.
I understand where Sarah is coming from and appreciate her desire to support Mia. However, I also feel that Mia should start taking some responsibility, especially now that she’s earning an income. The current situation is becoming increasingly unsustainable for me financially and emotionally. Renting an apartment for the past two years has been okay, but with Mia not contributing, it’s putting a strain on us.
So AITJ for suggesting that my sister-in-law contribute financially to our household now that she has a part-time job ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to perpetually support Mia now that she is better. Yes, she should contribute something financially to the household bills, even if it is 1/3rd of the utilities.
But more importantly, you two should not be her housekeepers-she can contribute equally to the household chores. She is 21 and being spoiled like a child. She needs to be treated like an adult and stand on her own two feet.” tictac toss
Another User Comments:
“Unless it’s your partner footing the majority of the bills, NTJ Your partner is doing Mia a massive disfavor by giving her such an easy ride. Mia should contribute at least 1/3 of her earnings for the roof over her head, and either another third for food, water heating,g, etc or she should contribute massively by doing the chores.
How does she think life will continue? Is she hoping you will support her like a child for the rest of your life?” SufficientBasis5296
Another User Comments:
“Your problem is your partner, who is fine with letting Mia mistreat your/her generosity. LOL You three need to sit down and talk about reality and Mia needs to start behaving like an adult and either chip in regularly on chores or contribute to groceries every week.
I don’t think it’s useful to ask her to pay something like a utility bill with a part-time job, but you can certainly help her to see how much it costs to feed her, to feed all three of you. NTJ” hadMcDofordinner
8. AITJ For Not Including A Friend As A Groomsman Because He Always Complains About Costs?
“I (24M) have an old group of friends that including me is 4 people. We met in grade school and were all good friends through high school.
Didn’t all go to the same college and don’t all live in the same city now but typically get together a few times a year. One of those guys I’ll call Mike. Mike is the one I’m the least close to as an adult. We were tight growing up, but went different paths as adults and our friendship these days is mostly due to longevity and association with the other two guys.
Mike is not a bad guy by any means but we have the least in common and he is always talking/complaining about how expensive things are, especially with weddings when our other two friends in the group got married.
Last summer when another of the guys got married, he complained so much about having to pay for the groomsman suit which was about $250.
He also complained about the bachelor party being out of town (like most bach parties I’ve been to), and at the wedding itself talked about how weddings are such a waste one day.
When coming up with our wedding parties my fiancee had her sister plus 5 close friends she wanted to include plus she wanted to add my little sister which I appreciated. We also both agree matching numbers look best (I know this isn’t mandatory, but we like it that way).
For mine, I always wanted my brother as my best man, I’m including her little bro because I like him and think it’s a nice gesture, as the other two guys from the group, and my 3 best friends from college. I didn’t feel bad about leaving Mike out because I know how he feels about spending money on a suit for one day, and he’ll still be invited to the bachelor party if he wants to go as well as a couple of other friends who aren’t in the wedding party so he won’t be the only non groomsman there.
Once he figured out the whole wedding party he got really upset. He hasn’t said anything to me but is acting a little passive-aggressive and my other friends from the group said he’s called me a jerk for excluding him and acting like he’s worth less than my college buddies who I haven’t known as long.
I think that’s dumb because 1) Even though we’ve known each other less time, we hang out way more now 2) They know the costs and are cool with them 3) Mike complains about the cost of being in the wedding party anyway.
He doesn’t get this and thinks I’m just being a jerk.
Do you think I am ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand why he’s upset since you included everyone in the friend group except for him. I think that it’s annoying he complains about what things cost, but sometimes that’s just people making conversation or filling a silence.
If he’s complained in the past but always paid for his suit and always paid for his portion of the bachelor’s party, then I don’t know that I would have excluded him solely from those complaints. I do think it’s still fine not to include him as a groomsman if you felt listening to him complain would have put a damper on your celebration.
Sometimes it’s tough to enjoy something if you are hyperaware that people around you are criticizing the very event you’re hosting. Like I can’t imagine being at a wedding and saying, “This is a waste of money!” It’s rude, and dampens the mood.” YearOneTeach
Another User Comments:
“I’m 50/50. I think an NTJ would be issued if you had had a conversation with him about it. It feels jerk-like because he just found out when you could have given him the heads-up. IDK maybe NTJ but a conversation would have been better. I only had one bridesmaid, so I told my other two best friends from our group of 4 that I loved them and would love them to attend everything but we only have one person each.
Everyone was cool, and I think it’s because I let them know ahead of time.” MaybeitsMe0617
Another User Comments:
“There are people in this world who will complain about anything. They tend not to do well-making friends after childhood because who, with a functional adult mind, would want to be around that crap?
Mike sounds like he’ll be upset regardless of circumstances, so you may as well have him in the passive-aggressive form rather than the active whining configuration. NTJ” Entarotupac
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother-In-Law And His Wife's Financial Irresponsibility?
“So, I live in Latin America where helping your family members in times of financial distress is normal. I 100% believe, however, that my brother-in-law is stealing from my father-in-law. My brother-in-law and his wife own a business where they provide flowers for events such as weddings and baby showers.
They’re quite good at what they do but it’s a stretch to say that they’re super successful. The wife in particular is extremely materialistic and the family often lives beyond their means to appear richer and more successful than they are.
Last year, my brother-in-law enrolled his daughter into a very prestigious, private, Catholic preschool that costs a crazy amount a month (around USD 2000D a month which is A LOT in my country).
They couldn’t afford it and eventually ended up owing the school a ton of money. The school kicked their daughter out which led to the situation this story is about. My brother-in-law went to my father-in-law (his father) and asked him to pay off the debt to the school and to pay for the kid’s education as they couldn’t afford it.
My father-in-law became angry and said that he would pay for his granddaughter’s education on the condition that she attend a school of his choice with much cheaper tuition. My brother-in-law’s wife became furious and said that if my father-in-law cared about his granddaughter he would send her to the best school possible.
My father-in-law refused until they badgered him enough that he gave them the money.
A mere week after this argument, they announced at a family dinner that they were going on an all-inclusive, super expensive trip to Cancun for six days where the resort alone cost the same amount as a monthly payment of their daughter’s school tuition.
Everyone went dead silent and my father-in-law looked crushed. I exploded at them and demanded to know where the money my father-in-law gave them went. Admittedly, I could have been a bit more diplomatic in what I said but I called them out for spending money on a luxury vacation while having the nerve to ask family members for money.
They glared at me and accused me of coming from a culture where families don’t care about one another (I come from immigrant parents). They also told me the money transaction had nothing to do with me and that they didn’t owe me an explanation.
They haven’t spoken to me or my husband since. What do you all think? Did I overstep my boundaries given that this was a transaction between my in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They made it your business when they decided to show off the vacation.
However, I think a conversation with your FIL is necessary and talk about setting boundaries with them. What they did certainly was planned. Please talk to your FIL and remind him that he doesn’t need to say yes, and that if they keep harassing him for money, to tell the rest of the family.” journeyintopressure
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here….It probably was not your place to say anything, but someone needed to. I hope FiL thinks twice before giving them money again. They come from a culture where they do not care about their family, only how their family benefits them.
Someone needs to stop bailing them out. Helping family is one thing, but they are not helping themselves.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“While I understand that you don’t like seeing your FIL taken advantage of, it still wasn’t your business. This was a transaction between your BIL and his father.
If your FIL didn’t flip out at that very moment knowing the truth, then it wasn’t your place. Until FIL stops enabling his son and DIL’s entitlement what can you do? Unless your spouse can prove their father is unable to handle his finances and take over to stop the mistreatment, then there’s no remedy to be had.
However, now that you know that they are takers who squander everything they are given, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page that no matter what the ‘cultural expectation’ of helping family not one dime of your money will ever be given to his brother for any reason ever again.
This dude and his wife have some extremely messed up priorities. Sorry, YTJ.” moew4974
6. AITJ For Withholding Donations From Hoarding Neighbors In My Apartment Complex?
“So, I am living in an independent living apartment complex with about 20 other tenants/units. We all have some disabilities of some kind. We have access to several amenities, such as a company van to take us on trips/shopping, an exercise room, a common area, and a community kitchenTVv area.
In that kitchen, we have a community shelf and fridge for tenants to donate unused groceries and other items. It’s extremely helpful and a great resource!
I have a couple of neighbors who are struggling with hoarding, they claim everything on the community shelf without letting others have a chance.
The hoarding is not something we openly talk about or make fun of them for, but it is common knowledge. It is constantly to the point where staff/property management has to call in relatives to assist with some removal and that happens almost monthly.
The two neighbors are very close and one of the tenants is a very rude hothead, so I don’t feel comfortable (even politely) asking them to maybe, wait a little to give others a chance to see what I’m donating. Whenever I have walked by with a cart of stuff, they have followed right behind me and even gotten close enough for me to ask them to back up.
I don’t know many of my neighbors personally, but I do know the ones I’m mentioning. I have been in their apartments and I’ve seen so many of my (and other’s) things collecting dust or going to waste, just sitting there while they buy more.
Yes, I know that I am giving up ownership of my items and it’s technically out of my control… I would just rather see them go to someone who could get good use out of them, instead of them being added to the pile and forgotten about.
It’s so frustrating hearing another one of my other neighbors needing something after I’ve donated and it’s already been claimed. I also feel frustrated because I have been shopping with one of them (the nice one) and they will go behind me and put EVERYTHING that I have put in my cart; in theirs.
Our carts are identical and we don’t have the same disabilities, except diabetes. (I have another condition, so some of the food has sugar and I’m ultimately concerned that they will eat something because I am and become ill. I can’t even finish shopping, it makes me so furious!
I have more items to donate, but I am holding off on doing so. I am filled with anxiety because I feel annoyed with them, but I don’t think I should be. I feel so guilty about it.
Am I being ableist? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just communicate with your other neighbors about what you have available if you’re concerned it will be snatched up. Then if no one else wants to claim your items put it on the community shelf. At that point, the hoarders can have it.
The facility management should find a better solution as a whole, but those issues are hard to resolve and I get your frustration.” littlebopper2015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ don’t enable hoarders. Maybe when you do hear of a genuine need, if you were able to go to the store, you could quietly get it for that person. ” Having-hope3594
5. AITJ For Doubting My Friend's Partner's Army Stories?
“So my best friend (26) is seeing this new guy (21) who says he was in the army, he constantly goes on about it and has so many stories of everything he did. Now I called him out on maybe being too young for him to have served but I also don’t know anything about it.
But it just seems too unreal to me. He supposedly only was in combat training but didn’t finish due to injuries. This is where his stories seem so unreal, with him saving multiple fellow recruits from hurting themselves, to having cannons shot off near his head which caused him a hearing injury, to a bomb exploding near him to the point it messed up his back, and stories of how they had to climb mountains carrying hundreds of pounds and sleep almost with no clothes in -5 climate.
Like I said I don’t know much of what goes on in the army training but that seems so wild. I told my friend that it all just sounded like bull to me and she got extremely mad calling me a horrible person for looking down on a military man and how I was a jerk.
So am I just dumb and a jerk?
For a bit more info we are in America and he just turned 21, he has said he didn’t finish combat training and was in the medical cor. She’s known him for a year and a half now, and he starts telling his missions every time someone in our friend group shares an experience they had.
For example one of our friends went hiking with his dad in Washington’s Mt. Rainer and I stayed at a lookout tower, they mentioned how it was very cold and it was a fun experience, and then my best friend’s partner chimed in with the story of climbing a mountain in below-freezing temperatures and how they had to sleep almost with no clothes.
And I suffer from depression and it came up in a conversation and he started talking about how he saved a fellow soldier who tried to hurt himself in training. Also, I’ve caught him in certain small lies trying to impress my friend, like being into the same sports teams yet not knowing the team colors, or how we love riding horses and he said he rides all the time but couldn’t get on the horse at my ranch.
Or how he loves the same bands but can’t name a song without looking it up. I have asked him if he has proof and all he’s ever said is I can pull out my training uniform, which is just a camo suit but I feel like normal civilians could get their hands on that.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not saying he’s a liar, but no one I know who truly served behaves that way. Most of the vets I know don’t even want to talk about it. Veterans are like an entire vibe. You can almost suss them without knowing by their demeanor.
Trust your gut and prepare yourself to separate from your friend in case his behaviors escalate. NTJ” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“Lmao he is lying. Those aren’t the kind of stories you just casually bring up in everyday convo. He just wants attention. If he was in the military the earliest he would’ve been able to join is 18.
The first contract you sign is usually (emphasis on the usually) 4 years so he should still be in if he’s only 21. Lastly, basic combat training is the training recruits are sent off to a camp stateside to learn about the branch they joined. Think of it as new hire orientation for soldiers.
He got kicked out during new hire training lol so no he didn’t serve. He’s not even considered a veteran. You can find YouTube videos about what basic training is like and see the exaggerated x50 if you feel like proving a point to your friend.” AFireSag
4. AITJ For Not Returning A Gift To My Ex-Friend After Being Accused Of Not Using It?
“A few months ago, my friend gifted me a spare pair of noise-canceling earplugs, as I’m autistic and I get very irritated/distressed when I hear other people chewing. One of my other friends and many of my family members are pretty loud chewers, so to stop me from being constantly exposed to distressing sounds, she gave them to me.
I experience a lot of issues with my memory and often forget to bring objects with me when at school. For some two weeks, I would often forget to bring in the earplugs. However, this soon stopped and I ended up using them religiously for several months.
They brought extreme satisfaction and amazing results. However, in August, my friend accused me of never using the earplugs and abandoning them, because she ‘never saw me use them’ and demanded I give my gift back to her. I understand her point, as I usually keep my hair over my ears and try to put on the earplugs discreetly, I’ve had many confrontations in the past where my distress for somebody’s loud eating had offended them, so I tried to hide when I was putting them in to avoid that.
I’ve also witnessed many autistic people in my school get harassed/bullied for using noise-cancelling objects so that also drove me to keep them hidden. But to say I never used them was pretty unreasonable, as I had openly used them in front of her outside of school, and struggled to hear her talking with them into a noticeable amount.
Now it’s September and for this reason and several others, me and my ex-friend have stopped being friends and we don’t talk to each other. Now she and all of her friends are asking me to hand the headphones back to her.
During P.E., I remembered that my earplugs were in my bag and I was ready to give them back, even if my ex-friend had two other pairs and they stopped me from distress during school lunches.
However, the earbuds had gone missing from my bag, and I suspected them to have been stolen. I waited until today to tell this to her partner, whotolds it to her. Now my ex-friend is demanding that I find the stolen earbuds by Monday, or I owe her £20.
Should I still pay her the £20, even though she has spares and she gave it to me, meaning it was my property, or do I tell her that I don’t owe her anything? And if so, how do I say this without causing conflict?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a gift is a gift, and a friend can’t add conditions after the fact. But – high school can be such a minefield, especially for those of us outside of “normal”, it may be in your own best interest to just give her the money and keep this from becoming a huge issue with nastiness and bad feelings that make the next 4 years miserable.” WirelesssMicrowave
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend Her House Smells Bad?
“I (26F) have been friends with (28F) for over 5 years now. Our relationship has gone up and down over the years including one year of not speaking. However, when we were talking, I would see her many times/week.
Now, we live in the same community right around the corner from each other. I have seen her less in the 5 months I’ve lived in this spot, than at any point in our friendship.
Ever since I met this friend, she has struggled with keeping her house anything less than unsanitary.
Animal feces and urine, piles and piles of STUFF, dirty dishes overflowing to the floor, flies & fungus gnats throughout the house.
When we first became friends, I was struggling with homelessness, sleeping in my car. She offered me her couch, which I gratefully accepted. In the beginning, I tried my hardest to get the house to a livable condition, mainly to show how grateful I was to her for opening her home to me in a time of need. Every time I cleaned, it lasted mere hours before the trash was on the floor, piles were being moved to the clean areas, just a general disregard for keeping the house clean.
Eventually, I kept cleaning because I couldn’t continue to sleep in the house unless it stayed clean, and this led to our first “friend breakup” because I couldn’t keep up with trying to work, watch her kid, and keep her house from being a health hazard.
That was years ago.
Fast forward to now, the house has been in the same condition, if not worse, this entire time. She now has one more kid and one more dog.
AITJ: I am 9 months pregnant. I know my senses are heightened but I cannot stand the smell anymore.
When I do go to her house, I don’t sit down, I don’t bring a purse. If I do, my clothes smell no matter how short my visit was. If I drive us to the store or breakfast, my car smells for at least a day.
If she comes to my house or gives me a gift, my cats obsess over the smell until it’s gone. I have offered so many times to help her get on track, help her clean even though I am so freaking pregnant. She is in complete denial that her house is as bad as it is.
It is affecting our friendship and I don’t want that. She needs help, not judgment Short of calling Hoarders, I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell her she stinks, but I feel like she needs to hear from somebody that living like this is not normal and not okay.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your friend has kids? The health and well-being of the children need to come first. Before your friendship and before her feelings. You need to call CPS and YTJ for not doing so already. Kids should not be living in filth.
I’m surprised that if she/they stink so much from those living conditions that the school has not taken action and that CPS is not already involved.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“I might be downvoted for this, but you might just need to be blunt.
Sometimes it takes saying the thing we don’t want to say to be the wake up call for those we care about. I’m sure her feelings will be hurt, but her being in denial is a clear sign that she isn’t ready to accept that it IS that bad.
I am wondering though, if she has other people in her life. If they know of her condition or could help. I’m going to go with NTJ.” Drossel94
2. AITJ For Not Being There For My Best Friend's Wedding Because Of My Toxic Ex?
“I’m 22F and my best friend of 7 years (24F) got married last year. Let’s just call her “Emily”. She did the right thing by asking if I could be her bridesmaid 3 months before her wedding which I rejected. At the time, my toxic ex was manipulating me and I was in a very dark time in my life.
I didn’t understand what narcissism was and I was being mentally mistreatment every day somehow he managed to do it from far away because I moved in with Emily for work in her state so he and I were long-distance for a while. I moved out before her wedding and got my place.
I rejected being her bridesmaid respectfully because my ex-husband refused and not listening was going to jeopardize our relationship. She was going to pair every bridesmaid with one of the best men for the duration of the wedding, this included dancing and being together the whole night.
And unfortunately, I was being controlled. She didn’t say much of it at the time and was very understanding.
Hem and I were fighting the whole time every single day arguing nonstop over the phone. I couldn’t take it anymore so I asked for a divorce which he refused. During this time she was preparing for her big day.
I was without a doubt very happy for her. I supported her with whatever I could and even picked out her wedding dress for her.
There were things she would do when I wasn’t able to be there. For example, she would get her nails and go shopping and I physically couldn’t get out of my apartment because I was too busy being yelled at by my ex.
I was discussing the divorce and he got my family involved so I couldn’t just simply hang up and go with Emily.
I was crying my eyes out every day because of the suffering I was going through and because of the guilt. I felt like I wasn’t being a good wife, daughter, or even best friend.
I was depressed. And she kept blaming me. I bought a dress and showed up for her wedding and got divorced that same day. I felt like she was treating me like one of the regular guests. After her honeymoon, she stopped talking to me.
It’s been over a year and we haven’t spoken since. I apologized over and over and begged for her forgiveness but she wouldn’t budge and said she needed space. She said she was expecting more from me especially out of all her other friends.
I felt like I was indebted to her since she let me move in when I was struggling. And our friendship just collapsed. Was it my fault?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sometimes friendship collapses when outside factors are too much. She was stressed with the wedding preparations and you were stressed with the divorce.
I don’t vote No jerks here because she should have understood better your difficulties” Backgrounding-Cat.
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, you’re going through this—it sucks to be stuck between two people who weren’t there for you, your ex and now your friend.
Based on what you’ve shared, it seems like you were in a tough spot, dealing with a controlling situation. Understandably, you couldn’t be there for her like you wanted to. If she can’t see that you are struggling, that’s on her.
You don’t come across as toxic here, and it’s not your fault for having to prioritize your survival. If she can’t understand that, keeping your distance is probably the right call. NTJ” HarmonicObserver
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's On-And-Off Love And Her Kids To My Wedding?
“My dad has this long time “love” who he has been on and off with since before I (26m) was born.
He was with my mom for 7 years during one of their breakups. He was unfaithful to mom with this “love” and when mom died he went public with them getting back together. It was one of her kids who let the cat out of the bag about them being together behind my mom’s back.
Their relationship did not get the happily ever after at any point. They continued getting together and breaking up. They did marry each other eventually divorced once and remarried. But I have no idea if they’re married currently or not. But they are still very on and off.
She has 5 or 6 kids with other men. My dad and her do not have kids together. I don’t consider her or her kids my family. I don’t have a relationship with any of them. If I see them whatever but I don’t keep in touch or hang out with any of them.
Even when she and Dad are together if he reaches out and wants to spend time with me I don’t pay her much attention.
My dad considers her the love of his life and always calls her his love, hence the “love” because meh, it’s messy I’m not even going to pretend otherwise.
My relationship with Dad is not very strong. But he is my dad and the only parent I’ve had since the age of 6 and even if he sucks he makes an effort. I’m just tired of being a part of their love story. He messed up my mom while she was alive with that woman and both were unfair to all other partners because they’ll always be unfaithful and find a way back to each other.
So when my fiancée and I talked about the guest list we decided to invite Dad, and Dad alone for that “side” of my family. My entire maternal side will be here because I am close to them. But I never met the extended side of dad’s and this woman and her many kids are not family.
But my dad wants them there. He hasn’t said whether he and his “love” are together right now but he feels like I’m unfair in inviting him to come alone. I told him the invite isn’t a summons and he can say no to coming if he’s against it but I will not play sometimes family with these people and I will not have my future kids exposed to the on-and-off nature of his relationship with this woman.
Dad told me she’d make an excellent grandmother and I told him it’s a good thing she has kids who can make her one then.
He thinks I’m wrong about my decision. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ All your arguments were very well articulated. “I’m extending you a solo invite purely out of recognition of your failed attempts to be a family.
Your lack of moral integrity will not bleed into my celebration of love with my wife-to-be. If you cannot respect why we have no space for an on-and-off again home-wrecking side piece and her unrelated offspring, then you probably shouldn’t attend either as the entire purpose of the day is so incomprehensible to you. It’s not a kegger for you to party at and put on a show, it’s a true celebration of the sanctity of marriage and the respect of a real, committed relationship.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That woman and her kids are his mess. You as an adult can finally set a wall to keep that mess out of your life. Your dad doesn’t have to like it. But he has to respect that the only person who decides who is or is not part of your life is you.” Danube_Kitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Love the response to the good grandmother comment! How is it he never introduced you to his side of the family yet wants them to attend your wedding? These people are all strangers and why would you spend so much more in catering for a bunch of strangers?
He sounds very jerkish! He can either attend alone or decline.” Moemoe5
