People Seek Comfort In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Cooking Extra For My Brother-In-Law Who Lives With Us?
“My brother-in-law lives in my basement to help him save for college and works at the same store as my wife but usually opposite shifts. A few months ago I was putting my youngest to sleep earlier than normal (skipped his nap) so the boys got a quick snack and as I was coming out of the room I heard the boys asking their uncle if he could make them some food as he was cooking, he then asks “where’s your dad?
I shouldn’t have to cook for you.” I came out and said I was putting the youngest down for bed, how hard is it to cook for everyone? You’re cooking anyways, he kinda just stood there and said he was having a bad day (I heard him screaming at his video game earlier lol to have those problems).
So I asked the boys what they wanted and made their food. A month went by and the same thing happened, so I stopped making extra breakfast or lunch (he works 3-10 at night) sometimes he’d come upstairs and complain there were no leftovers to reheat.
One day he came upstairs around 1 asking if we ate and I said the boys did, I don’t eat cause my youngest gets into everything and can escape the house, and running around ain’t fun with a full stomach so I just make enough to keep my stomach happy.
Today I made fried rice for lunch and like clockwork dude comes up “Oh I thought I heard you cooking” yea for me and the youngest, there’s still rice and chicken in the fridge, fried rice is a buttered pan and maybe 5 minutes away.
He kinda just turned around and walked back downstairs mumbling and heard him screaming at his game again. I mean he helps with electricity, and internet bills and sometimes buys food (mostly pizza pops and bachelor food if not asked or given a list he says he didn’t know he had to).
I don’t expect him to cook for my boys but if I’m getting my youngest down and the others just had a snack and you’re already cooking, just make extra. So now I only cook a big dinner unless it’s the weekend because I used to make him extra.
the odd time my youngest will be going to sleep early 4 maybe 5 times in the past 8 months. My wife thinks I’m being rude and I asked why should I be expected to cook for a grown man when said a grown man can’t cook for children, he gets dinner and should be happy with that cause I’m not his parent.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a classic case of not agreeing terms when he moved in. He thought he was moving in with his second mother who paid for everything and did everything for him. You thought he was moving in as a house share land whilst you might have agreed to let him off the rent you expected him to pay his bills and do his share of the chores.
Your wife needs to have words and you need to come to an agreement you are all happy with.” New_Combination2430
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My early 30s BIL just moved in. I have 2 kids. He always asks if we want anything when he’s making something.
It’s just common courtesy. I feel bad when he gets Wendy’s and he offers it to the kids who of course are suddenly hungry lolol” Hellokitty55
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it sounds like your brother-in-law is living in a bit of a fantasy land if he thinks he can just sit around while you juggle kids and cooking!
I mean, if he can’t handle a little extra heat in the kitchen, he might want to consider a cooking class instead of a video game marathon. You’re not his chef; you’re doing more than enough by providing dinners! Maybe he needs a reminder that “helping” around the house involves more than just paying the bills.
I’d say keep cooking for your boys, and if he wants a snack, he can make it himself or take a cue from your cooking skills!” Unique-Lunch7606
21. AITJ For Refusing To Refund My Pregnant Friend After She Cancels Last Minute?
“For the past few months, we (24F, 25F, 26F, 27F, 28F) have been discussing and planning our girl’s trip to Greece. We were all onboard and confirmed logistics, then booked the flights and Airbnb.
We all paid Airbnb in full upfront and agreed to split the cost equally.
5 days before we fly out (mid-September) our newly married friend (25F) sends a very long paragraph to our holiday group chat announcing that she is pregnant and therefore is unable to come because of some complications.
She stated at the end of her announcement message that we should pay her back after the holiday and not worry about it now. She didn’t ask if we could consider or if we’re able to pay her back. She just made the statement and assumed it was her right.
In the paragraph, she states she found out about her pregnancy over two months ago (early July) and was keeping it quiet. More so, on the 5th of August, we booked our flights and Airbnb, and in the same conversation, someone mentioned thinking she was pregnant because of health complaints that she’d been making and she replied with “you wish” and that “my partner wouldn’t let me travel if I was” which at this point, reservations were confirmed and we all had paid our portions but we now know that she knew she was pregnant all along.
We made it clear when booking that we’re all on a set budget and we found the Airbnb specifically within our budgets given it would be divided by 5 people including her (everyone who confirmed attendance). Now that she’s expecting a refund, it takes the amount we each paid for the Airbnb way outside of our budgets, and is unreasonable for any of us to pay that amount if we do redivide.
A couple of girls were going through financial difficulty and they made it clear they’d only be involved in certain activities that fit their budget. Especially now that she’s canceled last minute, making changes to the reservations is out of the question.
For context, this particular friend tends towards being flakey and uncommunicative, especially the comes to events.
Sometimes only when it suits her, will she communicate. In the run-up to the holiday sh,e was especially quiet, distant, and did not reply to messages. Almost as though she wanted to build anticipation for her pregnancy announcement. But now this issue has tainted her whole announcement and we feel blindsided by the fact she expects a refund.
None of us can accept the new cost of Airbnb nor her entitlement to expect a refund. However she is our friend and going through what seems to be a tough 1st trimester (unbeknownst to us), we want to be empathetic and understanding to her situation but why wasn’t she empathetic to the financial situation of those her actions have now affected?
It seems as though she agreed to the holiday and strung us along knowing she wouldn’t be coming. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew before the Airbnb details were settled that she was pregnant and if she thought there was a possibility that would interfere with her ability to go, she could have made up some excuse at that time.
It’s unfortunate if unexpected health issues have arisen that are preventing her from going, but as much as that isn’t her fault, it’s not yours, either.” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have canceled as soon as she knew she was pregnant. Since she knew in July and you made the bookings in August, you chose the bookings based on there being a fifth person involved. She didn’t have to disclose her pregnancy, but she should have told you she had some health concerns and doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the country currently.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go on your holiday without her. And don’t refund her anything. None of you. Let’s look at it this way. If she and her husband were going on this trip by themselves and had known about her pregnancy in early to mid-July and proceeded to book the holiday on August 5th, deciding in the last day or three (late September) would have netted them exactly zero dollars in a refund.
If she wants to try to find someone to take her place on the trip who would be willing to pay her for it, that’s one thing but to wait this late is a jerk move on her part. Be fully prepared for her to flip out, but I would take this potential loss of a friendship for what it is, an indication to move on from her.” moew4974
20. AITJ For Not Disclosing House Ownership To My Roommates And Charging Them Rent?
“So I (18f) am very lucky in that I have two very hardworking parents who are successful and love me.
We aren’t mega-wealthy but we are very comfortable as my parents are extremely smart financially. We own multiple houses as part of our real estate portfolio that we rent out for extra income. I recently started college and as a present for working hard and getting into my dream school, my parents gifted me one of our houses that is near my college.
I was going to inherit them all anyway but I appreciated their gesture. Where I live real estate law is a little tricky and we would have to pay significant taxes to officially transfer the house to me so we decided to have my parents own it legally for now.
The house is pretty big with 4 floors (including a fully furnished basement) and a roomy attic and since it is near my school I decided to look for roommates so I could start earning money early. So far I have two roommates, who we’ll call Sasha (18f) and Bea (19f) who also go to my school.
We have been living together for a couple of months now(they moved in around August) and we are all pretty good friends and very compatible roommates. This is where I might be the jerk. I didn’t want to tell them that I owned the house as I thought it might create a weird dynamic between us, and I didn’t want them to view me any differently.
We split the bills and rent, with me technically paying nothing. Since my father legally owns the house and we have different surnames (I took my mother’s last name) they have no idea I own the house or that my dad just sends the money back to me.
Sasha recently found the money my dad sent back while I was at class and told Bea, and they cornered me about it a few days ago. I told them everything and they’re mad at me for hiding this from them and think I’m not only in the wrong for keeping it a secret but for making them pay rent in the first place.
The house’s mortgage has already been paid off so the rent goes entirely into my pocket. I responded by saying that they shouldn’t have gone through my mail in the first place and that it was illegal, which I’ll admit was kind of a low blow.
We weren’t friends when they moved in and the whole point of me wanting roommates was so that I could earn extra cash so I don’t see why I should let them reside for free.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do they think they can live rent-free in the future in someone else’s house?
Now why would they even begin to think they wouldn’t have to pay rent to live somewhere they don’t own? In the future just tell your roommates, it will save you so much grief. And yes your family is wealthy. I know it’s different where I live, but we are people who get along nicely.
We paid our mortgage and own our house, and we make enough money to never need to worry if something breaks. And can even afford renovations done by professionals if we save a little extra. Owning several places is considered wealthy probably anywhere.” Patient_Chemist_1312
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s weird and shady to build your relationship with your roommates on lies. It makes you come off as untrustworthy and manipulative, and your roommates rightfully feel betrayed. You’ve been mindgaming them and there’s a big legal and power difference between a group of roommates and a live-in owner.
It would have been much more responsible to be open with your situation from the start. Also, you are wealthy. My parents can’t even afford one house while yours are raising rent costs in four in a college town. With respect, you need to consider how hard many many people have it and get perspective on how fortunate you are.
Your roommates were out of line for wanting to not pay any rent, but I think their shock and annoyance come more from your lie than from clear-headed thinking. They just found out someone they saw as an equal has been lining their pockets with their rent money.” ImpossibleResolve597
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in life, but NTJ this situation. You are completely unaware of your privilege and the fact that it comes primarily through an inequitable capitalist structure rather than the merits of your parents. Your parents are not harder-working and smarter than the billions of people who struggle financially.
The fact that you don’t get that makes you insufferable. I suspect that comes off in real life, which might be the reason your roommate opened your mail— out of suspicion. That doesn’t make her actions right and her position that she gets free rent is completely wrong and absurd.
I also can appreciate the awkwardness of your situation being the landlord, but that’s the price you pay for getting everything handed to you in life. If you had more awareness of your privilege and the true source of it, you would be much more likable.
You are young, but this is the time to learn.” sleddingdeer
19. AITJ For Contacting The HOA About My Neighbor's Fence On My Property?
“Background, moved into a new development subdivision 2 years ago, and built a home next to the builder display. In Dec last year, the builder sold the display home to new owners. I haven’t really met them formally, just a couple of friendly waves and hellos as we are coming and going.
In June, out of the blue, a dump truck dumped a load of gravel in my front yard. Builder says it wasn’t their truck, so I posted in the neighborhood social media group and called HOA and the city to figure it out. Either city or HOA, but one tells me that the new neighbor is getting a pool.
I knocked on the neighbor’s door and my only son was home. I asked him to have one of his parents stop by and could they please arrange for the rock to be removed from my yard.
Neighbors never came by to introduce themselves or apologize but after a day or two the contractor gets most of the gravel removed.
Fast forward 4 months and the pool project still going on, and I have had to keep an eye on the contractor constantly to not tear up my yard. 3 weeks ago they put up a fence around the yard. I think to myself, that is pretty close to the property line and they weren’t using a professional installer but 3 guys in a truck.
I get a survey done and sure enough 2/3 of the fence is 1 to 3 inches over the property line.
I reached out to the city to see if a permit is still open and dropped a line to the HOA just to keep them in the loop.
The city says will not close the permit without a remedy and the HOA says will reach out to the homeowner to ask them to contact me – maybe important or not, the neighbor has never given me a phone number or email to reach them.
On Wednesday, the day after I got the formal survey, I tried to knock on the neighbor’s door again to let them know of the fence issue, and no answer.
Finally, on Saturday, I can catch a neighbor at home. I was a little taken aback when a neighbor was angry that I called the HOA, as they had received the email.
They said I was being unfriendly to do that and I should have contacted them directly first. I explained that I had indeed reached out but never was able to catch them at home. I proceeded to offer my phone number and a copy of the survey.
They did not reciprocate with a phone number – oh well.
I guess they are living rent-free in my head a bit, but also have to live next to them for the next how many years.
All this is a long way of asking AITJ for not waiting to contact the HOA and city before reaching the neighbor, given they have literally never made the effort to contact me during the whole pool building process?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In their short time next door to you, this neighbor has shown they are not respectful of your property, and they haven’t been proactive in making sure you can communicate with them during a major construction project. You have made more effort than they have.
You don’t owe *more* courtesy to a crap neighbor, and it doesn’t help.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“I’m not understanding how you could be TA here. You’re supposed to keep trying to contact someone who won’t respond while they’re both damaging and incurring space on your property.
After the first piece of gravel, you should have made them responsible for remedying anything in your yard that got messed up and made it clear that no further use of your property was permitted. NTJ but shine up that spine and make sure to protect your assets.
There’s already no neighborly harmony here so nothing to ruin.” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where were they when their contractor dumped gravel on your property? You tried to reach out and contact them but no response. You had some options – mail them a letter, leave a note on their front door, or call the city and the HOA.
Because they never contacted you, HOA was the best way to go. And they probably didn’t get a violation from the HOA, just a notification.” Merigold00
18. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Sold Concert Tickets I Bought?
I’m 16F. My father and I have never had a great relationship. Mainly because of how he speaks to my mother and how I call him out on it (disrespectful I know). I’m diagnosed with GAD and SAD and I’m getting tested for other things too soon.
The past year or two I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health. I was bullied, went to homeschool, fell behind, and long story short I’m in online school and private school at the same time. Finishing out last year and starting my junior year.
Going back has been fun but hard. It’s stressful and I don’t get any time to relax. I had had a few arguments with my mom and him because of my exhaustion throughout the week (I’ll admit fault there). It was Thursday morning and my mother had to drop one of my sisters off sooner than me and the youngest, so she let us sleep in and said my dad would take us.
Long story short he didn’t want to get up until he had to go to work, so she had to come back to get us and go back out. I was a little frustrated with him but kept my mouth shut. That morning I was telling my mom I was feeling burnt out and I don’t know if I can handle two loads of school at once.
I came out of my room to get ready to leave, my father started yelling at me. He said “College students take on way more. It’s not hard. You’re being lazy. You got yourself in this mess. You’re a failure.” All I said back was that he was being so mean and putting me down.
I cried and went into my room upset. That day he sold my Conan Gray concert tickets (the concert is in 5 days). Now if he had bought them I’d understand. But I worked for months to pay for mine and his ticket since I knew he wouldn’t let me go alone and wouldn’t pay for his.
He had promised me months before to buy me tickets to Noah Kahan for my 16th birthday and didn’t.
So I knew if I wanted it I’d have to work for it myself. Then he proceeded not to tell me, and when my mom did tell me he got angry with her.
Saying she was trying to make him look bad in front of me like always. (They were arguing like always) Am I in the wrong? Keep in mind there is a whole backstory of lore in my family and his and my relationship, but I don’t want to air all that out.
What should I do?
Btw when I say 2 full loads of school at one I mean I’m taking 16 classes right now. I have to do 7 hours in private school and come home to do about 2-5 assignments in 7 other classes.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your father is a truly bad parent and your mother is complicit.
Stop telling them about how you feel – tell friends, or counselors at school but don’t give your parents ammunition to berate you, punish you, etc. (Don’t lie and say all is well, just don’t have conversations with them every day about how you feel.) Be sure to get guidance from trustworthy adults about planning your future, with a goal of getting free of your parents quickly, if you think you can do that.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Call the cops. Since he did not pay for the ticket or at least returned the money you paid for the ticket, he basically stole from you. Legally, nothing will come out of this, but he’ll probably give you the money back and think twice before doing it again.
Also, report the ticket as stolen to the company that issued it (Ticketmaster or whatever). NTJ” Nightwish1976
Another User Comments:
“Esh if you have gad and sad it’s not a good idea go to a big concert that can be stressful. You need win more experience in other events even if you have the tickets.
Your father take the right decision in an abusive way.” verdebot
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Road Built On My Land For Neighbors' Benefit?
A developer in our area went bust, and plots behind and next to my land were for sale for a good price. Suddenly, I had new potential neighbors.
One day a guy appeared on my land, introduced himself, and told me that he had bought the land behind mine and asked if I would agree to allow them to build a road on the border of my land, as the person who owns the land next to me doesn’t want it to go in the middle of his land, but he would agree to have it on the border of our two lands, as he could also use the same road as his driveway.
I agreed and told him that sure – the only condition is that I can also use the road if I need to access that side of my land if I need for whatever reason, so he has to do all the paperwork and when everything is ready we can make it official.
We exchanged contacts and everything seemed to be great.
A few days ago, I got an email with an attachment with plans and everything and costs divided to 3 assuming that everyone, including me, will pay 1/3. The future neighbor next to me replied that he would only cover part of the cost of what he would use, as he would only use half of it.
I replied to his email with something like, “I am sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but I will not pay for the road, because I don’t need that road. I will allow you to build it, and my only condition is that I can use it if I need it.” That means that the person next to me would have to cover 25% and the rest is the guy who is behind us.
The guy called me and was mad at me, saying that I was selfish and greedy, and that I expected to use something that others built and it would be so expensive for him! I am a jerk!
He did not exactly use the word jerk, but AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. They need the road, in exchange for permission to build it on your land AND NOT CHARGING HIM you require use of it. Also make sure any contract if you eventually sign one states that you have zero liability for the road and zero responsibility to maintain it, as snow removal or repairs can be expensive and if someone gets in an accident on it and claims the road was dangerous you can be liable as a private road.” hjiaicmk
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. He wants to put a road across someone else’s property. You and your neighbor kindly agreed to that. Now he expects you to help foot the bill? That’s insane. It was nice enough that you’re not charging him to build a road on your property.
It is over-the-top entitlement to demand you split the cost of the road that you do not need.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused…why would you want to allow something on your property that is a benefit to everyone, yet you don’t want to use it frequently?
The new neighbor is a complete raging jerk though. He’s the one who wanted the road, it was his idea, he should be paying 100% for the building of the road. The maintenance of the road should be potentially based on percentage of who uses it.” k_princess
16. AITJ For Refusing To Speak To My Sister After She Ate My Birthday Cake?
“So it was my (19f) birthday about a week ago and I was really looking forward to it.
Mostly because my mental health has been extremely bad these past few months and I haven’t had anything to make me even a little hopeful/happy for somewhat a long time now.
Well the night before my birthday rolls around and my mother and sister (15) are urgently telling me to pick a spot to eat for the big day (mostly my sister) but I am really indicisive so its taking a while.
I woke up early and decided on a cute cafe I could bring my mother and sister too, and also a Photo Booth we would take pictures at afterwards.
My dad got me a cake that he put away until the time came at night to blow out the candles.
I was getting ready and didn’t hear my sister come from school so when I go to her eventually to tell her the plans for that day she immediately starts to snap at me. She basically said that I needed to pick a different place and that if I didn’t she wouldn’t go.
I tried not to let it get to me but all my friends were in different states and her + our parents were the only people who were around.
I tried to not let her see me cry, so to cheer myself up I decided to look at my cake for the first time and to my surprise someone had taken a slice of it.
The only person who could’ve done it was her so I asked and she said “yeah”… I honestly was in a state a shock atp and couldn’t wrap my head around it. I asked her why? and she said that she thought “I wouldn’t care about it that much” and “She was starving after a long day at school”.
I yelled at her and she only gave me an apology after my dad forced her to.
I cried the rest of the day and didn’t end up going to the places I wanted so I put my candles in a cupcake and just lit them myself in my room.
She continues to gaslight me and make it seem like I’m overreacting about the situation.
Is this just normal teenage bratty behavior? I won’t speak to her until she gives a proper apology. We have had a really close relationship and don’t understand why she’d do this.
My mind is boggled.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless there wasn’t a single crumb of food in that house, there was no reason for her to choose to eat *your birthday cake* as her after school snack. Nor should she be demanding which place you should go to.
Your sister sounds like a typical self-centered teenager who doesn’t care about anyone else but herself. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday. Sorry yours didn’t go as planned, OP.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Multiple things can be true at the same time.
1) Yes, teens can go through phases where they are bratty and mean to others while dealing with more complicated internal emotions, learning empathy, and not quite grasping long term consequences. 2) She was still wrong to eat your cake without asking you. She is still subject to consequences for her actions.
3) It is ok to acknowledge she’s navigating a tough phase and still be mad at her for being rude to you. You are entitled to your feelings.” SunshineSeddon
Another User Comments:
“She needs to be grounded and if she gets allowance money it needs to go into buying you another cake and a trip to the cafe.
Your sister is a brat and can take her golden child behavior and I’m guessing you know what needs to be done when her birthday rolls around? And make sure you cut a piece right down the center hopefully where her name is. Revenge is a dish best served cold.” FunnyEfficient1108
15. AITJ For Taking Pain Meds Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“Me, M28, and my F25 have been together for 4 years. She is a determined person most of the time, and she likes to see herself as fully independent and capable of anything in any circumstance.
I am a calculated and somewhat of an old soul, that wants to ensure his future and build something long-lasting in a relationship, financial and emotional.
She had a breakdown, due to accumulated stress while we were discussing my chronic disease(AS) which started with me voicing wanting to take a painkiller pill. She voiced her annoyance to me that, every time it hurts I run to take a pill, which I do not, as I try to suffer the pain as much as possible until I have 3 or 4 nights of bad sleep or I am unable to sleep entirely.
The discussion got heated with me explaining why I feel like taking a pill as my pain is not going away, she went on a rant for not seeking treatment, in which case for AS, more than medical exercises, pain meds, or biologicals, there is none.
I explained that I refuse to go on bio, as they are expensive and very risky. She blew up, telling me I was not taking care of myself properly and I was never listening to her comments.
I got upset when everything was implied, as I took it personally, feeling disregarded and not mattering to her, and from there the discussion became all about her unhappiness.
She voiced that, she did not want this type of life, she feels trapped and not being able to do what she wants
Context: she is a therapist for kids with autism, and the university and courses were paid for by us, as her parents are not willing to pay for it.
I took a loan to get us a car, as she had a car but was tied to her abusive mother.
I tried to voice my feelings, but I was shut down fast, and overshadowed by her feelings that I never knew, even if we had open conversations, she trusted me enough to share shocking events in her youth.
Now, I feel lost and feel like anything I have done was for nothing, as she sees herself better off without me, as I am holding her back.
Context: I have a fairly paid job, and a self-made career, and can fully sustain myself. I work out at home boxing, I have some friends but not a lot (a point that she made and attacked me on calling me antisocial), I loathe fighting and conflicts with people I care about.
Am I the jerk? Am I good enough? Am I doing everything wrong without realizing it?”
Another User Comments:
“I relate to her in how she feels, her past, her mother, and we even share the same job. My husband also has pain from a previous accident and there’s no solution other than surgery on his back.
I say this all just to reference the fact that I would never treat my partner this way or degrade him, even if I am the most unhappy within myself. You did nothing wrong, and I’m solely basing this on the things she is actively complaining about.
You have nothing to do with them, give yourself some grace and let her get through this on her own. If she doesn’t, screw that.” SomewhereReallyRough
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think everyone here could benefit from counseling. There are clearly a lot of unresolved issues she has going on due to her past and it’s admirable that you took it upon yourself to try and help with that, but, she needs professional counseling to deal with her issues, and you two need couples counseling do learn healthy ways of communicating about things that stay beneath the surface until an explosive episode.” EmJennings
Another User Comments:
“Unless you have chronic pain you can’t understand why you sometimes need pain meds. I am a 2-time cancer survivor with some issues that came with it. I am careful and do not use meds but I have oxi on hand when the pain is too much.
If you are careful and only take it when you need to, your GF has no right to give you a hard time. Good luck.” Latter_State
14. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Acknowledge My Feelings After Her Outburst?
“I’m 21F, and my older sister (25F) and I have always been close, but we tend to clash because she’s a perfectionist and gets hostile when things don’t go her way.
One night, she called to say she was going into labor and asked me to watch her puppy. I agreed, and she gave me detailed instructions, including putting the dog in a safety harness when taking him outside.
Later, I took the dog out and brought him back in, but I hadn’t fully taken off his harness when he ran toward the living room where my mom was on a video call with my sister’s partner.
I finished taking the harness off, but minutes later, I got angry texts from my sister accusing me of mistreating her dog because he was still in the harness for a few extra minutes. Her partner had seen it on the video call and told her.
She then called, yelling that I was lazy and unreliable, and told me and my mom to leave her house immediately. She even said we wouldn’t meet the baby until we earned her trust back.
At 2 AM, we left, and I asked her partner what was going on when he arrived. He just brushed me off, saying, “We’re having a kid, you don’t get an explanation.” I spent the night comforting my mom, who was really upset, thinking she might not see her grandchild.
The next day, my sister called to apologize and blamed her reaction on stress and hormones. She invited us over to meet the baby, so we went. The visit was fine, but afterward, she asked why I seemed quiet. I calmly told her how hurt I was after being kicked out, insulted, and threatened. I explained that the situation left a lasting negative memory for everyone—her partner missed moments at the hospital, my mom was devastated, and now her in-laws probably think we can’t handle helping her.
I just wanted her to acknowledge my feelings.
Instead, she got defensive again, saying she stood by everything she said and that I was disgusting for trying to put a dark cloud over her baby’s birth. She then asked me to leave, which I did.
We haven’t spoken since, and while I understand she’s under a lot of stress, I’m left wondering if I’m wrong for wanting my feelings to be acknowledged.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let her institute a norm where she gets to use you as a punching bag and you just pretend it’s ok because of reasons.
It’s absolutely not ok. I don’t buy that having a kid is a free ticket to be a jerk without consequences. If momentary stress causes an unfortunate outburst there is a remedy for that: A sincere apology and assurance that it won’t happen again. If you don’t get that, I’d keep my distance if I were you.
It’s not difficult to predict what you are going to be subjected to if she is allowed to get away with this behavior.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“You’re not entitled to demand that someone care about your feelings while you don’t care about theirs. I would be inclined to forgive your sister if, after apologizing and blaming stress and hormones, she had acted consistently with the view that she had been wrong.
But that would have meant acknowledging your feelings. Instead, she chose to go back to the position she took under stress and hormones. NTJ.” philautos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So the partner saw the dog in the harness on the video call and a) decided his laboring partner needed to know that information right away and b) assumed after seeing the dog for a few seconds with zero context before or after, that the dog was being left in the harness too long… He didn’t correct the sister that he’d only seen the dog briefly and didn’t know how long the harness was on before or after.
Kind of seems like the partner likes to stir trouble… As for the sister. She did apologize, but when you asked for some acknowledgment of your feelings, she backtracked into saying she stood by what she said. So she basically admitted her own apology wasn’t even a REAL apology and you were supposed to get over it because her hormones made her do it.
That doesn’t even make sense. You can’t blame your actions on uncontrollable hormones, but also say that you stand by what you said/did while in an uncontrollable state. So she is a terrible liar too. This is all 100% manipulation. OP did nothing wrong. I’d stay low contact with your sister and definitely do not dog/babysit for them in the future.” Doktor_Seagull
13. AITJ For Considering Kicking Out My Best Friend Who's Taking Advantage Of Me?
” So, I (29F) have been best friend with who i’ll call “Jake” (26M) since we were kids. A few months ago, Jake fell on hard times and ended up getting kicked out of his previous home. I felt horrible for him and offered him a place to stay at my two-bedroom apartment while he got back on his feet.
I thought I was being a good friend.
At first, things were going okay; he seemed grateful and tried to help out wherever he could. But as a few weeks went buy, things changed. He stopped looking for a job, started spending his days playing video games with his friends and didn’t help with chores.
I understand that he was going through a lot, but I still work a full-time job, and have side gigs as well, and come home exhausted. The last thing I want to do when coming home is to clean up after someone else.
To make matters worse, I started noticing that money would go missing from my wallet, as well as a hidden stash I had put away, that is now down to nothing.
I set up a camera and eventually caught him taking cash from my wallet. When I confronted him, he brushed it off, saying he “needed it for food and to cover one of his bills.” He rarely buys groceries, and I have been covering bills for both of us, but I am starting to feel the strain on my finances.
I am at risk of losing the apartment, my car, and am barely able to afford groceries now because I cannot keep up with all of the extra expenses on my own.
Recently I overheard him talking to a mutual friend about me. He was saying I was selfish for expecting him to pull his weight, and that I was a bad friend for not being more supportive.
Hearing this shattered me, especially when trying to help him has put me in the position I am in.
I have thought about asking him to leave, but he has nowhere to go, and I don’t want to be a bad friend. I also have been in a predicament of homelessness myself and had nowhere to go, so I know how down that can make you.
But I also can’t keep living like this. I have hinted at him to contribute more, but he gets defensive everytime.
So, AITJ for considering kicking him out? I feel so torn because he is my best friend, but I also have to look out for my own wellbeing.”
Another User Comments:
“Kick him out now. He’s not a good friend, he is a predator, taking advantage of your good nature, and stealing from you to boot! Ywbta, to yourself, if you let him stay any longer. He needs to get out, apologize, and pay you back the money he stole.
If he gives you any grief whatsoever, call the cops and report the theft.” jeremyism_ab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why are you lighting yourself on fire trying to save someone else. He is not your friend! He is a freeloading jerk. Since he has other friends he can complain about, you dont have to worry about him.
He can survive anywhere with his bad behaviour. Its ok to be selfish and prioritize yourself first. Anyonw who confronts you, can host him indifinately. Kick him out!” dayadevi
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because all of this is happening because you’re enabling him to do this.
YOU are the reason why he doesn’t have a job and isn’t doing anything about it because why should he when he can just steal money out of your wallet and then you just roll over and not do anything about it. Stop feeling guilty because you think he’s a friend.
A true friend would never do what he is doing to you. Everything that is happening to him is because of him. If he ends up homeless it’s because of the choices that he made. Not because you won’t let a thief stay at your place anymore.
HE needs you to kick him out so he can realize just how far he has fallen. Either that or lose everything that you’ve worked so hard for and end up back on the streets.” slap-a-frap
12. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Perfume For My Allergic Niece Despite Her Mom's Request?
“So I, 33F, has a daughter, 12F, who has been begging me to buy a Sol de Janeiro mist, specifically the 68 scent.
She already has the 62 scent in a small bottle and a few Bath and Body Works perfumes, mostly the vanilla and strawberry scent ones. She loves perfumes and body care a lot and since she was good for her first few weeks of school, I wanted to treat her to the 68 scent in the big bottle.
So just yesterday, my sister came over with her own kid (35F and 10F) to my house. I told my sister that we were going to Sephora and she decided to come with us to buy my daughter the perfume. All 4 of us go there and my daughter is testing out the perfume she wants to buy.
She eventually gets the perfume, plus a few serums. My sister went to a Bath and Body works sin the same shopping center, so after Sephora, I meet her there and she buys things for herself.
Here’s the thing with my niece. She gets rashes whenever a fragrance touches her body, so she’s really allergic.
She always has to use hypoallergenic products like soaps and shampoos just because of how bad it is. As my sister is checking out at the Bath and Body Works, my niece gives her a few perfumes to buy, but my sister says to put them back because she is low on money (my sister was only buying a few hand sanitizers, so it wasn’t a big purchase for her).
My niece starts crying because she can’t afford the perfume.
My sister whispers to me and asks if I can pay for the mists today and she’ll pay me back when she gets paid. I’m fine with paying for them but the thing is that I know about her allergy.
So I tell her I won’t pay for it because she’s allergic. My sister rolls her eyes at me and pays for her hand sanitizers. She even shoves me out of the way and tells me she’ll uber home and doesn’t drive home with me.
My conscience has been bothering me on my drive home with my daughter. I know my niece is allergic to perfumes but since she is a kid, I probably should’ve bought them anyway just to avoid future trouble. My sister made a huge deal about this and even told our brother who sides with her and doesn’t know about the allergy because he’s been distant in our child’s lives.
Both haven’t talked to me ever since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something about this just seems sketchy. Why would you want someone to buy your child something knowing full well they have sensitive skin? Plus, she’s only 10… At the very least, I’d be willing to bet your sister would have kept the person for herself.” blahhhhhhhhhhhblah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sister is. Regardless of allergies why would your sister join you on a shopping trip if she can’t buy something for her daughter as well? Why would you reward your nieces meltdown? 10 is old enough to understand no, she’s also old enough to have a reasonable understanding of her allergies so not just no but NO!” PlumPat61
Another User Comments:
“Don’t feel guilty! You’re looking out for your niece. I would ask your sister how she’s able to pay for Uber but not something for her daughter? Tell your brother to shut it but honestly toxic family. At some point if you’re losing your mind… you need to go low contact and do what’s best for your family.
NTJ” nice52
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Shouldn't Host Until Her Daughter Is Ready To Socialize?
“My friend has a 9 year old foster daughter. They’re homeschooling the girl because she gets overwhelmed around big groups of people and because she goes to other programs and services during the day.
All of this means she doesn’t get many opportunities to be around other kids so my friend invited us and another family over and told us to bring our kids so her daughter could get used to being around other kids. Our kids are 12m, 10m, and 7f.
The other kids were 11m and 8f.
She tried but the place wasn’t set up very well for the kids. She had a little marble run set, magnatiles, board games, and coloring set up in the living room for the kids. Her daughter saw it and asked if those were her toys.
My friend said no and that she got new ones for them to share with the other kids. Then she asked about the games and my friend said yes, those were their games. The girl picked up the boxes and took them to her room.
My friend wasn’t able to talk her into sharing them and refused to tell her they were for everybody.
The toys were also set up for younger kids so the boys started to get bored. I asked about turning on the tv and she told me that she can plug it in but she doesn’t have cable or streaming so the only things they can watch are whatever’s free on Roku or YouTube.
We ended up sending the boys outside to play on her trampoline even though it was cold.
Her daughter only colored with the girls when her mom was with her, then after 20 minutes she wanted to play by herself and locked herself in her room.
She came out when dinner was ready and refused to sit with the other kids. There was pasta, chicken, buttered noodles, and salad available but she still refused to eat any of it so her mom had to get up and make mac and cheese and dino nuggets just to get her to eat.
After dinner she sat in her mom’s lap and refused to move until we went home. She was thanking us while we were leaving and saying this was great for her daughter. I told her that watching her kid get special treatment and take things away from them wasn’t good for the rest of the kids so she needs to wait until her daughter can be around people before she hosts again.
She thinks I was extremely rude and didn’t need to say anything but someone needs to tell her that she can’t have other kids over if that’s how her kid behaves. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew full well that this was a learning opportunity for the daughter.
And you know that the daughter isn’t going to learn how to be around others – she has to learn by doing. That learning doesn’t have to include your kids, of course. They have their own lives and needs and don’t exist solely to be learning vehicles for your friend’s daughter.
If you had called her up after the event and said “This had a bigger effect on my kids than I had anticipated, I hope you understand we won’t be doing it again,” that would have been fine. But your definitive statement was rude and out of order.
Your friend absolutely can have people over with her daughter behaving like that – provided her guests are OK with it. Believe me, your friend is excruciatingly aware of her daughter’s behavioural difficulties, the fact you think “someone needs to tell her” is a testament only to your own self-absorption.” Zealousideal_Till683
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I read these stories on Reddit and sometimes I ask myself how people can post them and take the time to type out their point of view, maybe read it over for typos, whatever, and still hit “post” without a single clue of how they sound.
First off, yes, YTJ. Big time. Worse than that, your egocentrism and lack of perspective terrifies me. Are you so obtuse and uncaring that you thought this play date was somehow all about you and your kids? It didn’t occur to you that a foster child, who has obviously been taken from her home for reasons we probably can’t begin to comprehend, might not be 100% upon manners and sharing?
That she and your friend are navigating territory that you in your perfect world would never understand? I hope your friend keeps you far away from her and this child. You don’t seem to have the ability to show empathy and compassion in any way.
Your remark was thoughtless and ignorant. I will pray for your friend who is doing her best to help this child find comfort and safety. We need more people like her in this world. People like you, not so much.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She invited you over to get her daughter used to being around other kids! Of course there are going to be road bumps and challenges. Telling your friend that she should wait until the daughter is ready to socialize before hosting people is like telling someone they should already know how to ride a bike before they ever hop on one.
She has to start somewhere, and it sounds like this girl has a lot to overcome. Your friend would have a better idea than you as to how to deal with her daughter. You should keep your nose out of her parenting.” JPenelope
10. AITJ For Asking My Friend If She's Happy About Her Unexpected Pregnancy?
“So I am a 22 year old university student and (almost) all my friends are 18 – 25 year old students/recent graduates living in my uni town.
Also almost all my friends are lgbt and in queer relationships so there is rarely a pregnancy scare in my friend groups but when there is it is always a negative thing.
One of my closest friends from my hometown is 31yr old Sadie, who is a heterosexual woman.
In the 10 years I have been friends with her she has never had a serious or long term relationship, just a series of situationships and one night stands. She is financially stable and supports herself/is not a student but she has always said she never wants kids and never wants to settle down.
I stayed in my uni town over the summer while I finished my masters so I haven’t seen Sadie for a while but we talk every day and she’s never said anything about getting into a relationship. 2 weeks ago we didn’t talk for 3 days and I was getting worried about her and then she texted me, randomly at 3am “I’m pregnant….” so I responded “oh crap!
are we happy or sad about this? whos the father?” because I didn’t want to celebrate too soon as everything I’ve known about her makes me think she wouldn’t be happy about this.
She didn’t respond but over 24 hours later she called me to chew me out on the phone, telling me why couldn’t I just be happy for her and that it is really rude and disrespectful to ask the questions I did, I told her that none of my other friends would be happy about it and shes always spoken about how she didn’t want kids so I just wanted to make sure I was reacting properly and she didn’t sound positive about it in her message.
She said I was psychoanalysing her and shes an adult so she can do whatever she wants and that if I’m going to be negative she doesn’t need me in her life. If she’d told me she was happy about it I would’ve been happy for her and supportive I just didn’t know.
She also said she trusted me by telling me and she hadn’t told anyone else and also it was really invasive of me to ask about her private life (in our entire friendship she’s always told me about her private life because we are open like that).
Then she hung up on me and we haven’t spoken since, she’s ignored all my texts and calls. AITJ? I’m worried I’ve lost a close friend over this, we’ve never fought like this before, but also idk if what I said was so wrong so I just wanted to get an outside opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NJH. I disagree with the people who are calling you a jerk for asking “who’s the father”. You were supposedly close enough that you were one of the first people she called but you had no idea she was in a relationship.
Further, she had been adamant she didn’t want kids and is now changing her mind. Her prerogative to do so but it’s a shift from prior behaviour. Based on what you knew about her, it sounds like a sudden and unexpected shift. That said, she’s newly pregnant and likely dealing with serious hormones so you need to extend her some grace for her reaction and be more gentle with her.
Apologize to rebuild the bridge and ask how you can support her.” giantbrownguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although asking about the father would generally be a jerk question outside an extremely close friendship that involves those kinds of discussions. It’s strange that you’d been talking every day (except 3) before that and she didn’t mention any relationship(s).
Asking whether she’s happy or not is a reasonable response in these circumstances. Supporting her means supporting her choices, which you couldn’t assume. If someone who’d repeatedly told me they didn’t want children suddenly said they were pregnant, I’d ask the same thing (although probably not immediately leap to the daddy question).
I think she overreacted, but you can tell her you’re sorry you hurt her and miss her as a friend and want to talk to her, if all that’s true.” Tangerine_Bouquet
9. AITJ For Not Knowing I Had A Daughter For 20 Years?
“When I was 19 I went out with a girl for about 3 months.
It was a typical teen relationship, lots of hormones.
Long story short, I got a breakup text from her out of the blue one day. A couple of days later I found out from a mutual friend that she sent that text as she was jumping into another guy’s back seat.
They’d apparently been flirting and making out at a party that happened while I was at work and the mutual friend had walked past the car on the way to their own and seen what was going on.
And a week later I got another text from her wanting to get back together.
I refused. As far as I was concerned the stunt she’d pulled was no better than having an affair and I wasn’t interested in someone who’d do me dirty like that. I’m afraid I wasn’t nice about it, but I was young, stupid, hurt, and angry.
I told her exactly what I thought of her breaking up with me via text while she was making out with another guy.
I never spoke to her again, but I also didn’t have her blocked anywhere. She could have contacted me had she chosen to do so, but never did.
Fast forward 20 years. A young lady shows up on my doorstep and introduces herself. She has the same last name as the girl I went out with so long ago and a lot of facial features common to my family. She angrily demanded to know why I was a deadbeat dad.
After getting over my initial shock I tell her it’s because her mother never bothered to tell me she existed. To which she replies that I would have known if I’d ever bothered to reach out.
Apparently her mother had painted me to her as having just walked out of her life for no reason just when she was starting to suspect she was pregnant.
I suppose the “just as she was starting to suspect she was pregnant” bit might be true, but the “for no reason” bit is definitely not.
I let her rant at me because, frankly, what am I going to say to that beyond what I already have?
Eventually, she seemed to run out of steam as I stood there letting her yell at me and just sort of shook her head and stomped off.
She didn’t even leave me any way to get in touch with her, so I guess she doesn’t want me in her life.
But I felt sick over the whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – how could you have known? Should you check with every woman you’ve ever slept with just in case? Of course, no. It does make me wonder though… even though NTJ … what DID you say to her when you said “I’m afraid I wasn’t nice”?
Was it bad enough to hide a daughter from you (like, was it misogynistic and she thought her daughter would be in peril)? You’re not a deadbeat dad if you didn’t know, however. I’m just curious what you really said.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did you not know, but you were vilified too so when your daughter did find you, she already was so full of anger that she just blasted you without giving you chance to explain yourself. Now that you know, though, do you want to try and have a relationship with her?
With a mother like she’s got, she could probably benefit from it.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are not obliged to be psychic. Telling your ex-gf where to go after she dumped you because she wanted a bit of fun with this other guy is completely normal and reasonable.
When she discovers that she’s pregnant, the onus is on her to get in touch and let you know that she’s pregnant, and she thinks it’s yours. Because she’s the only person that has that information. You would, presumably, have had an obligation to pay child support had she pursued that.
She chose not to – perhaps because she felt guilty, or perhaps because she didn’t want you involved in her life at all. She owns the consequences of that choice.” _mmiggs_
8. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mom Find Friends For My College Sister?
“My sister Dylan just started her first year of college. Our mother joined a parent social media group for the university. Ok. No big deal. But then our mother made a post along the lines of “My daughter Dylan is 18 and starting her freshman year, I’m looking for friends for her.
Please reach out if you’re interested.”
Our mother didn’t seem to see anything wrong with it because her own friend thought it was “sweet.” Everyone else I talked to told me that they thought what I did, which is that Dylan’s too old to be doing something like this.
She’s not 10, and even doing this at that age would be questionable, in my opinion.
I also found out after talking to our mother that she’s been trying to email Dylan’s professors on Dylan’s behalf to ask for special treatment (i.e. asking that Dylan be allowed to eat snacks in her lab.) And my mother’s frustrated because they aren’t responding back.
Our mother has definitely always been a helicopter to Dylan, but this was just a whole new level.
Mother reached out to me this time because Dylan is in her 3rd week of school and hasn’t really met anyone yet. Our mother told me that a few parents from the group sent her their kids’ numbers, but none of the kids responded back to Dylan, which upset Dylan.
Our mother asked me if I could try reaching out to other kids at Dylan’s school and asking them to be my sister’s friends. Also if I potentially find someone working within an office or an administration council to address why Dylan’s professors haven’t replied back to our mother?
I told her that this was insane! I never even went to Dylan’s college, how the heck would I have an easier time getting in touch with people there than Dylan would? I told our mother that, furthermore, she needs to stop babying Dylan.
I would be mortified if she had done something like that to me in my freshman year of college. She’s way too old for this and Dylan needs to find her own way socially.
Our mother called me ungrateful because she paid for my college, which she had no obligation to do after I turned 18.
And I could have done this one thing to help her and my sister. I understand she had no obligation to help with my college and I’m grateful she helped. But what I said was something that she needed to hear about Dylan.
I talked to my friends, and while they all agreed that what my mother was asking was crazy, most said I had better ways to deal with it than starting a fight.
They said that I could have pretended to reach out to people and then claimed I had no luck, just to make her feel better. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is going to respond to your mom; Dylan is an adult so no professor, TA, or anyone at her college will respond to a 3rd party unless Dylan gives a permission slip but your mom has no understanding that Dylan is an adult.
Her contemporaries won’t contact her because weird af that her mom us trying to set up play dates for her; Dylan has aged out of play dates. Nor do her contemporaries want to be subjected to her mother contacting them to study with her, find her a date, etc. I can’t imagine a sorority being interested in this child, either although she’d benefit from enforced studying, planned social events, etc.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any college freshman would be a little weirded out by being contacted out of the blue with “Can you please be this girl’s friend? pretty please, with a cherry on top!” I know when I was that age, I would probably be thinking…OK, there’s one girl I need to stay far away from.
And if I was a college professor getting special requests from freshman mom? The nice thing to do would be to mark it as spam and have it automatically deleted with a new inbox filter rule.” OkHovercraft4450
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister After She Left Her Baby Alone During My Work Hours?
“I allowed my sister to move in last week when her rent and utilities became too high at her current place.
It’s supposed to be temporary. She and her two young children (1.5 and 3) stay in my former home office since I only work from home a few days a week. I told her it’s on her to watch her kids and keep them quiet while I’m working.
This is the first time I’ve been WFH. She wants to leave 1.5 home while she runs somewhere because he is sleeping. I told her no, and I was in a meeting. She left the baby anyway and is gone for two hours of “grocery” shopping.
I told her she couldn’t do this, and she was already told about it. My sister screamed at me in my own home about how I never offered her to babysit and that I was mean to her or how I never even helped her out.
I pointed out she’s living at my home rent-free. She starts hysterically crying and yelling at me (in front of her children) I call my dad to pick up my sister and her kids because if he doesn’t, I’m going to call the police, because she’s that crazy with her crying and screaming in my home.
Dad lives about 4 hours away and brings a U-haul. My sister starts freaking out because of her children’s doctors, daycare, and her job is nearby, and moving in with my dad, she will have to give it up. Also, I had to tell my work that I had a family emergency and had to end my workday earlier because of what was happening.
My dad had to convince her to go with him because my sister was screaming at me about how I allowed her to move on to save money, and I was kicking her out within a week because we had a disagreement. My dad told my sister to either follow him or we will have the police remove her because she can’t act like this.
My sister agreed to leave, but she’s still upset she had to move so far away that it would be hard for her to get a job and financially back on her feet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- That wasn’t a disagreement. That was someone screaming at you in front of their poor babies.
Your sister is clearly going through a lot of internal turmoil, and going back with your dad was the best way to provide her and her children, with much-needed stability and support- something you weren’t able to offer her. Having two little ones so close in age is difficult without support.
Bless your Dad for having both of your backs. ” Zenmeister321boom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You provided a temporary solution during her financial hardship, not a daycare service. It’s important for boundaries to be respected, especially in a professional setting like working from home. It’s unfortunate that it escalated to her moving out, but sometimes tough love is necessary to maintain peace and professionalism in your own home.” ladydazzel
Another User Comments:
“I do not understand people that believe that when a person is working from home they’re available for babysitting, listening to loud music, etc. They are threatening that person’s job. And when the person is actually doing them a favor, that’s just above being a jerk.
Everyone that does that deserves to be tossed out. You did nothing wrong. Your sister who expected you to babysit while you’re working doesn’t deserve your help. NTJ” Garden_Lady2
6. AITJ For Wanting To Join My Partner's Game Night And Feeling Unwelcome?
“My partner Steven (31m) and I (29f) have been seeing each other for about a year. Steven and his sister Rowan (28F) are friends with a couple Lily (34F) and Jared (36M) who play D&D and board games. Since seeing Steven, I’ve met them a few times and joined in their dinners.
Recently, they planned a game night and only invited Steven and Rowan. I work irregular hours (nights, schedule changes every couple of weeks) and only have one weekend day off a week, which is typically when Steven and I get to spend time together, and they schedule for that night.
It was fairly last minute. I felt hurt and confused about not being invited because, in my experience, partners are usually included in social events, and I’ve always done the same for others.
Also, I’m an avid gamer. And Steven and Rowan were thinking of taking my copy of a brand new game I’d bought recently to play with.
But I don’t know for sure that Lily and her husband knew it was my game.
I told Steven how I felt, explaining that I was stressed from work (Emergency response type role and it was a rough week) and didn’t want to spend the night alone.
He spoke with Lily, who said they only wanted the two siblings because it was a four-person game. Steven then put me on the phone with Lily and pushed me to tell her about my mental health struggle and why I wanted to come even if I just watched, so I did, even though I’m an extremely private person and never allow vulnerability outside of close relationships.
She said she sympathized but still refused and suggested I find other coping mechanisms, like using a weighted blanket, instead of relying on Steven for support.
I ended the call feeling vulnerable and very upset and had a meltdown (ADHD emotional overload, NOT a tantrum, I did not yell or demand anything) afterward.
I told Steven I didn’t want to visit Lily and her husband again as I was obviously not welcome, but I encouraged him (without any passive aggressiveness) to go and enjoy himself. I didn’t want to appear clingy and keep him from his friends, even though I was struggling emotionally.
With their explanations about wanting 4 people, and that I’d be bored, I’m questioning whether I overreacted. I see them thinking he should have activities without me, and not knowing that he does. I have never asked him to cancel any plans for me before.
This was not a common occurrence.
I’ve been spiraling with all sorts of thoughts as to why they didn’t want me: worried that they hate me, or that they don’t accept me as his partner. I also wonder if my stress and ADHD rejection sensitivity influenced my reaction.
AITJ for asking to come even though I wasn’t invited and then reacting so strongly to a refusal that I will not see them again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Steven should not have pushed you that way at all, it was a jerk move on his behalf to put you in that position.
And as a fellow emergency care worker, when you have a terrible week and a horrible shift sometimes all you need is to have downtime with your partner – be it to relax, offload, whatever. So while normally I would say it was a jerk move to go nuclear over someone turning you down, it doesn’t feel like it was the lack of an invite that set you off, but instead being pushed into talking about your personal difficulties when you didn’t need to.
Steven has a lot of making-up to do.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“I kinda feel like everyone is the jerk here. Steven should have NEVER put you in that position and handled things like a man. You cancel if your significant other is feeling bad or isn’t down with you going.
Lily sounds like a jerk. I would have just picked a new game you all could have played if I was hosting and my friend’s partner wanted to come along. Games are fun with people. What’s the issue? I get where you’re coming from with the situation and I probably wouldn’t be ok with their dynamic.
However, I like some separation from my partners, so if my BF had friends (he hadn’t openly discussed being with) and I hadn’t been straight up denied entry, I would have been fine with him going to play games with friends.” Everything_Sucks_bye
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but so is your partner. You two should have talked about it in private, as a couple. Your partner shouldn’t have forced you to talk to Lily, but Lily is not wrong for not wanting you there. I would also feel uncomfortable having a person that is not my friend sitting and looking at me play with my friends, it kinda ruins the whole point of a fun game night.” villnele
5. AITJ For Wearing A Handmade Outfit To My Friend's Birthday Party?
“So last Friday night my (24m) friend (we’ll call him Peter) celebrated his 28th birthday. His coworker (that is what he refers to her as) “April” offered to organize and host the party.
The dress code was, as she put it, “Your gothic best” – Peter loves anything morbid and macabre, so it would fit his taste perfectly.
Now, I prioritize comfort over looks, which leaves me dressing mostly in scrubs at work or sweats and hoodies when I’m out and about.
Hence, April decided to remind me multiple times in an increasingly condescending tone to “follow the dress code.” So I did just that. I wore a black velvet trouser and a waistcoat set with a white 18th-century men’s shirt (a “pirate” shirt if you will).
All of these items I made completely myself: from drafting the patterns to sewing the shirt completely by hand and adding an embroidery moth across the back of the waistcoat.
Now, to the party itself. I ended up arriving later than most people due to being held up at work longer than expected. I warned both Peter and April about it: Peter said it was no problem at all, but I better show up, and April left me on read.
So I arrived 40 minutes late, greeted April, congratulated Peter, and gave him his gift. Mocktails were had, and pleasantries were exchanged. Throughout the night, I got a lot of compliments on my outfit, and my craft skills were a topic of conversation several times over the evening – it also didn’t really help that when someone asked me where I got the suit or shirt from, Peter would loudly tell them all about how I made everything myself.
I remember being spun around a couple of times so people could look/touch the embroidery in the back. Everyone had a good time, or so I thought.
Over the weekend, April and her friends ended up bombarding my phone and any social media that they could find with absolutely nasty messages.
How I was an attention seeker, how desperate I came across, how I absolutely ruined the party April had been planning for weeks, how dare I steal attention away and overshadow Peter and April. You get the idea.
I feel like I’m going a bit insane – overshadowing anybody was never my intention (especially my friend at his own party), and I don’t think that I did.
But all of these comments are making me rethink my choices. So am I the jerk here? I really need some outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, Peter is the one you’re friends with and whose birthday it was – if he was happy, then you’re fine.
Second, when you host a party for someone else, it doesn’t mean the party is about you as much as the person the party is for – the party was about Peter, and you didn’t overshadow Peter. Third, if April told you to do something (dress appropriately), then she shouldn’t get upset when you do it.
Honestly, April sounds jealous, shallow, and self-centered. Like she wants to be more than “co-workers” with Peter and hosted the party to get attention from him. And she is used to you dressing casually and didn’t expect you to show up dressed well and in clothes you designed yourself.
Ignore her and her friends.” Queasy-Sport-7234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not like it was a wedding. But it does sound like April was hoping it might eventually lead to that. I would give Peter a heads-up that you’re blocking April and her friends on social media because she’s being crazy jealous and acting like you ruined her wedding, and that you don’t need that from someone you barely know.
Then do just that, ignore her, and move on with your life. This is 100% her problem.” SonOfDadOfSam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your outfit sounds amazing! April, Peter’s coworker (I love that he refers to her as that), is simply green to the gills with envy, and her sycophants/minions are just that.
She expected to be the center of attention as the hostess with the mostest, not for you to waltz in with a spectacular handmade outfit that made Peter and his guests happy in a great, fun way. I love that you got spun around so everyone could see the detail and that Peter kept calling out that you made everything yourself.
It sounds completely fun and joyful, and since that’s how it felt to you at the time, trust that. It’s not showboating to make a great Gothic outfit for yourself after being repeatedly reminded to follow the dress code, and show up in your “Gothic best.” It’s more like malicious compliance, I’d say.
Well done!!!” Auntie-Mam69
4. AITJ For Politely Stopping A Child From Contaminating The Drink Station?
“I (24M) work at a popular fast food restaurant. I’ve been working here since this location opened, and I love working here. I like my co-workers, my boss is great, and I’ve never had any problems with customers.
Until today.
We have a self-serve drink machine near the front of the store. Today, a family of 3 came in. A mom, dad, and their daughter, who looked about 4 or 5. I was the cashier for the day and dad came to take their order, while Mom went to sit down at the benches we have at the door to scroll on her phone.
Their daughter, however, beelined to the drink station.
Noticing the daughter about to stick her hands inside the spigot for the iced tea (which is separate from the soda machine) I calmly say (I didn’t raise my voice at all, they and another family were in the store) “Excuse me little one, could you please not touch that?”
Mom looked up from her phone, immediately got defensive, and yelled at me “Don’t yell at my child! I’m right here, you could have just gotten my attention!”
Now, I get it. Stranger danger and all that, don’t want strangers talking to your child. However, I needed to stop her before she touched it.
It’s a health hazard, people get drinks out of that, and I don’t know where your daughter’s hands have been. Your entire family just came from outside. She could have had peanut butter residue or something on her hands and the next person to drink out of it would have went into anaphylactic shock.
And I didn’t raise my voice. I used a gentle voice just to get her attention and not contaminate the spigot.
I apologize to the mom and explain the above, minus the outside part. She however isn’t having it, and yells at me again that she’s right there and not to speak to her child.
Dad is right there at the register, just waiting for this to finish so I can take his order. So I apologize to her again and turn to her husband to take his order. As soon as I turn to her husband, she’s back on her phone, now with her daughter sitting next to her, hand around the shoulder.
AITJ? Should I have done anything differently? I’ve already told my boss, and after they left I still disinfected and sanitized the spigot, even though I stopped her before she touched it. I felt like if I did it while she was still there, she would have had another meltdown.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would have told her that she needs to watch her child. I spent five years at Burger King and a year at Taco Bell. Customers are a huge pain in the butt and at some point, I just got sick of their nonsense.
Like the people coming in asking for water glasses and then stealing soda. I once kicked a family out because their kid wasn’t wearing shoes.” User
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ. Even if she didn’t have allergens on her hands, she’s still little enough that those fingers aren’t trustworthy.
The only thing you didn’t do that I would have done would be to physically remove the tea container, notify your manager about what happened, and replace it with a clean one and fresh tea. I have a 3yo and a 2yo and I would be absolutely mortified if someone gently chided either of them and my spouse went off like that…” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you had to deal with yet another parent who isn’t watching their children in public. It happens all the time. I check people’s kids often in my place of business because it’s also a liability. It truly takes a village to raise children and parents can’t watch them 24/7.
If I see something about to happen I speak up directly to the child. It could have resulted in her pulling the whole ice tea down on her head. The mom likely took it personally and felt she was a bad parent in that moment if a stranger had to check on her child because she wasn’t watching.
Don’t let that stop you from speaking up when you need to in the future.” User
3. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Inheritance To Build A House For My Husband's Sisters?
“My husband (52) and myself (50) have been married for 31 years. We purchased his parents farm several years ago and paid for it with a mortgage. We have since paid that mortgage off. We also built our forever home on the farm and it is also paid for and we raise cattle on the farm.
His family is always asking for help. His sisters specifically and a couple of his nephews. For context, we took care of his father, mother, and Down’s syndrome sister when nobody else in his family would take care of them. We were the only ones of his siblings who still had young children at home but we felt that if we didn’t take care of them the state was going to step in and take them away.
In my family you take care of your family so we took them in and never looked back.
However I think his family resented us for this and somehow feels like they are owed something because we own the family farm. And for some reason my husband thinks he has to take care of his other sisters even though there is nothing wrong with them except they have low IQs.
I have inherited a decent amount of money from my parents. My husband doesn’t know the specifics and is upset that I won’t disclose the amount. He doesn’t have access to the account. He wants me to take some of the money and build a house on our farm (his family farm) for his sisters to live in so they won’t have to pay rent anymore or live in apartments.
He wants us to pay their property taxes and insurance because “they won’t be able to afford that” but they can pay their utilities. He doesn’t want to charge them rent.
Why should I use my inheritance that my parents worked their butts off to earn and pass on to me so that my husband’s lazy sisters can sit in a brand new house on their family’s farm and never have to pay property tax or insurance or rent?
I feel like this is my money and I shouldn’t have to spend it on his family.
I want to put the majority of it in trust funds to our two children so I can pass it on to them.
And to be honest I am seriously thinking about just taking my inheritance and getting a divorce and living happily ever after.
So…..AITJ????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congrats for putting your inheritance monies in a separate account in just your name so that it is never co-mingled with marital monies. Always keep it separate or else your husband will have a claim to half of it should you divorce.
If you use any of it on items you own jointly, well then your husband automatically owns half of whatever amount you invested from your inherited monies. Beware of this pitfall. You may, of course, choose to do this at some point, but know what it means — you’ve given away part of those monies and cannot ever reclaim it.
Your parents left you your inheritance to you to spend as you choose. They did not leave it to your husband and certainly not to his sisters. He is wrong to try to guilt you into spending it on his family, even if they weren’t lazy.
Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you for leaving a man who continued to insist you spend your inheritance on his sisters who, according to you, are lazy and not helping themselves adequately. Hopefully though you can resolve this issue without resorting to that unless, of course, you otherwise no longer wish to be married to this man.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“First off it stopped being his family’s farm when you bought. It is your inheritance to do with as you see fit building a house for people that have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves much less a house you would save time throwing that money into a fire pit and striking a match” Valuable-Job-7956
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He (and his siblings) doesn’t seem to recognise that you are part owner of the “family farm”. In case of divorce, would you get half, would he have to sell? You’d be putting in something you own 100% (inheritance) into something you own half of.
It would be a terrible financial decision and I’d bet he’d change his will to ensure his siblings would inherit his half of the farm, putting you up against them. Plus if they can’t afford property taxes they’d be a constant drain on your inheritance.
Don’t do it. That’s literally no upside to you if you do it.” CinnamonBlue
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Share Our Infertility Struggles With His Estranged Family?
“My husband (37M) and I (35F) used to have a good relationship with his family up until 3-4 years ago, when some conflict commenced and hasn’t been resolved to date (has only gotten worse). I wont go into detail about the conflict as the post is not about that.
For context though, I am now largely estranged from MIL and siblings in law (in good terms with FIL and other relatives; FIL and MIL are divorced). Husband’s relationship with his mum and siblings is also impacted; it is a sore topic overall (particularly as my husband isnt supportive of me in the underlying issues; we have just about stuck together though as we’re committed/in love).
We have in the last 1-2 years experienced infertility issues; several failed rounds of IVF and lately some diagnosis requiring treatment for each of us – i have had a surgery under GA and husband is having a minor 30 minute out-patient procedure under LA which he will walk home from right after.
We have also had a soul destroying delayed miscarriage a couple of months ago and i had another surgery to remove the foetus.
His family dont not know anything about this journey of ours – I feel very sensitive and private about the topic and I just dont feel I can share this with people who dont even speak to me anymore, who i havent seen in months/years.
My husband however is keen to share with his family as he feels he is emotionally distanced from his family without being able to speak to them about this. I havent stopped him from speaking about it to friends, colleagues, etc and we do share with our close firends; but given all the bad blood between his family and myself, I just cant bear to think of sharing this with them.
I dont even trust some of them to wish us well; I think some of them would be pleased if we split up. Some of them also have very rude opinions and I just dont feel safe sharing certain types of information with them. Husband says the infertility is about his personal health and experience too and therefore this should not be a private couple matter; AITJ for having this preference?”
Another User Comments:
“So you’re in the process of spending thousands of dollars to force the conception of a child into a family that you are estranged from. You say you’re husband would side with them so either he’s unsupportive or you wronged his family and now you want to gatekeep his ability to access support during all of this?
YTJ handle your drama before you bring an innocent child into this mess.” Infinite_Peanut1216
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you are headed towards a divorce so in my opinion, you should seek counseling/therapy to see if your marriage can be saved **before** adding a child to the mix.
If you have a child, then he is going to want his family to see/have a relationship, which is going to be extremely stressful on your already fragile marriage, since his family has a conflict towards you and he doesn’t support you and you’ve said in the comments “Don’t think husband would agree they have harmed me; he’d find some convoluted theory to justify their behaviour”.
And you don’t want to say what the original conflict is, but that is the real issue here. So please don’t bring a child into this until you can find a resolution to that conflict. ESH.” Lazuli_Rose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your husbands health is his to talk to with whomever he wishes, so long as he is not sharing your information then it’s not your say.
Your husband should also be able to talk about his loss also, you weren’t the only one to lose a baby. Speaking as a woman with fertility issues 3 losses and thankfully now two teenagers. Whilst my husband went through everything with me at the same time, his experience was VASTLY different to mine, and sometimes he just did not want to burden me with his thoughts so he took it elsewhere, which was entirely his right to do.
Your choice to not tell your family about your struggles doesn’t impact his choice to share his own. I will say though, I would strongly suggest some relationship counselling before you continue with your fertility journey, the issues you have with your in-laws and the fact that your “husband isn’t supportive” of you sounds like it is going to cause you issues going forward being as you say yourself you “have just about stuck together”.
Believe me if you think the infertility part is testing, it gets a lot more so once there are children involved, you need to be on the same page in life, completely.” Famous_Account272
1. AITJ For Refusing To Wake My Partner Up In The Morning?
“So I (25f) have been with my partner (25m) for almost a year, and during our entire relationship he has struggled with waking up in the morning because of his adhd.
He sleeps through all of his alarms, which usually means he is late for work. Sometimes it´s only 10-15 minutes, but it can also stretch to 1 hour. His boss likes him and has given him plenty of chances, but yesterday he got his last warning that if he doesn´t show up on time he will lose his job.
We have had a couple of discussions/arguments about this over the last year because he believes it´s my responsibility, as his partner, to wake him up. But I don´t. Despite me waking up from his alarms and being able to shove him out of bed (if need be), I don´t think it´s my responsibility.
He is an adult, has known about his adhd since he was a child, and should by now have found some method that works. Him making it my responsibility turns me into a caregiver, a mother, instead of a partner.
This doesn´t mean I refuse to help him whatsoever.
I have done plenty of research to find alternative methods, but either it didn´t work or he refuses to do it. And I do wake him when his alarms go off, but he decides to go back to sleep right after. Had he not done that, I would gladly wake him up every single day.
And I know this is only my perspective, and is most likely not true from his, but when he decides to just go back to sleep it makes it seem like he doesn´t want to try. Not to mention the fact that he is especially grumpy/angry in the mornings and have, on several occasions, yelled at me for both waking him up and for not waking him up.
And I don´t want to help if he is just going to get mad (even though I know he doesn´t mean it).
But when his boss gave him his last warning yesterday, I felt so much guilt. Because had I just woken him up, and been persistent, he wouldn´t be in this situation.
So I am at an impasse. Is it my responsibility, am I in the wrong for not helping, or should he, as an adult, be able to do this by himself? Because I kinda feel like the jerk, but also not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a fellow ADHDer, I’ve been in the same situation before.
He’s 25year and should have build up some routine regarding his sleeppaterns and mornings. He cannot refuse alternative methods and then expect you to wake him up. One thing that has helped me waking up on time and with a fresh, clear head, is a wake-up light (from Philips) on full brightness.
Those light up to room slowly, 30minutes before the alarm goes off and they trigger the right wakeywakey hormones. This might/will be a disadvantage for you, but once he has a routine build up, he can experiment with the brightness. And put the alarm away from your bed, so that he has to stand up to dissable it.
I’m curious, does he ever complain about a cloudy or foggy mind?” Amstroid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not your responsibility. Should you breakup tomorrow and move out he would have to get his own carcass out of bed on time. He’s out-sourcing what is his responsibility onto you simply because you have allowed it to happen.
If he’s not mature enough to maintain employment he’s absolutely not mature enough for a relationship. EDIT: ESPECIALLY when he goes back to sleep once woken up. Its SO disrespectful, not to mention throwing toddler tantrums at being woken/not woken. How gross.” Tree_Chemistry_Plz
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