People Get Funny About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Telling Off My Brother In Front Of His In-Laws After He Mocked Me?
“My parents live with me because I bought their house when they were going to lose it.
They were going to lose it because of all the money they spent keeping my brother out of jail and keeping him in rehab.
My brother is clean and sober now. Married, with kids. Religious. With a father-in-law who gave him a great job.
He has never paid my parents back one cent.
I live in the basement suite with my partner and my dog. I make good money and my parents deserve to have a good life.
They did what they thought was best.
My brother had us all over to his house for a BBQ. It was a good meal and his kids are alright for being his offspring.
He then proceeded to mock me for still living at home, smoking, and playing video games while living in sin.
I told him to shut up and leave me out of whatever was going on. He said that he just knew I could be doing so much better if I applied myself and looked for guidance.
I thanked him for the meal and my partner and I went to leave.
He yelled that he was just telling me what I needed to hear to motivate me.
I got upset so I said I was motivated. I said that I liked to smoke and to drink. But that I paid for it myself with the money I earned from a job.
I never stole from our parents to pay for substances. I said that I lived in the basement of a house I owned because I couldn’t afford two houses. One for me and one for our parents. And that since they went into debt to pay for his lawyers and rehab I was subsidizing his life.
I said that my college fund went up his nose.
I may be bitter.
We left. I guess his wife, who knew everything, had never told her parents.
My parents understand why I blew my top but they think I should have kept it in until it was only family there.”
Another User Comments:
“I think it was nice of you to refresh your brother’s memory since he insisted on you doing so. His past would have stayed there if he hadn’t decided to call you out for taking care of the mess he made. Seriously, what did he possibly expect to gain by needling you?
NTJ” SnooRobots1438
Another User Comments:
“Your brother has re-written history in his head so that he’s the better child. It allows him to hold himself up higher than everyone else, ignoring everything that you and your parents did. Especially everything that you gave up. Honestly, the fact that you did such an amazing thing for your parents after they essentially forfeited your future for him and his habit speaks volumes about you.
Your parents need to understand that “keeping things in” is what brought stuff here. To them losing their home because they were so focused on fixing your brother and giving him every possible chance that they didn’t care what happened. Even though he doesn’t seem to care how any of that impacted anyone else.
NTJ” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is a condescending hypocritical jerk. He knows exactly why you’re living in the basement: because of him. Was he trying to look good in front of his in-laws? He doesn’t understand that calling you out in front of them, even if what he said had been true, would have been a jerk move; but even more, expecting you to take it, after everything he has done was not going to happen.
Good for you. NTJ. Not one bit.” ReaderRabbit23
25. AITJ For Inviting A Friend Over Without Giving My Roommate A 24hr Notice?
“This roommate told me outright they require 24 hr notice ahead of time before friends come over, I told them I would try my best knowing I am a very spontaneous person.
I invited a friend over sporadically, it was a 15-minute walk. When I reach the door, I realize I didn’t tell my roommates ahead of time that I was having someone over and I knew my roommate was in the middle of studying for an exam.
I decided it made the most sense to quietly stay in my room with my friend. After 20 minutes, the roommate bangs on my door 5-6 times, frightening us. I open the door to be met with an immediate “Get out! It’s my last day to study, I’ve been given no warning.
Get out now!” I leave with my friend.
I left the house for 24 hrs to give my roommate time to cool. I wrote them a note that explained I was sorry and by no means did I intend to do anything to hurt them, I simply had considered this a very normal thing to do.
Today, I talked with them in person and my note was fuel to the fire. Without getting into the details of the conversation, it opened up with this roommate saying “No wonder your ex left you if this is how you live.” And the conversation continued with this roommate saying all kinds of rough stuff conjectured with my responses of “I’m sorry” and “I don’t have any anger towards you, I did this because I come from a different background.” Or similar things.
The conversation was about an hour and a half long and the roommate’s large points were that I was mean and inconsiderate and they didn’t like me. I cried for the following two hours and I’m still unsure if I’m the one in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your roommate sounds like an absolute nightmare. Yes, you broke the rule and were right to apologize for that, but your roomie massively overreacted. You deserve to feel safe in your own home, and in no way was it appropriate for her to pound on your door (I had a roommate who used to do this, I know how terrifying it can be) and yell and swear at you.
An appropriate response would have been for her to politely message you or knock gently on the door and say something like, ‘Hey, can you keep it down or go elsewhere because I’m trying to study and you didn’t give us a heads up that you’d be having someone round.’ Also, you’re paying the same rent presumably, so unless your landlord has a rule, she has no right to yell at you when you can or can’t have people around.
You shouldn’t have agreed to the rule in the first place.” Throwaway172738484u
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Your roommate had made their requests clear, and before you decided not to honor them you should have discussed it. In my opinion, your roommate’s request is unreasonable.
However, unless you voiced that and stated firmly that you weren’t agreeing to it in advance they had a reasonable expectation that you would follow that. It sounds as though this is not a good situation and you need to look for a new living arrangement.” BitInteresting3011
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you knew she was studying, you knew the house rule, and you could’ve ended the visit outside or gone to another location once you realized you hadn’t given notice. If she was that mad, I’m gonna say you two weren’t as quiet as you thought you were.” IAmTAAlways
24. AITJ For Hiding My Food And Cooking When My Roommate Isn't Around?
“I (22F) have lived with my best friend (22F) for over a year now and we have had some issues with money before. In the past, she had told me it was weird that I cared about sending the exact amount of a bill (like the cents), but honestly, it was because she would almost always round down rather than up whenever she sent me money for anything, and that kinda irked me.
I’ve even expressed to her that my current attitude towards money came from being constantly walked on in high school by her and other friends who would take for granted how much money I’d spend on food for them whether it being after school or during the weekend.
I often felt used and later thought that they wouldn’t do the same for me. I’m not sure if she understood that after I was honest with her about it.
Cut to us years later and it feels pretty much the same. We sometimes get groceries together and split the cost, however, it seems like she eats most of it and I feel like the resentful jerk in this situation.
No matter how many times I get groceries separately, she ends up helping herself and goes on to not grocery shopping herself for sometimes over three/four weeks. Looking back at it, she never really actually gets groceries ever alone. Whenever she would go, she would only get things for herself to go with the groceries that were at home.
AITJ? It’s gotten to the point where I have to hide my food and cook whenever she isn’t around (because she would walk in conveniently and wait for it to be done).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each of you should buy your groceries if you aren’t getting the stuff you want and if she is eating most of them when buying jointly.
When I was in college I had 3 roommates. They would go to a wholesale club and ask me what I wanted – I told them peanut butter and hot chocolate (my go-to items for breakfasts then). That was it. They would buy all sorts of other stuff – and would pay 1/4 of the bill because I was okay with that, even if I didn’t eat most of the other stuff and usually bought lunch and/or dinner out on campus.
THEN one day they told me that they were uncomfortable that my peanut butter was “expensive” (Jif pb in case you want to know) and that they thought I should pay for that separately. I found that odd, considering I never told them to buy a case of peanut butter, just a couple of jars.
So I calmly told them that I would be happy to buy my groceries from now on and that they could split the wholesale club bill 3 ways….. somehow that wasn’t a reasonable answer – and they never mentioned my “expensive peanut butter” again.” TempyIsMyName
Another User Comments:
“Does she know that the food in the kitchen or that you are cooking is not from the community shopping trip? I am assuming she does but it is a valid question that needs to be asked. If you are shopping together and you are both throwing things into the cart, she may not realize you bought it separately.
Start labeling the food you have purchased for yourself. Tell her you bought it separately from the community shopping. If she gets into it, put it into your room and put a lock on your door. Also, when you cook and she hangs out waiting for it to be done, how much are you cooking?
If this is the food you purchased for yourself, cook it, then put the entire amount on YOUR plate.” donnamayj1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of baggage from high school into your current living situation. Splitting bills precisely to the cent and harboring resentment over past issues is a surefire way to create tension.
It’s not her responsibility to cater to your specific money habits. If you’re sharing groceries, it’s expected that both parties will consume them. Hiding your food and cooking when she’s not around isn’t a solution—it’s just passive-aggressive behavior. Maybe it’s time to reassess your approach to money and communication.” [deleted]
23. AITJ For Asking My Boss If He Was Alright During A Tough Shift?
“I work in a restaurant. Last night during a slow shift, my boss (who is also the head chef) came back into the kitchen sighing and doing other things to signify that something was wrong.
I simply asked him “Are you alright man?” which to me, seems like a basic and innocuous question. I immediately noticed his disposition towards me change, as if I offended him. He replied with “Are you alright?” to which I replied yes. He followed up with “That seems like a very random question to ask”
At this point, I realized that I had offended him. I told him I meant nothing by it, and he replied with “okay” in a very dismissive tone and walked away. About 15 minutes later, I pulled him aside and clarified that my intention was not to offend him if I did.
He said that he was offended and went on a 5-minute rant about all the stresses and responsibilities he has had to deal with in the last few months and that my asking him that question at that moment was rude and inconsiderate. He also told me to “read the room” and that he felt that I asked the question in a messed up way.
How is asking someone if they’re okay a bad thing?
I understand that it might not have been the best time, but how was I to know that? I’ve only been there for a month. In hindsight, he was already frustrated and I feel he used me and my question as an outlet for his stress.
He also asked why I was bringing this up again. I told him that I wanted to clarify that I meant nothing by the question, to which he replied “Okay, then drop it” with an attitude, as if I was trying to create a problem in the first place.
He seemed very emotional about it, which I’m sure is due to his stress levels.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were showing care and concern. It’s a warning sign though, that “he” couldn’t “read the room”. If he reacts this way to something so minor it might be time to move on.
If something major comes up, it doesn’t seem like he can handle or sees if staff as being somehow inferior to ask these questions.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His reaction had nothing to do with you and everything to do with what he ranted to you about for 5 minutes.
Don’t internalize it, you were just trying to show concern.” champagneformyrealfr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but in the future, your boss’s stress and unhappiness are not your concern. Just do the work and keep your head down. The best way to make your boss happy is to make sure your job is being done, and done correctly.
People have different relationships with their bosses but in your case, you’re not on a friendship basis to qualify any sympathy on your part.” ZzTaliskerZz
22. AITJ For Not Wanting A Stranger At Our Board Game Nights?
“I’m a 25yo introvert with a few close circles of friends. One of them is a group with 1 other male and 2 females.
We’ve all known each other since high school and meet up sometimes to play board games and hang out.
So here’s what happened: These 3 friends are also friends with another guy, Roy whom they met elsewhere. I’ve got nothing against Roy but I’m not close to him.
One day, one of the girls, Eva asked if she could invite Roy to our board game nights. Not wanting to be difficult, I said ok. On the day itself, I made some small talk with Roy but as expected Roy chatted more with my other 3 friends since he already knew them.
Fast forward a month later – as our group was making plans to meet, Eva went ahead to invite Roy again but without asking me. So at this point, I asked if it would be a regular occurrence if Roy were to join us. Eva said she thought the recent session went ok so it wouldn’t be an issue if Roy was invited again.
I explained that as an introvert I just liked spending time with my friends and that I tend to feel shy/inhibited in the presence of someone I’m unfamiliar with. Eva felt that I was being difficult, called me antisocial, and subsequently uninvited Roy (which I had not even told her to do) and then insisted I apologize for her having to uninvite him.
I declined as I didn’t think I was wrong for expressing my discomfort, but I did apologize if she felt I put her in a spot. Eva wasn’t happy, resulting in an argument.
Subsequently, I reflected and felt that maybe I should have kept quiet as it would have been easier for my friends, given that we’re all working and it’s hard to find time to meet people sometimes.
I even told Eva that if she wants she can ask Roy next time but she bristled at that and never took up my offer, to which I’m okay of course.
So just wondering – AITJ for not wanting to hang out with a stranger?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you seriously attempting to use being an introvert as your entitled right to control your friends and who they are allowed to socialize with? As a severe introvert myself, I can understand why you may be socially anxious around someone new, but you haven’t even given this person a chance yet.
You get to know someone over time, and you aren’t giving Roy time. You say you tried once but weren’t the focus of his attention so gave up. That’s ridiculous expectations upon meeting someone who may be just as uncomfortable meeting you as you were with him.
You expect special treatment for being an introvert, then make no allowances for others who may have social issues, as well. The world will not bend to your whim, you must learn to adapt. Since everyone seemed to have no issues the first time, I don’t see why they have to ask you permission to have a friend over for a second time.
Either you choose to attend or not. I’m guessing that you might be the one excluded in the future if you continue to hinder your friends from making friends.” MercyForNone
Another User Comments:
“YTJ cause by your logic you shouldn’t have any friends. Essentially you were all strangers at some point before you became friends.
If you don’t want to spend time with people you don’t know then how did you make friends? You were introduced and you didn’t have a bad interaction. I understand you don’t want him invited as he spoke to your other friends more as you were strangers but did you not stop to think the more you hang out and get to know each other the more he will give you just as much time as he gives the others?
He may feel uncomfortable as well being brought into your group as his friends already knew you but at least he’s trying and putting in an effort. Also, he might turn out to be a great friend, who knows!” Sad-Crab-7002
21. AITJ For Allowing My Mother To Favor My Biological Son Over My Adopted Daughter?
“I have two children and we can call them Mike and Quinn – Mike and Quinn are both 16, but Mike will be 17 in December.
Quinn was adopted by me and my wife when she was 3, and we’ve made sure to love both children equally I think we’ve done a pretty good job!
Quinn is French/Russian, she has much darker skin than anyone else in the family and whilst she doesn’t speak with an accent Quinn does speak French, Russian, and English as my wife believed it was important.
My mother never liked the fact that we adopted Quinn, and never made an effort to bond but she’d have Mike over for sleepovers, and on birthdays/Christmas she’d at least have the decency to give Mike presents away from Quinn.
I’ve always explained to Quinn that my mother is old-fashioned, and Quinn has never had a problem with it I’ve never forced Quinn to interact with my mother and only speak or see my mother once a week, so it’s limited.
Well, Quinn came home and shouted at me that how dare I expose her to people who don’t like her “just because”…I once again explained my mother is old fashioned, and I’ve never exposed her to my mother… I don’t think she’s seen or spoken to my mother in 4 years.
Quinn is calm, she understands that my mother is family and Mike’s grandmother…but my wife is now on the fence and believes we should “do something” like a stern talking to I guess? Mike is adamant against it so I refused…now my wife is angry, and Quinn is withdrawn which is unusual as she’s always been very close with me.
Up to this stage, my wife has used it to teach Quinn that not everyone will like her
~ Every time Mike goes around his grandmother or receives a gift we’d do something with Quinn or also gift her something so she’s not left out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ Your mother is not a stranger. She is their grandmother. Both of their grandmother. If she cannot treat her grandchildren equally, she doesn’t get to spend time with any of them. That’s a part of *your* responsibility to protect and raise your children.
If you’re dismissing that, then you’re not doing a good job. Full stop.” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“Yea very much YTJ, as a person who deals with my mom treating my partner like garbage and not treating her like family this kinda reminds me of that but with kids, your mother should know better as a GROWN adult, and needs to treat your kids like family, this bias because your kid isn’t “blood” is disgusting and she honestly needs help, truly op you should feel ashamed that you aren’t sticking up for YOUR kid.” West-Importance-1619
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- I’m adopted and I can’t imagine if my family excluded or discriminated against me because of it. Teaching her that not everyone will like her is a great lesson for life in general, but guess what? Your mother is Quinn’s grandmother and Quinn’s own family is allowing her brother to be treated with love and acceptance by the grandmother to both of them while blatantly shunning Quinn which effectively means to Quinn, and honestly, too me as well, that you sign off on this awful treatment and discrimination.
How do you expect your adopted daughter to trust you? Your mother doesn’t even have to like Quinn but she should include her equally and keep her feelings to herself. It’s like you are saying to Quinn, “Welcome to your new family…. Sort of.”” Orphan_Izzy
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Sister's Vacation?
“So I will give context, my F (24) sister lives with us in our home in a mini apartment that we made in the back.
It’s completely separated from the main house and has its kitchen, bathroom, two bedrooms, and living space. Our house is a Victorian-type, to get the picture. She doesn’t pay rent, I pay for her uni, food is also provided by me, and utilities of course.
The thing is that she has it harder sometimes in life for being deaf, my father refuses to even pretend that she exists and he paid my uni, so I did what I thought was fair at that time.
Now to the issue, we are going to Europe (Spain and Italy) with my husband, 3 kids, and nanny.
I told her yesterday that was the day that I confirmed everything and also with the nanny. She asked me if her room would be separated like the nanny’s or if she had to share.
I was dumbfounded. I told her that when I first talked to her she told me that she was saving for something else, and she told me that she expected me and my husband to pay her way.
She told me I could cancel the nanny, and she could look after the kids. I explained that the nanny would be working during tourist things, and that even if I never expected her to do that (because she isn’t a parent or a paid professional), having the nanny makes sense while bringing my deaf sister just isn’t sensible.
What makes me think this a lot is that she told me that I could pay for her if I wanted to, true. But I do not want to stretch our budget. Now I honestly do not know, should I stretch the budget and just give in?
Sorry for any typos, I’m breastfeeding my kid, the only moment that I have to do things. If there is any question, please let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s taking advantage of you and feels entitled, and honestly, you may be enabling her.
Especially after the comment about funding her vacation. She’s an adult she should do that herself. I honestly never took a vacation that I didn’t pay myself after the age of 18. Edit: I do apologize I missed the part where she’s deaf but still honestly some programs can help her to succeed yes it sucks she was given a sucky hand in life and your dad’s definitely the jerk for ignoring her but still she’s an adult and can’t get her way all the time.” Alternative-Gur-6208
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you’re bringing the nanny for childcare, no? If she wants you to pay for her I guess that’s okay, but only if she can be relied on to care for your children with the same attentiveness and caring as the nanny would.
Somehow I doubt it. Expecting a free vacation without even asking about it is rich as heck, and if she whines about this after she got free rent, food, and college from you I’d take some serious thoughts on how to move forward with her.
I’d start with cutting her free stuff in half, if not cutting her off entirely. There’s being kind, and then there’s being taken advantage of. NTJ.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I assume you are taking the nanny to watch the kids for you while you and your husband want to do things that might not interest the kids.
We did the same with our nanny. While the nanny might go along for some things and might have some free time to do what she wants, she is working, not on vacation. What your sister wants is a free vacation. You can, of course, give her one but you are certainly not obligated to do so.” PolarBear374665
19. AITJ For Not Telling My Fiancé About Our Son's Condition During His Stag Do?
“I’m 27F and my partner is 29M together we have a 2-year-old and are getting married next month.
On Thursday, our kiddo came down with a pretty nasty infection. My partner and I went to a walk-in center and were advised to go straight to the hospital where we were seen within 30 minutes of arriving by a consultant in that field.
We would have been admitted but there were no beds. Kiddo was tolerating oral antibiotics pretty well and hadn’t lost any of his energy so we weren’t too concerned.
Yesterday was my fiancé’s stag do, he doesn’t go out much and some of his friends don’t live locally so it’s been a long time since he’s had a night out with his best friends.
Kiddo was a bit worse for wear yesterday. I noticed he wasn’t peeing so kept an eye on it and documented everything including weighing nappies but didn’t want to bother my partner. I didn’t think it was anything that some extra fluids and a little bit of medicine couldn’t fix, but then he started vomiting heavily not keeping fluids down.
So I called NHS 111 for advice who advised us to get checked urgently and booked us at an out-of-hours GP service. As he’d passed some urine and was taking fluids they weren’t concerned and said to monitor at home.
I didn’t end up telling my fiancé until midnight last night when he immediately started getting upset I hadn’t told him.
He felt guilty for not being here for us, felt guilty that he was intoxicated so couldn’t drive home, and in his words felt like a bad dad for not being here if it had ended up being more serious.
My future father-in-law was out with him and had been told by my mother-in-law that our son had been sick but neither knew the full extent.
I just didn’t want him to feel he had to cut his night short or be up checking texts for instant updates and not enjoying himself. He does deserve a night off and if we’d had to go back to the hospital of course I would have told him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here in my opinion. You and your partner are learning the boundaries of parenting. You didn’t want to bother him until you knew the extent of the illness. Once you knew you called. In your mind, you were saving him from worrying when there was nothing he could do that you hadn’t already taken care of.
In his mind, he feels left out of a situation that he feels he needs to be involved in. Now you know. Next time, notify him asap. Just move forward, the first baby is uncharted territory and parents have to figure out a lot of things through experience.
Sometimes you get it wrong.” Justgethrutoday
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You didn’t do it with bad intentions (like, for the sake of withholding info from the dad), you wanted to make sure he had a good time while you handled the situation. But, because he is the other parent, you should have notified him while telling him “This is a unique night for you, I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose between having your stag or going to the hospital with me, I got things handled fine here” and let him make his own decisions.
After all, if he decides that his son’s health is more important, who are you to decide otherwise? This is a parenting philosophy that should have been discussed beforehand BUT it’s impossible to think of all possible parenting scenarios and come up with a solution for them in advance.
I get that you were trying to make the best decision for both of you, but it just wasn’t the best one. The road is paved with good intentions, as they say.” ChibiSailorMercury
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Use it as an opportunity to discuss how emergencies are handled in the future.
And please take a step back to realize how awesome your relationship is! I think it’s beautiful that you are both trying to put the other’s needs first. In a world where many relationships have at least one partner who is all about their own needs, you were both trying to be the best you could for the other.” despatched
18. AITJ For Not Taking A Day Off On My Son's Actual Birthday?
“I am being called a jerk and a bad father because I did not use 1 of my remaining 4 paid days off for the year to take off for my son’s actual 3rd birthday.
Last weekend we held a party for roughly 40 people in our backyard for my son’s birthday.
I used 2 PTO days for the Thursday and Friday before because my wife was anxious and had some projects she wanted me to complete before his party. I used another day the week previous because she was anxious then too. I was aggravated with taking off these days because the days felt more like giving her a break.
After all, I was constantly being pulled away from the projects to help with everyday stay-at-home parent stuff. I said I was not taking off for his actual birthday since I used so many days already and feel like it’s a lot of days missed for October.
Now I’m being called a jerk for not taking off the actual day of his birthday but instead suggesting a special night with him. I would be home around 4:30 pm. I’m being told I’m the worst father and anyone who had the time to take off would.
One of my remaining 4 days left I wanted to use on his school’s Halloween parade leaving 3 for the remainder of the year. I am being told it’s messed up to go to the Halloween parade but not take off for his birthday. If I did both I would only have 2 days left. I work 60 to 80 hours a week with 4 hours of travel daily.
I wanted those remainder for holiday time or if needed.
I have given in and said fine I’ll take off but now I am being told don’t bother and if I do take off they will not be home. So am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your wife is an anxious person and she’s projecting a lot on you. Maybe her parents missed her birthday when she was young and she’s worried it will impact your son. Maybe she needs extra help around the house or something too though?
Having you take 2 days off to do projects but then just having you help do normal day-to-day stuff is an odd move and you guys should discuss it when feelings are calmer. It’s too bad she made you burn those days for the party and left you short.
My husband doesn’t take off the actual days of the kids’ birthdays and he works later than you do. As long as the kids get presents and cake (we usually do a special dessert even if they had a party, sometimes we save a present or two from the party), they’re as happy as clams. They understand he has to work, and did even at the age of 3.
NTJ for not planning to take off, but you and your wife have some communicating to do.” EinsTwo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you only have a certain number of PTO days and not enough to cover every family event for the year. You’ve already given 2 days for this one…it’s a tough choice but you still have to think about Christmas, school plays, anniversary, etc..an evening B-day surprise is a nice compromise, He gets his party (that you ensured would happen) and then he gets another party with you later on.
You sound like a good father, don’t let them take that from you” TheThaneOfCowdor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Birthday schooldays are great when you’re that age, anyway. Have you discussed the holiday time off thing with your wife? Because I’d be worried that you’re setting yourself up for more tension later this year when suddenly you can’t take time off around the holidays.
It also sounds like you both need to get on the same page about time off in general – how many days you have each year, what the expectations are around that, what happens in case of emergencies, etc.” AlexJamesFitz
17. AITJ For Wanting To Hang Out Alone With My Friend Without My Sibling?
“I (16M) am having my (16F) friend come over to my house to listen to the new Taylor Swift album that drops on 10/27 with me.
My (15NB) sibling asked me if they could be included and I said “Maybe, I don’t know.” They’re mad at me and wouldn’t talk to me.
My sibling and I recently have been doing things without each other and I’m okay with that, they have their life, friends, and hobbies, and I have mine.
The issue is that EVERY TIME I have people over, my sibling forces themself into the hangout and I can’t ask them to leave because I did that a year ago and I got in trouble. So, I just have to sit there and let them intrude.
I rarely get to have people over so it’s a big deal that it’s about my friends. I never do intrude on their hangouts unless my sibling ASKS/wants me to. I didn’t ask them and I’m frustrated about it. I invited my friends over so they could hang out with ME, not them.
I love my sibling, but I have a right to be annoyed with that.
I feel bad but I want this thing to be ME and MY friend and that’s it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to tell your sibling that you want to hang out with your new friend on your own to get to know them better.
Leave all the other stuff out – you went without me; you always intrude; blah blah blah. Tell your sibling you want some one-on-one time with your new friend. At the same time, don’t be a jerk and exclude your sibling the whole time your new friend is over.
Maybe suggest your sibling go out with their friends that night.” pineboxwaiting
16. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Friend's Hair Due To Her Psoriasis?
“So for some context, I am a student in the beauty industry for hair.
I’ve been on my course for almost two months so I don’t know too much yet. This past month we learned about infection control, scalp properties and disorders, and stuff like that. One thing I learned that was made very clear is that if someone has a scalp disorder unless it’s something like a dry scalp or slight dandruff, we have to turn down chemical services because if we don’t we could seriously mess up their scalp and hair, they could lose all their hair.
So in November, I will be accepting my first clients but only “guests” as in my friends or family who come in just for me to practice. I asked one friend if she would come in as one of my first clients and I told her then that I didn’t know if I would have learned how to color yet so I might only be able to cut and style her hair and she was fine with it.
Getting closer to the date, I’ve remembered she has psoriasis which is nothing to be ashamed of. I messaged her to let her know if she wanted colour done I likely couldn’t do it and I explained why.
She then got very upset with me saying other hair stylists had colored her hair before, I told her that they shouldn’t have because that could’ve been bad for her.
She then said that she was tired of being discriminated against for her disorder and I told her that wasn’t what I was doing, I was just telling her how it is based on her well-being. She then told me she would just go to someone else, even though she agreed to do this a month ago knowing it likely wouldn’t involve color in the first place.
So am AITJ for turning down her chemical service”
Another User Comments:
“As a fellow psoriasis-in-the-scalp person, NTJ. She is. Has she seriously never had her scalp burn while getting her hair colored because of the psoriasis patches? I’ll color my hair but not when I have active scales going on (which thankfully, has gotten a lot less severe as I get older).
Hair dye on psoriasis patches bloody hurts.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because if she gets it dyed, it needs to be done by someone with experience dying when psoriasis is present. You don’t want to accidentally hurt her or mess anything up.” Catlore
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law With POTS To Babysit Our Newborn Alone?
“My (28f) mother-in-law (64f) was diagnosed with POTS a few years ago.
This has caused her to not be able to stand for very long and has made it so she feels dizzy and has almost fainted several times even just by getting up to go to the bathroom or cooking a meal. She has been encouraged by healthcare providers to use some sort of mobility aid, but she refuses.
I am 36 weeks pregnant with my husband (28M) and my first child.
I told my MIL that I was not comfortable with her watching our son by herself at least until he’s maybe old enough to use a phone or something. I’ve told her it’s nothing against her, I just don’t feel safe leaving him with her and something happening to her or our baby due to her POTS.
She got very offended when I said this and tried to act like her POTS wasn’t a huge deal. The other problem I have with her trying to brush it off is that she always tells us her PTSD symptoms are horrible and almost plays them up in a way ANY other time.
But when it comes to her wanting to watch our child it’s suddenly no big deal.
My husband thinks we should be able to leave him with her for quick trips or to go out to dinner for an hour or two at times, but I’m not okay with that either.
She also lives 25-30 minutes from us and my mom lives less than 10 minutes away. She and my mom get along great and my mom has no health issues.
My mom has already agreed to allow my MIL to come over and help her babysit sometimes while she’s watching him.
We’ve also told my MIL we’d have no problem leaving him with her if either my husband’s brother or sister were also there.
I do love my MIL very much and we have a great relationship. I’m just very worried my concern for our son’s safety is going to cause a problem with her and I don’t want that.
So AITJ for not allowing her to watch our son by herself whatsoever, at least until he’s older?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s a perfectly reasonable safety measure for your kid. I don’t think it’s too surprising that your MIL didn’t take it so well though, it must hurt to know your disability will prevent you from having alone time with your grandchild.
Hopefully, she just needs time to grieve/process and if she’s sensible she’ll accept that you’re right.” axolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a mild form of POTS and I fully agree with you, I would not allow her to babysit alone. Back when mine was worse, I did get dizzy and my vision went dark more often, I would have never watched anyone’s child as I wouldn’t want to be the reason a child is harmed if I could prevent it.
Your MIL may be in denial about how bad it is, but she needs to put your child’s safety first. As a side note, I do know people with POTS who exaggerate their symptoms when it’s convenient for them just to gain attention/sympathy.” plantsandcrafts
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Birthday Money To My Parents?
“I just turned 14 last week and I got about $200 for my birthday from my family and friends. I was going to buy some gymnastics equipment because I only go once a week and I want to be safer while practicing at home since I have fallen on my head too many times.
Today my parents asked me if they could have my money. This was weird because they had never asked for money. I asked them why and they got frustrated with me which I don’t understand because I was just asking a question. They said they needed to buy food for me and them to eat.
I said no because it’s my money and we are doing perfectly fine financially and we already had a lot of food. I asked them about this and they said that nobody under 16 needs that much money and they should be able to use my money to eat since I use theirs all the time.
I explained that I was grateful they gave me a lot but this money was given to me for my birthday so it’s mine and I didn’t have to share it. My mom got very angry with me, went to her room, and shut the door loudly and I kept hearing Mom and Dad talking, saying I was a huge ungrateful brat.
I have thought about it and they do have a point. They do a lot for me so it shouldn’t be that hard to give back to them but at the same time, it’s my money. They don’t need help financially which I know first hand. I don’t understand why they are trying to take money that’s not theirs and they didn’t even contribute to the $200.
I was excited about having so much money and I feel like it’s unfair for me to have to give it away but they are my parents so am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a child. Unless your parents are struggling for money (which you’ve said they’re not) they should not be asking for money from you.
They’re being selfish. It’s their job to provide for you until you’re 18, no ifs and, or buts on that. If they force you to I’d tell them “ok, but I’m telling everyone you took it” and then follow through. If they think they’re in the right they won’t care, but they will.
Spend the money on what you’d like OP. Preferably fast.” BabyCake2004
Another User Comments:
“They are legally and morally obligated to make sure you have food, clothing, and shelter. Next time they tell you how you “use their money all the time” you should probably remind them that CPS would take you away if they didn’t.
Many kids aren’t that great at telling if their parents are struggling, however even if your parents were in bad finances it’s not your responsibility to pay their bills, and 200 dollars is not that large of an amount to make a drastic difference in the long run for them.
Next thing you know they’ll be insisting you get a part-time job out of school and give all of your paychecks to them to “pay rent” or something equally unfounded. NTJ, and hide your money, if they are acting this unreasonably I would not put it past them to steal it from your room while you are at school or otherwise out.
I would also talk about it to some other family you trust and know will have your back, like your grandparents or aunts/uncles, just so they are aware someone else will know if the money goes missing.” Xtabailurking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are trying to tell you that they’re doing you some sort of *favor* by feeding you?
That’s what it sounds like. This is seriously messed up. They brought you into this world, they have a legal and moral obligation to feed you. Hide the money or spend it fast. If you are certain they’re not having money trouble, don’t give them a dime.
I could understand if money was tight, but they are trying to “guilt” you by acting like you *owe* them this money because they *feed* you. That’s messed up.” ZeldaT-artist
13. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Overbearing Mother-In-Law?
“Me (32F) and my husband (33M) have been together for 6 years, married for 3. I’ve had a challenging relationship with my mother-in-law. It all started with our wedding planning when she wanted control over every detail even though we were all splitting the cost. For instance, she insisted on picking the guest list, flowers, decor, food, and even the bridesmaids’ dresses, although she didn’t join us to shop for them.
She even had negative comments about my wedding dress, which she didn’t pay for, and skipped helping me shop because she claimed to be “tired.” Her aggressiveness almost ended the engagement. I also tried to have her not chip in financially but my husband said she’d be way more offended if we asked her to take a step back in that way.
When unexpected circumstances hit, we had a small wedding, and she never ended up spending money. Her criticism continued, even during my pregnancy. For instance, she lectured me about not letting our dogs be around the baby, claiming it was unhealthy, even though we’d had the dogs for years.
I tried to extend an olive branch by inviting her to stay during childbirth, but it turned into lectures about everything we were doing wrong. She even tried to control my actions during labor to benefit my husband, who had an important exam around my due date.
I ended up giving birth on the day of his test, and he passed, which was a win.
We moved closer to my parents for childcare and we tried to visit my in-laws often, but my mother-in-law’s attitude made it challenging. For example, she’d only spend 15 minutes at a time playing with our daughter during our visits, and my daughter’s preference for me upsets her to the point she ignored me all night at an event last week.
It’s affecting our relationship, and I’ve told my husband that he can visit his family while I opt out.
Am I wrong for setting these boundaries? I love my husband, and this is the only issue we fight about, but I don’t want to blame him.
It’s a complex situation, and his mom is difficult. I’m just looking for advice.”
Another User Comments:
“There is a subreddit JNMIL (for mother-in-law issues, you may find it helpful). On to advice, been there done it. Is it possible to shift communication to your husband, can/ will he handle all planning, visit arranging, etc?
When things got bad for me with my IL that is how we tried to manage her treatment of me. A few other suggestions, be mindful of the info you share with her, keep conversations light and visits short, in public if possible while you work this out.
Think of a restaurant or local attraction. It was also the only thing we fought about it. We have had no contact for the last seven years now, but we tried for the better part of 25 with mixed success. It just became too much for our core family after a while.
Good luck to you.” KAJ35070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…hold on…did I read that right? Your MIL has an issue with your child preferring her mother over her grandmother. She should. You are the primary caregiver. She’s small and she needs to have you and her father as her touchstones.
You’re the people she should know she’s safest with. Grandma is immature and you don’t need that crap in your life.” leswill315
Another User Comments:
“No, No, NO…by all means blame your husband and please don’t patronize him by giving him the she’s difficult it’s a complex situation BS.
Tell hubby, don’t ask…TELL him that it’s time he grow a spine and tell mommy dearest to stand down. You’ve already capitulated way too much to this woman and may never regain your standing in your relationship. Husband has to choose…he’s either married to you or Mom.” ConsitutionalHistory
12. AITJ For Calling My Sister's Husband Controlling And Not Wanting Him At My Birthday Party?
“I (16F) live with my parents and have an older sister “Lucy” (23F). Lucy lives together with her partner “Jack” (26M) in the next town over. I’ve always gotten along great with my parents and Lucy.
My mother, Lucy and I always used to have karaoke nights, and Lucy and I always had a lot of fun playing video games together, which we did very often.
After my sister got married, that changed. Whenever Lucy came over and I asked her to play something together again sometime, or when we’d have a karaoke night again, she’d say things like “I’ll have to ask Jack”, “Jack says playing videogames is a waste of time so I stopped playing”, or “Jack doesn’t like it when I go out alone because he’d be worried”.
It’s always “Jack this, Jack that”. Even though I can see that she’d want to do those things!
I told Lucy multiple times that Jack isn’t good for her because he’s just trying to control her and make her do whatever he wants, but she always dismisses it saying that Jack’s just concerned for her wellbeing and just wants her to be safe.
So now my birthday is coming up, and when Jack and Lucy were over for dinner, I told him that I don’t want him there, only Lucy, because he’s controlling and manipulative and doesn’t allow Lucy to do what she wants. He got angry, saying he was not controlling and that they (he started speaking for Lucy as well now), wouldn’t come over at all anymore in that case.
I ended up going to my room afterward so I don’t know what was said afterward, but after they left I talked to my parents and while my father supports me (because he had the exact thing on his mind for years), my mother thinks I was too harsh and that I don’t have the right to say such things, even if she agrees with me.
AITJ for calling my sister’s partner controlling and not wanting him at my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister’s partner is weird and controlling. You have called him out on it, and he has therefore controlled your sister to not see you anymore. This is frankly what he was after from the beginning.
The more she is isolated, the easier she will be to control. NTJ, but please try to stay in contact with your sister. Even if it means you have to avoid talking about her relationship or calling her out. Even if you have to tolerate her jerk partner on occasion.
This is the pattern where people, usually women, get isolated from their support network precisely when they need it the most. Don’t let her partner be the only source of social contact she has. Best of luck to you both.” chrestomathy
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
First of all, props to you for saying all of that right to his face like an adult. You are the only one who has the guts to call a spade a spade, while your parents agree with you but prefer not to address the issue directly.
You did nothing wrong, please keep up your honesty at all times (this is coming from me, F34, a pathological people pleaser). Let’s hope that your words will stick with your sister and set some things in motion because her partner sounds awful.” Halston
Another User Comments:
“Softly YTJ for how you handled it I know you’re young and it’s genuinely impossible to understand these things unless you experience them yourself, that and you are genuinely concerned for your sister, but calling him out like that, IF your sister is indeed in an abusive relationship, then you’ve only succeeded in isolating her further.
I’d sit and have a talk with your dad, phone up some women’s aid hotlines to get advice on how to handle things and educate yourself on what your sister may be going through. On a side note, a part of me thinks you should apologize to them both and say you’ve been missing alone time with your sister and you wanted to make this year special, you didn’t mean to lash out.
Mainly because it would potentially calm the situation and hopefully allow you and your parents to still see your sister until you get professional advice” spookobsessedscot
11. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Car Repair After An Accident?
“My friend travels a lot and only comes back to the States to make some income on Lyft and travel more.
On her most recent travel, she needed someone to put her car up on Turo so she could make some income that way I said I could do it and it would help me out as well since my car was a bit unreliable.
While she was away I went out of town and long story short one of our other friends had to get her oil changed in her car while I was away and got rear-ended. Since the oil change was per her request we were able to solve it all through her insurance.
When her car got fixed she went out of town again so I said I’d pick it up for her and drop my car off for an oil change.
The day after, I had work and drove her car to work. While street parked there was a major crash between two other vehicles and sideswiped her car.
I told her right away and got the info from the drivers.
Once the insurance figured out who was liable we started calling to get payment for her vehicle but the guy was evading the calls and looking like we may need to lawyer up to go after him.
In the meantime, my friend has been driving only Lyft and is unable to drive Uber or Turo to fund her travels and says that only driving Lyft is limiting her income which stresses her out.
She mentioned wanting to take a trip and asked me to cover the costs of repairing the car since she thinks going after the guy could take ‘years’.
While I understand her ask, I’m also part of the industry that’s on strike so have no real income and have picked up a bunch of odd jobs to keep a roof over my head. In short, at this time I just don’t have the money which she knows.
So I guess… AITJ for not being able to pay? Should I set up a payment plan with her or something?”
Another User Comments:
“What? What lousy insurance do you have? They don’t get you to call the other guy for money. And you are not the ones who sue him if he doesn’t pay.
That’s what your insurance company does. That’s why you have them. They pay for the repairs. Then collect from the other insurance company. If they don’t pay your company sues them.” ionlyreadtitle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And what happens if you set up payments and then in the end for whatever reason insurance doesn’t pay up?
Then you’re out the money and I don’t see your friend deciding to just give it back to you…. They will probably say it’s only right for them to keep it and turn it into your fault somehow for an excuse to keep your money.
They know you don’t have the money so just tell them you apologize but they’re just going to have to wait until insurance comes through for them. And honestly, I would quit getting mixed up in playing these musical chair games with the cars so you can’t be held reliable for anything else that comes up in the future either.” Aspen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the insurance should have paid her out and then went after the other guy. You should not be hounding the guy for money. And you absolutely shouldn’t be paying for her car. We had a guy pull out in front of us when we had a green light, and within a week our truck was totaled out, we got our money, and that was it.
Your friend is an adult. She pays to have insurance exactly for this reason.” agarrabrant
10. AITJ For Kicking My Maid Of Honour Out Of My Wedding Over Her New Partner's Beliefs?
“I 24 f and my so-called best friend 24f had been planning my wedding before I even got engaged. We had been friends for 9 years at this point. My friend was so excited when my husband finally popped the question. Finally when it came to planning my wedding my so-called friend got a new partner (he is religious).
My friend and I started going dress shopping and I bought all the things to have a bridesmaid proposal (which my friend knew about, and knew how much hard work and money I put into them).
In September last year, I got a text message from my friend saying that her new partner wasn’t comfortable with her walking down the aisle with another man, I explained to her that she would be walking with the whole bridal party out of the wedding and there would be no hand holding or anything just walking out.
She said no he doesn’t want me near other men and that if I didn’t want to change how my bridal party walked out she would be more than happy to just come as a guest. I was so angry and upset I explained how disappointed I was and that it is a privilege to be a maid of honor.
She then told me that I’m disrespectful that I’m not being respectful to his religion and that it is causing them to break up. (Mind you he didn’t want her to walk down the aisle with another man because it’s against his religion but will happily do bits with her lol).
We ended up in a huge fight and I told her to not attend my wedding and that she had ruined a friendship. She thinks that I should have changed my wedding plans because of her partner she had known for 5 months (they are no longer together) lol.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was your wedding, you. It was disrespectful of your ex-friend to expect you to change things to accommodate her partner at your wedding. She ruined your friendship over this! You say they are no longer together, sounds like she dodged a bullet.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She took her new partner’s side over your 9-year relationship. Also, her now ex was using religion as a cover for his possessive and controlling behavior (especially considering they did bits together, which I’m fairly certain wouldn’t be allowed for new couples if the religion was that strict).” someperson717
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight… A partner she’s known for 5 months comes between your 9-year relationship and she doesn’t see the red flags that are happening. Controlling behavior Jealousy behavior Using religion as a scapegoat Getting between a long-standing friendship only after months of going out.
Huh? You probably did her a favor breaking them up because he’s too immature and controlling to be in an adult relationship. NTJ, I’m just sorry how much this ruined your friendship xxx” Huge-Nutjob1194
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Wedding With My Baby?
“I (35f) have been having a few tricky discussions with my husband (35m) and his family over a wedding that’s happening later this year.
I don’t want to go, but people keep telling me I should just deal with it and figure out a way.
Let me give some background.
The groom is my husband’s cousin. They’re not that close – they only see each other once every year or so at large family events and never keep in touch in between.
The wedding is in another state and we’d need to catch a plane there as it’s too far to drive.
We received an invitation, and we heard through the grapevine that we could bring our baby.
My gut instinct told me – double-check with the bride!
I didn’t want to commit the faux pas of bringing a baby to a wedding if it was not what the bride wanted. And sure enough, when we emailed her, she replied and said very clearly “Sorry, it’s a baby-free wedding”. Of course that’s fine, it’s her choice!
Her special day. So we replied and told them that my husband would attend alone as I would have to stay at home with the baby. He’s 8 months old and still breastfeeding so I can’t just leave him back home easily.
Not long after we sent the rsvp about me not coming, several people contacted us including the bride and groom trying to persuade us to go.
Now they’d changed their minds and the baby could now come to the wedding since they wanted me there too.
I told my husband I didn’t want to go. Even though the bride had done a 180 on the no-baby rule, I still felt he was too young to attend and it would be too difficult to go interstate.
I’d probably spend half if not most of the wedding absent, due to nursing, baby making noises and babbling during the ceremony, and of course bedtime at 7:30 pm.
In my opinion, this is too much hassle for a short amount of family time! But my husband is upset and wants us to make the effort and I’m starting to feel like I’m being unreasonable for putting my foot down and saying it was too hard.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You do not want to go, and you have valid reasons why. Just tell your husband he can go alone, but you will not be attending. You are not being unreasonable. And in any case, it will save on flights, and If he asks a relative could put him up for a couple of nights saving money on hotels as well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. We attended my BIL’s wedding when our youngest was 20 months old and took them with us. In hindsight we wished we hadn’t bothered as although I managed the ceremony and dinner I was basically out for everything else as the baby needed nap/fed/was grumpy from being overstimulated with so many people.” BassImpossible4015
8. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Mom To Pay Rent?
“So M21 and my partner F23 recently moved to a pretty nice apartment in our city it’s brand new and pretty expensive.
After about 3 months of living here my partner’s mom, F45 said she was tired of her apartment and needed to stay with us for a few days until her new place was ready. I had no problem with this. Problems came when the day she was moving which me and my partner helped her move for free.
She told us that she did not have a place ready and hadn’t been looking. She is 45 but deaf and gets a social security check for 1,400 dollars a month. Now she’s saying she doesn’t have to pay rent because my partner lived with her at 21 for 3 months without paying rent.
Her old apartment was liveable in a nice part of town and she only had to pay 900 a month for the apartment due to it being for people with disability
She does do some basic chores for us like dishes and laundry but has provided 0 financial support other than $200 which she says is fully expected back.
Jobs have been hard to come by in my city lately. My partner is on Rover doing pet watching and only gets around $400 in a good month and I only get about 30 hours a week at a local pizza place so we’re pretty tight as it is as well as my partner having a $500 car insurance due every month.
My mom gives us $500 a month for bills but hearing of my partner’s mom living here rent free she wants to not give us that anymore. My partner has a very hard time saying no to her mom and they fight at least once a week so I told her she should pay 1/3 of living expenses and she has refused saying my partner owed her from those 3 months.
Not all of our expenses for the month come out to $2000 rent the most expensive being $1250. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her daughter doesn’t “owe” her anything. Just because she allowed her daughter to stay with her for 3 months for free doesn’t mean she can just piggyback off you two in the name of repayment.
Its awfully selfish of her especially when you and your partner are struggling as it is just to support yourselves. She also said that she had a place lined up but then admitted to not having one and not looking either. She basically flat out LIED to you just to be able to get out of her own place and is absolutely taking advantage of her own daughter because she thinks being a good parent and having your own child’s back needs to be paid back.
She simply can’t have her cake and eat it too. The manipulation on her end is wild. I hope your partner can cut ties some day.” phantomfox49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe your partner owes her but you don’t. She doesn’t plan to move though.
She lied about a few days and expects you two to support her. You need to talk to your partner and let her know that her mom being there is a problem both because your mom no longer thinks you need help because her mom isn’t paying rent and because she has no exit plan.
You and your partner both need to look for work, her because she can’t pay her bills, you because you’re not full-time. You’re not in a position to support her mom.” Emotional_Bonus_934
7. AITJ For Expecting My Father-In-Law To Clean Up After Himself When He Dog Sits?
“Me (38-year-old FM) and my husband (37-year-old M) have a dog that we love and adore, he is our baby. Our dog is a rescue from the shelter and he’s skittish and nervous around strangers. For this reason, we don’t want to kennel him while we’re gone on vacations because we’re worried it will stress him out too much.
So when we go on vacation my father-in-law comes over to our house to “babysit”.
We offer my father-in-law money to do this, but he refuses it. All he asks is that we pay for a list of specific groceries he wants for while we’re gone (he doesn’t drive anymore due to diabetic neuropathy in his feet so he can’t drive himself anywhere).
This is never a problem at all and it’s never a crazy list or anything, just the basics mostly.
I’m a clean freak and don’t like messes at all, especially food ones. Every time we do this arrangement when we come home the kitchen’s a DISASTER.
There will be food stuck to the stove and stuff spattered all over the inside of the microwave. It bothers me to the point that as soon as I see I have to start cleaning it. It’s frustrating to have to come home from a trip and have to start cleaning up behind a grown adult.
I’ve told my husband about how I’m appreciative that his dad stays with the dog for us and I don’t mind him cooking and making himself at home while he’s here, but he needs to clean up after himself, it’s not an unreasonable expectation.
While my husband agrees his father is a bit messy, he feels like his dad’s not charging us to watch the dog so it’s a fair trade. My husband will even help me clean the messes his father has made. I disagree and think that if you stay in someone’s home for any reason you need to be considerate and leave the home and space how you found it.
I’ve asked my husband to speak to his father about this, but he feels like it’s not a big deal since his dad’s watching the dog for free. Is my husband right or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here at this point because no one’s done anything.
But consider that bringing it up to your FIL will most likely cause problems AND lose you a free dogsitter. So consider carefully before addressing it with him. And someone below recommended taking the saved money and hiring a cleaner.” rbrancher2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I house/pet sit for a relative a few times a year for free and I clean as I go since I’m a full-grown adult in someone else’s home. Like you, they purchase me special groceries along with me being welcome to eat whatever’s already in the house.
There’s no reason why he should be leaving the mess that he is but if your husband doesn’t see an issue then your husband can clean up after him by himself.” the quiet anarchist
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, your father-in-law is doing you a favor by watching your dog for free, and you’re complaining about a little mess?
Seriously? You’re getting free pet-sitting, and you can’t handle a bit of cleaning? It’s not like he’s asking for a king’s ransom; all he wants is some groceries. If you’re such a clean freak, maybe consider hiring a professional cleaner with the money you’re saving on dog-sitting fees.
Your father-in-law has diabetic neuropathy, for crying out loud. Cut the guy some slack and appreciate the fact that he’s helping you out without charging a dime. This is a classic case of entitlement, and you need to get over yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What many people here seem to be missing is the lack of basic respect your FIL has for you and your house. It doesn’t matter who cleans it up or whether you pay someone to do it – the crux of the matter is your FIL is an inconsiderate jerk.
You clean before you leave. If your husband insists on his father coming to stay, he should be the one cleaning up after him.” Maximum-Ear1745
6. AITJ For Refusing A Paternity Test At My Partner's Request?
“I F33 am with M38. A little background is needed to understand where he’s coming from. Me and my partner, we’ll call him Jake, met because of his ex-partner’s DNA test. She leads him to believe it’s his kid then gets a DNA test showing someone else is the dad.
He was tearing up and devastated over this because he wanted to be a dad for so long. It destroyed his trust and he doesn’t know if he could trust if any kid is his kid without a DNA test.
I just recently got a positive pregnancy test. I had been with my BD for 2 months before and my partner got together.
Me and Jake have been together for a little over 6 months. Since getting together, my partner has been the only person I’ve been with.
I told him about the pregnancy test and he immediately asked for a DNA test. I was extremely confused and offended. It made me feel like he thought I was being unfaithful.
I sent it to my group chat, and I got a mix of reactions.
I told them I was going to deny unnecessary testing for the child straight out of the womb. If he doesn’t believe or thinks the baby isn’t his after a few months of being around the baby then we can get one.
I feel like he’s overthinking and speaking out from when he was burned by his ex.
Half of my group chat thinks I would be a complete jerk if I do that and make him wait, knowing he has trust issues from past events.
The other half thinks I have the right to deny and feel offended over him asking for one. I see where he’s coming from and understand but I feel like he is just overreacting from past hurt.
So would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, gently. First: a post-birth paternity test isn’t invasive, and your baby won’t be hurt by it. But second, while I understand how this makes you feel, this is driven by a traumatic incident in his past. It has nothing to do with you or your faithfulness, and everything to do with the little voice in the back of his head that will always be whispering about the last time.
So look at it like that. He’s not commenting on you or your actions. He’s traumatized by his ex lying to him, and doing what he needs to to make sure he can happily and comfortably relax and be a part of your new family.” km89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ there is no reason a test can’t be done as soon as the baby is born via a swab test from the inside of the cheek, it can even be done before birth via a blood test from you. If there is any doubt about the paternity he has a right to know ASAP.
I suspect in the US it varies from state to state, but If he takes responsibility for a child and it later turns out it is not his, then he is legally responsible for that child till he is 18. Get the test and put his mind at rest, he already has trust issues!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, YWBTA. It makes complete sense why he would be skeptical. He’s been burned by his ex, but also, you were with your BD not long before you and your partner got together so it makes sense he would have some questions about the possible parentage.
Telling him “Oh just wait around and see” is not a great approach and I think you should have a little understanding here. I can understand *why* you’re defensive and offended, but I think you also need to see the logic in this.” coastalkid92
5. AITJ For Banning My MIL's Sick BF From Our Home Before A Big Career Event?
“MIL and her partner know I have an autoimmune disorder, which means when I get sick it is usually really bad and lasts 4x longer than normal people, even for a common cold.
MIL and her partner visited our home last weekend. They not only knew about my immune disorder but also knew that in 5 days (now tomorrow) I’m hosting the biggest event of my career – a professional development day for the entire state, with amazing speakers I worked hard to secure into speaking at the event.
MIL and her partner showed up sick and told us it was just allergies. When the “allergies” became too severe to lie about anymore, they told us he was sick. I was already annoyed at him because he kept tracking large chunks of dirt in my home, despite me pointing it out, vacuuming it all up, and my husband telling him to stop tracking dirt through our home.
The partner replied that my husband “embarrassed” him.
The partner also spent the weekend just open-mouth coughing all over our home and on me while we were out for lunch (when he was still saying it was just allergies). He didn’t make an effort to cover his mouth at all, which I found repulsive.
Well, on top of the stress of the partner’s inconsideration of our home, now I’m very sick. I’ve been doing everything possible to make myself well again, but it’s the day before the big event and I’m still very sick.
Tomorrow I have to speak on stage and network all day long.
My husband and I are so livid that MIL’s partner knowingly brought illness to our home, and tried to hide it, that we have now banned him from ever staying at our house again.
MIL and her partner think we are overreacting, and that illness just happens and is a natural part of life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who has multiple chronic illnesses myself I understand how quickly a small cold can make you feel like you are dying when you have an autoimmune disorder.
(I am still recovering from a 6-week-long viral infection that started from a cold, on my 3rd set of antibiotics and inhaler, and only now can semi-breathe when I couldn’t before). Your boundaries are 100% fair. It’s not just “a little illness is normal”. If they were in your shoes I imagine that would practically disown you for this horrid behavior.
It shows no respect for your health, boundaries, and their willingness to lie about a situation just to get whatever they want.” Huge-Nutjob1194
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the absolute disrespect they showed you and your home is unacceptable. Adults don’t act this way, children might.
I am just flabbergasted that they did this to you and I’m sorry. When my parents were elderly, I wouldn’t visit them if I had even the hint of a cold. They weren’t ill (except at the end of their lives), but they didn’t need the added load of catching a cold from me.
I let my adult children know that I have a cold if they’re planning on visiting me. They, and my grandchildren, don’t need to get sick too. When you care for someone, you don’t do that to them.” pittsburgpam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what they did was highly inconsiderate and I would be fuming too, especially given the important workday you had coming up.
I swear, the older generation complains about how the young ones are so selfish and entitled but the Boomers are just the worst, they think they can do whatever they want with no consequences because they’re old and if you call them on it they gaslight you because “WhAtS the BiG dEaL!!”.
Illness is a part of life but when you have an autoimmune disease that illness takes on a whole other level. Sorry he was such a jerk and good luck at your big event (if you manage to get there)!” theworldisonfire8377
4. AITJ For Confronting My MIL For Sharing Our Pregnancy News Without Our Permission?
“AITJ for telling my MIL she was wrong for telling other people about our pregnancy when we specifically asked her we were keeping it a secret until we were ready to tell everyone?
Background: I’m only at 12 weeks and we wanted to make our announcement after our first trimester, but she let it slip she told her sister and my SIL and made excuses like how her sister was her “wombmate” and she was immediate family. Then she proceeded to say she showed her our ultrasound pictures and heartbeat audios we shared with her.
I ignored this until she texted me asking about my NIPT results so I told her how I felt and this is how the conversation went…
I told her about how I felt and how she shouldn’t have shared the news as it was our announcement to make.
I made it known I was not trying to argue but that I was just telling her how I felt. The husband fully supported this it was in a group chat. Then she responded that she could not be reprimanded because her nephew was going through surgery after an accident and told me to stop.
She apologized for upsetting me and that she never does anything to upset anyone. So I responded with the following:
“First of all, circumstances do not excuse someone’s prior actions and I already made myself clear that I am not trying to argue, but instead making my feelings known.
Trying to tell me to stop when I’m setting the boundaries you told me to draw disregarding my point of view then apologizing just seems insincere, but to each our own. Hope you have a great night. I’m not responding anymore because I don’t want to continue to dwell on the matter, just please respect our future wishes when it comes to my baby.”
She responded with, “You’re a bully, please stop!”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe the timing wasn’t great. Though, if she’s the type to make another person’s pregnancy about her (which is usually the intention behind blabbing that news), it wouldn’t be unfathomable that she’s making the nephew’s surgery about her (or simply using it as an excuse).
But I don’t think your words were too harsh. You didn’t skirt the issue or sugarcoat it but you weren’t unreasonable, you were clear and to the point. Ultimately, the real consequences for her are yet to be seen. She’s broken your trust. I would exclude her from any present and future baby-related news.
She will learn when everyone else does with no one to blame but herself. And usually, for people like this, that is the *real* punishment as they can’t stand not being in the know or being able to be the one who tells everyone else for the first time.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People get upset when they tell someone something they want kept secret but the receiver of that information shares it. There is ONE SIMPLE WAY to fix this. Stop telling other people your secrets. Period. Going forward, you and your husband need to set the expectation that if either of you tells another soul, you can expect your secret not to be secret anymore.
Let MIL know you will not be confiding in her in the future. She will find out when everyone else does.” HelpfulMaybeMama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It comes down to this: you asked her not to do something and she did the thing you asked her not to do.
Adding to this, when confronted with this, she said she “could not be reprimanded” and called you a bully. Also, apologizing for upsetting you is different than apologizing for breaking your trust. In short, your MIL has refused to admit she did anything wrong and has tried to turn the blame back on you.
She has broken your trust and shown no willingness to take any responsibility for it nor show any desire to change her behavior. You should remember this in the future that she cannot be trusted. And, when she complains about this, bring up this very incident.” bamf1701
3. AITJ For Calling My Intrusive Mother-In-Law A Psycho?
“I (25F) gave birth to my daughter 5 months ago and I have not known peace since. Two days after getting out of the hospital my husband’s (27M) mom was calling asking when she could come and visit her grandbaby and son, no mention of me.
And when we told her it was too soon and she couldn’t come she started video chatting every day to see our daughter and talk to my husband. She criticizes everything I do. She told me I should use formula instead of breastfeeding because I’m “so skinny I wouldn’t be able to give her the proper nutrients [daughter] needs.” Then when we told her that we’d be using some formula.
After all, the doctor recommended it she said that I “should be able to provide all the milk [daughter] needs.” I could tell her the sky is blue and she’d tell me it’s green.
We managed to make her only video chat every few days and she’s on an “information diet” but it’s not enough.
She’d been hinting about a “big surprise” she had in store for us and I finally found out what it was today. One of my sisters-in-law called me to ask how I felt about her moving to our state, which is a four-day drive from her home state.
I told my husband who called her to confirm and she said that it was too late to cancel because she’s already found a buyer for her house and has found a few options in our neighborhood to look at. She didn’t say it but I know she expects to stay with us until she finds a house.
I called one of my friends while cooking dinner and she called my mother-in-law a psycho, and I agreed and said she was a psycho, not knowing my husband was nearby and he overheard me. Now he’s upset because he thinks she’s just trying to help us, free babysitting, helping around the house, and other perks of her being close by.
My family lives in the next town over, we’re set when it comes to babysitting and helping around the house. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s quite a family you’ve got there. You were talking to your friend, not to your husband, and you didn’t have to manage his feelings.
Unless he wants to manage yours, when it comes to being constantly steamrolled by his mom and sis, who called to ask you how you felt about her moving close but it’s already too late to cancel — what was *that* all about? Honestly, it takes many men *decades* to open their eyes to their mothers’ and sisters’ manipulativeness and rudeness to their wives.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all your MIL sounds controlling and if your husband can’t see that then he needs a reality check. IDC if it’s her grandchild, this is YOUR baby. She needs to back off and let you raise your child.
Also, there’s a difference between offering help and pushing your help into others. She needs to respect you and if you ask for help then yes she’d be welcome to come. If not she needs to back off and give you the respect you deserve.” Ok-Fly-3305
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Get her a hotel and set boundaries now. Make sure your husband knows it is his job to handle his mother but you do not stand for her continual criticisms of your capabilities as a mother. Her negativity is criticisms are not welcome and tell her that!
If you have a mom or aunt that you get along with, make sure they visit to run interference.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Taking A Family Photo At A Memorial Without Including My Grieving Sister?
“I come from a family consisting of 4 siblings – 2 sisters and 2 brothers. S1 is the eldest, B1 is the second oldest, followed by S2 and the baby is B2 (ages 62-54) Our parents passed away 20 years ago so it’s just been us and our nuclear families for a long time.
The three of us live about 2 hours apart and see each other fairly regularly. Our eldest brother is very successful, lives in a different state and only comes to see us occasionally. We rarely see his family as they’re all busy.
In early August our eldest sister’s husband (BIL) of 44 years and 15-year-old grandson (GN) were in a terrible accident and passed away.
It was horrible and devastating for everyone. S1’s youngest daughter, 39 (D2), was GN’s mother. D2 threw a huge memorial/celebration of life for both her father and son, all of GN’s friends were there, and tons of family. There were a couple hundred adults and teenagers there.
B1 came with his family who we rarely see. After the speeches and drying of tears, we were all visiting and realized we hadn’t had a family photograph in years. So we gathered our spouses, children, and our elderly uncle and politely asked the memorial photographer to take a photo for us.
We thought it best to not bother S1 and her daughters for it on such a sad occasion.
Somehow the family photograph made it into the memorial book. S1’s eldest daughter (D1) is outraged and is refusing all contact. She says we were disrespectful not only for doing that at the event but to S1 and both daughters for ‘excluding’ them.
She tried to guilt us by reminding us her father had been in our lives since we were teenagers. That BIL had officiated B2’s second marriage, spent lots of time with S2’s daughter when she went to college up near him, attended all family events, and loved us like his own siblings.
We think this was unfair. We all loved him very much and miss both dearly. The photo wasn’t meant to be disrespectful, we just aren’t sure how much longer our elderly uncle has or when all our spouses and kids will be together again. S1 and D2 didn’t complain.
So, are we the jerks or is D1 overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. In such a difficult time, one’s emotions and reasoning are often the bane of our existence. We often react quite differently than we normally would. That being said, it’s a shame that you didn’t ask them, just to be on the safe side.
But you did what you thought was considerate and respectful at the time. I can’t call you a jerk for that. You sound caring. You didn’t tell the photographer that the photos were not to be used in the grand scheme of things. I can’t call her a jerk, either.
Again, the emotional toll of personal loss was (and still is) much too great.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lots of time people only see each other at funerals. It is a good time to take pics if done appropriately. It has always struck me as odd for everyone to gather to mourn someone they most likely were not currently a part of the deceased person’s life.
It is an odd social type event. I do like that it is changing from being so drab and is heading to celebrations of life more so these days. I hope that people will have a big party, music, food, pass the mic telling stories and lies about me, laughing and enjoying themselves in my honor and hopefully on my dime too.
No sad crappy funeral parlor music, no flowers, comfortable clothing. Something that people can remember with a smile rather than sadness.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You “borrowed” their memorial photographer (which they probably paid for) and then didn’t even include them in the photo?
What is wrong with you? The photos taken during the event were supposed to be focused on commemorating two people who passed and instead, your sister and her daughters saw a picture of y’all playing happy family without them. If I were D1 I wouldn’t speak to you either.” hello_farmer
1. AITJ For Canceling On My Friends Who Were Late To Our Outing?
“We Lucy, Minnie, and I [28f] were supposed to go out at 6 pm as that’s the time we decided on. At around 5:50 pm my friend Lucy [f30] sent a text in our group chat saying she was stuck in the salon to get her brows done.
When we were deciding upon the time she said she’d get her brows done in the afternoon but for whatever reason she didn’t.
Minnie[f31] chose the exact moment to send a text saying she wasn’t able to find her dryer to dry her hair.
She waited the whole day to wash her freaking head in the evening when we were supposed to go out! I sent them a text, saying I was almost done getting ready and Lucy sent another text asking me to not get ready so soon.
I am sorry but why couldn’t they tell me that at 4 or 5 pm? I still chose to wait for them. Around, 6:45p Lucy sends a text that she’s going back home to get ready. I was already getting mad by then. At 7:20, I had enough and sent a next saying I would not be joining them to go out and asked them to head out without me.
Minnie sent another text asking me to wait some more and started calling me. I didn’t pick up her call and then Lucy called too. I guess as a last-ditch effort they called my mom’s phone to reach out to me but my mother didn’t receive their call either.
My point is, if they had informed me even half an hour before we were supposed to head out, I wouldn’t have gotten this mad and annoyed. They chose the time we were supposed to head out to inform me. Plus, it’s festival season here.
The salons are going to be packed. I just don’t understand why Lucy had to get her brows done today, that too in the evening at the last moment. Or why Minnie waited the whole day to wash her hair?
Now they’re posting pics of their outing and I am sitting mad at home watching Netflix.
I also regret getting angry at them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my opinion, people who are late think their time is more important than others. I understand emergencies happen but getting your eyebrows done and looking for a hair dryer aren’t emergencies. Your friends prioritize themselves over you and your plans.
You waited longer than I would have!” Expensive_Pain_5987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ With the writers’ strike still on and everything, you’ve provided a nice pilot and possibly an entire series outline for someone by the time this is over. I also feel like there are a lot of management and team training /motivational posters to be inspired by the many lessons here.
OP your frustration is clear and justified. I get the feeling that a “post mortem” talk with these friends sometimes for airing grievances “listening session” giving and receiving feedback apologies validation and agreements about expectations and respect for future outings or meetups punctuated with some crying laughter and group hugs might not be a bad idea for starting to identify the issues/problems and roadmap a path to healing and more respectful/responsible protocols moving forward” SpaceForceMajeure
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you ended up doing some typical loser stuff with Netflix instead of doing something that could provide joy to others. Nothing malicious except your selfish behavior” HairyHouse3
