People Desire To Get To The Bottom Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out After She Let My Indoor Cat Outside?
“I am 27, and I have a beloved cat named Whiskers who I’ve had for years. He’s my pride and joy, and I’ve always been adamant about keeping him indoors for his safety.
Recently, my sister (24) came to stay with me for a few weeks while she looked for a new apartment.
I made it explicitly clear that Whiskers is an indoor cat and asked her to be careful not to let him outside.
However, one evening, I came home to find Whiskers missing. Frantic, I searched the neighborhood for hours before finally finding him cowering under a bush.
My sister confessed that she had let him out because she thought he seemed bored and wanted some fresh air.
I was livid. Not only had she disobeyed my explicit instructions, but she had also put Whiskers in danger. I couldn’t believe she had been so careless with his safety.
In a fit of anger, I told my sister she had to leave immediately. She protested, saying it was just a mistake and she didn’t mean any harm. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal and the fear that something terrible could have happened to my fur baby.
Now, my sister is upset with me, and my family is divided on whether I overreacted. AITJ for kicking out my sister for letting my cat outside against my wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He’s my pride and joy, and I’ve always been adamant about keeping him indoors for his safety.” You love your cat.
It wasn’t even a mistake or accident. Your sister deliberately disobeyed your explicit instructions because she thought she knew better. She did put him at risk. She can’t be trusted & you’d always be worried she’d do it again. Glad Whiskers is ok.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“So you say don’t let the cat out. She intentionally let the cat out. Wasn’t even a mistake like she went to her car and left the door open. She made an indoor-only cat go outside, putting them in serious danger. Then tried to play it off like oopsie-doodle, silly me!
NTJ and if anyone says anything, just tell them you thought your sister seemed bored and wanted some fresh air.” Abstruse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you had every right to do that because not only did she clearly disobey your crystal clear directions but she put your cat (obviously important to you) in danger and if something happened to him/her then you would have been devastated. She didn’t even try to look for him/her?
That is just cruel. I have a cat too and I would do the same if someone who I flat-out told not to let outside did it anyway. That is just straight disrespectful.” Humble_Coyote_5100
21. AITJ For Insisting We Split Bills Evenly Among Four Working Housemates?
“The house bills consist of rent, electric, water, gas, and internet.
There are four people living in one house: me (person A who dictates how much is paid), person B, person C, and person D.
Persons C and D are a couple.
Before person D moved in everything was split three ways as it was fair.
When they did move in they only had a job for a little bit and due to circumstances lost it.
Because of person C being bad with finances (different topic completely) and after discussing it over with person B to see if they were okay with it, I opted to still keep everything split three ways even though I approached person C about them paying for their part plus person D’s part and they said they’d be okay with doing it.
I was trying to help given the circumstances.
Fast forward, person D now has a job. I mention that since they have a job we could now split everything four ways.
This is where the WIBTJ comes in.
Persons C and D do not see it that way.
They think that because they are a couple, one unit/entity, the only things to be split four ways are the electric and water as those are the only things to fluctuate. Everything else is to continue to be split three ways.
Truth be told I think they’d rather keep it split three ways in general but l digress.
To a very small extent, I can kind of see what they are saying but I disagreed and said that I don’t see it that way, that four people are working so four people should split everything.
They tried to say that if I, hypothetically, moved a couple in and it’s just me and the couple I should split things 50/50 because the couple is one and not two.
I said if they both had jobs then things would get split three ways.
We had a small argument and things ended with everything being split four ways with person C paying both their parts.
So WIBTJ in this situation?
To add a bit of context, this is a four-bedroom house.
Persons C and D do share a room but kids of person D have a room as well. I hope this helps give a little more insight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like you should maybe stop talking about it in terms of splitting expenses based on how many people have jobs, and just go with the more sensible way of basing the split on exactly how much each person is adding to the monthly expenses.
The rent should be split four ways because each of you is technically occupying one bedroom (because of D’s kids). One could argue that the gas, electric and water should probably be split five ways with D paying the 5th share for his kids.
Internet could go four ways though. Shoot down their argument of a couple being a single unit. They’re not a couple. They’re a whole family that uses up more than double the utilities that either you or person B does. Do not back down.” IcyAttention2774
Another User Comments:
“Being a couple does not ever count as one. Two people, two showers, two-person laundry load, two people using the electricity, things should be split by the number of people in the household. The person using the fourth bedroom for their kids when they visit should be paying a little more or you could rent it to another and save everyone some money.
Did you consider that the couple is using twice the space in the house as everyone else in the house while paying the same as everyone else? Extra baths, laundry, and electricity when kids are there, not to mention the rules change when the kids are there.
Is anyone being compensated for the inconvenience?” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you move in with a couple from the get-go (let’s ignore the kids). But say it is just you and a couple. Then it would be fine for rent to be split in half and then everything else 3 ways.
Of course whoever has the master bedroom should pay a little extra anyway. BUT, when a person brings in a partner after the fact, that person should be paying a portion of the rent. Even if they are sharing the room. Why? Because this is adding on an extra person to the living quarters that was never agreed upon from the start.
So they are extra and should pay rent equally. Also, why would I want to let someone’s partner move and they don’t have to pay anything? I can just say no, the bills stay the same and I have one less person to live with.
If I say yes and the bills stay the same, now I have another person in my space and I get nothing in return? Like lower rent? Yeah, forget that. Your partner can stay in their own place.” Personibe
20. AITJ For Wanting To Change How We Split Rent And Bills After My Partner's Salary Increase?
“My partner and I live together and before we moved in together we agreed to split rent and bills 50/50 since we have similar incomes.
There were a couple of months that my partner went part-time with not a lot of hours and she asked if I would pay extra until she started university and got her student loan since, while she could afford the rent and bills, she wouldn’t have a lot left over.
I agreed and helped out by paying extra for 5-6 months.
My partner has been offered a full-time job with a salary that is £8500 a year more than me. I spoke with her about changing how we split the rent and bills since our incomes will no longer be similar.
I suggested 60/40 or even 55/45 and said we could work out the actual percentage split based on income but my partner just said that isn’t fair since she’s planning to buy a car so the extra money is going to go towards that.
I pointed out it’s unfair of her to expect me to help pay her side of the bills when I am making more but then refuse to offer the same to me.
I said it’s only fair that we change how the bills are divided and that rent and bills come before a car. She said I was being unreasonable since I knew she wanted a car but I just said that’s not relevant since rent and bills come first. She again refused and said she shouldn’t have to pay any extra.
AITJ for wanting to change how we split the rent and bills?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your request is completely within the boundaries of fairness. Think hard about what this interchange tells you about your partner, and ask yourself if that’s how you want to spend the rest of your life.
When people show you what they are, believe them.” FerretLover12741
Another User Comments:
“I earn more than my wife. She has an amazing career, (and I would say works 10x harder than me) it’s just how the different professions pay. Both of our salaries go into one account.
We pay our bills/mortgage/car/food/etc out of that account and we both spend out of that account. We will consult each other on big purchases, otherwise, it’s our money. Obviously it’s easier as we are married but the idea remains the same – she earns more so our percentage split is fair.
NTJ.” buongiornoitaly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is showing you who she is, and that is someone who will not return your kindness. Remember that going forward and ask if you want to stay with someone who will take your generosity when she is down on money, but not reciprocate when she is in a better position.
To add – being female doesn’t give her a pass and anyone else saying YTJ is setting the clock back 50 years! As a woman, I’m fed up with people assuming guys should pay more. Women have fought hard to be treated as equals and should be treated that way when it comes to money matters too!” LottaCheek
19. AITJ For Accidentally Getting My Littering Neighbor Evicted?
“So my partner and I have been in our current apt for about 4 years. We had a new upstairs neighbor move in about 1 year ago. Right away I began noticing tons of ash on my balcony. For the first few weeks or so I would sweep them up myself (I don’t like confrontation) but eventually, it started getting worse, ash, lit smokes (one of which burned a hole in our chair cushion, a major fire hazard), teeth flossers, food items and other trash.
Once when they were out on their deck my fiance shouted up to them, “can you please stop dumping your stuff down here?” They later talked to us and said they accidentally dropped them but we really didn’t buy that because there were so many and the variety of stuff that was there.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago, we began seeing large bags full of trash being thrown down into the woods below often times trash would fall out of the bags and land on our porch. We were also getting tons of dry cereal on our porch (our balconies face thick woods with a creek about 100ft below).
Anyway, we saw this happening pretty often, at least once a week. We asked them again to please stop throwing trash. They denied it claiming they never threw trash, they’re on the top floor so unless someone is living on the roof, it’s them. I would also like to include that our downstairs neighbor also gets tons of garbage and cereal on their balcony.
They are just as frustrated as we are.
Anyway the upstairs completely denied throwing trash ever. The evidence is visible by looking down off our balcony. Bags, trash all kind of stuff. Plus we and our downstairs neighbor have seen it being thrown with our own eyes.
The downstairs neighbor got really mad and went up and full-on yelled at them. I don’t condone this but I was really hoping they would finally stop. They had this big dramatic reaction, “OH I’m SO sorry! I had NO idea, it’ll NEVER happen again!” Cue the next day we see trash being thrown off again, with some landing on our balcony.
I finally sent a complaint to our apt manager because it was very frustrating and I was tired of interacting with them. That leads us to today. My partner and I get back from a date and they’re outside packing things. They say to us, “just so you know I’ve been given a 30-day notice to vacate, I told you I didn’t throw anything.”
I’m really shocked. I didn’t want them to get kicked out. More a fine or stern talking to just so they would finally stop. Before them, we had a literal issue up there that management wouldn’t do anything about. So I’m really dumbfounded that they would kick someone out over this.
I never meant for this to happen and I feel really bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why are you so sad that these intentional jerks are gone? They were big on denial but zero on caring or follow-through. Management probably saw identifying information while cleaning up the trash they’d thrown.
What happened once management saw that was inevitable. That’s a type of tenant that management really doesn’t want around.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re unbelievable jerks, you shouldn’t have been putting up with them for so long. Why feel bad about having them evicted?
IMO they should also be fined for all the littering and possibly for creating the fire hazard. And made to pay you and the other neighbors for the damage. In your place, I’d maybe start feeling bad if they’d gone to jail over my complaints.” Irhien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not get them evicted unless you made up stuff about them. You reported actions that were definitely occurring to the managers, and they made a decision based on that. Perhaps they followed up by checking out the situation and saw how much trash there was, or went up to their unit and the tenants were nasty to them.
But no, you didn’t cause this, the people choosing to THROW TRASH FROM THEIR BALCONY did. That’s disgusting. Be grateful that you won’t have to deal with it in the future.” HungryMagpie
18. AITJ For Giving My Jobless Brother Money From Our Mother's Inheritance For Only One Month?
“My mother cannot work and depends on government assistance. When my grandmother died she left me (44f) the inheritance intended for my mother with instructions to take care of her.
This is what I intend to do. This money is to be used for things such as accessibility improvements, extra medical care, home repairs, ex: we live in the South and her AC went down in the summer, I paid quite a bit for necessary late weekend night repairs.
Since I’ve been managing this money, my brother (37m) has asked for money every month. He has not had a steady job in years. He will usually ask our other brother (39m) to ask me for him since he knows I manage mom’s inheritance, and he is too afraid to ask directly himself.
I’ve also discovered mom has been giving him money for years. I do not want to give him any money, he has his health and is plenty capable of getting a job, any job.
At the request of our middle brother, and other family members, I reluctantly agreed to pay his living expenses for one month while he looks for a job.
I will cut him off when the month is over; I will only help after the month for true unplanned expenses or emergencies. In my opinion, this money is not ours to spend, it is for mom and her expenses. AITJ here? Am I just being a jerk and hoarding the money?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk to agree to use your mother’s inheritance to pay for any of your brother’s expenses. if you do that is stealing from your mother. Tell everyone that they can help brother financially, but you will not STEAL from your mother to support a young(ish) man that is perfectly capable of getting a job.” disney_nerd_mom
Another User Comments:
“If this is in a special needs or other trust you’re getting yourself in hot water. Either way, you’re violating your fiduciary responsibility. YTJ for using those funds in a way not intended. You should reimburse those funds and make clear it won’t be happening again.” b***********h
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could actually get into legal trouble if you use the money your grandmother left for anything besides its stated purpose of providing for her child (your mom). Point out to greedy that grandma did you all a favor by taking care of your mother’s needs so you don’t have to.” ApprehensiveBook4214
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents Over Their Unrealistic Expectations?
“I (29F) am disabled. I have a genetic condition that causes neuropathy which means I am in pain constantly and am very fatigued quite easily.
I was finally diagnosed 4 years ago.
I am completely independent from my parents and have been since I was a teenager. I own my house, pay all my bills, and am getting married here in a few weeks. I work full-time. As far as I am concerned, I’m doing all of the “expected” things in life even though I am disabled and it certainly hasn’t been easy.
I’m making it work for me and my partner.
My parents live in a different state from me and came to help with last wedding details. While here, they kept commenting on things that didn’t live up to their “expectations” for me.
Some examples include:
1. My house is a little messy. Not dirty, mind you. Just messy. We have a ton of boxes in the garage that we need to bring to the recycling plant, we have a table that tends to collect clutter, my office regularly looks like a hurricane hit a stack of papers.
My response: I get fatigued extremely easily. Cleaning can take me out of commission for a full day. My partner does a wonderful job of stepping up but also works a demanding job.
2. We are having a very small wedding (less than 50) and they can’t understand why I’m not inviting all of my aunts and uncles and cousins.
I am sad we won’t do a huge blowout but we just can’t consider spending the money when I have some medical debt from trying treatments not covered by insurance, surgeries, etc. I asked my parents for help with this and they were not willing to but they are willing to gift money towards the wedding.
Priorities seem a little off to me but I digress.
3. I mentioned that we will NOT be having kids. This one made my mom cry about how she’d never get the chance to experience the birth of her grandchild (I have an older brother who has a kid so I think she was lamenting that my sister-in-law didn’t let her in the room while my niece was born?
And would expect me to have her there which I never would even consider anyway). I told her I have a genetic condition that I would NEVER consider risking passing down to a child. Plus I am disabled. I wouldn’t be able to pick up or hold my child for very long and being pregnant would be a risk for me.
There were more little jabs throughout their visit and towards the end I got fed up and told them that they need to adjust their expectations for having a healthy kid because I am not healthy. This sent my mom into hysterical crying and my dad ranted about how I was just lazy and didn’t want to do anything hard and was using it as an excuse.
I can’t help but wonder if they have a point in any of this and if I’m a jerk for snapping. I think I’m doing fine with the life I have but it stings a little to be told I’m not living up to my parents’ expectations.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “While here, they kept commenting on things that didn’t live up to their “expectations” for me.” Tough. You don’t exist to bring to life their fantasy. Even setting aside your challenges (which they appear to be in denial about anyway), it’s your home, your wedding, your life.
They get no say in how you run any of it. It’s a shame they lack the manners to stop spewing their negativity. It’s also a shame they’re not understanding that you’re almost 30 years old and no longer the child they can try to mold or coerce into becoming who they think you should be.
They should be grateful for how well you have overcome your challenges, rather than searching so hard for any negatives.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most able-bodied people, who don’t live with people with disabilities, have no idea how hard it is. They have no idea of the constant struggle to do everyday things and how wearing it is.
No idea that when someone cancels last minute, they aren’t being ‘flaky’, but much as they want to do that thing their body says ‘no’. How, if they do that thing, like a night out, it might take them days, sometimes weeks to recover. But it’s worth it for their mental health.
A bit of a messy house? Who cares….Not as many people to a wedding? It’s your day, for you to plan as you see fit! No kids? You’ve listened to your body, you know what you need. You sound like an incredible, strong person who knows what you need in life to make it work.
Sure, your mum’s upset, but that is, frankly, not your fault. Stay strong. (FYI: I am able-bodied, but my wife has a chronic health condition that has caused disability for about 5 years.)” Swimming_Possible_68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m invisibly disabled myself. I’ve found it best not to give reasons for what I can and can’t do, and will and won’t do.
Grey-rocking and vagueness give them nothing to argue against. It annoys them, but it’s less exhausting in the long run.” gytherin
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Bullying Future Mother-In-Law To Get Ready With Me On My Wedding Day?
“Would I (28F) be the jerk if I did not invite my future mother-in-law to get ready with my mom, sister, and me the morning of our wedding? Backstory: my future husband’s (29M) mother is the type of woman who goes out of her way to bully me.
When I point it out to my future husband he says “that’s the way my dad’s mom treated her” or “that’s just who she is.”
Most recently, she posted something for my fiancé’s birthday which included 20 photos, none of which I was in.
We get married in 5 weeks and we have been together for 7 years, I don’t think it’s unrealistic for me to feel like she went out of her way to make sure I wasn’t in a single photo. This is just a single most recent example of her bullying.
She loves attention, talking about herself, and talking at you instead of with you. Being around her is miserable but they do live a few hours away. She is the type of mother who doesn’t believe I am good enough to marry her son, so I don’t feel guilty not including her on the morning of the wedding, but I’d like to make sure I’m not totally in the wrong.
Edit: I forgot to add, when he called her out for no photos of me, she added one… a horribly unflattering photo of him and me with me in a bikini. We have so many nice pictures and she chose that one…
Another example of her bullying is that one time when she was in town, we went to dinner with her and our friends.
She paid for everyone at the table except me, and made it a point to tell the waitress that “I’ll be paying for everyone at the table except her.” She ignores me in my own house and if I touch my fiance once she has to touch him twice.
She hangs on him and calls him babe, it makes my fiance uncomfortable and he has made comments to her before. I just don’t see this getting better and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: does your fiance back you or does he excuse her behavior?
Because if it’s the latter, I implore you to NOT consider marrying him in 5 weeks. A partner that does not have your back will not have your back in the future. If for 7 years he has excused his mom by saying “that’s the way my dad’s mom treated her” or “that’s just who she is”, this won’t last anyway.
This may be who SHE is, but he can also say “that’s unacceptable how she treats you so I’ll tell her to cut her crap or I’m cutting her out”. That would be supporting you.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I feel like it’s typical for the bride’s family/wedding party to get ready with the bride and the groom’s family/wedding party gets ready with the groom.
And that aside, you should have full autonomy over who’s in the room with you when you get ready for your special day. Don’t feel bad about excluding someone who clearly doesn’t value you and she shouldn’t get the privilege of watching you get dolled up with your own mom.
I also hope you and your future husband can come to an understanding about how she treats you and that it’s not okay or justifiable that she treats you poorly because she was. This issue will just carry into your marriage and will cause major issues.” karlmarxel
Another User Comments:
“I thought it was pretty established tradition that the bride and her bridesmaids and the bride’s family get ready in one location, and the groom and all his entourage and family get ready in a different location? Or am I just old?
That’s the way I’ve always understood it, and it’s kind of like the last chance for individual family time with each other before you join families. Nah girl, she is totally not needed on your morning. NTJ.” CarlaThinks
15. AITJ For Not Asking My Mom To Pay For My Stepsister's Field Trip?
“My parents are divorced and my brother (12m) and I (16f) split time between mom and dad.
Our dad remarried after the divorce 9 years ago. His wife has a daughter 10f who lives with them full time now but her dad was around for a little while when they first got together and he left after my dad’s wife won custody officially.
He doesn’t pay anything for his kid and my dad and his wife are the ones covering everything for her.
My dad and his wife haven’t been doing so good with money for a couple of years and this year has been the worst yet for them.
My mom is doing better than ever though and she’s really been stable with money. So my brother and I have a much better life than our stepsister. We get to do extracurriculars and we get nicer stuff in general. This got so much more obvious lately because my brother got to do two field trips and I got to do an international trip with my school last year.
My stepsister had a field trip come up a couple of weeks ago but my dad and his wife couldn’t afford to pay for it. They asked my mom to pay and she said no. They asked my brother to ask my mom and he didn’t.
So Dad asked me to ask Mom. He told me how much his stepdaughter wanted to go but the school didn’t have a fund to cover for families who couldn’t afford it. He told me he knows it’s not mom’s job but they were desperate and just wanted her to have a nice time and she knows my brother and I never miss out and he didn’t want her to feel less important.
I didn’t ask. My dad got super upset when the field trip came and neither my brother nor I asked Mom. And my stepsister didn’t get to go which really upset him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I appreciate your mum and bio dad are not together and it really is not your mum’s job to pay for your stepsister, it is for the stepsister’s mum to pay for this type of thing.
In any case, your mum had already said no, did your dad expect her answer to change just because you were asking?” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is though. Attempting to manipulate his own children to go around his ex over something that is none of their business is so wrong.
Your dad and his wife need to go after his wife’s child’s father for CS. This is NOT your mother’s problem nor in any way something you or your brother should be brought into. Inform your mom about what your dad tried to pull.
Your brother, being younger, might get more pressure from them in the future if it is not shut down.” Odd-End-1405
Another User Comments:
“Your mom had been asked and already said no. Your father asking you and your brother to nag her to cover his responsibilities was beyond inappropriate and he should never have put you in such an uncomfortable position.
It’s not your job to manage his finances and family responsibilities and it’s not your mom’s responsibility either. I hope you’ll discuss this with your mom and let her handle it with your dad. These are adult issues that should never involve you and your brother.
NTJ at all and don’t let him guilt you into thinking you are. It’s his job to be the adult here, not yours.” forgetregret1day
14. AITJ For Choosing A Baby Name That Upsets My Mother-In-Law?
“I (34f) am 32 weeks pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband, Sam (35m) and I have recently chosen the names that we love. Evander for our son, which is a combined name to honor my late father, Alexander, and my Sam’s late brother, Everette.
We chose Evangeline for our daughter.
Evangeline has always been a name I have dreamed of naming our daughter since I was a little girl, it is also the name of Sam’s paternal grandmother. Sam and I decided that our first daughter would have the name Evangeline years ago because of how special it is for both of us.
My mother-in-law, Pam, is upset and thinks that it’s a personal attack on her and her husband (my FIL). They had drama with Sam’s grandparents two decades ago that I have never been made aware of and Sam doesn’t know much about it.
Pam had a tantrum after Sam and I told her that we were not changing the name. She’s refusing to talk to us and is telling people that we are doing this intentionally to hurt her, which is not true.
My SIL called me today begging me to change the name and called me a jerk after I said no. She has gone on social media and is making posts that I am ruining her family.
AITJ for choosing a name that makes my MIL unhappy?
Forgot to add, my FIL doesn’t care and has asked for permission to call her Evie, to which Sam and I agreed to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If whatever Original Evangeline did is so terrible that it causes your MIL to relive the trauma just to hear the name, then she should at least provide some of the details so you can make a more informed decision.
But as anyone who has disliked a baby name has found, once that child is here and a part of your life, the name becomes theirs and there’s a tendency to forget the negative feelings associated with it.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – LET ME SAY THIS LOUD AND CLEAR FOR EVERYONE IN THE BACK – PARENTS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO DECIDE ON THEIR CHILD’S NAME!
It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, stick with the name you have chosen that means something to you!!” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“Look, I know someone who has a grandchild with one of her names, which is a name she has always hated for family drama reasons.
But she kept silent on it because the thought was nice. Really there are worse things in the world than using a name that reminds someone of random family fallings out – and it can restore the positive feelings associated with the name. NTJ.” Thatstealthygal
13. AITJ For Arguing With My Roommate Over Her Financial Irresponsibility?
“So I (27m) and my roommate (31f) got into an argument yesterday because they complained about not being able to buy a 30$ wrist brace, and how they needed help with rent (again) and said that they needed it lowered.
This individual only works ten hours a week as a fledgling content creator and struggles to make 350$ a month, the amount she has to pay for rent.
She has no other jobs or forms of income since she decided to try to become a full-time content creator aside from donations.
She’s lived like this for 6 months now while renting out my office bedroom of my 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment in a metro area.
However, on top of the 350 a month they have to pay me for rent, they also have a phone bill and their half of the electricity bill — a measly 200$ more, roughly.
But all of which she is regularly having to triage to pay one bill or the other. Sometimes going a month without a phone with service.
She will then turn around and spend exorbitant amounts on take-out food when she does have the income while I am regularly having to cover most of her bills or expenses.
She expresses as though nothing is wrong with this lifestyle, and that I’m the one who is being problematic for causing a stink about having to cover for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But – why are you living with her? This is causing you far too much stress, particularly since you might have to come up with her share of the rent if it’s your name on the lease.
If she’s not on the lease, give her 30 days to move out. If she is on the lease, talk to your landlord – you might have to deal with her until the lease is up.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for that but you are to yourself for allowing her to continue using you to subsidize her unrealistic lifestyle.
Push her out of your nest so she can figure it out for herself otherwise she’s never going to learn or grow up, some people just need to learn the hard way, constantly bailing them out only makes them more dependent and more delusional about their situation.
Give her a formal notice to move out, don’t talk to her about what she can or can’t afford or what she shouldn’t spend money on. Tell her that living together is creating issues within your friendship and you don’t want to be on her case about how she manages money and the only way to ensure you don’t comment on it or build further resentment between you is to stop being directly involved in her finances or paying her bills.
If she wants to keep relying on other people to do that for her, fine, but when it comes to you she shouldn’t bother even asking for a dime or more time to stay at your place. Chances are you won’t get any rent or bill help once she gets the notice but at least you’ll have her on the way out so that you don’t have to continue building resentment or watching her sabotage herself.
Either she spreads her wings and flies, grateful to you for forcing her to grow, or continues on her path of entitlement and zero accountability and blames you for pushing her out. Either way, she won’t be a burden for you to carry anymore.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No, she is a grown woman who needs to learn how to support herself. I would put my foot down and say either start spending your money on stuff you actually need or get a better job to support your lifestyle. Either this or she needs to move out since you’re paying for the majority of stuff anyway.” HugeKing5382
12. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Wife's Band Posters Covering Our Bedroom Walls?
“I (31m) have been married to my wife (30f) for 5 years now. I love her so much, and I am so incredibly lucky to be married to her, but there is one thing that really bothers me.
She has always been a huge fan of a lot of rock bands, particularly emo bands. This by itself doesn’t bother me at all, in fact, I love the music too and we go to concerts together all the time. What bothers me is that she has posters of these bands tacked up everywhere around our house.
Our bedroom walls are covered in them. And I mean covered. There is not a single inch of wall space in our bedroom that is not dedicated to her band posters. Everywhere I go, everything I do, there are always eyes of a hundred emo men following me around.
It sounds stupid, and it probably is to be honest, but I don’t think I can stand another night’s sleep feeling like I am being watched constantly. I don’t want to be “watched” by the members of My Chemical Romance or Taking Back Sunday or Twenty One Pilots as we make love.
I’ve tried asking her nicely to move some of them and she gets really offended and mad at me so I just left it behind. But it’s getting hard to handle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine for her to have some posters of the bands she loves on the walls, but the house (and the bedroom) is yours as well, and you get a say in the decor as well.
It’s not like you asked her to take down all of them – just some of them. This is a reasonable compromise.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Elder Emo here with an idea for compromise! I used to love my emo band posters, until…I didn’t.
But the memories!! So here’s what I did: I uploaded pics of all the ones I had and made a collage. It made a nice picture for me to frame and hang up and it took up minimal space. The frame is beautiful, and everyone’s all happy and emo together!
It’s like a fun little touch of who I used to be, carried into who I am now with a little twist. Some of the posters are bigger than others (PTV and Of Mice & Men are my faves) and it was a really fun way to get creative!
I hope you can work something out OP!” Kawaii_Shinobi
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She is entitled to like what she likes so ignore all the naysayers who put an “age” on something like posters. If you wanna deck your home in bland “adult” prints from Ikea and Homegoods, go for it, but get off this poor girl’s back for liking what you don’t like.
Some people think your faux country chic and “live laugh love” aesthetic is cringe af too. I have a neighbor who painted his garage in the colors of his favorite football team with a painted logo and everything, something a good chunk of the people in this thread would say looks like a preteen boy’s bedroom.
But if that makes a grown man in his 40s with his own mortgage and taxes happy, and his partner was fine with it, I say ignore the haters and rock on. Lots of people here insulting the SO’s maturity with no context except the poster thing.
That said, her real issue is not respecting a shared space–she should discuss with you first anything that goes up in a space you haven’t designated to be solely hers. Talk to her, see if many of the options offered in the thread can be realized so you can both enjoy the space.
Only if she refuses to share the space does she become the jerk. Then some serious reflection on how all future decision-making may go should be examined. Good luck, OP.” DVancomycin
11. AITJ For Not Discussing A Family Trip With My Partner Before Booking?
“I am divorced and have children from that marriage. I have been with my partner for several years and we live together and went on a trip last year so he could meet my family who lives very far away.
I booked a trip last week to visit my sister and niece who will be turning a year old while we are there.
I only got tickets for myself and my kids and I got a super good price so I was very excited. I let my partner know after everything was booked and he got upset that I had booked the tickets without telling him (I think it was because I didn’t invite him).
We will be staying with my sister in her very small apartment with very limited sleeping spots.
For the trip last year, my partner dragged his feet about getting his passport, getting the time off of work, and sitting with me so we could buy the plane tickets.
He also hates flying and was very uncomfortable and said he wanted to book better seats (more expensive) for future trips. I really didn’t think he would want to go this year, so I didn’t even think about discussing it with him since the plans really wouldn’t affect him.
AITJ for not discussing the trip with him before I booked it?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand why he’s upset. You’ve been together for multiple years and you didn’t even give him a head’s up that you’re booking an out-of-town trip until after you did it?
Really? Suppose he came to you and said he was going on vacation, had already booked it, and you’re not invited. How would you feel? It’s not beyond reason to say (in advance) “hey, I’m thinking of doing …” YTJ. A minor one because your multiple reasons are legit ones.
But still – a heads up would be nice instead of a non-invitation FYI.” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – maybe you two need to discuss expectations more, but you two live together. It would be a good courtesy, and also to check if there is anything conflicting, to talk to him about the trip first. It’s not about if he goes, but that he’s aware before you solidify plans.” ExpressingThoughts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I really didn’t think he would want to go this year, so I didn’t even think about discussing it with him since the plans really wouldn’t affect him.” You’ve been together for several years and live together, how could the plans possibly not affect him?
You didn’t even think about discussing it with him? That is unfathomable to me. If I was him that would be the part that would hurt me the most.” jonjohn23456
10. AITJ For Questioning My Husband About Cross Contamination In Front Of A Customer?
“My husband runs a food truck with his mom in the summer and maintains a daily full-time job, I work full-time in mental health. We often bicker about everything from who forgot to fill the water pitcher last to whether our mothers are disrespectful to each other.
We have a pattern of questioning each other on stuff we know the other knows more about. Further context, I don’t work on his truck, but I do maintain the paperwork side of it (accounting, licensing, food safety certifications, etc).
The situation: I brought our toddler up to the truck today to see Daddy and Grandma, otherwise he doesn’t get to see them as much in the summer.
A customer asked what they had that was gluten-free, and he said they have corn chips for the nachos and corn tortillas. We marinate all our meat by hand and buy fresh veggies and queso for toppings, but we do toast the corn tortillas and the flour tortillas on the same pan for the tacos.
So I asked, “but what about cross-contamination?” in front of the customer. He kind of snapped at me and said, “it’s fine, it’s not a problem.” The customer didn’t get anything and he lectured me that I don’t work on the truck, no one’s ever complained, and that he knows what he’s doing.
I think I’m trying to make sure we don’t accidentally make anyone sick and/or get a lawsuit. I know for things like tree nut allergies, even being in the same airspace as a peanut can be deadly for some people, celiac people out there, can it be the same?
I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – yes, you asked in front of the customer, but that’s a GOOD thing. If he can’t answer the question to the customer’s satisfaction, that’s a thing the customer deserves to know. And “it’s fine, it’s not a problem” was not a good enough answer so he lost out on a sale.
As he should have, because if he’s cooking corn & flour tortillas on the same pan, there IS cross-contamination. (If you have pork products, I’d also look into whether he uses the same pan for them & non-pork products because there are several groups of people who don’t eat those either, and for whom cross-contamination would be a huge problem.) The fact is, just because your husband doesn’t know of any problems caused by his food doesn’t mean that absolutely no one has ever had a problem.
Food sickness can occur immediately, but it can also occur hours or even days later. As someone who handles the books/accounting/paperwork side, everything that goes on in that truck is absolutely your business. And to your husband’s point that “no one’s ever complained”?
Statistically, roughly 7 out of 10 people do not directly complain, they simply never go back to that place of business. You did the right thing, and your husband absolutely needs to make some changes to his food preparation, or else simply state that he does not have anything gluten-free on his menu.” yalldointoomuch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cross-contamination is a real concern for gluten. Had I eaten this, I would have ended up very ill afterward, even with just a small amount of cross-contamination. Restaurant staff and owners like this are why I didn’t trust going out to eat at restaurants anymore.
You may have saved this stranger from a miserable couple of days.” lily_lies
Another User Comments:
“I was going to go for E S H because you did this in front of the customer, then I realized that you had to. This was the only way to protect this customer from cross-contamination.
NTJ for preventing a cross-contamination problem. Make sure he looks this up for himself so that he doesn’t repeat the behavior. His excuse was the same as management’s about the Space Shuttle launch disaster. “Nothing bad has happened, yet.”” extinct_diplodocus
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Mother-In-Law For Cutting My Son's Hair Without Our Permission?
“My wife and I (33 YO Indian couple) have a 4-year-old son.
My son has beautiful long hair so he often gets mistaken for a girl, but he loves his hair and so do we. To celebrate my wife’s birthday, we flew to Melbourne from Sydney and booked a 3-bedroom Airbnb as my in-laws were going to join us.
Due to some complication with their travel, my in-laws could not travel on the intended date so my wife, son, and I went on ahead. My in-laws arrived a day later and I picked them up from the airport. One of the comments from my mum-in-law was that my son’s fringe is too long and covers his eyes so it needs to be cut.
Both my wife and I said that we love the way he looks but we were considering a proper haircut soon.
We were all excited as the next day was my wife’s birthday and we had booked a guided tour of the city with a photographer.
It all went as planned and we returned home around 3 pm. I was exhausted as I’ve been carrying around the heavy bags throughout as my in-laws are 55+ and just came off an 11-hour plane ride yesterday.
Around 4 pm my wife wanted to visit a beach about 10 mins from the Airbnb.
As it was my wife’s birthday and I didn’t want to let her down, I downed half a glass of wine and went with her. Our son stayed back with his grandparents as it would be his sleeping time soon.
My wife and I had some much-needed alone time and things seemed great.
We picked up some snacks and pastries on the way home as we skipped cake for this birthday. But little did I know how things were going to turn out when we returned to the Airbnb.
Everything was fine till about 5 mins when I noticed that half of my son’s bangs were gone.
This was something I kept warning my mother-in-law the whole day not to do and the moment we were away for an hour she did it. I went off, I dunno if it was the wine or the exhaustion but I couldn’t hold my emotions back.
Yelled that it was a massive breach of trust literally within 24 hours of entering the country. My wife was upset as well but she never holds her mom accountable so I feel I had to as a line was crossed.
Intentions aside, I know it’s hair and it will grow back but my trust was gone.
My mother-in-law started crying and my wife helped calm the air. My wife was neutral and explained to me that I should have been more careful with my words as per our culture we always show respect to our elderly.
Later, I apologized to everyone for making a scene and things looked good.
The next morning, however, my wife blamed me for ruining her birthday, disrespecting her mother, and causing a scene. I dunno what I should do as I feel with all my heart that what my mother-in-law did was crossing a line and if anything me reacting this way would make her think twice about going behind our backs again.
So I humbly ask you am I the jerk and if so, any advice to remedy the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am of Indian origin, and I have to say your MIL messed up big time. Your MIL completely crossed the line by cutting your son’s bangs without obtaining consent from you or your wife.
Yes, Indian culture does promote the importance of respect to elders like many older and ancient cultures, but what people fail to understand is that RESPECT GOES IN BOTH DIRECTIONS. When your in-laws are gone, you need to sit your wife down and talk to her clearly about boundaries.
The only person to be blamed for ruining her birthday is your MIL, no one else. Your wife better get on your side at some point, because if your MIL does this now, imagine what she will do behind your back when your son gets older.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“You should hold your ground on this. Don’t apologize again. This will blow over eventually but hopefully, this will deter further bad behavior. Talk to your wife and placate her privately if you feel the need to but this will serve as a warning to your in-laws.
Don’t kiss up immediately, let them know you are upset, and then after a while let it go. This way, it will be a firm reminder for them in the future. Remember, in all patriarchal cultures, you are the man and still the head. Mother-in-law will be angry but will still defer to you eventually lol.
Signed African woman with same cultural values.” ineedpassiveincome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should consider what other ways you could have reacted. We always have options. For example, instead of yelling straight away (and probably scaring your son) you could have…asked MIL and FIL to step outside a moment with you, and then said calmly the same things you yelled, told your son how great he looked and then said firmly to MIL and FIL that you’d talk about this later, then after your wife’s birthday was done, calmly tell them how unacceptable their choices were, and ask them what they are willing to do to convince you that they won’t overstep like this ever again.
Because otherwise, you will not ever invite them on holiday again. Your choices weren’t between accepting their overstep without question and yelling. I know you were tired and shocked. Sometimes, in challenging situations, it’s worth stepping outside or going to the toilet or something like that to give ourselves a chance to calm down enough to approach a situation more carefully.” Equivalent-Board206
8. AITJ For Expecting My Mom To Support My Son's Potty Training While I'm At Work?
“My kids and I are staying with my mom temporarily, I have a 4-year-old son who showed very little interest in using the bathroom other than in a pull-up.
He starts kindergarten next year and won’t be able to attend unless he is fully potty trained, which is understandable. So I made the decision to not put a pull-up on him during the day, and only use one at night which also means I’m no longer buying the boxes just small packs, which is a savings.
When I told my mom my plan she did not object to it but just said ok. She does watch him while I work but anytime she takes him out she puts a pull-up on him instead of him telling her he has to go to the bathroom.
When I take him out I do not put one on him and he does just fine without. I do know this is not her responsibility to potty train him but it has gotten to the point where he screams for a pull-up. Quite frankly I am tired of buying them as they are extremely expensive, even the cheapest ones I can find.
So to specify some things, I did not just start potty training him I introduced him to the potty at 1, I bought him his own potty to get him used to sitting on it. At 2 was when I started to potty train full time with him wearing pull-ups a timer set for every 30 mins and I would have him sit on it, and he hated it, would sit there crying and screaming only actually going in it a few times.
So yes I did back off a little bit I didn’t want to traumatize him.
While I don’t pay her directly for babysitting I do pay for the groceries, do the grocery shopping, put gas in her car, and pay whatever bills she wants me to pay for that month, I also do all the cleaning.
Yes I know I should be paying some bills since my kids and I do live there I do not have a problem with that.
I do have other kids but they are not younger they are older, he is the youngest. I did not have any problems with them potty training so this is a first for me.
Their father and I are not together, he is not able to watch him while I work, for various reasons.
I have tried to find other childcare, there is a wait list and he is on several of them. I did not just expect my mom to watch him just because I am staying there.”
Another User Comments:
“So, my niece was a bit slower to potty train. Pull-ups were a tool we used for going out because some places didn’t have a public bathroom to use and it was a hassle to lug the full gauntlet of clothes and such for a quick shopping trip.
But we also encouraged her to think of the pull-up as undergarments. That she still needed to use the potty. And that worked. If your son is demanding you put a pull-up on him, that’s him being lazy. And that’s normal. Fun times aren’t interrupted when he can just go in his pants.
Could you perhaps ask your mom to still encourage him to go potty? Yes! Become a team. Nothing can come of you trying to foist blame on her.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Potty training is different with every kid. Consistency is the key.
So if she’s ruining your consistency it’s going to ruin potty training. And everyone saying 4 is too late… some kids just aren’t interested. (Maybe the kid is neurodivergent! Because the kid isn’t interested in the potty because pull-ups are being offered??) Anyways, best of luck.” sayitaintsooooo
7. AITJ For Not Reimbursing My Nana For My Mum's Funeral Costs?
“I (f19) lost my mum to a heart attack in June last year. Her funeral was mostly organized by my mum’s parents, my nana in particular. She offered to pay for everything as she just wanted us kids to have our final goodbye to Mum to be easier, which I was more than appreciative of as I don’t really know her as well as my other grandparents.
(For context my siblings and I grew up in another country and we never really heard from her while we lived there until we moved back 6 years later, even when we moved back we didn’t hear much from her.)
It’s now been months since the funeral and Mum didn’t leave a will so my nana and I have had to hire a lawyer to get Mum’s estate sorted out.
(She hired the lawyer and said she’ll pay for fees for this too) When I got the paperwork to sign from my lawyer to release the money from Mum’s account into the estate, she called me. My nana called me asking if we could reimburse her for what she paid for having my mum’s funeral at the family hall ($1700) as she was having money issues.
I wanted to give her the money but the money isn’t just mine but also my two younger brothers’ as well (15&17), so I wasn’t gonna make the decision without their input. My brothers and I decided to put it to a vote and they both decided not to reimburse her (which I respect given our past relationship with her).
Despite my explaining why I felt we should reimburse her, I couldn’t change their minds. I still feel like a jerk for this but at the same time, my brothers keep giving me reasons why I shouldn’t feel bad over it. Am I the jerk though?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I don’t know the laws where you live, but in the US, the burial costs are paid or reimbursed by the estate. Your mum was your grandmother’s daughter. Of course, she wanted to see to her burial or cremation. You’re young and don’t understand that her estate pays for her burial and debts before paying her beneficiaries.
I’m very sorry for your loss.” MarthaT001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The funeral is a bill you would normally be required to bear. $1700 is a cheap funeral. Usually, costs and bills are paid before the estate is distributed so your nana is in line before you.
I’m sorry for your loss, but yeah, your nana deserves to be reimbursed now you have the ability to do so.” farmerkaren81
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But the law provides in many/most places for the funeral costs and anything else owing (such as loans) to be settled by the estate, from the assets held by your mother in this case.
The money that is willed to you and your siblings is supposed to be what’s left over from that. It is a difficult time for sure and I don’t think any of you are jerks.” pukui7
6. AITJ For Wanting A Fair Share From Selling The Renovated Property?
“My (28) husband (31) and I back in 2019 after graduating made a deal with his mother that we would live in their small cottage house that they have not used or finished renovations for 15 years.
We agreed to live there for 3-5 years, finish the renovations (there were no floors, just unfinished drywall) so it is liveable and nice and then sell the house and split the money evenly. At the same time, there was an opportunity to buy next-door property (just land) and we did.
We made both properties as one. We invested a LOT of our money as well as a lot of hard work as we thought that would pay back when we sold both properties as one. In fact, we made it so nice that multiple magazines recognized our garden as inspiring and beautiful!
Now is the time for selling the property and my mother-in-law showed her true self. She claims that we should get only 5% of the property value (before us her property was worth maybe 25-30% of today’s selling price) and money for our part of the property that we bought ourselves (that’s around 15%), so all together around 20% of the entire property value.
She now says that we did not pay any rent all these years and we should be grateful for letting us live there. If we had to pay rent, we would not have gone there and put in so much work. We raised the property value by 60-70% up!
I think that it would be fair to receive at least 50% of the selling price. She completely ignores the deal we made 5 years back.
This is not the first time she has been unethical (she steals from her work, as a nurse she speaks badly about cancer patients, ignores boundaries, etc).
As her opinion is set in stone and we cannot do much, I offered my husband to sell our property separately (and that would reduce the price of hers) and to take out all that we invested in the house – remove all the floors, kitchen cabinets, etc so she has to make it from scratch again.
To be honest, I even want to graffiti some sweet words on the walls, but that may be too far.
This money was very important to us, as we have bought a new property and we would like to build a bigger house to start a family in.
We cannot do it without it and MIL knows it! So am I the jerk for wanting more from this deal as she now offers? Our friends agree with us (as they have seen the property before us) but MIL and her mother and friends agree with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an oral contract, she welched on it. Talk to a lawyer and see what can be done. I know it’s tempting to be petty (she deserves it) but do NOT destroy the renovation work, sell any land, or be anything but polite to her.
You don’t want to give her any cause to say that the contract you all had is void. Also, since you’ve lived there for years and maintained the property, there is a good chance you have some kind of tenant protections/rights over the back house at least. Every communication you have with her from now on should be in writing.
You may be able to get her to acknowledge that there was an agreement-an email or text record of that would go a long way. But again, talk to a lawyer before enacting any plan.” p************d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But lawyer up. NOW.
You need to find out, among other things, whether your tacit agreement from five years ago is enforceable in any way, shape, or form. You also need to learn EXACTLY what aspects of this situation give you leverage over MIL (and what aspects give you leverage over her).
Only a good lawyer will be able to answer these questions for you and give you good advice on how to proceed.” EnderBurger
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You do for not getting the original agreement in writing before pouring a bunch of your own money into the place.
She does for going back on the agreement. You need to talk to a lawyer. If there is any evidence of all of the original agreement then the lawyer will have a good chance at making it stick. If not then he can tell you exactly what you can legally get away with when it comes to separating the land you bought and removing your add-ons to the house, though I doubt the latter can be done legally.” JJQuantum
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split Costs On Birthday Gifts For My Son With My Ex?
“I am a 52m recently separated from my ex (49f) of 18 yrs.
We share custody (week on, week off) with our 2 children, a 13-year-old daughter and a soon-to-be 15-year-old son.
The relationship ended mostly amicably, no one was unfaithful to each other, as far as I know. Just drifted apart, ‘friend-zoned’. When we split we agreed that I would stay in our old 4-bedroom family home for a few more years, while our kids were still at high school (we lived right next door to my son’s high school).
I would continue to pay down our mortgage (on my own) and also pay for any additional renovations (on my own) that we still have left to complete, since buying the place 4 years ago. When the time comes to sell she will get her 50%.
She agreed to move out into her own 3-bedroom rental out by the beach.
I am paying her child support, as she only earns about 1/3 of what I do in her part-time (30 hours/week) job. The rest of her income comes from Govt social support. We have a joint bank account where we both put money into to cover the kids’ general needs.
This week is my son’s 15th birthday, he’s big into gaming, basketball, and fishing. When he moves between our two places he brings his Xbox with him. I have paid for two computer monitors, one at each property, just so he can do this easily and be happy.
He has a homemade basketball hoop (that he helped me build & paint for him when he was a young 10-year-old lad) mounted on the outside of my house for him to practice, whenever he stays with me.
My ex emailed me to ask me what I think ‘we’ should get him for his birthday, i.e. share costs for.
She listed two things, firstly a free-standing basketball hoop, and a gaming chair (all up to around $1000 total), both to be used only at her place, for his enjoyment there.
I’ve refused to help her buy these particular options, I’d prefer it if we spent our money on something that he’ll enjoy getting the benefits from wherever he may be.
Like new clothes, a new device, a new bike, fishing gear, etc, or a shared family experience with both of us present. I thought that was reasonable.
My ex-wife thinks I’m being a jerk with this stance, for not agreeing to pay anything for these particular presents, to help furnish her house or his bedroom there.
She’s suggesting that it’s not fair that he can play basketball at my place and not hers, or that he feels more comfortable playing video games at my place, and not hers. She’s now accusing me of starting to play some kind of petty ‘tit-for-tat’ game with her, by ‘not fairly contributing enough towards my son’s happiness on his birthday’.
My fear is that I am indeed being unnecessarily picky with this battle, being too selfish, and denying her the right to be able to make her home as happy or as comfortable as mine, for my son to live in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first up he’s 15 – you don’t need “we” presents. Secondly, it’s convenient that she wants you to pay for something he already has at your house to be installed at her home and a second gift for her space. One of the things I learned is that the kids will not remember or care who paid for what but they will remember which parent they had experiences with and which parent made their home a comforting place for them.
Don’t invest in your ex’s space (unless you think it really serves your son over something you can do with him or he can have at your home). As long as you are fairly paying child support it’s on her to provide as well. You have no duty to make anything equal. That being said buy your son something you think he will truly enjoy.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really hoping this is fiction. Someone who gets government assistance shouldn’t be living “by the beach” and planning to spend “$1000” (or half of that) for a 15-year-old’s birthday. Stop putting money into a joint account and instead, write her a personal check or make an account transfer each month….
Something where you have proof of your payments for future child support purposes. And don’t keep home ownership with an ex. Divorce Court is your opportunity to sever your legal financial relationship with each other. It’s easier and cleaner if you use that opportunity and take care of things now.
Hire a good Divorce Attorney and follow their advice. Because you’re setting yourself up to possibly lose tens or maybe even hundreds of thousands of dollars with your plan.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhh… YTJ, but only because you’re not thinking of it in terms of what would make your son happy.
He likes to play basketball. If he can only play basketball at your house, that’s a whole week at a time when he can’t enjoy a physical activity when he’s at his mom’s. Expensive gaming chairs are ridiculous purchases. You can play a video game sitting pretty much anywhere.
And if you’re sitting there so long that your body starts to ache, it’s time to put down the controller and do something else anyway. Like, play basketball. IMO, you should get the hoop but not the chair. Look at it like a compromise.” BookNerd815
4. AITJ For Wanting To Buy A Manual Car My Pregnant Wife Can't Drive?
“I need to buy a new car, and I would love to have a manual transmission.
It’s my one non-negotiable. I grew up driving manual, and I miss it deeply. All of my cars have been inherited, so I’ve never had a say in my car’s features/specs. This will be the first car I’ve purchased for myself.
Finally, I’m a “car guy.” I enjoy driving, and I’ve always wanted a sporty car, but also have it fit my needs.
My wife is 7 months pregnant and bought herself a new mid-size SUV last year (with her own money). She views cars as a way of getting from A to B, with practicality and comfort.
Note: we have to park our cars back-to-front in our gravel driveway, with one car being in the garage. I will widen the driveway, which I can do on a weekend, so we can park our cars side-by-side.
We have mostly separate finances but have a joint CC and checking account, which we both contribute to monthly.
The rest is our personal money that we keep in personal bank accounts (including separate savings and separate investments).
I’m paying the down payment and monthly payments on the new car. So I feel the decision is mine, but happy to listen to my wife’s thoughts (reciprocation from her car purchase).
When I started the car buying process, I went with sport compacts (which are in my budget). Based on our prior discussions, the car has to be a daily commuter for me, allowing me to take the kid(s) to/from daycare, and quick local trips.
My wife thinks these cars are too small and cannot fit our needs with a baby and a potential second child. She says there’s not enough space for kids’ stuff (there is) and the backseats won’t fit two backward-facing car seats (they will).
I’ve tried to show her my research, but she refused to watch the videos or read the articles I’ve bookmarked.
Her main sticking point is she won’t be able to drive it because it’s a manual. She’s concerned she won’t be able to drive it when she’ll need to (in an emergency).
I told her I’m happy to teach her manual, but at first she flat-out refused to learn. Now she says she’ll learn, but gives an excuse of how we’ll be too busy. I said if it’s that important she drive the car, her mom can stay for a weekend to watch the baby and we can take a day for her to learn.
Again, she said we won’t have time.
Every time we discuss it, she accuses me of ignoring our family and that she needs to be able to drive the car. I say she’s creating a false dichotomy, and the car I want can fit our needs.
I also argue that her car can be the big family car for trips or hauling, and my car can be for easy parking during city trips or sports events. Note: I don’t drink, so I will always be able to drive.
We’ve had many arguments over this.
The most recent resulted in her giving me the cold shoulder for 2 days. I am at my wit’s end and ready to buy without her blessing.
WIBTJ if I ignored my wife’s objections and got the car I wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“I sooo understand, but I’ve got to go with YTJ if it’s your family’s second car.
Things are not purchased for you or your wife anymore, the overall family dynamic has to be the primary consideration. Even if you take a day and teach her how to drive stick, she’s not going to get enough day-to-day practice to be really comfortable with it.
If there is a car or a medical emergency where she has to drive it, it will only add to an otherwise stressful situation. But consider this: Get a lower-priced, family-friendly compact car with four doors and automatic transmission, then use the remainder to buy a third car that’s just your hobby car–probably an older car or a fixer.
If you widen the driveway as you propose, you will have room for three cars. And if your wife complains that this is not a family-friendly decision, you can point out that a family with three cars never has to worry about what the kids will drive when they’re older.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. She chose her car with the family in mind, not herself. And it will be used as such. It’s not equitable for her money to be used for the “family” car and for you to have “your” car. I appreciate your attempt to find a sporty car that can carry a couple of kids.
But you would only be NTJ in this scenario if you could confidently promise that you will never get nervous or upset whenever she stalls the car, grinds the gears, shifts at different times than you would choose to shift, or otherwise drives it differently than you would.
I’ve never met a car guy who could make a promise like that. If you’re like most car guys, this vehicle will always be your toy first and your family’s car second. That’s not fair. And it’s a recipe for ongoing stress at a time when your family is already on the verge of other major life changes.
I see three solutions to make this situation more equitable. 1. Buy a family car. 2. Buy both a personal car and a family car. 3. Buy a personal car and buy half of her family car. All of these approaches will ensure that the two of you contribute equally to assets intended for family use.
It will also ensure that no one but you will ever need to use your personal asset.” cpagali
Another User Comments:
“Gonna have to say YTJ. If this is the second car for the family and your wife can’t drive it, that sucks. My husband also has a manual but it’s our 3rd vehicle so we each have one car that is usable for both people.
What if her car is in the shop and she has to take the baby to the hospital? I definitely get wanting your own car to be a manual but it kinda blows she can’t drive it. And now probably isn’t the time to learn.
I’m 8 months pregnant and can barely fit behind the wheel of the truck and I don’t really feel like learning how to drive it. But that’s just me.” VividCheesecake69
3. AITJ For Refusing To Split The Bill For Booze I Didn't Drink At A Bachelorette Party?
“We had a bachelorette in Vegas last weekend and hit up a steakhouse and drinks at the club. The shows we visited were all on our own cards and so was the steakhouse but my friend put her card down for buying drinks and appetizers at the club.
I don’t drink, I haven’t drank since college (I’m 32 now) and all my friends know this.
I had a custom mocktail which cost $20-25 and a sparkling water. We agreed beforehand to split the bill but I took that to mean food (we had appetizers) and not that I would be required to pay for drinks.
The other girls did order 2 champagne bottles along with cocktails.
Then we got back home and I got a Venmo request for $470 which I was shocked by. I called my friend to ask what the breakdown was and they said it was split. I said it was quite a bit as I remembered we ordered 4 appetizers that were $30-40 each so my share of that shouldn’t be that high.
She got annoyed and told me we agreed to split the bill and I said I did but only for the appetizer. She said she didn’t take photos of the bill and now has no idea what anyone ordered so I should agree to pay my share.
I said I didn’t drink so the only thing that’s my share is the mocktail. She said everyone was pretty wasted so it was hard to determine who drank what and since I didn’t keep track I should just pay for it.
By my calculations I owe about $60-70 but since I didn’t keep the receipts she is insisting I pay the whole $470.
I’m very unhappy with the situation and told another friend about this. She acknowledged I owe way less than what I’m being told to pay but said out of the girls I clearly had the best job and 2 of the friends were living with their parents and working nearing min wage so I should just pay and call it even.
I’m feeling like I got fleeced because my flights and hotels weren’t even as expensive as this one night out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a non-drinker outside of the occasional glass of wine, I firmly believe bar tabs should be separate from food.
If people want to get their drink on, it’s fine and dandy, it’s unreasonable to expect non-drinkers to foot the bill and subsidize their bill. If it was a bachelorette you may consider chipping in a bit to cover the bride but not $470. Oh heck, no!” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Splitting works if everyone shares everything including booze or everyone drinks equally. In your specific trip, you were literally subsidizing other people by being asked to pay equally. Also, I don’t care that two live at home with their parents. If they can’t afford to pay, they shouldn’t have ordered beyond their means.
Here’s the issue: if you don’t pay, you might be uninvited to the wedding or you might end up being made to feel very uncomfortable, even ostracized, at the wedding. So if you’re ok knowing that either of those possibilities will likely come to fruition, you do you.
I personally would not pay. I also would not care if this ruined friendships. Because only a bunch of jerks would ever dream of making someone help pay for their drinks. A few cocktails is one thing but bottles of champagne territory suggests they were taking advantage at that point.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“For the fact that this was a bachelorette party and in VEGAS – I think you needed to be a LOT more clear and upfront at the start over what you were willing to pay for. Vegas is going to be expensive, and bachelorette parties often split at least the bride’s portion.
So even if YOU don’t drink, I do think you need to be willing to help cover the bride’s portion. I do think it’s fair to ask that you not be expected to split the entire tab, but I would cover a split of the food, the bride’s drinks, and of course your mocktail.
But really – NONE of this should be surprising and you should have made more of an attempt upfront. Everyone sucks here.” Goalie_LAX_21093
2. AITJ For Being Rude To My Husband's Little Sister?
“So for context, I am 21 and my husband is 23. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and expecting our second child. My husband and his sister have an 11-year age gap.
Today my husband invited his mom and sister over to spend time with our 2 YO daughter. Before they got there I was making lunch. My husband and I love bean and cheese burritos so that’s what I was making.
The first thing his sister did when she came in was complain about the house smelling like beans.
I didn’t say anything and was just eating my food. She started fake gagging every time I ate and it was making me nauseous to where I couldn’t finish my food.
I asked her to please not go into any of the rooms as I hadn’t had a chance to clean them as we are in the process of moving and they are a mess.
She goes to the bathroom and comes back. She asked where my daughter’s toys were and I told her they were in her room and I would bring some out so there wasn’t too much out there that would need to be picked up later.
I went and grabbed 3 toys my daughter loves to play with and set them down. She complained that I didn’t bring enough toys out but didn’t say a word after that.
At some point, she went into my daughter’s room and brought her small toddler chair out saying she needed a seat to sit on because we were all taking up the chairs.
I told her I asked her not to go into my daughter’s room and we had extra chairs outside I could have brought in. She proceeded to give me a dirty look and say those are dirty. (Mind you I had moved them outside the night before so I could mop) I didn’t say anything and just asked her not to go into the rooms again.
She then asked my 2 YO if she wanted some candy and I told her no she can’t have candy she has to go to bed at 7 it was 6 pm at the time. My daughter started crying because she wanted the candy and I was already beyond done.
My husband, MIL, and I were talking and we were talking about the new house we are moving into, and my SIL butted in and said “well it’s a good thing you’re moving, your house is disgusting.” Mind you I spent the entire day prior cleaning up and the mess she was talking about was a couple of trash bags of old items we were throwing out because we weren’t taking them with us.
I can’t lift a lot due to my pregnancy and it was 11 at night when I was done cleaning stuff out.
I finally snapped at her and told her “thank you (SIL’s name) I obviously didn’t notice my house is a mess right now.” Everything was quiet after that and my MIL and SIL left shortly after.
This caused my husband and I to fight because he should have said something to his sister and told her to stop. Their mom doesn’t discipline his sister and lets her get away with a lot. I called her a spoiled brat and said his mom needed to fix how she acts or she’s going to grow up entitled and no one will want to be around her.
He defended saying she’s a teenager and was just joking around and I took it too far. So AITJ for snapping at her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was provoking you. Your husband should have said something. You are pregnant, have a toddler, and are trying to pack for a move.
You must be incredibly exhausted. You have a husband problem. If he won’t speak up for you, go ahead and say what you want. That child is incredibly rude and should have been corrected by either her mother or brother.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you could have handled the situation better.
You probably knew that MIL and husband would get protective over SIL. Instead of snapping at her and making yourself look bad (in their eyes), you need to be speaking up sooner and kicking them out before you reach the point of snapping. It’s perfectly okay to say “I’m pregnant, my child is crying, and you are being rude I would appreciate it if you left now”.
You know your husband is a turd and won’t defend you so you need to protect your own peace. Tell hubby that SIL isn’t allowed in your home or cut hangouts short when she starts acting out. He can get upset about it, who cares?
If she isn’t respectful, she and MIL aren’t allowed around. He will have to stand up for you if he wants them around you. Right now he doesn’t have to stand up for you. There are no consequences for him. He needs consequences for his lack of support for you.” holliday_doc_1995
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she is literally 12. She’s not even a teenager. She’s gonna be annoying and she probably is spoiled and it’s not your job to parent her as she isn’t your child. You have a problem with her? Bring it up with her mother.
You need to talk to her about something? Be an adult and do it without taking your anger out on her. Your husband probably doesn’t appreciate you trash-talking his sister. If you have a huge problem with her in general, just let your husband know that you don’t appreciate her current attitude and therefore don’t want to spend as much time with her until she’s grown up more.” Lianarias
1. AITJ For Walking In The Dark Without A Light And Scaring My Neighbor?
“I live in a very remote, mountainous region on a dark country road where there are no street lights. At nighttime, it is very black as the road is forested. The road is also private. I like to walk around at nighttime and do not use a flashlight when passing by neighbors’ houses.
There is no one around, so I don’t think it’s a big deal.
While I was heading back to my house at around 10 pm, I saw a neighbor (who I don’t know personally) walking to the end of the driveway who appeared to be bringing out a can.
I moved quickly toward her direction because I must pass her house at night to get back to my own, and I shuffled my feet to let her know I was there. She eventually heard me in the dark, got scared, and ran back to her house.
Her family was unloading their vehicle, and I heard her say to her family member that there was some weird guy on the road. She said this loudly so I could hear. I thought this was rude (because she obviously knows I’m a neighbor since this is a small community), so I started to flash my light at the end of the driveway and yelled out at her if she needed my assistance.
I didn’t leave until she finally came back to the road and told me no she didn’t need my help, to leave her alone, and I should use a light and not sneak up on people at night because that’s weird. She also said to her family member as she walked away that I was a prowler.
She’s entitled to be scared but to say someone is a prowler when you know it’s probably a neighbor is rude and obnoxious.
I yelled at her that my eyes are adjusted to the dark and that she should be nicer to her neighbor. This is not a high-crime area.
So, AITJ for walking in the dark and not using a light and scaring a neighbor?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for walking in the dark without a light, but for every other decision you made here. You moved rapidly toward her and shuffled your feet so she would know you were there?
Why?! Say hello and announce who you are, from a distance! “Hi it’s your neighbor so-and-so, just on my evening walk. I didn’t want to startle you!” You flashed your light and asked if she needed help when she clearly was already frightened and clearly didn’t need help?
Why?! Again, this would have been a good time to announce yourself! “Sorry I startled you, it’s so-and-so from up the street, just out for a walk! Have a nice evening!” Then at the end you argue when, again, you should be apologizing for startling her.
You should go apologize during the day.” interlnk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As you can walk in the dark if you want, you make it sound like you rushed to her side of the street because “You must pass her at night to get back to my house”.
What?? That makes no sense, you could have easily stayed on the other side of the road until you passed. Then you doubled down and scared her further by standing at the bottom of the driveway. Why? All you had to do was call out immediately when you saw she was scared and told her it was you.
I assume you two do know each other at least somewhat, the way most neighbors do.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There was no need to purposely act so creepy. If you didn’t have bad intentions, you could have just greeted her when you noticed the presence of a neighbor, as one normally would do.
Why did you decide to quickly walk in her direction without making yourself known? Does it give you pleasure to scare women in the dark or were you actually being a creep?” Evening_Mulberry_566
