People Need Our Help In Dissecting Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Dad I'm Not His Replacement Wife After Mom's Death?
“My (F16) mom passed away recently. My brother (M14) and dad are so devastated by this tragic loss and we are struggling.
I’ve basically found myself handling all chores and work around the house – my brother is too traumatized he hasn’t been talking since the funeral and my dad hasn’t been lifting a finger or done a single thing.
He started making requests from cleaning the messy living room (he sleeps on the couch) to picking up dirty laundry to doing dishes, cooking or ordering food, walking the dogs, vacuuming, doing repairs, mowing the lawn, washing the car since my brother stopped doing it.
I’m too exhausted oftentimes. Mom used to do the chores and I used to help but I have school and after-school commitments and my dad keeps negatively commenting on how I get things done and comparing me to mom like how much time I take to make breakfast etc.
Yesterday he woke me up at 6 am even though he told me to skip school and wanted me to make breakfast. I scrambled eggs and prepared other dishes then went to wake my brother up. I set the table and once dad sat down he looked at the scrambled eggs and went “what is this?
This is not the right way to make scrambled eggs. Your mother used to make perfect scrambled eggs. Did you not learn anything from her at all? How are we supposed to survive if you can’t even properly make scrambled eggs?” He looks at my brother and says “we’re doomed”.
I snap and loudly tell him I’m not his replacement wife to expect me to do this and that for him. He looks at me stunned and my brother rushes out immediately. Dad starts telling me how cruel and insensitive what I just said and how out of line I was.
I replied that I was too tired to make ‘the perfect scrambled eggs” my mom used to make and that maybe if he as a parent had tried to learn we wouldn’t be suffering right now. He gets up, throws the towel, and walks out.
My aunt came to visit and when I told her she went off saying I should have never said that to my grieving dad and that I should be ashamed of myself for talking to him like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s this thing called parentification.
Your tale is a textbook example. Your dad is an insensitive jerk and your family dynamics cannot be brushed aside with a “but they’re grieving” excuse. He lost his wife, yeah. Your brother lost his mom, yeah. But did you suddenly not lose your mom as well?
Or does that not count because you emerged into the world with two x chromosomes? Reset your boundaries with your family and do not allow them to overstep again or this will be the rest of your natural life.” WayiiTM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever.
There are only so many excuses that can be made for your dad’s grief. He’s gone far beyond any of that. Can give a pass for your brother, he’s just 14. But your dad? No. He has made zero allowances for your grief whatsoever. You don’t even bring your own grief and trauma up which shows just how much damage your father is doing here.
My heart can go all the way out to him but the way he is treating you is disgusting. You need some proper adult support right now. You’re not getting it from your father and you’re definitely not getting it from your aunt. Grief or not their behaviour is awful.
YOU need support. You’re being treated like a dogsbody and also given no emotional support at the same time. I don’t know how this stops, but it needs to.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ x 100. Your dad, brother, and aunt are ridiculous. All of you are grieving, but it is not up to you to take over and make the family run by doing all the work.
Your father needs to step up and parent. Talk to a counselor at school. Your father needs to be prevented from interfering in your schooling and other commitments so you can go on to live your life for yourself, not take care of them. I honestly can’t believe that your aunt took his side.
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this! So sorry for the loss of your mother. Are there any relatives, maybe on her side of the family, that you can go to?” ParsimoniousSalad
19. AITJ For Calling My Wife Jealous After She Insulted Our Friend?
“My wife (35F) and I (36M) are good friends with another couple, my best friend Matt (36M) and his fiance Rachel (24F).
Rachel models and is very attractive. My wife is less conventionally attractive but I fell in love with her for her humor and good spirit which I personally find more attractive than good looks. Recently I’ve noticed my wife making a lot of comments about Rachel calling her an airhead and just being kind of mean.
When my wife makes these comments in private I’m able to stand up for Rachel but when they’re made in public I obviously don’t want to embarrass my wife by calling her out.
My wife and I went on a trip away with Matt and Rachel last week which we had been planning for a while and really looking forward to.
At dinner one night my wife made a really mean comment after we started talking about the economy. She remarked don’t worry Rachel you can join in the conversation once the smart people are done. She was the only one who laughed. I was completely embarrassed and once we were alone I told my wife she had been really rude and I was ashamed of her.
I told her she needs to stop making nasty comments and she agreed.
However, the next night we all went out to a bar. Rachel was getting a lot of attention from guys there who were sending over drinks. My wife was looking visibly annoyed that she wasn’t receiving the same attention so I tried to lift her spirits by paying for all her drinks and making a fuss of her.
One guy came over and said that Rachel looked just like the model Zendaya. My wife let out a massive laugh and said did you mean to say Whoopi Goldberg. I turned to my wife and straight up said you really are so jealous, aren’t you?
She looked hurt but didn’t have time to respond as Rachel had left the table in tears.
I followed Matt and told Rachel directly that I was so sorry for my wife’s words and that I was ashamed of her behavior. When I reunited with my wife she told me I was horrible for calling her jealous in front of everyone and embarrassing her.
I told her straight up that she was jealous of Rachel as Rachel is more attractive than her. I realize in hindsight this was a very heavy thing to say and can see why she would be hurt by it. However, I stand by the fact it was said in anger.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Aside from the way you handled it at the end, she’s the jerk. Stop bringing her around when you hang out with Matt and Rachel. Don’t lie to her though, just don’t bring her anywhere they are going to be.
If she doesn’t like it then oh well, she doesn’t get to bully people and get rewarded.” GentlemanDeeds
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This is a case of play silly games, earn stupid prizes. Your wife’s insecurities about something none of us get to choose – how our genetic makeup causes us to look – made her lash out at an innocent woman.
Despite already having a husband, she is clearly jealous of the attention your friend’s fiance gets, so she makes disparaging remarks in order to make herself feel better for her perceived lack of attractiveness. Is she even aware of how tiring unwanted attention from men is?
How dangerous it can be? Especially for a woman who already has a partner! Does she read the papers filled with women who were murdered by men “infatuated by their looks” ones who decided that if they couldn’t have them, no one will, and realize being highly attractive to men is often a blight on a woman?
Of course not. All she sees is being pretty gets you attention, and wants to be entitled to the same. You stood by and let her repeatedly bully this woman in public because of her ridiculous jealousy instead of shutting her down immediately. I’m surprised this couple has even given you a second chance.
Your wife needs to get in therapy and sort her issues out. No one should suffer for her issues.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but your wife’s “humor” and “good spirit” are straight-up bitter and nasty. Women like your wife are why the whole “women always support each other” is a lie.
She is jealous, sad, and bitter and I doubt Rachel is the first person she has been nasty about. She is projecting her own insecurities onto other people and trying to tear them down. You called her out in private, which she took no notice of.
Good on you for calling her out in public. I hope you maintain your friendship with Matt & Rachel without her.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Move Their Car From My Assigned Parking Spot?
“I’m a bit of a worrier and overthinker and need to get a second opinion on this. Today was Christmas, so I visited home to spend the day with my family.
I left the house around 8:00 AM and got back a little before 7:00 PM. My apartment has assigned spots with numbers that are really visible. When I got back I noticed my neighbor was parked in my spot. I knew which apartment they lived in so I just pulled my car over to the side and knocked on their door.
I waited a couple of minutes for someone to answer the door, but no one did so I knocked again. It took a couple of tries but they did eventually open the door. I asked them the make and model of their car (just to make sure it was theirs and not someone with the same car) and asked if they could move their car.
I had never spoken to the guy who opened the door and had only met his partner before who was very nice to me.
He didn’t seem to believe that he was parked in the wrong spot and was kind of aggressive toward me.
The interaction was pretty uncomfortable, and I am not confrontational so I know I came off as pretty timid and anxious. He did agree to move his car, but when he did he drove pretty aggressively and slammed his car into the curb a couple of times.
I was able to park my car, and when I got out I could hear him swearing a lot as he went back into his apartment.
I didn’t think what I did was wrong, there were no other spots for me to park and it is my assigned spot, but I’m not sure now and am feeling pretty anxious about it.
Normally I would have called the leasing office to ask them to move their car, but being that it was Christmas the office was closed. I also talked to my mom and she thought that they might have been in the middle of some nighttime activities which was why they didn’t answer the door right away and he came off as very irritated. Another thing I thought of is they might have thought I was going to be gone for the whole weekend and could use my spot.
You’re not supposed to do that at my apartment, but I’ve seen other people do it. I read some other online posts and they said to leave a note, but I honestly didn’t even think of doing that since I knew whose car it was and I was pretty tired after a couple hours of driving and just wanted to park and go inside.
Am I the jerk and should I apologize? I’m feeling really stressed about this and would appreciate any feedback, thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not one bit. He’s 100% a jerk for parking in your assigned spot & for becoming aggressive about it.
His being aggressive, denying he could make a mistake, getting more aggressive and upset learning he did in fact make a mistake, and not being able to park his car… he was probably intoxicated with something. (not an excuse for what he did, just a possible reason)” AbbyBirb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! I’m glad he hit the curb a couple of times – I hope he did some damage to his car for being such a jerk when he was the one parked in YOUR space. You did nothing wrong. You shouldn’t have to hunt people down to move out of your assigned space.” lifetooshort4bs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is YOUR spot. The person is probably angry because he knew he messed up and was hoping that because you were gone all day you weren’t coming back. Still, that’s no excuse on his part. You could have had the car towed and not said a word about it.
Instead, I think you did the decent thing. Saved you from having to walk forever from a parking spot in Timbuktu and him towing fees.” HolyUnicornBatman
17. AITJ For Scaring My Snooping Neighbor With My Dog's Bark?
“I (37F) live alone in a pet-friendly, no breed restrictions, apartment building (renting) in a US city that has significant crime. Our building has 2 on the 1st floor, 2 on the 2nd floor, 1 on the 3rd. I live on the 3rd floor. I don’t share a landing with any of my neighbors and anyone coming up to the third floor is coming there for me.
We do not have a secured gate or a front door to the building.
I have a 40lb dog, not aggressive in the slightest, does not have leash aggression, does not resource guard. She does have ONE guarding tendency, and due to where I live alone, I fostered this: she will bark at the door when someone is outside.
She is part hunting hound so she has a very big, vocal howl-bark. I’ve always found this comforting because I will always know if someone is coming when I am not expecting anyone. Sometimes people will come up to lurk on my landing who have no business being there, and my dog will scare them away.
She also lets me know when deliveries have been dropped off.
A downstairs neighbor (45-50F) from the 1st floor has been up on my landing several times. She will sometimes bring up packages or mail if it’s left downstairs, which is nice, but I’ve seen her through the peephole lurking around without anything to leave for me.
One time she moved my doormat.
She has seen me walking my dog several times. Outside of my apartment, my dog is all wags. She’s asked several times where my “other aggressive” dog is. Because she’s been up to my landing and heard my dog’s big barks.
I have told her each time that I only have one dog and that she just sounds aggressive at the door. She hasn’t stopped asking about my other dog, though.
Last week my property manager emailed about “reports that I may have 2 dogs, which is fine, just to let them know because they want to know how many animals are in the building”.
I wonder how they got this report!
Today my neighbor was on my landing again! From my peephole, I saw her bending down in front of my door but couldn’t tell what she was doing. So I swung my door open, with my dog standing beside me, loudly barking.
She got spooked from the noise and fell on her backside because she was leaning down to look under my doormat again! I said “See, just the one dog. Like I told you.”
Then I realized she may have injured herself when she fell and offered to help her up but she just stormed off, calling me a jerk and a mean person, said the building was better before I moved in.
I have lived here for 5 years. This is the first I have had this issue.
My sis told me I’m a jerk because I could have given the woman a heart attack by frightening her. I kind of see her point. However, I did not know she was going to fall over.
I still do not know what she was doing on my landing.
Other tenants have dogs too and you can hear ALL the dogs barking any time a delivery car pulls up. I always considered it the price of a pet-friendly apartment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dog barked. You opened your door. She was frightened not because you opened your door, but because she was snooping in a place she had no business.” nannylive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You opened your door on a neighbor who was suspiciously lurking, moving your doormat (checking for a key?) – you were in your right to open the door.
You didn’t do it with the intention of harming her, she’s the jerk here. She sounds a bit loopy (questioning the 2nd dog so much) and also kind of mean if it was her that reported a nonexistent 2nd dog… Based on what you said about crime in your area I’d feel weird about someone showing up unwarranted on my patio too.
She’ll probably feel embarrassed for being caught lurking and won’t bother you again (probably won’t help with your mail anymore either though).” sop_saw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only reason I can think of looking under a doormat is looking for a spare key that may be underneath there… She shouldn’t have been lurking on the landing, and it seems that maybe she wanted to get into your apartment for some reason?
It might be worth trying to get a camera set up if your management is okay with it so you can monitor your door, that way you can take the videos to them if she keeps lurking.” princefftanks
16. AITJ For Confronting A Couple Blocking My Disabled Dad's Car?
“This happened earlier today and I don’t think I am the jerk but given the end result, I’m here for judgment!
My Dad drove me (30m) to the train station earlier today and when he dropped me off he parked in a disabled spot.
He is disabled with a blue badge but you wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell just looking.
I could see my dad’s car from where I was waiting for the train and noticed he hadn’t moved for a minute. On checking it was because this man and woman (both 50/60ish) were going back and forth unloading some gardening supplies and had parked blocking him in.
Assuming they didn’t realize he was wanting to get out of the space (and dad’s completely nonconfrontational so wouldn’t say anything) I asked them to move. The guy said “we’re only going to take a few minutes so he could wait”. I responded that doesn’t really work as they’re blocking someone in who needs to leave.
The guy’s response was “well you’re clearly not disabled and he doesn’t look disabled so it doesn’t matter if I’m blocking a disabled spot” before he walked back to get the next bag from his car.
This really annoyed me and is the first instance of seeing someone in person not respecting a disability (plus it’s my dad so hits close to home).
The woman then came with a bag and I repeated the request to move to her and she said we can wait and it’s not a real spot they’re blocking (which didn’t really make any sense).
At that point I was pretty annoyed and told them it doesn’t matter if they’re going to be 30 seconds or 10 minutes they’re blocking a disabled spot and also it doesn’t matter if you can see the disability or not, if someone is in the spot then assume they’re disabled.
She responded that she doesn’t want to have this conversation with me but made no effort to move the car so I said a bit more angrily that I don’t care if she wants to talk or not they need to move their car as they’re blocking a disabled person and whether they see it or not the disability is real.
The woman then goes “I know about disabilities I work with disabled people” (to me it felt like the equivalent of “I’m not racist I have a black friend”).
I quickly shot back “well I feel sorry for any disabled people you work with as you clearly have no idea and aren’t capable of doing that job.”
Finally the guy walks off and moves the car, dad leaves and the woman looks like she’s about to cry so I walk back to wait for my train.
Wondering if I’m the jerk as my reaction was more emotional and a 30M having a go at an older woman who didn’t want to engage in conversation may have been scary for her (not that I was in any way threatening) but I feel it was deserved.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You summed up the position really well in what you said to her. If she was that knowledgeable about disability then she would know about less visible disabilities and she would know that it’s flat-out never okay to block a marked parking space.
‘Not a real spot,’ what a ridiculous thing to say.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, someone who works with people with disabilities should know you can’t always see a disability. They were being rude, don’t dish it if you can’t take it. Depending on where you live they were also likely breaking the law, I know where I am it is illegal to block a disabled parking spot.” JJ-Anthrax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Abled people using their status as folks who “work with disabled people” to then claim to know all about disability are just abelist and not nice. I’m disabled and I can’t even claim that! Top-tier disabled activists can hardly claim that because disability is a a broad subject with a lot of diversity in the experiences of people the label applies to.
The simple fact is she just didn’t want to have to move her car and was looking for an excuse for not having to. Blocking people into a spot is rude and using the excuse it’s “not a real spot” or that the person using it can’t be “really disabled” is just icing on the jerk cake.” DeadGodJess
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Polyamorous Partners At Family Gatherings?
“My sister has apparently been in a polyamorous relationship with another couple for several years and only recently disclosed the nature of their relationship.
When I thought they were just friends I hung out with them twice and both times I didn’t really like them. My sister kept trying to invite them to small family-only events, which annoyed me and my family but no one wanted to say anything to her.
She finally claimed to be in a relationship with these people when she tried to invite them to my parent’s camp in the summer. The camp is very small with close sleeping quarters and not enough room for everyone, so I told her I didn’t want them coming.
Also, they came the previous summer and it was horrible. They stayed up late keeping me (8 months pregnant) awake and were constantly in and out of the camp until like 1 in the morning waking me up every time), they freeloaded all meals off my parents, invited their two teenage children without even asking, etc (this is one of the two meetings with them that soured me on them initially)
So when she wanted to invite them again in the summer I said not while I’m there due to the space issue and that I have a 1 year old. She got very defensive and insisted they are family and if I get to bring my husband and child she should get to bring them.
I told her her friends aren’t the same, and so for the first time she claims to be in a relationship with them and insists they are family. I was taken aback because she has a live-in partner and the couple had recently gotten married. Despite this, she insisted we all should have known what was going on.
I told her I was fine with her being in whatever relationship she wanted to be in but that didn’t change my stance I didn’t want them at camp while I was there. My parents told her they could not come. She was very mad.
So then Christmas and she invited them to our parent’s house (without asking) for our immediate family-only Christmas Eve get-together. I told her they were not family and should not be at our family Christmas, I had a one-year-old child and was about 8 weeks pregnant.
She was furious. We got in a huge fight. She kept insisting they were family so I let her have it on how awful they were and that I’m not going to just consider someone family because she says I have to and so far I didn’t really care for them.
So now she’s claiming I have an issue with her lifestyle despite the fact I have repeatedly told her I don’t care who she sees, I just have an issue with how she has foisted these people on our family with no explanation and just expected us to welcome them with open arms despite our really obnoxious experiences with them.
I even told her I’d be willing to get to know them better but she insists I have an issue with her lifestyle. We aren’t currently speaking. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The issue (according to you) is not her polyamory, but the behavior of her partners, am I right?
Look if I brought my husband or whomever I was seeing to a family thing and they kept my family up and were disruptive, I wouldn’t see it as them having an issue with my relationship but an issue with the behavior and attitude of the person I was seeing.
Which is a legitimate issue from the sounds of it. She never introduced them as her partners until it became an issue. You aren’t a mind reader, there’s no way you could have known.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if your sister were in a monogamous relationship, you’d still get to decide who you invite into your home and to the parties that you host. Generally speaking, inconsiderate and obnoxious people don’t get invited regardless of relationship status.” NotTheBeesAHHHH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just be upfront. “The issue isn’t that you’re poly, it’s that your partners are jerks. If you were seeing ONE jerk, the reception would be the same. And you’re off your mind if you think I’m risking my babies for your jerk partners who I can’t trust to be considerate.
See nicer people who are pleasant company, you might find they’re welcome.”” Candiedstars
14. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Move Out After She Extended Her Stay Without Discussion?
“My sister finished college a few months ago and moved countries to live in London. Initially, we talked about her staying with me and my partner over the summer to do an internship, as we have a spare room.
A month before she came, she said she was considering staying for longer, maybe even 6 months or a year. I didn’t really know what to say, and assumed she wouldn’t want to stay with us the entire time. Fast forward, my sister is all settled into our spare bedroom and lets us know she’s thinking of living in London for a few years.
She has recently found a job and it’s been 6 months already.
I agreed with her we would host her for the summer to make things easier for her and we would all get together a few months in and discuss long-term plans, and whether we want to live together.
My partner and I are starting to realize we’d like to continue living alone, it’s just our preference, but I know my sister will not accept this. She broke down crying a few weeks ago saying she has nowhere to go, has left her life behind and feels depressed, doesn’t want to live alone, and that I should have told her she can stay with us for as long as she likes and I’m being selfish by even asking for time to decide what we want to do.
I think that expecting me to put everything aside and let her stay with us indefinitely without any discussion is crossing a line (this happens really often in my family, and I feel like I have already sacrificed a lot to cater to their needs).
She’s 23, has a job, gets a decent salary, and knows her way around London. AITJ for telling her she should find a new place to live? I intend to give her 3-4 months’ notice and obviously will never kick her out without another place lined up.
I feel like my whole family is going to be let down, as they keep thanking us for accommodating her and likewise failed to even mention to me that she was thinking of coming for longer. I feel like I have little control over what is happening, and my family has stepped in to make life decisions for me.
My partner feels like he’s not being listened to either, and it’s starting to affect our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already generously hosted her for over half a year. If she doesn’t want to live alone, she’ll either have to try to make some friends or room with a stranger.
It’s tough, but learning how to find a place and live on your own is part of growing up. Give her a deadline and suggest some resources for her to find her own place.” PotentialityKnocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she needs to find her own place/a share, as your plans did not include her living there as a permanent guest, and this was never agreed upon.
Set a date she needs to have her own place by. If she’s not currently paying board, set a price, and date for when you will start expecting her to contribute, too. You’ve been more than accommodating, but it’s getting to where your generosity is being taken advantage of and abused. She’s a grown adult, who has a job, she’s able to fend for herself..
Just because she doesn’t live with you doesn’t mean you’re no longer there for her, you could still hang out, etc. It’s also unfair on your partner, and these kinds of things can put a strain on a relationship.” HereAndBlank
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. London is tough to find a decent place at a decent price when you first land, but with 3-4 months to look and her familiarity built over the last six, I think it is more than fair to ask her to leave.
You have tremendously helped and saved her money and strife, and it is a lot more than many would do.” sensiblewaffle
13. AITJ For Wanting To Know The Party Details And Calling My Partner A Jerk?
“My partner (20F) and I (21F) have been together for more than one year, but we rarely met each other’s friends, because of our schedules and having really different types of groups.
This year we decided that we should get to know each other’s dear friends, so we started calling each other to house parties, gatherings, and things like that.
I didn’t really know her people, but they were really easy to get along with, chatty, and it was a pleasant, great experience overall, despite me having a really anxious personality.
So she invited me to another house party taking place this weekend. I got really excited and was really fond of the idea, but despite them making a group chat (which they didn’t put me in), I hadn’t received any information from my partner, other than the fact that the party will be in another town.
I asked my partner to ask the kid who throws the gathering really simple questions, like how the sleeping would be in general (in regards to space, should we bring a mattress or sleeping bag, etc.), and rather than answering the questions normally, as I expected, out of the blue she straight up blew up on me.
She told me that her friends are not the types to think ahead, and I shouldn’t be so stuck up, I should respect their manners and I shouldn’t ask these types of questions, and she won’t ask them for me because of my incompatibility with her friend group (she heavily criticized my character).
I got really angry and told her that me being curious and not knowing literally anything, wanting to know the bare minimum, isn’t me being incompatible and a whiny jerk, it’s me wanting to be prepared for a whole night in another town, with fairly unfamiliar faces and things in general. I added that because it’s her good friend, and I barely know the guy (I made small talk with him once), I thought she would be reasonable and try to make things easier for me, and that her behavior is just straight up rude, she behaves like a jerk and I don’t even understand her in the first place, because I always make sure to answer her questions and make the time pleasant for her when we spend time with my squad.
She got really mad at me calling her a jerk and said that my reasoning is nonsense, as she previously told me, that this is just how her group is, and she can’t do anything about it and I expect too much of her.
AITJ for not accepting her reasons and calling her a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is though. You just wanted to know what was happening, I’d be the same. She could have just said “oh my friends don’t really plan ahead for anything” and that’s annoying but what can you do? No need for her to snap.
You don’t know her friends very well so how are you supposed to be compatible with them already? It’s not snobby to want to know where you are sleeping at night. If you still want to ask the questions, just message the guy online (find his insta or something).
It’ll get back to her and she’ll be mad but who cares. I hate anything spontaneous so I wouldn’t be going to anything where I didn’t know the plan.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ driving to another town for a party with zero plans to safely handle the night is a disaster waiting to happen.
Even at my most irresponsible party days, if it wasn’t within walking distance of home I would expect there to be plans for the end of the night.” Plasticity93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you really should evaluate if you’re really compatible. Logistics is a simple thing for some people (where are we going, how are we getting there, what time?), and a Sisyphean task for others (what do you mean I have to THINK?).
Is this the hill to die on? I have no idea. It does seem rather early to have such a big blowup over such a little thing though.” WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch
12. AITJ For Refusing To Take The Blame For My Family's Car Accident?
“The last two weeks I was in my home country with my family. My (23F) mother can’t drive. My father has been told not to drive for medical reasons and my siblings are minors.
So I was the only one who could drive them. We traveled for one day in his car to get there.
Before going I told them I wasn’t planning to be in the car every day. I wanted to stay home and relax and spend time with my family.
I told them I was willing to take them places maybe 4/5 times a week but I needed at least two days to rest.
The first week passed and I had to drive people somewhere every day. My father kept inviting family to places knowing I had to drive them.
And he would ask me in front of them knowing I would be embarrassed to say no. My mother did the same. So during the second week, I just stopped driving anywhere. I told everyone I wasn’t feeling good and they left me alone.
I was absolutely mad because I had to spend a lot of time waiting alone in the car and I didn’t get to rest one single day.
Anyway, my father thought it would be a good idea to let his nephew drive the car.
And they got into an accident. His insurance doesn’t cover accidents outside the EU by a driver who isn’t European (has the citizenship of an EU country). This means the insurance didn’t cover this accident. They asked me to say I was the one driving.
I refused to do so. This means my father has to pay for the other car’s reparations (it’s around 2000€).
If I said I caused the accident this would mean that next year my own insurance would get more expensive. I already pay a lot.
Most people my age when they get their first insurance will put the car in their parents’ name and have themselves as second drivers. Meaning that the insurance is way cheaper and it still covers accidents that they may have as they are the second drivers.
My father refused to do that because if I had an accident it would mean next year the insurance for him would be more expensive. I find it unfair now that he’s asking me to take the blame for an accident knowing that next year the price of my insurance would probably double.
And it’s unfair in general because I didn’t cause an accident. So I refused to take the blame for anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you told them you didn’t mind driving them but you wanted a couple of days where you didn’t and could rest. That is fair and reasonable.
They took advantage. Your dad shouldn’t have let his nephew drive his car knowing his insurance wouldn’t be covered in an accident. That blame falls entirely on your dad. Also, be thankful that your dad refused to put your car in his name and have you as a second driver because that is called Fronting and is illegal.” Wide-Aardvark8893
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ—but your dad and your family taking advantage of you are. Extremely entitled and selfish offering up YOUR time and money. The audacity of your dad asking YOU to take a hit on your insurance to cover for his nephew’s accident when he wouldn’t really set me off.
Stay firm because I imagine you might feel pressure from your tools of a family to take responsibility! You did nothing wrong so you deserve no punishment!” ifruitia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t let people drive your car if they are not covered by your insurance.
Period. Also do not do the thing your father suggested ever. Insurance companies tend to inquire on their own – for example get a statement from the other involved party – and if they find hints for fraud they do not only decline to pay, they will also start an investigation for insurance fraud.
And your case: ‘male driver vs. female driver’ is bound to raise suspicion.” DocSternau
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband After He Visited My Family Without Me While I Was Sick?
“My (27F) husband “Ron” (29M) and I have been married for 3 years. After we got married, we moved over 3 hrs away from my hometown due to his job. I haven’t seen anyone in my family for over a year, and I’m extremely homesick.
A couple of days ago, we were supposed to finally go visit my family, and I was so excited! Unfortunately, I woke up the day we were gonna leave with a horrible migraine and period cramps.
There was simply no way that I was gonna be able to make the drive there and back.
I called my Folks and told them that we had to cancel last minute. I was crushed, I was tired, hormonal, in pain, and I missed my family. Ron was at the house with me and he was comforting me through it. Shortly after the call, I took some of my medication and ended up passing out.
I woke up about 3 hrs later and noticed that Ron was nowhere to be seen.
At first, I figured he was out running errands or something, so I just waited. After 2 hrs went by, I decided to text him and ask him where he was.
After about an hour, he responded and said that he was just “hanging around.” He didn’t really elaborate, but he’s gone out without me before, so I didn’t question it. A couple of hrs after that conversation, I got a text from my sister with a pic attached.
It was a pic of Ron, my Folks, and my little brother, watching a movie together. It was obvious that Ron didn’t see my sister taking the picture. According to my sister, Ron texted my Mom shortly after the phone call and claimed that I told him to go visit them without me.
I was heartbroken, I just went into my room and cried uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe that Ron would leave me alone like this and go see my family knowing how crushed I was that I couldn’t go.
A few hrs later, Ron came back home and I immediately started yelling at him!
I showed him the pic my sister sent and told him that I knew what was going on. He told me to chill out and that he didn’t see what the big deal was. He said that my family is also his family, and I have no right to keep him from visiting them.
I couldn’t stop crying, I told him that what he did was extremely inconsiderate and dishonest.
He told me that he had to tell a white lie because he knew that I would overreact. He told me that we can simply arrange another time to go see my family.
He also said that I’m being too controlling and that I need to get a grip. We’ve been sleeping in separate rooms, and now I’m starting to wonder if I was out of line. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He abandoned his sick wife, lied to her and her family to go hang out with them three hours away?
What? What if you had gotten worse? Why would he lie and spend all day with your family having a blast while his sick wife was alone and confused about where he was? There’s something really wrong with your husband.” cassowary32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Don’t let your husband say you overreacted. I think you reacted in a natural way, although it might have been easier to deal with the problem if you stayed calm, but then, how could this problem be resolved anyway? He definitely should’ve talked to you about it beforehand.” sulsul_26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Long ago, my dad took another job in the next state over and mom went with him. It crushed her to be far away from her friends and family but she tried to make the best of the new adventure. Dad had a lot of road trips for business so sometimes mom would sneak across state lines to see her loved ones while he was out.
Dad hated it but not like he could stop her when he was gone. He tried giving her a dog and then getting her pregnant with me. Mom loved me and our dog, though she was still very depressed and lonely. Then one day, while mom visited her family with baby me & puppy, the truth came out.
During dad’s trips, he always made a stop home to visit his family and friends. His business trips were a day or two shorter than he said they were because he used this as an excuse to see everyone. When my mom brought this to him, he also said my mom was too controlling and he never told her the truth cause she “overreacts”.
And that was the last straw. Guess who broke up with dad, moved back to her family, and slowly started to be happy again? My mom. Not saying it’s exactly like your scenario but a few things do seem a bit similar.” SkysEevee
Another User Comments:
“OP, if visiting your family without you wasn’t a big deal then why lie by omission and sneaky tactics? Do not let him gaslight you. Stand your ground and make him take responsibility for his actions. He was dishonest, malicious, callous, incredibly disrespectful and sneaky.
Tell him that you will not stay in a relationship where a partner lies, is disrespectful, and refuses to own up to his own actions. Ask him how does he expect you to ever trust him again. If he could pull this crap, what else is he capable of doing?
Major groveling and a heartfelt apology are in order. Dinners at your favorite restaurants, whole house cleaned including; toilets and laundry (washed, dried, folded and put away), flowers, candy, etc.” Selena_B305
10. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Partner's Address With My Mother?
“So I’m living with my mother not by choice but until I can finish a program and get back on my feet. I don’t like living here at all, I unfortunately don’t necessarily have a bunch of friends in a decent financial spot either to split rent with.
So I’m leaving tomorrow to go visit my partner for a bit (my older sister helped pay for it as a Christmas present). Keep in mind, she was well aware of this trip. I’ve made trips like this before (my partner pays half the ticket to go see him so it’s split fairly) so there’s absolutely nothing to be genuinely concerned about.
My older sister and I have speculated our mother is a narcissist in the past.
So I woke up this morning to finish packing and let my dog open her Christmas gift (the cat doesn’t do Christmas. I tried it once and she wasn’t a fan).
So out comes my mother screaming at me to share my partner’s home address with her so she knows exactly where I’m going. Keep in mind, I was told and raised under the idea that sharing someone else’s address without permission is illegal. My mother keeps raging at me first trying to get me to cancel the flight.
Then she starts demanding I give her his address. I tell her no because the last time I gave any kind of contact info to her she harassed several of my ex-partners and when my older sister lived in the same state as we do, she used to drive by her house constantly.
Once my phone died when I was at a friend’s so they offered to let me stay until it charged since it was late and they didn’t want me to try to find my way back in the dark without my phone’s GPS, she literally called the police and had the police go to their house.
Between all these events, I refuse to tell her anyone’s address anymore because she broke my trust and various other people’s trust. So now on Christmas day, she’s telling me that if I don’t give her his address then she’s going to get the locks to the house changed and get rid of my cat (since she’s under the impression I got my dog for the whole family) and kick me out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom clearly has issues. She has lost the privilege of knowing your partner’s address. It’s possible your mom is narcissistic but either way, she’s abusive.” PetrogradSwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the partner says no then that’s who gets final say on the matter.
But from a practical standpoint please make sure your sister does know the address just in case something happens. Just flat out tell mom, the house owner does not wish the address to be given out.” shadow-foxe
9. AITJ For Drinking Wine And Cooking With My Brother-In-Law While My Sister Is Pregnant?
“5 years ago, we went to this chef table place for my parents’ wedding anniversary.
The chef and my sister were flirting. My husband said he’s probably like that to all of the women.
Surprise, my sister and the chef started seeing each other and are now married.
The men in my family are very traditional, like watching sports while we are in the kitchen cooking and talking.
My now BIL comes in and gives me one of my Christmas gifts early if I want to use it. BIL got me finishing oils from Italy and was helping with the mashed potatoes and ham.
My sister is very pregnant (she’s due in 3 weeks), so she’s gone to sit in the living room with “the men” and relax.
I was talking to my BIL as he was helping in the kitchen. He poured everyone some wine that will be on his new pop-up restaurant menu.
My sister jokes she can’t wait to start drinking wine again and enjoy food. She said right now, she’s feeling nauseous at everything.
My husband pulls me aside and tells me to stop flirting with my BIL while my sister is pregnant. It’s gross.
I’m saying I’m not flirting. I just enjoy good food and wine. My sister isn’t offended, and my BIL likes to talk about food because that’s what he’s passionate about.
My husband is sitting in the living room sulking, and my sister is just oblivious because she is due next month and is feeling meh. I didn’t feel like I was flirting with my BIL, and I told my husband that.
My husband is being rude, and I said, you have to try this wine.
Instead, he grabs a Bud Light from the fridge and is being all huffy about making “fancy” food for Christmas and isn’t happy about adding a little garlic oil to the mashed potatoes because he likes them with butter.
He’s just making it about him because it’s his home.
I think he shouldn’t be so insecure about my BIL and feel like I’m flirting with him.
I feel like I might be in the wrong for drinking wine with my BIL when now my sister can’t drink, and my husband likes beer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is jealous of your BIL. How does your husband behave towards your sister, just out of curiosity? Cause he’s either being weirdly jealous of him or weirdly protective of her.” RubyJuneRocket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Hubs is looking for a fight on what should be the happiest day of the year.
Your BIL is a chef, for crying out loud. Of COURSE he’s going to be in the middle of the food–he made it his job because he loves cooking. Your Hubs not only insulted you & BIL, but also your sis by suggesting her other half isn’t loyal. Time for him to grow up!
If he suspects the two of you of something untoward, why not come help in the kitchen? Hope he settles down by serving time so you can all enjoy the meal and each other’s company.” Vera_Telco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is childish and petty, and more than a little gross.
Your BIL is literally your BROTHER-in-law. A brother by marriage. You should be able to hang out with him, chat, and have a good time, the way you would with your siblings. Calling it “being friendly” is honestly kind of disgusting, and speaks to your husband being exceptionally insecure.
As for drinking wine with your BIL while you cook, it’s a holiday and you were doing celebratory things. Nothing wrong with that. Unless your sister is legitimately annoyed or upset (which it doesn’t sound like it) or asks you not to drink around her, you’re not doing anything wrong.
It sucks that she can’t drink right now, but I doubt if that means she thinks no one else should.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Commenting On My Weight?
“I (24F) moved back in with my parents because of my mental health. Because I am no longer burdened by responsibilities like rent and budgeting my mental health improved a lot, I started going to the gym and lost a lot of weight.
My mom (48) owns a hairdresser shop and I visit frequently.
3 months ago I tore a muscle and couldn’t go back to the gym because of it, I still tried to stay active in ways I could but it’s not the same and this month with xmas and all the food that comes with it I gained some weight again, I am well aware of it and honestly wasn’t concerned because my physical therapist has already said I can go back to the gym 100%.
Today I went to visit my mom to get a few things (I do my own nails at home and often borrow nail polish and other tools).
While having dinner my mom said that her client noticed I am chubbier again, I replied with “and?” And she came back at me “just letting you know people notice, you were on a such good track and you wasted it”.
I worked 12h today and am honestly super tired so I am aware my tolerance is not the best. I replied to her that she should not tell me these things, that I know I gained weight back, she knows why and she should educate her clients that it’s rude to comment on someone else’s body, especially behind their back, and that I’d appreciate that she stop commenting on my weight.
She often comments stuff like “you’d be prettier if you lost x weight”. I am not obese, I am simply 10kgs above my ideal weight and I am also tall and have a wide frame, it’s just my build.
Anyway my mom took offense saying she only wants what’s best for me and for me to be able to find a partner and feel better with my body.
I said I am fine with my body I am just trying to be healthier overall. This turned into a sour argument and now she is pouting in her room and won’t even talk to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one should ever comment on someone else’s weight unless it’s coming from a medical professional related to health.
No one knows their body and weight better than the person living in that body so what people think is gained by commenting is beyond me.” imjusthereforaita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, it’s none of their business and they shouldn’t be commenting on a total stranger’s appearance in the first place.
Also, your mom is a huge jerk for the remarks she made. She’s only enabling and repeating this behavior. You have every right to do what you want because it’s your body, not theirs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I totally understand! I have a very similar mom and have gone through many ups and downs with my mental health and eating disorders over the years.
She always does it in a way that seems like she genuinely thinks she is helping and plays the victim if you call her on it. One time I went to my chiropractor (who she was working for part-time) and he commented on how slim I looked for my weight.
I was so confused about how to take this odd misguided complaint only to find out that my mom had mentioned what I weighed (who knows how she knew) and apparently I carried it better than some would. I remember that being a turning point where I realized I needed to make some unspoken boundaries for myself while talking to her because any conversation about boundaries left her feeling like a bad mom and after years of therapy (and getting a master’s degree in counseling) I realized that I was hurting myself trying to get her to change the conversation.
Have your party line ready about it being off limits or just dismissing and moving on. In a perfect world she would stop, but at the very least you can learn how to manage the effect it has on you!” Starrynight118
7. AITJ For Reacting To A False Positive Pregnancy Test And Upsetting My Partner?
“My (24F) partner (25M) and I have been together for almost 3 years now and we are not planning to have a baby any time soon.
Recently I missed my period which didn’t really concern me as I have my fair share of late and missed periods but this time, I feel nauseous all the time, I pee a lot and I have cramping and I had spotting recently so I took a pregnancy test.
First test gave a blurry positive which you can’t really see unless you really look into it, I took another 2 tests and it was negative. Just to be safe, I went to the clinic and took the pregnancy test as the doctor suggested and it was a positive but a faint positive.
The doctor congratulated me but also ordered a pregnancy b***d test to be sure. I was freaking out. I’m not ready to be a mother.
I told my partner and he wasn’t convinced and wanted to wait for the b***d test. For some reason he didn’t really offer any emotional or mental support for me considering that I was pretty shaken and scared but I let it pass.
The next day I got my b***d pregnancy test and it was negative. I was referred to a hospital for scans to rule out miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. Luckily those weren’t the case.
I was relieved and met my partner and despite everything I apologized for freaking out and told him in my defense I was only reacting to what the doctor told me.
He told me I caused him a lot of distress and that I shouldn’t have listened to the doctor. I got angry considering how he barely cared about how I felt and left me to my own devices to handle all these. I was only reacting to the doctor’s words
His argument was that this isn’t the first time I had a pregnancy scare and he was right, the last time I had was 2 years ago when I kept missing my period but I grew to learn my trend and never told him if I had any pregnancy scare unless I had a positive test. He also blamed me for pulling him out of his meeting when I came to tell him about the test saying I was inconsiderate of his time.
I wouldn’t have gone to see him if he told me not to but he didn’t.
I feel so stupid and honestly hurt by how he’s making this my fault and that he doesn’t consider my feelings or how scared I’ve been and only focuses on his feelings.
I feel like he’s so manipulative especially when he says it’s my fault for trusting the doctor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In addition to being a pregnancy test, this was also a test of your partner’s capacity for emotional support, and it sounds like he has some work to do before he’s ready to be an effective partner for you.
Hopefully he comes around within the next couple of years. If he doesn’t, then consider moving on for the sake of your long-term well-being. To be clear, I don’t think his initial reaction was that bad. Some guys who stress out respond by putting aside all emotion and going into problem-solving mode, so I can’t blame him that much for being emotionally unavailable at that time.
His response after the fact, however, was unacceptable. I don’t understand why he had to lash out at you for stressing him out as if you weren’t stressed out yourself. Telling you not to trust the doctor is sheer lunacy. The level of selfishness that he put on display there was extreme.
I doubt you want someone like that as the father of your children.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, your partner is a jerk! You are NTJ and you’re right about being appalled at his lack of concern for you the whole time. I don’t think he could have any redeeming features so great that his attitude to this situation is justifiable.
No concern for you whatsoever, only 100% for himself. And to top it all off, telling you you should not have listened to a doctor? Then who should you listen to??” notrapunzel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Initially when reading this I thought everything would end up ok and these are normal reactions as you were obviously both worried and shocked, but your partner’s reaction and treatment of you is not ok.
Don’t feel stupid, I think you did everything you could with tests, doctors and hospital. I can’t believe he told you to not listen to your doctor! What are you supposed to do! And to say “this isn’t the first time” as if it’s a regular occurrence too was odd.
I’d consider what his reaction would be if you were to become pregnant, would he stand by or support you?” sportfueledblonde
6. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Give Up Hope On Me Having Kids?
“So my parents met when they were 25 and 24. They’re a cliche. My mom was a collegiate cheerleader, and my dad was a D1 football player.
They got married 4 years later and 30 years later they’re still together today with 3 adult children. My older sister and brother both being 24 and me being 20. They both really want grandchildren and right now, I’m the only one that they think can provide.
My older brother is gay and is engaged to his fiancé and neither wants kids.
My sister is also engaged and to a man, but she is likely not to have kids due to her having uterine cancer as a teen which rendered her infertile. She had no plans on adopting anything more than dogs so no grandchildren from them.
And then they have me. As far as I know, my swimmers are swimming and I’m interested in women, but women are not interested in me. They haven’t been since I was first interested in women, and I’m a senior in college now and it’s clear that I should just get used to being single.
My parents constantly pressure me about being in a relationship and girls. I tell them I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work out. My 6’2 jock of a dad assures me that I should just talk to girls and they’ll love me just like it worked out for him.
But he’s not aware of how different his life as a handsome athlete is from me, an unattractive socially awkward kid. My mom constantly says I have low self-esteem and as a psychiatrist she thinks she can help. But I know there’s nothing wrong with my self-esteem.
Recently while I visited home, my mom lamented that I have not brought a single girl home and that she really wants me to give her some grandkids and start a life of my own. My dad said that he’s convinced I’m not trying because I’m afraid which isn’t true in the slightest. I told them I didn’t feel like talking about my relationship life.
My mom then very passive-aggressively told me that as my mother she really wants me to talk to her about this and that I can talk to her about whatever. I said that this wasn’t something I ever wanted to talk about again and that they wouldn’t get it anyway.
My dad then said that they were two very good resources that I have if I need help with this. He then said that if I don’t get the hang of being in a relationship in college how am I ever going to start a family and give us some grandkids?
This set me off and I told them, “You both need to give up any hope of grandkids or me getting married. It’s not going to happen and neither of you is remotely helpful.” My mom cried and left and my dad gave me a dirty look and went to comfort her.
I then packed up my stuff and went back to my dorm.
My siblings told me I was being a jerk and completely ungrateful. I told them they kept pushing me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whether or not you have kids is entirely up to you and whoever you decide to partner with.
However, you said a couple of things that don’t mesh. One, you yourself said that women aren’t interested in you and that you should get used to being single. Then you said that there’s nothing wrong with your self-esteem and implied that your mother suggesting therapy was something completely out-of-line.
Maybe you really don’t have self-esteem issues…I am not a therapist. But saying something like “I should just get used to being single” would draw maybe some slight concern. All that said….no, you don’t owe your parents grandchildren. But you should at least consider speaking to someone if you think you are “destined” to be single.” Aaroniero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is entitled to grandkids. But as others have pointed out, you have a least a low impression of your ability to find a partner, even if you think your self-esteem is good, you obviously don’t think others see you that way.
I hope you do pursue therapy (not by your mom, because absolutely not) so that you can work out the way your brain perceives rejection, so it’s less of a weight on you and your perception of how others see you. I don’t think you’re destined to be alone.
I think you’ve just been alone so far. Just as somebody who has only had abusive relationships isn’t destined to only be abused, I think your future does have hope. And I hope my theory comes to fruition, but I hope more that you are able to find happiness.” DelightfulAbsurdity
Tell parents just cos they met young you are still younger than they were and that there's time yet. Then just stop putting pressure on yourself, you will meet your person someday and right now school is your focus then launching your career..
5. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Changing Her Last Name And Not Including Me?
“I am 14f and my mom and dad got divorced when I was young and then my dad passed away and then my mom got remarried when I was 9. She and her husband have a few kids together.
When my mom got remarried she changed her last name and now they all have the same last name except for me.
It’s super annoying and I begged her to at least hyphenate but she wanted to have her new husband’s name.
They always call us the “Johnson” (fake name) family which is not true because I am not a Johnson. So they either don’t think I am part of the family or don’t care about my name and my feelings.
My mom can do whatever she wants and I can’t stop her, but I don’t have to be happy about her choices. Btw my stepdad and I are not close but he shows up to my games even though I told my mom I would prefer it if no one came because they get in my head.
It was the last straw when my mom posted a picture of all of us saying the “Johnson family blah blah blah” and I confronted her and told her that it was not my last name, and that I am not a part of the family, and that if she cared more about her new kids and husband than me that it was only moral of her to let me live with other relatives.
I told her every day she and my stepdad ruin my happiness a little more and that she cares more about having a man in her life than me, and that I can’t make her love me the same, but I am allowed to hate her for it.
I told my stepdad that he was cruel for rubbing it in my face every day that I don’t have a dad and that I am not a part of the family and that if he cared about me even a little he would have tried to also convince my mom to at least hyphenate, so I wouldn’t have to feel so embarrassed every single day.
I told him he was just as responsible as my mom for my hurt.
She and my stepdad are upset with me now and my mom keeps crying so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“1.) He, the stepdad, shows up to your games. Seems like he is trying to be there for you.
2.) Told your mom that she ruined ur life.
3.) Pretty sure your mom could have legally made you change your last name. She didn’t.
4.) Told your stepdad that he is rubbing it in your face, nothing you said even suggests that he does that.
5.) From the way you are talking you have younger half-siblings that you don’t see as family.
YTJ Grow up. Your mom is moving on in what sounds like a healthy way. It doesn’t even sound like she is trying to replace your dad or you. Sounds like you are still mourning, which is fine, but you are being disrespectful and cruel to those around you.
Your mother does not need your permission to move on with her life and try and be happy.” N1ghtfad3
Another User Comments:
“Honey very soft YTJ. She divorced your dad a long time ago and remarried. It’s very normal not to want your EX’s name anymore.
They are exes for a reason. You are not a jerk for feeling the way you feel. But lashing out at your mom and stepdad because they have a different last name than you is well being childish…. But you are one so that makes sense.
It sounds like they aren’t excluding you and you have a good relationship with your stepfather. Last names do not make a family, love does.” breesreviews
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. OP, my dad died when I was 9. Being 14 is also very difficult.
My mom ended up with someone else shortly after my dad was gone and acted like my dad never existed. It hurts. I get it. I’m the only one with his last name too. It sounds like you feel alone and forgotten. (Screaming it really.) Do you have anyone to talk to about missing your dad?
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you, but have you ever gone to therapy? Grief is really hard. It’s one of the hardest things humans experience, and you lost someone REALLY important to you FAR sooner than you should have had to.
There’s a place in Los Angeles called Our House – Grief Center and they do camps for kids who have lost important people in their lives. It might be worth looking into something like that. I think you owe your mom a bit of an apology, as well as your stepdad.
They sound like they’re trying, so try to give them a little credit. Try to talk to your mom one on one, this isn’t just about your last name.” JBlittz
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Threw Away My Clothes?
“I (14f) like to “dress up” while my mom is gone. (Think thigh highs, skirts, crop tops, etc) My friends are the only people who know about this since I buy those kinds of clothes when I go shopping with them.
My mother has never really liked those kinds of clothes like that so I tend to hide them.
Since I do my own laundry it’s pretty easy to keep them hidden from my mom, there were no issues up until yesterday.
Yesterday, I came home and could not find my mom in any of the common rooms. Turns out she was digging in my closet.
For what, I have no clue.
The box I kept all my dress-up clothes in was on my bed and she told me she threw away all the clothes in that box since she didn’t find them appropriate for a 14-year-old.
To say I was upset is an understatement, I asked her why she was digging through my closet and how she could just throw away the clothes I bought.
She said she was being a good parent since I shouldn’t be wearing those types of things, and she was just looking out for me. At that point in time I was just upset and wanted to be left alone so I told her to get out of my room.
Later that night I went through the garbage to look for all of my clothes and they all had holes in them like she knew I was going to look for them again.
She has come to my door a few times but I ignored her..
The last time she came to my door she said I was being petty and would be over it soon, it’s not like they were important to me. I told her she had no right to throw away the things that I bought with my own money.
She did not like that. She called me an ungrateful brat, and that I just wanted something to be mad about.
I’ve been thinking about it and I want to know if I’m the jerk because she is the parent after all. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not the jerk for wanting your property respected, and your mother is for destroying the clothes. She may not technically have committed a crime but morally she’s walking all over you and in a few years you will be an adult and no longer under her heel.
She should start treating you with respect so that you can have a good relationship built on mutual respect and understanding when you are an adult and going forward.” BadDadEric
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom did something similar to me when I was younger.
Her idea of it being “good parenting” is just not correct, and frankly, it’s just a way for her to feel better about herself and her actions. What she did does NOT change your interest in those clothes, and dressing up. She can’t force you out of an interest like that.
She should honestly have talked to you and heard you out about it, instead of throwing away your clothing. It’s your money, it’s your body, it’s your choice.” theresaejs
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You knew those clothes were not allowed. At 14 it’s unlikely you have employment so the presumption is you were using funds from your parents for your not allowed wardrobe.
Your mom had the opportunity to pull up her big girl pants and confront you properly. Something with words like “Dear 14-year-old child of mine. I am NOT ok with your wardrobe. You are FOURTEEN. I’m taking these away. If you continue to buy things like this I WILL stop giving you spending money.” If she said it without yelling and allowed for your understandable reaction.
You would just be the jerk. However, she snuck around and ruined clothing simply to make her point without a true confrontation. Also, for what it’s worth, you’re 14 she has every right to go through your things and depending on your behavior possibly an obligation.
It was the sneakiness after finding the contraband that makes her a jerk.” Senior-Term-635
3. AITJ For Not Wanting An Anti-Farming Guest At My Wedding?
“My partner (36M) and I (36F) currently live with my in-laws.
We were renting but rates were ridiculous, we were struggling and they offered to let us move in so we could save for a house deposit.
I am from a farming family going back generations. I was raised farming, it is literally my upbringing. My direct family does not farm but we spent a great deal of our time on the family farms helping to the point it was a second home.
My family is not contributing towards the wedding as they all have considerable travel costs to get here and a lot of their cash has gone into adapting their home after my father became disabled a few years ago.
We are getting married next week – we have paid a large chunk of the costs and my in-laws have paid for the rest as our wedding gift. As they have paid for the rest we said we are happy for them to invite some of their friends as long as we know them (it’s a small wedding approx 50 people).
One of the guests they have invited (we shall call her Susan) knows that my partner and his two siblings cannot stand her. She also kind of invited herself to the wedding while at my MIL’s father’s funeral (“what Susan wants she gets” – my MIL).
I have never met her.
For the past week or so, said friend of my MIL has been posting nothing but anti-farming stuff on social media. Stuff from Chinese meat farms, outdated photographs, saying farmers are murderers, she doesn’t care what happens to farmers in the UK with the economic issues, it serves them right for torturing animals etc, etc.
I am not comfortable having someone who is so antifarming at my wedding. They have been tearing apart my upbringing and labeling me as a monster as “all farmers are the same”. She does not know I am from a farming background or know anything about me.
She is having to travel to come to the wedding and has booked a hotel. I’d be fine reimbursing her if she can’t get a refund – I’m not comfortable with her being there. I told MIL and she has said her friend will be “devastated” – she doesn’t even know us!!
She only wants to come because another of her friends has been invited (who she pressured MIL to invite in the first place). It’s not a day trip to the seaside, it’s our wedding!
AITJ for wanting to tell her I don’t want her at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The deal was that you BOTH have to know the friends invited. You don’t know Susan. Enough said.
And if you truly don’t want her there, go over your MIL and tell Susan yourself that she’s not invited. It’s clear MIL won’t say anything.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Frame it to your MIL like this:
“She clearly hates anything to do with farming, but my entire family is made of farmers. She’ll be miserable being surrounded by an entire group of people she despises that coincidentally are, again, my family.”
Hard to understand the level of devastation to a person you’ve never even met missing your wedding, but whatever.
NTJ.” Tralfamadorians_go
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What!! She can be devastated at her home then. Don’t allow that woman to come in and cause havoc at your wedding.
And your MIL should have respected your rule that you must know them. I think paying for her hotel if it can’t be refunded is fair. Be honest with Susan…. Know she will probably write some more nonsense on her social about you.. but I rather her do that than do stuff at the wedding.
If…well more like when she does that (screenshot it…bet you she will angrily post crap then dirty delete it)…show your MIL so that she won’t feel bad about it anymore.” Help24-7
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Support My Disrespectful Sister-In-Law Any Longer?
“AITJ here?? Should I be more adjusting??
My sister-in-law came to live in my brand-new house with her two dogs, her one-month-old daughter, and her mom (my MIL).
She had a disagreement with her husband so they came to live with us for two months.
Her one dog was blind and they got him to poop on my deck which she cleans up once a day. It was cold outside (-20) so they didn’t want to take him out.
He used to walk back into the house stepping on his own pee and making marks all over my floor. Her other dog peed in front of my house on a pee pad. He used to step on his pee too. There was dog food littered all over my hallway that nobody cleaned up!
She used to have dirty diapers of her newborn all over the floor of the room she was staying in which is my daughter’s room. We moved our daughter into my room for the two months she was staying. Between her and my MIL, they barely cleaned up the home, took out the trash, or did the dishes.
I had two young kids I sent to school daily, I cooked food for ALL of us daily, and I barely got any help with my kids, the house, or the kitchen work. It was exhausting and to top it all, if I asked them to clean, they said ‘No, not now’.
My MIL would make breakfast only for her daughter, look after the newborn while completely ignoring her two other granddaughters (mine and her son’s kids)!
My SIL went for a camping trip taking MY car without asking me, and when she returned it, my trunk was full of dog hair that she didn’t clean up.
Fast forward two years, I had my third baby, and a month after birth, still recovering postpartum when she came visiting again. This time with her daughter and her husband in tow! Her daughter was now two years old and scribbled over my walls that neither of them bothered cleaning up.
It’s a rule in my house that my daughters do not eat in the living room only at the dining table, I expect her daughter to follow the same rules! She got her daughter to sit on my couches and eat food that she dropped all over my beautiful rug.
When I ask her to clean up the mess, she says ‘Not now sorry!’
She has now bought a place close to my home and when she left, she took half the groceries from the basement that I had stored without asking me! She took our cutlery, chairs and I found this out when I went to visit her!
She then had the audacity to complain to my husband that I didn’t even help her set up her new home! When I spoke to her about how upset I was about how she stayed at my place, she said this is how families are and that I should have supported her more.
She then expected me to call her when I visit my friends so that she can have her social circle (my friends!) set up with my help. When I refused she said ‘You don’t expect me to make my own friends at this age by myself do you?’
AITJ for telling my husband I cannot stand her and that I have no plans to visit her often or introduce my friends to her???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where has your husband been all this time? Was he blind, deaf or dumb? Did you ever share with him all the things you mentioned above?
Your home is not a hotel and you certainly don’t need to keep a relationship with your SIL (or even MIL if you wish). Your SIL is also a thief. Your husband should either ask for your stuff back or press charges. You cannot harbor a thief around you and your kids.” Evil_Queen_93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is a thief and a disgusting person. I would go over to her house only to do the exact same things she did in your house. After that go low or no contact.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you sure she is not my SIL??
Seriously though, I think you need to get your husband on board as he needs to step up here and help you set some boundaries for SIL that you both enforce. It’s really important that he enforces these limits as your support.” Inevitable-Mastodon1
1. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Get A Second Job To Support Her Sister?
“Sarah (28F) and I (30M) have been married for 3 years now. She has a sister Jordan (27F) who is a train wreck.
She has kids (2 and 1) from different dads. Can never hold a steady job and jumps from relationship to relationship. Sarah and Jordan have always been close with Sarah being a great aunt to Jordan’s kids. Jordan has lived with us before whenever she’s between partners, but this was before she had kids.
Sarah has given money to Jordan before when she’s asked for it. Something Sarah/Jordan’s own parents won’t do anymore because they grew sick of Jordan’s act.
So Jordan calls my wife and tells her that she needs to move out of her partner’s place.
She asks if she can move into our place for a couple of weeks (she’s said this before and was here for four months). Sarah tells her she will ask me first. I refuse. I work from home, I don’t want Jordan and her kids running around the house while I work, I’m not a huge fan of kids and I just didn’t want to do it.
Sarah then says that if I won’t let her stay here then she’ll rent her a place. I say that is fine but it needs to come out of her pocket. We have our finances split, with a joint account for household bills.
And a fun account for both of us. Sarah says she can’t afford to pay for rent/groceries for Jordan along with our bills. I tell her too bad, I’m not giving Jordan more money (I’ve done this before and not been paid back).
Sarah says she’s not gonna let Jordan be homeless. I tell her that she can do whatever she wants but needs to cover her half of the bills. If she wants to she can get a second job to cover it.
I think I’m being harsh but I don’t want to go down this road with Jordan again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered your wife reasonable solutions. The only other option is that you sacrifice resources to either house or pay to house three people. I will note that her kids’ paternity is irrelevant. More relevant is that she seems to not be taking steps to be financially solvent herself.” PotentialityKnocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is old adage “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”. It’s completely understandable your wife does not want to let her sister or her kids suffer, but her sister is also a grown adult who needs to learn to take care of herself and her children.” 0biterdicta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to me. Your wife is sympathetic, yes, but this can lead to her not recognizing Jordan might be intentionally leeching from you. Putting your foot down can be good in situations like these. Does Jordan just have a disdain for work?
You could try sitting her down, talking about interests, and help find a job that genuinely holds her passion.” tisquares
In your shoes, I would get together a list of all the public assistance entities available to low/no income single mothers, giving her the number for family court so she can get child support paid from her baby daddies, go and get food stamps, unemployment, aid to dependent children and all the other things she SHOULD have been availing herself of, since she's grown and needs to learn to support her children. And then, back off. And stick to your guns regarding the finances. Honestly, in your shoes, I'd have insisted that your wife cut Jordan off a long time ago. But you can only do what you can do.
Good luck!
Now - your father is a first class jerk, so is your aunt, and if your brother can eat, he can help do dishes, cook your father's "perfect scrambled eggs" and, like your father, can b****y well help out around the house. You should not be doing all the work. You lost your mom too, but you're not allowed to have time for yourself and to grieve? Nope. Dad needs to step up and get at least a part time housekeeper, he and your brother need to get their heads out of their @***$ and realize the world didn't stop and chores didn't magically disappear because your mom is gone. You need help, and you need it from them. It might actually help them with their grieving process as well. I wish you the best of luck.