People Wonder If They'd Been Too Harsh In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Feeling Left Out By My Family?
“I (F18) have a brother (M26) who has terminal cancer. Ever since he got sick, my family has given me less attention which is understandable.
But now it feels like it’s to the point where they don’t care about me as much anymore. We have a family group chat, on my birthday everybody asked how he was doing instead of wishing me a happy birthday. My parents watch movies with him and spend time with him and never invite me.
A few days ago I got frustrated by the fact that I am feeling so left out and ignored that I told my mom about it. I told her I was feeling like a ‘glass child’. She called me disgusting and couldn’t believe that I was ‘jealous’ of my brother with cancer.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be if you were actually jealous of your brother with cancer, but I don’t think that’s what it is. I think you’re feeling forgotten and neglected. It’s normal for your family to be giving so much time and attention to him because that time now has a definite limit.
From what you’ve said, though, you don’t have a problem with all of the time and attention he’s getting, you just have a problem with the fact that you no longer get any.
It’s normal and understandable that you would feel like you don’t matter anymore if you are ignored or overlooked in their effort to spend as much time as they can with your brother, even if that’s not their intention.
I’m sorry that your mom dismissed you and made you feel bad about it when you reached out to her, rather than having a conversation about it and trying to see your point of view.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very sad that your brother is sick, but you don’t stop existing because he has cancer.
I understand your parents’ desire to spend as much time with him as possible and to focus on him and how he’s feeling, but if they push you away while doing so, they will regret it. I know this because my mom did this to her children when my dad was dying of cancer and it took a long time for her to repair things with my younger brother and sister after he passed.
It’s easy to get tunnel vision in these situations, but they can’t just press pause on the other people they love during his illness. You are still their child, and you still need them too. You are NOT selfish, and you are NOT disgusting and you are NTJ here.” Cheap-Awareness-5522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s actually quite common when one sibling is sick that the healthy sibling feels neglected (often because they are). Grief counselors actually warn parents against isolating their healthy children as it breeds resentment.
Just because your brother is dying doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be wished a happy birthday.
Nor does it mean you deserve to be excluded. It sounds like they put you on the back burner when you were still a minor, and it’s continued into your adulthood. That would be upsetting to a lot of people. While I understand that your mother is already grieving the loss of a child, that still doesn’t mean how you’ve been treated is okay.
You’re not disgusting, and your feelings are not only valid but extremely common.
Also, I think people are completely missing that you are not actually jealous of the extra attention your brother is receiving but are more just asking not to be treated as an afterthought.
It also sounds like you want to have memories as a family while he’s still around, thus the desire to be included. All of this is reasonable.” Individual_Corgi_252
21. AITJ For Not Disclosing My Bank Account Information To My Mother?
“I (19 F) have always had bad anxiety my whole life, and you honestly wouldn’t believe I am the person I am now compared to before.
Recently I made the big decision to finally step out of my comfort zone and get my ID, apply for a job, and learn how to drive.
I want to be independent so that as an adult I don’t have to rely on my parents for money and to take me places.
After applying for a job I did get hired at a restaurant. I was over the moon, excited that I was finally going to be working for my own money to save up for things I want in the future, I was finally genuinely proud of myself.
But the issue here is, my mom and dad are strict parents. Before turning 18 you’ve most likely guessed that I didn’t really get to live as a normal teenager. I have always tried doing things to get over my anxiety, but they always freak out if I even suggest things like having sleepovers with school friends, going to see a movie with a boy I liked in broad daylight, and having a phone to just communicate with friends.
One time I was grounded when a guy friend texted me first.
So yeah, I just wanted to give you an idea of why I think I might not be the jerk here. After getting confirmation I was hired to work at this place, I was already asking my mom if I could go ahead and open a bank account.
‘Okay, but I need to own this account too so I know what you’re spending your money on.’ That was her response.
Honestly, the first thing I wanted to say was, ‘Are you serious?’
I have proved myself to them more than once that I can spend money responsibly, I am not just going to go crazy and spend all my money on stupid stuff that I’ve worked for.
And then she doesn’t think that’s enough and still wants to control me after I’ve decided I want some independence.
I told her I wasn’t going to give her any information, that she can’t tell me what to do for the rest of my life.
My mom always does this thing when she’s mad, she goes silent, walks away, and doesn’t speak to me for hours.
I didn’t even say anything harsh, I just put my foot down and said I wasn’t going to be controlled after I finally did something so that I could take care of myself, but now it feels like she doesn’t even see me as an adult at all.
I’m not used to making my own decisions without being told no, so I did feel a little guilty afterward.
AITJ? I don’t think I am, but just wanted to hear other opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t give your parents your bank account information.
You’re an adult, they don’t need access to your bank. And it isn’t any of their business what you spend your money on.
I suggest moving out of your parent’s house. You might find that your anxiety will improve. It sounds like you have been walking on eggshells your entire life.
Keep setting boundaries with your parents.” s0ggy5alad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult. You are putting your own money in the account. Your parents have no legitimate reason to have your bank info except to try to exert control over you as their child.
Stick to your guns. They aren’t going to like it, but it seems to me they aren’t going to like anything you do to become an independent adult, which is what you are becoming. Good luck.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult.
You can walk into a bank (I suggest any bank they do not use) and open an account on your own. Stop telling your parents anything. If they insist you add them to the account, state you are legally an adult and are working towards being independent which means you make your own decisions.
Don’t tell them you opened an account or where. Don’t tell them when you get paid. If you can, get it direct deposited into your bank account. If they get upset, do not care and walk away. They are using guilt to manipulate you. You have nothing to be guilty about.
Be an adult. Move out. Run far. Live happily ever after.” holisarcasm
20. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Go On Vacation With My In-Laws?
“I married the black sheep of the family, which in turn makes me the black sheep-in-law of the family.
Hubs and I have yet to do anything right in the in-law’s eyes – we bought the wrong house, are child-free (and staying that way), didn’t have a huge wedding, and enjoy our hobbies and interests…
MIL (Lava) has planned a long weekend extended family get-together in Weston, CT (where the extended in-laws live) and cleared the dates with Hub’s brother and sister (plus their spouses) THEN mentioned it to us.
Her logic is that we don’t have children or pets, so we should accommodate what the rest of the family does.
The Weston, CT family is extremely difficult to be around – politics are always brought up, as is wealth, pensions, and how much everything around them costs – they are pleasant enough people to have dinner with but that’s the extent of it.
The ‘ladies’ will all be going on a full day of shopping in NYC (if I’m shopping, it’s garage sales for a few hours), dinners will be semi-formal affairs, everything will be done as a large group, and formal family photos will be taken. I am currently 150 pounds overweight – I want no commemoration of this.
Couple this with the in-law’s treatment of us for the past 20 years, the fact that it’s a struggle for me to get time off of work that week, my own mother’s touch-and-go health and it’s really not a weekend that I want to be involved with.
I have encouraged Hubs to go and see his grandfather and cousins – there are no hard feelings between us if I stay home.
Lava has hit the roof over this and has tried every possible way to make me go – guilt, anger, tears, contacting my own mother to have her ‘convince me’ to go, emailing my boss regarding me getting time off, and finally suggesting that she’s going to invite another female friend close in age to Hubs so that ‘he has company’.
WIBTJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and WHAT?! There’s so much to unpack here, but the one sentence that jumped out at me (they were all hard to imagine) was that she emailed your BOSS! Oh, wait, I forgot about her wanting to invite another female friend close in age…
If you don’t go NO CONTACT with this nutty woman and the family, your life is gonna be harder than you ever imagined it. If she does nothing but insult you, WHY does she move heaven and earth to make you come to this family get-together?” IMAGINARIAN_photos
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. To be honest, I was going to tell you that you were being a jerk until the end. Your MIL told you she was going to invite a female friend to be your husband’s companion for the weekend? And emailed your boss?
What the what?
Let’s put a pin in that craziness for a moment. Part of being in a marriage is being part of each other’s families. I’m not saying you can’t ever do family things without each other, but, in general, it’s important to support each other and attend family functions together.
You’re a unit. It sounds like this is a family reunion-type event. Are you in the habit of staying home alone while your husband spends time with family? To me, that sounds sad. So, before his mom’s craziness, I think you were acting like a bit of a jerk.
However, obviously, his mom’s reaction really takes the cake. You were being a bit of a jerk, and then her reaction was extreme! Clearly, his mom is crossing boundaries. She should not be emailing your boss and definitely should not be threatening to invite a female companion for your husband!
That’s pretty whacko. She’s certainly making a bigger jerk of herself than you. There are no excuses for her behavior, and, if I were you, I would have a talk with her about boundaries.” ThePolemicist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But more than that, get a restraining order against your MIL.
Contacting your boss is so out of order and unacceptable.
Your husband needs to take a good hard look at whether he is defending you sufficiently with his family. He needs to shut his mom down good and hard regarding this behavior, and if he doesn’t do that you guys need to be in couples counseling immediately.
Strongly suggest your husband visit his grandfather another time when MIL isn’t around, if at all possible. She should not be granted visitation after behaving in such an outrageous way. Boundaries.” imothro
19. AITJ For Hating Cookies And Brownies?
“I (20F) am reasonably active in volunteer work, primarily a volunteer organization that aids the jobless, homeless, etc. I also love cooking much more than baking (I may even go as far as to say I HATE baking) so my main contribution to the organization is almost always food or hot dishes which can be reheated and distributed to those in need. However, the founder of this organization (who I will call Jay) reached out to me, wondering why I always bring dishes fit for lunch or dinner rather than desserts.
He hinted heavily at the idea that the next time I bring a food item, I should offer a dessert but I didn’t have the right ingredients or enough time to whip up a dessert along with the pie I had prepared so the next time I came in without a dessert, Jay was irritated and told me that my ‘excuse’ about having no ingredients or time was hardly valid.
He told me that something as simple as cookies or brownies would do and this is where I got mad.
Personally, I detest cookies and brownies because of the smell (which can linger in my kitchen) and there are so many specific details in desserts so I am also pretty bad at making them.
I told Jay that I hate everything about (making) desserts and he got pretty mad too, calling me a selfish jerk for prioritizing my wants over the less fortunate. He also banned me from the group and told everyone that I was no longer welcome in their organization for refusing to participate wholly.
As a result of the extreme responses I got from family, friends, and members of the organization calling me everything along the lines of useless, self-centered, and greedy, I believe that I was the jerk because truth be told I should’ve just sucked it up and made some sort of simple dessert or at the very least not argued with Jay.
A few of my closest friends disagree with me and told me that I was in no way the jerk in this situation so I’ve decided to see what others think. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Was there literally no one else who he could’ve asked to make desserts?
Your thing is making meals. That’s fine and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s also more needed than desserts. Would a dessert be nice to have as a treat? Yes, but it doesn’t need to come from you. He should’ve found someone else or done it himself.
Instead, he robbed those homeless and financially struggling people of meals because he wanted to be a jerk and get into a power struggle over cookies and brownies.
I’d go as far as reporting your experience with the organization. Jay does not deserve the position he holds and is actually damaging the organization as well as the beneficiaries’ quality of life.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re spending your time and resources making fresh, hot meals for those in need. Jay is the jerk here. If he wants desserts, he can use his time and dime to make them. The organization deserves someone better than Jay to handle these things.
You’re under no obligation to make food or volunteer your time and services. If anyone gives you grief over this, tell them politely but firmly that they don’t get to decide what foods you will donate, especially when they’re not the ones paying for it.” FormalRaccoon637
Another User Comments:
“NTJ cos it’s good that you like to make food that you’re good at making, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to make food you either don’t know how to or don’t want to make.
Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to argue with Jay but his reaction was quite extreme.
It was a minor issue that he was getting upset over so I think it was unreasonable for him to firstly make false assumptions about why you didn’t make a dessert and secondly ban you from the organization.
Basically, you’re not in the wrong cos you were a volunteer so you should be able to decide what food you want to make for the less fortunate.” c_o_G2911
18. AITJ For Putting My Son's Feelings Before My Ex-Wife's?
“I (55M) started planning a graduation party for my daughter (17F) who is graduating high school next month.
It won’t be anything too extravagant… just a dinner with family after the ceremony. My daughter currently lives with her mother (my ex-wife 53F) and they live in a different state about 8 hours away. For her graduation, her two older brothers and their families will be attending along with my parents (her grandparents).
I would like my other daughter and her husband to attend, but they are closer to my ex than myself so I have decided not to invite them as well.
My graduating daughter told my ex that there was a party being planned without her and she ended up calling me telling me that it wasn’t fair for her not to be included in our daughter’s party since it was a big deal to her.
The call ended up in an argument with me saying some disrespectful things (which I apologized for later on another call). My ex and I are cordial for the most part and co-parent well, but one of my sons really does have a non-existent relationship with her and says he can’t really be in the same room with her without the potential of losing his cool.
I will admit, it’s his own internal conflicts and she’s not at fault, but I tried explaining that I didn’t invite her for her own good.
She doesn’t feel like it’s fair that she would have to miss out because I’m accommodating my son (from a different marriage) when this ultimately isn’t about him and it’s about our daughter who we both love and raised together.
She was also pretty mad that this was all being planned behind her back in the first place. I told her I’ll talk to my son, but ultimately there is a possibility that she won’t be welcome to the party. AITJ for excluding her?”
Another User Comments:
“I was fine with everything up to the point where you’re refusing to invite your other daughter because she’s close to her mother. I know plenty of parents who have split and do their own parties etc. so I don’t see a reason your ex can’t throw a party as well.
But to not invite your daughter? That’s dirtball and very much makes you the jerk. Your son also is, because this party isn’t about him, and if you co-parent well like you say, there’s no reason you couldn’t do one big party instead of two.
Teach your son to act like an adult, that this isn’t about him, and if anything he shouldn’t be going.” Moood79
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t even ask your daughter what she wanted. You just decided and ordered. It’s her graduation and her dinner/party.
Do you think she doesn’t want her full-time custodial parent and older sister there? But she does want her half-sibling that has no internal control to the point he cannot be in the same room as your daughter’s mother? Sounds like the son that cannot manage his anger and outbursts to the point you find it unsafe potentially to have him be in a room with your ex-wife (with who he doesn’t even have a connection) is the problem here.
This isn’t your dinner to brag about what a great kid you (didn’t really) raise – it’s your daughter’s night. And you went to exclude her mother and her sister (for being close to her mom – that’s your issue with her she’s close with her mother, wonder why she’s not closer to you huh) because of your immature jerk son?
YTJ, so hard.” MountainLawyer62442
Another User Comments:
“You acknowledge that it’s because of your other son, your daughter’s half-brother, who has ‘internal conflicts’ that are not your ex-wife’s fault that you’re not inviting her – so why is she, the person who isn’t at fault, the one who is being excluded and who has to suffer because your son, who is not the center of the event, can’t control himself?
Why aren’t you asking your son to either control himself or excuse himself from the party when he can’t?
You’re depriving your daughter of her mother’s company during an event celebrating a milestone in her life. You’re making your ex miss a chance to celebrate her own daughter reaching a once-in-her-lifetime milestone.
And because that’s not enough, you’re also excluding your daughter’s sister because she’s ‘too close’ to your ex. It’s petty and self-centered, putting your son and your comfort over your daughter, making something that should be about your daughter about your son and his hang-ups.
And then you had the gall to say disrespectful things to your ex when she was understandably upset about your behavior.
YTJ.” peony_161
17. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Telling Everyone I'm Kicking Her Out?
“My mother left when I was eleven to follow a married man and his family to another country.
When I was 16 my dad kicked me out. I had contact with my mother and she paid for my airfare to where she was. I paid her back. I lived with her on and off and always paid rent. She would kick me out if her partner wasn’t happy.
It was always about her and her partner. That was 35 yrs ago. A couple of years ago her third husband passed away and I said if she had nowhere else to go she could come live with my daughter and me. She’s been living with us for the past two years and has not paid a cent in rent or utilities.
I’m a contractor and don’t have any work coming up so I asked her to pay market-rate rent and utilities. She’s now found somewhere else to rent and is telling everyone I’m kicking her out. I now hate the sight of her.
She’s never been considerate about the utilities, leaving the TV and lights on and then going into her room.
She acts like she owns the house and can be quite disrespectful towards me at times. Recently I asked her to help me which meant using her car, she then asked me for petrol money, even though she lives for free in my house.
AITJ for being angry that she’s telling everyone that what goes around comes around and that karma will get me when I’ve given her two years of free living?
And she’s going to leave her cat when she goes?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t worry about what this woman is telling people. It sounds as though anyone who knows her, including her cat, is likely well aware that she is selfish and heartless and that you are not at fault for her need to find new housing.
I’m very sorry that you have this person as a parent. May you find peace and healing in letting her go. NTJ.” Due_Laugh_3852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been accommodating and generous by allowing your mother to live with you for two years without contributing to rent or utilities.
It’s reasonable to ask her to contribute, especially considering your financial situation. While it’s unfortunate that she’s spreading a negative narrative, your anger is justified. It’s also unfair for her to leave her cat behind. Stand your ground and remember that you’ve supported her, despite the past issues.” doubleramencups
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, she’s lucky that you’ve let her live there for two years before asking for rent. Let her move out, it sounds like your life will be easier with her elsewhere anyway. As far as karma goes, she’s right… and it sounds like you’ve got some good things coming your way, and she’ll have to deal with hers.” User
One thing you need to recognize and accept about your mother, is that she's an egomaniacal narcissist who will never change. She's never wrong, nothing is ever her fault, and she will always put her own wants and needs ahead of yours. Oh, and if you are in the right, as you are in this situation, she'll lie to everyone who will listen to her because she knows she's wrong but is too embarrassed to admit it.
For your own emotional and mental health, take care of that poor cat, love your daughter and continue to be the mother to her that yours
should have been to you, and block the egg donor from your life permanently. Believe me when I say you'll be much, MUCH happier if you do. Wish I'd have done it when I should have, with my own egg donor.
16. AITJ For "Ruining" My Cousin's Wedding By Not Wearing A Wig?
“My (20F) cousin (25M) got married last week. I’ve only met his wife (25) once, we had a brief conversation at a family party. I’m not close to my cousin. A few weeks before the wedding, his wife called to demand I wear a long wig and a dress to her wedding.
I have a Peaky Blinders undercut at the moment and was planning to wear a suit.
She insisted I can ‘do whatever I want later’, but for her wedding, I have to ‘s*****t up and dress appropriately’. I told her she absolutely does not know me well enough to be asking these kinds of things and it was incredibly rude in the first place.
She started whining that I was ruining her wedding, and I told her I’d be happy to wear a dress if she wanted, but I wasn’t wearing a wig.
The wedding day rolls around, I bought a dress that matched her theme. I was careful to get an ankle-length dress because I have very thick, dark leg hair, that also hid all my tattoos, but I didn’t wear a wig.
The bride glared at me during the service and told me at the reception I ruined her wedding. She’s since been posting on social media about how I wanted all the attention on me and was trying to ruin her big day.
I didn’t want to ruin her wedding, I just wasn’t willing to wear a wig.
I met her halfway on the clothes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having a dress code, as in ‘black tie’ or whatever, is fine. Demanding guests to wear wigs to have the ideal hair for their wedding vision is way, way too far. If one guest not wearing a wig can ruin her wedding then her wedding was going to be ruined one way or another.
She would have found a reason, most likely because of some member of the groom’s family. You just got to be the reason. (I legit don’t even remember what other people wore when I got married. It was not my focus at all!)” CemeteryDweller7719
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless it was a theme like black tie, or (semi) formal and it said so ON the invitation you did more than you had to. You went out of your way to dress in a way to make the bride happy. You took in consideration to cover body hair & tattoos that she would have jumped on you about had those been visible.
What I don’t understand (this goes for all bridezillas that single out specific people) is if you and I were family and you came to a wedding in a dress with or without a wig and that is far from your style, my attention would be shifted to you because that’s not your norm.
Unless a wedding has a dress code (for everyone) or theme I think guests should always dress nicer than their everyday but what’s wrong with a man wearing a nice dress or a woman wearing a feminine or masculine suit.” PinkFleaBlossom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good for you to show an effort and compromise.
But also good for you for not following her unreasonable demands. Your actions showed very generous respect – more than she deserved (I bet your suit would have looked awesome though). But her demands showed a complete disregard and disrespect to you.
Why would you invite friends and family if you want everyone to look a certain way?
You might as well hire extras.
Anyone who puts that much importance on a wedding – and not the marriage – is a jerk.” nasted
15. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Sleep In My Room?
“I’m 16, and my little sister’s 7. She’s been having nightmares recently and is afraid of sleeping alone after she has one. It takes her a while to even get to sleep in the first place.
Almost every night she comes to my room and asks to stay with me after her dream.
I understand how she feels (I’ve experienced frequent nightmares almost my whole life) so I let her stay even though I’m usually up most of the night.
For the past few days, though, it’s gotten difficult. She wakes up really easily and it’s hard for me to leave the room and come back (or do anything) without her hearing.
When she’s awake she likes to talk and usually wants to know what I’m doing.
Last night (around 1 in the morning) I was talking to a friend who was having a hard time. My sister came in and told me about her dream, and once again asked to sleep in my bed. I didn’t want her in here this time, both because I wanted to be able to talk to my friend without distractions and also because it just gets really annoying having a 7-year-old in the room.
I gave her one of my stuffed animals and told her she would be okay, and she said okay but a few minutes later my stepmom came into my room and told me off for being ‘cruel.’ She said that my sister was having a hard time and I need to help her out.
I told her that I’d let her sleep in my bed many times, but she didn’t want to hear it.
She wanted to take my phone away but my dad convinced her not to. My stepmom still told my sister that I treated her unfairly and made me apologize.
I get that my stepmom isn’t a huge fan of me but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So why doesn’t she sleep with her parents? You’re NTJ here, it’s very sweet of you to let her sleep in your room, if it’s not a bother to you (if you can sleep too, isn’t disrupting your life, if you feel you need to do that for her) then yeah be the amazing big sister and let her sleep in your bed. But your stepmom was out of line.
You’re not that child’s parent, and you’re still a child yourself. It was wrong of stepmom to shame you, and especially to say that to your sister. How mean.” onescaryarmadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your sister is having problems sleeping, it is the responsibility of her parents to help her.
Not you. You can’t take her to the doctor to see if there is a treatable problem, or to a sleep specialist to see if she has a sleeping disorder, or to a therapist if she’s having issues that are expressing themselves through the nightmares.
I’m curious about the family structure. Is your stepmom her mother, or stepmother? Where is your mother in all of this? If your sleep is being disrupted by your stepmother pressuring you to parent your sister in the middle of the night, could your mother address this, or let you stay with her?
Who pays for your home, and what agreements do your mother and father have about your stepmother parenting you and choosing how to discipline you?
Now, if it is a school night, and you have to be on time in the morning, being up at 1 am is probably not a great idea.
Plus, if she sees that you are awake, but your father and stepmother are sleeping, that’s a pretty strong incentive for her to go to you, rather than dealing with waking them, as it seems they are hostile to being responsible for helping her at night.
If your sister is coming into your room, and you are up much of the night, and this keeps her awake, this is a problem. Sleep deprivation can lead to nightmares and night terrors. So there may be a self-perpetuating problem: she has a nightmare, comes to you, is kept awake, and that triggers more nightmares.
And if you are staying up because it is impossible to sleep next to her, that can affect your health, and your performance at school.
Your parents need to enforce reasonable bedtimes and uninterrupted sleep for kids in the house. That means, for your sister, a reasonable bedtime, and redirecting her to bed to sleep at night rather than her staying awake in your room.
(And probably having some sort of bedtime expectations for you, as well, for school nights.)” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a weird take from stepmom. Sounds an awful lot like she doesn’t want to go to the trouble of dealing with this issue with your sister herself when she can foist it off on you.
Major jerk move by her here. You deserve the space and privacy of your own room, this is not a difficult request. Moreover, seven is more than old enough for your parents to teach your sister how to deal with this kind of thing.” Remarkable-Intern-41
14. AITJ For Demanding An Unopened Can Of Soda?
“The other night I went to a pub with a group of friends (all female). A new place, none had ever been there.
As we walked in and asked for a table, the waiter made jokes like, ‘Wow, did your men let you go out alone?
I’d always keep you locked up, you’re too cute!’, ‘No? Don’t you have a man? Better for me!’
You could see that he said it jokingly – the pub is located in an area of the city where there are only pubs, bars, and nightclubs: the staff tries to attract customers in every way, even with that kind of joke – but for some reason, it rubbed me the wrong way.
I said nothing but pulled a face. The waiter saw me and told me that he was just joking, there was no need to be offended.
I rolled my eyes and said ‘Whatever’, just to not start a sterile argument that I wasn’t offended, just annoyed.
We sat down at the table and ordered drinks. I ordered a can of soda, as did another friend (others ordered beers or cocktails).
When the orders arrived at the table, I saw that my can of soda had already been opened, while my friend’s was still sealed. I told the waiter that I wanted an unopened can, and he (the same one who had made us sit at the table) was defensive, saying that I offended him very much with my insinuations (I didn’t insinuate anything, I just asked for an unopened can).
He said that for him opening bottles and cans are automatic gestures. When I pointed out that my other friend’s was sealed, he replied that the orders for the table were many, and he hadn’t seen it.
By then, other patrons of the pub were watching the scene.
I stood my ground, demanding an unopened can, and the waiter replied that it was absurd to waste a can of perfectly good soda and insisted that I drink that, but I said no. I finally got the unopened can but we were pretty much ignored by the waiter for the rest of the evening and when we asked for a second round of drinks we waited a lot
My friends got mad at me, saying that I spoiled the mood and made the waiter boycott our table (and that’s why they think I was a jerk).
In my opinion, I wasn’t: my request was reasonable and the way the waiter reacted set off alarm bells for me.
Nothing happened, but better be safe than sorry.
But now I’m wondering if I overreacted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if the soda was completely fine (huge IF that I agree you shouldn’t risk just to be polite), the waiter sounds unprofessional. You didn’t make a fuss.
He did. He started the interaction off on the wrong foot with a bad joke, got annoyed and argumentative over a reasonable request because he was still hung up on the joke not landing, and then took it out on your whole party for the rest of the night.
Also, opening cans IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMER is a common gesture. Handing them over already opened is not.” marsi-e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. His behavior was creepy from the start, and the fact that your can was opened but your friend’s wasn’t was a red flag.
For all we know, he didn’t do a thing to it, but you don’t know that, and you, rightfully, wanted assurance with an unopened can.
His saying it was an automatic gesture, like doing you some super favor, was weird. Did he not think you were capable of opening a can of soda?
So let’s recap – he treats you like eye candy, then like a dumb dumb, and then on the defense. Sounds like a winner.” Disneyfreak77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jokes about locking up women and insisting you drink an opened can? Your friends aren’t just jerks too, they are also dangerously foolish.
I’d call and complain. His intent isn’t what matters as much as optics.
Playful flirting is not making comments that suggest you are owned by men who shouldn’t allow you out. Playful flirting is not making a joke about locking you up.
And he knows it too because look how quickly he picked up on you not just being offended but ‘insinuating’ he was being icky. He knew. He gets off on making women uncomfortable.” Ladyughsalot1
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Disney World With My Siblings?
“So I (28f) was pretty much raised by my mom. She was a teen mom and had broken up with my dad, he was in the army stationed somewhere in Europe. It was just us and we were really close. I love my dad but we’re not that close.
When I went to university, at first I’d come home every weekend and whenever I could. But about a year in, my mom had a surprise, my dad moved back to the city and they’d started going out again.
And at first, I was happy.
What eighteen-year-old doesn’t want that? And they’ve been together for so long now and I’m happy they found their way back to each other. But things are different. They got married and then they had two other kids. And after they had them, I guess I started seeing just how much I didn’t have.
And I hate it. I hate it so much. I don’t care that it’s not their fault, or that they’re little kids who don’t know better. If my dad had come home sooner, I could have had that and I’m smart enough to know that it’s better to stay away than feel like that.
And beyond that, they honestly seem like brats to me.
So, it’s been about four years now since I’ve visited for more than a day trip. Since I’m getting married in December, my mom wants all four of us to go on one actual family vacation.
The kids want to go to Disney World and she wants me to come along. I just told her there’s no way I’m going anywhere unless it’s just me and her, maybe Dad. I admitted I’m not going to come just to see those kids live the childhood I should have had.
I could tell that made her cry but she hid it from me and my dad texted me later that she was crying and he doesn’t know why and asked me to call to help out. I hate that I made her cry but what should I do?
Keep hiding how I feel and go on a vacation where I’ll be miserable?”
Another User Comments:
“I think this is an extremely clear ‘no jerks here’.
Listen, I understand how you feel, but it really isn’t your parents’ fault. They didn’t purposely deprive you of the sort of relationship or childhood you deserved. Well, it might be your dad’s fault a little bit for being an absent father, but it’s definitely not your mom’s fault.
Your mom did her absolute best to raise you. You even admitted yourself that you and your mom were extremely close. There’s nothing wrong with your mom trying to get you to build a relationship with your new siblings, especially since this is sort of like the opportunity for her to give you the family you never had.
That being said, your feelings are completely valid. You did absolutely nothing morally wrong telling her how you feel. I think it’s good that you tell her the truth about how you feel, just so your parents’ have a chance to make amends. You did lose out on certain aspects of childhood, and it’s perfectly reasonable that you feel jealous that your siblings get to experience that when you didn’t.
In my opinion, you do deserve a vacation with just your parents. I think the three of you should definitely do that before your wedding. But I also think that you should suggest going on another family vacation with your siblings as well as your future spouse after you two are married. After all, your spouse is also going to be a member of the family soon.
Like I said, you definitely should do a trip before with just your parents, but consider doing that as well.” Due_Policy1268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Genetic proximity does not create an obligation for a child to be involved with their parents’ decisions in perpetuity.
You don’t owe your parents or siblings anything. Parents provide because we love our children, and have a legal and ethical obligation to help them grow up.
You don’t owe anything in return.
You don’t have strong relationships with your siblings, and they represent to you a childhood that you wish you could have had.
You don’t have to put yourself into situations where you have to face that.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but I would say this is a ‘no jerks here’ situation except maybe the dad for not being around while you grew up.
Your mom is obviously entitled to have a relationship and a family, but you are entitled to these feelings.
I think it’s good your mom knows your feelings in the long run because she can avoid trying to plan things that will put you in this kind of position moving forward.
It will obviously sting for a bit, but hopefully, you two can grow closer because of it. Maybe you will eventually grow closer with your dad/siblings, but for now, just live your best life, and good luck with the wedding plans!” DriftlessHang
12. AITJ For Not Liking The Salesman's Request To See My Husband?
“I live in the UK – a 30-year-old female homeowner.
We had a salesman knock on the door regarding new windows and doors and I said I was interested in a new front door as ours has become a little troublesome recently. They called a few days later and asked if we could book a ‘no obligation quote appointment’ to look at some options.
They would leave it with us and we could contact if we wanted to go ahead.
My husband works 6 days a week and I’m a stay-at-home mom. We have an agreement that I’m in charge of all household stuff and decisions etc. He is more than happy for me to meet and look at doors I like and get a quote then we can decide if to go ahead.
I told the salesman this but he refused to book an appointment where my husband wasn’t present even though on the phone call hubby informed him of the above. He said we both needed to be present. Is this normal or just pushy tactics – or a bit sexist?
Dunno if I’m feeling sensitive or is this just standard practice? At the moment I want to tell them to go and shove it but WIBTJ and would this be overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“Actually while it seems sexist (and could be), a lot of door-to-door and places like dealerships are instructed to have anyone who is part of decisions there for the pitch.
Simply for the reason that you can not use the excuse ‘I need to talk to my husband. I need to talk to my wife. I need to talk to my partner.’ It is an objection that gets in the way of their ‘closing’ you and is considered a waste of time in their world.
I would imagine that his/her boss instructed them to not set up an appointment unless both husband and wife are present and they are stupidly following that instead of really assessing the situation. However, you are NTJ. They have been given enough heads up that you are the decision maker.
Tell them to take their pitch elsewhere.” Cruzin2fold
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Tell him to kick rocks. Sounds sexist to me. Sounds like the old, outdated view that the man of the house makes all the decisions, and so he feels that not meeting with the husband is wasting his time because he’s not talking to the person who gets the final say.
If you really want to stick it to him, you should contact the company and schedule with a different salesperson. That way, if you do end up liking the offerings and go with them, you’ll be giving what could’ve been his commission to another person in the office to make sure he knows what he missed out on for being a sexist tool.” Kirynn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he is genuine, and not a scammer, he is still a jerk because he is trying to get you more invested in the project by your husband having to make the effort to be there. This way he can take advantage of the sunk cost fallacy (in terms of you will have spent additional time on this) which means people think they should continue with the purchase because they have already put a lot of effort into it.
Cancel with him. If you want a new front door, do some independent research.” Lagoon2468
11. AITJ For Helping And Staying Connected With My Son-In-Law?
“I (56f) own land. My mother (78) has built a house on the front of my property.
I have a mobile home in the back section that I lived in while building my home. In the middle, I have two metal barns. I raise horses. The barns are big.
Two years ago my daughter asked if she and her family could convert one barn into a house.
I agreed instantly. I’m very close to her youngest children. (the twins are now 6-year-olds – one boy and one girl.) In fact, they stayed with me almost full-time for some months. She (35) is a registered nurse. My son-in-law (Rick) was in the oil field from the very first time they met.
He would be gone anywhere from 3 weeks and home 3 weeks to it being months gone and a month home. She worked hospital hours and rotated. So she had her hands full with the two older kids. Mom and I were more than happy to help.
Neither of us worked.
So they sell the house and move into my mobile home and start the demolition process. She convinced him to give up his job and stay home with the kids so she can work more hours and go back to school.
Reluctantly he becomes a stay-at-home dad.
Six months into the house demo, she decides to become a traveling nurse. ‘To finish funding the house.’ To shorten the story some, she moves outta state. Meets a lady with whom she soon starts having an affair.
Then moves in with her. She only came back twice a year to pick up belongings. Never staying more than a day. One of the days was her oldest daughter’s birthday. She stayed less than two hours, packed some things, and left. I found out she was leaving when we saw her drive out the back driveway.
During this time he is unemployed with 4 kids and she stops paying bills. And she has gone no contact with all her family and lifelong friends. I and my mom included. Even little to no contact with the children. Things stayed this way for 15 months.
She then files for divorce. And goes off on me for not making Rick and the kids move out immediately. Calls me everything but a child of God for not doing so and taking his side. She knew Rick had nowhere to go and no job or savings.
She had emptied the bank account.
It’s been going on for two years now. He has a job. Mom and I take the kids to and from school. They are adjusting. Still very little to no contact with my daughter. She has blocked and deleted me from all social media.
And vows to take the kids from Rick and never allows me to contact them.
I’m not going to make them leave.
So her father is saying I am the jerk for not kicking him out. Am I? Should I make them leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no way. It’s your land and she up and abandons her kids, her husband, and her past life. She doesn’t get to decide the who, what, where, or when, of the life she left behind. She’s pretty heartless to want you to just kick them out because suddenly they were divorced and she wasn’t even living here.
I’m not sure why she cares. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m so glad those kids and their dad have you and your mom for support. Maybe someday your daughter will grow up and want to be a part of the family again.” ksarahsarah27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rick needs to get everything documented including taking all the money, the way she has abandoned the kids, etc and go after her for Child Support.
I’d guess she wants them made homeless so she can claim custody and then get any benefits, funds from Rick’s wages, etc for herself, and pretend she’s a good Mum.
She clearly doesn’t love them, but I guess having to explain to the world why your kids aren’t with you, why you don’t see them, etc has forced her to create a whole web of lies. I doubt her family or partner know all the details, just her story.” Slow_Ad_7002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter is angry because you didn’t make her children homeless? She’s awful!
And for your information, if she tries to take the kids? A judge is going to look very favorably on Rick. He is stable. He didn’t abandon the children.
He has a job. But, mostly, he has your support and a home with you. A judge is going to see the maternal grandmother supporting the father financially/custodially as a good sign. Yes, the courts are still (wrongfully) biased towards the mother, but your daughter’s behavior and your support for Rick will speak volumes.” Natural_Garbage7674
10. AITJ For Blaming Someone's Dog For My Baby's Crying?
“I went out to eat on a patio with my 10-month-old and wife.
We got seated at a table next to a guy who brought his dog. It’s medium-sized, not sure what breed. It’s a few minutes, all is well, we get our drinks and order our food. Another guy with a dog shows up. The dog barks/growls at him.
The guy gets his dog to be quiet. The other dog doesn’t react at all.
We aren’t a dog family. We chose this spot because the weather was great and the food/drinks are good. The presence of a dog doesn’t bother me, but I’m not going to willingly interact with them.
My kid has minimal experience with dogs. That’s for his safety. The barking/growling, however, caused my 10-month-old to start crying. It freaked him out. My wife is consoling him.
It’s maybe 30 seconds and the other guy tells us maybe we should take him away.
I see no reason to do that and I tell him he’ll be fine in a few minutes. My kid however isn’t calming down as quickly as we hoped. The guy pipes up again and says my crying kid is ruining his meal. I flip out, tell him to shut up, and blame his dog for why my kid is crying.
He tells me if I can’t handle my kid I shouldn’t be going out to eat. I tell him this whole thing is entirely his fault for bringing his trashy dog out. He calls me a jerk and calls the waitress over to complain. My wife and I decide to leave cash and get out of there.
Was I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. His dog disrupted people’s meals.
Your child disrupted people’s (besides this guy’s) meals. It is not reasonable to expect people to put up with ‘a few minutes’ of your baby’s crying.
It’s obviously not your fault the baby is crying, babies just do that but that’s why people hire babysitters or walk their kids outside away from other diners when they start getting fussy.
Also choosing to engage and escalate with some stranger with temper problems while your 10-month-old around isn’t great.” GoblinOfficial
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Is it well known that this establishment has dogs with owners eating outside? Sort of sounds like two people with dogs rocked up.
Anyway, he sucks because he thinks a baby crying is something that can be controlled quickly and suggests you leave because of it.
Also for taking his not-very-social dog into a place where other dogs could be.
You suck for escalating the situation and yelling in front of your already-upset baby. That wasn’t exactly going to help your situation, was it?
I have a kid. If she got fussy like that in public I took her away from others until she calmed down.
Parents do indeed get to eat out with their babies, but you also have to be mindful of others when you do so. The sound of a baby crying is designed to be annoying so you don’t ignore it.” Important-Lawyer-350
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If it’s a pet-friendly patio, one bark/growl and then calm is not out of the expected for a dog especially if they’re working on socializing and the dog was corrected immediately which sounds like what happened. A crying baby is also a fact of life.
The problem is that both of you made unreasonable demands of the other, you went to a pet-friendly patio and were annoyed that there were pets being pets; he went out in public where babies exist and was annoyed by the baby and made an out of line suggestion for you to move.
You both escalated needlessly, yes he was rude but you also could have reacted much better to wind it down instead of making things worse. Classic you can only control your reaction not what other people do.” ANALizethispease
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Wedding Date To My Sister?
“My (24F) fiancé (24M) and I are getting married in October of this year. We got engaged last December of 2022. My sister and I are not close. We have a 3-year age difference (27F) and this would be her second marriage. She and her fiancé (30M) got engaged this January.
We were obviously happy for one another as we as a family are close and our fiancés are friends. (as I stated before my sister and I aren’t close and do not get along.)
My fiancé and I wanted to get married in October because we want a fall-themed wedding and by then we would have enough money to pay for it.
We planned this date in October (which happens to be the same day as my parents’ anniversary) a week after we got engaged. We revealed the date to my family and they agreed that sounds good. (family in town, getting to share my special day with my parents, getting work off, etc.) My sister got really excited when she heard the idea of an autumn wedding.
So just to help her out for a date I said maybe November or early December.
All of a sudden during wedding planning she began to sob in front of me and my mother because she really wanted to have the same date of the wedding as mine because it’s the same day our parents got married. (She’s never expressed that she wanted this date.
ever.) My mom tends to baby my sister because she’s been through a lot, so my mom sympathized with her. I was honestly shocked at this because she’s never explained that she wanted the same date but I understood why she would want it.
My mom later in private asked me to change my wedding date for my sister. I was upset and told her no because that date already had a sentimental value to me and we planned it before her. My mom went crazy on me and started calling me selfish.
I called my dad about it and my dad got super upset at my mom for even asking. My fiancé and my sister’s fiancé are both really mad at my sister too for asking, especially since she never even tried to discuss it with her fiancé.
My mom is now extremely upset with me about it for telling my dad. I honestly don’t know what to think of this and besides my dad, my fiancé, and her fiancé my entire family is calling me a selfish baby who can’t be happy for her sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No wonder you don’t get along with your sister. You had it first, you wanted it first, and you shouldn’t have to give up something you already had set and everyone knew about because all of a sudden your sister wanted it.
The fact that your mom wants to throw you under the bus and pick your sister over you would also really sting.” ajt9814
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ
Your sister is clearly trying to cause issues and make this all about her, I find it interesting as soon as you get engaged within a month she’s engaged too… Seems like she’s trying to compete with you.
Tell your family that you suggested it first and everyone agreed that you should get first preference.
Your sister may have been through some issues but that doesn’t give her the right to manipulate everyone and considering she’s already one marriage down this should be your day.
If she continues to cause issues maybe you need to accept uninviting her.
Your mom may realize the error of her ways when your sister is on divorce number 2.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is crazy. Your sister doesn’t get to stamp her feet and demand you change your wedding date because she’s suddenly decided she wants it for herself.
Your mother’s response to this surely does explain her entitled behavior, though.
Stand your ground. Tell your mother and your other family members that if they continue to call you a selfish baby for not rolling over for your spoiled, bratty sister, they are welcome to not attend your wedding at all.” ImStealingTheTowels
8. AITJ For Locking My Side Of The House?
“I have a newer roommate Mark (32). The rule of restrooms was established when he moved in.
His friends have to use his restroom. In his room.
Mine is in hall like area but I have a sliding door to my side of the house. My restroom is in my rent. Mark has been having friends crash on the couch and then using my restroom overnight and I don’t know or trust these people.
Finally last week I put a lock on my sliding door and am not letting people on my side of the house as things like my cologne have gone missing and people have used my shower.
On Tuesday his friend took a dump on our patio because Mark locked his bedroom door and I locked up my side of the house.
The other roommate and I told Mark to clean up his friend’s mess. Mark got mad at me for locking people out of my side of the home because I have a hall bathroom.
He goes on he doesn’t feel comfortable allowing people to use his restroom at night because he likes to sleep in the buff but my restroom is off limits because sometimes my girl sleeps over and doesn’t like random wasted dudes in her space.
We all reminded Mark of the rules per our lease agreement and he’s acting like it’s unfair for me to lock up my side of the house so his friends can’t use the hall bathroom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mark has to go.
Having a roommate with friends who behave like that is unacceptable. If Mark can’t work out that HIS friends might need to use the bathroom at night and make arrangements for that out of HIS rented space, he needs to go. You say you don’t know or trust his friends who are sleeping on the couch.
GET RID OF MARK. Get rid of him. He is astonishingly entitled trash and so are his friends. Also, they are STEALING from you. What are you waiting for? None of this is acceptable.” DesignedPax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he can either put on some boxers, or he can tell his friends to go home.
You are not obligated to share your space with his friends because – he does not want to share his space. Keep the door locked and tell him the dude that dumps on the porch like a dog cannot stay over anymore unless he plans on sticking the dude in a kennel overnight so that way his mess is more contained. He will have to buy the kennel of course.” Sharp_Equipment5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is an example of ‘a little kindness goes a long way’ really. If Mark had occasional guests, and had politely come to you each time and said ‘Hey, I’m having x person over, they’ll mainly use my bathroom for showering etc but if they badly need to pee in the night, would it be okay for them to use yours?’, you might have said yes.
But instead, he’s just been doing it without talking to you, and clearly without putting any boundaries in place with his guests if they’ve been using your shower and someone’s stolen your deodorant.
Also, took a dump on the patio?! Like at least find a bag or a bush or something, I don’t know.” Heliola
7. AITJ For Telling My Friends The Reason Why I Don't Want To Have A Wedding?
“I (31F) will be getting married legally, but have no interest in a wedding. I also don’t have an engagement ring. My friends have always been fascinated by why I’ve made these decisions as they have not been strictly financial ones, and numerous times I have brushed it off as ‘just not for me’.
After yet again another round of questions and assumptions of why I’m not doing those things I was honest: I personally find it all pretty basic that we all have identical weddings and wear identical rings. At least, in my brain, it just isn’t even close to being worth the money for things that are often so unoriginal (and I’m not interesting enough to do something different.
LOL).
I couldn’t care less what other people do with their money, and I enjoy my friend’s wedding days and am nothing but positive about them. I understand people all do similar things for the sake of tradition, which is why I do a lot of things, just this one isn’t worth the money for me personally based on what I find value in and enjoy.
My friends are now really offended and are saying that I called them basic. I think I’m allowed to have my own opinions on stuff and they are not allowed to take it so personally when they’ve asked so many times. I don’t get offended when my friends do things differently to me for their own reasons.
I need to know if I should have kept my mouth shut and/or if I should apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they didn’t want to hear home truths then they shouldn’t have kept pushing into your business after you told them no. The whole issue should have been put to bed in one brief conversation along the lines of
Them: why no wedding?
You: it’s just not for me.
Them: fair play.
End of conversation.
You told them the whole wedding thing wasn’t for you. They kept on pressuring you – which is a tacit judgment of your choice. Now they’re all mad because you shared your opinion of the choice they made?
Nope.
Maybe next time they’ll think twice before shoving their opinions and expectations into other people’s personal decisions. Probably not though – in a few years these same people will be harassing their childfree friends about how they must change their minds and have children.
Then they’ll clutch their pearls and gasp when one of those friends gets to the end of their tether and points out the downsides of parenthood.” lemlemsx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
They should simply respect that it isn’t what you want, nagging about it is annoying.
However, you really did say that their goal of marriage was, in YOUR opinion, unoriginal and basic. There was literally no other way to take that comment. You could have just as easily said ‘I just don’t find joy in spending that kind of money for a day for myself.
I have other goals in mind that money would be better spent on for MY life’. There, said you think the money is ridiculous without insulting anyone’s ideas.
I’d apologize for the wording, and just ask that they respect your choice.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve tried brushing your friends off repeatedly about this issue, but they’ve continued asking. You’ve answered honestly, stating that you feel that the experience isn’t special or unique enough for you to feel comfortable dropping that kind of money on it.
It’s okay to explain why you’re not interested in something, even if other people are. It’s also okay to explain your reasoning behind not following certain traditions, particularly when pushed. Most of all, it’s okay to have different priorities for the people around you.” octohussy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your friends need to be more understanding about why you don’t want a wedding. I can certainly relate, if I get married again I definitely do not want a traditional wedding. But your friends need to understand that personal preferences are exactly that – personal. Weddings aren’t your thing.
Just like anything else that others might find really engaging or exciting that someone else just doesn’t enjoy.
However, your calling their weddings ‘basic’ and ‘identical’ was definitely an insult to them. Not because ooooh how dare you say they were basic but because although weddings are not a big thing to YOU, they were big deals to THEM.
A lot of brides, I’m gathering your friends including, put a lot of time and effort into trying to make their weddings ‘their own’. Into trying to make them memorable events. Your comment basically told them all that time and effort and pride they put into it was wasted and useless, and now their feelings are hurt.
I get that’s likely not how you intended it, but just like your friends have to understand that weddings just aren’t your ‘thing’, you need to understand that the way you phrased your comment was hurtful to them.” QandiCat
6. AITJ For Threatening To Fire A Coworker If She Doesn't Shut Up?
“I (29M) manage one of 3 teams of 5 people, all working under 1 director. I am a new hire (also my first time managing a team like this ever), and there is a member on my team (34F) who is a bit of a loudmouth.
She doesn’t seem to care about speaking her mind, to me or her coworkers, which I’m not particularly okay with, but she does her work and nobody really seems to have that much of a problem with it.
One thing I do not and can not stand is when she talks rudely to the director (My boss!).
I understand, sometimes the things he asks of us are not fair, sometimes there is just too much work, and he’s gotten upset with the group too, but it’s just not okay.
The director is pretty laissez-faire with his management approach, so even when he assigns a butt load of work, if we don’t finish it seems for the most part other than a bit of some passive-aggressive remarks he gives us extensions.
I’ve told her plenty of times she doesn’t need to speak up when these things happen, it’s my place to decide if something needs to be said about too much work or something like that, but she always does it anyway.
She must have been having a really bad week, because we had another conference and the bossman was being a bit passive-aggressive, so she decided to do it back to him.
It was a really uncomfortable call and to make a long story short, she basically summed up that he was a lazy and inconsiderate jerk (not exact words but pretty much that).
I honestly get it, I do, he is a bit of a jerk but at the end of the day he is the boss, and he is MY boss.
Her actions directly reflect on me, her manager. I told her she needs to stop and she said that she was doing my job by telling him when enough is enough. I should make those decisions, and I have, there have been plenty of times when I put my foot down and said it’s just too much.
I told her she needs to either shut up and just talk to me about it, or she needs to rethink her future with the company.
She’s talked about it w her coworkers, I can tell they are a bit upset with me because they feel like I’m siding with him rather than them.
I just need them to understand that I can’t have them talking to OUR boss like that, it’s just not right. I need this job too just like them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
As you stated, you’re new to the role so take this as constructive criticism, but by the sounds of things, you’re not doing your job properly.
I understand it can be embarrassing for one of your team to be lippy toward the director, but she isn’t your child. Telling her to keep her mouth shut over issues she’s having isn’t being very helpful to the situation. What you’ve effectively told her (and everyone else there) is that you value your job more than you value them.
That’s not the right approach to management.
If you want her to be less outspoken on issues regarding the workload, then maybe you can organize some time for the 3 of you (her, the director, and yourself) to have a private meeting or something to discuss it further and she can raise her concerns in a less public environment (seeing as that sounds like your major concern).
What you did is reactive, rather than proactive, and going forward you’re going to need to find a solution that doesn’t make your team feel less valuable. If you’re going to be a leader, put the team’s needs first ahead of your own and address them accordingly.
Sidenote, I’ve never been a manager myself, so take this whole reply with a pinch of salt. But in my opinion, YTJ here.” LittleKing9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you’re the middleman, be the middleman. If your boss is crap, protect her from him. You should be the one pushing back and telling him when his demands are unrealistic or when he’s being rude.
‘Her actions directly reflect on me, her manager.’ What are you, the manager, doing to make her, the employee, feel valued and safe at work? Telling her to******* up because she’ll make you look bad? Nope. That ain’t it.
Don’t expect her to attend a meeting with him there and then just take it when he’s rude.
Good on her for not allowing it and for speaking up.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are supposed to advocate for your team so they can perform their best. Sucking up to your abusive boss and passing the abuse down the chain is not what a team leader should do.
You obviously feel threatened by her actions or unhappy that the team looks to her over you. I get it that you want to make your mark but an experienced manager adapts to the team instead of forcing their team to adapt to them. You are going to push out good employees with your clumsy management skills and make your life harder in the long run.” SnooStrawberries5153
5. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Wife's Guests At 4 AM?
“My (41m) wife (40F) was out with her friends last night. Her friend is moving out of the country, so they were hanging out at our place first, drinking mimosas and listening to music, and after that, they went out to drink at a bar.
I am injured (recently had surgery), am taking antibiotics, can’t drink or move around easily, and so I stayed at home with the dog.
The dog is relevant to the story; he is a male dog, and he is kinda skeptical towards other male dogs.
It’s about a 50/50 chance whether he will like them or not.
At around 4 am, my wife comes home with one of her friends and two people they met at a bar. Turns out, one of those people brought their male dog. It was a cute dog, he seemed really nice.
But it was a male dog.
Our dog jumped down, eager to greet his mom, then sees the other dog and freaks out. I have to lift him up to avoid a dog fight, and when the other dog goes over to eat his food, he freaks out even more, barking and growling.
In my sleepy state, I probably overreacted; I ask my wife why she thought it was okay to bring a male dog home at 4 AM, and while he is freaking out in my arms, basically begging me to let him down so he can eviscerate the ‘intruder’, I tell them to get out of my home, and basically push them out the door.
My wife then brings some wine outside to have a drink with her friends in the backyard, and I bring the dog into the bedroom to calm him down.
An hour or so later she comes back inside and goes to bed.
The next morning she tells me her friends were ‘worried about her’ after my reaction, and that the dogs would have been fine (my dog was literally snarling at the other dog while I was holding him).
I will admit that I might have overreacted in my exhausted state at 4 am, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Sounds like your wife had a good night out, and I don’t think any of the details here are very untoward. It’s pretty normal to invite new acquaintances over for a nightcap after the bars close in my experience.
Your wife could have been more cognizant of the male dog problem, but she spent the evening getting tuned up and probably emotional with her friend leaving for x time.
It doesn’t really seem like there was even a serious problem that resulted from her lack of judgment on the dog situation.
I think you already knew you were NTJ though. Seems like a good excuse to have a bunch of strangers dissect your relationship though.” supermegafuerte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If those are people she’ll stay friends with I think you should have a talk with them, tell them why you reacted that way and that it’s nothing personal. You’re recovering, it was in the middle of the night, you were absolutely not prepared and just reacted in a stressful situation where I bet you’ve been the one with the clearest head.
No bad b***d, you can see if they like each other when they meet at a place where none of them has their territory. Your wife apologized, you’re all good, and I think she’ll remember it the next time after that incident. Nothing happened, no one got harmed, and there’s no need to start crap because of your wife or whatever.
People make mistakes, it’s a thing humans do, learn from it and that’s it.” Signal_Historian_456
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your house. It is 4:00 AM. You are in recovery. The small dog has a behavior that she is aware of and she did not prepare you for what she was doing.
Communication is quite easy these days. Nothing was preventing her from shooting you a text, giving you a call, and filling you in on her plans of coming home with someone who had a dog. At least you could have been prepared. If it is a place that you share, she should have asked. She should be aware of the dog’s behaviors.
It was a poor judgment.” Acceptable_Elk_1026
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Tattoo That Doesn't Have A Significant Meaning To Me?
“I (33F) have been invited to a friend’s (29F) hen night next month, which I am gladly going to.
She wants the whole party to get a tattoo commemorating the trip with her, but my issue is that she got engaged after only being with her partner (now fiancé) for four months.
She has had a string of failed engagements in the past and so I’m not exactly optimistic that this will work out and therefore don’t want to be potentially stuck with a tattoo commemorating a failed engagement.
When I said no she got annoyed at me and demanded to know why.
I didn’t want to say of course which annoyed her even more.
She wants the tattoo to feature something iconic from the city we’ll be partying in, with ‘2023’ underneath. I also find this very tacky.
I really don’t think I’m the jerk but the rest of the party has been making comments also, so I bow down to your wisdom to decide.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She wants you to put something permanently on your body to commemorate a party dedicated to her. That is ridiculous. Your body is not her scrapbook. If you don’t want a tattoo commemorating her party I think it is pretty understandable.
I’d only get a tattoo of something meaningful to me like my own wedding, child, deceased relative, or personal accomplishment. My body is not a car to slap permanent bumper stickers on for going to a tourist attraction or a party.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t matter if she gets married and reaches her 50th anniversary with this guy. How solid the relationship is really isn’t relevant to the question.
You are NEVER the jerk for setting boundaries regarding your own body, so NTJ.
She and your other ‘friends’ are definitely jerks for even thinking that it’s ok to demand that someone else undergo a procedure that carries risk (and yes, there are real infection risks with tattoos) and permanently changes their body.
And that’s true whether you have no tattoos or 40 others already.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and it is beyond wild that she would even suggest it. If she really wanted one like that, the rest of you (if you really wanted) could all get different ones that had nothing to do with her hen night and you’d just remember that was the fun time you had it done.
Or you could all be there to just support her while she gets one, but it’s almost even crazier that the rest of the party thinks her idea is a good one.
If I were you, I’d maybe get temporary ones made with the city and year, to shut her up.” champagneformyrealfr
3. AITJ For Comparing Educational Attainment With My Partner?
“I (32M) am a web developer and have a computer engineering degree from Georgetown. My partner (30F) has a bachelor’s in Computer Science and a Ph.D. in Computer Science as well from two Ivy’s and did work in compilers and robotics.
The other day we had a disagreement over something tech related, we were both right in different contexts after doing more research in my opinion but during the argument, she used the fact that she has a PhD against me.
I pointed out that I have an engineering degree which is much more rigorous than a science degree and involves learning more advanced math. I mentioned that some of the worst coworkers I had were PhDs as universities make them use outdated things and they are horrible coders and most of their research is not really applicable in the real world and people from coding boot camps are better developers.
She has a job at a research institution now, and I earn almost double what she does even after she graduated with her Ph.D. I also mentioned how most compiler research is irrelevant and how most things run on the web these days. She got upset but I think she realized I was right but did not want to admit it and cried.
AITJ here? She is the one who started it by calling herself an expert because she has a PhD.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Because you had to learn some math, you assume that your schooling was more rigorous, but she’s the one who has the Ph.D.
I also find it cute how you wouldn’t mention your degree, so I’m assuming it’s a BA. What does your pay have anything to do with this argument except to make you sound like some misogynistic jerk? You are even going so far as trying to invalidate her degree and field.
Do you have any respect for her? It doesn’t sound like it. She’s more educated than you. That’s all there is to it.” BleepYouToo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The minute someone starts trying to say ‘Well my education is better than yours’ to say they’re right just means it’s not a good conversation anymore.
Quit the conversation and redirect to the tech issue.
You are both great at your respective fields so why are you guys tearing each other apart? You work in a completely different industry than she does so ya’ll already lost when trying to compare whose degree is more ‘relevant’.
‘She is the one who started it by calling herself an expert because she has a PhD’ makes you more of a jerk.
You’re not a jerk for calling her out by saying that having a Ph.D. doesn’t mean she knows more about your field.
However, making blatant generalizations about how her research sucks and getting something she is working her butt off as outdated?
‘She has a job at a research institution now, and I earn almost double what she does even after she graduated with her Ph.D.
I also mentioned how most compiler research is irrelevant and how most things run on the web these days. She got upset but I think she realized I was right but did not want to admit it and cried’.
I would cry too if my partner crapped on my efforts like that too.
This was just extremely mean and had nothing to do with whatever you were talking about. You were just being rude and talking her down.” TransportationIcy896
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I was gonna make this an ‘everyone sucks here’, but the way you’re talking about your partner makes me think that you’re trying to skew info to make yourself look like you’re in the right, so I’m gonna have to assume this whole argument was your fault.
Do you think she earned her Ph.D. by crying in the face of an incorrect hypothesis? More likely you were being an arrogant bully and exhausted her to the point of breaking.” CacklingMossHag
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Weird flex from both of you.
Having an education is not a valid argument when discussing professional matters. Instead of spending all that time and energy proving your academic credentials, you could research arguments for why you’re justified in your stance on each given issue.
Although, as you speak about your disagreements, it looks like you both have contempt for the other’s profession, or at least think it’s beneath you.
This kind of lack of respect only builds resentment between you two in the long run. If I were you, I would consider pulling my head out of my butt and learning to approach my partner from a place of empathy and respect.” Bo_O58
2. AITJ For Forcing My Kids To Have A Joint Birthday Celebration?
“I have two kids, Paige (14/F) and Dylan (14/M). As twins most years they’ve wanted to have a joint birthday celebration, but there have been a couple of years where they’ve decided to have separate parties with different friend groups or at different locations.
They tell me a few weeks before their birthday in May which thing they want to do that year.
So this year Paige told me that she and Dylan had decided they wanted to have their own parties, and she and her friends had already picked a whole theme and the activities that they wanted to do.
I approved Paige’s plan, and then a day or so later I asked Dylan what he wanted to do for his birthday party.
At this point, I learned that Dylan and Paige had not mutually decided that they were having separate celebrations this year, and me asking Dylan about it was the first he was hearing that he was expected to have his own party.
His feelings were very hurt that Paige had cut him out without so much as talking to him about it.
So I spoke with Paige and she admitted that she and her friends had decided on their own to exclude Dylan because they felt that a boy would wreck the activities they had planned. I told Paige that it wasn’t okay for her to treat her brother that way and that the party I’d originally agreed to was now canceled, and that I expected her and Dylan to plan a joint birthday celebration with activities that all of their friends could enjoy.
Dylan is much happier with this arrangement, but Paige is angry and keeps saying that I ruined her party. I’m worried that I might’ve made a misstep because normally I try very hard to treat my kids as individuals and not just as a pair of twins, and I’m worried that forcing Paige to share her birthday celebration with Dylan might send the wrong message on that front.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There comes a time when boys’ and girls’ interests heavily diverge, and then a few years later, they’ll converge again. Your daughter is at a stage in life where she and her friends want to do girl stuff on her birthday, and having a bunch of boys at the celebration would kill the vibe.
I don’t know why Dylan has a say in how Paige decides to celebrate her birthday. Of course Dylan is happier with this arrangement because he got his way, and you’ve forced your daughter to invite him and his friends to her party. Imagine how you would have felt at fourteen if you’d been forced to celebrate your birthday party with your sibling’s friends.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your daughter shouldn’t have claimed that she had decided with her brother if that’s what she actually said. Did she say ‘Dylan and I decided…’ or did she just say ‘Dylan and I are having separate parties and I know what I want for mine!’ The second isn’t technically a lie, so the exact way she phrased it matters.
The default for anyone over 3 years old that shares a birthday with a family member (whether or not they are twins) should be to have separate celebrations. Your birthday should be your special day. Have one do the weekend before and the other the weekend after.
That way if they have mutual friends, those friends can attend both parties without needing to choose between the kids.
You shouldn’t have responded by forcing a joint party. I know some people say that’s the penalty for lying, but it’s an overreaction if she did lie outright and say she had talked to Dylan and he agreed, and it’s completely out of line if she never directly said she had talked with her brother and you had just assumed she had.
Either way, from your daughter’s point of view you have told her that her brother’s feelings are more important than hers.
A proper punishment for lying (if she did) would be to apologize to her brother and you and have her be responsible for any setup/cleanup for both parties.
She made the decision to do two parties on her own, she can do the work for both parties.
But going forward, the standard should be two parties unless they decide to do something together… in which case both would have to agree to the joint party.
If one twin wants a separate party, they should get it. They can still attend their sibling’s party if you have them on different days.” VixenNoire
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, Paige should have told her brother first but they are teenagers now and need their own individuality.
Forcing them to have a joint party is the complete opposite of that. Have a talk with both your children; tell your daughter it was wrong to not discuss her feelings with her brother first before going to you about the party. Tell your son you understand why he was upset but this is a learning/growing point in his life where he can learn not everything needs or has to be shared with his twin and that this can be his chance to have a party with all of his friends and likes and interests.
I wish you all the best.” CreepyCarrie213
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Let’s start with Dylan. Why would Dylan have any grounds to be upset here? You say that the twins have had the option to pick between a joint and split party.
Dylan is 14. He’s old enough to plan a party or to inquire after a party. You, as the parent, also had the means to reach out to him as soon as you talked to Paige. On what grounds can Dylan claim to be blindsided?
Paige lied to you, not Dylan. Dylan didn’t know anything. It’s actually critically important for a young man to learn the importance of assuming emotional labor.
Your punishment of Paige undermined any lesson to Dylan about the importance of learning to undertake emotional labor.
Dylan acted as if a party was just going to fall into his lap. He literally can’t claim to be blindsided without an expectation, which in this case would have been a party, which shouldn’t have been possible if you truly allow the kids to choose between a joint party or separate gatherings.
He should have known that Paige could choose a separate gathering and should have been reaching out to Paige and you about the birthday plans for this year.
Unless, of course, the twins really can’t choose on an individual basis. If, of course, you have made it so both twins need to agree to separate parties because otherwise, they have a joint one, then, yeah, Dylan had an expectation.
And that would be why Paige lied.
If that’s the case, that’s a massive problem. The twins have outgrown that stage of birthday celebrations. That was a reasonable approach when they were in elementary school. Giving them the option to choose, for example, between a joint bowling party or two separate smaller parties at home is totally reasonable in grade school.
It makes sense as a default when you are juggling younger kids who need greater involvement from their parents in terms of planning and hosting a party.
It doesn’t make any sense for anyone who is a preteen or older, children who are old enough to start planning their own parties, and who are dealing with the trials of adolescence.
Paige lied to you. That’s bad. Your first question should have been WHY Paige lied to you… unless, again, you already know that Paige lied to you because you never would have allowed her to have had a separate party without Dylan’s signing off, which is inappropriate at this stage in life.
Conversely, if Paige sincerely had no reason to lie, then you need to get to the bottom of why she lied… and your much bigger issue is Dylan, who would have had zero grounds to have justifiably expected a joint party and who needs the much bigger lesson about emotional labor and responsibility.
Either way, Paige’s punishment for lying is disproportionate to her actual lie.” glimpseeowyn
In case you hadn't noticed, your twins aren't the same gender. After age 7 or so, most girls don't want the same type parties as boys do, and vice versa. You've had it easy up until now because the twins wanted similar celebrations, but now they don't. I think you're lazy and uncompromising and annoyed that your daughter has the temerity to want something different from what her brother wants, for HER BIRTHDAY. Shame on you.
1. AITJ For Eating Healthy In Front Of My Sister?
“I (25m) have been overweight and out of shape for most of my life. My sister (27f) was pretty skinny mostly. Recently she’s been dealing with mental health and depression and has been on medication and she’s put on quite a bit of weight.
In the last year and a half, I’ve been working out and eating right. No personal trainer or gym membership. I just got an app and only eat a certain amount of calories a day. I enter in all the workouts and the calories I’ve burned and I’ve lost and have been losing quite a bit of weight.
I was very out of shape and had high b***d pressure/heart problems so I just decided overnight to make a change. I am NOT one of those people that shoves fitness and healthy eating down everybody’s throats. I don’t bring up the calories and fat content in things.
It’s just my own personal lifestyle and I know how much consistent effort weight loss can take so I don’t judge. I went from 350 pounds to 220.
My sister has been trying to lose weight too. I don’t see my sister daily as we live in different states now but when we see our parents we see each other.
And for the last year and a half, every time she’s seen me I’ve gotten smaller and smaller. She’s happy for me but lately, she seems kind of upset/jealous of it. We were at our parents’ a few months ago watching a game so there were wings, pizza, and beer.
I ate a few wings, and a slice of pizza, and just periodically snacked on celery and hummus the rest of the night. She and the rest of the people were eating lots of pizza and wings and I made no judgment but she was commenting on how prissy this is.
Most recently we were at Applebee’s with our parents and she ordered a double cheeseburger and after her, I ordered grilled chicken breast and broccoli. She kind of blew up at the table. She was like ‘Okay!’ and said I’m rubbing my weight loss in everyone’s face.
I told her that I’m not and that this is just how I eat now.
This became a whole discussion and she said I probably still crave burgers that I can never eat. I told her that I didn’t get this way by never eating burgers.
I just eat burgers less and fit them into my diet. She said I was being annoying and this went on for a while. I just eventually told her that I’ve never brought up my weight and that only she has and that I’m no longer going to talk about it if she gets this way.
So I just kind of ignored her for the rest of the meal and focused on our parents. Later she texted me and said she was being rude but I was also being rude for always eating healthy food in front of her. I think it’s ridiculous.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, congratulations! Losing weight can be challenging when you don’t have the added stress of a sibling nagging you about it. I’m sorry that your sister is trying to make your health and wellness journey about her. The next time she brings it up, ask her if she would like recommendations on what you have been doing, if she says no then it might be appropriate to let her know you are not going to discuss the topic with her further.
She doesn’t need to be bothered by what you eat or how often.” Loveis_loveislove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should eat what you want. You aren’t eating ‘AT’ her, you are just eating. Contrast that with my dad who will see me making a sandwich and says things like ‘I had a whole banana for breakfast so I’ll probably skip lunch and just have a light dinner today’.
I feel bad for her because weight loss is hard. But it’s no one’s responsibility but the person trying to lose weight to make adjustments to food intake. It’s pretty obvious she is hoping you’ll eat more so that she has ‘permission’ to eat as much also.
And you eating an appropriate amount is making it hard for her to pretend that she is eating healthy. Again, not your problem.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she has her own insecurities and she needs to deal with them. Unfortunately, I have noticed that especially online people tend to tip-toe around being overweight and not holding people accountable.
It is unhealthy to be extremely overweight. And if she truly wanted to make that change, the way you did, then she could. Whether it be depression or just laziness stopping her, it’s not your fault. Just remind her that you are not responsible for how she feels.
She is the only one responsible for her actions and reactions.
PS. Nice job on the hard work and dedication! That takes a lot of strength. I wish you well on your journey and health!” No-Alternative-1012
