People Invite Criticism By Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Son To Respect His Mother?
“I have a son (20M) who is studying engineering in college and as of recently has found the study material a little difficult and rightfully needs to work on it.
A few days ago he came home from the dorm for the weekend to cool off a little bit.
On Sunday my wife came into my son’s room and I could tell he was a little agitated trying to work on something he didn’t fully understand.
My wife tried to console and reason with him but he ended up raising his voice at her telling her to leave him alone.
Then my wife just told him to pack his bags and that he was going back to the dorm, he can’t be here if he was going to act like this.
My son tried to talk over her to shut her up but my wife wasn’t having any of it, telling him that she wouldn’t relent until he either calms down or packs his stuff and that she will not be held emotionally hostage by my son.
Then he started to call her an ‘overbearing jerk’ and all sorts of other nasty names, to which I had to bark at my son and tell him to stop right now and that he does not call my wife names or there will be problems if he doesn’t deescalate, she’s just doing what she thinks is in his best interest, and he finally relented.
Later that evening my son made a comment about how he chatted with his friends who told them that my wife was in the wrong, but I had to say that they don’t feed us, they don’t pay our bills, they don’t know us, that he needs to stop consulting his echo chambers and learn to forgive his mother and forget this, as he needs to respect her for getting him where he is today and because she’s his mother.
He tried to tell me that respect is a two-way street, but I said by that logic should his mom call him the nasty names that he does to her? Should we call up his grandma and tell her to cut his college funding? And if he finds someone to be annoying and getting on his nerves, what should he do?
Ignore it? To which he responded with ‘control your wife’ and I had to disengage.
Since my son went back a couple of nights ago, he’s refused to answer our calls and only responds to our texts asking us to apologize, ‘no ifs ands or buts,’ and has told his grandma about us threatening to tell her to pull his funding, which she proceeded to give us an earful over and that she’d pay for it no matter what, and called it ‘really sad’ if we, his own parents, would be ‘less proud of him than she is’ by even asking to do such a thing.
I can’t believe he went and told her about this, but now after what she said, I don’t know how to feel about this.”
Another User Comments:
“So, your son came home to work on something that was upsetting him—literally coming home to cool down and work on it at a quiet pace, and your wife thought it would be a good idea to intrude on his space and distract him from the thing he was frustratedly working so hard on?
And when he told her to leave him alone, she responded by kicking him out?
It doesn’t take a genius to see someone frustrated on a project and know to leave them alone. How on earth could she help him besides distracting him and making everything worse?
He didn’t want ‘consoling’ and to be ‘reasoned with’. He wanted to be left alone so he could THINK and work on the thing that he’d been struggling with.
YTJ
Your wife doesn’t respect boundaries. And her ‘help’ wasn’t appreciated. Her help WAS overbearing.
And it looks like she finally pushed him to his limit.
Should he have called her nasty names? Maybe not. But something tells me this isn’t the first time she’s done this, and you’ve enabled it.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Firstly, your son shouldn’t be speaking to anyone like that. Just rude and immature. And disrespectful of anyone.
Secondly, your wife grossly overreacted. He’s a kid, still, at 20, was obviously distressed already, and she should have just backed off when he told her to. Respect goes two ways.
Thirdly… You were the one who dragged in Grandma’s financing of the school, so she had every right to be there.
And most importantly, a typical ‘blowup’ in a family is quite normal. You guys have turned this into a battle for POWER in the relationship.
You got sucked in. That’s on you. You are the parent and you’ve been sucked into a power struggle.
Just walk away. Seriously. Leave him alone entirely, for now. All of you need to apologize to everybody else. Especially Grandma.” samanthasgramma
Another User Comments:
“To rephrase the situation: your son is struggling in school.
Likely he is feeling a lot of frustration and his self-esteem has plummeted. Possibly he is facing having to change career directions entirely based on his performance. In order to catch up he decided to come home to study extra hard. He needed peace and quiet and to be left alone to try to grasp hard concepts.
For some reason, your wife decides to barge into the room, interrupting his concentration. Your wife’s justification was that his difficulties were causing him distress. Your wife does not have the technical expertise to actually assist her son, instead, she felt that her baby needed his mommy to comfort him, thus infantilizing someone whose self-confidence was already shaky.
Your son lashed out. Rather than viewing this as a symptom of your son’s distress, you and your wife piled on and threatened him with ending support for his education, thereby increasing your son’s distress and likely ensuring that he will fail his studies since emotional turmoil makes learning impossible.
At a time when your son needed help with his confidence and emotional equilibrium, you did your best to destroy it.
Now you wonder why he’s gone radio silent? YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – (except grandma) you & your wife seem to dangle things like buying food, providing support, paying for college, etc for respect.
You are supposed to want to do those things for your kids/grandkids you dummy. Respect is earned, not paid for.
Your wife and son need to learn how to communicate as adults. It’s incredibly hard to know how that conversation went based on your description but I am sure there were multiple de-escalation points that both likely missed. It sounds like your son tried to end the argument and your wife responded with a nuclear threat to toss him out when he came home to cool off.
Ouch – talk about upping the argument.” MinerReddit
19. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Brother's Marriage?
“I met this woman (34 at the time, call her Jess) when I was 28.
My brother Kurt (24) also worked with us, he’s a married man at this point.
She and I started sleeping with each other with no real crazy strings attached, but certain agreements nonetheless. If you’re sleeping with other people let me know, etc. Including a rule that she made, stating she’d never sleep with my brother.
Well, a few months pass, and it was my birthday so I threw a party at my house. Weirdly, Jess, my brother, and my brother’s wife didn’t show up and didn’t answer any of my messages. Wouldn’t you know it, Kurt was having an affair with Jess.
Not only did this create a tumultuous relationship with my brother, but I had to uproot my work environment for a new place, and new friends (Jess lied and told people we never did anything together, so they thought I was the jerk). Then my parents even got involved and begged me, knowing what he did, to allow him to stay with me after his wife threw him out.
Then Jess and Kurt get married! So now she’s my SIL. And in the four-plus years she’s never apologized, Kurt isn’t the greatest either. They have also never even attempted to be an aunt or uncle to their only nephew. In 4+ years I think they bought him 1 present, maybe 2.
They’ve never asked to visit, planned a day with him, or even Facetimed to say hi, in 4 years.
Now, she sends me an email out of the blue, only after I’ve been saying for years how insane this all is, to apologize to me. She didn’t even spell my wife’s name right in the email, nor acknowledge her lack of even attempting to act like an aunt or a family member.
And I’m 100 percent certain her parents and family don’t actually know the real story, and they’ve reached out to invite me to places. Including ruining our family’s Christmas with my parents by flying in and my parents even chose to go over there, instead of being with their only grandson.
AITJ for not supporting their marriage, attempts to have children, or general want for them to be around as a ‘family’ in a way that could directly affect my family’s life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL’s apology was as genuine as a 3 dollar bill.
For crying out loud, she couldn’t be bothered to spell your wife’s name correctly. From what you said here, she’s taken no real concrete actions to SHOW regret.
Such as actively working with her family to restore your reputation. Or come clean about exactly what happened. To everyone she can get in touch with.
Maybe it just looked bad on SIL and she hoped having some sort of connection to you would make her look better. But you would absolutely not be the jerk for keeping your SIL away.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
My first thought is she is tired of the brother and wants to get you in bed for old time’s sake – but I also tend to expect the worst from people.
It sounds fishy and she has already shown to be a fishy person, so you have every right to expect nothing good of this.
Also, unless they (including your brother) made some kind of very public FULL confession post that reached everyone in your lives and leaves it up, there is no way they aren’t still twisting the truth to mitigate the damage to their image.
And the chances of that happening are zero.
And that’s probably the problem – even with all their lies, the fact that you’re not around and sticking to your guns casts a shadow of doubt on them. It’s something they can’t move past elegantly.
If you accept their presence, you’re accepting their version of events.
I would stay no contact with them.” Exsul82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she wants to apologize. Then she will publicly apologize to everyone and set the record straight. She will tell everyone that you were sleeping together and that she went behind your back and started having an affair with your brother, and went out of her way to turn everyone against you.
She ruined your life and turned everyone against you, making you look like a liar. No, if she wants to apologize then she can make a public apology to set the record straight. So everyone can see what a vindictive, manipulative liar, cruel woman she is.” Intrepid-Database-15
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell Anything To My Mom Anymore?
“I (27F) was recently diagnosed with ADHD and will be screened for autism spectrum disorder soon.
All my life, I’ve had problems with focus.
I had a hard time keeping track of time and I just couldn’t focus on something to save my life. When I was 8 years old, I made a minute-by-minute schedule on a piece of paper taped to my door in an effort to help.
My parents, specifically my Mom (46F), do not believe in ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, etc. As to specific reasons why, I don’t know.
When I had problems, they were treated as character flaws and I was punished for them.
So after I received my official diagnosis, I called my mom and let her know. A lot of things started making sense and I wanted to share with her how happy I felt that I finally got answers.
It was met poorly. She said that I was ‘normal and intelligent’ and to suggest that I was neurodiverse was silly. And before I could finish my sentence, she cut me off and said ‘Don’t dismiss me, I’m your mother, I know what I’m talking about’ and that got me really mad and I said ‘You know what, I’m not telling you anything anymore’ and hung up.
I told my husband about it and he agrees with me. My grandma messaged me to ask me to apologize to my Mom, as I had no reason to be so curt with her.
I don’t know if I should.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s start with your 46-year-old mother complaining to your grandmother when your conversation didn’t go the way she wanted it to.
That’s called triangulation. You won’t do what I want, so I’ll get someone else to maneuver you into giving me my way.
Aside from the fact that she chose not to ‘believe’ in ADHD and punished you for exhibiting classic signs of the condition in an era when we all know it’s a thing, her inability to even listen to what you (an adult) have to say, is a sign that she’s toxic.
I don’t say that readily, but your mother is not interested in having a healthy adult relationship with you. You told her how that made you feel. She didn’t like it and went running to Mommy. How bizarre. NTJ.” Dance_Sneaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would be tempted to message Grandma and suggest that if she thinks you had no reason to be so curt with Mom, maybe Grandma didn’t hear the whole story. If she actually asks for your side of the story, that’s a good sign, but I would politely decline saying that it is really between you and your mom and you don’t want to risk doing what she did and giving a biased opinion.
The bottom line, do what you know you need to do for your own well-being. Mom is looking to reinforce her own views, not looking to help you here, unfortunately.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Intelligence and neurodivergence are entirely separate things. Her comments were baseless and unhelpful.
You called to celebrate with her and she brought down the mood, so it only makes sense you would think twice about doing the same thing in the future. You’re 27, she’s not entitled to know. Sharing those things with her is a choice, and she’s shown you that it’s not a productive choice for you.” Ambystomatigrinum
17. AITJ For Not Having Vegan Options At My Engagement Dinner?
“I (24F) recently got engaged and had an engagement party dinner this past weekend. I am currently still receiving backlash from this and want to get some outside opinions if I was in the wrong.
My fiancé and I invited both of our immediate family and close friends to this dinner (about 30 people).
The dinner was held at a nice Italian restaurant in my city. Our invites gave our guests the option to choose between a meat option and a fish option for their mains. It’s important to note the only people in both my and my fiancé’s family that have I guess food restrictions are my dad and stepmom, as they’re pescatarian.
But a lot of people in our family love seafood so the fish option was chosen more than the meat option.
My younger brother (20M) contacted me about a week before the dinner to RSVP and ask if he can bring a plus one, his new partner.
He chose the meat option.
Now my brother is always bringing new girls around, so I wasn’t aware that he was even in a relationship. I told him sure and that I’d have an extra seat for her.
The night of the dinner comes, and everyone is having a good time, I met my brother’s new SO, she seemed very sweet.
When it came time to eat she pulled one of the waiters aside and LOUDLY asked him ‘Are there any vegan options?’
The waiter looked confused and said, ‘We have a fish and a meat option for the mains. I can offer you a salad and some roasted potatoes and other veggies as a substitute if you wish’.
Brother’s SO started to get mouthy with him and said ‘Well what if I don’t want a salad huh? You just assume because I’m vegan I only eat salads? What if I want some pasta? What kind of restaurant is this, this is discrimination’.
My brother started trying to calm her down, but she started going off on ME saying, ‘Why would you pick a restaurant that doesn’t have vegan options?
MANY people are vegan nowadays it makes me feel alienated that you couldn’t even think to accommodate me’.
I explained to her that the only people that have food restrictions here are pescatarians, so that’s what I considered when I chose the restaurant. I didn’t even know she was coming until a week ago, the reservation had been booked a month ago.
She started saying it’s embarrassing on my part that I can’t accommodate all my guests, and called me ‘small-minded.’ I told her ‘Sorry I didn’t think to accommodate you I’ll consider that in the future, hopefully, you’ll be around long enough for me to be able to do so’.
She ended up leaving. My brother walked out with her and has been messaging me that I should apologize to her because I embarrassed her in front of everyone. I told him she embarrassed herself. My mom has also been on my case to apologize to be the bigger person and keep the peace.
AITJ for making her feel alienated?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The woman was rude and entitled. She tried to make herself the center of attention at your engagement party.
Since it wasn’t a well-established relationship (for which you would have known that she existed and she’s vegan), your brother should have taken the initiative to check on the food situation and worked with you beforehand to arrange a vegan meal for her.
This was an event with a limited menu and your brother knew it.
You chose the menu options based on the needs of the people you invited. Since she was a late addition who you graciously allowed your brother to bring, there was no way you could have known about this issue unless your brother told you.
A lack of planning on your brother’s part is the root cause of this.
She should have been happy she was allowed to attend. You were a bit salty but I don’t think out of line in response to her bad behavior.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was rude and entitled. And it sounded like even when your brother RSVP’d he didn’t tell you she was vegan. You’re not a mind reader, and had he told you then you could’ve probably called the restaurant to ask about options.
But this was your engagement party, you were allowed to choose where you wanted to go. Tell your brother to tell her to get over herself because your life doesn’t revolve around her.” Sweater_Kittens5425
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You asked about dietary restrictions and preferences prior to selecting the menu.
The menu was set before your brother asked to bring his new SO. It was on him to check the menu and see if a vegan option was available before he invited her. His SO should have asked your brother the same before deciding to attend.
But no, instead the woman didn’t bother and thought that making a huge scene at a stranger’s engagement party was a good idea. It was not. The woman was incredibly rude and entitled. It is not discrimination to not have a vegan option available when there was a pre-planned menu, and the restaurant did try to accommodate her.
Your brother and his SO owe you an apology for her obnoxious outburst. You owe them nothing.” SirMittensOfTheHill
16. AITJ For Now Making A Profit Off Of The Property I Bought For My SIL?
“My sister-in-law, Diane, was a nurse in the Pacific Northwest. She lived in a very high-cost-of-living city.
Fifteen years ago she bought herself a small apartment in a new development. It took about two years to build. In that time the price of apartments in that building went up by about 30%. She didn’t sell it because it was perfect for her.
Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with breast cancer about two years after she took possession.
She really didn’t want to move back to Minnesota so she asked her family for financial help to keep up with the mortgage. None of them had the money. And her mom really wanted her to move home.
I was friends with her before I married her sister.
Just friends. Nothing more. She asked me for help. I bought the apartment from her. I took over the mortgage. I didn’t charge her rent. I paid all the taxes and condo levies. She got enough funds from her insurance and a side hustle to live there.
My wife knew we were helping her but we didn’t say anything because her mom was mad that she didn’t move home after her diagnosis.
Diane passed away last month. She had a hard life for the last decade but she was happy.
When her mom got a copy of the will she was furious.
The apartment is worth a lot of money now. It’s in a great building in a good neighborhood. She was expecting the apartment to sell and for there to be money to split up amongst all of her grandchildren. Diane never married and never had kids.
MIL found out about the deal I made with Diane. My wife and I own the apartment outright. After we clear it out and get rid of all her stuff we are going to rent it out. The income it will generate will pay for our retirement.
And when we sell it our kids will have a nice nest egg to help them.
But now my MIL told everyone how we took advantage of her daughter in her time of need and stole her apartment. And how Diane would be upset if she knew that we were not sharing all the income from the apartment.
It is really starting to bug my wife and she is saying we should sell it and help out all the nephews and nieces. I showed her a spreadsheet of all of our costs for the apartment. If I subtract all of my costs. And all of my lost opportunities for investment.
When everything is said and done the eight niblings might get $3,000 each. I said if she wanted we could give them each that much to get her family to drop it. Her family says that it’s nonsense and that we should sell the apartment and split it equally.
I said I would be willing to do that in return for each of them paying one-third of what I invested over the last ten years. They don’t think that’s fair. My wife is upset and her family is upset and I’m just trying to be fair to myself.
I spent ten years giving up other investments and toys for myself and helped out Diane instead. And now I’m getting crapped on.
Full disclosure. I knew it was a good investment. It wasn’t fully altruistic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife needs to get angry.
YOU are the reason her sister wasn’t homeless while battling cancer. Not her family – they had an opportunity to help and passed it by… YOU kept her from being homeless and didn’t charge any rent.
They are upset that they can’t benefit as much as they thought they would from her death.
Think about that for a minute. No support but lots of expectations about their right to inherit.
Don’t let these vultures take your money no matter what lies they tell people.
Tell them to shut up or you’re going to make sure the REAL story of their abandonment will get out.” WhizzoButterBoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It speaks volumes that her mom was unaware of all the help you gave your SIL for the 10 years prior. Shows she wasn’t very involved in her daughter’s life and she certainly was not involved in helping her financially. Yet her hand is the first one grabbing for riches to benefit from her daughter’s death.
She is projecting what she is doing onto OP.
If her daughter wanted to help her niblings in any way she had 10 years to put something in place. My guess is she had little interaction with them or her mother. And at the end of her life, she chose not to go back home but to remain close to you and your wife.
Your MIL is a greedy self-centered bully. Don’t let your wife give in to any of her demands. What her mother should be doing is being thankful her daughter’s last years weren’t plagued by financial concerns because of you and your wife. So she should also be thankful that God/the universe is rewarding you with the increase in value in the property which will fund your retirement, which is partially what you did for your SIL.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your SIL had a contract. You enabled her to stay in a home she loved. You didn’t even charge her token rental. If she had sold the apartment to someone else, she would have ended up having to pay rent.
Her family wouldn’t have gotten the apartment in that scenario, either. You invested in a piece of property. That your SIL benefited from your investment is a bonus. Other members of the family could have tried to put the financing together to make it work but they didn’t.
The apartment was your SIL’s property to dispose of as she saw fit. Tell your wife to ride it out. Her family is being greedy. If you want to, you can put $3k in a trust fund for each nephew, but only if you want to.
You are not obligated to do so and her family should be grateful you are willing to do anything.” Legitimate-Moose-816
15. AITJ For Not Letting A Hairstylist Experiment On My Hair?
“So I have type 4, or curly-coily afro-textured hair. I live in an area where there aren’t a lot of people with my hair texture around, and if there are, they usually don’t wear it in the same styles that I do on an everyday basis.
Because of that, I do my hair care at home.
Since moving I’ve made some friends, and in this group of friends, I’m the only person with curly-coily hair. I do occasionally complain about having to drive 2 hrs if I want to get my hair done, and one of my friends ‘Sarah’ (not her real name obviously) asked me to bring her a coffee since I was right near the salon she was getting her hair done at.
I went in to give it to her and chatted with her for a minute but was planning to leave right after that since I don’t want to get in the way. Sarah and her hair stylist have known each other for a while and the stylist asked if they could do my hair while Sarah’s hair was processing because they’d never had an opportunity to work on my hairstyle before.
I politely declined, telling them I’m not sure that was a good idea. She asked again, hinting at other stylists not being able to learn unless someone gives them a chance. Totally understandable, but I’m sure there’s someone out there willing to do it – it just aint me.
The third time she asked, she started doing that hair stylist grabby hand motion on hair and pulling feeling the ends. I pulled away and said ‘Seriously, I’m good, but thanks. Maybe another time.’
She asked again, offering to do it for free, and I said I wasn’t going to pay you to play around in my hair but really, I’m very specific about my curls so please drop it.
She finally backed off and went to rinse my friend’s hair.
I was texting Sarah and telling her how weird that whole thing was and I guess the stylist was looking at her phone and saw our messages, and she asked us both to leave before finishing Sarah’s hair and still had her pay for part of the service.
Sarah’s mad and said I could have just given her a chance instead of making her feel bad, but how is telling her she can’t do my hair making her feel bad? She has no experience with my hair type at all, like not even wavy hair, and practice should start with wigs or something not people.
And especially not randomly with no consultation or idea of what I would want.
She’s kind of icing me out and it’s been over a day since she last responded to a text. Am I really in the wrong here? If so, I don’t mind apologizing, but I really don’t think I did or said anything wrong.
The texts weren’t even bad, it was just me saying that she didn’t know how to take no for an answer and joking about if this was what peer pressure felt like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you are Black, mixed race, or a person of color, and Sarah is being cold towards you because you rightly didn’t allow her stylist’s microaggressions towards you, then Sarah is not a good friend and is only concerned about not being able to get her hair done at her salon.
She doesn’t care about your hair, or that this stylist would’ve butchered it. I advise you to ditch Sarah as it doesn’t sound like she cares about your well-being, only about how your refusal negatively impacted her. She’d probably defend the stylist if you let her loose on your hair and she ruined it.
You can make a formal complaint to the salon about this stylist’s completely unprofessional behavior if you want to take it further. Any good stylist should know they should practice on real hair mannequins before getting within sniffing distance of an actual human being’s hair.
If this woman wants to learn about doing your type of hair she can go back to beauty school and buy her own mannequins to practice on.
Her sense of entitlement to your hair is outrageous. If this were the UK, her grabbing your hair could be classed as a common assault.
She had no right whatsoever to touch any part of you. Her conduct and attitude were, quite frankly, disgusting.” Fearless-Golf-8496
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to the manager of the salon and tell them what happened. If the manager is a decent person, they should be mortified and may refund Sarah and finish Sarah’s hair.
If the manager blows you off leave a negative review about your experience.
You didn’t do anything wrong and have nothing to apologize for.
There are also continuing education courses that the stylist could go to and learn under the supervision of an instructor how to work with curly hair.
Oh, wait she has to pay for those.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should complain to the manager. One no should have been enough, and that hairdresser never should have touched your hair without permission. It was also completely inappropriate of her to take her frustration out on another paying customer.
I’m sure Sarah would have been less accommodating if some pushy beauty student had started trying to ‘practice’ on HER hair. Maybe taking a break from this ‘friend’ isn’t such a bad thing.” Reddithandle23
I also, would've gotten pretty angry at the fact that she wouldn't drop it when you said no. She should've understood that you don't want to be her hair guinea pig. So unprofessional.
14. AITJ For Cancelling On A Girls' Trip?
“I (F26) went on my first girl’s holiday last month with a cousin and her best friend.
We had loads of great activities planned and the trip started off really well. However, a few days into the trip my cousin bumped into a guy she knew from her home state and they started hanging out. Her friend hit it off with one of his friends and pretty soon our ‘girl’s’ trip turned into a couple’s one.
They started inviting these guys to all of our dinners and excursions and I spent the majority of the trip feeling like a 5th wheel.
For context, I’m very recently single and have no desire to go out with anyone. I also have social anxiety and didn’t feel like I could just go off and find new people to hang with.
The issue is that we had already booked another short trip in April. I’ve decided that I no longer want to go, and risk ending up in the same uncomfortable situation if they happen to take a liking to some new guys. I’ve asked them to find someone else to go in my place but my cousin says I’m being silly and childish.
Am I overreacting by refusing to go away with them again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If it’s a ‘girl’s weekend’ that’s the way it should be. If it had been a one-off with the guys, and they exchanged info to meet up again after the trip, that would be one thing, but to then invite them to other plans and therefore change the situation to something else completely, is unreasonable.
Especially when they knew you were being excluded.
I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting to go. They already proved you don’t matter, and that they’ll selfishly make decisions, so why put yourself in that situation again? If they can’t understand that, that’s a THEM problem, NOT a YOU problem.” glimmernglitz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made a very logical argument as to why you do not want to go, based on what happened on the first trip. She has not made any logical arguments as to why this trip wouldn’t be any different. Instead, she has gone to emotional blackmail and personal attacks to force you to go, by calling you silly and childish.
If someone cannot make a logical argument for their own point of view, then do not let them persuade you to go along with them based on the pressure of berating you. Look carefully at motives, would they miss you, or is it the 3-way split they will miss?
People can have very selfish motives.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You do not wish to travel with them because the last time you traveled with them you did not have a good time. This occurred because they were inconsiderate and changed the plans without getting your permission.
The details about meeting men, you were recently single, etc. are all details that make it worse but are not needed. They have shown they are bad travel companions for you so you should not spend your time and money traveling with them.
I hope your next vacation is more fun.” glom4ever
13. AITJ For Not Bringing My Aunt's Daughter To The Movies?
“My (16f) older brother (Max -18m) is my best friend. We’re pretty close but that’s because we went through something when we were younger and well I’m sure you all know what bad experiences do to people.
It definitely hit Max a lot harder and he went from this crazy, hyper kid to a more reserved and mature one. I didn’t change much.
Also, Max couldn’t stand enclosed places or the dark so movie theatres used to suck for him.
He really wanted to get over his fear though and when he was 13 he decided to take a girl to the movies. He panicked a couple of days before so we both went to the movies together before his date to prepare him. LOL. It was hard but also really fun and it kind of became a tradition.
He can go to the movies whenever now but we have this fixed date every year where we go to the local cinema and watch a random movie. It’s loads of fun.
Anyways, Max, despite being one of the younger cousins, is treated like the eldest. Like I said, he transformed into this crazy mature kid, and our one aunt really only trusts him with her kid (Judy – 9f).
The whole family is staying with us for a bit to celebrate my grandma’s birthday and the days overlapped with our movie day. We still planned on going out regardless. The adults were also going out to dinner together but our adult cousins (early-mid twenties) were going to be home so we didn’t think much of it.
Well right as we were about to leave, Judy’s mom asked where we were going. Max told her. She asked if we could take Judy along. He apologized and said that the movie isn’t appropriate for little kids. She kept begging though and said that the others aren’t mature enough.
I noticed Max about to crack so I butted in and said ‘That sounds like a you-problem’ before taking Max’s hand and pulling him out the door.
Max was all like WHAT but got in the car anyways and we had a great time.
When we got back, our cousins were MAD. They started yelling at Max for suddenly changing his mind about being Judy’s main babysitter and dumping her on them. When my aunt came home she was ignoring Max completely but was furious at me. She kept making sarcastic remarks about how rude and disrespectful I am and only stopped after my dad asked her what was going on.
I feel really weird now. I know what I did was rude but I know Max, he finds it hard to say no. I just wanted to do one thing for him but it feels like I’ve just annoyed everyone and made things super awkward for Max.
I just don’t like how my aunt (+everyone else) takes advantage of Max and what happened to him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your aunt’s child and 100% HER responsibility, not your brother’s. There were other adults there and you already had this preplanned. While I hope it was a plan that was communicated to everyone beforehand, like your aunt, even if it wasn’t her reaction and the reactions of others are completely disproportionate to the miscommunication that happened. Your brother is not the child’s father so there’s no obligation to act like one and watch her all the time.
Your family needs to get off their high horse and thank you for standing up for him. You should be proud of yourself and even if it’s awkward now your brother will always cherish the tradition you got to uphold and fought for.” Randotron-80085
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Sure it may have come across as a bit rude but your aunt was very entitled in thinking that she could just order you around like that. She didn’t ask Max to babysit so it’s not like he was reneging on a promise.
Your aunt just expected him to be available on her whim. She wouldn’t have expected you to be going out.
It is your aunt’s problem and not a you-problem. And there were other older adults that could look after her.
Tell your parents. Max is trying to shoulder too much of this.
He’s still a kid despite trying to show that he’s an adult. He’s of adult age but he’s still very young.
And tell Max not to babysit his cousin again.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to tell your parents what’s going on and let them know that your aunt is trying to manipulate your brother into being an unpaid babysitter.
Then you need to tell everyone off, that it’s not your brother’s job to babysit your aunt’s kid. That she chose to have a kid and your brother doesn’t have to watch the kid. If she wants him to babysit then she needs to pay up beforehand or she gets nothing.
Call her out every time, and ask your brother if he even wants to babysit or if he would rather do something else. Help and encourage him to stand up for himself or everyone will always treat him like a child and take advantage of him.” Intrepid-Database-15
12. AITJ For Letting My Daughter "Flaunt" Her Designer Bag In Front Of My Niece?
“My (40F) husband (40M) and I have two children together. This has to do with my oldest child ‘Maria’ (18F).
My husband and I are very much upper middle class and live a very comfortable life.
Still, this being said we both agreed that we don’t want our children to grow up not knowing what hard work is.
Both my children have part-time jobs, if they want something they need to save up their money to get it, and this way they would appreciate it more.
Maria has been doing amazing in school lately. She just got accepted into her dream university to study computer science, just like her father and I studied. She is currently working part-time. When she was 17 she bought her first car with the money she saved from her part-time job, she pays her own insurance and everything.
She’s very independent and never asks my husband and me for anything, so we wanted to do something nice for her.
She mentioned to me a while ago that she really wanted this bag and was planning to save up for it. The bag goes for around $2000 USD.
Knowing this my husband and I decided to surprise her with it as an early graduation gift. She was very, very grateful for the bag.
Last weekend we went to my FIL’s birthday dinner at his house. Maria wore her bag, we didn’t think anything of it.
My SIL and niece (also 18F) attended as well.
I all of a sudden hear a bunch of shouting from upstairs so I go upstairs to see what’s wrong. My MIL and SIL follow me. Maria is standing outside of the bathroom clearly upset. My niece had taken the bag from where we left our jackets and bags and Maria realized she locked herself in the bathroom.
SIL tells Maria to stop overacting and wait for niece to come out. I tell SIL to tell her child to open the door and give Maria her bag back. SIL refuses and doesn’t see the big deal.
I call my husband, he starts having a go at my SIL after he finds out what’s going on and grabs something to pick the lock on the door with.
We get the door open and my niece is refusing to give the bag back because ‘she wants it’. My husband tells her to hand it over twice, she refuses, so he grabs it from her with force.
SIL starts losing her mind saying ‘Do not snatch things from my daughter’ etc etc. I tell her to shut up and get her daughter under control.
She calls me a jerk for letting my daughter ‘flaunt’ her designer bag in front of her daughter. My MIL took SIL’s side and said that it was inconsiderate of Maria to bring the bag here when my niece doesn’t have one to relate to Maria with.
I called them all unhinged and my husband and I left. MIL and SIL have been contacting my husband demanding that WE apologize, and that if Maria wants to wear expensive stuff around my niece, to make sure we have one of whatever that is for my niece as well since we’re ‘so well off.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d expect an out-of-control, poorly parented 8-year-old to lock themselves in the bathroom over a toy they didn’t have. An 18-year-old pulling that kind of stunt? That is crazy.
The only thing I would have done differently is threatened to call the police rather than physically taking the bag back because you are right, the behavior is unhinged, but it wasn’t worth your husband getting into a physical altercation over it.
If he had accidentally hurt the niece trying to get the bag back, I wouldn’t be surprised if they would have tried to sue your family, especially since they seem to think they are entitled to your income.” neoncactusfields
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband needs to take care of his jerk mother, his jerk sister, and his jerk, criminal niece.
They are awful people.
While as a general rule, those who have should exercise a modest amount of restraint in front of those who don’t, a graduation gift earned by special achievements isn’t required to be hidden away, nor is one required to provide equal gifts to less-fortunate relatives.
Certainly, one is not required to accede to theft or blackmail.
Though perhaps you could offer all of them jobs landscaping and shoveling snow for some extra income. Just don’t let them inside, since they seem to think stealing is okay.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – MIL and SIL clearly are jerks here and enablers for terrible behavior. Unless your niece is 2 years old she is also.
Your husband needs to step up and tell his family to shut up and they need to apologize or he gets put in the same category as MIL/SIL/Niece.
If nothing improves with your ILs, agree to send an apology. Go book an over-the-top vacation and send an apology video showing where you are staying and tell them that you are sorry that they can’t join you at X and you are sorry they are jerks and go no contact.” MinerReddit
11. AITJ For Punishing My Daughter For Leaving Her Sister With The Neighbor?
“I’m the single mom of 3 kids: ‘Polly’ (16F), ‘Trevor’ (12M), and ‘Cassie’ (8F). I have little to no support. Their father left after Cassie was born, no family nearby, etc. I have 2 sitters that I can call on as needed and I use them before I’d ever ask Polly for help.
I don’t want her to miss out on her teenage years. Before this incident, I only ever asked her to babysit once because I had no one else and I paid her $15/hr (at the time, above minimum wage).
This past Saturday, Polly was due to hang out with some friends.
For a couple of days, Trevor was ill. That day, he spiked a very high fever and I had to take him to the emergency room. I asked Polly to watch Cassie as the sitters weren’t responding. I apologized that she’d have to miss out on time with friends but said I’d pay her and she could even have her friends over at our place.
Polly pitched a fit and asked why I couldn’t send Cassie to the neighbors. We don’t know them. They moved in last month and outside of waving when we get our mail, I don’t have a relationship with them. Polly was irritated. I told her I’d pay her $18/hr and that I had to go.
I take Trevor to the emergency room and we have to wait a bit. Polly kept asking if the sitters responded and they hadn’t. Eventually, it was our time to be seen, so I told Polly I’d be out of reach for a bit.
Turns out, Trevor had a bad case of RSV and due to pre-existing health problems, had to be admitted for the night. I was terrified.
When I called Polly to update her, I heard people talking in the background and said ‘Oh, you had your friends come over?’ She told me no, she dropped Cassie at the neighbor’s and went out.
I was furious. I told her to go home and get her sister. I then asked for the neighbor’s number, she didn’t even ask for it. Which, I get teenage logic but still. At first, Polly refused until I told her she was grounded. I made her FaceTime me when she got home to show that Cassie was with her.
Eventually, my mom was able to make the 2-hour drive down to stay with the girls but I told her to not let Polly leave the house. The next day, Trevor and I were able to go home. I lectured Polly about what she did and grounded her for 2 weeks.
She got mad at me and said that I can’t expect her to drop her plans. I point out I never do, but this was an emergency and her brother was sick. She told me that was not her problem. She’s also mad because I won’t pay her.
I apologized profusely to the neighbor who said it was okay and that he would’ve called me but Polly didn’t leave my number either. Polly said I overreacted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, kids have emergencies, and those emergencies disrupt plans.
Second, kids get their plans canceled because of situations, just like adults.
I remember missing a party because our car broke down, a baseball game because Nana was in the hospital, etc. and I had two parents and relatives close by. It happens.
Third, Polly had basic plans, not like prom or something where if she missed it, she would lose out on a big moment.
You also didn’t brush off that she was having to cancel plans, you handled it with the appropriate apology and offer to pay her and give an alternate way she could see her friends.
And finally, this is how family is. It doesn’t matter if you are a single mom or not, this could happen to any household (husband on a business trip, other kid has a test, whatever) and I assume Polly wants the benefits of being part of a family, so that means she has some responsibility as part of the family too.
She also probably wants the benefits of being 16 – staying up later, going out with friends – and that means the responsibilities of being 16 too, like being someone the adults can rely on.
You asked her to step up in an emergency, and she let you down, not just by saying no, but by leaving her sister in an unsafe situation with zero information.
I get that kids shouldn’t be ‘parentified’ but that doesn’t mean free of responsibility.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s get this out of the way. There are a lot of posts about forcing teenagers to babysit and this is most definitely NOT one of those.
This was an extreme situation (emergency even) and Polly acted amazingly selfish and irresponsible. She left a young child with strangers and exposed them to an unknown illness as an added bonus. Also, considering how the folks around her were sick, it should be common courtesy/sense to not want to expose her friends as well.
She is old enough to fully comprehend how terrible and dangerous her actions were but instead doubled down on being petulant. Not my kid, but Polly earned a hefty punishment and consequences.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t missing out on hanging out with her friends in the option you gave her, and I’m sure her friends would have understood had they known it was because of her brother being admitted to the hospital. Also, she intentionally entrusted her sibling’s care with a neighbor you didn’t know.
To your point saying Polly said you overreacted, of course she’s going to say that, she is the one that screwed up and is being punished.” Phillyfitcap
10. AITJ For Insisting On Meeting My Ex's Partner?
“My (28F) baby daddy (29M) had an affair and left for his new partner (24F). That’s fine, whatever. When we broke up, we wrote out a list of boundaries. One of them was that new friends and partners would not be introduced for the first 4 months, and for partners, we would meet them first.
I had an emergency situation that led to my son meeting my ex’s partner a bit earlier. However, I still felt moving forward, I wanted to meet his partner because I wanted to see how she interacted with my son. (I had a really awful stepmom growing up so there is obviously a lot of anxiety there).
She doesn’t want to meet me but still wants to be around my son. My son’s dad agrees that she and I don’t need to meet because she already met our son (18 months).
I feel entitled to keeping my boundary however he is painting me as a bitter baby mother.
The guy lied to me over a dozen times – trust me, I don’t want him. I just feel extremely uncomfortable due to some of her decisions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the right to meet people who will be interacting with your son and it doesn’t matter if the girl has already met your son.
The first time was a freebie since it was an emergency and doesn’t negate the agreed-upon process. If you haven’t had a court-ordered agreement then get a lawyer to start the process. Your ex has taken advantage of you through infidelity and still has no qualms about taking advantage of you now.
Time to fully protect your son and yourself.” CapsFan1066
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not for how you feel, but for not having a legally enforceable custody agreement. As long as he is on the birth certificate, Baby Daddy can essentially do whatever he wants with your child when he is in his care, and that includes having your son and his SO spend time together.
I really do sympathize with wanting to have some idea of who the people your son spends his time with are, but unfortunately you don’t have the right to enforce that. A legal custody agreement should have been discussed the same day the breakup happened, and it’s not too late to get one now.” comewhatmay_hem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — your partners and your ex’s partners are effectively additional parental figures for your child. It’s important for all adult caregivers to try to build good relationships in order to communicate about your child’s needs. You don’t necessarily need to like each other if you meet and don’t get along but it’s very important for you all to at least try.
Meeting her is not about getting your approval or making her uncomfortable, it’s about building strong relationships for your kid.” VariegatedPlumage
9. AITJ For Treating My Mom Like A Child?
“My (24m) mother (53), and sister (27) all still live in our family home. Three years ago my dad had a massive heart attack but was still with us for another year before he passed away. At the time I was in university and had to drop out due to having to go work to support the family.
My sister and I are currently the only 2 working in the household, with her having a stable job and me running my own business. Now for the issue.
My mom has been a stay-at-home mother for the last 10 years and has not been helping in any way financially, but after the passing of my dad, she has been wanting to take the lead of the household but has not been able to account for money that we have given her and has been saying that most of the money is up before we even buy groceries.
My sister and I have been giving all of our income to her to pay for all of the bills, groceries, and insurance. (Our bills are paid out of a separate account set up by me).
Now my sister and I have started to take control of all the finances after my mother lost more than $2500 and can’t tell us what happened to it.
So am I the jerk for treating my mother like a child after she has not been financially wise with the funds that my sister and I give her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not treating her like a child. You are ensuring that the money you and your sister earn is spent responsibly.
Your mom clearly isn’t able to do that. Did your father handle finances before he passed? It may be that your mom had no idea how to manage money. Anyway, you are helping your mom stay in her home and are not in any way a jerk.” Odd_Task8211
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mama needs to get a job. She is only 53 and she can work in a grocery store, work at Walmart, work at a fast food restaurant, work as an aid at a school, or several other starter jobs. There is no shame in working and she should take pride in earning her own income.
You should take over paying specific bills but no $$$ directly in her hands. Give her a dollar amount that she is expected to bring into the home toward bills and make her responsible for her own necessity items.” Physical_Ad5135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if I were you, I’d try to check her phone/emails to make sure she isn’t ‘in a relationship’ with some ‘rich and handsome man who is in the military and currently deployed/working on an oil rig’.
Middle age single women are a prime target for romance scammers. $2500 is too much to be just bad management, being a victim of a scam is highly probable.
It’s a good thing that she doesn’t earn income on her own. Take full control of the finances, only give her what she needs for groceries (and ask for a receipt, if she is in a romance scam, she may buy gift cards for the scammer).” Sbjoern0313
8. AITJ For Losing My Cool After My Mom Urged Me To Praise My Sister?
“I (23F) grew up in a traditional Asian household and although I have an older sibling (30F), I’ve mostly kept to myself since I was 16.
We do not have a great relationship, my mother was once in the hospital and I took care of her myself and my sister would cuss me out daily because she was upset with herself for not being there for her. She’s had a long-term battle with borderline personality disorder.
When I was 19 at my first big girl job, I was so proud and happy with the things I was doing that I would constantly share it with my family. One day – my mom told me that I should be more considerate of what I share as it made my sister feel inferior to me.
I stopped talking about work with them, but I would still share the good news with my mom. Each time, she would respond: ‘You’re doing so well. Why don’t you give your sister some of these opportunities instead?’
I went completely freelance and she would still say: ‘Why don’t you get a proper 9-5 like your sister and save money?’ even though now I earn twice the amount I used to at a 9-5.
Since then, I stopped talking about anything with them. Recently my sister got into drawing and got really good at it. I gave her my iPad and told her she could have it to continue learning.
Fast forward to today: my mom comes to me and shows me a drawing my sister did and goes: ‘Look at how good this is.
You should tell her how talented she is,’ and I lost it. Maybe it’s the years of emotion I’ve been suppressing but I told her that I’m tired of constantly being made to feel like I need to disregard my feelings to make space for everybody else.
She asked me why I was being that way as I was being angry for no good reason. Obviously, more led up to this moment that made me finally lose my cool.
I packed my bags and left for a friend’s house. I feel bad for losing my cool, but I am so upset with everybody.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has degraded you to make your sister feel better. That is unrealistic and sets unrealistic expectations for your sister and is doing her no favors. Stay on your own, excel at what you do, and feel proud of yourself.
You should be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself when so many would have fallen to being made to feel less than.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but it’s obvious that your sister is the ‘golden child’ of the family. Maybe your mom feels guilty and protective of your sister because she has a borderline personality disorder.
In any case, everything your sister does is golden and all her failings are someone else’s fault. She will be praised for every little thing she does and your wonderful accomplishments will be ignored no matter what you do.
Since you are NOT the golden child, you are being blamed for not giving your sister opportunities (that’s your job?), not praising your sister enough, and wanting some type of acknowledgment for your own accomplishments.
Just no. It’s time to cut your losses, move out, go low contact, and find friends that love and support you. You deserve that and will never get the validation you need from your mother. However, this internet stranger is very proud of you. You sound like a wonderful, caring, responsible, and talented person.
It’s too bad your family can’t see it.” Crazy_Life61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not obliged to give your sister a trophy every time she lifts a finger. You’ve helped your mom on your own and I can understand that your sister was mad at herself because she couldn’t be there because of her battle with borderline personality disorder but it still wasn’t only up to you to do that.
I find this to be your average ‘tell me who’s your favorite child without telling me’ kind of situation. Your feelings are very valid.” User
7. AITJ For Leaving My Sister-In-Law's Bridal Party Group Chat?
“My (22F) older brother (25M) is getting married to his fiancée (22F). She and I used to be friends in high school but she started bullying me after my ex at the time spread my personal photos around the school.
I’m hurt that my brother is marrying her but I’ve chosen not to care.
When I was 18, I was disowned. I’ve suffered from mental health issues since childhood (autism, ADHD, and Bipolar 2) and received no support from my family. I turned to trashy men for support.
After the incident I mentioned in the first paragraph, I made a series of bad choices that led me to go out with a dealer and get hooked on substances. My parents found out, put me through rehab, and then kicked me out. I’m grateful for them getting me clean but there’s a lot of trauma there and it’s obvious they never want to see me again.
When I turned 19, I got a job as an air hostess. This is when I reconnected with my brother. My family is well off and he felt bad for me being cut off, so he started paying my rent. We kept in contact and became as close as we were as kids again.
He asked me to be his best woman at his wedding. He knew I was nervous about being around the family again but he reduced my duties as best woman so I wouldn’t have to deal with them because they still talk badly about me and hate me.
His fiancée was infuriated at me being the best woman because of my reputation in the town but he told her that he wanted me there. Then, I found myself added to her bridal party group chat which contains a lot of the girls that bullied me in high school.
I was confused at first but I thought that as long as everyone was going to be mature, I was cool with it.
This isn’t what happened and it became obvious that they were still acting like we were in high school. So far, she’s invited me to two bridal party events that caused me to reschedule shifts, only for her to have ‘accidentally’ gotten the date wrong.
After that, I left the group chat. I didn’t tell my brother about this because I don’t wanna cause issues with the couple before their wedding and I know my presence at the wedding is already unwanted by everyone but him. They’ve also talked trash about me and mocked me in person.
Last weekend was the rehearsal dinner and I was accosted by the maid of honor, who is also an ex-friend. She demanded to know why I had left the group and I lied and said it was because my phone was low on storage. That led to a massive argument where she demanded that I rejoin the group chat because traditionally, all women involved in the wedding are in the bridal party, and since I’m not even heavily involved with the groom’s party, that meant SIL was ‘in charge of me’ and that she had to pick my dress and makeup which isn’t what my brother said.
I refused to rejoin it.
Now, my SIL and brother are fighting and she wants me uninvited from the wedding. He said that I don’t have to rejoin the group. SIL is calling me a jerk for making them fight over this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell your brother to demand to see the group chat, so he can see for himself what is being said and how these girls are acting.
I would also back out of the wedding altogether. If your brother truly cared he would understand that you don’t want to be put into a position to be around hateful people who are treating you like this, nor do you want to be around family who still hold your past against you.
It is not good for your sobriety.
He needs to know the monster he is marrying before he marries her.” Shieldmaiden81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re upset because they want you as fodder to mock and giggle behind your back. You have every right to not participate in that and, honestly, I would tell your brother what’s been going on.
Not just so he can see what an absolute harpy he’s marrying and the friends she’s surrounded herself with, but so he can help protect you. You shouldn’t have to expose yourself to this kind of treatment just so you won’t upset your brother. He deserves to know the truth (esp. if they try to spread lies about you to him).” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OP, if I was you I’d go low contact with your brother because your horrible family, his horrible fiancée, and all of those horrible people will be in your life through your brother.
Honestly, he is a major jerk in my opinion (along with all the others in this story) for marrying his younger sister’s bully and not protecting you from the same people who made your life in high school miserable.
I’m sorry you have to go through this but I seriously think having these people out of your life will make things so much better for you.” DJ_Too_Supreme
6. AITJ For Asking For A "Weird" Request At The Bakery?
“I (M34) am a single father and my daughter is autistic (F4), her birthday is coming up. My daughter and I like to go to a local bakery and her birthday is coming up soon. So I’ve decided to throw her a surprise party with all of our friends and family members.
She doesn’t like certain textures and they often cause her to be more difficult. Wanted to have something there for her since she doesn’t like the texture of the cake and it can be very triggering for her. So I call up the bakery and this is how the conversation went:
Me: Hey I was wondering if you guys could put down an order for (my name) so that I can pick it up for a party on Thursday?
B: Yeah sure we can do that. What kind of pastry do you need and should we put a message?
Me: Well I was wondering if you could make chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips in them. It’s for my daughter’s birthday and she doesn’t like the texture the chocolate chips bring to the cookie.
B: Are you being serious?
Me: I’m being extremely serious.
Can you guys make chocolate chip cookies with no chocolate chips for a party of 10?
B: You want chocolate chip cookies with no chocolate chips? (laughs)
Me: Yes I do, can I pick it up by Thursday?
B: This has got to be a prank call.
(hangs up)
So now here I am in the kitchen at almost 12 am trying to make my daughter some chocolate chip cookies without adding chocolate chips in.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but maybe you should’ve changed how you made the order. Like maybe start by telling them that your request might sound a bit unusual but to let you explain first. Then tell them what the order is and why it needs to be that way.
Don’t just automatically launch into saying you need chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips in them. People will rightly assume that you’re pulling a prank.” PhoenixEcho1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time just politely ask to speak to a manager. An adult with life experience will better understand a special request, and the manager is in the position to see to it that the order gets made correctly.
There’s a chance the person who answered the phone was a teenager making minimum wage who makes prank calls in their free time and has zero experience with people with dietary restrictions and just couldn’t comprehend what you were asking.
By the way – surprise parties are often problematic for people with autism.
You’ve probably thought this through since you pay attention to your daughter’s texture preferences, but I wanted to point it out, just in case. Knowing at least a little ahead of time that there will be a party and knowing who will be there may help her enjoy the party more.
It doesn’t need to be days ahead of time – the anticipation can cause problems on its own. But just like an hour before everyone will arrive or you’re going to leave for the event location. And if you’re thinking of having a traditional ‘jump out and yell surprise’ moment, think about whether your daughter has sound sensitivities or startles easily.
I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful party with non-chocolate chipped cookies!” pupperoni42
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
They just assumed that it would be a prank or some tiktok nonsense because that’s what’s happening right now everywhere and I can understand their perspective.
That being said you aren’t a jerk either because you wanted something special for your kid. Maybe you could have gone up there and spoken to them or maybe called them up again and explained the reason for your order I’m sure they would do it.
Also, I’m sure your daughter would love the chocolate chip cookies without chocolate that you are making for her because that will be filled with extra love.” trichobedzoar
5. WIBTJ If I Evict My Ex And Get Full Custody Of Our Child?
“So after my (28m) ex (26f) and I had our child in November, my ex asked if she could stay in a vacant Section 8 unit of my brother’s and mine in Akron, Ohio for a few months.
I agreed to this since our child was primarily living with her at the time and I wanted my child to be close to me.
It was also because the unit was going to be vacant for a while anyway: we were working on some refurbishment at the time – replacing windows, some flooring, and adding an extra room – and were hoping to get it re-appraised and do a cashout refinance.
In late January, my ex said that she found another place in Akron to stay, but that she was going down to Birmingham AL first for several weeks with my child to visit her family, after which she’d move to the other place. I said that was fine.
I just found out yesterday that my ex never actually went to Birmingham and has continued living in my unit this whole time, despite telling me that she had moved out. I found this out when the appraiser and my brother went to the unit yesterday for an evaluation.
I would’ve been okay letting my ex and child live there indefinitely. I might’ve charged insurance and utilities but not mortgage or property tax. But I’m a little uneasy about letting her live there now. I’m considering just evicting her and going for full custody if she can’t find another place in the next 30 days.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you’re delusional if you think you’ll get custody. Especially if you’re the one who evicts her. Her lying to you doesn’t make her unfit. You didn’t even know where your kid was living, so clearly not an involved father.
Have an adult conversation with her and figure out what is going on and go from there. Clearly, something happened with the other rental. She obviously knew she couldn’t live there unknown for any length of time.” Wide_Custard_140
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, you can’t evict her.
Second, you can’t evict her. Third, if you try to evict her, she can sue you. Finally, what kind of a jerk are you?
Your ex hasn’t done anything that would qualify her for eviction. Did you bother to ask why she didn’t go home?
Maybe someone got sick or maybe she realized that was a long trip with an infant.
She told you in ‘late January’ she was going to Birmingham for ‘several weeks.’ Did she tell you when she was leaving? Or coming back for that matter?
If you go for full custody because of this, the courts will laugh at you. I hope your ex works with an attorney to make sure she gets full custody and support from you. You are a tool in addition to being a jerk.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t sound like she ever gave you a move-out date just a vague ‘I’ve found somewhere else to live’ comment made in late January. Maybe she planned to go to Birmingham and decided against it which she is free to do.
If you didn’t establish exactly when she would be moving out then she didn’t lie to you. You don’t seem to keep in very close contact with her or your child.
No court is going to award you full custody without some clear indication that it is in the best interest of the child which there is absolutely none.
Evict her if you want. Go to court and get a custody agreement along with an assessment to see if you should be contributing child support. Then expectations and responsibilities for both parties will be clear. YTJ.” Bayouadrink
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Doesn't Have Friends Because She Focuses Too Much On Her Child?
“So I (20F) have a friend, let’s call her Ann (23F), who got pregnant from a one-night-stand. The father didn’t want anything to do with the child, so she is a single mother. Her daughter, Kate (2y/o) is really cute, I love babysitting her, but she is all Ann cares about now.
For example, she often cancels meetings with friends because of her. I understand that sometimes things come up, but this happens often and she gives reasons like ‘Kate is really clingy today’ or ‘Kate really wants to go to the zoo’. And even if she is there, her daughter is all she can talk about.
She shows us a bunch of pictures, and talks about her sleeping and eating habits, her diaper content, her favorite songs, and everything. And while I would be interested in them, if you don’t stop her, she can literally talk about this for hours.
And even if I try to change subjects, the topic of Kate comes up again and again. A week ago we had a two-hour-long coffee meet, and when I asked a server for some water, she said, ‘Kate wants to drink more water’ and then for the rest of the time was about how she wanted to teach Kate to drink more water.
Yesterday I babysat Kate, and I stayed there after Ann put her to sleep. We started talking and the topic of being a single mother came up shortly. She told me how hard it is to parent alone and how distant she feels from her peers.
I tried to be empathetic because I understand that being a young, single parent is always challenging. But then she said how people show their true colors and listed a few of our friends who have been distant from her. She called them ‘fake friends’ and jerks, which I didn’t like.
I told her that most of those friends wanted to be child-free and that maybe talking about Kate made them uncomfortable. She dismissed it and said that if they were true friends they would love her kid as much as her. I told her that she is having unrealistic expectations and that just because her world revolves around Kate, it doesn’t mean that everybody’s does too.
She got really upset and accused me of shaming her for being a single mother. I told her I’m just trying to point out that not everybody cares as much about Kate as her, and her constantly talking about her kid can be tiring.
She got angry and told me to leave, so I did.
Today I woke up with angry messages from our friends saying that Ann is a struggling mom and that I should have shown her support. I feel bad about how I phrased it, but I don’t think that I was being a jerk here.
I do understand that Kate is a very big part of her life and that she wants to talk about her, but I think there is a healthy limit to that. I am closer to Kate than most of our friends, some of them never met her, so it is like hearing about a stranger’s every little habit all the time.
But tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is pretty dull hearing about someone else’s kid all the time when you don’t have any and can’t relate, but the problem now is that Ann has had nothing else in her life and nothing else to talk about anymore, and some parents just suffer from this lack of understanding that the world doesn’t revolve around their child and everyone does not love their kid, you will have to get used to the change if you want to keep the friendship.” dazed1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, maybe you could have phrased it better… but Ann sounds extremely self-centered. Yes, being a single parent is incredibly challenging. Yes, it’s ok to need to cancel last minute and take care of the needs of your child, yes, it’s ok to talk about your kid (to a degree).
If someone does truly care about you and is a good friend, they will also to some degree care about your child. But there is no excuse for how Ann is acting. Being a single parent doesn’t mean you get to disregard everyone else’s time and interests.
Being a single mom is not an excuse for being a bad friend.” BaroquenDesert
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if Ann had mutual friends send you angry messages, then she has friends and those friends defend her so she can’t complain that she doesn’t have friends.
She can talk about Kate to them then. She obviously told them a different version of what you actually said. But it might be time you put some space between you and her and spend time with the people who have been distant from her or find a new group to hang out with.
Ann needs to be with other young mothers, and you need child-free people who don’t cancel all the time. Friendships end when people grow apart and you and Ann have grown apart.” Malibucat48
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Stepdaughter's Kid To Call Me Grandpa?
“She’s technically not my ex-stepdaughter because we weren’t married, but I was with Sara’s mom for 10 years. I lived with Sarah for her high school years, and we got along well but it never felt parental. I’ve since broken up with her mother but I keep in light touch with Sarah and her brother.
Mostly when they call me, they’re nice people.
That said, I have 3 kids and 2 grandchildren so far of my own. I’ve been blessed in my life and am comfortably retired. I’ve been able to create college funds for my 2 grandkids and plan on it for my future grandkids as well.
Sarah recently had a son and she visited me and my current partner at our house a few days ago. This is when I met him for the first time, very cute baby, and Sara and her husband seem very happy which is nice to see.
During the visit, she was referring to me as ‘Grandpa Joe’ (not my real name). The first time I just smiled and nodded but she repeated it a few times when I just said ‘It can just be Joe’. She got visibly upset but didn’t say much.
I didn’t think much more of it.
A few days later her brother called me to catch up and mentioned the moment and told me I was being a jerk about it. I explained to him it wasn’t personal and if I didn’t have kids or grandkids of my own I wouldn’t mind but given how generous I am with my grandkids, I don’t want to create separate rules for different ‘grandkids’.
He said that was ridiculous and I was just being a jerk. I’ve been thinking about it a lot the last couple of days and have been feeling pretty bad. I still don’t really want to be a grandpa to their kids though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is a very delicate issue. Your ex-stepdaughter was probably trying to honor you with the title, but you sort of slapped it in her face by rejecting it. However, you are under no obligation to accept being called Grandpa by her kids.
Just kindly explain that you don’t feel comfortable with the title as you are no longer in a relationship with her mother (your Ex) and you don’t want her kids wondering why Grandpa doesn’t visit or behave like their other grandparents as you won’t be able to be that person in their lives.
Do NOT use the reason that it is because you already have kids and grandkids though and that hers didn’t make the cut. That would just be too cruel if your relationship with your ex-stepdaughter meant a lot to you.” wirylime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They don’t get to decide what you’re called. You don’t want to be called Grandpa Joe by their kids, just Joe. They need to respect that. They’re being jerks by not doing so and trying to make it your problem.
These kids probably do look up to you as a father figure, tho, if you were a stable masculine presence in their life when they were growing up.
But they still should respect your comfort levels.” phenomstar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sarah’s kids have grandparents… her actual parents and her husband’s parents. If you’re grandpa then that takes away from the real grandparents. If you’re grandpa then it takes away from your actual grandkids.
Grandparent is not a loose term. Sarah is old enough to know better regardless of you being in her home life for four years during high school. I think it’s odd she would push this. It’s odd she’d think or feel equal to your children.
You do not meet the exception. The exception being… if you raised Sarah and consider her your child and you her father. Not the case here. Sarah is putting you, and everyone else, in a very awkward situation. It’s odd Sarah’s mother hasn’t stepped in to tell Sarah that’s she inappropriate.” RaeKn47
2. WIBTJ If I Let My Niece Live In My House But Not My Sister?
“My husband and I are moving overseas temporarily for around 3 years. Since we plan on moving back we do not want to sell our house. We don’t want to rent the house out because we also plan on coming back to visit and staying here periodically.
However, we do want someone living here during this time to keep an eye on things. An unoccupied house is not good for our insurance and if there’s a problem we want someone there to notice it right away.
We think the perfect person is our niece, Kayla, and her fiancée (Jordan).
Kayla (and Jordan sometimes) have already stayed in our house alone to housesit and watch our dogs many times while we’ve been away. We’ve never had a problem with them. Also since Kayla and Jordan do not have much furniture or household items that take up space.
This is a plus for us because that means we will not have to have our furniture stored. We do not want our things getting damaged or stolen in storage. We will only need to clear out two of the bedrooms for Kayla and Jordan to have for their own private use.
This arrangement also works out really well for Kayla and Jordan because they have been trying to save for a down payment on a home of their own and we would let them live here rent-free.
My sister has since found out about this arrangement.
She asked me to reconsider because she thinks she and her family have more of a need. She and her husband live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their 3 kids and 1 baby. She says her kids need the space more as they are getting older and need more privacy than before and she and her husband feel bad that they can’t give them that right now.
They also would like to save up for a home of their own but are having a hard time because rent costs so much.
Neither my husband nor I are comfortable with them living here. We feel like 6 people in the house are more likely to cause damage to our house or things.
Especially the children. We would be forced to store a lot of our furniture to make room. There would be no space for us to stay in our own house when we come to visit. My sister countered by saying they could store their furniture instead, but we don’t want them using ours.
My sister also said that when we come to visit we can stay in one of the kids’ rooms while the kids stay in the living room. That also isn’t an appealing idea to us. We want our stay to be a bit more peaceful.
I explained this to my sister and she did seem to understand that her kids can make things hectic, so she offered to pay for us to stay in a hotel when we came to visit, but we want to stay in our house during visits.
It keeps getting brought up how much of a huge difference this would make to my sister and her family. Nothing has been set in stone with Kayla and Jordan as we haven’t signed a lease with them yet. We want to, but we’re sort of feeling guilty, but also we would be worrying the whole time they are living here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing someone a HUGE favor with free rent. So that is UP TO YOU to decide who you feel is the right person/people to give that favor to.
The peace of mind alone sounds like it’s worth Kayla & Jordan being the ones to watch the house.
Plus it’s more convenient when you visit, and you don’t have the added cost of storing your own furniture, or the wear/tear/damage from kids using your furniture.
Just because someone tries to guilt you doesn’t mean you are a jerk. You are not.
Your house, your decision.” alana_r_dray
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already offered your niece the option, and pulling that away now would be a jerk move. Also, you absolutely get to decide if you want kids running around and abusing your house for 3 years.
And the point about having a place to stay when you come visit is entirely valid – using a kid’s bedroom when you visit (so like – bunk beds?! Or two twin beds?) is not an acceptable way to visit your own home.
It makes sense that this would be beneficial for your sister, but it would NOT be beneficial to you.
Offering it to your niece would be mutually beneficial. You do not need to do something nice for someone else at your own expense. You had a plan, and you can stick to it.” PNWPainter02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your house, and you have the right to decide who stays in it.
No one else is entitled to it.
However, you might want to reconsider your decision not to rent or sell. Being a landlord to family members can get really dicey really easily. Speaking as someone who has done it multiple times, it’s not recommended, no matter how close you are.
If you do let either of them stay, make sure you have an agreement that is totally spelled out on who is responsible for what, how your return home visits will work, when the situation expires, etc. Negotiate all of that in advance, and the smart thing to do is put it in writing.
Personally, I’d sell.” SquatCobbbler
1. AITJ For Taking A Bath At My Partner's House?
“I’ve been with my partner Jake for 4 years (28F, 33M) and we can’t live together yet because we have incompatible pets but I’m there a lot and I have keys to his house. Jake has told me over and over that just because it isn’t possible right now doesn’t mean that this isn’t my home too.
Every Friday, I go over with dinner ingredients. I take a nice long bath there since he has an amazing claw foot tub and I live in a small apartment. Then I cook us something special and we spend the night eating, playing games, and cuddling.
It’s been our Friday night tradition for 2 years. He even stocks bath bombs and salts for me at his house.
Last month, Jake’s long-time friends Ana and Ryan (30s) came to stay with him for an undetermined amount of time. Their home flooded, it was a rental and it’s very unclear what will happen with insurance.
Their situation is pretty unstable right now and Jake let them stay for free as long as they need.
Last week, I had gotten out of the bath and was starting dinner when Ana started making comments about me being there all the time and how we spend our Fridays together.
Ryan tried shushing her but she started yelling at him that she was sick of watching me ‘prance around with fancy baths and short ribs’ when they’ve lost almost everything and that I was selfish to not think about how that made her feel and that she thought I did it just to upset her.
I tried to tell her that it wasn’t about her but she told me to shut up. So I got mad and we started yelling at each other about who had more right to be there. Which I’ll admit was a really petty argument to let myself get dragged into but I consider Jake’s house my home.
Jake and Ryan stepped in and got Ana to go to their room but we could still hear her yelling at Ryan about me and our night was kinda ruined.
Jake has told me that he thought about asking them to leave but Ryan has been so apologetic and begging him not to so he isn’t going to yet but he made it clear that Ana has exactly 1 more chance but I’ve heard from a few mutual friends about it and a couple said that they thought her feelings were valid and that I was rubbing her situation in her face by doing frivolous crap around her every week and that she just exploded from stress.
I can see what they’re saying so you guys tell me if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if Ana exploded because of stress, then she would have apologized rather quickly. Since she hasn’t, your friends are actually reading the situation incorrectly.
Jake is right to set a boundary here. Let him continue to handle it, and you should continue to have your traditional Friday evening plan. Have Jake give them a heads up that they should make plans out from X to Y (insert times here) this Friday so that he and his partner (you) can have your traditional date night.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“We can understand why Ana is stressed but you have zero responsibility for her bad situation and she has essentially moved into your extended home. Some gratitude is in order. More importantly, what stops her from enjoying a bath? I’m betting you would have gifted her at least one bath bomb if she asked politely.
She sounds like the kind of person who needs a scapegoat for every bad event in her life. She needs to apologize and recognize that taking her stress out on other people isn’t reasonable or acceptable. NTJ.” Dance_Sneaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s mad that you get a date night and she can’t afford to?
You are under zero obligation to placate her. However, it could reframe things if you sent her a care package with a bath bomb and gift certificates for a middle-ground restaurant nearby. Take the high road here.
It would certainly help your mutual friends with their perspective that you have somehow wronged her by living your best life.
You made an effort to think of her and her feelings. They cannot dispute that.” georgiaokief
