People Convince Us To Take Their Side In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Telling My Picky Wife To Stay Home For Thanksgiving?
“My wife is a grade A+ picky eater.
It’s bothersome to a certain degree but on holidays basically, the trouble begins. She’d refuse to eat certain meals and mom would take it personally… which results in a series of arguments between them.
As a compromise this year, my wife offered to bring her own food to Thanksgiving dinner.
I was stunned I asked if she thought this through and she looked at me confused. I told her about how weird it’d be for her to bring her own food especially when she wouldn’t be sharing it with anybody else, and told her to think about how mom will react.
She’d get very offended and upset. My wife said that it was not her problem and that she was just trying to make it work by bringing her own meal. I told her again that mom might not like or even allow this.
She blew up at me asking if I want her to either eat food she doesn’t like or go hungry. I suggested she give my mom’s food a chance but she said it wasn’t about my mom’s cooking, she just doesn’t like certain foods.
We had an argument and I ended up telling her she could stay home this thanksgiving and have whatever meal she liked. She got quiet and then lashed out at me calling me insensitive and negative to say this to her.
I repeatedly asked her to calm down but she couldn’t stop ranting about how I was basically willing to exclude her from a major event.
She started cold-shouldering me about it while at the same time guilting me saying I’m treating her poorly after she offered the ‘perfect compromise’.
Update: And so, my wife has decided to go spend Thanksgiving with her family (who by the way live HOURS away, so this means unnecessary travel expenses) instead and basically ditch me for a whole week. MY WIFE DOES NOT HAVE ALLERGIES!
But anyway. All is good now I guess though I’m not too thrilled with her decision. I feel like she’s doing it to spite me or get me to cave in.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And your mom, too. Your mother may be putting a lot of effort into the day, but she’s clearly putting zero effort into making the holiday enjoyable for your wife.
It’s a holiday centered around eating…everyone should have something they can eat on the table. If your wife were vegan and your mother didn’t know how to make vegan food… your wife would bring her own. And maybe she CAN bring enough for everyone.
It’s not fair for you to take away her opportunity to spend the holiday with family when she has presented a perfectly acceptable compromise. If your mother is offended, why doesn’t she try making foods your wife likes?
Just because she’s offended doesn’t mean she’s right to be. Especially since your wife made it clear that it wasn’t about your mom’s method of cooking, but rather the foods themselves.” zeeniemeanie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If your mother won’t accommodate her food preferences at Thanksgiving then your wife should be able to bring her own food.
I’ve found that when someone is a picky eater it usually stems from a fear of the taste, texture, etc for whatever reason.
It’s not always as simple as just being able to force it down for a lot of people and instead of accepting it you and your mother have pretty much humiliated your wife over this by practically excluding her from enjoying Thanksgiving with everyone.
That’s a pretty jerk thing to do.” rrredandyellow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know this is a recurring issue, and when your wife comes up with a compromise your response is to reject it completely and disinvite your wife from a family event without even asking your mother if she would be okay with it?
Your wife seems to be the one person in this situation who’s even trying to find an equitable solution so that you can all have a decent time together. Maybe try working with her instead of against her.
Edit: Oof, that update… even when you’ve upset your wife to the point that she’d rather spend this holiday away from you all you can think about is how much of an inconvenience it is for you and how your feelings are hurt.
Not a shred of concern for your wife’s feelings, remorse for letting this situation fester for so long, or introspection on how you could have done better or do better in the future. If you carry on like this I see divorce in your future.” RebelScientist
16. AITJ For Embarrassing My Dad During Dinner?
“My (16f) dad (46m) loves pranks. He regularly watches those old prank vids on YouTube for hours then tries them out on everyone around him. Once I heard my mom screaming upstairs and ran to see what happened. It turned out dad poured a bucket of ice water on her while she was in the shower.
Another time I walked out to my car and found it missing. I ran back into the house crying because I thought it got stolen. My dad was laughing so hard that he was almost on the floor. He moved my car.
I love dad but sometimes it’s exhausting living with him.
My older sis Jessie (24f) lives out of state. A month ago, she told us she was coming to visit and bringing home her partner David (I don’t know his age but he looks to be in his upper 20s) for us to meet him.
Jessie usually likes the pretty boys who wear polo shirts and are around 6 feet tall (this is important, trust me). When dad heard about it, he was so excited he couldn’t hold it in. He ran out and bought the hottest hot sauce he could find.
He showed it off to me and mom and told us he was going to make a special plate for David. Of course, I told my sis but she told me not to worry about it.
When she came home last night and David walked through the door, we were all shocked. David is a little shorter than sis and a full head shorter than dad.
He looks like someone shaved a pit bull and forced it into a sports jacket. I’m not talking about the cute ones you see running downstairs and taking showers with their owners. He looks like someone stuck him into a blender and he won.
When he went to shake hands with dad, I can see David had wider shoulders, and bigger hands, and his forearms were 2x as big. I could also see and was staring at this scar on the back of his hands and ran up past the sleeve of his dress shirt.
Dinner rolls around and David compliments mom on her cooking, which surprised me. I asked if he really likes it he said yes. Sis and I looked at each other and we instantly knew dad didn’t spike David’s meal. I asked dad if David got the right plate or if there was a mix-up.
Then I told David that dad had prepared a special plate for him. Dad’s face turned bright red and he told me to eat my dinner. Of course, I didn’t so I said I’ll go check the kitchen to get the right plate.
Sis was trying so hard not to laugh and poor David was confused. Mom squeezed my leg hard so I knew the fun was over.
After sis and David left, dad yelled at me for embarrassing him. Mom told me to apologize but I refused saying that I was only trying to help dad out with the prank.
I’m grounded until I apologize.
Did I go too far by embarrassing my dad? AITJ?
Update: I’m still grounded but it won’t start until sis leaves so I spent the day with her and David. He’s the funniest guy I’ve ever met.
He kept sis and me laughing most of the afternoon. He’s also super sweet. He opened the doors for us everywhere we went and pulled out sis’ chair for her at the restaurant during lunch. I like him a lot.
It wasn’t all good times because they were always holding hands and kissing. I stopped doing that freshman year.
My visual description of him was not to say he’s ugly but I meant to say he’s the scariest guy I’ve ever met in real life.
I felt like a queen today because everywhere we went, people just got out of the way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure you embarrassed your dad but by going out of his way to humiliate others, he invited it.
Your dad needs to learn that pranks aren’t cool.
They’re not fun. They’re a power play. Especially when the prankster can’t handle when one blows up in his face.
Edit: being grounded until you apologize is also a power play. It’s coerced compliance. There’s nothing to be gained from it, no useful life lesson for you – it’s about your dad’s ego.
I’m sorry about the situation you’re in.
Coming from a guy of similar age to your dad, his behavior sounds horrible and to be honest, a little pathetic. Do what you need to to get by until you move out, and don’t set your expectations of reasonable adult behavior by that of your father.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But apologize to David. Dude was caught in the middle of something weird and you kinda fed on that. But your dad is a grade-A bully. Like I would talk to someone like a school counselor about it if your Mom is unhelpful (which in the case of David she is siding with your dad?) He seems to want power over people he sees as weaker than him.
I would say don’t apologize to your dad, hold your ground. But ultimately do what you think will make life more bearable until you can get out.
I also would love to give a shout-out to your sister, who seemed to totally know what was going to happen and I think she may have even counted on it.
It sucks that she even had to think about this.” Wizardinred
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom And Aunt To My Wedding?
“I (26 M) have been with my fiancee ‘Jess’ (24 F), for six years and we got engaged four months ago. Jess has always been very thin. No, she does not have an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food. She just has always been petite weight and height-wise.
My mom has always made comments on the side, saying that Jess needs to eat more and often serves her more than Jess asks for, which makes her uncomfortable. As a result of that, I have gone low contact with my mom, and we had a long discussion on why before I did it with the hopes she would fix her behavior.
When Jess and I got engaged, Jess emphasized that she really wanted my mom to at least be a part of the wedding because, after all, she is my mom. Last Saturday, she went dress shopping with my mom, my aunt, her mother, my sister, and a few of her friends.
When she came home, she hurried into the bathroom, and I could hear her crying in the shower. I knocked, but she said she wanted space, so I let her be. I called her mom to see what happened at the dress fitting and her mother sounded fuming.
Apparently, my mom and aunt thought it would be appropriate to tell Jess that she looked like the corpse bride (Tim Burton film). It turned into a giant argument between my sister and Jess’s mom against my aunt and mother.
It ruined the whole special moment for Jess.
I called my mother and reamed into her for her behavior and told her that she proved once again why we were low contact. She argued with me till I told her that she and my aunt were banned from attending the wedding due to their behavior.
She started sobbing, saying that she needed to attend her baby’s wedding. I hung up because I didn’t care. The entire week my phone has been blowing up with messages from my whole family saying that half of them won’t show up if I continue to be cruel to my mom.
Am I really a jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve warned your mom why you went low contact in the first place.
She didn’t change her behavior and instead doubled down into absolute cruelty to your fiancee.
Honestly, I’d go permanent no contact with her after that display.
And if you lose half of the guests, it’s even better. You know who should also be booted from your life because they don’t have your back.
The trash took itself out.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, if you didn’t make this choice (standing up for your fiance) you shouldn’t be marrying her at all.
It’s a spouse’s responsibility to defend their partner, especially against their own family. And you aren’t being cruel to your mom, either. You’re giving her consequences for her cruel behavior. A wedding is a celebration of your relationship, and people who are not ready to support both of you shouldn’t be there.” Ambystomatigrinum
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. People like to claim others are jerks when others hold them accountable for their crappy actions. Your fiance was incredibly sweet to want to include them for you. Instead of being thankful for that, they decided to go right back to the actions that caused you guys to go low contact.
They saw it as you guys giving in and wanted to try to force you guys to deal with as much as they could throw out. Do not let those two come to the wedding. Whatever complaining people do will be much easier to deal with than the crap they will cause to tear your wife down and have the attention on themselves.” Longjumping_Cow_8621
14. AITJ For Not Standing Up For My Wife?
“My wife ‘Taylor’ and I got married a little over two years ago. It was supposed to be a beautiful day and was something she had dreamed of her whole life, but unfortunately during the reception, a family friend ‘Ken’ intentionally spilled food and a drink on her dress which obviously devastated Taylor.
This was pretty early in the reception and there was no way to get it out, so the night was ruined for her and Taylor struggled greatly to move past this.
Obviously, Ken was thrown out of the venue, and we did bring him to court for the damage.
He opted to just pay without going through with the court date and has flat-out admitted he did it on purpose. His reasoning was he had a thing for my mom, was wasted, and thought that would impress her. Apparently, my mom unbeknownst to us was angry because Taylor told people we were engaged at my mom’s milestone birthday party and my mom told Ken that, and he got this brilliant idea to woo her.
Anyway, my mom initially sided with us, but later began going out with Ken and told us to get over it. I told her it was us or him and she picked him. I lost my mom and both of my sisters over this guy, and Taylor lost out on her dream wedding.
I haven’t seen my mom since but I did know through family that she and Ken were getting married. I tried to keep this from Taylor as it would hurt her, but she found out.
Recently my cousin ‘Emily’ came over.
Emily is the only family I have left due to Ken so I do value the relationship. Emily mentioned how she had spent the weekend in a nearby vacation town for my mom’s wedding and was just saying how much she liked the town, but Taylor snapped at her and said she didn’t want to hear anything about my mom’s wedding.
Emily said she understood. About twenty minutes later Taylor asked if she wanted to stay for dinner and Emily said she couldn’t as she has my mom’s dogs at the moment (so obviously she is on her honeymoon) Taylor lost it and said Emily can’t be this stupid and must be trying to hurt her for some reason.
She began to get emotional and said that her wedding was stolen and she doesn’t want to hear anything about my mom being happy or having a wedding.
I gave her a hug and tried to calm her down. she told me to make Emily leave and I said that didn’t seem fair as it was probably a mistake.
Emily said she said not to talk about the wedding and she didn’t realize she couldn’t even talk about the dogs. Taylor asked if I was really going to not do anything and I said I didn’t feel right kicking Emily out.
Emily left on her own, but Taylor ended up in tears and was angry with me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your wife is a drama queen with the center of the universe syndrome. And I’m betting announcing your engagement at your mom’s party without permission isn’t the only time Taylor made everything about her.
Was Ken a jerk? Absolutely. And he paid for it. But it was 2 years ago. And it was at the reception, not the ceremony so get over it. Plenty of brides end up with wine or sauce or whatever on their dresses.
You dab on some club soda or change and then party on. And how dare she and you basically expect everyone in the universe to shun your mom because Taylor pitches a fit and your mother defied you about HER romantic life.
And now Taylor wants you to run off your last remaining family member.” Any-Blackberry-5557
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your wife for ruining her MIL’s birthday party and letting a messed up dress ruin her reception. I’d have been mad for a few minutes then laughed it off and still had fun.
You for letting your wife separate you from your entire family because of a dress while her ignoring her own actions. Your mom for the obvious reasons. Ultimately Ken the most because what he did was deliberately to ruin your wife’s night but on the flip side your wife deliberately ruined your mom’s party albeit not by ruining a dress.
Oh and your cousin truly is just a nice person and not the jerk at all. You are for going along with your wife at your mom’s party and also for your actions since except Ken should be made to pay for the dress.
Maybe do a vow renewal or major party just for your wife’s sake so she gets her magical it is all about me moments (which is fine, everyone needs those sometimes) and get some therapy. Don’t let your wife cut you off from anyone else though.
That is abusive.” Americanhealth74
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but you and your wife are going to have miserable lives if you are willing to go to court, and end family relationships over some spilled food and drink.
If your wife’s wedding was ruined by the mess on her dress, her priorities are skewed. Her overreaction is what took away her happiness, and you going along with that overreaction, cost you your family.
No adult should be as upset about a stain on their dress that they care about it two years later. Your wife is overly fragile, and catering to her neurosis isn’t helping either of you.
Everyone she loved was there to celebrate your marriage, and it wouldn’t have made any difference if she finished the reception in a messed up dress, or in some more casual clothing she changed into.
She could have enjoyed the rest of the party in something else, but she chose to fixate on her messy dress.
Thank goodness you didn’t kick out your cousin for being a member of her own family.” Moulin-Rougelach
Another User Comments:
“Your wife still has justifiable issues regarding your mom and Ken related to the deliberate act of petty cruelty that ruined her night. Because of their refusal to apologize, it remains an open sore under the scab. She is not going to be ok with people who obviously still support and have a relationship with your mom and Ken.
People telling her to get over it already are cruel. But it sounds like she could use help processing the event so it doesn’t continue to dominate her emotional health. It obviously was a bigger issue to her than maybe you realize.
You did the right thing backing your wife. If you want a relationship with Emily, it should be without your wife’s involvement. But those having a relationship with Ken and your Mom are silently supporting what they did. So, get your wife’s thoughts on this.
Really, everyone sucks here.” ypranch
13. AITJ For Changing My Mind About Getting A Dog Because My Fiancee Wants It On A Vegan Diet?
“So my fiancee (F24) and I (M26) moved in together about a year ago and have been talking about getting a dog ever since. It was always clear that I’d be the one primarily paying for the dog and its needs since she’s still in college and only works weekends and I had absolutely no issue with that since I’m the one who brought it up initially.
Well, I recently got promoted so it’s finally in our budget and we were looking at shelters in the area because we had agreed to adopt from the beginning.
We started getting small stuff like toys and a leash and such and I started preparations in the yard for putting up a bigger fence.
And then the food came up. My fiancee is vegan, but I am not (I’m vegetarian), this has never been an issue honestly, she knows my diet is already pretty limited due to some medical issues I’ve had since childhood (a bunch of allergies and whatnot) and I don’t really wanna limit it further.
But when we were talking about food for the dog the other day she said, pretty confidently, that she’s intending to feed it a vegan diet.
When I asked her to elaborate she just said that studies say they can be good on a vegan diet and they don’t HAVE to eat meat.
I disagreed immediately and said I’d feed the dog whatever the vet recommends I feed it and that’s most likely not gonna be a vegan diet, they’re possible but super hard to maintain from what I’ve read. Nutrients and stuff.
She got pretty mad and said if there’s an alternative she’s always gonna go with the alternative and that vets really just don’t believe in the vegan lifestyle (wonder what the reason for that could be.) I said if she’s not gonna listen to what the vet recommends, we’re not getting a dog.
She started crying and saying that it isn’t fair of me and she hasn’t really talked to me much since. So am I the jerk for backpeddling on the dog even tho we were well into the preparations?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wished people would stop forcing their dietary choices on animals. I wouldn’t trust her even if she changed her mind because there’s a big chance she would be lying and ignoring the vet’s recommendations behind your back.
It’s a shame you can’t get a dog but you are preventing a dog from suffering due to her views. Chances are she’s just regurgitating what some blogger or YouTube commenter is saying. Chances are whatever article or sources for these studies she’s hanging her whole argument on aren’t widely supported by vets or anyone who really care about dogs.” videlbriefs
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re just not on the same page and in need of communication.
If you have a pet, you need to make sure that all its needs are met. Lots of store-bought pet food contains crap, which the pets are better off without.
Cats e.g. are absolute carnivores, but surprisingly dogs can live happily and healthily on a well-planned vegan diet. A well-balanced diet needs some research in any case and needs to be tailored to the individual. And this is where most people (vegan or not!) typically drag their feet the whole way through.
Unfortunately, you can’t really rely on vets. Just like healthy diets aren’t part of the normal medical curriculum for humans, vets don’t get to learn about it either unless they research out of their own volition. Oftentimes they only get to attend a brief seminar provided by a pet food company extolling the virtues of their own products.
I’m afraid you’ll have to do your own research.
Apart from that there is also the concern about where the dog food comes from. Usually, the kibble is made from the cheapest meat available, i.e. factory farming. Meat for pet food is a huge market, so contributing to that isn’t exactly wonderful.
This is a matter of personal ethics and if one of the prospective pet parents isn’t comfortable with that, then it may be the best course to not get a carnivorous pet at all.
By the way. I’m a vegan and I have guinea pigs.
Problem solved.” corinna_k
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not healthy to feed a dog a vegan diet. If she is not willing to properly take care of the dog, which includes feeding it a healthy diet, there’s no reason to get one.
As far as ‘not being fair’ that you changed your mind, it is MORE unfair to the dog to not feed it a proper diet to appease your fiance and HER dietary CHOICES.
If you disagree this much about a dog that you haven’t even gotten, you need to think about what the future holds with this woman.
If you decide to have children someday, you will be in for a life of misery because she’s going to fight you every step of the way. You have to be on the same page with certain things and if you’re fighting about a dog’s diet, it’s going to be a nightmare if you have children.” CampClear
12. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner With His Finances?
“I (32F) am in a long-term relationship of 6 years with my partner (35M). We are committed to each other, but we do not plan to get married (we both do not believe in marriage).
We are both high earners (6 figures each), but he is not good when it comes to finances.
When we started getting serious – about 5 years ago – it became apparent. After discussing finances he asked me to take charge of his too.
He was in debt (consumer) with nothing to show for it but a sports car and a lot of toys.
He had been paying only minimums on everything including his student loans, so he ended up owing more than what he did when he graduated.
What I did was set up automatic transfers: one for a shared account to take care of household expenses (which we shared 50/50), one for a long-term savings account (for a house), one for a short-term savings account (for things like vacations and Christmas gifts) and one linked to a debit card for other things/personal spending.
Fast forward to a year ago, he had almost completely wiped his consumer debt, taken care of a big chunk of his student loans, and was still able to get things he wanted. Then he went on a week-long vacation with his brothers and came back accusing me of taking advantage of him and stealing from him.
He insisted I ‘give him back control of his finances’ which I did.
I broke up with him, but he got back to his senses I guess and did a lot to get me back and I did. But I promised myself that I would never even offer advice when it comes to his finances.
Now he is asking me to take charge again, apparently, he is back in debt (surprise surprise, apparently he spent a lot on his brothers, and now his credit card debt is soaring) and money isn’t lasting him as much as it did when I was in charge.
I told him that there is no way that I would do that, that I will not put myself in that position again. And here’s where I might have taken it into jerk territory, I told him ‘maybe you should have your brothers help you with that, God knows they are more knowledgeable than me, and they would never steal from you like I did’.
Well, he called me petty and said that I would prefer to hold on to a grudge than to see him financially secure.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was on a man trip with super smart macho guys who are great with finances.
He told them that you got him out of debt with savings and they could not handle or understand financial competency from a female. They convinced him you did woman witchcraft stuff to steal from him. He did not say: no, guys, it’s been great, it was my decision.
No, he sided with them and believed them. Tons of disrespect for you.
You’re not holding a grudge. You are not allowing history to repeat itself. The only way I would take the finances back on is if he apologized to you in front of them all.
But again, you may be making him do it because you are a woman witch.” LhasaApsoSmile
Another User Comments:
“Hang on, you organized him out of debt – you got accused of stealing from him – you broke up with him but then you forgave him and he wants you to do it all again.
Why don’t you just find a brick wall and hit your head repeatedly on it – that would be the equivalent of doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. Time for you to get a new man – this dude is a complete dud and needs to grow up and learn to adult himself.
Can you see this going anywhere further – you deserve so much better. NTJ but please leave him behind where he deserves to be.” AussieTopCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has his awareness of himself, his habits, and whatever it is that makes him so vulnerable to his brothers’ persuasion changed meaningfully since you’ve reunited?
If not, you are setting yourself up for a real double bind – withholding the newly-coveted ‘help’ and him resenting you for it; or resuming the role and becoming his financial gatekeeper (setting you up for more accusations or frustration around the limits of their actual salary, unsubsidized by credit card debt).
You’re sorta screwed either way because it doesn’t sound like his expectation that you be whoever he needs you to be in that moment (financial planner, hands-off, etc) has changed. I’m not sure this person has the insight or maturity to avoid recapitulating the exact same scenarios, over and over and over again.
You seem like an actual grown-up, and I hope you find one of those to partner with, if (when) this guy won’t level up.” Justjstjst
11. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Daughter's Last Name?
“I (33f) have a daughter (4f) with my ex-partner (33m). The pregnancy was unplanned and happened despite using contraception. We spoke about what we wanted to do, and he was clear he didn’t want to be involved. While I’d never really considered having children, actually being pregnant changed my mind and I decided I’d like to keep my baby.
We parted on not horrendous terms. I obviously wasn’t happy about becoming a single parent, but I respected his decision. My ex-partner was not involved in the pregnancy or the birth, or the first six months of our daughter’s life.
He then had a car accident which I won’t go into, but it changed his view on things. He sought me out and asked if he could be involved in his daughter’s life. It was very difficult at first. I had just struggled through pregnancy, birth, and taking care of a newborn alone, so I wasn’t thrilled he’d just waltzed back in.
But I wanted my daughter to know her father, so agreed to let him see her.
He was genuinely remorseful and has, from that point onwards, been a fantastic father. He contributes financially and emotionally and shares half of all the parenting duties (dropping her off at school, picking her up, looking after her when she’s poorly, etc).
We now have a good custody agreement (a legal agreement, we didn’t go to court but we did speak to solicitors to have an agreement written up), with our daughter spending about 60% of her time with me versus about 40% with him.
Things between us are good (we aren’t together romantically, but we’re on very good terms), and our daughter is happy, which is the key thing for both of us.
Recently he’s asked me if I’d consider changing our daughter’s last name to his (right now, she has my last name).
I said no. I tried to be nice about it, but I’m the one who grew and gave birth to her with no support from him. He was not involved in that part of her life at all, and I don’t feel comfortable changing her name to his for a few reasons.
For one thing, she’s very young, and I think it would be confusing to her at this point to change her name, especially as she’s just started school, and secondly, it could cause issues for me if I don’t share my daughter’s last name.
I said I’d be happy to consider double-barrelling our names, as he has proved himself to be a fantastic father, but that I wasn’t changing it to solely his name. I also told him we could give her the choice of choosing his name if she’d like to when she’s older.
(We’re British, so the custom is for children to take their father’s name).
I spoke to my parents about this expecting them to be on my side, but they both made it clear they think I should change her name and that I’m being unreasonable because it’s normal for children to have their father’s name.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, it’d be different if while you were pregnant, even if he didn’t want to be a father, he put himself on the birth certificate and acknowledged that he was a parent. He didn’t. He yeeted himself off to go live a happy child-free existence without you, even though he knew he was a bio father.
Ask yourself this; if he hadn’t had his accident, do you think he’d be there now? Probably not. He had a life/death situation that made him reevaluate what was important and he, fortunately, figured out he should try to do right by his child.
Great for him. But he wasn’t there when you were pregnant and vulnerable, or giving birth and vulnerable, or the first six months when you were likely running on zombie and panic mode. If he’d wanted her to have his last name, he should have stepped up when naming her was happening, not after the fact.
We call this a consequence of actions. Not being married has nothing to do with this. If you’d been married and opted to give her your maiden name if you also opted to revert to it after a divorce and he came back in later and demanded it changed, I’d say the same thing.
And the fact that he’s being a grumpy sulker about it proves my point. He wants some kind of controlling claim on her. He wants to be the one in control, just like he was when he left. He hasn’t earned that.
And frankly, at this point, it’s her decision to make. If she gets older, maybe she’ll ask you to change it. Maybe she’ll be old enough to change it herself. Maybe she won’t. But he’s getting hung up over the wrong thing.
‘You’re upset she doesn’t have your name. That’s because it’s a constant reminder that you bailed when we both needed you most. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it because this all sounds like a you problem and not an us or me problem.'” DNRmyDNA
Another User Comments:
“Nope NTJ
You offered a viable compromise, which was the double barreling of your names and since you aren’t married, that seems excellent, as that way your daughter has both your names and can choose to keep it that way or take on just one or the other when she is an adult.
Your parents are from an older generation where the ‘nuclear family traditions’ were in place, hence their belief that you should name your child after her father. Those values aren’t the ‘norm’ now.
Hopefully, her father can understand the compromise and accept it.
The important thing is to BE the father, which it sounds like he is doing.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You named her when she was born the way it made sense because she was yours, and yours alone.
It’s terrific that he’s now in her life, but why does he think four years later a change should be made?
What is WRONG with her having your last name?
For him not to consider and appreciate that your offer and compromise of a hyphenated version is very generous because it’s unnecessary and insist on it being ONLY his name makes him the jerk.
He doesn’t like that it’s only your name, so his ‘solution’ is to turn it around on you and do something that you and your daughter both won’t like and feel the same way about that he currently does.
Makes no sense, so he’s a complete jerk for asking and wanting to force it
He’s literally saying ‘I don’t like it like this, so you and daughter should feel that way now yourself now forever after instead.’” dart1126
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Give All The Kids Christmas Gifts?
“I have two nieces ages 17 and 15. They’re my older brother’s daughters. He passed away 11 years ago. I have always been in their life and after my brother died it was through the courts I got to keep them in my life.
Their mom and I were never close. She and I butted heads while my brother was alive and she didn’t want me around once he was gone. But the fact my brother was gone and I was the last piece of his family, two judges (because she appealed the first decision) agreed that maintaining a relationship with me was in the best interest of the girls.
We got along a little better for a while once the dust had settled but then she started seeing her husband and he had problems with the fact the girls would always have me while any children they would have in the future would not have me and I was the most active person in any extended family they could claim.
So bad b***d returned.
I have never wanted or looked to pursue a relationship with the younger half-siblings my nieces have. They have three. Who are all under the age of 10 currently. I have met them a handful of times.
But that’s about it.
The girls’ mom did try to use her younger kids as a reason to end my visitation rights to the girls but that failed because the judge told her many blended families deal with dynamics like this and do not find it harmful.
Now both the girls are older and the relationship is more of an independent one. They can call and text me whenever they like and will invite me to stuff without going through their mom. It’s so much better. Though I still know she’s their mom and could make things more difficult outside the court-ordered access if she wanted to.
This past year has been tough on the household financially. The girls have told me about it and now, their mom has told me they are not going to be able to do anything nice regarding presents for any of the kids, and she asked me to split the money I spend on the girls every year between all the kids.
She said it would be the right thing to do because her younger kids are aware the girls get gifts from me every year and it would suck for them to get nothing they’ll enjoy while the girls still get nice stuff.
I said no. I said my responsibility was to the girls and not her other kids. She told me I’ll be a jerk if I don’t.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is your money to spend as you choose.
You have no relationship or ties to your former sister-in-law’s children. After the way she’s treated you, I can’t believe she would even ask you to do this. The sense of entitlement from people today blows my mind. As a kid, I had an older half-brother and sister who got things, trips, and presents that I did not.
When my parents said, ‘That is from their Mom’s family,’ I never expected or even asked for the same treatment.
You won’t even be there on Christmas morning to make a big show of it. She can have your nieces open up your gifts separately and ask them to not make a big deal of it in front of the other kids.
A 17 and 15 yr. old I’m sure would understand and be okay with it.” Music19773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She can apply for gifts through a charitable organization. There’s no reason this woman should expect you to spend your money on her other kids.
I highly recommend that you consider asking your nieces if there’s anything they need (clothes, toiletries, money on their school cafeteria account, sports or activities fees, costs for diver’s education, etc…). It may be that your niece’s needs aren’t all being met and that they need some support you aren’t aware of.
Also, if possible, you might let your nieces know that they could live with you when they’re older and you might try to set aside funds to help them with further education.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She had no right to ask, and you had every right to refuse.
However, the half-siblings are just kids, and it does seem sad that they will have to watch the older sisters get nice things while they don’t. And your nieces may feel a little bad about it.
Would it be possible to give your nieces their gifts quietly, in a way that the younger kids don’t notice the difference so much?
If all presents go under the tree, can you pack two things into one box so that your nieces don’t have many more packages to open than the younger ones?
I don’t think you should give presents to the kids because it could easily become an expectation for future years, but maybe there could be a present for your nieces that they could enjoy with their siblings?
(For example a game of some sort.)
It sounds like your sis-in-law is a bit entitled. NTJ.” Why_Teach
Give them a trip, time for something they've always wanted to do, anything that is about memories and giving of your time as their big gift.
This solves the problem. Little sibs aren't hurt by jealousy and mom can't do anything vindictive.
9. AITJ For Not Lending My In-Laws Funds?
“I (32f) have been with my wife (30f) for 7 years. We both grew up below the poverty line but we both worked our butts off, put ourselves through school, got decent jobs, and saved every cent we could spare to buy a house this October.
We’re not rich by any stretch of the imagination but we make do by living below our means and saving funds whenever we can. My parents seem to have their finances in order now however, my in-laws have always struggled financially going back to when my wife was a child.
They have 5 kids in total, 3 still live at home (21m), (17m), and (11m), my mother-in-law refuses to work and my father-in-law works as a plumber.
To say they are bad with money is an understatement, they are constantly broke and have to borrow from my wife and me or their parents on a nearly monthly basis and yet they always have funds for things like booze, fast food, and poker games.
They spend all their time chain smoking and drinking in the garage while the kids who do live at home behave like savages, they tear the house apart, break everything they touch and scream and yell and throw things daily.
The 11-year-old still sleeps in bed with my mother and father-in-law and throws temper tantrums like a toddler whenever he doesn’t get his way and the 17-year-old has basically dropped out of high school to sit in his room playing video games and only has the first semester of grade 9 completed. My wife’s parents seem to have no problem with this and act like this behavior is normal and although my wife realizes this is not okay, she enables them and pacifies this behavior to save the argument.
My father-in-law lost his job and let his EI run out before looking for a new job or coming up with any sort of solution. They have zero money coming in and are looking for financial help so they don’t lose the house.
I understand times are tough, I grew up super poor so I don’t mind lending to people when they need it and have given them thousands of dollars over the years but today I put my foot down and refused to lend my in-laws any more and requested my wife do the same.
My wife and I literally just bought a house last month we haven’t even moved in yet and her parents are already asking us for money because they’re on the verge of financial ruin and have insinuated that they will need a place to live if they don’t get the money they need. I also firmly told my wife her family is not welcome to move into our new house with us either and now my wife is upset with me because she feels torn between her family and myself and my in-laws are upset with me for being heartless and selfish for not helping them when they need it.
I’m very conflicted, I feel bad for refusing to help and at the same time I’m super mad because they can’t seem to get their lives together and take care of their kids and household, I just don’t want my wife and me to drown in the ocean with them.
AITJ?
Edit: I hate to see people struggle as they do but we have to stop giving them funds now or it will never end. My wife and I have had a long hard conversation and both agree they are not moving into our new house with us and any funds she gives them will come from her own funds and not our joint finances.
My wife has an incredible heart and is very giving, I won’t ever tell her what to do with her own money but setting up some rock-solid boundaries for our joint funds is essential to us getting through this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will get sucked dry. Realistically, you may have cash in savings, but you don’t have funds to lend. You are moving in and there are ALWAYS at least 1-2 things that blow up and will do so on a Saturday and need to be repaired that day at great expense.
So plan on 2-3k of emergency expenses. That is why mortgage companies want you to have 2 months of PITI (principal, interest, taxes, and insurance) in the bank.
Your wife is in a bad jam, but you have to stand strong here or you will be underwater in 6 months.
Let her make you the bad guy, but she needs to understand that you have been poor and you have no intention of being poor again. Why your inlaws let their severance end before even looking for a job and why your MIL refuses to work are serious barriers as well.
It’s one thing to have your FIL lose his job because he had a stroke or some other disaster, but this seems entirely of their making. Be strong, be ready for the misery that is new homeownership, and keep you and your wife above the water line.” riverfan2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This money pit will never fill up, there will always be some other reason why they need money if you and your wife keep enabling them. I would make cutting off all shared funds to them a requirement for your marriage to continue.
Moving them into your house would be an automatic dealbreaker for me, do not pass go, straight to the lawyer’s office.
That sounds harsh, but the other option is for this to continue the rest of their lives, probably to then be continued by her siblings.
Related, your wife is absolutely going to need therapy to end this cycle.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t help others if it puts your financial goals at risk. That means first you pay expenses, then you save, then you help.
Your wife loves her family, and it’s hard to let loved ones suffer consequences. It’s even harder when there are children involved. But your in-laws can work. They are choosing not to.
Ask your wife how much money, in total, she is willing to give them.
Discuss a budget that you can both agree to, and discuss who will earn the money that funds this budget item. If your wife is determined to give them cash, then it can be done without hurting your relationship. Let her know that you aren’t willing to take from your savings, and you aren’t willing to take from any other budget items. But that if she wants to earn extra for her family, you will love and support her efforts.
Emotionally support.
But your wife needs to have a clear goal in mind. Knowing how much she is willing to give, in total, means she can tell her parents the amount, and then feel free to stop once it’s reached.
Good luck dude.” kevwelch
People like your wife's parents NEVER CHANGE. Nothing is ever their fault, they refuse responsibility for their own finances, and they will end in ruin and bankruptcy. PLEASE don't let your little family follow suit.
*IF* your wife insists on subsidizing them one last time, let it be for an agreed upon amount between the two of you, and then NO MORE. It's the only way you'll ever amass enough of a cushion and reasonable credit to ensure that the two of you have a financially secure future for yourselves and your children. DO NOT SUBSIDIZE YOUR OUTLAWS!!!!
8. AITJ For Sticking To Our Court-Ordered Visitation After Arguing Over A Pair Of Shoes?
“I (29F) am a divorced mother of 2. My ex (28M) and I split physical custody 50/50 and this year the court-ordered Christmas schedule says I get the kids for 2 weeks straight up until Christmas Day.
A few weeks ago, I called my ex and offered to make different arrangements because no one wants to be without their (small) children right before the holidays and his family usually does Christmas on Christmas Eve.
Fast forward to this weekend.
My daughter wanted to wear her little heels to church before the swap, not the tennis shoes she wore from dad’s. So I forgot to send them back. He texted me and asked if I can bring it over. I was working Monday and today I had to be in court (no cell phones).
He texted me three times in 11 hours, and as soon as I got out of court I headed his way to put the shoes in the mailbox. I then texted him to let him know. He attacked me saying I don’t co-parent and these are her shoes and she needs them (I pointed out that I had multiple pairs of shoes for the kids and with him having them for a week at a time I was shocked he didn’t have more pairs as well).
I told him that I’d had a very stressful and emotional day, I don’t have it in me to argue, I’m on the way with the shoes and could we leave it at that. He proceeded to ridicule me, yell (in all caps) at me, and call me names.
Then he said he would call the cops on me if I put the shoes in his mailbox. So I called the police and asked if I could drop off my child’s (apparently) only pair of shoes. They said of course.
I then called my divorce lawyer to make sure it was ok for me to keep the kids the two weeks at Christmas. Now my ex is saying I’m vindictive and a lot of other cruel things. I reminded him that co-parenting required kindness, patience, and understanding and that it goes back through ways and he will still get the kids on Christmas Day.
Am I the jerk here?
EDIT to help clarify some things: Daughter is 3, and son is 2. They stay unaware of all of our communication. We are supposed to keep clothing, shoes, toys, etc at our houses, they don’t have bags they carry back and forth.
The kids’ Christmas plans haven’t changed. I planned on taking them to visit family out of town the week before Christmas but offered to let him see them some that week instead. It was originally my Christmas Eve with them, to begin with, I was offering an olive branch because I wouldn’t want to go two weeks without seeing them (which is in the court order, but it flip-flops every year).
So now, I am going to take them to see the family they rarely get to see. His family lives in town, so they see each other every week.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lack of preparation on your ex’s part (not having spare shoes/clothes/toiletries/whatever for his kids at his place) does not constitute an emergency on your part.
As it stands, you had offered to do a very nice thing for your ex and tried to get another pair of shoes over to him as soon as you were able. In return, you were verbally abused and threatened with law enforcement intervention.
In the future, stick to the visitation schedule the court has ordered. It’s just less messy that way. And be sure to document any abusive texts/voicemails etc your ex sends your way, just in case you should ever need it.” miasabine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You extended an olive branch and gave him the holiday that you rightfully owned due to court orders. He lost it over a single pair of shoes, which you rightfully pointed out that he should have spares at his home.
He even went as far as to threaten you with cops if you dared to put the shoes in his mailbox.
If I were you OP, I’d keep copies of all the texts he sends you. Screenshot them all with the date and time in sight and keep collecting evidence of his behavior.
If you’re allowed to record phone calls, do so. If his behavior keeps being hostile, insist on doing the kids’ handovers in public instead of at your house, where he’ll feel more inclined to scream, shout and hurl insults.
Co-parenting is already hard enough as it is.
His hostility is only going to come back and bite him in the butt. Cover your own butt by creating a paper trail and document his actions. It’s sad that you need to do so, but he’s already proving that he’s extremely hostile on this.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried to be accommodating, but your ex went scorched earth over a small issue that you tried to resolve as soon as you were able to.
If your ex is going to blow up to the point of threatening to call the police over shoes, the best thing for the kids is to follow court orders to the letter and keep communication to a minimum to avoid conflicts.
You can’t have a friendly co-parenting relationship if one parent is unwilling, but you can minimize conflicts.” whichwitch9
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Apologize For Putting The Blame On Me?
“So, I leave for work at 4:10 am, and my partner leaves at 4:40 am. Last night he had to get something out of my car, so I gave him my keys.
I didn’t realize that I hadn’t seen them since that time until I was leaving this morning at 4:10, maybe 4:11. So I look for a few minutes and they are literally nowhere. We just moved into this house recently so there really are not many places to look, we don’t even have a couch or dining set yet.
I wake him up around 4:15 (which is the time he’s usually waking up or awake by anyway) to help me look.
We look for 10 minutes and I am really running late at this point. He starts blaming me several times, saying maybe I moved them after he used them because he has never lost them before.
Saying they must have been on the kitchen counter and I must have moved them. I tell him, I know I didn’t see them at all after you had them. Finally about 25 minutes after looking, he says maybe they’re in my work truck, that’s the only place we haven’t looked. And there they were, right on his front seat.
I was already crying and freaking out for about 15 minutes by then so I went inside to cool down for a minute before leaving.
He apologized saying, I’m sorry I lost your keys. I said that’s really not the problem, it’s that you blamed me and said that I moved them, about 5 times.
He then said I take back my apology. Maybe you should have started looking for your keys before 5 minutes before you are supposed to leave. Which by the way wasn’t even true, he was sleeping and I chose to look for 5 minutes before waking him.
I left it alone though and went to another room until he left. Like, what, lose my keys then blame me? But then 10 minutes after he left, I’m thinking should I have accepted that apology? Should I have just said like ‘it’s okay’ and forgotten about him being a jerk and blaming me?
Give it to me straight, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I could be wrong but this sounds like a small thing blowing up unnecessarily. You were both in a stressful situation and probably half-asleep. I don’t think he was trying to ‘blame’ you by saying you must have moved the keys – it’s a common thing for people to do when they can’t figure out what happened to an item.
Stuff like this happens all the time in relationships, things get misplaced and plans get messed up and people say things at the moment that isn’t ideal but not truly deal-breaking. If there is no clear, recurring pattern of accusations then see if both of you can just move on.” Reasonable2aPoint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
An apology is admitting to doing the wrong thing. He blamed you for moving your keys and that meant you were searching for places where you would put your keys instead of places where both of you could have put your keys.
If you were searching all the places where either of you could have put the keys, you would have found them in his truck earlier.
Additionally, you told him the last time you saw your keys was in his hands.
If I was searching for something and someone else had it the last time I saw it, I’d be asking them where they might put something like that. He refused to help you search where he might have put it and so delayed you further.
He’s the jerk for losing your keys, denying he lost your keys, pretending to apologize (the type of apology where it’s meant to calm you down) and him getting snippy when you didn’t react the way he was trying to manipulate you into.” Saffron-Kitty
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, getting woken up to look for something can cause some attitude. He saw he was wrong and apologized. That’s half of a relationship, messing up and apologizing. The other half is accepting their apologies.
When you grant him grace for all the small mistakes, he will grow trust and safety in you. It’s a big deal to be with someone who allows you to be human and loves you no less for it.
Not to mention, when grace has a foothold in the relationship, you are also free to be human. It’s all done now so just move forward and check the truck first next time.” amandawhiskey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because somebody apologizes doesn’t mean that the hurt they caused automatically goes away.
It sounds like he was a real jerk in a problem that he caused, and he tried to put the blame on you and gaslight you into thinking it was your fault. That’s not something that’s easy to get over in a matter of a few seconds just because the perpetrator apologized, and it makes me wonder in what other areas does he do the same behavior?
In addition to the first apology, He owes you another apology for not respecting the fact that he really hurt you and you need some space and time to figure out how to deal with it for yourself.” avengerrevenger1
6. AITJ For Secretly Recording My Sister So She Stops Contradicting Herself?
“My sister (19f) has a habit of contradicting herself. She does it a lot but one of the things she does is take a while to clean dishes.
If she cooks something she’ll rinse and put stuff like plates and silverware in the dishwasher but will leave pots and pans in the sink for days. However, she hates it if I (18m) or anyone does anything to help her.
Beyond dishes, like if she didn’t finish doing something and someone else does it, she will get offended. Like she thinks it is a personal attack against her. Lots of ‘I could have done it myself.’ But if I need to use the dish and ask her to clean it so I can use it she gets upset at me for rushing her.
One time I just washed the pot I needed, made mac n cheese, washed the pot, and put it away. She saw the pot was clean and asked if I cleaned it and I said that I needed to make mac n cheese.
She got mad and said, ‘you could have asked me.’ I said she’d still be mad if I asked and wouldn’t do it when I needed it.
Well, it happened again so this time I asked her. But this time I had my phone in my hand recording audio.
She said, ‘don’t rush me!’ So I went down and washed it and used it. She asked me about it and we go through the same process. ‘You could have asked me.’ I just took out my phone and played the audio of me asking her and her snapping at me and she looked embarrassed hearing herself.
Then she called me a jerk.
She also has a thing where she hates other people driving her car but will park directly behind mine or someone else’s car in the driveway instead of on the street. Then she gets upset when someone moves it.
She’ll tell me to wait until she leaves if I need to go somewhere. I recorded that and later when my car was behind hers and she asked me to move my car (I kept the keys with me this time) I just played the audio and she says I’m a big jerk for recording her.
She’s been pretty mad about it. She does a list of things like this that I could record but I’ve only done it twice for the two things that hinder me the most. She looked pretty hurt when I played the audio for her.
AITJ? I was rude in the delivery. Like I didn’t even respond. I just pulled out my phone and played the audio and said nothing to her.”
Another User Comment:
“NTJ – NTJ – NTJ
Your sister has a control issue, loves being mad, and inconveniencing people.
That’s what this is really about. No matter what you do, she’ll be mad. But she knows she’s inconveniencing people and enjoys the control she has over others. This whole ‘wait until I leave if you need to go somewhere’ statement proves this.
Even if you needed to leave right away, she would make you late. And she has absolutely no desire to change her behavior to prevent your inconvenience, or her anger, which tells me she loves both.
Be careful about the recording.
Find out the recording laws in your state. A lot of states have a one-person consent law, which means if you are part of the conversation, you can record it. And if you are in a one-person consent state, tell her that since she gets mad at you for not liking being inconvenienced by her behavior, you fully plan on CYA’ing, which means recording these conversations.
You’d rather her be mad at you for something you did than be mad at you for HER ACTIONS.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want to amuse yourself some more, take a page from litigation lawyers and get her to really commit before playing the recording.
Like you do the dishes, she says you could have asked, you tell her you did ask, and she says no you didn’t. You say are you sure about that? And when she says yes, you pull out your phone and play the recording.
Pretty soon, you won’t have to record her and play it anymore because the second she denies reality all you’ll have to do is ask her if she’s sure and reach for your pocket and she will cave. Eventually, she will stop messing with you altogether.
It is a solid training technique.” DetailEquivalent7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, I don’t think so. If it were the second or third time, yes, maybe, but this is a definite pattern of behavior that she is failing to recognize and modify.
You recording her is just providing that irrefutable evidence directly to her of what she is doing. She’s mad because she really has no defense for her behavior. It would be like trying to argue that water is not wet.
As long as you aren’t standing there with a snarky grin or making snide comments, I think your tactic could maybe move the needle on her behavior.” anitarielleliphe
It is embarassing, but sometimes that is what it takes to change behavior. It's not like you posted the recordings on social media or anything (that would very much be a jerk move). Explain it to her that you understand that she doesn't realize when she's doing this, you're not angry just frustrated, and you want to help find solutions to work for a good bond in the future. Maybe she has some feedback for you, too.
5. AITJ For Assuming That My Friend Was Buying Me A Drink?
“Last weekend I went to a casino for one of my old friend’s birthday. It’s a weekend thing, we stay Friday night through Sunday morning.
So Saturday night, our last night at the casino, I’m down $200 because my friends don’t let me stop gambling until they’re ready to stop gambling.
I just want to lock my wallet in a safe at this point and leave the casino but we’ve got this dinner at a fancy restaurant booked and then reservations at a nightclub VIP thing after. I just got the side salad and water at dinner because I can’t afford any of this.
Then we go to the nightclub and I just get water again. My friend says ‘why are you getting water here?’ I say I’m just gonna stay on the cheap for the rest of the night because funds are tight now.
He says ‘hey don’t worry about it’. I say ‘really?’ And he says again ‘Yeah, don’t worry about it.’
I assume this phrase, when said in this context, means ‘I’m buying your next drink’. So I order my favorite drink, tell the bartender to put it on my friend’s tab, and go back to the dance floor.
When the end of the night came and we were closing out our tabs, my one drink was on my friend’s tab. He told the bartender there was a mistake because he didn’t order that. I reminded him that he said he was buying it for me.
He said, ‘I never said that. I just told you not to worry about it. Like, we’re on vacation. Life is short. Don’t worry about stuff like that.’
At this point, I’m a little annoyed because I would normally never buy that drink at that price given the current situation I’m in.
The only reason I didn’t get water or soda was that I thought my friend was offering to pay for it. We got into a small argument there in the bar, but I dropped it because it was his birthday.
Days later he’s still joking about it in the group chat like ‘I can’t believe you thought I was buying your drink’ and I keep telling him it’s a jerk move to say what he said without realizing that most people think that phrase means they’re paying for it.
My friend group is weirdly split, people who knew about it that night seem to side with me but people who found out later on are siding with my friend and saying I shouldn’t be putting drinks on other people’s tabs unless I’m 100% they’re OK with that.
AITJ?
Edit: We were there from Friday night until Sunday morning and the plan was to play blackjack and games like that most of the time we were there. Within a couple of hours of showing up, I’m UP about $100 from when I walked in and I was content with that because it would’ve paid for my split of the hotel room.
My friends then all started giving me trouble for it. The comment that got me from a different friend was ‘Why would you even come on a casino weekend if you’re going to stop playing on the first night?
What are you even going to do for the next two days?’ and everyone seemed to agree with that statement so I went and got more chips to avoid bringing people down at what is supposed to be a celebration.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You can afford to go to a casino for a weekend and gamble $200 in one night, plus this ‘fancy restaurant’ plus lodgings and who knows what else, but you can’t afford a $9 drink?
Let’s do this next time you’re in a tough situation: ‘I can’t go, I just can’t get out of this idiot thing, family, am I right?’
Send them a decent gift, which is going to cost a lot less than the approximately $1000 this weekend cost. You come out with your head high, looking generous, and in the black.
Frankly, just the fact that they seem to be casino regulars would be reason enough to ghost. Gamblers make trashy friends.” HeadWolf69
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I can see why you thought your friend meant he would get you a drink but if you don’t feel comfortable paying for said drink with your own funds, why would you order something so expensive with your friend’s funds?
Also, you’re an adult, if you want to stop gambling get up from the table and go find a game to watch or walk around or something. People can only comment if you’re there and allow it. Stop bowing to peer pressure.
He’s a jerk because he is now aware of your financial situation and is bringing it up in mixed company. He’s embarrassing you on purpose which is rude. A good friend would have privately worked through the situation and then not said anything else because it’s no one else’s business.” allison2817
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t worry about it usually means that they are covering it like this guy is not a friend. His saying in response to you having a financial concern that you should just put monetary considerations out of your mind and felt like that was an inappropriate thing for him to say is kinda off.
Like not only does it show zero empathy, it caused unnecessary drama. The fact that all of these people do not respect your boundaries and are willing to rag on you says that they aren’t actually your friends. They are acquaintances that you, unfortunately, went on a trip with.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You really shouldn’t be caving in to spend more than your budget allows, especially when it comes to gambling. Assuming you are all over the age of 21, but you are still giving into peer pressure like a high schooler.
Presumably, you knew how much you had to spend and should have set a limit on how much disposable income you had to gamble. If you had so little left that you spent the rest of the time getting by on salads, water, and handouts, you definitely went overboard.
Your friends are jerks too for pressuring you to gamble.” tlf555
4. AITJ For Telling My Dad He Has A Weird Personality?
“I (28M) have never had a good relationship with my dad (68M). He was too strict and barely spoke to me but was perfect for my siblings.
It’s mainly because he was a very wild teenager and I guess he saw himself in me somehow. He thinks I’m a mess for having a child at a young age even though I have a master’s degree, a high-paying job and my son actually likes me.
My son (6M) has recently gotten into the habit of calling me by my first name. I think it’s adorable and hilarious and I don’t mind at all. In turn, I call him by his full name. He has a long first name and we usually address him with a shortened version, so if his name was Nicholas, we’d call him Nick.
Sometimes I add embellishments so he’d be Sir Nicholas the first or something ridiculous like that. It’s hilarious and I love it. My dad thinks I’m allowing my son to ‘disrespect me’ and he has shouted at my son before for it.
I forced him to apologize.
I still have a very good relationship with my mother (64F) and she often watches my son for me while I’m at work or busy. When I went to pick him up yesterday, he said ‘Hello (my name)’ and I shook his hand and said ‘Sir (his full first name)’.
My mom was rightfully confused so I explained the joke to her and she found it hilarious. My father overheard this conversation and said that I was teaching my son that it’s funny to ‘disrespect me’. He started yelling at my son to ‘apologize’ to me and I snapped and said ‘this is why I don’t like you, you’re freaking weird’.
Yes, I know I shouldn’t have sworn around my son. My dad asked what I meant by weird and I told him his personality is awful and he’s extremely weird to be so bothered about a child being funny. I took my son and left after that.
My brother called me later and said I was a jerk for insulting our dad. He’s saying that insulting someone’s whole personality is out of line and instead, I could’ve insulted his actions and I made it worse by saying it’s the reason I don’t like him.
He’s saying that I should apologize but I don’t think I’m wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your dad had you when he was 40, sounds like he was afraid of you making some of his mistakes, and his style reflected that.
This is the downside of having regrets, you can unknowingly put pressure on your kids but you think you’re saving them.
You sound like you’re being the opposite kind of dad to your son, and that’s a good way to try to deal with the shortcomings you saw in him.
Is it worth having a proper conversation with him? Maybe. So he knows that you are trying to be a good dad to your kid, and the way you’re going to do that is through love, laughter, and support – the dream combo for a good parent lol.
Maybe he understands where you’re coming from, maybe he remains stubborn. That’s not on you.
Tell him your boundaries when it comes to your kid – he doesn’t get to discipline him or yell at him, he comes to you with complaints rather than directly convey it to your kid, etc.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your mother and son – your dad was watching to criticize and decided to make a scene out of nothing based on a complete refusal to understand the dynamic between you and your son, but you could definitely have found better methods to deal with this situation.
Losing your temper, swearing, and calling your dad names aren’t exactly showing your son how to deal with conflict or rudeness in an effective way. Just asking your dad to stop yelling at your kid and to mind his own business if he couldn’t speak kindly, and walking away if he refused, would’ve been a much better example to your son, and would’ve denied your dad the opportunity to create the drama he and you seem to need when you interact with each other.
Having said that: interacting with your kid by showing respect to the child in a funny and affectionate setting is a much better way to teach it than anything your dad seems to understand – so well done for that.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you probably should have had a conversation a long time ago with your father. Maybe set a time when you both can have a chat and lay out how you feel and why. You may want to lay out all of the things that have made you feel ‘less than’ and also apologize for snapping at him.
Let him know that all of this hurt and anger over the years has been festering and you should have addressed it earlier. You are assuming why he treated you differently, but ask him point blank. You deserve to clear the air and heal yourself and your father needs to be able to either fix his behavior, apologize or ignore it.
At least he will understand why you feel the way you do. Let your brother know when you have a discussion with your father. He was upset and probably right feeling that way.” No_Pepper_3676
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Obviously, he’s wrong for trying to control your relationship with your son in a weirdly specific way.
You’re also the jerk in my opinion because of how you handled it. You aren’t teaching your son disrespect by letting him use your first name, but you ARE teaching it by using extremely personal insults AT your own dad right in front of your son.
He’s in the wrong, but you should have taken the high road and addressed the problem privately. Even just a quick ‘excuse me Dad, we need to talk’ would have been much more mature.
All that said, sorry that your dad acted so trashy.
At the very least, I completely understand the outburst.” Ender505
I do think it's disrespectful to call your parent by their first name. However, if you don't, your father shouldn't butt in. He should NOT be yelling at your child for anything when you are right there to correct his behaviors IF YOU feel they need correcting.
3. AITJ For Getting Tattoos?
“Ever since the beginning of our relationship, I was aware of my partner’s feelings towards tattoos. I wanted to get a small one, and it was a whole thing. Ultimately, he accepted it because, at the time, I wanted it to only be one.
But I started noticing I wanted to have another. And I genuinely believed, again, that I wouldn’t want to have more. So he begrudgingly accepted it once again.
Maybe I was naive to think that. Because now I have a whole list of ideas.
And I’ve been wanting to get another small one. So I told him about it, and it didn’t go over so well. He said I knew his stance on tattoos from the beginning, and asked me how I could expect him to be okay with it now.
I honestly thought that it wouldn’t matter as much, especially since we’ve been together for a couple of years now.
I feel really hurt. I see a future where, every time I want to get another tattoo, I’ll have to be afraid that he will not think I’m beautiful anymore.
He thinks that I’ll ruin my body with tattoos and that he won’t like the way I look anymore. I get that he’s not attracted to women with tattoos. But it’s not like it’s my style to cover everything. I’m more drawn to smaller tattoos.
But perhaps that’s naive of me to think that won’t change either.
In my opinion, this shouldn’t be such a big issue. But it is, and maybe it’s unfair of me to expect him to be ok with something he didn’t like from the start.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your body, your choice. However he has always been upfront about his dislike of tattoos and you are choosing to get one after another anyway, so don’t be surprised when your body art drives him away.
He dislikes the appearance and it is a visual reminder to him that you are choosing it over him. If you want to keep this guy and have the tattoos: you need to work it out in a way that he can accept – maybe consider couples counseling.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud your willingness to hear him out and your efforts to compromise and respect his feelings. I’m not one to immediately start talking about red flags, especially if your relationship has been loving and supportive up to this point.
I would, however, consider that if he’s trying to dictate what you can and can’t do with your body or insist that you get his input on the choices you make regarding it that you might want to carefully consider your future together.
Everyone is allowed to have preferences. Everyone is allowed to voice what they do and do not like. People aren’t (or shouldn’t be) allowed to make arbitrary rules about their partner’s appearance. Tattoos are forever, but if he keeps this up he might end up being temporary.” TheNightNurse
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He has been very clear and upfront about what he likes. He loved you so much that he accepted your first two tattoos because he wanted to be with you and pushed down what he didn’t like.
Now you are wanting more and more tattoos and showing him how much work you want to be done. You have every right to get them as it’s your body. But he is also wondering where it ends. And each tattoo is a visual reminder that he is compromising and you are not.
That isn’t a red flag from him since he was upfront at the beginning of the relationship. And he isn’t trying to control you. But what it sounds like is you want a lot of tattoos and he doesn’t like them.
You need to have a frank conversation with him about where you see your tattoos going and he can make a decision on whether he wants to stay or go. But being honest, he will likely leave and if he stays he will start resenting you, which will just make him leave later on.” Sledge313
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, this is a case of differing values and expectations. It’s not fair for you to expect him to ‘get over it’ or change his opinions on tattoos, in the same way, it’s not fair for him to insist you don’t get any more.
You realized this conflict early on and rather than having an open conversation about it you just expected him to change his mind eventually while giving him the impression you wouldn’t be getting any more. Have a grown-up conversation with him about wanting an indefinite amount of tattoos and go from there.
And a side note, it is always unfair to expect others to change their opinions based on your perspective that it’s not a big deal. People have preferences and it’s incredibly egotistical to think you can just change them because you disagree.” Rough-Parsnip2594
2. AITJ For Having Two Mother-Son Dances At My Wedding To Include My Stepmom?
“I’m (29M) currently planning a wedding and getting into the nitty-gritty details. For background, my parents got divorced when I was 5. The divorce happened after my dad fell in love with his current wife/my stepmom Alice. They claim they didn’t have an affair but waited to be separated before anything physical happened. I don’t know or need to know whether that’s true at this point.
My dad and Alice got married and were living together by the time I was 7. They had my two siblings within the next 4 years. My parents had split custody and Alice was 100% a mother figure to me. We are very close, she’s been there for me for every tough moment of my life.
She also helped pay for my college and grad school which I’m extremely appreciative of. My mom is a good mom but we’ve never been as close as I am with my dad and Alice. Our personalities are just very different.
We’re planning the first dances right now and I have my first dance with my fiancee and she has hers picked out with her dad. Her parents are still married so there’s no drama there. Being so close to Alice, I really don’t feel right excluding her and only doing a dance with my mom, so I asked her if she’d be comfortable doing one with me as well.
She was overjoyed and cried with emotion. I’m really excited about it. But once my mom found out she flipped out. Said I’m replacing her like my dad replaced her. I told her it’s not a replacement but she’s been so supportive of me my entire life and I consider her a true ‘bonus mother’ so I don’t want to exclude her.
She doesn’t want to accept that.
Yesterday my aunt (mom’s sister) called me and ripped me a new one. I know it’s a little controversial but in my heart, it’s what I really want to do. AITJ for going through with this and having two mother-son dances?
Personally, I’ve been to a few weddings with steps involved where there were two mother-son or father-daughter and it seemed really sweet, not like overkill. I would do shortened versions of the songs so it won’t be too long if that matters.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Look, this is your wedding and if you love your stepmother then you should absolutely go ahead with that, however, that doesn’t mean that you doing what you want isn’t going to hurt your mother, it sounds like it will hurt her very much.
I can understand her point of view, whether there was a physical relationship or not your mother sees Alice as the reason she lost her family. She’s probably never going to be okay with that.
I mean think about it, her husband fell in love with Alice and then you took to her as a ‘bonus mother’.
Of course that hurts your mum. It’s not wrong for you to love Alice, and it’s not wrong for you to want to show that, but none of that takes away from your mother’s feelings. I could soft soap this for you but at the end of the day you’re an adult and you should do at your wedding what you feel most comfortable with, but, that might mean hurting your mother, and with that, there may be consequences long term for your relationship.
Neither one of you is wrong here, but someone is going to be very hurt.” history_buff_9971
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s your wedding and you can do what you want but I’ve noticed a few things: 1. You’re very cold towards your bio mum – it’s not her fault she was lied to, and left as a single parent/single income household and couldn’t financially help you like Alice has in a two-income household.
2. You mention the financial help A LOT and place Alice on a pedestal for this, which means she’s bought your love. 3. You don’t understand the real impact being two-timed does on a person, and no amount of years will take that hurt away from your mum.
You’re naive if you think your dad and Alice didn’t have a physical affair before the divorce (and I think you want to believe they didn’t so you can justify your love of Alice that bit more).
You don’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive OP, so there’s absolutely no way your dad was going to end his marriage with your mum without knowing that he and Alice were a physical match as well as emotional.
I do believe good people make mistakes/do bad things and that shouldn’t consign them to a life of being bad people because they were unfaithful. HOWEVER, your dad and Alice have both demonstrated that they don’t have respect for what marriage means given their affair, and I don’t think they should be glorified during a wedding because of this, it’s like you’re asking for a bad omen.
I honestly cannot imagine showing such disregard for my own mum in the way you have. Her family was pulled from underneath her, you are her only child and you’re wanting her to share a mother-son moment with the woman who tore her family apart – the same woman who then went on to have two biological children of her own, and will more than likely get to experience the mother moment on their wedding days.
Frankly, as a mother, Alice should have been flattered by your offer but politely declined because she should be able to imagine herself in your mum’s position.
You’re all jerks to your mum and she deserves better.” 123pc5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were 5… you don’t know the details of the divorce and frankly, it’s not your business. No point in being angry at one parent or the other.
Anyways, your step-mom did A LOT for you. It would be offensive not to include her, and a second dance with her is perfect, in my opinion.
You are not REPLACING your dance with your mother, you just have a BONUS dance with your ‘bonus mom.’
I understand your mom is hurt by how the divorce happened, but if she’s still SO hurt 24 years later that she takes it out on you for trying to show respect to your step-mom, she needs to work on her issues with a therapist. I understand the suspicion of a physical affair, but has your mom not moved on?
Has she never been appreciative of your stepmom for loving you like her own? It’s been 24 YEARS… she’s still hurt by the divorce, fine, her emotions should not be put on YOU. You have a very involved step-parent, OF COURSE, she would be included in the wedding like this.
Your mom needs to work on her emotions, not make you feel guilty. Frankly, I admire you for involving your step-mom. That is SUPER nice of you, and like you said, including a step-parent in wedding dances isn’t anything new.” MH-Counselor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
There isn’t much for the mother of the groom at a wedding. Her job is to ‘show up and wear beige,’ so to speak. This dance with you is her one important moment to spend with you at your wedding, and you want to make her split it with her ex’s affair partner (emotional or otherwise)?
For all those years since the divorce, your mom had to split time with you in half because of what this woman and your father chose to do. Not only did her life blow up, but she halfway lost her child.
I guarantee your mom never pictured having to share you with another woman when she gave birth to you. But she did it. She even did it gracefully as evidenced by the fact that you don’t know if your dad did anything physical with his affair partner before your parents divorced. Dancing with the woman who knowingly drove a wedge between you and your mom is a huge slap in the face.
Let stepmom split wedding duties with your dad, not your mom.” West-Resolution9150
1. AITJ For Sabotaging My Landlord?
“I’m currently renting an apartment but my lease is ending and I’m moving out next month.
The landlord has started to look for new tenants. Yesterday he told me that he has found a potential tenant and they will be surveying the apartment today at 2 pm. I agreed. Around 1:40 PM, he texted me saying the people will be a bit late.
I said okay. Around 2:20 PM he told me they will be coming around 3-3:10 PM. I told him I can wait but they need to make the visit short since I’m going out at 3.30 PM and for sure will not have them surveying the house without me there.
He said okay.
Around 3:15 PM I texted him to see if they are coming. No answer. 3:30 PM I called him and he did not pick up. I sent him a text saying that I have to go out due to my dental appointment and he needs to reschedule the meeting.
He did not reply.
Around 30 mins later, I received a call from my neighbor that there were some random guys entering my apartment. I rushed home (the clinic was just 2 blocks away from my apartment) and found out that the owner has entered the apartment using his copy of the keys.
I was furious. I told him off. He told me that he has the right as owner to enter the house whenever he wants (yes it was stated in the contract). I called his nonsense and told the people he brought over if this is the kind of landlord they are expecting.
The landlord has no respect for the tenant’s privacy/security. The people apologized and left. The landlord slammed the door in my face and left as well.
Just now I got a text from him asking me to apologize for what I said to him.
Apparently, he will hold my deposit until I apologize. AITJ and should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From how it reads, he was specifically delaying things waiting for you to leave before he brought in people to view the place.
Rearranged multiple times at short notice on the same day, it seems each time he gave you a new time was really your landlord checking if you were still in the house or not.
And he waited for you to leave and went in immediately.
He wasn’t expecting you back.
For the deposit, make a paper trail now, text or email about it, and refuse to talk in person or on the phone for any reason. Make sure it’s written down. Either his confirmation he is sending it to you or his refusal is based on an apology.
You then have a case against him. If you go to court you can get 3x the deposit amount back, it might take you a few months, but it’ll sting him. You’ll have a judgment against him and if he refused to pay you can engage bailiffs/collection agencies who’ll chase him for you.” Sirix_8472
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your landlord has the legal right to enter your apartment as long as they give notice. They can enter to maintain the property and they can enter to show it. These terms are spelled out in the lease.
It would be really bizarre for a lease to only allow entrance when the tenant is home—what if you work? What if you have plans?
Read your lease!
You are very likely in violation of your lease by blocking a showing after you received notice that the landlord was going to enter the property.
That said, he was out of line to threaten your security deposit, but your reaction was full-blown psycho so I can see why he was angry.” veni_vidi_dixi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, file a report with the police. What he did is breaking and entering as you told him he no longer had permission to enter.
Even though it’s stated in the contract he can enter with notice, you can refuse him entry UNLESS it’s an emergency (it wasn’t) or he gets a court order (which he didn’t). Landlords don’t seem to understand you can’t actually just say ‘hey, I’m coming in!’ That isn’t how it works.
As a tenant, you can always say no unless it’s an emergency on the level of fire or flood, and unless they get a court order that shows you’re being unreasonable in denying them entry, their SOL.” MagicCarpet5846
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but so is your landlord for threatening to keep your deposit over an apology
But you were not honest. As it’s stated in your lease and by law, the landlord is able to enter the dwelling with notice.
This is not a privacy issue. In fact, you are breaking the lease and letter of the law if you try to impede them. You’re not only in the wrong but misinformed the next person.
As to the security deposit, keep all communication.
Take pics of every inch of apt when you go and insist on a walkthrough to address any damage and give them your new address. If your security deposit doesn’t show up with a disposition of funds in the time allowed in your state, file a small claims for it and ask the judge to award you 3 times the amount.” Lilfrieda
