People Hope Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories Will Receive Positive Responses
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Father-In-Law's Partner's Kids At My Wedding?
“I (25 female) am engaged to my fiancé (27 male). We are having our wedding later this year and we are SO excited! My fiancé’s parents are divorced and have their own respective partners.
My FIL has been with his partner (let’s call her Jennifer) for almost 2 years now. For the most part, she has been lovely. She has treated us as if we were her own kids and has always been very considerate and kind towards us.
Flash forward to getting engaged. Since this has happened, Jennifer has been displaying super unusual behavior. This includes becoming upset with me for not inviting her to either a bridesmaid dress shop or even for my own wedding dress. Most of the shops have guest limits and I had other people to invite such as my mom, grandma, and my large wedding party (8 bridesmaids).
She made this a big deal and had my SIL and FIL reach out to me to tell me how upset I made her. With the guest planning coming up, we have been deciding who we want at our wedding. Jennifer has 2 small kids (4 and 7) who are not well behaved. In any social setting, both kids scream, whine, cling to my FIL, make him carry them, and create a scene everywhere they go.
My biggest concern is that they will scream and act poorly during the ceremony so we have decided that Jennifer is invited but that the kids are not.
We explained to his dad that this was a kid-free wedding (other than our nieces and nephews who were in the wedding party).
His dad is now saying that Jennifer will be very upset by this and that she probably won’t come to the wedding. I don’t want to make anyone upset or cause friction between my FIL and Jennifer. But it’s our wedding and if we don’t want bratty kids at our wedding we shouldn’t be guilt-tripped into doing so.
Side note: his family is not paying for the wedding, all costs will be handled by my family and me and my fiancé. FIL and Jennifer are only paying for the rehearsal dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should have zero expectations about attending your pre-wedding events and should only expect to attend your wedding as a guest. And kid-free is kid-free.
If she gets upset, she gets upset. Make sure your FIL knows that you expect him to support you in this and they plan well in advance to have childcare or send the kids to their dad or grandparents that weekend.” User
23. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Selling Her Product At My Bachelorette Party?
“My friend (33F) started promoting a product from what most would call a multilevel marketing/pyramid structure company last year. I tried to be supportive and even bought some. This product was to help with ‘overall health,’ energy, and ‘support weight loss.’ She raved about it and said it would help me for my upcoming wedding.
I tried it and 3 weeks in I became unbelievably depressed with crying spells and just angry. I’m a happy-go-lucky person so this was not typical for me and my fiancé was super concerned. Explained to my friend what was happening and she said to keep taking it as side effects would pass and almost made me feel guilty for wanting to quit stating ‘No one else has had issues with it.’
I took it for two more days and quit because I got even worse.
3 weeks later, she went to my bachelorette party and she brought the product with her for all my friends to try and attempted to sell it to unsuspecting Uber drivers or anyone who would listen.
She also began to claim that it helps your mental health without stating any possible side effects and telling these people ‘If you really like it you can sell it and get a free car like me.’
When a friend told her that she was turning the bachelorette trip into a business trip she stated ‘Boss babes don’t stop for nothing!’ She claims that when people have an issue with her pushing her product they are just jealous of her ‘hustle.’ She also attempted to sell this product every other time we have hung out since she started promoting the product.
Further research into the product shows that issues with mental health have been reported. I know I am a jerk for not doing my research before taking the product, but I trusted my friend who also works in healthcare. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friend sounds rather dangerous actually.
She told you to keep taking something that you’d reported causes you to feel not like yourself. For someone who works in healthcare, she is not a very caring person.
I’d not be inviting her anywhere anymore. There is a time and place for promoting yourself and she is like the poster child for MLMs and why they are wrong.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Walk away from Boss Babe when the sales pitch starts, and be sure to loudly exclaim that the product made you ill when you are stuck enduring another sales pitch. Warn her that your wedding will not be a sales event and if she starts her ‘hustle’ with your guests, you’ll ask her to leave.
Stop inviting her to hang out until the novelty of this new ‘business’ wears off, if she asks why she’s been excluded be honest and tell her you’re tired of her shtick.” noccie
22. AITJ For Kicking My Partner's Mom Out Of Our Apartment?
“My (23f) partner (24m) ‘Max’ and I have been living in a quite spacious apartment for around a year now since our income allows it.
My MIL (59f) had been living with us for about two months since she and her partner had separated and she didn’t want to move into her old house where also her two brothers lived again.
Since we had the space we really didn’t have a problem with it under the condition that she would look for a new apartment soon.
You must know ‘Max’ and I have been together since I was 16 and he was 17. I spend a lot of time at his place, especially the year after school where I took some time off for myself.
One thing I noticed quite quickly was his mother’s messiness which I can’t cope well with. It didn’t bother me that much in the living room since we spent most of the time in ‘Max’s’ bedroom, but I just couldn’t ignore the kitchen.
You must know the house is rather big since it’s an old farmhouse (built in 1912) and is divided into three ‘apartments’.
The first floor has the original and biggest kitchen where MIL cooked most of the time, but since I came into her son’s life the kitchen on the second floor has been used frequently again. Before that, she used it more as a junk chamber but then also started cooking in there again.
But here comes the problem. She didn’t clean the used pans and pods and just left food outside. Most of the used dishes didn’t even make it into the dishwasher, she rather just left them in the sink.
When I and ‘Max’ wanted to cook something, we of course couldn’t do it right away.
We, or rather my partner, talked to her about this multiple times, but it didn’t get better really. Eventually, we just gave up and spent more time at my place.
You can probably guess where this is going, so fast forward to today I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I just want my apartment to be clean. Laundry into the laundry basket, used dishes to be put in the dishwasher and stuff that doesn’t belong there, like my cutting knives; wooden plates; pans, etc. to be cleaned by hand and food to be put back into the fridge or into the right drawer.
My partner already had multiple fights with her and threatened to kick her out if she wouldn’t change something. When I came home early from work last week I just lost it. Our kitchen was a mess and I lost my temper and yelled at MIL that she needed to pack her bags and leave right now.
My partner thinks it was the right decision and that his mother needs to learn the hard way, if she doesn’t want to obey simple rules, but his extended family thinks I overreacted and wants me/us to apologize.
It’s not like I put her out on the streets since she can always go back to her old house, but now I feel like I could’ve handled this whole situation more rationally, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Apologize because you want your house clean? Apologize because she is lazy? I don’t get what they want you to apologize for. She was not clean, she left things undone, and she was told to clean things up several times and ignored you.
So how much time and effort was she supposed to receive? You owe her nothing.” righteousredo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was talked to multiple times and yet refused to do what was asked.
The extended family needs to mind their own business. If she doesn’t want to move back to her old house, she can move in with them and THEY can deal with her.
It is great that you and your partner are a united front. Good for you!” User
21. AITJ For Asking If My Mother-In-Law Could Sit In The Back Seat?
“I (25f) and my fiancé (27m) have been together for 2.5 years.
We recently got engaged. My fiancé is from Scotland, and I England so we were long-distance for a while, then he moved in with me last Summer. We are planning our wedding in Scotland to be close to his family. His mother, in her own words, ‘came to rely on (my fiancé) more than her husband until he moved out’.
I knew this and my fiancé and his mother have both said how good it was for him to get out of his parents’ house.
My dilemma: My fiancé’s family are generally very nice. We visited recently to celebrate our engagement. On prior visits, my fiancé’s mother has made comments along the lines of ‘You don’t mind if I sit in the front do you OP?
Mother’s here now!’ I’ve laughed these comments off, with the understanding she sits in the front because she has bad knees. However, after getting the feeling she just wanted to be in front next to my fiancé, it did start to feel a little inappropriate to me.
I bought this up with my fiancé in the context of a long trip we are planning to make with his parents. I suffer from terrible travel sickness, which is far better managed when I am in the front seat due to being able to see the road etc. I asked him if we could move the front seat all the way forward and if his mum could sit in the back with his dad for the journey.
My fiancé saw no issue with this, especially since his mum’s condition has improved a lot and she is able to drive herself now, supporting the fact her mobility has improved.
After talking to him about some of his mum’s comments, he agreed that it was a little strange, and when we visited this time he would ask her to sit in the back so he could be next to me.
When we arrived and did this, his mother became quietly but visibly annoyed and refused to speak to him during the journey. The next day, his dad told him that he never would have made his mother-in-law sit in the back seat and that my fiancé shouldn’t do that again.
His mother also told him she thought he would have more respect than that and that she didn’t raise him very well.
Both of his parents also insist this is about his mother’s pain, not an ego thing, however, the points they are making about respect suggest to me that’s not quite the case.
My first thought was that I didn’t want to have to sit in the back when my fiancé was driving, whenever she was around that was almost like saying ‘Mother is here and she takes priority’. We also have a spacious back seat, made even more spacious when we move my front seat all the way forward.
This, coupled with the fact MIL can drive and is fairly mobile, I think is perfectly acceptable. However, with the huge deal they have turned it into, and the comments they have made about respect have led me to think perhaps my fiancé and I are being unreasonable, and we should just let her have what she wants.
We can’t decide if we are jerks or not so please judge away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but rather than turn this into a petty fight over the seat, your fiance needs to have a bigger conversation with his family about you having needs that require accommodation as well, and that certain things are going to have to adjust now that Mom’s not the only woman in his life anymore.
Because if they’re going to pull the ‘respect’ card over something as small as this, you need to be sure he’s got your back when it really matters. Or if they’re going to go nuclear over Mom being told ‘no’ to anything she wants, just get it out of the way now so you know what you’re dealing with.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it doesn’t matter what they would or wouldn’t do, you and your fiancé have to do what is best for you, and right now that means making sure you don’t get carsick. For the purposes of this particular instance, no matter how much they try to divert the topic to ground they feel they can ‘win’ on, bring it back to carsickness.
In the larger scope of things, your fiancé is likely just going to have to lovingly, but firmly, keep course correcting his mum. She will likely pitch several fits. His dad will probably try to bully him. But they both need to realize that they are not the main people in his life anymore and that’s going to take them some time to get used to.
Hopefully, they do.” northstarette
20. AITJ For Going Off At My Husband For Not Helping Clean The House?
“I (33f) have been married to my husband (33m) ‘Bill’ for 5 years.
Bill does not work. Bill used to have a job but unfortunately had a severe manic episode in 2020 and lost his job. He was hospitalized for a month (his 6th? during our marriage). I told him I was through unless he got help and stuck with it and he has.
He’s in therapy, and on medication, and generally, we have worked through our issues and are happier than ever. In all other aspects, Bill is a wonderful husband, any advice to leave will be ignored.
Issue: I found a new job and have been employed for over a year and I am thriving.
I can afford our home and bills on my salary because I understand that with Bill’s history, he may be unable to hold a job. But he is not even trying. He says working is torture because his mind can’t focus and it’s not interesting to him.
I have asked him to get a job, even at McDonald’s. I don’t care where. He complains CONSTANTLY about money. How I don’t give him spending money, how rich people don’t invest in art, what he would do with money, etc. It is a daily rant.
I agreed to an allowance of $45/week but I am very resentful. I don’t think he understands that I spend nothing on myself so I can buy him his snack foods, pay his bills for Spotify, etc.
Fight: We have a repair man coming in an hour and the kitchen is a MESS.
So I lost it because he’s been awake since 6 am and has not left the computer. I told him to ‘get off of your butt and clean because I am tired of you doing absolutely nothing besides eating and complaining while I bust my butt picking up after a grown man who is doing NOTHING ALL DAY after I WORK.
I didn’t sign up for this nonsense and all you do is sit there watching movies and eating your weight in food and not help me one bit when you know I have social anxiety about people judging me for nonsense like this.’ He’s mad and hurt.
I know it’s mean but I’m resentful. I’ve spent 5 years with this man and even though he’s doing so good now I am TIRED. I just want him to help and I don’t know how to ask nicely for the 10th time but I also know if I forgive him I shouldn’t carry that resentment forward when he feels we’ve moved on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I got nothing. You took the solution – LEAVE – off the table. He is who he is and he doesn’t have to change. There are zero consequences to him doing NOTHING all day while you bust your butt working so he has no reason to start either working outside the home or being helpful inside the home.
You start by saying he’s this ‘wonderful’ husband and then proceed to paint a picture of a lazy, entitled jerk who is nothing more than a drain on your finances and your sanity.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Revoke the allowance, tell him you can’t afford it, and hire a housekeeper.
And honestly, stop paying for Spotify or any other fun things you don’t use. Tell him flat out ‘This doesn’t work in our budget because we need to hire a housekeeper.’ And ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have money to give you.’ If he says you don’t need the housekeeper/he will do it, say you’ll cancel the service and give him that money any week the housekeeper isn’t needed.
Extend this to EVERYTHING. Snacks? ‘Sorry, I really have to scrimp and save to afford the housekeeper. There’s no budget for snacks this week.’ Clothes? ‘No money to replace the holey socks, it’s going to the housekeeper.’
And when he rants about money, agree with him.
‘Ugh. Yes, I hate not having money! I spend so much on the bills I just have nothing for myself.'” tulleoftheman
My advice to you is this - stop. Stop paying for Spotify, for his snacks, for treats of any kind, and make him live under the same economic rules YOU live under, and you're the one paying the bills. No Spotify, no cable, no new toys, no snacks, no nothing, unless he gets off his @*$ and gets a job and earns it himself. If he's not happy with that, too fecking bad. If he'd been reasonable, he wouldn't be facing you turning into his mommy and demanding the help around the house that he's too selfish and lazy to supply unasked. Good luck.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Family Members Anymore?
“After zero contact for 7 years, I attempted to reconnect to my family but mostly to my father.
I was always riddled with guilt for stepping away in the first place. I wondered if my viewpoint of them had changed as I had learned my own life lessons.
I am the oldest grandchild, female, and also the only one who is unmarried and without kids.
I’ve always been ‘the responsible one’ since I have been able to drive. Grabbing groceries, trips to the doctor, and going over to clean for my grandparents and two elderly aunts have always been MY responsibilities. I have two sisters and two male cousins. This is not a family where we are allowed to talk about emotions.
Hugs are rare and ‘I love you’ are not words they use. When I was asked to do things, it was ‘We need you to…’ or ‘You’re gonna have to…’ Please, help, and thank you are not words in this family’s vocabulary. And very conservative judgment is the norm.
I was in a situation where I needed help desperately. I called my father, and he came to get me. While I was injured, I stayed at my father’s place. Because of the limited space (1-bedroom condo), I moved down to my grandmother’s (Gloria, 96) after two months.
At the time I moved in she was in the hospital; the plan was for her to return. The agreement was that I would help out. Grandma never came home, they put her in a home and started emptying the house.
If they needed the car loaded, something from the store, etc. Although I didn’t attend the holidays; I did clean the house to get it presentable for the holidays, cleaned and decorated, I bought the ham, I got up early and put everything in the oven, and left. For both Thanksgiving AND Christmas.
I cleaned up the house after everyone left. I dedicated my only week of paid time off, I worked/cleaned on weekends, and I filled TWO 14 x 20 x 7 construction dumpsters. I went to my aunt’s houses and helped them bring up from the basement and Christmas decorate their homes over an hour away.
I didn’t know any of that was coming, worked full-time. Nothing was told to me ahead of time. I would get back to the house after work and someone would be there. Then we’d start working.
My father asked why I didn’t want to go to the holidays and I told him we needed to talk about it.
I was ignored. So I didn’t go. This was extremely hurtful, I figured after being separated for so long my father would at least want to sit down and know why. At this point, I had only been reconnected to my family for about four months.
After the holidays I had a breakdown and I stopped helping. I was ignored. I was talked down to and guilt-tripped for ‘not helping’. I was told ‘But you owe us’. I left the house.
I asked for help from my family and thought I was getting help pure, straight, and unattached. I felt like I had an invisible tab I had to pay off and no one would tell me what the total was or how much I had left to owe.
I feel like a servant to my family, I’m just a holiday decoration.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are using you. Please treat yourself the way you ought to be treated: with love, respect, and care. This means no longer acting like your family’s servant.
Cut them out of your life and start looking for love from people actually capable of giving it to you. First and foremost, yourself.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you left 7 years ago and, over time, forgot just how bad it was and you started feeling guilty and reconnected. Now you realize once more how bad it was.
Let it go, let them go, and never look back.” User
Stop everything, go no contact, and take care of yourself at least as well as you've taken care of all of them all these years. Enough.
18. AITJ For Wanting My Family To Take Down A Family Picture I Wasn't Included In?
“Everyone in my family is slender.
I’ve (45F) always been the fat one. A few years ago I gave up trying to follow every diet out there and invented my own. I’m 5’11 and 136 lbs now, but I was 310 lbs before I realized what would work for me, dropping 170 lbs in ten months.
About five years ago at the family farmhouse, I noticed new expensive small portraits on the walls. There are lots of photos up so I didn’t think much at the time – my mom and stepdad in one, another of my sister and grownup nephew.
One of my grandmothers. No big deal.
The last time I was there (I do live there the majority of the time with my 94-year-old grandmother and help take care of her) I was dropping my kitty off with them so my partner could bring me up for back surgery since it would take a long time in the hospital. I had been at his house for the week leading up to this.
The living room fireplace has a tasteful decor and mantle cloth and has always had a large framed picture of magnolias. Now in its place was a large family portrait, obviously from the session the smaller ones I had noticed around, but those hadn’t been a family group pic if you know what I mean.
This was my grandmother, mother, stepdad, sister, and nephew in coordinating colors of clothing. I wasn’t in it, and never even knew it had been done.
Of course, I asked my mom why I wasn’t told, why I wasn’t in a ‘family portrait.’ At this point I was already crying, I was already just stunned.
I was told that it was a very expensive portrait and they wanted it to be proportionate and I would have taken up a lot more space than everybody else, and it wouldn’t have looked ‘balanced.’ I was beyond hurt.
I began a fight.
My mother was screaming at me that she paid for that portrait and she would choose who would be in it. I told them that if they were that ashamed of me then I wouldn’t want them to have to suffer the embarrassment of being around them until that portrait was changed back to the flowers or a new one taken with me included. My mother told me that since it’s not my house I don’t have any say in the matter.
My heart feels broken. I’m slender now and they still won’t have another done. I’m a member of that family and it hurts to know that they didn’t include me because of my weight. They were straight-up too embarrassed to have me shown as a family member.
I shouted and cried my way through it and back to the truck. Now my grandmother is telling me that I’m being petty and childish because my face would be twice as big as everyone else and that if I had a brain in my skull I would be relieved not to be in the picture since it would show the comparison of me compared to the rest of the family.
It is their money and not my house but I am hurt and angry. I demanded it be removed and at least hung somewhere else less prominent. They are saying I am being ridiculous… so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ‘family’ was ashamed of your very existence because you weren’t as skinny as them and it seems like they see nothing wrong with judging and shaming other people for their weight considering what your grandmother said.
Probably better to go low contact with some of them because I bet even if you became the skinniest member of the family they would still use your old weight issues to put you down.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, although you’re really mostly just being a jerk to yourself.
I understand why you’re upset, but your ‘solution’ doesn’t solve the actual problem here. If anything, putting it somewhere out of the way prevents them from having to explain to anyone aware of your existence why you’re not in it and let their jerkery speak for itself to anyone who isn’t afflicted with chronic shallowness.
Time to stop asking them to make the case to you why you should keep coming over to visit if they’re not going to make you feel like a loved and welcomed member of the family, and simply stop putting yourself through this.” User
17. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My Brother His Inheritance Money From Our Mom?
“I (27F) and my brother Matt (19M) lost our mother recently to substance overuse.
Addiction is rampant in our family, and while I’m lucky enough not to have addiction issues, Matt was not so lucky. He’s been involved with illegal stuff for many years, moving on to harder stuff these past two years. He, unfortunately, got caught selling illegal substances and was sent to jail over it, and most recently got hospitalized because of it last month.
When my mother passed away, she left behind a life insurance policy that she had through her employer. My brother Matt was not listed as a beneficiary, just me. At the time I thought it was a fluke and agreed to split the money with him.
Now, Matt does not have a bank account, so when all the money was sent to me I kept it in my savings. I told Matt he could reach out any time day/night if he needed something, and he was fine with this. I suggested a lot he could do to improve his life/stay clean: getting his license, a job, a car, and a place of his own, but he started ghosting me when I said anything so eventually I stopped.
He started by asking me for hotel money. He lives with my aunt, but he regularly opts to stay in a hotel with his partner and friends since my aunt won’t let them all spend the night at her place. He would call late, say he already told my aunt he was out for the night and had nowhere to go.
He refused to go home without his friends, so I started sending him money so he wouldn’t end up on the street at night.
Then he needed food for himself and his friends. And new clothes. And then the money I sent got ‘stolen by cops’.
Twice. And then he got so angry about it that he smashed the computer that he uses for his classes. There was one day he contacted me 5 times in 24 hours for money, and the amounts just kept rising.
All in all, I’ve sent about 5k to him within a month via his friends’ Cash App accounts since he doesn’t have his own.
Anytime I try to talk about his spending/question him he gets angry and says he shouldn’t have to explain himself to get his money. It makes me feel bad, and the stress of it is very bad for me as I am currently 8 months pregnant.
He’s been telling me about how he’s getting his life together and looking for a job, staying sober and away from his addict friends. But I found his Instagram last night, and it tells another story. He’s got pictures of him drinking booze, doing substances, and all sorts of stuff dated/posted AFTER his incident.
He lied to me, and I’ve never felt more stupid.
Now that I know the money I received from our mother is being used for illegal stuff, I don’t want to give it to him. It feels wrong. Everyone keeps telling me to keep it and use it to support my family while I’m on maternity leave, but I feel very conflicted. The money would really help us get by, but I just can’t help but wonder what my mother would think of me if I kept it.
Matt would never forgive me, either.
I just need unbiased feedback, even if it’s not what I want to hear. So WIBTJ if I kept inheritance money from my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you were the beneficiary of the estate, then you don’t have to share it with anyone.
It sounds like you should also cut ties completely with your brother since he’s clearly using you to go down the same path as your mom.
Addicts have to want to get better first. Before that, there’s nothing you can do to fix them. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but you don’t need that kind of stress in your life.” kaett
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I feel that you should keep some of the money in an account for him where one day he may get himself together and that would be wonderful to have that money for when he does get it together. But you know what he is spending his money on and it’s only going to continue his addiction.
It’s scary too because what if you do give him money and then he does stupid things again, now you’re going to feel like that is on you. (Although it is not your fault) Also, your mom didn’t give it to him so why should he get it?” lovelylimdis
16. AITJ For Standing Up For A Bullied Girl In Public?
“I was out walking my dog earlier today with my partner. I live by a big campus so foot traffic around here is pretty hectic especially right now because there’s a pretty big track event going on. So there’s all these health junky joggers in town too.
We were getting to the end of our walk and we stopped because my dog had to take a number two. At that same exact time, a girl (the one who gets body-shamed) came out to take her trash out. And two joggers came trotting along too.
At the same time, there were other people walking and going about their day when one of the joggers stopped to tighten his shoes.
As the girl walked away one of the joggers felt the need to comment on this girl’s body weight. Saying something along the lines of ‘This amazing weather and all these good jogging locations near you.
You’d think you’d look better’. The girl looked flabbergasted and extremely hurt at the same time. Now, yes this girl was overweight. And I’m no mami mamacita myself. As I was very overweight at one point (and still kinda am). I’m currently on my own weight loss journey and making good progress if I say so myself.
But I was once in this girl’s shoes. I could tell she was self-conscious because she was in leggings and a huge sweatshirt in 95-degree weather. I felt for her. She responded with ‘Excuse me’ in the tiniest voice you can imagine you could hear the anxiety in her voice.
That’s when the other jogger butts in and says ‘We don’t mean to be rude but what he’s trying to say is that why can’t you take better care of your body?’
That’s when I saw red and very loudly said ‘That’s a lot to say coming from a guy who looks easy to draw and a girl who is shaped like a toothbrush’.
My partner very audibly gasped and the girl got a smirk on her face and gave me the cutest smile. That’s when the jogger girl said to me ‘Why don’t you mind your own business?’ And I laughed and said ‘Right back atcha’.
The man then started coming at the way I looked. And I very loudly said ‘I know how I look. That’s why I keep my opinions to myself so I don’t put myself in a position where I can get roasted and embarrassed like you two bimbos’.
That’s when another guy close by started clapping. The whole situation was just hilarious to me. The two joggers looked so red in the face and then proceeded to turn around and leave. The girl was very thankful and I then gave her a hug and told her that she’s got this.
I told her a short version of my journey. How much I used to weigh and where I’m at now. She gave me another big hug and told me thank you one more time. And that was that.
Well, now it’s been a few hours since then.
And my partner brought the topic up. How embarrassed the two joggers must be. That maybe I should’ve minded my business. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner telling you that you should’ve minded your business is ironic considering this whole situation started with 2 people who didn’t mind their own business.
The stuff they said to that girl was completely unnecessary and rude. No one should be worried about being insulted for their weight when they’re taking their trash out. Props to you for putting them in their place.” _Mcdrizzle_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all.
GOOD ON YOU for speaking up for that girl. If more bystanders actually spoke up and called rude people on their crap, the world would be a better place. People are emboldened by getting away with verbally attacking or insulting people in public. Silence by witnesses is taken to mean support or even encouragement.
I wish more people would do like you did.” PinkedOff
15. AITJ For Not Letting People Borrow My Chargers Anymore?
“I keep 4 phone charger blocks at all times. The good ones, bought from the phone store, cost about $40 apiece, and I buy the extra long, heavy-duty cords for them at about $25 apiece. I keep one at home, one at work, one in my car, and I keep one in my purse, just in case I need it somewhere else.
I have always had trouble with people taking my chargers without asking. It drives me crazy! It seems to be a given to others that if your battery dies, you are automatically entitled to use someone else’s charger, even without asking. That’s bad enough when you go to use your charger and find someone else is already using it, but often, the charger will be GONE from where you know you left it because they’ve put it somewhere more convenient for them!
And let’s not even go into the issues of no one EVER putting it back when they’re done and you looking frantically for your charger and them saying ‘Oh, I borrowed it. It’s in my room/at my desk/in my car…’ UGH!
I’ve taken to hiding them in my own home from my grown children, in my office from my grown coworkers and in my car from my grown friends! I’ve started saying no to people who want to borrow them and take them somewhere else because they don’t get returned (I do still allow them to charge their devices if they choose to leave them where I have already put the chargers).
I’ve been called a jerk by my kids because I refused to let them take my charger into the bedroom they are staying in while here (because they’ve taken them with them when said kid leaves), by coworkers when I refused to let them take the charger into their office (because I end up having to go looking for them to get it back when I need them) and by friends who want to ‘borrow’ the one in my car or purse (because the last one I loaned disappeared and was never replaced).
But dang! Those things start adding up and getting expensive to replace. I suppose I could just keep one and carry it everywhere because they all know I keep others for MY convenience and always say ‘It’s no big deal, you have 3 more!’ But why should I have to?
It’s like chargers are the new lighters! (Remember when everyone smoked and you always lost your lighter because someone pocketed it after they borrowed it?) AITJ for just refusing to let anyone borrow my chargers anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are letting them charge their devices if they stay with the charger, so they really shouldn’t complain.
Your charger means your rules. If they don’t like it, they can get their own.
Your only mistake was letting people know how many chargers you have. Only mention having one with you next time. (Perhaps mentioning how many have gone missing, so you only have one now.)” HeatherReadsReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would buy a cheap charger to lend at work. If someone doesn’t return it, the next person who asks gets told ‘Bob has it’ and can go hunt it down for themselves.
For the kids, give them one as part of their present at the next gift-giving occasion.
Or do the same for them as for the coworkers.
But that’s mostly to shut people up. You are not required to let people walk off with your stuff, especially if you let them charge where the charger IS.” recognize_choice
14. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To See A Psychiatrist?
“My wife and I have been married for a year and a half. Before we got married she did express how she’s a germophobe, but nothing out of the ordinary.
Fast forward to us being married, in the middle of the global crisis, I noticed her being more and more anxious and stressed about cleanliness, like so:
- The apartment must be professionally carpet cleaned prior to us moving in, and then professionally cleaned again once the furniture is in.
- All groceries must be Lysol wiped before they are put away.
- No clothes that are contaminated from the outside world directly or indirectly can ever touch the bed.
- The living room sofas are dirty because guests sit on them, I can’t sit on them without showering and changing if I want to go into bed.
- The dining table chairs are also dirty because guests sit on them, I can’t sit on them without showering and changing if I want to go to bed.
- Any contact with the walls of the apartment means my clothes/body is dirty, and I must change/shower before getting into bed.
- If I go to the garage to get something from my car, my clothes are dirty and I must shower or change
- I must Lysol wipe the entire interior of the car where we sit and the seat belt before we go anywhere or else we will need to change/shower when returning.
- If I walk past the bed wearing clothes that were contaminated by the reasons stated above, the comforter must be thrown into the washer.
- To do Laundry, I must open the washer and dryer, wash my hands, put the clothes in the dryer, then close both and wash my hands again.
I have urged her many times that this is not normal and that she needs to see a mental health professional. She claims that everything she does is normal and that everyone else is simply dirty.
We had a baby 2 months ago, and she is also passing on these tendencies to her in the guise that she is ‘protecting her’ from germs.
Last weekend we drove 4 hours to her parents’ house, which involved making a stop to feed and change her.
During this stop, she is freaking out about her bottle being placed in a germy area (it wasn’t, I just put it on the dashboard to add the formula), or needing more Lysol. I was being yelled at and screamed at for being ‘germy’.
So being fed up, I wanted to give an ultimatum. She’s been wanting to go on an international vacation which involves a 12-hour plane ride. I told her that if she can’t handle her germaphobic anxiety with our daughter on a 4-hour car ride, there is no way you’ll be able to handle a 12-hour flight, after going through a ‘germy’ airport and having to go on multiple ‘germy’ Uber rides and taxis where they don’t Lysol wipe their seats.
So I said that until you seek help for your germaphobia by seeing a psychiatrist, there will be no vacation because I won’t enjoy it anyway if she is throwing a tantrum about germs the entire time.
She responds by telling me I’m depriving her of happiness, and tried offering back her wedding ring, accusing me of being cheap.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sadly (but understandably) a lot of people with cleanliness OCD had a huge increase in rituals when the panini started.
However, she needs to get a handle on it and get some treatment. It’s not fair to you or your child to live in such a regimented way, and your child should be coming into contact with non-sterilized surfaces as it helps build a stronger immune system.
I don’t think the ultimatum is unfair, but she should be going to therapy because her life and the lives of those she loves are so negatively impacted by her mental health issues, not just because she wants a vacay.” CrystalQueen3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on the lose-lose situation you’re stuck in (sarcasm).
Seriously, your wife does seem to need help. There are compromises to be made when it comes to germ management, even in the global crisis, as more information becomes known. At first, Lysol and separation were reasonable given the unknowns; for me, two years of data mean Lysol’s being used minimally but I’m religious about masking.
Reassessing the situation is part of risk management, and she doesn’t seem to be able to perform that reassessment.
I wouldn’t want to vacation with her. Mai Tai’s on the beach would be a nightmare. Best of luck!” tosser9212
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom My Birth Control Pills?
“I (16f) live with my mom (39f) and my recently moved-in partner (18m).
I went on birth control before he moved in after my mom had been forbidding it for months. She judges me for having passionate hugging. She’s also extremely narcissistic and has BIG problems regarding boundaries. For a few months now she’s been planning a 10-day trip to her home town and I was happy to finally be alone.
Well, today she came into my room and this happened:
M: ‘I need a favor’.
OP: ‘Yea?’
Mother: ‘I need a month’s worth of your birth control pills. I’m getting my period the exact day I’m leaving and I don’t want cramps. I’ll go to the pharmacy on Monday and get you a new box!’
To be clear: I take a completely different birth control than what she used to take. I have chronic migraines. Therefore I take birth control without estrogen because estrogen could make my migraines worse. I take pills that stimulate menopause. For that to fully set in no longer having your period can take up to 6 months.
I’ve been taking it for 3 months but I already barely get my period anymore and rarely have cramps. I explained this and she got mad and said: ‘I know! Just give me the pill!’ She called me egotistical to which I replied ‘Egotistical for not wanting to give you my medication?’ ‘MeDiCaTiOn… everyone takes that stuff.
It’s not special’.
She walked out and after a while came back and said ‘I paid for you to get your lashes done and this is how you pay me back? I pay 80 bucks of gas a month. I pay for everything’. She does not pay for anything, my partner paid for my birth control, pregnancy tests, tampons, food, etc.
She also forbids me to get a job while insisting I get one because everyone else my age has a job which is just not true in my country and family at all. My mom pays for rent, and everything that benefits her. After a while of arguing I simply went, ‘I’m not giving you the pill.’ She then said that the money she’ll have to spend on doctor’s appointments will be taken from my allowance.
She used ‘being my mother’ as leverage to make me feel bad but I said that being a mother doesn’t give her special rights. She insisted.
I told her that she’d been planning this visit for months and she had time to see a doctor.
She said ‘Well, but I’ve only known that I’ll get my period for 3 months’. I said that’s enough time to see a doctor and she called me a bad person for not helping her out. I asked why she couldn’t take the pill for 5 days she said she obviously needed to take it the whole menstrual cycle which didn’t make sense to me.
I said she should just take painkillers but nope.
My partner and I both think that she’s planning to have an affair and especially then I’d tell her to go screw herself. Her partner came by right after the argument ended and stood right in front of the bedroom door and said ‘Just don’t bother with those disrespectful trash kids’.
I think she’s wrong especially because it’s illegal but I feel bad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s yours, not hers and like you said, those pills don’t work like that. It takes time to get into your system and taking them now would do nothing for her cause she would still be bleeding.
I reckon you are right too; she was probably going to have an affair.
Get a job and as soon as you have enough, maybe look at getting your own place. My mother was a narcissistic abuser too and the relief of being away from her and almost cutting contact completely (she somehow got my new number) is just…
unimaginable. It’s hard. But you will be better for it… for leaving that is.” Blue_eyed_fox_94
Another User Comments:
“As someone in a pharmacy, it is illegal to share prescription medication with anyone. Also how she is wanting to use it is not at all going to work or benefit her.
Even if she was going to have an affair and wanted it for actual birth control, it would not work. She hasn’t been on it and will not continue to take it.
NTJ.” maddawg3711
12. AITJ For Kicking My Sister-In-Law Out Of Our House For Not Helping With Chores?
“I (M 30) broke my ankle and a few toes 2 weeks ago. I’m in a cast and have to be for a few more weeks. I help around the house but since the accident, my wife (F 29) doesn’t let me move a finger.
She brings me everything and constantly checks on me.
My SIL (F 26) broke up with her partner and has been staying with us for over a month. SIL was helping at first, but once I got hurt, she took advantage of my wife and stopped helping.
She basically stays next to me with the excuse that she is keeping me company.
Yesterday against my wife’s wishes I tried to help and because I’m a moron, I ended up hurting my leg. I was on the couch when my wife had to pick up one of our daughters from her friend’s house.
She asked her sister to please pick up our daughter, but she refused with the same excuse and my wife ended up going.
Between the pain and the fact that I was fed up with her behavior, I told her if she wanted to stay here, she had to help.
I’m already an inconvenience, my wife doesn’t need another one. She tried to defend herself but I told her that she was just using me as an excuse to do nothing; I actually have one and I’m still trying to help. If she wants to do nothing, she can do it somewhere else, we are not asking her to clean the entire house, just to pick up after herself.
She ended up leaving before my wife came back and is staying with one of her friends.
My wife wasn’t happy about not talking with her first or at least waiting until she came back. Her family is texting her to let her sister back, that SIL is going through a tough time and we need her help.
They also texted me not to be ungrateful when SIL is helping in her own way.
I know my wife wouldn’t kick her out, not even after telling more than once to help a little bit; she’s weak with her family (so am I with mine) but there must be a limit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: 1st of all she should be grateful that you all are letting her stay in the 1st place cause a lot of people wouldn’t even do that. When you’re a guest in someone else’s house it is polite and respectful to do your share especially if you’re not paying any bills.
You gave her a choice and she decided to leave instead of help. As a husband it makes sense why you stood up for your wife this way, you didn’t like seeing her be taken advantage of.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL is not helping ‘in her own way’.
She is a freeloader. She broke up with her partner but needs to get on with her life. She will not unless she is made to. Everyone needs to stop enabling her. She’s an adult and should act like it.” Ducky818
11. AITJ For Not Warning My Mom About My Sister's Letter?
“My (20f) sister (22f) and I have a rapidly declining relationship with our mother (45f).
She treats me like a child when it’s convenient and like an adult when it’s convenient. She feels entitled to my sister and her future child’s time while she only reaches out to my sister for favors or to ask if my sister changed her mind about being in the room for her birth.
This is alongside emotional instability all our lives and leaving us with quite a bit of trauma on top of the trauma she couldn’t control.
Since my sister got pregnant, her relationship with our mother got rocky a lot faster than mine did and the only reason she isn’t no contact is so that I don’t get the repercussions of it.
Well, she finally broke after hearing about one of our many arguments and decided to write a letter that was essentially warning her that she’s going to lose her daughters if she keeps this up and the thought of that hurts us too.
I saw my sister’s letter come in yesterday and it took all of my self-control to not hide it or destroy it so my mother wouldn’t see it because I knew she’d be mad and I’d face the brunt of it.
But I didn’t. I woke up this morning to my mom upset and I asked her what was wrong, she said it wasn’t my business, so I left it alone. Then she started getting snarky like she was mad at me. I asked what I did and she just left to go about her day.
I finally got the answer from my uncle that she was mad I didn’t warn her about the letter. I asked why she would assume I know anything about it and he said it was ’cause we all know I run to my sister when I’m upset so why wouldn’t she do the same?
I said regardless it wasn’t my business to tell my mom.
I don’t think I’m the jerk because this is a matter of my sister and mother’s relationship and ours is entirely separate. And I genuinely hope she internalizes the letter so she can be a better mom and grandma because I want her in my life so badly.
But AITJ for not warning her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are right to stay out of it as it was a letter between your sister and your Mother. If your sister wanted you to warn your mother, she would have asked you to, but she didn’t.
Your mom has no business getting angry at you because of something your sister said, regardless of what your mom believes about your knowledge with regard to the letter.
I’m so sorry she is like this to you when you clearly love her so very much.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“This is so sad. You are NTJ but you most definitely need to get out of that toxic household. Please know your mom will NOT change! You have to decide if you can tolerate a relationship with her knowing that this is who she is.
Don’t react to her snark, don’t play into her narrative, know that she likes to play these games and you don’t have to tolerate it. You can simply ignore her attempts to emotionally control you.
Please look into some therapy to learn how to set some boundaries with your mom.
Move out and get that driver’s license as soon as you can so you don’t feel so under her thumb. You will learn that the relationship you currently have is not ok and there are things you can do to protect yourself and know that this is just who your mom is and it doesn’t reflect on who you or your sister are.
Maybe your mom would agree to the therapy with you? Maybe not, either way, talk to a therapist for your own well-being.” awhitehibiscus
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel With My Dad And Stepsiblings?
“My (29f) parents divorced when I was 10. We lived with Mom & saw Dad on alternate weekends and vacations. Mom & Dad were flexible & Dad lived close by, so we (older brother J & I) saw him often.
We’d go stay with him sometimes or go on short trips, etc.
When I was 13 Dad met & married N & moved in with her, 2 hours away. I couldn’t see him as often then sometimes even on his days. (J’d moved out, gone to college, etc)
Life at Dad’s was okay. He didn’t neglect me or anything but N had 2 kids & his attention was divided among the 4 of us. He changed jobs so he didn’t have as much free time as before. I’d been a daddy’s girl before this & suddenly I could barely get any time with him.
It wasn’t as if the steps totally hogged his attention but most interactions were in a group. 1-1 time was negligible. I mentioned this to him several times, and even Mom brought it up with him when she saw how it upset me. He always promised to do better but never did.
After one particular visit where I’d barely gotten to chat with him, I broke down on the way back and cried most of the way home. When he managed to get me to explain why, he felt really bad. Asked how he could make it up to me.
So he said that he was saving up his leave and he promised that we would go camping just the 2 of us for 3 days during summer vacation.
I was so excited, I even saved up to buy some nice gear. Last day of school, Mom tells me Dad called. N’s family had planned a 10-day family trip, so Dad would come get me later.
This meant not only were our plans canceled, but they couldn’t be rescheduled because he would have used up all his PTO.
I was so upset, I cried for hours. I refused to go stay with them after they returned and didn’t speak to Dad for 2 months.
Mom was furious with me but she didn’t force me.
After that, I gave up. Nowadays I have a cordial relationship with him & his family. But the closeness that I have with Mom and J is missing.
Now, J and I are both paid very well and have a lot of PTO.
We have used this to travel. (Together and separately) We have even taken trips where we’ve either subsidized or sponsored holidays for some family members to go with.
This year we are traveling again. One of the stepsiblings saw my post on social media and commented ‘dibs on going along’.
I replied with a LOL. Later Dad reached out, asking for clarification about dates, costs, etc. I explained that we had no plans of taking them along, and Stepsibling misunderstood. N was on speaker and spoke up saying that we could take them along if we wanted to and it was their ‘turn’.
I was so surprised that I just blurted out saying that we weren’t doing anything by turns & I had sworn never to travel with Dad again and I wasn’t changing my mind.
Things went down. Dad is upset saying that he paid for his mistake & the steps are calling me petty for holding grudges.
But I’m not budging.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He promised to give you some time, he saved up his PTO, and then… nothing.
He or his wife decided it would be better to spend that time with 2 children rather than just 1 child. Who knows why?
Was it a step-thing? Was it a numbers game? I have no idea.
Ask him if he has ever made time to call you. On his own. Not answer the phone because you called first. But called just to say hello. When was the last time he made the trip to see you?
Would he even have called if it wasn’t to ask about something for his other children?
Nope. No thanks.” NotSoAverage_sister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not petty that you don’t want to take your stepsibling even though you and your brother have brought along and paid for certain family members.
Vacations are fun and spent with whomever you choose. Replying ‘LOL’ under a ‘dibs’ post does not mean that you agreed to take her. Your father and/or should have asked to see what Stepsibling wrote and they’re too old not to have the common sense to know you never expressed intent to take her along.
N is a total jerk for agreeing to go on a trip with her family, assuming she knew about your father’s planned 1-1 camping trip with you. I get the feeling she’s the type that would be angry if your father went camping with you and then joined your wife’s family.
N’s involvement in the call, telling you that could take her kid(s) if you wanted and it’s their turn with you and J screams controlling. She probably made your father choose between camping with you or her family vacation, threatening to leave if he didn’t choose her.
Your dad hasn’t made up for anything – not how he treated you, not how he denied you the 1-1 time he promised, not how he left you behind to go on another trip, not to mention he couldn’t tell you himself about canceling on you, to top it off you had purchased gear for your camping trip!
My heart broke imagining a child crying because her father broke her heart, all the new gear piled up in a corner. Let your father know there is no way he can pay for mistakes regarding your relationship, just like there’s no way you’ll pay for N’s kids to go on a trip with you.
In a thread you understand N’s family doesn’t owe you a holiday, remind her that you don’t owe her family a holiday either.
Stay strong, don’t budge!” User
9. AITJ For Moving Into My Sister's House After My Mom Threw Away My Teddy Bear And Tea Set?
“I (13f) left to go stay at my sister and her significant other’s (22f, 23m) house after my mom (58f) ransacked my room destroying so many things that I loved and threw away other stuff.
Since November 2021 my mental health has been declining rapidly and I’ve been leaving my room dirty. My mom saw, she wasn’t happy and started yelling and me calling me ungrateful, dirty, disgusting, and a little jerk. She then went on to ransack everything in my room and closet.
For info on why the teddy bear and tea set are important, I have dealt with trauma caused by her and my dad (59m) since I was 4 and the teddy bear was the only thing that could calm me down. Without it I’m having a panic attack and scared, the tea set?
My grandma who died in September 2021 gave it to me before she passed away.
After my mom ransacked everything she left me a broken TV and vanity and threw away my teddy bear and tea set. I was done. Done with this nonsense because this has happened numerous times and she knows the reason why but only gave me 2 therapy sessions which didn’t help at all.
I packed my phone, charger, AirPods, clothes, and a toothbrush and texted my sister if she could pick me up. She asked why, and after explaining why she was furious with my mom because she dealt with this but it was never this bad, she picked me up with her SO, and while I was in the car with her SO, she screamed at them, calling them psychopaths, crazy and irresponsible parents and for them to be ashamed and before my parents could do anything she left and took me to her and her SO’s house.
Now I’ve blocked my 3 brothers, dad, and mom’s numbers because they wouldn’t stop spamming me to come back home. I can’t deal with her. There is something wrong with her and I’m tired of her taking it out on me. I’m human and I want her to see me as that.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother sounds abusive. It’s gross, but is there any way you can ransack the trash and see if your things are there? I have similar comfort items that I’d be devastated to lose, so I’m just grasping at straws and hoping you might be able to get them back.
I hope that your sister does manage to get custody of you because you deserve better. Regardless of your mom’s issues, she doesn’t have a right to be so cruel to you.” BunnySapphire
Another User Comments:
“Your mom needs to be put into an institution.
Like a mandatory psych hold. It is not normal to ransack a room and destroy things. The fact your family wants you to endure it? Red flags. Your mom will never get better unless she gets help.” Caticornsarereal
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbors To Feed My Dog?
“I have a STRANGE and extremely annoying problem with my ‘neighbors’ and my dog.
For some back story: I recently moved into a small house on a very large property.
There is my house, the large main house where the owner/landlord lives, and a bachelor flat on the other side of the property where ‘the neighbors’ live. There were no walls or fences between any of the houses. I moved to this house specifically because it would allow me to bring my Doberman, cat, and 2 hens.
Initially, everything was peachy and everyone was friendly, but my dog started spending less and less time around my place and eventually, he just wasn’t around at all. Turns out the ‘neighbors’ were welcoming him into their flat, letting him do as he pleased like lying on the bed and furniture and feeding him anything they had available straight out of their bowls.
I wasn’t exactly pleased, I have trained this dog from a pup and his manners and obedience have gone out the window. I lost it a bit when I hadn’t seen him all day and after calling and calling I missioned down to their place, only to find that my dog was inside their flat and the doors were all closed and locked.
So, the landlord and I put up a wooden fence to keep my dog in my area (and his dog out of my area for the chicken’s safety). Side note: The landlord is pretty upset himself as his dog never comes home either and is often locked in the ‘neighbor’s’ flat even overnight.
Time has passed and the relationship between ‘the neighbors’ has completely broken down to the point where only I and the landlord chat and the ‘neighbors’ avoid any contact with us. Fine by me.
But here is the problem; because they are always coaxing, encouraging, and feeding him.
My dog is finding new ways every day to break out. I have told them not to feed him or let him in and actually, today told them to bring my dog back. They flat-out said it wasn’t their problem.
As I mentioned at the start of the story, this is a huge property.
The fence we put up alone is around 50 meters long on two different sides. I work from home, so it isn’t that he’s alone. I’ve taken to locking him inside when I do go out. He is inside during the night as usual, but I can’t tie him up or keep him locked up inside forever.
I know the only thing to do is to keep finding the escape routes he is making/using/finding and securing them, but in the meantime, it is causing everyone a lot of anger and distress. Maybe I’m looking for support that I’m not the jerk because they sure make me feel like I am.
I know I am the jerk in at least one regard here. I told them both to get lost about 30 minutes ago.
The ‘neighbors’ are not neighbors in the sense of a different property. We all live on the same property. There is no road he has access to.
I am only capable of alternating the property as much as the landlord allows and he is unfortunately in hospital for liver removal surgery.
As I have said, my dog is trained, I am in fact a certified animal behaviorist. He has great recall but he can’t exactly come back if he is in someone else’s house.
I was in a meeting when I heard him jump the fence, so I know where to go and try to fix it again… Now I have to go and have another ugly interaction with people who are stealing my dog.
They are retired, of course, he’d love to spend time there but that is hardly the point.
So basically, he will have to live inside my house and be super bored because people can’t mind their own business.”
Another User Comments:
“Your dog shouldn’t be capable of regularly getting out and roaming the neighborhood. Your neighbors shouldn’t be regularly taking it in and refusing to let it back out to you, but depending on where you are, they may actually be well within their rights to call animal control on you for an unsecured dog.
Everyone sucks here. Fix your fence, or stop letting your dog outside in your unsecured yard.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your neighbors for obvious reasons. But you? Train your dog. Supervise your dog. Manage your dog. One of my favorite pet-related quotes has to do with this kind of situation.
‘When you lose control of your pet, you lose control of the outcome.’ You’ve lost complete control of your pet, and now you’re complaining about an outcome you don’t like. So you need to regain control of your pet as much as you need to set up and enforce strong boundaries with your neighbors.
Frankly, you’re very lucky these neighbors love your dog and have been spoiling him all this time. This story could have ended much differently with a call to animal control, the police, or much worse.” Impossible_Zebra8664
7. AITJ For Still Participating In My Family's Gift-Giving Traditions?
“My family’s gift-giving tradition is a bit unorthodox but it works well for us.
For every gift-giving holiday and birthday, my mom would send out a group text to my immediate family asking everyone for their list of what they would like. We all text back our lists into the group chat. Everyone picks something off that list, buys it, and lets all the other family members know so the person doesn’t get duplicates.
(For example for my birthday I texted the group chat I wanted organization stuff for my home, a particular movie on DVD, and tickets to a play. Mom got me tickets, aunt got me organizers, sister got me a DVD). This takes so much stress out of gift-giving and ensures everyone gets exactly what they want or need.
We’re an extremely small close-knit family and we know not to put anything extravagant or budget-breaking on the list. Surprises are not exactly discouraged but it’s kind of an unspoken rule you should stick to the list. If you do branch out and get a surprise it’s also pretty common to include the receipt for said surprise gift in case the person wants to return it.
We sometimes go as far as getting our own gifts for ourselves and just having the other family member pay us back (I’m at the store and see a dress I want and it’s near my birthday anyway and within budget so I text my mom hey you got me this dress for my birthday I pay for it and she pays me back).
We’ve done this forever and it works for my family. We only do this within our immediate family don’t push it on anyone else and always truly appreciate gifts from others and don’t expect them to follow our rules or even bring it up to them.
Gift-giving is not the main focus of these holidays and we have many wonderful events and traditions we do to spend time together without a focus on gifts. This just works for us. My husband HATES this practice he says it is lazy, inconsiderate, and impersonal and that it ruins the whole idea of gift-giving.
He says we’re jerks for participating in it and should be abolished. I see nothing wrong with what we do as it isn’t hurting anyone and works for us. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You said your family doesn’t push this practice on anyone else, so if your husband doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to participate.
It works for your family and then y’all don’t have to deal with the stress of getting a gift you hate, not having a receipt, and having to return it to the person who gave it to you (which definitely would hurt their feelings) or donating it/getting rid of it (which always makes me feel like a jerk).
Honestly, it sounds like a solid system even if it takes the ‘spirit’ out of gift-giving. NTJ.” Swampman5000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The system works for you guys and you don’t impose it on anyone, so there is literally no harm in it.
Your husband is the jerk because while he’s entitled to his opinion and being your partner it’s acceptable he shares that opinion, there is no need to be judgy, demeaning, and downright insulting toward you and your family about it, certainly, nothing justifies calling you names.
This doesn’t affect him in any way. He’s massively overreacting.
I will say that I get the feeling your family’s love language isn’t about gift-giving at all, and maybe that’s what triggers your husband if his and his family’s way of expressing love is through a more ‘traditional’ way of gift-giving.
Still, that doesn’t excuse his behavior.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
6. AITJ For Expressing To My Mom How I Feel?
“This happened a few months ago when my dad’s health started to deteriorate, and I tried to help my mom take care of him to the best of my ability. Anyway, she had asked if I’d spoken to anyone from the family lately (she speaks to a lot of my extended family often), and I told her no and that no one reached out.
She told me that a phone goes 2 ways and I agreed but when you don’t have anyone’s contact after trying to get it for years you kinda stop trying.
Keep in mind: I do love my family but so far the only people who are checking on me and making sure I’m ok are my best friend and my husband (though he doesn’t really understand grief he’s still trying to help), and my in-laws, who didn’t even ask me if I was ok they asked my husband but at least they asked even if they don’t really like me all that much.
So here’s the thing: she told me how much the family was helping and everything and I said that it’s cool that they’re helping her, she got mad and said they’re helping US, to which I said ‘Mom they’re helping you, not a single person is helping me, no one even asks about me, and that’s how it’s always been’.
She ended up getting really mad at me and yelling at me. I turned around and said ‘Once you and Dad die I won’t have a family Mom’, I only said this because I’m not included and I never really have been, and I’ve always been looked at like the black sheep because of how I express myself (I dye my hair fun colors, have piercings and have given myself tattoos).
She ended up going silent and apologized that she should have tried to include me more in family stuff like everyone else was but she didn’t. I never blamed her or told her she was at fault but I don’t want to apologize like she’s asking me to because all I did was speak the truth.
Even when my dad died at the end of May no one reached out to me, they only reached out to my mom, I was the closest with my dad, but my mom often yelled at him and got angry enough that she hasn’t worn her ring for almost 5 years (she’s only wearing it now because he passed away) and my dad often slept on the couch.
I had lunch with him at least 3 times a week, we went on errands together and often he would surprise me at work with one of my favorite snacks. (He tried doing that kinda stuff with my mom but often she ignored him or got mad that he interrupted her work so he stopped and my mom is still upset he put effort in with me ‘instead’ of her which was never true).
So AITJ for telling her the truth and not apologizing?
Yes I get I might be in the wrong but my mom always told me that no one is wrong in how they feel, yet gets mad when I explain how I feel so…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all sending you condolences on the passing of your dad, he sounds like he was a great person who truly loved you!
You are entirely entitled to your feelings and even though your mom might not want to hear them that doesn’t diminish them.
Your mom also acknowledges she should have included you more with your extended family.
I don’t know the ins and outs of your family dynamics but I will just say your extended family may care etc but sometimes life just gets in the way and before you know it it’s been 5 years!
But if they don’t genuinely care then it’s their loss.” tigerz0973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have anything to apologize for. It sounds like your mom lashes out at you over some form of guilt.
‘apologized that she should have tried to include me more in family stuff like everyone else was but she didn’t.’
There’s definitely some guilt there. I would ask her what exactly she wants you to apologize for. You weren’t rude. You didn’t curse. It would be enlightening to hear her response to that. People don’t automatically get apologies when someone says something that hurts them when the statement is true and not a personal attack.
It’s easier to do that than acknowledge they’ve failed as parents or hurt people they love.
I am so sorry you’re in so much pain. I don’t want to give you useless platitudes about loss. I do want you to know that you are not alone in your pain or grief.
Even if we will never know each other, grief and loss will always be known by humanity. It gives me comfort to think this way. I hope it helps you too.” FileDoesntExist
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday?
“I (32 male) and my partner (28 female) have been together for 3 years. I honestly never celebrate my bday and I actually hate that day. The reason is my parents probably never wanted to have me and I was honestly one of those ‘save the marriage baby’.
So as a result I dislike this day in general because it reminds me of the sentiment of my parents selfishly having me. Moreover, I have had no contact with my dad for about 14 years now too. So when we started our relationship and my bday was around the corner I told her I hated my bday and I didn’t want to celebrate it.
She ignored my wishes and still celebrated it. Of course, I tried to be appreciative the first time around and thanked her for the cake and all. Afterwards, I explained I appreciated the thought but I rather not celebrate it again in the future since I really disliked that day.
I even explained to her why.
In our 2nd year of being together, my bday came around. Normally I was home but a colleague asked to take over her shift, which I did. My partner got super angry at me because she planned a surprise.
I tried to calm her down and explained I didn’t know she planned things for me. She replied I wasn’t supposed to know anything because that was the definition of a surprise. She called me a selfish and ungrateful idiot and was angry at me for a few days.
Anyway, today was my bday and she did it again. She bought cake and all. I wasn’t excited at all. She got super angry again and I finally snapped. I warned her I hated this day and I didn’t want to celebrate it. She again told me I’m a selfish and ungrateful jerk.
I lost it and yelled back that she was the selfish one for not respecting my wishes and boundaries.
So AITJ for snapping at my partner after 3 years of not wanting to celebrate my bday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I understand she tries to make your bday special to replace them with the bad memories, she is making it worse year by year.
You might want to deal with the birthday hatred though. Not for her sake but the sake of yourself. If you are planning on having a family and kids (again, don’t mean with her), bdays will make you feel bad and it’s not healthy for your family and kids.
You might have been unwanted and not celebrated as a kid but there are people who love and care about you. Just because your parent did a trashy job doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your birthdays going forward in life.
By the story though, your partner is not the person to make these memories with.” Special_Koala_1093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you may wanna just… run. I could excuse the first one, maybe, although still fishy because you literally told her you didn’t want to celebrate. But I can see her maybe wanting to ‘rewrite’ the experience for you or provide you with a new and positive association with your bday, especially not having the full context of it yet.
Her reactions to the following two birthday fiascos? Absolutely wild. How does it work out in her head that you, OP, are selfish? It’s literally your birthday. It should only be about you. Even if that means it comes and goes with no fanfare.
She’s setting you up for expectations that she knows you won’t meet, then blaming you when you don’t meet them. Huge yikes.
If she is so intent on celebrating you, why hasn’t she asked you, in the entire three years that you’ve been together, if there is another day of the year (work or school anniversary, day you moved out for the first time, something like that) that you would want to be celebrated on?
Because (in her mind) it’s not about you, it’s about her. So she’s walking all over your boundaries and then gaslighting you into thinking you’ve somehow done something wrong by reacting exactly how any reasonable person would expect you to react.
Then again, a reasonable person would just respect your boundaries.
(Not sure if Gaslight is totally correct here, but to me, this reads like a gross distortion of reality on her part, trying to convince OP that he is having a bad reaction rather than a reasonable one.)” redrum_butancomtho
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved In My Mom's Relationships?
“I (29f) live with my mom and 13-year-old little brother. My mom has had quite a dramatic love life for my ENTIRE life. Her first husband was a serial two-timer, her second husband (my brother’s dad) is not terrible but it’s very evident that I do more for his kid than he does and even she admits that, the third husband blamed me for their divorce because I moved in with them after a bad breakup and then commenced to track my every move and go through my stuff, the dude that was a thing directly after that divorce (which was also blamed as part of the divorce) called me names because I wasn’t taking any of his crap.
So after this dude, I was like I’m done meeting dudes until they are going to be a permanent fixture in my life. She commenced to start seeing another dude who had a whole other female on the side and 3 months into said relationship I was told I either meet him now or at one of my aunt’s weddings that he was invited to.
So of course I compromised and caved into meeting him and was cordial.
He turned out to be a disappointment not much longer after that and didn’t even make it to the wedding. I still have my boundaries in place about not meeting anybody and now there is a HUGE fight because I don’t want male ‘friends’ in my home (safe space).
I am being called unsupportive and controlling. Keep in mind that she has not had contact with the rest of our b***d family for close to 15 years and I had to keep these relationships completely separate from her and my brother for well over a decade before I decided to cut ties with them as well.
So am I the jerk for having this boundary?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Most notably because you live with your 13-year-old brother and from personal experience, it is never easy at that age to have different parental figures flitting in and out of your life.
My father repeatedly introduced new partners to me and my younger sister when we were younger who then disappeared (broke up not went missing) after a month or two which left us very confused as to the nature of relationships as a whole.” Appropriate-Studio-4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re a 29-year-old woman. You have no right to dictate who your mother is allowed to go out with or have over in your shared apartment. Since this seems to be more of a roommate-type situation with expenses being split between the two of you, you can have a conversation with her to lay out some ground rules (like the number of times a week she can have a guest sleepover, etc.) but you don’t have a leg to stand on to tell her that she’s not allowed to have men in her own apartment.” Rygumb
3. AITJ For Asking For A New Home Nurse?
“I’m currently 8 months pregnant, on bed rest due to hypertension, and recently had surgery to remove a cyst that was causing a lot of problems. Because of this, we qualified for home care as my husband couldn’t take time off work to help out around the house (I’m a stay-at-home mom to a 1f and 2.5m).
The nurse comes in and helps me do some day-to-day activities, monitors the baby, and does errands.
Now to earlier this week: I’m severely allergic to ragweed and it’s more than just regular seasonal allergies. I went outside for a few minutes to grab something and started getting a reaction as it was Ragweed season in my area.
My eyes were stinging and I went inside before it got worse. The home nurse was out running an errand so I was alone with my kids. With it also being cold/flu season, both the kids were sick and utterly miserable and my daughter was being extra clingy.
I laid down on the couch with her on my chest and she finally fell asleep. I didn’t want to move her as she hadn’t been able to sleep well through the night and she needed rest. I closed my eyes to get a little relief from the stinging but I did not fall asleep, my eyes were just closed due to the pain of the allergic reaction.
The nurse came in from her errand and incorrectly assumed I had fallen asleep on the couch with my daughter. She jostled me to wake me up, waking my daughter up as well, and started scolding me for being irresponsible and negligent, falling asleep on the couch with a baby.
I tried to comfort my daughter and explained to the nurse that I was not asleep, I just had my eyes closed because they were hurting. The nurse wouldn’t listen and went on and on about how negligent I was and threatened to call CPS for child endangerment.
I told her to go ahead because I have camera footage from our home security camera and they would find nothing short of a loving home. I told her that her behavior was inexcusable and she wasn’t taking the time to listen to me or my explanation.
I told her she needed to leave and I’d be contacting her employer. Which I did. I told them I’d like a new caretaker, and provided all the info and evidence I had as I was no longer comfortable with her.
A new caretaker came the next day, and I thought that was that they had sent a replacement and the other nurse was probably placed with another patient.
Well, yesterday I got a message from her, cussing me out for getting her fired and how I’m a jerk and she’s still going to report me and my kids will get taken away. I don’t think I did anything wrong by sending the video to her employer but my husband said I just could’ve requested a new nurse without ‘stirring the pot’. AITJ?
I was NOT asleep on the couch, as I’m not a reckless person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… if she’s a mandated reporter then she could have handled her concern in a professional way. Either way, a decent person could have gently tried to wake you without scaring the baby and also have compassion and understood that you needed help, not judgment.
Also, that’s not a reason to call CPS anyway so this is just ridiculous. I wouldn’t allow that person back in my home.” myreputationera
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like it isn’t the first time she’s acted like this. Regardless of whether you were asleep or not at the end of the day she’s at work and she can’t talk to people like that, especially clients.
Granted there are probably more liberties you can take in this context, especially if she ACTUALLY believes that CPS needs to be involved, but the way she acted was still unprofessional. You didn’t ‘stir the pot’ you stopped someone who was clearly unsuitable for the job from causing more harm.
As is the case in a lot of these situations: you didn’t get her fired, she got herself fired and is mad that she got caught.” voldycat7
2. AITJ For Feeding My Cat Fresh Chicken And Ham?
“I (F 32) had a coffee morning/afternoon with my friend group, it was my turn to host which I enjoy because I love having my friends over and having a lovely time over coffee and cake, etc.
Recently a friend who often doesn’t have time (even with us trying to work around her schedule) or simply chooses not to come to these coffee mornings (which we have no problem with as life is very busy!) has begun joining in which is brilliant, we’re all really happy to have her there!
I’ll call her Jen.
Anyway, she’s only been to a few of mine, and yesterday, it was my turn to host again. My cat likes to wander around and he’s interested in everyone, quite social, and likes the attention. He began to vocalize for feeding so I gave him some freshly cooked chicken, later on, I gave him a bit of fresh ham (no massive chunks just bits).
I replenished his biscuit bowl and wet food bowl, I keep tap water in a bottle and pour it into his water bowl as I don’t like walking with it, as I spill it!
Anyway, at the end of the morning, I said goodbye to everyone, and then one of my friends I’m closest to texts me saying Jen had been making snide comments about what I feed my cat, that I’m a show-off, that I’m extravagant, the cat is just a cat and doesn’t need all that, there are people starving and I’m wasting decent food on a stupid cat.
She said that I clearly have more money than sense since I’m being so stupid.
It’s silly but that hurt my feelings, none of us have children and all have decent jobs including Jen and she always says she prides herself on financial security so I don’t think she’s struggling, it’s not like I’m waving it in her face.
I just fed my cat!
I know it seems really petty but it is odd and upsetting to me. My friends know I wasn’t being flashy but they say to just ignore her as she’s possibly just not had a good day.
AITJ for feeding my cat fresh chicken and ham in front of my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would actually argue that you are less wasteful, as you’re likely feeding your cat from the same food that you yourself would eat, and possibly not finish. That food is not going to waste and would never get to someone ‘starving’ unless you walked over and gave it to them yourself.
And even if your friends were vegan, the cat is not, never apologize for feeding your carnivore meat. Cats cannot process grains and anyone who thinks they can is committing animal mistreatment.
Your friend Jen appears to lack common graces, and is looking for something to be on a high horse about.” Much_Ad_9811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you sound like an amazing cat mom… I would exclude Jen from future get-togethers at your home, she is not a friend. She talked trash about you behind your back in your own home… so let your other friends know you will not include her, she is not welcome in your home.
They can invite her into their homes and you can choose to go and socialize with her at their homes, not yours. You can let Jen know that as well.” Still_Storm7432
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get A Second Job While My Wife Is On Maternity Leave?
“Our daughter was born 4 weeks ago and is happy, healthy, and a great joy who I love being with.
My wife is looking to take 9 months’ leave instead of the state-paid 6 months, requiring a 3-month backup. I only had 2 weeks and then returned to work.
My wife ordinarily is the breadwinner as I am disabled and get fatigued easily. I work term time only so have 13 weeks off a year.
Our finances are stable but we used our reserves to buy a house 6 months ago. My wife is very anxious about basically everything but especially financial security.
Due to persistent browbeating that I don’t earn enough and have a dead-end job (the latter is true but anything else I’m qualified for would likely remove my term time contract), I have, despite my disability started taking on self-employed work in the evenings to shore up the finances.
Personally, I would like to use this money to finish training in counseling and establish my own business to become self-employed. This carries some risk but means I could work flexibly and from home in the future.
My wife does not agree and thinks the extra work I do should go towards her having more time off and into untouched savings in a normal bank account (she is scared of investments or ISA options).
We have been arguing because I feel I am working most of the day (12 hours 3 times a week) and 10 hours 2 days a week, coming home and giving my wife a break from childcare with little of my own needs being appreciated. I have suggested shared parental leave but my wife has refused and says I don’t know the first thing about parenting.
I feel completely unfair as I’ve had 4 weeks to acclimatize half of which is evenings only.
AITJ for thinking it is unfair for my wife to ask me to work a second job to pay for her time off instead of splitting it to invest in a future job with more family flexibility?”
Another User Comments:
“I have to say YTJ. Going self-employed is a huge risk and whilst I can see the appeal, I think you have to question how realistic this is in terms of earning potential and financial stability.
Your story talks a lot about how you feel underappreciated and your needs, but you’re doing what you should be and shouldn’t need applause for this – working and parenting.
She only gave birth 4 weeks ago. Her parenting comment was trashy, but given you call maternity leave ‘time off’ I’m wondering if it came from frustration.
An extra 3 months of matty leave isn’t ‘time off’. And with childcare costs… possibly a wise decision.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your wife is not adequately considering your disability and your need to spend time with your daughter.
Expecting you to work 56 hours a week, which I’m assuming is far more than your usual, is honestly kind of cruel if you have a disability that makes you easily fatigued.
The need to spend time with your child is not exclusive to a mother. You have just as much right to want time to bond with your child. You can’t become better at parenting without having the time to. Your child is a month old; she’s no expert either.
However, self-employed counseling does not sound wise and I would agree with her that you shouldn’t be spending money on that either. You need more stability and more money to support your family, not less.
That said, you shouldn’t be expected to support them alone and work yourself into the ground doing it.” RS3Taylor
