People Want To See Whose Side We're On In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Caring About My Parents' Feelings?
“I (f25) have been in and out of nutritionist offices ever since I was 11 till 20. My mom’s excuse to take me at such a young age was to ‘help me organize the way I eat so puberty does not affect my weight’ but that did not help me one bit because I ended up developing an eating disorder (BED) at the age of 15 and it didn’t get professionally diagnosed till I was 20 when finally a new doctor I went to, realized that I need psychological help.
I went to therapy for a few months after that but then I had to stop due to financial circumstances. Throughout my therapy tho, I would constantly get body-shamed, and it was nothing new. I grew up with these comments, but ironically my parents continued to do so even though they were the ones paying for the therapy that was supposed to help me recover.
During the health crisis, my mental health took a huge dive and I gained a lot of weight which resulted in me being at my heaviest ever. I still am at my heaviest. I will admit I don’t like the way my body looks right now and I am willing to lose the weight, but now that I am at my heaviest the body shaming has become extreme and it has become a daily thing that always ends up in screaming matches.
My parents tell me things like ‘I’m an embarrassment to walk next to’, ‘no one will love me looking like that’, ‘I will not secure a successful future looking like that’, and other horrible things.
So last night, the same old talk was being directed at me unprovoked just because I was having a small dinner to take my medication, so I full-blown lashed out at them and started cursing left and right, saying disrespectful things, and to be honest I can’t even remember what I said because I think I just blanked from all the anger.
My mom started to cry saying that she only says those things because she’s scared for my health, and that ‘I don’t care about her feelings’, and my dad got mad at me for making my mom sad and ‘disrespecting him because I have no right to get mad looking like that’.
Please keep in mind I have tried to set boundaries but it’s like it goes into one ear and out the other.
So, AITJ? I know how I feel about this situation, but their constant guilt-tripping sometimes still gets to my head.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your mom says she is only doing this because she is concerned for your health, she is ‘concern trolling.’ Your father said you don’t deserve to be upset when you aren’t treated with love because of the way you look is the most dehumanizing thing I have heard in a while.
Just so cruel.
I would consider your options, including not being in contact with your parents for a while. If your therapist body shames you, that’s not okay. That’s not good therapy and not really helping your parents are getting you.
You need to be in an environment where everyone wants you to have a solid foundation of good mental health. That’s where the health of all kinds starts. If you can’t get out of bed you can’t go to the doctor or go exercise.
Best of luck!” NoIDontWantToSignIn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 9 years of torturing you about your weight is more than enough. They only care how you make THEM look.
That is not love or care.
You deserve to be treated respectfully.
You are more than your weight. You are a worthy human being, deserving of happiness and comfort.
Separate from your parents. They are poison. Work on your life to make it all that you want it to be.
Lose weight or don’t: the choice is yours.
There’s a big beautiful world waiting for your contribution and energy. Take your place in it.
Do it now.” czndra67
22. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend And Her Sick Mom?
“I am 22F, my friend (A) is 26F, and her mother is 60F.
They currently live in a different country than me.
My mother has a well-paying job, we have never struggled financially, they pay my university tuition (pre-med), I live with them rent-free, I got my brother’s old car, and they allow me to work for my mother at a high rate (once a week, about 2h), and they provide me with a weekly allowance (~100$) to spend on food, fuel, parking, and any other necessities or emergencies.
This allowance is not my money. Any remaining allowance goes to partially pay my tuition every semester and pay car insurance/registration when needed. Any amount I earn I save which I have no intention of spending any time soon.
I am extremely privileged and am both aware of and grateful for it.
A has always been financially unstable, she has asked for the budget to buy food previously as she could not afford it. Recently, her mother fell ill and has been in hospital for the past month due to heart problems, and does not show any signs of improvement.
A earns some moneu, but does not have a job, has not had one, and doesn’t plan to get one (when I asked she states there are none, she doesn’t want one, and doesn’t want to look for one), and her fiancé (23F) recently managed to get a low paying job that helped stabilize them until her mom was hospitalized.
Two days ago, A asked me to lend her money and I refused despite knowing her situation. After I refused we argued, she insulted me, and I have not heard from her since. My reason for refusal is that A doesn’t seem to handle money responsibly, which I find disrespectful and disappointing when it is my money being spent.
Despite asking for the budget to buy food, often because she has not eaten in days, A seemingly buys illegal stuff/junk food/chocolate/candy/booze/video games/etc rather than actual food with the money she is sent.
A regularly manages to afford buying smokes so she can smoke twice a day which is my main issue with her spending when she is asking for money to afford food. I have given her roughly 500$ in small amounts over ~2 years when she asked, which I don’t expect her to be able to pay back (I don’t have a problem with that, but have no intention of giving her more money).
She owes several of her friends equal or higher amounts, and some of the money I sent was specifically to partially pay back another friend.
I now feel like a jerk despite knowing I don’t technically owe her anything, as I am capable of sending her funds but refused, and because this situation is different from previous instances so she could be genuinely planning to buy food.
AITJ? Is my privilege clouding my view somehow?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having been poor myself – there are a few types. 1st type – Poor but proud and fighting hard against the system designed to keep you down (working multiple jobs, not borrowing money, only buying what is necessary) and 2nd type – Victim mentality and entitled – blames the world yet does nothing to fight or fix their own problems. Feels that everyone that has more than them should give it to them (despite them not doing enough for themselves).
2nd type will BLEED YOU DRY. They don’t care about anyone for themselves and they are leeches who will take and take and emotionally abuse you when you try to stop – they will flip flop from being ‘you’re my savior!’ to ‘you’re just like everyone else – you look down on me and you’ve never helped me’.
These people will never rise above because they don’t want to. Rising above means doing the hard thing which is standing up on your own two feet and taking responsibility for your life. As long as they have suckers like you who will toss them help every now and then – they will continue to play the victim because they don’t have to want to do the hard work (getting a steady job, relying on oneself, spending funds wisely and put it away).
That person is NOT your friend. Cut off that leech.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you sound like a good friend with a good heart but it seems like this person is only interested in taking advantage of your kindness.
You set a boundary which is very difficult to do but it’s important that you stick to it. She isn’t respectful of your friendship if her response is to be hurtful to you. She doesn’t want to work, that isn’t your fault or responsibility regardless of what other issues are going on in her life.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is refusing to even look for work. She takes from everyone. Buys non-food items with money she claims she needs for food. She’s using you and everyone she borrows money. A friend that gets mad when a favor is denied is no friend.” Leimana76
21. AITJ For Eating My Cousin's Birthday Cake?
“I (19f, Nat) and my cousin (20f, Nia) have our birthdays two days apart; Nia has hers on the 21 April and mine is on the 23 April. I’ve been away from home for some time as I’ve been taking an internship abroad in America (My family and I live in London) and Nia has been in university but comes home every two weekends or so.
Her family meets mine often as we live close (about 10-15 mins away, 20 max). She hasn’t bought herself an apartment yet as she lives in uni, and I haven’t because I will be living in uni and have been at an internship for the better part of a year and have not seen my family in that time other than facetime.
I planned to come back 4 days before my birthday to make it in time for Nia’s birthday. A day before her birthday, she said that her friends were taking her to some hotel overnight and she would get back on my birthday.
So I changed my flight to my birthday to arrive at 14:00 and fly back sometime later.
Without me knowing, she invited her family and my family to come to the hotel but reassured my family that they would get back before I arrived. My parents went even though they were worried we wouldn’t get back in time because Nia and her parents said that they hadn’t been spending enough time together.
On the day of my birthday as everyone was getting ready to leave the hotel, Nia announced that we couldn’t leave because she had accidentally booked an extra day and didn’t want to waste it and told everyone that my flight was delayed.
My family, after some discussion, said that they could just book a room for me, but Nia said no, there was no point because it was too expensive and by the time I arrived, we would have to leave.
She said that we could celebrate my birthday the day after as I wasn’t leaving for some time. My parents tried to reach me, but I had boarded the plane and when they tried to leave, Nia and her parents accused them of wasting their money.
My parents texted me so that I knew the story on arrival.
When I arrived, I didn’t have wifi/data. When I was home my phone drained. I was disappointed to see no one was home but saw a cake with a big N on top so thought maybe they were planning a surprise party.
I couldn’t charge my phone because I didn’t bring an adaptor or English plug and my parents had taken all of theirs. By evening, I was very upset and decided to eat the cake anyway and there was no other food in the fridge and I was too lazy to go out so I ate a big slice.
When everyone got back, my parents explained everything etc and everyone said sorry. However, when Nia saw the cake she burst into tears and started shouting and screaming at me for eating it. It was hers. I apologized but she refused to celebrate my birthday and her parents ghosted my family.
A few days later I flew back to America. My parents tried to make my birthday as enjoyable as possible and tried to make amends with Nia and her family but no reply.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents are the jerk here. So they missed your birthday when you made the effort to fly home to spend it with them – and they did it without consideration, not even informing you, just to have an extra day with your cousin.” Initial_Number_4747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She purposefully excluded you from her party while inviting your parents, lied so they wouldn’t be there to greet you at the airport and would miss your birthday, and then threw a tantrum that you ate what you rightly assumed was your cake.
Why would her cake be in your parents’ kitchen 4 days after her birthday and after they’d already ended her party?” LostDogBoulderUtah
Another User Comments:
“If the cake was at your parents’ with an N on it, makes sense to think it was yours.
And your parents didn’t need permission from anybody to book you a room as long as they were paying. And Nia can’t be trusted. NTJ.” pensaha
20. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Has Favorites?
“I’m a middle child (21 F), and my parents always depended on me to do the chores.
I have an older sister (24) and a younger brother (15), both irresponsible and lazy. I always try my best to please my parents and I would always be the one who would give them gifts on occasion. Last Christmas I gave them customized picture frames with lights, packaging, a personalized letter, and printed polaroid films of the whole family.
They opened it in front of relatives. After that, they never even moved it from the spot ever since. The coffee mugs with coffee I gave them way back when I was still in high school (I saved up for it) never opened until I put them out myself.
The coffee had already expired for half a decade.
So a while ago, I had my class until 6 pm along with two quizzes. I also had to create publication materials for my school org until 7-8 pm. They didn’t even call me for dinner (they also left me alone in the house multiple times without telling me).
After eating, she told me to go wash the dishes. It was always me. She can’t even ask my two siblings. One who has been jobless for almost a month, and one who got off class in the morning and is just laying on the sofa watching on his phone.
It’s not only today, she never really asked them to do anything nor got mad at them. When they do something wrong, I also get scolded. It sucks cause I thought me and my mom were the closest. I share with her everything and try my best to please her yet she treats me way unfairly.
I couldn’t take it anymore since I was so tired. I messaged her and told her what I felt. I said that she should also ask my other siblings to do work and not only me. I shouldn’t be the only child she should depend on.
Then she replied and said mean things instead of saying sorry. She said that she does scold them and that I was so rude for giving her that attitude, unlike my siblings. She then brought up other things like I chat with my suitor every day and play with my friends but can’t ask my father how he’s doing.
I do ask how he is and even say I love you sometimes (my siblings never do). Not often tho. Why? Because he never appreciates it. He just lefts me on read most of the time.
In the end, I was still the one who said sorry to my mom.
But I don’t know, it really sucks being the middle child 🙂 I tend to do things without them asking just to avoid getting scolded but never really getting recognition from it. I get the best grades and have the best attitude, but the one day I couldn’t take it anymore, I was still considered the jerk for expressing what I truly feel.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s time for you to start looking out for YOU. People will always do what they know they can get away with. Your parents know they can ask you to do chores and you will.
It’s easier for them to put it on you than actually having to confront their other lazy kids. Just stop helping out as much. If she asks again, say it’s Brother’s turn to do dishes.
Do you even get an allowance? You’re like one of those employees who give their all to a job not realizing they would hire someone the next day if you died.” SeniorDay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why did you apologize to your mom?
You were honest with her. She obviously didn’t much like it and tried to turn it around on you, and you allowed her to succeed in doing that.
Start looking for a part-time job and saving money to get out of there.
They’ll certainly realize how much you did for the household once you’re not around to do it anymore.” jammy913
19. AITJ For Moving Far Away So I Don't Take Care Of My Uncle?
“My uncle has cerebral palsy. I grew up with my sister, grandma, my mother, and my uncle. I spent my entire childhood taking him places loading and unloading wheelchairs. Emptying pee buckets blah blah blah. I was the man of the house so I had to do a lot.
Long story short, well sorta… as soon as I turned 18 and graduated high school in 2011, I hightailed it to my father’s home across the country. This has permanently damaged my relationships with my maternal grandmother and sister and uncle as I was apparently expected to give up my life to take care of him and I guess I was planned to be his legal caretaker when my grandma and mom got old and/or passed or whatever.
Well, I don’t ever talk to my grandma or uncle except on holidays. I’ve visited a total of 2 times since I moved. My sis visits me yearly but chastises me for abandoning her and our ill mother and grandma with my uncle.
My sister has to do everything so I basically forced her to give up her life while saving mine. I feel bad but I don’t. What’s your take?
UPDATE for clarity: It would be so much easier if they were evil horrible people.
I love my grandma, mom, sister, and uncle dearly… I know my story makes them seem evil but it’s not who they are. Yes, messed up family, but definitely wasn’t CPS-worthy and I realize they took advantage of the only able-bodied male as I was stronger and etc, and they got used to it.
Not trying to justify but I just want to put into context a little.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know you’re sad and I understand, but really you have to look at how you had to move across the country to not get pushed into a role you didn’t want, and still even that far away your sister comes and pressures you.
Your mother’s side of the family has said a dynamic where your uncle doesn’t have to work on his health, and everyone has to take care of him, and they have chosen that dynamic over you and your sister having your own lives and being able to see you and be with you guys in a loving respectful relationship.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your family damaged the relationship by treating you like a caretaker before you were even 18.
Sounds like you saw the writing on the wall that you would never be allowed to live your own life.
Frankly, the only person I feel sympathy for here is your sister – but I think she needs to get out as well instead of blaming you.
Your mom should have never been expected to take care of a sibling either, and she should have NEVER allowed her children to be put in this situation – but at this point, she has been an adult for decades and is utterly complicit.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It would be fine if this is what you wanted, but it’s not. I’m my daughter’s carer. It’s not for everyone and that is 100% ok. You are entitled to live a life.
You could always argue why is that you were supposed to give up your life and not your sister.
She should not have been forced into this either.
As much as you love your grandma it’s down to her and possibly your mum to arrange appropriate care for him when they are unable to do so. Whether it be assisted living, care home, home help, there are options available to them, even for a break.” HunterDangerous1366
18. AITJ In This Grocery Store Line Commotion?
“I work at a local supermarket as a shelf-stocker and night manager, and it was my break time, so I grabbed some lunch from the deli and went to make my purchase.
I was in the middle of one of the ’10 items or less’ lines and one of my coworkers went over to an empty register to begin her shift, turning on the lane’s number light and everything.
I look forward and backward in line to see if anybody else notices the new lane opening up, and I stand for about a minute. I shrug and go to the newly-opened counter and put my items on the table.
The guy at the front of the line in the old lane says that I cut all those people in line, but I’m thinking that that line was only for that register. I’ve never heard of a line to get into a line, so I simply started a new line in my mind.
I gotta be nice to the customer, so I don’t make my case and try to appease the customer by returning back to my original place in the line. The guy says that I cut AGAIN. Basically, all the people in line were gesturing for me to take the new line that I started, so I go back to the open register.
They seemed to take my side, but they might have just been doing this to get things moving.
The guy makes a comment about how I’m lucky to have a job. My face turns red with anger when I put my items on the counter and my coworker makes ‘OMG’ eyes at me.
I would never consciously cut someone in line, and I believe I just went into a new line that nobody was in. I’m not trying to screw anybody up.
Was I the jerk for doing this? Did the other customers in line just let me start a new line because I made an uncomfortable situation?
On one hand, a person may consider me a jerk for not waiting long enough for other people in front of me to start a new line. They may also see me as a jerk if they believe I cut that second time after being told by that customer that I cut the first time.
On the other hand, you may think I’m not the jerk for starting a new line after a reasonable amount of time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t cut anybody. You left your original line and got into a new line.
Anybody else in the store, whether waiting in line or just walking up to the registers had the opportunity to do as you did. Lines are first come, first served. You cement your place in the line you are in, not every other line at the store.
You also don’t need to argue with everybody’s opinion. Pay for your stuff, carry on, and walk away from those flapping their mouths with stupid opinions. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“Nah, NTJ. He was being a jerk.
But stores in our area head this off by having the clerk who is opening a new line reach out directly to the person next in line at the nearest register and invite them over. The line naturally divides in half as some people follow them over and you sidestep any hard feelings.
Ask your manager if you guys can try it – it’s good protection from jerk customers.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You looked forward and backward. No one else was moving into the line. And I see and also do myself line hop.
I don’t cut, but I’ll get into a shorter line if I think it’s going to help.
And no, there’s no such thing as a line to get into line. You did not cut, you didn’t screw over anyone.
You’re fine. I have NO idea what the dude’s problem was. I can guess, but I’d like to remain civil.” HedgieTwiggles
17. AITJ For Going On A Vacation With My Best Friend's Ex?
“I (17F) and my best friend ‘Emily’ (also 17F) go to boarding school together along with her ex (16F) ‘Lola’.
I am also friends with Lola as we have known each other longer than we have known Emily and we all used to spend considerable amounts of time together when they were in a relationship together.
A few months before Easter break began, and a few weeks after Lola and Emily broke up, Lola texted me asking if I would be interested in going on a vacation to Holland with her and her family.
I said I would consider it but would want to talk to my mum first. In reality, I wanted to check with Emily about how she would feel about the situation.
The next morning, I went to Emily’s room to ask her about it.
She wasn’t there however her roommate (we’ll call her Ashley) was. Ashley wouldn’t let me leave the room until I told her what was going on, so I told her about the vacation but nothing was set in stone.
An hour later, Emily comes into my room asking about the vacation. At this point, I had not seen her all day so I knew Ashley had told her. I said that Lola had asked me but nothing was confirmed. Emily said she didn’t really mind and changed the conversation.
A few weeks passed and Lola didn’t bring up the vacation so I assumed that she was going with just her family and forgot about the trip.
A week into the Easter break, I get a FaceTime from Lola late into the evening.
We get talking and she tells me she is going to Holland the next morning with her sister and parents. I change the subject and start talking about our other plans for the vacation until her mum comes in and explains that Lola’s sister’s passport is too close to the expiry date to go on the trip and that Lola can invite anyone on the trip all expenses paid as long as they can get to the airport in time.
I live a 30-minute drive away so I said I would be happy to come along so the ticket didn’t go to waste but only if they called the airline first thing in the morning to ask about Lola’s sister.
As much as I loved the thought of going, I didn’t want to take away from their family vacation. So the next morning I woke up to a text from Lola telling me that I was okay to come on the trip and didn’t need to worry about paying for anything but getting to the airport for the afternoon flight.
On my way to the airport, I called Emily to let her know what was going on but she didn’t pick up. I sent her a text message telling her to call me before the flight but she didn’t.
When I got to Holland and took my phone off flight mode, I saw a text from Emily saying sarcastically that she hoped I had a lovely time on vacation. When I got back I went to her house and she said that she was upset that I hadn’t told her and that what I had done was backstabbing.
I said that I didn’t think it was fair she was upset because Lola was my friend before they even met. So AITJ for going and not considering Emily’s feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done everything right here – you had a face-to-face conversation when this first came up, acknowledged that it might be awkward, and asked her how she felt.
She said she didn’t really mind. The trip idea faded out until there was a last-minute passport snafu and you were offered a chance to go…
You handled this beautifully. It’s time to see if Emily is going to step up and be as good a friend as you are.
You and Lola were already friends, it’s not reasonable to expect you to pick sides. It’s human and understandable but not reasonable.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Emily should have been more open about how she felt about you going on a vacation.
Obviously, she had an issue with your going, but that doesn’t matter.
It’s nice of you to take her feelings into consideration, but ultimately it doesn’t matter how she feels about it. The trip had nothing to do with her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were offered an amazing opportunity and actually turned it down (kinda) in the first place because you were considerate of Emily’s feelings. And Lola’s your friend, too.” dont_forget_to_fly
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding?
“My (28f) wedding is coming up and I didn’t invite my sister Meghan (30f).
This is due to the antics she’s pulled in the past. I’m really not interested in having a repeat at my wedding. My dad (57m) is mad at me but I told him it’s none of his business.
When our eldest sister (32f) got a new job, Meghan kept showing up at her building in full robes (Meghan is a witch and a Pagan) because she wanted to purify our eldest sister’s workspace. She was removed by building security several times because she kept trying to access the floor without a key card and the saga only ended when Meghan was arrested for trespassing.
It was so embarrassing for our eldest sister and she took another job elsewhere and doesn’t talk to Meghan about work now. My eldest sister is Wiccan but she keeps it private. Meghan has also come over without notice to bless and purify our apartments/houses if we move even though no one asked her to.
Against my better judgment, I didn’t object when Meghan came along to the public part of my Ph.D. defense along with my dad. Meghan kept interrupting to cast spells to ‘help’ me succeed and would not stop talking.
A professor had security escort her out. My dad thought that the professor was uptight.
When our brother’s (26m) wife (26f) was pregnant last year, Meghan kept bringing her ‘potions’ to drink and was following her around trying to hold crystals over her stomach to transfer properties to the baby.
My sister-in-law is such a sweetheart and tried to indulge Meghan but it go so bad our brother had to step in. Meghan wanted to put plants and crystals in the nursery and spells on the walls and my brother won’t let her come over or be around my niece at all.
Meghan said she wants to do a midnight blessing ceremony for my niece even though my brother says no.
My dad lives with Meghan and I think he is just immune to her antics. Parts of the house look like the stereotype of a witch you would see on television.
When he had knee surgery Meghan had a bowl full of the witch ingredients that she lit on fire in the hospital room and got thrown out of the hospital.
I have no problem with anyone practicing or not practicing a religion (my eldest sister is Wiccan) but Meghan’s problem is she thinks everyone wants to participate in her Pagan faith.
Even if people tell her no or to go away she persists. She makes a scene all the time. Given she doesn’t listen to the word no I don’t want Meghan there. The incidents I listed above are just the tip of the iceberg.
My dad is mad at me for not inviting her and I said who I invite is none of his business. He’s not paying for my wedding so he gets no say. He and I are at loggerheads because he thinks I should not exclude Meghan even with how she’s acted in the past because she is family.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Weddings are stressful and beautiful all at the same moment. It sounds like your sister wouldn’t be receptive to having a discussion about your expectations for her at the wedding. I would point out you should have a contingency plan for someone to ‘stand guard’ at your wedding as she’ll likely know the date and venue from your dad.
Have one of your friends, or brother be on alert to intercept her so she doesn’t make a scene if she shows up. Best of luck. I hope you have a beautiful day! Sometimes family just sucks.” Kind_Emu_1031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has shown repeatedly that she does not know how to behave respectfully at other people’s events, homes, workplaces, etc. It would be one thing if you weren’t inviting your sister for some mysterious reason.
Your father clearly gets why you are excluding her since he thinks she should get a pass for her behavior because she is family. So his goal in discussing it with you is to try to change your mind, which as someone not paying for or hosting the wedding, is not his place.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, ‘Act like a child be treated like a child’ apparently she needs to learn that lesson, the child that throws a tantrum whenever they can’t do whatever they wish gets kept out of formal events.
The child that can’t grasp basic proper behavior for specific areas or events is limited in what they get to attend. The child that actively demands others do what they want doesn’t get invited to play. Your sister has hit every one of these aspects and acted childish about it every time, dad apparently won’t acknowledge his utter failure as a parent with her and so is trying to pretend like what she does is fine, likely so he doesn’t have to question what led to her being this entitled.” StrykerC13
15. AITJ For Asking My Ex For Money And Not My Dad?
“My dad and my ex hate each other. There’s a lot of bad b***d there and most of it existed before our relationship went sour. A lot of it comes down to them both having huge egos.
I wanted to start a business but I didn’t have the funds to start it alone. I know I could’ve asked my dad for money but I didn’t as I didn’t think he would be supportive of my idea.
I ended up asking my ex who said he would help me but we had to do this as partners which I agreed to.
My dad found out from my ex as they were visiting when my ex came to see our daughter and he mentioned how we were business partners now too.
My dad was angry and wanted to know why I would tie myself even more to my ex and how I could think my ex was better to ask than him. My ex found the whole thing funny which just made my dad even angrier and my ex was goading him.
I did try to apologize but my dad isn’t even speaking to me now since he’s so angry and my sister told me he said he couldn’t believe how stupid I was to tie myself back to my ex again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Going to say NTJ. But does not seem like a great decision simply to avoid a chance of dad not being totally on board.
You are divorced for a reason. I think if you are ready/mature enough to run a business, you should have been strong enough to go to dad and ask and if not interested/supportive, then, go a different route.
Not for any other reason except that again, your ex is an ex for a reason and you’ve tied yourself to him again.
Yes, business is ‘different’ than marriage –but starting a new business is difficult; communication, agreement, and shared visions are vital and hard enough now you’ve added another layer of navigating a partner with history to the mix.
He insisted on being a partner vs. investor –sure, easy to say protecting his investment- but just as easy to say it is a way to have a say in what you do & how you do it — he will have as much say as you.
It is now an ‘our’ business vs a ‘my’ business.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your dad for thinking he can dictate to a grown adult what she does in her personal and professional life, your ex for being a jerk to your dad and intentionally making the situation worse, and you for getting financially entangled with your ex (who doesn’t sound like a very mature person).” yourlittlebirdie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are ‘tied’ to him regardless because you are co-parenting a child. It is wholly in that child’s best interests for you and your ex to maintain a healthy, non-toxic relationship even if that relationship is platonic or a business relationship.
I’d even say this could be good for both you and the ex.
Your dad’s opinions of someone don’t have any bearing on who you do business with.
Good on you, live your life.” Krysteli
14. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Best Friend's New Relationship?
“I (19F) have been talking to one of my best friends (20F), about her new date.
She recently (like 4 months ago) got out of a really toxic relationship, where the guy was just really narcissistic and mean, he broke up with her like four times didn’t really care about her etc.
Now after a few months she met this guy and instantly fell in love, she is playing it cool but I can see the hearts in her eyes.
They’ve been going out for like 2-3 weeks and it’s not really logical (she won’t do friends with benefits) because in 3 months she is leaving for the job in another country and – he is leaving to study full time in another country to another side of the Earth.
So the only possibility is long distance, which in her case, is not possible because she is strongly against long-distance relationships. And also she is not really over her ex and he did some pretty good damage.
I met the guy like 4 times already and yes he is sweet to her but it’s nothing special like he is literally being a decent human being.
He made some small sweet gestures but it’s nothing special, it’s the bare minimum (at least for me). For example, she just found out that he told his friends about her and is making it a big deal (really big deal) like it’s not something normal. He made her food when she went to his apartment and I could literally hear the wedding chimes when she was telling me about it.
He is literally doing the bare minimum and nobody (other best friend) sees it like that just me. I am the only one who is being realistic about this new relationship forming and our other best friend just told me that I am being unsupportive of it.
I can see why she likes him but she is falling too fast for the short time they’ve been hanging out and I know this will end in a really big heartbreak sooner or later. And I never told her that I don’t support her/him or anything, she is an adult anyways, but she just doesn’t think and is simping for him too hard.
And I am sad that I’m being called the bad guy when the only thing I am doing is trying to put some sense into her and not let her be hurt again.
So AITJ for not ‘supporting’ the new guy and for trying to put some sense in her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – All of the things that you see the guy doing as the bare minimum would be something your friend would be happy and excited about, especially if she is not used to being treated like that.
It is her relationship, and it seems like there is nothing wrong with it. All that matter is that your friend is happy.” moonlqghts63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You keep acting as if his ‘doing the bare minimum’ (whatever that even means) is somehow a problem because it doesn’t meet your seemingly high standards.
You don’t ever say anything specifically negative about this guy or note any toxic behaviors, perhaps because there’s nothing that can be said. You just complain that he could be doing more, which is really vague. But negative people will always find something to nitpick I guess.” Miserable_Natural
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can have your opinions but breakups and long distances suck. What she needs to hear is support. You sound like an overprotective dad, which isn’t a good or cute look. You are too invested in her love life, which is HERS, not YOURS.” Team_Defeat
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Coworker Borrow My Jacket?
“I work retail and we have a ‘garden center’ that opened for the summer recently and it’s partly outside. Departments get assigned daily so that everyone knows and can help customers in the entire store. So you don’t know where you’ll be working each day.
I always have a bag with random stuff I might need, ibuprofen, water, snacks, and either a light jacket or a hoodie. I’ve been bringing my rain jacket because of the ‘April showers’ and all that.
It’s been damp, cold, and rainy here.
Saturday my coworker/friend was assigned to the garden department and said, ‘ugh I’m outside all day and I didn’t wear a sweatshirt.’ I was going to be working inside the store so I didn’t need my jacket and offered to let her wear it.
She did and I got it back when we got off.
Then yesterday another coworker Brianna was assigned garden. She said, ‘goody and it’s supposed to rain too so I’ll get soaked’. Another coworker said ‘-name- has a jacket maybe she’ll let you use it’.
Brianna didn’t even ask but looked at me like she expected an answer or for me to get it for her so I said ‘no’.
For several reasons; 1 my jacket probably wouldn’t have fit her; 2 sometimes she stinks and I didn’t want my jacket to smell and have to go out of my way to wash it after work; 3 Brianna talks crap about literally everyone.
If someone does her a favor (covers a shift or something) she accepts and then a couple of days later is back to running her mouth about them.
Well, it ended up raining a lot. When she came in for break she was complaining and said ‘if -name- wasn’t so possessive over a stupid jacket then I wouldn’t have gotten wet’.
She went back to work before me and my coworker said ‘why couldn’t you just be nice and let her wear it? It’s not like you need it, you’re inside.’ I said ‘because I didn’t want to, all she does is dump on everyone why should I help her?’ They said, ‘show them kindness so it annoys them, be the bigger person.
Stooping to her level makes you more of a jerk because you’re doing it out of spite when you could have helped’.
Then when we were leaving for the day Brianna was complaining that she was probably going to get sick from being wet all day and said it was my fault.
A couple of other people gave me looks.
The thing is it’s my jacket, just because I decided to let one person use it doesn’t mean that it’s a community jacket and I have to let everyone that asks use it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The entitlement is straight-up wrong, and I believe that’s probably what triggered you. I get it, I’d be tempted to react the same way. This is all very annoying. You owe no one your clothing, and people who work in a place with a garden center can come to work prepared. Especially when rain is in the forecast. This is not hard.
All of these are concrete, non-negotiables, so you are NTJ, no matter what you decide.
Still, stinky jackets can be washed, and I wouldn’t personally let another person work out in the rain. None of it is your responsibility, but that is demeaning and does suck.
Your co-workers do have a point that you were lowkey spiteful. I mean, you were, right? So, I probably would have done it, but definitely said something like, ‘I honestly don’t appreciate this. Bring your own next time, because this is the last time anyone is getting my jacket’… and then, of course, plan on sticking with that no matter what guilt trip someone tries to lay on you.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, no one knows what department they’re going to be working in on any given day, which means everyone should be ready to work in any department, including having weather-appropriate clothing. Sharing with others who aren’t prepared is kindness and unfortunately, it seems that got taken advantage of with the other person offering your jacket on your behalf.” calliatom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s that saying — No good deed goes unpunished? In the future, don’t lend out your jacket. Your coworker was really entitled to offer your belongings without asking you. And ignore that stuff about ‘being the bigger person.’ Why do something you don’t want to do for someone you don’t like for literally no benefit?
Having the moral high ground is a consolation prize at best. Me, I’d rather have my jacket.” magicalboytransform
12. AITJ For Waking Up My Partner?
“Me (26F) and my partner (25m) have been together for almost 4 years. We had a fight recently because whenever I sleep over, he says he doesn’t sleep well. He moved back with his mom 2 years into our relationship so it’s difficult for me to stay over (our families are very old-fashioned).
So whenever I have to use the restroom in the middle of the night, he has to check the coast is clear. This gets exhausting for me as well because I feel like a bother and uncomfortable that I have to choose between holding it until I go home or waking him up.
And most of the time I also don’t sleep well because I’m not used to the noises throughout the house and get woken up repeatedly.
Despite all of this, he is always the one that asks me to stay the night.
I agree because I do love waking up to him but recently I always end up regretting it the next morning when he’s mad at me because he couldn’t sleep. And now because of this, he’s told me he wonders if it’s a good idea to move in together (we are both staying at our parents’ to save up for our own place bc have you seen the economy?) at all or continue the relationship.
This doesn’t surprise me because whenever we have any argument or disagreement he resorts to wondering if this relationship is worth it or not.
His mom divorced his dad when he was little and it affected him a lot so I suspect that’s why he’s always wondering if I’m the right person.
I’ve convinced him to go to therapy to work it out, which he has agreed to, and has been seeing someone but I haven’t seen a change so I’m not even sure if the issue has been brought up during his appointments.
Anyway, I reminded him that when I would sleep over at his old apartment we never had an issue with this. And the argument ended with me asking him if he even wanted to work on this or not and he said he couldn’t answer right this minute because it was a ‘life-altering decision’.
That he needed time to assess the risks of the relationship and see if it was something worth pursuing. I’m left feeling rejected and frankly, a little pathetic for constantly trying to salvage this relationship.
I feel like maybe I should give it more time, but on the other hand, I feel like no matter what I do or how much better I become, I’ll just never live up to his standards.
He has told me that he holds himself to high standards and therefore holds me to high standards as well and maybe I can’t handle him calling me out on my shortcomings. All I know is that it’s hurting my self-esteem.
AITJ for waking him up constantly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your partner is displaying worrying behavior in holding you to his own ‘high standards’ instead of making an effort to get to know you for who you are, and accept you as you are.
It also sounds like he is reverting to family dynamics which aren’t necessarily healthy due to being in his home environment. These are dynamics that WILL play themselves out in the future of your relationship if not dealt with, and since therapy doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference, I think you have your answer.
Be kind to yourself and move on. You deserve to be cared for with consideration, not held to someone else’s impossible standards. No one can sleep well without comfortable access to a bathroom when needed!” ShameOstrich
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m not going to tell you to break up with him or not because ultimately it’s your decision and nothing too terrible has happened. Although it is odd that he would default to breaking up as soon as you fight, I will say I used to do the same thing because of my abandonment issues and he could be the same from his parents’ divorce.
I will say, however, that I am and have always been a terrible sleeper. I dated my bf for over a year before we moved in and I could never sleep. Didn’t matter if it was at my place or his, I got no sleep whenever he stayed over.
After about 4-6 weeks of living together, everything was fine. Yeah, I still wake up sometimes but it’s rare and usually from other things, not my partner. So I wouldn’t worry about it too much. It might be worth getting a two-bedroom apartment tho or a cozy couch for those nights when you just can’t sleep at all.
It will keep the peace for sure.
Edit: after re-reading it, I do think your partner is a bit of a jerk. However, you can’t be mad at him for wanting to be sure before he makes the commitment to living together.
I think you need to have a talk or hold off on living together for a while.” dark_binniee
Another User Comments:
“Girl go and find some self-respect. This guy’s not ‘the one’ for you by any stretch of the imagination.
At this point, he is with you because you are a convenience. He is keeping you along because it’s easy, it’s a habit, and he doesn’t have to put much effort into anything since you fight for the relationship.
He constantly threatens you with ending it if you call him out on anything, and tells you he needs time for this life-altering decision. It’s been four years. When someone wants to be with you (and you with them obviously), they will SHOW you.
Nothing will stop them. They will make it all happen. And they will have already thought of the next steps in the relationship, not only have it as a fleeting thought in their mind after four years together.
Get your self-respect and leave, so you can give yourself a chance at happiness, love, and a good relationship. This ain’t it.
Edit: NTJ but every second you waste on this dude (from now on it is a waste, prior it was a lesson and experience to learn from) means you’re being a major jerk to yourself.” Snoo_59080
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Family Reunion?
“My (26F) mom (50F) and I were talking today on the phone.
For context, I live in Australia and moved to be with my partner. My mom is in the Philippines. She was telling me about a ‘family reunion’ this December and I should put it on my calendar for me to attend.
For context, I am my mom’s only child, and she raised me as a single mom, with minimal contact with family. Her side of the family is mostly based in the US. I have only met 2 of her siblings on one occasion, and one of them passed away recently.
The rest of her siblings I barely know, let alone their children and children’s children.
Apparently, since her siblings are close to retirement age, they plan to retire in the Philippines and will come home to have a house blessing for the house they bought.
Apart from barely knowing them via chats and never meeting most of them in person, one of them made an offhand comment years ago that I’m still salty about. When I was 20, I announced I wanted to move out and rent my own apartment, as I could afford it.
I wanted independence and I was able to gain it.
One aunt said I maybe have a ‘sugar daddy’ because no way a 20 yr old can afford to live in an apartment alone without roommates. I graduated uni at 19 and got a job straight out of college so, no I didn’t need some old dude’s help.
It was such a disgusting comment that proved they don’t care about encouraging a young woman to be independent.
Anyways.
Mom said they are all planning to come home and I should make the trip to see them.
I told her I am not interested. I have my own life and I don’t know these people. I’m not spending thousands of dollars to fly me and my partner to meet ‘family’ who I won’t see again or have a relationship with.
She herself hasn’t seen some of them in 20+ yrs. I told her I don’t see them as a family despite the b***d and I would very much like to just maintain the relationship with her.
She got upset and told me that with my attitude, I will die alone.
That I should make time to meet ‘family’. I fired back saying, even if I pretend to interact with them, I will still be alone forever because they were all older than me. She got upset and argued with me so I hung up.
She texted me saying I’m rude for hanging up and for my overall attitude. Some other words were said but it’s just overall mean.
AITJ for hanging up and not wanting to attend a ‘family reunion’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to attend, or for hanging up, but you should have stayed calm and not resorted to saying anything mean. I know it’s not easy but calmly enforcing boundaries is the best way for her to understand them and not lose sight of your needs because things got mean.
You lost some of the moral high ground there. I would call and apologize for any out-of-line comments but reiterate your decision to not attend, you don’t have to justify your decision. If future phone conversations start to devolve, my advice is to say calmly that you won’t engage with that and are ending the conversation and then hang up.” Spare_Document3453
Another User Comments:
“To blank your entire family because one aunt said one thing six years ago is a little over the top but I’ll go with NTJ. Travel is and will probably continue to be difficult and Australia’s policies on reentry are prone to sudden change.
So even without invoking an obsession over an offhand comment made years ago you can easily justify taking a pass on this.
P.S. You’re too old to be hanging up on Mom in a fit of pique.
Own your adulthood and state your case clearly. She’ll have more respect for you if you’re willing and able to stand up for yourself.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe the conversation could have been a bit more civil but ultimately I don’t think your frustration was aimed at her in the first place.
Have a suggestion why don’t you invite your mom to meet your family in Australia? When I say your family I am presuming your partner and you have close friends who you might consider to be family and your support system.
Would be a great way to get to hang out with your mom and for her to see you have people who support you by choice.” Hawke077
10. AITJ For Not Apologizing About The Vacation Pictures?
“I (25m) and 5 (26F, 25F, 23M, 22F, and 22M) of my colleagues planned a weekend vacation (April 23-24) at a beach.
2 days prior to the planned vacation, P (25F) started to have flu-like symptoms and was sent home early by our HR. Due to this, she didn’t want to join us on the planned vacation to avoid the potential risk of spreading the sickness to us.
With this, we thought of changing the date of our vacation even if we already paid the downpayment but P urged us to proceed without her. In the end, we decided to proceed with our vacation.
Fast forward to the day of our vacation, we took photos as every person would.
Two of the photos involved them making fun of me being somewhat fat and I responded by making fun of myself by posing like a lady in her bikini (squeezing my man chest to show cleavage while lying in front of the camera and lying in the sand, which ended with me looking like a worn-out whale that got washed up on the shore.) While reviewing all the photos, we thought it would be great to share all the photos with P especially the 2 since it was somewhat similar to P’s photos from her vacation the previous week (from Monday to Easter Sunday.)
Her initial reaction was to laugh at the photos and even told me that I shouldn’t challenge her in naughty photoshoots since she has a lot of those on her Instagram account. However, the same night, she sent a message to our group chat saying that ‘she takes offense to the ‘joke’ and will never tolerate one.
She will unfriend us and no further explanation is needed.’ We were all confused as to why she suddenly reacted like this.
The next day at work (today) she didn’t talk to any of us. We’re not really sure what to do but upon discussion between us and learning that she attended the grand rally of one of the presidential candidates in our country (the same day as our vacation,) we thought there wasn’t anything offensive with the photos that maybe she didn’t want to be with us in the first place, that’s why we have decided not to apologize yet.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She may have felt she was being made fun of. She may have just given you the initial reaction because she was on the spot and sat on it and got mad.
I don’t agree with her at all, but it may be an explanation.” Thart85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s super weird that she seemingly lied to all of you about being sick in order to bail on your trip in order to attend a political rally, and now she wants to play victim about some goofy photos?
Self-centered much?” Admirable-Frog-3748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you are leaving something out, I don’t see anything offensive. Maybe she is butthurt about missing the trip and taking it out on you guys this way.” DrMindbendersMonocle
9. AITJ For Asking My New Workmates To Move Their Walls Back?
“I (29f) work in a shared office that is basically a storefront used as an office. There are 4 teams there.
2 in the back and 2 in the front. The teams are really small, my team has 4 people, asst. manager, and a manager. Our manager recently took over 2 other teams that fall within the same umbrella as ours. Due to this, one of the teams moved into our office space.
I was out on my weekend while the new team moved in and upon returning, I noticed that the lights of the office were dimmed down significantly, think mood lighting. When I went to greet the team with my normal voice, I was shushed and told that the other team prefers a quiet working space.
Which is fair and I respect it.
Then I noticed the smell, someone in their team is running a diffuser, and while I love scented things, I can’t run them for longer than an hour, or my throat becomes extremely dry and scratchy.
Due to my hours, this means that I’m sitting in the scented air for 5-6 hours and have been coming home sounding like a teen going through puberty. My throat feels like sandpaper and swollen. I’ve also been getting migraines from the eye strain caused by the dimmer lights.
They pushed their wall dividers far into the hallway, we used to have a table there to help us sort through work items that we had to remove.
A few days ago, they were moving the dividers again, and I noticed that one of the legs was now further into the walking space and slightly raised. Which concerned me because our team often carries big items that obstruct visibility, and with their walls now obstructing even part of the door I worried this might be a tripping hazard.
I am clumsy and can trip over the flat ground on a good day. So I politely went and asked them if they could move the wall back.
One of them was understanding, while the other told me to******* up.
I tried to explain how I was afraid that it would be a tripping hazard but they basically told me they liked it this way. At this point, they were raising their voice and I didn’t want to cause a scene so I left it at that.
I had to walk away from the office to do some work and when I came back my male teammate told me that once I walked out the person I had the confrontation with started talking badly about me, saying things like ‘Who does she think she is?
She’s not the only one here’ loudly enough for anyone to hear.
Now, this is where I might be the jerk. After hearing that, I wrote a lengthy complaint email detailing how the changes from the new team were negatively affecting me (migraines, allergies, tripping hazard) and detailing the confrontation.
One of my teammates supports my email, while the other thinks I’m taking things too far and making a big deal out of nothing as the other team is trying to get used to a new environment and a new boss and my email may cause them to lose things they need for their comfort.
So, am I justified or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that the lighting and scent are causing medical issues trumps their desire for ambiance. And so does a tripping hazard, but that’s a little less immediate.
There’s no need to suffer migraines and a sore throat all the time. Your workplace could get in some trouble over not accommodating you now that you’ve made your complaint and needs clear. This won’t win you any favor with the new team, so be prepared to document all interactions in case they try to make the space hostile.” LoupGarou95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to accommodate this new team’s preferences at a detriment to your health. By rights, the person running the diffuser should have asked everyone if it was okay first. I hope your complaint improves the situation.” OldAmbaSlip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they don’t get to impact everyone else for their comfort. You needed to speak up about this in the first place, you set yourself on fire (medically) for random coworkers to take better care of yourself.” BriefHorror
8. AITJ For Saying I'm Not Planning On Remarrying?
“My brother-in-law was over a few days ago. He has a lot of issues with his love life and calls himself ‘forever alone.’ He was talking about his latest struggles, and the conversation turned into him saying that we (husband and I) didn’t know how lucky we were to not be going out, and asked us what we would do if we had to.
I admitted that not only would I not marry again, but I also wouldn’t date until my kids were adults.
The truth is that I grew up terrified of the idea of getting married because I heard nothing but graphic horror stories.
I decided that I would only get married once in my life, and regardless of how it worked out, I would never marry again. I ended up meeting and marrying my husband. It worked out, I love him, and I would be devastated if anything happened to him, but he will be my only husband.
Even in case of divorce, I still wouldn’t remarry, I would just be single again.
I also told him that I wouldn’t even date again until my kids were adults because I don’t think it’s safe or appropriate, and this set him off more.
Truthfully, my husband is the only man I’m not related to that I fully trust, and I have to think of my children’s safety first. I’ve heard too many stories about what happens when single mothers, well, don’t to even risk it.
It also just seems like way too much work now anyway. Even the best stories I’ve heard seem far too complicated and a drag.
This made him… blow up. He left the house crying. He talked to the rest of the family, and now I’m enemy #1.
Apparently, I hate men, I ‘wouldn’t be ‘reasonable” in a divorce, and I’m ‘enforcing the belief’ that the ‘only opportunity’ to find a spouse ever is in high school/college. I don’t know where they’re getting this. Yes, I did happen to meet my husband early, but we dated for 10 years before we got married and it just kind of happened that way, and me not getting remarried in case of divorce doesn’t really affect if my husband would want to.
Now everyone is demanding an apology for the ‘negative messages’. I don’t think I said anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Message these people back and explain what really happened. Your brother-in-law asked what you would do if you lost your husband in some way, you said you wouldn’t remarry and didn’t want to date until your kids were grown.
That was the entirety of your answer. Period.
Tell them your brother-in-law, for some reason, took that personally even though your answer had nothing to do with him and is now lying about what was actually discussed. You have no idea where he got these other ideas apart from projecting his own personal feelings and disappointments onto your marriage, but you will not stand for him lying and slandering you just because he’s not happy in his own life.
Nip that drama in the bud immediately. He is the reason he is single and he’s just lashing out at you for daring to be happy with your spouse when he is single and unhappy.” Slight_Flamingo_7697
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am divorced (no kids) and I always said from the beginning, however it ended, I would never get remarried. I would do it once and give it my all and that was that.
Note: not saying I have no intention of seeing people at some point and would love a lifetime partner but getting remarried is not on the table.
I can’t believe how many people have gotten suuuuuper offended on behalf of a partner I don’t even have when I’ve stated this. Like, I’m not telling you not to get married (I was Best Lady at a friend’s wedding less than a month after we signed the paperwork), just that it isn’t for me.
Your BIL is twisted and so is everyone who backs his views. Raise your middle fingers high and tell ‘em to sit and spin.” Stormingtrinity
Another User Comments:
“Your BIL’s reaction is so bizarre I can’t even fathom where he was coming from, let alone that people are defending him (although his accounting of the conversation is obviously false).
My mom never dated anyone after the divorce from my dad about 30 years ago and she has a very fulfilling life. There’s nothing wrong with that or with seeing people again eventually. AND this is all hypothetical! So weird but you’re definitely NTJ.” arittenberry
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Being Too Clingy?
“I (16F) and Ashley (17F) met in elementary, She was a nice person I related to. Recently she started shifting to a more clingy side I didn’t like, showing up at my house without telling me. After school I’m exhausted yet she still comes to my house without notice, she wants to hang out and that’s completely fine by me.
I like hanging out but once people do it without telling me it gets annoying.
She also tried to get me with ‘boys’ at my school without my permission when I told her I didn’t want to date any boys at my school, this one guy with a disability liked me but I didn’t like him specifically because he crossed boundaries.
She told the guy I wanted to be with him as a ‘joke’ but he took that quite literally and crossed more boundaries, he told me she said I wanted to be with him and I told him she was lying then later confronted her about it, she said she was sorry while laughing.
I found this irritating.
After months of dealing with Ashley, I finally decided to tell her my true feelings through text. I said ‘Ash I don’t appreciate you constantly being clingy and playing jokes on me, I’ve never seen you like this acting really pushy’ she took this harshly she said she didn’t like me in the first place because I value more than her ‘best friend.’
AITJ for being too harsh? Should I have told her sooner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did what a friend should do, communicated issues that affect the friendship that can be rectified.
Should you have told her sooner?
Maybe, but you’re also a teen and this isn’t something you likely have experience with, so recognizing that it takes a while. Working up the courage to say something, too, takes a while.
Too harsh? Maybe, doing it over text leaves a large space for misinterpretation.
By using terms like ‘clingy’ and ‘pushy’, they are accusatory and will put the targetted person on the defense. They will feel attacked. I would have talked to them in person, and would have used phrases like ‘I feel’ and ‘I react this way’ and ‘my emotional responses are….’
Talk about the actions she did, instead of directing her. Use something like ‘when showing up unannounced, I feel like my feelings and plans are not being considered and that makes me feel like I’m not allowed to make my own decisions’.
Notice I didn’t say ‘you’ or ‘I don’t like’, because both would be more of a direct accusation and placing blame. By avoiding those it becomes all about how you react to certain situations and how you feel bad.
This gives your friend room to objectively respond to the situations and not feel guilty for doing what she did.
Since you told her and she took it poorly, you can still salvage the situation. Tell her you’re sorry that you texted it the way you did, that you should have done it in person and without accusatory terms. Let her know that you have never been in this situation before and that you are scared of how your reaction to the situation may affect your friendship.
That you enjoy spending time with her and that you like to think you will still be hanging out daily as adults with careers.
Even married couples need boundaries. My SO knows I’m down for anything and will just go with the flow, but she still asks if it’s alright to make plans for us and if it’s ok for her to go out with friends.
The only thing I ask is if she is safe at her destinations and when she changes locations. If your friend asks, ‘Well, what am I supposed to do, ask permission to hang out?’ just respond, ‘Kinda.
More like ‘hey, you busy? Would it be ok to chill with you?”
It’s kind of ideal that this is all happening in HS with a friend because once you start going out with people, and your partner gets emotionally invested, they can become possessive of you.
Setting boundaries and communicating can help identify red flags and even help them modify their behaviors.” wisedoormat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You probably feel guilty because you’ve been friends for so long and she’s not taking it well, but you have a right to feel the way you do and express that.
Set your boundaries and be honest with your feelings, she’s lashing out because she’s hurt and probably didn’t consider how her actions have made you feel. You also could’ve worded it better, the way you texted does make it seem abrasive, and I don’t blame you!
I’ve had a clingy partner before, it’s too much. I’d suggest you both cool down and then talk face to face, show her where you’re coming from.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could have worded it better I think, but she was crossing your boundaries and you needed to make them more clear.
It’s important to be able to communicate with your friends, which is what you did. Again you could’ve worded it better and if you want to preserve this friendship, you might want to reach out and tell her that you came off harsher than intended.” Throwaway-2587
6. AITJ For Telling My Customer His Way Of Flirting Was Creepy?
“I (24f) work in a smoke shop. Most of my customers are well-mannered and super respectful. Being the only woman who works in the shop I do get a fair amount of customers flirting with me. We all work alone on our shift for the most part unless hours are split.
A couple of weeks ago I had a male customer come in around 8 pm. As I greeted him the first words out of his mouth were. ‘I love your skin, you are so beautiful and I’d commit a crime with you.’
Immediately I got uncomfortable and did a nervous chuckle as I said, ‘that is really creepy, please don’t ever tell a woman that ever again.’ He immediately got quiet, purchased his items, and left.
A few days later ,he came back sort of angry and told me it’s women like me that make it hard for men and other women to date.
And how I was a witch who couldn’t take a compliment and that he would be watching me.
So am I the jerk for standing up for myself?
For those of you that may ask. On the night in question, I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants.
Edit: since posting this, the person has been banned and he has not come back since the day he made the threat. I also can’t really report it to the police because I don’t have his name or any identifying information aside from his face which security is on the lookout for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is terrifying, particularly the last thing he said. I don’t know why, but the ‘you’re why men and other women can’t date’ sounded a bit incel-ish, which is a big reason it rubbed me the wrong way (did anyone else get those vibes…?
Just me?…). But as other people are saying, report it to your boss. The dude needs to be banned, as his last comment was meant as a threat.
And I absolutely detest that women in general feel the need to describe what they were wearing during an incident where they were harassed. As a woman I get it, of course, that’s not a rag on you (cause you’re right, I’m sure someone would’ve brought it up), it’s just a testament to what women go through when trying to justify why they shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable by a man.” torrentialwx
Another User Comments:
“Men who get angry when women say no or aren’t grateful for their attention are not ones anyone should date. We’re not real people to them, just interchangeable units. His compliment wasn’t for you. It was for him to exert power over you.
You are NTJ and can you speak to your employer about this? They should be very worried about a customer threatening a staff member.” Enough-Builder-2230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made a lot of errors in my opinion.
He mentioned your skin, that’s creepy Silence of the Lambs stuff right there. He mentioned committing a crime, probably related to skin, more Silence of the Lambs. Then he comes back to blame you for all that’s wrong with creepy guys being rejected. You can’t laugh this off because incels have committed murder, so the threat is real.” disruptionisbliss
5. AITJ For Hiding In The Room After My Fiancé Dumped Me In The Pool?
“When I was 5, I almost drowned and I’ve been terrified of large bodies of water ever since. It’s not something I talk about so not many people know about it.
We went on vacation with my fiancé’s family.
They all spent a lot of time swimming, sailing, and doing other activities involving water. I avoided participating in any of these activities and would normally just read or spend time with my future mother-in-law as she also didn’t participate.
One morning, my fiancé ended up dumping me in the pool. I was so shocked I ended up fainting. I felt awful when I woke up and I could barely form a sentence but the doctor who came to check up on me told my fiancé I was just in shock and I needed to rest.
I ended up hiding in the room for the rest of the vacation, even after I started to feel better. My fiancé tried to get me to eat with everyone else or to do something with him but I kept saying no even though he kept apologizing and saying he felt awful.
Eventually, his cousin’s wife came to see me and said I should come down and spend time with everyone since I was making my fiancé feel like crap and he was already beating himself up enough without me making it worse by hiding in the room all day.
She said I was ruining the vacation for everyone by doing what I was doing and it was my fault for not telling my fiancé I was so scared of water in the first place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I was taught not to push people into pools when I was four. Any body of water can be dangerous and you never know if people can swim or are afraid. They could also throw you into a shallow area and you hit the bottom of the pool, or because you’re unprepared, your limbs flail and hit the bottom/side of the pool.
It’s dangerous and never acceptable.
Your fiancé traumatized you to a point that you lost consciousness, IN the water. You could have been hurt – that’s not an exaggeration. How you deal with the aftermath is entirely up to you.
You likely don’t feel safe – especially with members of his family bullying you to ‘get over’ it faster. You get over it at your own pace!
Your fiancé didn’t know how scared you are of water, so he’s not a massive jerk for dismissing and violating your boundaries – but he still should have learned LONG ago that you don’t throw people into pools.
If I were you, I’d go home early. You need to feel safe to get over this – and the best place for that is home, surrounded by people you feel safe with. Clearly, that’s none of these people.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your fiance is obviously a jerk for dumping you in the pool, and his cousin’s wife is a jerk for minimizing your trauma.
But you need to pull on your big girl pants and use your words.
You should have told him before now, especially before going on water -oriented trip, about your fear and trauma. He’s your fiance, after all–if you couldn’t trust him with that, this was a doomed relationship. And now you need to use your words to talk to him about how traumatizing and upsetting it was to go through that again.
He meant it to be playful and it backfired. But you freezing him out for days on end instead of talking to him isn’t okay.” ADHDLifer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Phobia or no phobia, known or unknown, dumping someone who has clearly asked not to participate in water-related activities is a jerk move, full-stop.
Nobody should be pushing or throwing people anywhere without their consent, period.
I don’t know why people are hung up on you refusing to come out of the room. It’s not a spite thing, it’s an ‘I don’t feel safe around these people because they took away my sense of security and make me uncomfortable’ thing.
An ‘I don’t want to be around these people’ thing.
You’re not ruining anyone’s vacation by refusing to enter the water or by being upset you were tossed into the water. Obviously, no one has any issue with MIL hanging out all safe and dry, right?
Taking time to yourself and asking to be alone is the opposite of throwing a tantrum. You want space and you should have that space.
They’re just upset over your refusal to be around them, which is a clear reaction to their behavior towards you, as in, a direct consequence of their actions.
Your fiance and his family should back off and leave you alone because you’re obviously hurt and scared over the experience. You don’t owe them a happy smile to make their vacation more convenient because they don’t want to feel guilty over something your fiance did to you.
Everyone needs to mind their own business and go about their vacation in peace. How you and your fiance handle the apology and whether you join family events with the in-laws again is between the two of you and nobody else.” ijustneedtolurk
4. AITJ For Scaring My Partner?
“I’m 25m. My partner finished work and in all my wisdom I decided to scare her. I grabbed an Uber and hid behind a random car in the parking lot and waited till she showed up. She was using her phone so getting behind her was easy.
When I was directly behind her, I quickly put my arm around her waist and pulled her towards me and the first word that came out of my mouth was ‘yummy’. I don’t know why I said that it was in the heat of the moment.
She screamed and pushed me away, then fell to the ground. When she realized it was me, she was instantly relieved but soon started getting angry at me. I immediately apologized but she was not amused, she gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night.
This wasn’t a one-time thing I’ve been scaring her from behind before. This was the first time I did it at night though. It’s been a week since the incident, it’s water under the bridge now and I agreed to not scare her anymore.
Was I the jerk?
EDIT: Clearly I was a jerk, but I and my partner again talked about the incident for a long time. I swore that I will never scare her ever again. I’m going to learn from this mistake that I made and be a better person.
She’s forgiven me as long as I don’t ever scare her ever again.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need therapy to go to the root of why you feel so powerless in your life and relationship that you fantasize and then act out… then find amusing… an assault of a woman… especially one that you are in a relationship with who you are supposed to love, respect, and be protective of.
There is something truly effed up in both your character and your core being. You are indeed a predator. You are dangerous.” Girl_with_no_Swag
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Women have enough to worry about during broad daylight.
You decided to scare her in the dark, her immediate thought wasn’t ‘my partner, yay.’ It was ‘I’M BEING KIDNAPPED. I’M GOING TO DIE.’ because that’s the scary reality that WOMEN live in. Would you do this to a complete stranger?
Walk up to a random woman on her phone, grab her waist, and whisper gross stuff in her ear? I doubt it. Imagine had she had Mace in her hands or worse those keychain weapons that are just a spike, she could have harmed you had she had weapons to protect herself.
Your reality and hers are completely different, you don’t have to worry about getting harmed or anything like that walking alone at night but women.” One_Condition_7001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I hate people who think it’s funny to try and scare me.
And as a woman, it gets frustrating when people tell me I shouldn’t walk alone at night. Sometimes I don’t get out during the day and it’s just more enjoyable at night. But if someone did this to me to either prove a point or tried to be funny, I’d be mad.
You’re not cute, you’re not funny; you’re a jerk. You may think it’s water under the bridge but I wish she would have decked you and dumped you right then and there. If you respect her, don’t do it again.” Sweet_Charming82
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Work On My Behalf?
“My daughters and I have a medical condition called Hypermobile-type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. It is a connective tissue disorder in which our bodies do not make collagen correctly. Physical activity is very challenging for us, and it is a chronic pain condition.
There is no cure. I was not diagnosed until I was around 40 years old, but struggled my whole life with the symptoms. My symptoms have gotten worse over the years, and I struggle with a lot of things that I used to do.
For example, I love to garden, but can’t do as much as I did. When I was younger, my dad was a big hobby gardener/landscaper, and my sister and I were expected to help. I spent weekends every summer hauling rocks and sod, manure, etc., in wheelbarrows, etc. While I was able to ‘get away with it,’ in terms of my condition as someone young, it really took a toll.
On top of that, my ex-husband was VERY into ‘fitness’ and I gave in to a lot of pressure to regularly run and go to the gym. Now I’m falling apart, and I’m facing a very different end of my life than I expected.
Yesterday, my daughter got up early to help me with the little patch of garden in front of our house. It wasn’t a lot of work, in a way, but we were pulling up some plants, and cleaning up the edges of the bed for a new barrier.
I did struggle here and there, but when my daughter offered to take over, I thanked her but told her I was doing okay for now. Some of it was very hard, and I didn’t want her putting her body through that kind of strain.
I want to see her conserve the limited physical strength and ability she has for things SHE wants to do, and for her future. My body is already messed up beyond redemption in some ways, there is no need for her to do that.
She is only 17, and I want her to have as much joy as possible before her body gives out.
Her argument is that I should let her do things for me, since she doesn’t hurt as much as I do, and she’s younger and has the ability to do it.
I have told her that I DO ask her for help when I absolutely cannot do anymore, but I really try to keep that to a minimum, and it is usually just asking her to get me food/drink, or take dishes away if I’m experiencing a lot of pain and moving is too much.
She was upset because this morning, I was really having a hard time moving/walking, and for some reason, my hands and one of my shoulders were especially painful. This can’t be helped, but putting her in a position to eventually be where I am isn’t the solution.
She argues that she is fine, and I’m being unreasonably stubborn by not letting her do for me and that I should have let her do more yesterday.
So AITJ for not letting my daughter use her own limited physical resources to help me when I have trouble, knowing that the more she does will likely result in her ending up like me someday?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but if you think what you were doing was so physically demanding that it was harmful to your daughter, wouldn’t it have been even more harmful to you? If so, I think you are sending out mixed messages—that putting up with physical pain or damage for the sake of enjoying a daily life activity and bonding with family is okay for you but not okay for her.” mathandmedicine
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m afraid you’re letting your pride stop you from accepting help. Let her help you within reason. She wants to help you don’t be selfish and take it away from her. I understand why you don’t want to and it’s very commendable but let her be the one to decide what is too much for her.
She’s using gardening with you to bond.” Key-Sheepherder3355
2. AITJ For Telling My Co-Worker To Get Over It?
“I am a full-time bartender who works every day between the two bars I am employed at. A co-worker works at one of them and has 2 shifts a week at best. A friend of hers passed away in a car accident a week ago, a horrible accident and I feel terribly for this young girl’s family.
This is not her best friend, this is a girl she knows. And this has become her entire identity all week. I truly do feel for her, sudden passing is hard. There have been gatherings of her friends this week to hang out and talk about her and be together, beautiful.
The actual funeral isn’t until next week.
I was working yesterday and got a text to ask if I could work a few hours more so she could go to another gathering that I didn’t respond to because I was extraordinarily busy from the second I came in.
Followed by a nasty gram to the group chat about how disrespectful she found it that I didn’t answer in her hour of need. This rubbed me the wrong way, I’d been working doubles between the bars for the last 3 days and am exhausted.
After thinking on it, when I finally had a moment to read this, I texted back that I found it very unimpressive that her reaction to the non-response was to get nasty and that I feel for her situation, however, this is the service industry and sometimes you’re going to miss things.
I’ve worked through 4 VERY close mournings this year and I knew I couldn’t make every dinner and gathering, it’s not reasonable sometimes, but as long as I make the funeral and the after an affair that’s what matters.
It’s not an hour of need when it has been every day this week, an hour of need is the funeral and honestly, I would have come in clutch for that. But calling me disrespectful when I was simply too busy to respond because I’m busting my butt working two jobs and she only has the one job with maybe 2 shifts a week felt very entitled regardless of circumstance.
I heard nothing back, she showed up on time, I closed out my drawer and left. Might be the jerk but whatever.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here — her because she got nasty with you simply for not responding/not covering your shift. I’m sorry that she lost someone, but the responsibility does not fall on your shoulders to cover for her every time she wants to be out.
On the flip side, the way you are treating someone who just lost a friend is a little bit cold. Just because the deceased isn’t her ‘best friend’ doesn’t mean she can’t mourn the loss. You obviously don’t know this coworker on a personal level, so respectfully, you don’t know what kind of an impact this person had on her life.” EveningJellyfish1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, mourning is hard, but it does not entitle her to treat others like trash. What if you’d gone through a hard time recently, did she know that you’d been working so many shifts, does she know you have a second job?
I mean even if she didn’t, no one has the right to speak like that to someone else, but if she does, then to me personally, grief does not excuse that attitude. A little acting out is normal, but not to a work colleague who she should be respectful.” CeSeblu
1. AITJ For My Response To Being Fired?
“I’ve only worked at this job since February of this year, I worked for a dollar store and I was working for 9 an hour for 15 hours a week and I know it wasn’t great but it was still a job for me.
One day, I was 30 minutes late but I called ahead and rushed over there and everything seemed fine.
The next day when I had to work, my brother took the car to work and I let my boss know and apologized for it, I tried calling my brother and my partner and got nothing, I didn’t have much for Uber and my mom didn’t come home until 3 hours later.
And I let my boss know again that I probably won’t make it because I couldn’t find a ride, but then she called and I answered and she was already mad at me, she was asking if I was close by but I told her that I couldn’t get a ride and she just said ‘all you said was that you didn’t have a car’ and I told her that I texted her that I couldn’t get a ride and she said ‘ugh whatever, it’s every day with you, I’m going to have to write you up’ as if this happens all the time.
I have never had this happen and the most I’ve ever been late was 30 minutes (literally the day before this) and I only called out once throughout my whole time working there. So I was very confused about why she would say that.
But the next day she ‘let me know if can’t work tomorrow’ but I was off tomorrow. I had an interview but I checked my schedule to see if I worked tomorrow just in case. I wasn’t supposed to work till later this week, so I assumed that she was asking if I could work tomorrow, since she was talking to me the other day about covering for a coworker.
I told her that I’ll tell her the days that I could work, so I texted her that I had an interview and then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw two texts from her saying ‘I already have you on the schedule so choose’ and another one an hour later saying ‘please don’t put my name as a reference I will be taking you off my schedule since obviously, you do not want to work.
Good luck on your job hunt.’
But here’s the thing; the day when I couldn’t come into work, I talk to my brothers and partner about it while crying and then my little brother said that I could work with him and so I applied and was hired because they knew me and my oldest brother used to be a manager there and the hiring manager is really good friend’s with both my brother’s and the interview I mentioned was for another job that I applied for.
So my response to my manager with the ‘good luck with your job hunt’ was ‘I actually start my new job on Friday, but thanks’ both my brothers and partner said that it was unnecessary but It feel like a little revenge for me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the response. However, you said that you started this job in February of this year and you’ve only called out once the whole time working there. You’d only worked there two months give or take.
If your company still has a trial period you were still in it.” wamimsauthor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your manager did not need to say stuff like ‘since you do not want to work’. Some good advice for dealing with companies and managers in the future: you do not have to tell them details.
If they switch your schedule at the last minute: ‘I’m sorry, I was originally off and made plans that I am unable to change during that time. I am unable to accommodate those last-minute schedule changes.’ This way you can take something like that to HR if they try to write you up.” Silverkekoa
Another User Comments:
“‘good luck with your job hunt’ was ‘I actually start my new job on Friday, but thanks’.
NTJ for this.
Your boss was clearly being sarcastic and petty and all-around unprofessional by throwing that dig at you in the first place.
Personally, I think the best way to handle sarcasm is to ‘ignore it’ and treat the statement as genuine and reply back in exactly the same way.” YanceyWoodchuck
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