People Ask Us To Be Transparent With What We Think About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
34. WIBTJ If I Report My Grandma To Social Services?
“I (22 F) recently visited my grandma (80 F) and uncle (57 M). They live together as my uncle has brain injuries.
When I was 16 my grandma had a stroke and still remained his primary carer. She is now physically fine but mentally it’s taken its toll on her.
When I arrived she was going on about waiting in for a ticket. I asked her what she was talking about and she told me that she and my uncle had been invited to a garden party with the Prime Minister and David Beckham.
Immediately I’m asking questions because I know either my uncle is lying to her about something, or she’s being scammed, both have happened before. She avoids my questions. I drop it and figure I’ll do a little bit of snooping when they go to bed because she’s bound to have written something down.
I offered to make dinner because I thought it would be a nice break. Then I found out they weren’t planning on eating because they ate lunch. They knew I was coming and needed to eat regularly. I work out what they actually have in, everything in the fridge is out of date so we end up eating roast potatoes and carrots with some gravy.
When I’m serving the food I realize nothing is clean.
The topic of conversation turns to my granddad and how unwell he’s been recently. I say he’s fine, and she chimes up that one of his nephews has been staying with him.
This hasn’t happened. I tell her this and explain that my uncle is lying to her again. I explain that my step-grandma has been looking after him and that my uncle will tell her what he thinks she wants to hear. I explain that granddad being with step-grandma is all I’ve ever known and that I love all of them.
I’ve never called step-grandma grandma out of respect to my grandmother but I won’t hear anything bad about her.
Then I found out that despite the fact that I was invited to stay, my grandmother had gotten rid of the spare beds and I had to sleep on the sofa.
I lie and tell them I took a work call and I need to be in on Sunday afternoon so I won’t be able to stay until Monday like I was meant to. My grandma says that’s fine and she’ll just send my uncle to do the food shopping instead.
My uncle hadn’t been immunized due to his phobia of needles, I explained that he shouldn’t be doing this and that she should. She says this is how they’ve been doing it for weeks.
Later that evening, my grandmother started back-talking about when my uncle was taken ill and the surgeon who refused to treat him.
I’ve heard the story often enough to know it was a doctor who dismissed him, not a surgeon refusing to treat him. She keeps going on and on about him and says he’s been arrested by her neighbor and the prime minister. At this point, I’m tearing my hair out.
She had me look up this man about 5 years ago and he was dead then, so that’s just not true.
WIBTJ for reporting my grandmother to social services because I feel she can no longer care for my uncle when she can’t tell fact from fiction?”
33. AITJ For Making My Son's Grandparents Come To My House If They Want To See My Kid?
“My (F 23) son’s (M 1) paternal grandparents hate it when I tell them to come over. Ever since my son was born I invited them over to come see my son. At the first visit, they told me that they wanted to pick him up and give me a break and that I should bring him over.
For context, my son’s dad (M 23) is not comfortable with them being alone with our son. This is something we had already agreed upon. They will never be alone with Jackson and in regards to me coming over my son cries in his car seat even if I go to the store real quick so to drive 45 minutes away in both directions wasn’t the best thing.
So throughout the first year whenever they asked I invited them over there were a few times I had to cancel but for the most part, I always gave them another day that I was available. I went over to their house twice. Once for a little party and another time for Christmas.
Everything seemed okay until a few weeks ago when my son’s dad told me that they wanted to take me to court for their grandparents’ rights.
Mind you I’ve never denied them seeing my son if they asked they could see him. I got so confused. They never ask me to come see my son always seems to ask his dad and then get confused when his dad tells them to text me.
Plus besides that, they never texted me to see how he was doing. I sent them a message saying that his dad said they wanted to see my son and that I was free and they could come over a certain day. My mom said I’m a jerk for asking them to come over when that’s not what they want.
AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Breaking A Shot Glass?
“While emptying my late grandparents’ house before selling it, I found some handpainted shot glasses my mum had bought as souvenirs while traveling when she was young. My mum passed away when I was 5, so I took those as sentimental keepsakes.
I (F 26) recently moved in with my partner of 3 years (M 25) in a flat I bought (early inheritance). My partner lost his job before we moved in and has been looking for another for the past few months. I’ve been assuming all the financials since the move (mortgage of course, plus utilities, groceries, furnishing, etc).
It is fine: it’s my flat, and I should be able to assume it autonomously with or without a partner. I do my best to make it feel like our place.
I was staying at a friend’s one weekend and my partner asked if he could have some friends over while I was away.
Of course! I trust them not to ransack the place! Before leaving though, I asked him to please not use the shotglasses as I don’t want to risk them getting broken. If needed, I tell him, there is a stack of plastic ones in the cupboard.
Later that night I received a text ‘Please don’t be mad, one of the shot glasses got broken. We were playing a game bouncing coins into a glass. The plastic ones were too flimsy, so we took one of those. It got elbowed off the table.
I’m sorry, are you mad?’
Got home the next day, not mad but a bit sad and annoyed. Awful things happen and there wasn’t anything to do about it!
After a quick apology from my partner, he started getting annoyed that I was still a bit cold towards him.
Started downplaying what happened telling me ‘Come on you’re not going to stay mad at me over a shot glass getting broken at a party, this happens!’ That got me mad. I told him I knew awful things happen which is why I wasn’t mad to begin with.
But he did manage to break the one thing I asked him to be mindful of! Those weren’t shot glasses to me, they were souvenirs from my deceased mother and grandparents! Awful things happen, yes. I wasn’t expecting a mea culpa from him. But he did hurt me and the least he could do was owning up to it and giving me space rather than downplaying emotions I felt entitled to feel.
We spent the rest of the day in our separate bubbles, him on Discord with friends who had been over the night before. To add fuel to the fire, he then told me even his friends were saying I was being dramatic and overreacting. ‘(Friend who elbowed the glass) says you’re crazy to be mad over something as silly as a broken glass at a party’.
That got me full-on mad. I told him he and his friends could go screw themselves, that it had been the last time they were coming over to my place unsupervised – if at all – since they obviously had no respect for me or my things.
We then got into a bigger argument over me calling it my place when it was supposed to be ours.
So, AITJ for overreacting over a broken glass and making my partner feel like he wasn’t at home?”
Sweetie, please boot this overgrown frat boy to the curb and find a man with whom to partner. This one is looking for a mommy to pay his bills and sleep with him and not expect anything of him, much less to be an adult. He doesn't work, he mooches off you, he has parties at your house where he breaks things that aren't his, and who's paying for all of this? You are. Please get him out of your house.
31. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiance's Sister To Come To Our Wedding?
“My now-fiance (27 male) and I (24 female) just got engaged after six years of going out.
From the beginning, my fiance told me that he and his brother do not get along with their sister very well.
When my fiance proposed we had decided to wait until Christmas to announce our engagement as it was very close to the holiday and both of our families would already be gathered together.
About a week after the proposal my soon-to-be mother-in-law stopped by our house while she happened to be in town one day. She saw the ring and was so excited about the news that we decided to just go ahead and make the announcement. My fiance called his dad and I called my parents to personally tell them before we posted our engagement on social media.
The next day my fiance called me at work very upset. His sister was blowing up his phone expressing how incredibly hurt and angry she was that we did not personally call her to give her the news before posting our announcement publicly. He explained that it was an honest mistake and the situation with his mom seeing the ring.
She stopped responding to him and started sending messages in their immediate family group chat about how we didn’t call her personally and that she had no idea her family was so out of touch with each other and didn’t function as a family unit.
The family tried to console her and my fiance apologized again for us. At this point, I felt bad that she was hurt but it was clearly not malicious and my fiance and I are not close with her to begin with.
She started sending messages that were more personal and attacked me and my family.
She talked about how she and I don’t speak and that is how we ‘tolerate’ each other. She then started attacking my family saying how she didn’t want to see them for the holidays and especially didn’t want to see that ‘rude jerkish (insert my mom’s name here)’.
She demanded that she have no contact with my fiance or me for the time being and that includes any holidays or social occasions.
When I heard this, I was furious and I still am. I was ready to go see her in person and settle this whole situation right away but my fiance was not okay with that.
My fiance and I came to the decision that she was not invited to the wedding regardless of her being ‘family’. But now that it has been a few months since this incident I’ve been getting some pushback from my fiance and his parents. Now my fiance says we need to ‘figure ourselves out’ before the wedding and his parents really want her to share our special day with us.
Am I the jerk for banning her from the wedding? It is also her brother’s wedding, not just mine and it would make his family happy to have her there. But the way I see it, what she said is not ok and she needs to know I will not allow this behavior from her going forward.
So, AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Telling My Annoying Aunt She's Not My Favorite Aunt?
“I’m (17 m) a senior in high school. I don’t particularly like my Aunt Lisa, she’s bossy, demanding, annoying, opinionated, and a bunch of other stuff. I’ve been reminded 800 times that ‘she’s family and she means well’. She comments on everything I do and what I should do instead, from hobbies of mine to what I should eat, to shows I watch.
I’ve repeatedly said to my mom that the second I turn 18 Lisa is out of my life, I think she thinks I’m bluffing.
One of my biggest pet peeves with Lisa is that she invites herself places. When I graduated 8th grade there was a dinner after for graduates and their parents/siblings.
Lisa invited herself along then kept commenting on what I ordered at the restaurant and claiming I should have gotten this or that instead. Then afterward she complained to my mom because I didn’t introduce her to my friends and that was very rude of me.
When I made all A’s one time and my parents were taking to to dinner, of course, annoying Lisa came too.
Whenever there’s anything, she just inserts herself into it, and if she finds out there was something we invited my grandparents to but not her she throws a fit.
Grandparents are different than Aunt.
My mom said ‘She doesn’t have kids she doesn’t know how it works’ but honestly that’s not my problem. All my cousins live in other states (lucky them), but I’m sick of being the only one stuck dealing with her overbearing nature and never being able to just have my parents there.
We try not to tell her when there’s an event.
I’ve been in the school band since freshman year. At the beginning of April, they’re having a banquet/dinner/awards thing for the seniors in the band and their families. My mom had the paper on the fridge.
It’s one of the last things my parents will get to go to besides graduation and they’re having it at a decent restaurant.
Well, Lisa came over this morning and saw the paper on the fridge. She took it down and read it, then asked about it.
My mom said it was for me for the band. Lisa said, ‘Oh I love that restaurant, and you’ll be graduating soon, I’ll come with you so you can tell them 4 instead of 3’. My mom said ‘Well actually it’s just supposed to be for band members and their parents and maybe siblings’, Lisa said ‘Yea, but he doesn’t have siblings.
They won’t mind if his aunt comes’.
Something in me snapped. I said, ‘They won’t but I will’. Lisa said ‘What do you mean? You want your favorite aunt there right?’ I said ‘No and you’re not my favorite aunt. I’m sick of you intruding and literally EVERYTHING, sometimes I’d like to do stuff like that with just my parents.
Like a normal person’ then I looked at my mom and said ‘If she’s going I’m not’. (It’s not required). I went to a different room til she left.
Then a while later my mom said she knew that Lisa wasn’t my favorite but I shouldn’t have snapped like that and I was really mean.
I said that I knew she would have let her come and I’m sick of her ruining everything.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting Visitors After I Give Birth?
“I’m 28 years old. My first child was born in 2014 and passed away 9 months later in 2015.
It’s taken me since then to conceive.
I’m 29 weeks pregnant and have decided I don’t want any visitors for the first 2 weeks after I’m discharged from the hospital. I don’t have any family here and very few friends (literally 2 or 3) so I didn’t foresee this decision being an issue.
One of the friends I do have here has been wonderfully supportive at the same time as a little too pushy/argumentative about decisions we’ve made regarding the baby. Ex: constantly questioning why I prefer a certain bassinet or car seat above ones that she likes or why I don’t think using Dreft is necessary for our family.
It all really seems like it’s coming from a good place but frankly, it gets irritating after a while. She’s been going crazy getting us baby stuff and I feel really supported and appreciative.
Anyway, I have a dog. I decided to ask my friend if, when I go into labor, she wouldn’t mind going to our place and picking up my dog and keeping him until we’re cleared by the hospital to be discharged. She excitedly agreed before I’d finished telling her the plan saying ‘Of COURSE, we’ll take care of (baby dog).’
I brought it up again and said something like, ‘Yeah, as long as he’s picked up within like 5 or so hours of us leaving the house and then dropped back off before we get home, that’ll work perfectly. Thank you so much.’ She seemed surprised and asked why she couldn’t just wait for us to be home before bringing my dog back.
I reiterated that we didn’t want any visitors and that if she was coming to the apartment while the baby was there, she’d obviously want to see him before leaving. She agreed and said that she expects us to make an exception for her as payment for helping us with the dog and getting us so much baby stuff.
I thought she was joking so I let out a little giggle and said ‘Not likely’. I was just trying to lighten the mood but she was super offended and mentioned how much she bought for the baby and called me selfish. I told her that I appreciate everything she’s done but this was non-negotiable; we don’t want anyone visiting for the first 2 weeks.
She started to rant so I told her that I’d give back everything she’s gotten for the baby and told her that half of what she’d given us wouldn’t be used by us anyway because of safety concerns/preference/winter clothing that wouldn’t fit the babe by the time it’s winter etc. She called me a jerk and asked us to leave.
My partner thinks I’m a little bit of a jerk for offering to give the gifts back but supports me standing my ground. My friend’s fiance thinks I should just******* up and let her see the baby when she drops the dog off. I told him I’d find someone else to take care of the dog and they could come see the baby after 2 weeks just like everyone else and he hung up on me.
Am I really the jerk in this?”
28. AITJ For Not Praising My Dad For Finishing A 5k Run?
“I (19 F) don’t have a great relationship with my dad (49 M).
My dad isn’t an emotional person or good at comforting. We used to be best friends but after seeing how trashy he can be at times it’s fallen apart. He can be pretty misogynistic to me saying I can never be as strong as a man and everything fell apart after women could vote.
Growing up anytime my brothers and I were out for a sport or any club, and we didn’t get first place we would get the same reaction, ‘Well you’re not first so who cares’ ‘You got __# place, still not first so why bother’ ‘Try harder and you will be first, then I’ll care, this was a waste of a Saturday’.
I had enough of it and so did my brothers so we just stopped with everything.
Anyway, a few weeks ago our city had a 5K and has been training with his partner. I’m proud but it gets annoying because it’s all he talks about on the odd chance he decides to come and visit us.
Anyway after the race he came over and said ‘I got 8th place in my group! If I was 50, I would have been 2nd. (Dad’s partner) got 2nd in her age group!’ And all of us kinda just looked at him and said some half-hearted congrats, and he got kinda mad that we didn’t care.
So he decided to go on a rant about how he had been trying to keep his body in shape and care about it, unlike my brothers and me.
Side note, I’m very active. I go to the gym 2 times a week and work out at home another 2-3, my classes are very physically stressful plus I work where I carry a lot.
I am by no means out of shape, nor are my brothers.
So that started with a passing match between the two of us and I ended up saying ‘Well why should we care, you aren’t first place! You got 8th! That’s like being dead last, can I call you dead last now?
Why should I waste my Saturday morning out in the cold on someone who got 8th place? Your partner didn’t get first either, so that means she also didn’t win’. We went like that for a while, Dad trying to defend himself and I ruthlessly going at him for all the pent-up years of feeling like crap.
All the while my brothers laughing and my mom joining in. He said it’s been a goal to do a triathlon but life got in the way, my mom said ‘Yeah the ex-wife and three kids you’re supposed to love got in the way didn’t they?’
After a while, he just gave us half-hearted hugs and left. He later texted me going off on why can’t I just be happy for him. I said he got a taste of his own medicine and this is what we got as children.
He fought saying he never said it, and I’m a jerk for saying this to him.
So AITJ for giving my dad his own medicine of my childhood when he wanted praise for his 5K?”
27. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdaughter Leave The House To Visit Her Partner?
“I (38 female) have been married to my husband John (45 male) for a little bit over a year, but we have been living together for more than 2 and in a relationship for 3 years.
John has a teenage daughter who we’ll call Stella, she’s 17 and we get along great, she stays with her dad and me half the time and the other half with her mom, Mia.
I would like to say that I also have a nice relationship with Mia, we are definitely not best friends, but we do spend important holidays together and attend Stella’s major events as a unit, like her past birthday when we all traveled to a Tropical Island to celebrate her, it always goes smoothly and we have a nice time together.
I would also like to add that I came along to Stella’s life when she was just 14 years old, and when my partner and I agreed to take things seriously I had a one-on-one conversation with Mia, and she said that the only thing she’d ask me for was to not parent over her child or try to impose any kind of authority; and being a mother myself I agreed and there was never an issue.
Until now, clearly. My husband was away on a business trip and Stella was staying with me during those days because we also like to spend time together, this is a usual thing for us to do, so neither her mom nor dad tried to check on us, but during the afternoon of the day before she was supposed to leave to her mom’s, Stella told me that she was leaving to visit her partner, who lives 2 hours away in college.
I asked her if her parents were aware of this, and she told me not to worry and that everything was in control; I asked her to wait a bit just so I could double-check before she left, and that’s when things went down.
Stella got a bit upset and started to say how she wasn’t a kid and that there wasn’t any need to check anything, when I told her that this was only so I could make sure everyone was on the same page she only got even madder and proceeded to tell me she was leaving anyway and that I had no legal right to stop her.
Well, she was technically right. I continued to ask her to stay and she left anyway. I informed my husband and Mia, and now both of them are very upset with me; they say that I should’ve never allowed her to leave and that if needed, I should’ve called the police; but all of that seems like too much for me.
Long story short; Stella, John, and Mia are all very mad at me and my husband is just in a terrible mood, and even suggested that I should go visit my son for a bit. My son moved to Iceland a long time ago and it would be nice to visit but I feel like he’s kicking me out.
I don’t even know what to do anymore, so I’d like to hear your opinions.
So, AITJ?”
Nope - I think everyone needs to calm down and start using the brains God gave them and realize your hands were tied. And punish Stella instead of you. Good luck.
26. AITJ For Bringing My Stepson To My Husband's Friend's Wedding And Leaving Him There?
“My husband’s friend got married a few days ago, I couldn’t go because of work and my husband said the wedding is child-free and his family were all attending so he asked me to take time off work and stay home with my stepson.
I already said no and suggested he get a babysitter but he said no babysitters because my stepson tends to act out with them and cause trouble, but he adores me and we both get along well. I told my husband work is important and I can’t take time off.
He begged and pleaded but I said it wouldn’t happen. He said fine he’d figure it out. But on the day of the wedding, I discovered that he left my stepson at home, I called his phone and he answered telling me to miss work and just stay with my stepson, I said no and he needed to deal with the situation he caused. He said no I threatened to drop his son off at the wedding and he told me to******* up.
I got dressed and drove my stepson to the wedding. The second my husband saw us he went off on me. I told him I was late and was about to leave. He said I couldn’t leave his son there, they’d both be kicked out but I turned around and walked out after telling him it was his problem.
I left to work and after I got back later he blew up at me saying I failed to do one thing he asked and behaved pathetically. I said that he put me in this situation and I was feeling helpless and pushed. He said that he couldn’t believe I was willing to dish my stepson and said that I’m not stepmom material and have no sense of responsibility whatsoever.
We haven’t been on good terms since then and he keeps on blaming me he had to leave the wedding and go home with his son.”
25. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Comparing Her Cat To My Mother?
“My friend (21 f) Lisa and I (21 f) have known each other since grade school. We don’t always get along but our parents were close so we kind of grew up together.
When I was going to start my first year of university, we found out that my mother had an illness and I had to drop out to help her out.
Even though we had regular carers, there were times when I had to take care of her as I was the only other person she had. I did everything I could for her and took care of her as much as possible. Obviously, this was very exhausting, so I did not have time for college or anything else.
I unfortunately lost her six months ago and I have been trying to get back into university while trying to keep myself busy. Last week Lisa came back from college for the summer and her family invited me over for dinner. Although they have known me from childhood, they were very quiet and Lisa did most of the talking.
It was about university and the parties and how well she has been doing which was obviously painful for me, as I had to miss out on all of that.
When she realized I was a bit quiet she asked me what was wrong, I told her I was upset I had missed out on these experiences.
She looked a bit annoyed but kept on talking about an event she went to before she came back and it felt like she was attacking me personally for missing out on these experiences. I asked her if she could talk about something else for a minute because even though listening to her go on and on about college was fun, I would like to talk about something else for a change.
She rolled her eyes at this and told me it’s not like I talk about anything else but my mother. I was going to leave at this point but her parents were there and they have been very nice to me my whole life so I didn’t want to be rude.
She told me it’s my fault for not going to college and I can’t blame other people for living the life I have missed out. She also told me at the same time my mother was ill, her cat was ill and she took care of the cat as much as she could while she was here but she did not cower out of university just because she was ill.
This was the tipping point for me. As much as I understand her loss was painful, mine was a different commitment. I told her to never compare her cat to my mother again because what I have had to go through was worse than she could ever imagine and her mentioning the cat like that was nothing but disrespectful to my mother’s memory.
I also told her that her loss is meaningless compared to mine and she didn’t have to sacrifice to the extent I did.
This resulted in Lisa bawling and her mom pulled me to the side and told me it was probably a good time to go home as the cat was very important to Lisa and I shouldn’t have put it that harshly.
I told her she was friends with my mum and left.
I feel guilty about my outburst but maybe I am seeing things unclearly.”
24. AITJ For Not Trying Hard Enough To Convince My Roommate's Partner To Change Her Outfit?
“I (27 F) live with my partner (27 M) and his friend (27 M) Todd. The boys have been best friends for years, they work in the same law firm but in different departments. Todd has been going out with Ruby (23 F) for about six months. We all get on great go out together for dinner drinks etc.
The boys’ work was put on a black tie event for a charity they donate to each year, I asked Ruby what she was going to wear, and she said she wasn’t sure as she doesn’t have anything that would be classed black tie.
I said I was happy to go shopping with her or even let her look at a couple of my dresses.
She told me she’ll think about it but my style isn’t really her style, fair enough she is more hippie chic whereas I guess I’m more preppy casual.
A week before the event Ruby showed me the dress she was going to wear and asked for my honest thoughts. So I told her straight that it was more of a cocktail dress than a black tie. It was just above the knee and dipped pretty low in the back and had very thin straps.
I made a comment that I’ve been to these events before and when they say black tie they mean black tie, she just shrugged me off and said she likes it she is going to wear.
At the event, my partner and I went off and mingled and left Todd and Ruby to do their own thing.
During the dinner, we sat with people from my partner’s department and I overheard two women talking about Ruby’s dress and how it was not appropriate to wear what she was at one of these events, I ignored it. Later on, I heard a few more women make comments about Ruby and how her behavior and outfit were not okay (she was beyond wasted by the end of the night).
On Monday evening Todd was telling me all day everyone was talking about Ruby’s outfit and behavior, I said I did try to warn her but she didn’t want to listen. And then he turned on me and said I should have tried harder or even gone to him about it because I knew it would make him look bad, I disagreed and said that she is a grown woman and if she doesn’t know how to dress respectfully in a formal event that’s on her.
When I talked to my partner he said the main issue was her drinking, not the dress but maybe I should have given Todd a heads up over it. So now I’m doubting myself… am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Saying I'm Going To Be Forgotten Once My Sister Gives Birth?
“I (25 non-binary) have an… interesting relationship with my mom (62 f). It’s been mostly good since I moved out.
So, my little sister & my brother-in-law (24 f & 23 m) found out that she’s pregnant back in Feb – which is extremely exciting!
First baby in the family and I’m the only aunt/uncle in the mix and I’m really looking forward to being an aunt as well – and my mom started in with little comments almost immediately to me. I made a joke about wanting to hold my future niece (they did find out it’s a girl!) while I open my Christmas presents as my ‘Christmas helper’ as long as my sis is ok with it – and mom said: ‘As long as no one forgets to get you gifts with the baby here.’ It was weird but I brushed it off.
Fast forward to recently, Mom & I are hosting the baby shower and it happens to be a little over a week after my bday (I have no issues with that, I picked the date and only said I require it to not be ON my birthday).
Mom called me up at one point to laugh about how ‘we haven’t even made plans for your birthday yet! We’re forgetting your birthday!’ We don’t do like giant blowout parties in my family – the birthday person picks the dinner & cake and opens gifts after.
I made sure it still happened.
At my birthday dinner Mom kept saying ‘Enjoy your last birthday dinner where we pay attention to you!’ and I finally said ‘This isn’t my kid! Of course, we’ll pay more attention to her but people will still care about it being my birthday!’ and Mom started in on how ‘kids change things!’ and ‘kids are always the full center of attention!’ and things like that.
I ended up crying in my apartment that night.
I talked to my sister and she agrees that Mom is being really weird about this whole ‘joke’ of me being forgotten and ignored, but Mom claims she’s legit just trying to help me prepare for me not to matter anymore.
It’s been a few months of this and I’m legit starting to get confused if I’m in the right being upset over this or not.
AITA?
Edit to add: I have a pretty bad anxiety issue and dying and being forgotten is one of my main triggers (which my mom knows, I’ve called her during a particularly bad panic attack one night), and my mom also has always kind of stoked the fire between my sister & I.
Growing up we haaaaaated each other, but are literally best friends now and us getting along has sort of annoyed Mom for whatever reason.”
22. AITJ For Getting My Partner Her Own Salt Shakers?
“So I (26 F) live with my partner (24 F) and have been for a few years. She has a habit of picking things up, wandering off, and putting them down wherever she is when she’s done using them.
When we first moved in together she used to borrow my hairbrush and leave it in the bedroom or the living room. She’s done the same things with remote controls and lotion bottles. I’ve asked her to just put things back where she finds them, and usually, she apologizes and tries to remember, especially if it’s mine and she’s just borrowing it.
A few months ago the salt shaker started to disappear.
I’m the one who does most of the cooking, and the cleaning if I’m being honest, so I use it fairly frequently. It has a space in our spice rack right next to the stove top so it’s within easy reach.
After it disappeared the first time I was hunting on my hands and knees, under the counters, and between this gap we have where the fridge doesn’t meet the wall. Our cat knocks his toys in there and the shaker WAS small.
Like 15 minutes later I found it sitting on her desk.
I dismissed it at first, but it kept happening. The shaker would be at her desk in her office, or in the living room, the dining room, and even our bedroom. I was getting frustrated, so I asked her why she was even taking it out of the kitchen.
She told me it was to salt her food. When I told her she could just salt it in the kitchen she told me she needed to taste it to know if it was salty, and I was being unreasonable for expecting her to do all that while standing in the kitchen.
I bought a small pack of those little deli-size salt and pepper bags and put them at her desk, and she told me that I could use them if I liked them so much, then threw them out and took the salt shaker back.
I bought another salt shaker, and she took that one too, and left the old (now empty) one in the kitchen.
She told me it was too hard to refill the first one.
I got kinda mad and tied my saltshaker to the cabinet handle, then bought her a new salt shaker with her name on it for the living room, dining room, bedroom, and office.
She got mad at me for being so petty and broke the tied shaker and spilled the salt all over the floor, then lied and said it was an accident and my fault for tying it there, to begin with.
It’s dissolving into a bigger fight than I ever thought it would be.
Is it my fault?”
21. AITJ For Being Mad At A 13-Year-Old Girl For Pushing Me Into The Pool?
“My friend’s daughter (13) just really gets on my nerves. She does things that annoy me when she comes to my house (walks on my mattress with her dirty feet, uses stuff & doesn’t put it away, not a polite guest), is rude, and has no manners.
Her mom is loving and just lets her be. None of my business, I just can’t be around her long without being annoyed.
First work gathering I’ve been to. I noted I didn’t want to go in the pool because I had just eaten and wanted to wait a little longer because our friends’ dogs were swimming in the pool and it grossed me out.
Wasn’t criticizing, but thought that noting my reason would get people to understand and not pressure me to do something I didn’t want to. My coworkers know how I am and I knew they would not be offended. Being a germophobe, I 100% would’ve been freaking out thinking about the water being dirty instead of enjoying my time.
No big deal. I could still socialize and have a good time without swimming with others who were swimming and those who weren’t.
Again, she was being really rude. Complaining about the food, the music, everything. I was annoyed with her to begin with and at this point, all it would take was for her to be personally rude towards me to react.
Next thing I know she shoves me in the pool. Yep, made me mad! It was ‘go in because I want you to and don’t care about or respect your decision so I will shove you’. She and I don’t joke together or even talk to each other.
She didn’t even do it in good fun. Her intent was just ‘I want to shove her’. Immediately after getting my head above water I sternly said ‘I don’t like that’, got out, laid in the chair, kept to myself, and read as I was not in the best mood after that, no matter how hard I wanted to act it.
However, I made sure not to be rude or lose control as much as I would’ve liked to. My reaction did make things awkward as nobody really talked to me after that.
Her mom didn’t scold her or anything. Later I heard the kid talking with her friend on the phone, saying I’m ‘so annoying’ because I did not like getting shoved in the pool.
It left me wondering if her mom and our coworkers were left thinking negatively of me for reacting to a KID.
I feel bad because my friend is a great friend and has helped me in grand ways – the biggest one being that she landed me a job at her job and it changed my life forever.
It helped dig me out of poverty, afford full independence and leave an abusive situation, buy my first car, and finally afford college. I owe her so much. She has shown up in good and bad times and I really do love and appreciate her.
I don’t think the kid is a jerk. Obnoxious, rude? Yes. But just a kid. Learning, becoming, not at fault for acting this way since bad manners are not even pointed out to her. But AITJ for reacting this way towards the kid when her mom has been so good to me?
Was this a jerk move?
Edit: this wasn’t a work event, just a Labor Day get-together, a party-type thing we organized as work friends. The pool wasn’t deep and I was in my swimsuit so the kid probably didn’t think it was dangerous or a big deal.”
Just ignore the little wretch until the next time she does something rude to you. Then, take her directly to her mother and say, "I'm not sure why your daughter insists on doing XYZ to me every time we meet, but it needs to stop now. The next time she is rude to me or damages something of mine will be the last. Please control your child." You will probably end up losing your friend over this, but it sounds like the daughter is to be avoided at all costs.
20. AITJ For Rejecting My Mom's Idea For Me And My Wife To Get Our Vows Renewed?
“My parents separated around the time I got engaged to my now wife. Neither of them handled it well, especially as they got into the actual divorce process. My dad was wasted all the time, fooling around with 21-year-olds, and my mom was mean and throwing fits, screaming, crying, and guilt-tripping.
It was very hard on me because I know that isn’t who they are.
My wife has never gotten along with my mom. Around the time of the wedding, they weren’t even on speaking terms, but my parents always promised they would pay for certain things (college, wedding, help with the first house) so they honored that process.
Now my wife knows that their money comes with some strings attached and we did talk about having a smaller wedding, but she said no she wanted to let them pay.
My mom was crazy during the planning. She cried non-stop. At first, I tried to comfort her, but then I got sick of it and honestly told her to shut up.
My dad’s trashy partner tried getting involved, and I asked my wife again if she wanted to cancel and do something we could afford. She said no.
On the day of the wedding, my mom and wife got into a big fight while getting ready because my mom was monopolizing the makeup artist. My mom ended up throwing a fit, crying about how no one cares what she is going through, and yelling at my MIL in front of everyone that her daughter is racist (one of the big reasons they hate each other is because my wife doesn’t think my parents should talk in front of her in Spanish).
My mom threatened to cancel everything and my wife was in tears before our big day.
During the reception, my parents got into a fight in the hall, which they both claimed they didn’t think anyone could hear. Yeah, we could hear it. Both of their new partners were involved, they pretty much got back together in front of said new partners, and then ran off, so obviously everyone was talking about that.
People still bring it up with how ‘romantic’ that was. My wife was furious and I totally backed her.
The issue is it is 3 years later and she continues to bring it up and say she will never forgive them. She is furious because my mom recently had a huge 50th birthday and ‘She didn’t deserve it’.
She brought it up again at a family dinner and there was a fight. My mom said she would pay for a vow renewal if my wife would shut up about it.
My wife jumped at this and wants a 5 year vow renewal, but I don’t for a couple of reasons 1) it is embarrassing after only 5 years 2) I gave her multiple chances to back out of the first wedding 3) our marriage isn’t good right now, we are in counseling, and it would just feel fake 4) I feel weird when they spent so much money on the first one.”
In your shoes, I would address one issue to each of the women in your life and then make sure they both know the subjects are closed.
To your wife, I would say yes, what your parents did on your wedding day was heinous, but it was three years ago, there's nothing that can change the past, and your wife needs to drop it and move on if you're to have any kind of future together. Then close the subject.
To your mother, I would say that her offer to pay for the vow renewal is very kind, but now is not a good time to be considering it, and you will revisit the matter if and when the opportunity presents itself. Then close the subject.
At no time should you allow either of the women in your life to further discuss their issues with you, unless it's for them to tell you that they've made a decision. But more kvetching about the past will not be tolerated or responded to, period. Time for them both to stop acting like mean high school girls. Good luck, and you are in my prayers.
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Concert Ticket That Costs 20 Times The Amount I Agreed On?
“A few months ago my husband’s niece called me to invite my youngest daughter to a concert of an artist she really likes. She told me she was buying the tickets for her and her sister online and that she found really good seating for only 150 dollars.
I have to say, my husband’s family does not really like me and we have had many strains in the past, I decided to put it aside for my daughter’s sake. Since we would be traveling to another city for this concert, I thought it’d be nice if she didn’t attend the concert on her own.
I agreed to pay for the 150 dollars and that was it.
That same day my husband’s brother-in-law called me to tell me her daughter had made a mistake and instead of buying the 150-dollar tickets, she bought three tickets of 3,000 dollars per ticket.
Since it seemed like a mistake I told him to call the bank, web page, or do anything possible to cancel the purchase.
My husband’s sister and her husband live a very limited life, there was simply no way that they could afford a ticket for 3,000 dollars, let alone 2.
To make a long story short, they weren’t able to cancel the purchase since the bank actually called him and he accepted the crazy transaction, in the rush of the moment I suppose.
They took a loan from the bank and asked if I could help a little. It was okay since the concert was in 5 months at the moment and they could resell them at the same site they bought them. I agreed to give them some money to help and ended up giving about 750 (a few times the price of the ticket I was willing to buy $150).
Still after a very long list of mistakes, the tickets did not resell.
My husband started getting calls from every family member asking if we would be paying my daughter’s part of the ticket but I refused profusely. Our economy is a tad better than theirs but not good enough to pay for a 3,000-dollar ticket that I did not accept in paying.
On the day of the concert, they went to the city and tried reselling them outside the venue, I believe they received a total of 1500 for 2 tickets and since the other one did not sell, they let my husband’s niece go enjoy the concert.
Now the thing is, they used 1 ticket and sold 2 for 1500 (I did not get the ticket at any moment so I could figure out what to do with it) and they want me to pay the full 3,000 + the interest of the bank loan.
If they wanted me to pay why didn’t they give me the ticket?
My husband’s family is not talking to us now, calling us all types of names for refusing to pay.
So am I the jerk for not paying for a ticket that was priced 20 times what I agreed to pay even after I did not receive it?
Should I have managed this a different way?
Edit:
1. There were definitely $3,000+ tickets for this concert.
2. I saw the screenshot of the online ticket purchase.
3. My BIL preferred to take a loan from the bank to pay for the credit card instead of losing his credit.
4. It was my understanding that I would get the 750 back after they sold the tickets, but since the tickets sold for too little, I don’t think they will be giving it back.
I am not sure how the ticket sales work, and to this day I still have many questions about it, but the real reason why this went as far as it went is beyond me.”
Also sounds very fishy that the bank had to get involved. Who goes directly through the bank to pay for concert tickets? No one, that's who. Everyone puts them on a credit/debit card, doesn't wire transfer money. All they had to do was cancel the transaction off their credit card and that would be that. I'm sure they did show you the screenshot of the online purchase - right before they cancelled it. And your brother "accepted the crazy transaction, in the rush of the moment I suppose. They took a loan from the bank and asked if I could help a little."? Seriously? His kid just spends $9000 he doesn't have and then he takes out a loan for MORE? Yeah, that makes zero sense. And if it doesn't make sense, it isn't true.
I'm so sorry your husband's family are a bunch of liars and thieves, but it's the only scenario that makes any sense. Not another penny to any of them, and I would think about retaining an attorney to subpoena their bank records and look into this mess. And sue, if it turns out they stole from you. Good luck.
18. AITJ For Hiding My Menstrual Products From My In-Laws?
“I (23 F) moved in with my in-laws a little over a year ago after getting married. I have a sister-in-law who is 14, my MIL, and their maid who are all menstruating.
MIL finds it ‘shameful’ to discuss menstrual cycles or anything period-related. We had an argument when I called my husband to tell him I ran out of pads and she saw him enter the house with a bag of them.
Apparently, he shouldn’t even know what they are let alone be purchasing them for me.
SIL started her cycle shortly after I moved in. MIL is going through menopause and so is their maid. All of this to say they all have irregular cycles.
Mine is regular, frequent, and heavy… I can easily get through 14 heavy-duty pads in a day.
Over the past 9 months, I realized that every time I needed pads there were none left or they were down to one or two. I realized everyone else was using my pads instead of buying their own.
I spoke to the other women in the house and explained that I appreciate that they might get caught short but if they could replace the pads or at least tell me they had run low so I would have some.
Every 3 weeks it’s the same thing, I never have pads even though I had at least a few when my cycle ended. So I bought a mini storage locker thing and put it in my en suite bathroom and I have the only key.
(This is also where the pads were anyway, so basically they were rifling through our bedroom frequently to access them.)
SIL found out the hard way and tattled to MIL who went off on me for being self-centered and unsympathetic. I told her I was tired of being taken advantage of and if she was so worried about her daughter then she should actually take steps to provide for her.
She dragged her husband into it too and said she would throw me out if I didn’t apologise for my comments and actions. He reminded her that we move out in 2 months anyway and that if she wants me out then we will gladly leave early.
She backed down but there was tension between the in-laws and my husband and me, with them giving us the silent treatment. Maybe I should not have locked my pads away?”
17. AITJ For Being Disappointed About How Father's Day Went For Me?
“I am a father of a 2-year-old boy and was looking forward to a nice relaxing/fun day on Father’s Day yesterday.
Not going to lie, I was looking forward to getting pampered for the day and sometimes I just need 2 days mentally (Father’s & Birthday Day) to really feel loved and to see how much effort people will reciprocate back to you.
My wife and I have dedicated weekend mornings to being able to sleep in.
Saturdays have been my sleep-in day and Sundays have been hers. Even though Father’s Day fell on one of my mornings, I assumed that I would be able to sleep in. Especially since I let my wife sleep in the entire Mother’s Day weekend.
Also side note, my wife didn’t ask me once the week prior what I wanted to do on Father’s Day.
This is how the day started:
6:05 am: Cats getting anxious. Start meowing for food.
6:10 am: Cats now are jumping on the bed for food. My wife pushes them off and goes back to sleep.
6:15 am: Cats now fully jumping on and off the bed to get one of us to feed them.
Wife rolls over.
Okay, guess I’ll not be sleeping in today… So I get up and feed the cats. Unfortunately, I’m the type of person that once I get up, I’m up for the day.
6:30 am – Son wakes up. He’s in a happy mood.
I get him we hang out watching cartoons.
7:45 am – Wife gets up. Makes herself a cup of coffee. Doesn’t offer me any, but wishes me a happy Father’s Day.
8:00 am – Ask if we have any plans for breakfast. She says no.
Awesome…
8:15 am – I’m at the grocery store, a little ticked off now, shopping for my own breakfast. Pickup some has browns, bacon, and eggs.
8:30 am – Back home, started making breakfast. Wife comes in halfway through cooking and asks ‘Need me to do anything?’ Nope already halfway through cooking my own breakfast.
8:50 am – We are all sitting down at the table eating breakfast. I’m clearly upset that this isn’t how I imagined my Father’s Day morning would start.
I ask my wife if she is able to be ready to leave at 9:30. She asks ‘Why?’ I reply, to go to the zoo. I would like to go to the zoo today before we meet up with our family at noon. She then responded that she could but I should have told her earlier so it wouldn’t be such a rush.
That’s where I couldn’t hold it anymore.
Me – ‘Well you never asked me once this week what I wanted to do!’
Her – ‘Is that why you’ve been upset this morning?’
Me – ‘I wanted to sleep in, I wanted something different for breakfast, and I would have liked to be out of the house by 9 a.m. this morning.’
Her – ‘Well why didn’t you just tell me? It’s not fair the get upset at me if you never told me you wanted it.’
Me – ‘Because I wanted some effort from you and honestly I shouldn’t have had to ask you if I wanted to sleep, it’s more of a given in my eyes.’
We didn’t talk basically until we got to the zoo.
The rest of the day went fine and my dad agreed with me. However, friends and coworkers are saying I was asking for too much and ‘That’s life for ya’, no reason to get upset.
Am I the jerk?”
Next time, get your head out of your @*$, stop waiting for everyone to anticipate your needs, and TALK about what you want on your special days. Your toddler has more maturity than you do. Shame on you.
16. AITJ For Being On Very Low Contact With My Mom After She Told People At School About My Personal Life?
“My mother is a gossip. Anything she hears, she must tell everyone. Immediately. No matter what it is, no matter if she’s been asked not to talk about it, she’ll spill the beans to anyone willing to listen.
I’ve had MULTIPLE talks with her about it, starting about 11 years ago, and she’s never changed. Her responses are usually along the lines of ‘But they’re my friends, why can’t I talk to them?’ ‘This is abusive. You’re being very controlling right now.’ And more recently, ‘Do you control your husband like this too?
I feel bad for him.’
Up until last year, I sucked it up and was just very careful with what I said around her. I didn’t tell her anything too personal, and all was good. My then-fiancé (now husband) and I moved, and my family offered to help.
I, unfortunately, lulled into a false sense of security by years of no major incidents, agreed. In the process of moving, my mother went through our stuff and found personal items.
She proceeded to tell EVERYONE about the things she found. I asked her to stop, and she went home and told her coworkers about it.
Normally this wouldn’t be a huge deal, but she works at my former high school. Now most of my old high teachers know the details of my personal life. It’s like a nightmare come to life. Do I have to interact with them in any way, shape, or form?
No. But knowing they all know? Hearing my mother gleefully go over their reactions over the phone? It’s horrifying.
Now, we’re in very low contact. I rarely visit, they don’t come to our house, and my mother is the last person to know anything about my life.
My mother has been begging me to get over it, but I haven’t even gotten an apology. Normally I’d just ignore it, but my brother (who is usually level-headed) is saying she’s been punished enough and I need to let it go.
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Clapping Back At A Woman At The Gym Who Uses A Treadmill Just To Stare At Her Phone?
“There’s a line of 12 treadmills at my (F, mid-40s) gym.
1 through 4 face a window, and 5 through 12 face a wall, but they have TV monitors on them as well as a smartphone dock (1 through 4 have neither of these things). #2 and #3 have the best view out the window, but 3 has a wonky belt so 2 is my favorite.
1 and 4 have less appealing views but are still acceptable. By ‘view,’ I’m not talking about a beautiful beach or forest or anything like that, it’s just the parking lot and the connecting roads beyond it, but I still like it. It helps pass the time on the treadmill and keeps me from looking at the display too often by watching people come and go from the gym and the medical building next door, counting cars, and using the traffic lights to determine how long it will be before I look at the display again.
And during the winter when I would get to the gym before the sun came up, I loved watching the sunrise. Anyway, it helps keep me interested and motivated.
Usually, it’s not a problem for me to get #2 at the time of day I go.
But yesterday when got there, there were already people using 2 and 4, and since I don’t like 3, I hopped on 1. The view isn’t nearly as good, but them’s the breaks. I could see the woman next to me on 2 out of the corner of my eye, and she had her phone propped up on the display and was reading a book or something.
From what I could see, she didn’t look up from her phone more than maybe two or three times the whole time she was there. We did our thing for about 30 minutes, and when I was finished I went to do the rest of my workout.
Later on, in the locker room, the woman who had been on 2 came up to me and said, ‘I think it’s really rude that you got on the treadmill next to me when there were open machines farther down the line.’ She wasn’t mean about it or anything, but I kind of gaped at her for a minute and then replied, ‘Well, I think it’s rude for you to use one of the treadmills right in front of the window and then stare at your phone the whole time.’ Then I grabbed my stuff and left. AITJ?”
Both of you need to be a little less self absorbed and a little more tolerant of people who don't make exactly the same choices you would.
14. AITJ For Embarrassing My Project Partner In Front Of The Class?
“I (17 F) had a project due yesterday and I was teamed with a guy I’ve never really talked with (18 M), I’m on top of my class, but I like to think that I’m not like those nerd bullies or the typical ‘I’ll do everything and just write your name’.
I have ADHD and dyslexia, I know what it’s like to struggle with assignments.
This was a very basic design magazine/fanzine project about eco-architecture but the hard part was putting it all together and getting it to look good and legible, my partner whom I’ll call Mason was in charge of half of the pages (6) contact (4 referenced pictures, 3 hand-drawn sketches and 1 foundation and beam detail that we could take from ArchDaily and reference it) while I was in charge of the rest 6 pages, with 2 referenced pictures, 6 hand-drawn sketched and the design of the 12 pages with titles and text.
He was showing me his progress constantly and he was always missing something, I usually pointed it out gently and when he didn’t understand it, I explained it again with no problem. In the end, he said he didn’t understand how the finished product should look and I asked (because I know some people may take offense to this) if he wanted me to write him a step-by-step instruction of the things he must do.
He said yes and that that would be very helpful so I did.
It really was a: 1. Reference the images by writing Figure 1. Name. Source: Name of Source list and I showed it to him first so he could read it and tell me if he needed something more or less.
He said thanks.
When he sent me his part, a bunch of things that were on the list were still missing or wrong, so I had to stay until 3 a.m. to fix all of his mistakes, I didn’t say anything because I knew he did his best, but I did vent with a friend that I was tired because he didn’t finish the product right and that I wanted to sleep, he overheard me and called me a control freak in front of the class and said that I actually send him a step by step list of how I wanted the magazine and people gave me dirty looks, I felt quite ashamed and I answered ‘Well, it’s not my fault that even with a step by step list you couldn’t do things right’ and people laughed at him.
He backed off.
My friend said I was a jerk because I didn’t have to embarrass him in front of the class but I don’t get it, I wasn’t even talking bad about him I was just venting.”
13. AITJ For Getting Offended By A Coworker's Joke?
“When I was a kid I was an extreme chatterbox and my family often teased me mercilessly for it, including giving me nicknames like, ‘Mouth’, ‘Pest’, ‘Mouth of the South’.
If I tried to speak I was teased by older family members and if I tried not to speak I was teased. I didn’t know I was ADD/ADHD, only being diagnosed a few years ago, along with being diagnosed with Autism, which explains a whole lot.
My older brother was ADD/ADHD as well as ODD and the adults in our life did not handle it well. I saw how he was handled and trained myself to be different. I have some issues with needing to be wanted and liked and I’ve never really had any friends so I tend to overcompensate in conversations.
I am working on this and am proud to say I have trained myself to say less, listen more, and not get excited. I never want to bother anyone else with my personality.
I am a hostess at a restaurant and on weekends we use two hostesses because we get busy.
We have a new girl, ‘Amy’, who works with me on weekends. The first day we worked together we learned we had a lot in common and conversation flowed easily. I admit to having gotten way too excited and I dominated the conversation. I apologized the next time we worked together and told her that I was just so happy we had so much in common that I got a little over the top.
I told her that if I ever start to annoy her she can tell me and I’ll stop talking and it won’t hurt my feelings, in fact, it would ultimately be helpful for me but I also recognize that it’s not her job to make me a better person.
We were training another girl, ‘Missy’, and the three of us got along really well. Recognizing that I’d been a little much the last couple of times Amy and I worked together I said less and listened more. But, as happens with me, we found a topic on which I am very well informed and passionate, and off went my mouth like a Concord airplane.
I apologized to both of them when I finished for being so over the top and said I’d do better. Amy said to Missy, ‘Watch out for HarperPittfalls, she likes to run her mouth and sometimes it’s hard getting her to shut up. I usually tone her out and let her talk.
Sometimes I’m amazed that she manages to get air when she never stops talking.’
That hurt, and the hurt showed on my face before I could hide it. Amy told me, ‘Oh, my God, let it go, I was joking, don’t be so sensitive.
Learn to take a joke.’ I tried to explain why I was hurt but she just kept telling me I needed to be less emotional. I apologized again and for the rest of the day I made a real effort to talk less but by the end of the day, Amy said to Missy, ‘Now she’s hurt and she’s trying to prove that she doesn’t need to talk.
HarperPittfalls, take a joke.’
I learned from another coworker that she was talking about this situation with another hostess and that she was not being exactly polite.
AITJ for not being able to take a joke?”
Your co worker, however, IS a jerk, and not a teeny tiny one. Her "joke" wasn't one, and she tried to make herself feel better for hurting your feelings by saying it was.
Basically ESH. But please, keep yourself more to yourself, be quiet and respectful at your job. You can run your mouth when you get home. But also don't let your co workers insult you like that. Good luck.
12. AITJ For Not Paying For My Niece's Missing Earring?
“I (29 f) have a small daycare in my home, and my sister (27 f) brings her 2-year-old 3 days a week. When she first started, my niece was 4 months old.
My sister has always dressed her kid in expensive brand-name stuff, which wasn’t an issue at the start.
When my niece started getting older and more active, she would naturally get her clothes a little dirty, or her hair messed up. This was a high issue for my sister, who requested that I not let her play with the other kids, and feed her separately, so I could make sure she doesn’t get messy.
I told her I couldn’t because I have 3 other toddlers in my care. I asked if my niece could be brought in play clothes rather than expensive ones, so she could have fun with everyone else. She doesn’t. I also reminded her that my daycare has a policy that we’re not responsible for the last items. (She’s also the only one who tries to bring her own toys and blankets in).
She didn’t listen, but I just bought my niece some play clothes to keep here. Kids get dirty, it happens, and I’m not going to get yelled at again for getting play dough on her white vans, etc.
A few weeks ago, my sister called me at midnight to tell me that my niece was missing an earring.
It was apparently a real diamond and had a regular back, not a toddler-proof screw-on one. I looked but told her we spent most of the day outside, so it could be anywhere. She didn’t pay me for that week and messaged me daily to ask if I found it yet.
She’s asking that I pay to buy her a new set, and our parents agree. I will not pay for the earring, as my sister has refused to follow my daycare rules and put her in age-appropriate stuff while she’s here.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Kicking My Son Out For Him To Mature?
“I (44 F) will start by saying that my son (‘Luke’) is 18 years old, he is not a child, and he purposefully peed on his bed multiple times.
We have a housekeeper (‘Mary’) who helps me with the laundry, cleaning, etc and she only brought it up after it had already happened over and over again. I could tell she was very uncomfortable when she explained the situation, she said she had been cleaning and washing our son’s sheets over and over for almost a week and she was concerned.
After having a conversation with Luke, he unashamedly told us that he was doing that purposefully to annoy Mary because apparently, he does not like the way she talks to him. He said Mary keeps telling him to scrape the leftovers from his plates in the garbage can, not in the sink (as he usually does which ends up clogging the pipes), and quote ‘She didn’t even thank me for doing the dishes, it’s literally her job if I do it and it happens to clog the pipes that not my problem, I want her gone and if you’re not gonna fire her I’ll make her quit’.
Luke is our only child and has always had reprehensible behaviors, he has gone to therapy multiple times but currently refuses to go. You could argue that it’s a result of bad parenting, and frankly yes, whenever he shows bad behavior my husband doesn’t take it seriously, he thinks Luke is just a normal teen boy doing ‘boy things’.
My son is not ‘scared’ of me, he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t wanna work or go to college, and he is not afraid of any consequences because he knows his dad will let him off.
Of course I love my son, but after what he said regarding this incident I kicked him out.
I told him Mary was not going anywhere and that he was going to pack his things and find a place to rent with the money his dad gave him. My husband believes my reaction to this situation was too extreme and he was on my son’s side, but Luke decided he was going to live with his friend that had been looking for a roommate because ‘he hates me and the only way I’m ever gonna get off his butt is by moving out’.
I am hurt by this, obviously, but as a mother, I think the only way that he’s ever gonna learn and mature is if he moves out and deals with things on his own. My husband is still very upset and this is taking a toll on our marriage, however, I do not want advice and comments regarding my marriage, that’s not the point of this story.
I want different perspectives from different people and that is why I’m here, my husband firmly believes I am a jerk for kicking our son out, so, am I really a jerk?”
10. AITJ For Wanting To Split Expenses With My Partner According To Income?
“I’m (27 M) in a long-distance relationship with my partner (30F), 2.5 years together of which 1 long distance.
She got a job offer in my city with a good salary and will be making roughly 35% more than me. I believe we should split our expenses proportionally based on income (especially rent which is crazy here). She doesn’t agree.
Her arguments are:
I interviewed with her company in her city and the salary estimate they gave me was higher than hers.
She mentioned splitting things proportionally and I refused. In the end, they changed their mind and I didn’t get the job. She feels it’s unfair that now that she’s the one making more, I changed my mind.
I have also told her that in my opinion finances shouldn’t be mixed until we are married. For example, if I lost my job, I wouldn’t expect her to support me financially since we weren’t married.
Things would be different if our salary was dramatically different or if I was barely getting by, but I still have a very good salary, and my expenses will decrease anyway since everything will be split. She says it’s not like I can’t afford half of what is the rent budget we agreed on (it would be equivalent to 30% of my salary for me and 24% for her).
Moving to my city with a higher cost of living where she probably wouldn’t live if it wasn’t for me, leaving her friends and a job that she likes, would already be a compromise. She feels that I don’t give her the security she would like in our relationship (long story), but she is willing to make the leap of faith.
However, she would be more comfortable splitting things 50-50, and maybe revisit this in the future. To be fair, she also said that she would compensate by paying more restaurants, etc., but she doesn’t want to feel like it is an obligation.
My arguments are:
When she brought this up when I was interviewing for her company, I said no as an impulse response and half as a joke. The conversation died there since I never got the offer. Now that she has a real offer I thought about it more and I think it’s not fair that one of us gets to save more money.
Also, that was 1 year ago, and our relationship has become more serious since. If I were to get a higher salary than her someday, I would still want to split things proportionally.
Splitting things proportionally is not mixing finances, it’s being fair and making sure everyone saves equally.
She is about to move here to start our life together, and she is talking about finances and being selfish/stingy, this isn’t really a ‘couple’ way of thinking. Also, she likes to eat out once a week, maybe twice, and travel, so if we split things 50-50 she will have to sacrifice those things since I won’t have as much spending money as her and want to save more as well.
So, AITJ for wanting to split things proportionally?”
Please do both of you a favor - break up with this long suffering woman and grow up before you get into another relationship. You're far too selfish and immature to be in a relationship with someone else. You're pathetic.
9. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter's Stepdad To Pay For The Toys He Threw Away?
“I (M 36) divorced my ex-wife 3 years ago. We have a 6-year-old daughter together. My ex-wife got remarried recently to this guy named ‘Aaron’. He’s 2 years younger than me and he and my ex had a long-distance relationship. I had some concerns about that specifically because I really believe that my daughter and Aaron didn’t take enough time to get to know each other.
So anyway, I went on a business travel that lasted well over 8 months, I stayed in contact with my daughter but I didn’t know that every toy I sent her since I went away was taken and dumped by Aaron. Now I didn’t know the full story, all I knew was that my daughter hadn’t received any of the toys I’d been sending her for the past few months.
I further investigated and found out that Aaron was responsible for the disappearance of these toys for some unknown reason.
I came back last week and I had a long discussion with my ex-wife about it, turns out Aaron admitted to her that he threw away every single toy before my daughter even saw them.
My ex-wife mentioned something about Aaron struggling with a mental disorder and some of the toys had triggered him. When I spoke to him he said that it’s his house and he had the right to decide what is and what is NOT allowed in it.
I got so mad we had a big argument when we started screaming at each other, I told him I expect him to pay me for each and every toy he threw away or I’d take his butt to court. My ex-wife urged me to leave but I told her I’m not letting this go.
She called my family asking them to get me to drop it because, again… Aaron is going through mental health issues and can not: (A) be held responsible for some of his behaviors and (B) afford money to pay me back for the toys because of medical debts.
My family said they’re just toys that my daughter didn’t even know about, and said that clearly Aaron’s dealing with some stuff and I should be more sympathetic to mental health struggles since they’re real. I said I wouldn’t let this go and that his issues weren’t my issues.
Though, my family is known to side with my ex-wife just to keep the peace and I’m sick of it, She’s begging me to let it go still but I refused.”
Go to small claims court and file suit against your ex's husband AND your ex, bring your receipts and demand restitution for each and every one of the toys that heinous jerk threw out. She can't claim she didn't know what he was doing because it happened several times, and she apparently did nothing to stop him. Then go to family court and file suit against your ex for full custody of your daughter, with supervised visitation only for your ex and none for her husband. If a mother can stand by and watch her man abuse her daughter like that, she doesn't deserve to have unsupervised contact with the child. Good luck, and I wish you and your daughter all the best.
8. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute 250 Euros To Give To The Woman Who Offered Us An Accommodation During Our Trip?
“My friend (21 f), we will call her A, and I (28 f) went on holiday last week to a European destination.
A came to me a while ago and suggested we should go on this holiday because a family friend had a house there and offered for us to stay there if we visited the area.
Obviously, like any normal person, I thought this was a great opportunity. There was a bit of back and forth where the dates we could be there kept changing, so we didn’t book our flights until really close to our leaving, making the already expensive flights even more expensive, but hey that was fine because we weren’t paying for accommodations.
So I rent the car for when we get there and pay insurance. I pay all that myself, as thank you for hooking us up with this connection on the accommodations.
Anyway, the holiday is great, drinks, clubs, shopping all the things two women in their 20s do on holidays.
The last night we were there, she sprang on me that she wanted to give the woman who offered the house a few hundred euros as a thank you. I said I didn’t have the budget to do that, as it was never in my budget to begin with.
The subject was dropped.
We fly home today, we drive from the airport home and then I get a text message saying she was going to give the woman €500, because ‘it’s the right thing to do’. I explained once again, I did not have the budget to give her €250.
And told her it wasn’t fair to spring this on me after we had already gone on the trip. I told her if I had known it was gonna cost me this much more I would have taken the money for the flights and car and gone to a cheaper destination within that budget.
She said I have to pay her back because it’s the right thing to do. I have offered her €100 to cover the electricity or whatever because that’s all I can afford. But she still keeps saying I can just say her back in installments.
So, am I the jerk?”
7. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Pay For My Husband's Family's Inheritance?
“My husband is terminally ill, and yesterday we were told that he has several weeks to live.
I’ve been my husband’s primary carer since being diagnosed 8 months ago and have been doing everything to support him including sacrificing my work.
A few months ago, we started to develop his will with the consultation of a lawyer in estate planning.
My husband is leaving a large portion of his estate to his family, which I am very supportive of. As such, his will outlines that his family receives all this money from his estate. The problem is, that in Australia, the 401k he has is a primary part of his wealth and is by law left to the spouse, not the estate.
That means that to pay for all these gifts, it would have to come out of either selling our home, or me using my inheritance money to settle the gifts. My husband is comfortable with the will, and in me fulfilling his wishes by either selling our home or using my inheritance as his partner to settle the gifts.
Either way, the gifts are going to be paid and the will is absolutely valid.
Tonight, an uncle of my partner turns up from another state and starts explaining the above, stating that the family is at risk of not receiving the inheritance because the will only includes the estate – and emphasis here, by law the spouse is to receive the 401k (superannuation we call it here).
The will specifies I receive anything left after the gifts. He asks me to sign a handwritten deed, stating that I will fund his family’s gifts using the 401k money, or my own money. In other words, forcing my hand in paying them their gifts, if his estate doesn’t cover it.
I took great offense to this and stated this is incredibly disrespectful and insulting, especially since my husband didn’t ask for this, that he has very limited time and we’re wasting it on political and legal issues, and most importantly, that you would question me as his husband in my ability to fulfill my dying husband’s final wishes.
I quickly broke into tears, left the room, and refused to speak to the uncle. Before I left I said I would review the contract, but not before my lawyer reviewed it. My husband was very sad when I left the room and was mad at the uncle for doing this to me.
I feel like this uncle is meddling in our affairs as husbands. He is trying to look out for his family, but in doing so, has shown me the little trust he has in me as the man my husband picked all these years ago, married, and am now losing.
I have seen this uncle a few times a year over the duration of our relationship. Of course, I would fulfill my husband’s wishes, and my whole life is him. I’m shocked we would spend this time on the semantics of how money is distributed than to be present with my beautiful man in his final moments.
AITJ for not signing this handwritten deed?”
6. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Dinner Party?
“I (female 24) have an older sister ‘Sarah’ (33). For years growing up Sarah has always thought she was better than everyone, she has a group of friends that she likes to talk a lot of crap about but then be nice to their faces.
My partner (m 26) and I have been together for 5 years.
We are in no way financially ready to be engaged/married as we are saving for a house that we’d like to buy.
We were all at a family dinner at our grandparents when Sarah decided to kick up about how my partner hasn’t proposed to me (we have spoken about it before) and that she thinks it’s time that we start settling down to have a wedding and children.
I told her that we were not interested in that right now as we had plans — she began to act like my 5-year-old nephew, stomping her feet at the dinner table. She had made the remark saying that she only wanted to see if our wedding would be better than her own wedding that she had 3 years ago.
She likes to compare things.
Recently I decided to throw a dinner for friends and family. Everything was going well, everyone was getting along. While I was in the kitchen making food, Sarah decided to come in and ‘help me’ by leaning against the side while I prepared vegetables for our meals.
I was enjoying the quiet until she turned to me and said that I would make such a cute couple with my good friend and that we would look so good together, this took me back to asking her what she had meant by this, her reaction was to snicker and say ‘I meant what I said’ indicating that she wanted to start something in my own home.
I decided that enough was enough and told her to get out and not to come back, when she left with my brother-in-law my parents turned on me saying that I had overreacted and that it was only a joke and that I shouldn’t take it to heart.
AITJ for kicking her out?”
And I'm with rbleah that if your parents continue to side with her, that you won't be seeing them anymore either. Enough with that noise.
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother At My Wedding?
“Between ages 8 and 14, I was fat.
I have three siblings – a brother who is 7 years older than me, a sister who is 10 years older than me, and a brother who is 9 years older than me. If you’re wondering what’s up with the big age gap, my dad had stage 4 cancer among many other health issues before I was born; a doctor told him that he had a better chance of getting struck by lightning than having another child.
Long story short, he always called me his lightning child and never made me feel like an accident or a mistake; he was a great dad.
When I was a kid, my brother, who is 9 years older than me fat-shamed me to the point that I started to have trouble eating.
I got in shape, but I’m 22 now, and I still can’t look at myself in the mirror without hearing my older brother calling me a little fat boy.
When I was 18 and went to University, I made some great friends. One day we were all chatting about high-school bullies, and I told them that my older brother was my bully.
It wasn’t until then that I realized how insane it was. Realizing that my bully was a grown man who caused me to have eating disorders, among other mental health issues was a real wake-up call for me.
Shortly after, my dad died, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about him.
I tried to keep in touch with my brother to see how he was doing, but eventually, we ended up only seeing each other at family gatherings. He would make snide remarks to me, judging what I do for a living (I do research in mathematics, implying my work is useless), making jokes that I’m too skinny.
One day I snapped after he made one of those snide remarks, so I got up and left.
That was 2 years ago. Since then, I have tried to avoid family gatherings that he goes to. My brother knows now that I’m not just some submissive child who will put up with him anymore, so we haven’t had any problems in the past two years, but how are you supposed to have issues with a person you don’t talk to?
My other family members say that I need to talk to him to resolve our issues. They never understand that I have tried to do that for years. I tried doing it once I wasn’t fat anymore, and I tried doing it after our dad died. Eventually, I grew sick of trying to be the bigger person because no matter how hard I try, I’m always disappointed.
I recently got engaged to the love of my life. We have the whole wedding planned now. When we were figuring out who we were inviting, I didn’t think there would be an issue not inviting my brother. I don’t want anything negative associated with one of the best days of my life.
When I told my other brother and my mom that he wouldn’t be invited, they both reacted calmly but said they were disappointed. It turns out they were talking about me behind my back, saying that I’m being very petty about everything.
I told them I would invite him to my wedding.
I don’t know at this point, I need some outside perspective here. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Cousin And His Wife For Losing The Pictures At My Dad's Wedding?
“My dad’s wedding was today. Both families were incredibly happy for my dad and the bride as both of their previous spouses didn’t treat them right. We had a small gathering, instead of a huge wedding, with the bride’s family, then took the bride to our home to take some pictures with my grandfather, who couldn’t attend as he was ill.
When it was time to take the pictures, my cousin’s wife (Mariam) was the photographer. Keep in mind, no one knew how to work the camera besides my cousin, but he said he taught his wife what to do. She took pictures of the entire family, the bride and my dad, and my grandpa with everyone.
When we finished, we wanted to look at all the photos, but there was nothing. We gave the camera to my cousin and he checked the camera, but nothing. He checked the SD card, but nothing. He then asks his wife how she took the pictures, and SHE DID IT THE WRONG WAY.
So no pictures of my dad’s wedding. Great.
I’m mad, my dad is mad, and my younger brother is, too. I go and talk to my cousin and Mariam, but they laugh it off. Turns out, when he called her over, he wasn’t actually teaching her, but flirting instead, so she didn’t know how to take the pictures, YET STILL INSISTED ON TAKING THE PICTURES.
And to top it all off, Mariam decides she’s going to wear the bride’s dress (that the bride had taken off before she and my dad left for a hotel) and TAKE PICTURES WITH HER HUSBAND. Who even does that? I’m absolutely disgusted and livid at the audacity they have but don’t say a thing except to my older sister, who sees me seething with anger.
My sister, along with my aunt, cousins, and Mariam, all say I’m overreacting. My sister says I shouldn’t be mad because they’re not going to beat themselves over it, but they obviously don’t even care, cause they keep laughing it off as a simple mistake.
AITJ for getting mad?”
3. AITJ For Teaching My Daughter A Lesson By Taking Her Computer?
“Last night, my daughter (15) was working on a project for English. She finished her English term a few days ago, but her teacher gave an extension that allowed his students to submit their projects to him on Monday. She procrastinated and started to work on it yesterday.
She had to make a few recordings of herself as part of her script. When she was almost done, her mother came in and asked to see her recordings. We were discussing a sensitive topic as our daughter was filming herself, so her mother wanted to make sure that none of our conversations were picked up (we were having our conversation in the living room, while our daughter was recording in her room).
Our daughter said sure but she wanted to delete some of her videos where she made a few mistakes. Her mother kept pulling her phone away from her, telling her that it would only take a few minutes. Our daughter argued it would be faster if she just deleted her videos before giving them to her mother.
Her mother asked if she did anything inappropriate and was trying to hide it from us and she said of course not.
At this point, I had enough of our daughter’s stubbornness, so to teach her a lesson, I ran to her room and took her computer.
Her mother finished watching the videos and returned her phone to her. My daughter then asked me to give her back her computer, and I told her I wouldn’t. She asked why not and I told her that she needs to learn to be more respectful towards her parents.
She cried that she needed her computer for her project. I told her that she could finish it tomorrow. She said that it was due last night and she couldn’t just wait until today. I told her that was on her for procrastinating. At this point, my daughter was crying and begging me to give back her computer, promising that she wouldn’t procrastinate again.
My wife told me that while I do have valid points (and even scolded our daughter a few times), I was taking it too far and simply let her have her computer so she could make some final changes and then submit it. I refused to do so.
My daughter’s crying, my wife’s attempt at convincing me, and my holding my ground went on for several minutes. After a while, I finally gave in and gave back her computer.”
You're mean, intrusive and controlling. Your daughter and your wife were doing just fine without you until you stepped in. I don't know what got up your butt but you need to find it and kill it before it ruins your relationships with your wife and daughter. If this is how you "parent", I'm surprised your daughter still speaks to you. If this is how you treat your wife, I'm shocked that you're still married. Pipe down and try to act like a human being.
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Best Friend To Move Out When My Partner And I Start Living Together?
“My best friend Sam (32 f) and I (32 m)have been living together for five years now. Originally it was supposed to be a temporary situation because of some health issues she was having, but we decided she would move in permanently when we found out her health wasn’t going to get better.
She’s schizophrenic and blind, along with having various other medical issues, so a lot of daily tasks are difficult for her. Our arrangement is that I cook, clean, drive, and do other things she struggles with, while she pays for all our shared living expenses.
This honestly has been a dream situation for us – it allows me to do my dream job, for which pay isn’t great, without ever really having to worry about finances, while she lives a pretty normal, independent life and gets support with her health issues, plus she never has to do housework.
I met my partner Emma (31 f) three years ago. Sam and Emma were never super close, but they were always friendly and Emma was always super understanding of our living situation and never mentioned having a problem with it to me. Recently we started talking about getting married and moving in together.
While we were discussing it, I mentioned that I didn’t know what would happen to Sam once we got married. Emma got kind of irritated and said Sam would just move out and get her own place finally. I reminded her that it wasn’t that simple, but we started fighting and I asked to change the subject.
It came up again when Emma said something about moving into my apartment, and I told her we couldn’t because it was Sam’s apartment, not mine, and I’d never be able to afford the rent. (Emma has known the whole time about how my financial situation works, this is no surprise to her.
I guess she didn’t know the apartment isn’t mine, but we still have the budget to get a place to live and support ourselves without Sam.)
We started fighting again, I said Sam could never live by herself and I wasn’t sure I could get married if it meant I had to leave her alone, Emma said she needed space to think and drove away.
A couple of hours later she texts me and basically says that I can keep having an emotional affair with Sam if I want, but she won’t put up with it anymore; she doesn’t want to talk to me for a week, and then after that, we can talk about if we want to be together.
I’m seriously so lost and conflicted about what to do. Emma never expressed these opinions before. I completely understand why she’s upset, but Sam isn’t a regular roommate who can just move out. I want to be with Emma and live with her, but I can’t just kick Sam out on the side of the road either.
I’d absolutely be willing to leave Sam if she found another arrangement that worked for her. But I might be a jerk for not being willing to leave Sam without a new caretaker to marry Emma.”
I think you should just bite the bullet and go ahead and marry Sam, and Emily should run as far and as fast away from the two of you as she can. You are an oblivious moron, and a leech as well. I hope you and Sam will be very happy together.
1. AITJ For Deleting A Game From My Partner's PC?
“My partner and I live together and have started to discuss getting engaged and what that would look like for us like joint expenses and how we’d handle our finances. When we were listing out our individual monthly expenses he noted funds put aside for a game that he plays with his brother and sister.
The amount is $90/month. Now I can understand him putting some funds on their accounts since they’re both still in school (one finishing high school and the other in college) but I feel $30 a month for him is a bit excessive, especially for a game that he’s frankly too old to play even if he does only ever play when they do.
I just found out that for Christmas they both asked for $80 worth of credits for their game and he gave it to them. To me, that’s starting to get into alarming spending habits on something intangible and not holding any value so I tried to talk to him about it about how I don’t want him to spend any more money on that game so his brother and sister will have to earn money themselves.
My partner refused and thought I was overreacting over a holiday gift since he doesn’t go wild with it any other time and he pays for it out of funds he sets aside for his fun and hobbies. He doesn’t understand how irresponsible this is and how easily it could get out of control and that kind of money adds up over time.
He could be putting it towards savings or expenses for us.
When he left for work I deleted the game from his PC. I know he can just download it again but I want him to really hear me about this. If we’re going to be engaged that means we should be smarter about our money and if one of us has an issue with how the other is spending, it should be respected and listened to.
Instead of talking to me when I told him what I did and why, he got upset and left the apartment without talking to me at all. He came home but thinks I’m making an issue out of nothing and by doing that, I’m indirectly controlling his brother and sister, and won’t sleep in our room until I apologize and drop it.
So I’m asking outsiders if what I did was really that bad or not. AITJ?”
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