People Wash Their Hands Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stop Buying Me Gifts Because They Cause Allergic Reactions?
“My partner means well but he isn’t very good at taking advice. Specifically our first Christmas together I told him to not buy me any hair, bath, makeup, and skincare products because I have a lot of allergies and he bought me perfume.
I have a fragrance allergy and perfumes make my nose congested and my skin red and rashy. I returned it with the gift receipt and bought myself something I could use and he got upset because I didn’t appreciate his gift. Well I can’t use it?
He said I never told him perfume but I actually got him to change his body cream because it was causing rashes on me because it had fragrance in it but he thought the fragrance in body cream is different than in perfume.
I told him after that to please consult me before buying any gifts and he bought me very expensive white gold earrings without telling me.
I can only wear yellow gold because I have a nickel allergy and I told him I couldn’t wear it my ears get swollen with white gold. I also never wear earrings since high school and my ears are grown in so they would need to be re-pierced.
He got upset and called me high maintenance and was upset he spent so much money and the jewelry can’t be returned but I’m mad he didn’t consult me but he says gifts are supposed to be a surprise and I told him I don’t like surprises because I’m usually allergic to them.
We got into a big fight over the jewelry gift and I told him to please stop buying me gifts and now he is angry that he is putting effort into buying things I don’t want.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He isn’t paying attention to you and what you say.
He’s picking gifts that are easy for him and could be gifted to just about anyone. He’s not picking up on anything you’ve said so 100% behind don’t buy me gifts. Period. Been married to a guy who brings home a lily every single Easter. I’m highly allergic to the smell so every single year I remind him I’m allergic and remove it from the house.
Unless you want this to be your life you’d better reconsider this guy’s value to your long-term goals.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not high maintenance, he’s thoughtless. He bought a gift that was almost entirely fragrant for you after being told you had a fragrance allergy, and his defense was, “I thought that they were different.” Make it make sense.
WHY WOULD THEY BE DIFFERENT? Nope. He didn’t even think that, he just didn’t bother to think at all. He bought earrings for someone who doesn’t have her ears pierced. Why? Because he pays so little attention to you as an individual that he’s LITERALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH that he just assumed that you had your ears pierced (probably because “all girls have their ears pierced” – for the record, I don’t either, for similar reasons to yours) instead of just taking half a second to look at your ears.
He makes the least amount of effort possible, gives you gifts that reflect his complete disinterest in you as a person and the fact that he can’t be bothered to remember the most basic things about you . . . and then calls you unpleasant things like “high maintenance” for pointing out that he’d rather buy you presents that actually HARM you than take 5 minutes to be minimally thoughtful.
You’re clearly NTJ, but I have no idea why you’re staying with him, given his complete lack of interest in you.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ usually when you are first seeing someone is when the guy is actually listening and paying attention to you.
The fact that he is not listening so early on is a very bad sign. You tried twice now to get him to correct his mistakes by again pointing out why the gifts are not suitable, but instead of being embarrassed or apologetic, he doubled down and blamed YOU for his actions, claiming you are high maintenance.
This is a second red flag. 1. He doesn’t respect you enough to listen to the basics of who you are. 2. He doesn’t apologize or try to change but makes you the bad guy. You say he means well, but does he?” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Calling My Frugal Partner A Cheapskate?
“I (20f) have been with my partner (22m) for 2 years. My partner is such an amazing guy. He’s very loving, affectionate, passionate, intelligent and handsome. Though we’re complete opposites. I love shopping, I don’t want receipts and I don’t look at prices when I buy things.
My partner on the other hand has to have receipts for even just one water bottle, he can be in the store comparing prices for what feels like hours, I mean just buy it or not. He has been wearing the same 7 pants and shirts for months now.
I asked him if I should buy new clothes for him. He declined.
This morning I asked what he wanted for his birthday. I told him I’ll buy him anything or let my dad buy it for him. He declined again.
I got irritated and told him he doesn’t have to be such a penny pincher all the time.
I understood he had financial issues growing up, but he doesn’t have to live like that anymore. He just said we’ll talk about it later and left for work. I don’t understand why he’s like this. I’ll do anything for him yet he pushes me away.
I just want to show him how much I love and appreciate him, I absolutely didn’t mean to hurt him. He didn’t seem upset, but he didn’t even give me a kiss or say goodbye. I feel like he’s upset, but isn’t saying anything.
I’m not sure if I offended him. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He’s 22, why do you critique him and insult him for being good with money? It’s a ticket to credit issues/poverty to simply buy whatever he wants without looking at prices.
It’s pretty smart. Then again, you have the option of letting your dad buy you whatever you want so what would you even know about that?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“WOW! Where does one start? First, let’s get this out of the way. A big yes, YTJ.
Your partner sounds like one in a million. I bet there are girls out there just drooling knowing that he’s going to figure you out and dump you. Who the heck wants to be with an entitled person who has no financial sense whatsoever? I’m projecting out a few years thinking, “My God, what if he married her?” You both would be deep in debt and divorced within two years.
Here is how you live a comfortable life and retire with plenty of money in the bank. You watch every penny you spend, make sure nothing is spent frivolously, and invest wisely. As far as I can tell, your partner has got parts of that nailed down.
Good for him. You need a sugar daddy. Find yourself one and let us know how that works out for you.” LDsailor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Having 7 pairs of pants and shirts that you wear regularly is… pretty normal. Like lower than average maybe, but not weird.
Meanwhile, you not looking at prices before you purchase things is wild. It’s very clear you’ve grown up incredibly privileged and quite wealthy, and while that itself doesn’t make you a jerk, your lack of awareness surrounding it does. It sounds like you’re so busy judging your partner for not valuing the same things you do, that you haven’t spent time trying to understand what he values.
Gifts for him should be about him and his interests or wants, but you’re making it about what you think he should want. And for the record, most people over 18 or so would be incredibly uncomfortable with their friend or partner’s parent paying for an expensive gift for them.” sr9876
19. AITJ For Calling My Wealthy Son Selfish For Not Helping His Sister With College Tuition?
“I 48m have two kids Blake 27 and Ella 21. Blake was from my first marriage. My ex-wife and I split up when he was 3. Two years later I met my current wife and a little less than a year after that we had Ella.
Blake comes from wealth; my ex-wife’s family is incredibly wealthy.
This caused friction between him and Ella due to Blake’s grandfather spoiling Blake. He got Blake an expensive sports car on his 16th birthday. Paid all of Blake’s medical school tuition as well as paid for Blake’s wedding coming up in a few months.
Blake has a trust fund he gets access to when he is 28.
I don’t know the exact amount but knowing how wealthy his grandfather is, it is likely a lot.
Blake’s wealth caused Ella to be rather rude towards her brother for most of their lives. Once she was old enough to realize Blake was rich and she wasn’t, she became mean to him and I will admit there have been times she’s taken it too far.
But she is always punished for this.
But you see, Ella can’t afford college. An economic downturn hit my wife and me rather hard and we just can’t afford it and she doesn’t qualify for student loans.
Ella doesn’t think it’s fair that she can’t afford college when Blake had his paid for completely.
She is mad that Blake gets whatever he wants.
A week ago Blake was over. My sister, Blake’s aunt, was there. Blake and his aunt are really close. Blake and my sister are both gay and they bonded over this. She brought up the trust fund asking him what he planned to do with the money.
His current plans are to put money in a college fund for his 5-year-old “son” Sam (I put son in quotation marks because Sam is not his actual kid. Blake’s friend Ria got pregnant in college and Sam’s actual father split on her. Blake, being too nice for his own good, offered to help.
Blake says they never intended for him to be the kid’s father but along the way, the kid started calling him Daddy and they decided that Blake would take on that role). But biologically and legally he is not Blake’s son.
Then he says he plans to use some of the money to pay off Ria’s student loans.
I lost my temper at this. I told Blake he was selfish and entitled to be picking two people he is not related to over family. Telling him how his sister could use the money and he should have thought of her first.
Which resulted in him asking me why he should do anything for a sister who spent their whole lives insulting him.
Again I know her doing this was wrong but imagine watching your brother grow up with everything he wants while you don’t.
He made it clear to me that he was going forward with his original plan. He also mentioned that his plan is to use some of the money to pay Ria’s medical bills as he and his fiancé are planning on having a kid together after the wedding and Ria has agreed to carry it.
We have not spoken since. My sister thinks I’m a complete jerk and tells me my daughter and I are entitled to think we have any right to Blake’s money.
AITJ calling my son selfish and entitled?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Okay if your daughter doesn’t qualify for student loans there’s a reason; you and your wife make enough to pay; and don’t pull the whole “but economic downturn though!” because they base that on previous year’s tax returns so it couldn’t have hit you THAT hard if they still made this decision.
Also, that’s ONE YEAR out of 21 of her life, so what’s been the plan before that? You had it easy street with the first kid because his grandfather paid for everything so my question is what the heck were you doing all this time? My uncharitable guess is you were banking (no pun intended) on someday your son was gonna start funneling his grandparents’ money your way huh?” ironwolf56
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From the way you repeatedly justify and rationalize your daughter’s mean behavior toward your son, I suspect you feel some jealousy and resentment toward him as well. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he knows this and resents you for letting Ella’s behavior continue for so long.
(I know you said you punish her, but obviously, nothing that was serious enough to change her behavior). It is clear that you are biased and have overcompensated Ella by coddling her. I would be surprised if your son ever has much to do with the three of you the further he gets into his adulthood.” DigDugDogDun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everyone involved here are adults, no one owes anything to or is dependent on anyone else. Yes, there is a big disparity between the means available to Blake and Ella, but that’s outside of their control even though it’s had an impact on their relationship as siblings.
I get it can’t have been easy trying to manage this as they grew up, but it sounds like you had a hand in how bad it got through inaction. It is telling that someone kind-hearted enough to help his friend refuses to help his sister.
Says a lot about how he got treated when the bridge was burned.” ScorchieSong
18. AITJ For Disturbing My Husband's Relaxation Time To Get Ready For Brunch With Friends?
“I’m supposed to go out for brunch with my friends for the first time since giving birth 5 months ago. I am my son’s primary caregiver while my husband works.
Until 4 weeks ago when we went to visit family in our home country husband would help with the baby in the evening and on the weekend to give me some time.
Since that visit his mum started saying that baby care is the woman’s role especially if she’s not working (which is stupid because I’m on maternity leave).
Today I’m meant to have the first day off of mummy duties in months.
I fed the baby, bathed him, and got his bottles ready for the day.
As soon as he woke up husband went into the bathroom and hasn’t left since. It’s 1 hour until I’m to meet my friends and the place is 45 minutes away.
He won’t leave the bathroom and I haven’t showered or gotten ready as the baby is being clingy (which is normal for him in the morning).
My husband is saying I’m being a jerk for knocking on the bathroom door and disturbing his “only time to relax” during the week and that I should “just figure it out” while getting ready and having to cuddle the baby.
I just want to be able to go out and not smell like spit up for one afternoon but my husband says that I’m not being considerate of his tiredness and need to unwind too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL needs to butt out.
She is going to cause a divorce with her interfering sexist nonsense. Your husband needs to quit listening to mommy and go back to being the helpful husband he was prior to visiting your MIL. He does NOT need to turn into a mamma’s boy now.
Hire a babysitter for breaks if he won’t give you any as he should be doing and your husband can pay the bill. Plus you said you were on Mat leave, don’t give up your job when you are done Mat leave because I think you are going to need it.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You’re going for brunch. So you’re gonna be out for a couple of hours (likely) and also, as a father I would think he would want to spend time with his newborn and get to know them. His mother is actually being, well… sexist!
Locking himself in the bathroom is petty, lazy, and childlike. If he does this once he will probably do it again do it again. So your husband and his mum are jerks. Parenting is a joint effort, and if he can’t see that, then he probably isn’t gonna well… father the baby properly.
Sounds like he doesn’t even want to care for the baby and do fatherly things for them.” BlooBerriX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I read some of your comments below and I agree with the commenter who hates your husband. He is the worst. I assume you are from the same culture as him and that is why you have been putting up with this nonsense?
You know you could just leave him and collect child support and daily life would basically be the same because you already do everything, but you wouldn’t have to deal with his or his family’s nonsense anymore. If you stay, there is a chance you will get pregnant again and your situation will be even more exhausting and it will also be harder to leave.
Just because women in some cultures aren’t considered to have value unless they are caregiving/serving guests food doesn’t mean you have to live like that. If you were a single mom you could have planned to bring your baby to brunch or hired a babysitter and your morning would have been way less stressful.
If there is anything good in your marriage, don’t let this go. Fighting on these issues is a fight to save the relationship, stay angry, and demand marriage counseling. Letting this go is giving up on your marriage because how will you stay with someone like this?” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Selectively Choosing When To Drive My Partner To Work?
“I (21 f) and my partner (25m) live together and have done so for several months now. He doesn’t drive but instead rides a motorbike which is extremely loud and backfires a lot. It’s a 30-year-old bike so noise restrictions don’t apply to it but he is looking at getting different exhausts to make it quieter as we’ve had a few comments from neighbors about him starting it up in the morning (6:15 am) to go to work.
I finished my uni year last week and since then I’ve taken him to work a few times but have told him that I don’t want to make it a habit as I will hopefully be working in my intended career soon and I don’t want him to be used to me taking him when I start working.
This morning he woke me up with his alarm and then asked if I could take him which I grumbled and moaned about (admittedly I’m not a morning person) but I eventually agreed on the condition he brought me home a treat from the lunch van.
On the way to his work I said that I would take him this coming Thursday if he wanted as when he goes to meet with his friends in the evening I would be going to the same town to see one of my friends.
This meant he could save money on fuel and avoid potentially annoying the neighbors that morning.
We then had an argument because he said it wasn’t okay for me to pick and choose what days I took him to work as I had basically bribed him today in the sense had to bring me a cake or some chocolate home but I was going to take him on Thursday for nothing cause I was going to see a friend while he was out.
When I take him to work I can never get back to sleep when I get home which means I get up at 6 am for nothing. He says that it’s okay cause he has to get up then too but when I pointed out that he gets paid to get up that early he said that wasn’t the point and that I should be okay taking him to work as I’m not currently doing anything other than waiting for my uni results.
Another of his points was that me taking him meant that the bike wasn’t disturbing the neighbors so I should be happy to take him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is very entitled expecting you to wake up early and take him to work every day.
The fact that you have offered to take him to see his friend is because you are going in that direction anyway. He should be grateful. As he should be on the days when you do take him to work. He should sort out his bike and stop making you feel guilty for not wanting to take him every day.
It’s his responsibility to get to work not yours. Don’t put up with his nonsense and tell him if he continues with his guilt tripping and moaning, he can get himself to work on his own every day.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He said it wasn’t okay for me to pick and choose what days I took him to work.” He’s wrong, it is 100% okay for you to pick because it is YOUR RIDE and YOUR TIME.
You are not his full-time chauffeur. “He says that it’s okay cause he has to get up then too but when I pointed out that he gets paid to get up that early he said that wasn’t the point and I should be okay taking him to work as I’m not currently doing anything other than waiting for my uni results.” Just because you are waiting for uni results doesn’t make your time any less valuable.
The fact that he can show such blatant disrespect for your time is showing some red flags though. “Another of his points was that me taking him meant that the bike wasn’t disturbing the neighbors so I should be happy to take him.” His bikes disturbing the neighbors = HIS problem NOT YOURS.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His mode of transportation being loud and obnoxious isn’t your responsibility. You’re covering your half of the expenses and doing most of the housework, so it’s not like you’re not contributing to the relationship. Would it be nice to give him a ride?
Yes. Would it be nice to sleep in longer? Also yes. It already sounds like he’s gonna try for a ride every day. Honestly, I’d stand my ground on only doing it sometimes. If he really wants to not annoy the neighbors, he can push the bike down the street before he starts it.
Or tune it so it runs better. Or just buy a car. He has options beyond waking you up early every day.” endymion2300
16. AITJ For Telling My Unstable Sister She Isn't Ready For A Child?
“Over the weekend, my sister (who I don’t talk to very much) randomly texted my mom and me and said that she has baby fever. My mom responded “go hold a friend’s baby” and I said “ew” at first (I’m just being stupid lolol).
Sister then responds “why are you being so cold?
Why can’t I have a family?”
My mom says “I’m not being cold. I’m telling you how you can relieve the baby fever in a more obtainable way right now.”
I say “How are you ready for a child? As far as we know you are still struggling with money?
You have a family now without kids they aren’t going to magically make your life special.”
Sister was upset with me after that and said I was being a jerk. Honestly, that was me being as nice as I can.
My sister works at a liquor store, goes to raves every single weekend, uses a heavy amount of substances, has several mental health issues that are unchecked, and can’t even keep her apartment clean (I’m talking moldy mountains of dishes, clothes all over the floor, cat poop everywhere, etc), she asks me for money sometimes (I’m 28 and she’s 34), etc etc. She has never expressed wanting a child before and there are a million reasons for me to believe she should not have them.
(BUT I DID NOT MENTION ANY OF THOSE THINGS)
AITJ for telling my sister she is not in a good place to have a child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you could’ve even been more pointed in your response to your sister, this is a child’s life we’re talking about.
As the child of someone who was a partier and did not stop partying for pregnancy or to raise a kid, please make a few more “jerk” comments to her if necessary, whatever it takes to ensure you don’t end up having to call protective services in two years because your sister is letting her infant child crawl around in cat poop with loose substances and mold growing all over the floor.” DrippyMagoo
Another User Comments:
“You’re a reasonable jerk…. my sis has 3 kids 1 (f) who lives with my parents, 1 (m) who lives with the father’s parents, and 1(m) who got adopted out….. many a time she tries to pull but I’m her mother to my niece who my sis hasn’t seen in years.
She always tends to block me and not talk to me when I call her out on social media when she posts saying she’s my niece’s mother. That’s when I let my inner jerk out and tell her she’s not a mother because she doesn’t do anything to qualify that title, doesn’t visit, doesn’t call.
My mother will get text messages asking for money though. So keep being the jerk, your sis might not agree with you and still pull her crap but at least you’re satisfied that you told the truth and called her out on it.” motherofdemons20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was talking to a friend about this once. She is a very rational person who was having the absolute worst moment, and she said to me that she felt so sad, and she felt that if she just had a baby, she knew she would be happier because babies bring joy.
I had to burst her bubble as a mom who’s struggled with depression – a baby changes nothing – she will still be struggling, she’ll just also have a baby, that will need her constantly even when she’s hitting her worst lows.
It’s a hard thing to say to someone you love when they’re struggling, but your sister needs to work on helping herself before becoming a mother. Babies are cute, yes, but raising children is work and a baby especially will not care if mom is tired, overworked, emotionally drained, hungover, etc. Baby can’t see bags under mom’s eyes and say “clearly you’re having a day, let me heat my own bottle and make you some tea.” All they know is need.” murdocjones
15. AITJ For Not Sharing My Iced Coffee With My Young Cousins At A Graduation?
“I (23F) was attending two graduation ceremonies on the same day. The first graduation (where this particular incident takes place) was my cousin’s (18M) graduation. My cousin M has a lot of siblings, there are 9 total! I went to my aunt’s house and got a ride with M and his 15-year-old brother J, 13-year-old sister H, and 8-year-old sister B.
We sat down at the bleachers and B was eyeing the iced coffee that I got from Starbucks. She asks for a sip to which I obviously said no since I find it gross and it isn’t a wise thing to do. That was it until the grad ceremony started and M’s younger brothers DJ (7M) and AJ (5M) showed up.
The entire time B, DJ, and AJ were thirsty, bored, and restless and that was when all 3 of them begged me to give them a sip of my drink. I said, “sorry, but no.” They asked again and wouldn’t stop. They then said they were really thirsty and continued to beg me for a sip.
The children kinda caused a scene over it and I did have a couple of people stare in our direction so J and I had to shush them and tell them to stop. Keep in mind that the children’s mother is nowhere to be found so we all had to be a babysitter to the kids.
The boys stopped asking but after the ceremony and after we met up with the rest of the family, B followed me and tried to take a sip of my iced coffee but I told her she could not and especially since she is way too young.
My mom saw what happened and said it wouldn’t hurt to give her a sip but I continued to put my foot down. She also found out about what happened during the ceremony and was quite angry with me and once again said that it was hot out and I should’ve let the kids take at least a sip of my coffee.
It’s still quite a conflict so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sharing drinks is germy, and we all know little kids wouldn’t be satisfied with one sip anyway. If there were other concessions available it would’ve been kind to get them some water, but unless you had been asked beforehand and agreed to babysitting duties, “talk to your mother when she gets back” is sufficient.
You don’t know if they’re allowed to have coffee anyway, most kids aren’t. Sounds like their parents should’ve had them better prepared for sitting through a graduation ceremony, it’s not like the process is a surprise.” MrPairOfBongos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly…ewww Secondly…any adult who thinks you’re the jerk in this situation needs to be told that you weren’t prepared to care for children at an event on a hot day…Perhaps if the kids’ mother had done her duties she 1) would’ve been there to supervise her own kids and 2) would’ve come prepared with some water bottles or something for them.
Besides, it sounds like these kids were bored as much as thirsty, they certainly weren’t going to suffer by having to wait a while to get a drink.” kiwifarmdog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clearly, you have the right to have a drink without having to share it because after sharing it with a few people you wouldn’t have had anything left. And their mother was wrong for dumping them on you.
But if one of them were old enough you could have sent them to find their parent and ask for something to drink. But your mother was way out of line and you didn’t deserve what she said to you.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Not Buying A Registry Gift After Making A Custom Cross-Stitch For The Bride?
“I (34F) have a friend who is getting married next month. A year ago, after the wedding was announced, the bride (34F) pulled me aside and showed me a pattern for an I Corinthians 13 cross-stitch sampler she said she wanted me to do to “commemorate the wedding.” I agreed, despite knowing it would be a lot of work, and I would have to add to the pattern because it didn’t have an area to put a date on it, which she wanted.
Cut to now, and it is finished. It is framed. It is 15″ by 25″ and I am glad I never have to look at this thing under a headlamp again.
Bride contacts me tonight, and says that she noticed I haven’t bought anything off the registry yet, and because she knows I’m on a very low income, I should hurry and get a gift before all the affordable ones are taken.
I told her I wasn’t getting her anything off of the registry. That before framing the cost for materials for the cross stitch was around $75 and the framing was well over that, and that I can’t afford to buy her anything else off of her registry.
Bride then said that as a guest I’m required to bring a gift. I said I am bringing her a gift, and one that I worked very hard on, on linen with silk threads that she requested. She said that it didn’t count because she asked me to do it.
I said that registries are basically the same thing, asking for specific things you want, and she called me a jerk and hung up.
So AITJ for not buying a wedding gift from the registry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Bride then said that as a guest I’m required to bring a gift.” Actually you are not, that’s why it’s called a “gift” and not “admission”.
A bridal registry is a convenience that stores hoping to sell stuff set up with brides hoping to get stuff. It is a borderline crass commercial arrangement behind a figleaf convention that this arms-length distance makes it less than a List of Demands. Your bride pushed deep deep into jaw-droppingly crass territory by sitting vulturelike on the top of the (metaphorical) fig tree waiting for expected tributes to drop off and croaking loudly for more.
I’m sorry you can’t face the embroidery you have worked so long and hard on, you should keep it, get her tipsy, and have the verse tattooed on her forehead: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Inform the bridezilla AND the groom that you can no longer attend the wedding as the item she requested, not commissioned (commission implies payment IMO) but requested, apparently cannot be considered the gift, and that a gift is now required for entry into the wedding.
Since you spent x amount of money between supplies, framing, and labor (make sure you calculate labor!) you no longer have the funds to purchase one of the required entry items from their registry. Tell them that as you will no longer be attending their wedding, should the bride continue to desire the product you created she may pay you for the item and you will send it.
If she refuses to pay, then modify the cross stitch to remove the date (if you are able), then turn around and sell it to someone who would undoubtedly love such a piece and be willing to pay for at least the cost of the supplies and likely also for the time you put into it.
After all that, drop the friend, as she clearly does not hold any value to you, your time, or your talents. I do admit that all these recommendations are pettiness, but I’ve found that sometimes blunt pettiness is the only thing that will manage to work its way into stubborn brains, and if it doesn’t then that person is likely a lost cause that you can only live with their existence while ignoring them as much as possible or drop them like a lava hot rock.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Oh my gosh! First of all, the fact that the bride had the nerve to ask you to do a time, materials, and labor-intensive craft work for her for free was incredibly crass. That alone makes her the jerk. Second, she called you ahead of the wedding and told you that you couldn’t come unless you bought a gift off the registry?
Even if you had not done the cross-stitch, this would be an incredibly trashy and demanding thing to do. Please do not give this woman the fruits of your labor. If you can, undo the portion that is personal to her and either save it for another wedding gift or give it to someone else who will treasure it.
She deserves none of your time, attention, or attendance at the wedding.” SpaceyAwesome
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Brother's University Bills?
“I (37M) work as a Landscape Architect and have done since I graduated from uni (At 24), so having 13 years of work and raises under my belt means I have quite a lot of extra funds, though most of the extra goes towards my son’s (8M) future, whether that be college, university or just getting him started in life.
Before anyone asks, yes, I have a partner, but she isn’t too relevant to this story.
Recently my parents have messaged me, asking bluntly, if I could pay my brother’s (18M) university bills. I thought on it for a while, but knew that if I did, then we (me and my wife combined) wouldn’t have enough to truly support my son starting on his own.
So I declined, but said I was sorry for it.
I had to get a loan to go to Uni, as my parents couldn’t afford me either, and I know how tough it is, but assumed that with hard work, my brother could end up stable like me – but my parents have been calling me selfish for making my brother have to get a loan, saying that I have the money and it would be the kind thing to do considering he’s family.
When I brought up my son, my mum said, “10 years of money will make up for it.” (Which, no, it won’t, for various factors that are too personal for me to put on here.)
But anyway, to cut to the chase, my parents now think I’m selfish and don’t care about my brother.
I’m not sure if my brother knows, I haven’t heard from him. I guess the question is, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No. Not at all. NTJ. There are a few stories like yours. People in family asking for money and then guilting them for not giving it.
People seem to think what’s others is theirs in this world. Like if you worked hard then you should give some of that money to someone else no matter how that affects your future. Like man this is mine! I worked my butt off to be here.
So again, NTJ. Sorry for the rant. It’s early here and this one just touches a nerve. Shame on your parents. Go talk to your brother. Let him know.” Legal-Zombie6325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not your brother’s parent and bear no responsibility to support him financially.
I’m interested in why your parents would ever ask this of you. Student loans are freely available in most countries so is not like your brother would struggle to get one I’m guessing. Your parents have no right to direct the user of your money, even if you wish to use it for something they consider to be frivolous.
You earned it, you get to spend it. Make sure your son gets to spend that money like you planned and you make sure you contact your brother and make sure he knows the situation before your parents give him their version.” FiendishGarbler
Another User Comments:
“If you won’t be able to afford to support your son by starting saving for him all over again for the next 10 years, I doubt you’re able to afford to pay for your brother now. To me, you being in the same situation as your parents, not being able to pay for your son’s education, would be the more ‘selfish’ option.
Not to mention that you and your wife might share finances so you paying for your brother means she does as well. That opens up that you should pay for someone in your wife’s family as well. Not being able to do so makes only paying for your brother even more selfish.
NTJ. I would guess that you make more than your parents, but if 10 years of saving ‘will make up for it’, then what did they do the almost 40 years they had to save for your brother?” haveitgood
12. AITJ For Still Wanting The Cat I Chose Even After A Child Fell In Love With It?
“I (27F) had three cats, and a few months ago I unfortunately lost one of them, an old male called Billy.
He was extremely close to my other male Koda and as such, Koda became extremely lonely and anxious, even becoming destructive and bullying Pandora, a female who prefers to stay on her own. My parents and I (we still live together) tried all sorts of things to handle his behavior and drain his energy more effectively, but after much discussion, we decided that even if Koda’s behavior improved, he would still be way too lonely.
He is the type of cat who needs company and a playmate.
So well, I started looking for a new cat to make him company. I spent a while looking for a kitten with the right temperament and age for him and found one I absolutely fell in love with.
He is just so gorgeous and seems to be a perfect fit! I’ve been preparing to receive him, made plans and everything…
But now I just got a message from his owner. Basically, he has to go on a short trip this week (I knew about it already) and had his cousin look after the two kittens he was fostering.
But she took them to her house without him knowing and then had a friend come by with her daughter to look at the kittens. The 7-year-old girl fell in love with the cat I wanted. Now the friend is begging the cousin to keep him, and she refuses to give him back.
Now the guy is between a rock and a hard place because his cousin is telling him to just swap the kittens, to give me the other one so her child can have the male promised to me.
Both he and I are upset. He asked me what I think, but he isn’t pressuring me to go either way.
I told my mother I’d rather still get the cat, but we ended up having a massive fight. She argues I’m being selfish and entitled, that we should look for another cat instead of breaking a 7-year-old’s heart. She also blew up on me after I pointed out the mom had no right to beg for a cat when he wasn’t even up for adoption anymore and was technically already mine.
She refuses to “take a kitten away from a little girl” and says I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently, the guy’s own family is just as split. One side is yelling his ears off for not wanting to give the cat to the girl and the other agrees that it’s extremely unfair.
I’m super upset, to say the least. I feel in the right, but my mother is acting as if I was a monster for still wanting the cat even though his own owner agrees too… It’s a very crappy situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a weird NTJ.
There are a lot of jerks in this, but you’re not one of them. You’re actually looking for a solution, without digging your feet in, and you’re being treated poorly by jerks. I don’t think you can “refuse to let” the kid keep the kitten.
What would you do? Hunt them down and catnap it? You’re just expressing your desire to get the one you want.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This should not even be coming to you. You selected a kitten and the owner was supposed to keep it for you till the right moment.
It was their mistake that they allowed a child to get attached to the kitten. They should have shut down their cousin and whoever and taken back their kittens. They had an agreement with you and they need to keep it. Btw, how do you know that this series of fantastic but unbelievable coincidences is not a cover story to sell the kitten you selected to another buyer for a higher price?” ProfileElectronic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When we picked out a puppy for our dog it took us SIX months. We found the perfect little guy and they were besties. If someone else had adopted them out from under me when the “owner/rescue/shelter” had already promised them to me I’d be livid.
You very well COULD have a cat that would never be compatible with any other cat except that one kitten. Animals have their own personality and you picked out the one that would fit well with your other cats. It’s unfair of them to not see the work you put in and try to give the cat to a child merely because they are a child who likes the cat.” LycheeDry3847
11. AITJ For Using My Partner's Parents' Pool Without Permission?
“My (23M) partner (19F) and I have been together for a few months and her parents invited us both round today. It was the first time I’d been to her parents’ house, so she’d warned me to be on my best behavior as I’d be meeting her extended family, which didn’t make sense to me as I’m always polite and respectful (in fact, my partner is usually the one to make a scene but I digress).
My partner told me her younger brother was having a pool party so I’d worn swimming trunks instead of shorts because I assumed everyone would be allowed in the pool. The day started off well and her family and I seemed to get on amicably with her family despite a few weird comments about my profession everything seemed to be going swimmingly (pun intended).
After we sat down I asked my partner when we’d be going in the pool and she looked at me weirdly and told me she never said we would be going in the pool. For reference, it was the hottest day in England on record (40 degrees C, around 105 freedom units) and since I am slightly overweight and have high b***d pressure I can get quite warm and sweaty which makes me self-conscious.
I told her this and she said I was being childish and I should just go inside if I was so warm. She seemed angry and stormed off.
There was still nobody in the pool at this point so I decided to just quickly take my top off and hop in to cool off.
I felt much better immediately and was feeling quite relaxed however her family members kept staring at me and it was making me uncomfortable. I saw her brother walking around the pool, looking at me confused but as he didn’t say anything to me I didn’t think anything of it (for reference the pool is quite small so couldn’t fit many more people).
I heard him whining to his mum about wanting to go in the pool and a couple minutes later she came over and firmly asked me to get out. I was confused and honestly a little astounded. I got out anyway because I wasn’t wanting to cause any problems as I like to accommodate people’s needs but everyone after still seemed to be acting weird with me.
We left quite soon after this as the atmosphere was quite tepid and I told my partner I was really uncomfortable because it felt like her family didn’t like me.
My partner didn’t speak at all in the car ride home but when we got home she said I embarrassed her in front of her family and that I was acting super immature.
I said that she implied that we’d be going in the pool and that she knew about my health issues so of course I would use the pool. She got upset with me and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s quite awkward because I’m currently staying at her flat.
So am I the jerk? I thought I could use a pool which I was told I could use.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You first didn’t ask, you assumed. You were then told no that you were not going in the pool, then despite the fact that none of your hosts were in the pool and it was not acceptable at their event, you jumped in the pool.
She’s not “upset”, you acted childish in front of her whole family when she was introducing you to them. You’re an adult, you could have asked for an ice pack or to go inside if you were too hot. Instead, you acted out and left an accurate, but unfavorable, impression with her parents.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you know it. 1. Your partner told you 2. You noticed it was a small pool, and couldn’t fit more people…her brother was having a pool party. So unless you were invited to the pool party as well, you knew. Also, It was 40C for everyone.
Info: you mention you have high b***d pressure as your reason for needing the pool as opposed to going indoors as your partner said. So do you have a pool in your house? Workplace? You make it look like swimming is part of your prescription.” Internal_Ad_8147
Another User Comments:
“Okay he already sounded like a jerk but I was confused as to why everyone was mad about him using the pool. I thought it was a ‘normal’ pool and he was just swimming. Still, it was inappropriate after being told it wasn’t okay, but I just didn’t understand why nobody would swim when they have a pool and it’s hot.
But the image of him sitting (not swimming) in a kiddie pool and not realizing how that’s not appropriate is so funny. Like I said, he would be a jerk either way it’s just so much more funny this way. Troll or not it’s hilarious.” Ammilerasa
10. AITJ For Refusing To Hide My Baby Bump At My Sister's Wedding?
“I (33f) have an older sister (Zoe 34f) who’s getting married next month. I am currently 3 months pregnant right now and already showing. I told Zoe it’s okay if she removes me from the wedding party as I understand she doesn’t want to ruin the aesthetic of her wedding.
She said she doesn’t want to do it as the guests will surely become curious about why I am, being her only sibling, not part of the entourage. I said they will know why once they see my bump.
Zoe said she had been meaning to tell me to find a way to hide my bump.
With a binder or something. I said she must be out of her mind to think that I would be okay with it. I am happy with my pregnancy and proud of my growing belly. She then accused me of trying to upstage her. I said if she is that worried, she can then uninvite me instead.
She said she will not do that because people will look for me on her wedding day. She is still angry with me right now as we haven’t found a solution that would please both of us.
AITJ? Should I just agree to hide my bump?
I am honestly afraid it will hurt the baby or I might not feel comfortable with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Binding” could cause harm to your baby or even the worst (heaven forbid). She is literally willing to endanger your baby’s life with her obsession with appearance, so honestly I don’t see why you would do her the favor of attending her wedding.
She either cuts out her ridiculous bridezilla crap, or you don’t attend her wedding, and she can look like the jerk she is, for trying to force absolutely idiotic nonsense on her pregnant sister. There is no compromise, she accepts that you are pregnant, or she doesn’t.
Pure and simple.” Trick_Force
Another User Comments:
“Oh come on YTJ. The sister is dumb as heck for suggesting the binder. There are other ways to cover a 4-month pregnancy. But you, being proud of your bump and clearly wanting to show it off while nobody already knows you’re pregnant is obnoxious.
You’ve obviously been having visions of glory when people see you for the first time. Also, everyone on this thread freaking out about the sister wanting an “aesthetic.” The OP in the comments and in the post seems to just be trying to be a martyr. “The only choice would be not to come.” Eye roll.” olympicrider
Another User Comments:
“People who are this insecure about their weddings tend to be getting married for the wrong reasons. When my wife and I were getting married my SIL needed to get surgery on her shoulder. She asked us if she should postpone her surgery so she wouldn’t have a cast at our wedding.
And because we are not crazy people the conversation went like this: Us: “Please get the surgery you need and come in the cast.” SIL: “But what about your pictures, can I still be in them.” Us: “Of course, we don’t care about that.”” ReEvaluations
9. AITJ For Threatening To Uninvite My Family Over Their Disapproval Of My Harry Potter Themed Wedding?
“My fiancé (26M) and I (25F) are getting married next week. We aren’t doing a traditional wedding because we decided we want a Harry Potter-themed wedding. It’s going to be freaking awesome.
My family has been bugging me about changing the theme of the wedding and doing a normal one instead.
I’m not talking like every now and again either. I’m being harassed every day about how I need to change the theme of the wedding and get married in a white gown in a church or that god won’t recognize my marriage as a real marriage.
This wasn’t a big deal to me until my mother told me that she will refuse to come to the wedding if I don’t change it to how she wants. Almost everyone in my family is backing her up except for a few cousins. When they all agreed on this I snapped and told them that if they don’t like my wedding then I’ll just uninvite them and remove them from the list of guests and it will solve the problem.
The cousins who were against not attending the wedding told me that by saying that I was being a jerk and that I should just keep them on the list of guests because it would be rude and “unchristian” of me to get married without my family there.
I don’t think I’m the jerk but I might be I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“Tbh I hate the idea of the HP-themed wedding with a passion. I think it’s cheesy as heck BUT it’s your wedding and your day so do whatever the heck you like.
I’d be happy as I could wear black. Heck, I’d try to find a long flowing black dress that could emulate a robe as I know absolutely nothing about HP after only watching the first film and reading the first book (both of which I didn’t enjoy).
Most weddings I’ve been to have some sort of dress code even if that only means don’t wear jeans lol. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So every time these Harry Potter weddings come up I’m always reminded how much I dislike Harry Potter but you are NTJ.
The thing is it’s your wedding. If I were your friend or family I would dress up, I would go, I know I’d enjoy myself. That would be that. So your family can’t even be like “You just don’t understand what it’s like to not like Harry Potter!” I would be petty and I would uninvite them and I would find kids in need that could come celebrate with you and enjoy the dinners you already probably paid for because they RSVPed yes and that’s how things work.
And I’d make the day magical for kids in need.” anonymooseuser6
Another User Comments:
“This post is quite similar to another one I read recently. (Although they were supposed to take part in a more extreme version of the theme. As in, the wedding party had to dress up like certain characters, etc.) For your question, you’re NTJ for wanting to have a themed wedding.
There is however a fine line between asking people to stick to the theme and forcing them to roleplay just to please you. As long as you give them enough space to follow the theme in their way, it’s ok in my book. However, if you’re forcing them to go further then they’re comfortable you’re overdoing it.” Leadfoot_Fred
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay More Rent Than My Partner Because I Earn More?
“My partner and I are trying to move in together but we have a disagreement about who should pay what.
I make 110k a year and he makes 58k a year. We both rent out 1 bedroom apartments right now. His is $1400 +200 utilities a month and mine is $1200 all utilities included a month. We found a nicer place 3 bed 1 bath townhouse with a yard in a better location near my partner’s work at $2300 a month.
He wants me to pay 2/3 since I make more and I don’t think that’s fair because I would be paying more than if I was living alone.
Based on what he wants me to pay I pay 2/3 $1520/month +200 utilities = $1720/month and he pays $780 a month +100 utilities = $880/month.
So I would be paying $520/month more than if I lived on my own and he would pay $720/month less than if he lived on his own.
If we pay half/half we would each pay $1150 +150 utilities= $1300/month so I would pay $100 more than if I was renting by myself and he would pay $300 less.
I think that’s far more fair.
The other thing is he needs to be closer to work where I only go to the office 1-2 days a week. So we didn’t have to be near his work we could go with similar cheaper places that are only $2000/month.
So I would be farther from work and paying more in rent.
I don’t want to pay more when I could stay where I currently am and he thinks I should be willing to pay proportionally if I really love him. I think he is trying to get me to shoulder more rent than I currently have while saving himself $720 is a sign he doesn’t really love me.
We have had multiple arguments over this and we are stuck because our leases are ending. Also, his landlord is increasing his rent by $200/month so soon he will have to pay $1800/ month for his place so he needs to move but isn’t budging on our disagreement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Wanting to split rent/utilities evenly is a totally reasonable and normal thing to expect when moving in together. You’re both working. He’s acting as if he’s entitled to your money. He’s still saving money if you split 50/50 for goodness sake.
Moving in together should be a win-win. He wants a win-win for him and a lose for you. I’m with you. Stand your ground on this.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Rent is rent. Your income should have nothing to do with rent, so long as you are renting something you can afford.
Your partner seems like he wants to freeload off of your higher income. Under his (insane) logic, if you were to get fired, and there are 2 months where he has all the income, he’s comfortable paying 100% of the rent? Likely not. Having similar financial goals and ideas about finances is super important for a relationship, especially one at the level of “let’s live together”.
I worry that this could be a harbinger of further justifications in his mind. Things like food – since you make more money, you should pay 2/3rds of the food costs, right? (How stupid does that even sound?!) NTJ – consider this a big warning and proceed with caution.” GrandpaJoeSloth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a general rule when you go into a relationship that you think has long-term potential you compromise on these things. So I’m not saying it’s completely unreasonable that you pay a little more than him because you make more.
That’s if you see this is a long-term relationship. But the “if you love me” nonsense is very manipulative. In addition, I don’t understand why if it’s just the two of you you need three bedrooms and one bathroom? I mean wouldn’t it be cheaper to get a 2 bedroom?
Or even a 1 bedroom? Although I get you might want room for guests. If you do decide to move forward then you will both need to learn to compromise. And in a perfect world – if he was amazing and you saw a life together I would tell you that treating a partner as a roommate might be practical for you, but then I’d say meet him somewhere in the middle.
You make twice as much as him almost, with the right person you don’t treat them like a roommate with benefits. My wife is a teacher who has never earned (and I get it – she’s my wife – that’s why I said someone you see a future with) even 1/4 what I do – but I never made her feel like it was all mine or made her split the bills in half because frankly speaking that would be a pretty selfish thing to do to someone you love and see a future with.” PilotEnvironmental46
7. AITJ For Complaining About Our Pastor's Overly Long Services?
“I was a Catholic but not a dedicated one. I believe in Jesus but am not much of a church guy and this is why I have no problem adapting to my wife’s religion as a Protestant. My wife’s family is a well-known member of their church which makes our relationship and my conversion quite famous.
This is quite one of the biggest factors why my issue made a big deal.
There’s this Pastor who’s supposed to preach and complete the whole service for 60 minutes or 70 minutes at best but always extends to 2 hours above. The service strictly starts at 9:30 and ends at 10:30-40.
This Pastor always reaches or exceeds lunchtime which is a burden to the old members of the church. Lots of the members are gossiping and expressing their frustration and annoyance to him every after his service. Only I got the courage to address the issue.
There was a time when one of the members really had to seek medical attention because of tiredness because of his extended service.
Another cause of my frustration is there are lots of times he used movies, books, and even animes as references where I’m extremely well-versed and used it the wrong way.
I really hate misinformation!
The last straw: I lost a nearly quarter-million business deal because I failed to meet my potential partner because of my respect for the church and you probably know who and what caused this!
A few weeks ago, the Head Pastor was invited to my mother-in-law’s birthday party.
He took that as an opportunity to talk and asked me how I was doing for my “fresh start”. We talked, we laughed until we talked about the different Pastors who preach in our location. Then, I shared my sentiments about that specific Pastor I was talking about and he said he’ll take care of my concern.
Everything’s fixed now, or so I thought, until it reached us that I’m being the topic of the talks of the members. Lots of them are indirectly calling me ungrateful or a jerk and it really frustrates me because 90% of the members share my sentiments.
The only difference is I don’t like to be just another gossiper on the sidelines and carried my courage to address and solve the issue.”
Another User Comments:
“I remember having a visiting evangelical guy come to preach at one of my old churches and he preached for hours and even our own pastor tried to tell him to end his sermon and he didn’t.
I remember as a child was struggling to stay awake. No one wanted to be rude so none of us left. It was late, almost to midnight when he finally ran out of stuff to preach about. Needless to say, we never had him invited back ever again.
NTJ about not wanting a long sermon, but YTJ for scheduling a business deal when you knew this pastor always preaches long sermons.” AlternativeAlias42
Another User Comments:
“Have y’all actually ever tried to leave in the middle of service for something? I’ve done it and have been called out for it.
So no NTJ, also just an insight into church… “church ppl are messy”. OP is right all they were ever going to do was gossip and because he had the courage to actually say something to someone of importance does not mean he’s a jerk.
I agree some of these pastors preach about respect and everything else but they don’t respect the congregation.” Big-thighedmama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a bit biased but I hate long speakers and when things end late. I know some people are saying YTJ for not leaving, but given that you mentioned your wife’s family is well-known, I can understand you staying there; it would look bad if you left, and your church sounds gossipy.
However, someone needed medical attention because he was talking too long.
Maybe I’m biased, but I grew up in a predominately Jewish city, and once you turned 12, that’s when you started going to everyone’s Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. You would go to the service and then the bus would take you to the party.
It was considered polite and practically required to go to both–after all you wanted them to come to yours’. There was one synagogue, a reform synagogue (basically shorter services and the Bar Mitzvah kid was involved more), that the majority of the kids went to, and the Rabbi would give this long, meandering speech–in addition to the kid who was being Bar/Bat Mitzvah-ed giving a speech about their Torah portion and the family giving a speech.
The end result was a bunch of pre-teens releasing pent-up energy on the bus ride over and turning into little monsters/getting hurt and more than a few bullying instances. I complained to my mom that I wished more people went to our temple where the Rabbi didn’t talk too long, and she said “Oh you mean that temple.
Yeah, that Rabbi likes the sound of his own voice.”
So there you have it, your pastor likes the sound of his own voice. Religious leaders have a captive audience who stay out of faith and/or politeness. They can either use that time to spread their message in a concise way or subject people to their ramblings.” starvinartist
6. AITJ For Explaining The Importance Of Sunscreen To My Friends?
“Whenever I will be outdoors for an extended period of time in the sun I wear sunscreen.
I went to the beach with some friends and I offered them sunscreen. They declined saying they don’t need it and they were shocked I even brought some since I’m a dark-skinned black girl.
Well after we got back to the hotel room they saw my tan lines and they were freaking out wondering how it’s possible for me to tan.
I was not intentionally trying to tan, I just got darker since I was in the sun. I told them to relax since skin is skin and that I have been sunburned before which is why I am so adamant about sunscreen. I told one of my friends in the nicest way possible that she needs to educate herself about skin cancer, premature skin aging due to sun exposure, and also how the sun can impact darker skin too.
She told me that I am making everything about race and embarrassing her around our friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, what? How is saying that the sun burns skin about race in any way? I really don’t know how you can be friends with someone that tiresome.
I hope you find some people to hang out with who are both kind and rational. And when you look 10 years younger because you protected your skin, and they get sun damaged and skin cancer, try not to laugh.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve tried to convince black friends/significant others that they need to wear sunscreen.
I was told no that’s a white thing (I rolled my eyes so far back into my head). Said don’t believe me, I wear 100+ SPF… Google it. Surprised Pikachu Face. It’s not marketed to black men/women/children/families as much. Why? No clue… Racism?
Misinformation? Idk. There are now dermatologists on TikTok talking about it. But there def weren’t when I was badgering in 2018? It was implied I didn’t understand black skin like white… Which obviously I don’t. But like you said skin is skin. We all need to be concerned with skin cancer.
This just isn’t something widely known, in my anecdotal experience.” No-ThatsTheMoneyTit
Another User Comments:
“It’s perfectly fine to be ignorant about things, even if it’s something that everyone else feels you should inherently know. The only exception is willful ignorance, or ignoring the facts in favor of fiction, and refusing to properly learn.
But that’s not the issue here. The issue was that she said that OP was making it about race when she was corrected. In fairness, from the way it’s described, OP may have been able to be gentler about explaining it and telling her to “educate herself”, but I don’t know exactly how the conversation went down, and all that was said exactly word-for-word.
In any case, I don’t feel that OP was wrong just for explaining it. NTJ, unless you were super condescending about it. Even then, would need the full conversation to decide.” Path_Fyndar
5. AITJ For Pranking My Coworker Who Recently Got Out Of Prison?
“I (19 male) pulled a little prank on my (35F) coworker. For some backstory, we work at a fast food chain, I’m a manager and she’s a team member. She just got out of prison about 6 months ago.
(Which I don’t mind at all but has relevance to this story, she is an awesome person.) All my coworkers and I are pretty close, well at least most of us. I’ll call her Riley for the story. Riley and I are two of the closest workers there, I call her my work mom, and she calls me her work son.
We always light-heartedly mess with each other, or just spill the tea in general, I would call her more of a friend than a worker.
Anyways, tonight we were closing the store (we stay open pretty late) there were 4 closers, myself and Riley included. One of them was new so I was training her.
At about 12 am we closed the store and started to clean, maybe 20 minutes later she asked us if we heard knocking. We said no and figured out it was just the new member cleaning and tapping a paddle on the trash can. We started to talk about other restaurants in our franchise that were haunted.
10 minutes go by and I have a little prank plan to bang on the bathroom wall (which is sharing a wall with the dishes, the job she’s doing tonight). I told the new member about the plan and they were down to help out, more just watch the prank play out because it could be funny.
So, I did the plan and we walked back laughing as she and the other closer were scared. We laughed and they knew it was a joke at that point. She seemed upset with me, but I didn’t know because that’s just how she carries herself, and how she jokes with me sometimes.
Usually, we all go outside to smoke together but she only asked the not-new closer to go with her. I found out from my new member coworker that she was having PTSD (probably from prison) and I instantly felt bad and regretted what I did.
I wanted to apologize to her because I genuinely didn’t know she had PTSD (which looking back was just me being unconscious of my actions because I’m sure the experience of prison is traumatic). I let her finish her smoke and as I was about to apologize she said “you’re in trouble Mr.”
I asked her if we could talk and said I’m so sorry I didn’t know you had PTSD I would have never done that if I knew, it was messed up of me because I have struggled mentally in the past as well and I should have been more aware, and that she didn’t have to accept my apology I just wanted to tell her.
I also told her she could leave if she wanted to as I didn’t want her to have to work under mental stress.
She walked away and I started doing dishes so she wouldn’t have to anymore, about ten minutes later she came and said bye to me.
I told her bye be safe I’m so sorry again and I love you. She said she loves me too and left. AITJ or am I just overthinking, or both? I really do enjoy her company and would be sad if she now hated me but she does have every right.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you’re a manager, you need to be more mature at work. That was an especially bad prank to pull at midnight after closing. Do you know how many fast-food restaurants are targeted for robbery after close? Someone could have forced their way in when you guys were out having your smoke break.
My area had an especially nasty case where the robbers tied up the workers in the back, got the money, and then decided they didn’t want to leave witnesses. Your coworker probably wasn’t upset just because of prison PTSD, but because she’s an adult who knows what could’ve happened. Please show her that you know you messed up by acting more mature and responsible.
You can still have jokes and fun, but be smarter about it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s great that you apologized and were sincere about it but here’s the deal….99% of the time pranks are not funny. 100% of the time they are not funny and not appropriate at the workplace.
This is especially true because you are pranking people you don’t know and you have no knowledge of what fears of trauma they might have experienced. You’re young so use this as a learning experience. You’re also lucky you didn’t get fired for this because many places of employment consider “pranks” to be harassment.” KathAlMyPal
Another User Comments:
“Softly… You’re a jerk. You didn’t know and she didn’t tell you so naturally you didn’t know. Some people aren’t ready to share their trauma. Now you know and seems as though you truly regret it. Poor decisions and mistakes are a part of life.
I hope she forgives you since at some point in her life, she made a poor decision and a mistake and had to do time for that. So she should know that forgiveness is something that someone deserves when they make a mistake. If you did it maliciously knowing she had trauma then you would be a hard jerk and I would think she shouldn’t forgive you.
Work is not the place for pranks, realistically.” Automatic_Western_50
4. AITJ For Hiding Food From My Partner?
“Is it a jerk move if I “hide” food from my partner so that I can enjoy it myself? He’s getting really upset over our current arrangement and I don’t know if I’m right or wrong.
We used to split our expenses 50/50 as we live together, but it wasn’t working out for me because he easily spends 5 times as much money on food as I do, so it led to massive grocery bills that I simply couldn’t afford.
I gave him two options: either he pays for most of the groceries, or I do the budgeting and shopping. As he also doesn’t have much money right now, he chose option 2.
However, he still eats at least 80% of what I buy, which wasn’t exactly how I imagined this going.
The problem is that he binge eats a lot when he’s stressed or upset or bored. He will literally eat everything that’s in the fridge, so when I wake up in the morning most of what I bought the day before is gone which is insane.
For example yesterday our neighbor baked me my favorite cake for helping him move some furniture. I put it in the fridge last night and was planning to have my first slice for breakfast. I was really looking forward to it. But, as you can imagine, when I woke up, it was all gone.
My partner ate the whole darn cake during the night and didn’t even have the decency to leave me one single slice.
I feel bad about this because I know he has even less money than I do. But in my opinion, he should be more conscious of what he spends his money on and how much he eats, and I really can’t afford to feed him constantly.
If it was normal meals sure, I obviously want him to eat, but the amount of food he stuffs his face with is not normal or necessary, he does it compulsively. If I could afford it I wouldn’t mind, but since I can’t, I’ve gotten really darn protective of “my” food because if I’m not extra careful, he eats all of it and there’s nothing left for me and I have to survive on nothing sometimes because I can’t afford to buy more.
So AITJ for hiding food away for myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you actively highlighted how much this affects you? Put things off limits that are your treat, I have an emergency chocolate section in the fridge my partner doesn’t touch. Partner sounds selfish, you are not his mom.
Alternatively, think about whether this relationship is good for both of you and evaluate.” cassiaclay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should talk to your partner about it and make some rules together. Because you can’t live like this for a long time. You’re going to resent him, and hate having to ‘fight’ to have your own snacks in your own home.
And moving on it will be hard if your spending habits are so different from each other, especially if it affects both of you and maybe later on your kids. Does he need help mentally? If he eats this much because he doesn’t feel good, he has to go to therapy and figure it out.
For his physical and mental health.” Much_Scientist2012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Agree with others, sounds like am eating disorder and he should get professional help. Are there things he won’t eat that you will? Like if you like eggs and he doesn’t, can you buy enough of that for you to live off of so he won’t eat it?
Also if you’re locking food away, it sounds nonperishable (unless you have a fridge you’re locking?), would buying foods that he would have to prep first to eat help prevent him from eating it all at once? Like vegetables that aren’t prepared or something? Another thought, could you buy really high-fiber or high-protein foods?
Protein/fiber would help make him fuller so he might naturally stop eating sooner (might not though without addressing the root issue first), and too much fiber would make him crap himself which might prevent him from overeating that food/there’d be more for you?
I’m not a nutritionist or anything, just spitballing.” jigglebear123
3. AITJ For Giving My Husband An Ultimatum To Resolve His Mortgage Issue With His Ex Or Face Divorce?
“My husband and I married last March after two years of being together.
While looking at our credit scores to start planning to purchase a home, we discovered his ex had not removed my husband from the mortgage with his ex-fiance. They had broken up four months before we met.
He and his family say that his ex was mean and that he is afraid to contact her to have her refinance the mortgage to remove his name.
I must add that he had signed a quick claims deed giving him no rights to the property’s land, but he is still on the hook for a $250k mortgage. She was supposed to refinance per their agreement. We have contacted the lender, and they have not been able to talk to her.
I am distraught because my two sons (1 from a previous relationship and 1 a couple of months old) will not enjoy growing up in a single-family house as I did. I want them to see more than apartments… I am also afraid that the ex might default, and we would be on the hook for the balance.
(She has paid on time every month)
She works for a non-profit in the finance department – so she makes enough to afford the mortgage on her own. I have thought about filing a police report about identity theft to force her hand and get the mortgage off his account.
It is important to note that I have told him numerous times to get a lawyer and see the options, but unfortunately, he freezes up every time! I have given him the ultimatum to file a police report for identity theft, or I’m filing for a divorce.
AITJ? Any suggestions on how I should handle it?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not identity theft since HE signed the papers. Her not refinancing does not constitute ID theft in the eyes of the law: it’s a CIVIL matter because she didn’t uphold her end of the agreement.
HE MUST GET A LAWYER TO FIX THIS. You are right that his credit is at high risk, because he is totally on the hook, by law, if she defaults. Plus no one will give him another mortgage when he technically still owes on the existing one.
He’s already financed to the hilt. He can have his lawyer handle everything with the ex if he doesn’t want to contact her himself. You can search and find a lawyer yourself to get this all started, and that might be the push your husband needs.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“The only way he will get out of this is by contacting a lawyer, he needs to sue her. Either she refinances the loan or he requests that the house be sold. The longer he waits to have this done the worse it will be.
If she defaults on the loan he’s on the look. He’ll likely have trouble buying another home because he’s still tied to that one. I had a friend in a similar situation. She dragged her feet and by the time she consulted an attorney, there was nothing that could be done.
It’s been like 15 years and she’s still tied to her ex’s house. You need to have a very direct conversation with him that this situation is causing you stress and he needs to take care of it. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away.
I’d also suggest marriage counseling, he to the root of why he’s so afraid of his ex. He’s more willing to cause problems between the two of you than confront the situation.” NickelPickle2018
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I am in the minority but you may be on to something with the divorce idea because at the heart of this problem is your husband who can’t or won’t do the obvious thing, which is hire an attorney to sort this mess out.
He would rather just put up with being legally responsible to pay the mortgage & hoping for the best because?? On the other hand, nothing stops you from hiring an attorney yourself, which is a better idea than anything you mention, like contacting the ex’s boss or calling the police.
Why are you both so afraid of the ex?” YMMV-But
2. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Son's Car Repairs After He Crashed While Under The Influence?
“I came home from work tonight and my husband told me as soon as I got in the door, our son, who’s 20 and has a pretty bad substance abuse problem and no longer lives at home and has anything to do with me, and barely talks to his dad because of it, wrecked his car.
(He hit a pole.) He’s ok thank god and no one else was involved. But he told me we need to send him funds to fix his car because now he can’t work (delivery driver).
I first off said how much it hurts that he has nothing to do with us unless funds are involved, my husband told me he didn’t ask for funds but my husband wants to pay to fix his car.
I then said if it was our other son who did this would we pay to fix it or let him learn a lesson for driving under the influence?
A little context here, none of the kids are biologically mine, I’ve raised them for the last 10 years and love them all dearly, even though 2 won’t speak to me.
I don’t consider them my stepkids they are my kids! I just didn’t give birth to them, he constantly accuses me of playing favorites between the boys and that I treat my now 20-year-old unfairly.
I’m the primary income, (cultural) so he’s asking that I pay the funds.
It’s not about the funds, talking to me or not if it was truly an accident I would have paid it no problem. The issue I have is that he was intoxicated, if I fix the car now with no consequences, what happens next time?
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fixing the car or sending him funds would make you an enabler and he’d just continue doing the same stuff until he either harms himself or someone else by driving under the influence. Honestly, you and your husband (mainly your husband) need to get into counseling to learn how to support without enabling and set healthy boundaries.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My BIL did this stuff for years while using and didn’t stop until my MIL finally stopped being able to bail him out because he messed up bad enough to end up in prison. He got clean in there and now has been sober for over a year.
Don’t deny an addict their rock bottom. Also, I would recommend that your husband seek out a support group for parents of addicts, it may help him realize that by making sure your son doesn’t face consequences it will only prolong the battle.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like the kid needs to hit rock bottom and realize that his dad or stepmother won’t bail him out and he’s now accountable for his actions and the consequences of driving whilst impaired now mean he’s got to pay for repairs for his own car.
If your husband doesn’t like being told no your not paying for car repairs then he can look for a part-time job and pay for his son’s repairs, however, he needs to realize that he’s going to set a precedent where if kid screws up dad is there to always bail him out and won’t hold him responsible for his own actions.” G8RTOAD
1. AITJ For Wanting To Know Where My Grandma Is Buried?
“When my mum remarried, her second husband adopted my older brother and me. My mum and “dad” went on to have my 2 other siblings. He left my mum (while she was pregnant with my younger sister) because he had an affair with a woman at work.
After he moved out my parents decided it would be most appropriate for us to meet at our grandma’s house (his mum’s), and not at the house he moved into with his new partner, so we went there twice a week after school.
This arrangement was fine, until a few years later when his new partner got pregnant. He lost interest in us when his new daughter was born. At first, we saw him twice a week, then once, and then nothing. We totally drifted but still went to our grandma’s house to see her.
After a few years of this, we went to her house. Nobody answered the door and nobody returned our phone calls. We tried multiple times, to no avail. We thought she’d turned her back on us. Even after I moved abroad at 22, every time I came home for Christmas we posted a card through the letterbox.
She had no mobile phone and never used social media.
One day a cousin on his side added us on social media. We saw a photo of our grandma with a caption saying it’d been a few years since her passing, but that she’d never be forgotten.
We did more digging and found out she’d died of cancer about 5 years ago, but a couple of years before she’d moved out of her house to live with her daughter (in a different part of the country) who was her carer. We were devastated. We’d spent the last few years thinking she wanted nothing to do with us.
I hadn’t spoken to my “dad” in years. He’d seemingly blocked me on all social media years before. Desperate to contact him, I found his partner on social media and sent her a message. I don’t have positive feelings about her (she got together with my “dad” knowing he was married to a pregnant woman) but I know this is on my dad.
Not her. For that reason, my message was fairly mild. I said, “Hi ____, we recently found out that grandma died years ago and we are absolutely devastated, and we feel angry and confused that nobody told us. I would really appreciate it if you could get my dad to tell us where she’s buried so that we can pay our respects.”
She ignored me, and I found the other cousin on social media and sent her a similar message. Read, but no reply. I found my “aunt” who cared for my grandma before she died and sent her a similar message. Nothing. I messaged the partner one more time saying, “Look, I’m so sorry to drag you into this.
I would please just like to know where she’s buried. I don’t care about her will, I don’t want money in case that’s a concern.” I then got a message from my “dad” from an account I never knew he had, saying to back off from his family and that I was harassing them.
AITJ? I don’t think I am, but he’s making out that I’m some kind of stalker. I feel so hurt that for years she was dying, and nobody thought to inform us so that we could say goodbye.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This man adopted you guys and you saw your adoptive grandma every week but no one thought to tell you she was sick?! They probably think you’re trying to find out about inheritance (I’m assuming there can’t have been any for you as a lawyer probably would have been able to find you) but if all you want is to know where she’s buried, I’m not sure what the issue is.” Boredpanda31
Another User Comments:
“If he legally adopted you, then you are legally part of that family. When your “dad” dies, you are one of his heirs even though he and his new wife won’t want you to be. Heck, they may already have stiffed you on grandma’s inheritance, and while you’re being all kind about that, you shouldn’t be.
Do you really think the grandma who stayed in touch with you after her son abandoned the kids he adopted and fathered would have wanted you cut off like that? Is that how they respect her? I bet you, they kept her in the dark as well.
Probably told her you didn’t care to come visit. In some places, death certificates are public, so call up the appropriate city authorities and ask about how you can find out more about your relative. She was your relative, given that her son legally adopted you.
Ugh, this whole thing makes me so angry for both you and her. NTJ, your “dad” and his family of enablers are the worst.” JemimaAslana
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So your family contributed NOTHING to your grandma’s care. You just visited her, and when she was not there you ignored it and did not even inquire about her wellbeing.
After 5 (!) years of not caring, you harass your family about not telling you? YOU are the jerk here. Or your dad is. THEY are fine.
“Hi ____, we recently found out that grandma died years ago and we are absolutely devastated, and we feel angry and confused that nobody told us.
I would really appreciate it if you could get my dad to tell us where she’s buried so that we can pay our respects.” THIS was completely unreasonable and makes it ok for them to just block you and ignore you. If you want ANY information/reaction from them, apologize a lot first. YOU are the jerk here.
But you are fine to ignore your dad.” Initial_Number_4747
