People Want Us To Dive Into Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Half-Brother?
“When I (23f) was 15, my dad was unfaithful to my mom. It was a messy divorce and hurt me deeply as they always had a loving marriage. My mom sank into depression and was emotionally unavailable for me. My paternal grandfather stepped in and forced my dad to transfer most of his valuables/properties and money under my name, with my grandfather acting as my guardian (my grandmother passed when I was 11).
My dad had a well-paying job so he was able to more or less maintain the same lifestyle. He married his affair partner Kim a year after the divorce. My custody was 50/50 between dad and mom. I mostly kept to myself when I had to stay with Dad.
Kim did not try to build a relationship with me in any way.
When I was 18, my grandfather got into a car accident that left him helpless. He needed a full-time nurse to look after his daily needs and was unable to communicate with any of us.
During that time Kim became pregnant. A few months before my half-brother was born my grandfather passed away.
My grandparents were not wealthy but they did have some properties and valuables and a decent amount of money. In his will, he split all he had 3 ways: my uncle, my aunt, and me.
My dad got an equivalent of $300. Kim tried to protest, that my half-brother should get something, too, but the will was clear. My dad told me and her that all he had in the future would go to my half-brother since I already got his share of the inheritance from my grandfather.
I told him he could do whatever as I wanted very little to do with him and would have as little to do with him from then on.
I go to a good college and am on track for a very well-paying job. I have very little contact with my dad’s immediate family.
A few months ago, however, my dad passed from a heart attack. He left behind a house and 2 cars that are still not fully paid for. He had some money but not enough to pay off everything.
Kim did not have a well-paying job before my dad and she quit her job after she was pregnant.
She contacted me through my uncle and aunt that she is struggling and would like me to help pay for the house and cover some living costs. She had already sold 1 car and did her best to cut out a lot of expenses.
I told her she’s on her own.
My paternal family now calls me selfish for not looking out for my half-brother. They said grandfather would have wanted me to take care of him as he is innocent in all of this. I just think this is not at all my problem. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, forget that. You owe this woman and her child absolutely nothing. Your father said everything he had would go to his new kid, and that’s what happened. It’s not your problem or responsibility that it wasn’t sufficient for the unemployed adulteress or her child.
But oh wait, his family is pressuring you now? They can be the ones to send money and fund the kid’s life. They have such strong opinions about it – they can start talking with their bank accounts. NTJ.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Folks saying you have to help your 1/2 brother can shut up and put up their share of the inheritance for your stepbrother.
Now, if you want to help your half brother do so by investing some money for his college or buying things for him only. Items like clothes, shoes, school supplies. A few toys. Take him out for a sporting event or zoo trip or amusement park.
Things you can afford to do. Don’t buy him things mom can pawn or take back to get a refund for. So no computers or gaming units, bikes, go-carts, or motorized ride-on toys. Good luck.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in any way. If your grandfather had wanted your half-brother/his grandson from his unfaithful son cared after, he would have made allowances in his will.
He could have split assets 4-ways, with your half-brother’s portion under a trust controlled by a lawyer until he reached the age of majority. Your grandfather very deliberately didn’t do that. Remind the paternal side of your family of this fact whenever they come complaining at you with guilt trips or threats.
I’m sorry for your many losses. Here’s to your bright future – without them in the picture, if necessary.” GeekyStitcher
20. AITJ For Logging Out Of My PlayStation Account To Stop My Cousins From Playing?
“I (15M) am currently on vacation and left my Playstation 5 and equipment at home. Recently while away my cousins visited over at my house with my family members who chose to stay at home, that being my Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad.
While over the older cousin (14M) asked me if he could use the PS5, now my cousins have a history of abusing my things, breaking them, or using them without permission. Now I have gotten a strike or two on my account and have spent money on that account, and I am in no shape or form trying to be banned, so I told him no.
A few hours ago I got a notification EA FC 24 had been downloaded and I called, and found out they logged into my account, played games, and went against my will by playing on my actually earned property. As soon as I called to find out what was happening they laughed in my face, bragged, texted me, and continued to play.
I called my dad to ask for him to take away the controllers as every game on there is only accessible by my account, and he asked for me to let it go and for them to play.
I was to be honest pretty upset that they were going to get away with not listening, laughing in my face, and bragging so I logged my account out of every device.
Now my dad is upset at me and I’m being called a bad guy for not letting them play, but my mom and the other side of the family agrees with me and says once I said they couldn’t play they should have stopped. Now I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or I’m right.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No way the jerk!! But they can play games not associated with your account. Our PlayStation doesn’t reach the WiFi and if you have disks they can play that. The best bet would be to lock them away where they can’t be found your dad is wrong and mum is right.” Funny-Technician-320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Be brave and ask your dad when both of you are alone why he couldn’t say no to your cousins etc. Is it because the cousins’ parent or parents were there? And why doesn’t he respect your boundaries on what you are willing to share and not share?
Also, explain to him you were trying to protect the very expensive PlayStation console that he bought you and protect your account with all the games that he again bought you. Do the math of all your games on your account and multiply by 60 dollars each and tell him if your account gets banned, he will lose all that money he spent for you due to misbehaving jerk cousins.
Explain and if you have texts from your jerk cousins show your dad. Even better, tell your dad to sit next to you and to be quiet and let him listen in on you calling the jerk cousin on the phone with it on speaker and talk to your cousin about him messing with your account.
If you say the right things to get your cousin to be a little jerk, your dad will hear everything and hopefully he will believe you and hopefully he will listen to you. From now on password protect your PS account and you probably should sign out every single time just to make your account safe from unexpected visitors etc. Or if the PlayStation is in your room, time to ask for a door lock and you have a key (and maybe a backup key.)” EconomyFalcon1170
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: crossing boundaries is a no-no and should be taught early. Your cousins apparently never had this training and so you became their teacher. Your dad’s persistence to keep the peace is another unrespected boundary that needs to be discussed between you and him.
There is also your dad’s disrespect concerning your feelings and your property. I wonder how your cousins’ parents feel about you cutting them off. Embarrassment at their misbehavior would be appropriate…” CurtainTwitcher042
19. AITJ For Wanting To Put My Wife's Grandmother In A Care Facility?
“My (39F) wife’s (38F) grandmother (84F) has been living with us for the past year after her husband and caregiver passed away from a broken hip.
(Her grandfather never really made any arrangements for what would happen to his wife should he die before her.)
My wife is very close with her grandparents and immediately following her grandfather’s death, she offered to take care of her grandmother in our home so she wouldn’t have to be put in a facility as no one else in her family really had the space/or money.
(I’m still kind of upset that she did that without talking to me first, but at the time I knew how hard she was grieving her grandfather’s death and I didn’t want to start an argument or cause conflicts with any of her family members.)
I love my wife’s grandmother, but she has been nothing but a burden to take care of the past year. She’s severely diabetic and has to take 13 different medicines at different times of the day. She can only eat certain foods, which means me and my wife have to cook way more often.
We have to constantly monitor her b***d sugar. She can only walk very short distances with the use of a cane or walker, needs help dressing herself, bathing herself, going to the bathroom, climbing stairs, has doctor’s appointments twice a week, etc. You get the picture, right?
I know that I’m partially at fault for not saying anything and just going along with it, thinking that it wouldn’t be forever and that my wife would eventually decide to send her to a facility.
I’m a corporate lawyer, and I work remotely most days unless there’s an important meeting or emergency that requires my presence at the office.
That does mean that I’m at home most of the time to help out, but even though I’m remote, I’m still expected to be doing work during company hours.
Me being constantly interrupted during the day has started to affect my work to the point that I find myself staying up later and later every night on my laptop playing catchup.
And to be completely honest, patience is something that I never had, especially when it comes to dealing with the infirm.
I just can’t do it anymore, which is why, during breakfast this morning, I came clean to my wife and told her that I’m burnt out from being a caregiver.
It’s taking away from my career and our relationship, and it’s time to consider other options for her grandmother.
I tried to explain that it’s too much on us, and we have the money for a very nice facility that has the resources to care for her 24/7.
She blew up and called me a “heartless monster” for “wanting to put such a sweet woman who’s done so much for her family, community, and church in a nursing home.” She stormed out of the house, got in her car, and drove to her best friend’s house.
Later today, she came back home and is now barely speaking to me.
I’m starting to feel that maybe I was wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – indicate to your wife that you are not able to assist her with personally helping her grandmother.
It is taxing on you mentally and physically and impacting your job. If she doesn’t want to put her grandmother in a home, she has to figure it out. I understand there may be further consequences of this stance but seems like your wife is unreasonably expecting you to shoulder a substantial burden of the work.
Stand up for yourself.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver, and your wife’s reaction to finally having a conversation around this is to run away from her beloved grandmother?!? “She stormed out of the house, got in her car, and drove to her best friend’s house.” I suggest that you look into working from the office full-time, and take decompression time out too.
If your wife is her full-time carer then you both don’t need to be in the home. Your wife is stressed and wanting to care for her grandma herself, but it is a huge task and professional carers can help – even if they come in a couple of times a day for personal care.” CanAhJustSay
Another User Comments:
“So if I’m understanding this correctly, your wife said “we’ll take care of grandma”, and the WE in that sentence was you because your wife works outside of the home most of the time. That’s completely unfair on her part, does she want to quit working and stay home and take care of grandma while you’re working from home?
And the fact that she ran off to her friend’s house after the fight, did she take grandma with her? Or did she leave you once again to care for her elderly grandmother? I can understand the desire to want to take care of your family member, but she’s not doing that, you are.
And that’s unfair, NTJ.” justtired2022
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Boundary-Disrespecting Friend Stay With Me After Her Breakup?
“I (30F) have a close friend, Sarah (28F), who recently broke up with her partner of three years. She’s going through a tough time and has been staying with friends temporarily.
Sarah asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks until she finds a new place.
Normally, I’d be happy to help, but Sarah has a history of not respecting boundaries and overstaying her welcome in the past. I live in a small apartment and value my privacy and space.
I gently explained to Sarah that I wasn’t comfortable with her staying because of past experiences, and I suggested looking into short-term rentals or staying with another friend who has a larger place.
She got upset and accused me of being unsupportive and abandoning her when she needed help the most. Now, mutual friends are saying I should have been more accommodating since she’s going through a breakup.
I feel guilty, but I also know my limits and need for personal space.
AITJ for refusing to let her stay with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You live in a small apartment, she’s disrespected your boundaries before and you aren’t comfortable with her being there for a few weeks, which is a very long time for company. There’s nothing wrong with being honest with her.
Your mutual friends shouldn’t be criticizing you and they can take her in instead. Personally, I find her behavior a little disturbing. I’ve had breakups and I can’t imagine couch surfing for several months because of it. If it’s affecting her that badly, she needs professional help so she can stand up on her own two feet, rent a place to live and stop staying with her friends.
She sounds like she’s extremely depressed.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask any friends who comment when they are taking her in. They’re not? Oh, you’re in the same boat then. Tell them that you would have offered, but it has been made clear that it would not work out as she doesn’t respect boundaries and overstays her welcome.
Unfortunately, she had already blown her chance at staying at your place by behaving badly in the past. You don’t want to deal with that again. Anyone who is sure she won’t be like that must be fine offering to have her stay with them, so there’s no point talking to you about you giving her another chance.
The one talking can do that and they can both prove you wrong.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“I would suggest in the future, you cite that the apartment is too small. If need be, add that the landlord/building manager is strict about anyone not on the lease staying.
You don’t want to get kicked out. Instead, you made it personal, which, honestly, it 99% was. There are just some times where the less said, the better. And blaming the nameless, faceless person means they can’t argue with you about it. Either way, NTJ. You didn’t volunteer to be her escape route.
She’s been couch surfing at multiple friends’, and has worn out her welcome there. Next time someone gives you grief, just answer “Hey, your place is larger. Why don’t you have her move in with you?” Conversation over.” Suitable-Tear-6179
17. AITJ For Refusing To List My Dad's Wife As Mother Of The Groom?
“My mom passed away when I was young (7) and my dad remarried when I was 10 so his wife, my stepmother officially, has been in my life for 17 years by now.
But I do not see her as my mother or as a mother figure in my life. She sees herself as my mother though. She also sees herself as my older sister’s (30f) mother. When my sister got married she didn’t list dad’s wife at all and just mentioned our parents (mom was listed as the late, name).
I’m okay with listing her out of politeness and mostly for my dad. But she’s not the mother of the groom and I do not want her as that. This is causing a stir though because she said she will be the only one capable of filling that role when I actually get married. And she said she feels she has been around long enough and good enough to us for her to be listed as such.
She was never really bad to us, just really annoying and pushy about us being “her kids” and her being “our mom”. Dad did step in and correct her a few times and stick up for us but he never did enough so she has always expected to be acknowledged as our mom.
Though she never asked us to stop talking about Mom. She just wants to be acknowledged the same as Mom and has told us it’s even more possible when she’s alive and mom passed already.
I put my foot down and told her she will not be listed as mother of the groom.
She told me I’m being needlessly difficult and asked why I can so easily disrespect her. I told her she is not and has never been my mother and while she is my stepmother, the step would never be dropped by me. She told me I was behaving like a child still and I should be thrilled she’s fighting for us.
Then she claimed I was pushing her away and would be stealing my future children’s chance to have a grandmother just like my sister has (my nieces and nephews call our dad’s wife by her name or say she’s grandpa’s wife, not grandma).
This has become a very big fight.
It’s mostly for the invites and the digital wedding program.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have made it very clear that although she attempts to fulfill the role of a mother in your and your sister’s lives, she will never appear as a mother to you.
She continues to push your boundaries and you do not owe her anything related to listing her as your mother. She’s obviously trying to guilt trip you into doing what she wants because she wants. Do not feel bad and don’t falter, it would only validate her even further.” Pale_Needleworker924
Another User Comments:
“Stop arguing. Stop explaining. Stop entertaining the delusional. Just tell her the way it’s going to be. The end. Shut down any attempts to change what is. Walk away. Don’t engage. Your attempts to make her understand are giving her reason to argue some more.
You don’t have to explain or justify. Your mom is your mom. She is not your mom. There’s no need to explain or argue about it. Just state what is going to happen and move on. Walk away from her. Stop giving her your time and head space over this.
She is not worth it.” kmflushing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I empathize with you, OP. My mother also died when I was a child. The woman who raised me afterward also constantly tried to act like her replacement and even called herself mom. It’s delusional and I don’t know what these adults who are trying to insert themselves into these roles think they are doing.
It’s certainly not for the benefit of the child they purport to be “mothering”. The people who care about these titles are usually being narcissistic. The people who genuinely care about the child and the relationship don’t care about the name. I know so many loving grandparental figures who go by silly names like Zuzu, both biological grandparents and step-grandparents and great aunts and uncles, etc.” Egoteen
16. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother A Last Minute Plus-One At My Wedding?
“This happened almost a year ago, but it’s still affecting me a lot. For backstory – my brother (M27) has always required a lot of accommodating. He had frequent meltdowns that still happen to this day, and my parents did everything they could to make him happy (and still do), often at my expense.
Fast forward to my (29F) wedding weekend. My brother proceeds to have a difficult time emotionally during the days leading up to the wedding. I suspect it’s because the focus was very much not on him, but that’s possibly my own bias. He does have diagnosed anxiety.
At some point, my brother learned that my (now) SIL’s close friend was invited. My brother and SIL had both declined plus-ones several months prior (neither had partners). My brother saw her having a friend invited as a slight against him and unfair. However, SIL’s friend is a close family friend – her whole family was also invited. This was explained to him.
The day before the wedding, my brother asked us to allow his friend to come for “emotional support.” We declined for a number of reasons:
- It was way too last minute (we had details specific to each guest)
- The friend would have had to sit with my extended family, which I felt would be uncomfortable for them (my cousin couldn’t attend last minute, so there was technically an open seat)
- We did not want this person that I honestly don’t like at my wedding
- We had made a rule that plus-ones were for serious relationships only, not friends
- He had his whole family around for emotional support
- We felt that giving in to this request would lead to others, causing the weekend to be more and more centered around my brother
My brother asked us separately – he calmly responded to my husband’s no, but when I said no, he exploded and threatened to not attend the ceremony. My parents exploded as well when we wouldn’t change our minds. My mom even called me in hysterics and also threatened to not attend if we didn’t let his friend come.
My husband was extremely supportive and spoke with my dad, and I think it snapped my dad out of it. He apologized and was able to calm my mom down. Once they took a hard line with my brother (for once), he finally accepted that it wasn’t happening and he ended up having an amazing time.
He even attended the rehearsal dinner that night with no issues. While my brother has yet to apologize, my parents both apologized to me that night, and the rest of the weekend proceeded with no issues.
However, despite their initial apology, they have since defended their behavior and told me they think I used my wedding as an opportunity to “take a stand,” essentially blaming me for causing them so much distress by not just giving him what he wanted. Technically we did have an open seat, and I know my brother has emotional issues.
I feel like I handled it the best I could, but my parents disagree. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Literally all I needed to hear was “We did not want this person that I honestly don’t like at my wedding”. Your wedding is your day.
It’s a party for you and your husband. You are not ever expected to invite somebody you don’t want at your wedding. It’s like the one time in your life when only your opinion matters on who gets to go. All the other important days of your life, like birth, funeral, bar/bat mitzvah, trial, sentencing, first communion, quinceañera, parole hearings, etc you don’t have total control over, but you do on your wedding.” too_many_shoes14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – stop bringing up the extra seat thing though. The point is he was being a jerk. With advanced notice, you would have been able to accommodate but you can’t do that to the bride and groom the day before. Also, it was your wedding, not theirs.
You could do whatever you want and don’t owe them an apology or explanation. Also, let your parents know that if they keep making you feel about it that you just don’t want to hear about it. If they didn’t mean their apology then why did they apologize?!?!
I wouldn’t hold my breath for an apology from your brother. I have a similar family dynamic and I’ve had to be very straightforward when I feel that they are trying to backtrack their support. Either you’re with me or you’re not.
And if you’re not, we can talk but not about this because your viewpoint isn’t going to change and neither is mine. Setting boundaries now will help you in the future.” Fresh-Listen5925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did choose your wedding to take a stand.
You decided that after all these years, this was your day. You didn’t want someone there that you didn’t like, you didn’t want someone there last minute, you didn’t want your brother to get his way. That’s OK. You’re allowed to say no. You need to accept that your parents think differently.
They’ve catered to your brother his entire life. That is not gonna change because you made a stand one day. This did not mean that they were all of a sudden going to see all of the things that they had done to favor him.
You need to be OK with the fact that they are in the wrong and that they probably won’t see that.” OhmsWay-71
15. AITJ For Wanting My Housemate's Exploitative Partner Out Of Our House?
“Since I have a chronic health condition (with high medical expenses) and am in graduate school, I’m living with my parents in the family home I grew up in. My parents are renting out a room downstairs to a woman who I have become friends with.
Last year, she started seeing a married (supposedly “separated”) Indian man who illegally crossed the border to the USA (apparently as a political refugee) and is working on his green card. A few weeks into them seeing each other, he tattooed her name on his chest and showered her with gifts.
Shortly after that, he had a mental breakdown (he has bipolar), moving out of his apartment and quitting his job.
My housemate was worried about him becoming homeless, so she spent thousands of dollars renting an Airbnb for them to live together while also paying rent.
My mom felt guilty that my housemate was spending so much so she offered to have her partner (who was very charming to my mom) live with us for a short transitional period (a few weeks) while he looked for housing. That “few weeks” turned into 9 months.
My parents increased the rent slightly for him to stay (additional cost of utilities/water, wear and tear on house, etc) and we thought he and my housemate split rent together.
My housemate recently had several emotional and financial-related mental breakdowns (leading her to seek an intensive psychiatric day program), and confided in me that she is paying for everything: both their rent, groceries, and even his phone bills!
Also, she is spending all her spare time arranging his doctor’s appointments, writing his resume, and more. Despite her partner working 2 jobs, he says he is “broke” and is spending all his money paying off his “debts”, sending all his money to India, and even financing his siblings’ weddings (which he says are >$100,000).
He owns a $40,000 car and wears his $7000 gold chain and his wedding band around his neck (which I find disgusting). Despite that, he says he is broke and would be homeless without her.
He acts charming, generous, and respectful to us, but the facts around his situation concern me and I think he is scamming/exploiting her.
He calls us all his “family”, calls me “sister”, and calls my partner/fiance “brother”. He acts as if we are all one big family, which feels very uncomfortable and forced. He bows down and sweeps my mom’s feet to “show respect to elders” (which she finds extremely charming) but it feels awkward, sycophantic, and disingenuous to me.
He also pretends like he’s not married and doesn’t have a daughter (we know because my housemate told us, but he thinks we don’t know).
After learning that he is exploiting the generosity of my mentally unstable housemate, I do not like him and want him to leave our home.
My mom likes him (since he acts charming to her) and feels sorry for him because he’s had a hard life and is lonely since his family is back in India. Am I the jerk for telling my parents and housemate that we need to get rid of this guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s not your house. There will always be grifters taking advantage of people and this man seems to have charmed your housemate and your mother. That’s how grifters work. You can ask, but you don’t have any standing to demand he leave.
And yes, he’s sending all his money to his wife and child and family and he’s happily married. We all know, but the housemate and your mom are in denial. Move out asap.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as everyone has pointed out you have no control.
However, if he is applying for his green card and really does these shady things finding a way to inform the authorities (I do not know how) may make it so his green card is denied. This is just a kinda Hail Mary option for you.
Also, when he keeps calling you sister respond back I’m sorry I’m not your family. Always remain polite so he has less of a chance of turning it on you. I’ve found that these types don’t like to be challenged, even politely. This may reveal his true colors.
If he gets super bad telling your parents me or him might be your last nuclear option.” Both-Enthusiasm708
14. AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Hair Despite My Twin's Disapproval?
“I (16F) have a twin who I will call Macey (16F). We have a great relationship, however, Macey really cares about appearance whereas I care more about comfort.
When it came to my attention that a girl having short hair is in fact a possibility I decided that is what I will do. It took 4 grueling years to convince my parents but when they finally allowed it, I started to look for haircuts.
Macey got upset.
Macey said that since we are separating rooms and I am cutting my hair I will become a ‘freak of nature’ and ‘complete weirdo’ and she will not be able to keep me on point because we will not be living in the same room.
She is worried because she cares about her popularity and wants me to have friends as well. She believes I will not have friends if I cut my hair.
Once she understood I do not give a darn she went down the threatening path. She told me she would not want to be seen around me and not talk to me if I proceeded to cut my hair.
Before you make your judgment I would like to add a few aspects:
1. Having long hair makes me extremely uncomfortable because I have a disorder called SPD which makes me get overstimulated easily. My hair is a hassle and makes me overstimulated ALL the time.
I might add that Macey does not care or pay attention to my condition so she may just be oblivious even though I have told her of it many times.
2. Although I am a bit weird I believe my comfort in existing should be my first priority and only then should I worry about my social life (I do have friends who are weird so it’s ok if I am weird but Macey does not like them..)
So what do you say? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ for wanting to cut your hair. I think for Macey, seeing you with a short haircut will bother her because you’re identical twins and somehow she thinks it reflects on her.
She’ll get over it. The day when one of you would decide to have your own look and style has come, and once the transition period is over, everything will go back to normal between you.” phostachio
Another User Comments:
“I have compassion for your sister being worried about popularity because that’s not unusual at 16, but you will truly be better off by continuing to care more about your comfort.
The people focused on being cool and accepted in high school usually end up being the less interesting and developed adults later on. The ones who know themselves, do what they want even if it’s not cool, are the real winners. Usually. I don’t want to paint with too broad a brush, but that’s been my observation over the years.
Let her have her high school status, but you’re wise to see it as a lesser goal ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your decision to cut your hair should be based on what makes you feel comfortable and happy, especially considering your sensory processing disorder.
Your well-being and comfort should always come first, and it’s perfectly valid to prioritize that over societal expectations or your sister’s concerns about popularity lol. It’s important to communicate to Macey that your decision is not about rejecting her or her values, but about taking care of yourself in a way that accommodates your needs.
If she values your friendship and relationship, she should try to understand and support your choices, even if they differ from hers. Remember, true friends will accept and appreciate you and if your friends are okay with your “weirdness,” then that’s what matters. Your social life shouldn’t be dictated by conforming to someone else’s standards of appearance.
Stay true to yourself and prioritize your own comfort and happiness.” MiaBubbleP
13. AITJ For Wanting To Drop My Friend Off At The Airport Early To Avoid Traffic?
“So my friend Manny (20M) doesn’t always plan ahead very well. He wanted to come visit, so I told him where I lived assuming he would fly into my city.
He didn’t actually check to see where I lived beforehand though, so he flew into a city an hour away. Now this isn’t the biggest issue in the world.
My problem is that the city he flew into has some of the worst traffic in the states, and he wants a ride back right during rush hour.
Normally I’d sit through traffic in the name of friendship, but I have work assignments to finish and packing to do for another trip. When I suggested dropping him off before rush hour begins, he understandably seemed a little ticked at the idea of having to sit in the airport for several hours.
WIBTJ if I dropped him off early so I don’t get locked into traffic? Rideshare is not really an option.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing him the favour. Treat him as a child, and give him the power to choose from options that are acceptable to you.
Eg it’s 5 hours before, or get a taxi or bus, or find someone else to drive you – what’s your choice? And in case he ‘leaves it late’ to make you feel bad if he says he has no choice, I’d be out of the house 5 hours before and he can lock up and post the keys.” dr_hits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly if I had a friend who had to fly in to see me and there were multiple nearby airports then I probably would have given him at least some guidance as to which airport. I don’t think you’re at fault because he should do his due diligence but that’s what I would have done and I think a fair amount of others also.” Captain_Pickles_1988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to understand that your time is at least as valuable as his. If he had planned better, he would have different options, but since he flew willy-nilly, he needs to understand that the 5 hours he is early (I always arrive 3 hours early anyway) is 5 hours that you don’t spend stuck in traffic not being able to do your work.” Effective_Olive_8420
12. AITJ For Asking My Well-Off Mother To Pay For My Lawn Care Services?
“I’m 22, married, and have a baby on the way. My wife and I aren’t going hungry, but definitely need extra money. In order to help with that, I have started various side work including lawn care.
I have offered this service to my mother, but she feels because of all she did for me as a child, I’m wrong for even asking her to pay, even at an extreme discount. She even went as far as to say “I can’t believe you’d even ask me to do that after all I did for you”.
For context, no, I do not live in her house, and she’s extremely well off, so no, the $40 for lawn care isn’t hurting her in the slightest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We have the same issue. My partner and I had a car detailing service.
And my dad kept bringing up his car needing a detail. I said my partner will do it if he’s paid. My dad has a large car, it falls under our highest price bracket due to size. And he’s not a clean person. He spills something in the car?
It doesn’t get wiped up. It sits there. If he was an actual client, we’d be charging him the additional fee for extra dirty cars requiring more time and product. But he expects it for free because he’s my dad and my partner’s FIL. Best part?
He said fine, I’ll just book in with so and so and get it done then.. he rather pay double with another business than support his own daughter/SIL. Family and friends should be SUPPORTING your business, not taking advantage of it.” ReporterJazzlike4376
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In our family, several of us own businesses. We have standard rates for normal customers, and we have mates-rates for family and friends. Guess what? They’re both the same. If someone in the family is running their own business, and we can use them, we will – and we’ll pay the same rate as a normal customer.
They’re trying to get off the ground, so it doesn’t make any sense for us to expect them to give us a big chunk of their profit. At some point in the future, they’ll do the same to us. The only advantage mates-rates gives is that we might get moved up in the schedule, or get the work done out of normal business hours.
In your case; I’d look at spending your time walking the neighborhood and dropping off flyers – plus put a small H sign in the lawns of any gardens you work on (with permission), and let your mom drive her own lawnmower.” ProfessionalEven296
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But if your mom did, and will possibly do a lot for you in the future especially with this baby, a $40 hill might not be the one to die on. I don’t know if your mom is petty, but wouldn’t it be terrible if she started charging for babysitting?
If she’s a helpful, consistent, present, valuable person to have in your life, maybe the free lawn care would go a long way for her as a “thank you”. Now by no means is she entitled to this, but it might not hurt – unless she has a giant yard that takes you more than an hour to complete then I can see the issue.
Good luck OP!” RefuseHot9456
11. AITJ For Asking My Carpooling Coworkers To Venmo Me For Gas?
“So I (19F) have to drive 2hrs/80mi round trip for work. For context, I clean vacation homes that hold up to 60 people and take 4 people about 3 hours to clean. Recently, I have been taking my 2-3 coworkers up with me as well, since we carpool.
In the past, we would switch off driving. However, within the past 2 weeks, 2 of their cars have become either run down or in the shop.
Since it takes so long, is so much gas, and I am now the only person driving, I asked if I could be Venmoed for gas.
I originally said $10 per person, since the IRS reimbursement rate is $0.67 per mile, and that comes out to $53.6 total. So for 4 people, $13.4, so I’m even cutting them a deal.
I was then told “Coworker and I googled your car and crunched some numbers. We should all be paying you $4 a trip.
That is as much as I will pay” and that “I refuse to pay more than 1/4 of the cost. That’s just not right.” And a second coworker (who just graduated high school, and still lives with their parents) said that “the IRS number is kinda ridiculous”.
This same high schooler also used the “math” that my car somehow holds 40gal. It holds 20.
AITJ? I feel like I made a reasonable request.”
Another User Comments:
“I’d let them know that if they didn’t think $10 per person was fair per trip, then they could find another ride.
It’s that simple. You aren’t a taxi or an Uber and do not get paid extra to take them. It is not your responsibility to get them to work. Require payment prior to picking them up. If they don’t pay, don’t pick them up, and make that very clear.
Otherwise, they aren’t going to pay you the money or pay you the right amount. Don’t be a doormat or pushover.” ResponsibleYellow210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who says you are doesn’t understand what the IRS reimbursement rate is for. It covers gas, sure, but it also covers your increased cost of insurance based on how many miles you’re driving/risk of accident you’re assuming, and the depreciation on your car—your odometer is going up and up but theirs isn’t.
It also covers general wear and tear, like tires, fluids, etc. I drive a lot for work, too. If someone needed a ride in an emergency, of course I wouldn’t charge them. But now, they’ve turned you into their free Uber. They get to scroll on their phones and chatter while you focus on the commute and arrive at work road-weary and get home at the end of the day even more exhausted. Co-worker can google some more cars and find one to buy.
Your request is more than reasonable. They can either pay you in cash, or pay you by doing the driving when it’s their turn. Your co-workers definitely are clueless or selfish jerks by the way.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“Even if I thought $10 was a little too much, I wouldn’t give you lip and get others involved to not give $10 freaking dollars.
It’s also wear and tear on the vehicle and you’re the one actually doing the driving while they get to chill. Maybe compromise and do that gas mileage conversion. If you consider an average of 25 mpg and you do 80 miles a day. That’s 400 miles a week divided by 25 mpg is 16 gallons a week.
Times $3.50 a gallon is 56 divided by 4 people is actually $14/person. I’d counter since they’re complaining about it, raise it to $14 a week instead of the $10 you offer cuz my math says they owe ya more NTJ they can get their own ride and you can have some well-earned peace and quiet.
$4 my rear end lol are they incompetent?” Pozd5995
10. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Asking Me So Many Questions?
“My (16m) mum (54f) and I aren’t talking to each other because of an argument earlier today. (For some background info I have mild autism and I struggle to maintain conversations and need space after a long conversation or if I’m asked a bunch of questions.)
So last night I went for a 10k run so I slept in till late afternoon and when I woke I felt groggy and hungry so I headed to the kitchen to make some chicken tenders.
Then once my food was in the air fryer and cooking I was just sitting and listening to music before my mum entered and started asking me tons of questions ranging from all sorts of topics like if I’m going out tonight to questions like if I’m wanting the chocolate cake left from my sister’s birthday.
Now after me answering about a dozen questions I’m starting to reach my social limit and the conversation starts feeling like some kind of interrogation so I politely say “Mum please stop asking me so many questions” and I know I kind of messed up by saying it so bluntly but I was still groggy since I had just woken up.
Then my mum started getting angry and yelled “What? Would you rather I didn’t care about you? Fine if you hate talking to me then I won’t talk to you anymore.”
Since then my mum has not talked to me and is currently giving me the silent treatment around the house.
I’ve gone out for a run to clear my head and I’m currently sitting in the park writing this. I feel like I was just setting a boundary since I was feeling overwhelmed and by her accusing me of hating talking to her it felt like she wasn’t listening and trying to make me feel bad for setting boundaries.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you were rude. You were direct. And there needs to be some allowance here for your autism. How is she supposed to know you’re feeling overwhelmed unless you tell her? I have two kids, one of which is an adult, and I think I would totally understand.
Your mom is majorly overreacting. You didn’t say you didn’t want her to care about you or that you hated talking to her. Maybe you could just tell her that you are sorry if you hurt your feelings, that that wasn’t your intent. That you were just feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully, this will blow over.
I think you did hurt her feelings, but I think she needs to be a little more understanding rather than flying off the handles.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a reasonable request, and your mom overreacted. If your mom consistently reacts in an over-the-top way if you don’t tiptoe around her every whim, she’s being manipulative.
It’s not your job to manage her emotions. I will add that what you did wasn’t set a boundary. Boundaries are a line that you set with an action that you will take if someone else crosses it. In your situation, a boundary would have been something more like, “I’m going up to my room if you keep asking questions.” What you did was make a reasonable request.” Spectral-Slight
Another User Comments:
“How much does your mum know about your “user manual”? Does she know your overwhelm threshold is very low? This would be something to discuss with her once she’s calmed down a bit, possibly together with a psychologist who can explain the do’s and don’ts around ASD.
My daughter is on the spectrum as well, and I’ve learned not to take it personally if she signals that she’s had enough. Can be hard though, because sometimes I just want her to know something, and I don’t always realize that when her head is full, she won’t register what I say anyway.
But knowing that this is something real, and learning how to deal with it, with the help of a qualified children’s psychologist, has made all the difference, for me and especially for her. That said, your description of your late night activities combined with sleeping in late afternoon the next day – I don’t know if that’s because it’s the weekend, but you may want to adjust your rhythm a bit to the rest of the household, to keep things going smoothly.
NTJ, but I’m Dutch, so this doesn’t sound particularly blunt to me.” Yarn_Song
9. AITJ For Critiquing How My Date Treated The Waitress?
“I (23M) got put on a blind date by my boss (31M). I work for a startup, he’s big into the whole my employees are my friends thing, I don’t know.
Anyway, my date (25F/step-sister of my boss’s friend) meets me at this restaurant. It was packed. She orders the espresso martini, I order a Mule. It takes a bit of time. My date just goes, “You’d think they were building rockets back there, Jesus H.”
Just to note, when I was growing up, for a little bit, my older sister and I, for a reason I can’t explain, got into this bad habit of looking down when we ordered things at restaurants. I don’t know if it was shyness but it’s just what we did.
My mom screamed, and I mean screamed at us that she never wanted to see that again, so from that point on, everything was, “Can I please have a diet soda please sir/ma’am?” “Thank you sir/ma’am” full eye contact.
Our drinks come, my date makes a comment to our waitress that they should consider picking up the pace.
The waitress apologizes and leaves. I let my date know that even though the speed isn’t ideal, there’s no reason to get upset with the waitress. My date argued that our drinks weren’t hard orders. My point to her was that she doesn’t get to unload her frustration on the waitress.
She called me rude, saying she was “just being herself” and she considered her comments unproblematic.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was being rude to the wait staff and doubled down when you called her on it. She was being extra rude because chances are it wasn’t even the waitress being slow; the drinks you ordered would usually be made by a bartender so your poor waitress wouldn’t even have had control over how fast they came out!
Lucky you, you found out she’s not for you on the first date.” somethingstrange87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have 100% stopped seeing someone because of how they treat public workers. In my case, she and I had been talking for a week or so, and been on a date, but she was going on vacation soon and wanted to keep talking.
Works for me. We kept chatting and she told me that the airport had been horrible, and I asked her “Oh what happened.” To not make this long she essentially told a story of how she screamed and yelled at the people there over a delay.
I asked her if she really yelled and she seemed almost proud of it, so I told her that I no longer wanted to speak to her for it. If someone is rude to public workers for things totally out of their control or normal things, they have anger issues.” MightyShenDen
Another User Comments:
“Well, when 15 other people ordered the stupid espresso martinis, it IS like building a rocket. Sometimes those things have like 10 ingredients in them. We used to offer those at this place I worked at and it would take me an ungodly amount of time to make them, it was really an error on the side of the business to offer a really complicated cocktail when we were mostly just a beer bar.
But it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t feasible and that it didn’t make any sense, I still had to do it. I have sympathy now for bartenders that have to make cocktails when they don’t actually work at a cocktail bar.” Recent_Body_5784
8. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend That Her Fiancé Isn't Good For Her?
“I, 27F, am supposed to be a bridesmaid for my best friend, 26F’s wedding in January of next year. We have been friends for 20 years and never had any real issues until this incident. She has been with her fiance 34M officially for 2 years, but they were “involved” for about a year prior to that.
To be completely transparent, I have never been a fan of this man. He does not have a stable job, lives with his older sister & her husband rent-free, and spends all of his money on booze & gambling. He treats her poorly. He forgot her birthday last year, stays with her at her house for weeks at a time without contributing, has been caught in repeated lies about his past, and regularly “borrows” funds from her without ever repaying.
I have truly gone out of my way to be cordial, even inviting him to group events when it is appropriate. He was invited to my child’s third birthday last year and showed up intoxicated, when my best friend confronted him he insisted he knew he would feel unwelcome and got intoxicated to ease the nerves.
She confronted me and asked if I could do my best to make him feel “more welcome”. This was infuriating, but this was not the first time he had done something disrespectful towards me, and I find her repeatedly siding with him and defending his actions with excuses.
In short, I’m used to it by now.
They got engaged a few months ago, and I gave the typical “oh my god! Congratulations!” response, saying nothing else. When asked to be a bridesmaid I gladly accepted and have been helping her plan everything. On Sunday, we went to brunch where we were both drinking.
She confided in me that she had gone through his phone and discovered he was still in contact with an ex-partner after swearing he blocked her months ago. I asked her if she wanted my input or wanted me to just listen to her. She insisted she wanted my input.
I said I had concerns that he was not going to change and that she deserved better than what he was giving her. I suggested she needed to ask herself if this was who she saw herself being with. We changed topics and went our separate ways afterward.
I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days, until today. She texted me, saying this: “Hey, I’ve had some time to think about what you said on Sunday and it made me very uncomfortable. I love him and he loves me, I understand we have had problems but all relationships do.
He wants to do better and I believe that he can, I just need your support, and if I can’t have that I don’t know if you should remain in the bridal party.”
I have yet to reply, mostly because I knew if I replied earlier I would have spoken out of anger which is counterproductive.
Part of me feels guilty for what I said, but I also feel like she asked me for my input and I did my best to be kind.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her that love doesn’t solve all relationship problems and from a concerned friend who cares deeply about her happiness, the types of problems that exist within her current relationship are not the normal types of problems that a healthy relationship experiences.
Tell her it saddens you to not be there for her wedding day, wish her the best of luck, and tell her you will be there to support her as a friend in the future if she ever needs it. NTJ for being honest, in this case, the circumstances warranted it.” Iworkinacupboard
Another User Comments:
“Weddings are often de facto funerals for friendships. She asked for honesty. Then she went to him and brought up the concerns. He gaslighted her and now she is back on track. She is obviously on a path to doom. If they don’t change before the wedding, they never will after.
You can tell her that she wanted your sage counsel as her long-term friend and obviously will be there for her as a supportive friend unconditionally and be glad to be there for her as a result. Assuming she keeps you on, go through the ceremony.
Seeing her off on a nice note. Then, move on because she is going to grow apart from you and invest in this guy. We already know she is bound to leave him within several years as reality sets in. She’ll probably foolishly have kids with him.
She may contact you to get your thoughts. You will tell her that her opinion is the only one that matters (because you are not going to walk into that trap a second time). When the dust settles and she is in touch again, and asks you about her marriage, etc. You will remind her that she asked for your honest opinion, rejected it two days later and that you knew this day would come and lo and behold, we are here on the other side.
Wish her well going forward and that you have moved on in the meantime.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“She asked for your opinion. You gave it. NTJ. I suggest you respond by writing down in detail what you wrote above, i.e. “He does not have a stable job, lives with his older sister & her husband rent-free, and spends all of his funds on booze & gambling.
He treats her poorly. He forgot her birthday last year, stays with her at her house for weeks at a time without contributing, has been caught in repeated lies about his past, and regularly “borrows” funds from her without ever repaying. I have truly gone out of my way to be cordial, even inviting him to group events when it is appropriate.
He was invited to my child’s third birthday last year and showed up intoxicated.” Add in the lying about a supposed ex-partner and the suspicion he’s being unfaithful. And anything else you found off-putting. Then write, “I support you because you are my dear friend, but I cannot support your relationship with the train wreck you have chosen to marry.
My fear is he is going to cause you great pain. If you don’t want me in your bridal party, I completely understand.”” AbleRelationship6808
7. AITJ For Kicking Out Our Houseguest After He Caused A Break-In?
“So a little backstory, my husband’s friend moved in with us somewhat temporarily because he got kicked out of his family home. He’s been a great guest honestly, pays his rent, takes us out to dinner and cooks for us, everything has been very nice.
He works a graveyard shift, so we only see him a few hours a day, usually in the evenings.
Anyways, a few weeks ago, someone broke into our house at around 2-2:30. Luckily our bedroom has a deadbolt, so I locked myself in and told him I was calling the police.
He grabbed a few things and booked it. Luckily, we have security cameras, so the cops were able to find him quite easily. That’s being taken care of right now. The thing that made me extremely confused at the time was that our security system didn’t go off.
We set it every night, and if a door is opened and the system isn’t disarmed after a certain amount of time, the police are contacted. The night of the incident the system was disarmed, and I felt like an idiot. I felt like I put myself in danger.
That was until my husband’s friend (I’ll just call him Dan from now on) told my husband and me the truth. Dan had been disarming the security system and leaving the front door unlocked every. Single. Night. He told us it was easier to just come home after a long shift and not have to deal with unlocking the door every day and turning off the system.
My husband and I were gobsmacked. I flat out told Dan he couldn’t live here anymore. He was surprised for some reason, but luckily my husband backed me up. He told Dan he wasn’t going to risk me to keep a roof over his idiot head.
He’d rather have me and lose him. Dan was doubly surprised, apparently, he thought my husband would bend for him, but he reluctantly agreed. He’s now completely moved out, all he brought was a computer and his clothes so it didn’t take long.
Now, some of our mutual friends are getting into our business and telling us we’re bad people because Dan has had to couch surf and even had to stay in a shelter one night. I told the mutual friends that were complaining that they were right and I’ll tell Dan they’re stepping up and taking him in, which obviously made them backtrack immediately.
I’m just tired of people who are supposed to be our friends calling us terrible people and being so hypocritical because no one is willing to help out Dan like we did. It’s just really starting to guilt me, though. So AITJ for making our friend basically homeless for causing a break-in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dan was an absolute lazy and careless idiot for putting you and your home at risk like that. You could have been assaulted or killed if the person who entered your home had a mind to do so. I’m glad your husband supported you in this decision.
The friends who are kicking up a stink can take him in. Dan can reimburse you for the items that were stolen as a direct result of his stupidity as well if they have not been recovered. My cynical self wonders if Dan set it up – I’d also recommend changing your alarm code and locks too.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“I thought this was going to be a one-time case of someone forgetting to lock the door after bringing in groceries or something. NTJ what a lazy jerk. Also, it’s easy for him to play down the risks when you’re of a demographic that’d likely be more targeted for a particular kind of violence.
I’ve lived in several places in the world and violent home invasions happen not just in places known for high crime. Also if unlocking a door and messing with a few buttons is that taxing for him, then he’s had a pretty cushy life so far.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dan was kicked out of his family home. I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume it wasn’t because he cooked and cleaned and paid rent. Something happened. And while for the most part he was a good houseguest, maybe up until the break-in you were just lucky.
You were doing Dan a huge favor, and in response, he couldn’t take 10 seconds to arm/disarm a security system because it was just “easier” not to. You were lucky that you could deadbolt your bedroom door. Dan knew you were alone that night and still left the door unlocked. 1000% NTJ.” SubstantialQuit2653
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner I Earn More, Despite Having The Same Job?
“6 months ago I (27M) lost my previous job at a software company. I had enough savings to support myself while I found a new job and continued to split bills with my partner of 4 years Anna (26f).
We’ve always split things 50-50 as we work in similar fields and earn roughly the same salary.
2 months ago I got a job at Anna’s tech company, doing the same job she does on a different team. Anna has worked there for 5 years and recently got a promotion.
She was initially really excited and so was I. Working for the same company has been a really positive experience for our relationship except in one area: money. I make just over 12k more than Anna.
It’s become clear to me over the past 2 months every time we talk about budgeting and finances that she’s assuming we’re making the same amount.
When I finally told her, she was very upset I hadn’t told her this before because she feels it’s unfair that we continue to split bills 50/50 if I make so much more than her. She also is upset that we have the same job and that I make more.
I told her that’s not my fault and that we should keep splitting bills 50/50 because my salary is barely 1k more than hers a month and she called me a jerk. She’s been sulking ever since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Companies pull this stuff because people don’t talk about their pay.
If you’re doing the same job as your wife, why not support her so she can make her case to ask for more? It would be a win-win for both of you. I’d say the major issue isn’t the splitting of the finances it’s that you’re almost colluding with the company to pay someone less because she’s… what?
I’ll let you fill in the blanks on what that could be.” ouatedephoq
Another User Comments:
“I was in a relationship where I made a little more than half of what my partner did. But I made so little it was crippling me but they were completely comfortable and didn’t really see an issue.
They knew the numbers and what the bills were and never chose to pick up a little more slack. I never asked, I continued to pay half. It’s not their responsibility to help you. However, it’s an indicator that you will never be their priority.
And she WILL find someone who will prioritize her, maybe not monetarily but someone who she can actually see as a long-term partner. Not a guy who hides how much he makes and then acts like it’s trivial when it’s a significant amount more. But hey, you’ll have more money to impress the next woman right?” WiburCobb
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I’d be “sulking” (sounds a little dismissive) too if I found out the company I was working for valued someone doing the same job as me so much more. I think there are two different problems, employer and your current split and they are getting treated as one.
It is up to her to think how much she wants to go for a raise at the company or get another job due to that treatment and it should not be put on you they’re not valuing her. On the other hand, this may be a trigger for where you both look at your relationship and where it is moving to and whether the future is more merged finances.
Positively your partner was absolutely prepared to be there for you when your income dropped so looks like a very supportive and invested partner who loves you. You can go through so many posts here where people are struggling with 50/50 splits with earning discrepancies and it’s the “fun” money side or one partner being able to save for long-term security so much better than the other.
The resentment builds relationships start failing.” gelfbo
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay With My In-Laws Who Never Call Or Check Up On Me?
“I (30F) have been married to my partner (33M) for over 4 years. Long story short, my family, as well as I, have been social people in general with social etiquette like calling and checking up on people regularly, informing regarding changes in plans to other people, thanking for gifts received, staying in touch with friends and family, etc. My partner’s family is the opposite.
In these 4 years, his parents have never called me once, it is always me who calls them. I’m at a point where this relationship seems very one-sided to me. My parents are also the ones who call them to stay in touch. My in-laws don’t ever call my parents either.
Things were going as they were for 4 years but I recently got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby. My in-laws didn’t check up on me once during the entire pregnancy. Not even once. In my culture, it is common for MILs to stay with us to care for the DIL postpartum along with the baby.
MIL didn’t bother planning to come and when my mother was coordinating her own visit, MIL talked extremely rudely by not giving adequate answers. I stopped calling eventually as the relationship felt one-sided and I felt only I was maintaining it. To top it off, MIL complained about me not calling her enough (even though she NEVER calls me) to my mother and aunt when they had visited them to invite for a wedding in our family.
It resulted in my mother crying and feeling extremely hurt.
Now that I have delivered, she wants me to send pictures of the baby to her while she makes no effort to keep the relationship with me ongoing. My partner and I plan to visit our hometown soon and we were discussing the number of days we’ll need to stay at his place together since his parents haven’t spent time with the baby.
He plans to stay there for a month and me for 5 months. I told him I’ll stay at my in-laws’ place while he’s there but I don’t feel like staying there for the next 4 months as I am hurt they behaved badly with my mother and want nothing to do with me, making me feel like they don’t care for me at all.
Partner says I should for some days and that in-laws wouldn’t like it otherwise. Upon insisting that I won’t, he thinks I’m being a jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Firmly NTJ. You just had a child and you deserve to be with people who will love and care for you.
I think your offer to stay while he’s there is incredibly generous given the dynamic. Stay with your family and tell them the door is open if they’d like to stop in. This puts the ball in their court and you can be more comfortable with your support system in place if they take you up.
Good luck!” BeeWeens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m a little confused. If you’re visiting your hometown, sounds like it’s where both of your parents live, correct? Why on earth would MIL and your partner expect you to spend 4 months with your in-laws and not with your own parents?
That makes no sense to me? That’s a VERY long time for a ‘visit’. You do not need to stay that long with someone who you are not very close with at all. Where will your partner be for the rest of those 4 months? It’s a very weird visit?” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“Partner can send picture. You can ignore all requests and complaints about your degree of contact with people who make no effort. And while I do believe that your partner should be 100% in charge of all communication with his family, I think it is fine for you to say at some point “I get that you think I should be doing all the work in building a relationship between us but I absolutely do not agree.
I have tried for 4 years and now it is your turn. You call me now. You write to me, you send me pictures and you include my family in your lives… then in time, I might come around”. Tell your mom that you love her sooooooooooooooooooooooo much.
NTJ.” WantToBelieveInMagic
4. AITJ For Demanding Respect For My Property During The Town Celebration?
“This last weekend was the yearly town celebration. I honestly couldn’t care less for the events as it is just assumed by many that they are free to walk through because I have no sidewalk and discard their trash on the street or grass. The festivities are wrapped up on Sunday with a parade.
Mind you, I have lived at this location for years. It is at the top of a hill with a 2 way stop.
A month ago a car got sideswiped on the other side where people do park. No one ever parks in front of my home for safety needless to say, some “royalty” parked their float directly in front of my home and started to take it apart.
Not only was this not the safest option (there is a sidewalk on the same road a block up) but they had the audacity to allow their children to start playing in my yard, throwing a ball by the cars and moving closer to the home.
My yard isn’t big and I didn’t want to be a Karen but I watched and they kept moving closer.
I finally opened the door and asked them to not play in the yard or by the vehicles. The adults of the group gave dirty looks and didn’t respond but everyone moved to the driveway.
In my mind, these “royal” girls and their families are supposed to respectfully represent their town during other town days. For that reason, I reached out to the committee that runs their group of girls. They told me it was my fault if I had a problem with someone in my yard, that it was the safest spot for them (definitely not), and that I imagined 3 people giving me dirty looks.
This had me going so Monday comes and I call this town’s chamber of commerce. The lady who runs the committee doubled down and was extremely condescending. Am I the jerk for even doing anything in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“My in-laws lived a block from downtown in a small town that has a big festival every year, about 2 hrs.
from Chicago. And every year, people would try to PARK IN THEIR DRIVEWAY AND LAWN. They had to sit on the porch and stop entitled people several times throughout the days of the festival. And they always argued! “I won’t be long!” they always said, like that would make a difference.
I never understood these people.” sheburn118
Another User Comments:
“Paint the curb there with red tempera paint that rinses off. Tell them it’s a no-parking fire lane and you will have them towed. If you can invest in a couple saw horses for the end of your driveway.
Put no parking no trespassing signs on them and maybe turn the sprinkler on the lawn when you see them coming. If it really bothers you. Otherwise, you could go out and charge them to be in your space. We used to live not far from the stadium of our college and would make hundreds of dollars on football weekends letting people park in our driveway/ yard for the game.” SnooCheesecakes2723
Another User Comments:
“My mom moved into a small town and learned the hard way that during an annual festival, people would park in her driveway and on her front lawn. She now puts up sawhorses and cones connected with caution tape. She also got smart and set up a small stand and sells water and packaged snacks and makes big bucks those three days, even with zero parking on her property.” pizzasauce85
3. AITJ For Warning My Sister's Partner About Her Birthday Gift Complaint?
“My (23f) family went out for dinner a few days ago to celebrate my sister (26f) Jenn’s birthday. When we got to the restaurant Jenn was already there alone. She said she told her partner Blake that the time got pushed back 30 minutes because she needed to talk to us alone.
Jenn was mad at Blake for not getting her any birthday gifts and only took her out to dinner at a place they go to often. Our parents understood her being upset and she asked if they would try talking to him because she couldn’t get Blake to understand how hurtful that was.
I asked her if she had given him her usual ‘present’ for his birthday or last holiday and Jenn said that wasn’t important.
For context, my sister’s idea of a gift for her partner is undergarments for herself and only ever that. I don’t know about her past relationships but I do know in the 2 years they’ve been together, I’ve heard and seen Blake give her gift ideas for him and he winds up buying them for himself after the fact.
He’s come to Christmas at our house with gifts for Jenn and Jenn always shows up empty-handed for him saying she’d give him his present later.
I told Jenn it sounded like she got as good as she gives whereas our parents said I should be concerned someone would be dismissive and vindictive toward my sister.
Our parents said they’d think about talking to him based on his behavior when he arrived. So I text Blake that Jenn was setting him up for a lecture.
He wound up not showing up. Last night Jenn called me angry. She saw my text to him and realized my text was the reason he canceled and accused me of not having her back and she’s told our parents I butt into their relationship but I figure she was trying to get us involved in her relationship anyway.
I probably could have just stayed quiet but at the time it didn’t sit right with me what she was trying to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Kinda sounds like the partner is just matching your sister’s energy, lol. NTJ. Your sister sounds like a child asking mommy and daddy to fight her battles and setting her partner up for a lecture by her parents is hugely uncalled for.
What is she, 12? You probably shouldn’t have stepped into it at all. Now you’re getting yelled at for interfering. Sometimes it’s best to sit back and watch. Either way, let’s hope the partner can finally see the red flags flying.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Her idea of a gift is undergarments? I hope he shows up to her next birthday with a bow stuck to his body. Clearly gifts matter to him and I’m going to take a safe bet here that they’re one of his love languages.
Love, maturity, and communication are crucial in a relationship but it sounds like your sister came up short in all three departments. Good on you for giving him a heads up and good on him for being more mature than me, I’d have strongly considered showing up in a banana hammock and not much else…” GrendelGT
Another User Comments:
“You butt in? She put you right in the middle. And she’s a jerk with double standards. So her idea of a present is to buy herself undergarments that she gets to keep? So basically, she spends nothing on him. Plus she ignores his suggestions of what he’d like.
But now she’s offended that he basically spent nothing on her. Tough luck. As you said, “she got as good as she gives.” And if she finds that hurtful, then maybe she can finally realize that Blake also finds it hurtful. Instead, she sets up an ambush with her parents so Blake can be ganged up on and your legit concerns can be dismissed. Send your sister this thread and maybe she will wake up.
NTJ. Oh, and send Blake this thread too.” Dana07620
2. AITJ For Lying About Being In The Hospital To Avoid My Ex On Father's Day?
“I (25F) am currently 5 months pregnant by my ex-husband (gotta love American Midwest early marriages). It’s not like we hate each other, but our relationship did not end on good terms and I quite literally had to leave our home in the middle of the night because every time I tried to leave him, he would beg me to stay and I would give in.
I just knew I couldn’t raise a baby with him so I had to do a runner. We got married at 19 and 23 and we are currently 25 & 29.
Anyway, my dad and I do not speak so my tradition on Father’s Day was to hang out with my ex, even before we were together as we’ve always known each other growing up.
Even though we’re splitting, he’s been insistent on taking me out this Father’s Day since he’s going to be a father this year and he considers it his first Father’s Day.
The issue here is, he still has feelings for me and he wants me to take him back, and every time I try to see him (for doctor’s appointments or lawyer meetings) he begs me to take him back and it’s just not nice.
I told him a few times (like 10+) that I was not going to see him this Father’s Day because my family has started a tradition of doing a big family cookout for Father’s Day. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable going out because being pregnant has me attached to a toilet or a trash can and I told him I didn’t think it was right for us to be going out together anymore since we’re exes.
He’s asked to come to the cookout which is a no-no because my older brother is crazy, he said that he would pop by with a gift and I turned that down.
Eventually, I got the message he wasn’t taking no for an answer no matter how many times and ways I said no. I lied and told him that the cookout was actually going to be held 3 hours away at my uncle’s ranch and he said bet I’ll drive over in the evening to see you.
This was the night before Father’s Day so my hands were tired. This is where I may be the jerk.
I waited till morning and then said that I had vomited so much the night before that my mom took me to the hospital and I was being treated for dehydration.
I said it was a minor issue but I was going to be kept all day and I couldn’t make it. My brother was in on it and volunteered to be the person who kept him updated all day on my condition.
Turns out, he wasn’t happy with that so he drove down to the town where I said I was going to be and went to the local hospital and asked to see me.
Obviously, he found out I lied and he’s extremely angry at me.
My ex-in-laws whom I still get along with are so mad at me and want me to apologize for wasting his time. I don’t believe I did anything wrong because he would not take no for an answer but they have said that I should’ve known how much he cares about me and not lied about being in the hospital, no matter how minor the fake illness was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was going to show up no matter where you went, what you did, or what you said. You’re just trying to be free for the first time in your adult life. I second the motion for a restraining order.
He is never going to let you go, and this is just a preview of the rest of your life because he thinks he can wear you down because he always has before.” mugcupcinnamonroll
Another User Comments:
“Stop explaining. No is a complete sentence and does not leave room for debate (which is what explaining your no does).
Tell him that all communication should be made through your attorney, which will be expensive, but apparently necessary. Make sure your custody/visitation agreement is ironclad and clear. Make sure that all communication with him when it involves the child is through text message or email, no phone conversations.
If necessary, make sure that all handoffs are in public or done at a parent or friend’s home. It will suck and be a time sucker, but probably the only way to make him understand that you aren’t getting back together. Find a therapist, work out why you kept giving in.
This isn’t all on him, but if you want substantial, healthy changes you need to work on yourself. You also need to think about what you want your child to see and experience growing up. Is normal going to be Daddy constantly begging Mommy to come back?
Does mommy waffle and go back but then leave again?” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you haven’t explained why you left and I still know it was absolutely the right call. He doesn’t respect you, at all. And if he would have, none of this would have to happen.
And he wouldn’t had “his time wasted”. If at all possible, go low to no contact. And don’t inform him about your plans or where you are anymore. Just keep it to what is strictly necessary. If he asks to do something, like this Father’s Day thing, just say no. You don’t owe this man any explanation or reason.
Don’t give him your whereabouts, cause he will come and harass you, as he has clearly shown.” No-Butterscotch-1707
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom It's Me Or Her Elderly Dog?
“I am currently 6 months pregnant and living with my mom due to a housing debate with my partner. I was helping pay bills up until I got pregnant and my mom stopped asking me to help so I would be able to save money for the baby.
For the past year or so I have been the only one to clean the house thoroughly. She does do the occasional sweep, however, I am the only one who mops, cleans the bathrooms, etc. I tend to do the dishes and my grandmother will do them if she comes over and sees any in the sink.
I still buy groceries and take care of the dogs during the day while she works and she watches them overnight while I work.
We have 5 dogs, four of them are hers and one is mine. The oldest of the five is an 18-year-old blind, deaf, and partially paralyzed weenie dog.
He wears a wrap diaper to keep him from peeing all over the house. We have a doggy door but he has stopped using it since he can’t jump anymore. He doesn’t whine or stalk the door when he needs to go #2 he just walks and poops.
This makes it fairly difficult to tell when he needs to go outside. I try to put him outside regularly through the day, but since he can’t navigate he just stands right outside the door and barks, I let him back in and he poops inside.
I have told my mom maybe it’s time to put him out of his misery, he’s been paralyzed three different times and seems to bounce back. While he does get zoomies around the house every now and then he crashes into walls and barks at chairs.
She has suggested in the past that we put him in a kennel with a cushion and puppy pad so he is confined to one space. However, now that I’m suggesting we try to actually implement that she says it’s inhumane to have him in a kennel all day.
I’m getting too pregnant to keep cleaning and changing a senile dog when I’m going to have my own baby to clean up after. I’ve told her I’m done, since I can’t go one day with a clean floor without him pooping all over the place.
It’s unsanitary and it’s not going to be clean for the baby. It’s me or the dog. She said I was a jerk for telling her to put down her dog and I’m just having crazy pregnancy hormones.
I would move out but she was the one who convinced me to stay here while I’m taking care of the baby.
We live in a fairly large house and I was going to help with the bills if I had anything left over in my monthly budget. She also told me she doesn’t want to live alone and she doesn’t want me to struggle while I’m dealing with a newborn.
I’m planning on taking one year off of work so I can be there with my baby.
If I was moving out soon I would just bite my tongue until she had to take care of her own dogs. I’m honestly just tired of being the only one cleaning the house, the rest of the house doesn’t take super long to clean but the poop stains on the floor drive me crazy.
We have tile and you still need to get on hands and knees to scrub it off. We have tried full doggy diapers but since he’s not super stable on his legs he can’t walk in those at all, the wraps also help his back out a little.”
Another User Comments:
“Go outside with the dog and stand with him in the grass instead of just shoving him out the door and getting angry that he doesn’t walk off and poop. He’s standing by the door barking because he’s blind and doesn’t know where to go out there and is probably scared of being alone.
If he’s zooming around the house and barking at chairs, he seems pretty lively still. My 17-year-old weenie died in December and he was absolutely not zooming during his final weeks. When I took him outside, I carried him to the grass and stood with him – because he also couldn’t see well and needed to not feel lost and alone.
Have some compassion… Dogs have a right to grow old just like humans do… we don’t euthanize our grandmothers when they grow blind and need a wheelchair… why are we so afraid of letting dogs live out their natural lives? You don’t have the right to sentence this dog to death simply because caring for him is inconvenient to your rent-free lifestyle.
If you don’t like that your mother has an old dog, you could go live somewhere else. Especially since you’re not even paying to live there. YTJ.” Agreeable_Metal7342
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t like your living situation? Move out. Don’t like taking care of the dog?
Let Mom clean up after him or move out. You don’t get to demand she euthanize her dog because it’s inconvenient for you. Don’t want to be a parental figure to your partner’s kids? Don’t be with a man who has kids.
It basically sounds like you don’t want to take on any adult responsibilities. Being “barely 21” didn’t stop you from being intimate. You created your situation, now you have to live with it.” CrystalTwylyght
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From what you’ve written about your partner, the choices you’ve made have probably broken your mom’s heart a bit.
And you’re still living at home, rent-free, and she wants to help with the baby. Why? Because your mom has a loving heart. And that is the same reason why she’s not putting down her 18-year-old dog. She’s got a soft spot for people and animals who aren’t perfect.
(None of us are perfect, but not all of us get that love.) Hope you are able to work out a compromise with her. Gating off an area makes sense – maybe make it bigger than the original suggestion. If the dog is 18, you both don’t have much more time with him as it is.
Remember he’s been in her life almost as long as you have.” HowlPen
