People Tell Their Most Vivid 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Sister Over Every Morning?
“My partner recently moved in with me about 3 months ago. We’ve been going out for 2 1/2 years. We’ve already invited friends over before to our apartment and some have even stayed the night so they don’t drive inebriated. For both of us, it was fun to have guests as we are both furnishing our apartment and want to show it to our friends.
But today she asked me if her sister (f18) could come over at 8 am and stay until around 1 pm after which she will go to school. Her sister doesn’t drive yet so she goes every morning with her mom to her workplace and stays there then goes to her school.
I said yes that she could come, but then I asked “Is this going to keep happening?” (her sister coming over in the mornings), to which she got heated and said, “Does that bother you?”. I said I didn’t know, and she stormed out of the room.
I don’t know how to feel about this. I work in the afternoons so I would be there when her sister is here.
I just feel it’s different when we invite friends over at night to drink because I am well dressed and the house is clean for guests.
But if her sister is coming over in the mornings (that’s when we usually clean) I don’t feel so comfortable as I am in a tank top and shorts and will have to offer her breakfast and make conversation.
I’m not used to doing that and also I don’t know her that well.”
Another User Comments:
“Will her sister be coming over every day, five days a week? This seems awkward, to have someone else in your apartment every day for so many hours.
Your partner shouldn’t storm off and get upset when she’s asking such a big thing of you, she should be willing to hear your concerns and discuss this like an adult. If her sister comes over, it’s not on you to entertain or feed her.
Your partner has to figure that out and work on that with her sister. You’re not the jerk for being uncomfortable but your partner is for not wanting to discuss this, is she usually like this?” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s perfectly normal to not feel comfortable with people other than your SO being in your space for hours on end at a time of the day that you are used to having as private time. Your partner needs to realize that just because she grew up with her sister and is probably very comfortable with having her around at whatever time, doesn’t mean that you should automatically be comfortable with that too.
Her storming off is pretty immature and shows an unwillingness to consider your feelings about the matter.” Shmeers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 10/10 The sister is going to like being in an apartment hanging out half the day more than she likes hanging out at mom’s work.
She might have only mentioned it as a “tomorrow” thing but anyone with two brain cells knows that’s gonna end up with her trying to come over as many days as she can. Which was proven by her partner’s reaction.
She’s thinking “he saw right through our little scheme” she sounds like a manipulator.” EverlyEverAfter
25. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Disrespected My Home While I Was Away?
“I (40m) live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. My mother has moved into the spare room. My sister (32) recently had baby #6 and is in the process of moving.
Her new place wasn’t ready when it was supposed to be, and since she and her husband are currently WFH, the stress of everything has them lashing out at each other. So, she’s come to my mother to just step away and calm down.
So she’s here with all the kids (13 to newborn).
Now I happen to be leaving for the weekend so I offered my bed as sleeping space with the following stipulations:
1. I have no toys for children in my room, so please don’t mess with, move, play with, or break anything.
And
2. The newborn is prone to blowouts, the toddler likes to sleep without clothes, and the 5 yo has been going through a bed-wetting phase. So I didn’t care how it was accomplished, but don’t pee on my bed.
Well, I’ve returned home to a big yellow stain on my bed. According to my mom, they only stayed 1 night.
So this happened the first night and the soiled sheets were left on the bed all weekend. There was a portable crib and plastic sheets available, so I failed to see how this even happened, and even more infuriated that the mess was left to soak for days.
Funds are currently tight for my sister and she is still very much overwhelmed, but it just grinds my gear that something I asked to specifically not happen was done and the consequences were left behind for me to deal with.
My sister knows I’m not happy with her but is still asking for help while she moves. I feel like a jerk refusing until the situation is made right, but I can’t get over the clear disrespect of my space and property when I was helping them.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t expect to get paid by sister. Your Mom is a jerk for knowing about the “accident “, and not washing the sheets. Sister needs another place to stay. She can text Mom for comfort.
6 kids plus 2 adults in a 2-br? You’re a better man than I am for even letting her and her brood stay.” jeepmandanSC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is unacceptable. I can’t fathom how she thought this was OK. I don’t blame you for being upset.
I wouldn’t be feeling particularly generous either, and would not be letting her or her children over any time soon. If grandma wants to see them she can go over to their place. If money is tight, then you have *even more* of a responsibility to ensure your actions don’t incur additional costs.
Maybe that’s a lesson she still needs to learn by you pushing for her to pay for cleaning. Maybe even a whole new sheet set. You’ll have to figure out how much you’re willing to allow this to have an impact on your future relationship.
Let it go but once bitten twice shy in the future? Stand your ground regardless of fallout? Go over to their house and pee in their bed? It’s up to you. Good luck.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You asked for one thing, and they did not do that, then left your BED COVERED IN URINE for days.
Her home life is tense. So what. That doesn’t mean she gets to disrespect you and your home and destroy your things because she was too lazy to clean. Read that again. She was too lazy to clean up the sheets.
She clearly can not be trusted to not destroy your home, so why would you want her to be there? She wants to step away from her house, and go to a park. Get a hotel. Be somewhere else so that her lack of common courtesy doesn’t ruin your stuff.
She did this to herself.” evilcj925
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Exclude Equity From Our Shared Expenses?
“My partner (31M) and I (33F) are discussing how to split expenses as we plan to move in together. Given our income disparity, we agreed on an 80% (me) to 20% (him) split for expenses.
However, he now suggests excluding the equity portion of my mortgage from our shared expenses, aiming to pay even less than the agreed-upon 20%. I know the amount of my mortgage that goes to equity, so I offered to take that off the total (a couple of hundred bucks), but he said that we needed to consider the net present value of the entire value of the mortgage.
After looking at the amortization schedule, he decided that 75% of the mortgage payment should be considered equity. He said he realizes this is far off from what we initially discussed. In short, he wants to pay less than 20% of the bills (at 20%, he pays $800 and I pay about $4000 a month).
I’m uncomfortable with this change and feel unappreciated, as I’ll already be covering most expenses. I also believe it’s unfair to factor in the entire mortgage value, considering we may not stay in the house for the full term, and owning the home comes with added risks.
Given these concerns, I’m hesitant to remove equity from our shared expenses.
WIBTJ if I don’t remove the equity from our total expenses? It might be because I do have the potential of getting that money back. I don’t think I am because there is a lot of risk involved in getting that money back and we probably won’t live here for that long so there’s a good chance I take a loss on the home.
Also, I feel like if we both worked really hard at it, we could each come up with a ton more ways to nickel and dime each other. I don’t think that is right though. Why can’t we just add up the bills as they are and do our 80/20 split?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Getting very strong you need a pre-nup if you marry this dude vibes here. It’s quite simple. The mortgage along with insurance and taxes that are usually rolled in are essentially rent. That amount is also most likely much lower than the rent in your area for the same space would be.
So, he either agrees to the 80/20 split, or he shouldn’t live with you. And yes, he will be feeding your equity. That’s what happens when you are a renter, which he essentially is until you guys get married. (Again, get a prenup.
Make sure the home remains yours. If you ever sell to buy something new, get a postnup to protect your part of the equity.)” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“If he isn’t on the deed he shouldn’t be paying any part of the mortgage- it can open you up to claims of ownership if you split up or sell the house.
Instead, he should pay fair market rent for 1 bedroom in a house- and you should have a formal lease laying out those terms. Any repairs, Reno’s, etc should be 100% covered by you, as the landlord. How you want to split shared expenses – utilities, food, vacations, etc is up to you.
NTJ- be careful with this guy though. I’d suggest going over to r/personalfinance and asking this question- they’ll give you the same advice.” maplesyruppirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This situation would feel uncomfortable to me too. I’m wondering if it is even a good idea to get further involved with a guy who thinks like this.
He wants to live in your nice home (which he will then likely refer to as “our” home) for a pittance. Someone who is miserly at this point in a relationship is setting off alarm bells in my head.
A good union cares to share, in my mind, not reduce every penny they can.” Realistic_Head4279
23. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Include My Daughter In Her Mommy/Daughter Day Tradition?
“I (44m) have two children (18m, 16f.) My ex-wife abandoned the family when my daughter was still a baby.
I recently married a woman (42f) with three kids (17f, 14f, 13m.) Their father is still involved in their lives.
All of our kids are still in high school, though my son is set to graduate soon. They recently had their spring break.
During spring break my wife took her two girls to a major city near us for a “Mommy/daughter day.” They ate, went to a spa, etc.
Before they went I suggested to her that she should include my daughter, but she said “no” as this was a yearly tradition with just her girls.
While she was gone I took my kids and her son out for bowling and mini golf.
After her trip with her girls was over, the next day, she took her son out for a “Mother/Son Day” where she took him out to see whatever movie he wanted.
She and I have been arguing ever since about how she excluded my daughter from her “Mommy/daughter” day.
I think it was cruel. My daughter grew up without a mother and I know it would have meant a lot to her to be included. But my wife says that she was just carrying on old traditions; of spending time with just her girls and then spending time with just her son, and that she’d be happy to start a new tradition with my daughter, but that it needed to be a different thing.
She also said “I didn’t bring your son along with my mother/son time with my son. Why aren’t you making an issue out of that?” I told her that it was different; that my daughter needed girl time and that excluding her was hurtful.
I still think she should have invited my daughter along; that she should have been made a new part of the “tradition.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say YTJ here. Her kids have been there long before you and will be there after.
I think it’s a great way for her to maintain her closeness with her kids by continuing traditions pre-marriage to you. She has said she will make a new tradition with your daughter, which is exactly the right thing to do.
You’re seeing it as exclusionary to your daughter, whereas in reality, she is maintaining continuity with her children. Which is incredibly important, especially during the transition of merging of two families. It allows her to demonstrate practically, that despite living circumstances changing, her relationship and love for her kids has remained the same.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You recently married this woman. She is prioritizing her relationship with her kids and continuing a tradition they had for years. They just went through a big life change, getting a stepdad and step-siblings.
You and your wife decided to blend your families. All of your kids are teens, some a few years away from being adults. They won’t just instantly act like they have always been siblings. These relationships take TIME.
Take your kids out individually for their own father/child dates. The key thing here is that each child feels loved, heard, and checked on during this transition. It seems like this is your wife’s way of doing that.” Miserable_Cow403
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the majority here and going with NTJ. The 18m is about to graduate and would mostly have his plans already figured out for the break, so not attending the mother/son movie wouldn’t have bothered him.
OP would have been cruel if he left his 13m stepson at home and took only his bio kids out. OP’s wife only suggested making a new tradition with her stepdaughter after OP pointed out that it was cruel.
She also said it can’t be a similar thing. The stepmother has made it clear she will never take her stepdaughter to lunch followed by a visit to a day spa as that’s something she’ll only ever do with her bio daughters.
His wife intentionally excluded OP’s daughter. OP, I highly recommend you take your daughter out on one and ask her if there are other things your wife or her daughters are doing to make her feel excluded.” dire012021
22. AITJ For Not Giving Money To My Relatives Who Insulted My Job?
“I went to my home country to visit family and just travel and reminisce about my early childhood. I stayed over at my relatives’ house for about two weeks and spent the next two weeks traveling around the country.
Now, I come from an Asian country where blue-collar workers are not respected well, to the point where you’re looked down upon if you do work such jobs. I’m a blue-collar worker myself in the US, I work as a heavy equipment technician for my city’s transit agency.
I thought they knew that was my job because they always talk to my parents via phone, but turns out they didn’t. One of my aunts asks what I do for a living, I tell her I work as a heavy equipment technician and she giggles for a while.
Until she realized I wasn’t joking and said “oh ok”. Later on all of them asked why I decided to be a manual laborer and not go to college/university. And how I’ve wasted my opportunities in the US to work a “filthy low wage job”.
They actually had an intervention style situation because I dared choose a career in the trades.
Just a reminder, most of them are unemployed and rely on my remittance to live a comfortable life. I was absolutely stunned to even react negatively, and I packed my bags the next day and just booked a nice hotel until my flight.
It’s usually customary for a family member who lives in 1st world country to leave extra cash gifts worth about $5k-10k for his/her family who’s left behind. I had the cash with me ($15k). But I told them via note that, I didn’t want to insult them by thinking they need money from a c****e (that’s what they called me).
My parents kept calling/texting me via messenger to reconcile because we’re a family blah blah. But I just told them I’m done with these “family” members”
Another User Comments:
“In North America, the fastest way to a steady 6 figure income is via a skilled trade.
It is also a very successful way to become self employed. I retired out of heavy equipment in management. The #1 issue of the last 20 years has been finding skilled mechanics. This is not due to a salary issue (6 figures for a journeyman remember) but because of the cliff event of retiring skilled workers with very few replacements.
It seems everyone wants their vehicles repaired, plumbing done, wiring replaced, houses built and so on but look down on the people who do it. You’re NTJ.” BetAlternative8397
Another User Comments:
“Having grown up in “Irish American” culture we have a strong sense of family and always “show up” for each other– but the idea of supporting lazy people who choose not to work is completely foreign to me.
Tell your relatives that the intervention worked. It will take about $200K for you to do four years at university and living expenses –then probably another 100K for grad school. It will take you probably 15+ years to get that money saved, then the six years in school, then probably five or so years in your new profession until you start making the kind of money your making now and have “extra” so remit to them.
So it will probably be 25 to 30 years before you’ll be able to send them any money– and of course your parents have to come first so it might never happen. Suggest that since they are so skillful and persuasive at career “intervention” perhaps they should “intervene” with their own children to get them up off their a***s and get jobs.
NTJ” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and the ignorance is astounding. Blue collar is the new Upper Class. If you know how to work, fix things, build things, you will be able to name your price soon, because we have enough Influencers and Video Game makers.
None of it will work without plumbing and electricity which often requires working heavy equipment. Mucho respect to the workers of this Nation and around the world. And tell your welfare relatives you don’t support living off of other people’s backs!” stephied333
21. AITJ For Wanting To Step Down As Bridesmaid Due To High Costs?
“To make a long story short, my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said yes. The wedding will be in Florida near the end of March (spring break time) and the MOH has not reached out to anyone about budgets for a Bachelorette party.
I just got a text and the trip will be in Nashville and the Airbnb is like $700 a person and will be a month before the wedding, but they’re asking for half the amount for making a downpayment this weekend.
Round trip tickets will more than likely be ~$300, so just traveling and room will be pushing $1000 for just this weekend trip. After eating, drinking, and Ubering for a long weekend it’s probably going to push $1500 in total.
Then the wedding is a month later and round trip tickets for spring break travel near Miami will easily be $400-600 a person.
The dresses the MOH is asking us to look at start off at $200, and then we’re also being expected to use a stylist that they like who charges another $200 something per person.
Like technically yes I could afford it if we had months to save before making an initial payment, but no budgets were discussed before this bomb was dropped today and I’m honestly kind of mad that I’m being asked to drop $400 in the next day or 2.
I’d almost rather talk to the bride and somehow ask if she’d be alright with me stepping down and just attending as a guest. AITJ for thinking this is way too much to ask of a bridesmaid??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This exact thing happened to me last year and it was tough, especially with some personal stuff I was dealing with at the time that was also expensive. I did it because I felt I had to (one of my best friends was the bride) but was a bit annoyed at the amount of money I ended up spending to attend one wedding (especially the stylist thing, we were required to use their makeup person but then had to pay for it.
I could’ve done a better job with my makeup and hair and saved a ton of money). Looking back, I’m glad I went, but I still think about what I could’ve done with all that money instead.” LiverpoolKate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think this wedding culture has gotten way out of hand. People are struggling to afford life and brides / MOHs are expecting so much of their bridal party. I’ve been to two weddings, I paid for my dress and my make-up.
The bride for the second wedding, paid for our hair and got us each personal jewelry. I put some money towards the bachelorettes but for the first one we had a sip and paint night, and for the second one we did a little getaway to an Airbnb ( it was my SILs wedding, and we went to a cottage about 45 minutes out of our town and my MIL paid for most of it ).
I have no problem pitching in for the bride but it’s out of control these days. One of my lifelong best friends is getting married in Sept. and I’m not even in the wedding ( none of our group of friends are ) the bride and her MOH wanted us all to go away to a big city for the weekend, rent an Airbnb and go to all these very expensive restaurants and activities.
I politely declined.” MrsBougs
20. AITJ For Announcing The Bride's Dress Color 4 Weeks Before The Wedding?
“I (34M) am getting married in 3 weeks. It will not be a typical wedding with the bride (33F) in white, but she has chosen to wear red. She decided on the color last week, after considering several options.
She also agreed on the color because the place where we are having the wedding dinner is a place where the restaurant’s policy does not accept wedding celebrations and they asked us to be discreet. Besides, my future wife has never liked to have a conventional wedding.
It is going to be a small wedding, about 30 people. We asked for confirmation months ago and a cousin of mine (33F), with whom we have always been friends, started to make excuses for not coming: that the wedding is in a city far from where she lives, that she doesn’t like weddings (although she has been to weddings of many common acquaintances), etc. Finally, she said she would come to the wedding and we counted her and her partner as guests at the celebration.
Everything was going well until last week when we announced that the bride would be wearing red (and as protocol suggests, no one should wear the same color as the bride). Then my cousin called me angry because the dress that my cousin had chosen for the event was also red (It’s the same dress she was wearing at the last wedding she was invited by a common friend), if the bride is also wearing red I am a jerk for not telling her before and asks to cancel her and her partner’s table when we are already out of time to correct the number of people attending the celebration with the restaurant (so we will pay their menu anyways).
So, AITJ for communicating 4 weeks in advance what color the bride will wear to our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for changing the dress code 4 weeks ahead of time, at a point where your guests may not have the time/energy/resources to get alternative clothes.
Also, YTJ for repeatedly pressuring your cousin to come. An invitation is not a summons, and she is allowed to decline for any of the reasons stated (or no particular reason at all). Edited to add: Your edit only opens up new questions… Why on Earth would you “announce” your bride’s dress color if it wasn’t intended to tell your guests that it was an off-limits color?
If you had kept it a secret, and other women wore red dresses, no one would judge them for attempting to upstage the bride because they literally would have had no way of knowing that they were wearing the same color… Now if your cousin wears the dress, people will assume that she is trying to upstage the bride.
So to me, that still counts as changing the dress code. But I do want to thank you for clarifying that you are not trying to evade the restaurant’s rules… I had to reread your pre-edit post a couple of times to decide that you weren’t doing something sketchy there” DinaFelice.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s fine if she chose whatever she is wearing 3 weeks ahead, but you guys became the jerks when you forbade people from wearing the same color with only 3 weeks of notice. Your issues with your cousin are irrelevant, as she has a valid point concerning the dress code, and you are very much the jerk on this matter.
If you want to not be jerks, you would claw back any changes made to the original dress code, and just let people come dressed as they had originally planned. I know you wrote in your comments that you can figure it out if she comes wearing a red dress and that “it’s something my cousin is assuming”, but in other parts, you say it is protocol not to wear the same color and that you guys will think it’s weird.
Plus, why even announce the color of her dress either way (especially when you mention the protocol after noting that you announced the color)? You should have kept it to yourself, but since you didn’t do that, I don’t think you guys are in a position to have any kind of opinion on anybody that comes wearing red.” TA_totellornottotell
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you’re expecting her to get a different dress. And “we think it’s weird and will side-eye you, but we won’t turn you away” is not a solution. You expect her to get a different dress.
I’m going to a wedding in approximately four weeks, and I have already bought a dress. And for the record, saying the wedding is far from where she lives is not an “excuse” for not wanting to come.
Were you going to pay for her travel? I suspect not. Perhaps the fact that she was hesitant to come despite going to other people’s weddings has something to do with the ungenerous tone of your post. It seems like you don’t like her — why didn’t you just let her not come?” MyDogsMother
19. AITJ For Reporting My Apartment Manager For Having Pets Despite A No Pet Policy?
“I live in a small one-bedroom apartment that’s on the older side and they do not allow pets of ANY kind.
I was fine with this rule and understood why when I first moved in. Early this year my apartment complex was bought out by a management company and they still enforced the “No pets” policy, which again is understandable.
The onsite manager just moved in, and to my surprise, they have TWO small dogs. Normally I wouldn’t have been too upset because emotional/service animals are acceptable but I recently learned that neither manager’s dogs are emotional or service animals.
He leaves them outside for the majority of the day and all they do is bark nonstop for hours and hours. I got a lease renewal two days ago and I was reading the no-pet policy. Tenants are not allowed any kind of pet (not even fish or reptiles) and if a pet is found in your home you are required to pay a $700 fee and will be kicked out.
After reading this I was pretty frustrated with the onsite manager and lack of responsibility for his two dogs that bark all day. So I sent in a formal complaint against him.
I don’t think it’s fair at all, that paying tenants cannot have any kind of pet whatsoever but the manager is allowed to have two animals and leave them outside ALL day.
I ended up getting some opinions from some friends and some of them thought I was a jerk for reporting the manager. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here because in what world is it okay for the manager to have pets but no one else is allowed?
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t agree that a manager has to follow the same rules as a tenant, but as a tenant, I can see where you’d feel you have a legitimate grievance if, because of a double standard, you’re not allowed to have pets but still have to put up with what is probably the biggest annoyance of allowing pets (barking) in the complex.
If he lives across the street in a different sort of house, though, I would think it is not a double standard and hence not a legitimate grievance, even though the barking would be just as annoying.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might discover that the onsite manager has a special arrangement, that the owners allow him to have pets as an exemption, or that the agreement for him to keep his dogs was the only way he would accept the job or a variety of other situations.
If so, yes it’s a double standard… but life is crammed full of them. There was NO harm in asking about it though, you’re totally in the clear there.” CalendarDad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, it’s possible that the manager could have been cleared by management for their pets.
Depending on the circumstances, it could be one of their perks – maybe they needed a manager and the manager would only take the position if they could have their dogs. However, you should still get some feedback from the company because their pets are disrupting if nothing else.
I’d be submitting a complaint if my apartment manager’s dogs were barking all hours of the day.” MorennaLightBearer
18. AITJ For Wanting To Reduce Time With My Dad And Stepmom Due To Their Negative Comments?
“I (15f) live 50/50 with my parents. This was switched around and my dad only had me every other weekend during school and two weeks in a two-week-one-week rotation in summer but I wanted to spend more time with dad’s side.
My stepmom came into the picture when I was 3 to 4 and has been a bit crude for as long as I remember calling me a slob and lazy since I was at least 8.
Lately, it’s gotten worse. For example, she was driving me to dance and was calling me selfish and a brat because I didn’t help her as much as I helped at my mom’s.
For background my mom just joined the air-force and my stepdad was left with 5 kids so being the oldest I took it as my responsibility to pick up the slack. I talked about it with a family friend to show that I understood their stress and she overheard and got mad.
My dad and stepmom also have fat-shamed me. Making remarks about food, and exercise, and even going out of their way to tell my mom I was gaining weight. The one that makes me most upset is on Thanksgiving my uncle said “sissy” referring to my aunt.
And my dad said which one. When my uncle said the big one my dad said that still doesn’t clear it up or something along those lines calling me big. My mom had a conversation with him but I only saw him the day of so I’m going to see how that goes but she threatened custody.
I’m going to a therapist soonish and we’re going to talk about it and get an opinion.
On one side I don’t want to burn bridges and it isn’t always too bad but on the other, they are bad for my mental health and even tried to talk me out of starting college classes early (I have a 4.2 GPA, but a few overdue due to mental stress that fluctuates but doesn’t affect me that badly).
WIBTJ if I went to an every other weekend or less?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to make a big deal of it yet though, just be too busy to go to your dad’s on your next scheduled visit and keep cutting back on going.
When it’s time for you to go for longer, tell your parents that you prefer to stay with your mom because it’s much less stressful without the fat shaming. Then see what your mom does.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. Refuse to accept the mistreatment. “if I went to every other weekend or less?” .. make it MUCH LESS. As long as it is your choice, protect yourself. Maybe don’t go back at all, and meet your dad 1:1 for dinner?
Ask your therapist to speak up for you if this goes to custody court.” Excellent-Count4009
17. AITJ For Accidentally Outing My Son's Friend During Their First Date?
“My youngest son “Joshua” who’s 12 has a crush on one of his friends at school, a boy, “Carmen” who’s 13.
They’ve gotten close lately and even though Carmen likes to play cool as a cucumber, I still notice him blushing and cheesing pretty hard at Joshua. Carmen is over almost all of the time.
So today, I guess they were supposed to have kinda like a little outing though in hindsight, I don’t think it was as official as that.
This would’ve been the first time they’ve been out without me lurking. I was gonna drop them off at the arcade and I gave them enough money for a movie down the street and to eat at a kinda fancy restaurant for lunch after a while I was running some errands near the area.
While dropping them off, I commented on how cute they looked together. Carmen got this weird kinda shocked look for a sec but I didn’t think much of it at first.
About an hour and a half in, I get a call from Joshua all upset.
He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong on the phone and when I got there, Carmen wasn’t there. I asked what happened and he told me Carmen called his mom to pick him up. He won’t say anything on the car ride home and went sulking in his room.
His mom got him to talk after she got home from work. Carmen isn’t as open about himself with his family as Joshua is with us and I wasn’t supposed to know about him. He got freaked out and got mad at Joshua for telling anyone and his mom picked him up.
My wife thinks I was stupid to make such a comment like that without knowing if Carmen was even out and I probably scared the kid half to death. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with no jerks here.
I don’t think you “outed” Carmen to anyone who didn’t know about what was going on; you were just observing what you saw. I think it might be beneficial if you invited Carmen to your house to talk with your side of it, assure him that his secret’s safe with you (you won’t tell anyone, including his parents), and that your house is a haven if he needs it (or something like that).
Carmen’s young and likely paranoid that parents talk to each other and that they tell each other EVERYTHING.” JupiterSWarrior
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Except maybe the parents that have Carmen so worried about them finding out. You weren’t stupid, you just believed the best about other adults and were unfortunately wrong.
Take your son’s lead on what actions to take next. Reiterate to him that you would not tell the other parents (telling other parents is for when you are worried about a child, not any other occasion) and that you are more than happy to apologize and reassure Carmen that you weren’t told and that you won’t tell.” Footnotegirl1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a queer person, I always appreciate when people are openly accepting and normalizing the relationship. The only murky area for me is a comment like that is typically said to couples and they hadn’t included you in that decision.
I.e. you didn’t know if it was an outing because they didn’t say that, so you worked on an assumption. For someone who isn’t out, no matter how well-meaning, that kind of comment is terrifying because the main thing that goes through your head is WHO ELSE KNOWS?
You lose control of your own coming out process if everyone seems to know before you can tell them. I wouldn’t call you a jerk for this though, just well-meaning without understanding how scary the coming out process is for anyone.
Do his parents know and are they accepting if it’s no to either of those questions then he would have also panicked about you telling them. I’d suggest you just talk it through with him and explain that it’s cool and you won’t tell anyone and that he can talk to you as a supportive adult whenever he needs to.” asiniloop
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Mum Over Her Constant Criticism Of My Appearance?
“So I (f25) have been insecure for years about my lack of upper lip.. (it’s nonexistent) especially when I smile. So I recently decided to just get a small amount of filler. It’s not very noticeable but enough that I now have an upper lip when I smile.
My mum saw me and now constantly makes comments about it. Even more when I have lipgloss on… she puts her hand up to my face and makes comments that she can’t look at me when I talk to her..
she’s done this before with the floral tattoo on my upper thigh as well.
I’ve just had it with this behavior from her.
For some more context:
She has been helping me dye my hair multiple colors from the age of twelve and always liked it when I dressed a little alternative (she did back in the 80s) but she chooses to draw the line at strange points.
She has two piercings on each ear for example. I got my thirds and she said “Why would you do that? I don’t understand why you would do that to yourself”
I’d like to point out that my lip filler is subtle and not permanent.
It’s not how I define myself and I have no other cosmetic surgeries etc.
I’m 25 and I think I have a right to do what I want with my appearance without my mother blocking my face or my leg because she can’t look at me and says I look stupid.
Today I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m moving country soon and she knows this. I just don’t have the energy to be spoken to like this anymore. I’m my person. I left my house after yelling if she doesn’t want to look at me then get lost and talk to someone else, I’m currently typing this in my car.
I don’t want to go home and look at her.. did I take it too far though? The last time this happened she didn’t speak to me till I apologised.. I don’t think I’m in the wrong.
But I don’t know what to do. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum didn’t get the memo about bodily autonomy. Why would she want to meddle in this? I think it is great when people can get little things, they perceive as faults, fixed, especially for low cost and without enduring a lot of pain.
Why wouldn’t you do that?” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and even if it was a huge change you’d still not be the jerk because your body is your choice but holy crap, she can’t handle that your upper lip is slightly bigger than it used to be?!
That you used temporary fillers to alter something you were insecure about?!? That is very much her problem, not at all your problem. It sounds like you were careful and responsible about this, and you said in the comments it’s done a lot for your self-confidence, so I say you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Her making all these comments and putting her hand up to cover your mouth (!!!) is so incredibly rude and I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this behavior from her.” robinmitchells
15. AITJ For Overriding My Sister's Decisions At Our Other Sister's Wedding?
“So yesterday my (F18) sister that we’ll call Jordan (F31) got married. She had asked me to be the maid of honor when she got engaged (over a year ago).
This has given me over a year to talk to her and plan things as I live with her. Her other sister that we’ll call Carly (F26) was asked to be a bridesmaid about a month ago because of an imbalance in groomsmen to bridesmaids.
She said yes, and bought a dress. Her first complaint was over music. I had been asked to control the music since the DJ canceled last minute. I had already talked to Jordan about what songs she wanted and had a list ready for the DJ.
Carly brought this up to Jordan and said that she was going to do it with her songs. A lot of her songs were songs Jordan had specifically said she didn’t want. Carly was then asked to do Jordan’s makeup and I would do Jordan’s hair.
Carly spent most of her morning on her makeup and left Jordan without any. When Carly did get around to Jordan’s makeup, she hadn’t practiced. Jordan’s face was covered in silver holographic glitter, instead of the green smokey eye she wanted. This all had to be wiped off in the bathroom of the wedding venue.
I ended up fixing Jordan’s makeup, and finishing her hair because Carly wasn’t doing anything but standing in the bathroom complaining that my dress was a different color than hers and it was paid for by the bride (who pays me anyway as I’m her nanny).
After the ceremony, she was screaming the words to songs during the meal. She came home and proceeded to scream at another bridesmaid and told us all to get out of Jordan’s room because she wanted to sleep in there.
We ended up driving her home, so she would stop yelling. AITJ for not just letting Carly get her songs, and getting involved in what she wanted to do. The bride had asked me to do everything I did but Carly is still hurt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had the MoH job, right? Your job was helping Jordan have her day. Carly was trying to take it over, and you stopped that. You did the right thing.” srgonzo75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Carly was kind of out of control and ridiculous. She seems like she does not understand days that aren’t about her. All you did was make sure your sister got the wedding things she wanted while reining in a drama queen.” HellaShelle
14. AITJ For Telling My Friend That I'm Glad 'The Village' Concept Doesn't Exist Anymore?
“I have a friend “Bella” who is in her late 20s and has a toddler and a baby.
She constantly bemoans the fact that “the village” doesn’t exist anymore and people aren’t helping her and her partner with their baby the way they used to in past generations.
She’s bitter her mother won’t retire and babysit the kids for free, but her mother is only in her mid-50s and can’t afford to retire yet. She constantly complains she can’t travel or enjoy her life anymore because she doesn’t have a village.
After years of this, I told her I was glad we had moved away from that because “the village” that parents romanticize was the unpaid labor of women, and as a woman who doesn’t want a child, I’m glad that I’m no longer considered socially obligated to babysit other people’s kids for free or do household chores for people who chose to have kids in my free time, especially because these people won’t pay it forward to me in any way, and if something happened to me, like getting sick and needing help, they’d use their kids as a reason they can’t help me.
I also reminded her that “the village” depended on women not having jobs and it is a good thing that women can now sustain themselves and aren’t forced into dependency on their fathers or husbands.
The thing that triggered it was that I went overseas recently for a holiday and to attend a concert of an artist I like and she complained about how she doesn’t get to do these things because “the village” is off doing things like that.
She said I’m just a selfish childfree person who wants mothers to “suffer”, but I don’t think I was wrong, and then she said I was a bad feminist and a terrible person and hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many things from caring for the sick/disabled, and community projects, to helping raise children were unpaid women’s labourers that relied on us not being able to work. Yes, it’s unfair now that women are expected to work and raise children unless the men are doing an equal share.
But in this case, it just sounds like your friend wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a child.” EtoileFragile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the “Village” did not necessarily even exist universally. There were cases where parents had the support of their family and friends, but there were plenty who didn’t.
It reminds me of people who romanticize notable, but not universal, elements of the post-war period because they feel entitled to it as owed (aka “American Dream” where ‘everyone’ had a family house, two cars, 2.5 kids, one income – sure, there was the rise of urbanization, but there were still cities, the poor, and variety of circumstances).” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“no jerks here. The village isn’t unpaid female labor to give parents free time to go to concerts and vacations. It also isn’t some sexist notion. The origin of the phrase is an African proverb and its meaning isn’t “all the women should help Make mom’s life better,” the meaning is that generates new, productive, socially integrated members of a community that takes everybody.
Phrased differently, it isn’t about work at all, it’s about the reality that the best parents in the world cannot raise a child to socially flourish in their community if the community doesn’t engage children and make them feel safe.
The phrase is closely related to another African proverb: “The Child Who is Not Embraced by the Village Will Burn it Down to Feel its Warmth.” Wrong, sexist use of the proverb aside, your friend is wrong. Does she have a husband or ex-husband that might help (you know, the most important part of her village?) if she does, her issue might be with him, not you.
As for you, this all seems gratuitous. You did not need to confront her on this, and injecting phantom sexist meaning into the phrase only makes it worse. Separately, how would you feel if in 30 or so years, when you want somebody to take of you, this same friend said something unnecessarily hurtful and snide like “I’m glad you’re lonely, it’s the payback for those years of Enjoying the world while I was stuck at home not living my life” or some equality unnecessary, hurtful thing?
So basically, she has no reason to complain, and your screed is wrong on the meaning of the quote, unnecessarily sexist, and rude for no reason. No jerks here” Zealousideal-Law-513
13. AITJ For Charging A Friend More For My Car Because She's Frugal?
“I have a friend group from college who all ended up living in the same area after we graduated. We’re all fairly rich by any reasonable metric.
None of us are married or have any debt. My friends are working in tech making >300-400k+ a year, and I got lucky and sold a company for low 8 figures a couple of years ago.
Whenever we go out to eat, most of us tend to split the bill evenly.
None of us take advantage of each other and a few dollars here and there even out and don’t matter. However, one girl in the group, Jessica, is super precise about splitting money. She’s in the same financial position as everybody else (no debt, no kids, making a whole bunch of money), but she’ll still Cashapp request us for $3.
(To be fair to her, she’ll also pay $3 splits even though nobody requests them from her). I find it annoying to be keeping track so closely with people who are supposedly your friends, but to each their own I guess and I live with it.
The matter at hand: I am buying a new car, so I am selling my current one. I looked online to see how much my current one was worth, and I verbally offered it to a couple of friends in the group a few thousand cheaper than its fair value because we’ve never kept track of $ like this, I’m happy to do my friends a favor and it’s less of a hassle than finding a different buyer.
Jessica approached me and asked me about purchasing the car. I said sure and offered her a price on the lower end of the suggested range, but still a few thousand more expensive than what I had offered the other friends.
Word got back to her of the price I was offering the others and now she’s upset that I’m not offering her the same price. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because she watches her money a little more carefully than the rest of you do is no reason to charge her more for the car.
You should have made a blanket offer to the group “Hey, I’m looking to sell my car. I’ll let it go for $25K OBO.” That way, anyone in the group could have bought it for $25k or for the highest offer, whatever it might be.” Legitimate-Moose-816
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you kinda are YTJ because your reason for not offering her(a friend) the deal is because she’s a bit A-retentive over the cash tracking–she’s not taking advantage of you because she sends you money that you haven’t even requested. To be honest, it doesn’t seem like you are her friends, just in the same friend group.
Now you CAN be just in the same friends group–that’s fine, but at least admit you are being a jerk by doing that. You CHOSE to make her feel less than(a friend). That’s a bad thing to do to a “friend”.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why do you feel the need to charge her more than the other friends? Is it because of her financial tab-keeping that annoyed you, and you felt the need to get revenge?” MillyB27
12. AITJ For Not Helping My Siblings Navigate Their College Experience?
“I (F, late 20s) graduated college nearly a decade ago (I was admitted young).
I am the oldest, and my younger siblings are all going on to attend the same college I went to.
Whenever one of them is admitted, my parents want me to help them figure out schedules, programs, online vs in-person, housing, etc. Basically to be an on-hand academic advisor.
I wouldn’t mind helping, but the issue is that the college frequently updates its systems and changes its processes. They’ve also demolished a lot of their student housing and built new ones since I graduated. It hasn’t been unrecognizable, but they’ve added several new programs that I am just not aware of, so I don’t know how they work.
My parents have often guilt-tripped me by saying that I don’t care about helping my family, but that’s not the case at all; I just don’t know how to do what they want anymore.
Today, I got a text from my parents saying another one of my siblings has been admitted to this school.
I was bombarded with questions about more programs I’d never heard of, and “Are they allowed to take these classes together,” “Can they take all online classes or do they have to take some in-person.” I couldn’t answer a single one of these; not only is this sibling not even in my same degree, but they wanted to join a program that was created within the last year that I’d never heard of.
I texted back saying I could take a look, but pointed out that it’s been almost 10 years since I graduated and it just isn’t the same as when I went. I was honest and told them they should probably ask an academic advisor from the school and that I’m probably not the best resource anymore.
I haven’t heard back and I’m bracing myself for another flood of questions I can’t answer and some passive-aggressive guilt-tripping. I feel like I might be the jerk because maybe I’m wrong for not even trying; I just know that the system has been getting more and more unfamiliar to me over the years and I think having me go over it with them would be a waste of time when they could talk to an advisor.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Understandably, you would in theory love to help, but it’s been 10 years and you can acknowledge that you don’t necessarily have the correct information now. Things have changed. I think a “Mom, this program did not exist when I went there, and most of the dorms I lived in and visited have been demolished, and I don’t know details like what classes you can or cannot take together” response to her messages is appropriate and should be respected, though with her it might not.
In which case you just direct her to academic services / an advisor, or I’m sure there may even be a subreddit for the school where questions like this may be asked, and people who know the actual answer may respond or direct them to the appropriate place.
She can guilt trip and passive-aggressive all she likes, but it won’t change the fact that she continually asks you questions to which you don’t know the answer. Guilt her right back “Mom, I could come up with an answer just to appease you, but, likely, it won’t be correct, and you wouldn’t want your sibling to have the wrong/outdated/incorrect information would you?
The wrong information wouldn’t be helpful, why do you want me to give info to things I don’t know.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need to learn all of these skills on their own so they can be successful adults.
Too many young people flounder when they’re done with school because they’ve had their parents and siblings do all of the heavy lifting for them throughout their lives. They need to learn to be independent, research the information on their own, and also be advocates for themselves.” dunks615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Stop promising to take a look. It’s not your job to be the Wizard of Oz. Not only is it unfair to you but frankly it’s unfair to your siblings because you aren’t the best person to answer their questions.
You could have solved this a long time ago by directing the new freshman sibling to the last freshman sibling for help since they are currently attending the school and know the latest and greatest info. They can get help from any of the siblings currently at your university.
Going to an academic advisor should be a given. You can either be the Know-It-All in the family and feel flattered as you do something you don’t want to do, or you can temporarily disappoint your family over something they can solve for themselves and gain some freedom.” BeeJackson
11. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About His Rude Behavior With My Coworkers?
“So, last night, I went out with my coworkers, and my partner tagged along. We kicked things off at a brewery and later headed to a pool hall before dinner. At the pool hall, my partner was already a couple of drinks in and started chatting with my coworkers about music.
When one of them mentioned she liked EDM, he started teasing her about her taste in music, which forced her to defend her preferences. He thinks that he has the best music taste and everything else is terrible, pretty much.
Later at dinner, he had a few more drinks and got into a conversation with a different coworker, whose partner is in a local band, about music. He pretty much interrogated her about her music preferences and then asked her if she even liked her partner’s band.
I thought that was rude. I wouldn’t talk to his coworkers this way. The whole situation left me feeling super embarrassed.
This morning, I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that his behavior had made me uncomfortable and that it was visibly affecting my coworkers.
He didn’t take it well and just shut down. I tried to let it go, but he spent the next 6 hours not saying a word to me. Eventually, I couldn’t take the silence anymore, so I asked him if he was feeling uncomfortable, mad, hungover, or just tired because he’d been so quiet ever since I brought up the issue.
He responded by saying that I’d hurt his feelings. I told him that he embarrassed me, and he said that he didn’t care if my coworkers thought that he was being too much and that I hurt his feelings, then told him that sometimes we might hurt each other’s feelings, and then he ended the conversation by saying, “You wonder why I won’t propose to you.”
Now we’re back to not talking, and I’m left wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it sounds like the issue isn’t really about music. It is about his booze consumption. If he was stone sober would he have behaved so rudely to your friends?
I am not saying your partner has a drinking problem or is a heavy drinker. I have no idea. But if he did propose to you and you have any concerns that he drinks excessively, whether he is rude every time he drinks or not, then think very carefully before you accept.
Marrying someone who you believe has a problem with booze, will make your life incredibly complicated, difficult, and unhappy.” introspectively
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What positive qualities, if any, does this man possess? From what you’ve told us here he sounds arrogant, emotionally manipulative (six hours of the silent treatment because you hurt his feelings is not normal or okay, honey), and selfish.
And then he tells you “You wonder why I won’t propose to you?” He’s doing you a FAVOR by not proposing to you if this is how he normally behaves…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is passive-aggressive, elitist, and exhausting.
He thinks his opinions and preferences are better than anyone else’s which is cringe on its own. But he takes it to another insufferable level by interrogating people and putting them down. Do you guys get along because you tend to agree with him on everything and don’t have strong options?
Are you a people pleaser or someone who doesn’t like confrontation? Look what happened when you did confront him and didn’t back down. He said, “you wonder why I won’t propose to you.” Like it’s your fault and he has no responsibility.
He will not take your words or feelings into account and instead lashes out to put you down and hurt you. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone like this.” friendlily.
10. AITJ For Removing A Non-Contributing Teammate's Name From Our Project?
“I 18F am in college and was assigned a two-person project in my psychology class. The girl that I was partnered with seemed nice but I had never met her, only texted her because she never went to class.
A week passes and I’m done with a good amount of my work. I was getting stressed out because she had done nothing so I texted her, no response. She ended up completely ghosting me for the entire project.
By the night it was due, I had finished both of our parts which made me angry because it was a large project. On top of that, I had exams to study for and I relied on her to help me out.
I turned it in and I decided not to put her name on the work because I did all of it. I emailed my professor explaining that and she got back to me saying she’d keep that in mind when grading.
Last night we got our grades back and she texted me angry that she got an F.
I was very confused because the answer was pretty obvious, I told her she did no work and ghosted me. She cursed at me, called me a mean person, AND called me a snitch because the professor emailed her saying it’s unacceptable to not participate in group projects.
She said “I have my portion here I got it done the night that it was due” and I asked her why the heck didn’t she tell me that. She said she’s been busy with losing a family member.
Ok well now I feel like a jerk because I didn’t know that and could’ve been more lenient. But I’m still mad. But I still feel like a jerk because she’s right, I didn’t have to snitch on her to the professor.
We’re adults I should’ve just put only my name on it not emailed her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she did lose a family member, the burden is still on her to communicate that to you and your professor.
You are not a mind reader. You can’t know what’s going on in her head or her personal life unless she communicates it to you. She didn’t even need to take the time to do it herself. She could have given her phone/computer to a trusted family friend and said “Hey email my professor that I’m unable to complete this assignment due to these circumstances, and to pass that along to my partner.” Grief is hard, and losing family is hard, but it doesn’t mean you get to abandon all of your responsibilities.
If she ghosted her job without telling them, she’d lose it.” 7hr0wn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First, she chose not to communicate with you about this loss of a family member Second, I’m not sure I believe her.
If she had her part done the night it was due, then she could have responded immediately to the professor with “I was having a family emergency. Blahblah was dying. But I did the work, please find my half attached”.
And I’m sure if that happened, the professor would likely cut her a break and let her make it up somehow (say, by completing the project in her way)” He_Who_Is_Person.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She could have just told you, it took literally two minutes to text “Hey, I’ve just lost a family member I will be sending you my part ASAP” or tell your professor who could have given you a heads up.
I know it sounds harsh but the world doesn’t stop when we have problems (any kind) and we can’t expect people around us to just accommodate our needs, especially when we don’t even say them. Enjoy your well-earned grade.” Medium-Explanation77
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Partner's Family Dinners After They Eat Before I Arrive?
“My partner’s (29M) family recently invited me for dinner to celebrate my (28F) birthday.
They are notorious for eating exactly at 5 pm, but since I work in the office occasionally, and it’s a one-hour commute, they will sometimes offer to push dinner so we can eat after I finish commuting back to town.
The last three times they have invited me to dinner, however, I have arrived to find everyone already eating, most recently, everyone was clearing their plate by the time I walked through the door. For some context, my train arrives at my hometown at 6:13 pm and I will be through their door by 6:20 pm – if I go over after working from home, I will be there by 5:10 pm at the latest.
I come from a family where no one touches their food without everyone at the table and ready to eat, let alone a guest. Since I was raised this way, I find what my partner’s family is doing completely disrespectful and it hurts my feelings that they OFFER to push dinner, and then eat without me anyway – not to mention the uncomfortableness of also having to eat alone at the table.
I’ve brought this up to my partner and he says it’s not a big deal, and that members of his family need to eat at a certain time because of b***d sugar issues – also, just to note, my partner has stopped eating before I get there since I told him it bothers me, his family has not.
Recently, when they offered to have me for dinner for my birthday after an office day, I politely suggested to my partner that they eat without me and I would come after I got home for cake or something.
My partner said he wouldn’t be suggesting that to his parents because it’s rude and ungrateful, and that I can deal with everyone eating before me for one day.
My stance is pretty firm that if you invite someone for dinner, you shouldn’t eat without them, so I’ve asked him going forward to stop inviting me for family dinners on work/weekdays.
I don’t feel like I’m overreacting, or over asking but my partner is pretty floored I would suggest that. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here From the outside, it just sounds like you and your partner’s family have different expectations about what “eating dinner” means.
You consider it a group experience, where the interaction with the family is important. But they are treating it as a gesture of offering you a meal, regardless of when you show up. It doesn’t sound like they’re malicious – you said they have medical needs and generally have a really strict eating time.
I think you are interpreting what they do as rude because of your expectation and this is causing you to resent them when it doesn’t sound like they’re trying to hurt you. (Honestly, to me it sounds like they’re trying to be family instead of formal – like, show up whenever you’ll have food!) You certainly don’t need to go there to eat if you don’t want to, but I think if you adjust the way you perceive their actions it can improve your relationship.” Reasonable2aPoint
Another User Comments:
“They aren’t inviting you to dinner, just to eat at their house. There is a distinction. If they invite you for dinner you eat with them as you stated, if they invite you to eat there you eat there and get fed. They are informal about this.
They may not even realize the distinction themselves. If you regularly eat at 5.00 and you never get home by then the issue is permanent. Just refuse the invite or eat just with your partner.” Ornery-Ticket834
Another User Comments:
“So it’s rude and disrespectful for you to offer for them to go ahead and eat without you, but it’s not rude and disrespectful for them to invite you but then eat before you get there?
What is that? Your partner is the issue here. Don’t go anymore until your partner can stand up to his family and tell them they are being inconsiderate, or he needs to be OK with you not going because, duh, they are being rude and disrespectful to you.
Respect goes both ways. NTJ.” theworldisonfire8377
8. AITJ For Refusing To Share My New Compact Powder With My Greedy Cousin?
“This might be a very silly post but I just wanted to know if I am a jerk.
So my cousin’s sister is kind of greedy. Every time she sees something (makeup or food) lying around, she uses it without any purpose. I don’t like it. I usually like to share. I always help my friends and family.
But she is just too much. Even if she doesn’t need it, it’s like she has to use it. She forces me to use her things and eat her food just so she can rub it in my face later.
Today I was thinking about using my new compact powder. But I heard her knocking so I hid it. She was sitting in my room waiting for me to finish so that we could leave. I decided to use the powder as I needed it.
And just like I expected she said she wanted to use it. I got annoyed and told her that I wouldn’t give it to her. She got angry with me too.
My mother heard it. She scolded me and told me that I was very selfish and it was just a powder.
I told her that I don’t mind anyone or her using it but it was the fact that she always has to use my things even if she has her own. Mom is worrying about what her parents would think.
I know it’s just a silly bickering between two sisters. Nothing serious. I love her and she loves me too.
I just want to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just don’t share makeup. The standard advice is, “Germs can live on your beauty products, and sharing makeup products or tools may cause infection.” I don’t think you’re intimate enough with your cousin to share germs back and forth.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sharing makeup is… gross. Stand your ground, and stop letting her pressure you into sharing her stuff, too. She can’t force you to do anything so it’s time to stop. Walk away when she shoves something in your face (very rude behavior!).
Stop leaving your makeup around for her to snap up. Get a makeup kit/bag/tote with a wee lock on it; they’re just novelty locks and wouldn’t stop a mouse but it would show how bizarre and unhealthy your cousin’s habit is if she stumbles upon the tote/kit and breaks into it.
THEN your aunt might have something to say since your mother is so worried about that. Remember; even a dog knows what “no” means. Every time you say no, you’re training your cousin to deal with not having her way, and training you to stick up for yourself.” SilenceInTheForest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sharing makeup is unsanitary, even if you disinfected it after she used it; you don’t know what she has. She shouldn’t believe she has a right to use your things without permission. She also shouldn’t force you to use her stuff and eat it.
She sounds like a spoilt child with no respect for boundaries. Firm boundaries are important. I know you love her, but boundaries would be good here. Be kind but firm.” crohnieforlife
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Family Bought Me Clothes That Don't Fit After I Asked Them Not To? Delete
“For context, before I start I am a plus size lady, size 20+, my family is all smaller sizes and model material, all younger than me.
One sister was bigger than me for most of our childhood but she has lost all her weight now and is the worst to me about my weight.
My family asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I gave them a small idea of little things like kitchen storage containers, desk organizing things like $20 or less kinda dollar store stuff and they seemed to be pleased with my answer and went about their day.
Fast forward a few hours and my mother and sisters called, they were out shopping together.
There was a sale in a very popular fashion store that they all shop at.
They asked what size clothing I was and I said “Please do not buy me clothes, I like to try them first and buy my own”.
To be honest, clothes aren’t made well for girls like me, and most plus-size clothing doesn’t work on my body shape even if it is my size.
It’s a struggle.
I have very little clothing due to this and I often complain I have no clothes but it’s just me venting about a sucky situation for me.
They called 3 times asking and I said DO NOT BUY ME CLOTHING PLEASE.
But they did, none of it fits, they bought CROP TOPS AND B**B TUBES in the multiple outfits they made up.
They bought nothing else but clothes.
I lost it, I didn’t want to try it on and said it wouldn’t work on me but they stood there telling me I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try anyways so give them a go and that I was being ungrateful if I didn’t, I shouldn’t complain about having anything to wear and I am hurting their feelings because it’s the thought that counts.
I tried 2 things on and both looked disgusting, one sister even laughed at it and said “Well it was cheap so thought why not?”
Me being upset and not letting it go, calling them out on not listening to my boundaries, and making me feel terrible as a gift receiver and my own body is me being ungrateful and I am a horrible person.
I am now “no longer allowed to complain” because they tried to help me and I just want something to complain about.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though nearly E S H. A pet peeve of mine is when people keep complaining about the same(fixable) thing.
Your best bet for plus-sized clothing is probably the internet. Avenue is a good one, as are Lane Bryant, Romans, and Holy Clothing(the latter has long ship times though). All have really good return policies so you can buy, try on, and send back if they don’t fit.” Jaeysa
Another User Comments:
“I’m “regular” size and I have ALWAYS HATED GETTING CLOTHES as gifts. There have been rare times I was gifted an article of clothing that I fell in love with( adult Batman onesie PJs and a handmade crotched sweater) but 95% of it’s awkward not my style, not my fit and trying to find an opportunity to wear it so their feelings won’t be hurt.
Your family intentionally spent their money on items you explicitly told them you did not want and would cause issues. If they try it again, say thank you and drop it off at your nearest thrift store collection site or post it on the local freebies page.
NTJ but you’re a victim of familial bullying the worst kind in” rosesontheground0409
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I would suggest getting them some presents, so maybe find some designer label bags, put some cheap stuff in find their clothes sizes, and then buy 2 sizes too small but swap the size labels.
It’s some serious evil sister stuff which I wouldn’t normally condone but they are nasty. They deserve this and it’ll screw them up. Or just don’t have anything to do with their unkind selves.” Acceptable_Bunch_586
6. AITJ For Deforming Pillows In My Sleep And Upsetting My Wife?
“My wife (30F) and I (32M) have been married for five years, and recently, we’ve been having a disagreement about something that seems trivial but has become a point of contention between us: my habit of deforming pillows in my sleep.
Let me explain. I have a tendency to toss and turn during the night, which results in my pillows becoming misshapen by morning. I’ve never really thought much of it, as I assumed it was a common occurrence for many people.
However, my wife has become increasingly frustrated with this habit of mine.
She argues that it’s not just about the pillows themselves, but the fact that it disrupts the overall aesthetic of our bedroom. She takes pride in keeping our living space tidy and visually appealing, and the deformed pillows seem to bother her on a deeper level.
She’s expressed her annoyance multiple times, even going as far as suggesting that I should sleep on a separate pillow to avoid ruining the ones we have.
While I understand her desire for a neat and organized space, I can’t help but feel like she’s overreacting.
I mean, it’s just pillows, right? They can easily be fluffed back into shape, and we can even invest in new ones if needed. I’ve tried explaining this to her, but she insists that it’s not just about the financial aspect, but rather the principle of taking care of our belongings.
I feel like she’s blowing this issue out of proportion and making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It’s not like I intentionally deform the pillows; it’s something that happens unconsciously while I’m asleep. I’ve even suggested using more durable pillows or exploring alternative solutions, but she seems fixated on the idea that I should change my sleeping habits to accommodate her concerns.
AITJ for getting upset when my wife gets mad at me for deforming my pillows in my sleep? Should I be more considerate of her desire for a visually appealing bedroom, or is she overreacting to a minor issue?
Is there a way we can find a compromise that respects both our needs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re doing it while you sleep, so it’s not too intentionally disrespectful to her or the pillows. Maybe you’re tossing and turning is keeping her from having a restful sleep?
Have a sleep study done if you can afford it. Are you careless with other stuff she feels important or precious about? Does she have OCD tendencies? It seems like it might be more than the pillows she is upset about.
In the interest of a healthy relationship, don’t dismiss what she feels is important. Whatever it is, it will be very difficult to change how you sleep. Maybe y’all just aren’t great sleep partners. Is a second bedroom out of the question?
Good night, and good luck!” DorothysRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but fix it anyway. I strongly suspect this isn’t about the pillows at all. She is feeling something and focusing on the pillows instead. How is she doing in general, at work, and in her health?
How are the two of you doing at spending time together? How are you doing around the house? Is she stressed about something? I would have gotten weird about something like that when I felt life was out of control and I wanted part of it under control.
Like when I had to do the same chores every day and I was sick of it. Or I felt like what needed to happen each day was too much. Remove the pillow issue. Buy a new one that goes on the bed you make in the morning and put the one you use out of sight.
Then try to figure out if something is making the pillow so frustrating for her.” kingofgreenapples
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are just pillows for goodness sake, and yours at that. Your wife is being ridiculous about this. You can’t change something that you have no control over.
Maybe you buy a new pillow to sleep on and then put it up during the day? If she doesn’t compromise on that, she will not only be ridiculous but controlling as well. Stand your ground!” JustRight2
5. AITJ For Trying To Hint At A Group Of Moms To Leave After Closing Time?
“I(f21) am a chef at a small charcuterie and sandwich place. Last Monday a group of women came in just before 6 and asked when we closed. Our server informed them that we closed at 7, and it seemed that the group thought we closed at 8.
We did recently change our hours but they were updated online.
The group waited for another member to show up and ordered their food close to 7 and it came out in 15 minutes. Our server also told them that we were closing soon before 7.
The group hung out for a while and around 7:30 one of our other servers was leaving and in an attempt to give the group a hint I loudly wished her a good night.
At this point, one of the women in the group said “Hey!
I see what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to get us to leave.” In an annoyed voice. I said I was saying goodbye to my coworker, but the lady just rolled her eyes and went back to chatting with the other women in the group.
I decided to give a hint since our server already told them we had closed at 7, and they completely disregarded her.
Eventually, they got their stuff together and left eating mostly everything and finishing their wine. As they left one of them shouted “We’re just moms trying to enjoy mom night.” At this point, it was almost 7:45 and the last server and I still had to do the group’s dishes, mop, clean up, take out the trash, and close.
A few days later one of the group left a review. It was a 4/5 and blamed me for the star taking off saying I shouted at no one for them to leave, which didn’t happen. Both my server and I were desperate to leave and my partner was waiting in the store for me to go home.
My boss talked to me about it after seeing the review(which is how I heard about it) and said I was ok, but what do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. EVERYONE who expects a restaurant dining room to allow them to stay after closing.
The last place I worked at we stopped taking orders 25min before closing. That gives us 15 minutes to cook for the table, and 10min for them to eat and leave. If they planned a “mom’s night” they should’ve checked your hours of operation.” ORINnorman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You respond to the review is what you do. “We are sorry you felt rushed, and there was some initial confusion over the hours, but we told you when you walked in that we closed at 7 pm, and decided to stay open a little longer since we felt bad about the mix-up.
However, once you had stayed 30 minutes past the closing time, yes, we started to clean and close up. We tried to be accommodating, but you did indeed take advantage of our goodwill.” As long as your other reviews are good, people will be able to see this for what it is.” Live_Carpet6396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mom here. Also a former waitress. They were rude to stay so late after being told the closing time. Next time, instead of hinting, firmly tell them within earshot of someone else (to back you when they inevitably complain later) “We appreciate your business folks but it is now x minutes past closing time and we must ask you to leave.
We are happy to provide boxes for any unfinished food!” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Feeling Jealous Of My Younger Sister Because Of My Dad's Favoritism?
“I (15M) have had a strained relationship with my dad since I was young. It felt like he was never interested in being a part of my life.
As I got older, I stopped wishing that would change, I’m okay with my dad being uninterested in me. I don’t care about having a good relationship with him anymore.
Every once in a while, he would go to my sports games, but it was always briefly and I could feel him rushing me to leave.
I stopped trying to get him to like me after I was about nine.
Lately, he’s been spending a lot of time with my sister (8F). He’s always been more interested in my sister than me but I don’t care anymore However every time I see them interact it makes me so incredibly jealous.
I honestly don’t know why I care so much I hadn’t given a care since I was nine.
I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way, since I’ve not wanted his attention in so long. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do.
So I told my mom how I was feeling it was kinda awkward because I don’t talk about how I’m feeling because it’s dumb and that’s just not how I was raised we don’t do that in my family.
My mom got really angry at me and said I needed to grow up and stop being jealous of an eight-year-old and she called me a few names. She told me not to mention anything to my dad too because he’ll think I’m ungrateful for everything he does for us.
She told me to consider that it might be my fault that he doesn’t like me I don’t know what she meant by that though.
I guess she’s kinda right it is dumb to be jealous of an eight-year-old but I don’t know it might be my fault that my dad doesn’t like me but I wish I knew what I did wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your NTJ about your feelings, but your mother is shaming you for them. Two explanations off the top of my head. Your father prefers daughters, or there’s something wonky in the family dynamic.
Leaving your jealous feelings out of the conversation, could you ask your father if you did something to anger him and cause this marked difference in treatment?” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re jealous of an 8 y/o, especially of the opposite gender.
I’m sure you don’t want the *same kind* of attention she gets. It’s messed up: a lot of parents seem to think only small children count, and when a kid reaches puberty, they get brushed off. As you get older, you have more to gain from spending time with your parents.
They can teach you skills, offer advice, and prepare you for adulthood. What do your dad and sister do together? What do they talk about? She may not be as favorite as you think… …I have a friend who went through the same thing with his younger brother.
He was a teenager in search of guidance, but Dad only wanted to take Little Bro to kid-oriented places. Years later, they compared notes and realized something. Dad didn’t exactly prefer the younger son to the older one. He liked small children because they were easy to tune out.
And teenagers asked tough questions that he didn’t want to strain his brain to answer. My friend somehow didn’t catch that Dad had been tuning him out (earlier, when he did get to do father/son things with Dad).
But Little Bro was keenly aware when it happened to him, so as a teenager, he didn’t bother trying to engage Dad. Anyway. You have a right to how you feel, and your mom is way wrong.” Charlotte_Braun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jealousy is a standard human emotion. We all feel this way sometimes and it doesn’t make you a jerk. The only problem occurs when jealousy makes us lash out and hurt other people – which you haven’t done.
You’ve handled this feeling maturely by trying to express this to your mother. Your mother…wow. I’m stunned that she spoke to you like that. Your dad has been a darn fool to miss out on the opportunity to spend time with you.
Your mother sounds horrible – something will be going on there, but it’s not your fault. Just remember that your parents’ poor behavior is 100% on them, not your sister.” happybanana134
3. AITJ For Wanting To Open My Birthday Presents Alone Due To My Heart Condition?
“I have a serious heart problem I’ve just recently got over. I’ve been semi-bedbound for a decade, the medication I was given a few months ago is experimental for people with my heart condition and was introduced only two years ago.
The medication has given me a new life, many days I’m almost completely nonsymptomatic. Before the medication, my heart problem was getting so bad I couldn’t eat solid food without experiencing extreme tachycardia and dangerously erratic b***d pressure.
My mom’s had a cold for about six days, my birthday is tomorrow. I asked my mom if the presents and cards were in the living room and she said yes. I said I’ll open them tomorrow before she gets up.
She was surprised saying that she couldn’t watch me open them. I told her that I’m not going to risk damaging my heart. If I get anything, that makes all my symptoms worse, even with my medication. I don’t experience resting tachycardia anymore, but I can tell when the medication is trying hard to stifle a flare-up.
She said ‘But what about the cake and the candles? I spent hours yesterday searching for special candles for you. The cake might as well be thrown away then’
She’s been throwing up with this cold, she thinks it could be the flu and I had my flu shot just over two weeks ago, but if it’s a cold it’s a bad one.
I’ve been speaking to her from behind my bedroom door. I’ve been insanely stressed out all week and already used up three bottles of hand sanitizer. I haven’t cooked anything since I don’t want to use the cutlery or the pots she’s been handling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you are genuinely concerned for your health then get her to mask up while in the house and keep all the windows open for good ventilation. It won’t remove the risk but it may help.
Can you not open your presents outside or from another room while she watches you from a distance?” sjw_7
2. AITJ For Confronting A Girl Who Accuses My Partner Of Having An Affair?
“I (24F), met my partner (28M), through mutual friends in June – we were both on holiday in Greece at the same time and our friends wanted to meet up, we both went with our respective friendship groups and met each other.
We got on well and got together within days, when we returned to London we hung out constantly, and around 4 weeks later went away for the weekend and became exclusive. It’s important to note, I was seeing numerous people before this – as was he.
You know, summer in the city.
The issue is one of the girls he was seeing, Charlotte, was unhappy quickly and replied to my Instagram story while I was still in Greece saying she had been on dates with him.
I had never met her and just said, at the time, I was sorry if he had a partner I did not know. She confirmed they were not in a relationship.
She subsequently has bombarded me with messages for weeks, usually late on a Friday or Saturday when she’s had too much to drink.
I told my partner about this, and he said he blocked her in July and I do genuinely believe him.
Anyway, last night I left work and went for drinks, after a while my partner texted and said he was nearby with some of his/ our friends, I went to meet them and it was starting to get messy.
Charlotte turned up with two girls who I know and get on with.
In the bathroom, she started going on about how he’s unfaithful, and I’m a floozy, and that he can’t be faithful. I told her I didn’t care, I knew he’d slept with other people, I knew he had in the month from when I met him and I wasn’t shocked. I asked her to stop messaging me and stop going on about it, as she is telling a lot of people we both know.
Now I feel bad for kind of going against the girl code and feel a bit like a jerk as I do feel sorry for her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, What exactly is “girl code” here? You and she aren’t friends and the two of them were never exclusive, stop feeling bad about arbitrary stuff and enjoy your relationship, and certainly don’t let this sort of stuff affect your relationship in the future, single girls keep other girls single, misery loves company, remember that, they will try and sabotage your relationship” Ingloriousdoctor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – when you’re young and single you should be able to date many people while you find the one you click with. Just because you get along well with a person on a first date doesn’t mean you should be stuck with them and never go out with anyone else.
When you’re young, you should not have to be in a series of time-consuming, magnanimous relationships. Back in the “old days” that’s how it was. But then they didn’t sleep with the multiple dates (or at least were more secretive about it).
My life would have been much different if going out with one person hadn’t tied me to them for years.” MercuryRising92
1. AITJ For Not Taking The Peas Out Of The Freezer When My Husband Wanted Me To?
“My husband promised to bring a 7-layer salad to a birthday potluck dinner after work.
One of the salad layers is thawed frozen peas. He had to work today and was going to leave early to come home and make the salad. He told me that he was going to text me at 1:30 PM before he left work at 2:00 to remind me to take the peas out of the freezer, so they would be partially thawed when he got home at 2:45 to make the salad.
I knew that sometimes he gets busy at work and might forget to text me, so I set an alarm for 1:30 to remind myself to take the peas out in time (this is sounding silly as I type this!).
Anyway, around 12:30, I took a brief nap with the knowledge that my alarm was set, and all would be good.
I woke up at exactly 1:30 to find that he had already sent me 14 texts (beginning at 1:00 with increasing escalation!) and 4 missed calls demanding to know where I was and why I hadn’t taken the peas out of the freezer.
I took the peas out of the freezer, as I had planned, and texted him back at 1:31 PM. “They’re out, chill down.”
I know he has anxiety about time constraints, and he was probably texting me 30 minutes early because he wanted to make sure the peas were properly thawed in time (but not overly thawed, apparently) to make the salad.
I get that, but we’re talking about 30 minutes here. Besides, he didn’t have control over my free time, and he changed his mind.
He then proceeded to text me and accuse me of being a jerk and trying to ruin his salad for his dear friends.
I left him on read and went about my day. He’s still angry at me, and by the way, the salad turned out fine.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your husband sounds controlling and manipulative.
Accusing youofr something banal like this is not normal behavior – it’s abusive and should be addressed in therapy. The salad was fine, so why is he still angry at you? He has some problems that need to be addressed.” Justrennt
Another User Comments:
“For anyone shocked by this idea of a Midwestern layered “salad” (to the one in this post has salad ingredients) season 1 episode 9 of How I Met Your Mother includes an appalling 7 layer salad that includes guacamole, gummy bears, potato chips, and mayo among its layers.
Recipes can even be found by googling “HIMYM Eriksson 7 layer salad” I grew up with my mother making a frozen creamy jello abomination of a dessert every Thanksgiving that (while a Texas family recipe) is very reminiscent of this sort of midwestern/60s American “cuisine”.” Dredpiratechewy
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