People Are Up Thinking About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Telling My Dad He Ignored My Mental Health Issues?
“I’m (17f) mentally ill. I inherited mental illness from my mom. Something that destroyed her life not long after I was born. She was sick for years, her family didn’t always recognize something was badly wrong, she lived a pretty typical life until she got pregnant with me and then pregnancy hormones made her untreated mental illness so much worse.
My parents were married and my dad sort of buried his head in the sand even as mom got worse. She left when I was 2. I saw her occasionally after that but she was never a big presence in my life. She was too sick to be.
She was so far gone and her family tried to help her but she rejected help. She was hospitalized a few times but always ended up back where she began.
My dad ignored the warnings that I could inherit mental illness from my mom. He decided I was perfect and we would be perfect.
He moved on from the marriage and liked to pretend everything was fine. He married someone who was pretty awful about mental illness and she was hard for me to be around. I don’t know where all her views came from but they meant mental illness was stigmatized in the household and it made it even easier for Dad to ignore when I started showing signs.
It was something I was told time after time not to bring up. Then he’d say mom was just a bad person and his wife would say I should be glad they weren’t trying to turn me into a freak like my mom’s family was, because they saw the signs and they tried speaking out too.
It freaked me out that I could get worse. Especially when teachers and people at school started to notice. In the end, I turned 13 and found myself having multiple breakdowns a week because I could tell something wasn’t right. My grandparents ended up fighting and winning custody of me thanks to the concerns about my mental health and my dad’s outright refusal to address it.
He told a judge he would not take me to any “head doctor” about it. And I was diagnosed within weeks of my grandparents getting custody and I still live with them today.
I am court-ordered to see my dad and his family still. But I’m just waiting until I can sever contact.
My dad spends his time with me badmouthing my mom’s family. He blames them for how I ended up and for making me think something was wrong with me. How they did this when he really didn’t let me see them is beyond me. But he believes it.
So does his wife. They tell their kids that too. And I was at his house for a dinner Wednesday (court ordered) and he complained about not having custody and my grandparents again and I lost my temper and told him he would have let me get like mom if it weren’t for my grandparents and my aunts who did everything they could for me.
I told him I would never be okay with him ignoring the signs like that.
Both my dad and his wife told me I was rude in their home and around their kids and clearly my grandparents are letting me behave like a spiteful little girl still.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is clear that Dad and step are the jerks, not you. At 17, just refuse to go. They probably won’t take your grandparents to court. If they do, you’ll be 18 or close by the time they get a court date.
Block them on everything and move on. On the off chance they get into court before you turn 18, tell the judge everything they say about you and your mom and their neglect of your mental health. Most judges won’t make you go.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Just hold on. You are almost 18 and you can go no contact. Because he is horrible. You are strong. Very strong. With a good support system. Keep telling your truth to him and stepmom. Don’t let their attitudes bother you. (Easier said than done, I know).
Get a big calendar – one that has all the months on one page. Hang it on the wall. After every forced visit go home and X out that date. You will be one visit closer to never having to see them again. The finish line is in sight.
Stay strong and take care of yourself.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who is autistic, this makes my b***d boil. You’re seventeen, is there no way you can get a professional to help you get the judge to cut off the visits now?
They’re clearly detrimental to your mental health, which is already something that you’re struggling with. I would, backed by the professional, say that being made to visit people who deny that mental health is a real issue that can’t just be bullied away is very detrimental to your well-being, and it’s not in your best interest to keep up the visits.
I at least hope that, when you’re a legal adult, you can invoke that fact and make it clear that you aren’t going to interact with people who damage your mental health.” NotAFloorTank
20. AITJ For Requesting A Different School Project To Avoid Family Conflict?
“I’m (15m) a kid of divorce. I have two siblings, five half-siblings total, and four stepsiblings. I also have two involved parents and two stepparents. In my whole family, I am closest to my two siblings. My relationship with my mom isn’t the greatest and I am closer to my dad than her but not totally close.
I’m okay with both stepparents. And I’m not that close to any of the step or half-siblings. I don’t hate anyone. But would I say they’re all equally important to me or the people I care most about? No. So when one of my teachers asked us two months ago to do a project about our families and who we’re closest to and how well we know them, I asked her for a different project topic and explained I was concerned about the reaction from my stepfamilies if I was honest and also worried it would show if I was lying.
So she gave me a totally different topic to cover. Another kid also got it after I did because they have a very complicated family situation.
I did the project, got an A on it, and didn’t think more about it. But the school posted the wall of projects on social media and my mom searched for mine and saw it was different.
She told my stepdad and then my dad and stepmom were told and it became a discussion in both houses. I lied and said I had been asked to do it because of the other kid. My mom said she knew that wasn’t true or the teacher would have split the class equally between both project topics.
So I was honest that I had requested something different because I didn’t want to do the original topic. Mom told me it should have been very easy for me because I have such a close blended family (she was talking about the one she made).
She told my dad about me asking for it and then he was also like why would you do that you had such an easy thing.
I told them I was trying to avoid any conflict or hurt feelings by asking something else. They told me it was wrong for me to do that because it looks like I don’t love my family.
Then both parents and stepparents got angry because I didn’t rush to say I love everyone and all this stuff. They told me by requesting a different project I had snubbed my family (each talking for their own blended family and not the two blended families).
They told me it was incredibly hurtful what I had done and I handled it like a child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you handled the situation like a mature adult – not wanting to hurt any of your family members. Your parents and step-parents are acting like children because you are not equally as close to your half and step-siblings as you are to your full siblings.
“They told me by requesting a different project I had snubbed my family (each talking for their own blended family and not the two blended families). They told me it was incredibly hurtful what I had done and I handled it like a child.” Your parents don’t even get it.
Are THEY close to their former partners’ blended family? NO, then they don’t get to demand you be the same.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – thank them for demonstrating exactly why you didn’t want to do the project. That you care about and get on with everyone but you knew the report would be scrutinized and subjected to a degree of interrogation a simple school project didn’t warrant.
Just to clarify, in my opinion, you handled it like an adult – you realized it had the potential to be complicated and stir up emotional responses. I am just a bit sad your teacher with 2 pupils struggling in a class of what 25/30 couldn’t realize it was a bad idea and give the second project to everyone else.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate when parents drag their children into conversations that really should stay between the parents (and step-parents if needed). OP, you did nothing wrong. They’re just mad that you disturbed their sense of having a perfect family, and they lack both self-awareness and awareness for their own children and their wellbeing.
For me, the most disturbing thing is that everyone is attacking you instead of being open to your thoughts and feelings and being worried about you. I certainly would have been worrying the most about you.” Cka0
You did nothing wrong by avoiding that mind field.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Ex To Stay Over?
“My (20f) husband (21m) and I have been together since I was 15. I had our first baby at 17 in high school and I’m pregnant with our second. My husband’s ex has known about me since the beginning but has only ever talked to me twice the entire time we’ve been together (the first time was after I had our baby and posted on my story about how annoying it was that so many girls reached out to my husband to ask about my labor and delivery instead of me, and she apologized and asked me how it went.
The second was to say “I want to meet you one day!” And that was it.)
We just moved to a new state last year and guess what: she lives an hour and a half away! She keeps asking my husband to come visit her or saying she wants to come visit him (not us or his family, just him).
I’m pregnant and insecure so right now I’m not in the mood to meet more people. (I didn’t have any issue with him being friends with this girl until recently.)
Recently, she asked my husband if she could stay the night at our place since she’s flying into the airport closest to us at a very late time and doesn’t wanna make the drive home (again, only an hour and a half).
He said he’d talk to me about it and of course I said no, I don’t want someone I’ve never met in our apartment with our kid at like 3 am. Especially not right now.
It led to a big fight and my husband said I was inconveniencing someone because of my own jealousy.
I don’t view it as an inconvenience because I offered her a place to stay 4 minutes away for free and she denied. He now agrees with me that it was just an excuse to try and see him again.
I don’t know much about this girl but I do know I don’t want anybody in the apartment right now as it’s a mess from baby stuff and I’m too pregnant to wanna worry about strangers being here.
Now he’s upset with me again since I said I’m not her biggest fan right now because she asked such a ridiculous thing (again, she has my contact info and is fully able to communicate with me, just chooses not to). AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but neither is the young woman. Your husband went out with her before you, at, what, 13? This sounds a lot more like a childhood friend than a shady ex. She’s been friendly and upfront with you. Yes, she has your contact info, but you two barely know each other; that’s why she asked him and not you.
I get why you wouldn’t want her to stay over with a small child, a small apartment, and being pregnant. But it’s worth talking to your guy about this. What does she mean to him, really? Can y’all be friends?” Optimal-Piccolo-9108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It would be one thing for her to be in the area and ask your husband to grab a coffee and catch up, but asking to spend the night, because you chose to book a late flight, after not having seen each other for years is frankly a ridiculous request. The bigger issue to me is why your husband continues to entertain this back and forth when it’s clear this makes you uncomfortable.
Why is he prioritizing the feelings of someone he went out with in middle school before the mother of his children?” screamqueen57
Another User Comments:
“You all sound so immature. Middle school drama? You are NTJ for not letting her stay, but you are going about it the wrong way.
Talk to your husband and set boundaries. She is reaching out to him, so he is the one who needs to tell her no. If he can’t explain to her (and any other woman) that he is a married man with a family and has no time for funny business, then you have a husband problem.” RedSAuthor
18. AITJ For Wanting My Baby Items Back From My Sister?
“I (22F) have been saving my baby items from when I was young.
This ranges from clothing, blankets, bibs, bottles, decor, crib bedding, and other miscellaneous items. I had it all in boxes in my closet — some decor I had displayed in my room. I have sentimental attachment to it and want to pass it down to my children in hopes of it being a family heirloom one day.
My sister (26F) had her first child, my niece. I love my sister and her little family. I adore and love my niece and I’ve gotten a few baby items or toys for her as well.
When I returned home from university, I noticed that the decor I had displayed was gone.
I asked my mom about it and she said my sister saw the decor and she told her to take it. I told her that I was saving it for my future children and my mom just denied that it was valuable to me.
Regardless, I didn’t want to argue with her about it.
I went back to my room and saw that all of my boxes were gone as well. I called my sister to confirm and yes, she had taken everything. I tried to be reasonable and I told her, “I’d like everything back once you’re done with it.” My sister got very angry at me, saying that it was hers now and she plans to use it for her other children – and then pass it down.
I told her that this was all MY baby stuff and that if she wanted heirlooms, she should have saved her own baby items. Her argument was that she never planned on having children so she didn’t save anything, mom gave her the stuff so now it’s hers, and that I should just deal with it because “if it was so important, why didn’t you take it with you (to college)?”
At this point, I felt like I was arguing with a brick wall. I demanded my stuff back immediately and said I’d go over to her house and get it back myself. I tried to be nice and let her use it until my niece grew out of it but she just doesn’t want to give it back at all.
She told my mom and my mom yelled at me saying that technically, all of my baby items are my mom’s possessions since she purchased them, thus my mom has every right to give them to whoever she pleases. My mom and sister also claim that I’m lying about these items being valuable to me and I’m just saying that to be rude.
Mom, sister, and BIL say I’m in the wrong, my dad isn’t getting into it, my other siblings are minors (below 10 y/o) so I’m not taking their opinions seriously. Basically, the entire family is against me and I don’t know what to do. I do know that my sister isn’t well off but I did offer her to keep the items for now but that wasn’t enough for her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Your mom seems to be enabling your sister’s poor decision-making. Regardless of whether or not she knew those items had sentimental value to you, once she learned, she should have set things straight. And by setting things straight, I’ll be clear that the bare minimum expectation should be for her to return them to you when her child grows out of them.
Hanging onto them knowing they have sentimental value to you is just cruel. Sorry you’re going through this OP.” Whale_Mmmmmountain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is excited about her first grandchild and will stick up for your sister because she doesn’t want to lose access to the baby.
You’ve just gotten your first glimpse at what things will be like now that a grandchild is joining the family. Expect your sister and her child to become the ‘favorites’. That said, I promise that you will not want old bottles and such when you finally have your own child.
Once nesting kicks in, you will want new things. As somebody who has a mother and sister that sound similar to yours, use this as a lesson of what not to do as a parent. I am a parent of 3 (21, 18 & 16) and I look back at how much my mother and sister shaped my parenting.
All the times they hurt me turned me into a far better parent.” Chaos_and_Karma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom and sister are. Even if your mother purchased every single item, which I’m sure she didn’t, but even if she purchased every single thing, she gave it to you for the child and it’s your property now.
Therefore it’s up to you to do what you want with it. Your mother had no right to give your belongings to your sister and your sister is wrong now that she knows you didn’t give permission for your mom to give the items, she should give them back.
If they refuse you should tell them you are going to file a police report, maybe the threat will be enough to get them to relinquish the items. Otherwise, I would tell your mother and your sister both that you’re done with both of them, and that your relationship with both of them and with your niece will be on pause until they return the items. If they don’t return the items before using them then they will no longer have a relationship with you.” Gladtobealive2020
17. AITJ For Discarding My Ex's Belongings After He Refused To Collect Them?
“My daughter’s grandma is taking me to small claims after I informed her I no longer have possession of items left at my house by her son.
My now ex and I separated on 07/23. When he left he took a Kroger bag of clothes, a charger, and hygiene items and that was all.
I found out he was unfaithful to me. We were together for 9 years. I asked his family to come get his things and no one did. I did however take time out of my life to make 3 trips to a different city to return some items. I informed them they would have to come get the rest. And no response.
Now I’m being sued by his mother for things I no longer have. After several attempts to get one of them to come get these, I discarded them. I gave them from July to October. I have changed my number 2 times due to his family harassing me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Let them take it to court. If you have records of asking someone to come get them with no replies, it shouldn’t be an issue. My ex-husband moved out around this time last year, coincidentally about 3 weeks before our bulk trash pickup.
I told him that I was not a storage unit and that anything of his that was still in the house the weekend before bulk pickup was going out with it. He said he had everything. Then a few months later started asking me if I “had seen” this or that.
Thinking I’d have it. I was like, yeah. I’ve seen it. I saw it on the curb right before the garbage truck came.” Usual-Role-9084
Another User Comments:
“An ex of mine left a bunch of stuff when he left me. I told him to fetch it for a few weeks, and he ignored me.
When I discovered that he’d two-timed me, I threw everything he had left behind away. As expected, he wanted to come and check for stuff a few weeks later. I told him to check the tip. He kept saying he’d just come and let himself in to get it… So I changed the locks.
You are NTJ.” Complex-Cut-5563
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just go into court, tell the judge that your ex abandoned you and didn’t take many of his personal belongings. Tell the judge that since the few remaining abandoned belongings you got rid of were the property of ex, his mother doesn’t have standing to sue you and she’s just trying to get money out of you.
Be ready to show screenshots where you contacted his family asking them to get the stuff. The judge is going to laugh at her.” teresajs
16. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner For Pushing My Mom Into Romantic Relationships?
“I’m 25m living with my partner (28f). I was raised by my mom (47f) only as she got divorced early on when I was a kid, after that, she never remarried or got involved again.
She works as a school teacher, and in general, is a very reserved woman, who doesn’t have any social/friend circle of her own. Prior to my relationship, I used to live with her, and now I’ve bought another apartment adjacent to Mom’s apartment.
Now, my partner gets along with my mom, like she got really close to mom in no time. Once she asked me “Why is your mom single, and living a lonely life? She is young and should be living a happy life, and should get involved again.” Now, I’ve never had this discussion with Mom, I asked her to talk to Mom if she feels like this.
And she did! But mom never explicitly said that she wanted to go out with people again, all she said was that she feels old, she didn’t have a zeal for any hobby, and my partner took it as loneliness and started convincing her to go out.
It’s like when one girl talks to her bestie, that kinda relationship she has with my mom, god knows why my partner took this thing as a mission to fix my mom’s romantic life, to make her settle again, to find a man for her!
I told her to slow down, and really check with my mom if she really wants this because to me it was evident that my partner was pressing my mom too much and my mom has this habit of accepting things and agreeing with her.
My partner created Mom’s profiles on many apps and revamped her clothes, took her to the parlor, and scheduled a date for Mom. When I was out on a work trip, she scheduled it. Turned out, it was a guy in his early 30s, only wanted to get in Mom’s pants, and my partner happily asked Mom to go out with him.
He tried something on Mom and Mom resisted, he dropped her in the middle of road, and that’s when my mom called me. And I asked my partner to go pick her up!
Now I’m angry at my partner for this, and she is of the opinion that it’s just the beginning and such things will happen and it’s normal!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your point of view is that you see your single mother as a single mother only. You’ve never imagined her happily in love and potentially settling down again with a loving partner. Your partner sees your mother as a person who is lacking a great love in her life and therefore must be missing this.
Really nobody is asking your mother what it is SHE wants in all this. I think this is mostly just a lack of communication on everyone’s part and maybe your partner wanting something for someone else that she treasures herself.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Yes, I do think your partner should back off and let your mother do what she actually wants. But your mother is a grown woman who can make her own decisions and she can manage her own life. She did raise you after all. You should also stop interfering in the relationship between your partner and your mom.
You don’t know all the details and they can have a relationship that doesn’t include you. You need to back off. Let your mom know it is okay to disagree with your partner and speak up for herself. Mom may not want to cause waves in your relationship with your partner, so let her know that won’t happen and follow through.
Stop all discussions of your mom’s personal life with your partner. Right now you are trying to control and micromanage everyone. That really needs to end.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, except your poor mom. Your partner is going about this in the wrong way, but clearly, your mom wouldn’t have agreed if she didn’t feel there was some truth in what your partner was saying.
There should be better security in vetting and handling the modern relationship sphere for her since things are probably pretty different from when she did things, but otherwise, I see no fault here. You seem horrified with the idea of your mom getting back out there from what you’ve written.
Like you never want to think of her in that situation ever and the less there is the better. With that kind of thinking, I can’t help but think that’s the real issue here. I know it’s hard to see your mom taking these steps because of how you’ve lived all these years, but she really doesn’t need you babying her.
She knows that there’s always a chance stuff like this can happen, but that’s the relationship pool for you. Just gotta try again and keep to safety measures. She did that in her time, too. Calm down, man.” MessAnxiety
15. AITJ For Refusing To Prioritize My Spoiled Younger Sister Over Myself?
“I (15m) have a younger sister (13f) named Abbi. Abbi was born 1 week early.
This is something my parents really made a huge deal out of. They called her their miracle baby as long as I can remember and used to pick fights with family members because Abbi got away with everything when she was little (still does) and extended family were upset when she would steal toys off cousins or take everything she wanted without thinking of others.
This happened everywhere. At grandparents’ house, in public, at home and our parents were furious when family members would step in to correct Abbi. They’d also correct her for taking stuff from me and my parents would always tell family I didn’t care.
Then when Abbi was 5 she got really ill with the flu which turned into pneumonia and she was in the hospital for weeks.
My parents were worse after that. She had to be the priority, her happiness was everything, and that ruined my life completely. They would agree to let me do stuff with friends and then make me cancel or would just tell me I couldn’t go so I could play with Abbi because she wanted to play with me.
One time my friend’s parents had paid for me to join them at the amusement park and my parents told them I couldn’t go as they showed up at our door. It was so embarrassing.
Abbi and I would fight a lot. She’d tell me I had to hang out with her and I’d say I didn’t want to.
Then my parents would say Abbi was right and I had to. When she had other kids to hang out with I’d catch a break but when she wasn’t allowed to play with them anymore or when they’d fight, she’d demand me. My parents would then say all my plans were off the table.
It made it so hard for me to keep friends. My parents were also those parents to send Abbi with me to parties if she had no other plans and when parents were like no way in advance, my parents would only let me go if Abbi had plans.
2 years ago Abbi stole from one of my friends while he was at our house. My parents defended her and refused to make her return it. So his parents stopped us from being friends. Abbi made fun of me for being upset and I told her I hated her and she ruined my life.
I got grounded for it. But it’s when I stopped caring at all about Abbi and decided I don’t care about being selfish but I don’t want to make her life happy. My parents made her impossible to be around and I wish I never had to see her again.
We can’t even see extended family now because my parents upset them so badly over Abbi.
My parents are now upset at me because the camp they’re sending Abbi and me to this summer is separating us and they wanted me to ask for them to keep us together.
The camp ignored my parents so they expected me to do it for them. But I refused and they told me I should think of my sister and how lost she’ll be especially for her first year at this camp. I told them I don’t care.
They told me I should prioritize my sister over myself. I said no way. They called me selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but I’m absolutely cackling over a baby being born 1 (one, singular) week early being a miracle baby. Whatever the heck is going on in your parents’ brains that they need to inject some (made up) strife into your sister’s life to make unequal treatment ‘fair’ (read: wouldn’t be fair either way) is pathologically strange.
NTJ. You never owe anyone an explanation for why you’re prioritizing your own well-being over someone else’s. They’ve made it quite easy for you to do so! I was born 8 days early and my sibling was 10 days early. No miracle children to be seen here!
That’s so common lol I can’t with that.” misscloudd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s weird the camp would even allow that, what’s supposed to happen? You’re put in a cabin with a bunch of middle schoolers? Or is your sis supposed to be with high schoolers?
As someone who worked at a summer camp for 5 summers, I can tell you this isn’t something most overnight camps would do unless the entire cabin agrees to allow the person to join, which happened maybe three times in my 5 years. All 3 circumstances were people who were already best friends with the majority of the kids in their new cabin so everyone was fine with it.
Your parents are doing no favors by sheltering your sister, she needs to learn how to not be a jerk to kids her own age. But unfortunately, your parents sound like huge jerks so you might need to be worried about them not paying for you to go to camp at all by refusing.” MustangTheLionheart
Another User Comments:
“So, NTJ! I know everyone is focused on the backstory (which is unbelievable that they think a miracle baby is because they came 1 week early) but even if you remove that, you are still NTJ. Camp is designed to help children gain independence and confidence by being away from their families.
To do so, many camps will intentionally separate siblings to allow this to happen. For both of you to get the full benefit of the camp, you should be separated, which will help both of you grow. Hopefully, this separation will allow you to get a break and have fun while giving Abbi a nice kick in the backside by not having anyone to coddle her.
If your parents continue to ask you again, just say that you (the parents) have already stated their concerns and the camp has already decided. If Abbi or you (the parents) are concerned, Abbi can stay home with you for the summer, while I go to camp.
This should make your parents quiet as I am sure they don’t want to cater to Abbi for the summer.” Active_Zone150
14. AITJ For Giving My Difficult Mother A Bag Of Coffee As A Gift?
“For context, my mother is notoriously difficult as a human being, especially when it comes to holidays and special events. Yesterday we had a family dinner where we all brought food and gifts. My husband and I got her a specialty bag of expensive coffee and a card.
She loves coffee so we thought this was a thoughtful, practical gift. I am a stay-at-home mom and we just had graduation, Mother’s Day, and other family birthdays this month, so funds are tight. She opened her gift from us and flatly said “what is this.” She opened my dad’s gift and said “I’m returning these.” It was awkward but nothing has ever been good enough for her, so we all kind of expect it.
I can tell she’s angry that we didn’t get her something expensive, but she knows our financial situation. She is also a stay-at-home mom! She also expects me to write a long, sappy post on social media for every event that involves her.
She will get mad at me if I don’t post something today for her. I feel bad for not getting her more but even when I have overspent for her, she found something wrong with those gifts as well. I don’t like being pressured into social media posts or going into debt to make somebody halfway happy.
Should we have done more?”
Another User Comments:
“If your mother loves coffee, this gift was extremely thoughtful. I love it when people make gifts more personal. Your mother is ungrateful. Frankly, the way you described her would make me hard-pressed to get her anything at all.
She values attention and quantity and a social media post is such a superficial thing to expect. I am sorry she was so rude to you and your father. NTJ.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“I could write a novel on my mother but I’ve been through years of therapy to try to cope with how she is.
I’ve tried everything, including not speaking to her. She is mentally unstable/mentally ill and if I cut off contact completely, she will find a way to ruin my life. Example: when I was in college, she called the cops and my dorm and told them I was missing because she was mad at me.
I’m terrified she will call CPS with bogus allegations if I cut off contact. I try to just keep a surface-level relationship and avoid conflicts. None of my therapists could ever really help me fully understand how to deal with her. It’s incredibly difficult and has been my entire life.
But these comments help me validate her birthday gift.” Legal-Force-9490
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants a long sappy post on social media, I’d give her one. Take a picture of the coffee along with a post “gushing” about how you know she loves coffee and searched high and low to find her a unique coffee she would love so every morning she can think of you and your family while she drinks her “love in a mug”.
Guaranteed all the responses will say how thoughtful your gift was. It’s unlikely, but maybe she will start to see how totally selfish she is.” speakeasy12345
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother A Unit In The Fourplex I Built After Buying His Half Of Our Inherited House?
“My mom and dad divorced when I was young.
My brother loved the fact that our mom had no rules for him so he went with her. I abided by the custody agreement because I had no choice in the matter. My mom loves us both but she dotes on my brother like he farts perfume.
My dad kept the house. He had to buy my mom out. It was an old house built in 1953. It had old wiring and was really less than suitable for modern life. What it did have though was a huge yard that was great growing up.
My dad passed away. He left everything equally between my brother and me. I wanted the house. I told my brother that we should tear it down and put in infill housing like that neighborhood is zoned for. He just wanted money. I bought out his half of the house at the market value.
It was sold as a teardown. He took the money and bought a car and went on a vacation. He still has money left.
Then I had the house demolished and built a fourplex. Each unit has three bedrooms, 2 and a half bathrooms, a small yard, and a garage.
I kept one unit for myself and rent each of the other units for $2,000 a month. My mortgage is $1,800 a month for the entire thing. So basically I live free and bank $4,000 a month.
My brother is upset that I didn’t give him a unit to live in since it was his home too.
I actually offered to sell him one at cost and he said no.
I’m lost. I offered him a partnership, I paid a fair price, I offered to sell him a unit, I did everything to try and be fair. He thinks I tricked him because I get “free” income every month.
Our mom said she would be cutting me out of her will and giving everything to him if I didn’t give him a unit or the income from one. I agreed that was fair and said that I would no longer feel the need to contribute to her upkeep or retirement when the time came.
I am being bombarded by the two of them but I took the risks. I took on the debt. This is my money now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought his half of the house, you paid him, he wanted the money. His share of the money was spent buying cars and going on holiday, your share of the money was spent investing.
He’s just upset and bitter because he made bad choices and you made better choices, and now he’s acting like he is entitled to your good decisions because “he’s your brother”. Also mom is in the wrong for the heavy and outright blackmail ultimatum she put on you.
Money really does bring out the bad in people.” Wrong_Midnight_1618
Another User Comments:
“INFO: did you tell your brother all about your plans for the land, or did you just offer to buy his share? If you were honest and upfront about your intention to tear down the house and build the fourplex, which would provide a place to live as well as passive income, he had all the information and the options were made clear to him, then NTJ.
Sometimes in our grief, we can’t see the forest for the trees, and depending on how close the timing of your dad’s death was to settling the estate and selling the property, your brother might have been thinking short-term while you were thinking long-term. I mean, technically you’re NTJ, but without knowing what your brother knew and when, it feels sort of underhanded. If I were in your situation, I’d make sure that my sibling understood exactly what was happening before I did it, just because I wouldn’t want any bad b***d between us.” Hot_Razzmatazz316
Another User Comments:
“You told your brother that tear down and infill was the way to go, he didn’t want the hassle, he just wanted his money out fast. You bought him out, took on all the work and debt, and are now very comfortable.
Well done. Absolutely NTJ. Since your brother farts perfume, it’s entirely possible that even if you were to give your brother what he’s asking for, your mom will still cut you out of her will. Ignore your mom and brother, let them cool off. They will never see the situation for what it is, there will always be sour grapes and there’s nothing you can do to change that.” Is-this-rabbit
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Sister's Caretaker In The Future?
“I’m freshly 18, so I don’t need to worry about it for a while, but this has been a topic that’s been weighing on me for a while as I get ready to go to college and, y’know, pursue a career.
But basically, I am the second oldest of 4 kids.
My youngest sibling, my sister, has Down Syndrome among a lot of other things, and it’s been a lot for my mom to deal with, especially since my parents are divorced and my dad lives in another state, unable to help take care of her.
Since I was 10, my mom has made me babysit very frequently, since my older brother doesn’t like the attitude my sister has with him. The responsibility has fallen on me for 8 years, and it’s gotten in the way of me hanging out with friends, studying, and getting rest for school the next day.
I’ve gotten sick of being the sole babysitter for all these years. I don’t have the ability to say “no” to my mom about it, either, partially since she would leave me to babysit anyway, but also because I would feel bad because she’s my sister’s 24/7 caregiver.
She does deserve breaks and time to herself, and I’m happy that she gets to have that, but it just sucks that it always falls on me to be the one essentially being the second parent.
This leads to the whole reason I’m making this post — I know it’s pretty darn selfish to not want to take care of my sibling when she’s in need, but I’ve never wanted kids or to be a caretaker ever in my life.
Being a part-time caregiver to my little sister has only solidified that fact for me. I’ve also battled with my mental health since I was young, and I can barely take care of myself most days, so how would I be able to handle taking care of another person?
I don’t have the patience to deal with her behaviors all the time like my mom does either, since I’m really quick to get angry and lash out.
My older brother has basically made it clear that, when my mom is unable to care for my sister, he doesn’t want to be the one to take care of her.
That means that the responsibility would fall on me since my younger brother is certainly not going to be the one to be a caregiver due to his own mental health issues.
I’ve recently told my mom, though, that I don’t want to be her caretaker in the future, and she’s basically told me that I need to get over myself.
I don’t want to do it though.
I know it’s a long while to go until things have to be decided, but am I a jerk? I struggle enough to take care of myself. I know I’m bound to get better at it, but I don’t know if I’d be able to handle the stress of taking care of my little sister all the time, or if I’d be financially stable enough to do so.
My mom is unable to get a job outside of IHSS because of my sister’s need for 24/7 care and supervision, and if I have to drop a job to take care of her, I don’t know if I’d be able to financially do it. It scares and stresses me out.
I don’t know where I’m really going with this, I just want some outside opinions and maybe a wake-up call if I am in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is NOT easy to take care of another person, period. This difficulty increases dramatically if there’s more than one person, or if that person has any medical conditions.
It sounds like you are struggling with your current situation mentally and physically, and that is bleeding into the conversation you are having with your mother. Right now is not the time for that conversation. You and your mother with both age and change, and for now you may need her support in college or to start working (whatever your chosen path might be).
I would encourage you, if you have access to a mental health professional, to take advantage of them in the meantime. It can help prepare you for when this conversation comes up again, and what to do right now to support your family in a healthy way.
You clearly love them, but you need to love yourself too in order to continue growing. There may be possibilities for nonprofits or services in your area that can help with your sister, as well – to give you and your mother a break. Call a local community center or community organization and they may be able to refer you to someone, or even your sister’s doctor.
Best of luck with this.” Master-Celery999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life. Taking care of your sister at some point in the future is not your responsibility. And refusing does not mean you don’t love your sister.
Tell your parents, yes including your father, that they are responsible for making sure she is cared for when they are no longer around. Just because your father lives in another state doesn’t mean he has no accountability in making sure your sister is cared for.” Janetaz18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve your own life and it sucks your mom is hoisting the babysitting duties onto you. You are free respite care for her, which is convenient and cheap for her but not right for you. I find it rather unfortunate, and perhaps sexist, that she does not have her sons do more of the care either.
You have a right to your own life. Your mom needs to start making arrangements with outside caregivers who are trained to care for children with Down syndrome. At this point, have you made plans to leave? College, military, job? Do you have a place to go, people who will help you?
You need to forge your own path. Start making plans. At 18, it’s time.” goldenfingernails
11. AITJ For Not Finding My In-Laws' Pranks On My Son Funny?
“My sis-in-law and her husband looked after my 7-year-old overnight for the first time a few weeks ago. My son was excited leading up to it as he was going to spend the night staying at “his favorite uncle’s house”.
The next day my sis-in-law was telling us how funny it was when they made the uncle hide and pretended he’d left for the night. My son took it as a joke for a while and kept saying “haha no he hasn’t” but they kept it up until “he had a mini meltdown” and started crying.
They (this was the second sis-in-law who was present) also did this by hiding his Nintendo Switch and pretending they sold it.
My sis-in-law was laughing her head off while I sat there just looking a bit confused/surprised at what was funny. SIL said something along the lines of “you don’t have to look so traumatized!” And, knowing how sensitive my wife’s side of the family can be, I just replied “sorry, but I don’t find that kind of joke funny”.
SIL then exploded in front of everyone and went on a rant about how she doesn’t feel like she can treat my son how she wants and doesn’t tell him off how she wants because of me. For context when my son was born he was very premature and in intensive care for the first three weeks so for the first year I absolutely was a bit overprotective.
I also lost it when my son fell over when he was three and screamed and I went running over asking if he was ok, even though his aunt was already there and she exploded shouting that “she knows how to look after a child!” Again then I was a bit confused on why asking my son who was crying and distressed if he was ok would get such an angry reaction.
I’m now paranoid about how I parent in front of my in-laws. So, am I the jerk? Maybe I’m missing something and should see their POV?”
Another User Comments:
“She finds it funny for torturing your 7-year-old. Very easy solution, they are never to have your child overnight alone again.
Very simple. If your sister-in-law says something say you are scaring my child and treating him like crap. Leave them alone. You are not allowed to have them alone anymore. If your boy says something tell him well, you’re torturing him. Guess what now? You can’t have him alone anymore.
You’re more than welcome to visit him over here, but you cannot have him alone. Be the parent and tell your in-laws no. NTJ, protect your child.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Spoiled would be if your kid turned out like your sister-in-law – she’s clearly someone who wasn’t told no enough.
Your sis-in-law and her husband pulled a mean prank on your kid, and when you didn’t find it hilarious, they lost their minds. Classic case of people being total jerks and then acting like you’re the crazy one for not getting the joke. Here’s the raw deal: Your son was excited to spend time with his “favorite uncle,” and they decided to mess with him until he cried. That’s not a joke, that’s being a bully.
And then, they have the audacity to be surprised when you don’t laugh along? Please. You’re right to protect your kid, especially given his early rough start in life. Being overprotective because your son was premature and had a tough beginning doesn’t make you the bad guy here.
It makes you a caring parent. And running over when your three-year-old falls and cries? That’s basic parenting, not helicoptering. Your sister-in-law’s outburst about not being able to treat your son “how she wants” is just her throwing a tantrum because you’re setting boundaries.
She’s angry because you’re not letting her treat your kid like a toy she can mess with for her amusement. That’s on her, not you.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“You have got to be out of your mind asking this! The sheer ridiculousness of it lands you square in fake post territory.
To summarize, 2 grown adults terrorized your child for laughs and told the rest of the gathered adults who are as messed up in the head as them to not reprimand them for such antics and here you are hopping your parental unit self on this platform asking are you the jerk?
Seriously? Everyone’s a jerk here. Them obviously, and you for knowing they are horrible people and letting your kid go over unsupervised. And forget that noise about a favorite relative. My favorite aunt didn’t consider me her favorite niece and my mom had zero qualms in telling me I wasn’t going over there without her.” Winter_Raisin_591
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mocking Sister To My Wedding?
“I (F) got proposed to on my birthday by my lovely fiance (M).
It was a massive surprise and made me so happy. He proposed to me with a cute pink froggy ring which is just a temporary ring as he wanted me to be able to pick a ring myself that he knew I would love to wear, which I really appreciate.
I, as anyone would, told my family about it as I was ecstatic. My older sister, who I have little to no relationship with, decided to mock the temporary ring and the whole ordeal behind my back and didn’t think I would find out.
A little context, my older sister has caused many problems in my life with the outstandingly awful decisions she made.
She has always only thought about herself and didn’t care about the repercussions it would have on everyone else. She acts like she cares about me but she is a massive snake and her words are always insincere. I think I’ve just about had enough of how she has treated me that I really just do not want her at my wedding anymore, she makes me uncomfortable and I’d rather not spend my day feeling so worked up and anxious.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A wedding is a special day, where the bride and the groom get to invite those who have made an impact in their lives for the better. If she has been nothing but a snake as you said, then for sure she doesn’t get an invite.
Giving a temporary ring in a proposal achieves several things. If you, in this case, gave a 100% yes to your partner, even when it’s a toy ring, then your fiance knows you’re absolutely the one. And you now get to decide the exact ring you want.
Win-win. Your sister is a jerk. Make sure to post several pictures of the rings post-wedding so she can see them and sulk in her bitterness.” Irdgafbra
Another User Comments:
“I would 100% love a toy ring so I could pick out my own. My parents couldn’t afford a real engagement ring, so my dad got some giant ridiculous fake ring from a quarter machine or something.
Mom still has it, and she got a ring she actually wanted when I was around 10 or 12. She picked it, she loves it, and they had the money to do what they really wanted at the time, which was to get a house and have kids.
They have been together for over 40 years. Why does your sister care, as long as you’re happy? Engagement should never be about a sparkly rock competition. Do what makes you happy and ignore anyone who’s going to drag you down.” Global-Nectarine4417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, but do consider that it could become a topic that could distract from the wedding “Psst – have you seen OP’s sister? No? Did they have a falling out? I wonder why?” You want this day to be about you and your partner.
Of course you know best, but an alternative is to invite her and just seat her out of your way.” easysmiler
9. AITJ For Not Clarifying That My Best Friend And I Aren't A Couple?
“I (26) am a straight man. My best friend, “Chase” (24) is also a straight man. We first met when we were roommates in college, 7 years ago. We became best friends pretty quickly and we have remained close to this day. While we were in college, I had a fling with this girl who got pregnant with twin boys.
She told me that she didn’t want them so she was going to put them up for adoption. I convinced her to let me raise them by myself. They are now 6. Chase has helped me with them for their entire lives, by his own choice.
He was there for their birth and they now call him “Papa” (We did not encourage this. In fact, we discouraged it, but eventually gave up. They know that he is not their father and that they have a mother).
After college, Chase, the boys, and I moved to another state and found jobs at the same company.
It’s a tight-knit and kind of family-run (my father worked there before he died, my uncle works there, and Chase’s sister works there). Because of us working together and most of our friends being either from college or from our workplace, Chase and I have never had to introduce each other to any of our friends (with new people, we obviously introduce as friend/roommate).
Here is the issue: apparently, for the past few years, our friends have thought that we are a couple. Neither Chase nor I, had any idea of this. People at our workplace talk a lot with each other, so I guess word somehow spread that we are together (which we are not and never have been).
He is my closest friend, we live together, and he is heavily involved in raising my sons, but we have never interacted in any romantic way in front of any of our friends, ever. We hug sometimes and that’s it. Also, maybe important, neither of us has been in a serious relationship probably ever.
We learned that everyone thought we were a couple when one of our friends (“Bob”) introduced Chase and me as “partners” to someone. We thought that he was joking and I told him after that that kind of joke wasn’t funny. Bob asked what I meant, and I told him that I didn’t like him joking about Chase and me being partners.
Bob was genuinely confused, so I said, “Just because two guys are good friends doesn’t mean you should joke about them being a couple”. Me saying this sort of shocked the friend group and they thought I was joking at first. Chase and I both clarified that we aren’t together and that we’re both straight.
So now, our friend group is mad at us, saying that we lied to them. Calling us jerks for pretending that we were a “perfect couple” (?). One friend even said that he had looked up to us as to what a relationship should look like (????).
I don’t think Chase and I did anything wrong. We’ve never said that we were a couple, but Chase is kind of on the fence and feels like we should apologize. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you moved together then it isn’t wild to presume you are a couple.
But it is also isn’t weird for you to just be friends. Really neither of you should have cared. It should have just been:
THEM: These 2 are a couple.
YOU: No, we are just good friends.
THEM: Okay now I know that.
That’s it. Odd for either of you to get so shocked and upset.
Maybe take a page from Jay and Silent Bob and introduce each other as your “heteros*xual life partner” in the future to establish things?” NeptunianCat
Another User Comments:
“INFO: And the backstory never even once came up in conversation with your friends? “Here is the issue: apparently, for the past few years, our friends have thought that we are a couple.” If I had friends return back to town (same s*x or not) and they were living together, had 6-year-old twins, and those twins referred to the cohabitating friends as their parents…I would also automatically assume it was a family unit.
In the course of catching up with the friends (in your case), I would expect things to come up, like “when did you get together”. “When did you decide to adopt/foster/get a surrogate” etc. Didn’t anyone in your friend group who made these assumptions even ask the basic questions about your ‘relationship’ OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS????” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are in a serious relationship – with Chase…….he moved states with you? Your kids think he is their other dad? Of course people think you are a couple. I’m wondering if you are in denial about who you are?
Why has he not had any women in his life? He isn’t a father and technically does not need to live with you or help raise your kids. It kind of sounds like neither of you are looking……… Your friends haven’t done anything wrong by thinking you were a couple – that’s what it looks like.
You clearly don’t see how much you look like a couple…..and apparently, act like a couple. So people assume you are one. In some ways, it’s kind of nice that no one in your circle treated you differently to anyone else and just accepted you were a couple even if it was an erroneous assumption.” alien_overlord_1001
8. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors For Illegally Using Our Irrigation Water?
“We live in Utah, purchased our 50-year-old house 20 years ago.
We have an allotment of irrigation water, paid for in our yearly property taxes. The neighbors behind us do not have an allotment but tapped into the system years ago. They have a hose that runs along a retaining wall the full length of our backyard, coming from their connection.
When they run the water, I lose all pressure to our water. I actually poked a hole in their hose, so I know when they use it because it sprays directly into my yard. They can’t see it because of a hedge that has grown since they placed the hose.
I contacted the water company to report them, but my husband thinks I should just mind my own business. It bothers me for multiple reasons, such as the fact that they are using the connection illegally and it impacts my water pressure. But also, I just don’t like them because they are self-righteous jerks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As another Utah resident, NTJ! For non-Utah residents, we get fined by the city if our lawns aren’t taken care of. And we are in a drought state, which also impacts how much water we are able to use. If the neighbors are using their water to water their own lawns, that increases the OP’s water bill, and makes so their own lawn can’t be watered. There have been times in the previous years when the cities and the state have issued ordinances where we were ONLY allowed to water a small amount during certain times of the day for small periods of time.
That depends on how much snow pact and rain we’ve gotten during the winter. But of course, that doesn’t count for city hall and business. No, you’re not the jerk here. That’s also against the law. You’re right.” fibrowarrior39
Another User Comments:
“Just because this post reminds me of another closet irrigator: There was a guy in my hometown who was a champion water thief.
His neighbors probably knew what was up but he continually irrigated his sloped pasture from the ditch that crossed the upper edge of the field but he had no rights on it. One summer he was particularly greedy and ended up basically liquifying his pasture which turned to thin mud and flowed down to his neighbors who owned the ditch.
They got a very nice topsoil deposit and he was left with a crater and the unequivocal proof of his shenanigans.” Impressive_Secret_63
7. AITJ For Expecting My Daughter To Clean Up After Her Child's Mess?
“For context, my daughter (23) and her 2 children (3 and 3 months) live with me. She is single and does not have a job outside of the home. I provide for all of their financial needs, do at least half of the housework, run all of the errands, do all of the grocery shopping, and half of the cooking, as well as care for the children when I’m not working.
There are so many examples for my question, but I will start with this one. I was on the sofa holding my granddaughter. My daughter was next to me holding my grandson. He had snacks and I had a drink on the coffee table. It is the kind that raises up to create a table to eat from while you’re sitting on the sofa.
Well, he raised the table and spilled my drink all over me, my granddaughter, the table, the sofa, the area rug, and the hardwood floor. I handed my daughter the baby and went to my room to shower.
When I returned, she had not moved. I asked her did she clean up his spill and she said no, so I told her to do it.
This resulted in a very heated argument. She told me that it was my fault for putting my drink there, thus my responsibility to clean it up. I told her if I spilled my drink then it would be my responsibility, but if her child did then it was her responsibility.
She then told me that’s part of my problem – that I don’t think I’m responsible for doing anything for the kids. She got angry, took the kids, and left the house for hours. Days later, she still thinks she’s right. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are making life way too easy for your daughter. She’ll never grow up and do right by her own kids if you keep assuming so much responsibility, hence her having a second kid when she can’t support the first. You need to make her grow up and you need her to take over her own responsibilities.
That you even felt the need to post this question speaks to how backward your situation truly is.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had been the primary person minding your grandson when he made the mess, I would understand why she’d want you to clean it up – the mess would have been a result of your not-great supervision.
But she was the one holding him, so he was being primarily supervised by her when he made the mess. She’s the one who should have seen what he was doing and stopped him before the spill happened. (In a case where it’s unclear who was watching the kid, I’d default to the parent, but that isn’t this case.)” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stop lighting yourself on fire to keep your ungrateful kid warm. It’s time to set some hard rules – if she wants to stay there, she is fully responsible for herself and her kids – that is cooking meals, washing clothes, cleaning messes, and their dishes.
Eventually, you can add some bills as she starts stepping up. If she can’t live with those rules, she can find her own place. If you’re really feeling generous you can continue to buy the kids some essentials for that transition – it would be cheaper than expenses and utilities for 3.” dehydratedrain
6. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Mom Over My Sick Dog?
“I (17F) have a dog whom I keep in the house with my (38F) mom and my other family members (dad and older brother).
My dog has been sick for a while and at first, my mom refused to give me any money to take my dog to the vet saying “I shouldn’t have wasted my pocket money”. Which is nonexistent. I don’t get money from other than on special occasions.
I broke the saving pot I personally saved up for a laptop MYSELF to take my dog to the vet. My dog got treatment and it turns out she was sick. She has medication I have to feed her and has been quite tired as of late.
She’s been quiet for a week or so.
Today, when my mom came home, she was being loud which alarmed my dog and had her barking. I was sleeping when my mom bombarded my phone saying she’d “get rid of my dog if I didn’t shut her up”.
My mom has a tendency to leave my dog out and tell me she gave her away until I’m sobbing and then she tells me she’s trying to discipline me. So when I woke up I took my dog while my mom yelled and I told her she was insane for even thinking of that and that I’d call the cops if she let my dog loose again, especially since it was raining.
My mom has been giving me the silent treatment and my dad says I overreacted and that she was just joking which is making me second guess. AITJ for saying I’d call the cops?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hold that dog close, try really hard to get yourself a job, and move away from your abusers as soon as possible.
I caution you strongly about calling the cops though, because they may deem your dog to be in an unsafe environment since your mother is the adult in this situation. With regards to the health and welfare of your dog, there are payment plans you can get at most vet hospitals, so this is why it’s massively important you try to at least get yourself a weekend job to help with that.
You’re probably on the struggle right now because you’re juggling school among other things, which is totally understandable, and I realize that today’s current financial landscape doesn’t make it easy for a young person to leave home at 18 and immediately find a place to live.
My advice to you is either to try to move in with another family member if any of them are trustworthy or get 2 or 3 friends together and rent share. But whatever you do, you need to get away from these animal abusers. Best of luck.” Lucky_Charm8020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t the jerk for calling the cops on someone who tends to leave your dog outside (from what I’m reading is out of spite) which can actually be illegal, if it meets these thresholds, (no shelter, food, water especially in dangerous conditions such as flood, tornado) and will be animal cruelty.
But there’s no way you are the jerk. You’re 17 and about to move out, so watch your doggo and keep it safe.” delismore
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be honest here, and you are not going to like this … The cops won’t do anything here. You are a minor.
The dog is technically considered your mother’s property as a result – it doesn’t matter who purchased the animal, who pays for its care, or whose name is on the chip. You are a minor and you have no rights to the dog. Period. That’s the law.
Doesn’t make it right but that’s the law. Now, you are going to have another issue with what I am about to say, but you are a poor dog owner. You are 17. If this dog is important to you, why haven’t you trained her, taken her to obedience classes?
If she is barking and is disturbing others, how are you sleeping through that? Why aren’t you getting up? Why is the dog out and not in your room with you? Just because you are tired doesn’t mean your responsibility to your pet ends. The dog still has needs and obviously one of them is a behavior (barking) that needs to be corrected.” No_Wallaby_5110
5. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Husband And Son For Agreeing To Buy A Boat Without Consulting Me?
“I (42f) have been with my husband (44m) for 20+ years and have two kids.
I casually mentioned to him over the weekend that our friend was getting a new boat and that he wanted to sell it to my husband for 5k. It was a casual conversation and did not go any further as far as finances or intentions go.
As I was making dinner tonight, I overheard him and our son (19m) discussing the agreed-upon purchase and payment plan with our friend that they made. For context, two years ago my husband purchased a 13k ATV without discussing it with me first. I thought we worked through that incident and that communication would improve.
Also, my son currently lives with us (barely working) and does not pay any bills. It was after I inquired as to what they were talking about that they revealed the plan to me.
The plan was that my husband and son were going to both pitch in and pay our friend “x” amount each month for however long.
Hearing this, I immediately got angry and basically told them no and vocalized how messed up it was that a purchase like this was not discussed with me due to the cost and commitment, especially after the last purchase argument, plus also the fact that my son has little ambition to work and pays no bills, but yet wants to buy a boat.
I feel like my husband and son should have discussed this with me before committing. In a fit of frustration, I texted my friend and asked him not to sell the boat to them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Honestly, if your husband cannot afford to pay cash for a $5k boat, he cannot afford to own a boat, period.
Going half-sies with an unemployed kid who has more important things he should be focusing on is even worse. However, given your husband’s propensity for buying expensive recreational equipment, you really should not have mentioned that your friend wanted to sell the boat to him.
I can see how your husband might have interpreted your comment as you being open to it.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your husband should not buy a boat he can’t afford and paying off a friend in monthly installments is not necessarily a good idea.
But, you planted the idea in his head by bringing it up yourself. Why not take the opportunity to discuss the matter further? You knew he’d be tempted and interested. You brought this on yourself.” BeterP
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk as written.
You were the one who initiated the whole thing, you not only mentioned that your friend wanted to sell him the boat but even a specific price. That was the best time to raise any objection, or make it clear it would need further discussion, or even just object to the idea completely because otherwise it comes across as tacitly agreeing to it.
Your communication was lacking there, and then your response, immediately getting angry and shutting it down, rather than at that point actually having a conversation about it with them, clearing up that misunderstanding, doubles down on this. And then texting your friend, still not having had that conversation with your husband, that makes it a third time your communication was lacking.
I’m not sure obviously how you and your husband organize your finances and purchases, how often you go to each other for permission/discussion on larger purchases, and your financial situation, which are things that would influence things too of course, and might have me leaning more towards everyone’s a jerk here.
But ultimately, as you haven’t raised any of those in your post, your focus is on the communication, and it seems your communication is what is lacking in this situation, makes me feel you’re the jerk is appropriate.” RusevDayToday
4. AITJ For Declining My Parents' Offer To Pay For A Disney Trip For The Whole Family?
“I’m the youngest of 5 kids. My wife and I have a 2-and-a-half-year-old. My parents have offered to pay for a 5-day Disney World trip for all 5 families mostly for the grandkids.
My wife and I, however, are not interested in Disney at all. Even without a kid, waiting in line, being around Disney enthusiasts, and other Disney stuff aren’t really our thing. With a kid, it sounds way worse to me. He is a ball of energy, that sounds tough to manage at Disney.
He isn’t going to remember this, and if he expresses wanting to go later in life, we’ll take him. I don’t want to go to Disney more than I have to.
I told my mom I didn’t really want to go. I’ll have to use vacation time and I’d rather utilize it on something I actually want to do.
Now she is mad that we would be the only ones not going. My siblings are trying to get me to go and have called me the jerk. Disney is just something that doesn’t sound fun to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk if you don’t want to go, but I will say this.
I’m not a Disney person either, but taking my kids last year and seeing the looks on their faces there was totally worth the trip. Especially my daughter (who was 3 at the time). The way her face lit up when she got to meet a couple of the princesses there was awesome.
So if you think your kid would absolutely love it (even if he wouldn’t remember it, you will), maybe rethink it.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I love Disney!!! There are very few circumstances that I would not agree to go to Disney for free.
This is one of them. First, Disney with a 2.5-year-old is a complete waste of time. They won’t remember it and they will be all over the place. Depending on when you go, it will be hot, humid, and crowded. A perfect storm to have a cranky 2-year-old.
Second – Disney with 5 families is a logistical nightmare. You will spend your entire time trying to decide what to do unless your mother is so controlling that she has mapped this all out…which won’t be fun either. My guess is any time you object to their plans, you will again be the jerk.
One compromise would be to agree to go, but not go into the parks. Yes, that’s right, not go into the parks. There is plenty to do around the area still on Disney property that does not require a park pass. Plus, my guess is your kid is only going to want to go to the pool or playground anyway.” Tetchy9999
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I’m not a Disney person either but I think it’s a nice thing that your parents are offering. Your son would have fun with his cousins etc. There would be other adults there to help with the kids and even though your son won’t remember it, he would get a kick out of looking at pictures of the trip in the future.
I have gone on a bunch of trips that weren’t my first choice but my kids absolutely loved and the joy and excitement that they had really made it awesome at the end of the day.” IndependentMethod312
. It is also better without you non Disney types complaining all day.
3. AITJ For Wanting My Father-in-Law To Announce His Visits To His Own House?
“My husband (31M) and I (29F) are building a house at the moment and we were able to get a loan easier because we can currently live rent-free in the second property of my father-in-law who was previously renting it out. We will be living here for about 2 years in total and have worked out a solution where we will pay the entire rent and then some in one big sum in about 3 years.
By then I will have finished my medical residency and will be able to pay for it as an attending. My father-in-law was kind of glad that we would move in because then he would be able to do some touch-ups in the yard and install solar panels etc, which was more difficult with renters living here.
We have been living here for about 3 months now and I have given birth 10 weeks ago to my second child, so I am home a lot because of maternity leave. Which means that all the touch-ups and installing and workers coming through happen while I am at home with a newborn child.
My father-in-law is a very kind man and I love him dearly, but he is here a lot now and it makes it difficult for me to relax.
He usually announces it when he comes but not always. For example, today, we had asked him if he was able to watch my newborn for one day so I could go out for a run, do some necessary chores in the house, and study for my final exam of residency which is difficult while taking care of a newborn.
It is the first time we asked someone to take care of our son, so it is not a habit. While I was taking a bath after my run, my father-in-law called me and said he was in the house with my kid and some electricians to do some work relating to the solar panels.
I was not told he was going to come and was very annoyed because it is hard to relax when strangers are in my home, they had to shut off the electricity so I could not study (all the material is online) and they walked into the house with dirty shoes about 45 minutes after I had mopped the floor.
So now I am feeling quite annoyed towards him, but I know that he never meant to inconvenience me. And we are living here rent-free, in his house, and he does a lot for us when it comes to childcare, etc. He is a very kind man and I feel so bad for being annoyed, which is why I am afraid of saying something about it.
WIBTJ for telling him that he cannot just come to our (or rather his) house unannounced and without checking in if it is okay?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it would be… unwise to TELL him he can’t come to “your” (his) house. It is totally reasonable to ASK him politely to give you a heads up before showing up, and it would probably help to mention that you were in the bath.
It’s an unusual situation. A reminder that even though you’re family, you still have privacy needs, that will likely go a long way since you said he’s generally a great guy. I guess no jerks here? I mean even if you’re undiplomatic about it, I don’t think that would necessarily make you the jerk.
And it doesn’t sound like father-in-law is being malicious, it’s just a situation where boundaries aren’t quite as clear cut as they would be if he was your landlord.” hadesarrow3
Another User Comments:
“When having talks like this I generally word it as “establishing protocols” rather than “setting boundaries”.
You are defining the proper method of communication for situations like this, both him contacting you and you confirming what is going to happen. It’s less adversarial and more problem-solving.” verminiusrex
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused. In the specific example you give of him turning up unannounced, you say you asked him to come over and watch your kid.
What did you expect him to do? Watch your kid remotely? Seems like a terrible example of your point, since you had literally asked him to come over. On the wider point, yeah, a polite conversation about giving notice in advance would probably be suitable, but when you’ve already asked him to come over and do you a favor, he probably thinks you’ll expect him to turn up.” Automatic-Capital-33
2. AITJ For Telling My Partner His Family Made A Bad Impression On Me?
“My partner and I went to his sister’s wedding over the weekend. It was the first time I met his family. We left Thursday evening and came back yesterday.
For context, my partner James is British, while my family is not, so this might be a contributing factor as to why the weekend was pretty uncomfortable. Which it was.
On the way home yesterday, James was talking about meeting my family sometime soon, and I said maybe when my dad is next in town (he lives in Spain).
James joked he hoped he’d pass the dad test and I said my dad isn’t that kind of parent. I made some joke about this weekend being a “Balmoral test” and if I passed. James got kind of squirmy and said it wasn’t a big deal, but I didn’t make the best impression on his family.
I obviously asked what he meant.
Things I apparently did that were a faux pas:
- Woke up too early and dressed for breakfast
- Chose to go to pick up food with my partner and his dad rather than staying with his mum and sisters
- Wasn’t friendly enough to the kids
- Didn’t eat enough
- Said no to too many offers (snacks, tea, shower gel)
- Bought wine I liked at a supermarket
Now, I completely respect their right to feel how they feel about the things that I did. I may not agree, but between cultural and personality differences, if they just didn’t like me that is fair enough.
However, I feel like it was a bit unnecessary for James to mention this to me. It seemed like he was fishing for some kind of apology from me. I said as much and James said he was just being honest. I said that in the interest of being honest, his family made a bad impression on me too.
Things I mentioned that made me uncomfortable:
- Badgering me about my eating habits
- Calling me “stunted” because I went to boarding school
- His mother not allowing me to do anything for myself, such as making my own tea
- Repeatedly trying to convince me to play with his sister’s kids and telling them to bother me when I said no
- His teenage cousins making extremely inappropriate remarks to me at the wedding
- The whole family getting absolutely wasted at the wedding
James said I was being cruel about his family and that I should have kept my comments to myself. He said he was just trying to make the point that I should loosen up when I next see his family, not saying there was something wrong with me, but I had basically called his family trash.
I disagree there’s any difference in what was said. AITJ for responding to his comment with my own feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“Is there a dump the jerk option? You’re NTJ! This is going to sound weird, but your SO and his family treated you like a woman, and I as a cis woman myself find this appalling and I won’t tolerate it in my life, and neither should you.
Treating you like a woman means, expecting you to like children, expecting you to want to hang out with other women when given different choices, expecting you to submit to the head woman of the household, expecting you to not have needs of your own that differ from the group.
OP, RUN!” Ok-Heart375
Another User Comments:
“”Wasn’t friendly enough to the kids + Repeatedly trying to convince me to play with his sister’s kids and telling them to bother me when I said no.” When I was a young woman I HATED the default sexist position that I should be falling over grateful to essentially ‘babysit’ a SO’s niblings.
Also, “Chose to go to pick up food with my partner and his dad rather than staying with his mum and sisters.” OP, your SO’s family is SEXIST. Straight up. So ask yourself if you want to continue the relationship with a judgy, sexist family that gets inebriated at major public occasions and feels free, on the FIRST MEETING, to make inappropriate remarks. You are not married. You’re supposed to be sussing each other out and seeing whether you will be truly compatible.
Thankfully you’re not stuck and you are free to stay or go as you wish. You should show James this post. NTJ.” busyshrew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to have a serious conversation with your SO about this. My read is (a) his family was poised to dislike you.
Some families are like this — out of protectiveness, garden-variety judgment, etc. (b) Your partner really wanted them to like you, and because he cares about them/feels aligned with them, he is treating their petty quibbles as though they are meaningful issues. (c) Because he identifies with his family, he feels defensive when you point out things you didn’t like in return.
You are NTJ, but I do think continuing to try to weigh the offenses against each other is not a productive way to address this. I would focus on the feelings — you really wanted them to like you. You were genuinely trying. You feel hurt by the fact that they seem to not accept you.
You are worried about how this affects or reflects on how he feels about you. If he can respond compassionately to those valid feelings, then great. If not… think seriously about your relationship with this person.” DivineAna
1. AITJ For Refusing To Leave Our Bedroom While My Husband Works?
“I went to a concert last night with friends and didn’t get home until past midnight. All I could think about all day was taking a nap and relaxing in bed after work.
When I got home I settled into bed and my husband, who is working at the desk in our room, asked me to go downstairs because I am being distracting.
This confused me because I was making no noise, just laying in bed, about to take a nap, and in no way being distracting.
He said he has something big he’s working on at work and he needs to focus and he can’t focus if I’m in the room???
Makes no sense to me, so I said no. Now he is mad at me because “he’s not asking a lot.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: The bed issue aside, what really makes you the jerk is the way you completely invalidated what he said.
He told you that he felt distracted by you. You felt you were not distracting. Therefore you must not have been. He said that he can’t focus with you there. That didn’t make sense to you. Therefore it must not have been true. The fact that he literally told you that he couldn’t focus and that you were distracting him was irrelevant to you.
You didn’t agree, so he couldn’t possibly feel what he told you he felt – You completely ignored and invalidated him.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“I’m so confused on the amount of YTJ, it’s a bedroom, aren’t those for… sleeping? If there’s only one area to sleep and like 3-5 places to work in why isn’t she allowed to sleep in the bed?
Is she supposed to take the whole mattress off the bed and put it in the living room? Or go rent a hotel or stay at a friend’s place? Say she decides to sleep on the unsleepable couch, what happens when anyone wants to use the common space?
She’s not using the common space for what it’s supposed to be and would have to move a second time if someone wanted it. So what’s the solution? She doesn’t sleep? Why can’t there be a compromise?” Current_Difficulty88
Another User Comments:
“I personally think NTJ.
Bedrooms are for sleeping not working. If that’s where your bed is why can’t he go downstairs to work while you sleep on the bed…made for sleeping?? There’s no difference for him if he’s sitting at a table working.. there’s a difference sleeping on your bed vs couch.
Plus how is you sleeping even distracting..? I think he’s the jerk, he shouldn’t have moved his office into both of y’all’s bedroom if he wanted complete privacy. Also most offices and schools you have to work around multiple people and you were sleeping that’s not even distracting…” [deleted]
