People Are Uneasy In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Defending My Nephew's Graduation Speech About His Role Model, Our Former Exchange Student?
“I (33F) have a sister, Jane (40F), Jane and her husband have 7 kids (17M, 15M, 14F, 12F, 11M, 8F, and 5M).
Her 11 y/o son, Braxton, is graduating from elementary school later this month.
Braxton is the school president and thus will be giving a speech at graduation.
Jane read Braxton’s graduation speech last night while we were at our mom’s house for dinner and it ended up in a massive argument.
5 years ago, my husband (33M) and I hosted an exchange student, Justin (15M at the time, now 20M) who is from the Philippines.
Justin loves basketball and when we found this out, we were excited for Braxton (who was 6 at the time) because he had started to play basketball but no one else in the family was interested. This quickly evolved into my husband and I driving Justin and Braxton to either the gym or a local sports center every day to play, I would normally supervise as I wasn’t working and had no kids at the time.
By the end of the year, Justin and Braxton grew close and after Justin left, they would still talk on the phone, my husband and I would help them speak to each other.
Justin started college this year after taking a gap year. He’s an international student at a college around 45 minutes away.
He lived on campus this year but will be moving into Jane’s house, and more specifically, Braxton’s room, very soon. Braxton and Justin have spent a lot of time together since he got back to the States, I will drive up to the university with Braxton and they will hang out.
Braxton spends more time with Justin than with his siblings or parents (Jane and her husband have to divide attention among 7 kids).
In Braxton’s graduation speech, the first person he thanks, and the one with the most written about them is Justin. He speaks about how Justin is his role model and like a bigger brother and how he’s helped him with basketball.
Jane got upset when reading this, she asked Braxton why he would put Justin over his “own b***d”, and he explained that he wants to be like Justin when he grows up. Justin recently started teaching him Tagalog, he said he admires how smart Justin was for knowing different languages and speaking about all that he admires in Justin.
Jane “suggested” he re-write it and include family first, but he said Justin was family to him, she argued some more before stepping out of the kitchen.
I went into the living room after a bit to check on her, we’re close and normally she opens up to me.
She started to complain about how she does so much for him and how he only likes Justin because he’s a “cool kid”. I brought up how I drive him places and she complained about how she “has 7 kids”, she continued to complain about his speech and I told her to stop complaining and act like an adult.
She got angry at me and started to argue and hasn’t spoken to me since last night when she seemed angry at me. She won’t pick up my calls. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First… elementary school graduation? Ok… Then it’s perfectly normal for a child that age to idolize older siblings/family friends over family members.
Your nephew was so lucky to have this remarkable kid in his life. Your sister needs to let it go, again it’s ELEMENTARY SCHOOL graduation!!! We are lucky if Spider-Man doesn’t get mentioned.” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your sister is being ridiculously childish.
She should be glad her son has a positive role model. “She complained about how she “has 7 kids”, Did the stork deliver them? Is she unaware that means exist to prevent that if she can’t handle it? “graduating from elementary school later this month. Braxton is the school president and thus will be giving a speech at graduation.” Wow, we formally celebrate way too much these days.
Makes me glad I grew up in the way back when elementary school graduation was a pizza party on the school basketball court in 100F heat with warm, flat soda and music played on a boom box.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She tried to make him re-write it.
Holy unhinged Batman get this woman a reality check. Is she going to freak out every time any one of her 7 kids doesn’t make a speech in exactly the way she wants? She’s a control freak and seems insecure. Like someone else said, it’s surprising when kids that age aren’t thanking Spider-Man or Superman for being their heroes.
If I were that mom I would be grateful I have an extra pair of hands in taking care of the small village I chose to create.” OddSpend23
20. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate After She Almost Killed My Dog?
“I (22f) have been sharing an apartment with my best friend (21f) – let’s call her Lisa – for about 2½ years. It was a dream living with Lisa since we get along super well and rarely argue with each other, but last weekend Lisa messed up big time: She left half a bar of raisin chocolate openly lying around our apartment despite me reminding her to put it away after she is done eating.
The reason that is such a big deal for me is because my dog Abby also lives with us in our shared apartment. Lisa never had a problem with Abby, she loved cuddling with her and taking walks with her when I was sick or too busy.
I was at my family’s place on Saturday and got a call from Lisa. She was panicked and told me that Abby had eaten the raisin chocolate Lisa had left on the living room table (it’s a very low table, easily accessible for Abby) and that I needed to come home right away because Abby appeared to be cramping.
Abby is not a huge dog, by any means (she is a Sheltie) so a little bit of chocolate can go a long way for her.
I think I was constantly above the speed limit on my way back home, grabbed Abby, and instantly rushed to the vet with her.
She was conscious but clearly in a bad condition. I had to leave her at the pet clinic for 2 nights and was terrified, but fortunately, she didn’t die.
When Abby was at the clinic, I drove home and as soon as I opened the door Lisa stormed at me apologizing profusely and asking about Abby.
I know I may have acted a bit out of line here, but I was so frustrated, scared, and upset that I just started shouting at Lisa and berating her for leaving the chocolate there accessible for Abby, even though I reminded her to put it away.
I told her that I couldn’t risk Abby living with someone like her and that I wanted her out of the apartment for a while until I got a grip on the situation and Abby was okay.
Lisa called me a jerk for kicking her out like that and said things like: “I thought we were friends!” and told me I was severely overreacting, but she almost killed my dog and it could have easily been prevented had she been a little more careful or at least listened to me.
Our shared friends and families heard about this issue and most of them told me I was a drama queen, I was overreacting, and that valuing my dog more than my friendship with Lisa was a mean move on my end. I am not sure how else I could have handled that situation in my emotional state, but maybe they are right and I was too harsh… AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you asked them multiple times to do something and they do not do it which leads to foul repercussions then it is not a simple “mistake” it is full-blown ignorance and stupidity, I treat my animals like they are my child and if someone left food out that could harm my animal and I told them multiple time to dispose of it and they didn’t listen to me I would berate them.
Reading your update and learning they have done this multiple times and are not technically an owner of your place of living then they should follow your rules and respect your wishes a lot more, I would have done the three-strike rule with them yk if you don’t listen to me after the third overall time I asked you to do something then you are no longer allowed to eat or do that thing in somewhere other than your room.” RampagingPhoenix
19. AITJ For Siding With My Wife Over My Dramatic And Manipulative Mother?
“I (34M) am at a crossroads with my mom (55F).
Things started going south with my mom around the time I moved out when I was 20. That’s also when I started seeing my now-wife (34F). Relevant: When I proposed to my fiancé, my mother called, sobbing. After an hour-long call, she said, “It’s either her or me!” Nothing I said convinced my mom I loved her, and the call ended with us both in tears.
Since moving out, Mom has missed some big milestones. She bailed on my college graduation and blamed it on drama with my wife’s family. Later, she blamed her anxiety. That same drama resulted in us eloping. When invited to our wedding reception, she claimed “exclusion through inclusion” and then didn’t show up, later claiming food poisoning for her, my father, and brother (the only family I have in my life).
This year, she confessed there was no food poisoning. Instead, she claimed Dad drove her and my brother to the reception, and they left because of her anxiety.
She apologizes after these events, but she also flips things to make me feel guilty for putting pressure on her to attend.
She likes using silent treatment or avoidance as a means to solve issues as she “tries to find the right words”.
Our conversations are minefields. They almost always end up being about her. She has health problems she refuses to properly treat, expecting everyone else to adapt to her needs instead of seeking help.
She has acid reflux, and because it has gone untreated for years, she has difficulty eating most foods and now it is on everyone else to find and cook recipes she can eat. She is able-bodied. She also refuses to keep a food diary or see a doctor and will lie about what she eats before eventually tattling on herself.
She gets annoyed by conversations around food now since she has limited options.
Example: The wife asked how reducing sugar had gone. Mom claimed she cut it out completely. During dinner, Mom talked about having ice cream (‘for the acid’) and chai tea that week.
– Calling her out doesn’t go well, and my wife didn’t really care what she ate, she just hoped my mother had found something to help with her diet.
One of the worst fights occurred recently. I had grown out my f****l hair, and she criticized me, calling me a “hobo” and other names.
This kicked off an hours-long argument. It’s like my appearance and choices are up for debate. After arguments, I’m left feeling like a bad son. She has ended phone calls before saying “You don’t love me”.
My wife no longer speaks to my family, resulting in the text to me, “You’re literally breaking our hearts.” As requested, via email, I sent her a list of the experiences and behaviors I’ve struggled with over the last 14 years.
Her response had little empathy followed by half-apologies and excuses.
After her response, I feel like I might be the jerk for siding with my wife about her, and for sending her a list of grievances, even though she requested it. So, am I the jerk son who is legit breaking his mother’s heart?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother should be ashamed of herself with this dramatic nonsense. Your father and brother are also at fault for pandering to her behaviour but living with someone like this can be awful and like being coercively controlled. Your mother will live forever unhappily.
Don’t let her into your relationship and make you two unhappy along with her. I hope you have a better relationship with your brother and father and that in-laws are good people and not as manipulative as mama.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“God, you’re NTJ.
Your mother seems emotionally abusive and thrives on drama and I guess that’s why your wife no longer speaks to your family. You should probably follow suit, you’re making yourself miserable and your mother will never be happy no matter what you do.” Friendly-Buyer-9563
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is my mom right here. Do you want to know what happened to me and my mother? We don’t speak to each other anymore by choice because I got sick and tired of the stress that was involved in dealing with her. I realized she was never going to change and she was going to be the same person even until she died. It’s kind of sad that I was fairly close to my stepdad but since he has her back I’m not going to deal with that either.” trigazer1
18. AITJ For Planning An Expensive Birthday Trip For My Daughter Despite My Ex's Objections?
“I (M53) split up with my ex-wife (F*9) about nine years ago. We have one 17-year-old daughter from the relationship, Tilly, who we share custody of. Due to work commitments, my ex has Tilly most of the weekdays, and I have the weekends. So my ex isn’t stuck entirely with the “boring” schooldays, she also gets the weeks when Tilly is on vacation.
While my ex got remarried a few years ago, I never did. Although I went out here and there, a combination of work commitments and just not finding the right person meant it never clicked and I’ve stayed mostly single. I’ve worked my way up the career ladder as a result and I have a healthy amount of excess income, which I mostly put towards Tilly.
I wouldn’t say she’s spoilt because I still try to give her a sense of responsibility around the house by helping with chores and don’t hand out pocket funds unless it’s earned. However, since I have the means to do so, I do treat her with any clothes, makeup, gadgets, and the like.
It’s something I enjoy doing and she shows gratitude for it.
On the other hand, my ex is a stay-at-home mom and her new husband/Tilly’s stepdad has a pretty standard job. I don’t mean that disrespectfully but the income generated in the household is average at best for a similar family type.
As such, Tilly rarely gets any presents from her mom/stepdad other than on birthdays or any other holidays.
As Tilly’s 18th birthday is coming up, I wanted to do something very special for her, to also tie in with her leaving for college shortly.
I arranged a trip to Europe for the two of us for two weeks over the summer. As co-parenting plans have to be arranged, I phoned my ex to say this would be my plan and to sort out all the logistics. To my surprise, my ex exploded at me.
She said how I was “spoiling” Tilly and was only doing this to spite her because she knew that any gift she gave, by comparison, would be meaningless, making me the “favorite parent”. I told her that wasn’t true, and I just wanted to give my only daughter a present she’d love and memories to cherish.
Nonetheless, this went on, and my ex called me a jerk over the situation, saying that I needed to scale down my present to not spoil Tilly and put us at a “level playing field”. I laughed and said she was being ridiculous but to avoid any argument, I offered to say this was a “joint present” from us both if she/her husband were willing to contribute.
This idea was shot down because Tilly “wasn’t stupid” and knew it would be my present. I was done arguing at this point, so put down the phone.
My ex has texted me since, labeling me a jerk again and requesting I rethink. I have no intention of doing so and feel I’m in the right.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s overreacting. Building memories is super important. I think it’s perfectly fine for just the two of you to build those memories with your daughter before she’s grown and gone. If you could offer to send all four on the trip, and she still said no, this would be very telling about your ex-wife’s real concern.
She should be thinking of your daughter and the amazing memories that she could experience on the possibly once-in-a-lifetime trip. Have fun!” HandRegular7535
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not spoiling to give kids nice things. It is spoiling to give kids nice things *and* teach them a sense of entitlement.
Your daughter is old enough to know there is an income disparity between her parents. She’s not going to suddenly think poorly of her mom because you can give her a great gift. I would talk with your daughter to make sure she knows to show appreciation for her mom.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been the fun weekend parent with the expensive toys for years and she’s been the boring parent. Of course this feels like a slap in the face to her. This is how kids get their favorite parents. You’re the parent that can do no wrong.
The Golden Parent. However. She has no business making demands of you. Absolutely none.” sati_lotus
17. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support A Newborn In Our Family After Being Neglected During Our Own Crisis?
“I want to keep this as generic as possible, while also laying out the hard facts. My husband and I are in our mid-30s, we have a few teen/preteen kids, one driving and heavy in sports.
We have been struggling as a family over the last several years as I have been very ill, and have been unable to work, do housework, cook, or pretty much anything. Through all of this, we have hardly asked for any help, because we do not want to burden anyone, but also, no one in either of our families has offered any help, and when asked for help it has been refused. To add to this, none of our family struggles are related to finances in any way, and we are very fortunate in that aspect.
Now, to the “Family Crisis”. A family member, George, who has a substance issue, married Beth, who also has a substance issue. Recently, I got a phone call from another family member, Sarah. During the phone call, I was informed that Beth had just given birth in their house, didn’t know she was pregnant, and it was crazy.
A little skeptical, I asked what the plan was for the baby if substances were involved. “They haven’t been using.” Sure they haven’t. So, big surprise, Beth gets told that the baby can’t go home with them because of substances in its system.
Sarah and Rick (her husband) have stepped up and taken custody of the baby until Beth and George can get cleaned up and do all of the Child Protective Services and court requirements. Now, when Sarah calls me to tell me this, the phone call ends with “So go online and buy a bassinet and send it to my house”.
I suggested that they reach out to NICU staff and social services since often families that have babies tragically pass away will donate the baby items to social services and NICU for situations such as these where there is an immediate need for a newborn to be fostered. That was highly inappropriate, because how dare I suggest that they “ask for a handout” and “as a family we can get everything it needs and take care of it”.
Now, we are the type of people who have always gone above and beyond to help out our family anytime help was needed, no matter what. We are financially secure, and family has often taken advantage of that fact in the past, with comments such as “Well you can afford it” and “The cost isn’t that much for you”.
But since I have become ill and we have needed help with household-related stuff, there has been no one around, so it has made us take a step back and reassess our family relationships. We feel like if no one wants to treat us like family when we are in need, we don’t have family and, therefore shouldn’t be included in the family that will financially support this sudden newborn arrival.
AITJ for feeling this way or should we reassess our family relationship again and offer/provide financial support and pay for baby expenses?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re NTJ because it wasn’t even like they asked, it was just expected of you. Just because you have funds doesn’t mean you’re obligated to use it for the family in need especially when there is a free solution that you already offered. And like you said, they haven’t even helped you guys at all so to just expect that from you is kind of rude.
Family only matters when it’s for when they need family and if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to.” Due-While5294
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you said is true, there are resources available that they haven’t looked into. It’s not as convenient as treating you as a bank account, but the resources are available.
It’s not as though you caused any of this. I mean, given she couldn’t even be bothered to ask, but rather demand… you don’t owe them anything. And you were pretty polite in how you handled it.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your sister opted to take the baby in, and it’s her responsibility to buy whatever she needs. I would stay as far away from this situation as possible. The odds of the baby’s parents getting clean and staying clean aren’t good and they will always need help.” Specific_Anxiety_343
16. AITJ For Making My Daughter Watch A Kids' Show After She Bullied An Autistic Friend?
“My husband (38M) and I (38F) have 2 kids, our daughter Joelle (16F) and our son Blaine (13M).
On Saturday, Blaine had his friends over, this is fairly normal. Blaine’s friends come to our house fairly often, most of his friends are from his baseball team.
One of the boys in his friend group isn’t on the team but is autistic and his special interest is sports, this boy is also transgender.
Blaine and the other boys are very protective of this friend. We live in a conservative area in the Midwest and it’s not easy being a transgender autistic teen here.
Blaine has spoken to us about how all he wants is for his friend to be happy.
The boy is a very smart kid and is absolutely a positive influence on our son and his other friends. Sometimes his response to the stresses of life is age regressing.
He likes watching kids’ TV shows and sometimes acts younger than 13.
Curious George has been trending on TikTok recently and one of the boys asked if they could watch Curious George together, they all agreed and asked the aforementioned autistic boy which episodes to watch, as he still watches the show sometimes.
They were out in the living room watching the show when Joelle came out of her room for a snack, she asked the boys why they were watching it and told them to stop acting like babies, this started an argument and in it, she called the autistic friend a mean word.
This is when the boys started to scream at her and she went into her room to avoid them.
My husband and I were out for lunch just to have some time to ourselves. When we came home, the boys started talking to us at once and we asked them to calm down and explain what happened. They told us what went down, and were very angry at Joelle.
They were calling her a bully, a jerk, and other words. My husband and I went to speak in our room to discuss, we told the boys we would punish Joelle and asked the autistic boy if he had any recommendations on how to teach her about his disability, he mentioned an episode of the PBS Kids show Arthur.
After the boys left, we spoke to Joelle, we took away her phone for the argument and put on the Arthur episode on her TV. She was rolling her eyes the whole time when watching it and said she didn’t want to watch that “baby crap” and said we were just being too sensitive.
I called my sister for advice, as she’s a teacher (general ed but she has autistic students), she told us we shouldn’t have made her watch the Arthur episode as she’s 16 and that would only cause more resentment. She said that we should just let our daughter deal with her views and we won’t change her mind at her age and we’re only making her more resentful.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You needed to do something because your son was right – your daughter *is* a bully. One sure sign of this is that she is throwing around that people are being “too sensitive.” I quite admire your son and his friends for how they watch over their friend.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mild punishment in. It was a nice idea to ask the friend but putting him on the spot was probably a little inappropriate. I’d put some research into the source of bullying, explain to my daughter on level ground why it’s bad, and try to figure out why she thought it was appropriate.
Probably come up with some examples of how she could be discriminated against, being a woman as an example, and ask how she’d feel in such a situation.” Authentic_Jester
Another User Comments:
“If your daughter is old enough to not have to watch a children’s version of cartoons being nice to a person then she’s old enough to not be a mean person.
So I guess she needs help. Show her some of these responses. I LOVE that when you post on here you can show people how much of a jerk other people think you are. That might change her mind. ” Silver-Truck-1920
15. AITJ For Not Driving My Longtime Friend To Work After Setting Boundaries?
“I (34f) have had a friend (35f) for decades.
We’ll call her Mary.
Mary and I met in school. We were best friends. When her dad passed away suddenly in high school I dropped everything to help. Attended the wake, helped at the service, and cleaned up the hall afterward. I sent her cards and care packages on the anniversary for years after.
I also became closer to her family since my parents were both neglectful and abusive. I didn’t move in or anything but her mom took me bra shopping for my first bra, took me on a family vacation once, and helped plan a baby shower for me.
I, in turn, did my best to show up for her. I was there helping at her grandmother’s funeral, I visited her mom to help around the house, I pulled a load of poison oak out of her yard (Mary didn’t help), and I helped both of them haul out moldy carpets when their basement flooded…
You name it. They also made sure to attend my family events (my kids’ birthdays).
But then a few years ago her mom died, and it felt like Mary completely stopped reciprocating. I understand that it is hard to lose your parents (mine aren’t in the picture), but I’m a single mom and a teacher, and she never seemed to show up when I needed help.
Not at my grandparents’ funerals, not when I moved out and got divorced, not when I needed help recovering from surgery (though she did drop me off at the hospital, which I genuinely appreciated).
She also became more needy and demanding, and if I didn’t respond to every social media post and message she would guilt trip me.
Conversations always revolved around her problems, and if I ever talked about mine she’d essentially say that it was my fault. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells.
Finally, I told her I needed some space because I felt like the dynamic was not healthy.
A few weeks later, though, she called to ask for a ride to work, as her car wouldn’t start. Normally? I would have dropped everything. But this time I didn’t.
My reasons:
1) She lives an hour away from me (one way), and ten minutes from her work
2) She has and uses Uber, which would have cost less than my gas to come get her
3) She makes twice what I make (and has no kids), so what would have been a small amount to her was a lot to me
4) She owns two cars but keeps letting the registration lapse on the one that used to be her mom’s
5) When I had a car accident that left me without transportation for a month, she never offered help, even though she had a whole second car gathering dust in her driveway. I know I’m not entitled to her help, but it hurt.
A friend of mine whose judgment I respect told me I was the jerk and should have driven her, but I feel that I was finally enforcing boundaries in a very lopsided relationship.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a friend like that. And it slowly dawned on me I was doing all the accommodating. I decided to wait her out. Would she contact me? Sure, after 3 months. To ask for a ride. I couldn’t. 3 months later, asked for another ride.
I couldn’t. Never heard from her again. My friend had turned into a user. Your friend did too. Don’t feel bad about saying ‘no’. It’s a relief not to deal with that drama. Believe me.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
” NTJ even before you listed reasons 1-5 and NTJx10 after you did.
You told your friend you needed space because the relationship was one-sided. Since then the only time she has reached out is when she has needed a favor… Sucks to lose friends, but in this case, she dug her own grave of selfishness” Miserable_Cow403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if your friendship was in a good place, you would be justified in saying no. She lives an hour away, has options other than you, and you have your kids to look after. Add to it the fact that your friendship has become increasingly one-way, and you are very justified. Friendships need to be both ways, and I’m not just talking about quid quo pro favors.
I’m talking about providing emotional support as well. It’s sad, but sometimes friendships run their course.” bamf1701
14. AITJ For Exploding At My Partner For Not Attending My Cousin's Wedding Reception?
“I (f24) have a younger cousin who just got married yesterday. She had a small courthouse marriage which I did not attend because I was working. But she is having a party today.
She called me about a week before to ask me to come to the party and said my partner (22) was invited as well, I asked if he wanted to come because I knew he isn’t the most social person in the world, he has a hard time talking to people he doesn’t know and sometimes gets uncomfortable, so I would completely understand if he had told me no, but he said yes, which kind of surprised me, to be honest.
Fast forward to today, the day of the party, he is working today but still has time to come to the dinner, we had agreed I would leave the party quickly to go get him as he is still getting a driver’s license.
As he left to go to work in the morning I woke up and saw that he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and reminded him to not forget to take a change of clothes for the party later, he immediately got defensive and said he didn’t want to leave work wearing such “fancy” clothing as he stated himself, to which I replied he could just get changed in the car if that was the problem, I even offered to prepare his clothes and take them for him so he wouldn’t have to do it in a hurry as he still had to catch the bus.
All through the conversation, he kept telling me not to get mad which just ended up making me grow furious every time he said it. Then he said “Why are you getting mad over this? I don’t have to follow your rear everywhere you go.” And this is where I exploded I tried explaining to him that this wasn’t about him not wanting to come but about the fact that he could have told me so when I first asked and not waited until the day of, yet he just insisted on saying the same thing over and over and again and this is where I might be the jerk, I got fed up listening to his excuses and told him I should have seen it coming because he NEVER attends any of my family gatherings/parties while I, on the other hand, have gone to every single one I’ve been invited to, including a wedding where the only people I know were him, his sister and his parents.
After I said that he got really mad at me and just left.
I confirmed to my cousin he would be there and now I’m going to have to explain to everyone why he isn’t coming and I’m not even sure what to say to anyone.
So am I the jerk for exploding on him like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you have a much bigger problem. Be prepared that you will go everywhere alone, to parties, to all events, funerals, children’s birthdays, and weddings, … I have one such home, and in the end, you will start to resent it because everyone is together with partners, only you are always alone.
You have to reach some kind of compromise, when you need to go, and when you can do it yourself, for something like this you have to be very tolerant, and he has to understand that sometimes it’s necessary to put you first. It’s hard and you’ll resent it over time…” Constant-Brick3213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for exploding, although it’s not any form of communication. What he did was lie and lie and dodge and disengage. It’s only when you had to dress him like a child that he said he wasn’t going if he had to put on big-boy pants. Your cousin paid a pretty penny for the catering involved in the reception.
Adults make a decision and let the bride know in time to meet the RSVP deadline. He’s too rude, too selfish, and too uncaring for my taste. Imagine yourself unable to count on his word for the rest of your life. Hard pass.” Popular-Way-7152
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, you, for yelling and having a tantrum. You are an adult. Control your emotions. What to tell everyone? “He had to work late, but sends best wishes!” Your partner is a toddler. If he is uncomfortable at parties, he will never learn how to get more comfortable by not going.
Adults attend these sorts of events. He needs to figure this out. Get therapy if necessary. Doesn’t want to go unless he can wear shorts and a T-shirt…that he has been working in all day. Ewww…and grow up. Adults wear nice shirts and pants to certain events.
Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a toddler?” forte6320
13. AITJ For Wanting To Elope To Avoid Drama With Fiancé's Sister?
“My fiancé Brodie (27m) and I (26f) have been engaged for two years and together for 5. We have talked about the wedding we want for a while now.
We agreed we wanted a smaller wedding, with less fuss and stress. This has not been working out for us and that’s because of his sister Tara (30f). Tara has been on my case lately about getting my two half-sisters involved in my life and the wedding so I can have family present.
This isn’t possible. She has been told to stop by Brodie and their parents but she’s acting like it’s her place to decide this. Tara told us I can’t/won’t invite my parents but at the very least I should invite my siblings so we can be actual siblings again.
She is aware of my background and aware of the fact my half-sisters do not want a relationship with me. They both moved out of my parent’s house by the time I was 7. They were my mom’s kids. My mom and dad weren’t great people and I know they felt like mom downgraded from their dad after he died. I remember the four of them used to fight like crazy and when I got a little older I realized how awful my parents were.
Dad was super strict to the point you couldn’t ask for help with homework or anything. Firstly because you couldn’t question him or Mom at all, about anything. And also because homework was our job as kids and you do not get help because as an adult you don’t get help with your job and you do it and you do it right or face consequences.
He also said disgusting things about their dad even after they had moved out. My mom let him. She’d also complain that the girls refused to move on with her and how she regretted having them and being tied to a dead guy for the rest of her life.
It was awful. I felt so bad for my half-sisters because I knew it must have been so much worse for them when it was their dad being talked about like that. I reached out when I was 19 and told them I’d love a relationship and I was so sorry for my parent’s treatment of them and how I’d gone no contact with my parents as well.
But I never got a reply. And I know both saw the messages I sent. They just never replied. So I took that as them not wanting to know me.
Tara knows all this but she still presses the issue and lately, Brodie and I have talked about eloping to save all the drama.
He could take his parents, I could take my two closest friends and we could take us all someplace nice and marry privately. Brodie’s parents think it sounds great but his extended family heard we were considering this and they said it’s not fair to deny the family the chance to see him get married.
So now I feel bad because it’s mostly me worried that Tara will try to find my half-sisters or something or maybe even my parents if she also can’t get a reply from my half-sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go and have fun. It’s your wedding and your (non)relationships with your half-siblings, not Tara.
She’s a spectator here trying to be a director. She’s shown she’ll do what it takes to have things her way regardless of your feelings. It’d be cool if your fiance could set his sister straight, but sometimes stuff like that isn’t possible. What Tara thinks and what extended family thinks is nothing compared to you and your fiance’s wishes for YOUR wedding.
Again, go have fun.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tara is way out of line. Do you think it would be effective to tell her she‘ll be disinvited from the wedding if she doesn’t stop? That will happen if you elope, so maybe try it as a last resort to preserve the wedding for your fiancé and other family members.
But if ultimately, eloping is what you feel you need to do to stop her from ruining your wedding, go for it! You could use the funds you save to host a get together later for the extended family if they want to celebrate after the fact” Queasy_Mongoose5224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is your business. Not Tara’s. If the relevant people who would attend are ok with the elopement plan then do it. The extended family has no place in the decision. Don’t say another word to anyone. Tell Brody to put his parents on an information blackout.
There is no time ever, where you will make everyone happy. It’s your life. It’s your wedding. If this is what you and Brody want. Do it, don’t look back, and don’t apologize.” SubstantialQuit2653
12. AITJ For Insisting My MIL Use A Mobility Device For Family Outings?
“My in-laws are visiting this weekend. We have a pretty good relationship, although we get annoyed with her sometimes.
Like last night when she was saying how she only brought one pair of shoes even though they give her blisters, stuff like that.
My mother-in-law has really poor lung function and sometimes needs oxygen (which she refuses to bring, even when someone else carries it).
She has some other health issues but she is very full of life and social and wants to be included in things.
This caused some issues last summer when we all traveled abroad to visit some of my spouse’s extended family. We have two kids, 10 and 13.
This was probably the only international trip my kids would go on for a long time, so of course we wanted to do a lot of sightseeing and activities when we weren’t visiting his aunts and uncles (who were not available all the time).
We see father-in-law and mother-in-law in our country all the time, so didn’t feel the need to have them along on every excursion.
But my mother-in-law really wants to be included and isn’t honest with herself about what kinds of activities she can handle. This led to a memorable situation where even after we told her what day we had planned, she came along, only to get halfway across a huge pedestrian-only zone and unable to continue.
The only way out was through, so of course we all just walked physically supporting her, with lots of breaks until we got to an area where we could get her a taxi. We all laughed it off, but it was actually pretty awful.
This weekend, it’s cherry blossom season and we have free tickets to the botanical gardens.
I said we had planned to go and would they like to come with us. I figured the garden itself would be ok, there’s walking, but it’s small, and there are more exits and places to stop.
Then I remembered my mother-in-law’s shoes. No way was she going to be comfortable walking, but of course, she never turned down an invitation or admitted that it’s too much for her.
Her solution was wearing these open-toed slides that are usually her indoor shoes. I almost canceled at that point.
We were going at her pace, but my kids were going a little nuts with waiting around so I sped up with them to go see something else, while the other 3 continued slowly.
When we got back, my mother-in-law had tripped and fallen and split open her forehead. She’s ok, thankfully.
I don’t think I can handle another situation like this. Would I be the jerk for insisting she use a wheelchair or mobility device the next time we go on an excursion?
It’s a pretty simple solution to her wanting to be included in her kids and grandkids’ active lives. The other option is that we just don’t try to go anywhere with them, but when we’re visiting with nothing planned, they sit on the couch, watch TV, and sleep.
We can talk of course, but there’s only so many hours that any of us want that.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. We got our friend to use a mobility scooter saying it was a burden on his wife when he didn’t use a scooter.
We told him that a scooter was rented for him, he didn’t need to use it but it was there. That was at least 10 years ago and he says it’s one of the better things he’s done” EntrepreneurOk7513
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for saying you’d love to include her if you use a mobility device, and you’ll help her get one, but she can’t come along on foot because of what’s happened these other times.
You may need to just have shorter visits if she’s fighting that – but be clear about why. Also, consider games or other sedentary activities she can do with the kids.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but– mobility devices aren’t a one-size-fits-all solution.
And they require training to be used properly otherwise, they can lead to more falls and issues. If your mother-in-law is amenable, a talk with her physician and a referral to a physical therapist would be the way to go. They can evaluate her strengths and weaknesses and recommend the best devices & course of action.
Maybe it can be presented as concern for her safety and your desire to be able to continue including her in things. Dealing with aging parents is uncomfortable and it does feel tricky to navigate a lot of the time. But it sounds like you’re coming from a good place on this.” onehundredpetunias
11. AITJ For Reacting Angrily When My Roommate's Guest Criticized Me?
“I have three roommates. Dan, 24m, has a guest Erin 25f staying over Thurs-tues. Dan, Pat 26m (RM), and Erin are college friends. We four went for dinner and drinks on Fri. It was a good night overall and this was the first time I met Erin.
On the car ride home, at 2 am, Erin said “Here’s my read of people. Grace (that’s me), you’re an instigator and you pick fights. Dan, you say things sometimes that Grace doesn’t like so she picks fights with you. Pat, you’re calm and have opinions you keep to yourself”.
Pat and Dan both started laughing and agreeing with her. I said I don’t agree. I can expand on this but it’s just not 100% accurate. The four of us went back and forth, and Erin doubled down with Dan and Pat adding on Finally, I said “Look, Erin, you have four more days in our house, so…” And I thought the implication was “Let’s not stir the pot”.
I did not yell or raise my voice. My tone was irritated but I did not attack her personally at all.
Erin immediately got very upset, and said she has autism so she can’t read social cues. She said she was just joking and could find a hotel.
I said you don’t need a hotel, but let it go. Dan started apologizing saying “Grace doesn’t handle criticism well”. I said, my response wasn’t that bad. Dan said, “It only would have been worse if you shot her; I’m apologizing to you because I know you won’t”.
Erin continued to look dejected in the living room with Pat consoling her.
After, I asked Dan if he was mad at me. He said obviously because I was a jerk to his guest, I overreacted and lost my cool, I should have given her the benefit of the doubt, she was just joking, I “lashed out and proved her point that I’m an aggressor”.
I said I don’t agree and here’s where I’m losing my mind. Erin criticized me unprompted. I responded with annoyance. How am I the instigator here? It was 2 am and we all had drinks. I don’t know this woman. Her friends Dan and Pat are more favorable since she didn’t insult them.
I expressed this to Dan, but he still thinks I’m at fault. He said I told her to leave. I said that wasn’t my intention at all but he said nobody took it that way. I didn’t say anything about her leaving.
Anyways, Erin came in after, I said I’m sorry what I said came out different than I intended, I meant to say we shouldn’t stir the pot, etc. She apologized too and we all made up.
Regardless, Dan is still treating me like a problem and excluding me from our lunch plans. When I asked he said, “I’m not sure if you’re regretful, and we won’t be good until I’m convinced you’re truly sorry so it won’t happen again”. I’m upset about the double standard.
I’m pretty sure he didn’t talk to Erin about what she said. Yes, I could have handled things better, but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- having autism isn’t an excuse for what she said. She could read the social cues if she was able to psychoanalyze your personalities and interactions after one night together.
And her analysis wasn’t even correct. If Dan says things on purpose to get a rise out of you then he’s the instigator. You just take the bait too easily probably. But anyway you and Erin talked it out. Dan needs to get over it.” Cheap_Ad_7327
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine calling someone else an instigator when you’re a guest, have just met half of these people, and are “giving your read of the situation” that no one asked for. She was doing the *definition* of instigating, and Dan should have told his guest to stop stirring, except that he also likes to stir.
I’d be tempted to be petty and tell him you don’t agree to him having guests over anymore because they’re rude to you and he doesn’t ask them to apologize.” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Autism or not she’s manipulative towards Dan and Pat. Start looking for other places to live or rent when your lease is up.
She’s trying to cause problems. Don’t worry about Dan and just say “OK”. Let Erin leave on Tuesday and don’t do any more events with the guys. That was Erin’s goal anyway — she sees you as competition for their attention.” Traditional_Curve401
10. AITJ For Defending My Sons' Choices Against My Wife's Competitive Sports Expectations?
“My wife (32f) and I (32m) had some compromising to do with extracurricular activities. My wife grew up doing a lot of them. She pretty much never had “free time” and her parents are pretty against it for kids.
She did gymnastics, softball, basketball, soccer, dance, and music growing up. My family was more laid back and that worked for me. I swam and did art sometimes. But none of it was super competitive and serious. My wife did a lot of more competitive stuff and was always serious and going for pro.
When we were discussing kids she wanted the kids to be raised the same as her. I didn’t agree with that. So we agreed we wouldn’t force it on them, we wouldn’t overwhelm them (2 or 3 at absolute most at a time) and we wouldn’t make them do the more competitive sports teams if they didn’t want to but if they wanted to it wouldn’t be stopped either.
We have four boys. Our older two are very into sports and they take it seriously and want to play on serious teams. But our younger boys are the opposite and don’t like team sports. One favors swimming and the other favors rock climbing. But neither want to do either seriously.
My wife wanted them to follow in their older brothers’ footsteps and at least do football on the serious team their brothers were part of and have since progressed from. I disagreed and referenced back to our prior agreement. She disagreed with me and said they need to be on teams and should be more serious about sports.
My wife brought her parents into this and all three of them tried to tell me why I was wrong. ILs said kids with free time are going to grow up to be delinquents and I was the exception to that. They also said the younger boys aren’t going to be tough enough for high school and beyond if they don’t learn something more solid in terms of sports.
I asked what any of this had to do with them being tough and was ignored.
My wife said I was being disagreeable for no reason and so unreasonable. I grew frustrated and told her she was using her parents to gang up on me and that we had an agreement and she was refusing to stick to it even though I never interfered in what our older boys wanted. She told me they made the right choices.
She wanted our younger boys to do the same. She said they’re missing out on the pressure that all kids need to experience young and the expectation that being part of a serious team brings. Her parents said my wife is right and I need to see sense and stop being selfish.
I lost my temper and told my ILs this had nothing to do with them and told my wife she was wrong for bringing her parents into this and trying to back me into a corner and I was not okay with any of it.
They’re mad at me for making it a fight.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your wife and in-laws are sending the message to your kids that their true, authentic selves aren’t good enough. Sometimes it’s good to push kids a little bit out of their comfort zones so they continue to challenge themselves and try new things.
But wanting them to abandon their identities could create some deep wounds. Keep standing up for them and continue to celebrate their true authentic selves!” Confident_Macaron_15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ” we wouldn’t make them do the more competitive sports teams if they didn’t want to but if they wanted to it wouldn’t be stopped either She’s going back on that.
Kudos to you for advocating for your kids. Especially for them not being overwhelmed with extracurriculars & sports they don’t want to do. She’s a jerk for bringing her parents into it. She’s using them as an echo chamber/trying to force parenting decisions on you.
How you raise your kids has nothing whatsoever to do with them. Keep standing up for your kids. Again, massive kudos to you for doing it.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Being open for kids to do extracurriculars is good as long as it is their choice.
Your Wife and IL are wrong, if you force them into competitive sports and they don’t want to it will cause them to resent you both as parents, and it is not going to make them Man Up. Stick to your guns and don’t be bullied by your wife and her parents.
They are trying to make your boys compete against each other and that will only end badly. Sit down with your 2 younger boys and ask them what they want to do and support them in it, but don’t allow them to be pushed into sports they don’t want to do.” Successful_Bath1200
9. AITJ For Prioritizing My Sick Mother Over Household Duties?
“My mom has been sick for several years now, but within the past year, she has gotten worse. My husband (M) has been understanding to a certain point. I have to take her to several appointments every week, and I still manage to take care of our children and get them to their extracurricular activities, help with homework, etc. I work part-time so I can get them to school and pick them up.
I schedule their appointments and attend school field trips. My mom usually attends as well, but she hasn’t been able to lately.
Do I clean my mom’s house or my husband’s and ours as well as I used to? No; it’ll be easier during the summer when our schedules aren’t as busy.
I recently bought something for my project, but couldn’t get to it because I’m usually tired by the time I can, or I’m asked to do something else. It’s been taking space inside and I can’t put it out or it will get ruined and I’d have to wait longer for it to dry.
My husband has been asking to get it outside, and I told him to wait. I went to my mom’s midday on a Sunday to check on her and keep her company. I asked my husband around 4 PM where we were eating, and he called a little after to see if I could get dinner on my way home.
I don’t think we mentioned a time, but he called within the hour and when he knew I still hadn’t left my mom’s, he got upset, said he’ll get food for the kids, and told them to get ready in a disappointed tone. He texted me later and told me not to sleep in the bedroom.
He got upset because he had asked me to call him if I knew I would be late and couldn’t get food. It’s his pet peeve to have to get home and no food is ready. Sometimes I can’t get to my phone, because I’m busy with my mom or the kids.
I will do well with calling him if I’m, then I might mess up once or twice. But if I call him and he is with someone, he won’t answer. And then I could end up waiting hours until he decides to call me back.
Was I wrong to assume instead of him being angry I couldn’t pick up dinner, that maybe he would have been concerned about my mom and I and offered to buy dinner? He didn’t get food for me anyway. And he can leave a project sitting in limbo too.
He can leave a mess and ignore it, then tell his friends or family that I’m messy. If a bathroom trash is full, he never empties it. I am more proactive than him, and I am used to washing clothes, dishes, etc. I can do that all day.
I love baking, cooking, reading the boys to sleep, but if I mess up one time…none of my good qualities seem important to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ wow you sound as if you’re REALLY run ragged – and you are probably too exhausted to notice it yourself, I am not saying that your husband is the jerk either but he seems too used to you doing everything and should be able to help out more around the house and with the kids to make your life a little easier, there is government help out there to help care for your mother, clean her house, prepare some meals and even get her to hospital appointments such as social workers and meals on wheels (some of the help is free some has a cost) see what help you’re entitled to, and look after yourself before you end up collapsing, I have been in your shoes in the past and it’s really hard and unless you have done it yourself no one realizes how hard it can be” oldjudge1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are neglecting your family, and CLEARLY showing your partner he is not a priority in any way – that is ruining your marriage. You can already see the resentment growing in both of you. He is in the process of checking out of the relationship because you are driving him away.
Don’t expect to be married much longer.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“So, NTJ! AITJ for thinking that you should prioritize your sick mother over cooking and cleaning? Maybe I am, but we are only given one mother and darn it, we should be able to take care of them in their time of need. My mom is my best friend.
If she needed me to step up and help get her to appointments, then I sure as heck would make every effort to do so. If my husband had to order out or cook a meal or do anything around the house, then I sure as heck hope he would step up and do so without complaint.
Because from the sounds of it, you have been doing all of it. It doesn’t sound like you are neglecting your children in any way. The other adult in your house should be able to survive without you doing everything for him. My biggest fear is the day my mom isn’t on this earth anymore and it would make it worse if I knew I wasn’t there for her.” Hopeful-Enthusiasm81
8. AITJ For Wanting To Make My Mom's 50th Birthday Cake Instead Of My Stepdad's Friend?
“I (23F) am a cake decorator at a grocery store bakery, I learned to decorate almost three years ago from two amazing cake decorators, I also bake and cake decorating from home.
My aunts and uncles have celebrated their 50th birthdays over the last couple of years and I have been the one to do their cakes for their 50th birthdays I love doing it..
it gives me more practice with my baking from home with different flavors. I also should mention that I do not charge them for the cakes I make, nor for the supplies I use.
So here’s the issue, my Mom is going to be turning 50 in 5 months and I was already thinking of ideas for her cake, I was thinking of doing 50 photos of her on the cake for every year she’s been alive.
My stepdad (let’s call him John (60)) and I were talking about cakes and he said “Oh you won’t have to worry about Mom’s cake, Mandy’s going to do it)”.
Mandy (58) is John’s friend’s partner and she is a cake decorator too but has a small cake business where she pretty much works from home and has many more years of experience.
John also had Mandy decorate a cake for my grandma’s (on my mom’s side) 80th birthday this past year, I was sad about not being able to do my Grandma’s birthday cake but I put my feelings side since I knew he placed an order for it way ahead of time.
I know he likes Mandy’s decorating, he is always talking about the cakes and my parents buy butter in bulk when they are on sale for her. I think he sees my decorating as inferior to hers.
I was hurt he didn’t think I would want to do my mom’s cake or maybe couldn’t do as good a job as Mandy but I feel like it would mean more to my mom if I did her cake.
My family, when I did each of their cakes, all asked me to do their 50-year cakes and I know many of them have friends who are also cake decorators but they still asked me to do the cakes because it meant more coming from their niece.
So WIBTJ If I told my stepdad I don’t want his friend to decorate my mom’s Birthday cake because I would like to do it myself.
I don’t know if my mom specifically asked to have Mandy do her cake or if it was a decision John made on his own, I worry my mom could have been the one to request the cake to be made by Mandy, and If she did, then I want her to have the cake Mandy makes.
I don’t want to make her birthday not so good because I made this one issue all about me, but if she didn’t, then I feel like I should be the one to make it.”
Another User Comments:
“If the cake will be nicely decorated, let it go.
You can do another cake another time. NTJ but even though you were expecting to be able to do your mom’s cake, someone has made plans with another decorator, so don’t make a big deal about the cake. I don’t think a second cake is a good idea, btw, as in the comments here, because that would be like insisting that you had the right to do this cake (and no one else).” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. It’s your mom’s birthday and they’ve probably discussed this. It sounds like John was politely trying to let you down. Mandy has far more experience and it sounds like probably can cater more to your mom’s tastes.
If you want to do something meaningful and artistic for her, find another way to do that. You’re making her birthday about your wants and that’s selfish. You’re 23. If you were 6 and you and your dad made your mom’s birthday cake together for a family event, that’s completely different.
You say you’ve been a cake decorator at a grocery store… that’s not the same as owning your own cake decorating business. Honestly, you probably won’t do as good of a job as Mandy and your mom deserves to get what she wants on her birthday, not make you feel better about your baking.” throwaway1_2_0_2_1
7. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Dad After He Invaded My Privacy?
“I (18F) am visiting my dad abroad for a few months. I lived in this country for a few years when I was a kid but moved with my mom when I was like 12. My mom is like my best friend, we gossiped, hung out every day, and even got matching tattoos when I was 16.
I’m not as close to my dad but would still make an effort to talk to him whenever I can. Overall, he’s a great dad, but as every family does, we have a few issues.
We’ve had some incidents here and there, but the main problem began when I started hanging out with some old friends of mine from Primary school.
At first, he was acting fine, but eventually, he got the idea that I liked one guy (let’s call him J) in the group, who was my best friend when I was 5, even though I already had a partner who I love very much, and both my parents know about him.
My partner and I are long-distance, so we would call often. Whenever we’d call, my dad would enter the room and very loudly say things like “Are you going out with J and your other friends today” or “J’s dad and I have a meeting at the office so he’s coming over”, and things along those lines.
Since all this was detected by my mic, my partner would start questioning me over who J was and why we were hanging out so much, and I’m always honest in telling him that J is a childhood friend of mine, and our dads work together but my partner kept telling me he didn’t feel comfortable with me hanging out with a guy (our friend group is 4 girls, 2 guys).
As a result, our relationship was kind of strained to the point my partner got very dry and only spoke to argue with me.
Then one day, my dad brought up something I haven’t told anyone about my partner and I’s arguments lately.
When I asked how he knew about that, he said he went through my WhatsApp on my PC while I was out. I got mad and blew up at him, saying it’s a complete invasion of my privacy and he’s acting as if I need to be supervised. He said that he’s my father and my privacy is his privacy too because I’m staying with him.
I told him that he was treating me like I was still a kid, and his behavior was why I was more comfortable talking to my mom about my problems than him, to which he just sent me to my room and grounded me.
I felt really bad for what I said after a while and texted some people about it.
My mom said I was right for getting angry, that I’m 18 now, my business is my own, and my dad should stop treating me like a child. But when I spoke to my friends, they said my dad just acts like that because he cares about me and I should cut him some slack.
I need an unbiased opinion, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, your dad overstepped and invaded your privacy, you had every right to blow up at him. Like your mom said, you’re an adult and your business is your own. Also think your partner was overreacting, but it sounds like you hadn’t told him about J beforehand which seems odd.” grocerystorereceipt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to start letting go. Yes, you are living with him but grounding you at 18 is ridiculous. Can you password-protect your WhatsApp? Now that you know he’s snooping, you should probably password-protect a lot of things. If he continues with this, you may have to just go home.
These boundaries need to be established.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – except how and why does your father have the authority to ‘ground’ you? This is wrong and twisted and maybe is a result of him being overbearing and controlling for many years and this being your ‘normal.’ Also, it sounds like he knew he was causing trouble by calling out about J while you were talking to your partner.
On top of this, he violates your privacy. He is a massive jerk.” Time-Tie-231
6. AITJ For Choosing College Over Military Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“I, 18F, am planning to attend college this year. My parents were slightly upset at this decision as I told them I’d join the military. To be honest, I’ve never wanted to, always wanted to have the “college experience” and all, and frankly, I’m just not fit for the military (under 100 lbs., never worked out a day in my life, easily cave under pressure, and have a lot of sensory problems).
To be fair, I applied to college very last minute, so I can see why they were upset about this.
My dad is currently on active duty and plans to give me half the GI Bill to pay for my tuition and housing. Now I should say I do not have a job and don’t have a license or car yet, so I was hoping to rent an apartment I found which was a 14 min.
walk from campus, came fully furnished with utilities included too.
I also have a partner, 18, and was hoping to room with him to save us both some funds; I’d pay for the first two years of rent with the bill and we’ll finish out the last two as by then I’ll have a job and he’s currently working.
My parents weren’t happy with this idea, saying that they A) didn’t want us to move in together, B) weren’t running a charity for some boy, and C) the plan wasn’t well thought out. It ultimately resulted in them saying I had two options: rent the apartment and LOSE the GI Bill entirely, or continue living with them for $1,000 and keep the bill.
My parents are still insistent on me joining the military, but I’ve already tried to explain to them multiple times that I don’t want to enlist for the reasons I’ve mentioned earlier and also it’s just not what I’m interested in.
Had my parents been more understanding and all, I could hear them out, and with the way I’m describing things it seems like these interactions are somewhat okay. But ever since I’ve committed to this college, they’ve done nothing but claim how disappointed and ashamed they are, especially my mom.
My mom has made me cry over these interactions more than three times in the past two weeks alone, has yelled at me once for “crying like a little jerk”, and has more than once called me stupid over this conflict. I’ve never raised my voice at my parents, maybe once but to be able to put in some of my two cents (only to be interrupted and misinterpreted further).
I’ve constantly heard “Well we’re stressed out over YOUR future”, and “We wish you joined the military”, but what about what I want to do? Isn’t my future in my hands? If it ends up being hard for me then it’ll be hard for me, and it’s up to me to figure out ways around it too!
They’re still upset at my decision and I honestly don’t know if I’m the bad guy for wanting to do my own thing.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But contact the college and find out if you have any additional options.
You may be able to get a job on campus to cover some expenses or live in a dorm (highly recommended for the first year at most schools). And work on that driver’s license ASAP if you are in the US.” greta_cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when it comes to the college vs military issue. I’m so sorry they’re not supportive. For what little it’s worth, you have the support of this stranger on the internet. Please, please reconsider living with (and covering the costs of!) the 18-year-old partner though.
Just. Find another solution. Are there on-campus options you can explore?” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t put any stock in what bullies who call you names and attach strings to funds say. But don’t move in with your partner. You’d be better off living by yourself or in a dorm for at least the first year. Have the life you want, not the one they want.” ApprehensiveBook4214
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name Our Son Walter After My Late Father-In-Law?
“My husband and I are expecting our son in 6 weeks. We’re not 100% set on a name yet but ever since my husband’s grandfather passed away several weeks ago, my husband has wanted us to name our son Walter in his memory. As a middle name, I’m fine with using Walter because he meant so much to my husband and me too.
But I don’t like the name Walter. I find it too old-fashioned for me, too much of an older man’s name and I could never be happy with it used as a first name. The name isn’t typically my husband’s style either so when he first brought it up I asked him to sit with the name for a while.
But he did and he told me that for family names, he doesn’t care about his personal feelings on a name or whether they fit what he likes. For him a name connected to such a special person is special without being a favorite or one you would normally pick.
My husband has a family name. He was named after his late uncle who passed away as a child. So my husband doesn’t have an issue with family names as first names. I bring this up because I know using an honor name as a first name is not for everyone.
My husband has never seen a problem with it himself.
I told my husband I couldn’t do Walter as a first name but suggested it could be our son’s middle name. He asked me why and I told him the name wasn’t for me. He asked me if the nickname Wally would bring me around and I said no. He was disappointed and told me he needed time but he accepted I didn’t want to.
We went to dinner with his family a few nights ago and my mother-in-law brought up our son’s name and she made the assumption that our son would be Walter Jedediah (Jedediah after my late grandfather). I told her neither name was in the running as a first name.
The family asked my husband how he felt about that given the reasoning passing of Grandpa Walter and he told them he’d be fine and that the name is something we should both agree on. His family didn’t like that though and told me I had a way for us both to be included and if I had to be the deciding vote it could be Jedidiah Walter but I should think of my husband.
My husband told them to stop interfering and I had already offered to make Walter the middle name. It was obvious he still wasn’t over us not using the name as a first with his tone but he was making an effort to stop his family pressing me.
Still, I saw and heard his disappointment, and his family made a point of saying I should be willing to do this for him. My mother-in-law told me my father-in-law did it for her with my husband’s name.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your son receiving your husband’s last name, by the way?
If so, then that’s one name already honoring his family. Why should they automatically get two of the three names, particularly when you dislike one? If you compromise and use Walter as the middle name, your husband should not complain in any way as to your choice of a first name.” MidCenturyMayhem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s yours, and your husband’s choice. Little story. My niece’s name is Malaurie. In my country, it’s a female name. But living abroad, to me, it was a male name. When my sister-in-law told me, it felt very odd to me, like “She’s going to be named Robert!” But I kept my mouth shut and just got used to it.
My opinion wasn’t asked for, wanted, or even relevant. So no, NTJ” Jane-Doe202
4. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Discipline Her Racist Son?
“My (33F) sister (38F) and her husband (38M) have 4 kids (16F, 15M, 13M and 10F).
My sister was heavily bullied in elementary school and parts of middle school when we went to an all-girls school.
My parents pulled her out of the all-girls school and into a public school when she entered 8th grade, and she was not bullied there or in high school. Despite her positive experience in public schools, she decided to homeschool her kids due to the trauma she had from her elementary and early middle school years.
I’m a public school Social Studies teacher, so I care about their education and will sometimes help my sister in terms of driving the kids for a weekend trip if they want to go to a museum or something. I also have dinner at her house regularly and she has dinner with us.
I’m currently pregnant with my 2nd child, we have a 2-year-old son and are expecting another boy soon. We plan on sending our kids to public school and my sister has said that’s fine and it’s “not right for her family”.
The issue is her 13-year-old son, Colton, is the only one who seems to be at or above grade level for reading, math, and other skills.
Colton is the most social, he’s on a Little League team and has told me he wants to understand what the boys on his team talk about. He’s also the only one to be motivated to go out and learn about the world and other cultures.
Recently, Colton has started to learn Japanese as he’s interested in Japanese baseball. Colton already speaks Spanish fairly well, enough that he was able to have full conversations with people when we visited Spain last year.
Yesterday, I was at my sister’s house and Colton was showing me some books in Japanese, that’s when his 15 y/o brother, Roger, came in.
Roger will learn about computers and robots and play war games for his unschooling, but that’s about it. Roger started to mock Colton by making squinty eyes when Colton was trying to read parts of the book in Japanese. Colton saw this and started to argue with him, Colton walked away crying, and Roger started to say boys shouldn’t cry.
My sister and I went to check on Colton but he asked my sister to leave and he wanted to speak with me. Colton said he was getting sick of Roger and that he regularly makes bigoted remarks and my sister won’t correct him because it goes against her parenting/schooling style, saying it would be a “violation of his autonomy”.
Colton is going to public high school next year as he asked for it, he said part of the reason was so he could make more friends and play on the baseball team there, but he also told me that part of it was to get away from Roger.
I went to my sister and told her she should start disciplining Roger, she told me the same thing about autonomy and I said Colton had a right to not be around racists. She started to argue with me and I left her house after the argument.
She’s demanding I apologize for “telling her how to parent”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes the bully is at home. Guidance isn’t a violation of autonomy. It sounds like the oldest needs to spend a month of study on the history and impact of racism and the role of caricature and mockery in paving the way for greater atrocity.
He can learn about that before he goes back to his games. You might apologize for how you approached the topic in telling her WHAT to do, but I’d express that the fact of the matter is that her son is being bullied and he doesn’t feel like he can go to his mother about it.
How she wants to fix that is ultimately up to her, but she can’t ignore the problem.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s supposed to be the parent, stepping in when bullying (and racism) happens isn’t a “violation of his autonomy”, it’s guiding him to not do bad things because that’s parenting 101.
Colton doesn’t like, or even fears spending time around his brother because his mother is too hands-off. Did Roger introduce the phrase to her to get a carte blanche for his bullying behavior? Major kudos to Colton for taking the initiative to expand his horizons, this internet stranger wishes him well.” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your sister, “I’m not telling you how to parent, I’m telling you how to be a (home-school) teacher. You – who were bullied – are ignoring that your eldest child is bullying the younger ones. And only one of the four appears to be at or above the standard of their peers – so your teaching needs upgrading too.” When a teacher blatantly favors one student, the others suffer, withdraw, stop trying, or escape.
But they never forget and rarely forgive. It’s 50 years, but I still remember a hated teacher; when I heard she died of cancer, my thought was ‘She deserved it’ for the misery she inflicted not just on me. Likewise, I still remember two teachers who were supportive, and encouraging and who didn’t play favorites.” dragonsfriend-9271
3. AITJ For Refusing To Deliver Wedding Invites For My Dad?
“I’ll start by saying that my parents have made me regret not eloping, they’ve been nothing but controlling and selfish since I’ve gotten engaged.
I booked a venue that holds 250 guests, 270 guests max and my parents have expressed their disappointment hundreds of times over the low guest count. My dad has told me countless times that he is “heartbroken” because I have chosen such a small venue because he’s not able to invite all of his friends and family.
He has referred to my and fiancé’s wedding as not just our wedding but their wedding as well.
I gave my parents control over who they get to invite but asked them to leave me room for a few invites (all of my friends are on my fiancé’s list) and told them they have to deliver or send out the invitations themselves which they agreed to.
My dad then said that he wanted nothing to do with the invite deliveries because he felt bad about not inviting everybody he knew so he wanted nothing to do with it and told my mom to do it all. I have gotten a call at least once a week from my disappointed and “heartbroken” dad over this.
I honestly wanted a much lower guest count because I wanted a small and intimate wedding but settled on 250.
My dad asked me to deliver the invite to my uncle as they’re not on the best speaking terms and I agreed. He then asked me to hand deliver it to another family of 4.
When I asked me why he couldn’t just do it, he said that he was hoping that they say no because it’s a tradition in our culture for the parents of the bride to deliver the invites and hopes that they say no if it’s coming from me and not them.
It makes no sense because there is no way they are going to decline the invite when it’s coming straight from the bride. I don’t care for this family and I don’t care if they come or not because I’m not very close to them.
He has a good relationship with them but is hoping to replace them with other people. My mom was initially going to come with me but my dad told her that I have to go on my own, when I asked why, he said that he was “trying to make a point” which again, makes absolutely no sense.
Anyway, I’ve been very busy lately and my dad has been hounding me to deliver it to them for days now. I live outside the city and they live a good 5 minutes away from them.
My dad called again yesterday and I put my foot down and said that I’m not delivering the invite because his reasoning doesn’t make sense to me and now he’s refusing to speak with me.
I get it’s my wedding but I don’t care if this family shows up or not and my parents have been trying to control this whole wedding and I’ve had enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Honestly went through something similar when my partner and I decided to get married 8 months ago, his family is Indian so weddings are an incredibly big deal, in the last 4 months, it got to the point where I had no control.
I didn’t even pick the dress I was wearing to my wedding. However, 5 weeks ago he and I decided to elope, we are still having our wedding in June but he and I got married at the courthouse in private with my father and my sister and his older brother, afterwards we got a nice hotel room and just spent 3 days alone, and it was perfect, we aren’t telling his family as I know it will cause big issues but we got a perfect day with people who just want us happy.” PersonalPoet5047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like an intense wedding — parents hand-delivering invitations, 250 guests being “small”, parents wanting to control everything and invite everyone they have ever met. Also, let me see if I can understand your father’s twisted logic. He doesn’t want this guest to attend the wedding.
But he feels obligated to invite the guest in person because otherwise they will be offended. So instead of just not inviting the person he doesn’t like, he’s using you as a proxy, hoping that the guest will get offended because the invitation came directly from you instead of from him?
Also, the post office exists.” apatheticsahm
2. AITJ For Sleeping In My Ex-Wife's Bed With Her Sister?
“My (38M) ex wife (34F, Tara) and I have been divorced for almost 4 years but we have a good relationship. We are friends and basically never fight. Our daughter (7F) lives with Tara but I see her every weekend. I haven’t been with any women in a serious way since the divorce because I don’t want to make things more difficult.
As far as I know Tara hasn’t really been with any man but I don’t ask.
Tara’s sister (31F, Liz) recently broke up with her partner and has been staying at her place. Liz has always been nice to me and we never had any issue.
She seems to have a kinda messy personal life with weird partners that come and go but I never had any reason to think of her as a bad person.
Tara took our daughter to a trip out of town last weekend so I was alone at my place Saturday night when Liz called. She was alone at Tara’s house and was scared because she heard strange noises from outside.
She was afraid because she thought her ex partner might be stalking her. I told her to call the police but she said they wouldn’t do anything and asked me to go help her.
After I arrived, she calmed down and we had dinner together.
I realized she wasn’t going to let me leave as she got visibly distressed any time I hinted at it so I suggested I could sleep on the couch. Liz told me Tara wouldn’t like that because the couch was new and expensive. She also argued my daughter’s bed was too small for me to use.
Liz said she had been sleeping on Tara’s bed with her for weeks and it was big enough for the two of us to use comfortably. I realized it was a bad idea but I was tired and she talked about it so naturally that I felt I was going to make things more weird by arguing.
She fell asleep quickly and I made sure to stay as far away as possible on my side of the bed to avoid us touching.
I didn’t sleep well that night. The next morning she thanked me profusely for staying with her. Tara could arrive at any moment so I wanted to leave fast. The issue is that I casually told Liz that we shouldn’t tell Tara about me staying there that night.
I thought it was an obvious thing but Liz took it the wrong way. She got angry and said she didn’t do anything wrong, didn’t have anything to hide and I was “disgusting” for insinuating otherwise.
I haven’t talked to Liz since. I talked with Tara a few times but she didn’t say anything unusual so I assumed she didn’t tell her after all.
I don’t really get why Liz got so mad at me and don’t know what to do about that. Also I am still worried about what she could say to Tara and how she might react. Ultimately, I feel I was just trying to do the right thing and I am just a victim in this situation.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for sleeping in the same bed as your ex-SIL but for sleeping in your ex-wife’s bed with her. Then wanting to lie about it after. Also, Liz sounds like a troublemaker. I understand her being scared and calling you–but I can bet you my life savings that your ex-wife would rather have you sleep on the couch than in her bed with her sister!
Also, her nicking the daughter’s bed is too small for you. Liz is a problem.” SimonaMeow
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ. Your ex-wife would be angry you slept in her bed with her sister. Big No No. The fact you don’t want her to know is a BIG indication.
Even if nothing occurred, it’s just taboo. You weren’t wrong to try to help the sister. Her actions are suspicious. I can’t believe she didn’t think it would be wrong to even suggest it. No wonder she has issues with relationships.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I don’t have a problem with you sharing a bed with your ex-wife’s sister. > Liz said she had been sleeping on Tara’s bed with her for weeks and it was big enough for the two of us to use comfortably.
I have a problem with you sleeping in your ex-wife’s bed without her advance permission. > After I arrived, she calmed down and we had dinner together. I realized she wasn’t going to let me leave as she got visibly distressed any time I hinted at it so I suggested I could sleep on the couch.
Frankly, I think it’s a little ridiculous she made you come over in the first place. But it’s a lot ridiculous that she wouldn’t let you leave after you showed up and there was no threat.” StAlvis
1. AITJ For Giving More Financial Support To My Less Successful Daughter?
“I have 2 daughters who have made different choices in life that have led to different economic outcomes. I don’t think one is more responsible than the other but their career paths and choice of partners led to my eldest being much more successful. We recently sold our house and gave about $70k to my youngest to help with buying an apartment.
My eldest(38F) is more gifted in math and is an engineer. She owns her own house and her husband is an anesthesia assistant. They both make a comfortable salary and can afford piano lessons for their son and daughter.
My youngest daughter(35F) was never the best student but loves helping people.
She got her degree in psychology and then married her partner at the time. No one in the family liked her partner due to us finding him to be lazy. He worked in snow removal in the winter but then took unemployment in the summer.
But she liked him and didn’t listen to our concerns so we decided to be supportive. They married and she went through graduate school for social work. They had a daughter during her schooling and then he decided he didn’t want to be a father.
She said it was out of the blue and thinks he found his current partner then and wanted out. They divorced a year later and now my youngest daughter and her daughter have been living in rentals. He does pay child support but only about $300 a month due to his low income which doesn’t even come close to covering daycare.
She doesn’t make a lot in social work despite having a master’s. I moved over there temporarily to be with her and babysit during the divorce. We also partially paid for her rent at that time.
We sold our home to downsize to an apartment.
We wanted our youngest daughter to be able to afford a permanent place to live and gave her 70k out of the proceeds of the sale for her to buy an apartment. This was when interest rates were still low so she bought a 1 bedroom for her and her daughter and locked in a good rate.
My eldest found out about it and was angry because she felt like we always gave her sister funds. I told her her sister was struggling and she already had a house. She said it was her own choice to marry a loser everyone told her was a bad idea.
She accused us of always financially helping her sister and I told her if she needed help we would help. She said we wouldn’t because she knows her sister always is the one that needs hand-holding. She also told me between helping her with rent, paying for graduate school, and that she shouldn’t have to raise a hand to help us if we need it because her sister got all our help.
I think she needs to realize we will give help to the one who needs it, not just split it down the middle when she is already doing well.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your funds and you can do what you want with it.
But if your daughter feels that you are always bailing out her sister I can see why she would have some resentment. Your daughter implied that this happens frequently. There is a fine line between helping families when they need it and being equitable with treatment.
Who knows how well you have walked that line? If it was me, instead of gifting 70k I probably would have let my daughter live in my home at a discounted rent or rent-free so that she could save for a house. That way she gets help but not in the form of a massive lump of funds.” holliday_doc_1995
Another User Comments:
“YTJ….I mean, in the end, it’s your choice how to spend your funds. But understand that the one you poured ZERO into will also have ZERO incentive to do anything for you and your wife in your elder years when YOU might be the ones needing help.” Pink_lady-126
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