People Ask For Unbiased Comments On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Serving My Oldest Son Dinner?
“I (45f) love my oldest son, but he’s 17 and acts like it.
Our family rotates chores – cooking, dishes, and cleaning common areas are all done by each family member on different days. My son hates chores and always tries to do it lousily to get out of doing it. It’s been a constant battle. Dishes are the worst. He overpacks the dishwasher so the dish detergent can’t even get on the dishes.
It just catches on whatever pan he shoved in front. He also doesn’t rinse the dishes at all, so they come out dirty and caked in food. If we want to eat the day after he does the dishes, we end up having to hand wash them. He doesn’t care. Any attempt to talk to him is met with a little smirk and he would say, but the dishwasher sanitized it.
He knows exactly what he’s doing.
The day after his night to do dishes, I went to cook dinner. All the dishes were in the washer still, filthy. I had worked all day. I was exhausted. I honestly teared up seeing this nonsense. I didn’t have the energy to make dinner, let alone do an entire load of dishes first. I quietly called hubby in and he offered to hand wash the dishes I needed. Lightbulb moment.
I told him, yes please, but only enough dishes for preparing the food and serving everyone but my 17-year-old. I made dinner and called the kiddos to eat.
My 17-year-old sat down and saw his setting was empty. He asked where his plate, silverware, and water cup were. I pointed to the dishwasher and said, tonight you’ll be eating off of the dishes you did.
Go pick them out.
He went pale and started protesting that it was gross. I quickly cut him off and reminded him that the dishwasher sanitized them. Hubby backed me up. If he wants to eat tonight, he will eat off his dishes.
He huffed and said he’d wash some, and I said nope, you had your chance to get them clean last night.
Eat off them as they are or don’t eat tonight.
He yelled and said that he’d make his own food, to which I said no. Eventually, he relented, found the least disgusting dishes, and ate his dinner quietly.
I felt bad – he looked so sick and grossed out. But I was sick of him wasting time and water and detergent.
And it worked! His dishes came out spotless after. Not a speck.
But like I said, he’s still furious and I do feel bad now that it’s over and done with. I’m just sick of the weaponized incompetence. He doesn’t realize that his laziness screws over everyone else in the house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions have consequences, and your son learned he can’t drag his feet doing his responsibilities and get no consequence for it.
He smirks. He knows what he’s doing. And he clearly learned his lesson, since his dishes have been spotless since.
He needed that kick in the butt because otherwise, he’d grow into an adult who weaponizes his incompetence against a partner and then get mad when said partner calls him on the nonsense.” ElleEmGee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s almost old enough to vote and still acts like a toddler. He can’t get away with being a disgusting, lazy slob and expect to be treated with respect when he disregards the shared tasks and responsibilities in the same household.
He’s not paying bills so the least he can do is help around keeping the house up to appropriate standards.
He’s way old enough to know his actions have consequences.” saltysegall
22. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's None Of Her Business What We Wear?
“So I’m (Female) a minor still in high school. Our age range is 16-18. I have quite a few friends in my class.
One of my friends, Amy, is a very pretty, skinny, brown-haired girl, the other, Laine, is overweight, still really pretty though.
The weather is getting really hot these days, and so girls started to wear skirts and dresses to school.
I didn’t, until a later point but that’s for later. Laine came wearing a dress two days ago. It was a little long for a dress and it went a few inches past her knees. She looked good, I’m gonna be honest. Everyone was complimenting her on her dress.
Now a little background: Laine suffers from body dysmorphia.
She isn’t really confident in her body. She’s about 180 pounds. But two days ago, though, she was confident enough to wear a dress. We were all happy for her.
Amy though immediately resulted in fat-shaming. She said things along the lines of ‘Can’t you find anything else to wear?’ and ‘I didn’t know we were at a club.
Cover that body of yours up with something.’ and finally, ‘Ew, nobody wants to see that ugly gut of yours like that.’
Later on, Laine actually changed her clothes on the same day because of body shaming. I tried to comfort her but she wanted to be alone, so I left her by herself.
Now next morning, Amy comes in wearing a low-cut crop top that very obviously showed SOME cleavage. Everyone made fun of her hypocrisy.
Then the next day, today, I wore a tank top because of how hot it was. It might be worth mentioning that I also suffer from body dysmorphia, so this was new for me.
It was kind of a confidence boost along with the weather being really hot, but mainly it just me wanting to be myself by dressing the way I want.
Amy, wearing a crop top that day, too, also shamed me for wearing something like that. She said things to me like ‘Shame on you, when will you actually wear something?’ and she was accusing me of attention seeking and wanting to get boys.
I found that completely ridiculous. I just snapped and told her that it wasn’t her business what Laine or I or anyone else wears. I told her she’s a stupid hypocrite and I told her that she should leave me and Laine alone from now on. I’ll admit I used some language I shouldn’t have, and yelled a little, and she got upset.
She told me that I was selfish for only speaking up when she insulted me. And she left upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Amy is doing it to keep you down in what she feels is your place. She’s insulting you and trashing you and your friend’s moments of confidence because she’s deeply insecure and the only way to boost her confidence is to take away yours.
Don’t give her that power. Go no contact. True friends don’t tear you down. They help and support you in building yourself up.
Sending you and Laine so much love and support. I bet you both looked great.” MintPhoenix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly I would have immediately repeated her words back to her exactly and if she says anything against it laugh in her face and repeat myself, telling her she should go and start wearing something if she doesn’t like hearing that when she wore the crop top.
And then point out it was exactly what she was doing and it’s the same standards for everyone. If Laine is a flirt for wearing a dress, then so is Amy for wearing something similarly revealing. Easy. Don’t ever let her live it down.” XDarksaphiraX
21. AITJ For Kicking My Brother Out For Talking To Our Mother?
“My mom and I are in no contact. Why? Because she had an issue with my wife’s mental illness. My wife has depression, when we were going out (this was before she was diagnosed) she didn’t get how to express emotions which resulted in her bottling it up, or getting defensive like ‘What?
Why would you think that? No, I’m fine just tired’. She would sleep the day away and find zero motivation to even take a shower. She was later diagnosed with depression, and this made her ‘crazy,’ not to me, not to her, but to my mother. The symptoms before she was diagnosed? She would come over with some soup to cheer her up.
But because of the title ‘depression,’ she’s crazy. She told people to stay away from my wife, blatantly insulted her, her past, scars, and sent her messages of how disappointed she is to have HER as a daughter-in-law.
My brother didn’t talk to her either before I cut contact.
My wife is LOTS better, she goes to therapy, and she’s on medication.
She’s a veterinarian, she’s a lot better at expressing herself and coaches me too, AND she’s pregnant!
My brother is living with us. He and his partner broke up a few months ago. He wasn’t paying any of the bills and she had to do everything. He got a job and is working up to getting his own apartment.
This wasn’t an issue until I found out he was talking to our mother.
He was texting her everything about my wife. He was texting mom my wife’s prescriptions, and voice recordings of any conversation that my wife and I had about the baby, therapy, depression. He told her what therapist she goes to, and their name.
But here’s the kicker, what she was planning on doing with this information? She was going to try to (once the baby is born) get them taken away from me and my wife, because this is all the facts and evidence she needs to prove my wife is manic, and she will probably go through postpartum, which in her words ‘will only help her (my mom’s) case in getting the baby’ AND my brother knew fully what she was planning to do and continued to do it.
Nothing we talked about would lead to her being ‘crazy’. Our baby talk is us talking about parenting, doing research, making appointments, and everything you would normally do to prepare. All medication is prescribed by a doctor, and all ‘talks about depression’ are us simply communicating.
Right when I found out, my brother came clean about everything.
I told him he needed to leave, today. By midnight, Mom would surely welcome him. He said no. He doesn’t have any rights to the house. After about an hour of going back and forth, I packed most stuff in boxes in an hour and had them on my front porch. Told him to leave, and gave him a few bucks for an Uber.
My sister and the rest of the family I talk to say I’m a jerk for this. He said he wanted to get closer to Mom and this is how she would like him again.
I feel for him, I do. Just not enough to make me think I’m a jerk. Which could potentially make me sound like more of a jerk but I might as well be honest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I recommend going no contact with the brother as well. He obviously doesn’t love you or he wouldn’t participate in her plan. Block him on social media and make sure all the baby info is private. I mean the birth plan, hospital, etc. Your mom sounds crazy. Having depression is no reason to take a baby away.
Sounds like she is doing well with a good support team.” Okwithme41
Another User Comments:
“Why feel for him? Why give him money? Why help him at all?! He was willing to compromise the integrity of your family! His lack of a bond with your mother and desire to change are none of your concerns!
Especially when he stabs you in the back by aiding and abetting this sick, twisted, and downright evil plan your mother has hatched!
You took your deadbeat brother in out of compassion, then he turned out to be a traitor. And the rest of your family cannot condone this? Then screw them and cut off all contact with them.
NTJ. They’re taking away all the joyful anticipation of the extension of your young family, which your own flesh and b***d were willing to jeopardize.” DynkoFromTheNorth
20. AITJ For Telling Our Dad That My Sister Is Bringing Our Mother To His House?
“I (19F) am currently living at my father’s place as I had to move because of some drama with my roommates (I’m moving out again soon). My sister (21) is also visiting home for summer break.
We are currently home alone while our dad and stepmother are on holiday. I’m working a lot so I haven’t been home as much as I usually am.
Now for a little background on why this situation happened; I have a good relationship with my father, but my relationship with my mother has been rocky since I was 10.
I even cut her off for some time and I feel uncomfortable around her. My mother sold her house last year and moved to another country but recently came home to fix something with her car. She has been staying with a friend. Now my sister has a good relationship with her and has at times forced me to interact with her.
Now onto what happened:
After work one day I got home and saw quite a big mess. Turns out our mother had visited cause my sister was sick. I let that go but I told my sister clearly that our mother has no business being in her ex-husband’s house. I didn’t find it appropriate since the house is actually our stepmother’s.
Now again and again I came home to find out our mother had been there, drinking the coffee, eating the food, and acting like the house was hers. Then twice, two days in a row I’m at home, and suddenly the door opens. My sister came home and my mother too. She walks and talks as if she has the right to be there, takes food and drinks as she wishes, and makes her way around the house.
Once again I told my sister off afterward but it happened as I said the day after. I had enough and sent my father a message regarding the situation and he called my sister and told her off since it was not her house and it indeed was inappropriate to invite his ex in. My sister blew up at me and berated me for snitching, but she knows how I don’t feel comfortable around our mother so I just locked my bedroom and stayed there.
My sister eventually left to god knows where but I talked to my dad and he is on my side. I know my sister was sick, but I still don’t think it’s appropriate to invite our mother inside someone else’s house. I do feel bad since she started crying but at the same time, this is not her house and she didn’t even warn either me or our father.
Did I overreact and act like the jerk or was I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gave her every opportunity before telling your dad because she wasn’t getting the message about respecting your dad’s, stepmother’s, and your boundaries. I mean I can understand a few times while she was sick but after she should have been going to where your mother was staying or somewhere else to spend time together.
Also maybe presumptive but hearing how she treated the place like her own rather than walking on eggshells in her ex’s home while her estranged daughter who is made uncomfortable by her company lives there kinda tells me a lot about the person she is.” fatherted98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister should have cleared it with the actual owners of the home whether it was OK to invite her around.
She didn’t and got into trouble over it. Let it slide off like water on a duck’s back. She’s only angry and taking it out on you coz she got caught taking privileges that weren’t hers to take. If she’s so ill she needs her mammy, then she goes to stay with mammy while she’s ill.
You don’t disrespect someone else’s home.” Weekly-Total-6842
19. AIJT For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister To My Baby Shower For Stealing My Baby's Name?
“My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years. We had a really hard time conceiving but after a few years of trying we finally got pregnant. We told our family the news and told them the baby names we had picked: Violet for a girl, and Carson for a boy.
We unfortunately lost the baby in the second trimester. Then we experienced two more miscarriages (both in the first trimester) and went through a couple more rounds of failed IVF. It was a very difficult and traumatic time for us.
We visited my family over the 2022 winter holidays, and my sister announced that she was pregnant.
I was genuinely happy for her until she told us the names they’d chosen: Violet for a girl, Carson for a boy. I took her aside and told her that I was very happy for her pregnancy, but hurt and confused that she would choose our baby names, especially with everything we’ve been through.
And she basically said, ‘Don’t try to pull the miscarriage card on me, you can’t call dibs on a name.’
I tried talking to her a couple more times about it, but each time she’d say things like ‘You might never have kids, you can’t just keep those names in reserve forever,’ and was just so hurtful.
I stopped bringing it up for the sake of keeping the peace, and after a few months, she told my parents she wasn’t going to use either of those names. But wouldn’t tell anybody what name they HAD chosen.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago, and she gave birth to her baby girl: Violetta Karsyn.
And I’m just so hurt.
I found out in the early spring that I’m pregnant, and I’m far enough along now that the doctors feel pretty good about everything, we let our families know last month. My mom and her friends had planned a baby shower, but I told her I did not want my sister invited. My mom said I was being a jerk for not inviting her over the baby’s name, but at this point, it’s not even about the name to me anymore.
It’s the malicious comments, the lack of compassion, and the overall pettiness.
So tell me, am I the jerk for not inviting my sister to my baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is right, normally no one has the right to call ‘dibs’ on a name. But her comments to you showed her callous disregard for your feelings.
Y’all have struggled for years to have this baby. You deserve to have a day about you surrounded by people who are truly happy for you. Sister can stay home!” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister was a decent human being who just happened to love the name Violet or Carson, she would’ve come to you and said I know you were going to use those names but I really like it.
Do you mind if we use it? Just announcing them the way she did then saying you have no claim to them, and eventually using BOTH, just shows how spiteful she is being. I feel for her poor child who was named to hurt you and not an ounce of thought put into her name.” mumofboys86
18. AITJ For Not Including My Half-Brother In My Graduation Photos?
“My (18f) half-brother (20m) Josh was from my dad’s previous relationship with a girl named Sally. Sally and my dad had only gone out for a year and broke up shortly after she found out she was pregnant. After that, my dad met my mom and they got married shortly after and had me and my younger brother.
Sally moved a few hours away around a year after Josh was born so he never spent a lot of time with our dad. He would maybe visit once a month if we were lucky, sometimes that month turned into three. My dad never liked this and wanted to spend more time with Josh, but Sally made it hard.
Josh and I never got along as kids, and it only got worse as we got older. He expected everyone to treat him like a king whenever he spent a weekend with us and would make everyone’s life miserable, especially for my mom. He would make gagging noises at her food, make petty remarks, and overall disrespect our house rules.
By the time he was 12, it was obvious he didn’t want to visit us and wanted to live full-time with his mom, so we slowly started seeing him less and less until he was 17 and we only saw him once a year.
Flash forward to last week, my mom and I were talking about doing some family photos for my graduation.
It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years now and I’ve had the locations planned for months. My dad just so happened to be on the phone with Josh and brought up my graduation. Now Josh has definitely matured a lot in the past few years since being at college and we don’t really fight anymore.
However, we aren’t on good terms, to say the least. He treats me like a stranger and doesn’t acknowledge me very much, and when he does he’s always very cold and a bit snappy.
My dad brought up the family/graduation photos and said he wanted Josh to be in them. After my dad hung up I told him I didn’t want Josh to come for photos and that I only wanted my younger brother, mom, and him there.
He said I was being rude for not wanting my older brother in our family photos. I kind of snapped and told him that Josh was basically a stranger to me and I’d spent more time with my cousins, who live in a different state, than with him. My dad said he understood we weren’t close but he was still my brother and he has been trying to get a better relationship with us (mostly just my dad).
My mom stood up for me and said that just because he was my brother didn’t mean he had to be invited, plus these photos were also for my graduation and I should have who I wanted there.
My dad still thinks I’m being unreasonable and is trying to talk me into it. I do feel bad because he and my dad have gotten closer and I feel like he just wants all of his kids to get along.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Typically you include people in your graduation photos that actually helped you graduate, or helped send you to college. Your older brother clearly wasn’t a part of either of those things.
If your dad wants a family photo including both of his families, he needs to plan that at a separate time that isn’t a special occasion for anyone.
Trying to shovel his parental shortcomings from one child to another is the wrong way to fix anything.” Guilty_BaN
Another User Comments:
“I’ve never understood why parents who have children after short-term relationships insist that everyone get along like one big happy family. It’s two different families sharing DNA from 3 different people.
If there’s sporadic contact for whatever reason, why force the issue? I understand that guilt on one of the DNA contributors is a factor but why force the issue with online strangers? That’s like saying all cousins have to get along because they’re all family. Don’t feel guilty. Your dad can work out his issues with his son.
Have the pics taken the way you want them. It’s your graduation. NTJ.” neochimaphaeton
If he comes, maybe let him in a couple of "family" photos. But make sure you get the photos you want without him.
17. AITJ For Refusing To Eat A Burger?
“I (17F) recently started a diet. One of the reasons for this is that I binge eat when I’m stressed. I’m an International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP) student and the program is very demanding.
On top of the workload from the IBDP, I’m also doing online school (CNED) to get my French Baccalaureate so I’m basically stressed about school 24/7. I gained 10kg since I started the IBDP and when I went to the doctor, I was told that I was slightly overweight for my height. I expected this since my diet basically consisted of pure junk food and snacking in secret.
I also have knee problems because my hips are deformed which causes my kneecaps to grind against each other and cause a lot of pain.
For all these reasons, I decided to lose weight over the summer. Over the course of 4 weeks, (summer break) I lost 5 kgs. Two days ago was the first day of school and my friend ‘Alex’ who was diagnosed with clinical obesity (this becomes relevant later) commented on how I looked skinnier and asked me if I lost weight.
I said yes and they asked me ‘Why would you do that you’re already skinny.’ So I explained to them that I was overweight and had knee problems as well as my issue with binge eating. They proceeded to tell me that binge eating was not a thing and that I should eat until I felt satisfied and not ‘starve’ myself because a doctor told me to.
Alex believes in intuitive eating and believes that dieting is a scam. They told me that I was borderline anorexic and fatphobic and that my losing weight was actually offensive to them because I was showing them how much I didn’t want to look like them. I didn’t even change my diet that much, I just ate smaller portions of what I generally eat so I don’t see the big deal.
Yesterday at school they put a burger on my plate (we’re allowed to order food from outside) and told me to eat it. I told them that I didn’t want to and that I try to only eat junk food on the weekends. They said that they were concerned for my weight and went to the teachers who then sent my parents an email about body image and possibly seeing a therapist. We explained the situation to them and my teachers agreed that this was simply a misunderstanding.
Today, Alex came up to me and told me they didn’t want to be friends with me because of my fatphobic tendencies and because I was practically body-shaming them by trying to become skinnier. But I’m not even trying to become skinnier, I’m just trying to lose weight and become healthier.
I think they are exaggerating the situation but I don’t know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your friend has serious issues that need to be addressed. It is never okay to judge someone else’s eating habits or force them to eat/starve just because you disagree with their habits. It sounds like your friend is very body conscious and insecure but is pretending not to be, which is why they feel threatened by you losing weight.” Just_passing_time321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Alex’ sounds terribly confused. I wish them the best but you don’t need that negativity. I was in a magnet with a similar workload and even had friends in the IBDP at our neighboring high school. It’s a lot to take on. Good on you for facing the challenge and having the presence of mind to focus on your physical health at the same time.
Good luck and skill!” Old_Ground6520
16. AITJ For "Ruining" Valentine's Day By Visiting My Late Husband's Grave?
“I (37F) lost my husband in 2014, it was very unexpected. We had been together since high school and had a daughter (15F).
It took a long time to accept his death and move on but I did and I’ve been in a new relationship for three years now. My partner (38M) is amazing and I love him, he gets along with my daughter super well which is obviously important to me. The drama is that we’ve recently been arguing about the fact I have a few photos of my late husband around the house.
He said it makes him uncomfortable to constantly see the man I was married to. I have a table in the living room where I have a small memorial-type thing, it has a bunch of photo frames of my late husband as well as candles.
I came home from work two weeks ago and saw that my partner took all of the photos off the table and stashed them in a drawer.
It caused a massive argument. He told me he did it because it made him feel like a guest in his own home. I told him it’s messed up to be insecure over a man who isn’t even alive but he believes his feelings are completely valid.
My late husband’s birthday is the 14th of February and every year I go to visit his grave with my daughter.
But this year my partner got irritated over it. He told me he wanted to spend the entire day with me but instead, I went to ‘look at a gravestone.’ Apparently, I ruined Valentine’s Day. I was FURIOUS. I asked him why suddenly he had an issue with my late husband and he said it was because he was planning on proposing to me but he couldn’t anymore because he believes I’m still caught up on my husband.
I ended up calling him a jerk and he angrily left the house and hasn’t been back since.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sounds very insecure, being jealous of a man who passed away years before. Also, presumably, he knew that the 14th is your late husband’s birthday. I think it’s reasonable to expect that you’d want to mark the occasion by visiting his grave.
It’s telling that he planned to propose on your late husband’s birthday. He could have easily picked any other day, and yet he chose that day to propose, knowing the significance of that day to you.
Between that and hiding the photos, it’s like he’s trying to erase your late husband from your life. He doesn’t respect your feelings about your late husband at all, and that is not okay.
If you do plan on staying with him, perhaps seeking couples therapy would be a good idea. That way you can work on getting him to understand that just because you still mourn your late husband, that doesn’t mean that you can’t love your partner also.” TheUtopianCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AT ALL
Your partner needs to get with the program.
Your first husband will forever be a part of who you are and your story, and he needs to stop looking at your mourning and remembrance as if it takes anything away from him and his place in your life.
It makes zero sense to be threatened by someone who is deceased, and to guilt you for loving your memories of him makes your partner a jerk, to be honest.
I mean; if he actually loves you, he should be grateful for your first husband’s role in your life as he helped you be who you are today.
Honestly, unless he’s willing to get some sort of counseling with or without you, his controlling ways that are surfacing are a huge red flag. He’s manipulating you by waving marriage at you.
It’s disgusting that he thinks you should just forget someone who was, (and is), such an important part of your and your daughter’s lives.
Step carefully.” Ruckus_Riot
15. AITJ For Not Being There For My Partner's Surgery?
“I (35M) have been with ‘Stacey’ (33F) for 8 years; neither of us wants marriage but we are committed long-term to our relationship.
Stacey gets tonsillitis 3-4/year and has swollen turbinates meaning she is in agony every quarter and has trouble breathing through her nose.
She is having a tonsillectomy and turbinate reduction surgery at the same time (both are done through GA and she’ll be there for 24-36 hours).
We got to pick the surgery date to fit around my work schedule. I had a big project coming up and it was due to finish a few days before her surgery.
I organized to take the week off work to keep her company, help prep food, etc. I thought it was the least I could do since she claimed to need someone there. We recently moved to a new state, so neither of us has family or friends in town.
The project fell through so I booked a flight to surprise my family and would be there for 4.5 weeks; the return flight would have me there the day after surgery.
Since the trip was a surprise for my family, nobody took time off work and I’ve barely seen them. Sister managed to get time off during week 5, so I extended my trip to stay. Stacey was upset and asked me to come home when originally planned
I had my tonsils out when I was 8 and I was at school a week later.
I don’t think she’ll need someone there because it’s as simple as taking painkillers and reheating soup. However, she says that her doctors said she’d need someone with her for at least the first 3 days, and because I knew about the date already somehow I’m being insensitive. She said that I should have warned my family to make sure they took time off, but that wouldn’t have been a surprise.
My sister says she’s being selfish because she’s coming between me and my family time, and I’m on the same side. I googled anecdotes of tonsillectomy recovery but I know people often exaggerate online for attention.
Now her mother has called me and (nicely, I’ll admit) asked me to come back to look after Stacey since she’ll have no one else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – let me count the ways:
‘Surprising’ your family was more important than actually spending time and making plans with them;
Specifically telling your SO you would be back in time and changing last minute to ensure she will be alone and have no time to see if anyone else could help her;
Making a commitment to help her and then blaming her for coming between you and your family;
Thinking children healing from surgery is the same as an adult (spoiler alert, it isn’t. It’s much harder for adults and I guarantee you weren’t taking care of yourself at the age of 8 like you think she should);
Her doctor is specifically saying she needs somebody to help her for three days and you think she’s being dramatic. You suck, be better.” TimeForCaffeine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she gave you advance notice, you committed to this. The fact that you didn’t see any of your family isn’t her fault. If you had been upfront about staying longer before the procedure and even offered to help find someone to come stay it might have been better.
It’s simply respecting the commitment you made to your partner during something that’s scary for them.” AthleticQueer
14. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Mom Another Chance?
“When I met my wife she had a 3-year-old son whose father was not in the picture. I immediately bonded with him and wanted to treat him like my own. My mom was totally disinterested, which put my wife off (understandably).
My mom seemed irritated at having him around, and when I confronted her, she said what I was doing was great, if that was what I wanted, but I couldn’t force her to bond with someone else’s child. I was furious and uninvited her from our wedding and went low contact. My wife absolutely hates my mother now.
We had our daughter a year after the wedding, and my wife had already told me how she was going to put my mom in her place if my mom thought that we were going to let her have access to her bio grandchild if she couldn’t accept our whole family. I was all for that, but my mom showed zero interest in our daughter.
She bought us one shower gift and never even asked to meet her. We continued the low contact with a lot of boundaries. The one time I talked to my mom about it, she said we were sexist jerks, and why don’t we call my dad up and harass him over not caring about his grandchildren (we don’t really talk to him anyway.
He is a jerk.).
Then my sister had her daughter two years ago. My sister is beyond a doubt my mom’s favorite (wasn’t always like that, but due to her issues with my wife we don’t talk much these days). My mom and my sister are still extremely close, but my mom has no interest in my niece.
We had dinner with my sister and BIL recently, and he was joking about how my mom had to babysit during a medical emergency and how miserable she clearly was. I mentioned that I felt I read the initial situation incorrectly, and maybe my mom’s issue wasn’t that he was my stepson. My sister told me that she agrees with my mom that we are sexist. I was shocked and my wife was clearly annoyed.
After dinner, I brought it up to my wife, that maybe my mom isn’t as bad as we thought. It seems more that she dislikes kids than that he was her step-grandchild. I said I really missed her (which my wife has known for years) and maybe we should give her another shot because at least she is treating all three grandkids equally.
My wife cried and said I was being a jerk for even considering that. She said it is bad enough that I miss my mom but inviting her back into our lives would show complete disregard for our family. She said my mom needs to realize that we are all a package deal and she was hurt by even having the conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you messed up and now you’re finding out. Your mother had ZERO obligations to your partner’s son and it was wrong of you to expect or try to force a relationship. It’s great that you bonded with him but it was wrong of you to expect that from someone else.
She may not even like little kids. I remember my grandmother put up with us when we were small but did not like it one little bit. Probably because kids are annoying little idiots. Later, when we were older we developed a nice relationship. I like kids ok, but I would probably be a bit standoffish too if my son brought home a package deal because who knows if the relationship was going to last?
It’s great that you are trying to mend fences now. But your mother is not the bad guy here. She was well within her rights to say what she did about her nonexistent relationship with your future stepson, and she has 100% respected the boundaries YOU put in place. I wouldn’t expect support from someone so petty she preemptively decided to ‘put your mother in her place,’ though.
Your wife seems very manipulative. If you want to mend fences with your mom it sounds like you have a lot of groveling to do.” WholeCollection6454
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but not for bringing it up to your wife. You became a jerk the minute you tried to force a relationship and uninvited your mother to the wedding.
You and your wife set the future relationship and then were put off when she played by your rules with your daughter. Now you have buyer’s remorse and realize you screwed up. You should have just waited to see if a relationship formed with your stepson.” IWantToRetireSoon
13. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Help Me Send My Daughter To A Private School?
“I have been married to Stella for 7 years now. Together we have 5 children, daughters from my previous relationship (Kira 11, and May 7), a son and daughter from Stella (Brianna 13, and Jayden 8), and a son together (Lucas 2). My two are in 50/50 custody, while my stepchildren only see their bio father every second weekend.
My wife and I agreed to split finances and have mostly kept separate, aside from a joint account for essentials (bills, groceries, house, etc.). We both used to be high earners, though had terrible hours. When our parental leave for Lucas was finishing, our children BEGGED us not to go back to work, that they hated the before/after school care and wanted us.
In the end, my wife went back but I quit and got a new job. It was much lower pay, but essentially school hours so I was able to be there for our kids. Stella has been paying more of our joint expenses, but otherwise, it’s been fine. I wouldn’t say the split has been firm though, I do buy stuff for my stepchildren or pay when I take them all out, it’s more the big payments that are separate.
Brianna goes to a private high school. I was talking about high schools to my sister, since Kira is in year 6, and realized that on my current pay, I won’t be able to afford to send her with her sister. My ex is barely willing to pay the costs related to public school, let alone a private one.
The school is so much better than the nearby public school, and I know Kira wants to go to her sister’s school, so I tried to talk to Stella and asked if she would be willing to help. It’s education, and she’s close with my daughters, so it’s not like I’m asking her to pay for something crazy.
Stella refused. And I would have accepted it, even though I was annoyed. But she went on saying that I knew we were splitting finances and I ‘made my choice’ when I took the lower-paying job. That I got more time for less money, so I can’t complain that I’m paid less. I got pretty upset about that.
I didn’t stay home for fun, it was for our family, our children. I loved my job, but I had to sacrifice it for them (it was worth it of course, but still). Stella basically said that it was my decision so tough luck, that she’s not going to finance me. I got angry with that and told her that she knew the consequences of her job, so she could deal with her children then.
Her money won’t be used on mine, so I won’t use my extra time on hers, they can stay in care until our old hours. Stella got mad, accusing me of using her for money and calling me a complete jerk for suggesting what I did for my stepchildren.
We argued pretty badly. She thinks I’m being greedy, selfish, and petty.
But it’s not like I’m asking to mooch. I would still foot 50%, and get my ex to contribute as much as I can get her to. Yes, it was my choice, but it was for ALL the children, for our family. Besides I literally take care of my stepchildren more than my own (85% v 50%). I’m not just being lazy or focusing on my own children, I’ve been there for them all.
So I think it’s frankly unfair for her to refuse to help even a little. But obviously, she thinks I’m being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but you more. Like heavily leaning YTJ.
You needed to discuss this when you decided to cut your hours. It doesn’t sound like the decision was in any way a mutual one made between you and your wife, but all on you.
Despite that, your wife has been willing to pay more of your shared expenses, which at least somewhat compensates for the extra childcare you are doing.
For some reason, you waited until your kid was about to start high school to even think about where she’d go and how you’d afford it. You sprung on your wife that despite your prior agreement being different, you want her to pay tens of thousands in tuition she wasn’t planning on.
Also, no kid needs to go to a private high school. Your daughter will be fine at a public school.
I also assume you are not paying any of Brianna’s tuition. So she’s going to have to pay full tuition for her kids and half for yours. That’s a lot of money.
I don’t know exactly what she makes but she’d have to be incredibly wealthy for that to be chump change.
Your wife also should have been more proactive about thinking through how all this would play out. You should have made a thorough and explicit agreement when you quit your job.
This marriage sounds messed up, honestly.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your wife is paying most of the bills because of your decision to take another job so it makes sense that you help her out with her kids.
But she is not responsible for paying for your kid’s private school. Your wife manages to pay for a family of 7 and pay for private school for her kid all on her own.
Why should she sacrifice and pay for your kid because of the decisions you and your ex made?
Grow up. You made the choice to have 3 kids and to take a less-paying job.” Primary-Criticism929
12. WIBTJ If I Make My Husband Choose Between Me And His Friend?
“For my husband’s birthday, his friend posted two tickets to a stand-up gig for a comedian we both like. Not unusual for them to spend that much on each other so we didn’t read too much into it apart from a drink bought as thanks when we met up on the weekend as a group.
Now husband saw both tickets as a gift and that it was a given I’d go too, and we have been looking forward to it, we booked a table at a restaurant beforehand to make a night of it. We don’t always have matching work patterns (currently been a fair few days since our last night off together) so why not?
The show is less than a week away and the friend has messaged asking if my husband wants to have a drink before the show. Seems he was expecting to go all along. This hadn’t been mentioned or alluded to at all this whole time, and I vaguely remember saying I was looking forward to it or some such when I bought that thank-you drink.
My husband replied that we’d made plans to go, a whole date night thing but the friend didn’t take that very well.
We looked online, and at this point, the only tickets available were overpriced at third-party sellers so didn’t go for it (our thinking was to invite another friend, sit with them at the show and bump the dinner to 4 – not ideal but ah well) we offered to pay face value for the second ticket which wasn’t accepted. We offered for the two tickets and he just got offended.
My husband’s in a lose/lose – take his wife, annoy the friend. Take the friend, date night gets ruined. I feel like it’s down to me to drop out so my husband doesn’t have to let someone down himself, WIBTJ if I don’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you give someone two tickets, there is an expectation that they choose who they bring.
If they’re married they’ll likely choose their spouse. If he wanted to go then he should have only gifted your husband one ticket.
If I were in your husband’s position, I’d be tempted to handle the lose/lose by telling my friend I’m giving him back both tickets telling him you apologize for the misunderstanding, but you don’t want to have to cancel date night, or prevent him from seeing the show, so the only fair compromise is to just let him go to the show and give the ticket to someone else, and you and your husband can go on a date night somewhere else.” unicornjerboa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when tickets are presented as a gift you gift ONE if you’re going with them, you don’t give BOTH as a gift. The friend gave BOTH as a gift, which means they were both your husband’s to do with as he pleases and if the friend expected differently they should have either given just the one ticket as standard ticket gifting procedure or when giving the tickets made it clear that they wished to join your husband with the second ticket.
The friend did neither therefore it is not any obligation on your part or your husband’s to accommodate the friend here.” PikaGurl332
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear The Bridesmaid Dress My Dad's Fiancée Picked Out For Me?
“I’ve (25F) had several plastic surgeries over the year. I don’t look model/plastic-like but I do look good.
My dad’s (48M) soon-to-be wife ‘Joceline’ (50F) is against plastic surgeries. She has never been directly rude to me, but she has made comments over the years to make clear that she hates and disapproves of them. It also doesn’t help that 2 of my most expensive surgeries were paid for by my dad as bday gifts.
Now, I’m a bridesmaid at their wedding. I was about to say no when I found out that this was a special requirement from my dad since Joceline’s own son would be a groomsman, so I decided to say yes, put on a smile, and do pretty much whatever she wanted. Instead of going dress shopping, she’s encouraging us to wear something that we already own and goes along with her own dress.
She gave us 3 colors (lilac, olive green, and beige), and as soon as she said that I knew what I was wearing, I have this beautiful olive-green dress with a turtle neck and big sleeves with the lettuce stitch. It shows a bit of skin on the back but nothing too scandalous, however since there’s already bad b***d between us I decided to keep it safe.
Yesterday I went to their house and showed the dress to Joceline to get her approval. She said it was cute, but that I didn’t need to worry because ‘she had something for me’ and, with all due respect, proceeded to pull the ugliest lilac dress I’ve ever seen. She asked me to try it on and I agreed. I looked like a pencil.
I looked like a pencil with NO shape and she was delighted, I just said ‘Sorry but I can’t wear this’. She asked why and I just said it just wasn’t for me. I asked if I could show her how my dress looked on me and she agreed reluctantly, I tried it on and it’s soo cute, but she hated it.
She accused me of trying to take the spotlight and that I should just wear what she wanted me to, I said no, that we could try some more of MY dresses, but I wasn’t wearing anything of hers. She immediately went to my dad and he sided with me, saying that it was just a dress and that hers was more beautiful (and IT IS, she has the most amazing dress I’ve ever seen), but she accused me of being a jerk for not giving in and I don’t know, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the fact that you have conflicts but she happened to have a dress she wants you to wear despite the party being expected to source their own indicates malice to me; unless you are concealing details about your dress her object is to make you look bad, or she has self-esteem issues with her appearance.” Free_Ad_7708
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she said for y’all to wear something you had but then changed that JUST for you. She seems jealous of you and petty. Honestly, talk to your dad and tell him you’re happy to be there at the wedding, but you don’t feel that she REALLY wants you as her bridesmaid.
Just a thought, when my dad got married last time, I stood up on his side. Maybe you and her son could swap and stand by your respective parents.” TCTX73
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Our Saved Up Funds To Go To My Partner's Cousin's Wedding?
“My partner (M 34) and I (F 30) have made a plan since the beginning of 2020 that we were going to put away funds and go on a nice vacation when things died down with the global crisis.
After two years we had a good amount saved and planned to go away for my birthday week at the end of September.
He made the reservations at a nice beach house where we planned on staying 5 nights and I gave him a good amount for the trip (he wanted to pay more because it’s included as my birthday gift).
About 2 weeks after we booked our vacation he received a wedding invitation for his cousin’s wedding out of state.
We both thought this was very strange because he had no contact with most of his family over 2 years ago after some heavy drama. Long story short: his parents, aunt, and two cousins kept crossing a boundary of his. He kept pulling away in hopes that they would respect his choice, but it turned ugly so he cut them off.
Now he wants to cancel our trip and use the funds we saved to go to the wedding. If he was close with his cousin I would be more than understanding. However, his reason for wanting to go really upsets me. He wants to be petty and prove to his family and show off how well he is doing without them.
Basically, tell them off too. After the wedding, he plans on going no contact again. I said I think that it’s best if we don’t go. I don’t want us to spend money on a getaway that’s going to be filled with drama. Especially on my birthday week. I think it’s silly to try to go and provoke more drama and cause a scene.
If he wanted to reconcile with them then I would be more open to that.
But I really don’t think it’s smart that we are gonna spend our hard-earned money on a trip we’re not even going to enjoy when we could just put the family drama aside and enjoy a nice vacation together.
I expressed my concern to him and he keeps brushing it off saying it’s not a big deal and we will just go next year instead.
I told him I was not comfortable going to his family’s event and preferred to stay home. I don’t know his family that well since he cut them off a few months after we started going out. He got mad and said I’m being ridiculous and I should be there for support. So should I******* up and go?
Or stand my ground and not go with him. WIBTJ?
I did forget to mention he said he doesn’t expect me to pay for this trip and gave me my money back since it’s his family’s wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He said you’re being ridiculous because you don’t want to go and help him participate in this spectacle?
Nope, at 34 he needs to adult up and stop with the high school drama queen theatrics. Good for you for having the good sense not to get dragged into this crap. Take your part of the money and treat yourself to a nice spa day or weekend.” rangerman2002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And giving your partner the benefit of the doubt here and I’ll euphemistically call his reasonings closure and not pettiness… that said, there’s a time and place to resolve family disputes and gain that closure, and it’s not at a wedding.
If he feels this strongly about addressing his family in this manner, try to support him, but also let him know that whatever he’s dealt with, it’s best to take the high road and not ruin someone else’s big day.
Offer to go with him to visit his family another time and let him know that a vacation with someone he loves will be better for his emotional well-being right now, and perhaps clear his head for when he does decide to approach his family.” Jack-Omnium-Artium
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up A Hitchhiker?
“My (23M) significant other, Lucy (23F), and I are in a mostly long-distance relationship. I’m American, from the San Francisco Bay Area, California. She’s British, from a small town in West Yorkshire. We’ve been together for about a year. I’ve stayed with her in her hometown a couple of times. She’s currently staying with me and my parents.
Lucy hates her hometown and likes to get out as much as possible. She’s been on several hitchhiking trips across Europe. This is her first time in the US. I’m not sure what hitchhiking in Europe is like (I haven’t been anywhere in Europe aside from the UK), but my mom always told me to never pick up hitchhikers as you don’t know if they genuinely need a ride or if they want to get into your car so they can attack you.
So today, Lucy and I were driving through a not-so-nice area in the city where I live. We were stopped at a red light. There was a guy with his thumb up to signal that he was trying to get a ride. He looked to be maybe in his 30s and was clearly homeless. He also looked like he was on something.
He walked up to our car and knocked on the window. I ignored him. Lucy suggested we pick him up and take him wherever he needed to go. I said no. She asked why, and I told her what my mom said about picking up hitchhikers. Lucy said that there isn’t anything wrong with hitchhiking, and reminded me of her trips across Europe.
I told her that maybe it’s different in Europe, but where I live, most people who hitchhike are untrustworthy.
The light turned green and we drove away. In my rearview mirror, I could see the guy flipping us off. I pointed it out to her, but she said that he’s probably frustrated because he can’t go anywhere.
I told her that there’s no way I’m giving any stranger a ride. It’s not like I’m an Uber driver. She asked me if I was afraid of him. Honestly, I kinda was. I reminded Lucy, again, about what my mom told me. She said that she could understand why my mom might be hesitant to pick up a hitchhiker, but it’s different because I’m a guy, so he probably wouldn’t try to mess with us, and in the off chance he tried anything, I’d be able to defend the both of us.
I told her that I stand by my decision to not take him (by that point we were far away from where he was so it wouldn’t make sense for us to turn back and pick him up). Lucy remained quiet for the remainder of the drive.
We got back to the house. Lucy was tired and went to lie down.
I told my mom about everything that just happened. She told me that I did the right thing by not giving him a ride. I feel bad though. Not because I didn’t give him a ride, but because Lucy was upset with me. So I’m not sure if I made the right decision. She has expressed her desire to go on a hitchhiking trip across the US at some point, and honestly, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with doing that.
AITJ for refusing to give a hitchhiker a ride, and upsetting my SO?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, Lucy needs a reality check. You did the responsible thing by not picking up a sketchy-looking stranger. It’s mind-boggling that she’s comparing hitchhiking in Europe to a situation in a not-so-safe area where you felt uncomfortable. Her assumption that being a guy automatically means no risk is naive at best. Safety isn’t a gender-exclusive concept, and her insistence that you should’ve picked up a potentially dangerous individual is just reckless.
You had every right to prioritize your safety and not cave into her misguided ideals. It’s time for Lucy to rethink her ‘adventurous’ notions and realize that real life isn’t as simple as her European escapades. You’re NTJ, and her disappointment should be a reality check for her own judgment.” Umiel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d never pick up a hitchhiker. You have no idea who you’re dealing with. I also find it ludicrous that she assumes you could defend the both of you if things went south; this is not to knock your fighting ability, but she thinks it’s okay to make a risky decision and then expect you to assume the physical risk.” PBCupsFan77
8. AITJ For Limiting The Types Of Activities That I Do With My Obese Friend?
“I (37M) have a platonic friend (38F) who asked me to go to Disneyland with her, but I politely declined. I let her know that if I’m going to drive a 4-hour round trip to an amusement park spending $150+, I’d want to stay for more than a few hours and enjoy myself.
Backstory: She is obese and doesn’t want to get healthy or lose weight (which is her choice and I respect her regardless), but every time we do an outdoor activity like the Zoo, Seaworld, or Disney she needs to sit down every 5 minutes, wants to eat a giant meal 30 minutes into our time there, and then 2 hours later needs to leave as she’s been on her feet too long.
So basically I get about an hour’s worth of fun, it’s a total waste of money and time, as she is incredibly sedentary in her lifestyle and gets winded on short walks, even though she by no means is the largest person I know. She is just extremely lazy and makes a million excuses about why she can’t even do a simple 30-minute walk around her condo complex.
She joined a gym and 3 days later stopped going because ‘it’s a waste she could do the same at home and have better results’. Again I support her regardless as I don’t care if someone is 125 lbs or 300, who cares?
Well, today she got offended when I suggested we do something that involves sitting vs.
walking (beach, movies, food, etc.) and kept pushing me on why I was saying that when I was on a sunset hike myself last night… the difference is I walk daily, watch what I eat, go to the gym and while I’m nowhere near as fit as I could be, I’m able to be on my feet at Disney for 5-6+ hours (as are most people who go there, even the overweight ones).
So at this point, I’m limiting the types of activities I do with her, especially if they cost money and take a lot of time to get to. She said I’m being cold and not sympathetic enough to her needs. I’m simply saying until you can walk for more than 5 minutes at a time let’s do more realistic activities that we can both still enjoy, as if I’m dropping coin on Disney I don’t want to be forced to either leave 2 hours in or be alone for several more hours (no fun).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I do agree with you that it’s important to consider the value-for-dollar you get when going out. If your company is unable to match your idea of value-for-dollar then it is not something y’all ought to do together. Your friend is content spending the money only to hang around a couple of hours while you are not.
Simple as that.
I believe you addressed the issue as tactfully as you could without crapping on anybody and are working thoughtfully to find a nice middle ground between the two of you.” zanskeet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you’re setting reasonable rules about how you’re willing to spend your money.
From what you say, it sounds like you are generally very supportive of her, and value her for who she is.
I’m curious about other people with similar limitations and what they would say.
For your information – It also might be worth looking into mobility aids if the main reason she needs to leave Disney and similar things after 2 hours is that she can’t be on her feet that long. Often there are scooters etc. available.” JoyfulSong246
7. AITJ For Baking A Lot?
“So I (19M) have suffered from an eating disorder for a long time, but have been getting a lot better over the last year.
Along with getting better, it also comes with me getting back into baking. I loved to bake as a kid but couldn’t for a long time as just looking at baked goods made me want to throw up. But I’ve now started baking again, a lot.
The thing is it’s not uncommon for me to eat very little or none of what I bake.
At first, I was worried it was annoying and wasteful but my family assured me that they don’t mind and that having fresh brownies or cake or bread is nice to have.
Now my sister is overweight, and so are our parents. We were raised with no portion control or anything, and if it wasn’t for my eating disorder, I would probably be overweight as well.
Due to my sister’s lack of impulse control, most things I bake will be gone in a day. Brownies and cakes will barely last until lunchtime. Despite this, I continued to bake as it’s really helping me and my disgust towards food in general.
This all came to a head last week. My sister had a doctor’s appointment and came back in tears, she was now classified as obese and her doctor had recommended she limit the food she eats.
She came into the kitchen and saw some cake and bread I had cooling and flipped out on me. She said that this was all my fault, that I was doing this on purpose so I could be ‘the skinny one’ and that I only bake unhealthy things (which isn’t true, I do bake healthy things but it’s still pastry and carb-heavy… because it’s baking) and don’t eat any so she will eat more just so she gets fat.
This just isn’t true, due to my baking our parents have stopped buying store-bought bread and snacks, which she would normally eat all of. Her weight has been going up for a while so I don’t think any of this is my fault. But she is insistent that it is and when I point out that I’m not forcing her to eat two trays of brownies before 12 she broke down.
My parents sent me to my room. And when I came down to get something for dinner, all the stuff I had baked that day was gone, it had been two hours, two loaves of bread, and a 10’ cake was gone.
This is kinda a what do I do and AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I wonder if perhaps your sister is suffering from binge eating disorder. It’s similar psychologically to an addiction. You have a right to pursue your hobbies, but I can imagine her frustration if she’s trapped in a mental illness with some huge triggers in the house. Something you could do relatively quickly is buy a safe, even a cheap one.
Your sister can be restricted from the baked goods if she feels that she needs to be. Long term, she needs therapy.” InSkyLimitEra
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like your sister also has some disordered eating habits. The coping mechanism you’ve found that helps you, makes her life a lot harder. I know firsthand what it feels like to be unable to stop yourself from eating – it sucks.
It sounds like she probably needs professional help (from a dietician or therapist with an understanding of eating disorders, not a regular physician who will call her obese and tell her to lose some weight with no support).
There may be a compromise to be found that accommodates BOTH your mental and physical needs. You and your sister both need to come to this from a place of love and understanding to find a solution that works.
Maybe you still bake what you want, but bring it to your bedroom to cool so it isn’t sitting out in the kitchen unattended. Maybe you make plans to sell or donate the majority of what you bake, so it is off-limits to family. Maybe you only bake when your sister isn’t home and put the food in an opaque container for storage.
Maybe you start baking a lot of raisin bread if your sister hates raisins. Maybe you start baking at a friend’s or grandparent’s house instead of at home.
There are lots of options, SHE needs to work on self-control but also figure out what triggers her to overeat (which you have no control over or fault in), but YOU should try to accommodate her triggers while still being able to bake.” chameleonsEverywhere
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Called By My Nickname?
“So my name is Lucy (28f).
My husband (31m) has always been super fond of nicknames and has given me plenty of them. They constantly change and I have never minded any of the ones he’s given me before. They’re all quite harmless, usually food or animal-related. But they tend to stick for a while.
His family also uses nicknames.
They occasionally give me one, too, it’s often the same one my husband uses if it isn’t too sappy. Again, I don’t mind them, in fact, I usually find them quite cute and endearing. Until recently.
My husband started calling me Lulu – let me give you the context. I was called Lulu growing up exclusively by my mother, and she passed away not long before I met my husband.
I took her loss pretty hard. I told him that it has a lot of emotional significance for me and that it doesn’t feel right to hear anyone else say it. He respected that for years, and so did his family.
But recently his sister has been referring to me as Lulu whenever I wasn’t there, according to what I’ve been told.
And I guess he naturally picked up on it. It’s irritating because it’s not like he forgot about my reasons behind it, he’ll hesitate before saying it. Like he’s trying to see how I’ll react. I’ve reminded him calmly a couple of times that I would appreciate he did not call me that.
There are plenty of other things I didn’t mind him calling me. Nothing that had emotional weight.
The other day he said that he didn’t see the big deal anymore. It had been some years and I should be over it by now. That it’s just a nickname. He said it lightly like he was trying to let me down easily, but it stung.
Maybe I overreacted, but I was hurt by it. I packed a bag and I’m currently staying with my sister. He and his family texted saying I’m doing a lot over a little nickname, and I’m thinking maybe they’re right. I want to get past this because it feels petty at this point.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe the reaction was a little big but you made your boundary clear and it was disrespected. It’s not a joke if it’s not funny. Then his family proceeds to diminish your feelings over it. It’s not just a little nickname to you and you shouldn’t let them gaslight you into believing it’s okay just because they would rather react defensively instead of apologizing and choosing not to use it.” Mobile-Wolverine-785
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not just over the nickname. It’s that you communicated that out of all the ones he’d picked/his family had done, this one was in the no-fly zone and they all opted to dig their heels in and double down and call you Lulu, then demand you get over it because ‘it’s been enough time’.
Whether your mother passed away a year ago or twenty, it’s up to you how long you want to grieve and how you manage not having her.
He knows exactly why you’re not okay with it and he’s minimizing it. He and his family saying you’re overreacting and being upset over a nickname are missing the bigger picture.
It’s a memory that you don’t want to be painfully reminded of because you’re not ready for it. And if he loved you, he’d be horrified that he was causing you emotional distress. Tell him that. And then ask him why of all the names you’ve let pass and go, this is the one he wants to be a buttface over.” WikkidWitchly
5. AITJ For Refusing To Eat Ice Cream?
“My best friend (31F) and I (33F) have been extremely close since childhood. We’ve been through our whole lives together, and she is the closest, most important friend in my life. We get along wonderfully, that is – except one weird thing.
For context, I am taller and have always been naturally slim, while she is short, was naturally thick and gradually became obese during our twenties.
Coming back to the weird thing: she has a habit of forcing food on me when SHE is hungry or wants a snack. For example, when we hang out, she will keep filling my plate even though I tell her that I am full. She will keep opening snacks and then telling me to ‘take some’ repeatedly.
She will fill me a glass of soda when I clearly say I don’t want it. But – SHE wants more food, snacks, or drinks, so she will take some for her and ‘force’ some on me as well. In the past 25 years of friendship, I have said nothing of this, and I generally manage to go around it.
I don’t know why she does this, but I have always thought she feels better if she is not eating alone. Strange habit.
Fast forward to this weekend, we hung out at her house for a few hours (just the two of us). The whole time she was commenting how ‘I am drinking slowly’ (one glass of wine in the time period she drank three) and ‘not eating anything’ (there were only potato chips and similar snacks).
In the end, she took out large ice-creams, and while I said I didn’t want ice-cream, she opened both and passed one to me. I then said ‘Girl you don’t seem to understand that I physically cannot eat as much as you, thank you but I am really full from my lunch, the glass of wine is enough for me’.
She got mad, she said I insulted her, and that she was offering out of politeness.
She is still passive-aggressive towards me. Both her husband and mine think I was harsh on her, and ‘throwing my thin body’ in her face. That was not my intention at all, and I would never intentionally hurt her.
I apologized for hurting her feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like she’s pushing food on you when she’s hungry to feel less guilty about her eating habits. Perhaps the internal logic goes something like, ‘If my tall and slender friend is willing to eat, then my hunger for this snack is normal and I’m not overeating.’ I’d encourage you to have empathy because she’s probably received a lot of negative messages about her body and her eating habits.
That said she needs to deal with her nonsense and not use you as a crutch for validation.” Ada_Parker0810
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hear me out… you reacted normally for someone who is dealing with that kind of pressure.
However… she’s only like this because she has issues with food and possibly already feels like she eats way too much because she’s hungry.
I’ve been there and it can be a result of eating disorders.
What you can both do is try to understand each other. You don’t want to eat or drink more but you’d likely be fine if she ate and drank what she wanted without pushing you to do the same and she needs to know that.
It can make a huge change also if you actually tell her you only know she eats more cause she wants you to eat more but other than that it’s not an issue for you. Most importantly tell her no one is judging her or cares how much you or anyone eats.” giselleboss
4. AITJ For Getting My Mother-In-Law Kicked Out Of The Delivery Room?
“I (19f) was about to have my son. My MIL always insisted I let her be in the delivery room with me but I didn’t feel comfortable with that since I’d be spread open wide and push a baby out of my hoo-ha. So I politely said, ‘I’d like it to be my mom and my partner because I’m a very private person.’ She insisted more and said she’s seen plenty of births and wouldn’t judge me.
But I just wasn’t comfortable and my partner said it was 100% my decision.
So on my birth day, it was around 10 am when I went to the hospital. We made some calls to my family and he called his family. My mother came to the room and instantly grabbed my hand and asked if I needed anything.
I was around 6 cm and in a lot of pain. Next thing I knew I heard the door and there was my MIL. She asked how I was doing and I said ‘In pain but what are you doing in here’. She made a sad face and said ‘Well, you have your mom for support so I’m here to support my son, and I’m so excited for my new grandbaby.’ The nurse looked at me and asked if I wanted her in there and I said ‘No.’ So she kicked her out.
I gave birth to my son a few hours later and requested no visitors, there were only supposed to be 2 in a room with me anyway. After they moved me to a different room, my MIL and her side of the family all came into my room at once and all decided to pass my son around.
I was furious! I grabbed my partner and told him to kick everyone out including his mom, and I told the nurse no one except my mom and my partner into the room because I’d had enough.
A week after my son was born I finally let my partner’s side of the family see my son with strict rules (wash hands, NO KISSING, and no smoky clothes).
Well, my MIL decided she was gonna kiss my son all over his face and told me it was no big deal. So I packed up and left with my son, and now I’m ignoring her. My partner thinks she crossed too many boundaries and said she’s always been like this, so he said I’m definitely in the right, but of course, his family thinks I’m in the wrong because it’s her grandbaby.
It’s my son, and she hasn’t respected any of my wishes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your MIL, wow. What a piece of work.
Good for you for having her kicked out! She showed exactly zero respect for you and your partner’s wishes. Your partner is right… she has no sense of boundaries and those that are laid down are nothing but challenges for her to breach.
He’s not her grandbaby more than he’s your son. You and your partner trump all. I’m glad he’s backing you up in this, sounds like you’re going to need him to lay a brick wall down so she can understand she isn’t running the show.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – To her it’s just a giant power play.
It’s what SHE wants versus the incubator that gave her son a baby. She feels entitled and like she has the right to do whatever she wants, even under the flimsiest of reasons.
Frankly, I wouldn’t let her near you or the baby without it being a neutral location with BOTH of you there and you wearing the baby so she can’t snag him.
This is the one power play she should not win – it is not her baby, and if she can’t follow your rules she needs to lose access until she learns.” C_Alex_author
I have seen where Mama became so stressed by a MIL'S and Mom's demands to be otesent and kept sneaking into the delivery suite that Mama was unable to deliver and had to have a Caesarean. MIL sounds as if she likes to be in control and doesn't like it when she doesn't get her way. Mama and Dad have every right to lay down boundaries as to washing hands clean clothes, no face to face kissing, etc. I wonder if MIL and her family members are even up to date with their vaccinations. It is recommended that older relatives handling infants have an up to date Pertussis vaccination because the one that most of the older generation received was supposed to be for a lifetime but it isn't. They are also now giving 60+ adults RSV jerk. RSV is an occurrence that happens with infants and can cause hospitalization for an infant. Have they had their current flu shot,? Their current jerk jerk? I would guess probably not because she seems the type to think she knows it all. Mama and Dad are responsible for the safety and care of their new baby. Good Luck and stick to your boundaries. You two may wish to include up to date vaccinations for older relatives who are visiting your baby and that includes your mom and your side of the family also. Congratulations on your new family.
3. AITJ For Getting Back At My Best Friend By Not Going To Her Birthday Party?
“I (F 19) have been besties with Ella (F 19) since our mothers’ wombs who have been besties since they were 8.
My birthday is the 14th and Ella’s on the 23rd of June.
Ella has been busy because of college so our friendship has been phone-based. I had no problem with that.
Now the 12th arrives and my b-day is in 2 days. I sent Ella pics of cute knives and forks so she can pick which we’ll use. Basically, I’ve always cut the cake with her. Something we’ve been doing since her 4th birthday when she insisted on cutting it with me and not her parents.
Ella called me and asked what they were for.
I thought she was joking and just brushed it off as a bad joke. I didn’t believe she’d forgotten my birthday.
Now the 14th is here. Everyone has arrived and some of them noticed that Ella isn’t here. I just said she’ll be here soon.
The party begins, and it’s getting closer to cake cutting.
But Ella isn’t here. Her mom and I called but no answer.
Cake cutting arrives and everyone is looking for Ella. They’ve only known me to cut the cake with her. I know, I’m an adult who’s upset that I can’t cut my cake with my bestie. Y’all gotta understand, this is OUR special thing.
Each friendship has a special thing.
We’ve NEVER missed it.
I ended up cutting the cake with my mom, but I was so sad. My birthday felt incomplete. Like something was missing. And something was – my best friend.
Then I started getting worried thinking something happened to her. I felt so angry at myself for not wondering WHY she’d missed it.
So her mom and I went to her apartment; scared of what we’ll see.
We made it to her bedroom and there she was – knocked out.
We woke her up and I immediately asked why she missed my party. Her response was ‘Oh God! It’s your birthday?!’
I felt so angry. She actually forgot my birthday.
I didn’t even care to hear anything she had to say after that. I just left and went back home to clean up.
I didn’t talk to her at all after that. She only reached out once via call and didn’t try again. I thought she didn’t wanna be friends again until she called the day before her birthday and asked what time I’d make it for her party.
She didn’t even apologize for missing mine!
The fact that she thought it was okay to miss mine and then casually invite me to her own was so irritating.
I told her around 2 p.m. and hung up. I’d already decided I won’t go. I just wanted her to feel what I felt too so she could see what she did wrong.
2 p.m. came and the calls started. I ignored each without a care.
Around 7 pm I heard banging on my door. Went down to see a crying Ella there. She was an emotional mess. She told me how hurt she was that I missed ‘our thing’ – our special moment.
I felt so bad. I never saw Ella this way.
I apologized but she didn’t care. She left and has been ignoring me ever since.
On one hand, I feel like my actions were justified. On the other, I feel like I was too petty.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, she more than you. She was extremely inconsiderate; it wasn’t just that she didn’t show up to your birthday party, it clearly wasn’t even on her radar, judging by the knife thing.
The fact that she forgot about your birthday and didn’t even apologize, then just acted like nothing happened and expected you to show up at HER birthday party? Insane. And hypocritical.
But you were also immature and petty. I get it though, 19 is a tricky age and communication doesn’t come that easily. Still, instead of directly confronting her and resolving the issue (for better or worse), you ghosted her and did the vengeful, petty thing instead of the adult thing.” MadQueen92
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but you’re more of a jerk. Sure, what she did was wrong and she should’ve remembered, but refusing to talk about how you felt to her and refusing to go to her birthday is a bad move.
It sounds like she forgot and inadvertently hurt you, but you did it on purpose to her just to get your point across instead of acting maturely and talking about it.
The more I think about it the more I’m convinced YTJ.” Underagreysky
2. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Grandpa?
“My (15M) dad (44M) has been narcissistic, abusive, and manipulative for as long as I can remember. My (20m) brother and I have very different personalities, so my dad’s manipulation and toxicity that worked on my brother does not and will not work on me, which has been very frustrating for my dad.
Since he can’t manipulate me into telling him anything about my life which he will then use against me (which is exactly what he did with my older brother) he resorts to insulting me and berating me behind my back to the whole family. He just can’t accept the fact that I have a life of my own and I have personal matters I do not want him nor the rest of my family to know.
On top of that, he’s basically a yes-man to my grandpa. They basically have the exact same personality and they both agree on absolutely everything. It’s like he doesn’t have the ability to think for himself and make his own decisions. It doesn’t help that he’s really close-minded and would never listen to my or my brother’s points of view since he’s the ‘man of the house’ and has more ‘life experience’ when all I’m trying to explain to him is that people’s opinions of you shouldn’t matter as much as more important things.
For example, why spend a lot of money on a BMW that’s going to make other people think you’re rich when in reality you’re struggling and can barely afford your 3 children’s education? I’ve also noticed my younger brother (10M) is almost the exact same as him.
Yesterday, I accidentally dropped a cup of water on the floor, no biggie, right?
I can just clean it up and we’ll all be on our way. So my grandpa (without me even looking at him) decides the appropriate course of action would be to just… yell at me. He kept saying I was an irrelevant piece of trash, so I basically responded ‘Okay, I’m an irrelevant piece of trash, I’m happy with being an irrelevant piece of trash, and I’ll be an irrelevant piece of trash my whole life’ which just led to him getting angrier and yelling more but by this point his voice is unintelligible.
Seriously, I couldn’t understand a thing coming out of his mouth, so I just ignored him and got to cleaning the glass I had just dropped a minute prior. All the while this man is just yelling trying to get a reaction out of me. So I eventually just calmly told him ‘You don’t have to yell, calm down’ and that’s when he finally shut up.
After a lengthy conversation with my dad trying to manipulate me into apologizing to my grandpa, he said ‘If you love me and care about me, you’ll apologize to him’ to which I responded ‘Nonono, that’s not going to work on me, try again’. He tried saying he wasn’t manipulating me and just saying I should go out there and apologize but I was trying to explain that if I was wrong I would’ve already apologized to him by now.
If I apologized while I think I’m not wrong, it would be a fake ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ type of apology. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Come on, you know you are NTJ.
Yeah yeah family is family yadda yadda yadda, but you can’t let people walk over your back and manipulate you.
Dropping a cup is nothing bad and it can happen to anyone, I’m sure that even the Queen of England dropped something once. Your grandpa is the jerk and you dealt with it in a good way. When they yell, be calm. It makes them even more unreasonable. You can give people shallow apologies just to appease people or you can stand for what you think is right.
In my eyes – good job.” Wild_Mood_7608
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re an entitled 15-year-old in your rebellious phase, you sound like a carbon copy of your irrational family.
Your family is manipulative, controlling, and prone to irrational bouts of anger.” AKvarangian
1. AITJ For Answering A Call In The Middle Of Class?
“I’m a part-time actor. I get jobs on television shows and some commercials and as such I get calls about roles quite often.
Recently I played a part in a TV show and did really well in it. Honestly, my best piece of work ever.
The character I played was supposed to die at the end of the episode he was in, but someone on the show really liked what I did with it, so they wanted to contact me.
Obviously, I’m very anxious with my phone and answer every call I get. For context, one of my subject teachers is an absolute jerk.
I’m not just saying that, she’s got absolutely no regard for students and frequently insults us and demeans us for no reason.
Obviously, I was waiting on the call about another role, expecting a call from my agent, but instead, I got a call from the director of the show I worked on.
I was super excited to answer this one because he’s a big-shot director and I did my best to network on set for this show.
My character was supposed to die in the show, so I really wanted to know why he was calling. Also, the fact that it wasn’t his agent calling me, or my agent calling me, told me it was really himself calling, and it would have been super rude to not pick up the call from such an esteemed director.
My phone went off in class, and the teacher was immediately yelling at me. I kindly asked her if I could go outside and take this call, and I mentioned it was very important, and she started screaming. This isn’t an important subject for me even if I don’t become an actor, my backup plan doesn’t need this subject.
She said no, I told her I asked out of courtesy and that I was taking the call either way. She then gave in but demanded that I put the call on speakerphone. I accepted the call and informed him that he was on speaker. He gave me the news that people on the show really liked the character, that I had to come back in a few days to re-shoot my ending scene for the episode, and that he’d be sending paperwork over to my agent for me to become a recurring character on the show.
I thanked him and asked him if I could contact him on this matter later and he said yes. My teacher was fuming, clearly, she wanted it to be bad news so that I was humiliated in front of the whole class. She then sent me down to the headmaster, and he just sighed because she sends someone down every lesson, and he let me stay there for the rest of the lesson.
Just so you guys know, I’m not a problem child, I was joined by 2 other students from my class because they were ‘daydreaming’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your priorities and some directors need answers immediately. I think in the future, communicate your school schedule and give him times when he can call you due to school.
You had your phone on silent. The amount of times I’ve gotten calls in high school and looked at my phone is ridiculous since I get so many spam calls and I’ve never gotten in trouble. It’s one thing if you’re taking a test but it was just class.
NTJ, just communicate with your agent, director, etc. the times when they can/can’t call.
By the way, what if the call was coming from your guardian to inform you about family emergency news? It happens. Regardless of who the call is from, it is never the teacher’s/other students’ business. I don’t think the kids in your class cared or were so distracted by the fact that you checked your phone and asked the teacher to take the call.” User
Another User Comments:
“As a former high school teacher, yes YTJ. It’s obviously you hate your teacher and I’m willing to bet you’ve made that apparent in how you behave in class towards her & her subject. You have shown that you not only do not respect her but you also do not respect her subject.
I have no doubt you’ve made it clear you believe her class is pointless and a waste of your time. All of that is likely what led to this argument. Treat your teacher with respect & you’ll find it reciprocated usually.
Still, it seems you were aware you might be receiving a call.
The correct thing to do would have been to discuss it with your teacher beforehand. That would have shown her that you respected her & her class. There’s a way to handle that discretely without disrupting the entire class. However, it sounds like you didn’t care how much of a disruption it was.
I have a hunch from the tone of your post, you wanted to call as much attention to yourself and your ‘career’ as possible. You seem to consider yourself & your career far more important than everyone else, no matter how much of a disruption you might possibly make.” lynsautigers78
