People Turn To Us For A Response To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
17. AITJ For Returning A Gift For My Husband After He Made Me Lose A Promotion?
“When I (32f) was a teenager, I had to go into foster care. The next few years were pretty bad and I ended up doing some things that I’m not proud of and getting myself into some serious legal trouble.
I don’t want to go into detail, but I shaped up and managed to avoid completely destroying my life.
A few years later, I aged out and reunited with my older brother who helped me get my record sealed. He also helped me get into college, and now I’m working in a field I’m passionate about in a job I love where I met my husband (34m).
I’ve been up for a promotion and raise, and it was more or less guaranteed until now.
The weekend before last, we had a work party during which my husband got to talking with our CEO and, after having a bit too much to drink, told him about my juvenile history.
The next Monday, I got called in by my boss and was told my promotion would not be happening. I asked why they would do this, and he recounted my history to me in excruciating detail, to the extent that I couldn’t even plead ignorance or claim it was untrue.
He was sympathetic, but the higher-ups had made it clear that under no circumstances could I be rewarded due to the breach of trust on my part (I said I had no record when I interviewed), and the financial nature of some of my past mistakes.
He said it was a leadership responsibility they were not ready to trust me with, and that I could keep my job but that was it.
I was heartbroken and I felt my husband betrayed me. We got into a massive fight and he has apologized profusely and asked me to forgive him because he wasn’t in his right mind.
Yesterday, I canceled a very large debit transfer that I’d promised towards an expensive piece I was getting him as a gift for his timepiece collection. I made the offer when we knew I would be getting promoted, and now that I’m not getting my raise, I just don’t want to take that much out of my savings.
He hit the roof when he found out, because he’s now stuck with a huge bill, and accused me of being petty and dishonest for continuing to punish him for a mistake he’s already apologized for. I told him that he should have thought of that before opening his mouth at the party.
He said that while he’s sorry I lost the promotion, I have enough savings to do the honorable thing and keep my promise, and that I of all people should understand the importance of forgiveness and second chances.
I messed up, and I paid for it, and I’ve worked really hard to forgive myself and put my past behind me.
I don’t think it’s fair that over a decade later, I’m still being punished for something I’ve already paid for, even if he did so by accident. I don’t think I’m the jerk given what he did, but he’s currently not speaking to me. I could use some objectivity here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First of all, you lost a promotion and can’t afford to spend big bucks on gifts. You shouldn’t be spending your savings on gifts. What if your boss now tries to get rid of you? You’ll need those savings to live on while looking for a new job.
If you don’t get fired, you’ll need it for retirement or for buying a house/car/whatever.
Also, why would you want to give your husband a gift after what he did?
I don’t believe for ONE SECOND that your husband torpedoed your career because of having had too much to drink.
I’m in a profession where it’s totally normal for people to drink themselves under the table–literally–and I’ve never seen anyone ruin anyone else’s career.
This was deliberate. Either he is afraid you’ll become too independent/successful and will stop relying on him or will spend less time at home or he is jealous of your success.
It’s just incredible that your husband thinks he can apologize and now you’re petty because you’re not “over” it. I really make an effort not to automatically say “dump him” because I know situations are rarely as simple as they have to be when someone has limited words and space to describe a problem.
But I’m telling you to dump him. What he did plus his reaction to what he did–STILL trying to pressure and guilt you into paying for him–is simply disgusting.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“You did not lie when you applied for your current job.
A sealed juvenile record is supposed to be just that—SEALED. Unfortunately, you are married to a jerk who decided to UN-seal it for some reason…and that bears a long, hard look.
Intoxicated? Give me a break. A few shots didn’t make him just “accidentally” blurt to your boss that you got into trouble as a teenager.
Why that subject out of all the stupid and embarrassing things he might have said? “Hey, Fred, that loser over there that you’re about to promote has a record of ____.” No, your husband wanted to screw you over and all it took was some liquid courage for him to do what he wanted to do.
Maybe he didn’t realize he’d also lose out on his pricey little bauble as a result of taking his wife down a peg or two.
NTJ and good luck on ever getting ahead with that knife sticking out of your back. It’s a bad look.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all, your husband is a jerk and clearly jealous of your success. There is no other reason that he would bring this up to your CEO – intoxicated or not. You do not need to pay for his fancy watch.
You no longer being able to afford to contribute to his watch is a direct consequence of HIS actions. You already paid for your past actions and you should not have to keep doing so.
Second, talk to an employment lawyer. I can’t say for sure, but I would guess that with the record having been sealed and you being a minor at the time of the offenses there was no legal need for you to disclose this information when you were hired and they should not be able to penalize you for it now.” Forward_Squirrel8879
16. AITJ For Reminding My Father That He Never Actually Cared About Me?
“I (24f) grew up with my parents divorced, my dad had an affair on my mom with my aunt (mom’s sister) when I was a baby, she found out because she caught them in bed together and kicked him out the same day.
My dad is an ok guy, but he was never really there for me growing up, which I think it’s a feat seeing how he lived within a walking distance of where my mom and I lived for the first 10 years of my life before he remarried and moved with his wife.
He never showed up to any of my school events, and never took me out anywhere even on the days when he was supposed to have me. He would literally pick me up, take me to my grandma’s or aunt’s (his mom’s sister’s) house, leave me there, then drive off somewhere else.
If I wanted to speak with him, I had to call him because he couldn’t be bothered to dial up a phone number once in a while.
One thing I’ll give to him is that he paid child support on time, always sent funds to “make up” for him not being there at my school events, paid for my clothes for special events, and sent my mom the finances for school supplies when it was back to school time.
I mean, I didn’t exactly have a father until my mom remarried my stepdad when I was 11, but I wasn’t lacking for anything in the material sense and that was good for me.
He only made an effort to have a relationship with me when I was halfway through college and even then I welcomed it because I thought there was no harm in trying, but I could see he was a bit bummed out that I wasn’t an enthusiastic daddy’s girl.
A few days ago, he called me to his place because he wanted to talk to me and when I got there he made me sit across from him and his wife at the dinner table where he proceeded to tell me how hurt he was that I only ever used him for his money growing up, how I didn’t try harder to have a relationship when he was around, how I replaced him with my stepdad and how sad he was that he had to reach out to me in order for us to have a relationship at all.
Then he told me that he wants to forgive me for all of that but he first needed to let me know that I hurt him all while his wife was nodding and patting his back.
Not going to lie, I laughed at that, full-blown laughter, got weak from how much I was laughing, my belly started to hurt type of laughter.
When I finally recovered, I refreshed his memory, and by the end of it, I guess he finally remembered that he really did not give a crap about me until I was fully grown.
His last ditch effort was him telling me that even though he was a bad father he was still hurt that I seemly only cared about his money when I was little to which I replied “Like that wasn’t the only thing you were ever going to give me” and then I walked out.
Later my dad’s wife called me to tell me that even though I’m not wrong, my saying that all my father was good for was his money was way out of line and that I deeply hurt him when all he was trying to do was tell me how he felt and now I feel kinda guilty
Aitj?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ really, but also get some ESH feelings too.
Sometimes people do better when they hear the truth, even when it hurts.
He was reaching out. He didn’t deserve kindness, but often those who need some kindness are the ones that least deserve it.
I’ve never been a dad before, much less one in the relationship you’ve described. There’s a lot of complicated stuff going on there.
Your dad sucked in the past, no doubt about it. It could be that something happened and he had some sort of awakening to the idea that he sucked so there are no Hollywood writers for real-life stuff and he wasn’t given the perfect script to try to clear things up.
So NTJ, you’re perfectly within your rights to laugh at him and to tell him how you feel. There’s nothing wrong with it. Also, a bit of ESH because there’s also nothing wrong with trying to understand what he was going through and what he wants now.
We all think our parents should have their stuff together, but also most of our parents were just kids when they had us so they had no idea what they were doing. Look at the people around you that are your father’s age when you were born.
It may be that you’ll find some room to forgive him for being a lousy parent and person. Maybe there’s still a chance to have a decent relationship with him as an adult, or maybe you simply don’t want to.” MikeForShort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Though I’m curious if this situation will be a wake-up call to your father, or cause him to double down? Time will tell I guess.
Most jokes depend on the absurdity and the subversion of expectations. Given how his view of the situation is the polar opposite and outlandish compared to how you view it.
I do feel laughter was inevitable. If this does wake him up, next time I’d meet one on one and explain your side of the situation, and how you felt growing up.” LunaticBZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He was trying to get rid of his own feelings of guilt.
The nerve for him to blame THE CHILD. This wasn’t him telling his feelings, this was his way of manipulating the situation in front of his new wife to look like a good dad and rewrite the way the past actually played out to come out the victim.
Considering his wife was sitting there in support of him, he falsified the past. As for the wife saying you hurt your dad (by telling the TRUTH of the past), if she brings it up tell her that he constantly hurt your feelings and abandoned his child and you are yet to receive an apology for his behavior.” Status-Pattern7539
15. AITJ For Telling A "Friend" I Know How She Can Lose Weight?
She definitely struck a nerve.
“I (21f) met Sarah (21f) 17 years ago. Our families are super friendly with each other and they wanted us to do the same.
For some context, I’ve always been chubby. I think it started when I was nine. I started gaining a lot of weight and for this reason, I started dieting. That didn’t work out, so at the age of 12, I started going to the gym. It was worth it because I gained a lot of muscle.
I wasn’t consistent and I dropped out and I gained weight again.
Sarah and I fought a lot when we were young, mostly because she wasn’t used to the word “no” because her parents spoiled her. I was shy and I couldn’t bring myself to say no to people.
She would come over to my house and decide that she wanted my favorite doll or something I cared about. Of course, I didn’t want to give it to her, but she would bring her parents in and I couldn’t say no to them. She always wanted everything I cared about and this made me avoid her in any way I could.
I went to high school and I made a lot of friends. Despite me being very overweight I never got bullied because my friend was very popular. I reconnected with Sarah during my senior year of high school; she started hanging out with my group of friends because she and Mark (fake name) got together.
She started acting like a pick-me girl for example she would complain for hours because an old pair of jeans didn’t fit her anymore and wanted everybody to reassure her. This continued until Lisa (fn) told me that some of my “friends” tell her “if you feel fat look at (me) and you will feel better.” This hurt me so much that I went no contact with all of them.
This was the moment I decided to book an appointment with a doctor and try the gastric balloon. I lost nearly 60 pounds. And the most amazing part is that I have no loose skin (which I think it was thanks to my muscles). I feel amazing.
I was studying overseas and I came back to visit my family. Some of them reached out to me because they wanted to apologize for what happened. I agreed and we met. I dressed up a bit and let me tell you guys they were shocked. Everybody was complimenting me except for Sarah who was livid.
Not even an hour later she started complaining about her weight, but nobody was paying attention to her. She continued for about 20 minutes then I decided to snap.
This is why I might be the jerk. I told her if she need some help, I could give her my nutritionist’s contact information, so he could help her lose the extra weight she is so worried about.
She started crying right after and everybody started soothing her. I left because I didn’t want to deal with her anymore and later that night her mother called my mom and told her that what I did was literally fat-shaming and that I should be disgusted by my actions.
I explained the entire situation to my mother and she told me that even if she understands my feelings, I should say sorry to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly & most importantly, Sarah isn’t your friend & it doesn’t sound like she ever has been.
She’s someone you’ve been shoved together with for your entire life because your parents are friends, who has taken advantage of you & treated you poorly whenever she wanted to. Secondly, it’s not fat shaming if she went on a 20-minute monologue about how fat she is & all you did was offer a suggestion about getting her in touch with a nutritionist. You didn’t bring the subject up, you didn’t call her fat, & she was actively soliciting her troubles with her weight to a whole group of people.
It’s time to sit your mom down & explain that you know she means well, but she can’t pick your friends for you & being saddled with Sarah your whole life has actually been detrimental for you in some ways because of how she acts.
A forced apology is meaningless, you shouldn’t have to give one just because for one time in your life you didn’t pander to whatever Sarah wanted to do or hear or talk about. The only person an apology is going to help is your mom, assuming that Sarah’s mom will take it out on her if you don’t provide one.
And if the apology is forced on you anyway, given all the provocation you’ve endured from Sarah for the majority of your life, I’d go for a non-apology. “I’m sorry you’re not happy with your appearance” or something.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You weren’t fat-shaming Sarah.
You were essentially calling Sarah out for how she uses her complaints about her weight as an attention-getting ploy.
You offered constructive suggestions for her. She didn’t want that because she doesn’t actually have an issue.
You recognized her longstanding pattern of complaining about her weight as her way to encourage others to compliment her.
You cut that off.
You don’t owe Sarah an apology. If you want to satisfy your mom, try something like this:
“I’m sorry that I assumed you wanted advice when you complained about your weight. I forgot that’s just something you do and not an actual problem.
I’ll ignore you next time.”” Mermaidtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Here is the definition of fat shaming so you can send it to your aunt:
The action or practice of humiliating someone judged to be fat or overweight by making mocking or critical comments about their size.
You were not being critical. She was upset and complaining about her weight and you offered a resource she could use.
Do not apologize to her.” concernedreader1982
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Man To Go Out?
“My (F21) partner (M22) doesn’t always take care of himself, & it drives me nuts.
Recently, he has had a parent in the ICU due to health issues partly related to their lifestyle choices. These issues, as I have been told, are genetic. I have mentioned to my man before that he needs to take better care of himself. I suggested drinking less & that we could go on walks.
This past Saturday, my partner had an event about an hour from his house. It was early in the morning, so he was tired later in the day, which is when I called as I was leaving work. He told me he was about to take a nap.
His friends also invited him to go into the city to drink. I told him that it wasn’t a good idea to go, as he had another event that morning & he had to leave fairly early. He said he probably wouldn’t go.
Later that night I invited him over for a bonfire with my parents.
He told me he decided to go out with his friends. He said he hadn’t been drinking in a while when we went out last weekend, and I watched him drink. He also said he was stressed about recent events and he was going back to school, meaning he wouldn’t have time to go out.
I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, as he had to be up early, & he would be tired & crabby. He told me he would deal with the repercussions & I left it at that. That night, he sent a few messages about being home at a reasonable time (about 1 am), and I didn’t respond.
He was upset that I hadn’t said anything to him most of the day. I told him that I felt he didn’t make a smart choice to go out, but I knew I didn’t have the power to change his mind so I didn’t bother to say anything else.
& I reiterated that he wanted to deal with what problems could arise.
At this point, I felt like I said my piece & I was ready to drop it. This is when he told me to relax & to stop acting like his mother, which really made me mad.
I then said that all I wanted was for him to take care of himself & that I just wanted him to get a good night’s sleep. I never once told him what he could or couldn’t do, just gave my opinion. He went on to accuse me of being upset & said that what I said about him dealing with his own repercussions was condescending.
He was also upset that I didn’t talk to him all day. I explained the point I was trying to make was that I felt there was a smart & less smart decision & if he would choose the smarter decision, there would be less to deal with in the morning, and I told him that I was trying to let it go, something I am aware I have trouble doing.
I didn’t want to have an argument with him & ultimately chose to not say anything. I only chose to say something once I noticed he was annoyed, which is what I didn’t want. I honestly think if I chose to yell at him we still would have argued/bickered.
We have since talked it out & we are both over it, but I’m not sure if it was worth it. I just want my man to be the best version of himself & he is not allowing himself to do so. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I don’t know how much or how often your SO drinks, but it sounds like you’re hinting at him having a drinking problem. I am a recovering addict, and one of the things I learned in recovery is that there isn’t a difference between being an addict and having a drinking problem.
An addict mindset is something no one outside of the addict can understand. The same can be said of those who love addicts and decide to stay with them. Sooner or later, though, you’ll leave. Addicts eventually lose everyone.
Maybe that was too deep?
Another way of looking at it is that you two have grown in separate directions. Or maybe you just grew up and he didn’t. You can’t make him grow up. Accept him for who he is or move on.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
First, frankly, you are sounding an awful lot like his mother, which is not a healthy dynamic for anyone involved. Particularly since you don’t live together, his choices and his consequences are just that – his. If it’s not causing you to suffer negative effects, then it’s not really your business to manage.
You will drive both of you crazy that way.
Also, drinking once a week late-ish at 22 isn’t a problem. But I will say that trying to isolate him from his friends under the guise of knowing what’s best for him is, let’s say, a pink flag.” Character_Sink9754
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why do you want to play naggy mommy with this doofus for the rest of your relationship? If he can’t make good decisions about when he can stay out and then get his butt out of bed, he’s not mature enough to be a long-term prospect.” Sea-Mud5386
13. WIBTJ For Leaving A Bad Review For A Photographer?
“For my (27f) birthday, my mom gifted me family portraits for me, my husband, and my toddler. I posted on my small-town community social media page asking for photographer recommendations and a local photographer commented that she would love to take our photos. I talked details with her and said though my birthday was on a Saturday, I would be requesting photos on the Thursday or Friday before because I’m aware that summer is wedding season.
I signed a contract, my mom paid the full amount a month in advance (the contract only requires a deposit), and excitedly awaited the day.
The day of the pictures went pretty well, we decided to do sunrise pictures in front of the mountains for the aesthetic.
Unfortunately, because it was so early, my toddler wasn’t too thrilled to be there but we worked it out and I think there will be decent photos. At the end of the shoot, we tipped her $40 (the photo package was $225 for 50 photos) and she said she would have a sneak peek of 3 or 4 pictures sent over on my actual birthday that Saturday and the rest of them would be done in 3 weeks.
We thanked her and we were excited.
My birthday came and went and there were no pictures, she texted me at 11 pm and said she had a wedding that day and couldn’t edit but would have them to me Sunday. I said absolutely no problem, I understand she was busy.
I got the sneak peek sometime on Monday and the pictures were fine. Not spectacular but still pretty good.
Three weeks came and went, but no word from her at all. I waited until a few days after 4 weeks had passed and kindly said I assumed she was super busy with her schedule being wedding season, etc. but asked if she had an estimated day they would be done.
She said yes she was super busy and it would be one more week. I said great, we are super excited to see the end result.
It’s been another 3 weeks since that exchange, almost 7 weeks since the pictures were taken in the first place.
I messaged her this morning and asked if there was something wrong with the pictures or if there weren’t any good ones. I would understand if that’s the case and that’s why they were taking so long, like I said my son was cranky that day.
I would like to know if that’s what happened and if that’s what it is, we can work out a reshoot or a refund since she hasn’t edited them yet. I just want to get these pictures done before it is cold and snowy.
She said she is busy, there was nothing wrong with the pictures. I’ll have them sent by tomorrow morning.
My husband thinks I should let it go and just get the pictures when I get them, but I feel like this is pretty unprofessional. She hasn’t apologized even once for how late they have been and didn’t bother to reach out when she knew she was going past the deadline.
The only reason she’s going to do them now is because I brought up a refund. WIBTJ if I wanted to write a negative review once I get the pictures regardless of how good they look? If she is too busy to edit them on schedule, why is she jumping at taking more bookings than she can handle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as your review is honest. But you keep saying “it’s ok” when she tells you they will be done on this day and they are not done. You need to say, that you understand that she is busy, but there has been no communication unless you reach out.
You need to say, I need the edited pictures by X day or we need to work out a partial refund. Because she did do part of the work. You should go back and check the contract because technically, she may have broken the contract if it states you are supposed to get your final product within a certain time frame.” photoskills13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, potential future customers want to know about a service like this. If it takes a long time to receive photos, state that. If the quality of the photos is good regardless, state that as well. If you never receive the photos, definitely review them and request a refund.
Others won’t know unless you tell them how it is.” pnutbutterzombie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only way you’d be a jerk in this scenario is if you left a review that wasn’t honest. Other people deserve to know that if they hire her they might not get their pics for weeks if at all!
Photographers are a business, and sometimes things happen, but her lack of communication is a red flag to me, and seems more like a guy with a camera situation and not an actual professional photographer.” DeliciousFlow8675309
12. AITJ For Commenting On Someone Of Another Race's Hair?
“My (35 f) office is fairly relaxed as far as dress code goes.
Basically, you can dress how you want as long as it’s safe. You can wear a suit and tie or pajamas. People’s personal fashion choices run on a pretty wide spectrum from basic to daring.
There is a woman I work with who is African American and my fashion hero.
I love her style so much. She also expresses herself with bold hair and makeup choices. She’s always changing her look. Today her hair was a mermaid light blue in box braids. I loved it!! As I was passing her in the hall I said “Wow I love your hair!” She said thanks with a big smile and we both continued on our way.
Later that day I was pulled aside by the head of HR (also a POC) whose office we were in front of when the conversation happened.
She told me it’s inappropriate to comment on the hair of someone of another race. She said the woman didn’t say anything to her but the HR woman wanted to give me advice, so I wouldn’t make a misstep later on.
Is it really inappropriate? It’s not like I stopped her and gushed for 10 minutes or asked if I could touch her hair. Neither of us even stopped walking. Was the HR lady overly concerned or am I totally oblivious?”
Another User Comments:
“As a black person (I probably won’t be able to explain this well) you are NTJ.
I suppose I know where HR is coming from and maybe she didn’t word it well. I believe you can comment BUT please under NO circumstance should you touch “her” hair. I have had multiple conversations with ladies from my community and we still haven’t figured out “why” we don’t like our hair being touched.
We barely accept this from those within the community. As a teenager, I had to cut my hair because I was constantly tired of people touching my hair because of texture/style, etc. Chucked it up as not wanting people to invade my personal space.” Mimz209
Another User Comments:
“I think the general rule is that it’s ok to compliment a choice someone made about their appearance (their clothes, their hair, earrings, etc), but not something they can’t change (skin color, hair texture, etc). And obviously not to compliment anything in racist language, like saying it was exotic or something.
Or backhanded compliments like saying you like their hair “for once”, implying that you normally don’t like it.
But I can’t see why someone would get offended if you said you like their hairstyle.” IntroductionKindly33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a quick compliment, and in no way referenced any trait about her hair that was unique to her race.
Having blue hair isn’t a cultural or racial thing. If you had said “I love the texture of your hair” or something like that, which she has no control over, then you would be getting into murky territory, but simply saying “I love your hair” to someone who made a bold style choice, yeah, that ain’t a jerk thing.” Reddit user
11. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Father's Funeral?
“I took care of my mother in the last few months of her long Cancer battle. As the only unmarried sibling w/o kids it was seen as “my duty.”
I dearly loved my mother and knew she was comfortable with me, but this certainly took its toll.
It was torture to watch her slowly pass away before my eyes. And be the one attending to almost all her bodily needs when the nurses weren’t there, watching the disease up close ravage her.
In the end, I had to arrange her hospice, plan her service, choose her mortuary, select her urn, etc. I gave a long eulogy at her funeral, which was traditional and well-attended by those who knew her.
4 years later my father passes.
Different situation.
While I did clean his house for him and visit him every week, I did not provide him with one on one care. He lived right behind my sister, who doesn’t work & whose children were older by then.
She and her husband handle his caretaking duties.
My father and I were close when I was young but had a touchy relationship as adults.
I didn’t approve of the way he treated my mother (they were separated by the time she passed, but not divorced) and he despised many things about what he saw as my “degenerate” lifestyle, though he seemed to tolerate these same things in my brother & brother in law.
Or even tolerated much worse.
I fell into a deep depression after Mother passed. I spent the next few years drinking heavily.
Very out of character; I never enjoyed drinking before.
Things were going on in my life that I couldn’t handle (aging, changing jobs, reaching 40s and still not having kids, missing Mom).
I thought drinking would help. (It didn’t.)
Dad passed & wanted everyone to throw him a big, blow-out party up on his old family farm instead of a traditional funeral. With bands and a pig pickin’ and hundreds of people he didn’t know invited.
I don’t want to go.
I’ve just gotten sober and don’t want to be around a lot of revelries. Slippery places.
I also still have very mixed feelings about my father, who took pains to separate me out from my other siblings in the will.
He didn’t exclude me, but he arranged it to that I have no say in important decisions regarding family property or a trust he set up to manage a few things.
That stings, especially after he praised me for the way I “looked after Mother.”
The last place I want to be is around a bunch of rowdy strangers out in the woods trying desperately not to drink, despite God knows what feelings I will have, with kegs and liquor stations everywhere.
My brother hits the roof.
Calls & demands to know what is wrong with me, and what do I have better to do, and how can I do this to the family?
Later bombards me with pictures from the funeral/party on my phone even after I tell him I don’t want to see any.
Has people from our childhood call me (these people did not have my # & I hadn’t spoken to them in years) and ask me “Was there something the matter?” and “Why didn’t I go?”
It was humiliating.
AITJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s obvious that you are NTJ.
I am not a counselor or therapist or anything like that. So, please take my advice with that knowledge in mind.
It sounds like you have a LOT to deal with between caretaker burnout, grieving the loss of both parents, trying to stay sober, and having your brother harassing you with unsolicited texts and photos.
If there is any way that you can completely unplug from your family and take some time for yourself, you really need to do it. Hopefully, you are in counseling or have some sort of therapeutic help with your sobriety and grief. If not, take some time to look into those things.
I suggest you block your brother and anyone else doing his bidding.
You need some time away from all of this so that you can figure out what you want now and how you are going to move forward in a healthy way. You can’t do that when your brother and extended family are intent on making you feel guilty about something that in the grand scheme isn’t nearly as important as your mental health.
Please take some time for yourself and get the support you need so that you can move forward from all of this tragedy.” PaganCHICK720
Another User Comments:
“From a fellow sober person – NOT THE JERK.
Once you decide to clean up, it becomes a lifelong battle of you vs.
yourself. Some days the battle is easy, others it’s crippling. I have lost many things over the course of staying sober; friends, family, jobs, you name it. But I found myself and was able to rebuild a better foundation and start living a happier, healthier life.
A funeral by itself would have been hard early in sobriety. A kegger AT a funeral? Game over.
Non-addicts never understand the number of boundaries you have to have as a sober person. They always assume you’re being selfish, but the reality is that the most selfish thing you can do as a person in recovery is abandon it to save yourself from the conflict.
Sobriety is an act of self-love that is life-changing in SO many ways.
My honest to god advice is to change your phone number immediately. You do not need to explain to ANYONE why you made the decision not to go. Quite frankly, it’s your life and it’s none of their business.” rottenvegetable11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re in recovery and a funeral of your estranged father laden with complicated feelings and excessive use of adult beverages is a relapse waiting to happen and you did the right thing by keeping yourself away from that. Your brother is being extremely cruel and clearly doesn’t realize how his father treated you during his life.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.
It sounds like your brother is extremely triggering and doesn’t value your health. It may be in your best interest to maintain limited contact.
Things have not been easy for you and I wish you nothing but the best. Time to start living your life for yourself, Lord knows.
You deserve it.” FilledWithStardust
10. AITJ For Buying Back My Mom's Wedding Dress?
“I (25F) am not currently seeing anybody. However, my brother “Steve” (25M) is marrying his partner “Natalie” (26F) of 4 years later in the fall.
When Steve and I were 8, our parents (now 59M and 56F) divorced. Our parents had 50/50 custody, though I was always closer to our mother and Steve to our father.
Our mother had saved her wedding dress, made by her grandmother, for Steve and I to each use on our wedding day, with the clause that we would return it in good condition for her to keep and hand down as she saw fit.
Natalie knows about this agreement and has said that she would rather buy her own dress.
We’re all fine with that but found it weird when, 2 weeks ago, Steve asked if he could have the dress. My mother asked why Natalie would want it, and Steve clarified that she didn’t want it, but he wanted to keep it in his closet leading up to the wedding so that he could feel like he was part of the tradition.
My mother gave him the dress.
About a week ago, I saw the dress for sale on social media. I was enraged and betrayed that they would sell a tradition without consulting any of us. I used my friend’s account to buy the dress back.
When I showed up at my mother’s house with the dress, she was confused, but when I told her what Steve and Natalie tried to do, she was distraught. She burst into tears and called our father. He responded that Steve and Natalie had told him that they were renting out the dress for extra bucks to fund the wedding and that he didn’t see any problem with it as long as the dress was kept in good condition.
A few hours later Steve and Natalie started blowing up my phone as my father had told them that I had tattled to my mother, who then told our father, who then berated them for lying to him. They asked why I was being so nosy about their wedding plans.
I explained to them that I had actually bought the dress and wasn’t just stalking their social media for fun.
Everything was getting very complicated with all the phone calls so I organized a physical family meeting at Steve and Natalie’s apartment. This is where I might be the jerk: everybody started shouting at each other.
My mother was angry at Steve and Natalie for selling the dress, and our father for calling her dramatic. Our father was angry at Steve and Natalie for telling him that they were renting the dress when they were selling it, angry at my mother for crying and wailing about it, and angry at me for getting us all together before anybody had a chance to calm down.
Steve and Natalie are angry at our mother and father for not “supporting” their financial decisions and angry at me for “meddling in their wedding plans.” I’m angry at Steve and Natalie for selling a dress that isn’t there’s. Everybody’s angry at me for keeping the dress at my house, but Steve and Natalie have keys to my mother’s house, not mine, and I can’t trust them to not just take the dress back.”
Another User Comments:
“OP: You and your mom are NTJ.
Your dad is a jerk. (Sidebar, in my honest opinion, he’s also ridiculous for thinking that they would rent out an heirloom wedding dress. Maybe some people do, but this one in this story has so much meaning and even rules tied to it, so I would never even consider renting it out.)
Steve and Natalie are 100% the biggest jerk here. The dress was NOT THEIRS TO SELL, and they TRIED TO DO IT ANYWAY. They lied about it and got caught. They used a platform that none of the rest of you have accounts on, so you presumably wouldn’t see the dress-up for offer, and oh, by the way, tried to screw you out of a family tradition– the same family tradition that your brother used in his lie to get the dress away from your mother.
Lie after lie after lie. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick.
I’d like to know how on EARTH they were going to explain to your mother that her precious heirloom wedding dress, made by her grandmother, just poof vanished into thin air when they couldn’t return it to her.
“Well see, there was this fire, and…. well no, the house got broken into, and…. a flood happened and…”
I feel bad that this bullcrappery was dumped into your lap, and your poor mother needs all the hugs.” SBDix
Another User Comments:
“I never understood the idea of supporting grown-ups, who btw are getting married, financially.
Perhaps it’s my cultural background speaking but I find it very weird. Parents help pay for college but once one is an adult with a profession, parent duties are pretty much over. Parents might help in difficult times and that’s it. One should be responsible for their finances.
Besides that, S&N have absolutely no explanation for what they did. They had no right to sell something that didn’t belong to them.
Except for OP and OP’s mom, ESH.” n2oc10h12c8h10n402
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your brother and his fiance are true jerks.
They are deceitful, cunning, and extremely manipulative toxic jerks.
If they are behaving that way with your mother’s wedding dress after intentionally deceiving her and promising to return it to her, what else should be expected from them? They are not remorseful for what they did, but because they were caught in their lies.
Your mother is completely right to be upset and disappointed: there are no excuses that can justify your brother and his fiance’s actions. Supporting their financial decisions? What they are talking about? The wedding dress was not theirs.
Your father should not side with your brother and his fiance: this is not just about the wedding dress, it’s about trust and respect for your mom.
They disrespected your mom.
Please OP, keep the wedding dress at your house and ask your mother to request your brother’s keys to your mother’s house. He is not someone who can be trusted.” 11arwen
9. AITJ For Reporting My Supervisor At My Internship?
“I have been at my internship for quite some time. I recently graduated but I am tied to the internship until December due to it being a full-year internship. Everyone in the department likes me and my work because I have a positive attitude and get things done quickly and correctly.
The only person who does not like me is my supervisor. She always finds even the smallest of issues with my work but does not care if one of the other interns makes the same mistake. A thing to note is I have ADHD and dyslexia which I’ve told her on multiple occasions.
Because of this, I struggle reading giant emails packed with instructions that fill up a page, and all the other people I work with respect that and Zoom me which most do anyways because they have to show me on their screen what to do.
Today my supervisor sent me a giant email about a task she wanted me to do while we were in the office today which was difficult for me to read but it is the same task I have been doing on a weekly basis since the summer started. I knocked out the two assignments and then moved on.
Every hour she came to me to correct some mistakes she saw which were nonsense mistakes that did not need to be corrected. The other interns even came over and agreed they did it the same way I did and didn’t understand the corrections.
I ended up redoing both assignments 5 times and the last correction needed to be done digitally but my supervisor already put it in the mail which you aren’t supposed to do so I had to go and grab it from the mail room.
The mail guy was not there so I went back up to tell my supervisor who already sent home the other two interns while I went down.
When I came back to tell her she told me how she was very disappointed in me and kept pressing to find out what was wrong. I apologized to her and told her it was an off day for me and told her I didn’t want to share what was bothering me.
My dad is in the hospital with a condition that his brother died from a few years ago. I didn’t want to share this though because what is going on in my personal life is none of her business. She kept pressing and I continued apologizing and reminded her how my disabilities become more of an issue when I am bothered by stuff which played into why I wasn’t focusing today but she kept talking over me.
She then started screaming at me listing every mistake I’ve made since I started working, most of which were just from the first week I started working. I then realized I just became her punching bag and I then asked if I could just leave to which she continued to belittle me so I ended up packing up.
In the end, she wasn’t even talking about my work ethic and was attacking me as a person. On my way out she screamed at me about how I can’t behave like this to “constructive criticism” and said she was going to write me up.
I reported this to her boss who said he would look into it and get back to me and apologize on behalf of her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People with power in work situations have to stop bringing personal issues into the office. It’s about the work.
You do the work. If it’s done wrong, you do it again until it’s done right. There’s no reason for emotions to come into it. She is completely at fault for behaving like a child.” Fit_Sandwich9551
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 100% NTJ. 1. You felt threatened and belittled and with no just cause.
2. If for some reason you are lying about this whole thing, HR will find out and nothing will happen to her. But if what you’re saying is true. Then the root of her problem will be found and solved. But either way, she is creating a hostile workplace and seems to be targeting you.
You did what you needed to do to protect yourself.” DisneyViking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is totally an HR issue. Save any offending email she sends. Get an agreement with the big boss or HR that emails to you should be in point form so you can process the emails better.
Keep your head held high. Keep your backbone strong. Don’t let her trample over you.” Individual-Ad8265
8. AITJ For Telling Off My Neighbor And HOA?
“I (25M) own a lakeside property that was legally and officially given to me by my parents. I have been living here for six years and have some great neighbors along with some not-so-great ones.
Of all my neighbors I have only ever had problems with one who lives right next door named Mariette. She first moved in early this summer as she had the former house on her property demolished and rebuilt. My problems started with her over her use of my wood stove and fireplaces.
With the temperatures getting colder I have started to use them daily. My house is not equipped with any form of heating outside of the wood stove and a fireplace. This means that from fall until spring I will constantly have them going to keep my place warm.
My family never outfitted the home with anything better because it was for weekend trips and we would winterize and leave it when things got cold. My parents thought of adding oil heating when I moved in however I opposed it because it was a waste of change and didn’t mind splitting logs.
Five days ago after having received my shipment of logs for the fall I was approached by my neighbor Mariette. She came around asking for my parents to which I said that they don’t live here and that I am the homeowner. She didn’t believe me and said that I was too young to be a homeowner before leaving.
Later that day I heard a knock at my door and thought it was my partner, so I gave my usual greeting of “Hey Sweet Cheeks” while opening the door. Unfortunately, it was not her and was Mariette again, so I apologized quickly and asked what she wanted. Once again she wanted to speak with my parents to which in a more stern tone said that I was the homeowner.
This time she finally got it and said that I am violating HOA policy by using wood-burning fireplaces indoors and outdoors. In response, I said that as new as the house looks I am not a member of the group and that the town permits fireplaces and burning yard waste.
She then went on to ask why I even needed them because they do nothing but harm the environment. I went on to explain that while the house exterior looks new the house actually has been around since 1930 and still uses a wood stove and fireplace heating.
She didn’t believe me yet again and said she would be back with an inspector.
Yesterday once again she came with another person who introduced themselves as an HOA inspector. They tried to talk about my fireplaces but I shut them down immediately and said that I am not a member of their group.
The guy then tried to lie by saying that the HOA is in control of all the properties in the area. I immediately called him out on the lie and said that he is either lazy or a moron for not knowing that I am not with them.
We went back and forth one more time before I told them I will not listen to them and to stuff it and leave.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, entitled much?! I’m not sure how to judge this one because I have never been involved with an HOA.
My first question is whether someone can opt out of HOA rules, simply by not being a member of the HOA.
If they can, then definitely NTJ, because she’s entering the property and suggesting changes when you never actually agreed to abide by HOA rules.
Also, I would assume that if the parents owned the property all those years, having a wooden stove and logs, then you can safely assume that they were also not part of the HOA either, which also means they didn’t have to abide by the rules (I think this seems kind of a circular argument, but for the sake of this example, I’m making it).
If a member has to be a member of the HOA, then the neighbor is in the right. Though it seems to me that the neighbor is just being intrusive, by calling out violations that won’t affect her in any means. If he has to become part of the HOA, then I would sadly have to say, YTJ.” MiggyTennis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s going to be a real pain. Much as I hate to say it, it’s time to lawyer up…or you’re going to be harassed by her AND the HOA. Also, she’s entirely incorrect. A fireplace puts smoke particles into the air but as the wood is usually from dead/fallen trees or trees being cleared for another purpose or sustainably grown wood…it is FAR more environmentally friendly than other ways of heating.
Carbon footprint near zero as opposed to fossil fuels. You are not dealing with someone who has a good connection with reality. Speak with a lawyer, send a letter to the HOA letting them know that your neighbor is using them to harass you, she’s already made them pay for an inspector, and that it may end in legal troubles.
As a good neighbor to the members of the HOA, you hope that this heads-up about her behavior saves them future headaches and costs.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And are you sure that the “inspector” wasn’t just an accomplice and was even with the HOA?
Given Mariette’s um… mental state it is extremely likely that she just enlisted a friend to act as an “inspector.”
As an owner of a property in a similar location here’s what I would do – call the lake association/HOA/whatever and check if they actually sent out an inspector, and if they did disavow them of any notion that I am a member of said organization with both a phone call and a registered letter.
If they didn’t, make sure they are aware of Mariette’s stunt, they won’t like that at all and will probably take some kind of action themselves.
Get a lawyer and talk to them about sending a strongly worded letter and see if it is possible for you to forbid her from your property with a no-trespass order.
You probably don’t have grounds for that yet, but I can see her behavior escalating. A letter from a lawyer would either keep that from happening or cause her to double down, either way, it is a win.
Do not try to engage in any fence-mending disavowing her of the notion that burning wood is bad for the environment, etc. – she’s made this her hill to die on and is obviously on an ego trip rather than wanting to learn.
No sane person tells people what fuel they can or can’t use for heating.
Document everything that has happened up until now, and record your communications with the HOA, especially if they say that they never sent anyone to your property.
This may all sound a little unclear but if you don’t set boundaries with this woman now, she’s going to get much worse.
We have one of these on our lake (doesn’t everyone) and pretty much everyone hates them, so I get it.” shaihalud69
7. AITJ For Firing A Customer From My Business?
It’s not just employees who can get fired.
“I (F29) own and run a business that fabricates steel “materials.” (I don’t want to be too specific for anonymity’s sake.)
Over the last 2 or so months I have promoted someone to take over.
I am still very involved, naturally, and am involved in everything.
Now, I have been dealing with this customer since acquiring this business. It is a family-run, small store that provides luxury garden supplies. The husband, who we’ll call CA and the wife CB. My employee, who we’ll call S, has been experiencing a lot of issues.
S has mentioned the following over the last two months;
- CB is always late for meetings, if she even shows up. She never apologizes and she full-on expects S to drop everything he is doing/has planned to cater to her when she shows up or demands to reschedule.
- She is rude. Snaps her fingers at my secretary and yells at my staff if they happen to be cleaning where she wants to be.
- She demands endless revisions of contracts, claiming the steel isn’t up to par, the measurements are off,… (Now keep in mind she has never set foot to check the steel on the floor or held a caliper to check the measurements.)
- She calls S and other staff names
Important to note is that she never acts this way when her husband accompanies her to these meetings. She hardly speaks and just sits there mean-mugging my staff.
Now, since I promoted S I have been trusting him to handle the day-to-day decisions.
He is very capable and I would trust him with my children. He rarely tells me he is out of his depth and when he does, it pains him to do so.
So, when S called me today, in tears (imagine what it would take a 40yr old huge steel worker to cry in front of his employer) telling me he was considering quitting because he couldn’t handle it anymore.
I called CB and CA, lied, and said there was an issue with their order and said I needed a video meeting right that second. Both of them agreed I set it up and began by explaining that I would no longer be fabricating for them, that the pending order was the last order and that they would be arranging their own transport as I could not guarantee that they would be respectful to my driver.
Both were absolutely outraged. “What do I mean disrespect”, “How dare I” and “What kind of false obligations…”
I tried to go on and explain what CB has been pulling, who obviously kept interrupting me to deny, accusing my staff of being liars and thieves and even harassing her.
Here, I went full petty, fake gasped and said word for word; “Oh my, we better check the security footage!” I streamed all of her outbursts, her disrespectful behavior, and, helpful as I am, pointed out the timestamps and how different they are from our agreed-upon meeting times.
By the time I was done CB had left, and CA mumbled half an apology before noping out really fast.
Was this professional on my end? Probably not, as I could have done it without throwing the wife in front of the bus.
But does it make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am also someone who owns a manufacturing company and I absolutely applaud you for firing that customer! I know it can be hard to do, but the workplace will be so much less stressful and your employees will be happier as a result.
I don’t think there was anything wrong with showing the video to both of them at the same time as it left no doubt as to why you were doing this and just “cut to the chase.” If you would have dealt with either of them separately it would have needlessly dragged out the situation.
The firing was a relatively clean break that you can be proud of! Kudos to you for supporting your staff and being confident enough to fire that jerk!” sh1sgettinreal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been more professional for you to confront the husband and say that his wife was no longer welcoming your establishment at all and thus opened up the possibility of retaining their contract, but you needed to have your employee’s back, and you were worn thin.
No, it wasn’t professional but it was the right thing to do because you needed to have their back and you did it.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you were not unprofessional either. I have an online business and every now and then there is an enraged customer who calls my employees shouting and calling them names.
We promptly fire those customers and refund them. If you cannot be civil then you cannot receive service. And it is nobody’s job to be called names, insulted, and treated like your slave.” Icy_Plaintain_1648
6. WIBTJ For Suing My Friend For Failing To Pay Me Back?
“I had a friend (this has ended our friendship for me) who works with me ask me for finances because her mother passed away and she needed financial help ASAP to help bury her and to save her house (in Canada).
Normally, I would say no as I am not financially well off but she was in the middle of selling her house in the US (we’re Canadian). She explained that she has been having difficulty getting the funds as she found out that she needed to file taxes and deal with the IRS.
I was promised that I would be repaid in three months maximum and would be receiving biweekly payments. It is now just shy of a year and I cannot wait to be paid. She does not pay me on time, often gives excuses, and avoids my calls and messages.
She has not paid me in months and always has an excuse or a guilt trip or has the audacity to ask for more. I contacted her last month telling her that I’m not in a good financial place and that I was done with the excuses and received a message about how her life has been hard and how I never check on her.
I’ll admit that I do not call or text her to check in and that I did not take that well. I don’t check on her because her actions have told me that she does not care about me and honestly I just feel used. I told her that I didn’t care about whatever she was going through and that I wanted my funds.
I know that 2 months ago she went on medical leave from work and is only receiving 70% of her wages. So maybe I should be sympathetic but I loaned her just under $30, 000 and she hasn’t been paying in almost 5 months. I feel like an idiot but she had borrowed from me before and always paid me back.
I have known her for over 12 years and have been good friends up until now.
I am at the end of my rope. I cannot keep waiting for her to pay me back if she ever decides to. Yesterday, I once again messaged that I wanted my repayment ASAP and that she needed to pay me and she again stated how as a friend I should be more understanding.
I feel as if I have been. She has only paid off $2,000 of what she owes me! Also, I am done with the guilt trips about her health. I feel bad about her needing surgery but I have breast cancer and have been dealing with that for over a year and I managed to fulfill my obligations.
Also, we are in Canada, and I know that she is able to sustain herself and pay her mortgage on 70% income just fine.
I have been researching small claims court and have found a lawyer. I am wondering if she is partly right, though. Should I give her more time as she isn’t getting her full pay and is off sick?
My head is telling me to pull the trigger and stop the financial bleeding, but I am worried about the effects at work and the court thinking that I did not give enough time or was unreasonable. So WIBTJ to take her to small claims court?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I hope you’ve written proof though, as it could be hard to prove that the payment was originally yours.
But off the top of my head: tell her she starts paying up or you’re going to the Canadian tax authorities. Ask your lawyer about this before you actually do anything like this!
Remember, she should have declared the value of her house Stateside and there must be some evidence of that 30,000 “gift,” which also probably should have been declared too, if she’s saying it was a “gift” (declaring taxes isn’t the same as paying them).” Conscious_Air_2466
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is taking advantage of you.
She could’ve paid back even a small amount every month to show that she is willing if not able.
But double-check the limits of your small claims court. To my knowledge, they set ceilings to the number of claims that they will handle, and 30k sounds high.” PurpuraLiber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is a HUGE amount. I’m sorry to say that it’s unlikely you’ll see it again. You need to start looking into other ways to get it back.
Unfortunately, $30K exceeds what a small claims court would probably deal with. I think you should call a lawyer and do it soon.
She may get payment from the sale of her mother’s house, and if you don’t get to it as soon as she has it, she’ll have spent it on something else.
Never, ever lend a dime you can’t afford to lose. If someone needs to borrow from you, then it’s unlikely that person will ever have enough to pay it back.
Just don’t do it.” Reddit user
5. AITJ For Telling My Stepfather That He Doesn't Deserve To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My parents divorced when I was 2. Mom married Vince when I was 5. I remember when my mom got married, Vince recited these vows to me about how he would be the best dad ever and how he would make sure he was there for everything, no matter what.
At the time it sounded so forceful to me. I had a very active dad. I lived with him every other week. I saw him more often because he would show up to all my school plays and stuff. I knew I wouldn’t be with them all the time and it felt weird being told he was going to be my dad now.
It never occurred to me to think of him as a dad. During the wedding reception my grandma took me up to the room I was sharing with her and my grandpa and I called dad. Vince came up around that time and asked me why I had called him on his and my mom’s day.
He said I was breaking his heart calling him daddy when I still called him Vince. My grandma had to tell him to back off. He told her he was the parent and he had more of a say than me.
Once the wedding was over I really felt his resentment toward my dad.
He was super forceful too. When I was with him and my mom they would pretend I had the same last name as them. If I corrected them they would say at their house I was Vince’s last name and not dad’s last name. It bothered me but there was little I could do.
He did a lot. He’d drive me places, take me out, and all that stuff. But it was always about him being my dad and me being his daughter. He would make it awful every time I went back home to dad. Pretty soon dad’s house was home and mom’s house was mom and Vince’s house.
My dad and Vince argued a lot. I think my dad tried to protect me from it but Vince would tell me how my dad was mean to him and how did it feel having my old dad hurt my new one, etc.
During this time, my dad gave up on relationships.
He had one relationship that ended because she was jealous of me having a mom in my life and years after he told me he hadn’t wanted me to deal with two stepparents or two houses where lots of changes were happening and new people were coming and expecting instant families.
He knew it was a lot for me with Vince.
Today I’m 26 years old and I am getting married. I have contact with my mom and Vince still, but it’s fractured, I won’t lie. I asked my dad if he would walk me down the aisle with my fiance and if he’d dance with the both of us (my fiance is very close to him and has no family).
Knowing Vince and my mom, I decided to sit them down and tell them my dad was filling the role solo. They didn’t take it well and tried to tell me all the reasons they felt Vince deserved it. I told them Vince was nowhere near as deserving as my dad who actually was a much better parent than they could ever dream of being.
My mom pointed out I was their only kid. How they lost every pregnancy they had together and how Vince has tried so hard to win my love. He was just mad I didn’t think he deserved it. He told me I was refusing to look at his place in my life in a realistic way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is our wedding and it’s your choice as to who walks you down the aisle, who dances the father/daughter dance with you, and who toasts you as your father. That it’s to be your biological father and not your stepfather is totally up to you.
I’m trying not to be too put off by your stepfather engaging in behaviors that are known as trying to alienate your affection from your bio dad to himself. If he had just cared for you and if he had allowed the two of you to develop an organic relationship, I think that things would be much different now.
But instead, he tried to force the relationship and now it has returned to haunt him.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have a father who loves you and is active in your life.
Vince could have fulfilled a ‘father-figure’ role and cultivated a genuine relationship with you based on that.
Instead, he tried to force his point of view down your throat, denigrate your father and put child-you in the middle of adult discussions. He is the reason you don’t have a good relationship because he never got out of his own way.
Your mother is responsible for this too because her job is to support and protect you.
I’m sorry they lost pregnancies. But you don’t deal with pregnancy loss by stealing someone else’s child and attempting a systematic campaign to alienate the other parent.
You have looked at his perspective. He’s forced his perspective on you for most of your life.
Let him know that it’s time he returned the favor.” shpphgojfjdjf
Another User Comments:
“”Vince has tried so hard to win my love”
You don’t “win” someone’s love; you EARN it. You earn it by respecting someone and their feelings, and you earn it by stepping up when it’s needed and stepping “down” when it’s wanted.
What he and so many other parents and step-parents need(ed) to understand is that if you push for the “perfect relationship/perfect family,” you will achieve the opposite.
“He told me I was refusing to look at his place in my life in a realistic way.”
What a loser. Start looking at this guy in a “realistic way.” He is NOBODY to you. He is the man who pushed you for a “relationship” even when you were uncomfortable with it, he is the man who made you so uncomfortable that your dad’s house was your HOME, and their place was their place.
He is the man your mother married, and that’s it.
This is YOUR wedding, do what YOU want, and if they don’t like it…they can stay home.
NTJ.” QYB1990
And honor your sweet, sweet dad who never stopped being your dad, as the wonderful man he is and enjoy your special day.
4. AITJ For Not Cleaning Our Apartment?
“I (21F) live in an apartment with my younger brother (18M) as we go to the same college and it makes things easier for us and our parents.
For context, my parents are paying for our college and apartment as long as we are going to school and working for our own groceries. My brother has always had a bit of an ego and loves feeling like he’s superior to others and it was no different when we moved. He took pride in being an adult and the “man of the house” and immediately started demanding things be a certain way.
I ignored him at first thinking he would chill out when school started but it’s only gotten worse.
Recently my brother has been complaining about being sick all the time and essentially started treating me like a maid. On top of classes and working most of the week I’m expected to do all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping (with my earnings), drive him around when he needs, and take care of the dog.
He is also very particular about how things are done and has a habit of throwing a tantrum if something isn’t done or done right. All the while he spends every day on his computer video chatting with his girl. What makes things worse is he is still acting like he’s the one taking care of everything and working all the time while I’m the lazy one.
He doesn’t work, go to school, or do anything around the house because he’s “In too much pain”.
I finally decided I had enough and started only prioritizing myself. I only cleaned my room, did my dishes, took only my trash out, etc. I went as far as to leave a note on his door saying that I was tired and not cleaning up after him and that if he was in that much pain he needed to go to the doctor.
If he ever saw that note, he ignored it as his messes quickly began to pile up in the apartment to the point where my room was the only space free of clutter.
Things escalated as my parents decided to stop by for a surprise visit this past weekend.
My brother had been asleep when they arrived so he had no chance to try cleaning his mess or covering for himself. I told them that the whole mess was his and I would have cleaned up but I had been busy the whole week with class and he had been home so I figured he would have done it at some point.
My parents didn’t appreciate this very much and confronted my brother the second he woke up. He tried blaming me at first but his excuses slipped through and they quickly found out he had been lying to them about everything including going to school/work.
They were furious and told him he needed to start pulling his own weight and act like a responsible adult or they would cut him off financially and force him to come home. My brother briefly apologized and started doing more housework but is extremely passive-aggressive.
He’s also saying I’m cruel for almost ruining his chances at being independent. I didn’t mean to get him in trouble but I was tired of being treated like a maid, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have a talk with your parents about how to manage your bother and a separate talk with him, focusing on how he has to become truly independent and pull his weight or he will have to make other living arrangements.
If you get your parents on board then he may realize that if he doesn’t get his act together he will end up in a far worse situation and that his options really are to ship up or ship out.
It’s likely that he will fall back into kidding himself that he is somehow in the right while not pulling his weight, but as long as you are not trapped and enabling him, that will be his problem.
You (and your parents) have to work out how you can live while not having to rely on his contribution, and, if you need to, how you can live without sharing an apartment with him.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
His chance at being independent?
18, not working, not going to school (while lying about both), all while refusing to see a doctor for his medical issues, and having his older sister play maid is not exactly my definition of such. I’m not seeing what the functional difference is between living this way with his parents taking care of him and living this way with his sister doing so.
And I say this as a disabled adult who can’t drive and until the last few years could not find employment – and even then it’s seasonal. My husband is great, and has never, ever done or said anything to make me feel less than.
But I was (and am) aware that there are a few ways in which I am dependent on others. And there are ways in which I’m not. It’s important to me to be dependable and responsible. And to be realistic about things. I really can’t pretend that I don’t need assistance with transportation and that this means I need to make arrangements which are on me to make.
Despite how I have sometimes felt about it in frustrating moments, it doesn’t make me less of an adult.
But your brother is not being realistic. He’s not being responsible. He wants to be treated as an adult (naturally, what 18-year-old doesn’t?), but he’s not acting like one in a single way.
That “man of the house” stuff is just, yeah. He lies about going to work and school. And he probably does need to see a doctor. Whether he’s having physical or mental issues, they need to be addressed.
Keep taking care of your own stuff, you’re doing great.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother was taking a free ride with you and enjoying having you do all the work, be a personal cook, cleaner, driver, and general assistant while he sat on his butt. He needed a wake-up call from your parents. If he doesn’t want to lose his independence, he better grow up and start acting like an adult and start cleaning up after himself and handling this apartment like an adult.
Ignore his passive-aggressive behavior, he will eventually get over himself, and don’t make the mistake of letting him make you take over his own duties again.” Various-Bridge-325
3. AITJ For Accusing My Best Friend's Future Wife Of Using Him?
“My (37F) best friend Dan (40M) and I are childhood best friends since our parents are best friends also, we were expected to be together when we grew up but that never happened. Fast forward to January last year Dan met this girl Amy (30F) and he was instantly smitten with her.
Since the moment I met her, she rubbed me the wrong way, like something is off with her… For example, he’s a really good-looking guy almost like a Ken and she’s kind of stumpy but so girly and immature, he’s a successful lawyer and comes from a very well-off family but she works at Dunkin’ Donuts and doesn’t want to work elsewhere because “she loves her job and it’s great for her mental health.” She’s from South America (nothing against immigrants but she might want him for the wrong reasons) and has a kid.
The worst part is, she has EVERYONE bewitched, his parents, his friends, every single soul in our circle.
The problem is, in May, he proposed to her, and of course, she said yes. My suspicions began to be corroborated when Dan bought a house and added her to the deed, he got her a car for her birthday and he’s paying for the wedding.
Last week we all were at a “wedding party brunch” since she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Anyway in the middle of the meal, she got a call and she started to lament because it was the fourth chapel that didn’t have her dream date available for next year (it’s a June wedding, mind you).
Dan started to reassure her that he will find something lovely available for the date she wanted and he left to make some calls.
I took the chance to tell her that she should go with whatever date was available and if it was me marrying the man of my dreams a date wouldn’t stop me.
She said it was important to her because it was her late mother’s birthday and since she couldn’t be here with her she wanted to honor her somehow (a good reason I must admit but still). I repeated that if it was me marrying Dan I would marry as soon as possible.
His brother that was there told me to drop it and change the subject.
Around 20 minutes later Dan came back announcing he found a lovely place near the river and she just thanked him like a spoiled brat whose demand was given. I just couldn’t stand how much he coddled her and the lengths, she makes him go for her.
That night, I told him how I see she was using him, making him act like a puppy, he used to work 80 hours a week, but now if he comes to work before 9 am, it’s a miracle, and he always leaves at 5. How she’s harming his career, his finances, and his relationships, and how I couldn’t believe he has such low self-esteem to settle with her and that he could find someone so much more suitable for him.
He just looked me dead serious and told me if I ever repeat something like this he will cut me off as fast as those words leave my mouth. Now I’m thinking AITJ for looking out for him? I’m only worried she would play him, take everything from him and destroy him.”
Another User Comments:
“”My hot and rich childhood best friend (who-I-definitely-don’t-have-a-crush-on)’s new fiancee is the opposite of me and way too ugly for him. Everyone is BEWITCHED into liking her despite being a brown single mother! I think he treats her better than she deserves.
How dare she want to incorporate her late mother in her wedding! Why, if it was me I’d marry him anytime and anywhere. But-I-really-don’t-love-him! And what’s even worse is that she’s helping him live and not just slave his life away at the firm! He doesn’t see that I care about him once I said she’s just using him and destroying everything good in his life.”
YTJ and a bitter, jealous, racist one at that for thinking she’s with him “for the wrong reasons” just on the basis of being from South America.” gxth_mxth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound like an awful friend.
You haven’t actually mentioned ANYTHING that objectively tells me Dan’s fiancee isn’t a lovely person or is with him for the wrong reasons.
There’s nothing wrong with working at Dunkin donuts. There’s nothing wrong with being South American. There’s nothing wrong with not being what YOU consider physically attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
If EVERYONE ELSE likes her and you don’t – have you ever considered YOU are the problem?
It doesn’t sound like she is ruining his career. It sounds like he found something more important than working 80-hour weeks until death.
You sound like you’re jealous and bitter because you think YOU should have ended up with him.
So proud of Dan for standing up to your bullcrap.” Leading_Pie_3415
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t see anything wrong I mean she works at a fast food chain so do I and literally hundreds of thousands of people in the US if not more, she has a kid so do many other people – nearly 80% of single-parent households are run by the mom here in the US, her name’s on the deed of a house – couples usually own property together especially if they are married and will be married that’s very common, she’s immature… HOW?
I am serious WHAT makes her immature? You can’t just say somebody is something WITHOUT giving examples. I had a coworker who was immature and here are my examples: he was late to work EVERY DAY, he had his favorite coworkers that he would treat nicely and treated other coworkers like garbage by either trying to pick fights with them and/or talking crap about them behind their backs, he bucked up with management and insulted us while the owner was in the building!
You see these are reasons why we didn’t like him and prove he was immature you just said she’s immature and gave no real examples. She could’ve been stressed out about the wedding, planning it, and all of it going smoothly. I mean a wedding is a BIG event and you even admitted that she has a good reason to be nervous or frazzled about the date.” Awildtrainerappeared
2. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Stay Late At A Family Party?
I feel like the best solution would be to take separate cars next time, so he can leave earlier if he needs to.
“My (27f) husband (29m) is a very avid road cyclist. He’s in a local club that goes on rides every Tues/Wed/Thurs after work, not getting home until about 8/8:30. He also rides at least one weekend morning from about 8 am until 1-3 pm-ish (sometimes both Saturday & Sunday).
I’ve been very supportive of this hobby and I love how much he loves it, but we have had discussions about how much time of his it takes and I have expressed that I feel like I barely see him through the week and get lonely.
But he has emphasized how he can’t miss club rides because he doesn’t want to get slower, he’s the best he’s ever been right now, and he hates sitting at home doing nothing which is what I tend to do on weeknights.
A couple of weeks ago, my mom invited all our extended family for a pool party today at their house. I don’t get to see some members of my side of the family very often, so I was pretty excited. A couple of hours in, he mentions to me that he heard of a bike ride tomorrow morning he would like to go on, but it starts early in the AM, so could we please not stay late so he can get up early and go?
I said that I really didn’t want to set a time limit on visiting tonight, but I wasn’t planning on staying late. Then my sister came to me asking if she could get a ride back with us (she lives in our town) so she can stay longer and then BIL can take their toddler back to bed. We told her yes, shortly after my husband asks me if he can just hitch a ride back with BIL and I drive my sister back.
Here is where I might be the jerk, but at this point, I was a little buzzed after 2-3 drinks and planned to have another drink and not have to drive back. I told him this, and it wasn’t fair to spring on me and my sister after already agreeing to drive us back (my sister had a couple of drinks too).
He agreed to stay if we leave at 9:00 so that we’d get home at 10 o’clock for his 7 AM ride. I agreed, and 8:55 pm rolls around, I go inside to say bye to my mom and realize the kitchen is a wreck. My mom has been working hard hosting the whole party, so I quickly bust a move to help clean the kitchen of all the party food.
Finish that at about 9:25 (husband helped too), but then we realized our car was blocked in by other people.
By the time others got to moving cars, and we say our goodbyes again, it’s 10:00 pm. My sister decided to stay the night at my parents’ house, so it was just me and my husband for the hour’s drive back and once we hit the road it was clear he was livid.
I apologized for staying past 9, it just kind of happened. But he insisted I was being inconsiderate on purpose and not caring about the fact that he’ll be going to bed late tonight and has to get up very early, and I should have let him leave early.
This sparked my anger, I told him he goes on bike rides all the time and we had these plans for weeks.
So, what’s our verdict here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is great your husband has a hobby. However, it sounds like he is prioritizing a hobby over his marriage and that is breeding resentment.
He rides FOUR days every week. OP rarely sees her family but he couldn’t miss one ride? You both need to talk and find a compromise. It might simply be an issue of timing. My husband played sports on Saturday mornings for a season and it was really frustrating.
Saturday morning is when everything is open and you can go out and have fun. All the cafes/most events in town are shut on Sunday/Saturday afternoons (rural area). I hated having Saturday morning taken up every single week. He has switched to Saturday afternoon for his current hobby and it works so much better with the family schedule.
It doesn’t bother me at all. If your husband kept his weekends free, it might solve a lot of problems. Alternatively, it might mean that he needs to negotiate what he will prioritize over the hobby eg occasional family events. Or it might help if he plans time with you each weekend eg he takes you out to one thing/event/plan each weekend so you get meaningful time to connect as a couple.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am married to a triathlete so I feel your pain. Over the years we’ve had to compromise because I didn’t want to be in a marriage that was only about training. Although I support him, I need time with hubby to hang out as a couple and do other non-training related things.
Your partner needs to understand the impact his training has on you when he’s in a marriage with a noncyclist. It is reasonable that when you have family events; he plans his training around it and not the other way around.
If this is too much for him, then maybe he needs to marry a cyclist. He can’t expect all the compromise to lay on your shoulders.
And if you aren’t happy with how often he is not home, you can decide for yourself what’s a deal-breaker for you. That said, I hope he comes around.” DottedUnicorn
Another User Comments:
“I’m saying ESH for the fact that you got buzzed and planned not to drive back without consulting your husband first. You also could’ve discussed it beforehand.
My husband and I will a lot of times drive separately to things so we can leave when we want and when going out we discuss who is driving home. What if you both assumed the other would drive? He had a good out and you should’ve said he can go home with BIL and that way you could spend all the time you wanted with your family.” flowers4u
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ESH. You wanted to stay at the party, a party that had been planned for weeks and you were looking forward to and enjoying. Your husband wanted to leave early so he asked and you agreed. YOU agreed to leave early and were dragging your feet.
If you wanted to stay longer, then just say so. Tell him no, I’m having fun, haven’t seen my family in a while, etc. You deserve to do fun and enjoyable things too, and if he won’t join you, then at least you’re with your family.
He’s a jerk for not spending time with you which is upsetting and causing little fights like this. But until you and your husband figure something out, I predict fights like this happening more often.” gerogeroneko212
1. AITJ For Getting My Disabled Sister-In-Law's Free Rides Revoked?
“My sister-in-law has been married into my spouse’s family going on five years now.
She always claimed to be an alpha leader and if things weren’t going right she would throw a horrible toddler-like fit. She claimed she was mistreated by her family and never respected as the woman of the house since her Mom passed in 2008.
SIL would always want everything a certain way, always want a big fuss for her birthday but give you a dollar store wooden ornament for yours. Get hot dogs for a bbq, you have to buy the expensive one because she has dietary restrictions but never offers to help pay.
This is a solid theme with her.
A few years back, she went on unemployment because her job was in person and the location closed down for a while. She chose to not go back. When the gravy train ended and finances stopped coming in she suddenly had all these health issues pop up.
I am actually disabled but I work full time and I struggle with my health. I would come down with a real issue and suddenly she would be mimicking that issue.
Suddenly she decided she couldn’t drive so my spouse and their parents started driving her to help.
My spouse once was the only one who could take her to a doctor’s appointment almost two hours away. After she demanded to be taken to a friend’s house. My spouse said no because they really didn’t want to leave me any longer than needed. She didn’t like that.
Fast forward to this summer.
My Mom passed after a huge battle with metastasized cancer that caused her to waste away painfully and slowly. I really struggled blaming myself that I couldn’t find her better treatment.
The need for rides got worse and more demanding.
I mentioned in a group family chat that Medicaid had a ride service that she could get for free.
She lost her mind on me. She said the ride service was horrible and she would rather ride with family. I reminded her that we all have to make concessions.
She then claimed she gave 110% to this family and I was always out to get her. That I had been judging her and looking down my nose at her for 10 years. She then stated that my parents raised me wrong and she was raised right to watch what she said around people and it must be because I come from wealth.
Which I don’t…
Suddenly the chat blew up on her. My spouse who was still grieving my Mom’s death said SIL was raised wrong and I was only trying to help. My spouse’s parents even told her to apologize and rescinded their rides until she did, as did my spouse.
She took to TikTok posting video after video calling me a b******e because I took away her rides because she was disabled. She claimed I masterminded the whole thing and got my in-laws and husband to take away her rides so now she has to go off her meds and drive herself in level 10 pain.
She went even as far as to say I told her she was raised wrong!
People online are now agreeing with her and attacking me via TikTok, and it is making me worry I was in the wrong AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She costs herself the rides by accusing you of being raised wrong and whatnot.
Even worse, talking trash about your mom who just passed away.
Good for you that your husband chooses your side no matter what. And your in-law’s parents too. He also sees you try to make the best of your life by working while disabled, without demanding everything from your surroundings.
I’d also suggest just quitting Tiktok. Doesn’t make your life any better. People on there are often trying to make a fuss about everything. Cut the toxic people from your life.” VictoriousSeahorse
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ at all. Your SIL is though. She loves the pity party.
I can empathize with someone having disabilities. I also have several disorders that have had a huge impact on my life. Including being unable to drive by the way so I understand the struggle. But you know what? I work because I have bills to pay.
It’s hard but I do it. I sometimes get rides from the only 2 family members I have. I thank them and am nice to them. The rest of the time, I use public transport. She is entitled. Very. And rude. You all have been more than accommodating.
You owe her nothing and she is being ungrateful for the help she has received.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my aunt in a similar manner, and I have to support my mom who thinks the same as you, that she didn’t do enough to find a treatment when it is not her fault, and it isn’t yours either!
Your SIL sounds so toxic and entitled. It looks like everybody was already sick of her crap, and when you open a breach, they used it to finally express themselves too, you were just the spark that set everything ablaze, but your SIL was the one spilling fuel everywhere.” niniealucard
