People Want The Truth To Come Out In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Taking Extra Cheese From My Daughter Before Dinner?
“I gave a slice of cheese to both my 5 yo daughter and 6 yo son. A couple of minutes later my daughter wanted another slice, and since dinner was 30 minutes away I said no more.
She’s normally a well-behaved kid but she does have a bit of a defiant streak.
She went to the fridge and got two more slices by herself, then when I noticed I told her to give the extra slice to the 6yo. She refused and took bites out of both slices then ran away.
I chased her down and took the extra slice from her. It’s chewed and mashed up so I get the 6yo a fresh one so things are “fair.” That’s when the 5yo started crying and screaming for her momma.
My wife gets involved and sees that I took food away from a hungry child.
I try to explain that it’s not about the cheese, it’s about the 5yo not listening to me. She tells me sternly that I am the adult and that I should know better, and tells the 5yo she did nothing wrong. At this point, I’m so mad about being undermined in front of my kid that I have to step away.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. There are a few different ways to solve the cheese situation, but chasing a 5-year-old down and ripping half-eaten food away from her is a troubling approach – that sounds quite scary and destabilizing to a child.
You created a power struggle, which rarely ends well for either side. Providing natural consequences usually works better: “Oh, I see that you’re choosing to eat more now, that means you’ll get a smaller portion at dinner.” Or “I see you’re having trouble listening to my words.
You’re allowed to open the fridge when you can show me that you’re listening about how much snack is available. Until then, it’s for mom and dad to open.” The fact that you gave another slice to her brother after telling her she was wrong to want more probably further confused and upset her.
Your wife undermined you in a really vicious way, but she has a point that caregivers must be very careful about how they treat food when raising children. Girls are more susceptible to eating disorders, and incidents like this could cause her to associate food with fear and shame.
You both could benefit from parenting education.” sewcialanxiety
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You: Not for taking it away but for the “when” you did it. You said no more, child took more, you let it go and said to share. Only then did you step in when she didn’t share.
You needed to as soon as she took them, instead of relenting. All your daughter learned is that she had to share, not that when you say no, it means no. The behavior of defying you will continue and you just showed her that it can.
Your wife: She told your daughter that she is right, you’re wrong, and completely undermined your parenting decision. I feel bad for the kid honestly. She is getting so many mixed parenting decisions and behavior reinforcement that she probably has no idea what is ok and what isn’t at this point.” Unlikely_Thought_966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you and your wife need to have a SERIOUS referendum on your parenting philosophy re: food. Like a “doing research beforehand and bringing each other a reading list to consult” kind of serious. Refusing to share and going hog wild on food behind your back are both food behaviors that seem like they could develop into real problems for your daughter down the line.
Having parents who openly disagree over whether or not that behavior is ok also isn’t great for her. Y’all need to figure out what your united front strategy for food is going to be going forward, and you need to make sure those boundaries are clear to your kids.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Changing My Wi-Fi Password And Upsetting My Neighbor?
“I (23f) am friends with my neighbor (40f). I look after her and listen to her when she wants to rant.
I give her a drink if she wants one etc. I gave her my Wi-Fi password once to check her social media while she was over.
A year later, I was wondering why my internet was so slow for so long and I remembered that I let her use it once.
I changed the password to see if it was anyone using it and making it slow. Instantly better! She knocked all day in the morning saying she needed the Wi-Fi password! It’s an emergency, her cat is missing. I told her that I didn’t know it (I actually couldn’t remember to be honest) but I felt bad for the cat.
I felt bad and went out and searched for hours and made several posts online on all sorts of platforms.
The next day, I get a message – you’re no friend, I see how it is, and she throws a necklace I gave her through the post box damaged and cut.
I feel like I might be the jerk but I don’t know…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did a simple favor for a one-time use and she took advantage of you. You never arranged for her to share your wifi, she’s just plain stealing it.
Sorry that things will be awkward with your neighbor now, but she created this mess by stealing wifi without permission. Even if she realizes that she’s in the wrong, she may be too embarrassed to apologize.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but I’m going to give some advice from a technical angle.
As someone studying cybersecurity….sharing passwords is a huge no-no. What if she has a friend or family over? Then she gives them your password. Your network was compromised from the second you gave her your password. Going forward, maybe a compromise would be this: She pays for part of your internet, and in exchange, she gets access…BUT, configure your router to filter by MAC address.
That way, only the devices with the associated MAC address can access your network. And you should directly input your password on her device. This ensures that she’s connected to your network, but doesn’t know the password.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wifi.
I think it’s dumb to hand out a password like that. If someone does something illegal, it’s getting traced back to you, not her. And if you say she was a friend and you trust her, yeah but what if she shares that password with someone SHE trusts?
Now someone you don’t know can use your connection for anything they want, including illegal material. There are online speed tests to see how fast your connection is. If you are paying for it, don’t you want to make sure you’re getting what you pay for?
Lastly, there are programs you can use to monitor your network. It’s easy to see if anyone is using your connection.” disruptionisbliss
20. AITJ For Blocking The Buyer Of My Motorcycle After The Warranty Ended?
“In Feb I sold my motorcycle to a guy. The motorcycle was in good condition with regular check-ups and I owned it for 2 years without trouble. Even the local mechanic always told me how pristine my bike was.
I gave him 3 week’s warranty and I’ll only receive the last 30% of the payment if he has no trouble for 3 weeks.
3 weeks went on without issue so he paid me the remaining 30%.
Now all of a sudden in April (1 month after my warranty ended) he keeps calling my number saying the engine blew up, the radiator broke, and the motorcycle is falling apart so he wants his money back.
I’m so sick of his nagging and his tone like he was trying to scam me and taking me for a fool, so I blocked his number.
I don’t bother to know if my bike really broke down because I don’t want to see his face anymore.
But I do know for certain I sold him a good condition bike as far as I and my mechanic can see.
Am I the jerk for cutting him off by blocking his number?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He had plenty of time to test it out and get an assessment by his own mechanic.
That he chose not to do that within the warranty period is his fault. I would send him one last message telling him that the warranty period is over and the sale is final. Then take screenshots of everything and block him. Hang onto any paperwork you have from your mechanic (reach out and ask for copies if you don’t have them) and any paperwork related to the sale, just in case he tries to take you to court.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have bought and sold several motorcycles and never given or received a warranty from a person-to-person sale you don’t owe him anything. Back in the day, I posted an ad for a non-running bike for $500 I clearly stated the bike was broken and I didn’t know what was wrong with it.
This dude pays me $550 to bring it to him and had the audacity to have his partner threaten me with the police because “there was more wrong with it than you told him.”” Delusional_Viking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my partner is a serial motorcycle/car buyer-seller who ALWAYS blocked people the moment the cash and title were exchanged. One of the few times he didn’t the guy had crashed/hit something, somehow dented the swing arm, claimed it was sold to him like that (it was not the bike was perfect and never laid down), and tried to ask him if he could come back over to have it looked at.
Don’t ever interact with someone after the sale and frankly don’t ever do that warranty thing again. Sell as is and be done with it.” queen0fgreen
19. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Cooked With Gluten Despite My Allergy?
“I have a food sensitivity to gluten.
I’ve been to the allergy doctor etc and they have confirmed. My mom knows this and said she made my pasta separate from the rest of the dinner. Everyone else had ravioli and my mom made me gluten-free pasta. I ate the bowl of pasta and said thank you.
A few minutes later I asked my mom if the sauce had flour in it. She shook her head “no” and then said “a little”.
I didn’t say anything right away. I was confused because she made a statement that mine was gluten-free and I didn’t think to ask her about the sauce.
After dinner, I told her she should have told me that there was flour in the sauce and she said something like “whatever it was only a little” and “you had allergies anyway”.
I told her that was rude and walked away.
She didn’t even give me an option if I wanted to choose to suffer the consequences or not from eating flour.”
Another User Comments:
“I have MCAS and one of my biggest triggers is meat. Or anything made from meat such as broth. It’s not 100% that I’m going to have a reaction. It’s usually around 75 – 80% of the time that I have one. But they’re disgusting when I do.
And yet… People think that when I tell them I’m a vegetarian it’s a joke for them to put meat in my food. I’ve tried to explain to them that it’s closer to an allergy but it’s not actually an allergy. It’s just really difficult to explain.
A cousin I haven’t seen for years recently tried to hide meat and food at my friend’s baby shower. I had no idea my friend even knew this person and my friend had no idea that person was my cousin. Luckily, we caught it before I ate anything.
And I’m on a new medication that has really slowed down the reactions that I do have. But I’m also terrified to try foods that have been such a trigger for me for the last 30 years.
My point is… Families are jerks. And people who don’t understand food sensitivities, allergies, intolerances, and think it’s not a big deal or it’s funny to mess with people who have dietary restrictions…are the worst. I actually had threatened to go to HR at my job once about it because no one would order food I could eat.
they just kept telling me to pick the meat off of the pizza. They wouldn’t understand that meat juice makes me sick but when we had a Muslim person start they would order food for him but they still wouldn’t order me just a plain cheese.” ElehcarTheFirst
Another User Comments:
“My daughter has a gluten allergy so I understand what that can mean for you. It is shocking to me that a parent would do this to their child. That anyone would do this but especially a parent. Protect yourself. If you are old enough to cook start doing your own meals.
If you have to keep food in your room do it. We learned the hard way(didn’t understand why my daughter’s GI symptoms were getting worse and worse over the years until she was diagnosed with gluten intolerance. The more you eat the worse it gets.
She is now to the point that eating any gluten will have her in the bathroom for 12-24 hours. You don’t want to get to that point and unfortunately, you can’t rely on your mother to protect you. You must do it yourself.
So very sorry. I hate to see a parent act like this. NTJ.” strangebow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum took away your choice to eat gluten. It was very rude of her to do what she did. I have coeliac disease and talk about gluten as being a literal poison.
It helps people understand that my ‘allergy’ is actually something quite serious. Regardless of where you sit on the spectrum of food sensitivity serving you food without telling to is not cool. I would be careful about trusting her to prepare you food that is safe for you to eat.” martylegarcon
18. AITJ For Being Upset After My Sister Laughed At My Injury?
“Many years ago, when I was a few weeks shy of being 10, my sister ended up twisting her knee. For some reason, I found this funny and continually teased her about it. Eventually, I stopped but still made jokes about it from time to time until I was about 11.
Just a few days ago, I ended up twisting my knee. It was painful, and I was stuck on the floor of the house for a solid 10 minutes, not being able to do anything. I would have asked my mother to help me, but she was in the shower.
So I call out for my sister, who walks up to me…and proceeds to laugh in my face. She just continually teases me until she goes back to her room, leaving me there unable to walk or move at all really.
Eventually, I was able to get up, but only after about 30 minutes.
Am I still the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh no! It’s the consequences of your own actions! You have two options: 1) Acknowledge the fact that your sister’s actions were the natural consequence of the way you treated her. You could even acknowledge that you acted like a jerk when you were 10, and apologize.
Your relationship with your sister would grow in a positive way. 2) Get irrationally angry with your sister, even though she gave you 1/100th of the teasing you gave her. Blame her even though she’s done nothing wrong. Lose your sister’s respect. Look like an idiot.
Why did you choose option 2? Now YTJ.” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“Ok, I get why people are saying YTJ here, because karma. However, I’d like to say that being a jerk at 10 years old is not the same thing as being a jerk at 20.
I don’t think you are wrong for expecting your sister to act like an adult, but it doesn’t sound like you were in any serious danger of further injury. I’d like to say though, your sister didn’t know that. For all either of you knew, this was a more serious injury that could have become more severe without intervention.
I’m glad this wasn’t the case – and while I understand your sister’s desire to get back her own by teasing you, unless she’s still 12, I’d say she’s the jerk here. My suggestion is to sit down with your sister like grown-ups and settle the conflict – you undoubtedly owe her an apology for being a brat when you were 10, and she clearly needs to address this unresolved resentment, so she doesn’t make another bad choice not to help an injured family member in the future.
NTJ for expecting an adult to act like one. You would be the jerk if you don’t talk to your sister to settle the conflict or expect her to let it go without a conversation.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“I hear you saying that because you were a child you should get a pass.
Have you ever apologized? Have you changed and become a different person who helps people when they’re down, educates yourself about injuries, puts yourself in other people’s shoes, doesn’t make fun of anyone, and communicates with vulnerability, accountability, and honesty? Or are you still pretty much the same person who laughed at her for a year for no reason?
Not many people would walk away from a good, loving person who’s earned their respect and support. So instead of telling yourself she didn’t help you because of who you used to be, why not ask yourself who you are now.” wwydinthismess
17. AITJ For Denying My Roommate's Claim That I'm Being Stalked?
“I (19F) have four roommates the same age as me. On Sunday at 10 p.m., the person I share a room with, Sofia, asked if I was doing okay. I told her I was fine and asked why she was asking. Sofia said she heard me on the phone at 4 a.m. that day saying I was being stalked. I assured her I wasn’t being stalked, and maybe she had a bad dream.
I even checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t made any calls in my sleep (I don’t sleep talk or have unusual behaviors). I suggested she might have heard an audio from TikTok about someone being stalked. After that, we went to bed.
On Sunday afternoon (before Sofia asked me if I was okay), I texted her about opening the blinds in our room and asked if anyone could see in (we live on the third floor).
On Monday night, I came in late and was mumbling to myself about the mess in the apartment.
My roommates hadn’t cleaned the stove, and the dishes had piled up. I sometimes mumble when I’m stressed.
On Wednesday, the resident director (RD) came to check on me after receiving a report that I wasn’t doing well. I was confused, so I explained to him that Sofia had asked about me being stalked and that I wasn’t.
I also mentioned this to another roommate, Leah. Later, I got an email saying the RD was coming over to discuss our roommate agreement, which I thought was going to be about cleanliness, so I was relieved.
When the meeting began, Leah and the others shared that they wanted the apartment to feel like a safe space for open communication.
Then, Sofia said she heard me on the phone with the police saying I was being stalked. She also brought up the text I sent about the blinds and mentioned seeing me mumbling to myself. She said she was concerned for me.
I apologized for causing concern, but I explained again that I wasn’t being stalked. I showed everyone my phone to prove I didn’t make any calls.
Sofia said that wasn’t fair—how would I feel if I saw something and the other person dismissed it as a dream? She insisted I must have called someone on another platform, dismissing my proof.
Some people think Sofia may have had an auditory hallucination, some think she had a bad dream, and some think she’s lying to get me in trouble.
Sofia thinks I’m the jerk for saying it was just a dream, while I feel frustrated that I’m being accused of something I didn’t do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would look into getting into another roommate situation if this can’t be mediated. I’m hoping I’m wrong but your roommate may be the one having a break from reality.
I had an acquaintance in college who was so stressed that he suffered a break and believed his roommate was copying his notes and research and trying to sabotage his grades. They weren’t even in the same field. He was finally diagnosed with severe anxiety (coupled with some substance abuse issues).
His family pulled him out and he went into counseling after that. I believe he was finally able to return after a few years.” Bear_Aspirin_00
Another User Comments:
“Ayoooo people just never really know when to leave well enough alone and mind their business!!
All because she’s so darn sure that she heard you on the phone with the police? Did she see the police come to the apartment? Because when you call the cops, they must come talk to you and file a report. Is there a police report?
Tell her that you mumble under your breath because you’re a nice person and don’t want to outright say that your roommate is a slob. Perhaps she should pursue a career as a social worker since she’s so desperately worried about others’ welfare based on what she assumes that she hears.
A question about the blinds, something she thinks she heard, and mumbling under your breath all led her to this grand conclusion that you’re being stalked? This chick is crazy! Perhaps she should talk to someone. NTJ. No way. No how.” Big_Object_4949
Another User Comments:
“This is really odd. So this girl thinks you were on the phone with the police about being stalked. You assure her that never happened and show her no calls were made from your phone at that time. Wouldn’t that make everyone happy and relieved?
There is no problem, yay! But these nutters are turning it around into something completely different. That’s unnecessary and I’m sure very stressful for you. You may want to talk to the RA about new arrangements with roommates who have a better grip on reality and know how to clean up after themselves.
Good luck and NTJ.” forgetregret1day
16. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister's Relationship Troubles?
“I (28F) have a younger sister, Emily (25F), who was with her high school sweetheart, Jake, since she was 14. They were together all through high school and college, and honestly, they were the epitome of a perfect couple.
Jake was always so thoughtful—he’d surprise her with gifts, plan elaborate outings, and he literally lit up whenever she was around. They even talked about getting married.
Fast forward to a few months ago, Emily was unfaithful to Jake and broke up with him to be with her affair partner, Mark.
Since then, she’s been complaining to me about how Mark doesn’t do any of the romantic things Jake used to do. Apparently, he doesn’t surprise her with gifts, and their outings are pretty lackluster compared to what she had with Jake.
Last week, while I was on the phone with her, she started venting about how she feels unsatisfied with her new relationship.
I don’t know what came over me, but I just burst out laughing. I mean, she was unfaithful to the guy who literally worshipped the ground she walked on, and now she’s complaining about the new guy not measuring up? It just sounded so absurd to me.
Emily got really upset and told me I was being insensitive. I tried to explain that I wasn’t laughing at her pain, but it felt like poetic justice given how she treated Jake. Now she’s barely talking to me, and I’m starting to feel bad.
AITJ for laughing at my sister’s relationship troubles when she was unfaithful to someone who treated her like a queen?”
Another User Comments:
“Call me too woke but if my sister was unfaithful (for no reason), I would constantly bring it up whenever she complained. “Mark doesn’t bring me gifts, it’s so frustrating.” “Sucks that you were unfaithful to the guy who did, huh?” “Mark doesn’t understand me, I have to constantly remind him of what I like.” “Well that’s funny, because you did have a guy who understood you but well you CHOSE to mess that up.” NTJ.” AnnBlinks3002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ feel free to keep laughing. Your sister gave up 90% of what she had in her relationship to gain the 10% she thought she was missing. I guess in her rush for that “new relationship energy” she never considered what she’d be giving up.
To the new guy she’s just another chick, not a cherished partner and this is a lesson she needs to learn and grow from. I just hope Jake learns his lesson as well and isn’t fool enough to take her back if she changes her mind.” East-Salamander-8816
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people should have to endure mocking when the consequences of their own actions hit them. Hope Jake is doing OK now.. hopefully, it would aid his recovery to know that Emily finally regrets her betrayal of him. Just hope he is strong enough not to take her back, should she try and crawl back to him!” Brutal_De1uxe
15. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Last Minute Wedding?
“My best friend is having a wedding. She asked me to be her maid of honour and I was doing all the duties as one would do.
I knew that she wanted a very small wedding and not to be a big deal and I respected it.
She got engaged in August and wanted to get married as soon as possible. For about a month now she has been talking about getting married in the town she lives in in February 2025 which is 4 hours away from me but I lived there and have several friends I can stay with.
Assuming the date of her wedding is in February, I planned a bachelorette party with friends from all over BC to meet in one town and celebrate her. (She knows about this)
Yesterday I received a message from the bride that she will be getting married before Christmas – about a month from now in a remote town 5 hours away.
And said she already booked the Airbnb for them and that I had to find my own. I am the only person she really wants there and also I legally have to be there to sign.
This is where I struggle:
- she didn’t ask me if I am available in December
- didn’t check with me if I could do it a week before Christmas financially – which I can’t
- when we were discussing where I can stay I was saying that everything is really expensive and that I don’t want to pay for Friday night when I arrive at 10 pm and just sleep.
Meanwhile, she has a giant 2 bedroom Airbnb and didn’t offer that I could crash there the one night.
- it’s very snowy here in Canada in December and I have to pass 2 mountains and I don’t feel safe to go.
- my partner said straight up he is not going because it’s very short notice and we don’t have anyone to watch our 2 dogs.
- there is no reception after, the bride and groom are gonna BBQ and they don’t drink so I’ll end up in a hotel room by myself at 8 pm.
I am new to these wedding ethics and I understand that the day is about them and they can do whatever they want but shouldn’t you check with your maid of honour?
Am I making it about myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as they didn’t contact you about how available you are for the changes you are well within your rights to back out. As to being their only legal witness, not sure about Canada (I assume BC means Canada) but she should be able to get a local person to be her witness at the venue; whoever is working with the officiant of the ceremony (secretary of clerk or wife of the minister)?
If not then she needs to rethink her wedding. If family is going to be there let them witness it.” LovBonobos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She changed plans and they are no longer compatible with you. You don’t HAVE to legally be there. Anyone can be a witness to sign the marriage certificate.
Apologize that you can’t make it and bow out. To answer your last question. If it was really that important to her that you were going to be there, she would have checked with you first. This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment, last-minute thing. You agreed to a date/time/place.
A million little things went into them changing that date. Discussions between the bride/groom, the decision on a new location, the research into the booking of the Airbnb, any food, drink, decoration, venue, officiant, etc. They went through all of that planning without talking to you first. Think about all the planning you did for the bachelorette party.
Now imagine changing the date, time, and location without telling the bride.” bestbobever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A month’s notice to take a mini-vacation is out of line. It would be one thing if it was in your town or a town that was easy to get to and easy and free to stay in.
It’s entirely another to have it set up as it is. Let her know that the timing is impossible for you and that she’ll need a new witness. When she freaks out, which she probably will, you tell her that if she wants you to travel she needs to check dates and finances with you or find another witness.
DO NOT cancel or change the bachelorette out of hand. Tell her you would love to celebrate her wedding as you are able to, but that this trip is out of the question.” rockology_adam
14. AITJ For Not Joining My Dad And His Sick Stepdaughter On Their Mini-Vacations?
“I (17m) live primarily with my mom and I see my dad one weekend a month because he’s lived 4 hours from us since I was 9 and my sister (20f) was 12.
Last year my dad got married again. His wife has a 7-year-old daughter (she might be 6) with this rare chronic blood issue that has affected her heart. It could be terminal if she doesn’t get the right transplants and she’s a rare blood type and they struggle to get the match for I think bone marrow?
But she’s also waiting for a heart transplant. I don’t know all the details. I’m not that invested in my dad’s life or the stuff going on with his new family.
I am with them one weekend a month and I try not to let my disinterest hurt the kid.
This means she has bonded with me even though it’s totally one-sided and I think it’s because her life has revolved a lot around her health and hospitals and she doesn’t have a big family or friends because she rarely is healthy enough to go to school.
With all that said they take her on mini-vacations when she can and when they can afford to. My dad wanted me and my sister to join in as often as we could so his stepdaughter could have family around her, just in case. Like in case she doesn’t survive.
I know she wants me there. My sister has never met her so I’m not sure she cares about her. But my dad does and his wife really cares. She surprised me but she cares. They invited me on like 9 already and I never go.
I never want to.
After the last one, his stepdaughter ended up in the hospital and was so sick. They were angry that it could have been it and my sister and I weren’t there and didn’t make it extra special for her. They asked if I wouldn’t feel awful if she’d died and I didn’t get to say goodbye.
That I didn’t make her final moments special.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can’t help that you don’t feel a bond. Some step-siblings are close, some aren’t. You can’t force a relationship where there isn’t one. You can’t MAKE someone love another person.
Your dad chose his wife and stepdaughter, not you. And you don’t have any ill will towards the kid, you just don’t feel any love for her either. So I totally see where you are coming from. And I see where they are coming from too.
This child is sick. And although I have never and could never experience it myself, I have been told that having a terminally ill child is one of the worst things a parent can experience. Since they are likely to lose the kid sooner rather than later, and she won’t even get to live a normal life before it happens.
I’m sure this is eating them alive and all they want is to try to make the time she has as happy as they can make it. And they want to play “normal happy family” to the best of their abilities. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But unfortunately for them, as I said, you just can’t force a relationship where there isn’t one.
All I can really say is this. How much do you value your relationship with your father? If you don’t, you do you. If you do, maybe join the next few trips, for him if not for her.
Because when she is gone your father is going to remember whether or not you were there, and he’s likely going to change his attitude towards you accordingly. It’s not in any way your fault that the girl is sick. But if you want to keep a good relationship with your dad, you may want to play along so he and his wife don’t aim a bunch of resentment at you for refusing to even try to be a big brother.
But again, at the end of the day, if you’re not up to it then you’re not up to it. Things are going to change one way or another, and the changes are probably going to be unpleasant. That is just the nature of these sorts of situations.
Grief messes people up, and it’s understandable.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“I am torn on this one, your stepsister has bonded with you even if it is a one-sided bond, would it hurt if you showed a little compassion? That said I also completely see where you are coming from on this, you don’t have much of a relationship with your dad or his new wife and her daughter, I suspect you are only going because it is court-mandated that you go once a month.
I am going with ‘everyone’s a jerk’ on this a. for your dad and his wife pushing this and getting angry when you and your sister won’t go on these mini holidays. b. This very ill child obviously likes you and feels she has a bond with you and you could just once in a while make it a bit special for her.
It’s nice to be nice!” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because your dad moved 4 hours away, remarried someone with a sick kid, only sees his own children one weekend a month, and now wants the children he left behind to prioritize his sick stepkid.
You are not an emotional support puppy to provide this child with something she doesn’t have. People saying ‘Wouldn’t it be great to do a selfless thing for a child you don’t know’ – we don’t even ask this much of famous people for Make a Wish foundation.
The adults built up this fallacy of a relationship for her to make her feel better with no concern for how it would impact you. So long term, if she gets the treatment and survives, now you have to pretend to care forever. Alternatively, if she passes, now you have to pretend to have some great loss when you weren’t that close.
So what are they expecting when you turn 18 because you don’t sound like you will continue to go, this emotional blackmail will never stop.” jsbleez
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Money On Christmas Gifts Due To Financial Struggles?
“We are a one-income household. I’m disabled and can’t work.
My husband quit his job in August due to mental health reasons and I fully supported his decision. He didn’t find a job until the middle of October and just started last Monday. In the interim, he was working part-time for his uncle but wasn’t making enough to cover our bills.
We are behind on phone, internet, electric and rent. We will be late on rent next month and possibly January while we get caught up.
My husband’s birthday is at the end of December and he has to renew his driver’s license. BUT in order for him to do that, he has to pay $1600 for using a pay-per-use highway in our province that he just didn’t pay for the last couple of years.
We owe over $6000 total for the bill but only have to pay the $1600 to get his license renewal. His father also loaned us $800 to help us pay for our insurance and groceries. My husband is not very fiscally responsible so I am trying to take over the finances.
Now, his family always over does Christmas. At least 4 celebrations for his side of the family and all require buying gifts for games, and all of his extended family. It’s quite expensive and overwhelming. We also have three children and one of them has a birthday two days before Christmas.
Our kids are 15, 16 and 22. I think the kids are old enough to understand that we can’t afford lavish gifts this year and I’m hoping his extended family will understand what a predicament we’re in. My husband is upset with me that I don’t want to spend the money on gifts this year and just have our presence be our presents.
He wants to “keep up appearances”. I hate that.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re all financially irresponsible. He quit his job before having a new one lined up, and you supported this. Unless he was in bodily harm, I would have thrown a fit.
And even before quitting his job, he didn’t pay his bills. Highly doubt that the road bill is the only one. You both overspend during Christmas. He may be the one pushing for this, but you’ve enabled him. This is the first time you have put your foot down and you are NTJ for it.
Unfortunately, Christmas is just a drop in the bucket. You have kids as old as 22 so you’re at least in your 40s with no savings, consumer debt, and living above your means. What is your long-term plan? When you grow old, do you just plan to be a financial burden on your kids?
This needs to change now. Write down all your debts, and when they are due. Everything. Personal loans, road fee, parking tickets, credit cards, mortgage. Absolutely everything. Then look at your monthly spending. Where are you overspending to keep up appearances? What can you cut down on?
How many cars do you have? Do you need to downgrade your house? Do you have stuff in the attic that you can sell? And if it’s so important to him to keep up appearances, then lie. Tell the in-laws you’re suddenly going green and that you are so worried about the environment and how we are wasting resources, so this year will be all about giving second-hand items. You probably have something at home that you can re-gift. If not then check sites that gives stuff away for free.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ maybe sit down with your husband and say that X amount of dollars can be put toward Christmas in any way that he likes. But nothing above that. And then stick to those numbers. You might also want to draw up a budget of both best-case and worst-case scenarios and make your husband review it with you and sign off that he understands it.
That might help a little bit when he starts getting the urge to spend inordinate amounts of money you don’t have. It’s very stressful to be the only fiscally responsible person in the relationship. Keep good records.” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I actually agree with your position, but I understand that this can be a very sensitive subject for your husband.
But is it possible to do homemade gifts and get away with that? Baked goods, or handmade home decor – depending on how artsy you are. For baked goods – you don’t even have to bake: I once got a homemade “cookie mix” (flour, cocoa, sugar, cinnamon, etc.) with instructions on a pretty card.
And you can just say you’re tired of all the waste – you don’t have to make it about money. Or barter – if your relatives have young kids, I’m sure “coupons” for babysitting (overnight babysitting if you can do that) will be worth more to them than any gift…
Another option is to go to goodwill/garage sales. You have time – so if you start now, you can probably get some decent stuff for low prices. As long as we’re not talking electronics/computer games/etc.” Sure-Beach-9560”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Sister's Expensive Destination Wedding?
“My (36M) sister (33F) is getting married in March. She’s having a destination wedding in Mexico, and we have to RSVP/reserve our resort booking by early December.
I looked into the stay and airfare, and it would be 5-6 grand (not counting having to get passports, clothes, etc…) for me and my husband to go. This is uncomfortably expensive for us. We have the money, but it would have to come from our emergency fund, and it would take us a while to save that much money again.
I mentioned how expensive this feels to my mother, and she made it clear that she expects us to be there. She said she and my dad could cover part of the cost, but I don’t feel comfortable accepting that. For some context, my sister and I did not get along growing up.
As adults, we’re cordial but not close. She moved far away many years ago, and we can go years without seeing each other in person. We do occasionally exchange messages or memes. She was at my wedding, but we got married at city hall, and it was just kind of a happy accident that she happened to be in town at the time.
My husband and I don’t like to travel or go to parties due to anxiety; we’re introverted homebodies who prefer hanging out at home with friends we already know. I feel like we’re being expected to spend a lot of money that we never normally would just due to familial obligation/expectation.
My husband agrees about it being too expensive but says he’ll accept my decision on whether or not we go. I know we can expect some family pushback/disappointment, but WIBTJ if we don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The financial reason is plenty to support your decision.
And while many things are not important to cave to family pressure for, I also always look at picking my battles, mainly because I do not enjoy drama in my life and these battles can cause long-term drama. In this case, if I were in your position, I would personally accept the financial help from my parents to attend.
I would participate in the wedding festivities with my spouse, and take much of the rest of the week to relax and rest and recharge. I am also a shy and introverted person so I would likely not mingle with anyone I didn’t know beyond polite greetings.
Choosing not to do this would not make you a jerk, to be clear, it’s just a matter of which situation you would prefer long term: having spent a part of your savings (but not the full 5ish K) and a week a bit out of your comfort zone (that you could make the best of and you and your husband may end up loving) or the long term resentment/disappointment/anger/etc from your parents, sister and any others that agree with them.” bookworm-mama5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of hosting a destination wedding is accepting that not everyone can & will swing for it. Heck, a lot of the reason to host a destination wedding is so that you can cut down on attendees. I will say, it sounds like it’s important to your mom and it could be a really great time.
My family and I still talk about a trip to Mexico for a cousin’s wedding almost 20 years ago, and the members who didn’t make it felt very left out. If you can reach a number that you’re comfortable with mom covering/you paying that’d be great, but if traveling and being a part of the wedding is just not a priority for you then no one can blame you for not shelling out.” VelvetPenguin87
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you can compromise by shortening your stay. My husband’s niece had a destination wedding. His sister’s family is very well off. We are not. The money we spent is pocket change for them. We might see them 2-3 times a year I told my husband it was up to him.
We decided to go because their sister, parents, and her husband are deceased (within the past 5 years) and it’s just my husband and his sister left in the family. But we didn’t stay the entire week. We flew in the day before the wedding and left the day after the wedding.
It was expensive for 2 days, including the cost of 2 outfits and a new suit plus the food we spent, $3000. I am glad we went. We had a good time. I hate destination weddings for family and guests.” SandAcres
11. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Unstable And Disgusting Brother-In-Law?
“5 months ago, my BIL (47) moved in with my wife (his sister) because he had no place to go, no money, no backup, and no friends that would help him out.
He was living in his own apartment because he and his wife were terrible for each other for 25 years, were unfaithful to each other constantly, and were verbally and emotionally abusive to each other. They separated partially because their marriage was a mess and he had an ongoing affair.
He has 3 kids; 22, 19, and 12.
His plan was to run away with this mistress to where we live so he could have some family nearby and start over. His mistress was going to fund this whole ordeal but backed out at the 11th hour, leaving him with nothing.
At this point he had nothing. My wife and I decided he could come and stay with us until he got back on his feet, mentally and financially.
The only way to do that though was to send him gas money for the whole trip because he said he was broke and had less than $100 to his name.
We told him prior to him heading this direction that he would need to pay rent ($400/mo), keep the room he stays in clean, and take care of the 2 dogs he was bringing with him. (Side note: my wife and I already have 6 dogs so the extra pups were not an issue.)
We were arguing about him because 2 days ago, he got up to go somewhere, and when he got home to take his dogs out he screamed so loud at them and with so many profanities that our neighbor called my wife to see if she and our son were ok.
Our neighbor thought I was doing something to them in a way that was so loud from a concrete basement, she called to check. After he took his dogs out, I said “hey man, you can’t scream like that, our neighbor called because she thought something bad was happening,” and instead of realizing his mistake, he said he was tired of the lectures, started crying and then went back to his room in the basement.
He didn’t come out for more than 24 hours. He went to work last night and my wife wanted to check his room after he left.
She walked in and the smell was horrific, trash everywhere, clothes spilling out of the closet like a hoarder, just absolutely unacceptable.
He had plastic fountain cups of his urine everywhere, some with lids and some without. He had also urinated in one of our dishes that we use for drinking. We found some of our dishes in trash bags that also had dog waste in them.
It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever been a witness to and I’ve seen a lot of terrible stuff.
So my wife and I have decided that he has to go as soon as he gets a full paycheck. However, we’re not sure how to tell him because of how unstable he is.
We plan on speaking with the police because I don’t want him to hurt us, destroy our stuff any more than he already has, or hurt his dogs out of anger. I feel like a jerk for not listening to my wife about what kind of person he was.
We both thought a change of environment might help him mature, but it didn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But beyond that, he has established tenant rights… Legally speaking he could dig his heels and you would be forced to evict him. Depending on your jurisdiction that can drag on forever.
That is his legal right. Whether he knows it is another question altogether. As in if you yell at him and he goes, well he voluntarily relinquished those rights. But the risk is there so if I was you I would learn the ins and outs of evicting in your jurisdiction.
Mostly so you can see that if you get the chance to buy him off (we can’t do this anymore, but here are a few $Ks to help you get on your own if you leave now) it would be money well spent. Heck as I said it would be in your best self-interest and still make you two look like you are going the extra mile for him while avoiding a kicking-him-out-in-the-cold confrontation.” Unlucky-Clock5230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is just…unacceptable. Yes, plan carefully for the safety of yourselves and the dogs. Check local laws about tenancy, I’m sorry to say there may be other legal issues involved. You may have to do a proper eviction process, but if he threatens you, assaults you, or damages your property during the eviction process you can probably have the police remove him immediately.
Maybe pay for a month of lodging somewhere if he moves willingly, and keep his pups for him?” Internal_Home_9483
Another User Comments:
“I hope you have an alarm system with cameras because when you have lost it all, you have nothing left to lose, and he sounds like he is not all there to begin with and could be very vindictive.
No wonder he has no one else to turn to – he is disgusting and horrible. He is mean to animals, too lazy to walk to the bathroom, not thankful enough to keep one room clean, not respectful enough to treat your dishes like they are not disposable hefty plates, and thinks being spoken to about a mistake he made is lecturing and controlling him.
Dude, you have tried to help, this is all of his own making, A for effort, but God helps those who help themselves.” Electrical_Whole1830
10. AITJ For Not Listening To My Friend's 41-Minute Voice Message?
“I’ve had a friend who I’ve known for about 2+ years in school, and throughout the first year, he was always incredibly annoying. He was always calling me nicknames which I didn’t really want to be called, he was really nosy when once I was talking to my parents in a native language he was using Google translate camera mode to see what I was writing to them about, and whenever I visibly became angry and annoyed to something he did, he just laughed it off and just said ‘I was just joking!’ I’ve found it hard to even call him ‘a friend’ at points.
In the second year and now, he is still quite annoying, but it’s less bad than he used to be (when I say less bad, that’s like 20% less bad than he was). He also is known for sending extravagantly long voice messages as well.
Once, when going on a school trip, he sent me like a 20-minute-long voice message which I spent most of the time on the bus there listening to and, honestly, thought I wasted my time as he was randomly yapping about the EU and how cars didn’t work or some baloney like that which we have never talked to each other before about.
Now, just before going on holiday, I was talking to him a little and then he suddenly stopped. I saw he was sending a voice message. He hadn’t really sent a voice message for a long while before that, and he kept going. After 40 minutes, I saw he sent a 41-minute gargantuan voice message.
He told me some ‘instructions’ before listening to it, like ‘please listen to everything, as I appreciate being listened to’. I’ve been putting it off for 2 weeks now, as I just cannot be asked to listen to him randomly talk about nothing relevant. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s a reply you can send to his “instructions”: I’m not doing that. If he has anything important in that 41 minutes, this will be his prompt to actually tell you that in text form. If he was just rambling because he wants attention and “appreciates being listened to” this will be his prompt to whine.
You can respond to anything important he says that actually interests or impacts you, and ignore the rest. Beyond that, you don’t seem to actually like this person and you might be better off slowly fading out of his life.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a bizarre way to amuse oneself. He actually believes he has the right to tell you what to do? And, it’s kind of working, as here you are weeks later wondering if you are the jerk. At this point just delete it and if you see him again, just casually say “Never had the time.” If you respond he’ll know he’s been successful in staying in your head.
Next time immediately let him know “not interested, too busy.” And then block him and free up the mental space he’s taking. You don’t need him there.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know whether your friend is a narcissist or on the spectrum, but it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to listen to a 40-minute voice mail let alone give someone instructions on how to listen to it.
The only reason I might listen to something to something so insane is to see whether it outlines a plan to shoot up the school or something. You might want to download the audio file and let an AI transcribe it so you can see whether he’s just prattling on about something or plans to hurt himself or someone else.
You might also want to consider further distancing yourself from this person who may need professional help.” PikesPique
9. AITJ For Leaving My Parent's House Again After They Disapproved Of My Partner?
“I (27M) moved out of my parents’ house about a year ago because my very religious mother was extremely controlling (my way or the highway type).
To give you an idea, she claimed going to mass every Sunday was part of the house rules, and if I didn’t like it I could leave. I used to contribute with groceries and gas money, but that all stopped when I moved out.
Fast forward a year, my dad has been unemployed for that amount of time, and the family is struggling financially because he’s the breadwinner.
One of my brothers also got diagnosed with stage 2 cancer (lymphoma), which put an even heavier toll on the finances. This is when my parents started contacting me to try and get me to move back in with them. Of course they wanted money, and by living with them I’d be able to not pay rent to a random landlord, but give my parents that money instead.
It sounded like a pretty sensible idea, and they really need that extra help to keep them afloat.
About a month and a half ago I moved in temporarily to their house, as they had to leave town with my brother to go get him immunotherapy.
All was fine and well: I took care of my youngest sibling, bought groceries, paid for gas, and even gave my parents some money to help them out with their trip.
My parents came back a month later. All was going well. It got to the point where I was legitimately feeling quite comfortable, and I decided not to go back to my home for some time (not permanently yet).
Well, two days ago I was in my room with my partner (23F). We were both really tired and decided to take a nap together (something we routinely do). My mom knocks at my door to ask me some questions, and I tell her to come in.
The look of surprise/anger on her face when she saw us was really unexpected. She asked whatever she’d come to ask, I answered. She left, but not before making it clear she’d “leave the door open” before storming out of the room.
Yesterday I confronted her and asked that she leave the door the same way she found it.
My mother started an argument, saying she’d not leave the door closed while my partner was in my room, that my partner was wrong for being in my bed, and that I was doing something immoral by taking a nap with her in the same bed. She also said I could not take naps with my partner in her house anymore, because those were the rules.
The argument lasted for almost two hours, at which point I decided to just say “forget it”, packed my bags, and left. I did tell my mom she could forget about the rent money, and she lost it, saying things like “so you aren’t really willing to help, huh?”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are asking for your help and you are trying to accommodate, but sometimes to get someone’s help people need to compromise, which apparently your mom is not willing to do. She asked you to move back in, not the other way around, and you are a grown adult, taking a nap with your partner is normal and acceptable behavior.
She’s taking the “my way or the highway” approach in a situation where you’ve already chosen the highway and she’s asking for your help. If she wants your money, she’s going to have to make some compromises.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She isn’t willing to treat you like the adult you are.
She wants her adult son to move in, pay their bills out of his paycheck from his adult job, help around the house, but treat you otherwise like you are 14 years old. “Sorry mom, I’m 27, pay my own bills, live on my own with no help from you and Dad.
I do not need a parent giving me a curfew, guest rules when I pay the rent, and religious requirements, especially when I am helping you out. Goodbye.” If you are paying the rent, doesn’t that make it your place? What does your dad say about all this?” Liu1845
Another User Comments:
“It’s your dad’s responsibility to provide for his family. Just as it’s your mom’s responsibility to also work to support the family when necessary – assuming their agreement is she’s a SAHW. Your dad has been laid off, so right now, both husband and wife need to work.
They are able-bodied, no excuses. It’s not your responsibility to put your life on hold when they are capable of taking care of themselves. They need income, your dad needs to stop being prideful. Even working part-time is better than not working at all. If you’re in the US, your dad can get a seasonal retail job to start.
Actually, both of your parents can. If they each work 40 hours a week at $12 an hour, after taxes they’d bring home combined about $3,000 a month. Depending on the state you’re in, the store you work at, the department, the shift, they each could earn around $20 an hour.
If he works nights and weekends your dad can continue to job hunt until he gets what he rather do. Money is money… and it pays the bills. Your lifestyle is not compatible with your parents. Do not move back home again.
You tried, you learned. Your mom is controlling, but it is her house, her rules.
Living with them is not a realistic long-term solution. There’s no need to feel guilty or think you’re not doing enough. To have a healthy relationship with your partner and whoever will be your future wife, you need your own place and not live with your parents.
Your parents can apply to retail stores, gas stations, banks, post offices, hotels, grocery stores, etc. If they get the proper driver’s license they can drive a commuter transit bus. I knew someone making $22 an hour at the start with good benefits. Your parents need to stand on their own two feet.
Not wanting to is not an option for them. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
8. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Sister's Kids And Cutting Off Financial Support To My Relatives?
“Most of my relatives are poor because they have too many kids. As a high-income earner, I (M43) support them (strong cultural expectations) but cap it at ~25k/year, ~3600/household, which is not enough to pull them above water.
I’m a male childfree cat lady and not a kid person; this is blasphemy in my culture, but I keep my relatives in line by withholding allowance and humoring misconceptions about inheritance.
I was pushed so hard, (back when I depended on them) that I now want NOTHING to do with their kids. I don’t babysit, minimize interactions with their kids, and I’m not afraid to pull an Irish goodbye.
2 months ago, my sister Laura (F28) and her husband (M29) got in trouble and will be indisposed for a while, leaving behind their children (Tim M6, Tom M7 Isabella F5, and Mary F2).
My relatives voluntold me to adopt the kids. After I refused, they asked me to financially support the kids; I offered to donate their allowances to Laura’s kids. I thought that was the end of it (despite some muttering), but then they sprang an intervention on me.
They accused me of “not pulling my weight”, “being selfish” and “failing my duties”, and unsubtly implied that they’d go NC if I didn’t financially support Laura’s kids AND increase their (the adults) allowances.
I was simultaneously insulted and amused. Unbeknownst to my relatives, I’ve considered cutting them out for a while.
I’m effectively LC, and when I do see them, I feel like an outsider, am deprioritized, and am expected to be flexible. They dismiss my goals, achievements, and struggles. They add nothing to my life; I only stayed with them because of social/cultural norms around blood, and their ultimatum made it much easier for me to cut them loose.
Some relatives really need my money and are now backtracking. Most are playing the family card (but they’re not); others are trying to guilt trip me with their kids (but I don’t care about their kids); a few are now ok with my now rescinded offer.
I’m not budging; failure to budget on their part does not constitute responsibility on my part. They’re not family, and I don’t want them back. Flying monkeys have accused me of taking out my dislike of my relatives on their kids and said that I should support them because I easily can, but 1) I’m indifferent to their kids, not malicious 2) I can also support another million good causes, I just don’t like this one.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’d gently push you towards trying some therapy with a culturally competent therapist (we do exist!). I think there are some boundaries that would help you live a better life that is more true to who you want to be in the world.
It sounds like your family looks to you for money but doesn’t value you for you. I wonder if there’s a better way for you to meet expectations you actually care about and want to uphold while leaning out of relationships that have no interest in you as a person.
You don’t owe your money to anyone, and if it’s not being freely given (I genuinely love and respect you, I want to help you with no expectation of return), then you shouldn’t be doling it out. People need to learn to live within their means or strive to find better opportunities for themselves.
It won’t help them or their children to be the crutch standing in between those lessons. Go buy yourself an expensive god ugly cat and consider finding someone to talk some of this through with, for your own long-term well-being.” Sea-Professor-5859
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m cackling here at the thought of them thinking that threatening to limit their contact with you was going to sway anything in their favour lol. I’m not in a situation to understand the cultural ties you feel, but as the most successful in my family, I get the pressure placed on us to help others.
Forget them, they thought they could bully you and didn’t get their way so are all freaking out. Live your best cat lady life.” wibblewobblej
Another User Comments:
“Uh NTJ, I applaud you. You were loyal to your family despite them offering to be very little or nothing to you and you stood up for yourself when they bit the hand that fed them.
By the way, if you’re looking for new family, I’ll be that for 3600/month and would appreciate the heck out of you lol. Seriously, for that much support, they should be doing great financially and showering you with adoration and respect.” TheRedFaye
7. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize After Scolding My Wife For Distracting Me While Driving?
“My wife was picking something off the back of my head and making fun of how I always have fluff there. This was during a drive and it was annoying and distracting so I asked her to stop.
Once we got to our destination we were queuing up for coffee and then she continued to do it jokingly and dug her nail in my ear. As it hurt, I said “stop it” reactively and she went quiet after that and was visibly upset.
A few days passed and she wanted to bring it up in a gentle start-up. For the uninitiated, a gentle start-up is a communication tool to avoid arguments, google Gottman. This is something we’re accustomed to and have used successfully in the past, though this time I got annoyed that she was using the gentle start-up to share how she was upset because I scolded her that day, even after I asked her to stop and she continued and poked me in the ear.
Initially, I refused to validate her feelings as I said that the gentle start-up shouldn’t be used for this situation but continued to respond properly by validating her feelings and apologizing to her anyway a day after. I didn’t feel genuine when I said that and it was evident.
We continued to debate if I should use a gentle start-up or not, and in the end, I refused to accept the fact that the tool should be used regardless of the situation.
Am I the jerk here? Should I validate her feelings and apologize for scolding her regardless of the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“There are a lot of comments about “weaponizing therapy language” and while I’m not familiar with this exact technique, I think I may be correct in my assumption that this is occurring… While you should ALWAYS attempt respectful communication, you should also be allowed to enforce boundaries.
Such basic things as don’t distract me while I’m driving and don’t physically hurt me seem to trump always keeping a level tone of voice. You’re absolutely NTJ and I hope you find words that your wife can understand to explain why her behavior was wildly inappropriate.
Good luck.” DgShwgrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had to google Gottman and I’m still not through the link I found on it but NTJ. It would drive me nuts should someone use this on me to communicate. I would feel like someone is making fun of me or considering me an idiot.
And you were much nicer than I would have been. Touching me while I’m driving? This will be shut down HARD and I won’t apologize for it. I’m driving, I am responsible for managing the other idiots on the streets while getting from A to B and getting distracted because my shotgun thinks it’s a good idea to start picking at my darn hair?
No, this one would never again sit in the car with me. I told my own grandma to shut up when I was driving and the street was super busy and huge. She was going “look here, look there, watch this, watch there, here is *insert speed limit* when I had enough.
She didn’t like it one bit, I’m the only one who calls her out on her nonsense and didn’t mutter one word until we reached the grocery store. Driving is not a democracy. The driver is the dictator when you don’t have a setup with your shotgun you both agreed on and accepted it.
Shotgun shuts its cakehole.” toffifeeandcoffee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was behaving dangerously and then she was hurting you. It is unacceptable for her to twist you setting a reasonable boundary into an attack when the only problematic behaviour here was hers. Tell her that.
The world doesn’t revolve around her. She needs to grow up, realize that she needs to behave respectfully towards you, and never distract you when you’re driving. If she can’t do that, your life is going to suck for as long as you’re with her.” Cursd818
6. AITJ For Leaving My Roommate's Mess At Her Door After She Refused To Clean It Up?
“I 19F am living in an apartment with two of my close friends and a fourth roommate that I don’t know well at all.
I was initially nervous to move in with a girl I didn’t know because I didn’t want her to feel left out since my friends and I were already part of a friend group. But things up until now have been great, and while she hasn’t shown any interest in being friends, our fourth has seemed overall kind and chill.
Three nights ago our fourth threw a Halloween party with people we weren’t familiar with, so I ended up going home and locked my bedroom door (just in case) to avoid the loud noises. I had no problem with the party since she let me know in retrospect.
I let her know that the very next night my friends and I would be having guests over for our own party. I assumed she would know to clean up her mess because we’d have people over. I figured a day was enough for her to clean it all up but I guess not.
The morning of my party I got home and our apartment was a complete mess. Dishes, trash everywhere, sticky floors, and our entire apartment smelled like smoke. I’m pretty sure she was aware none of us would be ok with her friends smoking inside our place.
I texted her and gave her the benefit of the doubt, again reminding her that we had plans and asked her to clean. Apparently, she left without cleaning and sent her two guy friends over to clean.
They showed up and did absolutely nothing, I’m not even sure why they came.
It was still a mess when they left and I came back downstairs. I ended up having to mop and clean everywhere. There were clothes and other items, and I didn’t want to just throw them away. This is where I’ll be honest… it was kind of a pettiness thing when I left the stuff in front of her door, including some trash.
My friends and I were mad because this was NOT our mess to clean and she put zero effort into doing it herself.
We have our party and stuff, and earlier today I got a text from her ranting about me putting that stuff at her door.
She told me I could’ve just thrown the stuff away myself and she would’ve apologized. That’s fine and all but… ugh. It’s just very rude and disrespectful in my eyes. I do feel bad for being petty but her not cleaning showed me in my eyes that she doesn’t respect us.
My friends agree with me of course, but I still feel bad that she got upset about it and now sees me as a bad roommate/person. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why do you care about the opinion of a lousy roommate who lets her guests smoke and ruin your apartment and thinks it’s ok to leave and make all of you clean up?
She can stay mad about it, as she’s an entitled jerk for telling you that you should have cleaned up her mess because she would have apologized…which makes no sense. She’s not sorry, she’s mad she had to do anything. She should pay you for acting like the maid service cleaning up for her.” Ikfactor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bestie and I lived together in college. We always had a third person, usually they were pleasant and clean. One time we lived with a guy who wouldn’t clean up after himself – especially dishes, and ate our food. We ended up taping and labeling zones in the fridge.
One time, after asking him repeatedly to clean his dirty dishes, my bestie piled his dirty dishes up on his bed. He was mad but cleaned up his mess and didn’t do it again. Living with others means you have to respect shared spaces.
You all need to sit down and clearly define what that looks like. It was rude of her to make a mess of your shared space and leave it, even if you didn’t plan to host a party.” Friendly-Client6242
Another User Comments:
“Not to be that guy but I think you meant that she told you in advance, rather than in retrospect.
Retrospect means she told you after the party. Genuinely not trying to be that guy, honestly just wanna help with using the word in the right place. Anyway, that out of the way, I wouldn’t even call it petty. I think it was a COMPLETELY valid reaction.
Glad she apologized. But apologies don’t fix broken plates. You still cleaned her mess for her. Disgusting behavior from her. “Sorry, my bad” would never cut it. If she was super hungover and got to it late… still super bad, but an argument could be had.
But to have sent people over to look like an effort was made, shows she was fully aware of her actions. She burnt that bridge with that. She never had any intention of taking responsibility, and now she’s just mad because you called her out on it.
150% NTJ. Do you have the power to kick her out?” Unmasked_Zoro
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Bring A One-Night Stand To My Apartment?
“A friend of mine asked me if she could stay at my place because she was coming to town for a big party.
Unfortunately, I was away at the time, but I told her that it wasn’t a problem for me and that she was welcome to stay at my place. However, I also told her that the offer was really only for her and that I wouldn’t like it if she picked up a guy and brought him to my place.
Of course, there is a reason for this because I have known her for a long time and know that she likes one-night stands. That’s completely fine with me, I just don’t want that to happen in my apartment and on my bed. That may be prudish, but that’s the way it is.
Anyway, she’s now upset and claims that she would never have done something like that anyway and that it was rude of me to suggest such a thing. She has now also found another place to sleep.
I think it was okay to talk about what I don’t want in my apartment beforehand.
She now interprets it as if I think badly of her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you said this to me I would say “I would never” and thank you again for the free room. I might be mildly aggrieved by the accusation, but understand there is no nice(r) way to set that rule.
If however I’d been planning to hook up with randos in your place, then I might take the high ground and act terribly offended. I most certainly would get a hotel room. Actually, I would probably limit myself to randos who have their own place, but I guess she’s more egalitarian.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ. You know her and know that she has a tendency toward one-night stands. I’m guessing you also know that it was worth being clear about your boundaries because there was at least some real possibility she would have brought a guy over if the restriction hadn’t been made clear.
I also get a whiff of she doth protest too much. I wouldn’t be surprised if she switched where she was staying SO THAT she COULD bring home a random ONS guy. But she doesn’t want to admit that to you. I think you were wise in this instance.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“Oh, NTJ. It’s FAR better to lay out any conditions upfront than, as so many people seem to do, assume that the guest knows what’s expected (through ESP?) and getting all upset when they don’t. Not wanting your guest to bring along an unannounced guest of her own is a perfectly reasonable expectation.
Some people apply it to all secondhand guests, some are more averse to unknown men or women or dogs than to unexpected guests in general. You didn’t express any disapproval of her meeting a man she likes at the party and bringing him home (whether for one night or the beginning of a beautiful friendship), as long as it was to her home and not yours.
That’s a fair thing to ask, and not being rude at all about what she might or might not do with someone she meets at a party.” SavingsRhubarb8746
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Neglectful Mother's Bail?
“I (24F) refuse to help my mother (55F) by refusing to pay for her bail.
I was raised by a single mother who believes that just because she gave birth to us we owe her everything. I was emancipated from her at 16 when I first moved out and started living on my own.
I put myself through school and paid for my own living by working 3 jobs on top of helping raise my younger siblings. Growing up my mother never helped me. She expected me to wash, feed, dress, and basically raise my younger siblings so that she could go and live her life that was robbed from her by having kids.
Now this last summer my mom was arrested and has been in jail since because I refuse to pay for her bail. Her friends and our family think I’m being cruel and harsh for letting her, as they say, “rot in jail.” But the way I see it is, she didn’t help me or take care of me when I was growing up, so why should I help her now by bailing her out of the consequences of her bad decision?
So AITJ for refusing to help her. Or am I in the right for standing my ground and making her face her consequences.”
Another User Comments:
“As someone a bit older than you who doesn’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times their own mother has been in jail, I want to reassure you that you are most definitely NTJ.
After the childhood she gave me, I never paid my mother’s bail, and I never will. Your mum’s situation is a direct result of her own choices, and you owe nothing to someone who was never there for you. Sounds like you’re well on your way to escaping that crab bucket; keep working on that strong, shiny spine of yours, protect your peace, and don’t let the words of people who have never been in your shoes affect your decision.
You’ve overcome a lot in your life already, and I commend you for that. This internet stranger is sending you a great big hug!” HopSplotch
Another User Comments:
“The only thing you’re a jerk for is continuing to subject yourself to this selfish toxic woman.
She’s not rotting in jail because of you. She is in jail because of her own behavior. Remember that, tell it to anyone who gives you attitude, and then tell them they are welcome to bail her out of the consequences of her own bad actions…right before you block them.
NTJ.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“Ah yes, the “I gave birth to you so you owe me everything” card. I was raised by a single mother as well and never went down the same path as your mother but somewhat the same principle. I too established myself by myself and I’m at a point now where I feel guilty talking about my success to my mother because she’s always going on with the poor mouth to me.
She never reaches out unless she needs something. The only difference is I have a good relationship with my mother whenever I do talk to her and you don’t sound like you do at all. I would consider it if it’s a long-term thing of her being in jail but if it’s short term like a couple of months to a year?
Yeah, let her reflect on her life choices in jail and actually feel the consequences for once. Definitely a hard thing to deal with sounds like you’re a godsend of a daughter that she took for granted. I hope you figure it out!” woodyweldz
3. AITJ For Not Covering The Entire Dinner Bill For My Friends?
“I (20F) and 3 of my high school friends (all 20F) met up and got dinner after not seeing each other for a while.
It wasn’t my idea, but I was invited and very excited since it had been a year since the four of us were all together. The check came to the table (not split, we never discussed splitting the check and our waiter dropped it off in passing) and they all kept making comments about how they’re in school/out of work, insinuating that I should be the one paying.
Two of them are in college full-time with work-study jobs and the other is working full time but is currently between jobs. I work full time – I started working as a night RN in June.
I was a little taken aback since no one said anything about me covering the bill in full (~$90 before tip).
I told them that I would pay for my meal and cover the tip, but I wanted them to Venmo me the cost of what they ordered. They seemed offended and kind of side-eyed me but they reluctantly agreed. They kept making comments about how I had “a big girl job,” that I could’ve paid the whole bill and be fine, and that I was being selfish for asking them to pay me back.
I told them that it was rude of them to expect me to pay without suggesting it beforehand and that I didn’t think I was being selfish.
This happened a couple of weeks ago and they keep making jokes/remarks in our group chat about what happened. And I know that one of them is actually mad at me for what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way I see it, you have two options. Option 1: Tell the group chat about a date a guy asked you out on and when the bill came, he asked you to pay for it. Then go off on how bad that is to do to someone, ask them to dinner, and then expect them to pay.
Just really lay it on thick. Option 2: Ask them all to come to dinner with you as a way for you to apologize to them. Before the meal is finished, excuse yourself and sneak out. Basically either way it sounds like your friendship with these moochers is over.
If they are still talking about it and still mad, they don’t see you as anything more than a free meal.” LindonLilBlueBalls
Another User Comments:
“It is totally out of line to expect you to pay at the end of the meal. If money is an issue you could have gotten a cheaper meal somewhere else.
Maybe these aren’t the friends you thought they were? It is one thing to put you on the spot with that entitlement, even worse to double down and joke about it or be mad. I mean, mad? About not doing something you never agreed to?
Sounds like they all got together and agreed you should pay Might be time to step back from these “friends.” NTJ.” Suzdg
2. AITJ For Leaving A Party After The Host's Dog Jumped On Me?
“I went to a party at an acquaintance’s house this past weekend with my wife. This is a friend of a friend that I’ve met a few times. I was invited, but I would not say I know this person that well.
They had a German Shepherd (that I didn’t know about) that as soon as I opened the door came out of nowhere and full-on jumped on me, paws on my chest. I nudged the dog away and told it to go away. I almost got immediately yelled at by the host to not be a jerk to their dog.
I was just like your dog jumped on me. I don’t want it jumping on me. I asked if they could put the dog in another room so it doesn’t happen again. The host told me absolutely not. This is the dog’s house too. I told my wife we are leaving, I told everyone to have a good party and left there.
My phone’s been blowing up from multiple people and the host reached out saying how I treated his dog was really inappropriate. I’m still hearing about this 4 days later which is crazy to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“At the end of the day, the dog shouldn’t have jumped on you.
But a dog hopping up to basically greet someone as they walk into the house… is it really the worst thing in the world? Having said that, it isn’t the dog’s fault. Obviously, its owners allow this kind of behavior. While you may not necessarily be the jerk in regards to this situation, the way you said you reacted, talked to the host, then your wife, plus the vibe that your post gives off – I’m pretty confident in saying that you’re a jerk.” micknick0000
Another User Comments:
“Probably an unpopular opinion, but absolutely NTJ. I have extreme discomfort around dogs, for a variety of reasons. People who expect others to just deal with their dog’s lack of training, especially when it’s a larger breed, are a huge red flag to me.
Dogs tend to want to get up in people’s space, and I can’t handle that. And then when they do, they are constantly moving and squirming and bumping me and it’s just too much. They overstimulate me and are unpredictable and I have to leave.
Your reaction was off the cuff and pretty much involuntary, so I don’t think you can be faulted for being surprised at being randomly jumped on the moment someone opens the door.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“ESH/YTJ. The owner is right that it’s the dog’s house too and they shouldn’t have to shove the dog into a room because 1 person has a problem with the dog.
You have every right to exclaim in surprise, even with swear words, that you have been jumped on by a dog you don’t know if they are going to be friendly with you or not. The fact that you then told your wife “we’re leaving” and dragged her out of the party after being told they would not lock up the dog was not good.
You didn’t get your way so you’re leaving and taking your ball with you was childish and not good. How could you have said it better depending on the circumstances: “Hey man, I didn’t know you had a dog and they give me a lot of anxiety.
If you plan on leaving him out I’m gonna have to go. I’m sorry.” Or “I’m sorry. I’m just really allergic to dogs and no one mentioned you had one.” Or any number of other responses that didn’t make you sound like you were trying to dictate TO SOMEONE YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW how to handle their own dog in their own house.” kem81
1. AITJ For Letting My Bridesmaid With Autism Bring Her Comfort Plush To My Wedding?
“I (27f) am getting married to my fiancé Kay (26m). Our wedding is only a few months away. This problem has to do with my friend Kennedy (27f) who is also going to be a bridesmaid. She has autism and always has some sort of plush with her to squeeze and hold on to when we’re out, along with a pair of headphones.
A few years ago I got her a frog plush from Build-A-Bear for her birthday and she loved it. She named it Hocus and loves buying and making clothes for it. Even her partner thinks it’s adorable how attached she is to it today.
My fiancé never had a problem with Kennedy until she asked if it was okay to bring Hocus with her to our wedding. I don’t know why but it upset him and he told her no. I asked him about it later that day and he said it would be weird and childish.
But I never really thought it was childish. When she does bring Hocus out with her she just has it sitting on her lap and squeezing its hand.
This might be where I am the jerk because I told Kennedy it’s fine if she brings it along.
Even encouraged her to make a dress for it that matched the one she was going to wear (pink). My fiancé found out and was livid. I tried to tell him that it wasn’t a big deal and that it was just a stuffed animal that wouldn’t draw any attention.
Even then he still won’t budge and is refusing to talk to me. Was I really wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Been a wedding photographer for over a decade. At my wedding just LAST WEEK, the groom’s daughter (17 years old I believe?) had autism.
She had a mini fidget toy/plush tied onto her bouquet, and toys + headphones accompanied her down the aisle to stand next to her dad in the best man’s spot. Guess who cared? NO ONE. We got to witness this beautiful child support her dad in the best way she could, and her having those comforts allowed her to be present and I even got stunning photos of her crying during her dad’s and new stepmom’s vows, and her stepmom even wrote a vow just for her.
Wedding decisions are a two-yes, one-no decision, but I do believe your partner is being unreasonable and don’t understand why he would even care.” melodymountain
Another User Comments:
“This is your friend and your bridesmaid, and I think having the little safety frog in a matching bridesmaid’s dress is completely adorable and very inclusive.
It is a shame that she didn’t ask you instead of your fiance. It is a shame your fiance didn’t talk to you before saying no. You were in the wrong for overriding your fiance’s decision, but your fiance was in the wrong by making that call without discussing it with you first. A wedding is just the day that starts a marriage.
The two of you need to find a way to talk about things and respect one another’s feelings, needs, and whims in order to have a good marriage. Maybe schedule some time with a therapist and use this issue as a starting point on how to argue in a healthy manner.
It could be this little frog is what helps you build a good, healthy marriage.” myselfasme
Another User Comments:
“Lots of ways to make this work. She may NEED Hocus as she’s standing in front of a bunch of people in a fairly stressful situation for a long-ish period of time.
Incorporate Hocus into her flowers (if she’s holding any). Have him dressed as a groomsman or bridesmaid and let her carry him without disguising him at all (adorable). Make him the ring bearer!!! Have a little lily pad on the ground at the front so she can set him down within close reach during the vows.
Allow another friend to sit up front and hold Hocus for her once she’s settled at the front. You risk her stepping back as a bridesmaid or breaking down during the ceremony and this is a very reasonable accommodation. NTJ – your fiancé is.” FancyGoldfishes
