People Wake Up To The Truth In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting To Use Our Shared Car For A Family Emergency?
“My 74 father was recently discharged from the hospital earlier than expected after a biopsy confirmed he has invasive moderately differentiated keratinizing squamous cell carcinoma.
Initially, he was hospitalized because he overexerted himself by going to work against doctors’ orders two hours after his biopsy operation, which required anesthesia.
Twenty-four hours later, he couldn’t walk and was stuck in the bathroom, necessitating a 911 call due to his weakness. We only learned of the carcinoma days into his hospital visit, which further intensified growing family tensions. Despite being frail, he demanded to be released early and even pressed going to work tonight.
As much as I respect his determination, he refuses to admit his limitations.
I live in the Philly area and had to drive up to Scranton due to my father being released early and the family reaching a boiling point.
It was like trying to put a lid on a pot of boiling water; I needed to support my family and help soothe tensions arising from my father’s inability to accept his aging body and my mom’s refusal to see it.
However, my wife Sally refused to let me use our one shared car to drive back and help my parents during this family emergency. She insisted she needed the vehicle for her babysitting gigs and I was not “hearing her out”.
Despite my offer to pay for her Ubers and a weekly local rental car, she insisted on keeping our car. This forced me to spend hundreds more and waste time getting a ride to a rental car from the airport instead of a cheaper option within walking distance of our home the next morning for her.
Feeling exasperated, I said I would handle everything on my own and get a Lyft to the airport. She then claimed I was being unempathetic to her needs and unreasonable.
My parents brother and I have a family meeting tomorrow to discuss his future cancer treatments and the will for the family business.
I don’t expect it to go well and I feel like I could have used a break and my wife couldn’t see where I’m at.
Given the context of my father’s health crisis and the urgency of the situation, AITJ for asking for the car during a family emergency?
AITJ for being unreasonable with my ask?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m honestly a bit shocked that her priority was her babysitting gigs and not the state of her husband’s family. You’d think she could read the room; your father’s failing health and your family tension are by far the more important issues!!
Then it sounds like she ‘claimed’ your shared car. Uber and Lyft are the right choices for someone making a small trip around town, not Philly to Scranton. You’re exactly right, it probably cost more for your trip than her babysitting earned. I’m so sorry.
You’re in the middle of it and you’re not being supported either.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like your wife is not being sensitive to your needs during this time of emergency. I truly hope this is a one-off and she is not always like this because it is a red flag.
As your wife, she should be supporting you and standing beside you at this time. I would never let my husband deal with this alone I would be by his side helping him through it. It’s not like you wanted the car to go party and if the cheaper option was for her to Uber and let you have the car then she is selfish for not agreeing.
You may need to examine your relationship and look for red flags.” charmedvampgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she’s working babysitting gigs then that’s not a contributing income and she has no requirement to show up or lose her job.
If she’s not bringing a contributing wage into to the household, *and* you’re willing to go to such lengths to pay for things, then she isn’t the one footing the note for the vehicle so she can kick rocks to change dirty socks.
Maybe it’s just because my dad died last week, or because my ex kept me from going to my bio- dad’s funeral in 2014 because she needed the car (and threatened to leave if I took my motorcycle), but your wife is a COLOSSAL jerk for putting any roadblocks in front of you tending to your family affairs instead of finding ways to work around it with you.” nonverbal
22. AITJ For Letting My Stepkids Celebrate Mother's Day With Their Late Mom's Family?
“I married my husband Mike 4 years ago and we started seeing each other 7 years ago. He lost his late wife 10 years ago. His late wife was the mother of their twins Frankie and Kenzie (16).
From the start of my relationship with Mike, the twins would celebrate Mother’s Day with their maternal family. Mike had joined once or twice but his relationship with his late wife’s family was never super good and he felt like his presence was more uncomfortable for everyone than it was reassuring so he stepped back.
Then we met and it never even occurred to me that they would stop doing that. I did not marry Mike to be their new mom or anything silly like that. I was marrying Mike because we loved each other and because his kids and I get along fine so we don’t have issues.
But we never expected more than what would happen naturally over time.
Mike’s parents moved to be closer to all their children who all live within a 50-minute drive from each other. And they wanted to do a big Mother’s Day celebration this year.
Mike informed them that the twins wouldn’t be coming because they’d be with their maternal family on the day. This raised some questions and they asked how I felt about it and Mike told them I never had a problem with it.
This led to me getting a call a few days later asking me why I ‘let’ my stepkids celebrate Mother’s Day elsewhere when I have been acting as their mother for 7 years… to be clear I didn’t even know them 7 years ago.
It was 6 years ago I met them and even then I wasn’t raising them or having any real influence in their lives. I told them it’s what they always did and nothing had changed. I wasn’t going to stop it.
My in-laws said it’s very different now because my son is here now and the twins have another sibling. I told them it didn’t take from them being with their mom’s family for Mother’s Day. They said the fact I ever let it happen was horrifying and they should be celebrating me on the day.
They told me how much harm I had done to my family by allowing this to happen for so long but especially this year most of all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They are upset because they can’t control the kids’ schedule.
If the older kids were celebrating you on Mother’s Day then mother-in-law could demand that you all turn up and she can have her matriarch day. Because you are just one woman in her day. She can’t fight a whole other family and demand the kids pay homage to her.
NTJ. It sounds like you have a healthy and mature attitude towards your step kids and they will appreciate it down the line.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By letting them not only keep space for their mother but defending it on their behalf you are showing them all the different ways someone can love and be loved. You are teaching them that gone doesn’t mean forgotten, and that love isn’t finite – it expands and reshapes as necessary.
You are giving them the respect they need. You are doing the exact opposite of harm.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are compassionately putting the needs of the children first. You are not trying to erase their mother’s existence, nor are you insisting that you be acknowledged as the only mother figure in their lives… unlike so many stepmothers that are discussed in this sub.
You are “letting” the kids remember and honor their precious mother. You are respecting their needs. Your husband’s parents need to hold their tongues and mind their own business. I hope their grandchildren never hear their paternal grandparents suggest that you should supply their mom.
It would likely destroy their relationship. You are awesome for respecting the traditions & mental health needs of these young, soon-to-be-adults.” lostinthought1997
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After She Criticized My Son's Sensitivity?
“I have a 5 year old son, Sam.
Sam gets ill very easily and feels down a lot. He becomes very clingy and tired during these episodes. I don’t need medical advice, we know why this happens and are dealing accordingly.
Anyways, my mom isn’t a very… soft person. She essentially raised me and my brothers to be very strong and independent so my affectionate and cuddly behaviour with my child isn’t something she agrees with. However, he is not her child so she doesn’t say anything.
She invited me and my brothers’ families for dinner the other night and while we were there, Sam started to feel down and laid down on my lap. He was playing with my nieces (8 and 10) and just stopped and ran to me which surprised them.
The girls got over it after my brother told them Sam was tired but my mom seemed moody.
I didn’t want to start anything so I was fine ignoring her but she said “You know that isn’t healthy right?” I explained to her that we knew what we were doing and did not need her advice.
She sort of rolled her eyes and then said “Well I still think this is all very odd.” She then clapped her hands near my son’s head to try and wake him up which startled him and he began to cry.
This seemed to bother my mom some more because “How weak-hearted is he that a small clap brings him to tears.”
I was pretty angry at this point so I called my husband over (he was sitting in the garden with my brothers), told him we were leaving, and gave Sam to him while I collected my things.
She then started making “jokes” about how her granddaughters are “manlier” than her grandson and I just snapped and told my mom that she needs to shut up and that the way she treats children is borderline psychotic.
I then basically called her crazy before storming out.
My mom’s been spamming me with texts calling me a drama queen and saying that I had no right to call her psychotic because she raised me and my brothers well.
She’s also saying I’m missing the point and am too sensitive. My one SIL is saying I should apologize and that there is no reason for me to be so dramatic. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is rocking the boat, not you.
The others are angry that you’ve called her out on her inappropriate behavior rather than helped stabilize the boat. She’s deliberately making YOU (and your son) uncomfortable. That’s not your fault, and you have every right to tell her to stop.
Let it be uncomfortable for the others who defend her. She is in the wrong. If she can’t get better, please minimize how much time she has around your son, you don’t need to share this trauma with him, especially as he gets older.
If you’re persuaded to give her a chance to apologise, or give her a second chance without an apology, draw boundary. “If you demean my son, my parenting, or make any negative statements in this area, we will leave.” (Like you did, but sooner).
NTJ” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“One party does something, another snaps, and then the first party spams messages days and nights out. I can’t imagine a woman who taught her kids to be strong and independent doing any of that, at most she would laugh at you and completely ignore what she considers weak people, why would your mother who you describe as strong need an apology from silly daughter who she thinks knows nothing let alone send her tons of messages, makes no sense.
She also didn’t say anything bad, just pointed out what she deems wrong, not sure if you believe that your mother doesn’t have the right to comment on your kids at all or that she does it all the time even after you told her to stop, she is your mom and will remain such so deal with it or go low contact.
Usually, when someone snaps it’s because someone struck a nerve. On one thing I do agree with your mom though – a 5-year-old who cries because someone clapped and woke them up after they ran to their mommy and took a nap!?
in her lap is just insane – kids must accept problems, not give up instantly.” forgeris
20. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About Charging Our Younger Brother More Rent?
“I (25M) have two brothers, Kevin (23M) and Matt (18M). Kevin has been living with his partner for a few years, and soon the three of them will be moving into a 2-bedroom apartment.
Kevin doesn’t want Matt living with him, but all our family agrees that Matt needs to move out of the house to start growing and developing more.
He’s been out of high school for over a year now and he hasn’t done much to start his adult life. He tried college last fall but wasn’t ready for it, and dropped out; he also hasn’t worked a lot either.
Kevin and his partner are uni students. When Matt moves in, he’s going to take a job Kevin lined up for him and hopefully try community college again. Tbh much of the family is not very optimistic about him succeeding this time around either—with college or the job.
Because of this, Matt’s not going to be a tenant on the lease; if he can’t make rent or is a bad enough roommate, Kevin wants to be able to evict him without much hassle.
This much I can kinda understand.
But in addition to not allowing Matt tenant rights on the lease, Kevin is forcing Matt to pay rent 50/50. That is, Kevin (who is quite well-off financially) and his partner will pay 25% each, and Matt—who is living on his own for the first time, in a brand-new city—is expected to pay 50%.
I’ve lived in a 3-person, 2-room situation before, and my understanding is that it’s common etiquette to split everything in thirds. I’d offer that to a stranger, and certainly to my brother.
When I raised concerns about this to Kevin, he said he doubted Matt would be able to make rent no matter what it was.
And that if Matt had trouble making rent, he could pull from his education savings to meet the rent (we’re fortunate enough to have parents who could build college savings accounts for us growing up).
Am I the jerk for making a stink about this to my family?
It seems like Kevin is trying to indirectly steal from Matt’s college savings, and is setting him up for failure when he’s already struggling to get his life going. My parents seem ambivalent about it right now, and aren’t pushing for Kevin to do things more equitably.”
Another User Comments:
“Y’all are genuinely just setting up Matt to fail, sending him into a house with two people who resent him before he’s even gotten there. He should be living with your parents for another year while working full-time and attending therapy.
He was born years after you two and his failure to launch stems from the difference in treatment during his upbringing. A therapist can help him identify patterns in his thoughts and behavior that are getting in the way of his growth and why he has them in the first place.
He needs to have the finances to nurture his development and independence, and learning to adult will follow.” baroquebinch
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for having an opinion and expressing it exactly once. But if you keep badgering, you will be.
The reality is that Matt is a massive liability to Kevin. When he, in everyone’s estimation, inevitably flakes, Kevin will be stuck in a bigger and more expensive apartment than he’d otherwise need to have. On top of this, he’s expected to babysit Matt and teach him to adult.
He should be compensated for taking on this risk. And by the sound of it, Matt is still getting a good deal since he couldn’t afford a place on his own. If you’re this worried about fairness, why not pick up a portion of Matt’s rent since you can’t offer him a place to stay?” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“No wonder Matt can’t get his life started. Even his own family treats him like this, his brother makes him pay more of the rent than necessary, parents allow his brother to do it. Poor Matt.
He’s not loved, is he? NTJ You are right to speak up and you should tell Matt to stay home, to not let his brother steal from him. Then, spend some time helping him to figure out how to get away from these people who don’t care about him.
He might find the strength to move forward without his unloving family members showing him how little they care about him.” hadMcDofordinner
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother's Hurtful Friend And Letting Him Walk Home Alone?
“I (21M) live with my parents and my 4 brothers. One of my brothers ‘Ricardo’ (17M) has this friend that none of us like ‘Brandon’ (17M). Ricardo is a good-looking Dominican boy, so Brandon is always making remarks about his ethnicity and looks.
It’s subliminal bullying from what I see. Ricardo is often hanging around this boy, and I hate that for him. He’s quirky, jealous, hateful, annoying, and selfish.
Well, one day, I came home from work at 8 pm, and I saw Ricardo sitting on the couch heavily sobbing, and trying to hide his tears from me.
He doesn’t normally cry like that, so I knew it must’ve been serious. I immediately sat down and put a supportive arm around him, and I asked what happened. He said that he and Brandon got into a huge argument.
Ricardo confronted Brandon for how fake he is, and Brandon told him to “smoke your dead grandmother’s ashes”. Our grandmother had recently just passed away last month, so it poured salt on an open wound.
After hearing this, I was very angry with Brandon.
I was under the impression that this interaction happened over the phone, but Ricardo told me that it happened in person and Brandon was still upstairs. That’s apparently why he was downstairs crying, to hide his tears from Brandon.
I went right upstairs to Ricardo’s room where Brandon was sitting on his bed, and I told Brandon that he had no right to talk to my brother like that and that he needed to leave and never come back.
Me and Brandon had a short back and forth until he said he’d leave, but he claims he didn’t have a ride. I offered to call a UBER for him, I just wanted him out of my house.
Brandon rejected the offer for an Uber and left at 8 pm to walk home.
After that, I took Ricardo to get ice cream to lift his spirits. Well, the next day, Brandon’s mother came up to our house, and she went off on me for letting a 17-year-old boy walk home at night.
I informed her that I offered to call an Uber for him, but she thinks that either Ricardo or I should’ve taken him home. I told her that we weren’t taking him home when he insulted our dead grandmother.
Plus I had just gotten off a 12-hour shift. She then cussed me out and called me inappropriate words then insulted our grandmother as well, calling her inappropriate names. I then retaliated and she left.
I understand that maybe I shouldn’t have let him walk home alone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brandon is 17. Not sure if this is the US or not, but assuming it is, in less than a year, Brandon can get drafted into the armed forces. Walking home 10 minutes away should be manageable.
Add to that, that his mother dared to insult your grandmother too, shows you where Brandon got it from. Ricardo needs to learn a hard lesson, sometimes you have to be lonely to have self-respect. When people you think are friends treat you like that, they’re not friends.
And if you keep hanging around these people so you’re not lonely, then they will treat you like a doormat. Sometimes, for your self-respect, you have to walk away from people, and that can be lonely. Brandon is not Ricardo’s friend.
You are” SubstantialQuit2653
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hire My Friends For My Potential Animation Project?
“I’m (23M) an artist/animator, and so are all my friends.
I’ve created some characters and stories on the side, and I hope to create some mini-episodes / music videos someday.
My friends often comment that my stories have the potential to become popular because of my large following and industry connections.
But they also vaguely imply that they expect to be hired. Most only hint/joke at it, but one friend (23m) makes it very clear and frequent, saying stuff like, “Hire me,” “Give me a job,” or “Can I work on your projects, PLEASE?!”
They say these things jokingly, but I know they’re serious, which gets annoying as I don’t like being seen as just a gateway. And if I were to create a production (on the slim chance), to be honest, I wouldn’t want to hire most of my friends, maybe a few based on their skills.
But my hesitation for this particular person is partly due to my previous experience with them when I directed an animated short film for a University. They just didn’t follow guidelines, took criticism poorly, and made the experience exhausting I didn’t want to come off as mean, but it was hard to explain that what they were doing was wrong or needed corrections.
I’ve also heard that working with friends on big projects isn’t always a good idea at the start.
And so, last night when my friend joked about being hired again, I decided to explain that if I ever had a production, I probably wouldn’t hire any of my friends.
They seemed kinda offended and questioned why, and I just explained how it’s normally not the greatest idea due to mixing friendship with work relationships. They responded with “Fine…okay then” and left shortly after (this was on Discord) and I felt really bad afterward.
I just really don’t like only being seen as a potential gateway to things. Of course, if my actual job asks for recommendations, I would suggest them, but for my project, I wouldn’t choose them. But I also 100% understand that stepping into the animation industry is very hard at the moment and most only get through connections, so maybe I’m just being selfish/entitled?
I’m also sorta nervous now that he’s gonna “tattle” on me to the others and how they may start looking at me as entitled. My group is very much into drama/gossip, so this isn’t out of possibility
I’d also like to state that if my goal were to become a reality, it wouldn’t happen until many years later. And so I understand that people’s abilities improve and that if they applied I would consider it, but I didn’t want to give false promises from the start in case I didn’t end up hiring them.
(For a job that may not even exist)
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your hard-earned reputation in this industry to consider as well. You can’t risk becoming known for recommending people for projects who can’t do a good enough job.
Maybe just explain to your friends that the way you can help them is by giving them some industry insights and hints about how to get the jobs they want without actually hiring them yourself. Mixing work and friendship is notoriously hard and if they do ever work for you they have to be prepared for the two of you to have a professional relationship for as long as that lasts, and that includes them taking guidance and possible criticism from you without getting offended.” Yikes44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m in a position quite often where I have to hire 80+ contractors for gigs and much as my friends ‘ask’ to be hired I rarely actually do hire anyone unless they have potential. The way I explain it is they’re not doing this for their career but rather ‘access’ and ‘cool posts’ and they can’t take away from people who are serious about career development and then I also remind them that they will be managed by ME and if they think they can handle that.
Usually, they stop after that. (I’m known for being particular when I’m in work mode I’m a 180 from friend mode).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you are an artist and can’t work with friends you aren’t going to make it very far.
It is ALL about who you know. If you are eliminating hypothetical work relationships with friends you are making a huge mistake. It is good to have friends in the art world. You should apologize. Even if you don’t think you’d collaborate with a friend you certainly don’t rub it in their face.
Get over yourself.” Big_Button_6770
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Mother See Our Kids While I'm Busy With My New Life?
“I (26F) recently split from my ex-husband. Our relationship wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a love marriage. I was disowned at 18 for substance use and ended up pregnant by a much older man.
He insisted I marry him and I did so I wasn’t homeless. Not the best foundation for a marriage.
I spent the next 7ish years having three kids and being a mother to his two daughters from his first marriage.
I had no time for myself.
Now that we’re split up, I leave my kids with my mother sometimes so I can do things for myself. My mother insisted that I picked up a hobby so I’ve been learning to swim and I’ve been taking classes at a community college.
I also take a ‘personal’ day sometimes just to get my hair done or read a book. I was hesitant to be away from my kids so often at first but my mother says I need it and I’ve been feeling better about myself.
A massive issue that arose when I left my husband was how often his mother would be able to see our kids. She used to come over to the home I shared with my ex almost daily to see our kids but now I live with my mother.
I told her that I would always try my best to make sure she sees them often but I haven’t been if I’m being honest, which is why I’m the jerk. I’ve been so caught up in my new hobbies and studies that I’ve been leaving my kids with my mom all the time instead of calling her up to see if she can watch them.
She saw me out three days ago and asked where the kids were. I told her they were with my mother and we got into a massive argument because she hadn’t seen them in the past six weeks.
She called me a massive jerk for going back on my promise.
I feel terrible but I’m also just kind of confused. My mother barely saw my kids until recently but she saw them every day. I know it’s not an excuse since I made a promise but I’m at a loss.
She is extremely upset with me and my ex called me and yelled at me for lying to his mother. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are no longer a couple and his mother should see the children on his time.
I guess he sees his children and takes them from time to time. You can send them to your MIL or invite her to see them whenever you feel like it, but it’s not your responsibility to make sure she sees them enough.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Look, you needed time to establish a new life (new routines) which includes taking care of yourself. You are empathetic of her interest to be with the kids but you matter too.
It was OK to take 6 weeks to settle in. If you think she is a positive influence then connect and secure a date for them to visit. Best to you. It’s never too late to create positive life-affirming changes.
Keep going.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you told her she would see the children and then you don’t let her see them for 6 weeks. It’s not just wrong for your MIL – it’s wrong for your children.
It is unclear whether you leave your children with your Mom for a couple of hrs for classes – or several days a week while you are busy doing other things. You don’t mention custody arrangements or how much time the children spend with their father.
Do they see their paternal Grandmother then? It may be more trouble for you to call your ex-MIL to keep the kids once a week or so – but your kids deserve to see a Grandmother who loves them and was a big part of their life before the divorce.
You say you’ve been so “caught up in my new hobbies and studies that I’ve been leaving my kids with my mom all the time” and that’s concerning.” omeomi24
16. AITJ For Reaching Out To The Woman My Ex-Partner's Affair Partner?
“A while ago I was living with my partner. I work and travel a lot.
Turns out he was being unfaithful and I found out because my partner tried to sue the husband of the girl he was being unfaithful with and it was a public case. Had to do with a fight he had with the husband.
The case went nowhere but the case involved him, the husband, and the girl so I found out. Why my partner would think I would not find out is beyond me but he thought I would not learn about it.
I went to meet her and told her what was happening. We confronted my partner and found he was lying to both of us. We supported each other for a little bit. She was divorcing her husband thinking my partner was serious about her.
She said was going to go through the divorce anyway and that she wanted nothing to do with my partner anymore. I had been with my partner much longer than she, a few years more. I stayed with my partner for a short period.
I left but after a time we became friends. Not friends with benefits. No longer asked him who he was seeing, nor cared, and vice-versa. Lost contact with the woman.
Recently was searching texts for an old friend and her texts popped up.
I don’t know why, but I sent a quick text saying I hoped she was doing ok. It had been over five years since we had spoken.
After sending I got an immediate call from my old partner.
She was on the line. My old partner blindsided me with the call. She then berated me for sending her a text and asked what my game was. Told me she is friends with benefits with my old partner and they “love each other”.
I had no idea. Told her I was honestly reaching out to see if she was ok. No hidden agenda. I told my old partner that putting me on the line was foul. And he should not have connected us on the call.
He claims he just started seeing her again. Doubtful. He likely never stopped.
AITJ for having reached out. I’m thinking I should never talk to either of them again.”
Another User Comments:
“Why are they still acting like they are having an affair?
The guilt and shame must be still haunting them. They are both unfaithful and AP got played by an ex-partner and she’s messing with him lol! NTJ you were trying to be nice with jerks! They deserve each other.
AP might also be thinking that she won and doesn’t need your pity” chocolatnoir90
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Online Friend About My New Partner Sooner?
“I (19F) recently got a partner.
We had been working at the same fast food place for about a year when she broke up with her jerk of an ex-partner, and we got together a couple of weeks later.
A little background: I’m pretty active on Discord since I have a few online friends I keep up with frequently.
Before my current partner and I got together, I had been talking to this girl online who we’ll call Piper. Piper had some stuff going on in her personal life with her older brother and took a mental health break from the internet.
Around the same time, my mom got pretty sick, so I also took a step back from the internet to focus on her.
School ended, and I started working more hours, spending more time with the girl I’m now seeing, and focusing less on my online life.
Piper and I barely talked for a good two months or longer, and the whole situation was on the back burner for a while. Recently, I found out Piper had grown to like me more during the time we hadn’t spoken, which I had no idea about.
This all happened pretty recently, and my partner and I have only been together for a couple of weeks. I joined a call with Piper and about three other people and mentioned in passing that I had a partner.
Piper got very upset, and a mutual friend acted as a messenger to let me know how she was feeling. This made me feel incredibly guilty.
The next few days were a bit of a blur as I tried my best to focus on the girl I was seeing, but then Piper DMed me asking if we could chat.
During our conversation, she explained that she was hurt that I didn’t inform her earlier that I no longer liked her the way I did. She thought I had been with my current partner a lot longer than I had been.
I joined a VC with Piper and the mutual friend after the friend DMed me, telling me that Piper was thinking about distancing herself from me after this whole ordeal. Another friend of mine outside of the immediate group knew about the situation and told me that if Piper thinks distancing herself from me is what’s best, I should respect that and not try to interject.
I agreed and am taking a step back from her.
Piper told our mutual friend that she was upset I didn’t tell her about my feelings for someone else sooner and that I didn’t tell her I didn’t like her anymore.
A lot of my online life was put on the back burner due to my real-life issues, and I admit her feelings weren’t at the forefront of my mind.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but make sure you’re not leading people on with your online words…Piper somehow got the message that you were developing feelings for her.
You don’t say enough about the nature of your conversations for me to tell if you stated that plainly or if it was just wishful thinking on her part.” Past-Motor-4654
Another User Comments:
“You’re only 19, I can imagine Piper is around the same age, she will either get over it or not but that’s her problem (unless you led her on in some kind of way?
I don’t think so). It sounds like she just grew attached to you and you need to clear that up with her asap to set boundaries, it’s a friendship, not a relationship! The longer you drag that convo out the more exhausting & unbearable it’ll get.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Lecturing My Brother About His Lack Of Hygiene?
“I (F16) have had countless conversations with my brother (M18) about his lack of hygiene. It has resulted in arguments, yelling, name-calling, and threats.
For context, my brother has had mental health issues for many years, meaning getting up and showering, etc has always been difficult.
I understood this for many years and offered him the help I could, he is now out of therapy, healing, and much much MUCH better. I understand depression doesn’t disappear but he is not in depressive episodes at the moment.
My brother’s lack of hygiene has been something that always embarrassed me. It keeps me from having friends up to my house. He reeks from not showering for days on, up to 2 weeks sometimes, his fingernails are so long that they snap easily, hurt people, and collect dirt, his toenails have caused him foot pain from how long they are, I dislike holding conversations with him without distance because of his breath, and much more.
While I understand this can be a struggle to keep up with, I usually start with a reminder. ‘I’m going for a shower, would you like to go first?’ Sometimes, I’m much more blunt and will tell him his nails are too long and need to be cut, etc. I am not trying to bring him down but we are a house brought up on honesty, if you smell bad, we offer deodorant.
While I know this should be my parent’s place, they are yet to take it upon themselves, which leaves me the option of lecturing him. I sat him down and told him his lack of hygiene would be the reason someone passed a comment he couldn’t handle, or people wouldn’t want to hang around with him.
I was called a mean person and arrogant, I don’t think wanting a sibling to clean his arrogance. I usually am the one cleaning his room and up after him, it’s embarrassing and tiring. When I told him my reasons further, he told me to stop antagonizing him and I was told to just leave him be.
I don’t want my brother to be picked on and I don’t like living with someone who doesn’t take care of themselves. I just want to know if I’m the jerk for addressing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think you’re doing a great job, but I think if your approach was going to kick him into action it already would have. You cannot make someone change who is unwilling to change.
I would stop putting my energy towards cleaning up after him. Have you had a conversation with your parents about how this is negatively affecting you and will significantly impact him in the future? (Job interviews, relationships, etc.)” nuggets256
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. God, what a difficult situation to be in. I am so sorry. I feel for your brother, of course; no one would choose to be mentally ill if they had a choice.
I also feel for you. As hard as it is and as much as it impacts you right now, it’s clear you have hit the limit on forcibly encouraging him to clean himself. For whatever reason, he can’t and your parents will not work with him.
For your mental health, I’d recommend disengaging and trying to limit the impact his befoulment has on your surroundings. Don’t clean up unless it’s impacting your life (and for God’s sake put laundry sanitizer in that washing machine if there’s feces in it regularly).
Keep your stuff away from his, open your windows, and work on getting a car that he will never be in so you have some to escape.” celeloriel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, this isn’t your job.
It’s not your job to do his laundry, clean up after him, or anything like that. Please try and talk to your Dad to have him talk to your mom/your brother. It might be better if you can live with your dad full-time if that’s an option.
It sounds like the living situation at your mom’s is at best unhealthy if not out and out abusive (via neglect, parentification, and lack of hygiene standards).” LingonberryRum
13. AITJ For Not Putting Our Name Down At The Restaurant Until My Always Late Wife And Brother-In-Law Arrived?
“My wife called me the other day at the end of the work day. She was at her brother’s and wanted to know what we should do about dinner.
We decided to go to a nearby local restaurant. There is always a small wait. She and her brother were about 10 minutes from the restaurant and I was fifteen minutes away. They said they were leaving now so I hurried over.
When I got there, I could see from my parking spot, they were not there yet. I called to find out where they were. They had not left yet. I said that I would stay in my truck until they got there.
They arrived 15 minutes later. When we were all there, I put my name down. They were mad at me for waiting to put my name down until they got there. I said well I should not have to be the only one who waits.
This sort of thing happens all the time. They expect others to wait on them. They purposefully arrive late so they don’t have to help set up for things, get ready, or put in a name to do the waiting.
It’s purposeful and I hate it. So I intentionally chose not to put my name down so they would have to wait. I made this decision because they didn’t leave until I got there. I shared my location with my wife and she did admit to checking to see where my dot was before I called. I don’t care about waiting, I am just tired of it always being my responsibility to wait and it being forced upon me.
I told them I was going to wait in my truck. They did not ask me to put in my name when I called but were upset that they had to wait until they got there. They expected it to have been taken care of.
I am an on-time person. I am tired of them being late on purpose so they don’t have to wait their turn.
They said I was a jerk because I could’ve put our name in but intentionally did not but I think I was just being fair to make all of us wait.
So am I the jerk for intentionally not putting our name in until they arrived.”
Another User Comments:
“I was ready to say everyone sucked and that you were being petty, but the fact that this is a recurring problem makes you NTJ, largely because it makes them the jerks.
With that said, have you talked with your wife about this issue? If you haven’t, then she may not even know that doing this is problematic since nobody has said anything. (Yeah, we know it should be common sense, but people having that isn’t as common as it should be.)” saxguy2001
12. AITJ For Asking Friends To Share Rental Car Cost For Group Trip?
“My friends and I, a group of 15 people, are planning a trip together and have rented a house for our stay. Since only one of us owns a car, we’ve all been scrambling for weeks to find enough vehicles to get us to our destination and to use while we’re there (as there’s no public transport available).
After a lot of effort, we managed to secure another car, but that still left five of us without a ride. Eventually, we found a rental car that would cost around $350 for the trip. To keep things fair and because we’re traveling as a group, we suggested in our group chat that we split the rental cost among everyone.
This would come to about $25 per person.
We proposed that those who are already providing their cars wouldn’t have to contribute and that anybody who wanted to contribute could also pay a smaller share and whatever they felt comfortable with.
When we put it to a vote, the first group of five with a car immediately agreed to pay the full $25 each, saying it was no problem and we should all share the burden since we were traveling as a group.
They also pointed out that the car assignments had been random and it could have been anyone who ended up needing the rental.
After some silence, the driver from the second group of five said they wouldn’t be paying anything because “we’re already taking a bigger risk by using our car and insurance and have spent a lot of time securing it.
Plus, we’re responsible if anything happens. Otherwise, everyone could have just rented a car instead of using a parent’s car.”
For context, everyone in the group is well-off, especially the five who are refusing to pay. Still, this response has caused quite a bit of unrest in the group.
The first group of five is particularly upset, feeling that the second group’s refusal shows a lack of solidarity. Despite being transparent and open about the financial handling of the situation, I’m honestly surprised at how quickly the second group rejected the idea of contributing anything at all, especially because they don’t have any financial constraints.
Now the group is pretty divided, and there’s tension all around. So, AITJ for asking my friends to chip in for the rental car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But to be fair I don’t think the driver of the 2nd car should have to pay.
Sounds like they are using their parent’s car and have to pay but the person using their car doesn’t. Even if the car is theirs they are contributing a car and they would have never been in the rental because they are driving their parent’s car.
They should get a pass for paying. The other 4 should pay though.” Apart-Scene-9059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the second group refuses to pay, can someone else in the group use their car instead? If that’s not an option, what about 10 people paying 35.00 each to get the rental car?
It seems like there’s no easy solution to this. I think that everyone should contribute to the cost of the rental car, but the 2nd group seems stingy and doesn’t want to do that.” No-Alarm-2208
11. AITJ For Singing At My Husband's Coworker's Wedding?
“I saw a post earlier that reminded me of this and it didn’t happen too long ago.
I go back and forth between thinking it was no big deal and that my husband was right so I thought I’d get some thoughts.
My husband [30M] of 3 years and I [29F] attended the wedding of his coworker last week.
I only knew 3 other people at the wedding, my husband’s other coworkers. It was outdoors and people were just kind of huddling in their little groups.
At a certain point, they started playing a song that is a typical white people karaoke song but it’s one of my favorites so I went booking it to the dance floor.
When I got there the DJ was asking people over and over again to sing the song… he was putting his microphone out towards the guests and no one wanted to do it. So I said screw it, let’s go.
There was no open bar so I’d had two beers at that point, I was not inebriated or even tipsy. I got the mic and sang the song and it got some people’s attention, more came towards the dance floor and joined in sing.
(No, this is not a r/thatHappened moment… just your typical song like Piano Man or Sweet Caroline where everyone knows the words.)
I finished, some people clapped, and I gave the mic back. On my way back the groomsmen and groom grabbed me to say I did a great job, they had me do a shot of whiskey with them, and then I went to my original group.
I was beaming and so excited but my husband… he just had this stink face.
One of his coworkers asked him “Did you see what [OP] just did?! That was amazing!” and my husband said, “Yeah… this isn’t the first time she’s pulled something like that.”
I immediately deflated. He made it sound like I had embarrassed him. I stayed quiet for the rest of the evening and he never said anything to me afterward about it; I figured if I had upset him we could talk about my singing, but he never brought it up and I was too embarrassed because he made it seem like I just acted like a total idiot.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think you were just having a good time and participating in the festivities. At the same time, you were a plus one of a coworker of the bride and groom who almost no one present knew.
That’s usually more of a situation where you quietly attend, don’t make waves, and don’t pull the spotlight onto yourself. So I am wondering if that might have been part of your husband’s reaction.
Like I’m not going to go up and try to start a conga line at a party where I know I’ve only been included out of politeness.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Look if this was a wedding of his non-work friends, I’d say NTJ.
But this is with his work colleagues. Workplace relationships can be fraught for some, even with colleagues they are closest to. The way I behave with my closest friends sometimes differs from how I behave around colleagues even those I’m closer to.
If I was going to my partner’s colleague’s wedding, I’d follow his lead in terms of behavior, and if he was not calling attention to himself with something like this I would not do so either.
You say it was getting awkward that no one was singing, but I’m not sure why you thought it fell on you (a spouse of a colleague of one of the couple) when even the couple’s own family and closest friends weren’t, and surely you’d have seen that would draw even more attention to you as the only person doing it?
But I’m extrapolating here based on a pretty basic understanding of the fact that people behave differently in different settings, but if you want to truly know how your husband felt, you’ll have to speak to him.” Equivalent-One-5499
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your husband is the kind of person who **hates** “public displays” (or whatever nonsense wording he uses to describe it). The DJ wanted people to sing. The groom didn’t care. You can tell your husband to head to the Home Depot.
They can sell him some tools which might help him remove the stick that is firmly stuck up his… nevermind.” knew
10. AITJ For Keeping Parental Controls On My Autistic Nephew's Devices Against My Sister's Wishes?
“I 17(M) have been living with my nephew(15 M) for 3 years after my sister(34 F) dropped him on my parents because her partner at the time(now husband) didn’t want to deal with him because he is autistic.
So for the past 3 years with my parents’ permission, I have been like a best friend/parent/uncle to him and have been taking care of him aside from necessities like bed, clothes, and school stuff. I’ve been a shoulder to cry on for him and making sure he doesn’t have unrestricted internet access because being with him for 3 years I’ve noticed he’s very impressionable and doesn’t act like he’s 15 my parents have said the same thing.
But then, this all came to a head recently she is staying here near us for a while unlike before (she was in a whole different state and barely contacted him).
The moment she came back here she immediately asked me to take the parental controls off his devices I tried to protest but my parents just said too and then she got really mad at me and my parents for letting me be more of a parent to her child.
But the thing is my parents are in their 60s and my dad works all day and my mom’s usually bedridden (she has cancer and breathing problems) so they trusted me since I have a lot of free time.
But she doesn’t care she thinks he’s like any other normal child and that he shouldn’t have any restrictions just because I do, but we’re different. I kept some parental controls on his console because I felt they were needed but now she’s mad again and wants them off because she thinks it’s interfering with a game he’s trying to play but it’s literally just the disk it’s scratched because he can’t take care of it and now she’s getting my other sister involved to talk some “sense” into me.
(The post basically ends here but) Also, some more details the parental controls being off his other devices have already changed for him just for example he used to wake up every at 8 now he’s waking up in the afternoons and she doesn’t care and he’s also been looking at inappropriate content now cause of it because she told him about it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister knows nothing about being a parent, and she and her husband sound like horrible jerks. Her opinion means nothing as far as I’m concerned. She has some nerve dropping her child on you and your parents and then thinking she gets to make any decisions like this.
You and your parents are awesome for taking care of him!” StonewallBrigade21
9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Constantly Losing His ID And Social Security Card?
“My husband and I have been arguing a lot. I asked him about his social and his id and he told me he lost them again.
I got extremely upset because this happens all the time. He doesn’t have a job so he needs those if he wants to work! So yeah I’m not thinking about being nice because you’re making things harder for us and yourself!
I’m going to have to be the one to keep ordering it and replacing it because he won’t do it himself. See how frustrating that can be for someone? I get it though, I can do better at communicating and not getting loud and interrupting mid-sentence.
I can do better on those things but how come he gets to hold grudges? How come he can’t just let things go?
How come he always gets to shut down? How come?? I’m not trying to attack this man.
I’m just oh so frustrated because this always happens and I’m the one who’s fixing it. I have to be the one to fix it because he can’t. Then instead of owning his irresponsibility, he says to me well you let our son be all in your purse and he takes your stuff but at the end of the day whose stuff is lost. Mine or yours?
Our son is just a baby. You know he’s going to touch it. So why not make sure it is put up so it doesn’t get lost? You know you misplace everything so why not take the initiative to make sure your things are secure?
I’m harboring your stuff because you can’t keep up with it on your own. This whole thing started because he didn’t like the fact that I was upset at him for losing his stuff. And wants to use things like me interrupting to say it gives him the right to be mad at me now.
I just be feeling like he does that to shift the attention off of himself. Because it’s like dude you lost your important stuff and now you think you have the right to find something to be mad at me for.
I can understand if he felt like he didn’t deserve it but it’s like you did deserve for me to get on you about this cause this is not the first time this has happened! Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your husband is weaponizing his incompetence. You shouldn’t be the one having to fix his repeated errors, and the fact that, after losing these important documents (for the umpteenth time), knowing this prevents him from obtaining a job, he does not take action to replace them and leaves it to you speaks volumes.
So you might be a jerk at this point in how you’re communicating but you’re pushed to your absolute limits, and in a situation like this it would take a superpower to not get angry so I’ll go NTJ.
Your husband is the jerk.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But what you allow is what will continue. You’re enabling him to be the way he is. You don’t have to fix any of it for him but you choose to, probably because it’s just easier.
Like tying the toddler’s shoes..but if you never let them figure it out on their own how will they ever do it themselves? The difference he’s a grown man who most certainly CAN do the things he’s *choosing* not to.
So it’s time for you to set boundaries for what behaviors you won’t accept from him and the consequences for when that line is crossed. It’s the only way this changes..” ObjectiveLength7230
Another User Comments:
“Whoa, you’re upset today.
I can feel your anger through my phone. I’m going to go with a slight NTJ. Your husband sounds pretty incompetent. I’ve lost my ID before, and I’ve had it stolen before. But how do you lose a Social Security card?
That’s insane. I suppose your anger is justified but you also have to think at some point that your husband is just disorganized, and yelling at him for it isn’t going to make him any more organized. It’s something he needs to work on.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Friend's Gas Money To Visit Me?
“I (24f) have a friend (24f) whose parents bought her a car, paid for insurance, and gave her money for gas since she does not work.
My friend lives about a 25-minute drive away. I have access to my family car and would either drive up to see her or take the bus which would take about an hour. When I would ask her to come to my area, she would say she doesn’t have gas money because she doesn’t work, and would make various excuses about taking the bus ( mostly that she is tired, or that her stomach doesn’t feel well that day/ has a headache).
I slowly realized she doesn’t make much of an effort to see me, and would only reach out when she already happened to be in my area for another reason. The other day we made plans, and I asked her if she could make the drive since I did not have access to the car that day.
She said she could but expects me to e-transfer her gas money.
When I pointed out that she never once gave me gas/bus money for my trips, and that it felt a bit odd for her to ask that, she said it is different because I have a job and she is unemployed ( she has not been in school or had a job by choice for 5+ years).
Of course, if a friend is driving us a longer distance ( to a cottage or road trip for example) I would insist on giving them gas money. But it feels a bit weird to pay for her commute after inviting her over.
It is not that she is in a bad place just right now, this has been the situation for years. I know she has had similar issues with other friends about asking them for gas money for driving very short distances to see them.
Knowing that her parents fully financially support her pay for her car and give her gas money, I have a feeling she is just using this as a way to pocket cash from friends. AITJ for not giving her gas money, and letting her know I would rather make plans another day when I have the car or when she finds a way to my area?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you give gas money when someone is driving you or going out of their way to do you a favor not for them to drive themselves to see you, that would be just paying her to see you which isn’t what friends should be expecting to do at all” dsteere2303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But this might be the literal price of seeing her. She is sort of ridiculous because unless she is misrepresenting how well off she is asking for gas money to visit somebody somewhat nearby isn’t a thing people do.
I would not give her money. (unless she was driving me, obviously, or if the trip was so far that she actually couldn’t afford to come without the help – I also wouldn’t pay to get her oil changed lol)” mlc885
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Job Over My Estranged Grandma's 80th Birthday Celebration?
“So, I’m(30F) pretty much estranged from my dad’s side of the family. Bar a few family members, I don’t even feel like a member of that side of my family, through no fault of my own (so much so I legally changed my surname).
My grandma (who has favored my older cousin my entire life) has been ill a couple of times this year and has ended up in the hospital, and with her 80th birthday coming up, some family members have been concerned.
As much of a black sheep, she has made me feel my entire life and how judgemental she is of me, she’s my grandma and I do genuinely love and care about her. So, for a few weeks, I kept in touch with her, asking her how she was and if I would be okay to come and visit.
She kept telling me she wasn’t up to visitors, even though the rest of my family were welcome to come and go as they pleased, so eventually I gave up asking.
As my grandma is turning 80, a family meal has been arranged. I have work on the day of the meal but the original time of the meal left me with plenty of time to get ready and get there after my shift. However, my aunt decided the original time was too late and decided to go ahead and change the booking to an earlier time without checking that everyone would still be able to attend.
I explained that I had work that day and that the new time just wouldn’t be enough time for me to get ready and get to the restaurant (as I live a 45-minute drive away from the restaurant too) and I was met with a bombard of messages telling me to fake being sick or use a holiday day because “it’s not every day your grandma turns 80”.
I’d love to be able to attend, not only for my grandma but it would be the first time I’d be introducing my grandparents to my partner, but I have no holidays left for this year and I don’t feel right about pretending to be sick just so I can go to a meal. They’re acting like I just don’t care or want to see her even though I’ve reached out and asked to visit numerous times.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They haven’t cared about you visiting her at the hospital, at all, why do they care so much about your attendance at the birthday party? Is it because they want your gifts? Either way, NTJ, what happens if work sees pictures with you at the birthday party, or runs into someone you work with on the way, and gets fired?
Basically what I’m trying to say is don’t risk your job for people who probably won’t notice your absence..” Suspicious-8388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to connect with your grandma despite the strained relationship. Your work commitments prevent you from attending the family meal, and your family’s pressure to fake sickness or use up your holidays isn’t fair.
You’ve shown care for your grandma in your way, and your family should understand your situation.” Red_girl15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Take my experience into account, there’s people in life you should care about how they think of you, and there’s everyone else.
These aren’t people you should care about how they think of you. They aren’t essential to your life or well-being, they aren’t your responsibility, and they don’t return the favor. You tried, but it didn’t work out.
If they want to make something more of it than it is, that’s not something you can control nor should you try.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Being My Usual Cheerful Self At My Stressful Job?
“I (34F) work two jobs and seldom get a day off unless I request it in advance. Yes, it’s exhausting and I’m aware of the health ramifications, but I don’t have much choice until I find just one job that pays a livable wage.
Trust me, I’ve been looking…
My peers describe me as a cheerful, upbeat person always trying to make others smile/laugh, which isn’t always easy. I’m human too and struggle to keep myself in high spirits.
I still try, but sometimes I need to preserve that energy for other things.
The issue: My primary job’s managers have been… let’s say inept. Case in point:
They’re hypocritical. Never take accountability for their mistakes and blame us instead.
Make passive-aggressive remarks about us openly during meetings. Nitpick the most mundane things. Too many pot-calling-the-kettle-black situations. Consistently prying into people’s matters and probing others for info. Setting unrealistic expectations for when a job should be done (it varies on the job and our physical fatigue).
Zero compassion for anyone struggling with something. And these are just the ones I can think of right now.
Just today, someone put in their two weeks and the head boss passive-aggressively berated them for it.
Now they’re targeting me for “mistakes” that they have not gone after anyone else for.
I know this because I’ve asked a few coworkers if any of them were spoken to about similar “mistakes”, and they denied so. Naturally, I feel singled out. They said others claim that I “talk too much” on the job and I “go out of my way” to talk to my coworkers and/or customers.
That irked me because I’m not just standing around jibber-jabbering.
Yes, I sometimes chat while I’m working, but who doesn’t? This isn’t me bantering like we’re old friends. I’m doing my darn job and building a report with the customer, so they feel comfortable around me.
In the past few months, the over-exertion has caught up to me. My energy has waned, and others have noticed. According to my bosses, my work has become inefficient here and there (I can admit that), I’m less talkative and cheerful in the morning (I’m tired and stressed, and not a morning person), and I “act like I don’t like my job”.
First, they claim I talk too much, then get concerned I don’t talk anymore. I can’t win and I refuse to play.
They know of my second job, but they say it doesn’t excuse my behavior.
I told them it doesn’t, but it does explain it. All I can do is try harder in the future. I keep my business to myself and that bothers them. Good. My life, my decisions.
I enjoy the job.
I do. I love seeing my progress and helping people. It’s the bureaucratic B.S. and discontented treatment I’m sick of. My coworkers all secretly agree. No job is worth this degradation. I’m done.
I don’t feel I’m the jerk here, but a lifetime of self-doubt I’m not over yet gives me pause.
Maybe I’m missing something. AITJ for not being my usual cheerful self at work anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being stressed and tired. Honestly, though, that doesn’t sound like a great place to work. While you’re looking for a single job that pays the bills, have you considered looking for a different primary job in the same field as your current one?
What about transferring to a different but still-close location? Just a couple of suggestions in the meantime. Staying where you are right now could be fine for the middle run (since your long-run goal is to leave for a single job), but be aware that you currently seem to have a target on your back, and the target may not go away.
If you wish to stay for now, and if you have the time and energy to spare, maybe try checking out some subreddits about toxic/difficult work situations. Their stories with updates could give you some insights into your current situation, as well as examples of comments/behavior that could trigger your management into becoming even worse (basically stuff you want to avoid doing to make things easier for now).
I unfortunately don’t follow or keep tabs on any, so I don’t know any off the top of my head, but I’ll let you know if I see any. Remember, it may not be bad/offensive to you, and truly may not be bad/offensive, but that doesn’t mean others won’t try to twist your words and behavior into something negative- you’ve seen as much from your managers about being tired. Knowing and anticipating what they can and will twist can be your advantage.” DragonMaster7433
5. AITJ For Keeping Feedback Identities Anonymous From My Game Project Partner?
“I am creating a game with one other person. I’m not the best at art, so I do everything except for that, and they handle all the art for the project. I tell them what assets we need next, they work on them, and then I integrate each one after they send me the completed asset.
People occasionally message me feedback about the project. For example, suggestions on what to improve (be it art, or anything really), ideas, bugs, etc.
Generally, when someone private messages me feedback on Discord, I assume they want to remain anonymous because otherwise, they would have said it in one of the public chat channels.
Often I want to relay the general gist of their feedback to the artist, but they (the artist) always ask who on Discord sent the feedback.
I told them that I didn’t want to say, because in my opinion their identity doesn’t matter, and only the content of the feedback.
In addition, sometimes the feedback is negative, and because the artist interacts with our community, I don’t want there to be any drama. For example, if someone told me rather bluntly “x looks bad”, I don’t want the artist to now dislike that person because they gave critical feedback.
I rather constructively provide that feedback to the artist more nicely and productively, and not leak the exact messages, or who said it.
Needless to say, the artist was very hurt by this. They said they felt left out, and they were extremely upset by my actions.
I told them that I feel like the person’s identity shouldn’t matter, but they said that they just felt left out and that they would tell me who said things if someone DM’d them. But, I wouldn’t want to know the person’s identity if someone messaged them either.
For the exact reasons I laid out above (I wouldn’t want to dislike someone in my community, I wouldn’t want to betray their anonymity in private messaging, and I feel like only the content of the feedback matters, and not who said it)
Anyway, it became a very large argument several weeks ago, and I thought it was the end of it, but the same thing happened again recently (someone messaged me feedback, I relayed it to the artist, they asked who said it, and I again reiterated that I didn’t want to say), and they started crying and having a very negative reaction after I refused to say.
Anyway, they told me to make a post about it, so here I am. What should be done here? I’m not sure how to handle this situation”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Anonymous feedback is always more honest and useful.
You are right to avoid the drama that it seems the artist would make with a negative comment. You were doing the correct thing, and you could tell you were doing the correct thing because the artist was crying.
After all, you didn’t tell him who it was. They wanted to confront the person and see what was going on. You are doing the right thing. Keep it up” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If people are allowed to leave comments believing them to be anonymous, then those comments should remain anonymous.
Have you considered only receiving non-anonymous comments? I feel that would cut back on hurtful verbiage somewhat and maybe not hurt the actual criticism much.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I have worked production support with everything from small to very large user bases and you always have end users who are obnoxious or who can’t be bothered to submit a ticket properly.
You are assuming a direct DM means they want to be anonymous. Maybe they are just lazy? Regardless, anonymous tickets aren’t a thing for a help desk. It may only be the 2 of you, but you are also wearing help desk hats.
You are assuming the artist is not going to handle criticism well, but you are ignoring that maybe the artist needs more details about the issue. It could be a 508 (accessibility) issue that could impact other assets that need to be adjusted en masse, but they would need to discuss with the user to confirm.
If you don’t want the artist to tell you, that’s fine, but the artist doesn’t feel the same way. If you can’t trust the artist to not blow up at users, then why are they working for you?” TheMadMagpielikes
4. AITJ For Accepting A Generous Holiday Gift From My Brother?
“I have two brothers. I am very close to one (Sam) and get on okay with the other (Mike) (not real names). They both earn a lot more than me. Sam has no kids, Mike has one and I have three.
We have Sam over maybe twice a month, my kids adore him and he treats them like his own. We don’t see Mike much, he is very busy with his work and his own family. I’m sad but get it.
Recently, Sam asked why we weren’t going on holiday. I think he knew that it was because we couldn’t afford it. I’m not hard up and my kids eat well and we go on treat days but can’t afford more than that.
Sam immediately offered me £15k as a gift to pay for a family holiday. He says he can afford it and otherwise, it’d just be sitting in the bank. I said yes please and Sam sent me the money.
I booked a cool climbing holiday with the kids and they are super excited – Sam is coming for some of it. My husband is working while we are away which means he can earn a bit of overtime and then take the kids somewhere when we are home and I can earn some extra overtime to help pay for that.
My mum got distressed that we were overspending and so I agreed with Sam that I’d tell her how we were paying for the trip.. anyway mum must have told Mike.
Mike rang me last night and is angry and thinks I’m taking advantage of Sam.
He says I’m manipulating Sam into covering my family’s budget and that it was my choice to have three kids and also to work for the NHS when I could earn more doing the same job somewhere else.
He also feels that Sam is favoring my kids and that his child will be super hurt that Sam is paying for a holiday for my kids. I tried to explain that his child is welcome to come but he said I know she hates climbing (which is true) and that Sam was trying to give my kids access to some of the opportunities we had growing up.
Mike earns more than any of us and takes 5* holidays every year so I don’t think it’s a money thing. I think he genuinely feels I’m taking advantage of Sam and guilt-tripping him into helping us out. In fairness to Mike, I do talk about money in front of Sam not to get him to give his to me but because I value his advice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mike and your mom are the jerks here. You’re NTJ for accepting a gift that was freely offered. Sam’s certainly NTJ for giving a gift to you and your children (even if he doesn’t give an equivalent gift to a different brother & nibling who *are making more money*).
Your mom spoke out of turn, and that stirred the pot. And Mike’s sticking his nose into your business and being a jerk about it. It’s easy to see why you aren’t as close. Just change the topic, or end the conversation, if he insists on talking about this.
He can tell Sam his thoughts or–better yet–keep it to himself. Enjoy your holiday.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s between you and your brother. He gets to decide how he spends his money.
I hope you’re saving some for the future and not blowing it all on one trip. Mike and your mom should mind their own business. If you feel guilty (and I think you are, since you’re asking this question) then that’s for you to introspect and process.
No one can tell you how to feel.” sherlocked27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I can certainly understand why you are not so close to Mike. You did not suggest to Sam that he do this for you, he offered out of love for you and your family.
Why would Mike tell his children that Sam is doing this for your kids? There was no need and he is unnecessarily causing bad feelings. If his kids found out about it (because of your mother’s big mouth) he could tell him that Uncle Sam wants their cousins to take a nice holiday just like the ones they REGULARLY enjoy.
He would be giving his kids a lesson in kindness.” Maximum-Swan-1009
3. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My SIL Constantly Offering Food To My Husband?
“I, 39 F have a 32 F SIL. She’s married to my husband, Bob’s (39 M) brother (43). We tend to go out to eat pretty often and we usually eat a family-style meal. There were a few instances previously when we would go out to eat that she would ask Bob if he wanted a beer or coffee, but would never ask me.
Weird and rude, IMO. It would be the four of us adults and our kids. She would also tell my husband, “Bob, try this…it’s good, or you should eat this.” Again, she would not offer it to me or say anything.
My husband and I have had dinner with plenty of other couples before, and no other female does this. If I would offer food, or ask about food, I would ask both of them, not just the husband.
Like, “Hey guys, try this dish, it’s so good!”
I’ve tried to have a conversation with my husband several times about how I think it’s weird and inappropriate that she’s always trying to feed him, and that she should just focus on her husband.
I find it rude that she would only ask my husband, but not utter a word to me.
It happened yesterday but this time, she took food and put it near my husband and told him to eat it.
My husband, without a second thought, just ate it up. I got annoyed for her doing that, and then at my husband for taking the food, because, like, he should know better since I’ve brought it up before.
She keeps offering him food and he keeps taking it, so she keeps doing it. I find it so annoying! He’s a grown man and can get his food. Or, if the food isn’t near him then I’ll put some on his plate.
I always offer to get him food if the dish is not on his side. I told my husband that I was annoyed and then he became upset because he didn’t “know what was going on.” Again, I’ve talked to him about this issue before and how I feel that SIL is intrusive and oversteps boundaries.
But my husband is also oblivious.
So, AITJ for getting annoyed when my SIL offers my husband food, and then he eats it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this the only off behavior? Or do you see flirting/ interest or anything?
Next time she does it, your husband SHOULD immediately offer to you what she has offered to him. Sounds like he won’t though. Next time maybe call her out…hey Sally I’d like to try it too, but since you pointedly don’t offer it to me it makes me wonder why.
Just stuff her in the moment.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“He did not say he didn’t “know what was going on?” Does he normally easily forget conversations you have? Because that seems like a bigger concern. This doesn’t bother her husband or your husband.
She’s not trying to sleep with him. She’s just being extra and annoying. Your path to happiness is by letting this go and seeing her as the desperate, silly woman she is. But if you wanted to be petty you could pay her husband the attention she is not.
Ask to get his drink. Offer him food. Hand-feed him. Laugh at his jokes while touching his arm. State at her pointedly. Notice if the rest of the party responds differently. Her behavior is rude, annoying, and sad.
But it’s clear she has the group’s tacit approval. If your husband and his brother react differently when you behave the same way as her- you know that they know what’s going on. And they like it.
Your BIL may enjoy watching her “tempt” your husband. Best of luck with this bizarre couple. Remember you are stuck with family. So decide whether it’s worth it to go nuclear. NTJ” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it’s weird talk to him again and tell him to imagine if it was his brother feeding you only. Then tell him that he could either talk to the SIL by himself or the both of you can together that it’s weird and unacceptable.
If she continues you’ll have to get a backbone and either intervene take the food she’s offering and say thanks I needed that or just tell her why doesn’t she feed her husband instead. It’s going to be a situation that’s difficult to deal with because of your dense husband.” DismalTrifle2975
2. AITJ For Feeling Neglected By My Fiancé On Our Anniversary And His Birthday?
“I went to a renaissance fair on my 2nd anniversary with my fiancé because I don’t get to see my 8-year-old little brother much (he lives with my abusive parents still) and I wanted to make sure I was there to take care of him.
I asked him if it was okay and he said yes and that he was originally gonna go to his hometown anyway because he forgot. But then on the anniversary, I asked him if we could watch a movie and cuddle later when we were both back, so I made sure I got back in time and mentioned it again later and he said yes he’d love to.
I got back home with time to spare and waited for him and asked him if he was on his way but he didn’t get back until midnight, so it was too late to cuddle and watch a movie together.
I felt sad about it and told him I did and he said we’d have time to do it the next day, on his birthday celebration (his birthday isn’t actually until the 4th of July).
I knew we wouldn’t have enough time so I said we probably wouldn’t.
We didn’t, so I felt sad again and I told him I was afraid we’d never celebrate. He forgets things that I mention doing a lot and I kind of have to suggest for him to get me flowers and stuff (I get him those things).
He’ll usually just say the time got away from him, he was busy, or he got distracted. We live together and do spend a lot of time together, but a lot of things become routine, or I’m going to stuff he would be doing anyway.
He says he thinks of these things as dates, but they don’t feel like it to me because they’re not called that and they’re routine. Most of the time I’m going with him for stuff related to his job.
He kept saying “wonderful birthday celebration” sarcastically while I was crying because he got mad. I tried to make his birthday good. I got him several specific gifts, baked him cookies, and helped to cook one of his favorite dishes.
I wrote a sweet note for him too. His family came and gave him a lot of gifts and money. I feel so bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whether you two live together or not, or however long you’ve been, he’s still meant to make you feel seen or heard throughout the time together.
I honestly think that you’re subconsciously allowing him to act this way because of the excuses he’s given you, but you should genuinely sit down with him and discuss a time when you two go out on proper and planned dates and ask him why he doesn’t feel the need to pick up flowers when coming back from work, etc. You shouldn’t feel bad for communicating this to him, and he shouldn’t make you feel bad either.
You were trying your best, so there’s no reason as to why he shouldn’t try his best either.” venushours_xo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And OP, is this the way you want to be treated? Because change has to come from within, and your fiance doesn’t seem like he wants to change.
You also do way more for him than it seems he does for you. So if this is the life you want, then I wish you well, but if not, then I would postpone the wedding and give this relationship a LOT of thought.” avesthasnosleeves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but to be honest, he’s also NTJ. It seems that both of you have different perspectives on the stage of life you’re in. You deserve all the excitement in the world, but he also deserves tranquility and a calm, routine life.
The problem arises if either of you or both think that this is at the expense of what the other wants/needs. You haven’t mentioned anything about your job or financial situation, and in your comments, you talk about chemo, so the financial burden he must have had could also be heavy.
It’s a point where both of you love each other, but it seems like you take each other for granted and ask for more at the same time. TALK to each other!” Ok_Structure4685
1. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Homeless Friend's Cat That Bonded With My Son?
“13 months ago a friend became homeless and was torn about re-homing his 2 cats. Since it was thought to be only a few months, I offered to house the 2 cats until he got a new place.
It’s been 13 months and only now possibly getting a place. During that time my daughter paid to get his female fixed since I had a male with a retained testicle which meant there would have been a possibility for mating (NO THANK YOU).
The same cat was 2 and never had shots so we had to do that so we could fix her. His other cat was fixed but behind on shots, we took care of that too. Wanted to protect my 2 cats.
The plan was to get paid back when he was back on his feet.
In the past year my teenage son with bipolar and my friend’s male cat imprinted on each other so I told our friend that when he gets a place, he will only have to worry about 1 cat at home since I was keeping his male and I’d subtract the cost of the his shots from what he owes us (the female never adjusted to a house with a dog rabbit, plus my own 2 cats).
Also, I provided everything the cats needed (food, litter, nail trims, etc.) so he could save to get out of the shelter.
I feel bad and don’t need a 3rd cat but this one calms my son when he’s down, sleeps with him, and follows him through the house.
The cat even cries when he can’t find my son. I’m just looking at the effect letting him take this cat will have on my son & the cat itself. My friend also has bipolar and I told them he can look at it like he has a cat when he’s at home (whenever that is) and 1 at my house.
He said it was not what was originally stated over a year ago and I can’t just keep HIS cat. There is nothing in writing but I do have the vet bills and receipts. I spoke with my son who said he’d be very sad if he had to let the cat go which concerns me due to how depressed he gets (yes he’s in therapy) which is why I’m feeling like a jerk.
I understand both my son and friend have mental health issues and this cat means a lot to both of them but the cat has been my son’s shadow for 11 of the past 13 months. My son is my priority plus it’s not fair for this cat that adjust to life here.”
Another User Comments:
“First of all, you sound insanely unreasonable. “Imprinted”?? Watch too much Twilight? Own too many crystals? You agreed to board someone else’s cat. You spayed it of your own accord, at your own cost. He didn’t ask you to do any of this.
He doesn’t owe you the money nor do you own his cat. The fact that he comforts your son—with all his various issues—is entirely irrelevant. That’s not your cat. You should have made as much clear to your son or else wise not taken it in if he’s truly so unstable that he can’t comprehend “this cat is temporary.” The cat doesn’t care about where it has to “adjust to life.” A human being was legally entitled to that cat and still is—and newsflash, it’s not you.
YTJ.” Superb-Dream1626
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have done an above-and-beyond service by caring for these animals like you have. You now have an emotional and financial stake in what happens to them. Your friend, however, thought he’d be getting his cats back since he didn’t look at this arrangement as “rehoming”.
Plus, he’s already probably lost a lot while being homeless. I get that you want your child to have what has become his emotional support animal, so I think you need to sit your friend down and have a real heart-to-heart.
Try to find a solution that makes sense for all humans and felines involved.” tasting
Another User Comments:
“From a legal perspective… Even if you had no agreement/verbal contract for the extra time and expense, you have a claim “inequity” for quantum merit and unjust enrichment.
You can look those up. You are owed reimbursement since the owner enjoyed and accepted the benefit given for the upkeep. That doesn’t necessarily mean you get to permanently keep the cat as an offset for the value the owner accepted. So if you go the cat-keeping route, you will be well served to convince the owner of the social justification.
Part of this is their delay which led the cat to bond with someone else and how separating them is more harmful than not returning it. Also, if they barely visited, they would be doing the right thing for the cat.
The theme is, if they care, they will do the right thing out of wishing the best for the cat and not making it experience trauma.” Scenarioing
