People Ask That We Spend Time Thinking Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Watch Movies With Us Because Of How Emotional She Gets?
“My (15F) family likes to have a movie night, we basically do that on Fridays when my parents don’t have work and my sister (19F) doesn’t have too much work for college.
It usually happens like once a month. Mom insists on doing it or just having us all play a game so we can bond and have a good time and it is really fun so no one complains about it.
Anyways, I recently noticed that my sister (19F) starts crying every time we watch a movie.
Like not the sad movies or anything like that, any movie that’s for younger kids that we usually put on for my other sister (10F) just has her face tearful. It’s usually random movies about friendship or simple ideas like that or just Disney movies or Studio Ghibli ones.
She doesn’t cry at all at anything else. I have no idea why. It’s also during random parts of the movie that it makes no sense to cry about (like someone flying, or someone hugging someone, or someone sitting in a garden or something).
No one else really notices because it’s usually dark and we don’t really talk during movies.
Plus my sister is very unemotional usually and this is so unexpected that even if I told anyone they wouldn’t believe me till they saw it (she also makes no sound anyways). It also only happens when my sister is seated next to me during the movies and my parents and other sister are further away so they wouldn’t notice at all.
I notice because I usually have to check my phone so her face is a bit clearer for me.
This week my mom suggested another movie like that for us to watch next week. And since this time she agreed we’d be doing it with my friend coming over, I thought it would ruin the mood for the night if she saw my sister like that and it was just not something I want to deal with.
My friend is also nosy and knows my sister very well and I kind of just want us to have fun without my sister in the picture.
So here is where I may be the jerk, I told my mom I am okay doing it as long as my sister is not there.
And if she is there then she has to stop crying over nothing and control her emotions for the night. My mom didn’t see where I was coming from and told me if that was the case then they will do it without me. I don’t really want that so I told her that my sister is too old for this anyways and we could just not invite her from now on.
She looked really upset and told me to go to my room. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you should sit out of the family bonding time because you clearly haven’t bonded with your sister at all if you can be so callous towards her.
Some of those Disney and Ghibli movies have sad scenes in them. Also, they have messages in them that won’t affect you the way they will affect others going through things. If you didn’t get the message from those movies then the message wasn’t for you btw.
In the US, 19 is around the age when people move on to college and sometimes those friendships in high school won’t last due to distance, lack of time, and personal change/growth. She’s probably missing those friendships and reminiscing the times spent together.
Now you’re trying to keep her from bonding time with the family all because you’re worried about being embarrassed? YTJ.” Toast-In-Mouth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – very much so.
Your sister may be going through something that those movies are triggering. You have not talked to your sister or asked her anything about it so your assertion that she is just fine is complete nonsense.
I guarantee that your 19-year-old sister is not sharing everything with her 15-year-old sister (especially if this is how you act when someone gets teary-eyed around you). Or she is just someone who gets emotional during sappy movies – which is not nearly as unusual as you seem to think.
You are even more of a jerk for that nonsense about your sister being too old. She isn’t. Guess what, she will never be too old. Whether it be watching kid movies, spending time with her family, or getting emotional during sappy scenes in movies (by the way, I know plenty of people older than her that do all those things).
Also, who cares if your friend notices? If you are so concerned then don’t sit next to your sister. Problem solved
Don’t be a brat, it’s not a good look.
Also – you have no right to exclude your sister here, you are the one with a problem so you are the one who doesn’t need to be part of your family night.” MisunderstoodIdea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you aspiring to become Regina George? Because with this self-centered and entitled attitude that’s where you’re headed. You’re never too old to watch movies or cry. NEVER. So your sister cries at some moments while watching movies and instead of understanding that maybe she’s deeply affected and movies are her outlet for releasing her emotions that she otherwise doesn’t express often, you preferred to make it all about yourself and your inconvenience and discomfort.
The entitlement, insensitivity, and self-absorption are off the charts here.” Amy14here
20. AITJ For Not Waking My Husband Up For My Father-In-Law?
“My in-laws, especially my mother-in-law, have a habit of calling my husband at all hours and asking him to do things for them. My father-in-law called him but because he was sleeping I answered the phone. He asked me to wake him up because he needed his help but I refused to as it was late and he was tired.
I told him I would ask my husband to call him in the morning but my father-in-law said it was important and I could hear my mother-in-law telling him to say it was an emergency in the background. I asked what he needed and offered to help but he didn’t want to tell me and kept insisting I wake my husband.
After about 5 minutes of him trying to make me wake my husband up, I finally gave up and hung up. They repeatedly called me and my husband and sent me texts telling me to give the phone to my husband and to stop ignoring them.
The next morning, I explained what happened to my husband. When he came home from their house, he told me his parents were upset with me. He wasn’t though.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think that I would be upset with you if you felt that it was your place to police my calls, especially if my parents called about an emergency.
Your husband isn’t mad so he is different than me. Ask your husband how he wants you to handle these calls in the future. Under what circumstances is it important you wake him up? This is important information to have for future calls. You don’t want to end up being the jerk in a future scenario.
No jerks here since husband didn’t seem to care.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s the boy who cried wolf. When everything is an emergency, nothing is. And when something bad happens and it really is an emergency, they will think you are bad people for not answering ‘jump’ with ‘off what?’
You can’t win in this situation. Just make sure you and your husband are in full agreement on how these ’emergencies’ should be handled so there’s no blame between the two of you if something goes wrong. And get your husband to explain to his parent that if they won’t explain what the emergency is, the two of you reserve the right to not respond.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“YTJ = 50/50
You should have gotten your husband up. That’s HIS parents who are claiming an emergency. You did nothing but block them.
If it turned out that it was NOT an emergency (old people tend to make mountains out of molehills) then YOU should tell your husband to talk to his parents about it because he has become their 24/7 performing monkey.
His parents’ refusal to disclose what the ’emergency’ was to you speaks volumes because they most likely knew it was NOT an emergency.” CMStaley
19. AITJ For Ignoring A Classmate Who Asked Me For Test Answers?
“So, I am in college. One of my courses is an online class (the subject doesn’t really matter) so there’s a group chat with most of my other classmates which we use to help each other out, answer questions, and so on. I am fairly familiar with this subject so some topics I can understand and explain to classmates who don’t.
There’s one classmate in particular who asks me for help more than anyone else (to the point where they private message me).
Now, I understand being scared to ask a ‘dumb’ question, and not sure how to word a question or ask for help, but it’s gotten really out of hand and I want to know if I am being rude.
At first, they would ask me to explain certain topics, which I did. Then, it quickly turned into them taking a picture of a question and asking for the answer(s). Of course, I didn’t wanna be that person; I know college is hard and we’re all trying to get by but I knew that if I kept giving them the answers then they would have no motivation to learn the topics on their own.
What really made me mad was the week of the test. Now, the online course gives us a 3-day window to take the in-person, proctored test. I took it on day 1, others took it on day 2 or 3. Taking it on day 1 just meant that I could tell others what to focus on, what to expect, and release the stress they may have (not give them the answers).
This classmate took it on day 3. Now, it’s important to know that they don’t even use the group chat where everyone answers each other’s questions. I can’t remember the last time they spoke in it, so when I say they only ask me for help, I mean it.
So on the day of their test, they’re texting me saying they’re gonna fail and that they might need my help. Of course, I reassured them, but let them know the test is proctored so they won’t have their phone and I won’t be able to help them.
Even if they did let us have our phones I still wouldn’t have helped them. During their test, I unexpectedly get a text from them FROM THEIR APPLE WATCH (another reason why I despise apple watch users). Of course, it’s a picture of a test question (a pretty easy one) that happened to be the exact same question our professor went over in the test review on Zoom (which they said they attended).
I completely ignored them because I reached a boiling point. No way should they think I’ll supply them with answers while they don’t do the work on their own. I’ve taken time out of my day to give them 90% of the answers to an online homework assignment (it had 40 or more questions).
By the week of the test, I thought they would’ve known the material by now. We’re all learning the same thing and I shouldn’t be burdened with learning it myself while someone nags me for the answers I’ve found, especially not on a test. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you need to report them for being dishonest. You’re not tutoring them when you’re giving them the answers to homework, or new tests. It’s one thing to explain a question to them but what is happening is they just want you to do their work for them.
You need to report them. Or they will find a way to bring you down when they get caught or when they fail.” Intrepid-Database-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Don’t do it and honestly, I wouldn’t do it in general unless they’re willing to pay you for it unless they want to pay for your tutoring it’s their problem.
Personally, I would start keeping my distance from this person. Focus on your own work. You could help your friends out here and there but at the end of the day you gotta worry about yourself.” shellyrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This person doesn’t want to learn the material now that they know someone is willing to just give them the answers.
Helping them figure it out is one thing, just giving them the answers is another. Now this person has crossed a line that you have already told them you wouldn’t cross. Stop helping them and let them figure it out for themselves.” TypicalAd3575
18. WIBTJ If I Ask My Husband To Not Let His Daughter Stay With Us?
“So my husband has a daughter, Marie (11), with his ex.
Marie unfortunately was born with, for a lack of better words, severe mental disabilities.
The way our custody agreement is set is that 1 year Marie lives with us and 1 year with her mother. She is supposed to come here next week.
This is where I ran into a problem.
My husband and I have a son Adam (11 months).
First of all, my husband has to go to work and it would be difficult for me to manage both Marie and Adam (especially him), at the same time.
The second problem is that Adam is going through a fussy phase right now, and ends up screaming for a long time.
Marie has sensory overloads when there is a loud noise, so it would be difficult to deal with it because, A) my son won’t stop screaming and B) making him stop would take at least 10 minutes all the while Marie would be suffering.
There are other issues but these are the two main ones.
I talked to a friend about it and she says that it would be cruel for me to ask that.
So I wanted to ask, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you think your husband should just give up his turn to have a year with his daughter.
You never say how he feels about this, or how the child’s mother feels about this. Is it even an option? If the mother made other plans, what do you plan on doing with this child? It’s certainly reasonable for you to tell him that with the newborn, you are not in a position to watch both children by yourself, and he needs to work from home or make other arrangements, but to just imply that his child shouldn’t come would be very wrong.” marklbetya
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ and you’re even more the jerk for waiting until a week before your step-daughter is to arrive before even thinking about bringing this up…
Plus there are things that you don’t say that make me suspicious of your motives.
Do you not want Marie to be in your house for the entire year, meaning potentially 3 straight years of not living with her father or some undetermined shorter period of time? Why can’t you hire some help for a few hours a day? A lot of states even have programs to help developmentally disabled kids like this.
This is a crisis of your own making but it honestly sounds like you don’t ever want Marie to come. That would make you the biggest jerk.
And one other thing: I notice you said your husband has a daughter not that you have a stepdaughter.
You have a stepdaughter! Did you just figure that out?” VMA131Marine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is his court-ordered visitation, no matter how inconvenient it is for you.
It does sound as if you may need extra help, and that is something you should have a serious discussion with your husband about.
But you don’t get to deny him time with his daughter because YOU have a child now. His daughter was there first. You knew about this arrangement. It’s up to both of you to make this work so that his daughter gets to spend her time with her dad.
You may have chosen to have a baby, but that baby isn’t an excuse to neglect the other child.” MbMinx
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pick My Sister Up From School Because I Already Have Plans?
“If I am supposed to pick my sister up from school, I am normally told half a day in advance so that I can make plans. So if she finishes at X:XX pm, I’ll know I am meant to pick her up that morning.
So I assumed I’d be free this afternoon/evening, and so I made plans. My plans are for 4:30 (CAT), and so I was to leave. As I am getting ready to leave (literally in the car) my mum calls and asks me to pick my sister up and I told her I had plans.
She finishes at the same time as my commitments. Mum had a bit of a problem and so she won’t be able to be on time.
Mum is mad because I was being selfish and not picking her up. It is not that I am the only other person who can, it’s that I finished work the earliest on these days.
I feel selfish, but I had made plans. I don’t know what to do.
AITJ?
Added info: My mum, aunt, and myself are the only people who can drive at home. My aunt finished at around the same time, and I finished at 3. I told my mum of these plans I made as soon as I got off work, so these weren’t plans she didn’t know about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not your responsibility to change all your plans last minute because your mum expects you to be a taxi service. It’s her job to make sure her daughter is picked up and guilt-tripping you into doing it is the easiest solution for her.
You made other plans, you don’t have to change them because your mum had something come up. If worst comes to worst she can order an uber or taxi for your sister.” styphon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like she’s overreacting and maybe feels a bit guilty for not telling you sooner.
A note I have for you is that sometimes we have to be flexible with plans even when you’ve done everything right. I think you’re in the right, but remember that even plans can, unfortunately, be interrupted by simple mistakes in communication. I have a feeling your mom may not apologize, so sorry that things will be uncomfortable for a bit.” KarlaXyoh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even if they weren’t plans for work.
This is poor planning from your mother who should have things like this in place for your sister well in advance. I get things happen but this was avoidable if she sorted it out earlier.
What if you weren’t finishing early today? What would she have done? She’s calling you selfish as you’re not available to sort out a mess she made and would rather shift the blame from herself.” lizfour
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Walk With His Ex Down The Aisle?
“One of my husband’s best friends is getting married in a month. Both he and his ex were asked to be in the respective wedding parties.
His ex and he share a child and him and I share a child. While I don’t have an issue with them being in the bridal party together, I do have an issue with them being paired to walk down the aisle. They could easily switch up who walks who, but for some reason, they seem adamant about having them walk together.
Everyone in the bridal party is all old friends and often talks about times that he and his ex were together fondly. To me, it seems like a calculated decision. Not only does it seem unnecessary to have them walk together but it seems inconsiderate.
AITJ for saying that if they are to walk together, I won’t attend the wedding?
To add: They are not the maid of honor and best men. My husband has voiced to me that he doesn’t feel comfortable walking with her but doesn’t want to add to the bride and groom’s wedding stress.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re doing this all wrong. What possible motive could they have for putting them together for that walk? Knowing you would be sitting there watching?
OP you’ve got their number. They’d be stupid to not think this might upset you which means there was the intention.
And the only way to deal with people who scheme to mess with your emotions is to not have an emotional reaction at all.
You smile, you wish the happy couple all the best, and throw in a cheeky comment or two: ‘gosh this wedding is beautiful!
Takes me back to our special day. Ah, wonderful memories!’ ‘I hope you two are constantly surrounded by people who support your union and root for you every step of the way… because you CHOSE each other!’
Then you take your hubby’s arm, tell him he looks gorgeous (and you’ll be appreciating all that later tonight) then go on and enjoy the rest of the day – on their dime.” seekeroftruth2020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Seriously, what is your issue here? They will literally just be standing next to each other for a couple of minutes. It is someone else’s wedding and you don’t get to choose! If no one else in the bridal party (including the 2 exes) has an issue with it, they are not going to change it up because you don’t like it.
Are the others couples by chance? Because then it absolutely would NOT make sense to change them all around just because you don’t like it.
Either way though, it still shouldn’t bother you so much. I am assuming you trust him and don’t expect infidelity, so why is this such an issue?” Daniidiskko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset, but be the bigger person and go.
This bothers you because it’s the deliberate choice of a bride and groom who mention often how fond they were of your husband and ex being together under the guise of ‘the good ol’ days.’ That would irritate anyone.
I also judge your husband for not defusing these ‘jokes’ from the start. If it were the family constantly saying how great it was when he and his ex were a couple they wouldn’t get a pass. Friends don’t get one either.
At the same time, this specific point isn’t that momentous and will be over in seconds.
It’s not the hill to die on.
Go to the wedding, enjoy yourself, and show them that they can’t needle you. Have a private conversation with your husband making him aware of how much his group pairs him with his ex and how it’s coming across later.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – it is a little crappy of them to pair people together who are exes, especially when one is in another relationship. Could it be because the rest of the party are already ‘couples’ and these were the 2 that were left?
If that isn’t the case, maybe your husband could ask his friend for a different partner. I only think they may be the jerks because you say they reminisce about the ‘good old days’ when these two were together, and this makes me wonder if they are hoping for them to get back together.
You, however, would be a jerk to your husband and yourself if you don’t go. If they are doing this vindictively, you would be playing into their hands. If they are doing it with no ill intentions, then you look like a spoiled child who is ruining their day by causing your husband to be uncomfortable and possibly distracted on this day.
Go and be the wife that you are, who is his choice, and own it. He is yours, he picked you, so it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants. Be kind, be amazing. I know that they sometimes do a bridal party dance, just ask him to be respectful and keep his distance.
Then make sure you are his partner for the rest of the night.” LB1076
15. AITJ For Calling The Cops On A Customer?
“I (m19) work in retail.
A man came in yesterday shortly before we closed. He started asking me for some stuff like where they were and such, nothing weird. I went to the back to do some cleaning and stuff before we close, and my coworker (f20) stayed there with him.
After like 15 minutes I start hearing some screaming so I rushed back in to find out the customer was yelling at my coworker because she ‘stole his wallet’. I tried to calm him down, told him that maybe it fell from his pocket and I’ll help him find it but he was not having it.
He started to yell at me too, so I told my coworker to call the cops. When they came (quite quickly) the man (who I forgot to add was old) started grabbing his chest and telling the cops that we were trying to steal from him, and he also demanded to get his stuff for free because we stole from him.
The police arrested him.
I feel very trashy, to be honest, my friend also told me that if he was old I could’ve just kicked him out which is true, maybe calling the police on him was too much. It’s my first job so maybe I exaggerated because I don’t know how to react in these kinds of situations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’ve repeatedly told the guy to leave and he’s refused, and you have no security on site, the police are your only reasonable recourse. Sure, you may be able to physically throw the guy out, but if you do so you risk being the one in legal trouble for any harm that comes to him, plus even if he’s physically weak you don’t know that he won’t bite you, gouge your eyes, even pull a weapon and do serious harm to you.
Sure it sucks getting the cops involved over something relatively minor but you didn’t have many options here.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The guy had already lost his temper to the point of screaming. It’s likely that asking him to leave could have escalated the situation, particularly if his wallet really was missing.
He could have even pointed to you as aiding and abetting the thief if there was one. The man was screaming about a crime being committed against him (could have been a scam) and the police determined it was he who needed to be arrested. Seems you made the right call.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you absolutely did the right thing. It sounds like the cops knew more about this situation than you because they actually arrested him instead of getting him to leave which is what most cops would do if he was just a forgetful old man.
He was obviously running a scam (wanting his merchandise for free cuz of the theft accusation whereas honest people want their wallets and contents returned) and the cops have probably dealt with him before. You did nothing wrong.” redditreader_aitafan
14. AITJ For Unintentionally Insulting My Mom's Baking?
“I (F30) recently had surgery on my jaw after a bad accident, and have unfortunately ended up with quite a lot of nerve damage.
The surgeon said my nerve was quite close to the bone and the shattered pieces pierced the nerve in places. I cannot feel my entire bottom lip, my chin, and part of my cheek. It is unlikely that this will improve.
My husband (M35) has been an absolute gem.
He has been looking after everything and making sure that I am eating nutritious food. Due to the nerve damage, I am really struggling to eat normally and end up dribbling most liquid-y food despite that being pretty much all I can eat. Imagine trying to eat soup after getting those numbing injections at the dentist.
My absolute favorite food in the world is a biscuit and a cup of tea, especially ginger nut biscuits. For those who don’t know, ginger nuts are rock-hard and are spiced with ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, etc. I have been craving these like you won’t believe, but my husband is not a baker.
Instead, he asked my mom (F61) to make some for me especially as she knows how I like them.
Unfortunately for me, even dipped in tea, the biscuits are too hard for my jaw. My husband suggested that we steam them. Obviously steamed biscuits do not have an amazing texture, but I felt like I could finally have something nice that wasn’t liquid-based. They were also much easier to eat than liquids because I don’t need much lip control.
My mom came over yesterday and saw a steamed pile of biscuits. She initially could not figure out what had happened to them until my husband explained that this was the only way I can eat them. To say she hit the roof is an understatement.
For reference, my mom was a professional baker and said that her craft has never been so disrespected. She said she will never make another thing for us if this is how we treat her food.
It didn’t even occur to me that this would be wrong, at least I am able to eat the biscuits and appreciate them, but mom texted me saying she will not be making my son’s 5th birthday cake, as previously agreed, due to our behavior.
For any bakers (or non-bakers with an opinion) out there, was this a baking sin and were we disrespectful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you want, send her a text telling her about how good her cookies are, how much you missed eating them, and how upset you were when you saw you cannot bite them as you dreamed.
Also, how you thought of a solution that preserves that heavenly taste of her wonderful cookies and you are sorry you upset her by doing this.
Text her this and see what happens…
Anyway, you did nothing wrong. I know how it’s like not being able to eat hard stuff for an unknown period of time…” Dependent-Show2297
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is wrong with your mother?! You wanted something delicious that you’ve missed and had to alter it so you could consume it. Would she rather they sat untouched til they molded because you couldn’t eat them?
And she’s aware of the extent of the damage and the problem you have eating, which makes it worse.
Heartless. Utterly heartless.
OP, if it was me I’d have asked what you liked best about them, how firm you can stand, and I’d have tested recipes until I’d made you an alternative food that tasted right but you could eat without pain.
Your mother is a monster.” punnymama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your mother might be feeling a very overwhelming lack of control, with her daughter being hurt like this, and this can make people behave really erratically.
In a fair world, she would apologize to you.
In this world, to make things better, you could apologize to her and say that you wanted those biscuits especially and that the taste reminded you of her and made you feel loved, even when they were steamed. And say that you’re obviously not entitled to a birthday cake, but that you would love one and your son has been looking forward to it, or whatever.
If this all feels wrong and you just want to be mad at her, that’s absolutely fair too, of course.” ActuallyParsley
13. AITJ For Telling Fake Stories About How I Lost My Eye?
“I lost my right eye to cancer in my earlier teens. It was a struggle to adapt but 13 years later I am pretty much used to it.
Now I hate wearing a prosthetic eye. I have 3 prosthetic eyes I have gotten over the years but due to scar tissue in my eye socket that healed weirdly, the prosthetics rub against it and make me incredibly uncomfortable. So I usually just wear an eye patch instead.
This obviously brings the attention of most people.
Over the 13 years, I have gotten somewhat used to people asking about it. But I still find it annoying. It’s not so much the asking how I lost my eye that bugs me. It is the fact that every time when I give a short answer to that question basically just telling them I had cancer people start asking rather personal questions about it.
These people asking are not friends they are not people I know besides seeing them in class or on campus.
I personally don’t get why people think it is ok to go up and ask someone you don’t know something so personal.
So when I ended up transferring to a new university, I just didn’t want to deal with all that again.
So I started making up weird stories as to how I lost my eye. One that made people uncomfortable enough not to dig any further. I figure if they felt they had the right to make me feel uncomfortable then why shouldn’t I be able to do the same to them?
So as time went on and people kept asking about it, the stories as to how I lost my eye became more and more ridiculous. I am honestly shocked people believed half of them.
For example, I actually told someone that it was because my sister poked it out with a pencil when I was a kid and our dog ate it.
Yeah someone actually believed that.
Well eventually everyone found out the stories I had been telling are not true and now a few people are mad.
One of my friends thinks I went too far but honestly, I just don’t get why people think they deserve the back story to someone else’s trauma.
I am not a tv show character here for your entertainment. I am a person who had to completely change her life to adapt and it wasn’t easy.
AITJ for making up ridiculous stories as to how I lost my eye because I am tired of people asking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s natural for them to wonder, but it’s not really cool for them to ask you if they don’t know you, and it’s definitely not cool for them to indignantly demand truthfulness about it. Their asking in the first place might not put them all the way into jerk territory either, it’s just a little bold and impolite maybe, but: They ought to realize, on figuring out that you just made things up, that they’re the ones who overstepped. You never owed them an answer at all, let alone a truthful one.
When they realize the lie, it’s on them to go ‘Oh I see. Well, I guess it was none of my business anyway’ and leave the matter be.
If you did this with people who actually knew you a little bit and clearly cared about the answer, then it’d be more of a jerk move.
But if you’re stuck living with people’s everyday lowkey desire to push on your privacy, I can’t fault you for having some fun with it.” unic0de000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s your life, and I understand answering the question hundreds of times can get tiresome.
But the fact that people are asking is expected and natural. It’s not like anyone would come across a person with one eye and act like that’s completely normal.
Maybe you can just be brief and blunt? Tell them you lost it to cancer, I think that would be more than sufficient for most people.
If anyone tries to dig deeper, just tell them you aren’t comfortable talking about it and leave it at that.” adeelf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It always amazes me how many strangers think they have the right to know your business. If you have scars, are missing a body part, have a brace in, or have a handicap placard without an obvious reason for it.
They seem to think you owe them some kind of explanation of why you are ‘different’. I fully support the made-up stories. I am pacemaker-dependent and covered with scars from different surgeries. The number of people who ask about them when they don’t even know my name is ridiculous.
I actually have a friend who lost a leg several decades ago. He has made a point of seeing how ridiculous of a story he can get people to believe. I think my favorite that I’ve heard is that he was walking by a sewer grate and it got eaten by an alligator.
It’s your life. It’s your face. It’s your choice. If they are getting mad about different stories maybe bring up how incredibly rude it is to assume they deserve an explanation just because they are curious.” Vamp459
12. AITJ For Causing My Dad And His Partner To Break Up?
“I am 35m and basically been no contact with my dad since I was like 22, he will text every now and then which I will normally just ignore.
He has been seeing his new partner for about a year and a half now and for whatever reason decides to show up for once to his grandson’s first birthday (my sister’s kid, not mine). He brought his partner with him to introduce him to the family.
Now I am a smoker as is she (bad habit I know) so I announced I was going to be outside for a few minutes and she followed suit. We got to talking and she asked why my sister and I don’t talk to my dad or ever reach out.
I told her exactly why. When we were kids my dad would either be at work or golfing and basically left our mother to raise us. He makes good money (150k a year at the time now even more). I had to delay college until I was 25 because I was considered a dependent and FAFSA for student loan purposes goes off your parents’ income so I qualified for 0 loans and my dad offered 0 help.
So I got a job after high school and moved out, supported myself until I was 18, and went back to college at 25. I graduated with debt but it’s manageable, I told her at no point had he ever offered any support to myself or my sister emotionally or financially and that he was a cheapskate that cares more about himself than his own family.
Now to my surprise, she had already started noticing these characteristics of my father, and hearing what I had to say just confirmed everything for her. They broke up a few days later after she called him a deadbeat dad and a cheapskate.
My father has been blowing up my phone calling me an entitled jerk and saying I was an adult and should have been capable of doing it on my own (which I did, at 18, with no help).
He said I had no right to say that and I told him maybe if he had been a father I wouldn’t have the need to.
AITJ for airing out my grievances to my dad’s now ex?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You answered a question truthfully, you did not offer that information on your own or out of malice or spite.
If he didn’t want the truth to be told, he should’ve done a better job of creating another truth. Doubling down on his jerk behavior shows exactly why she dumped him, you merely accelerated the outcome, but since she ‘already noticed’ these traits in him, I am fairly certain it was not a question of if but when she would leave him.
He is the entitled one by expecting everyone not to tell the truth about his obviously selfish and narcissistic behavior. He faced the consequences of his actions.
Your reaction was absolutely correct and – again – 100% truthful. You did that woman a favor and you don’t owe anything to your father.” Iothil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If I was the woman, I would have dumped your father too. You have a right to be honest about your relationship with your dad. To be honest, you did the woman a favor by being honest. Seems like your father just showed up to the birthday to fake being a good parent, and the woman caught on.
She asked about your relationship with your dad because she noticed that he might not be a good father to his current kids, and wanted the truth.
You didn’t tell her to dump your father, and it was her choice. If your father wasn’t willing to help his own son through college or come to visit his grandkids, it is clear that he won’t be a good father to their kids if she were to have one with him in the future.
In her words, deadbeat. My mom divorced my dad for the same reasons.” le1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, let’s look at it from his perspective. If your attitude was reflective of entitlement, then his partner was showing him that she would have a similar attitude in the future and you did him a favor.
Now look at it from the perspective of reality: he doesn’t deny the accuracy of what you said, so you certainly have a right to say it. She is an adult woman, who learned something new about her partner and didn’t like what she saw.
He is upset that his actions paint him in a bad light and would rather blame you than himself.” AGINSB
11. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Get A Kidney?
“So, I am 22 now. 8 years ago, I came out to my parents as Bi. Should be no big deal right? Wrong. My deeply religious parents sent me to a Christian wilderness camp, where they said I would stay for 6 months.
I ended up staying for a year and a half. I was understandably mad when they took me home but still refused to recant my coming out.
I left the moment I turned 18, but made an effort to reach out to them and invite them to my wedding to my beautiful wife 2 years ago.
My mother pretty much spat in my face and told me that I was a disgrace and that she would never see me as her daughter again, that I shouldn’t ever talk to her again. I took the hint and got on with my life.
We foster now and are currently fostering 3 teenagers that we think are just the best.
2 weeks ago, my mother messaged me on social media. I was surprised since I have her main account blocked, but she proceeded to tell me that she needs 4,000$ and a kidney.
Not even a hello. I told her that ‘I was no longer her daughter’ and that I wouldn’t do it, and blocked her.
Not even a day later I received a message from my 20-year-old sister (Faith), she told me that I should reconsider helping our mother, and I turned it down again, asking why she didn’t help mom instead.
Apparently, Faith wasn’t a match, and they didn’t have the 4000$ after starting a church with her husband. I just continued to turn it down. She put me through a year and a half of misery in a program and then proceeded to cut me off.
Now that she needs money and a kidney I am supposed to put that all behind me and help her?
Both my dad, Faith, and Faith’s husband have told me that I am a terrible human being for not helping her out and that I should be ashamed of myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother chose her religion over her child. Now she wants you to help her out and will probably throw you away again if you give her the funds.
Isn’t there some bible verse about ‘you reap what you sow’?
Your mother sowed hatred and is now reaping the whirlwind.
Your mother and sister can ask their church congregations to fill up their collection plates since their religion is so much more important to them than their own flesh and b***d. I am sure their god will provide since they’ve sacrificed their own in service of it.
You’re well out of it and that’s where you should remain. Don’t be emotionally blackmailed into helping people who arranged for you to be mistreated, and then cast you out for resisting that mistreatment.” Fearless-Golf-8496
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: She told you that you weren’t her daughter anymore.
She has no right to demand you give up your own body parts or give her funds. Donating a kidney would be a MAJOR surgery for you and it’s not as simple as giving b***d. You will not grow that back and it could shorten your own life and you could end up with complications of your own.
Based on your story, I doubt your family would donate any of their body parts to you or give you money if you needed it. You have the right to choose if and when to donate any of your body parts to anyone for any reason and this applies to money.
Personally, if I was in your situation, I wouldn’t even get tested to see if I am a match.
Congratulations on your marriage and it’s wonderful to hear that you are both fostering teens! That can be so hard and rewarding!” Quartz_Girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course they tell you that you are a horrible person, they see her as a different person, not the monster she was to you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Her request for both the money and a kidney is not like asking for a loaf of bread or something simple.
If you are ok with your decision to say no (and trust me, most of us will be able to see how you got there and agree with that outcome) then just do it. Block the rest of your family, they just bring negativity!” AppeltjeEitje1079
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Call My Wife's Friend "Uncle"?
“My wife and I have a 3-year-old Tommy. My wife has a friend ‘Stevie,’ she’s known him since high school and they are best friends. I have 3 brothers, my wife has one sister.
Stevie means well but he’s never been good with boundaries. He lives nearby so sometimes will pop in unannounced. Before anyone insinuates anything, he’s gay, there’s nothing romantic between them.
Most of the time he’s alright around Tommy but something that really grinds my gears is that lately he’s been calling himself ‘Uncle Stevie’ to Tommy and uses that word all the time. We are trying to teach Tommy what words mean and family relationships.
Since he has 3 bio uncles + my SIL’s husband as an Uncle, I’ve asked him to stop that so he learns what Uncle means. My wife agrees and has asked him to stop many times, including a pretty intense argument about it (probably more about his undermining her/us than the word, but she hates it too).
He’ll say ok and go right back to it. I don’t care if he wants a nickname but we are trying to teach our kid a vocabulary and it’s confusing him. My wife agrees and has asked him to stop repeatedly but when he doesn’t listen she just says whatever.
Then the next time he’ll come over the whole thing starts again.
Yesterday he came over unannounced again and did the same thing and we kind of got into it. My wife says I’m overreacting and even though it bothers her too, maybe I should just get over it.
Maybe she’s right but it really annoys me, admittedly more than it probably should. Am I just being a jerk here?
I have no problem if other people want to call family friends uncle/aunt. My wife and I grew up where we only used those terms for actual family members, and we have chosen that’s how we want to raise our kid.
I have nothing against how other people choose to raise theirs but this is a decision we’ve made together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you are probably overthinking this. Your child is a little bit young to completely understand family relationships especially when we get into cousins and aunts and uncles anyway… He will still be egocentric and that will continue until about 4.5.
It is difficult for him to view relationships outside of his own perspective… So a test we do for this is we ask a child how many babies/children does mummy have (normally in sibling families) and an older child will include themselves in the count but a younger child will not… and this kind of understanding is not like a light bulb it develops over time.
But you have created a boundary and it should be respected. My parents didn’t like us calling anyone but their siblings aunt and uncle either.
Just refer to him as Not your Uncle Stevie or NOT Tommy’s uncle Stevie every time you or your wife talk about him.
The child will pick up on it as he spends far more time with you than with Stevie.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He should not be calling himself Uncle if you guys aren’t okay with it. Although I genuinely wonder about your wife’s feelings on it or if she just smiles and nods to you, and says it’s no big deal. The dropping over unannounced is also not okay… but again, it should be your wife confronting this.
But your reasoning is wrong. ‘Tommy, Uncle can be used for Mommy and Daddy’s brothers or sister’s husband or it can be used for Mommy and Daddy’s close friends.’
Did your wife grow up calling her parents’ friends Aunt/Uncle?” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lots of cultures around the world use ‘aunt/uncle’ as honorary titles for close friends of the family. You’ve seen it in a dozen shows/movies. It’s literally socially normalized for bffs of the parents to be auntie/uncle. Tio/Tia is another one you might be familiar with.
That said, if your wife is also asking him to stop and he’s not, then this is a little more sticky, and could involve him feeling like he wants to be part of a chosen family and not one that may or may not treat him well.
So since he has less of a chance of being a Dad without adoption, being an uncle is a good way for him to get to spoil kids.
And honestly… what’s wrong with Uncle Stevie? Kids benefit from the widest umbrella of love and security.
You’re getting hung up on the biology of it and not the emotion behind it. Google it, OP.” WikkidWitchly
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child. If I had someone like Stevie in my life (on my or my partner’s side), I’d be thrilled that they want to be in my child’s life.
So you’re the jerk for making someone who doesn’t need to care about your kid, feel like they aren’t family (clearly he is to your wife since they’ve known each other since childhood). But at the same time, Stevie is a jerk because he isn’t respecting your guys’ boundaries.
You can’t just show up unannounced.
Perhaps you’re frustrated with Stevie, as you should be (for him making your home, his). Is it possible you’re taking the ‘uncle Stevie’ a bit too far because you’re already annoyed at his behavior? Think about it.
Maybe y’all just need to assert those boundaries and whenever he pops up just say ‘sorry, we weren’t expected, visitors. Let’s plan another time. How about ___?’ He’ll get the point real quick, especially if you do not let him in when he unexpectedly arrives.” Twi1ightZone
9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Coworker For Commenting On My Diet?
“I (26 F) have a coworker (45 M) named Carl. Carl is a relatively nice guy, he’s a little pushy at times, but still pleasant to be around for the most part.
For example, when my car needed new brakes, he insisted that I order the parts and have him do it at his house instead of going to a mechanic shop and being ‘overcharged’. Stuff like this happens often, but I mostly shrug it off/politely decline and go about my day.
5 months ago, my husband and I found out we would be expecting our first baby and we were obviously overjoyed. The way people treated me changed when I revealed to my workplace that I was pregnant. Everyone was happy for me and started caring above and beyond for me, especially Carl.
For a bit of background, I am a lacto-ovo vegetarian and have been for over 10 years. Carl seemed to take a special interest in my diet for some reason now that I revealed I was pregnant.
It started with him asking me what I was craving, a common question to get during pregnancy.
When I said sweets, like chocolate and ice cream, he shook his head and said ‘I’ll start bringing you things to snack on instead of junk, your diet will never be more important than right now.’ From there on out, when I came in the morning for work, there was some sort of fruit on my desk.
Kind of weird, but I love fruit, so I shrugged it off and ate it. This continued for weeks until I told my husband and we were freaked out by it, so I made up something about how I started getting heartburn and was told to cut back on citrusy foods by my doctor.
After that incident, Carl has been hounding me about my diet. Every day he asks if I’ve eaten breakfast and what it is that I ate, making comments about it ‘not being enough protein’ or that I need to ‘eat a steak for some protein.’ When I go to heat up my lunch, he always says ‘there better be enough protein in that’ and even goes as far as coming over to my lunch, inspecting its contents, and calculating the macros in it.
Today I had it. He quizzically asked me what I had for breakfast and then shook his head ‘you should’ve eaten a yogurt or something as well to boost up your protein.’ I snapped and kind of yelled something along the lines of, ‘I don’t ask you about your cholesterol intake every day, why do you think it’s appropriate to ask me about my protein?
Because I am pregnant with a baby that has nothing to do with you? My diet is between me and my doctor, you are crossing a boundary and need to leave me alone.’ He apologized and didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the day.
So, AITJ for yelling at my coworker?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s completely in the wrong for trying to police your food. However, you don’t say whether you ever mentioned that before yelling at him. Given the way he responded (apologizing quickly and not trying to defend himself), he might have just thought he was being helpful and not realized that you weren’t okay with it until now.” so-maya
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (mild for you) because you had ample opportunity to let him know his gifts of fruit and inquiries into your diet were unwelcome before snapping and yelling. He may be an intrusive jerk but he also may have been reacting to the signals you were sending.
You let the vampire in, don’t be offended when he gets comfortable.
Wishing you an easy, uneventful pregnancy and delivery and a happy, healthy baby.” ohsogreen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have put a stop to this politely at the start rather than snapping at someone who used to be kind to you.
Now you’ve created an uncomfortable work environment rather than just telling him you’re not interested in discussing your diet at work. Yeah, Carl was annoying, and it’s none of his business, but you’re in a shared workplace and you shouldn’t have yelled.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Carl first for overstepping boundaries. It sounds like his boundary overstepping was probably annoying you for longer than you admitted to yourself, and you kept excusing it and brushing it off until finally it was too much and your first communication with him about it involved yelling.
Ideally, you would have had a calmer conversation much earlier in the timeline when he was getting too involved in your personal life. Just use it as a learning experience about recognizing and setting your boundaries as quickly as possible, instead of letting someone stress you out for so long.” r3dditor12
8. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is A Terrible Mother Then Kicking Her Out?
“I (23F) live with my fiance (23M) and my siblings (20M, 17F, and 15F). I have been taking care of my siblings since I was 8 years old, simply because we have trashy parents. Our mom is a narcissist, and our dad is a passive-aggressive heavy drinker.
I’ve been responsible for the lives of 3 children since I was a child. I love my siblings nonetheless.
About 2 weeks ago, my brother came to me and begged me to let my mom come and stay with us for a few weeks because she had recently become homeless.
I was reluctant, but the reality is my brother pays bills here as well and even though I don’t have any love for either of my parents, I would never strip away the love my siblings have for them. As you can imagine, living with an abusive narcissist always ends badly.
Despite making things unbearable since the moment she came. But last night was the last straw for me.
My fiance and I make dinner every single night, and we all sit down and have dinner together. I made dinner last night and told my mom that it was ready, she got up and got in my face about how ‘she doesn’t feel loved here, and how I am an awful child’ and saying things to my younger siblings, that I won’t even repeat.
There was a lot of back in forth, but ultimately I got back in her face and told her she is a trashy mother. Told her how I’ve raised her kids for her, and reminded her how 13-year-old me and my 11-year-old brother had stolen food from the store to feed our sister because she chose a man over us and abandoned us.
Told her how I sacrificed my life because she and my dad were terrible parents.
It ultimately ended with a lot of back and forth and me telling her she had 3 days to get out. I am morally struggling mostly because of some of the things I said to her, I wasn’t trying to be a jerk but just years of everything broke me down.
AITJ?
Edit: My sisters feel the same as me when it comes to our parents (no love for them) however, my brother has always had a soft spot for our mom, which I of course don’t fault him for, he’s just a boy who wants his mother’s love.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You tried to do the right thing, and unfortunately, your mother has thrown this back in your face. You need to do what is right for yourself, your partner, and your siblings, and though it may be a hard decision to make, asking her to leave is the right thing to do.
You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped, and it’s quite clear that she isn’t quite ready to face her demons.
If you let her stay, her toxic attitude will absolutely have an impact on everyone in the house, she may be in a tough spot, but that does not mean you should have to suffer either.” ok-thatsenough
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, your mom and dad are awful people and deserve no sympathy from you, your mom is an abusive narcissist and your dad is a drinking addict, they deserve to be homeless after what they put you and your siblings through.
OP you and all of your siblings obviously get 0/5 jerk points. Both your mom and dad get the rare full 5/5 jerk points, seriously do your siblings and yourself a favor and cut contact with your parents immediately.” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP you have put up with her nonsense for too long.
You have taken care of her own children because you have a good heart and love your siblings. Your mother is not entitled to your love because she never gave you any.
You can’t be the jerk for feeling how you are feeling, it is completely justified. She needed to be told how irresponsible she is, plus she is at your home.
Also, you should talk to your brother, and let him know that from now on if he wants to have a relationship with your mother he can do it but without bringing it to your home. You need to set your boundaries and explain the reasons for them.
You are not going to make your mother’s life miserable, but you deserve peace, and having someone so toxic around will bring all your home down, tensions, and discussion every day. You have every right to start over, to build a healthy family environment, and if she is an obstacle, cut her out.” Cocos5463
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Cancel The Baby Shower She's Hosting For Me?
“I (21f) am currently 31 weeks with my first child, it’s a girl. All this started when my stepdad paid for a repair on my car. Even after I told him the repair wasn’t going to be done and that I was going to find another solution.
Well, now they’re constantly messaging me about when will I pay him back. It’s been an ongoing issue.
Well, my mom is hosting a baby shower next month for me but is demanding that I pay back what I ‘owe’. I cannot pay her back since I only work part-time not making much and will have no paid maternity leave.
Which she knows. She has given me so much stress regarding this issue and I have reached my limit. I told her to cancel the baby shower and get her deposit back from the venue if she needs the money that bad. I said this due to her constantly asking for the funds when she knows I do not have them.
She has caused me so much stress, anxiety, anger, and sadness throughout this whole pregnancy and I officially reached my limit.
My MIL was already hosting a baby shower for me and knows the whole situation and has said to invite my family to the one she is hosting so I can have them there.
Well, this annoyed my mom even more claiming I am denying her rights to my daughter. I am not denying her anything. I am just so mentally tired from her. Especially since I know my baby feels my emotions and I do not want her to feel any more negativity.
Now that I am calmer I am questioning if I made the right move. I am just so tired of my mom wanting to control my pregnancy and have everything her way. I am tired of her not respecting my decisions and emotions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First of all, your mom has ZERO rights to your daughter. Zero. So feel free to ignore any argument or complaint that she makes that includes that sentiment.
Second, if you didn’t agree to the car repair and your SF went ahead and did it anyway, that’s on him.
You are not obligated to reimburse someone for something that you told them not to do – even if you benefit from it.
Third, your mom tried to hold your baby shower hostage over the car issue and you called her bluff. I guess she doesn’t like the consequences of her own actions.
You need to get used to setting boundaries with your mother and learn how to be okay with these boundaries making her angry or sad. That is not an easy task! But it seems like she is angry or upset no matter what you do – so you might as well do what is best for you and your child.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“Calmly explain to your mother that the stress and anxiety that she is causing with her incessant demands and pressure is not good for you or your daughter.
You have offered a perfectly reasonable compromise where your mom can use the money from hosting the baby shower to ease her financial stress (until you are able to eventually pay them back for your car) and then she can attend the baby shower that your MIL is throwing.
If she is still unreasonably upset over ‘being denied’ the chance to throw a baby shower for you, then her actual goal is to show off and not actually celebrate you or your daughter (or do what is best for your health and well-being). NTJ.” Key-Bit1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You came up with a perfectly good compromise and she still complained. She has two choices, either cancel the baby shower to make up for the cost of the repair or throw the baby shower and drop the demands for repayment of the cost of the repair, that’s it.
You also need to tell your mom that she’s causing too much stress and anxiety to you and your baby and that you will go no contact with her if it means not risking your pregnancy. You are only protecting your child at this point, even if it has to be from her.” serena_ram
6. AITJ For Saying My Mum Is Selfish For Wanting Us To Move Closer To Them?
“My (37m) wife (40f) and I have a difficult 4-month-old baby – colicky, waking up every hour in the night, etc, but fortunately no signs of serious illness. We are both exhausted and feel like we have tried everything.
My parents (early 70s) live 90 miles away.
Fortunately, they are in good health and have been helping with childcare and other jobs for my brother’s 6-year-old baby since birth as they live close by. My mother and father-in-law live elsewhere in Europe, a 3-hour plane ride and a 4-hour drive away, so it’s not practical for them to help us out frequently.
They also have a lot of animals that they would struggle to house for the duration of their visit. That said my mother-in-law did come over for 2 weeks at around the 3-month mark and it was a help.
My mum is quite passive-aggressive and controlling so I have to keep her a little at arm’s length.
During my normal weekly catch-up with her, where she did her usual offering of ‘opinions’ – ‘You are using the wrong formula’ (We’ve tried others and she knows this), ‘You should use a dummy’ (We are trying every night but the baby isn’t taking it) she suggested we should move closer to them so they could help out with childcare.
This struck a nerve with me as the thought of trying to move house and both of us changing jobs whilst we manage this difficult 4-month-old seemed completely unrealistic. I told her that she was being selfish in suggesting we should have to move closer to them and why can’t they think about moving closer to us.
It bothered me that just because my brother chose to live close by, we would have to as well in order to get any meaningful support for our baby.
Some additional clarifying info: My parents don’t work and are financially secure. Both I and my wife have chronic but not serious health conditions.
This is adding to the stress I am sure.
My parents currently visit us about once a month and stay for a few hours on the weekend.
My mum and wife don’t really get on but they keep things cordial when meeting in person.
When my mother-in-law came to stay she slept in a single bed in a box room. When this same arrangement was offered to my mum she declined.
If the baby wasn’t so difficult, I am sure this discussion would never have boiled over or even happened at all.”
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm. I say, YTJ.
Not wanting to entirely pick up and move is totally reasonable. It would be unrealistic to just pick up and move right now. Especially if you’re happy with your jobs and where you are. And, no, just because your brother is nearby your parents, doesn’t mean you need to be haha.
But I am not entirely sure if she is ‘selfish’ for offering the suggestion to move closer.
She suggested it so that you’d have help with your baby. And like you pointed out, your brother is nearby them. And your parents help with their child too.
She probably doesn’t want to just pick up and abandon them either. Having you both nearby probably makes more sense, so that everyone can get help at the same time.
Asking them, elderly people, who help take care of your sibling’s children when they need it, to just pick up and move closer to you, seems unreasonable.
That’s a lot on an elderly person and it would take away childcare and help that your brother (and his daughter) have relied on.
In reality, it’s just that it isn’t a good option for you guys, it sounds like. But I don’t think she was being selfish in her suggestion.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — I got just about zero help with my critical/intensive care baby and know lots of people the same, so I can’t give you much sympathy. I wish my family members had come and helped me, but I can’t call them all jerks or I’d have zero family or friends now.
Is it unfair your brother got free babysitting? Not really. The cost of it was not moving away and putting up with the woman you would rather keep at arm’s length. And fair almost never comes into it anyway— if your mom had gotten sick or injured in the past 6 years, then your kid wouldn’t have got free babysitting anyway.
It’s often the case that the older grandkid gets the younger grandma and more babysitting than the youngest one.” Pumpkinkra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds like you take everything your mother says as an offense and attack. Her suggestions of trying other formulas and dummies are very generic suggestions.
Yet you seem to take offense in these.
You also say, that you keep your mother at arm’s length and that your wife and mother don’t get along. Yet, you think they should uproot their lives for the sole purpose of helping you. It sounds like you moved away from where your parents live, and your mother was saying, that the way they could offer more help was if you moved closer to them.
Yet you turn it around on her, that she and your dad should move closer to you in order to help you more.” Cocoasneeze
5. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Pay The Bills Even When She's Not Living Here?
“I live with 2 people and one of my flatmates often stays at her partner’s. She asked if she could contribute less to the bills but I refused. She also went away for 2 weeks and then refused to pay the bills for that time.
We have prepayment meters for gas and electricity. Water and broadband are included in the rent but we have to top up the electricity and gas on our own. I think it’s unfair for her to get out of paying the bills just because she’s not there.
She wouldn’t ask the landlord to take £100 off her rent because she’s not there.
She argues that she switches the heating off in her room when she’s not there and doesn’t use the electricity and that the electricity and gas go down slower from the meters when she’s not there but that’s not the point.
We should split the bills equally. I know we only heat our rooms in the house but she chooses to spend time with her partner and doesn’t want to pay when she’s away for 2 weeks. I am not sure what I should do.
Am I in the wrong here?
Edit: Her name is on the contract with the landlord but it doesn’t state how we split the bills.
Because I don’t want to be unfair: she’s still paying for all the bills and rent even when she’s not in but she only refused to pay for those 2 weeks when she was away which makes me feel bad for wanting her to pay and I don’t know what to think anymore.
Maybe I should talk to the landlord although the bills for the gas and electricity are our responsibility. I also feel bad because there are times when I put on the electric heater for the whole night as we can’t afford to put the central heating on for longer.
Should I pay extra for my usage as I noticed it used significantly more electricity?”
Another User Comments:
“If everyone went on holiday for a couple of weeks, would you still receive a power bill? Of course you would! There are lots of things that require power whether you’re there or not, whether there are 2 people or 5, including daily rates and maintenance fees.
If you were feeling generous, you could possibly offer a small discount, but not if it means you have to pay extra to subsidize her choice to stay with her partner. If she doesn’t want to pay, it’s time for her to move out.
NTJ.” Pouako
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If she lived in an apartment by herself and went away for two weeks, would the utility company tell her she could ignore that part of the bill? Of course not. Her request to pay nothing while away is unreasonable.
That said, you’re the bigger jerk. You’re running an electric heater that only benefits you while expecting everyone to split the bill equally.
It’s fair to expect her to pay something. It’s not fair to expect her to pay an equal share.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She agreed with you guys an equal share when she moved in, just because she switches the heating off in her room, it means the heat from the rest of the house dissipates there and thus she is still using it. You don’t turn off the heating when you leave your house in winter or it gets mold and damage, there is also like a flat rate you pay just per day.
When my partner isn’t at his house he still gets like £2/3 on his smart meter because of just the regular stuff that goes on.
If you have prepaid meters and they go down slower and therefore you pay less often she is still benefitting from that.
Is she paying toward the resources she uses at her partner’s? I bet not and this is her strongest argument, she is just getting out of paying.” Far-Measurement1645
Another User Comments:
“YTJ/Everyone sucks here based on your edits. She’s only asking not to pay for utilities during a 2-week absence and nothing else.
She’s not trying to skip out on rent or have you pay for her share of anything. Your bill will in fact be lower for that time because she was not there. I said everyone sucks here because she shouldn’t just not have to pay for it at all but she shouldn’t be having to pay an equal share of utilities when she clearly wasn’t there using it.
You’re asking her to cover part of your utilities if you split it evenly when she wasn’t there half the month. To be fair you should compare a normal month to the month she was there half of and she should have to pay a discounted rate that month.
She only used about 1/3 of the utilities that month and that’s what she should have to pay. You shouldn’t get a cheaper month of utilities simply because she didn’t use them for 2 weeks. Splitting it 50/50 makes you pay less for the utilities you normally do because the bill is lower and you’re screwing her over.” Calm-Association2774
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Knit Anything For My Mother Again?
“3 weeks ago I gave my mother a beanie I had knitted for her, last week I saw her unraveling it and knitting it again… This means she undid my gift and ‘did it right’, it made me feel bad but I said nothing to her back then, and planned to say nothing but never knit anything for her again.
Today, she was opening a bag I had tied with a knot and said something like ‘sorry to ruin your masterpiece’ and giggled, and this triggered me… It reminded me of the beanie, and I said to her something like ‘wow, you just love to undo anything I do I guess…’ she looked confused, and then I said ‘like the beanie I knitted for you, you just had to undo it… I am never going to knit anything for you ever again’.
She got upset, said I was misunderstanding the situation, that she loved the beanie but it didn’t fit correctly, and she was trying to do it again so she could actually wear it, and that it was rude of me to say I would never knit anything for her ever again… And proceeded to stop talking to me.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I crochet and my feelings would be so hurt… the least she could have done is TELL you and give you the chance to fix it yourself, or at least tell you before she fixed it so you didn’t think she just hated your work.
In all fairness though, you probably should have brought up that your feelings were hurt right away instead of waiting for another annoyance and bringing it up then, but I still don’t think you are a jerk for this, my feelings would be really hurt if I spent my time making something and the recipient unraveled it to use the yarn for their own project.” cleanpage4adirtygirl
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Y’all need to learn how to communicate. You made an assumption about what she did and took it personally. But instead of saying ‘hey, why are you doing that, didn’t you like it?’ you stayed quiet.
She could have immediately told you that she loved it and that it just needed to be adjusted for proper fit. And she put in the effort to make it fit properly because she wanted to actually use your thoughtful gift. Instead, you kept it all in and built up resentment which then resulted in hurt feelings on both sides.
But also I see where you get your lack of communication skills from because she, a grown adult, is on non-speaking terms with you now over this misunderstanding. This is all exhausting and could have been easily avoided by open communication about feelings.” ChevCaster
3. AITJ For Being Insulted By A Supposed Compliment?
“I (18) am an art student.
My sister (16) has a partner (16). I share a small office with Sister. I currently live at home with my parents, but am moving out before/around May of this year.
A few days ago, I was drawing a new character while Sister and her partner were on a video call.
My sister does this via computer and usually has her headphones in, so I can’t hear her partner.
Sister noticed my drawing. She said my character looked weird. I said that I didn’t mind, this was supposed to be a weird character. I was glad the intended vibes were felt.
My sister’s partner got curious and asked what I was doing. Sister’s camera was angled away from me, so her partner couldn’t see. At best, her partner saw the back of my head or my chair. When Sister told her I was drawing, her partner suddenly became interested too.
Sister said that her partner wants to see my art.
I said ‘I am not really comfortable’, the drawing wasn’t done, it didn’t look good, it was just experimental, I wasn’t proud of it, it wasn’t my usual style, etc.— but they didn’t take no for an answer.
Every time I shot it down, Sister would ask me again because her partner REALLY wanted to see it. We had a back and forth of ‘I don’t want to’/’Why not? Just show it’.
Sister told me to show something else since I didn’t like what I was working on.
‘Those aren’t done either’/’just show something’.
10 minutes of begging later, I caved. I showed them a more finished drawing.
They demanded a second. I caved again and didn’t fight it that time since I knew they would just keep nagging.
Sister disconnected her headphones for me to hear her partner go ‘Wow, those are really good, did you trace?’ (aka plagiarism)
Tracing other people’s art is a HUGE no-no, basically ‘art theft’. It’s super disrespectful and frowned upon unless you’re a beginner looking for practice.
I understood the comment as: Her partner thinks that this is a good piece — but because I made it, then it ‘must’ve been stolen’, because she didn’t think I was capable.
Her comment pushed a button I didn’t even know I had.
I said, ‘I am a college-art student. I’ve drawn my whole life and I sell commissions. I don’t need to trace.’
I will admit — that was a bad response but it was the best I could come up with on the spot.
I should’ve phrased it better but the words were already out of my mouth.
I just felt like I needed credibility to prove myself — to a high schooler. Yikes…
Sister got offended, saying ‘It was only a compliment,’ as she plugged her headphones back in.
They both glared. On the screen, I could see her partner talking, but I turned away and went back to drawing.
Sister pointed her phone at my computer a few times and I got uncomfortable. I stayed quiet, though. It wasn’t worth it to ask.
Sister eventually hung up. Before I left to make dinner, I asked her to make sure her partner didn’t have any screenshots of my art. They didn’t have any watermarks on them yet and I didn’t trust her partner. My sister scoffed and got even more offended.
Was my anger ok, or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister was in the wrong for forcing you to show your incomplete artwork, which is embarrassing most of the time (I can relate).
You should learn to hold your ground and not cave into your sister and her partner because if you do, it will only get worse.
DO NOT show your artwork to anyone online because they can copy it very easily. Only show it in person so you know they don’t have a picture of it.
As someone who is in high school and doing art, I get a lot of compliments and one of them is ‘omg that looks so good, almost like it’s traced’ it may sound bad but to me, it is really flattering when someone asks if it’s traced (nobody asks that seriously but in a jokingly manner, which is what I think her partner might be trying to say, but I am not the one who should be deciding that).
I know when someone says something bad about anything that you work on, it’s the trashiest feeling and you are not wrong for feeling bad, but I don’t know if her partner meant it as an insult or not, clearly you feel insulted so it’s best not to show her your art.
Lastly, good luck on your art journey, and don’t let the haters get into your head, I hope I can only become an artist like you in the future.” Nimeesha24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But as an artist, I think it’s important to take the clumsy compliments of non-artists lightly.
Your initial reaction was to be offended, which is valid. But someone who lacks drawing skills can only imagine drawing something so well if they traced it.
Maybe next time just laugh it off and say something like, ‘this character is too weird to trace from anywhere except my imagination.’ Use it as an opportunity to tastefully boast about your creativity, it’s a good way to practice confidence.
When they insist on seeing more when you don’t want to show, thank them for their interest but admit that it’s vulnerable for you and you’d rather not share just yet and ask them to please respect your creative boundary. Be clear, but polite.” ET-bunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was a backhanded comment. Questioning whether you actually did the work because the other person believes the skill is above your level is always trashy. Even in jest, it’s trashy. If the other person meant it as a compliment, they can take your point and learn better compliments.
They also shouldn’t have pestered you in the first place. No always means no.
‘I asked her to make sure her partner didn’t have any screenshots of my art. They didn’t have any watermarks on them yet and I didn’t trust her partner.
My sister scoffed and got even more offended.’
Don’t take photos of other people’s stuff without permission.
I personally think it’s a bit over-the-top ask (unless it’s commissioned work, which isn’t specified here) but not a jerk one.
As for tracing: ‘and frowned upon unless you’re a beginner looking for practice.’
You don’t have to be a beginner for this to be part of good practice. Trying to do master studies (replicate an image often without tracing, but may use a system like a grid) is also very helpful.” Kettlewise
2. AITJ For Causing A Coworker To Lose His Promotion?
“I (22m) work at a sandwich shop. My coworker Chris (27m) started working there a few months ago after he was laid off from his last job. It really has sucked for him – He loved that job and after losing it he had to delay his wedding and move back in with his dad.
When we hired him, my boss at the time made it clear that he was going to try and promote him first due to the situation, and Chris got his promotion and has been working as a shift supervisor for a few months while he looks for a new role.
I get Chris is really bummed about the whole situation, it’s very frustrating, but he has a temper. When something sets him off, he tends to blow up a little. Usually, it’s pretty private, but I’ve heard him get really short with other people we work with.
Last week, I was closing up shop with him, and a woman came in about 10 minutes before closing. Chris was taking her order and I heard him start ripping into her. She walked out looking like she was about to cry and Chris was sneering.
I asked him what that was all about, and then he started yelling at me about how he’s ‘the manager’ and I ‘don’t get to tell him what to do.’
He stomped back to the office, and I got to work doing some cleaning when I felt his hand on my shoulder turning me around.
He got in my face and said ‘You understand me, I am serious! Don’t ever tell me how to do my job!’ I told him firmly that he needed to get his hands off of me or I would call the cops, and immediately he softened up, and the whole rest of our shift he was apologizing and we were talking.
He really seemed sincere, but the fact that he put his hand on me crossed a line.
As soon as I left, I called our general manager and told him what happened. Over the next few days, I noticed Chris was not on the schedule.
Yesterday morning, I came in to find out they came very close to firing Chris altogether but ended up just demoting him to part-time.
While what he did wasn’t really excusable, I sort of feel like a jerk because of his situation and the fact that he apologized to me.
Even so, I want to feel safe at work, and when he put his hand on me and got in my face, I didn’t.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter how agitated I’ve ever been, I’ve never put my hands on ANYONE.
ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO HIM. Dude is literally insane acting like that at work, who makes customers cry and then sneers about it? He’s a certificated psycho, losing the company profit, and probably got fired from his old job for the same thing.
His saying sorry does not mean he means it. It means he sensed from your reaction that you were not the type to just cower at intimidation, and knew he was in hot water. He probably wouldn’t do that to you again, but your reporting it is protecting your coworkers from a bad manager.
So if anything, you are an anti-jerk.” OffColorTupperware
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He mistreated a customer and then committed an assault on you. He’s not mature or stable enough for any type of management or supervisory position and frankly, your boss should have fired him – he’s a major risk.
He needs to grow up and get his anger issues under control. Frankly, you should have called the cops on him, but I understand why you didn’t. He’s reaping the consequences of his own actions so don’t let anyone guilt you, especially not him.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you hadn’t de-escalated the situation it could’ve become more physical. And this is a wake-up for him to do some self-reflection and learn to manage his emotions in a healthy way as compared to what you experienced.
I consider it as you doing him a favor, if you hadn’t – he would have escalated at some point and have been in a way worse situation as a result of it. You gave him the opportunity to step back and learn from his mistakes to become a better person – hopefully.
The guilt will fade, don’t let it bother you too much.” YourCatChoseMeBirch
1. AITJ For Letting My Mom Uninvite All My Cousins From My Wedding?
“I am getting married this summer. Only invited people both my fiancé and I know well, there are no plus ones, only named invitees.
So some new partners aren’t invited. But long-standing ones we know well are. My male cousin took offense to this, he has been with his SO for just over 6 months, and we have never met her. I grew up with this cousin and we were quite close, though don’t see each other that often now due to job demands.
He told his mum (my auntie) when he received the invite ‘tell her I am not going if my SO isn’t.’ My auntie told my mum, who told me.
I reached out to him after I got some advice asking to talk but I got left on read.
I texted him a few days later ‘just let me know when works for you’ as a reminder, left on read. When it became clear I wasn’t gonna get a response I texted ‘I am really sorry if your feelings have been hurt, I’d love us to be able to talk about it & come to an understanding’.
Nothing, so I left it.
So last week, the RSVP deadline was fast approaching. This cousin is one of 6 – older bro & sis, 1 younger sis who is a bridesmaid aged 15, and younger twin bros. I sent his older brother (again, a cousin I’ve been really close with) a gentle reminder to RSVP, and he replied straight away saying oh yeah.
I then asked if his bro was ok as I hadn’t heard from him. Then this cousin launches into a whole rant about how he is totally on his brother’s side, I’ve really upset him, that if his brother isn’t going neither is he and his SO (of 10 years).
I was distraught. Sent screenshots to my mum who was trying to calm me down and said to forget about it, if they don’t want to come that’s on them. Then I start thinking, will older sis come? She was the only one on that side of the fam to RSVP so far and said yes.
So again, I sent a text saying hi, just wanted to double-check, I’ve heard cousins A and B aren’t coming because we can’t invite cousin’s SO. As you’ve already RSVPed I just wanted to check if you’re coming even if they aren’t.
To which I got a similarly upsetting reply about how horrible I’d been not inviting her, she’s totally on her bro’s side but still wanted to come to see her little sis be a bridesmaid.
I’d kept it together all day but I erupted in tears.
Sent screenshots to my mum who replied saying she is absolutely raging and is uninviting the entire lot of them and not engaging with them. The older female cousin texted my mum to ‘grow up’. I got sent home from work on compassionate leave a mess – my dad picked me up.
So here’s where I might be the jerk. My 15F cousin, who has no involvement, will now have been told by her mum she’s not a bridesmaid, not going, and I feel SO BAD. I love her and she’s done nothing wrong.
She was excited to be one. I was thinking about reaching out to say as far as I am concerned she can still be one – but in truth, I don’t think her mum would let her anymore and it just feels like completely unfair collateral damage.
But this is really hanging over me. AITJ?
EDIT: I messaged my cousin and I don’t know if I feel better or worse, I just feel apprehensive. I told her any choice is absolutely ok and she doesn’t even have to reply to me if she doesn’t want to.
I told my mum and she thinks I shouldn’t be contacting any of them including her, as she’s a child, but it’s been playing on my mind all week. My mum said she ‘knows how this works and it’s never straightforward’ so has advised I don’t reply to any messages from any of them and don’t reach out.
But I felt so bad about my little cousin.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is the hill your cousin wanted to die on. A 6-month-long relationship. You tried to reach out and he was having none of it. So be it. At that point, you needed to leave him to it.
Your Mom needs to butt out, however (unless she and your Dad are paying for the wedding, in which case you need to rein her in and explain that inviting and uninviting is your prerogative, not hers without discussing it with you first).
It’s YOUR wedding.
No one else’s. You set the ground rules and people can either come or not, but no one should be browbeating, dictating, or guilting you into anything – and that includes the guest list.
If it were me, I would leave it as is currently.
Don’t reach out to the 15-year-old cousin, as it would cause more ruckus. Draw a line under it and see where you are at with RSVPs.
If your Mom has indeed uninvited that side of the family then reinviting them will cause more issues, as you will then have to either restate your ‘rules’ for +1s or give in and allow the +1s.
It’s up to you what you feel more comfortable doing. (in my honest opinion, if you relax your rules for that one cousin’s +1, then it might put this whole mess to rest. On the other hand, he may just RSVP ‘no’ as he only wanted you to allow him the +1 on principle.)
This whole issue is a Rock and a Hard Place situation.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If the cousin had any inkling of respect, he would understand that his SO is not someone necessary to attend this wedding. He’s putting aside your celebration and making it about his hurt feelings.
And how DARE he? This isn’t his event to call any kind of shots about who gets to attend!
The understanding was clear that long-term partners already had their own invite. Even if they stay together for a long time, you do not KNOW her at this point.
There is nothing wrong with wanting the people you actually know and love to be there with you. And this side of the family supporting him are just as egotistical. All over someone, who may well be a peach, but someone that he’s been with for six months.
Where even is miss 6-month in all of this? Nowhere. NTJ, and now you know their true colors.” RayneBeauRhode
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a Mother problem. Your Mother’s conversations with these relatives are just stirring their pot; she is a terrible middleman. Think about it, if you remove your mother and all her ‘conversations’ from how it played out – would this big mess have even happened?
Your one cousin would have stayed a No, and maybe one or two others in solidarity, but not all this fallout. You should be communicating directly with your guests: and don’t ask one guest to speak on behalf of another – that’s inappropriate. Your larger ‘Cousin’ situation is probably not fixable at this point, but it’s worthwhile to try to hold onto the young bridesmaid – give it a try, but leave your mother out of it.” TrainingDearest
