People Are Worried About Their Image In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Closing My Curtains While Watching A Horror Movie?
“So it’s the Easter holidays for me, which means I (15M) am home alone every day as I don’t have school.
And just like anyone else, I get so bored when I’m home alone. But I am an avid horror movie fan, and I decided that I should spend my time catching up on a few of the films on my Netflix playlist to pass the time. Yesterday, I started watching Fear Street.
In order to understand, you need a bit of background. The way my house is laid out, there is a large window that means that anyone walking by on the street can see anything that is being played on the TV, and I hate that it’s laid out like that because it makes me feel like I get absolutely no privacy.
With that in mind, yesterday I was watching a horror film with the curtains open, which means that anyone walking by could technically peer in and see what I was watching. I was chilled and, frankly, having a lot of fun because it’s a good film—not too gory or cliché.
I hadn’t realized it, but a couple of kids playing on the street were passing by, and clearly, they had peered in during a bloody scene because an old woman had knocked on the window, and when I looked back at her, she pointed to my TV, then at me, and then at my door.
I think my first mistake was just shrugging and drawing the curtains because, at the time, I had no clue her kids had seen what was on TV, and I assumed she was mad about something or other. At some point, the knocking against my window stopped, and I thought nothing of it.
But then, this morning, I woke up to the doorbell ringing, and my mom, who was about to leave for work, answered it. Whoever was at the door spoke to her for maybe ten minutes, and then she came upstairs, shook me awake, and told me to go downstairs and talk to the person at the door.
It turns out it was the woman, arms crossed, with two little boys standing behind her. I don’t remember what she was yelling entirely, but, to paraphrase, she was annoyed that I was watching such a film with the curtains open and her children fully able to see it as they ran by.
See, here’s my dilemma: Because as she yelled at me, I tried to tell her I was sorry her kids saw what I was watching, but I was watching what I wanted in my own house, and I did not feel it was my issue that her children had stopped and must have physically looked at what I was watching because if they had been just running by, they would not have been able to clearly see the scene.
But she did not listen and instead kept reprimanding me, calling me careless and disgusting.
She left, and my mom and I stared at each other with confused faces. My mom is on my side, thinking that looking inside our house is a privacy violation, but I’m not so sure.
I’ve started drawing the curtains when I’m downstairs and watching anything that isn’t rated U, but I don’t know if I was in the wrong. AITJ for not drawing my curtains in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are inside your own house and have the right to privacy.
People looking into your windows are their problem, not yours. You even closed the blinds when you saw she was upset.
She is very much in the wrong for looking in and trying to confront you about it. She might even be in legal trouble depending where you are for looking in on you (a minor) alone in your own house—there are peeping tom laws and stuff like that.” ThisIsTheNewSleeve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to control her kids more and not make them other people’s problems. Watch more horror movies with the blinds open. What will she do? Call the cops? And then what? She will have openly admitted to stalking you in the process. There’s no need to draw the curtains, and there’s no need to make outsiders feel comfortable outside your home when you’re relaxing inside it.
I would’ve told her to keep a better eye on what the kids choose to watch and shut the door.” outersenshi
Another User Comments:
“No need to clarify anything. You could be watching a legit adult movie on your TV, and you’d not be the jerk here. You’re absolutely right; you’re in the privacy of your own home, and you can watch whatever you want.
Maybe this woman needs to have a chat with her kids about respecting people’s privacy. Imagine having such a lack of common sense that you think that your kids peeping in on someone watching a movie in THEIR OWN HOME is the other person’s fault and not your kids. Tsk.
I bet every time her kids get into trouble at school, it isn’t their fault either. NTJ.” plays_with_wood
19. AITJ For Not Including My Cousin In My Wedding Party?
“My (28f) cousin (28f) and I have always been close, up until two years ago. We hit a rough patch a few years ago when she abandoned me at a resort in the DR that was infamous for trouble. Most recently, she got herself into trouble with the law. The details are too many to go into detail, but throughout this time, I have taken my space due to the turmoil, manipulation, and narcissism she has brought to my life.
I am getting married in a few months and have been engaged for a few years. A few months ago, I had dinner with my aunt, cousin, mom, and sister. My aunt asked me, ‘Who is in your wedding?’ I responded, which excluded my cousin. My cousin started to get red, got up, and left the table.
We didn’t see her for the rest of the night. My aunt exclaimed, ‘Why didn’t you just include her? You should have.’ To give a little insight, I invited her to my bachelorette party and other festivities before my wedding. Ultimately this day is about me, and I decided I didn’t want her to be in the direct wedding party.
Throughout the night, my aunt bickered with me about what I should have done and so on, without my cousin in sight. We later found her around the corner, hysterically crying.
At this point, her reaction to my not including her has solidified all my feelings. I wanted to speak to her to clear the air.
She agreed, and after a long conversation, she said I hurt her feelings, and she didn’t know if she wanted to come to the bachelorette or the wedding. I feel bad for not including her, but this is my day to put myself first. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, you didn’t exclude her from the wedding – you excluded her from the wedding party.
That’s no one’s business but you and your future spouse, and it should be people you trust and actually want near you on that day.
Second, you had good reason not to trust her. That’s her own fault for her own poor choices.
Finally, maybe you don’t want to invite your cousin or your aunt to your wedding at all at this point.
If they’re not going to be there in a positive way, they don’t belong there.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a wedding is a fragile event, there are high expectations for perfection, yet everything relies on the behavior of the guests and the roles they play in it. Therefore trust and reliability become key.
It isn’t just having people there who will support your union, but people you can rely on to uphold their end of the bargain in terms of decorum, etc. The last thing you need is someone who might sabotage the event, bring drama, or just be unpredictable due to past behaviors.
Your aunt’s behavior way way out of line demanding things on her daughter’s behalf. You should have told her it wasn’t up for argument or discussion.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding; it’s your choice. And yes, she can feel bad about not being included in your wedding, BUT the way she and her mother are acting seems like they are trying to manipulate you.
Don’t let them do it. They are invited to your wedding—nothing more, nothing less. If your cousin said she doesn’t want to go to your bachelorette party or anything else, it’s her choice. Don’t think too much about it, and enjoy your special day because it’s your day. Not hers.” RichPerformance2369
18. AITJ For Trying To Keep Our House By Using My Daughter's College Fund?
“I (50F) lost my husband four years ago. I also have a 16-year-old daughter.
My late husband left me everything and told me to trust his lawyer. My husband had worked for 20 years as a doctor and did some minor investing, so I inherited over $700,000.
A year later, I decided to list our home of 12 years and received an offer too good to refuse.
With the inheritance as well as the influx of funds from selling the house, I decided to move my daughter and me to Malibu because we always dreamed of a home next to the beach, but my husband was exceptionally tight-fisted and called homes money pits.
We found a beautiful home by the sea.
I had never personally handled anything regarding buying a home before, so I did not anticipate all the extra costs beyond the sticker price.
But my daughter was so excited, so I decided to go for it. My late husband’s lawyer was furious at my decision, so I decided to stop taking his calls.
I ended up signing with a money manager who said that we’d be passively earning 90 percent of what surgeons earn per year.
But the money manager ended up tanking a lot of our investments. I took the dwindling funds out and made my own investments, which made it worse. Long story short, because of all that, I only have around $35k available to me now, not to mention our debts.
With the amount available to me, I am looking at only being able to pay 1 month of a mortgage or upkeep, and then I’m basically out of luck until my business gets clients. However, the place where we do have a significant amount of money is the fund my husband started for our daughter.
With the money there, I could prevent our credit cards from being shut down and not have to worry about the mortgage for many more months.
So I ended up liquidating my daughter’s college fund. I told her about it today, and she was furious and said she cannot believe all her dad’s work is gone.
She also said she wouldn’t be supporting me in retirement. AITJ for trying to fix my mistakes and trying to keep our house?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You made an extremely poor financial decision and disregarded those around you who were offering you more sound financial advice. Having a home near the beach doesn’t mean you need to move to Malibu, but I digress.
You are absolutely the jerk here. You robbed your daughter of a chance to start her life off comfortably and took money that was never intended for you.
Sell this god-forsaken money pit of a home, get somewhere you can actually afford, and take a class in personal finance management.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“You are kidding, right? Easily, YTJ. You flushed down the drain in a matter of no time the seven-figure savings of all that your husband worked hard for. You stopped picking up on your husband’s lawyer’s calls because you were too arrogant to listen to his advice, despite your late husband explicitly telling you to.
And to make things worse, you stole funds that don’t belong to you; that college fund belonged to your daughter, and you had no morally acceptable reason to liquidate it and not even tell her prior to that.” ThrowRA_oddcat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s honestly sad how you effectively negated all the hard work and solid financial decisions made by your late spouse in such a short period of time.
It seems like you made up your mind to make an impulsive bad decision, then, when met with logic, opted to ‘cover your eyes or ears’ until you found someone who told you what you wanted to hear.
Having to dig into your child’s college fund as a result of your poor decision-making might be necessary at this point to stay afloat, but it doesn’t stop you from being in the wrong and a jerk.
If I were you, I’d consider tightening up expenses quickly and getting out of the house in an area you clearly can’t afford.” NexFire7790
17. AITJ For Getting Married A Week Before My Cousin's Wedding?
“My cousin booked their wedding around 2 years ago and told the family the date in our family group chat. My fiancée and I got engaged last summer and told everyone we were thinking of summer 2023, and my cousin told us that their wedding was this summer and reminded us of the date.
With all the planning, etc., I genuinely forgot the date of their wedding and booked mine the weekend before.
The issue is that my cousin lives an hour’s flight away from me and the rest of our family (in the country they grew up in), and most people have decided to come to my wedding as they can’t afford both and mine is local.
My cousin is now upset and has been telling family members that they think I’m a jerk. So, I guess I’m asking if they’re right and I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly understand the repercussions of scheduling your wedding the weekend prior to your cousin’s and how detrimental it would be for them emotionally given the two years of planning and constant reminders.
If this was an honest mistake, you would apologize and reschedule your wedding in such a way that does not compromise attendance at your cousin’s wedding—even if that means additional financial liability.” 404404404404
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’d see a neurologist if I were you to find out why you have such bad memory problems that you forget long-set dates after reminders.
There’s no way I’d forget my cousin’s two-year-in-advance chosen date because even though I live in another country and don’t get to see them often, I’d be happy and excited for her. I’ll bet if the tables were turned, you’d think she’s the jerk, so if your imagination isn’t as impaired as your memory, try to see from her point of view.” KweeNeeBee
Another User Comments:
“Obviously, YTJ, you knew your cousin would do it in summer 2023, even if you didn’t remember the exact date; they reminded you of it when you announced you wanted your wedding in summer 2023 too. You didn’t bother to ask her the date. To be honest, it seems like too much of a coincidence that it happens to be a week before theirs.
Are you sure you didn’t remember? Now, thanks to you, your cousin will be missing most of their family. Do you have anything against your cousin? If I were you, I’d reschedule if it was an honest mistake.” PlateNo7021
16. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Parents?
“I (28M) recently got into a very heated argument with my parents (50s) and called them worthless pieces of trash and to go screw themselves, after which several relatives have either called or texted me saying I’ve gone too far and that I should apologize.
My grandmother, whom I love very much, says she is heartbroken that I would say such things. Almost everyone I know seems to believe I’ve gone overboard and should apologize, but I feel hesitant considering their behavior. I don’t want to lose touch with the rest of my family, and I don’t actually want to hurt anybody, but I felt hurt too and didn’t measure my response.
I’ve never gotten along too well with my parents. I’ve always kind of been the black sheep of the family; I would get bad grades or miss my curfew, and I left the church and got into a lot of arguments with them. I moved out when I was 20 after an argument about my university studies.
I haven’t looked back and have only really kept in touch to keep tabs on my younger sibling (18).
Now, I have known for a few years that my younger sibling was queer; she came out to me as a lesbian, which they told no one else in the family for fear of what they might think.
However, more recently, they came out as non-binary and wanted to change their name and go by different pronouns, and they wanted to ask the school and teacher to follow suit. Mind you, we moved from another country and got held back in school, so even though my sibling is still in secondary school, they’re already 18 and an adult.
She can legally ask for these things, but our parents are still informed or asked about academic matters.
So my parents found out and lost their minds. They’ve accused my sibling of being sick and insane, and of a thousand other things that are too painful to write. I had promised I would be supportive, so when my sibling asked to move in with me, I obliged.
Ever since then, my parents have been bombarding me via text, phone, and email, and even showing up at school, my house, and my job to harass us.
I’ve asked my parents a thousand times to leave us alone, but they won’t budge. Last night they showed up at my house unannounced, and my mother said they were here to pick up my sibling and ‘take her away from my corrupting influence’.
I told her to take her words back before she said anything she would regret. Instead, she accused me of trying to abduct ‘their last remaining child into a cult’ and that I was turning my sibling into some kind of mutant.
This is when I blew up and said those things to my parents.
I was yelling at the top of my lungs, and I’m sure I probably said a few more things, but I was so angry I can’t really remember. My entire extended family seems to agree that I was too disrespectful and that I should’ve tried to solve our disagreement in a more civil way.
My mother has been texting me since then, saying she’s been crying all night and she’s never felt so hurt, and my father says we’re both dead to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. I would encourage both you and your sibling to send them one direct message saying that you don’t want contact for the time being and that if they come to the house again, you’ll call the police and pursue a restraining order.
And then do it. And block their calls and messages.
Get your sibling an ID card that shows your address; get them a new bank account using your address, a school ID, and then a driver’s license or state ID. If your parents show up again, call 911, show them that your sibling is 18, and ask them to escort your parents off the property.
Eventually, you might need to move to a new address, but a couple of police calls will probably slow them down.
Give any other family members who harass you the same treatment—one clear message that you won’t be talking about your parents, and then block them if they persist.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children don’t ask to be brought into this world. The job of the parent is to provide for the life they have created and teach them how to interact as adults in society. When parents fail in this role or blatantly hamper the progress of their child into adulthood, they lose the right to have an opinion.
You did the right thing by separating yourself from your parents and teaching yourself how to be a productive adult. Now you are again doing the right thing by protecting and supporting your sibling.
You need to have no contact with the parents. If you want to maintain a relationship with your grandmother, then you should have a conversation with her, keep it totally fact-based without emotions, and explain the reasoning behind your decisions.
If she cannot accept that, then a break may be in order.
I suggest that you and your sibling take some time to disconnect from family to establish a new normal. Block all phone numbers and email addresses. Don’t answer any calls from unknown numbers. If it is truly important, someone will leave a voice message.
If harassment continues, I would get the authorities involved. Keep a journal and mark down dates, times, and facts of any encounters so you can keep memories of events straight. Seek out restraining orders or injunctions. Post no trespassing and no solicitor signs on your property. Get a ring doorbell and don’t answer the door anymore.
Once things calm down and you and your sibling are stable and safe again, you can decide how you want to move forward with your family. I bet you will find that cutting out toxic people from your life will make you wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.” USMC_Airwinger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s a confluence here of the classic ‘parents expect more respect than they give’ and the all too well-known struggle between lgbtq+ kids and unaccepting family members.
If your mom loves your younger sibling, then she needs to learn to show that by accepting them. Anything short of that isn’t even worth talking about.
In my opinion, your younger sibling is the most vulnerable person in this entire situation. I don’t think you are going to be able to talk your extended family around to understand how out of line your parents have been. Do what you can to take care of your sibling.
Accept building bridges that are offered in good faith.
There was no ‘more civil way’. Your parents were harassing the two of you. This ‘more civil’ nonsense is just abuser/enabler talk.” WillBottomForBanana
15. AITJ For Not Paying For The Ruined Cupcakes?
“I (F22) found out last week my first baby’s gender, and it’s a little girl. My family is excited that I decided to do a small gender reveal over the Easter weekend. I had this planned for Saturday, so a few days before, I asked a small local business if she could please make 12 cupcakes with pink and blue icing on top and pink icing in the middle.
She agreed and said they would be ready to collect on Friday evening.
The plan was to pick the cakes up Friday, invite friends and family over Saturday, and give some guests a cupcake that would reveal the gender. I only invited a few guests as my apartment is fairly small, and I didn’t want to do a large gender reveal anyway, just something cute and fun.
Plus, everyone loves cupcakes.
So Friday evening came, the small business owner (Claire) gave me her address to collect the cakes from, said they would cost £25, and said they were ready to collect whenever. I drove to her apartment and knocked on the door. She greeted me there with the box of cupcakes, and they looked amazing.
They were exactly how I imagined them, and I thanked her for them. She gave me the box, but just as she did, her large pet dog came running up to me, barking, and jumped at me, knocking the box of cupcakes all over the floor.
Claire apologized and shut the dog inside; he was still barking and jumping at the door.
She said it’s because he gets excited when people come and visit, but he wouldn’t have hurt me because he’s friendly. At this point, I didn’t know the damage to the cupcakes as the box landed upside down. I picked it up, and the cakes were ruined. The icing had smashed all over the box, and some cakes had spilled out onto the ground.
Claire looked horrified, as I understand she spent a few hours making them for me. She apologized and said she could remake them for free, but they wouldn’t be ready until Sunday. I said, unfortunately, I’m expecting my guests tomorrow, and Sunday is no good, as I already had other plans.
I explained I wouldn’t be paying for these cupcakes as they were inedible and ruined by her dog. We agreed to pay upon receiving the goods, and since I never received them, I wouldn’t be paying.
She said that I should still pay as she had to buy ingredients for the cakes and the cost of eggs has gone up, meaning she would be out of pocket.
I said if she had control of her dog, then they wouldn’t have been dropped, and I’m sorry, but again, I wouldn’t be paying.
I got in my car and left without the cupcakes. I still had guests attend on Saturday; I announced the gender in person rather than with some cupcakes, but it was still nice spending time with my friends and family.
My family was all happy, but my sister-in-law said I should have still paid for the cupcakes, as she accepted it was her fault and offered to remake them for me.
I personally don’t think I should have had to pay for them, but now I’m feeling slightly guilty as I understand it’s a small business and a loss of profit would affect her a lot harder than a larger business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is a business owner. She needs to act like a professional. Having a wild, uncontrollable dog jump all over your customers and knock your product out of their hands as they’re trying to pick it up is not acting like a professional. This has nothing to do with the cost of eggs.
She knows her dog doesn’t behave and therefore should crate it or lock it in another room when she is meeting customers.
No way should you pay a dime for those cupcakes you couldn’t use. If she could have remade them for you that day and delivered them to your house, sure.
But you had no use for them a week later. Her fault, so she eats the cost.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did not secure her known-to-be-overly-friendly-with-strangers dog and is entirely responsible for the cakes being ruined, so she is not providing you with the goods and services she has agreed upon in your engagement, and therefore you are not obligated to uphold your side of the engagement (payment) either.
It is the exact same situation as if they had dropped them off on her kitchen counter—she cannot expect you to pay for them for something that is her fault. It is a loss she has to take.” Waury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Even if you paid beforehand, a damaged product would warrant a refund.
You were right to not pay, especially for a product you cannot use. I would have done the same. Small business or not, you need to be professional, and having their dog loose while a customer is there to retrieve their product is a no. It was nice of her to suggest remaking the batch for free, but you were on a time schedule, and they just wouldn’t be ready when you needed them.
But it’s gone and passed, and hopefully in the future she will put her dog up so as not to ruin business.” teebbarc
14. AITJ For Demanding An Explanation For Why A Stranger Cried?
“I (24F) was out at a park a couple of days ago when a boy who looked to be 15–16 came running up to me yelling ‘Amanda, is that you?’ I turned around, and he looked disappointed. I asked him what was wrong, and he apologized, saying that I looked like someone he used to know.
He seemed to be holding back tears when his friend ran over to us, took one look at me, and then turned to the boy, saying, ‘She’s gone. I know it hurts, but she’s gone,’ while stroking the top of his head.
The boy cried as she did this, and I was really confused, so I asked, ‘What just happened?’ The girl just glared at me, obviously annoyed that I was ‘interrupting,’ even though this boy was the one interrupting my walk in the park.
So I yelled, ‘No, you need to tell me what is going on right now. I deserve to know!’
The girl was just like, ‘What do you think happened? Our friend died, and you looked like her.’ And then led her friend away. Everyone else who was outside started whispering and pointing at me, obviously judging me.
I’ve told my friends and family about this event, and no one is on my side. My sister even went as far as to call me a ‘self-absorbed jerk’. But I don’t think I am; the pair disrupted my walk, so the least I could have gotten was an explanation.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s obvious that he mistook you for someone else. There was absolutely no need for you to know the rest of the story, much less demand it. It would have been one thing if you simply said with a modicum of empathy, ‘I’m not Amanda.
Are you ok?’ But instead, you saw a distraught teenager, a child, being tended to by his friends, and you screamed at them to explain themselves to you. You, a stranger who was absolutely not involved in anything besides a split-second mistaken identity.” KindlyCelebration223
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, in my opinion, you never have the right to ask a stranger why they are upset.
It is a personal decision to share your struggles, and it is not your place to ask, even if your walk was interrupted. It seems like this boy is really struggling with the loss of his friend, and to take an opportunity to make him feel worse is wrong. There are definitely situations where you just need to mind your own business, and when someone is upset or having mental struggles, that is one of them (unless they are in danger or putting others in danger).
You invaded emotional privacy, but you were also just straight-up awful for yelling and cursing at them. Making a hard moment worse.” Medusa_5050
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. He gave you an explanation. You looked like someone he used to know. Easy as that. He confused you for another person, told you that, apologized, and kept his own business.
There was nothing more he could have done.
I get that it can feel weird if someone calls you by the wrong name and then has a heavy emotional reaction. But at the point where his friend said, ‘I know it hurts, but she’s gone,’ you could’ve known that the kid suffered some form of loss.
I also get that while we all read it here, it was way more intense and fast in real life, and maybe you panicked as well. But screaming at him was definitely too much.
Maybe you should ask yourself why you reacted so intensely in this situation.” Ayukina
13. AITJ For Not Trying Harder To Talk To My Sister About Her Son?
“My nephew is 10. He’s my sister’s only child. But she has two stepkids, ages 15 and 16. My sister’s stepkids are my nephew’s half-siblings. They share a father. My sister’s stepkids have an active mom in their lives and split time between their mom’s house, BIL’s house, and my sister’s house.
When my nephew was about 5, he told me he felt like his siblings didn’t like him very much, and that didn’t make them call him their brother. He heard them tell another kid that he was not their brother. He was upset about it because he didn’t understand why they’d say that.
I told my sister, and at the time she didn’t seem to care very much. She said my nephew was fine, her stepkids loved him, and all three kids were close. She said I was overthinking what he told me. I didn’t really know what else to do, so I let it go.
But my nephew continued opening up to me. In the last five years, he has vented, cried on my shoulder, and told me he doesn’t think his half-siblings love him. He only truly realized they were half-siblings when he was about 7 and a friend of his explained he had a half-sister because his mom had a baby with someone who was not his dad, and he came to realize his siblings had a different mom.
My nephew hates that his siblings don’t want more to do with him. He longs to be closer. He asked me for help on how. I told him not to push them, but he could always ask if they wanted to watch a movie or play on the trampoline, and I told him if they said no, he needed to accept their no.
I did tell my nephew he should talk to his parents about it, but he said they didn’t care. After asking him some questions, I realized they didn’t see the whole picture, or at least the picture my nephew saw. At least they didn’t until the 15-year-old did a genealogy project for school and didn’t include my nephew at all.
This led to some questions being asked, with the older kids saying they only acknowledged one sibling and my sister and her husband talking to my nephew, who said how he felt. He also told my sister he spoke to me.
She was furious with me. I pointed out that I had come to her, and she dismissed it.
She said I should have done it again, and I kept trying to make her understand. I said that if I had done that, she would have accused me of getting involved in something that was none of my business. She admitted she would have, but my nephew would have been better off.
She told me he is her son, and she should be told when he is feeling like that. She asked me how she was meant to feel hearing her son say he didn’t think he was loved or wanted. She told me I should have involved her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did involve her. She then dismissed you and her son’s concerns for years, and now she feels guilty and is using you to scapegoat her guilt.
She should have dealt with the problem when it was first coming to light instead of letting it fester for years, but she was in the honeymoon phase with her new husband and saw how you presented her son’s concerns (which I’m sure he must have mentioned to them before you how he felt as well) as an inconvenience to her otherwise happy experience.
This is on her entirely, but she will never accept that.” ImAmandaLeeroy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her, and she brushed you off. You suggested that he talk to his parents. You asked enough questions that you learned your sister and BIL did not see the situation the same way as their son.
Your sister agrees that she would have thought you were meddling. Everything was in front of her: them not calling her child their brother, not playing together, her son being sad. She missed it because she did not want to see it!
When the genealogy project put the situation in black and white, she could no longer have her head in the sand.
Now she wants someone else to blame. I hate it when people get angry at others for their own mistakes. I am glad your nephew has an adult who listens to him.” KittyC217
Another User Comments:
“You told her that there was a problem. That your nephew’s half-siblings didn’t want a relationship with them.
You tried to get her involved, and she blew you off. She admits that she would have accused you of getting involved in something that wasn’t your business. You did everything that could reasonably have been expected of you as an aunt. You tried, and your sister and BiL blew it.
And now your sister wants to blame you for their failings. Totally unfair and untrue. You did your best, and they can’t blame you now. You’re NTJ. It’s time for them to accept that they failed as parents.” canuckleheadiam
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Ask For My Parents' Permission Before I Eat Ice Cream?
“I (f/20) have to ask my parents every time I want to eat ice cream or other candies. But it feels so weird for me to go to my parents and ask if I want something because I’m 20 and not 2.
So most of the time I just eat it, which results in a fight because they count the ice cream. And it’s not like I eat all of it; I maybe eat 1 or 2 pieces per box over a couple of weeks. They also regulate any other food intake; I’m not allowed to eat when I’m hungry; I always have to wait for, for example, breakfast or lunchtime.
Also, they lock the kitchen at night, which is a big problem for me. I don’t eat much during the day because I’m not hungry, but sometimes I’m hungry at night and want something to eat, but the kitchen is locked. So this results in days where I’m not eating anything.
It’s coming to the point where I’ve developed an eating disorder because of this, but I can’t do anything against it because of these restrictions. But still, they always say, ‘I should just ask,’ but since I am an adult, should I really have to ask my parents when I want to consume food?
I would have no problem if they wanted me to tell them every couple of days if I ate something for restock purposes, but it’s the asking part that I’m absolutely not okay with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, I am going to ignore your parents’ behavior and try to see it from their side.
You are 20, an adult, and old enough to provide for yourself. If you are paying your full share of all the bills and groceries, you have every right to eat as much of your share as you like, whenever you like. If you are not paying, unfortunately, it is their food and their house.
Parents who use the line, ‘My house, my rules!’ are not helping you grow and thrive as an adult, though. If parents have rules, they need to explain the reason for these rules. If your parents want you to contribute to the food budget, they should be communicating this to you rather than restricting your access to the food.
Their behavior is controlling; you do not deserve to be treated this way.” OhHiFelicia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please move out as soon as you can. Your parents are treating you like you’re 6. It’s ok to have to ask, in a house where someone else buys the food, if you can eat the last apple, for example.
It is a whole other kettle of fish to restrict your eating, force a timetable on you, and lock the kitchen.
There could be a number of reasons they are doing this, but each one ends with the result that you have disordered eating, possibly an eating disorder, and no skills for looking after yourself.
Leave.” Several-Ant-8701
Another User Comments:
“I deeply hope you’re not in a country where young women who aren’t married live at home, or it’s a big scandal.
I would suggest that you start making a plan to get out of the house where you’re being treated like a small child and are not allowed to make the most basic decisions.
Find yourself a job, or if you lack the qualifications, find a vocational or educational training program that will give you the ability to support yourself and either rent or (most likely at your age) share an apartment.
Do not tell your parents about this plan, or they’ll try to thwart it.
Get yourself trained. Get yourself employed. Get yourself out of there.
If you’re currently in school, is there a student residence where you could afford to live if you worked half-time? If you currently have a job, do you know how to find a shared apartment?
Whether or not you eat ice cream (or anything else) is your own personal adult decision.
Your parents measuring the house’s ice cream consumption and blowing up if you don’t ask permission is ridiculously controlling and infantilizing.
Get out.
NTJ.” Nester1953
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get My Son A Cat?
“My wife has a pet bird, and I have a dog. We let the two older boys get pets on their tenth birthdays, and they both got dogs. My third son turns ten soon and wants a cat.
My wife and I are very nervous about this. We don’t know how the three dogs would react to a cat or how the cat would react to the bird.
We decided no on the cat. Our son is really upset, and he says we are being horribly unfair. He said I was just saying no because I hate cats.
It’s true that I don’t like cats, but I would still let him get one if not for the dog and bird problems. We told him he could get another animal instead, but he only wants a cat. I asked if it’s because cats are the lowest-maintenance pets and if this was about being lazy, and he got really angry and now won’t talk to me.
My wife tried to explain as I did about the birds and dogs, but he said if he can’t have the pet he wants, no one else should either. My wife feels really guilty and is worried we’re being unfair. Are we jerks for saying no cat?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, as someone with dogs and cats who get along just fine, this isn’t something to base your argument on. The kid just likes cats, and to ask if he wants one because they are ‘the lowest maintenance and are being lazy’ isn’t helping. Cats still have litter boxes, eat food, and require care.
They are animals. It does sound unfair that both other kids got the animal they wanted but your third couldn’t.
Go to a shelter and look at the cats specifically mentioned as being comfortable with other animals. Communicate your concerns with a shelter, and they could easily help calm any fears and point you in the right direction.” Micro-mega
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
That sounds like a bunch of pets and way more than I would want to handle, but you let the other kids get a pet on their 10th birthday, and I presume you told him he could also get a pet on his 10th birthday, but now you are taking it back because you don’t like the pet he chose.
I don’t disagree with your reasoning behind it, but it is definitely unfair to your son. And even more of a jerk to essentially accuse him of being lazy because he wants to get a cat. That was a low blow. If it was about being lazy, wouldn’t he just I don’t know…NOT want to get a pet?” ajt9814
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in more ways than you know. First off, pets are not birthday gifts. They’re a long-term commitment. Second, you let everyone else in the family choose their pet, but now you are telling your son he can’t choose his pet. Third, you accused your son of being lazy.
Cats are a lot less maintenance-intensive than dogs, but that in no way makes your son or any cat owner lazy. You shouldn’t even be insulting your son to start with.
There are plenty of cats in the world who love dogs and would get along just fine with them.
The majority of rescues and shelters use dogs for that very purpose. As for the bird, do you not have a cage? Get your son his cat.” bethholler
10. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Jobless And Homeless Friend Live With Me?
“I (f24) have been friends with my friend (f24) for 6 years now, since the beginning of university.
I’m not particularly wealthy or comfortable right now; I live in a house share, and I can’t wait to have my own place and stability, and I can’t really rely on anyone but myself to get me there.
My friend went back to her parents’ house (6000 miles away) after graduation and spent about a year there living low-key, applying for jobs, and planning her move back to the UK.
She bagged a fantastically paid job that she was gushing about in a major city and found a beautiful apartment with a down-to-earth friend from school. She hasn’t always had much stability, so I was ecstatic and super proud to see the situation she created for herself. Needless to say, she was doing much better than me financially.
3 months later, she calls me to tell me she quit her job overnight without a plan as she was overworked (all overtime, was entirely her decision) and ‘could see her job would soon become outsourced and she’d be let go anyway’. She said she was looking for other jobs that wouldn’t be so taxing.
I told her that if you end up getting into a desperate situation, you can stay with me until you figure it out. Unfortunately, she jumped on this and said she wanted to leave her apartment because it was too expensive and wanted to move to a more social houseshare.
Fast forward six weeks, and she came over to stay with me for Easter weekend. She told me that she hasn’t applied to any jobs, informed her landlord she is leaving, assuming she will stay with me until she figures things out, and doesn’t have any places to live lined up or tenants to sublet her apartment.
She said she has £50 to her name and her family has no idea of her situation; during the weekend she ran out of money and they sent her more, while I heard her lying on the phone to them about her job progress. She also said she has done nothing but drink since she quit and has spent thousands on it.
The weekend went awfully for me. Her behavior was very jarring; she wouldn’t let me sleep, wanted to drink all the time despite my not wanting to, and wasn’t interested in non-debauched activities. I became fed up with her behavior after she mortally embarrassed me on a night out by acting like a complete fool.
I was exhausted when she left, and I don’t want her to stay again soon if this is how it will be.
Before she came, I was happy to host her for up to 2 weeks; now, I don’t want to at all. However, she is now relying on staying with me after she vacates the property this Saturday, as she told her landlord she would.
She doesn’t have the money to pay another month’s rent; however, she acknowledged that her family (who is very wealthy) could bail her out if she needed it. She also has family in the city she lives in.
Of course I love and care about her and don’t want her to be in a crappy situation, but she created this for herself.
Would I be the jerk for telling her she cannot stay with me, given the circumstances?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s given you just about every reason possible not to host her. Things can escalate very quickly when nothing is done about them. She also hasn’t shown any signs that she wants to improve her situation.
You aren’t responsible for her and her choices. I would make it clear to her that staying with you is no longer an option as soon as you can.” noidea1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it doesn’t sound like you can really accommodate your friend beyond putting a roof over her head.
That said, your friend’s behavior sounds disturbing, like something may have happened in her old job that she doesn’t want to face or talk about. And I think that you’re doing both of you a disservice by just writing it off as ‘she made this really extreme choice to leave a high-paid job’.
For instance, having worked in similar jobs, I can tell you that, frequently, overtime is one of those things that is ‘voluntary,’ but everyone is expected to do it (especially the juniors), and it harms your chances if you don’t, especially if you’re in your probationary period.
She may be going through some crap that she needs your help with.
But you won’t know until you get her to open up about it (if she even does).
But NTJ if you don’t want someone who just wants to party in your place.” Anovadea
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
This sounds like she’s ready to take advantage of you and your kindness so she can keep doing the things she’s doing that she knows her family in the city she’s living in won’t let her do if she stays with them.
She has resources outside of you. Let her use them. You’d probably be helping her more by making her go to family that will make her stop these behaviors than by letting her stay with you and continue them.” tamipain1442
9. AITJ For Not Giving The Car We Inherited To My Brother?
“I (31M) recently inherited a classic car from my late grandpa. It’s a beautiful ’69 Mustang that he restored and maintained meticulously. My brother ‘James’ (28M) and I were always close to our grandpa and spent countless hours with him working on cars.
In his will, Grandpa left the Mustang to both of us, but due to my financial stability and stable job, I was able to take possession of it and cover all the necessary costs.
James has always been a bit reckless with finances. Two years ago, he decided to start his own business without doing much research or planning.
He poured his entire savings into it and even took out loans to get things going. Unfortunately, the business failed within a year, and James was left with a mountain of debt.
He recently came to me asking if I could ‘lend’ him the Mustang so he could sell it and use the funds to pay off his debts.
He promised that once he’s back on his feet, he’ll find a similar car and return it to me. However, I don’t believe he’ll ever be able to afford a car like that again. And honestly, I don’t trust him with such a valuable possession that holds so much sentimental value for both of us.
I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with his plan, and he got really upset, accusing me of being selfish and not caring about his financial struggles. My parents (both in their late 50s) are divided on the issue. My mom thinks I should help James, while my dad agrees that I shouldn’t risk losing the car.
Now my extended family is getting involved, and opinions are all over the place. Some of my aunts and uncles think I’m being heartless, while others understand my point of view. James has been telling everyone that I’m an unsupportive brother who only cares about a car, which is making me look like a massive jerk.
I’ve offered to help James in other ways, like helping him find a job or lending him a smaller amount, but he insists that selling the Mustang is the only way he can get out of this mess quickly. I feel torn because I want to help my brother, but I also don’t want to lose our grandpa’s prized possession.
So, AITJ for not wanting to give my brother the car we inherited from our grandpa after he blew all his money on a failed business venture? Is there a better way to handle this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t give him the car. You and the internet know that you will never see that money or that car again.
It’s also not just about ‘any’ Mustang; that’s your grandfather’s, and it has sentimental value. Reasonably, you can give him his half of the car’s value, assuming that he would be entitled to it had you sold the car when it was inherited by you both. To make it fair, you could deduct the costs of repairs, maintenance, and legal fees associated with obtaining the car, as if you both had been taking care of it.
But, having said that, you really can’t win here. Your brother clearly feels entitled to the car, or he wouldn’t ask, and so he won’t be grateful if you help him. After all, you’re just giving him what he’s owed. He will probably keep talking badly about you until he gets what he wants.
But if you do give in, guess where he’s knocking first next time he needs ‘just $500 to cover rent’ for the second time that month.” Any_Resolution9328
Another User Comments:
“It seems that by the terms of your grandfather’s will, he’s entitled to half the value of that car, minus what you’ve spent in maintenance and plus whatever value you’ve accrued from having it in your possession.
Would it maybe be a good compromise for you to buy him out of his half and take full ownership?
What brother is proposing is basically that he receives 100% of the car and will, at some nebulous point in the future, repay you with half an equivalent car (or, more likely, with nothing).
That’s you giving him a very nice freebie, and you’re NTJ for declining.” Ok-Insurance-1829
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I assume that you bought your brother out of his half of the car based on how you described it. This means he has no say in how the car is used. He has proven he is incapable of financial responsibility and needs a job, not a fantasy.
When family calls and says you need to sell the car to help him, respond by asking if they are going to sell their car or provide their money to support him since they are so concerned about his financial well-being. If they are not willing to do it themselves, then let them know they have no say in anything, and if he is a terrible brother, what does that make them?” HistoricalInaccurate
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister-In-Law To Breastfeed My Daughter?
“I (32f) have a 2-month-old baby. I went to training and left her with my partner. My netball training only takes an hour. On my way back from training, I called my partner (33m) to check in and see if my baby was okay. He said she was fine and that they just got to my in-laws’ place, then said, ‘If baby cries, I can just get my sister to breastfeed her,’ which I said no to because I wasn’t comfortable with that and told him that’s my bond with my baby.
He asked, ‘Why not?’ And I just told him no. He then turned to his sister and said, ‘Oh, she said you can’t,’ while I was still on the phone.
Apparently, it’s normal in their culture, and I said that’s fine, but for mine, it’s not, so it’s a no. I had to go over there, which then ended up being awkward because they both just assumed and decided between themselves that she could breastfeed my baby and then acted like I was being a jerk for not letting her.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but that’s just how I felt, and I thought it was my right. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Breastfeeding is not only an intimate activity between mother and child. It forms part of the child’s immune system. It could potentially be a health hazard.
I am not going to address whether or not shared breastfeeding is right or wrong. I am going to say that suddenly introducing a different person’s breastmilk could potentially be harmful to your child’s health.
You need to talk to your husband. Make it clear that you do not think your SIL is sick or somehow diseased. But that she has a different milk supply coming from a system that is unfamiliar to your baby.
Like going to a foreign country and eating the local food, it may make you sick because your body is unfamiliar. You understand that, culturally, they share feeding duties. But you and your child will not be a part of that (as I assume that your SIL has a child she is also breastfeeding, you don’t want to be in a position where they expect you to feed another person’s child).” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Parenting ideally needs to be two ‘yeses’ or one ‘no’. There is nothing inherently wrong with cross-nursing, and there are benefits and downsides to it, but both parents need to be on board with all decisions about their child’s diet. It sounds like you both want the best for your baby and believe your own cultural norm is the healthiest thing.
That’s okay, and you’ll work through it.
If the two of you are from different cultures with different ideas about childrearing, it would be a good idea to sit down and talk about them now before any more of these issues come up. You might both find you end up doing some research and learn a lot of things neither of you knew before, and you can then feel confident in what a great job you’re doing as parents.” crankyandhangry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Historically, it’s pretty normal. In a lot of cultures, women would try to get pregnant around the same time so they could help each other out and give each other occasional breaks. But in modern Western society, it’s unusual.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting SIL to do that.
You should thank her, as it sounds like a good-faith offer to help, especially if their culture still does it. You might want to explain that your culture prefers for the mother to do that herself as a bonding technique. I wouldn’t mention health risks, because there’s a chance she’ll take that as you saying she’s probably sick, and I doubt you think that.” Dominant_Peanut
7. AITJ For Blowing Up At My In-Laws For Showing Favoritism?
“My husband and I have been married for 7 years.
He has a 14-year-old daughter with his ex.
A few years ago, he was in an accident, and now he can’t have any more kids, so we decided to use a sperm donor to have our daughter (4F).
While his family pretends to love both kids equally, it’s very clear that they don’t.
For example, when you go to their home, all the walls are covered with my stepdaughter’s pictures, but there is only one picture of our daughter.
Last night we were at my in-laws’ home, and all of my husband’s siblings were also invited.
When we got there, my SIL rushed to hug my stepdaughter but didn’t hug my daughter.
After that, my BIL called my stepdaughter his favorite niece, and when we confronted him, he said, ‘It’s just a habit’ and ‘he didn’t mean it.’ After that, my MIL served the food, which was all my stepdaughter’s favorite foods and none of my daughter’s favorites. I was so angry at this point that I told them we were leaving, and they all acted like they were so surprised that I was upset.
I told them that until they learned to treat the kids equally, they wouldn’t see either of them. We all got into a fight over this (not that they were upset about not seeing my daughter; they were only upset about not seeing my stepdaughter). My stepdaughter called me a bad word and said she was not going anywhere with us and that ‘I’ve ruined her life.’
My husband made her come with us, and we left.
Literally everyone thinks I’m the jerk, which made me wonder if it’s unreasonable that I want my kids to be treated equally.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your stepdaughter is 14, and your daughter is only 4. Of course there are more pictures; she’s been around for a decade longer.
And if she happens to have been the first grandchild, that will account for even more.
Plus, a 14-year-old is easier to talk with than a 4-year-old. I talk a great deal with my older nieces and nephews because our interests align, while I barely have anything to say to pre-schoolers.
But guess what? As they get older, I talk with them more.
You need to get over your insecurities about your daughter before you make things truly worse.
As for the ‘favorite niece’ thing, that probably started as a joke years ago (before you were ever in the picture), when she was his only niece, and has become a habit.
I used to do the same thing with my oldest nephew before I had more nephews (he was similarly 10 years older than the next boy in the family).” Derwin0
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your in-laws for treating your daughter differently, but you, because it is not fair, for trying to cut off the relationship they already have with your 14-year-old stepdaughter.
You for punishing her because your in-laws favor her over your daughter.
She has known and had a relationship with her family for 14 years. You don’t get to destroy that relationship just because you don’t like how they treat your biological child. All this will do is cause her to resent her sister.
It would be different if they were both younger and no strong bond had developed, but it is not okay to deny her access to her family because of your daughter. The relationship has already been established with her extended family.
All you and your husband are doing is destroying the relationship you have with his daughter.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You come across as shortsighted, insensitive, and insecure.
Banning your stepdaughter from seeing her grandparents or extended family is cruel. It’s not her fault that they favor her. You do not have a right to keep her from her family. (This is a surefire way to get everyone to feel hostility and resentment towards you and your daughter.)
Having that conversation in front of the kids and storming out was also a jerk move on your part.
You also need to listen to (and accept!) their perspective. Clearly, they’ve had a longer relationship with the older child, so it’s not surprising that they may be closer to her.
Perhaps most of those framed photos of the older child had been gifted to them, so they hung them up. Perhaps they had more access and availability for the older child while she was growing up than they do for your younger child.
With that being said, ‘you are my favorite niece’ should never be said ever again, even if she is the favorite.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You for starting this argument with all of the kids there; this was stupid. If ANY of this is also just assumptions with no evidence, then grow some balls and sit down and talk to these people rather than yelling.
Both you and your husband for, what looks like, rushing into a pregnancy that clearly ended up one-sided and the daughter is now suffering from.
The husband for, what looks like, just sort of sitting there, apparently.
The other family for, if it is true, openly accepting one without the other (still think this is heavily biased, so taking all of it with huge grains of salt).
You all absolutely blow.” ChicknSoop
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Want My Husband To Choose Me Over My Baby?
“My friend, let’s call her Laura (f/29), is currently pregnant with her first child. We were having breakfast yesterday when we got on the topic of traumatic childbirths.
A friend of ours, Anne, nearly died in 2020 because of a botched delivery; her baby unfortunately didn’t make it. Anne’s husband was the one to have to make the decision of whether to save the child or to save his wife, and he chose Anne (this is, of course, a very simplified version of events).
They are both still very traumatized by the whole ordeal, but when I talked to them at the time, they agreed that her husband had made the right decision.
Now Laura is up in arms about this; she is about to deliver any day now and says Anne’s husband made the wrong decision.
That she would not be able to live with herself if her husband made the same one, that the child comes first. I asked her if she had talked to her husband about this, and she said yes, but that apparently he did not agree with her and that they had fought about this quite a lot.
I just told her that if it came down to it, I would want my partner to make the same decision as well, honestly. She said I don’t understand because I don’t have children.
We dropped the subject because she was getting really really upset. I told my mom about the discussion, and she said I was a jerk for getting Laura so upset and for saying I would let the baby die.
She also agrees with Laura’s POV, so I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s an extremely personal decision. It’s okay that Laura has a preference; she knows what choice she would want made, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is for Laura to criticize Anne’s husband for choosing differently and claim that only her choice is the correct choice.
She is literally saying that she thinks Anne should have died instead, and that’s just a sucky thing to say about anyone, let alone morally grandstand. Laura was being cruel with what she was saying, even if she never told Anne or her husband her thoughts.
Your mom is wrong on this; you weren’t saying it to be crude; you were being honest to make a point and defend your friend and her husband, who went through something terrible.” Flesh_Arcade
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is an extremely personal and extremely emotionally fraught topic, especially since Laura is currently pregnant. It’s also purely theoretical for both Laura and yourself; since neither of you is actually in that situation, it’s hard to say how your feelings might change if you were.
I don’t think it’s productive to discuss. There’s also no clear ‘right’ answer. YWBTJ if you didn’t drop the conversation as soon as you realized it was making Laura uncomfortable and upset, Pregnant women have enough to deal with emotionally without piling on theoretical philosophical discussions about whether mother or baby’s life should be the priority.” lyr4527
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This isn’t likely to happen, BUT in reference to your question, no, you are not a jerk for having an opinion. Neither is Laura for having a different one.
But what Laura said was unfair as well; she’s a mother, to be sure, but not quite a mother yet.
Because as a mother of multiples, once you have children, you most likely will choose your life over the baby’s because your born children still need their mother. But most first-time mothers would say they’d choose the baby over themselves. Laura can’t speak to what her decision would be if this was baby #2, 3, or more.” Calm_Initial
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s a terrible decision to have to make, and there’s no real ‘right’ answer. You all should have avoided this topic, considering how sensitive and volatile it is.
It’s a very personal decision, and it’s not something anyone should judge another for. Your decision will not be someone else’s, and there’s no point in upsetting people over it.
Laura should not have been judging Anne or her husband, but you didn’t help either, even though you were defending them.
This topic being top of mind probably means that she is afraid, especially since it actually happened with people close to you both. She’s had to wrestle with what feels like more than just a hypothetical question to her.
On top of that, her husband does not agree with her. Considering that she is probably really scared and conflicted right now, maybe sharing your opinion was not the best way to be a friend.
I’m sorry for the loss of Anne’s and her husband’s baby. It’s devastating for them, and it must have deeply affected you all.
My condolences go out to everyone.” cleaningmama
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Twins To Sit Next To Each Other At My Wedding?
“I (26F) am getting married this summer to my fiancé (26M). We are throwing a huge wedding with the help of both my parents and his parents.
We want to have kids there, including my nieces and nephews.
My oldest sibling is my sister Veronica (34F); she has six children ranging in age from 15 to 2. Two of her kids are 13-year-old twins: her son, Askel, and her daughter, Lily.
Askel and Lily do not get along at all; even their kindergarten teachers noticed they had a tough time getting along.
It’s always been this way, sadly.
Recently, some incidents have made it worse. It started at the beginning of the school year. There was this new boy in the school who was very quiet. His being a quiet kid and having painted nails made him a target for bullying.
Lily bullied him; thankfully, he spoke up for himself, and the bullies got in trouble. Askel decided to approach him and apologize for everything. It turns out the boy is autistic and loves sports. Askel also plays and loves sports, especially baseball. Askel and his friends have become close to this boy.
The next incident was more recent; on Sunday, Askel was watching a Twitch stream of some kid (around their age, maybe a bit older) playing Minecraft. Lily walked into the living room and went to Askel to see what he was doing. She said the boy sounded like an ‘f slur’.
This was in front of most of the family because it was Easter. I was a bit shocked to hear it, and they started arguing from there.
I was talking to Veronica privately about the wedding, and she started bringing up other things, including the kids. She mentioned how Askel and Lily fight on a daily basis and was asking me if she should try family therapy or if it was a ‘scam’.
I was talking to her more about it, and I realized that Askel and Lily’s tensions could get in the way of a peaceful wedding. I then asked her if she could separate the twins (at different tables) on my wedding day, as I didn’t want my special day to be complicated with the twins fighting.
She got offended at me and said I was overreacting, and twins often have more intense sibling rivalries. She said she’d ‘figure it out’ but went on about how ‘neither kid is perfect; none of them are,’ and she thought it would be better to let her family stay at the same table.
Yesterday, I was talking to one of our sisters on the phone, and she agreed with me that they needed to be separated. She also said Lily was far worse because of her bigotry.
She called Veronica, and my sister went insane; she insisted that she could control her kids without separating them or needing help from us.
She also said that Lily wasn’t any worse because Askel can misbehave too, like going out past curfew with his baseball teammates.
Veronica and her husband contacted other family members who agreed with them. We have been told it’s not our place to parent the twins and to just disinvite them if we were going to be ‘too perfectionist’ about our wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister is enabling the kids. Sibling rivalry is one thing. But to be so combative with each other that they need to be separated for a good chunk of time is not normal. At least, not to me. It’s not a healthy environment for anyone, particularly the kids.
They have not learned any problem-solving skills. Therapy is a great option, but I’d also check with their pediatrician for advice.
Your sister’s nonchalant attitude is really annoying me. She has to accept the consequences of allowing this behavior to continue. The outside world does not have to abide by her parenting decisions.
Stand your ground. I’d tell her it’s your wedding, and if you want the women on one side, the men on another, and the kids outside under a canopy, it’s your prerogative. She’s free to refuse the invitation, but it’s your day.” kimmie1223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sister says it’s not your job to parent her kids.
Well, it sounds like it’s not her job either.
I say go ahead and uninvite them.
You only wanted them to sit at separate tables. You weren’t ‘being a perfectionist’. You were trying to minimize drama on your big day. You don’t want to be breaking up feuds between squabbling kids on your big day.
That’s not unreasonable to me.
This is your wedding day. A day to remember all your life, but at the rate they’re going, it’ll be remembered for all the wrong reasons.
As an aside to the wedding: Your niece is a bigot. That’s not ‘misbehaving’, it’s disgusting.
I have a child in the LGBTQ+ community, and if she called them that, I’d expect my child to retaliate—and that would not be pretty. Lily needs proper parents who pay attention to their ‘little darling’ becoming a major jerk. I say becoming, but let’s face it, she’s pretty much arrived already.
Her bigotry will only get worse, and she will be hated. The only friends she’ll have are people with the same mindset. That leads to worse behavior. She needs some kind of intervention from somebody, and if it isn’t her parents…
Sorry, I know that little tangent wasn’t wedding-related, but sheesh, Lily is a jerk and that needs shutting down.
Pronto.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the desire for a calm wedding, but YTJ for thinking this would work and not cause drama. This is why child-free weddings happen. They are too young to really endure the long day. The fact that these kids spit slurs at one another is a big concern, so I get it, but this just puts more focus on them, not less.
My advice as someone from a horrible family full of violence – bribe the kids. ‘If you guys want to get (inexpensive but awesome for kids and parent-approved shiny), then here is what I require.’ Write it down. Sign the contract. If they do well enough, give them the thing.
For my wedding, it was a book each. It should depend on the kid, though.” FirebirdWriter
4. AITJ For Thinking My Wife Shouldn't Sleep On The Couch If She Doesn't Want To Be Disturbed?
“My wife works in an ER, and she works the night shift. She was not forced to work nights. She chose this because they pay her more. She only recently started working about a year and a half ago, as she’s been a stay-at-home mom for most of our marriage.
She’s worked before, off and on, for many many years. She now averages about 48 hours a week. And she plans on going back to school to finish her degree as well. So pretty busy schedule.
Right now, my work schedule is very light. I’m military and have spent over 15 years of my career deploying commands, where I can work 70+ hour work weeks, not including deployment, which is 24/7 for months on end.
Right now, my duty station requires me to work as much as I need to. Sometimes that’s a full workday, but most of the time I’m done by lunch. Which means when I get home she is asleep, and an overwhelmingly large percentage of the time it’s on the couch and not in the bed.
This has caused a few fights now between us because if I am trying to do anything around the house during the day, it will wake her up, and then I’m told by her I am not being considerate. Today, for example, I was preparing dinner (a marinade that I wanted to go for a few hours) before I started cooking.
(Note: I do all of the grocery shopping and nearly all of the cooking; I pack her a lunch every day including making her iced coffees and other treats she enjoys; and I do all of the dinner mess clean-up, as I’m told she had to do it alone for years, so now it’s my turn.)
The only chores she has to do around the house at the moment are her own laundry (most of the time, and I still help her out there), and if she chooses to do a deeper cleaning than I do, she is way better at it than I am. I feel like I do a great job with basic home cleanliness.
I may only have to work 20ish hours a week, but I feel I more than make up for that around the house considering I didn’t have to for many years while I was deployed. However, since I’m home alone most nights and I have light days, I tend to sit there and play on my Xbox, as TV doesn’t really excite me.
But I make sure everything around the home is taken care of before I sit and veg out. She tells me that since that’s all I do (play video games), I don’t get a say here and I need to cater to wherever she wants to sleep. She tells me it’s not her fault for passing out on the couch; I say it is because she doesn’t plan on sleeping in the bed anyway.
I’m at the point now, though, that I kind of don’t care if I disturb her.
So AITJ for thinking that if you’re going to sleep in a part of the house where everyone lives, then there are risks associated with that, and as such, I don’t feel bad if you’re woken up by me making and preparing dinner for the family?
And if you don’t want to be disturbed, go sleep on the super expensive mattress you wanted me to buy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is reasonable for her to expect you to be quiet enough that you would not wake her if she were in bed. That room is designated for sleeping, so that’s fair.
It is not reasonable for her to expect common areas of the home to be that quiet or to be the only person who can use them at a time. That’s literally why living room and den spaces are common spaces. So you can hang out together. If she wants to sleep soundly, she needs to go to your bedroom.
That said, I’m guessing that she falls asleep watching TV, so perhaps put a TV in there so she can fall asleep watching it if she chooses. Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: If she doesn’t want to be disturbed during the day, then she needs to sleep in the bedroom.
That being said, it sounds like there are a lot of things going on in your marriage, and I think you and she need to have a much larger conversation about how to live together in this new stage of your life. The combination of her new job and the big changes to your work have drastically changed the dynamic of your relationship and living arrangements.
Couples counseling might be a good idea to help you two navigate this. ” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, mostly. Yeah, her deciding the couch is supposed to be her bedroom is not reasonable, realistic, or considerate to you.
Her saying that all you do is play games is not being a good partner either.
It is bait for a fight. So between the two things, it might be good to do some counseling to figure out why she is going out of her way to make the living situation more tense.
TVs are ridiculously cheap. Maybe with that extra income she is making you get another one and plug it into a different room on days she is going to use the couch.
But expecting you to tiptoe throughout the day while you are doing stuff for the family is nonsense.” Parasamgate
3. AITJ For Telling My Ex To Buy Her Own Bed?
“My ex and I were together for about 9 years and broke up about 1 year ago, but we still have a good relationship and some investments together where we are 50/50.
A few years after I moved into her house, our bed broke, and she blamed me. She had this bed before we met and told me that it was really me who was the cause. In 2020, I purchased a new ottoman bed for us (with storage underneath) for £350, and we used it for about 2 years until we broke up.
She continued to use it after we broke up and is using it now.
The bed was not working correctly. There was something wrong with the hinges or it wasn’t closing properly, and she contacted me last week to ask me if I received a refund from the bed company because she told them that the bed was faulty, and they agreed. They sent the refund to the card that was used for the purchase, which was mine.
She also told me that I need to transfer the funds to her so that she can buy a bed for herself since I ‘broke’ the other one.
I told her that she can buy her own bed now since we are not together and she is going to be using it.
She told me that the bed was a replacement for the one I broke originally. I told her that she would have to buy her own bed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Based on more information supplied by OP, they’ve stated that a complaint was issued to the manufacturing company during their relationship, but the supplier wouldn’t give them a refund at that time.
Now, likely due to a high complaint volume, they’ve decided to issue refunds for the problem. If the company had done that from the start, the money would’ve been returned to OP, as he made the purchase, and with the bed being a shared piece of furniture in their house, she wouldn’t have been entitled to that refund because they still would’ve been using that bed regardless.
Unless, of course, there’s a weird entitlement issue at hand, and she may have asked for that money even then (which would be kind of gross, in my opinion).
From the sounds of it, it’s not as if either of them didn’t try before they broke up to get the company to refund the money.
The only difference now is that they aren’t together, and it’s just /now/ the company has changed its tune. That money was owed to OP a while ago; it just sucks that the company dragged its feet about it.
It might even be a good point to bring up to your ex that the company owed you that money years ago and that you’re just getting your payout now.” grumpleduck
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because, unless I’m misreading something here, you unambiguously stole £350 from your ex.
You got that money in your account because she called them to have the bed replaced, and you’re just going to keep it? And you don’t see the problem here?
It doesn’t matter that you replaced the other bed and then continued to be together for two years.
That has nothing to do with the current situation. You’re just being a petty jerk about it.
If you really hate her that much, just send her the money and never talk to her again. But don’t pretend you’re not abjectly stealing from her if you don’t. If she was asking you to buy a new bed for her and you hadn’t received the money for the refund, yeah, that would be ridiculous, but you literally got money put into your account for this purpose, and you’re just planning on keeping it and telling her to get lost. Of course you’re the jerk here.
No question.” noobtheloser
Another User Comments:
“This one threw me. She can’t keep the broken bed and get a refund when she didn’t pay for it. If anything, if she wants the money, wouldn’t you get the broken bed? Not that you want it. I don’t understand why this wasn’t addressed when the furniture company was refunding the bed. She knew she didn’t pay for it, so I’m not sure why she didn’t check in with you first, ask for store credit, or just switch it out for a not-broken bed. I honestly don’t know how to judge this one.
I’m going to say NTJ because you didn’t make this mess. She did. She should figure out how to rectify it with the company. You aren’t even together.” Shakeit126
Another User Comments:
“YTJ — in some states, legally speaking, it can be considered a gift as well as ‘abandoned’ since it’s been over a year, effectively making it her bed and only hers.
She went through the process of dealing with the company. She’s had it for over a year since you left, and you clearly had no intent on getting it back. At this point, you’re just keeping the money because you can. Just because you can does not mean you should.
It’s clear you’re going to do what you want regardless, but you’re still a jerk.” Correct_Ice_50
2. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Order Something She Knows She'll Like?
“My wife and I have two daughters, Chloe (15) and Dina (14).
Dina loves trying new foods.
She always orders new things when we go to a restaurant, and even if she ends up not liking the food, she’ll give us a long rant about how much it stinks, but she eats all of it anyway.
Chloe is the opposite. She is a picky eater who only eats very few foods, and most of the time if she gets something new, it ends up in the trash can.
We went on a road trip, and we got to this town. It has a restaurant that serves a special sandwich that they say is really good, so Dina and I wanted to try it. It wasn’t dinner time yet, so we wanted to grab food and eat it outside of town.
Dina and I ordered the special sandwiches (my wife wanted something else), but I told Chloe that she needed to get something she eats because it’s an expensive sandwich; it can’t go to the trash as usual, and we will be in the middle of nowhere, so I can’t go get something else for her if she doesn’t like it.
She argued with me for a while but ended up getting mac and cheese, and we left.
At dinner time, she tried some of my sandwich and apparently liked it. She thinks I’m a jerk for forcing her to get something else.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If she wanted to try it, then let her try it.
At 15, making your own decisions is healthy, as is learning the consistency of making certain choices. So she orders food she doesn’t end up liking. She knows now that she doesn’t like it, and she also learns to make rational choices. Celebrate that she wants to branch out.
Also, why does food she doesn’t like end up in the trash? How wasteful are you? Save it, and someone else can eat it.” Helena-Handbasket89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is probably not the first time that she has tried something new and thrown it out. OP was right; given the situation, they wouldn’t be close enough to get another meal if she didn’t like the sandwich.
The daughter would have complained either way; it just so happened she liked the sandwich. It could have easily gone the other way, and she would be complaining about her dad not telling her to get something else. Teenagers are really frustrating sometimes.” jd_5344
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s never going to expand her tastes if she isn’t allowed to try new things.
By telling her not to, you’re hindering her growth. It’s great that she wants to try new things and outgrow her pickiness. It sounds like you could afford the sandwich; you just didn’t want to see a nice sandwich wasted. That’s understandable, but you should instead see it as a lesson and an attempt to grow, even if she ends up not eating it.
Also, at 15, there’s a basic autonomy issue. You shouldn’t be controlling what she orders beyond setting reasonable price ranges.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
1. AITJ For Telling My Grandma She Shouldn't Come To My Wedding If She Doesn't Want To Accept My Suggestions?
“My grandmother is my only living grandparent, and she’s my hero. When I was a kid, she beat stage 4 lung cancer, and when I had my own (less severe) diagnosis of cancer, she was there for me even more than my parents.
I hope people believe me when I say that this decision to exclude her from my wedding is not one made lightly; however, I genuinely think it is for the best.
My fiancé and I are getting married in about 8 months. We’ve been engaged for close to three years. We hadn’t intended for such a long engagement, but it’s where the dice fell.
Initially, when planning the wedding, I absolutely wanted my grandmother there and sent her an invite, but about a year ago she had a massive stroke. (To make this absolutely clear, everything was planned and booked before she had the stroke.) She’s 90 years old, and the family was kind of astonished she even made it; however, she’s been in really bad shape since then.
On her good days, she still needs a walker to get around, though she often requires a wheelchair. Unfortunately, our wedding takes place in an old historical location that is not wheelchair-friendly; the ceremony space is quite a walk across a field from the reception area. All in all, it is not very suitable for my grandmother in her current state.
I tried to see if we could move the venue, but the wedding was already paid off, and the contract states we can’t get a refund if we choose to cancel, so moving locations would leave us out $20,000. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves and scraped together every dime we had to pay for it, so this isn’t a hit we can financially bear.
It broke my heart immensely coming to the realization my grandmother couldn’t be there, especially worrying that if she tried to push herself, it could harm her health further, and she refuses to accept it. She insists she’ll make it there with her walker, but she can’t even get through a grocery store trip, let alone an all-day event.
I suggested we have someone in front for the ceremony video call her or have us get married at a courthouse beforehand so she could be there for the actual marriage and still use the wedding as more of a celebration party; I would’ve been willing to get married in the parking lot.
However, she’s the type of stubborn and headstrong person to refuse to accept her limitations, was practically offended that I would entertain the idea of ‘ruining’ my own wedding or suggest she is less than capable of being there in person, and is now very upset with me now that I’ve said if she refuses all of my compromises, then it may be for the best that she not attend.
Family members are equally angry with me for crushing her hopes to see me get married and have been giving me loads of crap, even though they’re well aware of her condition and agree it would be impossible to have her be there. The only one on my side is my fiancé, which has me wondering if I really am the jerk for not letting her try to attend despite knowing it likely won’t end well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to call you a jerk for being thoughtful of your grandma, but I do want to tell you that you’ll regret not having her there if you love her as much as you say.
The physical obstacles can be overcome. Loss can’t be undone, and when she’s gone and didn’t come to the wedding, that isn’t reversible.
Her feelings can’t be fixed. Imagine you in her shoes and your granddaughter telling you that you can’t come to her wedding because she has decided what you can and can’t do—how hurtful!
Rent a golf cart, gator, scooter, horse, or buggy. Go on the local Reddit page and see if there is a caretaker who can come for the day.
Find a college kid on Task Rabbit who can escort her. Go to a local Crossfit and hire a couple of strapping community members to carry her out. Go to a local feed supply, find someone with a big 4WD truck, and ask them to drive her out.
I can’t quite picture it, but you get the idea.
There are nice people all over the place, and I am almost certain someone will help if you know where to look.
No jerks here, but I think you’d be making a mistake if you don’t let her come.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If she wants to be there, let her make the attempt.
You’re out nothing if she tries and can’t, and then you have to live stream it for her. It’s hard to start aging and not be able to do the things one used to be able to, and she wants to have this. So, let her. There’s nothing wrong with her pushing herself and then having to sit around for a long time to recover, move to the reception, and then sit for a long time to recover.
I think between you and your family, you can come to a solution to get her into the venue. If it’s important for her to be there, you will find a way.” Cfx99
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At least be honest about it. You don’t care about grandma; you do not want a frail old lady to disrupt your wedding by looking weak and maybe needing some help with the stairs, so you uninvited her and kicked her out of your life to have your dream wedding, because THAT is your priority.
There’s no need to sugarcoat that; the facts speak for themselves.
OF COURSE, your uninviting her will ruin your relationship, and some other relatives might not come, too. But obviously, it is your decision to prioritize money and your wedding location over your family.
‘And is now very upset with me now that I’ve said if she refuses all of my compromises, then it may be for the best she not attend.’ Where is the compromise?
You uninvited her, and tell her if she does not accept being uninvited, it is right you uninvited her. There is no compromise offered here; she is kicked out and told not to cause drama over it because you can’t have your wedding ruined by the old and disabled.” Motor_Business483
