People Question Their Controversial Moments In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Taking My Roommates' Share Of The Security Deposit?
“I live with 3 roommates, and a few months ago we decided that when the lease ends they would find a place together and my partner and I would move in together.
A week before the lease ended one of them messaged and asked if we could lease month to month. I said I already took care of it. Neither of us had any luck for the past few months, or so I thought.
The morning of our last day I Venmo request them rent and get started on my homework.
I get a text from them saying, “We’ll be moved out by today, and with a new place we can’t afford to pay rent on two places.” I start to freak out. Why didn’t they tell me about this? What do they expect me to do?
Where will I go? (They knew we had no luck in finding a place yet).
I finish my HW by noon and get to work. My partner lives in OC and can’t help until 5 after work. Also, all of the big furniture is mine. The couch, TV stand, bookcase, kitchen table, etc. I bite the bullet and rent a U-Haul.
My partner and I (bless her soul) finally get everything out by 8 pm and are left with a very messy apartment. I text our group chat to come back and help clean.
“No, we’ve already moved out and are getting settled in our new apartment.”
I’m typically a patient guy, but at this point, I lose my mind. Let me paint a picture for you.
The apartment is a mess. One of the rooms still had nails and staples in the walls and ceiling, the walls were dirty, and it looked like they didn’t even sweep.
The guest bathroom was gross, gunk in the drawers and on the sink and tub, hair dye stained on the sink, a dirty toilet, dirty mirror. The master bed and bath weren’t any better. They also left behind all their food and utensils in the fridge and cabinets.
I am fuming as I am scrubbing the apartment. I tell them this is their last chance. Come throw away your things and help clean. 10 pm another ding-
“We forgot a box can you drive to our new place and bring it to us?”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
No! I tell them to come help me clean. One of them finally stops by, grabs the box, and leaves.
We finally finished cleaning at 1:30 am. We have to park the U-Haul and wait till morning to get a storage unit. I crash in OC with my partner and in the morning we go back to get a storage unit.
Once everything is settled and I’ve had time and space to clear my head, I message the group chat-
“You three made a choice not to come back and finish cleaning after I gave you many chances to come. That is your choice, but now you have to accept the consequences of that choice.
I have decided that when the security deposit comes back, however much it is, I will be keeping it all.”
Needless to say, they are not happy about that. I think this is the best option for my partner and me at this point. We spent so much money and time cleaning and moving out without notice.
Am I the jerk for taking my roommate’s share of the security deposit for myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure. They’re selfish and inconsiderate. Who do they think they are to just up and move without notice or even cleaning their space? They decided to leave without thinking of the consequences or the security deposit.
Any decent person would clean their mess. Not them.” Tortolinia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I probably wouldn’t have said anything though. I would have just told them that since they didn’t come back and clean, the place was a disaster and they didn’t get their deposit back as a result.” LookAwayPlease510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why do you think you are getting your security deposit back? If no one notified the landlord that you were moving out that day, he’s keeping the money. Even month-to-month leases require some notice typically.” bookworm1398
17. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Pay Me For My Guitar?
“I (17m) purchased a guitar, when I was 14, with my own money. I had been working as a newspaper deliverer for a local media company for around a year and a half, accumulating around 1500$.
My choice: a Jackson King V, which retails for about 1300$, all of which I paid for myself without any help from my parents.
During this time, my younger brother (15m, then 12) also took up the guitar.
I had taken up the double bass in my school’s string band and had agreed to take on the role of guitar player in the jazz band.
However, my brother had made a bit of a name for himself as a guitarist within the school and was approached by one of the music teachers to play guitar in the jazz band, taking my place.
Everything was going smoothly through the end of my junior year at high school, but that all changed at the beginning of my senior year.
Due to the amount of work required to maintain my GPA, on top of me being in pretty much all of the hardest courses offered at my school (all AP), I had to make some sacrifices.
I made the extremely difficult decision to stop playing the guitar as I no longer had any real time to practice it.
However, I had chosen to continue playing the bass in the string band as I am in a music course to boost my GPA.
At the end of January, I noticed my brother had begun practicing on my guitar. I was at first annoyed by this, but I understood that I had not been playing it, and he wanted to use it for a few recitals.
I had managed to maintain an excellent GPA and had managed to get accepted into a very nice school that I will be attending in the fall, and I need to move into a residence.
Since my brother started playing my Jackson, it has become HIS guitar.
Anytime my parents talk about it, it’s MY BROTHER’s guitar.
I’ve been wanting to bring my Jackson along with me so that I’ll have the option to play it whenever.
When I brought this up to my mother, she informed me that I would have to ask my brother for permission to take that guitar with me.
I retorted that it was still MY guitar as I had been the one to pay for it and that he had no right to tell me I couldn’t bring it with me. She then said that since I had decided to stop playing guitar, it was now HIS guitar.
For some added context, he already has two of his guitars that he still plays regularly, and he has a decent-paying job coaching sports, so he could buy his guitar.
After about a half hour of arguing, we concluded that the guitar was STAYING here when I moved away in the fall, but I had the condition that he had to buy it off of me.
This angered my parents and my brother.
My price was 1000$, less than what I’d paid, and less than what a new one would have cost. My brother has more than enough money to buy this from me. A decision has not been made as of yet, but I am getting the impression that I won’t be seeing that money for my guitar.
AITJ for wanting my brother to pay me for the guitar?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “My choice: a Jackson King V, which retails for about 1300$, all of which I paid for myself without any help from my parents.” It’s your guitar. You worked & paid for it.
They force you into leaving it behind when you want to take it so absolutely your brother should pay you for it. You didn’t work your a$$ off so he gets a free benefit. Congrats on getting into a school you wanted.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, buddy just take it with you. If she gets angry ask her to produce the receipt and or bank statement. Also, don’t mention it just do it or it might “disappear ” as entitled people’s fingers excrete a substance so sticky it could bind subatomic particles.” dark1859
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a parent I consider what your parents are doing to you to be terrible. How would they like it if you started driving a car they had sitting in the garage and pronounced it your car because you had been regularly driving it?
It’s the same thing. Stand your ground, if there is no payment make sure you take it with you or give it to a friend to look after when you are away.” Humble_Scarcity1195
16. AITJ For Feeling Hurt By My Mother's Inappropriate Gift?
“I’ve stated in some of my other posts how toxic my mother has been while I was growing up.
Using both physical and psychological methods to “teach me”. I can’t even get into depth with how much abuse I dealt will living with my mother. The worst thing is that she abandoned me when she just grew too lazy to take care of me along with my sister, leaving us with my grandparents.
The only other time I saw her during those times was when she wanted to drag us somewhere to make her look good, or when she needed something from my grandparents. On one of these visits, I had just confessed to my grandmother that I was suffering from depression and it was getting really bad, from which she told my mother.
My mother didn’t even bother checking on me and just left, I don’t think I need to explain what I did after due to that. I’m doing better now but her abuse had a major impact on me, affecting how I interact with others, making it even harder to trust people.
I’m now 20 and still living with my grandparents but planning on moving very soon once I convince them to let me go on my own. My mother has also reappeared in my life and taken my sister with her as she still has rights to her and my sister agreed to go.
I thought that would be the end of it but she would continue to pop around whenever she feels like it, especially if it means showing off the new baby she recently had which I talked about in another post. I mostly keep myself in my room during these visits and she doesn’t really bother to talk to me at all and just talk to my grandparents.
However, on Easter, she arrived with a gift basket, I was surprised she even bothered getting me anything since it’s been years since she even gave me a gift but what was in it just disappointed me. She said she didn’t know what exactly to get me so she chose bath stuff, not only this was pointless sense I mostly take showers and don’t take baths all that often, but It also shows how little she even knew about me.
I may be an adult but I still enjoy the things I enjoyed when I was a kid. If she would at least make some effort to get to know me, maybe even ask what I still like maybe she would at least have known that but it just shows how little she knows about her daughter.
My sister even had to step in when my birthday started to approach just to correct the gift she was going to get me because she knew what I liked.
I know this makes me sound entitled about the gift, but I would have preferred not to have gotten anything from her rather than for her to get me something and admit she knew absolutely nothing about me.
It’s her fault she knew nothing about me because she never bothered to get to know her daughter even when I was a kid. Her trying to make an effort only to fail just felt so empty because why would she suddenly be trying to get back in my life after years of abuse and neglect.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sorry you’re having to deal with this – very similar to my situation except I’m the grandparent and it’s a grandson whose mother usually can’t be bothered with him, even though she lives close by. It’s hard, and while some people may tell you that you should accept a gift and be nice about it no matter what, I do understand the hurt that you’re feeling because I’ve seen the same with my grandson.
Donate the gift somewhere it could be useful or give it to a friend who likes baths, and then try your best to forget about her. Again, I’m sorry and I know it’s painful.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however I think it would be better if you reacted differently.
You have no reason to be grateful for her rubbing in your face that she knows nothing about you, and couldn’t even be bothered to ask the people who do know you what you like. But I have been there (they didn’t just get things I didn’t like but things I was allergic to!) and I don’t think it’s worth the arguments and tension.
Saying thank you and then donating it is a lot less effort and energy on your part than arguing. Is your mother worth the energy of this argument? This happened at easter and it’s STILL taking up your mental energy! So I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I think it might be better for your own sake to avoid this in the future.” TheGreenPangolin
Another User Comments:
“A gift should always be treated with kindness even if you don’t want the item. The point is she tried. I didn’t even read the post, to be honest. Anytime anyone gives me something, even if I don’t want it, I’ll still be thankful.
Ungrateful is never a good quality, and yes, you are the jerk since you acknowledged your being Ungrateful. Just accept crap say thank you, and then throw it away later or donate it.” ShiggitySheesh
15. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Dad Due To My Stepmother's Behavior?
“I am 38(m). I didn’t meet my dad until I was 13. He has an ex-wife who I get on with very well, and two kids with her and he has a current wife who he has a child with. I am the oldest. I never ask my dad for anything.
I was down visiting recently my SM made an issue about my dad buying me dinner – in front of family friends and others. The family friend asked what we were doing in terms of paying the bill and my stepmother said ‘There are three of us’ meaning her, my dad, and her daughter.
The family friend said ‘What about … ‘ME’. I don’t know what my SM said but the family friend’s reaction was one of shock and she then looked at me sheepishly and apologized for me paying for myself. My dad then offered to pay for me and my SM started shouting at him in front of everyone as to why he shouldn’t.
1. I have never asked for anything in my life and ALWAYS pay my way.
2. I see my dad twice a year.
3. My sister is constantly bailed out by her mum
(My dad says he is ‘powerless‘ to stop her bailing her out)
This triggered past issues:
I asked about the next family holiday a year ago and was told by my stepmother ‘We are not organizing a family holiday this year but you can come with us if you want’. Not long after I was joking with a family friend who said to me ‘Just because you’re not invited on holiday’.
Nice. So I was an afterthought and then my SM started telling me how expensive it would be. She then proceeded, right in front of me, to persuade her daughters’ friends to come and she could get them a discount.
I would always be sat away from my dad on any special occasions when we go out.
I would always be told where to sit at dinner – away from her, my dad, and my sister. This last Xmas I was told ‘I’ve put you there‘ pointing to the end of the table…. She made a point of telling me this twice but told no one else anything.
I even once saw her move my plate and swap with hers at the table so she was next to my dad…..
I don’t care about money, it’s the behavior. I never ask for anything. My other siblings had issues too.
I spoke to him the day after.
He agreed with some points (‘I should have put my foot down’) but said I was being paranoid about others. He said he would address it. I told him that unless that behavior changed I would never come back. 5 months later, heard nothing. He has called me a couple of times and never mentioned it but did ask me to go and visit!?
I refused and he said ‘ok’ and changed the subject. I refuse to bring it up again after our talk – it’s on him to address this. He has asked my brother if I’m okay and wondering what’s wrong!? How can parents do this?
If my partner was this way towards my offspring I would tear them to shreds (verbally) and they would be in no doubt where they stood.
Something similar happened about 13 years ago and Dad did nothing. I left for 7 years. It took a family tragedy for him to reach out.
Not a mistake I’ll make again!”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk – your stepmother is threatened by your “position” as the eldest child with your father and is trying to push you out; your father is a weak, spineless excuse of a man who feels powerless to do anything about it.
It’s not you. It’s never been you. (I feel your pain- I had a similar story) You either see him alone and pretend everything’s fine (nothing is going to change with darling SM) or go low contact. SM doesn’t deserve your time or respect- your dad?
Only you can decide. I’m so sorry. NTJ” ohnosandpeople
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t want to rock the boat with his wife to see his son. Then why should his son go see him? I mean, if you go out of your way to visit him, and want to sit next to him at dinner, TWICE a year, then why can’t his wife and the other kid sit on the other side of him?
Or why not go see him when she’s not around? But it seems that he’s too passive to want to see you on his/your terms, so I wouldn’t bother at that point.” Beetlejuice_me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother sounds incredibly immature and antagonistic.
Your dad lost his backbone along the way but wants to hang on to his ties with you. It’s up to you to decide if this is something you want as well. Cut ties with the stepmother and sisters. All they add to your life is negative drama.
Maybe seeing your dad on his own would make a difference? No one would blame you if you didn’t want to keep trying though.” Queasy_Mongoose5224
14. AITJ For Not Sending My Son To His Grandmother's For The Summer?
“My husband and I have two kids, a 7-year-old boy and a 6-month-old girl.
We live about 7 hours from my family and about 13 from his mom. We have visited both maybe twice since moving here 4 years ago. We don’t get many chances to go anywhere, so we use our small amount of vacation time to go camping or to the beach or something.
My MIL usually visits once or twice a year and stays for 2-4 weeks. We’ve been to my parents’ house a few times, but only for a few days. The last time was Christmas before last, because we had a storm and lost water and power that was expected to be out for a few days, and we didn’t feel like freezing to death.
We did spend a couple of days with them almost a year ago, my parents, sister, and her kids vacationed near us.
When my son was 3, two things happened with my MIL. We let him visit her for a week or two. Up to this point, he was really sweet and well-behaved for a kid his age.
Never really had tantrums or anything. My mom and I went to pick him up. Every. Single. Time we stopped on the way back, he had a tantrum. Like full-on throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming because he wanted toys or candy. We talked to her later, and she said “I tried not to tell him no,” and she’d bought him just endless candy.
The other bigger thing that happened was when she visited us, while we were at work, she decided she wanted to go walk around Walmart. Took my small for his age 3-year-old with her instead of leaving him at home with her mother or waiting 20 minutes for me to get home.
Without a car seat. It’s ok though because she drove carefully.
Any time my kid is around her, he gets all kinds of new and annoying habits. Being overly dramatic about everything, complaining about everything and everybody. Add all of this to the fact that she has a habit of treating my kid like he is hers, and a shiny new toy instead of a child, and she isn’t my favorite person around my children to begin with.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, she told me she wanted me to send my son to her for the summer and she will bring him back when school starts. My husband and I agreed he could go visit for a week or 10 days, so I told her no, he could go for a week or 10 days.
She told me to talk it over with my husband and get back to her. Since then she’s sent multiple messages (including ones at 2 am) asking if I’d talked to him yet, changed the time to a month, and tried to guilt me into sending her my child for a month because she doesn’t get to have him enough.
I keep telling her a week or so, and she just keeps insisting it isn’t long enough. Every time she just tells me to talk it over with my husband and let her know. So I’ve stopped responding. She keeps telling him to talk me into it even though he also said a week.
We would like to spend time with our child and go camping and such. And we both hate how he acts when he’s around her. Plus, my son has even said “Maybe a week” when we’ve asked if he wants to visit her. AITJ for not sending my kid away for the summer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s already proven that she sees your child as an accessory, not a living being. Do not send him there for the summer. Your son even said he doesn’t want to go. Set a firm boundary and tell her if she pressures you again, you’ll go LC until she proves she can respect your decision as parents.” Dragon_Queen_666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your hubs should start a group chat with the three of you and lay down the boundary for the dates of the trip and should also lay out acceptable treats and gifts (ie one per day). Your son should always be in a car seat when in the car.
After the car seat thing, I wouldn’t let her see him unsupervised at all, but that’s just me.” OkIntroduction389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and YTJ all at once. It’s fine not to want to give your child up for the summer but loading all his behavioral stuff on him being with her for a week is absurd.
You sound like a combo overprotective parent and MIK hater. Grandparents spoil their kids. I used to spend vacations with my grandparents who spoiled me and understood it was different back home. I had friends growing up whose parents were super rigid about things (food, TV, books whatever), and always noticed they’d go a little nuts with these things when not around their parents.
Lighten up and let her spoil him And stop blaming her for “ruining” him.” Solid_Bed_752
13. AITJ For Asking My Friend For The Bill To Verify What She Owes Me?
“Two and a half weeks ago my friend (let’s call her Mia), my bf, and I went out to eat Italian.
My bf paid for all of us and told Mia to send the cash to me. She took a picture of the bill.
About one week ago, when I was really in need of cash, I asked her if she could send me the cash for the Italian food, and the cash I paid for her over a month ago.
(Btw. Mia in both cases will pay back and I don’t doubt it, additionally, she owes me a bigger amount of money, which I told her before is not that urgent and she shall give me back when she feels „ready“). So I asked her via Messenger if she could send me the cash for the Italian food, and the money for the food and she did not reply nor open.
Which is weird because she is my roommate. The next morning, when she was passing me in the flat, she did not interact with me, or let’s say weird. When I said good morning (which we usually do) the first time, nothing. I optimistically thought okay maybe she did not hear me and said it a second time later.
Mia gave me a very very grumpy, hard-to-understand good morning and just kept walking. It‘s morning okay, I understand, but it was not that pleasant from a friend, honestly.
However, a bit later she passed my room and I called her, but she ignored me.
(Saying that Mia wouldn’t hear me is ridiculous in this case). Later when she came out of her room, I approached her asking if she could please give me the cash back. She looked very annoyed and said she didn’t have cash, only barely to survive, and went to the bathroom… I think that is not how you approach such a topic with a friend… I am not going to be mad if you tell me you struggle right now and you unfortunately can’t give it back at the moment.
Just be open and everything is fine.
A friend from her town came to visit and in Mia’s story, you can see her going to restaurants, in the fridge I saw her bringing food from restaurants and she was in a different city on a trip or so.
It doesn’t mean she paid it but I felt very foolish.
We did not talk since and I think both of us tried to avoid each other at home.
Today I asked her via message if she could give me back all the money by the end of the month.
Mia said once she gets her salary she will pay me. Additionally, I asked her if she could send me a picture of the bill for the Italian restaurant.
Mia went:
-I don’t have it anymore, I noted down how much I owe you
-Why do you need it?
-Do you think I would lie?
-Don’t worry, I will pay you back even the last penny
I just said okay.
I think I might be the jerk for asking her for that bill, signaling that I don’t trust her.
I’m not sure. In my country, it is very normal to ask for the bill etc it doesn’t count as rude.
Was it rude of me to ask if she could send me the bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a tough lesson to learn, but we all have to learn it.
Don’t pay for friends’ meals or lend money to friends in general unless you are amenable to simply buying their meal for them or *giving away* the money to your friend. Even if they vociferously proclaim their intention of repaying you, just smile and nod and say, “OK,” while mentally writing off that money.
If they pay you back, that’s wonderful! If not, you weren’t expecting it back anyway. Otherwise, you find yourself in awkward situations like the one you’re currently experiencing with Mia.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-you wasn’t wrong to ask about your money being repaid.
In my opinion, if it were me, I would not bring the money up again, and I wouldn’t extend the courtesy of lending money or paying for anything else for her again. I have a three-time ask rule. After the third time, I will no longer ask.
But that also means you’ve burned a financial bridge with me and once that has happened, I will not ever lend/loan money to that person. If she asked to borrow money in the future, I would tell her to use the money she was supposed to repay me with and leave it at that.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
Asking for the bill in your country might be normal, but in this context, it seems to have struck a nerve with Mia. Her reaction indicates that she might have felt accused or doubted. It might have been better to approach her in person and explain why you needed the bill, emphasizing that it’s just to keep track and not because you think she would lie.
Given the situation, it’s important to have open and honest communication. Maybe sit down with Mia and explain that you trust her and just needed the bill to keep things clear. Acknowledge her feelings and try to find a way to move forward without tension.
It’s crucial to maintain trust and understanding, especially when living together.” User
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad Over Bread And Past Arrest?
“So I (19m) got in a fight with my Dad (65m) over bread. A month ago I was at Trader Joe’s, I was looking around and found this sun-dried tomato parmesan bread, so I bought some.
Flash forward a couple of days and I had eaten about half of it and it was just sitting in the pantry for a couple of days so my dad tried it and liked it, I hadn’t touched it in a couple of days so he ate some and wrapped it up and put it back in the pantry.
Most of what I had left was gone so I questioned him about it and he mentioned that it was going to start molding soon so he ate some. I understood and I didn’t care because I hadn’t touched it. My mom was going to Trader Joe’s soon and I asked her to get two so we could have our own.
When we got the bread I noticed there were optional oven instructions on the back so I decided to save it until I could cook it in the oven, yet my dad immediately ripped it into his and started eating on it then he put it in a ziplock baggie in the fridge.
To avoid confusion I grabbed a sharpie and wrote “ZACH’S ONLY DO NOT TOUCH PLEASE” over the entire front of the package.
So a week went by and I asked my mom if she minded cooking it to which she agreed. (The only reason I don’t do it myself is because I’m inexperienced and knew I’d probably end up forgetting it in there and burning it.
My mom would do a better job anyway and also my dad does not let me touch the oven.) I went to get the bread but to my surprise, it was in a big ziplock baggie. And it was right next to his which was half eaten in a different ziplock baggie.
I pulled it out and it had a big chunk out of the top and I was upset because my dad eats with his fingers and licks them.
I’m a germaphobe, so I don’t eat or drink after people. My dad came into the room and I was visibly upset.
I questioned why he ate it, he said he didn’t notice it was mine. I cut him off asking how he didn’t since mine was marked, whole, and in a sealed package. I came off aggressive and was not yelling, to which he responded by yelling that I could have some of his it wasn’t a big deal. I frustratedly started yelling back and I said I was saving it and couldn’t understand how he didn’t notice that it was mine.
I decided to walk away when he said “What’s your problem are you on substances again!?”
About two months ago I was arrested for having substances in my car and spent the night in jail which was the most traumatizing experience I’ve been through.
I’ve been clean since but was still really sore about it and he knows cause I’ve been upset with jokes he’s made about it. The Police department is trying to seize my car since it is paid off and they can get free money so he has been driving me to most places.
I shut myself in my room and cried and he came to my door and yelled “Good luck getting to school tomorrow (I have a big exam tomorrow) and to work next week” (I’m starting a second job cause I have so many fees from the arrest) needless to say I’m upset but conflicted since I did act out.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“How are you 19 years old and not able to set a timer when you put something in the oven? Your father is giving you a hard time over you getting arrested for substances and you’re traumatized over it.
You need to grow up a lot. You’re getting this crazy over bread. And because of your mistake, the rest of the family has to be put out by driving everywhere because you can’t drive your car or the police might seize it. Which again is from your mistake.
What are you going to do you have a real issue if you’re going this crazy over bread? YTJ” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“I am a bit floored that a 19-year-old cannot read the “optional baking instructions” on the package of a loaf of bread.
By the way, bread is baked or reheated, not cooked. I am also shocked that you would want to eat a loaf of week-old bread. After two days bread is stale but still edible. After a week it would be inedible. At 19 years of age, you should be somewhat independent.
You should be capable of preparing simple meals, doing your laundry, and helping your parents around the home to learn life skills. You should also be capable of taking a bus to school. Instead, you sound considerably less capable than my four-year-old son.” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you’re going to leave bread lying around for days (and in the fridge of all places), then stick to ‘wonder bread’. Good bread goes stale quickly because it’s not full of chemicals and preservatives. How can someone at 19 be so incompetent? Can’t use an oven to warm bread.
Can you use a toaster? How are you going to function as a self-sufficient adult? You were arrested for possession, and now your parents have to drive you everywhere. Dad eating some bread is a small price to pay. And you’re in your room crying over bread?
Thank goodness you only spent a night in jail. It’s bread… just get them to buy some more. It’ll be fresh.” feetflatontheground
11. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Brother With His College Essays?
“I (20F) and my brother, Pat (19M), have always been particularly close. I currently live in another state and do my best to keep up our relationship by talking to him over the phone.
He’s in college currently, studying to become a nurse. I am not in college, but I have just recently got a job.
Recently, Pat has been having some issues with assignments in his English class. He told me he was writing a 2-page essay and had no idea what to do—he knows I like English.
I figured I could help him out with his essay and feel like I ended up doing most of the work. I suggested what to write about, wrote parts of it, and proofread and corrected the entire thing by hand (also rewriting some of the parts he had written himself).
I didn’t ask for anything in return and mostly did it because he was my brother, and I had a lot of free time since I didn’t have a job at the time. He ended up thanking me and giving me 15 dollars for it and seemed grateful.
He later told me he got an A on the assignment, and I was happy for him.
Recently, his professor assigned him a 10-page essay on the subject of music. It was a large essay with a vague subject. He called me, wanting help again, and we brainstormed ideas to talk about since he only had 2 pages so far, and mentioned he didn’t have a lot of ideas.
During our call, I noticed he seemed pretty unhappy with my level of participation, saying something about being “scared I was going to just give him suggestions.” I tried to ask him about what exactly it was he wanted, but he was vague about things.
I also was upfront and told Pat that I felt like I did a lot of work on his first essay, but it seemed to upset him, so I dropped it. I did what I could to help with suggestions, and later I even went through, rewriting parts of it, adding suggestions and comments (shared Google doc), and I suggested he reorganize certain sections of it.
I will be honest and say his writing is not great and he needs a lot of help with it. Pat told me after I went through and corrected his essay that he wasn’t going to do all the suggestions I gave him because he was tired and this was just the first draft, so he made a few corrections and then submitted the first draft as is.
A few days later, I was on the phone with my mom, and I brought up helping Pat with his essay, and she told me that he was upset about it. He complained about the comment I made about feeling like I did most of the work on his first essay and said I barely helped him and the ending of his essay didn’t make sense now.
I will admit, that a lot of the things he wrote in the essay sounded nonsensical, so I might have misinterpreted things while proofreading and rewriting. Still, if he doesn’t like my changes, he doesn’t have to use them, and I always help him for free and have never asked him for anything in return.
I’m thinking of just refusing to help him because of how he treated me, combined with the fact that I now have a full-time job that I’m starting soon. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wrote his first essay for him, and he was expecting the same with the longer one.
I would gently tell your mom that you’re both adults now and will handle things on your own without her in the middle. If he complains to her about you, ask her to encourage him to communicate with you directly. With him, I would let it blow over unless he uses his big-boy words and talks to you.
You also need to stop doing his work for him.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. He doesn’t have to like English class, but he does have to do his work in it. Also, most lower-division English classes are pretty generous with the amount of direction the teacher gives, IME.
I kind of doubt he was really “just” told to write an essay “about music.” He may have (probably was) been given an assignment instruction sheet. He should take it to his college’s tutoring center, along with his rough drafts, and get feedback that way.” Ok-Squirrel-1176
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if you won’t “help” him further. What kind of nurse is he going to be if he cannot organize his thoughts? Your doing his work for him is not doing him any favors—sooner or later he is going to do something wrong, either in school or at work, if he is incoherent.” FerretLover12741
10. AITJ For Leaving My Best Friend's Wedding Early Due To Intense Pain?
“I (25F) left my best friend’s (22F) wedding early and now she isn’t talking to me.
My best friend had a destination wedding. I was a bridesmaid along with 2 friends. Both of them bailed due to the cost of traveling.
On the day of the wedding, we got to the venue hours before the wedding was set to begin to offer help and support.
When we arrived, my friend was getting in makeup and everything was set up. She told me to get changed while she finished.
I have a pretty intense disability. I have severe chronic pains and struggle standing/walking for more than a few minutes at a time, especially without good shoes.
If I know I’ll be walking a lot, I use a walker to help with pain. I didn’t bring it to the wedding to make room in my car for our bags.
Before changing, I asked when to put on my heels. I knew I would only last a few minutes in them before the pain started. I informed her I didn’t bring my walker and was worried about being in my heels for too long and asked if there was somewhere I could sit after changing to be off my feet.
She told me to change into them and sit down with my BF outside and she’d let me know when I was needed.
For the ceremony, I was the last one of the wedding party to walk down the aisle, so they sent me as the first to exit.
It was an outdoor wedding, so while the walk from the ceremony area back to the building wasn’t long, being in heels and the dress I was tripping over was taking a toll on me by then (about 3 hrs in the heels). I was struggling so badly that all of the groom’s party ended up passing me, and the last one to pass by saw how much I was struggling and laughed at me, which stung.
We stayed for photos (which was more walking from the building, back to the ceremony area) and took another 30 min of standing. By that point, I was holding onto my BF for support. Once the photographer told me my part in the pictures was over, my BF helped me back to where we’d been sitting and I broke down crying.
We were out of the way to not cause a scene, and the bride and groom were still having photos taken behind the venue.
While I was crying, we saw a couple get in their car and leave, so my BF suggested we leave too.
My dress was muddy from dragging through the dirt, and everyone else at the event was family so no one was paying us any mind, inside the building the bride and groom had a table set up for the 2 of them, so there wouldn’t be empty seats next to them.
Given my pains and the state of my dress and makeup, we knew we wouldn’t be dancing or making conversation, and we had a long drive home ahead of us the next day so we left.
It’s been a few days and she hasn’t responded to any of my messages.
Both my and my BF’s moms agree it was best we left considering my pain, but others are more split on whether we were in the wrong for leaving.
So, AITJ for leaving my best friend’s wedding early due to the intense pain I was in?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but YTJ. You didn’t bring anything you needed to be safe and comfortable, and passing the onus to the bride and her group to tell you when to put on your *shoes* is out of line. You *chose* not to bring your walker or extra heels, and you didn’t adequately plan for your needs.
To top it all off, you didn’t even say goodbye! I am so sorry you had such a brutal day, but it does sound like a lot of it was avoidable and you didn’t take the necessary steps to mitigate your own needs. Agreeing to be a bridesmaid is agreeing to support the bride on her special day.
You didn’t plan well enough for yourself, and from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you were there for her at all. I do think my judgment would be less harsh if you’d spoken to the bride before you left or asked your partner to (I get not wanting to cause a scene with tears.) You essentially ghosted her.” slamurex
Another User Comments:
“ESH but leaning towards YTJ because there’s some confusing stuff here: Did the bride force you to wear heels? Did you ask for flat shoes or more comfortable shoes instead? Did you at any time communicate your needs to the bride during all of this?
If she didn’t accommodate your disability, she holds some jerk here. I think the thing that makes you TA is that it appears you left without telling her or saying goodbye. Did you leave without eating a dinner they already paid for you? I understand if you were in pain and felt that you needed to leave, but the way you left (if that’s the case) was kind of bad.” kratzicorn
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You could’ve pushed for flats, brought your walker, or at least said goodbye… I get that it’s a hard day with your disability, but it’s your best friend’s wedding and she wanted you there. I’m sure she is cognizant of your pain and probably wouldn’t have been nearly as offended had you at least explained to her what was going on before you left, you just snuck out though.
That’s the part that made me lean towards YTJ.” HappyGilmore_93
9. AITJ For Moving Into My Grandparents' Den Without Permission To Avoid A Leaky Ceiling?
“I (25F) am a freelancer and had to stop working due to an injury. My granddad is a double amputee and my grandma recently had a fall that landed her in rehab and a wheelchair.
They both have dementia as well, albeit at different severities. My mom had moved back home to take care of them full-time about 7 months before my grandma’s fall. While my grandma was still in rehab I suggested that I move in with all of them to ease some of the caregiving and financial burden from my mom.
My mom was relieved, and so far things have gone well. I enjoy living with all of them again, including my 16-year-old little sister. I got to spend the last years of my grandparent’s lives close to them and make them comfortable.
Here is the issue: We live in a 4-bedroom house.
The master suite is really big, and my grandparents share it. They each have their hospital bed. My sister and my mom both have their rooms as well. The fourth bedroom was empty for years until I came to live with them.
The ceiling is leaking horribly.
It’s a heavy leak that seems to have been there for a long time, but my grandparents didn’t notice it. I’ve been in the room for a little over a year now, but according to my mom, we really can’t afford to get it fixed. I understood that, so I asked her if I could move into the den for the time being.
We have 4 sitting rooms, and one of them is conveniently empty and tucked away onto a side of the house. It could easily be mistaken for another bedroom, and it’s much bigger and I would even have my door. Plus, we’d still have 2 more sitting rooms. (My mom has taken over one of them as an office.)
My mom told me that she’d have to think about it. Every time I ask her about it, she waves me off or tells me all the decorating plans she has for that room and that she’d hate to give them up. Meanwhile, I’m sleeping with my bed in the only corner that isn’t leaking and waking up to empty the bucket when it rains.
It rained last night, and I just got fed up and dragged my bed and a few of my things into that room and slept there. My mom flipped out on me in the morning demanded that I put everything back, and told me that I was wasting my time and energy when we had so much to get done that day.
I get that she’s stressed because of the strain that caregiving puts on her, but I do just as much work as she does. I am quite literally pulling just as much weight and it’s stressful to work all day long and have to sleep under a leaking ceiling while everyone else sleeps peacefully.
My granddad was lucid this morning, and he yelled at me a bit too. He doesn’t understand the full picture, he just knows I did something without his or my mom’s permission. I talked to my sister and my best friend though, and they thought that I was too combative and I tried to force the change on my family who was already stressed out when I should’ve waited for their permission when they were ready.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe you should point out that if the ceiling is leaking that badly, it means the roof is shot, and it’s going to cause structural damage, ignoring it now is going to end up destroying a lot more than just a bit of plaster, leaks spread, for now it’s just that room, soon it will be the hallway, then the next room, it’s also destroying the insulation and will start rotting the beams” Nyoibo1983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Why would your family think it was okay to take physical and financial help but treat you like a homeless person, to be honest? How long has that room been empty? And she hasn’t used it in all the time you have been back?
I would leave cause I’m not one for drama. However, I’m not sure if you’ve been healed from your injury as of yet. Once heads cool, speak with your mother about the issue again. If you still get the brush off, I would look for other arrangements ASAP.
You can still see your grandparents.” Top_Cod1545
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a health hazard to live in a room leaking that badly. Mold can bring serious respiratory complications and more. Sounds like your mom is minimizing your health, strife, and difficulty with your living conditions and being very controlling and selfish to boot.
Perhaps insurance can help to repair the roof. That aside, please show your mother how damaging living in moldy conditions can be for her health. Do not move back into the wet bedroom.” First_Grapefruit_326
8. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Partner's Mom After She Exploded Over Graduation Plans?
“I, (F22) have been dating my bf (M22) for all four years of college. When I first met his parents, we had a great relationship.
I would help his family out with volunteer work and they would let us stay over occasionally. We’d all give each other gifts at holidays and it is genuinely an overall good relationship. At the two-year mark, my bf and I hit a hard patch and broke up for a couple of weeks.
When we got back together, he told me his parents had said some really rude and mean stuff about me, despite him saying the breakup was mutual and there was still love between us. I never confronted them about it, even though it really hurt me that they were so quick to call me names and degrade my character.
I just let it go because I didn’t want to start anything. For other important context, I’m a coach for an esports team. It’s my dream job and I love it.
Okay, now to the problem. We’re graduating in a week!
The original plan was his mom had made a reservation for a nice restaurant. Then my parents were going to come. I informed her of this weeks ago and she tried to make the reservation bigger but couldn’t. So she suggested to just have a party at her house.
I said okay, gave her my mom’s number so she could coordinate with her, and informed my parents. I thought everything was good, until I was told that our playoff game was on the same day as graduation. After a lot of debate and being torn over the situation, I decided to go to the ceremony, spend a couple of hours at the party, and then go to coach the game after and be late to that.
My partner would stay back and spend time with everyone, it’s only me that would have to go. He told his mom this and she was annoyed but nothing serious. Then, yesterday he texted his mom if it was okay for me to give her number to mine, since she hadn’t contacted my mom about bringing anything to the party or helping.
That night, she called my partner and completely exploded on him. She yelled at him for being ungrateful and said we were disrespecting her. She said some other stuff but the main one was that I am no longer welcome at their house. He got angry, explained the situation briefly, and then left to go confront his parents.
Hours later, he comes back and tells me his mom felt that we were taking advantage of her for all the plans changing. They were putting a lot of effort into the party and she felt disrespected by us. Then he said she wanted an apology from me for being disrespectful to her.
I haven’t spoken to any of them yet and am genuinely feeling torn because I don’t think I have anything to apologize for. It feels like she jumped at the opportunity to insult me again, just like during our breakup. I am genuinely appreciative for what she has done for me, but if she did not want me and my family to come, why would she have suggested the party at her house?
As well as why didn’t she just talk to me about her feelings instead of blowing up at us and insulting me to her son? I’m actually torn. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I think you do owe her an apology. Sounds like she had plans to celebrate her son’s graduation.
Then you wanted to add your family so she accommodated that. Now you’re skipping out on the party and leaving your family there for her to host? To go to what is essentially a video game thing? (Is that what esports is?) I’d be angry in her place too.
But she could have communicated that better. Like maybe just straight up cancelling your role and your families at the party once you were double booked.” SpeechIll6025
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner seems to really lack common sense in terms of what to share with you.
It’s twice (that you mentioned) that he’s really been in the center of some major drama, and he certainly doesn’t seem to want to minimize it. I would distrust anything he tells you about his parents, and try to talk to them directly.” Illustrious_Ship5857
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. This is your graduation too and something has come up with your job. You will be there, you’ll just leave the party early. This is insanity from your partner’s mother. What does your own mother think? That this woman is attacking you and making disparaging comments about her daughter?
Tell your parents what’s happening. This is your big day and your partner’s mom is making it all about her.” lenajlch
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Keep Our Baby Away From Her Mom Until She Apologizes?
“I (24) and my wife (24) have been together for almost 7 years. Throughout our relationship, me and my mother (49) never really got along.
Now since we have a 7-month-old baby boy, we have my family watching him while we both work, since MIL, wife, and I work for the school district. And I work two jobs to make ends meet and to help with formula when needed. This brings me to work on Saturday mornings which is nothing new to anyone, but a few weeks ago on a Saturday, MIL had an appointment to get something removed from the mouth, so my wife went to her house in the morning at 6a with our baby boy which is nothing new, to drive her to the appointment and help her somewhat once they’re at her house.
Once I got off from work around 1p, my wife told me that she was going to stay a bit longer at her house so I might as well get rest. I told her that’s fine since it’s up to you. While I was at my house, I still had my energy drink keeping me awake so I instead started to clean the house instead of resting, which I mentioned to my wife when she FT me to see what I was doing and to see my kid.
During this call, we ended the call by her saying she’ll come home around 5p and me saying whenever you want I don’t mind either way and that I’ll just be here cleaning till then. My wife ended up coming home around 7 and when she got home, she told me that she and her mom got into an argument since her mom was yelling at her that she was just leaving her there and she was being inconsiderate, and that I was rushing her home and that she won’t watch our kid anymore since that’s all she’s good for.
I then told her that she always does this and that she shouldn’t even go over or if she wants to at least not till she apologizes for how she’s talking about us in front of our kid. Monday came around and my wife told me that she was going to her mom’s after work with our kid (info I forgot to mention: I work till 7p and they both get off around 2:30p) since she doesn’t like being home alone.
I just let it be and when we were talking on the phone when I got off work, I asked her if she apologized and she told me “Yes but no.” She told me that all she said was that she felt bad about how she was but in a monotone-ish voice.
That’s when I told my wife in a mad tone that I wouldn’t stop her from going to her mom’s since it was her choice and right now she can take our kid because I trust her but from now on don’t tell me anything about what your mom does unless she gets out of line with either you or our baby boy since I won’t allow her to see him at all until she apologizes and I have to be there for the apology and depending if I see she’s truly sorry.
Unfortunately, this is a constant pattern where she’ll put the blame on me and say some stuff about how bad a person I am threatening to not watch our baby boy (which is rarely she does and mainly on weekends).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your child is not a commodity you can use to punish people who upset you.
Don’t you dare start that bs. I’ve been on the receiving end of that and it was devastating to both me and my nephew. If you want an apology, confront your MIL. Hash it out like adults. Do not use your child as a pawn to force what you want out of people.
That’s truly disgusting behavior.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“YTJ never withholds your child from their grandparent unless your child is being abused or significantly harmed. Imagine how you would feel if you were in his shoes and your Dad didn’t let you go to Grandma’s because he was mad at her or unsatisfied with her apology.” 5LaLa
6. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Be More Alert With Our Kids?
“I (33F) have two kids (2y and 1y) with my husband (35M).
Yesterday my kids were taking a bath together. My husband was watching the kids in the bathroom, while I walked away to get clean clothes for them. I suddenly heard my oldest call me: “Mom, mom come here”. When I walked back into the bathroom my youngest was almost going under the water.
He was gripping the side of the small tub with one hand and because his brother was sitting next to him, he didn’t go all the way under. But it was very close. My oldest isn’t strong enough to keep my youngest up.
I immediately took him out of the bath. While my husband was sitting on the toilet watching social media on his phone. I was so shaken but I tried to remain calm. I told my husband to PLEASE don’t take your eyes off the kids when they are in the bath.
He said: “Oh yes. But was he just sitting in the tub with his face down or did he almost fall into the water?” So I described how he almost went under and how panicked he looked at that time. My husband just replied: ok I’ll be careful next time.
I told my husband to put his darn phone away.
So just this morning I was sitting with my two kids in my son’s room. While my husband was in the bathroom on the toilet. I was helping my oldest with a toy. My youngest crawled away towards the bathroom.
When I saw him crawling away I screamed for my husband 2 times: HUSBAND, CLOSE THE STAIR GATE. While I was screaming, I ran towards the stairs to close them before my youngest could reach them. Then I saw my husband in the bathroom on his phone.
I asked him: did you hear me? He told me no, he didn’t. So I explained to him what happened.
I asked my husband: Hushand, could WE please be more alert in the future? I told him I was pretty shaken up and scared because of these incidents.
My husband said he felt I was attacking him. He said that he was on the toilet, and when he walked away he expected me to keep an eye on the kids and for them to be safe. That he didn’t hear me. I told him: yes it’s my responsibility, I don’t blame you because you were in another room.
But for instance yesterday, I was away while u were watching the kids in the tub. I also expect you to be alert and watch them. My husband told me: yes for that instant, but for today I expect you to keep them safe. I told him: I don’t blame you, I get you were in another room, but I called you a few times and u told me u didn’t hear me and u were on your phone.
He told me he didn’t like what I was implying and that he feels I was attacking him. Maybe it was because of the stress but I just started crying. I feel so helpless and unheard. I just wanted to warn my husband that WE BOTH need to be more alert.
Never did I blame him. The husband says he doesn’t like the way I bring the message. He feels I am attacking and blaming him. My husband was acting like I was a jerk. So am I? Maybe I should have asked nicely..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My ex-husband caused an injury to our baby due to a ‘mistake’. I was so angry but we were new parents and his excuse seemed plausible. Turns out, he was just a negligent dad. But he also did the ‘woe is me, how dare you think XYZ.
You’re blaming me for blah blah blah’ even when I didn’t say a word and would choose my words carefully, lest I ‘offend’ him. ‘Could you please blah blah blah’ instead of ‘HOW DID YOU ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?’ My **EX** husband. I’m not suggesting divorce, but it never got better in my situation, and I know exactly where you are, and it sucks.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…the tub thing, I would have screamed bloody murder, “wtf are you doing?!”. Not only did he not see his child go under, he did not hear the other child call you for help. And was still oblivious as you came back in?
The second incident, I will say, is on both of you. He should have closed the stair gate before going into the toilet or closed a door, or you could have closed the door or the stair gate before sitting down on the floor with your children.
In fact, either one of you should have closed the gate immediately upon all of you being upstairs. Did you expect him to get up mid-poop?” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The first one is a joke. Even if he was using the toilet, he should be watching the kids.
And the fact he somehow had no idea what was going on until you spoke to him is crazy. Second time, you can’t say much, if he was on the toilet then he was on the toilet. Can’t help that. You should both probably make it a habit to keep areas safe at all times, so if you can always keep the gate closed then it’s one less thing to worry about.
Sounds like he’d rather spend time on his phone than with his family. Is he on his phone a lot? Or just when on the toilet?” poddy24
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like a really tough and stressful situation for both of you. From what you’ve shared, your primary concern was the safety of your kids, and it’s completely understandable to be shaken up after those close calls.
However, I can see why your husband might feel defensive. It sounds like he thinks you’re blaming him for the incidents, even though you’re trying to emphasize that you both need to be more vigilant. Miscommunications like these can easily happen, especially in high-stress moments.
It might help to have a calm discussion about this when neither of you is upset. Express your feelings and fears without making it seem like an accusation. Maybe explain that you’re not trying to blame him but just want to ensure that both of you are extra careful.
Parenting is tough, and it requires teamwork. Hopefully, you can both come to an understanding and agree on how to handle these situations better in the future.” User
If you think this is what's going on, get rid of the man before his behaviour gets worse.
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents Due To My Noise Sensitivity?
“I (18f) went with my parents to an award ceremony for my brother (15f). It was in a massive stadium.
For context, I have issues with sound. I’m not sure why. I’ve always gotten overwhelmed by large, loud noises. I’ll feel like half of my brain has just shut down and then the other half is screaming so I’m really slow and not rational when in noisy situations.
I’m aware of the fact that I’ll often get short and testy after spending some time in these situations and I’m trying to work on it, and I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older. I should’ve prepared for the ceremony better but I was stupid and just asked my parents to pick me up, not for details.
Because it was a large competition with tons of divisions, it took a couple of hours. Loud music was playing the whole time and all the talking and clapping meant that I was finding it hard to not get angry at the people next to me.
Every sound just sounded painful by the last hour, if that makes sense. IDK I feel dramatic when I type it out but that’s the best way I can explain it.
We had a couple of minutes before reuniting with my brother (they had all the winners in a separate area).
Before he came out, my parents asked why I seemed to upset and I told them that I was fine, I was just kind of overwhelmed because the noise was just a lot. They reminded me to seem happy which I was trying my best to do.
Then my parents took us all to dinner, which was nice of them, except they talked to the restaurant. My brother wasn’t feeling too chatty (he said he was tired). When we got to the restaurant, he went to the bathroom to change, so there were about ten minutes alone with my parents.
They asked why I seemed upset and I reminded them that I was saving my energy to be happy around my brother, but the noise was just expectedly a lot and I was still getting over it. I told them I just wanted it to be quiet for a bit (I would’ve gone to the bathroom at this point but there was only one in the restaurant).
My parents then kept questioning me, and here’s where I think I’m at fault because after a bit I snapped at them and said, “Could you stop talking?” They seemed surprised and hurt at my outburst and I felt bad and apologized. They continued to be sad and distant for the rest of the meal. My brother came back from the bathroom not sure why we all seemed off.
We just ate and sat in the silence I asked for.
I later overheard my parents complaining to my aunt about how I always ruin things with my weird noise issues. I felt bad after hearing that because I don’t mean to ruin things and I’m not so sure what’s wrong with me.
I feel like it could be my fault because I made everybody miserable by asking for them to stop talking, but I told my friend about it a day later and she said that I was fine and my parents should’ve listened to me the first time.
I don’t know how to fix myself but I also feel responsible for the dinner going poorly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are several reasons why you have sensitivity to loud noises, most of them medical. It is past time for your parents to get you to a doctor for this, starting with a regular medical checkup.
Whether any of the armchair diagnoses here – autism, neurodivergence, Sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), etc, are right or not, this is not just you being difficult. Meanwhile, take heart, you are not alone!” CrazyCookie8507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cry after I go someplace with so much noise.
I can’t explain it but loud music (mostly rock) and people talking make me anxious and just overwhelmed sometimes it ends up with a headache of epic proportions. The brain shuts down and I sometimes faze out on purpose. A tip, keep headphones with u for places like this.
I too have multiple soft music downloaded on my phone just for instances like these.” middlenameisanxiety
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My sweet darling, you are more than likely on the autistic spectrum. All of what you’ve explained are things my daughter struggles with. Loud noise, bright lights, chaos, and confusion, are all very difficult to handle her.
She communicates well generally, but when she is overly stimulated by noise, crowds, or lights, she shuts down and has to retreat into herself. Once her grandmother (who doesn’t understand) kept nagging her to explain why she was being so quiet. She kept telling her that she just is overwhelmed with the noise but grandma wouldn’t let it go and my daughter ended up sort of snapping at her, just as you did.
Do some research. You may need to advocate for yourself and make an appointment to be tested. Getting an official diagnosis is very helpful, just so you and your parents understand better what’s going on. Love to you!” Grateful_Anner
4. AITJ For Kicking My Friend and Her Kids Out After 7 Months?
“I (22F) allowed a friend of mine (21F) & her 2 kids (both under 4) to move in with me when she got kicked out of her family’s house.
My house is a 2 bedroom & my mom (43F) lives with me, so I said they could stay in my room. I work 3-4 night shifts a week so I didn’t mind sharing my space since it’s not always being used. However, I started noticing early on how dirty my house was getting.
I brushed it off thinking she works a full-time job plus 2 kids so it’s to be expected. Asked her to try to keep up with cleaning, but that didn’t help. Dishes piled up in the sink (we have a dishwasher), kids had dirty sippy cups in almost every room of the house, along with using my dining room was a giant storage unit.
Cleaning aside her kids are also a nightmare. They have no structure, she allows them to do whatever they want & scream/cry louder than any kids I’ve ever seen when they don’t get their way. She doesn’t pay attention to them & is always on her phone.
She’s now been living with me for 7 months. I will add I have not made her pay for anything. I feel as though the bills would be paid whether she was here or not. She buys groceries which I help myself to & she picks up things from the store if I ask.
We discussed apartment hunting but she was going through a divorce and wanted to wait until it was over. It’s been 2 months since the divorce settled.
She applied for apartments since then & said it’s a 4-6 month wait but I don’t think I can hold out that long.
My mom got fed up early on & has barely been home since, she tries to sleep elsewhere whenever she can. I only recently began to get severely frustrated & instead of being at my own home I have been staying at a friend’s as much as I can.
She’s been doing a bit better with cleaning after a big argument she & my mom got into about her being a slob. She is very sensitive & I feel conflicted about starting serious conversations with her because I don’t want to make her cry.
I finally was fed up enough & told her she had until June to move out. I was very nice about it & even told her I was sorry if this put her in a bind but I just needed my space back. She told me thanks for the notice & that was it.
She left her iPad at home and her messages were going off so I snooped(total breech of privacy I do know that I’m the jerk for this but my curiosity got the best of me). In the messages with her coworkers, she forwarded my message to them & they were kinda bashing me for it.
One says “F her” & she goes on to say that it’s okay & it was “a nice laugh” & that everything we use of hers is put away & we can buy our own. I don’t use any of her stuff that I can recall.
It’s my house & I have everything I need already there. I thought I came across as being pretty nice about it by at least giving her a notice & not just kicking her out right away. I feel like I’ve put up with a lot more than what others would have but I’m not very emotional so I don’t know how others would feel about this.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been very nice to let her move in for 7 months. She’s taking advantage of you. Where is/are the baby daddy/daddies? Let him/them help this woman. If you can do so, you might check with some sort of legal counselor to find out the best way to get this woman out of your house, since I suspect she may not leave voluntarily.
I hope I’m wrong, though, and that she doesn’t make a fuss. Also, *if* you think this woman might retaliate when you go to evict her, you might lock up any valuables (including good clothing) you have, or store them elsewhere. Maybe install a security camera near your front and back door, *if* you think she might try to do something malicious.
I’m not saying she will; I’m just saying, be as careful as you think you need to be.” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your home is your personal space, & your friend isn’t respecting it. Further, there is no excuse for her not to start looking for a place of her own at the earliest moment because she needs her own space.
You should have kicked her out long before this, but what has happened has happened. And you were more than nice to give her until June to move out.” FunnyAnchor123
3. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Treating Me Like Hired Help In Front Of His Family?
“I (34f) have been married to my husband for 4 years, together for 7.5 years and we have two children (2.5 and 5 months). My husband was married before we met.
He and his ex-wife separated during her pregnancy with their daughter (13) and divorced after she turned 1.
To my stepdaughter, I am dad’s wife. I’m okay with that. We get along fine, mostly. She does struggle to be left with me in charge. My husband knows this.
We have discussed this at length. We have worked together to figure out solutions. We even talked with his ex, who is okay with me being around her daughter (I know some aren’t) but did not like the idea of her daughter being with me if she could be with her (they don’t have a right of first refusal and didn’t get it added after this discussion).
And generally didn’t love that I would be in a parent role if alone with her kid. She has a very big dislike of the idea of stepparents becoming just parents and she has never wanted her daughter to view me as any kind of mother figure.
So discussions were had and agreements were made.
Onto our issue: My husband always has a very busy period of work in June/July and he’s just home to sleep and nothing else. In June his ex is having surgery and will be out of commission and in the hospital for some time.
The ex’s surgery was not mentioned to me at all. But Saturday night while we were at my IL house, my husband started venting about his ex’s surgery and her not wanting their daughter to be in my care all day and his daughter not wanting to have me in charge of her that much, and how he told them I would be doing it and nothing they said or did would change this.
He was angry at his ex and his daughter a little for having such a dislike for me being in charge even though we get along fine. I asked him when all this happened and he said it had been a few days. He told me she would be with “us” from June 6th until July 4th and possibly longer.
That he was already told he will need to work most Saturdays in June and July. So he told me I’d need to figure out how to best deal with that. I asked him why he sprung this on me in front of his family instead of discussing it privately.
He waved me off and said he knew I wouldn’t say no because I love my stepdaughter and I understand that she needs to be with an adult. He saw an expression on my face and told me I couldn’t be angry about it when I knew my stepdaughter was still a kid.
I told him I wasn’t angry at her. I was angry at him. He told me he couldn’t help his ex and his daughter being somewhat unreasonable. MIL chimed in and offered to take my stepdaughter during the daytime for June. He told her I would handle it, she should be with “us”.
This is when I accused him of treating me like the hired help and not his wife because he wasn’t discussing it with me and was making decisions for me without asking or discussing things.
It was afterward he told me I shouldn’t speak to him like that in front of his family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His ego is wounded you dared say anything, but you’re entirely right have told him it should have been discussed privately. He brought it to family not you. Also, if MIL wants to help out, why isn’t he on board?
He sounds like a controlling man.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and kudos to you for speaking up for yourself. The stepdaughter can be looked after by her maternal grandparents or a paid nanny. Your husband and his ex don’t get to speak to you badly and then rely on you for extended care, how rude.
This whole story sounds toxic. OP please don’t get pregnant till you think about how your husband and his ex are BOTH treating you badly.” RitaTeaTree
2. AITJ For Refusing To Lie About My Feelings Towards My Half-Siblings?
“When I (16f) was 10 I lost my dad. My parents were in a “transitional period” as my mom’s parents called it in the weeks before his death. What I think that means is they were trying to figure out how to divorce without messing me up.
But I thought it was pretty clear my parents’ relationship was done. They hadn’t seemed happy in so long and I don’t remember them being affectionate with each other.
Within a year of my dad dying my mom met “Harvey” and they were dating for two years when she introduced me and him.
He seemed okay. I wasn’t like OMG so excited to have my mom dating someone. But it was fine. Mom asked me what I thought and I told her he seemed okay and she was really happy which was nice. She asked me if I thought he’d make a good bonus dad and I told her I hated how that sounded. We talked and she admitted she wanted to pick someone I could see being the new father figure in my life.
She said it didn’t have to be an only dad thing but even if I loved someone enough to think of them as a second dad. I told her that wouldn’t happen but I’d be fine with Harvey sticking around and being married to her if she wanted that.
We went to therapy and Harvey eventually joined us by the time we were done I was almost 15 and they were married and mom was pregnant.
My mom had two kids in the last 18 months. My half-brother is 17 months old and my half-sister is 3 months old.
Things were kind of crazy when my half-brother was born so mom didn’t do any kind of party or celebration of his birth. Since she and Harvey made sure they wouldn’t have more kids mom decided to throw a party to celebrate the kids being born.
So this is where I should say that I’m pretty indifferent to the babies. I know they’re technically my half-siblings. But I don’t feel anything toward them. Honestly, it makes me sad that I was the only kid my parents had together because I think it would have been nice to have someone who’s been there with me through my parents’ relationship breaking down, dad dying and mom remarrying and starting a family with Harvey.
But I just don’t see my half-siblings the way I imagine seeing a full sibling, because we only share one parent. After all, I’m so much older, and because our experiences will always be so different. I don’t hate them. But I can’t honestly say I love them.
During the party for the babies I got kind of tired of faking being happy and enthusiastic about it so I went upstairs for a while and was talking to my best friend. My mom overheard and she talked to Harvey afterward and was devastated because she realized I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy about the babies and I’m not happy to have half-siblings.
She realized I do see them as half and that hurt her a lot because she assumed I would see them as simply siblings. Harvey told me what Mom found out and he told me to lie my ass off so Mom will think she misunderstood and will go back to being happy.
When I said no he told me I was being so selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that given the whole situation, you are entitled to your feelings. Plus, you being so much older than your half-siblings makes it difficult to have a good connection with them…being from a different generation at this point.
You, also, have all these years been nice and cordial to them. You did not treat them badly or bully them. You were just slightly indifferent. Will counseling help your mother overcome and understand this? Maybe. Was Harvey wrong to ask you to lie about your feelings?
Absolutely! In a current world where people tend to build their lives in lies, it is refreshing to see a young person (such as yourself) hold to their truth. Don’t ever change that.” SarkazmLives
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know how many 15-16 you would be thrilled with new siblings (full or half).
There is a big distance, maybe simply because of age, and not because they’re not full siblings. I think that is more important than the half/full part. You miss siblings closer to your age. Toddlers and babies won’t change that. Maybe you’ll get a bond later.
Kids get more interesting when you can talk and interact more with them.” Maximum_Law801
Another User Comments:
“Ntj- you are not responsible for your parents’s emotions. This is your mom’s expectation that is causing your mom emotional pain. Lying won’t change anything because she knows even she doesn’t want to.
You are still young and have been through so much, I hope you have a therapist you trust to help you. Big hugs! Best wishes” Efficient-Cupcake247
1. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friends After They Disrespected My Boundaries On My Birthday?
“Yesterday for my bday I had 3 friends over to stay the night. One friend I’ll call Ella showed up 2 hrs late and showed up high, which I had explicitly told her not to do as my family would be there for the party, but I decided to let it go and offered her food and drink which she declined stating she wasn’t hungry (she did eat some of the food I left for her).
Immediately after she came, she and my friend Jack complained about wanting to go inside, so we did.
As soon as we got upstairs, Jack and Ella started asking if the 3 of us could get high (4th friend doesn’t smoke). I said no and explained my family was there and I didn’t want to do that as I don’t like doing it because it makes me feel anxious.
I explicitly told them not to smoke in my house. About 10 minutes later, I said I was going to get changed, and when I came back, they were both acting weird, it turns out they just started smoking and getting high while I was in the bathroom.
For the next 2 hours or so, I was completely ignored by Jack and Ella. At around 9, I went downstairs to watch the F1 race with my friend who wasn’t high.
About 10-20 minutes in, Jack sent me a message asking if I was mad at them, and I expressed that I was because they didn’t respect my boundaries and did the one thing I asked them not to.
He began calling me immature and rude and said I was making a big deal over nothing.
I gave up arguing, and then I got a text from him asking for food. When I brought up a bowl of snacks, he told me it wasn’t good enough and that he wanted bread.
I told him we didn’t have anything and that I didn’t think we even had food in the house because we hadn’t done the shopping.
They then began posting their stories about how I was starving them while they were holding cans of Coke and you could see the big bowl of snacks I had left just for them.
Eventually, they started bothering my parents for food.
I ignored all this and went up to my room but stopped to use the bathroom first. This is where I heard them talking bad about me for a full 10 minutes, and so at that point, I gave up and just slept on the couch.
When I woke up, Ella was about to go, so I just let her leave without saying anything. Jack had said yesterday that he would leave about the same time as Ella, but 40 minutes had passed and nothing. I then got texts from him just honestly being vile and calling me a bad friend, so I got fed up, went upstairs, and told him to get the heck out of my house.
He wasn’t even dressed when I got up there. This was about 11-11:30 am. After he left, Jack and Ella told a lot of our friends I starved them and kicked Jack out.
I don’t think I’m a jerk. I offered them plenty of food and they were disrespectful to me in my own home, and Jack overstayed his welcome.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like a really rough situation, but I think it might help to consider things from all sides. While your friends were definitely out of line for not respecting your boundaries, especially in your own home, it’s also worth thinking about how you communicated with them.
It sounds like tensions were high, and maybe there could have been more open dialogue about expectations and feelings. Jack and Ella were definitely rude and inconsiderate, but calling them out directly might have escalated things. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re overstepping until it’s too late, especially if substances are involved. It’s important to stand up for yourself, but it’s also important to try to resolve conflicts in a way that leaves room for understanding and improvement on both sides.
Hopefully, this experience will lead to better communication and more respect in your friendships going forward.” User
Another User Comments:
“Wow, I’m really sorry you had to deal with that on your birthday. It’s pretty clear you set reasonable boundaries that your friends completely disregarded. It’s your house and your special day, so your comfort and rules should have been respected. The way Jack and Ella acted was incredibly disrespectful and inconsiderate.
You’re definitely not a jerk here. You provided food, tried to accommodate them, and only got upset when they crossed your clearly stated boundaries. It’s understandable to be hurt and frustrated by their behavior, especially when they turned the situation around to make you look bad.
Good on you for standing up for yourself and not letting them ruin your birthday more than they already did. I hope your other friends can see through Jack and Ella’s behavior and support you.” User
Another User Comments:
“I can see why your friends might have felt frustrated in this situation.
They came over to celebrate your birthday and probably wanted to have a good time in their own way. When you said no, they might have felt like you were being too controlling, especially since they were already high when they arrived. The food situation seems like it could have been a misunderstanding.
Maybe they didn’t see the snacks as sufficient, especially if they had the munchies. Their reaction might have been over the top, but from their perspective, they were just looking for something to eat.” User
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