People Ask For A Chance To Explain Their Behavior In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom From My Wedding Because She Called Me Ugly?
“I’m (25F) an only child. My relationship with my mother has always been awful – she used to be a model (a very pretty one), but after I was born she was never able to lose the weight, which ended up with her blaming me for ‘ruining’ her.
She made sure, during my whole life, that I would see myself as the ugliest person alive, which obviously led to multiple severe eating disorders and body dysmorphia, it also led to some more serious problems and I was hospitalized many times.
I stay away from her as much as possible but am still in contact due to my dad. (My relationship with my dad is good).
Because of all of that, when I met my now fiancé (25M – I will call him Gabriel), I was in disbelief that he was attracted to me.
He’s a very good-looking man, and although he would call me pretty at every single possibility, I’m just now, after 3 years together, believing him. He has been an essential part of my healing journey, and I’m so grateful for having him in my life
The drama started last week, at dinner. Mine and my fiancé’s family were having dinner together and we were all talking about our wedding plans. We decided to talk about old happy memories, when my mother told my fiancé, out of the blue: ‘I still don’t know why such a good-looking man like yourself is settling down for that’ – with an emphasis on ‘that’ while giving me the look that one would only get from a high school mean girl.
She then laughed very nonchalantly and continued her drink.
The table went dead quiet. Gabriel’s mom immediately confronted my mother, who answered ‘What? She’s too ugly for him, you should be concerned too’. It was like I was a teenager again, it felt like all the hard work that I put into healing suddenly didn’t matter.
I broke down immediately, and before I stormed out I just told her: ‘Don’t you dare show up at my wedding’.
In the last week, I got comforted by Gabriel and his family and talked to my dad about what happened. He told me that he understands why I uninvited her, but to reconsider because she was wasted and I’m her only child.
I know she was wasted, but it still hurt so much, and it’s something that she totally meant because it’s not the first time that she talks about me like that. She hasn’t apologized but sent some messages about how I was overreacting and was going to regret not having my own mother at my wedding.
Gabriel and his family are on my side, and his parents, specifically my future MIL, have become very overprotective of me, saying that I can call them mom and dad.
I do feel, however, sad for my dad who has to put up with all of that, and I’m afraid to regret my decision.
Am I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It doesn’t matter if your mother was wasted. She said those same things to you plenty of times sober, right?
Moreover, being wasted doesn’t excuse bad behavior. As the saying goes, ‘In vino veritas.’ Which means, ‘In wine, truth.’ As if you didn’t have enough proof of your mother’s ‘ugly’ intent, being wasted does not give her a whole different personality.
It brings to the fore what is already there.
Is Mel Gibson any less an anti-Semite and a misogynist because he made those remarks while wasted? No. It’s just that being wasted lowered his inhibitions to the point where he could bring to the front the ugliness that was always there.
Invite your father, if you wish, but I wouldn’t invite your mother. You have your in-laws backing you up and I’m sure your fiancé has well-acquainted your in-laws with the kind of mistreatment your mother has been giving you.
ETA: I don’t believe you’ll regret rescinding your mother’s invitation at all.
On the contrary, I think you’ll regret it if you do invite her. I imagine during the reception she’ll get wasted again, grab the microphone and make a speech about how she can’t believe that such an attractive man as your husband will end up with someone as ‘ugly’ as you.
You know she’ll do it. If you want a happy, memorable wedding that you can look back on with fond memories, you’ll ensure that the security guards have orders to keep her out.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is awful, and you don’t need those memories or that energy at your wedding.
Of course, invite your Dad but your mom is a big No. Honestly, your Dad should have your back; he should have told your mom to knock that off years ago.
Have somebody guard the door and refuse to let her in.
I think you know this but being ‘wasted’ is no excuse to humiliate your child. Plus if she was wasted at a family dinner why is anybody expecting her to stay sober during a wedding reception?
You’re going to be a beautiful bride and you shouldn’t have to feel anxious about your mom staring at you & making comments from the audience.
You should be able to enjoy all the wedding planning, ceremony & reception with people who love and respect you.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“I know you don’t want to hear this or may struggle with understanding this, but your father has failed you as a parent too.
Not only should you stick to your guns on this by way of keeping your mother uninvited but you should also uninvite your father too.
Your father has made way too many allowances for your mother for the entirety of your childhood.
No self-respecting parent would let their spouse mistreat their child and make zero attempts to kneecap that mistreatment once aware of it.
OP, for your own sake, now is the time to be realistic with the fact your father will never protect you from your mother and your mother will always see you as a burden.
None of this is your fault but you have to understand these people are not a support network for you and that you can’t fundamentally have a relationship with someone who occupies the role of the abuser in your life.
And your father by way of making excuses for your mother is complicit in the mistreatment you suffer from her so yes, he is your abuser too.
You can’t have a relationship with him as much as you can’t with her.
Uninvite them both and enjoy your wedding with people who actually value you and react appropriately to seeing someone disrespect and hurt you.
NTJ.” addisonavenue
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Homeless Friend?
“My (f22) partner (m24) has this friend (f25) who moved in 4 months ago because she had nowhere to go.
Now I didn’t mind having her as long as she respected our boundaries and the rules around the house but that’s definitely not it.
She is very loud, comments on everything, and just does inappropriate stuff in general and excuses it for being a Latina and that’s just how they are.
She doesn’t help at all besides maybe cooking sometimes but doesn’t clean up the mess she makes and she invites people over whenever she wants. She changes in the living room in front of us and I asked her to change in her room but her excuse is that she was trying to feel at home and then she suggested I should too as it will strengthen my bond with my partner.
I talked to my partner about how I’m kinda uncomfortable with this whole situation and he told me not to overthink it and that she’s just very unbothered and cool.
She always interrupted our time together and would sit BETWEEN me and him during a movie or take my space while I take a toilet break and she cuddles him in the most unfriendly way and when I asked jokingly if she was trying to take my man she would excuse it on her ethnicity and that’s how they grew up so I knew I had to ruin this Friday night they had for them.
I went up to them and she was all over him as usual. I called my partner and when he was about to get up she said how it was their favorite part and that he could leave later. I insisted but she kept pulling him so I went and pulled him to our room, discussed how what she was doing is really upsetting and that I no longer wanted her living with us and he agreed I had the right but that she has nowhere to go and that I’ll have to wait until she finds a job which she’s not even trying to get.
While talking she came and tried to open the door which was locked so she started knocking and we just ignored her until it got louder and he asked her to leave but she got even louder and then started saying how I ruined the only time she gets with him (which obviously is not the case).
I had enough at that point but my partner suggested he talks to her first so he went and they took too long like almost 2 hours and I went to check on them and heard her telling him he shouldn’t accept someone who ruins a friendship as a partner and that it is a big red flag and that he should kick me out.
But this place is actually the property that I inherited from my aunt and at that point, I knew I had to kick her out.
I didn’t even ask what conclusion they came up with and waited in the living room until they came out and I just told her to look for another place and gave her 2 weeks max.
She’s been crying since yesterday, refusing to eat and not coming out of the room and my partner is saying I went overboard and I just hit a sensitive spot of hers, basically telling her to leave when she has no family or anywhere to go.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s boundary-crossing and literally trying to break you up so she can move in. Changing in YOUR living room because she wants it to feel like ‘home’? Miss me with that crap. Knocking on YOUR bedroom door?
Telling you you have to wait until she finds somewhere else? When she’s made zero attempts to get a job? Nah, fam. Maybe paying some bills would make it feel more like home.
Her problem isn’t that she’s Latina, it’s that she uses her race to excuse her bad traits such as being lazy, jealous, overstepping, boundary-stomping, rude, and entitled so that she can say you’re discriminating against her if you object.
Sit your partner down and have a calm, rational, mature conversation. Start off by saying she is an adult, more than capable of taking care of herself, and it is not your responsibility to take care of her. That not only has she made zero effort to find work, but she also doesn’t help around the house or respect your boundaries, and when you object, she essentially tells you to lighten up and does it anyway… and that he either sides with her or excuses it.
Tell him she has made it hilariously clear that she is into him and is trying to break you two up, and you need to know if he’s really that obtuse and oblivious, or if he’s aware and just hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to admit you’re right about her and the boundary stomping or lose the attention.
(Personally, I find it really suspicious that he had to talk to her alone for two hours.) Say you can’t be in a relationship with someone that is going to gaslight you.
Then listen to what he has to say.
If it’s more denials and your gut tells you that he’s full of it, kick him to the curb too. You deserve to be treated better than as an interloper in your own home and relationship. Either way, she is not your circus, not your monkeys.” RNGinx3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is trying to take your place, more or less. I don’t know if she has true romantic or intimate feelings for him, but she is definitely clingy and wants to monopolize his attention.
Changing in front of you both is a power move.
Your partner is looking at her body in front of you; you’re in the room and don’t have his attention, but she does.
Again, she might not want him, but she knows how to act to keep his attention and how to manipulate him for a place to stay.
She needs to be gone no matter what. I don’t know whether your partner is an issue too, but be advised that the next two weeks are going to be rocky for you. He’s going to resent his friend getting kicked out and the loss of all that intimate attention, while she’s going to see this as her last chance to make a move and get you out of the picture.
Good luck.” _BigJuicy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a Latina thing. Claiming all Latinas act like her is awful. Not only is she wrong but she’s also making every Latina look bad. Like pls, don’t actually believe we’re like that.
Ugh. It’s a her thing 100%.
You told your partner you were uncomfortable and he said not to overthink it? He is dismissing and minimizing the fact that she can’t behave appropriately. He doesn’t want you to complain about it because he likes it.
He’s enjoying it, most likely, and does not want it to stop. That’s why he said she was unbothered and cool. He wants to see his friend change and likes her being all over him. If he didn’t like it, he would have said something or stopped it by now.
Maybe you’re telling yourself that he can’t stand up for himself, but that’s his friend. He would have told you at the very least that he didn’t like it. He hasn’t denied it or complained it about to you, has he?
She interrupts your time together and gets in between you two because in her mind you’re in the way. You might be the partner, but in her eyes, that’s her man. She behaves the way she does because she wants him and he doesn’t reject her.
They took 2 hours to talk alone? Do you not think this is weird and suspicious?
‘he shouldn’t accept someone who ruins a friendship as a partner and that is a big red flag and he should kick me out.’
You’ve been way too lenient actually. Friendships don’t look or function like that. The only red flag is what’s happening with your partner and the other girl. If anyone should kick anyone out, it should be you kicking both of them out for treating you like your feelings don’t matter and making this crappy situation.
You did not go overboard. This is overdue! Her having no family or anywhere to go is not something that makes her entitled to free housing with people she stomps all over. She doesn’t get a pass to act however she wants.
She was lucky you were kind enough to help her, but she burned that bridge. She didn’t care enough to act decently. It’s not your fault if she struggles.
Seriously though, assess your relationship and take a really long and thorough look at your partner.
Something’s not right.” Prestigious-Prune483
15. AITJ For Getting My SIL Shunned By Her Family?
“This incident involves me (F26) and my husband’s sister (F39) and happened a few days ago. SIL is a mean person. She fat-shames everyone in the family including me even though she is double my size. I guess she is insecure and projecting onto others.
I have always been on the heavier side and I got on birth control 2 years ago which made me gain an additional 40 lbs. So now I am a little fat. SIL recently took a picture of me when we visited my MIL’s house.
She put that picture on her social media saying ‘imagine looking like this while having zero kids, imagine what will happen when she has 3 kids like me. LOL.’ My face was hidden so no one would guess it was me but I knew from seeing the outfit.
She did this while we were still at MIL’s house, she didn’t even wait until she got home to post it.
I confronted her and she laughed. She said it was the truth and if I am so mad then I must know it’s true.
She asked me why I had trouble losing weight since I was childless and had so much time. I was mad and randomly said ‘ask your brother. He can’t keep his hands off me. Birth control helps me enjoy that and not pop out 3 kids like you.’
She was LIVID. She immediately went and told MIL what I said in front of the whole family like a little child complaining to mom. Everyone was shocked and embarrassed. MIL accused SIL of lying because she didn’t believe I would say something so personal and inappropriate to her.
I didn’t correct MIL, I just stood and watched. FIL also berated SIL for being so vile and saying such things in front of the entire family. They kicked her out.
After going home my husband was mad at his sister but confused about what exactly happened. I told him and showed him her post. He was even angrier at her and called her and yelled at her.
He sent his parents that picture and they were also mad. Now we are going to visit his parents next weekend but SIL is no longer welcome.
I feel bad because she is blocked from her entire family. Did I go overboard?
Should I have admitted I said those things to her? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She committed three cardinal sins.
Embarrass another woman on her weight and her decision to be childfree or for not having children yet, because of her own projections of fat.
Argue that it’s no big deal about the photo, then turn around and ask a highly offensive question about weight.
Get offended when the person claps back with a retort and complains to her parents like a little girl, expecting you to be yelled at.
You’ve really hit the jackpot, marrying into this wonderful family. Your husband and in-laws are very supportive.
If I may solidify that further by apologizing to your husband about the whole thing and telling him you didn’t want to say anything but you were very mad at her.
Do the same thing to your MIL and FIL and state you feel bad about her being ostracized like this. If anything, this possibly will make you even more likable. I mean, it’s not like you don’t feel bad, you do.
Just tell these three, that’s all.” Adventurous-Sea7261
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a 15-year-old girl I can see behaving how she did towards you, but she is 39, she knows better. What you said, while maybe a bit crass (barely), wasn’t even on par with how awful what she did was at all.
She was unkind, a bully. All you essentially said was that her opinion doesn’t matter, your husband loves your body and you are perfectly fine taking birth control to not have children now. You didn’t directly insult her, gosh, you didn’t even insult her choice to be a mother, just seems like you mentioned the 3 kids thing because she did first.
Can I just say, props to your in-laws and husband for all coming to your defense? I’m glad you have a family that will back you up and who won’t stand for someone mistreating you.
Weighing more than someone else doesn’t give them the right to look down on you, her behavior speaks on her character, not yours.
What her behavior is saying is ‘I’m an unkind person who is so miserable that I want to make sure others are too’ and my goodness that is not a good look on anyone.” mkat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This was completely a self-own on your sister-in-law’s part. She got in trouble for something she said. Okay, fine, she was telling the truth and people thought she was lying, but you had no responsibility to fix that since nobody told her to tattle on you.
What was she even thinking would happen?
And that is not even talking about the social media part.
This is entirely your sister-in-law doing stuff and having consequences.” IanDOsmond
Not saying this to make you feel bad, you were in the right to defend yourself. The fact you feel kind of bad shows whan an empathetic gem of a person you are.
Don't become the bully, as some others have suggested. Shut it down. Now that she knows you have claws, hopefully you can both move forward towards at least being courteous. Her kids are your husbands nieces and nephews, and they shouldn't suffer their relationships because of this.
14. AITJ For Not Sewing My Sister's Bridesmaids' And Wedding Dresses?
“I am 21F and I’m currently studying in college for a degree in economics and live with my partner (22F).
My sister, 27F who I’ll call Monica, is engaged and getting married to her high school sweetheart in 6 months.
Throughout my life, I’ve sewn almost all of my and my close friends’ and families’ dresses for events like prom or homecoming and recently I’ve opened an online shop for custom clothes, but, recently my sister came to me with a request for her own wedding dress, as Monica and her fiancé are having financial problems and she wants to save funds.
She also asked if I could make her bridesmaids’ dresses. Her plan was for a beaded white top and a white tulle skirt with a train that could be detached for dancing. For the bridesmaid dresses, she wanted a slim-fitting navy blue dress that flared at the bottom with beading for the 5 bridesmaids.
She offered 250 dollars for all of them and I would have to source the fabric myself, assuming that she was joking I told her that for that price all she’d get was the fabric and two safety pins and laughed it off.
Apparently, she was serious and even brought up my partner who I’d made her dream prom dress as a surprise while she was out of town for a while, commenting that if I could make a prom dress for my ‘bestie’ in 1 week for free, I could make her dresses for 250.
Got really irritated with her and harshly told her that, firstly, she was my partner, not bestie, and her dress was a relatively simple dress with embroidered flowers made out of fabric she gifted me, not six dresses that would likely take me 8 to 20 hours each on top of collage classes without bothering my partner and source the fabric.
She blew up at me, saying that I’m just ‘too wrapped up in my own life’ and ‘not caring about my own flesh and b***d’ and her love was real and she deserved the dresses, and stormed out of my apartment.
My mom and dad are calling me like crazy now saying that my joke was cruel, and a harsh and mean reaction to her misconception on her behalf but honestly at this point, I don’t even want to go to her wedding anymore, but I feel that I should at least do something for her as a gift as I know that the wedding is really important to her and she really can’t afford the dream wedding she wants and I feel like a jerk for denying something so important to her.
Am I the jerk?
Edit: Just to clear up something, I was invited to her wedding, (not sure if I am anymore), but I am not and never was intended to be a bridesmaid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants to save funds at your great expense.
PLEASE show her these responses. She also doesn’t seem to understand the difference between a gift – which is what you did out of your own personal desire for your partner – and a demand for a ‘gift’. When a gift is demanded, it is not a gift, it’s a job and jobs deserve proper compensation, even from close family.
Your sister and parents are so far out of line that it’s not even funny. Her inability to afford her ‘dream wedding’ is not your problem to fix, and you’re only 21 and in college. If you want to do something nice for her fine, but not before she apologizes and backs off on her unreasonable demand.
She accuses you of being too wrapped up in your life – she needs to look in the mirror. Again – show her (and your parents) these responses. They need a wake-up call.” Johnny-Fakehnameh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
What you should do, or maybe not because I’m incredibly petty right now, is write up a full cost breakdown of each dress and I mean each dress.
- Include times for each of them to ‘forget’ about a fitting, and charge a cancelation fee + time.
- Include a listing for homophobia and cite anytime in conversation with your sister that she’s been homophobic, and double the hourly rate you should charge to sew something.
- Nickle and dime for everything. Tailor’s chalk, machine maintenance, needles, closures, beading, thread, fabric, stabilizers… everything.
If she can’t afford her dream wedding, then that’s on her. Not you. She needs to work more, save more, and not be a brat to the people who could help her.” jinxydoll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister seems to be living in a Disney Princess movie, where magical fairy godmothers and woodland creatures appear out of nowhere with beautiful fabrics and trimmings that magically attach themselves to lavish dresses that create themselves out of thin air with the twirl of a wand.
In real life, CUSTOM BEADED DRESSES, which require that you pay for fabric (which often requires time and effort to find and may be very expensive in itself for good quality fabrics appropriate for formal dresses), trimmings, and each takes hours upon hours upon hours of painstaking and detailed labor, cost exponentially MORE than off-the-rack dresses, and for exactly those reasons.
For her to offer you what amounts to pennies an hour for that would make her not the Disney Princess but the Evil Villain in this scenario. You are NTJ for bursting her exceptionally unrealistic bubble.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Oh heck no. You are so NTJ op, not even in the slightest. Hopefully your sister calms down and realizes she made a mistake. She owes you a rather large apology.
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom It's Partly Her Fault That She Became Such A Young Grandmother?
“A couple of months after I moved out of my mom’s home at 17 years old, I got pregnant and decided to keep the child. My mom is 19 years older than me, so she became a very young grandmother.
Saying she was not amused would be a serious understatement, she went low/no contact with me for a year. I understand that she was extremely disappointed because she really wanted me to have a better life than she had.
During that time I also got a sister who is a bit younger than my oldest child. So far, no big problem.
Fast forward to today: My kids are now 8 and 2 years old. When we go to visit her every couple of months, my mom often makes remarks about not getting to be a ‘real grandmother’ because she cannot feel like a grandparent while she is still so young and she still has fairly young kids to raise herself.
I usually ignore those remarks or answer apologetically because I get that nobody wants their daughter to get pregnant as a teenager. She also doesn’t want to be referred to as a grandmother and does not want to behave like one and I respect that.
However, she also does not want anyone to find out she is a grandmother and makes a big deal of keeping it semi-secret (because of course, some people noticed). I find this somewhat offensive, so a couple of days ago I answered that I was not that young when my second child was born and whether she does not think that partly(!) also some of her choices led to that situation, because, you know, she was barely older when I was born.
She seemed very offended at that suggestion and although I still think I am essentially right, I realize this was not very respectful and I am wondering whether I am the jerk in this situation and maybe need to apologize.
Please also note that I have absolutely no problem with having such a huge age difference with my youngest sibling, I am not living on my parents’ money and I don’t use them as a cheap babysitter (I never left my kids with them for more than two hours and even that only 4-5 times so far).
I don’t party or anything, I am working part-time (because I am a single mom without any family nearby) and I got a university degree two years ago. Sometimes my life is a bit messy but I am really trying hard to raise my kids well.
I really don’t know why she is still so resentful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-
The danger of having kids young is not only poverty, isolation, family strain, etc…
There is a mental danger of getting trapped in a specific mindset.
When people are very young and have kids there is a risk that by not doing all of the not parental things that help people grow up… That they don’t grow up… they get stuck… And they behave that same way because they don’t have the same opportunity to grow up because they are trying to keep other humans alive… Your mom sounds like she is stuck at age 19… And while you’re growing up and working to not get stuck… She didn’t.
And that’s the risk. And invariably that meant you at age 17 likely weren’t in the best position to not end up in similar circumstances. 17 is very young to be on your own. Heck, 19 is very young to be on your own.
Good for you handling your business.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she let you move out at 17 (which is so young to move out imo) and then is disappointed when you become an adult and make your own decisions? I think she is embarrassed. My mum was very young, 18, when she had me and her mum took on the role of being a great nan for me which is what a family should do!
You definitely need to sit down and talk with your mum because what she’s doing is so spiteful. I feel like the fact she now has to take on the role of grandmother makes her feel very old. But that doesn’t have to be the case because she can be a cool, young grandmother.” Elencaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is being reminded of mistakes she has made and is being resentful about not having control or ownership of her life anymore. She’s complaining about not getting to be a proper grandma, but then she bristles when she gets called that.
Sounds like she’s regretting her life decisions and viewing you as an external ‘her’. Sounds like you’re much better adjusted to your life than your mom. You’re not the jerk, but your mom definitely needs therapy.” Equal_Eggplant_4187
This is me almost verbatim. My parents quit their senior year to get married. A year later my mom had me. She was 19.
When I was 17, I got pregnant. My mom, while worried, was thrilled. She also got pregnant with my half sister. My son, and my sister, are now both 25. My daughter is 7, my sisters kids are 6 and 4. My son doesn't plan to have children (not relevant).
My mom was elated to be a young, hot grandma. Now she is elated to be a regular old grandma.
I don't understand your mom at all. She sounds like she isn't handling aging well, that being a "grandma" sets her off in such a way. It's not your problem OP, your mom needs therapy. You sound like you are doing really well for yourself, and in case nobody has told you this, "I'm proud of you."
12. AITJ For Uninviting My Cousin From My Wedding?
“I (29f) have a cousin (25m) who I have uninvited from my wedding.
Why? Simple! He decided he wanted to propose to his partner there. We were having a family dinner, and everyone was just having fun and then he pulled me aside with sparkles in his eyes. He told me he was gonna propose to his partner, and he showed me the ring and everything.
I was happy for him, his partner is an amazing woman and I was glad he wanted to take their relationship further.
But then he asked me if he could do it at my wedding. At first, I laughed cause I genuinely thought it was a joke, but no, he was dead serious.
I told him that I’m sorry but I don’t want him to do that. He got mad and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the evening. The next day he called me, again, asking if he could propose at my wedding, as it will be ‘so beautiful to share my most exciting day’.
I said no, and that I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.
Well, a few days later he called me again, asking for the same thing. I got mad and told him not to call me about this again and that I won’t pick up his calls until after the wedding, and that he can just text me.
Well, he got mad and told me he was gonna do it anyways, and I can’t do anything. So I told him he was not welcomed there anymore, and I’ll make sure he won’t be there. I told his partner that, unfortunately, they won’t be at the wedding because of a fight.
I didn’t tell her about the proposal, would be unfair to her.
My aunt decided to spam my phone 2 days before the wedding and scream to invite her son again, and if he’s not coming she’s not coming either. I told her she didn’t have to and hung up.
And just as I thought, she didn’t show up. After the wedding people asked me why my cousin wasn’t there. I only said because of a fight, but my aunt spilled the truth. Most of my family members are on my side, but some are mad at me and are taking my cousin’s side, saying it’s not that big of a deal.
I told my wife about it, even before the wedding, and she agreed with me, that the proposal wasn’t a good idea and took my side about everything. I’ve talked with my mom and she’s also taking my side, but my cousin is still very mad.
I honestly feel bad and selfish because maybe it really wasn’t that big of a deal, and I could’ve shared my big day, but then again, there are better places to propose and most women wouldn’t wanna be proposed to by another person at a wedding.
So, AITJ?
Update: I’ve contacted my cousin to sort things out, but he is still refusing to talk to me so I don’t think we’ll be in contact anytime soon. I have also found out I’m uninvited from his birthday dinner which I assume is because he was uninvited from the wedding, but to be honest it doesn’t bother me that much.
I don’t feel as bad about uninviting him anymore, and I’m glad I got to enjoy my most important day with the woman I love the most and my close family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not, repeat, Do Not!
feel bad about excluding your cousin. The fondant that covers wedding cakes is smart enough to realize that one does nothing to draw attention away from the married couple. Good job having your fiancee’s back. Of course, she agreed. Do you imagine she would ever forgive you if your cousin pulled that stunt, & she found out you knew in advance & didn’t take measures to prevent it?
You did the right thing.
Sometimes that hurts people we care about & sometimes it hurts us. If your cousin is anything besides a walking, talking turd-man he’ll come to realize you were right. If not, then aren’t you well rid of him?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Whether your cousin sees it or not, you helped him save face (if not money, which is clearly what he was hoping for) by not allowing him to look like a self-centered jerk in front of everyone at your wedding.
Very few people would see him hijacking your wedding to propose to his partner as sweet or special because whether he had permission or not he would look to most folks like he was trying to steal your thunder. The fact that he can’t see that for himself is not your problem.
I love your tender heart towards his partner though, because you’re right, it’s not her fault that her partner is a jerk. I hope she realizes that he has some fundamental character flaws before she marries him though.
He is lacking the sense to see how his actions will reflect on him, let alone how they will affect others, he refuses to take ‘No’ for an answer and is willing to trample people to get his way, and as a grown man, he is happy to run to his mom when harassment doesn’t get him his way.
She needs to think long and deeply about whether she wants to marry such an immature person because she will be on the receiving end of all of that as his wife.” jeitemiller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not feel bad for having to uninvite an entitled cousin who can’t get it through their thick skull that proposing to their partner at your wedding is a bad idea.
As far as the aunt and woman go prior to the wedding I probably would have been truthful but not outright stated what he planned which is why he got uninvited. Probably something along the lines of, ‘It’s not my place to say what it is he wanted to do but if you want to know, ask him what he wanted to do at my wedding.’ Either he had to spill the beans or clam up which, hopefully, your aunt and the woman would have been reasonable to see that he was being stupid and planning to do something stupid.” RealBrianCore
He wants a beautiful, pre-paid place to propose for free, so that he either doesn't have to shell out money, be creative in planning, or both.
You saved his girl and your wife. Every woman deserves her proposal to be about her, and every bride and groom definitely deserve their wedding to be about them.
11. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Hold Our Daughter?
“So, we have typical ‘schedules’ right now since I am on leave and he is working. He will take care of her from 7 pm-12:30 am so I can sleep uninterrupted, and I take her the rest of the time. On Friday nights he has said that he will take her until 3 am so I can get at least 1 nice long night of sleep.
Our daughter thankfully isn’t colic, but can get really fussy and will need to be soothed a certain way to fall asleep. She’s a baby and she’s 6 weeks old. It happens.
Last night on my way home from hanging out with my family (my husband stayed home), there was an accident so I didn’t get home until much later than planned (stuck in stop-and-go traffic with a screaming baby and my manual car sucked).
By the time I fed her, got her ready for bed, and got myself ready for bed, it was after 9 pm, and I didn’t fall asleep until close to 10.
At 3/3:30 am she woke up and I took over caring for her so my husband could sleep.
She did not go back to sleep right away and that meant I couldn’t sleep either. I didn’t think it was a big deal as I could nap later in the afternoon.
My husband got up around 9 am and came downstairs and we both gave our rundown of the night and morning before.
At 12:30 pm I had fed her, and was patting her to sleep, and started drifting off. I had told him I needed to take a nap, I was exhausted. I asked him to hold her so she could fall deeper into sleep before setting her down.
Apparently, this was asking too much, as I got an eye roll and an exasperated ‘ugh, I guess’. To which I rudely responded with ‘never mind. I got it’ and got up and took her with me to the nursery, and just hoped she would fall asleep quick enough so I wouldn’t fall asleep holding her.
It did not work, and I got maybe 45 minutes between 12:30-3:30 pm.
His reasoning was he was up from 12-2 am with her fussing. Which sucks. I’ll give him that. I do that daily, so I understand. But he also said, ‘he doesn’t want to constantly hold her’ and when I reminded him he hasn’t held her at all today (this was at 6 pm trying to talk through our argument) he did remind me he was up from 12-2 with her.
I also am upset because he is acting as if she is under this huge obligation. And I know I am taking that personally since that was how my mother treated me growing up, and I don’t want that for her.
I am wondering if there is something that I am not considering that would make me the jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Both of you are dealing with parenthood and it’s going to be a change in what you both usually do.
It’s exhausting for both of you and there are going to be lots of adjustments. Working as a team and sharing the responsibility for sleeping, feeding, changing, and all caring necessities will need both of you. It may take time, but together you can work through it and make sure to communicate.
Congratulations on your newest family member.” ginger-inside-007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are looking after the baby while he is at work, the baby doesn’t stop needing care while he is out and the potential for your health going sideways or accidents happening if you don’t get enough sleep is high.
He should be splitting the time 50/50 once he is home because problems from sleep deprivation are just as serious for you as they are for him. He had 9 months to learn how much care a newborn baby needs and how important post-partum care is so being shocked now is a bit weird.” HannahAnthonia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, being new parents is hard (coming from a mom of three, 3 and under). Communication is key. You’re both exhausted, you’re both probably reacting to things more than you usually would. I would also caution you to get into a routine where because he works he doesn’t have to help equally with the baby.
His job is his job during his work hours and your job is the baby during his work hours. But after that, the time should be spent equally. He shouldn’t have to ‘let’ you take a nap or whatever, he should just be a dad and you happen to nap during that time.
It can be a slippery slope to you having all of the childcare on your shoulders and letting him be excused simply cuz he has a job.” cpanma1920
Your baby, his baby. Who gives a crap when it's that person's time to ignore the baby.
When that baby is awake you should be battling it out to see who gets her.
10. AITJ For Making A Groom Buy A New Suit?
“I (F27) work at my family’s menswear store. I have since high school.
I had a client come in to buy a suit for his wedding. He was pleasant enough until it came time to mark his suit for alterations. He wanted the tailor to do it because they would do a better job.
Fine by me. She and my dad taught me everything I know about marking up a suit.
So I stood by and watched. After she marked up the jacket she started on the pants. Here is where the problem began.
The customer did not understand how we have to measure pants with a cuffed hem. So he said she marked them too long. I tried to explain and he got belligerent and said to mark them two inches shorter so they would not drag on the ground.
I tried to talk him out of it but he would not relent.
So I had the tailor do as he requested. Then I took the pants to the counter and measured the outseam. I had the client point to the spot he wanted the pants hemmed and I took a picture.
I had him sign on the alteration slip that he had insisted on that length of pants.
When my dad came in later I asked him to call the client and explain. He did and the client yelled at him that he would just return the suit if we were too stupid to do what he wanted.
So we altered the suit.
He came in to pick up the suit two weeks ago.
Surprise surprise the pants were so high his socks were showing.
His fiancee was mad. She asked WHAT?! So we explained what happened. She asked if we could fix it.
I said there was enough material for a regular hem but not a cuff. It would not match the rest of the wedding party and it would look bad. I said it would be fine he would look different than the wedding party.
Nope, she wanted a cuff.
We had another suit his size in that style. I explained that he would have to pay for the whole suit since it has been altered for him. He started getting huffy until I showed her his signature and the picture.
She made him buy a new suit. He allowed me to mark it up and we did a rush alteration job. He looked great.
He came in yesterday and said that we were jerks for making him buy two suits.
That we could have just given him the pants from the second suit. But the pants were altered like I said. He wasn’t a short guy but he wasn’t tall either.
My dad says I did the right thing because he didn’t want to lose money selling the suit.
But I should have tried harder. I reminded him that the guy called him stupid.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy was a jerk. And paid the jerk tax by refusing to listen to the professionals… and then insulting them, no less.
When he called your dad stupid too was when he lost all right to complain about the suit, beyond the faintest shadow of a doubt. ESPECIALLY as you went out of your way to document his decision. But nope, he’s a guy, you’re both female, and thus he CLEARLY knew better than you did.
So, you made him sign a paper and picture verifying he wanted them that short. If THAT wasn’t showing him how badly he was behaving and how foolish he was being? Nothing either of you could have said would have changed anything.
On the plus side, his fiancee got a good look at the sort of man she was marrying, misogynistic red flags flying above his short pants. That sort of forewarning is all to the good. So, not a bit jerkish here from me.
You went above and beyond to convince him he was making a mistake and he didn’t listen, at all… most likely because you were a woman. And then he wouldn’t back down in front of another man when the dad called to double-check.
Nope. You did everything right and warned him better than he deserved. Hopefully, the fiancee tore him a new one.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“I think you know you’re not the jerk, the only thing I have to comment on is that your dad is kind of being one by trying to act like this is your fault because you didn’t try harder to explain it to him.
Not only did you warn the customer, but you warned your father it would be an issue and had him call and speak to the customer too. What exactly does he expect you to do that he couldn’t? You can’t force a person to understand you, trust you, or accept help.
This was a customer who chose to make his own problems despite several attempts from much more educated people to help him.
NTJ.” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your malicious compliance. You and your dad informed him of why you had marked the pants as such and in his wisdom as a person who is not a tailor, seamstress, or haberdasher he decided he was right and you all were wrong.
Actions have consequences and for him, it was an expensive lesson to listen to those who are workers and experts in fields that he is not.” WinEquivalent4069
9. WIBTJ If I Don't Hang A Grammatically Incorrect Gift At Home?
“I (31F) recently got married to the love of my life (34M).
We had an amazing wedding and we have lived together for some time, so we didn’t ask for gifts. However, we just bought a new house and as a wedding gift/housewarming gift, one of our dearest friends got us a rustic-style wooden sign with our newly shared last name engraved in it.
It was a really sweet gesture; however, they included an apostrophe in the name to make it singular and possessive. So, for example (using a fake name obviously) think ‘The Smith’s’ instead of ‘The Smiths.’
Now, this might not bother most people.
However, my husband is an English teacher and the added apostrophe immediately jumped out at him. It bothers me too because I often see signs like this made for other couples’ weddings and I just don’t understand why people add the apostrophe to the last name.
It’s not correct and it costs more anyway! However, being that this was a gift from a dear friend of ours, I feel like we would be rude not to hang it.
We also feel like the sign is not representative of who we are as a couple since we normally laugh at things like that together.
Another friend of ours came over the other night and asked why the sign hadn’t been hung yet, and we told them the truth and said we weren’t sure if we were going to use it yet. They told us it would be very rude and ungrateful to not utilize a gift that someone went to the trouble of getting made for us and that it wasn’t that big of a deal.
We considered having the apostrophe removed, but there would be a random extra space between the S and the end of our last name so it would look odd.
So, are we the jerks to not hang the sign?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I wouldn’t hang it up either. It’s a pet peeve that mugs, shirts, signs, birthday cakes, and many more things have the wrong spelling, grammar, or punctuation! I don’t care if it is a random thread on social media or the likes.
But when it’s a gift or a purchase, a rant, or a business, there is a responsibility to have basic elementary English language ability, especially if it’s your only language. If it’s not, get a translator, or don’t make products that you can’t deliver properly.
If the giver is offended, that is on them. It’s their own insecurity that they will displace onto you. They should actually demand a redo! Plus, it’s your home and your gift as you wish. Why do folks think they have some say when they give something away anyhow?
Enjoy your properly punctuated home!” CactusBloomi
Another User Comments:
“This would annoy me too. You were nice to accept the gift, but obviously, anyone who notices grammatical errors that clearly stand out would clearly find this amusing, and a big sign like this when you have visitors would definitely be an eyesore.
You don’t have to hang it up. It’s your house. You can tell him you appreciate it, but if he wants you to hang it up, he needs to fix it by correcting his mistake. Surely he can use something to fill the space in if it has to be done to correct the problem, but in order for you to want to use it, it needs to be fixed.
There is a reason people give gift receipts in case you want to bring something back if you don’t want or need it. Just because you received a gift, it doesn’t mean you have to use it, and in this case, he made this and didn’t bother to use the correct grammar, and since there’s nowhere you can bring it back to get a replacement, if he is going to make that big of a deal about it, he can take it back to his house and fix it.
You don’t have to do this, but he also has no right to demand that you hang up a sign in your home that will make you ultimately feel like an idiot, especially considering the fact that your husband is an English teacher.
He can fix the problem or it doesn’t have to be hung up at all.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only thing that would be rude would be if you were not polite when accepting a gift. If you thanked the giver nicely, then you’re good.
Honestly would have told the other friend that you had it around there somewhere, but you hadn’t decided where you wanted it (because you haven’t) and then changed the subject.
Once a gift is given, it is yours to do what you please with.
This definitely means you should be able to decide to donate or give it away, trash it, or sell it. Your friend is actually rude to ask where a gift is or instruct someone on what they should do with said gift. That implies that no matter what ugly stuff is gifted to you, you should just******* up and use/display it?
No way.
And I am one of those that would not be able to have something like that in my house. I don’t like the name sign stuff myself, but the grammatical error is beyond annoying.” 1Cattywampus1
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Present In My Baby Sister's Life?
“I, 19, am trans (FTM). I’ve never had the best relationship with my parents, 38F and 39M, especially after I came out. I have two little siblings (both cis male) whose lives I’m very active in, but I’m in fairly low contact with my parents.
They’ve come around a lot more since I first came out, and started to be more accepting, I thought.
A few months ago, my mother announced she was pregnant. This was kind of surprising to me because my parents have stated they aren’t going to have any more kids.
I was happy, though – I love kids and am currently in college to become a special needs teacher. Because of the pregnancy, I got a bit more involved with her. She still misgenders me a lot, but I’m used to that.
That brings me to the issue. Yesterday, she had her baby shower. She and my father were absolutely delighted. It was pretty fun, up until the gender reveal. The cake was pink. My mom started crying tears of joy, going on and on about how much she had been hoping for a girl.
This kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but whatever. Then, to everyone, she loudly announced the name. She said she was going to name my little sister my dead name.
I was in absolute shock. So were quite a few people.
My partner seemed pretty upset as well. My mom looked right at me, and I just couldn’t. I walked right out with my partner.
My mom and I have been texting since. She told me it was unfair of me to be mad because I’m not using that name anymore and she always wanted a daughter to dress up and do girly things with, which I didn’t really do as I was very masculine as a kid.
She says I robbed her of that by changing my identity so she had this baby to start over. That really upset me – she had a whole other kid just because she didn’t like my decision. I told her if she names her my dead name, I will have no contact with her, my dad, or the new baby.
She called me crying and said I was cruel.
Most of my family is on my side, but the majority of them are also saying I should still try to have a relationship with my sister since she hasn’t done anything wrong.
I just don’t think I can do it – I don’t think I can interact with someone with a name tied to so much of my pain knowing she was made just to replace me. But I can see their view, and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
My mom did technically lose her daughter, after all.
So, AITJ for refusing to be involved with my parents or baby sister if they name her my deadname?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dude, definitely time to go no contact with your mom.
I promise you, there are people out there who are going to love you for who you are, not some made-up fantasy they came up with. This means that there are folks out there who are my age that will come to know you and love you like their own son.
(I can say with certainty my wife would mother you if she had even the slightest chance but she also goes to pride events with a sign that reads ‘free mom hugs happily given!’ so anytime she can indulge in her need to ‘mom slosh’ as she calls her fussing over kids, she happily does.)
You’re going to make friends with people who are going to love you like a brother. You’re going to meet people who will wind up being family to you. But right now, your mom isn’t being family to you. She’s deliberately trying to hurt you, probably because she took your coming out as some sort of twisted personal slight and/or attack against her, so this is her way of trying to ‘punish’ you for no longer being her daughter.
(It’s disturbing and wrong and none of it has to do with you; it’s akin to sickness inside of her) I know it’s complicated and there are so many emotions swirling inside you right now.
The best thing you can do is to give yourself plenty of space and time to process everything.
It’s perfectly ok for you to not want anything to do with the new baby or your parents. Your overall health depends on your mental health being stable. You’re not obligated to hurt yourself in order to have your parents feel comfortable.
Or any other members of your family for that matter. You are, however, obligated to ensure your own well-being. You can’t do that if you’re putting yourself in harm’s way. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Give yourself grace.
Maybe someday you’ll feel differently about it; for right now, be kind to yourself and set that boundary down hard and firm.” DetectiveResident391
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I completely understand and agree that no contact should be something you consider.
That being said although this isn’t your responsibility right now or in the future. And you’re not ready right now and might never be in the future.
Maybe you might consider a relationship with your new sibling. A replacement child never ends up with good mental or emotional health.
Having a child to essentially spite you that child is being set up to constantly fail to meet your mom’s expectations the minute they deviate and develop their own personality.
Again this shouldn’t be your responsibility and you might never be ready for it.
But your new sibling very much might need the support of someone in their corner. So even if you don’t talk to family, keep an eye on them. Because your mom is quite frankly in need of mental health care and already has unrealistic expectations of her new baby.” MyFriendsCallMeTempy
Another User Comments:
“So it’s her dream to have a daughter with a specific name.
You are not a woman so you changed the name to something you find appropriate.
The name is no longer in use.
Your mother thinks because the name is no longer in use she is losing her dream.
She tried for another child and it’s a girl.
She sees this as a dream come true, she gets a daughter with the name she always wanted to give.
You’re incredibly uncomfortable because you feel as if it’s an attempt to replace you (reasonably so).
You should really just do what is best for you but I really can’t say your mom isn’t allowed to use the name. (In a sense that you can’t stop her). It’s just messed up that she’s so desperate to have her dream baby girl that she’s ignoring how it hurts her son.
NTJ, you did nothing wrong and your mom clearly needs therapy to come to terms with her sense of ‘loss’. She didn’t lose you but with what she’s choosing to do, she will.” User
Talk to your dad? Is he on board using your name again?
7. AITJ For Not Paying The Pet-Sitter?
“We hired our neighbor’s 16-year-old son to take care of our dog and cat while we were out of town. He was supposed to let the dog out twice a day and keep an eye on the food and water.
The cat is an indoor cat and he was to feed her.
Two days in, he lost our key so I had to give him the garage code so he could get in.
We got home after 4 days and the cat was nowhere to be found.
I called him and asked when was the last time he saw the cat, and he told me that morning. Well, we knew the cat was gone and checked our security cameras. We saw her at 5:30 am on the camera outside so at a minimum, she had been out since the day before.
I can see the history of when the garage opens and closes in our app and he hasn’t been there that early. I had also checked her litter box and it was pretty clean, so she was probably gone for 2 nights.
When I told him the cat was gone he did come over and offer to go look for her and took off in his car. We saw him come back on our camera with a grocery store bag, so not sure if he actually went looking for her like he claimed.
We left the door open overnight and she did come home and is fine. There was a good chance she couldn’t have, as we live 1 street over from open space where a pack of coyotes frequent and she is only 8lbs so a lot of other animals could have gotten her too.
Here’s the main part: we decided not to pay him. It’s a pay-what-you-want agreement and given that we now need to rekey the house and he lost our cat we didn’t feel that he took his responsibilities seriously.
And the bigger the mistake the bigger the consequence. You may say, well any job would have to still pay you. Yes, but they also can deduct or charge you the cost of damages which in this case will be more than what we would have paid him and we aren’t asking for it, just not paying him.
Is that wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes and no…
Overall, NTJ…
I’d suggest making up an itemized bill listing the responsibilities and expected pay. Then list the deductions for damages and non-completion of contracted work.
He did not feed the cat for two days at a minimum and you can prove that.
So deduct.
He lost your key and you have to re-key the home. Deduct.
If he ends up owing you money, ask how he’s going to pay or ask if he’d like to just write this down as a learning experience and you agree to call it even.
Either way, never hire him again. Suggest that maybe he get a job at a fast food place.
You can also look into hiring animal sitters online. There are several very good services that are not too expensive and run background checks.” Graygan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please make this a sit-down conversation and not just ‘nope no pay for you.’ This kid needs a breakdown of why this is happening. He may not realize that you need to rekey your home or the expense of it.
And it is useful to point out that it isn’t the fact that the cat escaped, but how he handled the situation that you object to.
Teenagers don’t magically learn these things. They have to be taught. And since you gave him this opportunity as a way to help him earn funds, it’s important for him to know why and how he failed. Otherwise, he could easily fall prey to the ‘but it’s not my fault’ mindset and turn himself into the victim.” MadWitchLibrarian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re certainly not a jerk for any or all of the reasons you suggest.
But I’m going to offer a suggestion that goes against the verdict. Pay him anyway. Just let him know that he did a horribly substandard job and that you will not be using his services in the future, and leave it at that.
I wouldn’t go around badmouthing him, but if anyone ever inquires, be honest. I wouldn’t get his parents involved unless they specifically referred him or otherwise vouched for him. They’ll probably find out eventually anyway.
This way, at least your hands are clean.
He may not suffer any immediate ‘consequence’, but long term he will, and if he’s got more than a few brain cells to rub together, he’ll eventually realize the value of a burnt bridge and will hopefully correct his behavior in future business transactions.” Restil
6. AITJ For Being Petty With My Housemate's 14-Year-Old Son?
“My housemate is my ex-wife.
We divorced nearly 20 years ago but we remained friends.
The situation was that we both needed a new place to live. I was finally leaving the group home where I was staying after my stroke. We rented a 3-bedroom townhouse together.
She has joint custody of her boys (B 8, P 12, A 14, and F 16)
To be clear. I am in no way related to any of them. This concerns A. This is coming from a fat guy who loves food, but A is a literal glutton.
He eats everything that he can get his hands on. I’ve talked to my ex about this but she says ‘he’s a growing boy’.
This afternoon I ordered a sub from subway. When it came I left it on the counter while I took the dog out to do his business.
When I came back. My sub was gone! When I confronted him he said that he thought I ordered it for him. ‘Why order a sub for him and not one for me?’
The youngest T is autistic. He can be very loud but will quiet down if you ask him.
T had been very noisy since 4 am.
I was very, very tired. I went deep under the covers and fell fast asleep. I woke up to A shaking me. He wanted to know when I was planning to start dinner.
It was 2:47 pm! He was hungry now. I patiently pointed out that there was lots of food in the house. ‘But I want HOT food!’
There’s a microwave. But ‘RADIATION!’
He kept whining. I told him to follow me to the kitchen.
I put an unbuttered slice of bread on a plate and threw a couple of slices of cold cuts on it. I threw it in the microwave for 30 seconds. I said ‘Here Hot food. Bon appetit’. I then put him on a 2-hour timeout.
Later on, I received a message from his mother. He wanted me to know that I’m a ‘fat jerk’. That last thing that was said about any of this was my response to her. ‘LOL. When I was his age I weighed 80 lbs.’
This only happened a few hours ago. Now that I’m cooling off I’m wondering if I went too far.
So, what say you?
There are usually two boys staying here every weekend.
ETA: the timeout was so that I could make dinner without A eating off side dishes whenever I turned my back.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with a gentle YTJ… A is 14 and can at the very least make simple meals for himself. The jerk part comes in when you ordered food for yourself, but no one else, with kids in the house.
I know everyone is different but I was raised that if you get takeout for yourself then you at least offer to get it for everyone, especially kids. He’s old enough to know better than to eat someone else’s food tho, and he definitely knew you didn’t order just him a sub and not the other kids.
He definitely needs to learn boundaries.
Now, if his weight is as out of control as you say then his mom needs to take him to the Dr. He may have an eating disorder, a thyroid problem, or any number of things, or she may have just allowed his eating to get out of control if he uses food as comfort and is emotional eating.” EmotionalAttention63
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because it does actually look like the issues with communication in this house are partly caused by you, and you are actually supposed to be watching the children so you going to take a nap and not feeding him are you not doing your job?
You are not wrong for trying to establish boundaries because the kid is being disrespectful toward you and he needs to learn to make his own food, but you should push for his mother to take him to a qualified medical professional. Either he has a disorder with eating mentally, or his body isn’t doing something right and that’s why he’s so hungry.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are not respecting your items and your space. Your ex-wife needs to make sure that her children learn about boundaries, especially in your shared house. It’s sad that A isn’t able to do something as simple as heating up food in the microwave without making it someone else’s problem.
It sounds like they won’t their habits anytime soon so you might have to think about whether or not you and your ex-wife should remain housemates.” compositionaquarius
5. AITJ For Being Creeped Out By My Neighbors Staring At My House?
“My parents live on a large farm in the middle of the country (I’m in college and come home on the weekends) and we recently got new neighbors just up the road.
The neighbors have two teenage girls. We have two outside dogs that are on an underground fence.
The past two weekends, tonight at ~10:00 pm and last week at ~12:00 am, I noticed the dogs barking really close to the fence so I went to the window to check on them.
The new neighbor girls were standing on the road, looking at our house. I watched them for a few minutes and they would play music and dance, go to our fence and try to get our dogs to come to them, and just…
stand there, looking at our house. It’s really eerie.
Each time I saw them I went outside and asked them to leave and they responded with ‘this is a public road, you can’t make us leave’. This is correct, but I still feel really uneasy looking out my window to see two people staring at my house in the dark in the middle of the night.
My parents have told me that they do this during the week as well, but they’ve given up trying to make them go away. We’ve talked to their parents to no avail.
I’m not sure what recourse I have, but it’s unnerving and aggravating that this keeps going on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The kids are right. What they’re doing is legal. That doesn’t mean it isn’t creepy or annoying though.
Difficult to know what tone you used or how exactly the conversation went down, and impossible to know what exactly they want.
Most likely they’re bored kids looking to get a reaction and now they know they can get one from you.
At this point, it may be difficult to get what you want, which is for them to leave you alone.
Suggest looking into cameras, a real above-ground fence, and a civil discussion with their parents. Good luck.
EDIT: may be possible to get the police involved, even if what they’re doing is legal. It could be loitering or road obstruction, etc, but at a minimum, you’re starting a paper trail if anything ever escalates.” TahiniInMyVeins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take a video of them, doing it over and over. Confront them while taping it. Record on paper every time you see them or request they leave, what they did, what they said. For every time you’ve witnessed them.
Write down what your parents say if they say they witnessed them or talked to them when you’re not present. Then bring all that proof to the police. Public property or not, if continued, it can constitute harassment which could lead to criminal charges at worse, but most likely a peace bond (or restraining order if in the USA) for sure.” RSkritt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You spoke your peace. Those girls are bored and looking to get a rise out of someone for a thrill, and even play the victim if they get an opportunity. If they carry on with loud noise too late at night, make noise complaints.
Other than that ignoring them might be your best bet. If they get bored of messing with you, they can go find something else to do.” -Sabbatica-
4. WIBTJ If I Kick My Dad's Partner Out Of The House?
“My dad got romantically involved with someone, I will call her Irene.
Irene moved into our home along with her daughter. I am Asian and my dad was very against me moving out of the house. I personally am not fond of Irene, but if my dad is happy then I’m happy.
I (30F) used to live with my dad, but he passed away. While my dad was still here, he would come home every night around 11 pm and leave the house at 9 am.
Ever since Irene and her daughter moved in, it’s affected my life.
She never leaves the house, does not work, and does not pay any bills. I have to do everything quietly in my room with the door closed. Whenever I buy groceries for myself (I eat at different times) she uses them without asking me.
Fed my dogs treats without telling me. Moved a lot of my stuff around in the house. But she does make me food.
My dad knew how I felt about Irene. My dad has left the house and every asset of his to my brother (35M) and me.
My brother doesn’t live with me and shares the same opinion as I do. My brother told me I can do whatever I think is best because I’m the one living there.
I decided to kick Irene and her daughter out and things went down.
I told her she has 3 months. She asked me how I could be doing this to her and where is she going to go. But she never even paid a bill or anything in the house and I believe she expects me to keep paying the house bills while she lives rent-free, but I have no evidence of this and just assume she expects me to pay while she lives here.
WIBTJ for kicking her out? If anything, I could ask her to pay rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The property belongs to you and your brother, where she lives with her child is not your concern. There is really no point in asking her to pay rent.
Her presence inhibits your enjoyment of your home.
Draw up a notice to vacate and be sure to remind her regularly of the date. You may want to consult with a lawyer or a local landlord association to be clear about what to expect to actually get her out.” 5115E
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have no obligation to support your late father’s partner. If he had wanted her to have a life estate in the home, he should have married her, adopted her child, and left the home to her.
He didn’t. He left it to you and your brother.
Irene is a user and needs to be given 30 days to leave. If she doesn’t, then you need to evict her.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“Irene was living in the house due to the relationship she had with the owner.
Unfortunately, that person has passed away. I am sorry for your loss.
Unless you are emotionally involved with Irene (or her daughter) in some way or you have decided to rent to her, there is no reason for them both to still be living in the house.
From what you said yourself, it is not convenient to have them there. So renting is out. You would only be doing it out of guilt.
It seems she has gotten a little too comfortable and needed the wake-up call.
NTJ.” 8kijcj
3. AITJ For Being Okay With Not Being In My Aunt And Her Baby's Life?
“My (16 F) aunt (21 F) (who we will call V) has always treated me like trash. Growing up V and a few cousins that were closer to her would always exclude and bully me. And as we got older V made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me, always leaving the house whenever we went to our grandparents’ house, never ever coming to my birthday parties, and talking so much crap about us.
Oh and V seems to love to make fun of her own sister-in-law for the major mental illness she has (mentioned again shortly later on). This treatment itself has caused me to grow up with some mental health issues.
Fast forward to the issue at hand, V now is pregnant with the first girl baby in our family in about 10 years and has made it clear that she has a list of rules for her baby, and treats our family like they have never seen a baby which with 12 siblings (of my aunts and moms) all grown up and starting families we have all seen and cared for babies.
But whatever it’s her baby and her rules. Within these rules, V made it clear that ‘certain people’ won’t be able to be around her baby. I found this dumb but whatever not my child. The problem comes at her baby shower.
The week before we had to go to a funeral for my uncle (her brother-in-law) as he suddenly passed away, and then the rest of that week 4 of our kittens all got sick and passed away. That was hard holding them as they passed away not being able to do anything as they suffered a lot.
The next day after the last kitten passed away was the baby shower. We have this family chat thing and my mom put on there that she wasn’t going due to a headache and my sister and I didn’t want to go due to everything that happened the week before.
After that V blew up saying that we don’t care about her or this baby and this is why our family is falling apart then V got mad that the sister-in-law (from before) makes her major mental health problems her ‘whole personality’ (the kicker, her mental illness is a personality disorder).
Anyway, V left the group chat and blocked us all over social media and everything. Now my grandma is texting and harassing me and my mother for being inconsiderate of V’s feelings and how could we be so inconsiderate?
A week or so later, we are told that V does want us in her baby’s life but the thing about that is we are still blocked and I know from outside sources that she is still talking crap about us on those social media accounts.
So I’m not fighting to be in the life of a baby I won’t even know no matter what. It sucks cause the baby didn’t have anything to do with this. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My advice is to stop engaging.
Tell grandma that since V didn’t want you to have anything to do with the baby when born, you felt that extended to the baby before birth and that you won’t be discussing it further. Then don’t.
Leave the room/change the subject/pop your headphones on etc. Let V moan and tantrum as much as she likes – you’re blocked and don’t have to listen to it.
NTJ.” Heraonolympia123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. V treated you like trash and still expects you to treat her and her baby like little princesses.
You had an emotionally exhausting week, you don’t have to give the remainder of your attention to her. It doesn’t appear that she has the maturity to be having a baby or she would understand that not everything is about her.” _BigJuicy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The aunt who left a group chat and blocked everyone on social media is complaining that family disunity is other people’s fault. If V wants you to be in her baby’s life, she knows how to contact you and will.
Insisting that you come to her isn’t her wanting you in the baby’s life, it’s her (trying to) demonstrate social dominance over you.” fuzzy_mic
2. AITJ For Making My Mom Pay For Everything My Brother Takes?
“I’ve been taking care of most of my needs since I was 16 when I got my first job.
The rule became that my mother would no longer financially support me unless absolutely necessary, or I could leave. So I’ve been buying my own groceries. My brother would eat almost everything I bought, and I couldn’t afford to keep replacing things, so I started hiding food in my room and the back of the fridge/freezer, he’d go into my room while I was at work and snoop around and find my snacks and take what he wanted. I brought up the issue to my mother repeatedly and her excuse was ‘teenage boys need to eat more than we do.’ Ridiculous, in my opinion.
I had been hoping that issue would go away once I got pregnant, but it didn’t, and would sometimes leave me without anything.
Then I started to have funds and clothes go missing, I wouldn’t ever see the money again, but I’d find him wearing my shirts and sweatpants (most of my wardrobe is oversized men’s graphic tees and pants, so it does fit him).
I’d literally have to steal them back out of his room when he wasn’t home because again, whenever I mentioned it to my mother I was met with ‘get over it.’
Today I finally blew up. I really care about skincare, makeup, and lotions/body washes.
I’ve gathered quite a collection and it is a bit expensive. I went to shower tonight and noticed multiple lotions and makeup items missing, as well as 2 of my once almost full body washes being half empty. I don’t know if this was pregnancy hormones or genuinely just me reaching my limit but I broke down sobbing and yelling at him, calling him a selfish brat and telling him I can’t afford to replace this.
He told me he had given some stuff to his partner because he thought she’d like it, and used my stuff because it smells nice and she likes how it smells (WHY USE THAT MUCH THO? IT MAKES NO SENSE?)
When my mother came home, I explained the situation and demanded she pays to replace what he has taken, because she’s allowed him to do this for years now and always tells me it’s not a problem, so if it’s not a problem she should have no issue replacing it.
We go back and forth for a while with her calling me overdramatic. She finally told me she’ll ‘get it done’ but she’s sick of my ‘unwillingness to share’. I’ve overheard both of them telling people about my ‘meltdown’ and saying I’m crazy.
I don’t think I am. AITJ for making her pay for it?”
Another User Comments:
“This situation isn’t funny in the slightest, but OP the fact that you thought pregnancy was going to stop your things from being stolen and it didn’t.
I swear life isn’t real sometimes.
First, major condolences for what you’ve been enduring. Reading that she said she would only pay for essentials then finding out you had to buy your own groceries is truly heartbreaking. I hope all gets well for you and your baby.
But all of that aside, NTJ.
I could rip into your mom and sibling, but for the sake of making you feel better, I want you to know that all your thoughts, feelings, and reactions are 100% valid. Your family members are wild.” Remarkable_Coast_594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is practically stealing, point blank. YOU paid for your stuff, your brother takes it WITHOUT permission, and you need to be reimbursed for what he STOLE. Your mother needs to be a responsible parent and tell your punk of a brother off before that thieving behavior festers in something over the years.
And you’re pregnant?? Girl… I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe it would be preferable if you stayed at a friend’s place, or relatives for a while. A mountain of stress isn’t good for the baby.
I don’t know how old your brother is, but if he’s old enough to take and sell things, I’m sure he can get a part-time job to pay you back everything he owes you.
Honestly, If you aren’t able to stay with someone for the time being, then you can always wear pink clothes. Light pink jog suits, girly hoodies, frilly maternity shirts, something that you know your brother won’t wear in public. And for the snack issue, you could get a small lock box and keep the box in your room and the key to yourself.
And if he’s using your women’s products for his partner (still shocked he has one) you could get a little makeup-carrying bag and store it in there and take the bag with you. I’m not sure if your mother would allow you to place a padlock on your bedroom door, but if she keeps making excuses for your thieving brother’s behavior, then a lock (or storage unit) is what you need.
Could be a little devilish and teach that sucker a lesson by hiding his shoes in random places in the house, but I digress, he can’t keep getting away with this!” Rosesartdeadly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I have a brother like this.
He stole from our mother constantly and she never imposed any consequences. Now that mom has passed, there’s an entire silver service (huh?) and pearl necklace missing. Start locking this up and buy only what you’ll use right away for food.
Your brother is a thief, and your mom is gaslighting you. Hope you can move out a little earlier.
You don’t say how old he is, but it’s only going to get worse. Right now my brother is plowing through the funds left in mom’s estate (sounds fancy but it’s very small) and he’ll be destitute and looking for a place to live before too long.” AudreyB4
Every, single, meal.
"Mom, brother is out of XX lotion, AA hair care items, and so forth. I know they're really expensive but since brother likes to use them and give them away I'm just going to use his."
Put it all on him.
1. AITJ For Asking My Friend Why She Even Bothered To Join Us On Vacation?
“I (23m) am on a trip to a national park with a few of my buddies who we’ll call Jane (22f), Joe (23m), and Lilly (23f).
I planned for this trip after midterms to de-stress from school and work. Originally it was just Jane, Joe, and I going on the trip but when Lilly heard about it she asked if she could come. I was hesitant about the fact that she isn’t the biggest nature fan and can’t really hike which is the whole point of our going to the park.
I’ve hiked with her twice before and each time she nearly passed out whether it was from heat exhaustion or due to her asthma. I really wanted to enjoy this trip and not have to worry about Lilly the whole time.
But I bit my tongue and agreed. On the night we got to the Airbnb we started a game plan for the next day. I suggested we leave by 8 to enjoy the morning in the park but Lilly already had a problem with that saying she only gets up at 10.
When she asked what we were doing we told her that we really wanted to do this scenic trail that takes us to an overview of the park. She got annoyed when we told her it was an 11-mile hike there and back again.
She said if we were doing that then she was just going to stay at the Airbnb and wait for us to come back and then go find a bar or club to party. We tried to get her to come but she refused.
The next day while we were on the hike she kept texting us asking if we were headed back yet. Or sending us bars we could check out. We were at the park for about 9 hours and when we got back to the Airbnb we were exhausted. All I wanted to do was eat and go to bed. Lily told us to get ready to go out but neither of us wanted to go out.
Lily got really butt hurt and started to complain how why were we not doing what she wanted to do too. I snapped at her and told her cause the whole point of the trip was to hike not party.
I don’t feel like getting wasted. I asked why did she even come if she doesn’t even like any of the stuff we’re doing. Lilly got super mad and said I was being a jerk and ruining her time on the trip.
I mean am I? She shouldn’t even be here.”
Another User Comments:
“Lily doesn’t need to be catered to. It’s not her trip she planned but one you planned. NTJ. She is welcome to do what she wants on her own.
She needed to be put on ignore after way too much texting aka harassing everybody. She can sleep till 10 and wake up in an empty place. Next time trust your instincts and say no. She is trying to hijack this trip from you and make it all about her.
No one promised her a party time. NTJ. But if she keeps on then it’s okay to be one to end the conversation.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here — if you knew it was going to be miserable for everyone involved you should’ve sucked it up and said, ‘Lily, while I’m happy to have you join, we’re going to be doing a lot of stuff you might not enjoy.
We’re spending most of the day going hiking in the park and then coming home for home food and relaxation. If you think that’s something you’ll enjoy then awesome! But, if it isn’t your cup of tea you may want to make plans more up your alley so your break isn’t boring.’
You just agreed without trying any attempt to at least make sure she understood what the plan was. She could’ve had a very different idea of what the trip would be like and while she doesn’t get a say in changing the plans as she invited herself, you basically tried to avoid 5 awkward minutes and instead got an awkward weekend and an annoyed friend.” MagicCarpet5846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She invited herself. If she had just refrained from complaining that would have been imposition enough. Like it wouldn’t have been great, but whatever.
What was she expecting exactly, I wonder? I mean, I know the cliche about college students after midterms, but it doesn’t sound like you gave any impression that partying was on the agenda.
It’s also possible that she has no other friends, and was desperate to be included in your friend circle. There’s also the distinct possibility that she wanted some one-on-one time with an individual in the group and couldn’t imagine a better opportunity.” Equal_Eggplant_4187
Another User Comments:
“I say this as an avid hiker – if you are going to lead a group (which is what you are doing here), you MUST be able to say NO when necessary.
Weather/trail conditions inappropriate? No.
Gear inappropriate? No.
Fitness level (or your knowledge of their fitness level) inappropriate? No.
Their attitude toward safety incompatible with yours? No.
You bring danger to the whole party and anyone who might have to take part in a SAR mission to help you if you cannot be a responsible trip leader.
It’s a serious business, and you are morally responsible if leading a group (or even just being a member of the group) to speak up about safety concerns. The fact that you know she’s gotten to a preventable, dangerous point TWICE means you know better.
She is 80% the jerk here, but you need to take your fair share of the blame for the situation you made. So, officially everyone sucks here.
And yes, this means that if you invite her somewhere, you change the hike to meet her level, even if you think it’s trivially boring.
And if you can’t handle doing that, don’t invite her. (And don’t ever hike with a toddler, because…. OMG that is ROUGH going that slow and for such little distance.)” FishScrumptious
