People Wish To Have The Chance To Explain Their Reasonings For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Grandma's Engagement Ring To My Brother?
“My late grandmother gifted her engagement ring to my late fiancé so he could propose to me as she wanted the ring to stay in the family and she’d always loved him.
I wasn’t aware this was going on so at the time it was a very emotional moment for me when he proposed with her ring. We were set to be married on the 12th of February this year but he passed away on the 21st of November 2021 after complications relating to his epilepsy.
I still wear the ring and am not ready to give it up, I plan to always keep it to remember both my grandmother and the man I had been ready to spend my life with. My brother recently reached out however asking for the ring as he wants to propose to his partner and he said and I quote that I’m not ‘using it’ now.
I was upset by this and told him that I wasn’t giving him the ring but he believes I’m being unreasonable. Our parents are on his side in this matter and have tried to tell me it has been nearly a year now and it’s time to ‘let go’ and that the ring should be used for a happy event and not worn by me and my brother could make happy memories with it.
It feels like rubbing salt in my wounds. The way I see it my grandmother gave it to us not just to keep it in the family but because she loved my fiancé and wanted him to use it for me. I’ve told our parents if they want my brother to have a family ring they can give our mums to them but they’re not getting this one.
I keep getting badgered by my family over the ring and how I’m being unreasonable and spiteful, ruining what should be a lovely moment for my brother. I’m far too raw to judge this clearly is it so wrong of me to intend to keep the ring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé. Your brother is only focused on himself and not caring about your feelings. As well as the rest of your family! Even though it’s been a year it’s not easy to move on and get over the passing of someone you were planning to spend the rest of your life with.
Just because according to them you aren’t ‘using it’ doesn’t mean that one day in the future you will meet someone else and wear this ring. Your grandmother gave it to your fiancé, not your brother. It’s a symbol of your love as well as the love of your late grandmother.
You aren’t selfish for keeping it they are for ignoring you and your feelings. Sorry for the tangent but I hope you keep the ring and have a happy life.” celestial_bard08
Another User Comments:
“Next time your parents ask about it, here is a thought experiment to try with them.
Remove all sentimental value to the ring being a generational thing altogether. Suppose it was just a really nice ring that your fiance managed to acquire. Would it still be right for your brother to try to claim it? Or, what if it belonged to your fiance’s grandmother?
Would it still be okay for him to try to claim it?
It is a family heirloom that was given to you by proxy. Your grandmother wanted you to have it and specifically loaned it to your fiance so he could propose with it. That makes it yours to do with as you see fit.
NTJ.” UnconfirmedRooster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandmother gave YOU the ring. It will stay in the family with you. If it goes to your brother, it will go to his fiancee. If something were to happen, such as they break up or divorce, the ring will likely go with her and it will no longer be in the family.
Regardless of the what-ifs, this was a gift to you. You are not obligated to pass it on to your brother. This is yours. It is a part of you and your memory of your fiance. You can’t just ‘let it go’ or move on from a loss like that.
Your parents and your brother need to ‘let it go,’ and your brother can get his SO a new ring she wants. She may not even like your grandmother’s ring, and it certainly won’t mean as much to her as it does to you.
Maybe your parents can give your brother their engagement ring if they think passing on rings is that important.
Keep the ring. It’s yours!
I’m so sorry for your loss!” Azile96
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece And Nephew's Half-Sister Into My Business?
“My late sister and I started a business 25 years ago. She always had a passion for food and I was always good with numbers, so we combined our skills and opened up a restaurant together.
She was so excited about following her dream and being able to provide for her kids with it. Five years later she became unwell and died weeks after learning she had cancer. My sister and I talked about the business extensively. Before she passed away she signed ownership over to me.
She had me promise that if her kids wanted in they would take over her share in the future, which I agreed to do. At the time we had discussed her husband and his place in it all. She had said she did not want him to control her share after her death because she did not want his future wife and future children to potentially inherit from her.
That she wanted it to be her gift to her children if they wanted it. Not something that went to his new family once she was gone.
Both kids became interested and have taken over their share. They will also take over mine someday as my children are not interested.
My sister’s husband did remarry and he did have more children, as well as a stepchild. The bad b***d started to form after he remarried. His wife didn’t like that her husband had no idea what the business was worth and didn’t like that he wasn’t responsible for my sister’s half, which would eventually be my niece and nephew’s share.
She told me she felt it was their job as parents to have a say over what happened to it. I told her no way. He offered to buy me out of the restaurant and I turned him down. He told me he didn’t like knowing it would exclude most of his family if his kids wanted their share.
I told him it would potentially include all of my sister’s children though.
When the kids took over their half they chose not to give access to their stepfamily. They warned me that their half-sister was already asking to be included. She’s the oldest. She’s 16.
She had asked me before if she could be a manager and wanted to share her sibling’s portion of the business. The kids’ dad approached me recently and told me he wants me to allow her to work here and join the family business alongside his kids.
He said my niece and nephew would benefit from forming a closer relationship with their half-siblings and that it would mean so much to their half-sister to be welcomed in and made part of everything. I told him that was not happening. He grew frustrated and then accused me of being a monster and of interfering in his life after remarrying.
He told me I was doing nothing but encouraging othering in his family. That it was unfair to punish him for moving on. I told him I was not punishing him. That his adult children had refused and that was what he should focus on.
But he needed to understand that his minor children are not my family and therefore are not entitled to have anything passed down from me. He left after accusing me of acting like I hate his kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister knew what was going to happen, is actually happening.
She hoped you were strong enough to withstand the barrage of hate that would eventually come from her husband’s new wife and children.
The thing about cancer is, it steals from generations of families. If your sister hadn’t passed away, (I’m very sorry) she wouldn’t have split her restaurant with her ‘ex’ husband’s new children, as the only way the new kids would have been born would have been for your sister to get a divorce, and then he gets remarried and has kids.
Of course, passing away is different, but the facts are the new kids, aren’t your family or your sister’s family. They are strangers.
Because your sister willed YOU her shares of the company with the sole reason of you being the protector, that means you stand at the gate, repelling all attempts of interference by whoever believes they deserve anything.
They don’t.
And in the book of rules of life playbook, if they want to be involved in a family business, they need to start one.” PerkyLurkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister knew exactly what she was doing when she put in place protections for her kids against a potential greedy gold-digging second wife which unfortunately came true.
In a perfect world, she wouldn’t have had to but the reality is different. Their half-siblings have NO right to any portion of your niece and nephew’s portion of the business and they have made it clear that they don’t want their greedy stepmother, father, steps, or half-siblings anywhere near it.
You can bet the 16-year-old had been put up to being pushy by her witch of a mother and father. None of them are entitled to anything that belonged to your dearly departed sister rest her soul and the fact that the stepmother thinks that she shows you what a nasty witch she is.
Good on you for protecting your sister’s kids and their inheritance from these greedy weasels.” Distinct_Two_553
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister discussed the relevant issues with you and made her wishes clear. Her wishes were reasonable and you have carried them through.
Your half of the business is yours; in line with your sister’s wishes her half of the business belongs to your nephew and niece (if I have understood correctly).
As the business owners, it’s your choice who else gets to buy in, and who to employ.
These are things that are difficult within blended families, but I don’t think it’s fair to automatically expect that the expectations of some of the children will automatically be extended to all half-siblings, stepsiblings, etc. Your husband presumably loved your sister, and he should respect that it was her choice to make the provision that she wanted for her children.
How he provides for an enlarged family when he remarries is his business to work out.” wanderleywagon5678
16. AITJ For Telling My Parents That I'm Putting Them In A Home?
“My family is from South Asia but we live in the States. My parents loved my older brother and tolerated me.
They expected me to just stay home and take care of them and my brother.
That wasn’t for me. I got a partial scholarship to a state school and get out. I worked the four years of my undergrad and was fortunate enough to get a full scholarship for my after-degree.
So I graduated from university with only a small debt and two degrees.
I found a career that I really enjoy and a husband who loves me.
My parents paid for my brother’s education and he does very well for himself. But he has chosen to have five children.
And they all go to private schools and have all kinds of extracurricular activities. And his wife is a stay-at-home mom even though they have a nanny. I know five young children would be difficult to manage. I’m just saying that she has a degree as well but they have chosen to be a one-income household.
We are expecting our first child. We waited a few years before deciding to start our family. We will be stopping at two and my husband will be getting a vasectomy afterward. We are very much in agreement about our future.
My parents however have decided that they are going to sell their home and come live with us.
We have a large property with an in-law suite in a ‘high-cost-of-living’ city on the west coast.
I told my husband that I did not want them living with us and he concurred. So I told them no. They said that they already listed their home and that a dutiful daughter would take care of her parents in their old age.
I said that if they gave me all the money from the sale of their home I would find them a nice retirement home where they could live and that I would pay the bills until they passed away.
They didn’t like that idea very much.
They called me an ungrateful child and that it was expected of me.
I sent them a check for one year’s worth of rent, food, utilities, and sundries. I said I moved out one year after I turned 18 and that they were responsible for me up to that point.
I then told them not to contact me again without going through my lawyer.
I have been playing whack a mole blocking all of their attempts to reach me. And all of my family members both in the States and back home are calling me a jerk.
My brother contacted me and said that I was making the family look bad by not taking them in. So I gave him the choice of either taking them in himself or never bringing it up to me again or I would be going no contact with him as well.
So was I too harsh? And does that make me a jerk?
I should probably add that they didn’t approve of me marrying a person, not from their culture and religion. So they didn’t contribute to our wedding even though they did attend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to live your life any way you see fit. This makes it necessary to break the cultural mold. Your parents cannot be completely oblivious to the ways of the modern world, and if they are, it is on them. It was wrong of them to treat you like a servant when you were growing up and it is wrong of them to think that you would want to live with them now.
If going no contact with them is what it takes to make them take in the facts, then so be it. If it ‘breaks up’ the family, well too bad. Not all families are worth fighting for.” SnooSprouts6712
Another User Comments:
“First, I think you are NTJ in a US context.
Your brother certainly owes your parents a lot more than you and has, in my honest opinion, a duty based on filial piety that you don’t.
In a South Asian cultural context, you would likely be considered a jerk, and your parents are also jerks.
Unfortunately, lots of parents of girls in South Asia are jerks or much much worse than jerks, but even in that environment, many treat their daughters well. So that would make it ‘everyone sucks here’, which is something you should let all those angry relatives know about.
To be honest, I’m cheering for you here. Sounds like parents only ever saw you as a servant and are now reaping the rewards of treating family like trash.” Interesting-Month-56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is so strange to me. just about the only good thing about being a female south Asian in my opinion is that once you get married, your parents aren’t your responsibility to care for when they get old.
In fact, it drives my uncle crazy that he feels socially and culturally obligated to house and care for his mother, while mom (his sister) can just say ‘no, my husband will only allow visits of one month, once a year’ and it isn’t seen as disrespectful at all because women serving their husband’s family seems to trump everything.
(In mom’s case, dad says no to give my mom cover, not because he is being controlling).
I’m a big fan of using stupid rules in my favor, so that’s how I’d play it in this situation. But your parents sound particularly horrible, so for my part, I think you made the right and responsible choice.
They will be happier living with the son they love so much. And the son who benefited so much more than you did from their parental guidance, should be thrilled to help his parents now. You went above and beyond with just sending that money – I hope you get some peace from their nonsense soon!” SnooPets8873
15. AITJ For Confronting The Kids Who Were Ringing My Doorbell?
“I (F29) am a stay-at-home mom with a sick toddler and a newborn at the moment. My husband (M31) took some time off work when the baby was born, but has since gone back, so it is just the babies in the house day to day.
Safe to say, I am not particularly well-rested at the moment, and the house is a bit chaotic.
Today being Saturday, my husband said that he would help me catch up on some of the chores while I got some rest. I was really grateful, it has been a tough week.
Unfortunately, some kids in the neighborhood must have taken advantage of the good weather and thought to play nicky nicky nine doors (children ringing doorbells and running away).
The first incident was funny, the second time was mildly irritating, but I was downright frustrated by the sixth time.
The baby and the toddler were both woken/disturbed each time, and I didn’t get any of the rest that I was so looking forward to. I decided that I would help my husband with chores seeing as I was up anyway.
The seventh nicky nicky nine doors just so happened to be when I was vacuuming the hallway, so I got to the door before the kids were gone.
There were two young boys, I would say six or seven, and they got a massive shock when I opened the door.
To be clear, I was firm but I was by no means shouting or hostile. I asked them what they thought was funny about disturbing my family, and one of them responded that I was not their mom.
I said back, ‘I am not, but I don’t think she would want to be disturbed either.’ After that, they turned and ran away. It was a very brief interaction.
Later, a man identifying himself as the boys’ dad knocked on the door and said I made the boys cry.
He said that it was children being children, they weren’t hurting anyone, and my comment about their mom being disturbed was uncalled for seeing as she had passed away. He said that I made them both cry all afternoon and they are afraid of playing in the neighborhood anymore.
He also said that he could not believe I ‘lay in wait for them.’
I explained that I was sick and tired of the doorbell going off, but he said that I should just disarm it if some ringing disturbs my family that much.
I feel like I am entitled to a doorbell, but that I shouldn’t have to deal with constant ringing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What was that monster of a man going on about? His brat child and his brat friends were harassing you. They should never have started with this game and cannot continue doing.
He should be embarrassed and ashamed that he cannot manage his children. He’s raising awful rotten little brats. Clearly, that man is not playing with a full deck. He should have come around to apologize and asked the children to apologize as well.
I’m sorry, but there is nothing silly and cute about kids harassing neighbors.
DDD is not ‘kids being kids’. It’s rude and disruptive. I don’t care that he’s widowed and the kids have no mother. He’s probably lying but if he’s not, here’s a sign that he needs to man up and be a parent.
Those kids need help. Letting them run around the neighborhood terrorizing people is doing them no favors.” effie-sue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The father of the boys is a jerk. I find it odd that children that age are allowed to run the neighborhood without any supervision.
That I find very concerning.
He is a bigger jerk to justify what the kids were doing. They are trespassing, and not only bothering a family with a newborn, but they could also be bothering someone bedridden, sick disabled, or whatever makes it difficult to answer the door.
I used to work nights in a hospital and sleep days. His inability to parent his children is no excuse to disturb people.
If a 6 and 7-year-old are roaming the streets without supervision I would think CPS should be called. There are a lot of missing children that have never been found that were unsupervised when they went missing.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they cried because you confronted them. Their dad was basically asking ‘how can you be better when my kids are wrong’. The dad and his kids need to learn that people do not have to put up with them inflicting themselves on others or their property, person, or space.
And don’t let the Dad guilt trip you into feeling bad about interacting with his children the way you did because of the passing of his wife their mother has nothing to do with the situation. He should’ve corrected his children and come to apologize not asked how can you be better when his kids are not being considerate of someone else or their property.
Cheer babe hopes you get So much needed rest from ONE stay-at-home mom to another.” Harliehu
I shouldn't have to unplug my doorbell just because you can't be bothered to parent properly.
And I would tell him that if it kept up I would call either the cops or CPS and tell them he's letting young children wander freely with zero supervision and letting them harrass the neighbors.
14. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Grow Up Or Not Come To Family Dinners Anymore?
“I (f40s) have two kids, (f20s) and (m20s). They’re both very successful and I’m extremely proud of both of them.
My daughter is a military nurse and my son is a paramedic. They both love their jobs and have a real passion for what they do.
I have an older brother (m50s) who became a doctor later in life and ever since he started medical school I think he’s had a huge ego problem.
He frequently talks condescendingly about my children’s careers and acts as if they are failed doctors.
He’ll say things like ‘oh there’s still time left for you to go to medical school’ or make jokes about him getting jobs there and bossing them around at their workplaces.
My kids are quite good at taking the high road and don’t dignify his ignorance with a response but it still irks me and they shouldn’t have to put up with his passive-aggressive comments.
Later this month I’m hosting a family dinner and my siblings and their families are invited. I didn’t want to blatantly not invite my brother, so I talked to him one on one about it.
He insisted that he hasn’t been talking down to my children. I repeated some of his comments and he claimed that he didn’t mean to be insulting and that I’m just being overprotective of my kids’ feelings.
I said it’s more than about feelings and that they shouldn’t have to put up with such behavior from their uncle who should be supportive, and told him to either grow up and act like an adult or not attend the dinner.
My brother told me to get over myself and said I’m acting like a stroppy teenager.”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. Don’t invite him if he can’t be respectful. But good for you for talking to him about it
But your warning may not be enough.
In the future, if you want to hammer home your point, you and the kids can just start counting off his insults. Just shout ’22’ as an inside joke. And when he asks what you are doing, just tell him and keep counting down as the night progresses.
Pretty soon he won’t make a peep without thinking through his words.
There is nothing worse for an egomaniac than to be laughed at.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“There is always that one relative that would rub others in the wrong way. You’re NTJ for confronting him because of the fact that what he did make you uncomfortable.
And no one can say that your feelings are wrong – and I hope you really give it to him. His comments annoyed me to no end. Who tf is he to be ‘condescending’ with your kid’s careers?
However, speaking as a daughter, your kids are already 20.
They can handle themselves.
If they rely on you to talk on their behalf, it may foster this habit of always relying on you which is not really good if you want them to be independent.
I had a hard time fighting my own battles when I moved out of my house, and I still am until now.
Which is why I don’t really encourage parents to always fight their kid’s battles for them because it’ll be hard for many to learn how to do it later on (speaking from experience).
Fighting their battles for them and being there for them when they’re in trouble are 2 separate things.
In the latter, that means they went to you for help.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just uninvited him. If you don’t like his company, why spoil a dinner?
He’ll be looking down on everyone else too, so I suspect all your siblings will be quietly relieved that they won’t have to sit through being looked down on and having his word being the last on everything because he’s a doctor.
As for the doctor himself, I’m sure he won’t be upset, as I’m sure all his doctor friends invite him to dinner and those dinners are so much better anyway.
Bro’s a jerk. Enjoy your dinner night.” Fit_General7058
13. AITJ For Making My Partner Look Cheap?
“I (M28) learned to cook food from my country from my grandmother.
My parents brought her to the states to watch me and my siblings. I was the only one who bothered to learn. Everyone loved her cooking and she loved taking care of all of us.
She lives with me now in my guest suite. My parents pay me to rent it to her since they downsized to a condo after we all moved out.
We still cook together for family meals.
My partner (29) loves my cooking. So she asked me to make some of the food she loves to take to a potluck dinner we are invited to. No problem. But instead of marinating skirt steak for a day and then grilling it and chopping it up my grandmother and I did it the cheap and easy way.
We used store-bought lean ground beef. We also used canned tomatoes rather than fresh ones. That sort of thing.
Every meal my grandmother taught me to make she taught me two ways. The traditional long form. And then the ‘let’s make tasty food and get everyone fed’ kind of way.
My partner came over to pick me and the food up on the way to the party and taste-tested the food. She commented on how great it tasted and that she couldn’t wait to show off our contribution.
So we got to the party and my food disappeared very quickly.
One of her friends is from the same country as my parents and said that she hadn’t had food that well since her last visit home. I told her it was probably because my grandmother is an amazing cook.
But her partner who has gone to our country to meet her family commented on how much better the food was there with chopped-up meat rather than ground beef.
She told him to shut up because not every meal is made absolutely from scratch. He said that I could afford to buy the actual ingredients and that I should for a party. His SO seemed mortified and took him away.
Now my partner says that I am bad for making her look cheap in front of her friends.
All of whom devoured my food and didn’t complain once.
I reminded her that she didn’t pay for the ingredients or my time. Nor did she help cook. But now I’m a jerk for not just doing my part as a couple without complaint. Which I did until she started being ridiculous.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is acting extremely entitled and ungrateful and that guy is a major jerk. If your partner was so worried about impressing her friends she should have 1) Helped to cover the cost of ingredients and 2) Offered to help do some of the prep work.
Next time she asks you to do something like this you should send her some links to recipes/videos and tell her to do it herself. After stressing out trying to make the dish and it likely coming out sub-par, hopefully, she’ll have more appreciation for the time and effort you put into things.” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
if anyone here is cheap and a hypocrite, it’s your partner.
She didn’t contribute to the meal financially, nor did she help cook it. Yet she lapped up all the praises and honor as if she had slaved away in the kitchen for hours on end.
I’m willing to bed that her friends’ partner was jealous that his SO preferred your food over his. And due to his own toxic masculinity, decided to attack you and your food for not being ‘up to par’ with traditional stuff.
If you have to listen to either of them, listen to the girl as she is native while her partner merely visited to meet her family.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ – your partner can accept the delicious but ‘feeds the army’ version of the food, or she can pay for the food to be the same you’d make at home for fewer people. The friend’s SO is a jerk though – he either liked the food, in which case there should be no complaint; or he didn’t like it.
And to say that the food with real steak is better – probably knowing where you work and what you earn isn’t really a dig about the food, it’s about hoping to eat the steak and hours of labor of love for free and at no expense to them.
The SO of the guy understood that he was being a jerk and probably took him away precisely because of that.” NightSalut
12. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Reading My Diary?
“I have kept a diary since I was 10. It is my form of therapy, & I do not police my thoughts. I have never let anyone read my diary.
My husband & I started our relationship over a decade ago.
One day a couple of months in, he was over at my apartment, & I had hopped in the shower. When I came out, he was sitting on the bed shell-shocked. He said he read my journal, which was mostly about my life as a newly single woman.
He told me it really stung to read all that.
‘But wait. Hold on. How’d you find it?’
He said he was looking for matches. He couldn’t tell me why he kept reading even after he knew what it was, but his apology was sincere & I forgave him.
Not too long after that, things got messy. He started getting either very sad or very angry while referring to things he read. His feelings were so intense that I STARTED APOLOGIZING FOR MY THOUGHTS.
Anyway, we got married.
A decade later, I was thinking of divorce & wrote a ton to process my thoughts about some sensitive topics.
Again, he ‘stumbled’ upon my journal & read it all. I was mad, but he convinced me that he would never do it again. Besides, he was really hurt by the things I wrote, and I felt bad. I let it go, but he started getting sad or angry again thinking about what he had read.
Once more, the intensity of his feelings led me to apologize for my thoughts.
Now here we are, married with kids, setting up Scrabble on a Friday night. He went to find a piece of paper & came back quiet & distracted. I asked if everything was okay.
He looked at me sharply & told me that he just read my journal. I tensed, thinking of how I recently tackled some tough feelings related to our different ethnic & religious backgrounds. I wrote things that would have been hurtful to read, & I was mortified knowing that he did read them, but I was also annoyed.
‘Wait. You read my journal again?’
He blamed me for leaving it out & accused me of being a bad person for what I wrote but honestly, I wasn’t listening to him anymore. I just wanted to know why we were dealing with this again.
It’s pretty basic knowledge that one shouldn’t read other people’s diaries, right? But look at him, forcing his way into my brain & shaming me for what he saw. I surprised myself by slamming my hand on the table.
‘A THIRD TIME?’
We were both hurt, but he was accusing me of overreacting while minimizing and deflecting from his behavior.
He called me ‘overly emotional’ when I cried over how violated I felt. This feels so wrong like I committed a thoughtcrime.
So AITJ for insisting he’s 100% wrong? I’m so mad, but I am doubting whether my reaction was proportional to what he did. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being terrible), how would you rate someone reading your journal?
& would you apologize for the things you wrote?
EDIT: I have been in therapy for a long time, and I credit it for listening to the little voice in my head instead of ignoring it. Therapy gave me the insight to see what he was doing in real-time.
This type of behavior has been normalized so much for me, and I have been gaslit for so long, that I automatically convinced myself it wasn’t that bad. I feel like I’m emerging from the upside down, and I have to relearn basic social norms. You have no idea how sad all of this makes me.
UPDATE: We talked today, and he continued to minimize what he did and kept steering the conversation to how hurt he was reading what I wrote. I kept asking him if I shared those things willingly with him. When he said no, I told him that he can then deal with the consequences of his own actions by himself.
I kept stressing to him what a big violation it was and that I needed space to think.
I guess he’s been stewing about it for the last few hours because tonight he started to yell at me in front of our kids and angrily tell them about what I wrote.
He literally told them that I don’t like that they are from his culture. Screw man, why are you hurting them? To hurt me?! I was pleading with him to stop and trying to cover his mouth, the kids were shrieking and sobbing, and he was yelling and wild-eyed. The chaos of tonight just broke me.
I had flashbacks of my childhood, screaming and crying on a stairwell watching my dad go after my mom. Long ago, I had promised that I would never put my kids through something like that. I tried to get them out of the house since he wasn’t stopping, but we only got as far as my car where the 3 of us sat crying while I kept apologizing to them and trying to reassure them.
God, how did I get to this point?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Frankly, I don’t understand why you would continue being with someone who proved he couldn’t be trusted not to snoop through your possessions and had the audacity to complain about what you’ve written in your PRIVATE journal. But, you chose to stay in for 10 years, got married, and had kids.
If you plan on staying in the marriage, you need to accept your man has proven his word isn’t his bond. His righteous indignation is a false flag. He’s trying to make you feel terrible for your PRIVATE thoughts. He is the one who should be apologizing.
Stand your ground on this. Point out to him that everyone has negative thoughts about their lives along with the people in them and that you know he does it too. The difference is most people don’t put their thoughts to paper. He had no right to poke his nose into your personal brain droppings and, if he wants to remain angry, he only has himself to blame for an unethical action, an invasion of privacy.
Then, buy yourself a lockbox that he can’t break into (padlock with a combo he can’t guess) and store your journal in it. If he gets angry about it, tell him it’s too bad you had to go to great lengths like this because he’s proven he can’t be trusted.” SquirrellyDog2016
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t you dare apologize for anything that was written? It wasn’t written for him, it wasn’t written to be read. He absolutely has thoughts that would hurt you if you had access to them, the difference is you don’t.
He knows full well not to read it and I’m willing to bet he has read it more than the 3 times you know about given the fact he straight out said ‘I read your diary.’
In your position… I won’t lie, I would be pretty tempted to throw down an ultimatum – couples therapy or divorce, and if I ever found out it happened again straight to divorce.
Your apologizing in the past validated his feelings of entitlement to your private thoughts and feelings. This time if he gets sad ‘well that’s what you get for reading things that are none of your business.’ If he tries to bring up anything he read, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never raised that with you, and until I do it’s not a problem because it’s a private thought that you violated, and don’t have any right to feel anything about’.” Aradene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The issue is about respect. He has shown, over and over and over again, that he has no respect for your privacy, your feelings, or your thoughts. There’s a saying, once in an occurrence, twice is a coincidence, and three times’s a pattern.
This is a pattern of disrespect. You have a right to have your own private thoughts and feelings, and the right to work them out in a diary. Frankly, he has no right to be upset.
Also, look at the pattern. He habitually looks through your journal and then gets to use his invasion of privacy as a stick to beat you with.
He puts you in the position of having to beg his forgiveness repeatedly. I would think really, really hard about the nature of this relationship going forward, if I were you.” magicalboytransform
He isn't accidentally reading the diary, he's doing it on purpose to manipulate, gaslight, and emotionally blackmail OP in order to control her.
Me personally, I would've ended the relationship a LONG time ago, before marriage and kids entered the picture. But I hope him dragging the kids into this BS and trying to emotionally manipulate them against OP will finally be the straw that breaks the camel's back, and she LEAVES FOR GOOD.
11. AITJ For Banning My Daughter's Friend From My House?
“So I have a daughter ‘Emily’ (f19) who lives at home with me and my husband. Emily is our only child.
We let Emily have friends over so long as she gives us at least a day’s notice and we don’t have anything planned. Emily’s friends have always been very friendly and respectful and they’ll watch movies in her room or just hang out and talk.
We live in Europe and our drinking age is 18, so sometimes Emily and her friends will have some beers or other drinks. So long as they aren’t going wild and aren’t raiding our liquor cabinet we don’t mind.
Emily has a new friend from work ‘Nicole’ (f18) who I’ll mention again later.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were going away for the weekend. We did ask and offered to pay for her but Emily didn’t want to come. I told Emily she can have friends over while we’re away but we expect the house to be just as we left it, although she’s never been the type to throw or go to house parties, Emily is quite shy and introverted.
When we came back from the weekend away, straight away I noticed a huge urine stain on our couch. I asked Emily about it and she admitted that she had her friends over and they had some drinks. She explained that Nicole got really wasted and peed herself on the couch.
I was absolutely mortified. Later on, I found a pair of undergarments, socks, and a bra stuffed into our upstairs toilet. I asked Emily about it again and she said that she hadn’t seen it, but admitted that no one had been in the upstairs toilet since Nicole.
I have no idea why anyone would even do that, even when wasted.
So all that was a couple of weeks ago. I talked to my husband and we agreed to ban Nicole from our house.
Recently, Emily asked if she could have her friends over at our home including Nicole.
I told Emily no and that we’re not allowing Nicole back into our home after her behavior.
Emily said we’re being unfair and controlling, and that she’s an adult and she can spend time with whoever she wants.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter’s right.
She’s an adult. She can decide who she wants to spend her time with.
But this is your house. You have every right to decide who’s allowed in your home and who isn’t. You’re not saying to Emily that she can’t be friends with Nicole anymore.
You’re just saying that if she wants to hang out with her, it’ll have to be outside the home.
If Emily keeps pushing for Nicole to be allowed into your home, you can certainly impose conditions before that happens. You can turn around and say she has to pay you for the cost of having the couch she peed on cleaned or replaced and any damage to your plumbing that resulted from shoving those items down the toilet.
You can also state that she is not to consume ANY booze in your home. If you wanted, you can even give her an adult diaper and tell her she has to wear it the entire time she’s in the house until she proves she can control her behavior.” LoudSize7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but for real banning, Nicole is just a Band-Aid when the real problem is that your daughter had a bunch of people over when you guys weren’t around, didn’t manage them, and then was fully going to keep it a secret from you.
You wouldn’t have known about what happened if your daughter had done a better job at hiding the evidence. And it sounds like you need to have a real conversation with her given that she’s trying to frame it that you’re being villains and that ‘she can do whatever she wants’, on your dime in your house.
If your daughter wants that kind of life, she needs to move out. Because based on her attitude she is telling you that you cannot leave her alone in your house and expect it to be treated well. Are you prepared to come home and find your house trashed because you didn’t clarify boundaries with your daughter?” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Nicole took advantage of your home, she is not welcome in it. Of course, Emily can spend time with whomever she wants. But you don’t have to allow that person in your house.
That being said, you mentioned Emily is shy and introverted. Does she have problems making and keeping friends?
Sometimes this can lead to these sorts of uncomfortable social binds. Perhaps Emily doesn’t want to risk losing a friend, even though that friend looks like a good one to cut loose. Emily does not have the best social skills to explain to Nicole how she is not welcome to come over, without feeling – and caring deeply – that she might offend Nicole.
Emily is worried Nicole will take the whole group of friends away from her.
I wonder if some of this requires more of a conversation with Emily.” ImaginaryAnts
10. AITJ For Kicking My Brother-In-Law And His Kids Out Of My House?
“My late husband ‘Adam’ (M36) passed away a month ago. He had lung cancer and was terminal.
I live in the house that he owned (still haven’t done anything concerning inheritance) his brother lost his job and place and moved in with me a week ago.
I gotta admit I wasn’t too pleased to have him move in with me but I had no choice after I got talked into it by family and since we had the chance to help each other grieve.
Here’s the situation, he started randomly walking into the bedroom and excusing it as ‘needing to borrow’ something from Adam’s closet.
He wears his clothes and even started using his stuff (razor, laptop, etc) he also got his hands on his piano which to me felt disrespectful because… Adam wouldn’t want it touched or moved.
I try to have conversations with him about what’s allowed/what’s not but he’d throw the ‘Would Adam want you to treat me like that?’ line at me.
It made me feel frustrated. I seriously started contemplating telling him to leave.
Now the current conflict, I finally brought myself to open Adam’s closet and found a box full of wrapped gifts. I read the piece of paper at the bottom and he wrote that he had got me a gift for next year’s occasion in advance since he knew he wouldn’t be around much longer.
I was absolutely stunned. I looked at the gifts but didn’t open them. There was a gift for my birthday, valentine’s, our wedding anniversary, Christmas, and so on… he said he wanted this gesture to also serve as a comforting method so I wouldn’t feel so devastated since we know that grief gets tense during these times.
I could not believe it. I mean, he was always this thoughtful but I never just knew that his thoughtfulness could reach this level.
I was out yesterday, and when I return I found that my nephews had opened all the gifts and ruined them.
I was appalled, and my joy instantly faded. I had a huge argument with BIL but he said the kids were curious and that it was my fault for not concealing my stuff like I should have. I told him he had 3 days to move out, he started ranting about how it’s his brother’s house and how I was ruining family relationships over a ‘few gifts’.
MIL got involved and took his side saying he was grieving and this is his brother’s house and that I’m acting unhinged.
Am I being too emotional? I wanted to feel his presence in his presents this upcoming year but I feel like it was ruined for me.”
Another User Comments:
“First, please accept my condolences on your loss. I know from personal experience how difficult it is to lose your spouse to cancer at a young age.
Definitely NTJ. What your in-laws are doing is attempting to stake a claim in the house.
Guaranteed your BIL has been taking inventory of what he feels he and his family are owed. The true nature of some people come out upon the passing of a loved one. Of course, your MIL would side with her son! What he and what he’s allowing his children to do is completely disrespectful to you and the memory of your late husband.
Get them out. Stand your ground. Did your husband leave a will? If so, who gets the house & his belongings? Whether he did or not, find a good estate attorney. It sounds as if your in-laws have a sense of entitlement regarding his possessions and will attempt to take control of everything they can manage to get their hands on.” SquirrellyDog2016
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Adam’s brother is clearly taking advantage of YOUR grief to benefit himself. He can’t just help himself to your husband’s belongings simply because your husband was his brother. He and his children should not be entering your room without asking you.
They should not be taking or borrowing Adam’s belongings without asking you.
I feel bad for the kids and would normally say give them more time, but you can’t trust them to not start messing with your belongings.
Grief brings out the worst in people.
I’m not sure your BIL is even grieving at this point, though. He’s blaming his kids for ruining your gifts on you? Why were they anywhere near the gifts? Because he wasn’t watching them, that’s why! He’s trying to work a terrible situation to his advantage.
This crew can go stay with MIL.” effie-sue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Seems to me that you should have booted them out long before. They clearly feel like they’re entitled to your house. They’re not. That house belongs to you and your husband, not theirs.
Just because he’s his brother doesn’t mean he has a right to do whatever he wants there.
His actions of being intrusive and using your late husband’s things are not the acts of someone grieving. They’re the acts of an entitled leech. And, from the looks of it, his children are emulating him and he’s not doing anything to correct them, which is why I find it hilarious that he would fault you for not keeping your husband’s gifts when he has been barging into your private space and helping himself to your husband’s things (hypocrite much).
Boot them out and be done with them. And my condolences for your loss.” PacifistWarFreak
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Family To Come To Our Skiing Weekend?
“I and best friend Jim are very old and close friends but live in different cities around 6 hours apart so we see each other every few months or so.
Ok, so I and a few guys for the last 2 years go away on a skiing long weekend, this year’s trip is planned to take place in a few weeks meaning it’s 3 years in a row.
It’s not always the same group but myself and Jim are always part of the group. It’s always just men and the group is made up of friends from both of us, some that I may not know well and vice versa.
Jim has just had a new baby he’d mentioned that skiing might not be possible for him this year.
That was, of course, no problem, even though the accommodation was booked, it was no issue from my side if he dropped out, the rest of the group can cover it.
Then I got a message from him the other week saying he would come and his wife and baby will come too.
His wife and baby would just stay in the accommodation every day whilst the group goes out to ski and then would be there when we get home every evening.
He didn’t ask if this is ok, he just assumed it should be.
I messaged back trying my hardest to be as nice as possible saying I didn’t feel it was that kind of weekend, no other partners will be there and it changes the entire dynamic.
It’s not like we go out late but I don’t want to worry about waking a newborn baby/or worry about myself not getting any sleep.
I even said if it were more of a couples trip (which we’ve done before) then it would be absolutely normal and lovely for his wife and baby to come, without question!
But I wouldn’t have agreed to that weekend away if I knew from the beginning that this would happen. I’ve spoken to one other friend who’s coming and he also felt this wasn’t ideal.
Jim has now said he feels like I have ‘put him out’ or treated him badly.
He’s one of my oldest and closest friends so I need to know if I am in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jim is probably tired, and feeling pressure from his wife not to leave her and the brand-new baby, and now he’s going to take it out on you.
Don’t let him.
Tell him that it’s been decided that this change in the trip is not ok for anyone else going; that you’re sorry, you’ll all miss him this year, but that everyone hopes to see him next year. Absolutely no hard feelings, I’ll call you when I get back, Jim.
If Jim chooses to get angry about this, that is absolutely out of your control. You didn’t do anything wrong.” JannaNYC
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I get that he doesn’t want to miss out on a weekend with the guys, but having a baby means exactly that – in the early years, you’re going to miss out on stuff.
That’s the reality of parenting. He cannot have his cake and eat it too – it cannot be a trip with the guys and yet come back and have family time. If he wants that, he needs to book his own accommodation, because A) nobody should be forced to share a house with a newborn who may or may not sleep very well and B) nobody should be forced to tread quietly on their weekend away that didn’t originally include a baby and a mother.
Neither is it good for the mom because if she spends all her day with the baby, she’s earned to have a small breather in the evening, but I bet Jim hopes that if his wife and baby are there, then it’s going to be the same as it was before and it just won’t.
He’ll end up ruining it for everybody, least of all himself. I do wonder if his wife told him that either they all go or nobody goes and that’s why he said it.
The fact is – the other guys ‘deserve’ to have their time to wind down and relax on this trip as well.
If it wasn’t conceived as a ‘family getaway’ from the start then it’s rude to change it in the middle.
You’re NTJ.” NightSalut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he does not get to invite other people onto a trip without consulting everyone else paying for that trip.
He was wrong to all of you by not speaking to you about this, and he’s trying to put his wife in a bad situation so he can have what he wants, which is to still have this fun trip even though he should be staying home because he’s a father with a baby.
Jim is the one treating you all badly.” JCBashBash
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner's Mom That I'm Taking Him To The Hospital?
“I (28f) got off work, and when I got home my fiancé (26m) said he wasn’t feeling well, and his heart had been beating fast since he got off work two hours ago and he wanted to go to the hospital. His mom lives down the street and he had me call her and ask to use her b***d pressure/heart monitor machine to check if he really was having an issue or just thought he was.
I went to her house to get the machine and she said ‘bring it back when y’all are done because ain’t nothing wrong with him.’ I thanked her and went and took his b***d pressure heart rate and his heart rate was elevated even though he was at rest. He was upset and wanted to go to the hospital immediately.
I told him I told his mom I would bring it back and figured we could stop there for a quick sec and update her but he said please just take him to the hospital and he was panicking so I just started driving. Two mins later his mom called and I told her we were on the way to the hospital.
I had planned to send text messages to all the family through the car Bluetooth once I got him calmed down and GPS up and running. (Which I did after I got off the phone with her) She told my fiancé nothing was wrong with him, he probably just overdid it today and he was going for nothing but to keep her updated.
An hour later I texted her a quick update that we were still waiting and she texted me back telling me I’m so wrong for not telling her even sooner that he was going to the hospital and that I should have asked if she wanted to come and how would my mom feel if the situation was reversed and I always overlook her and put her on the back burner.
I told her that if something was going on with her husband I highly doubt she would be calling his mom even before she got him calm and to a hospital to get checked out and that she has a car and could still come (but she wasn’t even dressed at that time either so we would have had to wait for her to put clothes on, which may have been quick but my fiancé didn’t want to wait or go over there first).
So AITJ? Let me know because honestly, I’m beyond frustrated.
She also says that I act like only I should be involved in what happens in his life and that it’s messed up and that the reasoning that I explained to her is me trying to justify myself.
Also, my fiancé has an immune disorder that can cause complications like paralysis, fatigue, etc – he is feeling a little better right now, but didn’t hydrate and eat properly today which is what caused it. Plus his medicine switched recently which made it worse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law sounds like a nightmare to deal with. Your husband had no way of knowing what exactly was wrong, and when it comes to anything related to possible heart problems you certainly don’t waste any of those essential minutes getting to the hospital as quickly as possible.
And what really irks me, is it sounds like all she really cared about was making a fuss, she showed no genuine concern with whether or not her son was okay.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You handled it wonderfully!
This is how boundaries start to form and it’s hard for some moms to let go that they aren’t number 1 next of kin anymore.
You are now making decisions as his emergency contact and it’s hard for your MIL it seems.
When the fiancé is all well and better, he can handle his mom and tell her that he fully supported how you handled the situation. That HE wanted to get to the hospital fast and that as HIS emergency contact, you were acting exactly how you wanted him to.
All things were done at HIS request.
Fiancé has to set up the boundaries and start making mom understand that you are now the first next of kin. Not mom anymore. She isn’t being reasonable, especially with the logistics that were involved, the timing, and the updating.
Hope fiancé is better!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes people just need you to be wrong. Whatever you did was going to be wrong in her eyes.
It’s about her not having control of him. She’s sure she would have done the right thing… and it has to be the opposite of whatever you are doing at the moment!
Just keep living your life and sharing less. If you are always going to be wrong, be wrong with less effort!” ShirleyUGuessed
7. WIBTJ If I Ask The Neighbors To Stop The Kid From Screaming Early In The Morning?
“I (16F) have very loud neighbors. They throw parties every two weeks or so, and on the weekends they always blast music all day long. This doesn’t bother me that much because if I close my windows the music can’t be heard anymore, but this little girl’s screams can.
To be clear, I don’t know what kind of disability she has. She most likely has down syndrome, since when I picked her up after she asked me to be held I could see that her somatic traits looked like a down person’s. Anyways, this girl (6-7) starts screaming at 7 am every day, either because she’s crying or because she’s playing, with the only pauses being for lunch and dinner.
I literally cannot take it anymore. As a person with autism and ADHD, this is terribly awful, I keep getting overstimulated by her screams, and cannot concentrate on anything. Plus, she goes to sleep relatively late (11 pm at most), and as a student surviving on caffeine, I need my hours of sleep, which I can’t get because at least three times a week she wakes up in the middle of the night and screams.
I really want to tell her parents but I’m scared they will get mad because she’s disabled and I should be more understanding, just like my parents said.
Another thing is, when she’s screaming/crying her parents don’t do anything and just let her scream, and she keeps going for a long time, especially when she’s crying.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
First of all, I am sure this is horrible for the parents as well. It is possible that they have simply become accustomed to it though. Or that it is simply easier than having to try to stop her.
Or maybe there is simply nothing they can do. Without knowing the details of why she is screaming there is no way to know.
It doesn’t change the fact that you have the right to be comfortable in your own home. Talk to your neighbors.
Listen to what they have to say. Depending upon their response see where you go next. You might decide to do nothing (other than move as soon as possible). If she is causing a disturbance during your location’s quiet hours – call the police (non-emergency number) and report a noise disturbance.
If you have a landlord you could report the noise there. Just use your best judgment.” RedditDK2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand their situation is really tough, but their neighbors still have the right to peaceful enjoyment of their homes. If they truly cannot stop the screaming (from your comments it doesn’t sound like they’ve done much to actually try), they need to be looking into acoustic paneling and other muffling options or moving to an area with more distance between them and the neighbors.
If it was occasional and for short amounts of time, that would be one thing, but unfortunately they’re causing a neighborhood disturbance at this point and they have an obligation to address it.” MagicianGOBBluth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I highly doubt talking with them will change things much though.
Even if they are truly receptive and make a huge effort, because of her disability she likely has little control over herself. I’m by no means saying that cognitively disabled people can’t learn or unlearn behaviors, but I find it doubtful in this case it’ll happen as quickly as you’d like and need. Given the extent of her screaming this has likely gone on for a long time and will take a lot of behavioral therapy to improve.
That’s if the parents are even receptive to trying something different in the first place (it’s possible they are burnt out and desensitized).
Your best option is to look for another place to live if possible. If that’s not an option, go invest in some high-quality noise-canceling headphones.
I’d suggest complaining to management but it sounds like others have tried and they don’t care.” MainEgg320
People don't ignore a screaming child. Especially one that might not have yhe words to tell them what's wrong.
6. AITJ For Making My Partner Pay For Expensive Bath Products?
“I (24F) have been with my partner (29M) for a year and a half and have been living together for 6 months.
I have a well-paying job but my partner is looking for a Ph.D.
position so is working part-time delivering medicines and volunteering at the university. When we moved in together we agreed to put 50% of our salaries into a joint account for joint expenses like rent and groceries and the rest 50% into our personal accounts. Since I make thrice as much as him I have more ‘fun money,’ but it also means I’m contributing a lot more to our joint account.
One thing I like to treat myself to is body bath products from this really expensive brand. I pay for them using my personal account and buy less expensive products for my partner using our joint account. Recently, I started smelling these products on my partner (they have a strong distinct smell) so I asked him if he used them.
He said he only uses them a few times a month so I let it go as that’s fine. However, I started smelling them on him all the time and also realized I’m running out way quicker than usual. So I confronted him and he admitted that he prefers my products over his so he uses them daily.
I said no problem but I’ll be paying from them using our joint account from now on. Well, he freaked out.
He said he can’t afford them and since I have more money in my personal account anyways I can afford them. I however think it’s unfair as I’m already paying so much towards our joint account that I would like to use my personal money for my own things and savings.
Also, it’s not like I asked him to contribute more than he does towards the joint account, we can afford these products together after our other expenses. It will just cut through a bit from our joint savings.
We got into a huge fight and he’s saying that I’m financially abusing him.
He got our friends involved and they’re split. They think I should be considerate of his feelings as I make a lot more than him and can easily afford the products on my own. Now he has stopped using the products as a protest and I feel terrible.
ETA: My partner is working with his Ph.D. in a field with very limited opportunities (like archeology) whereas I work in a very high-demand field (think AI). So we always knew I would be making more money than him and we agreed that there will be some things that I can afford while he can’t.
So I make a point to get him nice gifts and take him out for expensive dinners every once in a while.
They aren’t just any bath products. I use Dr. Barbara Strum or Molten Brown products. They can be very expensive.
My job is very demanding so I unwind by taking baths so it’s something important to me.
I snapped when he used one of my favorite bath bombs that are hard to find and expensive.
We also equally divide household chores so it’s not like I bring in more money so I can relax more at home.”
Another User Comments;
“NTJ.
How can you be ‘financially abusing’ him by expecting him to pay half when he’s using half? He’s the one who started just using your products every day without asking after saying he only used them rarely, and he’s the one who decided by himself without telling you that you should be 100% subsidizing his use of your personal luxury items.
He doesn’t need these things. They are a personal indulgence, which is why they weren’t part of the shared household budget and you paid for them out of your personal money. If he wants to indulge he should at the very least ask; and if he wants to make luxury products his everyday experience then he can pay for them.
It’s not like the alternative is scrubbing himself with thistles picked from the side of the road. He just doesn’t get to smell extra nice every day for free.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A couple of things: I think it would be a very good idea for you and your partner to sit down and try to have a conversation about this without it escalating, and I think you really should talk about what he meant when he said that you’re financially abusing him.
Because you’re not! I see more and more that people are throwing around words like that without the true meaning behind them, and I don’t understand why he thinks that. You’re in fact paying for two-thirds of his products and for all of your products so I don’t understand how he could come to the conclusion that you’re financially abusing him.
I don’t know you guys or your relationship, but it sounds like there might be underlying issues, maybe he feels resentful because you earn more and are able to spend more, and knows this will go on until he has his Ph.D.? Maybe you feel resentful because you contribute more to the household expenses.
I don’t want answers obviously, but I think it would be a good idea for both of you to sit down and talk about your finances again and just tell the other person how you feel.” AnnaMariaPixie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner accusing you of financial mistreatment is outrageous and he should not have jumped to that accusation.
That’s way out of line.
You being able to afford luxury that he cannot is no one’s fault but his own. He makes his own choices like a big boy, and he can buy his own body wash like one too.
You deserve to use your money for yourself.
His being financially dependent on you is going to give him a doorway to exploit you for money by guilt-tripping you or pulling the ‘financial mistreatment’ card like he already has.
He sounds like a leech. Don’t let him ride on your coat-tails and slow you down.
Edit: my partner and I have been together for 2 years and we have our own separate accounts with our own separate money. We buy things for ourselves and for each other because being financially responsible together is easier than most people make it. Getting a joint account with someone you aren’t married to is the worst decision anyone can make.
I will never have a joint account with anyone. It just causes problems.” Isle_of-Skye
5. AITJ For Not Offering My Brother A Place To Stay?
“My brother and his wife are going through a difficult time. He lost his job right after she became disabled due to illness, they ended up having to leave their rental home, and they moved in with my parents so they could have support.
My parents have a two-bedroom home and so stuff is cramped with 8 people living there (4 adults and 4 kids).
It is starting to become a struggle for them all. So my parents asked me to offer him a place to stay with me and my wife.
I told them no.
I am not close to my brother. We never had a very tight sibling relationship. We’ve always been very different and disinterested in each other. Over time as adults we realized we did not care about being part of each other’s lives.
We’ve seen each other once in the last 7 years. We don’t stay in touch. We don’t ask about each other. Nothing happened. This is just us. No hard feelings but no love either.
My parents told me my brother won’t ask and that he doesn’t want to stay with me either, but it would be better for everyone if they moved in with my wife and me because we have a larger house and much more space.
Mom told me that he would agree if asked and if they wanted him to. So they want me to ask. They told me something needs to change and he is working his butt off trying to afford someplace for them, but they have so much going on between kids and his wife’s medical appointments and then bills piling up.
I told them I didn’t want to live with him any more than he wants to live with me. I offered that my parents could stay for a while if they wanted to get some more space, which my wife suggested as an alternative. They’re livid about it.
They told me he was my brother, that we’re family, and neither of us is acting like it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“‘NTJ. ‘Better for everyone’… yeaaaa no, it would be better for everyone BUT you and your wife. You offered them a very fair alternative.
Don’t throw your life into utter chaos for someone who you have no relationship with. It will be awkward and uncomfortable and lead to resentment and fighting. Your entire life will be upended. Not to mention once they move in it’ll be nearly impossible to get rid of them.
It’s one thing trying to evict two adults, you’ll literally be portrayed as a MONSTER for time immortal if you ever had to evict 4 kids. Don’t do it. You might as well sign away your life and hand them the keys to your house.
2 adults and 4 kids who you’ve only seen ONCE in 7 years? That’s a disaster waiting to happen and completely unreasonable of your parents to expect you to take on.
You offered them an alternative. If they don’t want to take you up on it that’s on them.
Edited to add – Your parents likely don’t want to come to stay with you because they KNOW that it will take away the motivation for them to leave. They’ll literally never be rid of them. That’s not your problem though. Your parents are literally asking you to sacrifice your quality of life and likely SANITY indefinitely.
They got themselves into this mess and they’ll have to get themselves out. If you are able to help with money etc great but don’t sacrifice your happiness and quality of life for someone who you barely even consider family or have a relationship with.
You’ll end up extremely bitter and resentful. Not to mention – think of the toll that could possibly take on your marriage! A lot of people have ended up getting divorced for far less upheaval in their lives than what your parents are proposing.” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Your brother is going through a tough time, and one that many of us worry about and isn’t his fault. It also sounds like he and your parents are doing the best they can, but are really struggling.
You shouldn’t have people in your home that make you uncomfortable, so totally fine to say no, and you did offer a solid compromise.
Since your parents are likely to say no, can you think of other ways to help? Again, you definitely are not a jerk, but going on the assumption you have neutral feelings for your brother but do care for your parents, if there was a small sum of money you would be willing to give to your brother (or to them to pass along) or something like that, it would be very helpful to your parents, not just your brother.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered a temporary solution to your parents’ problem. I know it’s their home, but they offered, but you did not. Maybe they are worried about the amount of time it’s taking for them to get back on their feet. Or if they move out brother might not leave… which brings me to my next point.
If your brother doesn’t want to leave, you’d have to evict him, at your own cost. Would he be able to contribute towards the 6 extra people in your house? Does he have a time frame? Just because you can house them doesn’t mean you should.
It sucks that they are in this position, but it’s not your problem to solve.” HunterDangerous1366
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Leaving A Used Sanitary Pad At My Brother's House?
“My wife and I were invited to my brother’s 31st birthday. He’s single and lives alone in his apartment.
So to give you the heads-up, my wife and him don’t get along so well.
But can be civil enough to sit at the same table.
So, we went and had dinner and talked and everything was going well, no argument nothing til after my wife went to use the bathroom. Later my brother went to use the bathroom and then came back looking annoyed. He kept giving me and my wife looks but I didn’t know what was going on til he pulled me aside before we left and told me that my wife had left her used pad in his bathroom.
I was shocked and didn’t know what to say because this felt highly inappropriate. He said he didn’t appreciate what my wife did and that it was a sign of disrespect towards him. I apologized profoundly and said I didn’t know about it. He asked me to speak to her or she wouldn’t be welcome in his place anymore.
We got in the car and I asked my wife about it, she nonchalantly said there was nothing wrong with what she did and that my brother was being ridiculous. I kind of flipped and told her it was very inappropriate for her to leave her used pad in his place even if it was in the bathroom and the trashcan because it made him uncomfortable.
She yelled asking what she was supposed to do and I told her she could’ve taken it with her and thrown it outside not in his bathroom – that’s my brother’s place and he told me how he felt about it. She yelled at me calling my brother an incel and me a jerk for ‘getting in her face about it’.
She said she needed to use the bathroom and it’s not like the pad was visible since she dumped it in the trashcan.
At home, we still argued about it and she kept on calling me and my brother names. She’s currently not speaking to me and is avoiding me entirely.
Regardless, I feel like it’s his place and he gets to express what makes him uncomfortable in it.
EDIT. I can’t give info or expand on what was seen but I can tell you that the trash can does not have a lid. It’s not like one of those trashcans that have a lid on top and you can push it.
What I want to emphasize is the fact that as guests we should respect people’s homes and not argue about what makes them uncomfortable. He said it made him uncomfortable and that should, in my opinion, be acknowledged.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Oh my god, what were you THINKING?!
Pads are part of a women’s personal hygiene, if she stuck it to the ceiling in that bathroom I’d still call you the jerk for the way you and your brother handled this. He’s 31 and will be single for the rest of his life with this mentality.
I don’t know how you landed a wife either!
Equate it to this, you’re over at your SIL’s house and need to blow your nose, you go do your thing in the bathroom then throw away the tissue. Imagine the gall of the sister checking the trash can (which is extraordinarily invasive?) then coming up to your wife to shame you for disposing of trash in the bathroom TRASH CAN.
Then your wife agrees with her and calls what you did inappropriate?
You have some serious soul-searching to do if you can’t see how much you both hurt your wife.
You and your brother are the jerks here.” Scubasteve913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother too.
But not standing up for your wife when she is being attacked for having normal bodily functions and not being sufficiently clairvoyant that she would know that your brother has such bizarre hangups? Ugh.
Your brother, ok it’s his place and he is allowed to be as weird as he likes.
But that doesn’t apply to you. No wonder your wife is avoiding you. It’s clear you don’t have her back – even in a situation where she has done nothing wrong.
All you can do is try to find an apology abject enough that she won’t resent the crap out of you for some time to come.
Even then, who knows?
Of course, all of this could have been avoided if you had taken the (in context) much more sensible option of marrying a lifesize female mannequin or doll. Maybe with a soundboard so you could have a conversation of some sort.” Stoat__King
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Obviously. Your wife visited your brother, who she doesn’t particularly like, presumably for your benefit. She was in the very normal situation of dealing with her period at the time and properly and appropriately disposed of her pad in the trash can at your brother’s house.
Expecting her to do anything else is ridiculous. Being upset by a used pad in his trash is ridiculous, horrifying, and unacceptable for a grown man.
Your behavior towards your wife is disrespectful, dehumanizing, and overall horrible. You owe her an apology, your brother needs to be talked to about his inappropriate and disrespectful behavior towards your wife, and unless things change, your wife should never be asked to be in the same room with him again.
Honestly, in her shoes, I’d be reconsidering my marriage, because it seems unlikely that this level of disregard, disrespect and unreasonable expectations from you is a one-off.” MyShoulderHatesMe
I could understand if she intentionally left the pad out for him to find out of spite, or if she flushed it down the toilet to intentionally clog it.
But she literally threw it in the trash can!
If the brother has THAT big of a hangup over used pads in the trash, then I feel sorry for whoever ends up jerk him.
They'll probably end up making their own post that says "AITJ For Throwing My Used Pad In My BF's Trash Can?"
3. AITJ For Getting My Stepdaughter Involved In My Company?
“My (67) late wife, Emily, and I had 3 children together, Ross (39), Katarina (36), and Jacob (29). With my current wife, Thi, I have a stepdaughter, Mai (30), and a son, Tri (21).
When I was still married to Emm, I started a business. I wouldn’t call it big or anything, but we’ve been successful enough that it’s mostly comfortable. None of my biological children were interested in the business. They’ve all been successful in their own lives and I’m proud of them all, anyway.
They’re certainly all smarter than me!
Mai is for all intents my daughter. Her father is a piece of work, and we have always been extremely close. She was interested and has followed in my footsteps with the business. She’s worked with me since she was 16, knows how to run it, and is basically my second in command.
I’m getting older and it’s been more and more of a struggle to work. My doctor even recommends I stop all the physical labor. I’ve been planning to retire and hand the business down. I’ve talked to my lawyer and it’s mostly set up.
Basically, it would be split 5 ways, all my children.
From what I understand, my lawyer can set it up so Mai will have voting shares, while the rest will have non-voting shares. So if I understand right, Mai will basically have full control. However, she has all the experience, knowledge, and interest in running it.
She knows what she’s doing, and the others don’t. I think it’s fair. They all get to benefit, but I know it will be run properly. I talked to my children about my plans, and it didn’t go as I expected.
My children from Emily were upset and talked to me alone about it afterward.
They basically think Mai shouldn’t have any say or share, or at least less of one. That she definitely shouldn’t be in control. They say I’m disrespecting Emm’s memory and basically punishing them for not going into the business. I tried to explain my thoughts, that they will all be protected, but Mai has the experience and knows how to run my business.
I don’t care about b***d, Mai is my child and ‘deserves’ as much as them. Yes, Mai will have control over how it’s run, but they all will benefit from it. They just won’t accept it and think I’m favoring her unfairly.
I don’t think it’s wrong.
I’m looking out for all my children while making sure it survives. Maybe it’s ‘favoring’ her for being in the business, but she is the only one of my children who knows how to run it. They’ll all equally profit, the four of them have priority to profits if I get it right.
But I am worried since they are taking it really badly. I love all my kids, and don’t want to hurt them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it is a recipe for disaster leaving them all shares like that. There is already tension over it, and giving them all part ownership is going to cause issues.
I do think your children from your first wife are being overly entitled here, especially as they have no involvement with the business. I really think that they are way out of line. But entitled people cannot usually be reasoned with, because they are only interested in their own interests.
Unfortunately, I do not have a solution for you that doesn’t end up with your 3 eldest kids being happy, whilst still being fair to everyone and keeping the business in the family. You might need to consider selling the business (perhaps to your step daughter at a discount?).” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re doing it the right way, both to protect all your children’s interests and to protect the longevity of your family business. The other kids will benefit financially from the business’s success and the day-to-day will be passed off to someone competent.
In my opinion, Mai should be given some preferential treatment for investing her time and talents in the business. Your other kids chose not to and that’s fine, but there’s a consequence for that decision and that consequence should include protection from them ruining things, whether out of incompetence or spite.
My gut tells me, based on the response of the other kids and that they are already implying that Mai isn’t your real kid, that if they have voting control (meaning their votes outrank Mai’s) a couple of things could happen, probably both. 1) They will tank the business due to inexperience and desire to maximize their payouts and 2) they will force a sale, which costs Mai her job, as to her it’s not just a money source.
They don’t seem to care about the business or Mai, so to give them control would likely end badly for Mai, though she would get her cut of whatever sale price they got after tanking the business. So unless there are other voting stakeholders with a long-term interest in the business, giving them voting control could very well have a bad outcome for the family business.
Doing things equally is not always the just or fair way to do things and, in my opinion, this is one of those cases.
There was this story about where a dad gave control to a child that didn’t work at his business over the one who did.
The kid who invested his life in the business was mad and expressed concerns but dad didn’t listen. The new boss kid cut wages and quality, and the kid with experience left and took half the staff and started a competing company. His grew, dad’s old business crashed and burned, and dad was mad at the kid he screwed for not just sucking it up after dad and sibling disrespected him.” GSTLT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mai may not be your b***d but she does have sweat equity in the business because she practically manages it with you. If none of your kids are interested in joining the business, I suggest selling the company, giving them their share, and walking away.
Mai knows the company inside out, you can help her buy it from you or at least retain a controlling portion. You can also encourage her to put up her own. That way your kids have no more say in the company. If you do not settle this while you are alive, once you’re gone, they will spend the rest of their life creating trouble for Mai and with each other.
Not giving them any share is also an option. This is your business, your money. Only you have a say on what to do with it.” missywitchy1975
2. AITJ For Banning My Son From Seeing His Partner?
“A few months ago my son ‘Ray’ (15M) was in a bad motorcycle accident with his partner ‘Kent’ (16M) coming from baseball practice and he broke a leg, some of his ribs, and two of his fingers. I was furious when I found out what happened because Kent wasn’t supposed to be giving rides to anyone and decided to race some other guy on a bike and lost control.
I banned Kent from visiting Ray in the hospital or his physical therapy, and the house. I really don’t want this kid around as he’s reckless and this isn’t the first time he’s pulled a dumb stunt like this.
Usually, Ray’s dad drops him off and picks him up from physical therapy, but today I picked him up because his dad had to stay late for work.
When I got there I saw Kent there hugging him and talking. I got mad and stormed over and yelled at Ray that it was time to go and I told Kent that I better not see him there again or he’d get sued for damages.
Of course, on the way home Ray was upset and told me it’s not fair of me to treat Kent like that and that he loves him and I reminded him that he’ was gunning for a baseball scholarship and that might be all down the drain now since he has to sit out a season and we still don’t know how well he’ll heal. I remind him how Kent could have gotten both of them killed and he just got somber and quiet.
Ray went straight to his room when we got home and I talked to my husband about it and he told me that yeah Kent would show up sometimes to help Ray and mad I asked how could he want that boy anywhere around right now and he told me that I have a right to be mad but seeing Kent is keeping Ray positive and helping with his recovery and that maybe I shouldn’t have reacted like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s been months since the accident and Kent is still visiting Ray. You have to acknowledge these two really care about each other and my guess is Kent feels horrible. Banning Kent is fruitless. With luck, soon Ray will be driving himself, and then what?
I suggest you find a therapist to help you process your anger, fear, and despair before you do permanent damage to your relationship with your son. YTJ, but I understand why.” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son made the decision to get on the bike and therefore face the consequences.
He is going to have to live with that and deal with the trauma from that. But you are making it worse. If your son wants Kent in his life that is his choice to make. If he makes Ray happy and you haven’t seen an unhealthy relationship (just some dumb teenage choices) then you don’t really have grounds to be mad here.” jellyfishnova
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your kid has to learn that actions have consequences.
He loses a potential scholarship and you can’t afford to send him to school? He takes out a loan and pays himself.
He can’t play ever again? His choice.
Yeah, I’d be pretty annoyed if someone being stupid almost killed my kids BUT your kid happily jumped on the back of the bike?
You think if he didn’t make that choice for himself he would resent his partner for putting him in that position?” friendlystonergirl
What if u had had a wreck while he was in the car and he got hurt? Would u not continue to be around him?
1. AITJ For Wanting The Whole Row To Myself?
“I was flying to Asia on AirAsia. The flight length is 7 hours. The setup is 3-3-3, with 3 seats on the sides, and 3 on the middle aisle.
Most people have their seats set up so it’s x-o-x, 2 people in each row, with a space between them.
I get lucky and have a row all to myself o-o-x. But I didn’t want to take a chance to move so I put all my stuff in my seat pouch (tablet, water bottle, phone, earphones).
During takeoff I stay in my assigned seat, then when the seat belt light goes off I put on my earplugs and eyemask and lay down.
About 30 minutes in someone taps my leg, and I wake up and reposition in the middle seat. It was an old Asian woman that immediately sat down in my original assigned seat when I got up.
I thought she was sitting down to let people pass her by, but she stays there and starts putting her purse under the seat and her water bottle in the seat pouch (my stuff is still inside).
She gestures for me to move to the other seat.
I’m just confused and stare at her for a good minute thinking about what is going on.
I call the help button. A crewmember comes and I explain that the woman is sitting in my assigned seat and the other seats in the row were not occupied, so it’s obviously not her assigned seat, so I’m asking him to tell her to leave.
He says that since I moved seats she can too. Visible confusion just radiates from my eyes. At this time she didn’t say anything to this crewmember.
She gestures for me to move over to the other aisle seat again so it’s x-o-x, but I tell her no. So I decided to just play hardball and get my tablet from her seat and start watching movies.
Another 20-30 minutes go by and they start serving drinks. She gets a drink and starts having a long conversation with a different crew member.
I don’t know what they said, but she chugged her drink, took her stuff (I was watching if she was trying to steal something), and left. Never saw her again.
She wasn’t even in the vicinity when I went to the bathroom, no idea where she came from.
When she left I laid down and went to sleep. So AITJ for not moving over to share the row with this woman?
Edit: I described her as an old Asian lady trying to describe a language and cultural barrier.
I’ll describe myself as a young Asian-American man that doesn’t speak their language.
The flight seemed about 60-70% full. Like I said most rows were x-o-x, but some people had rows to themselves like me. I don’t know what the lady’s seat was since I didn’t see her in the vicinity and didn’t see her again.
I didn’t see any rows near me that were full x-x-x.
I laid down on the row. Someone tapped my leg, I got up because I thought it was the crew telling me to put on my seat belt. It just happened that when I sat up I ended up in the middle seat.
Before I had the chance to say or do anything the lady took my seat without saying anything. I did not willingly move to the middle seat. I just sat up and she took it, so even if I wanted to move to my assigned seat, I couldn’t because she was there.
I was really confused at first why people were saying I moved. Now it makes sense.
I did not move to the middle seat, I was lying feet on my assigned seat, torso on the middle seat, and head on another aisle seat. When I sat back up, my butt rolled into the middle seat, and as soon as I did the lady took my seat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t change seats, you lay across your seat and two unoccupied ones. People constantly make use of one empty seat beside them, so why wouldn’t you use both empty seats? This isn’t about whether lying across three seats is respectable behavior on a flight (in my opinion, it’s fine).
When you sat up, naturally you rotated upwards into the middle seat, but your original seat was still yours. Just as it’d be wrong for her to take it while you were in the bathroom, it’s wrong for her to take it here.
If someone wanted to take one of these seats because they were in a row of three people, it’d be reasonable for them to take the farthest seat from yours in that row, so that it remains x-o-x.
You can’t lay claim to more than one seat if someone wants one. But you can lay claim to the seat you booked and never actually left.
If she wanted an aisle seat with nobody beside her, why didn’t she take the seat she was gesturing for you to take?!
She should have noticed your stuff in the seat pocket, understood, and taken that other aisle seat for herself.
It’s a shame about the language barrier, the flight attendant not understanding, and you not explaining the situation well to them, but you’re NTJ.
e: I am assuming here that if she’d originally woken you up and just happened to take the aisle seat that wasn’t yours – which is not something I’d have had the audacity to do; I’d just have wished I was as lucky as you – you wouldn’t have complained that you’re entitled to all three seats.” jtlnrj
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You paid for one seat, not entitled to any more than that.
You did not have the right to ask for her to be removed from the whole row. At most, you could have insisted on having the aisle and she could have one of the other seats in the same row.
You were really petty and insisted on the middle seat instead because you thought (correctly) that would make her move. What if it didn’t? Would you have stayed in the middle seat for the whole journey?
She shouldn’t have tried to get you to move to the window because while it’s really petty, you can sit in the empty middle seat if you want, just like she can sit in any empty seat.
You were also a huge jerk to leave all your stuff in the seat she was sitting in. Either you claim the seat and get her to take one of the other two, or you move your things to the seat you want – in your case, the middle seat.” olachi2022
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should have stayed in your originally assigned seat and not moved – when you have a seat assignment onboard a flight, it’s there for a purpose. If that plane crashes, and a body is found in the seat you’re supposed to be in, it’ll be marked that you’re presumed gone.
Now, obviously, if it’s a granny sitting there, and you’re in a different seat, that’s two passengers who aren’t identified. You, because you’re not where you’re supposed to be, and her, because neither is she.
However, AirAsia’s cabin crew were also in the wrong in that they should have ordered the lady to leave her seat and move to where she was supposed to be and then ordered you to return to your seat.
Next time, stay where you’re put, it would cause a lot less grief and you wouldn’t be on here moaning about it.” Mouthtrap
