People Hope For The Best In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Brother For A Disastrous Family Trip?
“My wife and I just got home from a fishing trip with my family. I hired a charter to take us & my brother rented an Airbnb for the whole family. No one asked him to, he just did it on his own. He chose a decent place but there were a few issues.
It was a no-smoking property & almost all of us smoked in some capacity. There were also not enough beds, & he didn’t take into account the physical limitations of some of us. I have torn cartilage in both knees & my wife had back surgery a few years ago.
I ended up on a bunk bed on the 2nd floor and my wife on a very uncomfortable futon.
Furthermore, rather than split the cost of the rental, he decided to divide the daily cost by the number of beds. If you want a bed you pay the price even though not all beds are of equal quality.
Everyone else sleeps for free. I told him that wasn’t fair to everyone and he agreed and made it so everyone else has to pay $30 a night “for food” which my Dad was supposedly buying (still waiting on confirmation from Dad), without changing anything else regarding the beds.
This was starting to sound like one of his scams. He has done things like this before his whole life. He hasn’t been so bad since he had a son, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
On the last day, all chaos broke loose.
My mother, brother, & sister were smoking all over the place. My mother bragged how she would not be caught & when my wife found her butts my mother made an underhanded comment that implied they belonged to a friend my wife brought along the first day.
My brother took my wife’s medication. My sister took a bunch of my fishing tackle & lost about $50 of lures.
At night my mother, sister, and brother got severely intoxicated, trashed the place, & made my 5-year-old nephew cry, as well as harassed & angered myself, my wife, my father, and my uncle.
My mother fell several times & one of these times fell on my wife causing her to fall on her back. There are bruises all along the part of her thigh where my mother’s body collided with her.
They have no respect for anyone, not even themselves.
Certainly not me or the property owner. They ruined the entire trip & my wife & I left early. My brother calls today, confessing he “accidentally” pocketed my wife’s medication, asking if he could stop by & pick up the money I didn’t pay him & he would give it back.
I told him he was a jerk, he would never have mentioned the medication if I gave him the money, and there was no way I was paying him anything near the amount he asked me. I told my sister to pay me the money she owes me for the lures, along with a bunch of other money she owes me & has been dodging or I would escalate the situation.
My mother, well, she isn’t getting a Happy Mother’s Day from me, that’s for sure.
AITJ for telling them to get bent and not paying even a fair share of what I owe for the rental? I feel like I should pay something, but none of them are sorry in the slightest. Maybe I should pay it to my Dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to calm down before you do anything. Give yourself some time it calculate what you believe you and your wife owe for this debacle and give it to your father to pass on to your brother. “My brother calls today, confessing he “accidentally” pocketed my wife’s medication, asking if he could stop by & pick up the money I didn’t pay him & he would give it back.” As an aside, you need to tell your brother he has two choices return the medication to your wife or you’ll report it to the police.
He’s not going to extort money from you and hold your wife’s meds hostage. Follow thru if he waffles because it’s what he’s trying to do is bull-shinola.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“This trip was a total disaster inside a dumpster fire adjacent to a train wreck… BUT… Please PLEASE explain to me why in a million bazillion years you would ever voluntarily go on a trip like this.
I mean, outside of some kind of court order as community service? You even admitted in a comment that this is not the first time nor the worst time it happened. Why do you do it to yourself.? I’m sorry but that leaves me with very little sympathy.” CalendarDad
Another User Comments:
“For the love of god please go no contact on them. Stop enabling them by spending time with them. This is not your first rodeo with them but you expected different results? Do you love your wife? Then if you love your wife stop bringing your toxic, selfish, sociopathic relatives around her.
She does not deserve them abusing her physically injuring her and stealing her medication from her just because she’s trying to be a great wife for you and not rock that boat of interacting with your side of the family. Please talk to a therapist about how to go low to no contact with your side of the family with those specific relatives.
Stop going on trips with your wife with your relatives who make her life an absolute living nightmare.” DietrichDiMaggio
17. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Obsessive Behavior Over Her Ex?
“My close friend, Raina, was seeing Tim for two months and then he broke up with her because they grew apart. I comforted Raina throughout her breakup along with Layla and Florence.
Raina could not get over Tim and would talk about him every day.
Eventually, things started getting weird. Tim had blocked Raina on all social media but she would make new accounts to check up on his accounts every day. I guess we all get curious I suppose? But then Raina started searching for Tim’s family members on social media and started checking their posts every day to see new photos of him.
Tim had a childhood friend, Winnie, and Raina despised her despite never meeting or talking to her. Raina then did the same to Winnie, searching for her social media and finding Winnie’s family members’ social media whilst checking on them every day.
Then, Raina started following Tim around campus and taking pictures of him or Winnie from a distance.
Raina continued talking about Tim all the time and we would all comfort her, but especially Layla. I stopped putting my two cents into the comforting when it had been seven months after the breakup and the stalking was weirding me out. I asked Layla why she would support Raina in the stalking and she told me to leave Raina alone and cut her some slack.
Though I stopped comforting Raina when we were in a group, when she would come to me specifically for advice I’d tell her gently that the only way to get over him was to try and I didn’t think she was trying by checking in on him or Winnie every day.
She’d agree and then change nothing about herself.
Raina not only talked about Tim to us but everyone she came across. Eventually, word got out to Tim that Raina was still stuck on him despite it being a year later and Tim told a mutual friend to tell Raina to leave him alone.
Raina did not leave Tim alone after that and she only grew more sad and obsessed.
Flash forward, it’s been two years since the breakup and Raina would only talk about Tim when I wasn’t around. Florence would complain about Raina to me and I told her to just leave it alone.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.
I was at a breaking point when Raina texted our group chat (with L & F) to talk about how Tim brought her up a year ago and she found out. All he said was how he was okay about being single.
I blew up on her and told her it was getting out of hand from the fact that it was two years and she’s still not over him and doesn’t try but complains all the time about still being held up by it. I said her stalking was outright weird and she shouldn’t have been supported in that type of behavior.
Raina was mad at me and said “Whatever, OP.” I was unbelievably fed up with it and when I spoke to Florence the next day I said, “I only told the truth.”
Florence then told me I overstepped by saying all of it in a group chat and that everything I said was not needed.
Am I crazy? Was her behavior okay? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I’d be very happy to have a friend like you. It seems like the other friends are supporting her behavior and validating her when in reality, she needs to move on by now.
I wouldn’t say lashing out in a group chat was the best or nicest way to go about it.. but I understand your frustration completely. I think she’s probably hurt from being called out in front of the group, so if you want to save the friendship, I recommend apologizing to her.
If it’s worth it to you, sit her down, just you and her, and have one last honest conversation about Tim, and don’t beat around the bush. It doesn’t sound like she’s getting the right type of support from the other two who are letting her sulk in these feelings and encouraging the creepy stalking behavior.
If this last conversation doesn’t get through in her head, then you can choose to ignore anytime she talks about Tim, or simply move on from the friendship with her. Best of luck!” FoxyArcticLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke the truth. Not sure why openly addressing the stalking behavior is somehow worse than the ACTUAL stalking of Tim.
Time and time again, the person who identifies the behavior and refuses to enable it becomes the bad guy. Stalking is unhealthy and often has a dreadful impact on innocent people. If your friends cannot see this, then maybe they have different values than you and it is time to recognize this.
Good on you.” magsy3
Another User Comments:
“Wow, Raina is unhinged and obsessed in a sick way. That could lead to dangerous situations in the future. They were only together for two months! This behavior would be worrisome after a breakup of a long relationship, and much more after a relationship of two months.
Who is to tell if Raina isn’t doing something stupid when Tim gets a new partner? That’s how a lot of harassment, murder, and assault documentaries start. Raina needs professional help before she hurts or kills somebody over her obsession.” Lokea_01
16. AITJ For Leaving My Brother's Wedding Early After My Mom Threw My Daughter At Me?
“I (33f) have 4 siblings (2 brothers and 2 sisters) and this was the last of us to get married. My husband (33m) and I are the only ones in our family with no children. We have one daughter and she is 16 months old. I was a bridesmaid, my husband was the best man, and my daughter was a flower girl.
My dad passed away two years ago (cirrhosis of the liver due to booze) and my mom became more dependent on booze afterward and is now a horrible heavy drinker. We’ve been trying to get her into treatment, and have tried therapy, interventions, medication, etc. My mom’s drinking has caused a huge rift between her and all of us and most of my siblings are planning on cutting her off, including myself.
The plan was to wait until after the wedding to do so to not cause drama. Well, the wedding was this past Saturday and the ceremony was beautiful and perfect! Everything went so smoothly until after the cake cutting part during the reception. Right after my mom took my daughter to walk around with and gave her a bear decoration to play with.
I didn’t want my daughter playing with any of the decorations because they weren’t her’s and the bear was to go home with the bride and groom so I didn’t want her to get it dirty (she had just eaten ice cream).
I followed my mom asking repeatedly for the bear and saying I didn’t want her to play with it and my mom was running away from me trying to keep me away from my daughter. She stopped and yelled at me that she didn’t want my daughter to see me so she wouldn’t want me.
I told her she could keep holding my daughter and that I just wanted the bear. She gave it to me behind her back, but in the same second turned around and threw my daughter at me and tried to storm off. I thankfully caught her ok and she was ok, but started to cry.
We think she was just startled from being thrown. I yelled “NO, NOT OK!” at my mom and I went out to the parking lot to meet my husband and told him I wanted to leave. My mom tried to talk to me after and apologized for getting frustrated and being aggressive with my daughter, but I wasn’t having it.
I went back inside the venue and told my brother about what had happened that we were leaving and that I was sorry for leaving early. He seemed understanding and upset with my mom and I gave him and his new bride hugs and we left!
I talked to my brother and his new wife the next day about it all and apologized again for leaving early and they were fine with it and said they understood and we even made plans for the following Saturday to get together again. I haven’t spoken to my mother since the wedding.
However today my brother calls me while I’m at work and now says he’s upset about us leaving. He feels unsupported because we missed the dances and send-off. I told him that I was sorry again and that he’s valid to be upset.
I also reached out and apologized to his wife again. I just want to know AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, because it’s a tough one. You could have handled it by just keeping your daughter from her. You know that all your siblings want to cut your mom off because of her inappropriate behavior and that they put it off due to the wedding.
This basically means that you all were willing to put up with her nonsense for the wedding’s sake. So I think by leaving, you didn’t follow that agreement. Of course, your daughter comes first and you can’t put her in danger, but I like to believe that there were other ways to keep her safe – her being with you or her dad, or another auntie or uncle at all times.
Until she had to sleep anyway. A 16m old won’t last through an entire wedding and I’m sure you’ve made arrangements for her sleep time somewhere.” Fuzzy-Ad1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Who cares about your brother’s decision to now be upset? YOU were upset at the time and your mother had behaved badly.
You explained why you were leaving, and apologized, what more does he want? Move on, if your brother can’t accept your apologies, too bad for him.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not even going to address the situation with your ID because…..WOW! Instead let’s focus on why you’re asking if you’re the jerk here.
You left your brother’s wedding reception early, the reasons are irrelevant at that point. You then apologized and both your brother and his wife said it was okay. Then you called again the next day to apologize and again they were fine with it. But then all of a sudden he calls you up all whiney about how he felt “unsupported”?
What does that even mean? NTJ because they were fine with you dipping out early and apologizing about it but then changed their minds.” PunchBeard
15. AITJ For Not Vouching For My Coworker Who Quit After An Argument With Our Boss?
“I(19F), had a coworker we’ll call Lisa. Lisa worked part-time and was in her 40s. We work in a hospital kitchen that specializes in long-term care.
Lisa was a single mom of three going through a divorce. She was a very nice person, but she also tended to overshare a lot, which is why I know as much as I do. Her son was a patient in our hospital for a while when he was younger, he’s about 5 now.
Now, Lisa was a terrible coworker. She would constantly beg for more hours and then she would not call/no show for sometimes multiple shifts a week. She also would be late a lot because her son needed a babysitter and something was always going wrong.
I know she was trying, but that made things very hard on the rest of us.
Anyway, now to yesterday. Lisa told my boss, we’ll call her Carol, that she needed to make a phone call to her lawyer while on her break, and she might go over time.
Carol said it was fine, but after she had been 20 minutes over, she texted Lisa to ask when she’d be back.
Now, Carol has a little office in the side of the kitchen where she does computer work like ordering food, etc. I was in there talking to her about a patient’s diet when Lisa came storming in and started yelling at my boss for the text.
It went something like this this,
L: “I told you I’d be over! I’m dealing with my ex trying to take my kids from me!”
C: “I understand, and I’m sorry. I just needed to know how long you would be.”
They argued back and forth until Lisa took off her apron and threw it on the ground before she stormed off.
She didn’t throw it at my boss, but I thought she was going to for a second, and so did my boss. That’s when I left the office and tried to get back to work. My colleague (16) asked me what happened but I just told her it wasn’t any of my business.
About ten minutes later, I saw my 16-year-old coworker comforting a crying Lisa, and I genuinely felt very bad for her.
Well, despite everything Carol was willing to work with Lisa on everything, and told her that she was fine if Lisa needed some more time off.
She also told her that she would have to write up Lisa for throwing her apron, however, but it was a first strike, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal.
Lisa argued that and said she already apologized, which she did, and that she shouldn’t get a write-up.
Carol told her that it was caught on camera and her bosses had already reached out to her after another coworker told a higher-up.
Long story short, Lisa walked out after she was told she would be getting a write-up. Now, at my job, if you walk out of a shift that is seen as you quit.
Fast forward to today, I got a text from Lisa asking me to vouch for her to get her job back because I saw her throw the apron. I told her I would tell them what I saw if they asked. I haven’t heard back from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing you did or said was the reason Lisa lost her job, that’s all on herself. No matter how tough your private life is you can’t expect work to let things like this go more than a couple of times. She wasn’t even fired…
she walked out. (Being written up is not that bad if you learn from it and don’t do it again.) It’s not your responsibility to lie for her. And I wouldn’t. It’s on camera anyway. And why would you vouch for her? It could backfire and get yourself into trouble.
Not worth it.” Crazyandiloveit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Lisa should know better than to behave that way if she wanted to stay employed. She took a 20-minute call during work hours, tossed her apron to the ground when confronted about it, and walked out when faced with the consequences of her actions.
It sounds like Lisa has a tough time learning lessons, hopefully, this one will stick. All you can do is tell the truth. And the truth is that Lisa picked the wrong option every single time she could have. She reacted emotionally instead of with her logic, which often caused loss.
It was caught on video, no one can cover for her and she did this to herself.” EJ_1004
14. AITJ For Considering Not Attending My Sibling's Child-Free Wedding Due To Childcare Issues?
“A sibling is getting married and asked my husband and I to be in the wedding (my husband being the best man).
We have two small children, and the wedding is about 2 hours away from our home. The sibling did not state that it was a child-free wedding, but it did end up turning out to be after much conversation and hurt feelings.
We were told that our kids would need a sitter for the day as we would be both busy in the wedding party and that the kids could be present for the ceremony and reception but could not be with us while getting ready for the ceremony.
This proves very difficult for us as we have no family or friends who are able to watch the kids. We are expected to be there at 7:00 a.m. to get ready for the wedding which will take place at 3:00 p.m. We proposed that perhaps we could come a bit later to the getting ready portion so that we could more easily find a sitter who would be available for that amount of time or we could get ready at home and show up to the wedding dressed and ready to go.
They took great offense at this suggestion and became very upset with us. We pointed out that we are parents first and that we have obligations to our children and we can’t just leave them with anyone. They said that this was their day and that we could be parents every day but this day would be about them.
I am anxious about leaving my kids that far away as we have never left them with anyone for more than an hour or two before. She then chose to personally insult me by saying that I must have a “bigger problem” if I have anxiety around leaving my children with someone who isn’t family.
She is refusing to compromise on her day as she insists that she would be too anxious if we were to come later in order to accommodate a reasonable babysitter. I am at a loss on what to do. During this conversation they revealed to us that it is in fact a child free wedding which they had never disclosed before.
They now no longer want the children at the ceremony at all and insist that saying that they could be there previously was just their means of compromising to make us feel better. I have no idea where to go from here. They are certainly within their rights to have a child free wedding, and if that had been communicated clearly to us we would have saved a lot of stepping on toes and hurt feelings that happened in this conversation.
It is not okay for them to insist that we have to be there and we have to have child care for 18 plus hours that day. It is my opinion that if someone chooses to have a child free wedding, they are acknowledging and they must be okay with the fact that they are likely excluding a lot of couples that have children.
They don’t have the right to be upset when those couples choose not to attend. AITJ if we don’t attend the wedding of a sibling when our kids are not welcome.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are being unreasonable, they are refusing to accept that a child free wedding means some parents may be limited in attendance or unable to go, and they are blaming you for their own compromising then resenting their compromise.
You can’t find a sitter you’re comfortable with, with a YEAR to go? Don’t get me wrong they are unreasonable and you don’t need to be available for them for 18 years in one day. But that’s more than enough time to find to find a family, friend, or paid sitter you can trust.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“If you can afford it, contact a nanny service and hire a nanny for the day to stay at the house with your kids. A lot of nannies have early childhood education backgrounds, background checked and cpr certified. Set your time boundaries with the couple and hold to it.
“We have a nanny between Xam and Xpm. We will be available for you between Xam and Xpm and after that we will have to leave so the nanny can leave. If this works for you then we can remain in your bridal party but if not we need to pull out.
Likewise, we can only afford to pay X for all wedding festivities we are involved in due to the additional cost of the nanny. We want to be clear with you about our boundaries – if they won’t work for you then you will need to replace us and we will attend as guests.”” ZombieHealthy2616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even without children, what the heck kind of preparation takes EIGHT HOURS before the ceremony? Okay, so maybe there’s a lot of bridesmaids with elaborate hair and make up, but what are the groomsmen going to be doing for eight hours?
Child-free weddings are like destination weddings or weddings with super-restrictive dress codes: if that’s what you want, great! But you have to accept that it will mean some folks will not be able to attend. Demanding that parents of young children to leave those children two hours away, for eighteen hours, with a childminder, is a massive ask.
Some would be okay with that, given a year to prepare, but a lot would not. It’s unreasonable of the bride and groom to not acknowledge that. As for “You can be parents every other day”, that’s complete rubbish. Parents are parents every single day.
I’m happily child-free, and that’s one of the reasons why lol” bouncing_haricot
13. AITJ For Renting The Apartment We Viewed Together Without My Friends?
“I’m 29 years old, and after an awful 5-year separation, I moved back in with my parents a year ago. It’s been tough living back at home, and I’ve wanted to get my place, but apartment prices are super expensive in my area. I have two close friends who were also looking for a new apartment because their current place is too expensive for them to save money, so we agreed to look for one together.
Throughout the process, I’ve urged them to also keep their eyes open for a place that would suit the two of them (they’re a couple) and to do what’s best for them even if it means getting a place without me. I’d never want them to feel trapped by our agreement or pass up a good opportunity because of me.
Two days ago, we viewed a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment. We all liked it, but once I got home and the initial excitement faded, it hit me how small the place was and how hard it would be to have privacy and sleep well. I go to bed early because I work at a school, and they like to stay up later playing games, and the living room and bathroom are so close to both bedrooms, that it seemed too small for all 3 of us and their cat.
So I texted them that night to say, I’m sorry, but I think this place is too small for us. They then said that they’d find a place for just the two of them since we couldn’t seem to agree on a place that suited all 3 of our needs, which I agreed to.
That afternoon, though, when I went to the property manager’s office to tell her that the apartment was too small for all of us, I told her to keep me in mind if anything else opened up, and she surprised me by offering the apartment to just me if I wanted it since I had put down a deposit already.
(The deposit was mine, I didn’t ask my friends to help with it, which I didn’t mind doing because I make a bit more money than they do.) I crunched the numbers and realized that I could afford it on my own.
I quickly reached out to my friends to ask for their blessing because I’d love to have this apartment, but I told them that I’d never want it to hurt our friendship.
They seem annoyed with me now, but I’ve been miserable living with my parents since my big separation, and this apartment is a perfect opportunity for me. The location makes my work commute way easier, and it’s right down the street from the gym I go to every day.
I should also mention that I was getting anxious about living with these friends because we have very, very, very different philosophies on cleaning and decorating, and I was afraid that I would have to argue with them about those things. I didn’t want this to hurt our friendship, but I think it has anyway.
Taking this apartment is the right move for me, and although it’s a complicated situation, I was hoping that my friends would be understanding and supportive. I’ve told them that I care about them and value our friendship, and I’ve tried to explain my position as well as I can, but they stopped replying to my messages, and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They already told you they were going to look for a place on their own. You explained to them what happened. Not sure what they were expecting. Maybe they thought they’d get that place for themselves? That’s the only thing I can think of that would make them angry.
Anyway, you put down the deposit, you put in the effort, it’s on them to suck it up.” golden fingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… never a good idea to move in with a couple for a MULTITUDE of reasons. They can veto your choices cuz 2 against 1 and you’ll often feel like a third wheel, and you’ll probably hear things at night you don’t want to….
Besides you put the down payment and they said they’ll find somewhere for the two of them, so you did nothing wrong and if they wanna be distant or cold just ignore them till they reach out.” ThisEnvironment6627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on the title I was leaning towards you being the jerk, but reading it, it sounds like you communicated your intentions every step of the way.
If you did it behind their backs then you’re a jerk. If, like you wrote in your post, you articulated your opinions every step of the way. Especially them saying ‘no problem we will look separately’ then definitely NTJ.” members
12. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Car To My Irresponsible Sister For Her 21st Birthday?
“I (28m) have a 2011 Nissan, not the nicest car but it gets the job done. I don’t use it every day because I work from home Tuesday/Thursday/Friday.
Because of this, I tend to lend my car occasionally to friends or family if someone needs it. The only thing I usually ask is that the car be returned in a clean condition with the same amount of gas as was originally in the tank.
I have two sisters, Jackie(26f) and Melissa (20f) who use my car often as we live in a smaller town and it’s just easier than getting their own. Jackie has been using my car since I got it back when we were in high school so we’re pretty used to sharing and there haven’t been any issues.
Melissa has borrowed the car on and off for the last few years between high school and coming home on college breaks. She usually borrows the car to go out with friends/run errands and I have said yes. However, I have regretted doing so each time.
There was one time when she didn’t refill the gas and I was left practically empty. Her excuse was “It was late at night when I got home and I didn’t feel safe going to the station that late” which was fine, I asked if she could Venmo me the money to fill it up, and she said yes, but never did.
There was another time when she had some friends in town to visit so I let her borrow it to drive into the closest city (about 45 mins) to have stuff to do with them. When it was returned the car was trashed. Fast food wrappers everywhere, lip gloss in my seat, and a general stench of unpleasant odor.
I had to pay 150$ to get it detailed and cleaned. I asked for a reimbursement, was again told sure, and never received it.
These are only two examples of at least 20 in which she has returned my car in poor condition. I have tried to talk to our parents about it, but all they have to say is that she is young and doesn’t understand the true responsibility of having a car yet, and that I as the older brother should cut her some slack.
Most recently she asked to borrow the car for her 21st birthday in a week. She is having friends fly into the city and has a ‘girls” trip’ sort of weekend planned. But I said no and it set off World War Three in my family.
My sister has gone nuclear claiming I am ruining her birthday. My parents agreed with her and my mom said I was being too harsh and that it was only one weekend so to stop making a stink about it.
I feel like I’ve given her so many chances over so many years and she has always let me down (Jackie agrees) but I also get that a 21st birthday is a once-in-a-lifetime special experience that she will never be able to get back.
So should I let her use the car? Or am I the jerk for standing my ground and saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her 21st birthday? The birthday that says she can drink legally? You’d be lucky if you get your car back in one piece, much less clean.
Tell her ‘no’. Let your parents rent her a car. Let one of her friends drive. Hide your keys. And at 28, time for you to make plans to move out.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is planning to use your car to party. There’s no way you should let anyone borrow your car if you suspect they might drive your car while intoxicated. Additionally, if you lend your car to someone and they cause an accident, you could be held legally responsible for the costs of damages and injuries not covered by insurance. And your insurance company would probably cancel your policy if they knew you regularly lent out your car.
You need to stop lending your car to anyone. Your parents are welcome to pay for the costs of Melissa’s transportation if it’s so important to them.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make it crystal clear the car has to be returned clean, and full of fuel.
I’d say to your parents that they act as guarantors to this arrangement – so effectively they are responsible for paying for anything and they can tell off your sister in the likely chance your car is trashed etc. If it wasn’t her 21st I’d have said no chance, but it’s the nice thing to do.
In the future, if your parents agree to the above, there shouldn’t be a problem lending your car. It’s not exactly a classy car lol I wouldn’t fret too much about it. Of course, it is yours, and your sister should respect the terms and conditions of using it.
I’d imagine very quickly if your parents start paying for the fuel and cleaning, they probably will be on your side in the future to not letting her use it.” NonamesleftUK
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Foster Mother After She Dismissed My Chronic Pain As Psychological?
“To give a bit of a backstory, I have been experiencing pain in my body for about 2 years of my life, I then entered care last year in January.
Since I entered care the pain has gotten increasingly worse. It happens everywhere in my body on my fingers, wrists, ankles, thighs, feet, head, ears, arms, back, and especially my chest as the pain can be so terrible I can not function properly. Certain tasks such as work, cleaning, and moving have become so stressful and painful that I have to sleep/rest for hours just to regain some strength.
To top it off, every 3-5 days I get fever-like symptoms, but when test results such as my temperature are checked everything is normal.
I went to multiple doctors but it was usually something about sprains, I went to a new doctor and I got a Positive ANA test result.
The pain worsened and as it did I would complain only to be told by my mother to stop my complaining, that she doesn’t care and I shouldn’t tell her because she can’t do anything.
The Same doctor who took the blood test gave me medication.
I took 6 medications I would take for about 4 weeks. The pain unfortunately continued to occur with an increase of headaches than normal. The doctor stopped the medication as it was only a test to see if something would change.
Today we went to the same doctor to follow up on the medicine.
I told the doctor how I felt during the medication, and after that my foster parent and doctor went outside the room, I heard them talk about how it was all in my head and that I had psychological problems. When they came into the room I told them I wasn’t lying about the pain.
They reassured me they didn’t think I was lying but then my foster mom went into what they said “We don’t think you’re lying, we think it’s in your head. You pick and choose medication and you only feel better when you get things.” When I tell you I blew up, I blew up.
I yelled at my foster mother “How dare you say something like that! You just implied that I’m lying about it!” I continued to yell at her “You don’t know anything about me!”
To me personally, when she said I only feel better when I get things it makes it seem like I fake the pain so I can get out of things or get things.
She then compared me to the gypsy Rose situation and said it was similar. I was now enraged, I told her if I ever found out what I had and it was something that wasn’t in my head, she was going to apologize. They left the room, and I just started crying.
This foster mother tended to tell others it was all in my head like my case worker and CASA (court representative).
I was starting to think maybe I was wrong to lash out at my foster mother like that, that me yelling at her and accusing her of lying to me was wrong.
If you have any information or tips on what I’m dealing with I would appreciate it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through something similar with unexplained chronic pain and accusations of being substance-seeking. It’s humiliating and dehumanizing at a time when you are already struggling from the pain.
Both of them should be ashamed of themselves. Lashing out probably wasn’t helpful but how could you not? I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and hope you get answers soon.” potato_in_an_ass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep searching, you’re not crazy. I was sick for months, and the last doctor gave me anti-anxiety pills, she said I was upset… I said the last doctor had said if I was still sick to get a blood test. I got calls later that day because I had legionnaire pneumonia.
They had left me sick for so long that it damaged my lungs and now I have asthma. I have no trust in the medical professionals anymore. I feel so bad for the pain you’re enduring. I hope they figure it out. Good luck” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are psychological conditions that can cause people to believe there is something wrong but I do feel doctors just dismiss patients and say it is psychological if it is in the too-hard basket. You’re at an age where there is a potential onset of juvenile Rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, etc. I will say this, if you live where there are ticks I would check for lime disease it is very much underdiagnosed and has similar symptoms to what you described in ” No-one21737.
10. AITJ For Stopping My Ex From Seeing Our Kids Due To His Neglect And Mental Health Issues?
“Me and my ex have two children together. (F7) and (M6) From the moment they were born their father never showed much interest in his children, preferring to do other things. It was after they were born that I found out that their dad was a compulsive liar.
About things big and small, and completely unnecessary. He would exaggerate the simplest of stories, this is why we split. I ended up having the children, I was happy to do this. I made all doctors and dentist appointments, and did all the school runs.
Clubs, events at school.
He’s always had access to all the information I have. We agreed that we had was that he would have them on a Tuesday and Thursday night. And then every other weekend. He was very much a just social media dad.
At first, it was fine, by that I mean that even though he was always late, at that point only by half an hour at least he showed up. Drop-off would be similar, always late but I managed to make it work.
It then got to the point where the kids started saying things like Daddy doesn’t feed us, Daddy didn’t get up till lunch so we were by ourselves.
If I asked him about it he would say they were lying. It got to the point where he’d start making excuses not to have them, car breaking down/ working late. And on various occasions wouldn’t get up to bring them home for school.
I had to call multiple times. Always have the same excuses. Despite my daughter telling me she woke her dad up many times for him to tell her to leave him alone.
So I stopped the sleepovers. He didn’t care. He got less and less involved with them.
A few months back he told me that he was being seen by a doctor for Schizophrenia, BPD, bipolar, depression, anxiety, and a smattering of other things. And in his own words, he was prone to blackouts and fits of rage. I was understandably concerned for their welfare and suggested that until he was in a better place to care for them he would see them at my house, that would take the pressure off of him.
I know the kids would be safe.
He went from having them multiple times a week to barely seeing them for 20 minutes. He constantly lets them down. Is a no-show 90% of the time. It’s started to affect the kids. He can’t answer simple questions about their lives.
When I try to find out where he is I get ignored. I have tried but nothing works.
Last night he was meant to come and see them at 5.30, well an hour went by and I message him saying “Late again, I wouldn’t bother coming” I was beyond frustrated and fed up with having to be the one to tell the kids that their dad isn’t coming yet again.
He starts calling me all names. He’s perfectly able to text me to say these things but can’t tell me he’s going to be late. It’s gotten to the stage where the kids would be better off if he just didn’t bother.
They’re catching on now.
I’ve now said to my ex to just not bother anymore, that he’s hurting them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With what he claims his diagnosis is I would get supervised visits through the court. And if he doesn’t show to those the court will start the process of terminating his rights.
Having him around is detrimental to the kids and you need to protect them. I told my ex the same thing. The look on my daughter’s face when he promised her a daddy-daughter date and he didn’t show. I told him he had one more chance and if he did it again he wouldn’t be around to do it a third time.
He hasn’t seen them since March 10th, 2018, and hasn’t spoken to them since Christmas 2019. Life is better for them without him around. (There was a lot that led to that point of course, but that was the final straw)” OwlPal9182
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk here. You’re a rockstar parent for protecting your kids. Your ex’s behavior is heartbreaking for the kids, but their safety comes first. He’s shown a lack of interest and skipped out on them way too much. It’s okay to limit visits for now.
Talk to a lawyer about custody arrangements that prioritize your kids’ well-being. They deserve stability and a reliable parent, and you’re doing a great job providing that. This isn’t easy, but you’re making the right choices. Stay strong, mama!” scarXwillow187
And tell the kids that Dad is not well, that he loves them but his unwell mind means he isn't very good at being a dad (this is a kind way to explain a useless, substance-abusing parent to children that is less likely to make them worry about themselves and their own genes.)
9. AITJ For Refusing To Celebrate My Birthday At My Mom's Planned Holiday Party?
“I (20F) am turning 21 in a few weeks.
I don’t dislike my birthday but tend not to celebrate it and prefer spending the day normally. My mother asked a while ago if I would be open to having a 21st birthday party in our home to which I declined. She was admittedly upset and tried to persuade me to let her, though I shut it down firmly.
I have many bad memories regarding celebrating my birthday due to my mother’s disinterest and controlling behavior. Her disinterest faded when she held my sweet 16 party in our home where she took control to where I had no choice on anything. The day was a disaster in many ways and it has affected me deeply since.
She eventually accepted my rejection but later returned asking if I was okay with her hosting a party a day before my birthday as a celebration for a nearing holiday. I was okay with this and agreed to help out so long as she didn’t mention to any of her guests about my birthday.
She agreed and was excited to plan a party, mentioning that she’d order a cake for me to cut at the party and for the children to enjoy. While I was confused, I said I’d cut the cake and serve it for the sake of the holiday.
Later today, she informed my dad to get ready to order my birthday cake for the party, to which I asked why there would be a birthday cake at this holiday party. She said that having a cake would be great for the children to look forward to as it’d make them happy.
I asked again why it had to be a birthday cake, reminding her that I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday and that the cake should have the holiday’s name on it instead. She grew irritated and said that as the party would be on my birthday, I should be cutting a birthday cake.
I became upset and told her that I didn’t want to celebrate that day at all, to which she replied that the guests wouldn’t be celebrating my birthday. She explained that she’d bring the birthday cake out while telling the guests that the holiday party and my birthday just happened to fall on the same day.
Mind you, she originally told me she’d host the party the day before my birthday, not the day of.
I shut it down and she grew angry, claiming she told the guests it was a holiday party so that they wouldn’t celebrate my birthday as per my request and wouldn’t bring gifts.
I pointed out that the guests would feel bad that they didn’t bring anything for me if they found out about my birthday.
My dad told me she was only doing this for me but I didn’t believe it. I pointed out that if she truly wanted to do this for me, she’d have bought a small cake for us to enjoy privately and not involve it with her holiday party.
We argued more and I said if that’s how she wanted her party to be, then I wouldn’t entertain her guests or babysit their children during the event. She called me a brat and stormed off, saying I ruined everything and that she’d cancel the party completely because of me.
So, AITJ for not wanting to celebrate my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you made it very clear you didn’t want any celebration of your Birthday. I hope you and your Mum can mend this, but she needs to abide by your wishes.” Successful_Bath1200
Another User Comments:
“Lol yeah…. NTJ, mom’s getting worked UP. Here’s my opinion… 1. Tell ur mom that you’ve had trouble embracing your birthday ever since your 16th party. Idk about ur views on marriages but it’s prob a good idea to talk to her about it now till it gets to the point where she’s trying to micromanage or overstep on ALL your special days.
OR 2 let her have the party and bring a cake but Do your own thing and spend the day outside. Hit up ur fav place to eat, visit a park, or anything. May seem petty but, she’s not respecting your boundaries as a human and an adult.
Enjoy YOUR day. I like birthdays… it’s another year of growth and wisdom. You’re getting better every year.” User
8. AITJ For Using My Sister's Tactics Against Her To Protect Myself?
“My entire life my older sister (now 20F) has used backbiting/slandering tactics against me. I used to be loved and appreciated by my family, and she hated that.
Beginning 3 years ago she would begin taking every one of my tiny mistakes and amplifying them, making it a huge issue. I was never really aware of this, I thought the best of her and my family. I wasn’t well-versed in any type of manipulation or use of language.
But recently I began reading up and noticed the horrific changes in my life. Less trust between me and my parents, and less compassion. And I realized through some slips of my parents and sister that they believed I was a pathological liar, that I would sneak my devices into my room and engage in inappropriate activities, that I would sneak out.
They would make jokes or not allow me to do certain things that could lead to one of the actions above.
So recently I began doing the same. First I just called her out on her lies, and never let her sit with them alone without me.
Every time she would talk about me I would call it out. Then I had a sit down with my father to discuss. He said she was just emotional and upset that I’ve always been the loved child. I can understand that I suppose. But is it fair to make me feel like a horrific kid to make her feel better?
I started making her issue bigger and calling her out for every mistake. She and I had this “trust” thing going on, where whenever she did something wrong I had to keep it a secret. But when I did something wrong, she would use it against me.
I stopped that, she once cussed in front of my little brother, and 7-year-old cousin and I asked her to apologize. She didn’t, so I called my parents and let them know. She said “You always make Gay jokes with your cousin how could you?
I’m going to tell them everything that you do”
From then on I realized if I treated her like a sister or a trustee my life would be destroyed. I’m not good with balance, I’m black and white. Even when I try to be balanced. So slowly I became cold with her, no deep discussions, no trust, nothing.
Every time she made a mistake I called her out immediately and made it a big issue. She would get very upset but I didn’t stop. I have to always remind myself that she isn’t my sister. No sister would do this. She will act so kind and nice one day, then I will be nice back.
The next day she would completely flip around and catch me off guard. I stopped being nice back to her. I always remember that she isn’t family, she isn’t my sister, she doesn’t have my respect. She acts like a child and will get into physical altercations with my younger brother (which I always break up).
I apologize for the long explanation. But am I the jerk for starting to make her seem like the bad guy? Talking to my parents about her bad qualities? It’s disgusting, and I hate doing it. But I don’t know what else to do. To my knowledge, nothing else works with my parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, give her a taste of her own medicine. She’s a little old to be acting like a child and having physical fights w/a teenager.” linzerdsnort6
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I can appreciate the retaliation but you picked some weird hills to die on.” Top-Ad-2676
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your dad thinks this started because she felt like you were being favored over her – that’s on your parents for failing to treat you both equally and they continue to fail to intervene. You don’t need to let her bad mouth you but starting a vendetta against her when this began because of your parents’ perceived favoritism means you’re going to push her away and not realize until decades later.” baroquebinch
7. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable And Upset During A Overcrowded Vacation?
“I (17f), my mom, and my sister always go on vacation for a week during summer. Normally we go to my maternal grandpa’s place by the coast, but my sister and I don’t like going there so we suggested renting a place elsewhere.
My mom didn’t want to spend money, so we spoke to our dad. Our parents are divorced, but our dad financially supports us. He agreed. My mom then mentioned she wanted to invite a friend of hers.
One thing I should mention is that I have a very severe problem with my hair.
Like seeing people’s hair, being near it, stray hair—especially if it’s wet. OCD runs in my family and I highly suspect that’s where it stems from. It makes navigating my day-to-day life very hard. I have specific routines with my hair to make it as bearable as possible, but even then, it’s still difficult to live with.
My mom and sister are fully aware of this problem.
So. I was worried when my mom mentioned inviting this friend because she has long hair and there is only one bathroom in the place we’re renting. But I didn’t want to ruin her fun so I didn’t intervene.
I did ask if her friend would bring her daughters. She has two daughters around my sister and I’s age who also have long hair. My mom assured me they wouldn’t come. But then later took it back and said they were. We had to change the place we were renting to an even smaller one that had more beds, but less space.
My sister and I would be sharing an extremely small room with two bunk beds and 1 closet with these girls.
On the day of the actual trip, she invited another friend last minute without informing us who would sleep on the couch. It was just the worst experience for me.
I was so uncomfortable, I couldn’t even shower while I was there because their hair got EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. There was no sense of privacy at all. The room was so small barely three people could comfortably stand in there.
I did vocalize my feelings to my mom on a few occasions and she brushed them off so I stayed quiet.
It’s possible that I was grouchy, but it wasn’t purposeful. I wasn’t rude to the girls who were with us, I spent time with them a lot. On the third day there, I got my period. It came early, I had no pads.
I bled all over my sheets in the room I was sharing with 3 other girls—2 of which were strangers to me. I was so embarrassed. I begged my mom through tears to please let us leave early, but she refused.
When we finally got home the first thing my mom did was ask me why I was so horrible to her this week.
I was so confused. I asked her what she meant. She told me I was a constant downer and all I did was complain. The discussion ended in a huge fight and she said that I was mentally ill for the way I acted and needed to be hospitalized. My sister remained neutral.
I’m so confused. I’m trying to piece the trip together and wonder if maybe I was more obvious about my bad mood than I thought. Maybe I was really rude and didn’t realize?”
Another User Comments:
“So your mother chose to downgrade your accommodations to add additional people onto a trip that your father was funding?
And you had to share a room with people you barely know? I’m flabbergasted by your mom’s decision-making process. She knew you and your sister were unhappy with previous vacations, and given your age, you will soon be able to decide to just opt out of vacations you don’t enjoy.
So this was an opportunity — possibly her last one — to create an enjoyable vacation for you so that you’ll be tempted to come to future ones. And instead of thinking about what might be fun for you, she seemed overly focused on adding a friend for herself.
Even without your issues, no one enjoys being forced to share a room with 3 other people. (And it sounds like, at most, your mother only had to share a room with 1 person, so you and your sister got a worse deal than she did) And then your mother said you needed to be hospitalized as an insult?
(It was an insult, because if she believed that, she would have started the conversation by saying how concerned she was about you, rather than complaining about you being a “downer”) So your mother is unquestionably a jerk, but it is hard to tell how bad your behavior was.
Expressing discomfort under the circumstances is perfectly valid and reasonable (which would be NTJ), and consistently behaving in a “grumpy” way all week is jerk-ish (which would make it everyone sucks here). I’m going to encourage you to sincerely ask your sister for her opinion since she was there and can put the week into context.
But to make a judgment, I’m going to take note of the fact that your mother has unreliable judgment at best, and possibly is intentionally manipulative. Therefore, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and declaring NTJ” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“I’m curious why your mother invited all of these people to accompany you.
Was this some kind of attractive destination, or just a cabin up in the woods? I’m leaning toward NTJ unless there is something here you forgot to include. It sounds as if you had a lousy vacation, & your mother inviting all of these other people along was one of the reasons.
(I would be upset that a vacation for the three of you ended up being this mob with no privacy, & violating my boundaries.)” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Amazing that kids think the trip is completely about them and that they have to complain and be miserable about everything.
Your mother tried to have a fun vacation but rather than going with the flow, it was more important for you to be the star of the show. Hopefully, your mother realizes this is who you are. You are going to complain about anything possible and if she isn’t going to be 100% accommodating to you she is supposed to be miserable” No_Tough3666
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Difficult Aunt To Join Our Family Float Trip?
“As a little backstory, my (24/F) aunt (59/F) has been a pain within my family for many years. Not just to me, but pretty much to everybody.
I’m not going to put the whole story here but to summarize she lived in another state for many years and was pretty successful working in the travel industry.
Well, she moved back here (my home state) about 10ish years ago to be closer to family and things have just gone downhill.
She originally had an apartment but got laid off from her job and had to move in with my grandmother. No judgment for getting fired off at all but after that she basically decided she didn’t want to work anymore and was just going to live with my grandma.
She has become incredibly argumentative and is very much “her way or the highway.” She’s overall unpleasant to be around and although I know she has trauma that likely plays a role she refuses to go to therapy.
Cut to now. This summer is my family’s yearly float trip/family reunion and I am dreading it.
This year my partner (23/M) along with my sibling (19/NB) and their partner (20/F) will be coming to the trip as well and my parents have already stated that they don’t want to float this year.
My parents aren’t old but I can see how it just isn’t as appealing also my aunt floated with us last year and made the whole thing kind of miserable.
About halfway through the trip (which is about 6ish hours), she started complaining about how hot it was, how much her eyes hurt, and how worried she was about leaving my grandma back at the hotel (my grandma is a very capable woman for being older, she would call if something was wrong).
My partner was also on the float trip last year but we had only been together for about two months at that point and my aunt would touch him on the raft occasionally (not inappropriately but still weird) and it made him uncomfortable.
My aunt had made it clear that she still wanted to float this year which left me in a predicament because only me, my partner, my sibling, and their partner wanted to float so my aunt would ask if she could join us.
I’m considering telling my parents before the trip that I and my sibling and our partners are planning on paying for our raft so that way there isn’t any reason why we can’t go alone. Neither or my siblings partners liked my aunt either and would likely be very uncomfortable alone, trapped on a raft with her for 6+ hours.
Not only is my aunt hard to be around but she has also never met my sibling’s partner in person and I worry things would just become very uncomfortable. My sibling is gay and is also non-binary while I am bi (aunt does not know) but I have a partner and she speaks about our relationships differently.
I don’t want to subject anyone to weird comments or hostility on a trip that is supposed to be about having fun and getting tipsy (if you want).
I’m honestly wondering 1) how I should bring this up to my parents and 2) is it jerk behavior to not want my aunt to float with us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your reasons are very sound. I’m not sure what you mean by raft but would it be possible to rent a smaller 4 person raft or one of those four-person peddle boats, so that it limits the number of people? I expect maybe the reason the rest of the family is bowing out is because of your aunt and I am sure your parents understand but aren’t going to be happy to have to entertain your aunt after you make her mad.” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting someone to come do something you don’t want to do with them — even a family member. Everything else is irrelevant. There’s a complicated history and family relationship, but you don’t like this person, and understandably don’t want to spend hours with her.
Just, “Nope. We’re all set with our plans.” Don’t invite her. You may be right that she gets upset, or that she causes problems with your mom and grandmother. Drop that rope. Her problems are hers. You’re an adult now, and can choose who you associate with and go with just four people in your raft when you want to.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…It’s okay for a group of young people to want to go on their own. There’s no easy way to go about this. Hopefully, you can get your parents on your side. Then MAYBE, they will be doing an alternate activity to which they can invite your aunt.
Otherwise, you’re just going to have to have an awkward conversation where you inform your aunt that it’s siblings and partners only on your raft this year.” RoyallyOakie
5. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend Who Keeps Disrespecting Me?
“My friend and I met in May after running into each other on a school trip. We clicked immediately, and have been near inseparable since. We hang out often, we’re in the same summer courses, we have nearly the same schedule for next year, we have the same humor, etc.
I first got the ick from her when I went over with her to a friend’s house for a sleepover. She was on a call with this British guy. The guy seemed super cool and I wanted to get to know him outside of the call, as my friend wouldn’t let me talk much to him.
The sleepover turned into me third-wheeling my friend and this guy. I felt like a prop to her, someone she was using to look better. I had zero romantic interest. I’m a very social person, and I just thought the guy was cool. However, she kept ‘gatekeeping’ this guy from me.
It came off weird, especially since she told me she hated him and had no interest. She even gave him my Instagram and # just so he could block me, which is so odd in my opinion. I don’t care that much anymore, and I can see how I could have come off weird in that context.
This situation doesn’t have anything to do with the post, just using it to add context as to how the dynamic has started to function and who we both are as people.
Flash forward to a week ago, I was on a call with her and our friend at the time (M15).
My friend had met both me and this guy on the school trip. We had known each other for the same amount of time, so there was no previous history and loyalties. This guy, out of the blue, calls her ugly. I immediately step in and defend her.
He turns on me and starts insulting my weight for no reason. I will admit, I’m a bit overweight, but I’m not morbidly obese or anything. Just a little above average. My friend simply states ‘That’s not okay’, but doesn’t do anything else about it for the time being.
This guy turns out to be a freak, and I cut him off for good. My final straw was when he was bullying my little sister (F9) at a swim meet for her weight. I don’t tolerate that junk at all. Come today, and her phone goes off.
She exclaims that it’s the guy, who she then tells me she’s been texting every day. I’m angry, obviously, because she knows everything he’s done. She’s witnessed most of it. I stop talking (I’m autistic and have trouble speaking when my emotions get too intense for my liking) and she ignores me.
That’s chill, of course. I don’t want attention when I’m like that. She then, however, removes me from her group from a project and starts talking and flirting with these guys, one of which she knows I have a crush on. Once again, treating me like a prop.
One of the guys mentioned me and how I was out of it, and she brushed it off and said I was being rude.
I can’t tell if I’m overreacting, but her behavior has me so angry and I’m at my breaking point with her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t sound like a particularly good friend (in this instance at least) and you have every right to be upset. However, your clamming up likely leads to her blocking you and calling you rude. Telling her why you are angry at her and clammed up is the mature next step IMO.
So I would reach out (text might be easier as you clam up when emotions get the best of you) and explain why you were upset over her continued use of you as a prop and her contact with a boy who has been awful to her, you, your little sister and is racist. If she continues to be a jerk to you after that, just write her off as a bad experience and move on.
You’ve done your best, and that is all you can do. Good luck!” Mkeny78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was friends with someone very similar to your age. Hear me when I say: that person is NOT your friend. It sucks to hear, I know.
But my friend was SO fickle. The second someone else came along that she found more interesting (or attractive) I was suddenly the butt of all their jokes and bullying. You can do better. Protect your mental health and distance yourself – it feels better in the long run.” Forensic_Cat
Another User Comments:
“This is not a good friend. The warning signs are clear and she’s already doing things that make you question your trust and feel uncomfortable. And supporting racist comments? Nah. People will always show you how they will treat you, especially in the beginning.
Pay attention. Since it’s a new friendship there’s not much invested yet nor a lot to lose if you walk away. Which I would highly suggest.” BasketofFigs
4. AITJ For Asking My Grandma To Stay In A Hotel For My Graduation?
“So, I (17f) am graduating high school this week.
And as such, a few family members, including my grandma (70f), are coming from various neighboring states to see me walk. Now, usually, when my grandmother comes to visit us, she stays at our house and sleeps in my room, and I sleep on an air mattress in the living room or in our home office.
I must mention that I have ADHD, autism, and anxiety, which result in me having a lot of issues surrounding sleep. The only way I can get a solid 8 to 10 is if I’m in total darkness and total silence. Thus, I have spent a lot of time (and money) making sure I can sleep comfortably in my room.
Blackout curtains over the windows, black electrical tape over all the electronics that have lights, I even bought and replaced the ceiling fan with a quieter one. And yes, my mom knows about my neurodivergence and needs.
Anyway, as you can imagine, I don’t do well when I can’t sleep in my room.
I usually have awful sleep and wake up cranky and exhausted the next day. Not being able to sleep in my room throws off my entire routine and schedule as well. The second to last time she visited (for my sister’s graduation), she stayed for almost two weeks.
I was so thrown out of wack that I didn’t eat for three days and had a massive meltdown when we got home from her graduation because I was so hungry and tired.
So, this time around, when my mom mentioned that we needed to start cleaning for our guests, I asked her if she could tell Grandma to get a hotel room and explained my reasons.
She told me no and essentially said ‘No, I don’t care. She always stays in your room. I’m not just going to kick my mom out.’ I argued that since it’s my graduation, a day about celebrating me, and my needs should take precedence.
She again said no, so I just walked away.
I then decided, that since she’s not going to put my needs first, I will. I texted my grandma and politely asked if she could get a hotel room instead of sleeping in my room and explained my reasons and adding on that, with her arthritis, it would be easier on her since she wouldn’t have to climb our stairs (which are very steep).
She texted back saying ‘Of course she would get a hotel room if that would make it easier for me and I was right about the stairs.’
[All that happened on Saturday, as of now, it’s Monday, and I graduate on Thursday]
So, earlier today, my grandma called my mom to confirm plans and just generally talk to her daughter like a good mom should.
She mentioned that she was getting a hotel room because I asked her to. My mom got super mad at me and yelled at me for being disrespectful.
So now I’m confused. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but my mom is mad at me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a pretty special week for you and it would be great if you were well rested for it. Why couldn’t Grammy sleep in someone else’s room? Your mom sounds dismissive of your feelings. I’m sorry she made you feel like your feelings didn’t matter to her.
Congratulations on your graduation!” Wonderful_Manager_31
Another User Comments:
“I think NTJ here, but you probably should have mentioned to your mom that you had that conversation with her mother that you know she would disagree with, rather than leaving her to find out randomly on her own.
Still, that’s a hard thing to do, particularly if you grew up with controlling parents. Not going to call you a jerk for not being assertive in a situation where you’re vulnerable.” locksmith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seeing that it’s your graduation and given the condition that you have which requires a specific environment to be able to rest well before this important day of your life, I think it is fair that you felt that there is a need for a concession to the sleeping arrangement for this one time.
You politely asked Grandma and Grandma understood and didn’t mind the arrangement, so there is nothing wrong there. It is also understandable that mom will be unhappy with you asking grandma directly… Maybe you can take some time to explain to Mum that you needed to be in a good state during this very important event of your time.” yktan8
3. AITJ For Leaving Dinner Because My Sister Was Too Late?
“I (27F) had plans to go out to dinner with my sister (30F) as we do every month. She lives in my hometown and I live in the next state over with my partner, we’re about 35 minutes to an hour apart depending on traffic.
We agreed to meet closer to my hometown with my mom.
One thing about her is she is always late. I expect she’ll always be at least 30 minutes late but it’s been up to a few hours. And not just random plans, weddings, and graduations too.
It’s been brought up in the past by Mom and me but she always brushes it off and gets upset.
My partner drove me over, I can’t drive and he offered to drop me off before he had to head out for plans of his own near home and come back when he was done.
I assumed after dinner we would just hang out at her house either way.
Get to the place and start calling my sister (she usually doesn’t say if she’s gonna be late, but if my mom is with her she does, and I haven’t heard anything).
I get Mom a few minutes later and she says they’re behind because it took a while to get my nephew who’s almost 1 ready and my sister got in the shower later than expected. I didn’t even know my nephew was coming and she usually tells me if he is.
Her husband was there to let Mom in when she showed up but went back to sleep as soon as she got there. Not sure why he couldn’t help get the baby ready, but that’s none of my business.
I checked Maps and it says 35 mins, adding in getting baby strapped and secure and then putting him in either the stroller or front carrier on her body, I was looking at 40 mins.
To top it off we had reservations (SHE made the reservation, not me). I had never been to this place and didn’t know if it was one of those places that don’t let you have the table if your whole group isn’t there.
There was no space to wait inside and I’d have to stand outside. Anyway, I didn’t feel like sitting alone for 40 mins even if I could.
She doesn’t keep her friends waiting this long when they make plans, I don’t get why it’s okay to do this to me and mom.
I’m speaking to Mom as they’re trying to change the reservation online, at that point I was fed up. If we agree to be there at a certain time be there. 5 or 10 minutes late is fine but not this. I told Mom I was going back home, I didn’t feel like fuming at the table and acting like I wasn’t mad when they got there (as I’d done before).
She sounded hurt and mad but said fine and that she would go home too.
Since then I haven’t spoken to my sister (it’s been a few weeks) and mom doesn’t want to get in the middle, but I told her I wasn’t speaking to her until I get an apology.
Mom told her she couldn’t keep doing this on their ride back home and agreed it was an issue, but wouldn’t say much else. It’s ridiculous to just always be late because you’re bad at time management. She also wants to use the “it takes long to get a baby ready” excuse which I would accept if it wasn’t for the fact that this has been a problem long before my nephew was born or even a thought.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Habitual, unforced lateness is rude and inconsiderate of others. There is nothing you can do to make your sister arrive on time, all you can do is decide whether you are willing to wait or would prefer to go—then do what you want.
The best thing might be to set a boundary—I will wait for you for 20 minutes (or whatever), and then I will leave. But then you have to be consistent about following your own rules. Otherwise, all your words and complaints are empty.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The reason she does this is because you and your mom allow it. Leaving is exactly what you should have done and demanding an apology is also appropriate. I truly believe that people do this as part of a control behavior. Do not allow her to control your time.
Even if you get an apology from her, make it clear that in the future you leave after 10 minutes of waiting…..and then do it. Take the control away from her!!! My guess is after a few times she will change her behavior or will stop agreeing to meet you.” Tetchy9999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think the issue runs deeper than simply your sister being late all the time. It’s about respect. Your time is just as valuable as hers or anyone else’s, and if she can manage punctuality for her friends, she should extend the same courtesy to family.
I’d suggest having a heart-to-heart with her and laying out how her actions make you feel disrespected and devalued. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to reevaluate how much effort you’re willing to invest in these plans, given the repeated disregard. Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries to safeguard your sanity and schedule.” Miserable-Design-261
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner After She Purposely Triggered My Clown Phobia?
“My partner (24) and I (M25) have been together for 2 years a week before this post. She and I spend a lot of time together and know each other very well.
I have had some relationship issues in the past so I’m very forward and communicative because of situations I’ve been in relationships in the past. I am irrationally afraid of clowns. I have to emphasize the irrational part. My dad used to watch scary movies when I was a kid and IT was one of his favorites.
This movie has had such an impact on my life that I have been to the hospital for panic attacks because of incidents with clowns which my partner was there for. We went to a haunted house and long story short, I was very affected by the clown portion.
Ultimately I say this to say she knows of my fear and the effect it has on me.
We had a pretty big argument over her not working the past month. She brought up a feeling of stagnation and depression and I attributed it to her unemployment as in my experience while working sucks, being productive is a very big driver in motivation and overall mental health.
I am a very blunt and forward person and struggle a bit with empathy so looking back on it, I was a bit rude. She took this as me saying she was lazy and nonchalant about her career. Ultimately, I’m not concerned about that.
While I do want her to be successful, I want her to be happy. I assume she felt attacked and instead of communicating this to me and us working it out, she internalized it and has taken to retaliation. After a long night of socializing with our friends, we went back to my apartment.
She turned on a movie and we sat together watching it for a while. I drifted asleep and was soon awoken by her in a full clown Halloween costume. This was one of the most terrifying experiences I may have ever had.
Falling asleep with someone I’m completely vulnerable and have a lot of trust for to be awoken by my true worst fear sent me to a full-fledged panic attack.
I couldn’t breathe, in my own home nonetheless, and was paralyzed by fear. She not only targeted my weakness but continued tormenting me while I hyperventilated and I was soon in tears, curled up on the floor, struggling to breathe. After what felt like years (truthfully 5 minutes), she took off the costume trying to comfort me and bringing me an inhaler but started saying that was how I made her feel after speaking about her not having a job.
I love her, we felt like such a perfect match, but to attack me so personally and without communication of the underlying issue prior, I have truly lost all trust for her. I told her to leave me the heck alone and get out of my house.
This went over poorly, but I have never felt so betrayed by someone I loved before. She hasn’t spoken to me for the 2 weeks since despite my efforts and I’m truly exhausted in trying. Am I the jerk? Do I deserve this or should I move on?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So your partner is an abusive jerk, and she KNOWINGLY triggered your panic attack. Break up. “She hasn’t spoken to me for the 2 weeks since despite my efforts and I’m truly exhausted in trying.” .. STOP trying. You are better off without that abusive jerk in your life.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Well the start of the post had me thinking you were the jerk and yeah your approach to her feeling depressed (whilst I agree with productivity helping) was not good so you are a jerk. However, her response is outright deplorable, if her go-to reaction is to mentally torture you she isn’t a good person.
The fact that you are trying to reach out and she isn’t humoring you when she instigated this says even more about her. Stop trying, be done with her, once you stop trying she’ll probably then all of a sudden try and make things right, at which point don’t capitulate, this does not bode well for any future together.” kvothe9595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why do you even want this person back? . What she did was cruel and she wasn’t even sorry about it. Sulking like the victim because you told her to get out after something messed up SHE did. Also, you didn’t say anything wrong she was probably depressed because she didn’t have a job.
My son is 19 and when he wasn’t working I told him the same thing. He’s working now and feels better because like you said there is PURPOSE. Your partner wanted to be the victim you told her some real stuff she didn’t want to hear because she wanted to stay the depressed jobless victim.
You dodged a bullet your partner isn’t good and you should move on and find someone else who can be a real partner. A teammate who can help and support you rather than an eternal victim. Someone who loves and cares about you wouldn’t hurt you like this you deserve better and there’s plenty of better girls out there.” DemenTEDBundy85
1. AITJ For Asking My Husband's Best Man To Apologize For His Inappropriate Behavior At Our Wedding?
“My husband and I got married in 2022, it was a small wedding (20 people, family and very close friends, beach wedding) we hired a wedding planning company to help with the day of coordination. My husband’s best friend (best man) lived in another state, and although I had heard of him and spoken on the phone I’d never met him until the day of.
The best man who we’ll call George didn’t book his flight/ hotel until a day or two before the wedding because he complained about how expensive tickets were and he was not sure if he was going to bring his partner ( he was upset because she wasn’t part of the wedding party, I’ve never,” talked to her or anything but I was not opposed to the idea if that could bring them both to the wedding because my husband wanted George there) the partner ended not coming for whatever reasons.
So wedding went fine and everybody was happy from our standpoint. 2 days after the wedding, I received an email from the wedding planning company saying that their female staff filed a complaint with their HR about the best man flirting with her and being inappropriate, that was against their policies and they couldn’t just ignore that, to avoid any legal action, the best man needed to apologize to that staff.
We were astonished because during the wedding we didn’t even notice that, when I mentioned that to my maid of honor, she also said that George also flirted with her during the rehearsal. My husband reached out to George and told him that he needed to apologize to the company.
George went off and said forget your wife, your dad, your mom, your entire family, and wedding, upset that my husband didn’t defend him and believed strangers that he should know him better after 2 decades. He also mentioned that he didn’t feel valued by my husband during the wedding weekend he was more focused on me than him and he felt alone and neglected and went ahead and blocked my husband and me.
He ended up breaking up with his partner and my husband has been sad about losing his best friend I feel bad that all this happened at our wedding and George is telling people that I ruined the friendship. My husband reached out to George’s sister back in February to see if there was a way to reconnect and 3 months later in April George messaged my husband saying that his sister told him he reached out and he has unblocked him for now and if my husband had anything to say it now before he blocks him again.
My husband told George we were expecting a baby girl in 2 months and asked George if there was any way for them to get back to good but again George insulted him telling him how he was hurt and my husband should apologize to him for the way he was treated. Should we apologize?
My husband said he is ready to move on and turn the page forever since George is refusing to grow up and own what he did. I’m thinking about calling George myself without my husband knowing to see if I talk to him and try to restore the friendship.
Will it help or should we just move on with our lives?”
Another User Comments:
“You should have given the company HIS contact info and let them deal with George directly. You were not witness/responsible for his behavior and no complaint was brought to you during the wedding, only after the fact.
NTJ Don’t talk to George. He’s not your friend, never was, and he’s a grown man who should have simply defended himself to the company about the complaint or owned up to it and apologized to the concerned employees. If your husband insists on having this guy in his life, that’s his choice, but it’s obvious that he’s immature and doesn’t have any respect for you.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“I would not engage with George solo. You didn’t do anything to him by the sounds of it and you don’t seem to have any prior relationship with him, so I think it’s better to leave this one with your husband and he can decide whether to keep trying with George or move on.
Sometimes friendships that have been decades-long do still end and sometimes it’s for really dumb or small reasons, it’s something he’ll need to grieve and move on from. Both of you should focus on your new marriage and the upcoming baby, not the adult baby.” tidy-soft-rope
Another User Comments:
“YTJ “I received an email from the wedding planning company saying that their female staff filed a complaint with their HR about the best man flirting with her and being inappropriate, that was against their policies and they couldn’t just ignore that, to avoid any legal action, the best man needed to apologize to that staff.” ..
this nonsense is ridiculous. If something reportable happened, then they should report it. OR it did not – then they were jerks to blackmail your guests. The REASONABLE reaction would have been to demand a report of what had happened. YOU were a jerk to treat your guest that way.
It is understandable why he had no contact with you jerks. YOU do not indicate that something reportable happened. The only info you have is: HE FLIRTED. … and you escalated it to making his partner aware, ending his relationship. OF COURSE your husband feels bad for being a jerk.” Excellent-Count4009
