People Get Testy About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
28. AITJ For Expecting My Son To Put His Socks Right Side Out Before Laundry?
“I’m a stay-at-home mom (43F), and I’ve been trying to teach my kids basic life skills, including tidiness and organization. One of my pet peeves is finding dirty socks inside out in the laundry. I’ve asked my son multiple times to put them right side out, but he continues to ignore my request. This morning as I was starting to load the washer I had to turn every one of my son’s socks as they were all inside out.
I commented how I hate flipping the socks around and told my husband to please talk to him when he gets home from school since he has been asked me multiple times to stop putting them in the laundry inside out and he hasn’t listened to me.
My husband (49M), who has been inconsistent with discipline, thinks I’m overreacting. He believes it’s my responsibility to keep the house in order since I’m at home. However, I feel that kids need to learn how to take care of themselves and contribute to household chores.
Our 14-year-old son is responsible for taking out the trash, cleaning his bathroom and bedroom, and occasionally vacuuming the living room if I need help as I have an autoimmune disease which can leave me unable to do much when I’m having a flare-up.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask that his laundry be right side out when he puts it in the laundry basket.
Additionally, I contribute over 75% of our household income from an investment I made when I was young which has allowed my husband to work part-time when he needs a break as he does have a physically demanding job.
Despite this, my husband doesn’t consistently back me up on discipline or enforcing rules. He thinks I should be grateful I’m able to be at home and able to take care of the family’s needs and shouldn’t complain about anything since I don’t have to work anymore.
So, AITJ for expecting my son to put his socks right side out before tossing them in the laundry basket?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Look, you’re not wrong that the kids need to learn to pull their weight and do chores. But insisting that your son arrange his laundry to your satisfaction before you wash it doesn’t do that.
He should do his laundry. How he arranges his socks is up to him, how he puts them back in his drawers is also up to him. You don’t need to be involved in his socks at all. It’s time to teach him how to run the washing machine.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“Mild Y T J for this particular thing, it doesn’t matter. However, I’m more concerned about your husband’s attitude that despite you contributing over75% of household income and having an autoimmune disease it’s your responsibility to do everything in the house, while he refuses to back you up and gets to work part-time when he feels like it while only contributing 25% financially and nothing to keeping the house running.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. To the point of the post, it’s dumb to get that upset over socks. Realistically, the *inside* of the sock is the part that is soaking up all of the foot’s nastiness, so just throw them in the washer and let the machine do its job.
Fold them as is, and let your son swap things around before putting them on his feet (he’s 14, he’ll figure it out). The real jerk seems to be your husband. Any working man who says a wife should “just be happy to stay home” is usually delusional and lacks an understanding of the responsibilities required to run a home.
This guy is working part-time because of *YOUR* investments and thinks you should be happy that all you have to do is pick up after everyone all day? Until his income is paying for at least half of the household expenses, he should be playing laundry maid at least half the time.” aj_alva
27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Snacks With My Sister?
“Last month, I (18F) returned home after my freshman year of college and now stay with my mom and older sister (20F).
After sorting through the food I brought back, which I paid for with money I made from my job during school, I put some of it in the pantry/fridge for my family to have that I either didn’t want or didn’t mind sharing. However, I set aside some snacks (a small bag of Hershey Kisses, candy boxes, small bags of chips, etc.) for myself and stored them in a plastic Walmart bag.
I wrote my name in Sharpie on both the Walmart bag and the snack boxes/bags, as my mom sometimes does when buying drinks for me and my sister to make sure that one person doesn’t drink everything or take something meant for someone else.
Yesterday, my mom and I went out of town overnight. When we returned, I noticed most of my Hershey Kisses missing from my bag and found multiple wrappers in the trash can. Since my mom and I were away and she emptied the trash before we left, I knew my sister had taken them.
If she had asked, I would have let her have some, but she took so many that the bag was nearly empty, and I had barely had any myself.
My sister has Asperger’s and is often nonverbal. We don’t have the best relationship, and she mainly only communicates with our mom.
I told my mom what happened and, somewhat annoyed, asked if she could tell my sister not to take my snacks from my bag. My mom said I was being selfish and should share. This has happened several times before, including food and personal items that I use, and my mom always tells me I’m overreacting and that it’s wrong not to want to share with my sister, telling me it’s why we don’t have a good relationship.
AITJ for not wanting to share my snacks with my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has Asperger’s but the problem is your parents not respecting you or your belongings.” NotCreativeAtAll16
26. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Younger Brother's Full-Time Babysitter?
“I’m a (16F) and recently moved from Mexico to the USA. In Mexico, I never had the need to take care of my brother but now since we moved here to America both of my parents have to work.
For them, this means I have to take care of my 3-year-old brother even though I don’t want to.
Recently they started treating me as a babysitter even when both of them are here and are just sitting there doing nothing. I don’t mind helping with stuff like serving him food, changing his clothes, and making sure he is safe, but I don’t like the idea of actually having to be fully responsible for a kid all by myself.
Today we were all in the same room (me, brother, mom, and dad) and they asked me to change his diaper and put his pajamas on. I said I would put his pajamas on but I didn’t want to change his diaper (I have never changed his diaper before).
They both got mad at me and started saying it was my responsibility to take care of him. I said it’s not because he is not my child but they started talking about how I was heartless and if they weren’t here one day (referring to if one day one of them passes away) I would be the one to have to look after him.
It got to the point where my dad even said that since I was 16 they could kick me out because at this age I was already independent and called me stupid and selfish. I acknowledge that my answers were rude so I genuinely want to know if it was wrong of me to say no and if I should apologize to them and take care of my brother or if it’s okay for me to not want to be his babysitter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your brother and not your son. He is their responsibility. Full stop. I do understand if both parents work that sometimes older siblings need to watch younger siblings. It is not ideal but it is a reality with everything being so expensive now most families need both parent’s income.
When your parents are home though, they should be taking care of him. I get that occasionally like if they are sick or something but that should be very rare. And threatening to kick you out. I’m sorry. That is so wrong.” FrostyWoodpecker1156
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My brother was born when I was 15. I always say they planned to keep me home because that’s exactly what happened. He became MY responsibility while they worked and went off to bingo every night. I wish I stood up for myself all those years ago.
He is NOT your child. He is THEIRS. And I’m sorry they’re using the same tactics that mine did.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right, your parents are trying to turn you into a full-time nanny and that’s not your job. You are right, this is NOT your child, they had him, and they can look after him when they’re right there and not doing anything else.
In the US you can’t be kicked out until you’re 18. You can get him arrested if he throws you out; you don’t even have to press charges if it’s found you’re discovered living on your own and you can’t go home not because you ran but because you were thrown out.
That is the law in the US. Parents aren’t allowed to refuse their own children food, shelter, and medical care as long as those children are under eighteen.” [deleted]
25. AITJ For Continuing Our Street Bubble Show Despite Vendor's Complaints?
“My partner and I perform a street soap bubble show, which is our only source of income.
We found a public place with a lot of foot traffic that fits all the criteria for a proper show. There are also street vendors (selling popcorn) and a few other artists working in the area. We obtained permission from the local authorities, who were very positive after seeing our show.
One of the vendors is an immigrant who worked hard to establish his small business and support a large family. We became friends initially, but after a few days, he became enraged and cold towards us, accusing us of harming his business because people get too absorbed by our show to buy popcorn.
He was very aggressive and didn’t want to discuss solutions. We later found out that his youngest son had developed a tumor, which explained his upset behavior. We offered any help we could, which he was too proud to accept, but we ended up on good terms again as he said, “Only my son matters now.”
We continued working a few times a week for a few hours and visited him every day to ask about his boy, who enjoyed playing with bubbles. Recently, however, he became angry again, accusing us of stealing his business. He also convinced the nearby painter, a friend of his, to say that our show harms his business too.
I don’t believe this is true—how can a bubble show harm someone selling paintings or popcorn? Despite offering to find a solution together, he insists that the only solution is for us to perform for just one hour per day, 2-3 days a week, which doesn’t work for us.
I understand his difficult situation and feel bad for his son, but he constantly tries to guilt-trip me using his family. I also rely exclusively on this income and my family has serious health problems that drain all our savings. I think, since I have permission, I should continue working normally and not pay attention to him unless he genuinely wants to find an inclusive solution.
There’s no other suitable spot for this kind of act in the whole city.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you have permission from the local authorities (preferably in writing) and aren’t going on to his property, then the street is public space and nobody can tell you what you can do there.
Some people just take their stress out on others. Try not to let him get to you” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His inability to attract what I can only assume is more foot traffic in the area for your show is by no means reflective of you.
If anything you’re in a way doing him a favor by being a nearby attraction to increase his sales, not harming his business. He’s doing a solid enough job of that himself.” TheEuphoricTribble
24. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Cousin's Maid Of Honor Due To A Crucial Exam?
“So my(21F) cousin(29F) is getting married in a month or so and all this time she had her best friend as her maid of honor but her best friend got sent on a business trip last week and cannot attend her wedding.
She gave her best friend her blessing because this trip would land her a promotion.
After this development she asked me to be her maid of honor because I was the most “presentable” (she did this right next to my elder sister whom I’m very protective of so I was already annoyed) and I asked what that meant, like what would I be responsible for?
She listed some basic MOH things, but then she said that I’d have to go to the city where the wedding is happening a week before the wedding and stay there.
The thing is, I’m a college student and I have a super important exam that week.
I can attend the wedding but I can’t go there a week earlier. I told her this and she told me to just not enter the exam. I said I would fail if I didn’t and she said that even if I failed I could just re-take the course next year, but she has only 1 wedding.
I explained to her that my university charges tuition per course, so retaking the course would cost an extra 30.000₺, which my family did not have since my mother is retired and my dad has passed away. She said to just tell my mother to get a loan.
We argued a little more until my elder sister and I had to leave and the topic is just kind of hanging there rn.
I don’t want to miss the exam and fail, but she is talking behind my back to every single family member that will listen to her, calling me a traitor because I refused to support a family member in her time of need and many of our relatives have called me saying that I should accept the MOH position because it is my duty as family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s almost ridiculous to hear that you’re requested to fail an exam and retake it (with the associated costs) just because a cousin “needed” you to be her MOH. She should find another person for the task, it is not like you’re the only girl in the entire family that can “perform” the task.” yktan8
Another User Comments:
“You will only be a jerk if you bend to this ridiculous demand. Let alone, your reason is nothing personal. And your reason is just as legitimate as her BFF’s reason, of which she gave her blessing. But at this point, it’s not even about that reason anymore.
She casually dismisses the financial commitment your family has made to your education, your commitment and effort to your education, and she doesn’t even respect you, now that she’s talking behind your back. Tbh, I would no longer even attend the wedding. And I would let your mother know what she said as well #NTJ” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me of when my brother was engaged to this girl. There was a huge family dinner at her parent’s house. My family of course wanted me to go but I had my final term group project due on Monday. I told them I couldn’t make it as if I did badly I could fail or get a bad grade.
I was paying for college on my own but no one understood. They pressured me and told me it was my obligation to go. I just said it was a dinner, not an engagement or wedding party. I stood my ground and didn’t go. My schooling is more important for my career.
Months later they broke up. NTJ, don’t sacrifice your education for someone else’s wedding. Plus I don’t see where she or others complaining are offering you money to retake the course next year. If it is that important surely people will financially help out.” 18k_gold
23. AITJ For Only Accepting University Hats For My Collection?
“I (56m) have a small baseball cap collection. I only collect hats I like and hats from the universities my kids went to. My only rule is that they can give me a hat once they graduate from that school. I started my collection when my stepdaughter, “Michelle”(33f) graduated and gave me a hat.
And I’ve gotten hats from my bio son, “Andy”(28m), and my stepdaughter, “Jennifer “(23f) schools too. My stepson, “Mark”(29m) is still figuring things out. He went to business school for a year then he burned out, and he’s been working retail since. Don’t get me wrong, if a school’s not a good fit, I get it.
Mark keeps wanting me to take a hat from him. I told him the same thing I told my other kids, I’ll take a hat once he graduates. I know colleges and universities are expensive and I’m willing to help a little bit, but it seems like he doesn’t have a plan.
He also keeps accusing me of being more proud of Andy since Andy went to Columbia while he burned out of business school. That’s not the case but Mark’s convinced.
Andy and his partner, “Emily”(30f) recently visited. The two of them, my wife and I were chatting and my hat collection got brought up.
Emily went to Harvard and she said she had a hat I could have. I don’t have a Harvard hat, and she graduated from the school. And she and Andy have been together for 2 years, so she’s family, so I accepted. They came over again yesterday and Emily brought the hat.
I’m gonna mention here that I did the same for Michelle’s husband and Jennifer’s partner. And if Mark had a partner I’d do the same for her.
Mark saw the hat today and he blew up. He went off on me for excluding him. I tried explaining that I wasn’t excluding him and that if he went to school and graduated, I’d gladly take a hat from him, but he wouldn’t listen.
He went off on me and then stormed up to his room. A little later, my wife told me I was being a jerk and told me to stop excluding Mark.
And now I’m here.
AITJ for “excluding” my son?”
Another User Comments:
“Can you accept a hat from where he works?
It’s like you’re turning down a gift, but taking it from anyone else. You’re making him feel bad because school isn’t a good fit, but let him be proud of what he does even if you’re not. A hat from where he works might make all the difference to him.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a hat collection, not a Nobel Peace Prize. He is your stepson not a piece of trash. If he never goes to school so what? He may end up making more money than everyone else. I stopped in my first year of university.
Ended up taking a different route and I made more money than my father AND I could have ever imagined. I am now worth a decent sum of money. At 38 years old I went back to college and got a degree. All of that on my terms. No one forced me and my parents never made me feel like I was worthless for making that decision.
Wow, at least his “bio” mother understands him. Hopefully, she will support him. If I were Mark I’d get out of that house as soon as I could and never look to you for anything.” TroysLostBoi
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It’s a stupid rule for your collection, and that would normally be fine (I have very specific rules for my collections too), but this rule is actively hurting your kid’s feelings and making him feel like you care more for random partners than your kid just because school wasn’t his thing.
It’s time to change the rule.” Stunning-Interest15
22. AITJ For Being Upset After My Sister Ate My Special Bread Without Asking?
“I (18M) made some bread with my father and was planning on eating throughout the week for lunch. It is a very special cultural bread that I rarely make with my dad and only he knows the recipe.
One day, my sister (22F) came home from college to have dinner with us. I had left a plastic bag with the bread inside on the kitchen counter to take to school in the morning. I was upstairs and when I came down to eat dinner, I walked into the kitchen to see my bread gone.
I asked my mom what happened to it and she said my sister ate it. I got quite upset because I only had four pieces left and it was supposed to last me most of the school week. Then when we sat down for dinner, I confronted her and asked why she ate my bread.
She said because she wanted to try it. I asked why she didn’t ask and she told me she didn’t care. I asked “What is wrong with you” and my mom got mad at me and told me I was making the dinner unpleasant.
I was in a bad mood that whole night and to make things worse, she went upstairs right after dinner and left me to do everyone’s dishes. I asked my mom why she couldn’t help and she said that my sister had a long day of school.
The next day, I came into the kitchen and noticed on one of the counters a plastic bag with my bread in it, half-eaten. She didn’t even finish the bread. She just ate it and left it on the counter. Why do people do this?
Do they have no care for the people around them? I think I was justified to get mad at her and I don’t care if they thought I ruined the meal. I wanted to eat the bread that I made.”
Another User Comments:
“Not sure how the rest of Reddit will feel about this but I’m going to go with NTJ with a but: Understandably, you’re upset that something you set aside got eaten, but it’s something left out in the open in communal living space.
The “I didn’t care” remark is a bit unhinged on her part, but was the container for your bread marked or labeled, or was it communicated to anybody that you were saving it for the week? Yes, people need to be considerate of others in a shared living space, but expectations and needs in that living space also need to be effectively communicated and agreed on to avoid issues like this.” neoprene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d even start targeting anything she brings home and eat it, leftovers? She didn’t care about your bread, why should you care about her food? Anything that doesn’t have a sticky note with her name on it is now fair game, see how long it takes for her to start having a meltdown” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ, only because she doubled down after finding out it was yours. That would upset me to NO end. However, you should’ve put it in your room or just told her it was yours and not to touch it.
That would’ve saved you some flack. If I saw bread in a bag on the counter, I would assume it was for everyone. Especially coming home after not being there for a while. Maybe my dad made it as a welcoming gift. Who knows? It also depends on your tone when you first confronted her about eating your bread.
Was it a snarky “Why did you eat my bread.” Sharp tone. Upset. Or was it “That bread was mine and I don’t appreciate that you ate it”? Makes the difference in why she responded how she did. Might have just been matching your energy.
I would’ve responded with an apology to the latter. “Sorry, I didn’t know it was yours. I thought it was for everyone since no one said anything and it was just on the counter.” Idk.” No_Yak_6887
21. AITJ For Telling My Son To Prioritize College Camps Over Working For His Dad's Business?
“AITJ for telling my son (17) that he should prioritize his college camp invites over working for his dad (45) this summer? His dad runs his own small business and consistently takes on more work than he has time for. This creates a lot of stress for him and he often tries to force our son to skip school activities, extracurriculars, socializing, training, etc to help him “catch up”.
I asked him if he was interested in accompanying our son to any of the college camps he’s been invited to this summer. His response was “No, I can’t miss work and neither can he. I need him ”. I was livid that he didn’t take into consideration our son’s future and was more worried about making money for himself.
For context- in the divorce, I agreed to take full financial responsibility for our son and he has never even put money away for school, starting a business, etc. He pays him a good wage of 15/hr to work in his metal shop and it helps teach our son skills and responsibility.
Currently, our son does not want to take over the business and wants to pursue his path in life. He doesn’t really want to work there now and would rather work in other industries for the summer but doesn’t want to create tension with his dad so he’s working there as much as his school and sports schedules allow.
His dad doesn’t support his sports endeavors and has told him that he shouldn’t pursue football anymore because it takes too much time away from him being able to learn the business. So I’m not surprised he said no, but I am furious that he is also trying to pull our son from attending because he can’t manage his workload or keep employees.
Running a small business is tough but am I the jerk for wanting to tell my son to tell his dad that he’s prioritizing following his dreams?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex doesn’t want your son to go to college. He wants your son to come to work for him full-time after graduation so that he can continue to exploit his child to make money.
Time for a come-to-Jesus between you, your ex, and your son where you explain that your son has every right to pursue his own goals after high school and that you will not allow your ex to railroad your son into taking on financial responsibility for his father’s business success.
If your ex needs help, he can hire someone other than your son.” Ok_Plankton680
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. If a child has the opportunity to focus on school over work they should do it, and good on you as a parent for recognizing that.
Dad can take his poor business and shove it, or shell out the wages for a nonfamily employee he can’t exploit.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Encourage your son to break the cycle of always having to work for his father. Father needs to move on from expecting his son to obey his commands.
LOL You are financially responsible for your son, so father has no say from now on, your son is moving on to the next phase in his life.” hadMcDofordinner
20. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Complaining Partner On A Graduation Trip?
“I (f19) want to go on a trip with my partner (m19).
We are graduating in about 2 weeks and I am stressed so a few day trip away from everything after the graduation is just what I need.
I asked my partner if he was interested in going with me and he said yes. First, we looked into going to a hotel in our home country for an extended weekend, with a spa and wellness.
But that would be quite expensive.
So I got the idea to go somewhere else. A city in our neighboring country which is about a 2-hour drive away from my hometown. I know it very well as we went there a lot with my family for the summer holidays as it is quite cheap and there is a lot to do.
I speak the language and as I said, know the city well.
I presented the idea to my partner and he didn’t seem to have a problem with it. So you might think everything is okay.
Well, every time I plan a trip for us, even though so far it has been always just a few hours of things, like, for example, visiting a waterfall near my hometown, visiting castle ruins, going to my local waterpark, etc…… He spent the majority of the time complaining.
Either the way to the sights was too long (the waterfall and ruins) or there were too many people (the waterpark) and a lot more other things. This makes me scared that he will spend all of the trip, which we plan to make 3-4 days long, complaining about me feeling terrible for dragging him there.
I told a friend of mine about him, and she told me that I was a jerk for wanting him to go on a trip with me if I knew he was not going to enjoy it.
For me, going on a trip like this with my partner was a dream come true.
I am the only child in our family, so family vacations were pure misery for me, I’ve been waiting my whole life to be able to finally enjoy my vacation with someone other than them, specifically a romantic partner. And so far he has not shown any signs of not wanting to go.
So WIBTJ if I went on this vacation with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but wouldn’t it help if you let him know all the details of your planned trip in advance? And if I can say so, I admit I’m a bit of a complainer myself, but just because I complain about something it doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it.
Sometimes it’s just thinking out loud, without noticing the complaining can be grating for people around me” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“So he isn’t complaining about this trip, you’re assuming he will complain because he complained in the past? maybe don’t take over ALL of the planning so that he has some input on what you see and do.
Give him an outline of your plans beforehand so he knows what to expect and can make a suggestion if something seems uninteresting to him. Not being able to ever vacation with your partner however seems extreme. If that’s truly the case then you need a different partner.
He never wants to leave where he’s at?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Have you communicated to him how his complaining makes you feel? Have a serious, open, and honest conversation about the trip and inform him that NEITHER of you should be unhappy on this trip and that his complaining will ruin it for you.
If he isn’t going to be happy on the trip, he should simply not go. He would be the jerk for going on a trip he knows he wouldn’t enjoy and complaining, ruining it for you.” busy_midnight113
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Trip Home To Count As My Birthday Present?
“DH and I have been married for nearly 20 years. We met while at university and maintained a long-distance relationship for several years, and when we decided to get married I immigrated to his country. Due to finances, travel restrictions, and work schedules, I’ve only been home half a dozen times since immigrating.
It’s been mutually agreed and for the most part, I’ve been okay with it. (I do get homesick occasionally).
DH has been back to my country more in the last twenty years than I have, probably twice as many times. Some of his work trips have brought him near my family so he’ll schedule a few extra days to visit.
A few times, instead of a big birthday present, he’ll visit his good friends who live near my country. This is how he chooses to spend his “fun money” and that’s fine.
The other day I declared I’m going to go home in 2025 to visit my family, even if I have to travel alone (my country is safe for lone travel, I’m not worried about that).
It’ll have been six years since I’ve been home and I’m starting to worry about elderly family members. Also, my 25th high school reunion and my niece’s 18th birthday will be next year and it would be nice to coordinate with those.
Here’s where I might be the jerk, DH was fine with me visiting my family but got a little annoyed when I stated that it wasn’t going to be considered my “birthday present”.
I know it’s an expensive trip and will make a small ding in our finances but I’ve given us a year to stash money away for it and I don’t see how visiting family counts as a present. I don’t calculate the financial impact visiting his family might have just because they’re in the same country and take it off his “fun money”, why should visiting my family come off my spare funds?
AITJ because he uses “fun money” to visit his friends but I won’t to visit my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your trip to see family is your first in 6 years, so it’s only right that you get to go. And it’s also fair to say that this is not going to be considered your birthday gift for the year.” hadMcDofordinner
18. AITJ For Insisting My Son Go To College Despite His Poor Academic Performance?
“My son is a bright individual, but he never had the motivation in school to apply himself.
Ever since he was in elementary school, I’ve constantly had to remind him to do his homework and stay on his assignments. There were times I had to even stay up with him at 11 PM just so he could do one assignment. Now I understand he never had the best resources available since I’m a single parent who barely makes 40k with overtime, but I think I can say I tried my best in my way.
Jumping to the year 2021, most if not all schools were hosting online classes. During high school, my son’s performance was inconsistent, but he had a knack for English considering he managed to enter an AP class. That all changed with online schooling as he was barely passing his classes and constantly handed in assignments late.
In all honesty, I was very aware of his struggles but was still concerned with his future. Once graduated high school, he was approaching his 18th birthday and I made it clear that if he was to stay under this roof, he was to either go straight to school or get a job.
Given those options, he applied for college and we argued constantly about whether he should go straight into college. If I remember, he constantly told me things like “I want to find myself” or “Colleges are still doing online-only courses and I don’t want to do that.” Regardless of what he said, I still kept my requirements to living under my roof and that was that.
Fast forward to the end of his first semester in college, he dropped one class, failed two, and only passed the other two with a C+. I’ve noticed he’s been doing better now and passes with mostly B’s and C’s with a few A’s in the mix, but he blames me for the reason why his GPA is so low, and every time the topic comes up, he seems to hold it against me.
Be honest, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He sounds like he might have ADHD. Is that something you’ve ever considered, or could it be the case? I would go with No Jerks here, and if ADHD is definitely off the cards then straight up NTJ.
You seem to have done everything you can, but I suspect, albeit based on this very limited snapshot of his life that you’ve provided, that he might have benefited from medical help. At the end of the day, he is ultimately responsible for himself now, and he can’t go on blaming you for his academic/employment ability forever.” Sjdonnelly
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Since you’re a low-income single parent, I can understand your hesitancy to give him time off to ‘find himself’. Your life is work, work, work, I’m guessing being up at 6 am almost every day, so you don’t feel much sympathy for his plight.
He was not unjustified for his desire to wait out the situation with education, with the fact that he has learning issues that call the usefulness of e-learning into question for him. Possibly even a learning disability. He seems like a student who needs the accountability of an in-person class, and face-to-face contact with teachers to get his work done.
What’s done is done though.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so if I’ve read this correctly, nothing was stopping him from “going and finding himself”. You just weren’t going to bankroll it, which is perfectly reasonable. A lot of people do “find themselves” during their college years because of the unique set of opportunities it provides, but on the other hand, a lot of people leave college even more confused about who they want to be and what they want to do with the rest of their lives.
The only way to find yourself is to go out and experience the world independently – which, sometimes, includes getting a job and living on your own.” No_Introduction1721
17. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Rehome Their Dog Or Move Out?
“My roommate took on a dog for what was supposed to be 2-6 weeks or so, but it has now been 6 months with this full-grown dog that pees and poops in our house (often getting onto children’s toys, bedding, and books), gets into and destroys garbage, and both dogs they have to get onto the counter or table to eat ANYTHING, thawing meat, cooked food, snacks, things off plates or pans, and food quite literally straight out of my kids’ hands.
My roommate’s reaction to being upset and wanting something done is to now state the dog is theirs when previously ownership always belonged to their ex/partner and is refusing to find a new living solution for himself. They claim crates are inhumane and get mad when you lock them in their room because they’ll destroy the bedroom.
The roommate also claims this behavior is normal and any dog would do these things, they feel as though the messes are inevitable- and maybe even sometimes they are, SOMETIMES, but multiple times every week?
Here is why I don’t know if I’m the jerk- Is letting them know they need to find a new place for the dog like they were originally supposed to, or for them all, an appropriate reaction or uncalled for?
A lot has been going on, there are a lot more things they’ve been doing as well. My other roommate is on my side about this all, they have felt the same about the issues the whole time.
Extra information- Only 400$ was paid between them and their partner to move in, plus a pet deposit because they had one dog when we moved in to begin with and we added a cat as a group.
They still owe our landlord another 100$ in deposit which was required if the guest dog was going to be here more than 2 weeks and they are late on rent nearly every month without communication. Our landlord isn’t sure he can do much about it but he’s trying and in contact with his lawyers.
Anyways, AITJ for saying get the dog out or all of you get out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keeps putting the dog in their bedroom. Maybe they’ll get upset enough to get rid of the dog themselves. If the dog poops in the house put the poop on their bed. Every time they take food, charge your roommate the price of the food.
Make them clean anything that has been soiled. Make them pay for any damaged items that can’t be cleaned. Keep a diary with dates, times, pictures, costs, etc. Unfortunately, I know two people who have been through this with a roommate. One opened the door and the dog “escaped”.
He then called animal control to inform them there was a loose dog in the area. The dog was picked up, put in a no-kill shelter, and adopted out. I’m not saying I recommend this. I’m just saying they did it. The other person made life uncomfortable for their roommate.
The dog owner had to rip the carpet up in his bedroom because of the soiling, and he still refused to get rid of the dog. Then the dog started going in the rest of the apartment. It started smelling so bad; it was a health code violation at this point.
The other person put dog poop on his bed, etc. Threatened to go to management to get him evicted, so he’d never be able to get another rental (It would be on his record for years.) He moved out pretty quickly. People are weird about animals.
Some too many people have dogs that are bad dog owners. They don’t train them, properly exercise them, etc. Your roommate is weird thinking a dog grate is inhumane, but your kids’ living situation with dog poop on their stuff and food being stolen from their hands is normal. What???
Please update when this gets resolved.” lilolememe
16. AITJ For Accusing My Roommate Of Stealing My Old Phone?
“My roommate texted me last night while I was at work saying she found my old phone and was trying to put their SIM card in it.
To be clear this phone was not lost, it was on my desk in my room partially buried beneath some of my things. I don’t use it anymore, but it still has tons of pictures and files I don’t have room for elsewhere so I keep it close in case I need them.
Additionally, it has all my banking info and passwords saved on it.
I told my roommate that her digging through my things was invasive and inappropriate. I explained to her that I was not okay with her using that phone and explained why.
She argued that because it was on my desk then she wasn’t digging through my things to find it, and she told me to stop treating her like a thief.
I responded by saying she stole my old phone and this sparked a back-and-forth argument about whether she stole it or not.
This morning the argument sparked up again and she tried to claim that the law says: “A person who knowingly or intentionally exerts unauthorized control over property of another person, with intent to deprive the other person of any part of its value or use, commits theft” and thus she didn’t steal because her intention was just to use it for herself until she got a better phone.
I responded by saying “You’re so delusional if you think that’s how the law works”
She insists I’m in the wrong here, but I feel like what I said was accurate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The invasion of privacy alone (going into your room and through your stuff) would be reason enough to end the living situation altogether.
Taking your stuff only cements this and her trying to gaslight you is the final blow for any future relationship. Of course, you are very much NTJ and your roommate is not only delusional but entitled and a big jerk herself.” stollentrollin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was theft and now you have or should have the hard task of finding out what else she’s taken from you. She felt comfortable rifling through your belongings to take something from you and is defending her actions. I hope you got your phone back” jubilees
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin To Move In With Us Over The Summer?
“Today my mom told me (M25) that she wants my (F22) cousin to move in with us over the summer as her family is going on vacation and she can’t go because her passport hasn’t arrived in time.
I told my mom that I was not comfortable living with my cousin because I hardly knew her (they only moved to the country last year) and didn’t want a stranger coming into my private space. My mom got angry and called me insensitive because she wouldn’t have anywhere else to go.
Her family would be leaving her in a country she’s only been in for a year and the only family they have is us hence why they want her to stay with us instead of staying home alone. I explained that that’s not my problem and I don’t want to spend my summer tiptoeing around my house because of her.
This back and forth ended with me telling my mom I’d be unable to live in the house if she goes ahead with this decision and she got pretty upset and we haven’t spoken since. I also live with my dad and young brother and they’re both not happy with my mom’s idea but are leaving it to me to try and persuade her otherwise.
I’m just worried that she’ll make arrangements whilst ignoring my feelings and it’ll lead to a huge fallout. If this does happen I will have to seriously consider looking for other places to stay and I don’t think I’ll be able to continue contributing financially to bills and utilities whilst also taking care of myself.
So I guess I just wanna know if I’m being a jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not sharing a bedroom with her, but you’ll still have that private space and this could be an opportunity to get to know your cousin and help her become more familiar with your country.
You don’t give any reason why she would be a bad house guest beyond the fact she would be a house guest at all and if you don’t take the time to learn more about her you’ll stay not knowing much about her. The communal areas aren’t your private space, anyone who lives there shares that space.
If you’ve gotten used to treating the shared areas as just your own or yours to dictate you need to change that quickly. Actually, what do you do in these areas that you would feel uncomfortable being seen doing? You say walk on eggshells, does what little you know of your cousin indicate a delicate nature or are you just being overcautious?” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like your mum is the only one who is happy for her to move in since the house belongs to her and your dad he should make his opinion known rather than let you be the problem.
You haven’t said whether or not you are paying rent, if you are then your opinion should be taken into account, but ultimately it’s not up to you. I know how you feel though as I would also hate a stranger moving in for a long period.
Has no one suggested she join them when her passport arrives? At 22 she should be able to navigate an airport by herself.” Single-Aardvark9330
14. AITJ For Blocking My Sister's Internet To Protect My Daughter?
“Here’s my background, I live with my mom and sister(with this economy my part of the family, 2 girls, and my husband and I aren’t able to move out so we rent a house together). My sister is 11 and my mom lets her do whatever she wants, she doesn’t monitor anything she does or sees (she has her tablet and TV), compares to me my oldest girl 5 has her tablet but I always monitor what she watches and also has her TV in her room.
There’re points when they do hang out together in my sister’s room and she has access to Youtube and watches creepy/inappropriate cartoons thinking it’s funny. I’ve told my daughter I don’t want her hanging out with her because of it and I’ve told my mom about it too because that content isn’t good for an 11-year-old, but she never does anything about it.
I feel like she has the mentality that she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn’t bother her.
Here’s what I did, I got tired of hearing those videos mainly since my daughter goes to her room at times, so since I pay for the house internet I blocked her wifi from her TV.
My mom got mad at me because she said she would deal with the problem, but she never did, and that’s why I decided to step up and parent my sister. I told her if she wanted me to reconnect the internet to pay me $5.
Still, my mom got mad and my husband said to let her do whatever she wanted because my mom would see how she was becoming and needed to parent her instead of me.
I’m currently 7 months pregnant and my husband tells me I should stop caring about what my sister does since I have to raise our daughters, I just don’t want my sister’s actions influencing my daughter.
Thankfully my daughter knows better but I don’t want her to see my sister as a role model. AITJ for caring for my sister and doing this, since I don’t see my mom parenting her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Keep your kid out of your sister’s room if it is that big of a deal to you.
You are that child’s parent, not your sister’s parent. And I am sure there are things your mom pays for that you do not. Would it be okay for her to cut off your access to those things?” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She’s not your child and your husband has the right idea here.
You can talk to your mom about putting her YouTube on kids mode or something but you’re out of line to start blocking her internet usage, but going scorched earth and blocking your sister’s wifi entirely is just going to damage your relationship with both your sister and your mom.
Not to mention it doesn’t solve the problem since I imagine there are other devices in your home your sister can use to watch videos.” Single-Tangelo-1775
Another User Comments:
“YTJ And a petty one at that. Cutting off the kid’s internet is your solution, and then wanting $5 to turn it back on?
You don’t get to police what she watches or take away her internet if she does something you don’t like. If you don’t want your child watching something your sister is watching, then it’s your responsibility to prevent your child from watching it with her.” Jazzlike_Property692
13. AITJ For Changing The Netflix Password After My Partner's Kids Ignored Me?
“I lived with my partner’s kids (16yo and 21yo) for two years.
For 12 months of that the 21yo ignored me as best she could to avoid taking accountability for some universally accepted “poor behavior”. This escalated 3 months ago and she started ignoring me completely (including walking past me when arriving home without so much as looking in my direction).
After setting a boundary regarding “not ignoring other human beings you live with” she crossed it three times before I lost my cool and asked her to leave. Her 16-year-old sister elected to leave at the same time and neither of them has spoken to me, responded to any of my messages, or acknowledged my existence in 2 months.
There’s a lot more to it and I’m certainly not faultless but this is what it boils down to (I’m not looking for opinions on the back story).
When I say I lost my cool, I’m not sugarcoating. I am Autistic and I hit a meltdown after almost 12 months of navigating someone I live with and care about ignoring me.
AITJ for changing the Netflix password? After 2 months of no contact (and no communication that this would be the case), I changed the Netflix password. My partner has had phone calls and messages from his family accusing me of bullying his children and suggesting he has not protected them from me…this is and has always been my Netflix account and while we share funds – the bill is paid from my accounts.
I didn’t provide any warning that this would occur but I also haven’t had responses to any messages in 2 months. Even my messages informing them that I had preserved some things I knew they wanted and placed them in a safe place in our old house (we’re also mid-house move) were met with radio silence.
The stuff is still there (they have their keys) so I don’t even know if the message was received…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And like super strong NTJ. This should be in r/ohnoconsequences or something. People don’t get to ACTIVELY pretend you don’t exist in your own home and then enjoy the fruits/benefits of said existence.
The fact that the literal adult of the two ‘children’ is the worst offender is what gets me. They messed around and have since found out. Stick to your decisions and boundaries. Don’t let yourself be pushed around or neglected anymore. Also, where was your partner in this while their children were acting like you don’t exist?
Like holy smokes” loz_fanatic
Another User Comments:
“Not for changing the password but it sure sounds like you’re burying the lead with that backstory. People don’t have any contact in the same home for no reason, 16-year-olds don’t move out for no reason, and inlaws don’t accuse you of bullying the children for no reason.
Autistic meltdowns are also in response to sensory overloads, not “snapping” in response to long-term interpersonal issues (which sounds more like just screaming), and regardless of circumstances you are the jerk if you direct them at children. To be honest it sounds like you are hiding some jerk stuff behind your diagnosis.” not_that_united
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the small amount of information given, the adult “child” can be responsible for their own Netflix account and share it with her sister. One can’t choose which benefits they think they are entitled to while ignoring the source of the benefit.
You didn’t cut them off from a life essential.” BefuddledPolydactyls
12. AITJ For Calling My Nephew In The Afternoon On His Birthday?
“My brother (35) lives in Spain with his wife and two boys (4) and (2). I live in Ireland and there is only 1 hour time difference. My youngest nephew turns two today and I have it on my to-do list (and calendar reminder each year) to call him to wish him a happy birthday etc.
This morning, I woke up at 9:30 am and hopped into the shower. Then I ironed a shirt and trousers to be at a church mass (Holy Communion – Catholic thing) at 11 am. No breakfast, straight out the door. Then after the church, I went to my relations for some food, and as soon as I got in through the door, I asked for their WiFi so I could sit down and do a video call with the birthday boy.
I then noticed a text from my brother at 12noon asking if I could ‘if I could please call him as it’s nephew’s birthday.’
I sit down, and video call at 1 pm, and sing happy birthday and we have the chats. At the very end of the call, he asked if he could ask a favor and put his sons’ birthdays on my calendar.
I said I already had them on the calendar, and I had always planned to call today. And he made the point that I’m calling at 1 pm, instead of “making it a priority” and calling first thing in the morning. I said it’s a birthday*, and said when we were growing up our aunties and uncles wouldn’t call us in the morning.
He made the point that otherwise his boys are left wondering if I will call all morning or not on their birthdays. For context, I have never missed a single birthday and I have a good relationship with my brother. I said I will try to call in the morning going forward, but this isn’t normal and stop acting like it is.
AITJ for arguing with him? Or does he have a point? Part of me wishes to call next birthday at 4:30 am..”
Another User Comments:
“Next year? Call at 12:01 am, local time for the birthday boy. It’s his birthday. Have the parents get the kid up to Facetime you if he isn’t already up celebrating.
I’m sure you won’t disrupt the whole household, they wouldn’t be in bed or anything, not on such an important day! If they want a call “first thing in the morning”… give it to them. Midnight plus one minute is technically morning.
I roll my eyes, the parents getting upset the call wasn’t the priority of your day and you waited till one pm. Like their toddler is the center of your universe and you revolve around him. Wow. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“So, your nephew is 2 and wasn’t left wondering if you were going to call.
Maybe his older brother did on his very last birthday, but even that is questionable. That being said, communication is key. It sounds like your brother is worried you’ll forget his son, so letting him know ahead of time when you’ll call will help make sure they’re available and help them know their child is a priority to you.
NTJ” SunshineShoulders87
11. AITJ For Introducing My Niece's Stepbrother As Her Stepbrother?
“My (23f) half-sister Judy (32f) has my niece Mia (7f) with her late husband.
She’s been remarried for several months now and has a stepson West (7m).
Judy is currently pregnant with bad morning sickness. Her husband traveled for work so he wasn’t around much. Our dad would sometimes help babysit.
A week ago our dad had some emergency when he was supposed to look after the kids, so he asked me for help.
I admittedly have never babysat them and haven’t seen them much and the last time I saw them was at the wedding, but I agreed and took the kids to a board game club’s gathering I was a member of. They had a good time.
Other club members I knew asked if they were twins. I told them Mia was my niece and West was her stepbrother. Four or five people asked me this in front of the kids and I always gave the same reply.
I dropped the kids back at Dad’s with a bag of chocolate each.
They thanked me and I drove back home across town and thought that was that.
Judy recently called me, not pleased that I introduced West as I did.
She said she and Mia had known West since he was barely 4 and were the only family he had known since his mom wasn’t in his life.
That gathering I took him to was the first time West had heard the term “stepbrother.” His parents always just told him Mia was his sister and he was her brother.
Judy said I could say anything I wanted to my friends but not in front of the kids.
Now she and her husband had to explain their family situation to West and Mia and the kids were both upset.
I think this is ridiculous but I did indirectly cause two kids to cry. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You called your niece’s stepbrother her stepbrother.
Seriously can’t find fault with that. If your sister is so sensitive about this issue, she needs to make it known. In that case, your dad, the regular sitter, would pass the message and you would have known not to introduce the boy as such.
The kids may be upset now but fact is fact. They will have to learn about it eventually.” BBQQuails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will be a jerk if you keep doing it in front of the kids. Respect the boundary now that it’s there.
But it sounds like you weren’t aware this was how the parents had been explaining that relationship. You didn’t know and it was on them to communicate, “Oh by the way we consider Wes to be Mia’s brother and that’s how they know each other so use those terms with them” or some variation on that.” EmpathicallyAnxious
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Constantly Loan Money To My Younger Brother?
“I, 25, have a younger brother, 21. Growing up, we got along well, but about 3 years ago he rubbed me the wrong way, and without details, I chose to go with no contact until about 4 months ago.
Now, he has two brand new children and a fiancé who chooses not to work.
1 week after we reconnected, he asked me for a few dollars for gas. I said yes. In the following weeks that amount slowly grew for Pampers plus food for his kids and fiance.
& even to hang out with a friend (?)
Still here 4 months later, & I’ve noticed that most of the time we have a conversation, 7/10 he asks for something (not much, but 1000 cuts). Outside of that, we don’t talk too often. But in his defense, these are loans he asks for, and he pays me back.
I make enough money to support myself and help him this way. But honestly, I don’t want to. Especially considering that his goal is to be a man whose wife doesn’t NEED to work if she doesn’t want to. So she doesn’t.
(e.g., it’s my birthday, and he knows I just spent a lot of money for it, but he texts me to ask for $$ for him his two kids, and his fiance to eat. Sends a pic as he’s in the drive-thru. And then calls me because I didn’t answer right away)
I want to be a good brother/uncle and don’t want to seem selfish. Just on my terms, and once we have a more solid relationship post-no-contact. Not because he put himself in a bind.
In the end, I care for my brother as most people should.
And he is putting the work in by keeping a job. But as it would be for most 21-year-olds, it’s rough supporting 4 people on your own.
So it makes me wonder
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- regardless of his partner’s wishes to be a SAHM, that is not their current fiscal reality, and it is not your responsibility to make it a reality for them!
Honestly, your brother and his fiance need to grow up just a smidge, who the heck goes out for dinner when they don’t have the money to do so? That is some serious nonsense because you know the next call you receive will be because they cannot afford Pampers.
Part of becoming adults, and parents, is learning how to budget and to prioritize what you need over what you want. It sounds like your brother has been putting this off by using you as his ATM.” MaeQueenofFae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You teach people how to treat you.
If you want to be Uncle ATM, then by all means keep doling out money to your ungrateful brother. I bet that a year from now you will be back here complaining that your brother broke promises to pay you back, pulled more stunts, and called you selfish and a bad sibling because you didn’t give him the moon wrapped up in a bow.
If your brother defines the quality of your relationship by how many times you come back for more after he steamrolls over you, then you have to decide whether it’s worth it to associate with him. “But we’re family!” is not an excuse to be a jerk and allow people to misuse your kindness.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can sense a little why you perhaps cut contact with your brother just based on his wife. And maybe I am jumping to conclusions there. NTJ you don’t have to give money every time he asks and it is quite astounding he would ask for money on your birthday.
The only reason his wife can be a SAHM is cause he always needs to ask you for money. Maybe we will have no contact with him again? That’s totally up to you though.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Keeping My Cat Away From My Overfeeding Family?
“AITJ for keeping my cat away from my family? Three years ago, I wanted a cat but everyone in my family was against it.
I was really upset and I wanted a cat as support so I ended up getting the cat still. I got the cat and everything was fine and my family started to open up to it little by little now they always want to pet my cat and try to baby him when in the beginning they didn’t even want him at all.
I pay for all the food. I take him to the vet pay all the bills, clean the litter, and do everything for my cat. Three years later now they’ve opened up to my cat and they started to feed him as their family pet.
My cat is starting to gain some weight and they are blaming me for overfeeding the cat when I feed my cat on the schedule I provided for him but they keep feeding him after I tell them I already fed him. They complain that I’m always at work or doing school and I don’t feed my cat often which my cat usually begs for food even if he’s full.
They would feed him even if I was just at home five minutes prior and fed him before I left. I don’t want to have my cat gain health issues. My cat is starting to like my family more than me now which is sleeping on my mom‘s bed instead of my bed because they feed him when he begs for food when I’m not home.
It makes me sad because it’s my cat and I provide everything for him, but he prefers my family more because they feed him more than I do. I am just trying to not get my cat fat. I feed him three times a day.
What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“I think this is an Everyone’s a jerk. You’re a jerk for bringing a pet into a home where it’s unwanted which can be dangerous for the pet and annoying to your roommates. And also for not letting the cat play with your family.
Cats are social creatures and they want to play and exercise a lot. They don’t care who with. If you want the cat to hang out with you, play and exercise with him more. Your family is jerks for over-feeding the cat. It is also dangerous for the cat.
Personal advice: I recommend you seize all the treats and cat food in the house and lock it in your room.” PartyHorse17610
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents Involved In My Surgery Process?
“I am having elective surgery later this year.
It will be my first surgery, major or otherwise, and I’ll be off work for about 6 weeks.
I haven’t told my parents yet. They’re aware as I’ve mentioned that the surgery is something I want to undergo, but they don’t know that the dates have been set nor that it’s relatively soon.
I haven’t told them for two reasons: the first, that they will be unhappy/disappointed in the news that I’m having the surgery in the first place, and the second, that they will nevertheless, for all that they disagree with my reasonings, want to be a supportive part of the surgery process (I.e. help with travel, transport, or the post-op recovery, either while I’m in hospital or once I return home and the initial difficulty of doing basic activities post-op).
I love my parents dearly but I don’t want them to be involved. I know that when I am stressed and my parents are around, their presence exacerbates my mood and I struggle not to be irritable and snappish, which I then feel guilty about.
I also am aware that when they are stressed, I try overly hard to take the role of de escalator, focusing on calming things down or making them feel less upset. In this case, it’ll be me and my choices that are causing them stress and I don’t think I’d have the emotional capacity around the surgery to be in any state to deal with managing that.
For all that it is major surgery, for me, this is a really important step in being happier, and I couldn’t be more delighted it’s happening.
I’ve no idea how to but I’m going to have to tell them eventually and they’re probably going to be hurt.
In their mind, they’ll be offering support to their child at a difficult time, only to be snubbed and left on the sidelines. WIBTJ if I told them (in the politest possible way) I’d rather they weren’t there?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally I would not suggest keeping quiet until after the fact, but in this case, that’s exactly what I suggest. Here’s why.
Surgery comes with plenty of anxiety for the patient, for lots of reasons, as you already know. By getting your parents involved ahead of time, you’ll just be adding to your stress and trying to placate them and take care of their needs, when your own needs should be taking precedence.
It’s not fair to you. You already have enough on your plate. Wait and tell them after you’ve recovered.” Pleased_Bees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re an adult. You don’t have to tell them. I feel certain that whatever the surgery entails – there will be an organization out there willing to give you practical and emotional support if you need it.
This is about you – not your parents. Go get your surgery and recover well. Take your time. Contact them when you’re ready. I’m sending you my best wishes for your future happiness.” LouieAvalonMac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel you, my mother is the same.
I always prefer to undergo any medical procedures on my own, that way I feel calmer and in control, and she tends to add to my anxiety. Years of therapy taught me that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings, it’s not our job to be deescalatory.
we can support, and we can try to not add fuel. But we are not responsible for others. You have enough as it is on your plate.” Morngwilwileth
7. AITJ For Developing Feelings For My Best Friend's Crush?
“So basically my best friend likes this girl in our class, he liked her, and even went to the lengths of “jokingly” pushing for teen marriage to tell us how much he likes her.
He and her hung out a few times but it was never anything too serious, and when he asked her if she liked him romantically, she rejected him.
Now I’ve never really cared much about this girl, she’s a cute, nice body, and is a bit dorky and stuff, but I never really saw her in such a light.
We recently had a school field trip to the Swiss Alps and I somewhat took a liking to her at the airport (half of our class didn’t go, including my best friend), and over the week she grew on me, she’s just so pleasant to be around and she doesn’t make me feel like I’m being ignored or pushed away.
I’ve been honestly more affectionate this entire week than I’ve ever been my whole life (small acts of kindness, checking up on her) and it’s mostly due to her.
I’ve never made a move on a girl before, and I’m tempted to shoot my shot with her, but I care a lot about my best friend and know how much he loves her.
I have no idea if he still does, but me asking him would be suspicious. The worst part is that I know how many bad experiences he has had with girls, and it did seem great between the two. I love her, but I want my bro to be happy.
I can’t choose. I don’t want to be a jerk and backstab my best friend, yet at the same time I want to get closer to her and eventually take my try at a relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for developing a crush; HOWEVER, you would be if you pursued the crush.
Ultimately, you have to decide whether you are willing to throw this friendship away or seriously strain it if you pursue this girl.” AlwaysTime4Cake
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (for now) Crushes and emotions can be tough to control and regulate, especially with youth.
You’ve got the opportunity to be a good friend here and not pour salt in the emotional wound of rejection. If you do not care about your friend’s feelings and are ok risking/losing the friendship, go for the girl.” 66NickS
6. AITJ For Leaving Lunch After Co-Workers Kept Harassing Me About My Personal Life?
“I (18 f) have been working at my current job for almost a year now. I am a quite reserved person, who does not enjoy sharing things about my personal life at work and this is where the problem lies now. For the past few months, my coworkers (who are mostly male but even a few female colleagues I have joined) have been picking on me about finding a “nice guy”, getting married, and having kids.
For context, I am on the aerospace spectrum and I wish to be child-free. At first, it started as teasing, however, it quickly turned into an everyday thing. There haven’t been any shifts where it was not mentioned.
Of course, after a while I got fed up so I talked with my coworkers about it, and some of them were understanding and stopped. However most of them weren’t, instead they started harassing me more.
They even started “shipping” me with one of my coworkers, saying he was my crush. It is tiring and I feel uncomfortable here.
But back to the question: we usually go to have a lunch break as a group, since it is easier. Once we sat down to eat today, I quickly texted my mom about my glasses (which I broke beforehand).
One of my coworkers saw this as an opportunity and he asked if I was texting my lover, then the other one joined and asked “Which one are you thinking about?”. I told them I still didn’t have anyone. That’s when one of my female colleagues chimed in and said “It’s so disappointing” and I will “find someone”- then she pointed at my so-called “crush”.
I do not wish to find anyone. So I just did what I usually do when I’m frustrated: I left. I got up and left the dining table. Later on, they told me I was acting unpleasant and that it was rude to leave.
I feel frustrated and sometimes even violated when they harass me.
So AITJ for leaving? I don’t know what I should do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re working with a bunch of creeps. You’ve already told them to stop, so since they haven’t, report them to your supervisor and keep working your way up that ladder until someone helps.
Start keeping a record of exactly what they say to you. Stop engaging with them when possible. Prepare to shut down conversations. When asked if you were texting your “lover” forex, say something like “I’m texting my mother and our conversation is none of your business.” When they push you about a partner, say things like “I have nothing more to say about that,” and if they have follow-up questions reply with things like “Oh.” And a tip: do NOT say you do not want to have kids.
You will get endless harassment for that. Trust me. Another good way to put people off is to say “I don’t know” to whatever question they ask.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How about mentioning it’s rude of them to be all in your business and creating a toxic work environment?
If boundaries get ignored, it’s time to call them out on poor behaviors with words such as “toxic work environment”, “harassment”, “not minding their own business” and “having a serious lack of personal boundaries”. There is nothing wrong with your reaction to their bad behavior.
You have a right to feel the way you do.” ElvyHeartsong
5. AITJ For Getting Remarried In Vegas During My Honeymoon And Upsetting My Family?
“I 30M and my wife 30F just recently got married in our small southern town. (About 5k people) The usual people that you would find at a small-town wedding were there. Aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, friends of family members, distant relatives, etc. Everything was fine & well with no complications, but everything got messed up during the honeymoon.
My wife and I decided to go to Vegas for our honeymoon. (I know it sounds cliche, but some of my family members lived in Vegas and have connections to get us a good hotel room.)
Saturday night, we decided to hit the strip, and we thought it would be really fun if we went to one of those Elopement churches on the strip.
(The ones that will have Elvis marry you.) I’m an Elvis fan and she thought it would be funny because we both saw an episode of Viva La Bam where Phil and Ape got their vows renewed so we thought it would be fun.
We got married a second time, in one weekend, I got a couple of good pictures, and I posted them to social media without a second thought.
The next morning, I woke up to literally hundreds of notifications, messages missed phone calls, and angry texts from almost literally everybody saying that people thought that we had eloped in Vegas. Which makes no sense considering that we just got married, but I can’t do anything about it.
All of my elderly relatives are upset except for my younger cousins, who thought it was hilarious.
My elderly family members are extremely upset and they are saying that I made the family look trashy by making it look as if me and my wife got married in Vegas and not in the perfect Church like they always wanted. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were having a laugh. And weddings aren’t for anyone but the people getting married.” JakeDC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore their tantrums, and enjoy Vegas. No need to care about their drama.” Excellent-Count4009
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Played Video Games On Our Anniversary?
“We had our anniversary yesterday, he (34) picked me up (f30) from work and we went to a cool restaurant for happy hour. He gave me a little card he made (every year I ask him for a card instead of presents) and we were there for 2 hours.
Since he was paying for dinner I asked him what kind of present he wanted, he told me he wanted these new shoes but his size wasn’t available so I told him I would get it when his size was available.
Anyway, the problem was, after dinner, we went home and he mentioned he wanted to play video games with his friends, I thought he was joking so I said something like “Wait, are your friends your wife?” He commented something and we laughed, so I thought he understood that he wasn’t playing video games today.
It was our anniversary and I wanted to have the second part of the celebration, meaning get in bed.
I asked him to drop me at the nearby store because I had to buy some paper towels and I told him he could go home (the store is very close to home, so I felt like he didn’t have to wait for me).
After 10-15 minutes I get home, he is showered and he is playing video games with his friends! I was very upset immediately! I didn’t say anything because he was live so everyone could hear me on the mic, and to be honest I was just upset.
I decided to take a shower and I usually take a shower right before bed, so he came to the bathroom to pee and asked me why I was taking a shower so early. I said “What else am I supposed to do?”, the tone of my voice wasn’t right.
So he asked me if I was mad, so I replied “What do you think?” He proceeded to play video games with his friends!!!!!!
I went to bed and haven’t spoken to him since, this happened yesterday.
Am I overreacting? Should I have communicated my expectations better?
Isn’t it obvious that your anniversary day should be spent with your loved one? Am I being ungrateful?”
Another User Comments:
“You have every right to be annoyed and being upset is perfectly normal. It was your anniversary and he decided to play video games.
But here’s the real issue. Stop with the silent treatment use your words and talk to him. He asks are you mad and you say what do you think and go back to playing his video games. So obviously he thinks you’re not mad and goes on with his.
If you told him you were upset he would have understood and more than likely stopped playing the game and spent more time with you, which is what you wanted. Say what you want. Use your words and communicate correctly and things tend to get better.
Now you’re upset. He’s upset but doesn’t know exactly what you’re upset about and he’s proven that. And you’re not talking to him. It’s not going to solve any issues. Communication is not being silent. NTJ, but use your words” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“Gentle ESH. I’ll be blunt because I’ve tended to act the same way, so I do feel for you. Use your words. Stop being passive-aggressive, and communicate with him like an adult. He shouldn’t have done it, but you wouldn’t even tell him he upset you.
How could you possibly move forward if you’re unwilling to tell him what’s wrong?” Historical-Lie-660
3. AITJ For Refusing To Wear Flat Shoes Despite My Partner's Height Insecurity?
“I’ve recently found that my (f26) partner (m24) is insecure about his height. (I’m about 4 inches taller)
It suddenly became a problem last week, when there was a local dance ball we planned to go to.
As I was getting ready, he asked what shoes am I wearing. I picked 3-inch strappy heels. He got upset, arguing that I was already tall enough and it would look stupid if I was that much taller when we danced.
I have atrophied fat pads on my feet, so I’m walking on my bones and it can get very painful -which is why I don’t even own any flat shoes.
He showed me a pic of flat ballerina-type shoes and said we should just pick some up at a store on the way and it would be just fine with my orthopedic insoles in.
It would be “just fine” if we went out to eat, not to dance.
I told him it would still be painful and tried to compromise with a 1-inch heel. He kept arguing about it and then stormed off.
Later he confessed he’s been feeling insecure for a while now and I should’ve been more considerate and just did as he said.
Since then, every time he sees me put shoes on, he keeps bringing it up and starting another argument. I also realised that in every photo he posts of us has me always sitting down.
During the last argument we had, I told him I’ve never seen the height difference as an issue until he made it into one and if it makes him feel that bad to be seen with me, then maybe we’re just not compatible.
He‘s packed his things and left. Now he’s going around telling everyone that I’m breaking up with him because he’s short. I had his mom leave me angry messages.
For me, it’s the fact that he fully expected me to just bear with the pain without question.
I feel if he cared for me, he wouldn’t want me to be in pain.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- tell him that Gomez Adams would be supremely disappointed in him. There’s just no excuse for it. What does he want you to do, take out your kneecap so that you’ll be 4 inches shorter just for him?!
tell that man to stop playing in your face” Wise-Employment-7351
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d call them all back and ham it up. Like super thick. You say you didn’t know you had broken up. You brought up asking if he felt you two were compatible after he bullied you about wearing heels and blamed you for being too tall.
When he left you thought he was just getting some space and would be coming back to talk it out but now that his mom has let you know he broke up with you, you’ll respect that he just can’t get past you being taller and you accept the breakup.” Open-Incident-3601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s his insecurities, not yours. And of course, he’s telling everyone it’s your fault because that’s what he’s projecting. You might want to explain to his mom what went down (not that it matters) but yes, move on. I knew a guy who was several inches shorter than his wife and it was never an issue with either of them.” goldenfingernails
2. AITJ For Trying To Win A Board Game Against My Wife During A Rough Time In Our Marriage?
“My wife, six-year-old daughter, and I were playing the board game Ticket to Ride. We’ve been going through a rough time in our marriage and I thought a fun game with our daughter would be a way to slowly bring us closer together.
I was trying to win the game, as my wife was, and we were mostly playing against each other for that title because we weren’t going to sabotage our daughter, who we were helping learn and was playing with her cards face up.
She plays this game a lot online on her phone. I’ve only played it three or four times on the real board game. Neither of us are big board game player otherwise. But she was trying to win. I want to be clear that I wasn’t the only one trying to win.
If you’re not familiar with the game, you get bonus points at the end if you build the longest train route. Halfway through the game, I could tell my wife and I would be neck and neck for those bonus points so I built a route to block her for no reason other than to block her.
She got so upset, on the verge of tears. She stopped interacting with us during the rest of the game. In the end, when it was clear that I had won, she accused me of being mean and that I should have tried to win by really building a longer route and not blocking her for no reason other than to block her.
She thought I should apologize and not have made this move — which, I will add, was strategic and within the rules. I don’t think that’s necessary as it’s just a fun game we were both trying to win, why can’t any player use the rules to their advantage??
If I was playing against anyone else older than 10 who had a basic understanding of the game and the rules, I would have taken the same strategy.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. If your goal is to create goodwill with your wife during a bad time in your marriage, then playing a competitive game to win seems like a risky move.
And indeed, you won the game but made your real-life situation worse. Congratulations? The basic idea of playing games together is good, though. You just need to find games that don’t pit you and your wife AGAINST each other, but rather make you a team working together.
Your wife seems to have fallen into the same trap as you did: playing to win, then finding out that the consequences of this were painful and pointless.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s a board game which means a lot to her and not much to you, I’d say blocking her was mean but it’s the attitude that concerns me.
This didn’t sound like a game between lovers it sounded like an intense chess match between enemies. Apologize, you need help to learn to be more self-assured and less egocentric and desperate for validation and if your wife had the same attitude as you playing this game then all I said applies to her too.” Alternative-Heart564
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ for taking the game too seriously. Why was winning so important? And if you want to have fun with your wife to alleviate tension at home, then the game needs to be fun for her as well. Please don’t teach your child to play aggressively.
Teach her to have fun and simply enjoy being with the other players. Who wins does not matter.” hadMcDofordinner
1. AITJ For Hiding My Psoriasis Medication From My Sister?
“I (16M) have a skin condition called psoriasis. It is very annoying to deal with and gets very itchy when it is bad.
I went to a dermatologist with my Mum and she gave a prescription for a steroid cream and non-steroid cream that help clear psoriasis and a moisturizer to use on it and some of my dry skin. My Mum bought them for me and they were quite pricey.
I don’t know the exact price but it was quite expensive and the dermatologist appointment to get them was €150-€250. I normally leave all three in the bathroom that I share with my siblings as I need to use the mirror to apply the creams.
The issue I’ve been having with my sister (24F) is I caught her using my moisturizer which got me a bit mad. I told her to not use it and she said ‘You don’t even use much of it’ which is true but my Mum bought it for me to use.
I told her she could easily afford to buy her own if she stopped buying clothes and going on expensive trips with her friends and partner. She got angry and said that since she has to pay for some of her master’s degree in college (My parents are paying the rest) she can’t afford it.
It was an obvious lie. I grabbed all three of my bottles of the stuff and put them in my room so I could just bring them to the bathroom when I was using them and then bring them back to my room. This annoys her since she can’t use it.
She is giving me the cold shoulder and saying I am just petty and that since my Mum pays for it, it shouldn’t matter to me whether she is using it or not since my Mum can just buy more.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep your skincare away from your sister. It’s actually prescribed medication for your medical condition and should not be used by anyone else. Also yes this stuff can be expensive and it’s not right that your mum should have to buy more because your sister used it.” Several-Ant-8701
Another User Comments:
“You both are jerks. Her for using your medication and YOU for not using it. Your mother bought you a special medication to help ease your discomfort that you are not even using. You should have kept them in your room in the first place” Own-Name-6239
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