People Are Taken Aback By These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Adult Family Members?
“I grew up poor and am now doing surprisingly well. My parents divorced when I was 13, and for a while, we were homeless and living in motels or out of my dad’s truck.
When the divorce happened we were full blown homeless and moved in with my maternal grandparents. It was me (oldest son), sister (mid), younger bro, and mom. That situation became permanent for my mom, I moved out at 18 (33 now).
My little brother has struggled to keep jobs, he lives with my mom and will take small j at like Autozone, etc for a while until he quits them because they are “stupid”.
My sister was a real mess up and financially drained my mom and aunt (borrowed like 20k, my mom bought her groceries every week, etc). She moved out of state eventually and everybody’s happy with it.
A difficult time hit and my grandpa passed away.
My grandma of course was hit hard, and my mom went into heavier than usual drinking, not eating, and eventually gaining a severe issue with stomach ulcers and infections because of it, requiring a lot of care and losing the ability to work. When my grandpa was passing, I would get emotional calls from my mom and grandma accusing me of “not being sad enough”.
I hung up on them, emotionally drained, and no longer had the will to answer my mom’s calls.
Now if I’m the jerk: My aunt called my wife a few weeks ago seeking “a solution”, she suggested that she needed help with my grandma and mom, and was open to thoughts on what to do.
At this point, I have heard that my mom and aunt were thinking about selling the house when my grandma died and renting a small apartment together, but the plan did not include my little brother (29).
I’m told that the help I could provide could come in many ways:
1. if they could move my mom closer to my house so that my wife could take her to the doctor, visit every day, and check on her, etc,
2. or I could just let her move into our home/property, take care of her full-time
3. monetary help if none of that is possible.
And if none of that is possible, to at least “help” my little brother when they eventually kick him out when selling my grandma’s house. I don’t know what that means other than the same thing, provide a place to live or an income for him to live on.
My wife has her own Etsy business she runs when not being a mom to our 3 kids. We are actively building a house while living in it and saving money for completing restrooms and buying paint and trim etc, and I work 9-5 from home at a fast-paced tech company trying to not get fired for as long as possible so I can finish the house / pay off as much of my mortgage as possible before that happens and hopefully save some money for retirement and my kids UTMAs.
Every dollar I make and every free minute I have, I want to give to my wife and kids. I feel like taking on another adult as a responsibility isn’t fair to my kids and wife, so I have zero desire to even respond to them..
apologies, I hit the word limit!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“None of that explanation was necessary. Your priority is to your family – aka wife and children. Everyone else in this story is an adult and it’s time they fend for themselves. You are under no obligation and I hope you do realize that if you help them in any way, you will never get rid of them.
NTJ.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s be honest: you hit the eject button at 18 and didn’t look back for pretty good reasons. Might seem selfish to others, but sometimes you have to look out for yourself and the family you are trying to support.
I’m fairly sure you’re certain that getting involved with your family risks being drawn down the drain with them. I’d be kind to your mother and grandmother as much as possible. Maybe some monetary support, or helping them with getting whatever government benefits. But your little brother?
Yeah, time for him to fly free.” Samarkand457
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your primary responsibility is to your wife and children. Whatever money you make should go to things that will benefit them: mortgage payments, home renovations, college funds, etc. Your “little” brother is almost 30 and needs to start fending for himself.
Your mother is also an adult. You are not responsible for either of them, regardless of what your aunt says. Treat her guilt trips with the contempt they deserve. Going NC or LC with aspiring leeches and their enablers sounds like a good idea from over here.” Architeuthis81
17. AITJ For Telling Off My Family After Years Of Unfair Treatment And Favoritism?
“I (24M) have always been the black sheep of my family. I’m more quiet and reserved than my siblings and wasn’t as interested in sports as them. My youngest brother (21M, Sam) is a big athlete and my parents’ favoritism is blatant. He can do whatever he wants, blame me, and my parents just believe him and punish me.
For example, he took our dad’s truck for a joyride and ended up hitting something leaving a huge dent in the door. He blamed me and I was grounded and my graduation party was canceled. While I was at college the truth came out and Sam got no punishment.
Or when he ruined my mom’s fabric scissors, I was out with a friend when it happened but I still got grounded because Sam said I ruined them. I could go on but it always boils down to; Sam messing something up, blaming me, and I get punished.
After I graduated, I moved to the other side of the country for art school, and I never visited home during that time. I only kept in contact with my other brother, Will (23M), and we have a good relationship. Recently I got a new job that moved me close to home and I told Will about it.
My mom then contacted me and said we should all get together to celebrate. I was hesitant but my mom said we’d go to my favorite restaurant and they’d pay. Plus it would be the first time seeing Will in person in like 2 years. So I accepted.
Sam still lives with our parents and it was immediately apparent he hadn’t changed much in the past 6 years. He’s coasting off his track scholarship and doesn’t seem to care much about anything. Anyways, on the day of the dinner, Sam starts complaining about the restaurant choice and saying he’d rather not go.
After some back and forth between our parents and him, they asked if we could go somewhere else. I told them no. They can go somewhere else to coddle their golden boy but I came here for that restaurant and I was going to enjoy the food I wanted. Sam called me pathetic and childish for not compromising.
I kinda saw red after that.
I told him he was the pathetic one, he’s a lazy jerk who can’t take an ounce of responsibility and couldn’t last a week without our parents wiping his behind for him. My mom told me off, saying I was being nasty about what was supposed to be a happy day, and I told her I hadn’t felt happiness around the three of them since I was a kid.
My dad called me a brat and demanded I apologize, and I told him to go away and that he doesn’t have a shred of integrity after canceling my graduation party and never apologizing after he found out it was Sam. My mom tried to defend him, but Sam said I was just being mean because they weren’t impressed enough I was a struggling artist. I then told them all to go away and left.
I called Will and have been staying with him until my flight on Wednesday. He told me I was right and justified, but it was harsh of me to say all that. He isn’t asking me to apologize, but he did tell me our mom hasn’t left her room since it happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sam pulled a power play, to try to show you that he was still in control, and you told him you aren’t playing the game anymore. And now he is sending your parents after you because that is all he has left in his life, whereas you have accomplishments beyond this – you have a life.
After all, if he doesn’t have you to bully, your brother has nothing.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ good for you!! It sounds like it was long overdue – sounds like Sam is a piece of work and your parents will regret their favoritism and indulging him hopefully, it won’t end up with someone getting seriously hurt.
The thing is it sounds like Sam will always think of himself which as your parents get older will be a problem cos they will need someone eventually and Golden Boy just won’t be there. Poetic justice is glorious!!” No_Initiative_8480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s good you finally stood up to them and said something.
And make sure to cherish Will, he seems like a good one. Why is your mom hiding out in her room? That doesn’t make any sense. They were very upfront and non-apologetic about their favoritism and blaming you. So why is she upset now?
I highly doubt she’s having any sincere revelations about you since she hasn’t reached out to apologize. She’s probably just playing the victim and feeling sorry for herself in the hopes that you cave.” BigNathaniel69
16. AITJ For Calling My Friends Freeloaders After Their Expensive BBQ Party?
“A few months ago I decided to throw a party for all of my friends. I paid for everything, a 3-course meal, snacks, wine, etc. I spent roughly £150 per person on this evening.
Last week my friend and her partner of 1 year decided to have a bbq party at their place and they invited me.
They told us to bring whatever they wanted to put on the grill. Later they changed their plans and said that they would buy the food we wanted, that we could just send the money later. I thought it was quite stingy as the amount they would spend on us wouldn’t be more than £15 each, ten times less than I did on them.
However, I assumed that they were just short on money and I didn’t mention anything.
Now, the day before the party they asked me to send them £40. I was not expecting to be spending that much this evening for just a burger.
Turns out, they had bought an entire dinner with dessert, starters, and a main meal without letting me or anybody else know.
They also included decorations in this. We would still have to bring our drinks as this was not included though…
Not only that, they just split the bill equally on everyone even though they, at the end of the night, would have so much left over.
They even said that whatever was left they would just serve at their mother’s birthday party a week later, which I was not invited to.
I was hesitant to bring this up before the party as I did not want to ruin the mood. However, I asked how they had split this money and that it did not seem quite fair, that it was quite a bit more than I was expecting to spend on this evening.
I then get a very angry message from my friend’s partner, telling me that I’m being rude for questioning them. That I’m not a real friend for accusing them of lying about the bill (which I did not). I was also quite annoyed that the partner, rather than my friend, was the one to tell me off.
I just told them that it’s fine, but in the future could we please agree on a budget before so that this doesn’t happen again?
The day after the party, I got a text (again from the partner) saying that they would like some space away from me.
Questioning them about the money was very rude and they needed some time to think about whether or not they wanted to be my friend anymore.
I felt very frustrated with this, especially considering how much more I (and other people) spent on them. Also because the partner is the one saying all of this rather than my friend of 10+ years.
So, I did lose it a bit and told them that they were freeloaders. They’re asking me to pay for their groceries, for the mom’s birthday party, and more than my share of this BBQ. That, if they had any decency, would’ve paid for the BBQ themselves considering how often they’re treated by everyone else.
Especially considering it’s not even a 3rd of the amount I spent on them last time.
So, AITJ for going off on them like this and calling them freeloaders?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your response was warranted. However, you have come to expect your friends to treat you the same as you treat them, especially in monetary terms. This isn’t a bad thing.
But when you volunteered to spend 150$ per person for an event, it should be noted that they didn’t ask for it. You could have gone for a tighter budget. I realize this happened before the whole incident. But to be honest, you have bad friends.
I’m also wondering if anyone else brought this up, as the increase from 15$ to 40$ isn’t negligible. Likewise, your friend’s partner is a jerk. I’d have understood if your friend had come to speak with you, assuming you were close friends since you had known each other for almost 10 years.
But I feel like your friend avoided the confrontation by sending in their partner. This assumes that your friend is in the know about their partner’s actions. They have taken advantage of you and maybe others too. Ideally, the leftover food should be divided by those present who paid for it.
Not for some other unrelated event that you are not even a part of. Because, ultimately, you did pay for that food. It may seem like a small thing, but this is how people tend to take advantage of you, today it could be for food, and tomorrow it can be for other things.
All because you trusted them to reciprocate in your time of need. Hope your other friends realize what jerks this couple is and call them out on it.” inverted_pyramids
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What the actual heck. Never in my life, have I been invited to a party where I had to pay for myself.
I’ve been to many, with very varying budgets. Being younger, I was bringing my drinks, but come on. Pay for the food? I’d rather go to a restaurant of my choice. Yes, they are very cheap freeloaders. Nobody forced them to throw a party they could not afford.
And, btw, it has nothing to do with how much you spend on your parties.” Mezzoski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the friend is genuinely acting like a freeloader here. Also, it’s so odd that they would say that you are accusing them of lying about the bill when you didn’t mention anything of that sort.
Sounds like self-sabotage to me, where they are lying about the bill and assuming that you had figured it out. Nobody gets that defensive that fast unless they are lying.” xsatxnx
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Late Daughter's Items To My Pregnant Sister?
“A few weeks ago my sister who is in her 30s and pregnant asked me if she could have some of my late daughter’s things that we held onto.
My wife and I lost our girl to a fatal fetal abnormality during the pregnancy. My grandma had made a blanket for her and we kept that, along with some outfits we picked up for her during the pregnancy. My sister wanted the blanket and some of the dresses we kept.
She claimed the dresses were adorable and deserved to be worn and that the blanket was special and she wanted her daughter to have something like it since my 2-year-old son had a blanket made for him too. Grandma did not make anything for my sister’s daughter and now my sister feels like she should get the original blanket.
I told my sister I would not give her the blanket and the dresses. I didn’t think I would need to explain why but she said she couldn’t understand me refusing her when we will never have more children and won’t have a daughter to put into them.
My sister and I argued and I put my foot down with her and told her she was being insensitive.
After she got nowhere with me, she decided to go to my wife and ask her for the dresses and the blanket. My wife was inconsolable.
My sister told her that they could be put to good use and would have a purpose instead of sitting in a box rotting away forever because no child ever got to use them. She used some guilt-tripping tactics on my wife too saying that grandma and her were not in a good place and her daughter would feel awful knowing grandma cared more about her dead cousin than her.
I was furious when my wife told me and I snapped at my sister the next time we spoke. I went out of my way to make sure I addressed this with her. My sister accused us of hoarding “the good stuff” and of not caring about her daughter.
I told her she was the one who didn’t seem to care about us and our pain and grief. I told her she was cruel pushing the issue after being told no and selfish for not addressing her issues with grandma directly and buying dresses for her daughter instead of trying to steal from us the few items we have that were meant for our daughter.
I told her she should count herself lucky she has never been in our shoes and she should move on and stop what she was doing.
My sister told me we were the selfish ones, not her, and that we were way more cruel when we could act like we were excited to meet her daughter but be okay with the fact she’d never get a blanket like her cousins.
I feel I should mention that my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years. Grandma and I are close and she has a wonderful relationship with my wife. That is not the case for my sister and she’s unlikely to even meet my sister’s baby when she’s born.
Anyway, my sister is telling me I went too far in my reaction to her and I feel conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, and you declined, that should have been the end of it. The fact that your sister could not take no, and keeps acting like your loss is no big deal and you guys should just get over it and allow the belongings to be used by someone speaks VOLUMES about her character.
If ever there was a case for low or no contact, your sister is making a big one. Please make sure the precious belongings are somewhere safe so if your sister ever comes to your house they can’t “mysteriously disappear” and consider blocking your sister until she grows some human feelings and empathy and stops the “but I want it” attitude.
I’m very sorry for your loss.” Aethermist88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….first, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is so unimaginable and painful. Your sister is acting like nothing has happened and you two aren’t grieving the loss of a child. That blanket was made specifically for your daughter.
And the dresses were bought by you for a specific reason or not….it doesn’t matter in the end. Your sister should’ve dropped it after the first no instead of going to your wife.” rckyshow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, my sincerest condolences on your loss.
As to the question here, your sister’s initial ask was awkward and insensitive, but I could write it off as just poor social skills if she had accepted your simple “no” and moved on. But she didn’t. She didn’t at all. She went from insensitive to jerk to worse.
Then she had the gall to harass your wife? I will just call your sister a mega-jerk rather than the awful things I’m thinking about her. And she calls you selfish? Nerve – she has it.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Autistic Sister In The Future?
“My parents have my sister (14f) and me (17m). My sister is autistic. She’s very verbal, has issues with social cues, and generally isn’t very easy to be around. She says pretty mean things to people and she’s the worst to me. She does not have any kind of filter and I struggle to be around her.
Sometimes I have to leave the table when we’re having dinner or leave the house when she starts because I want to so badly explode on her. My parents always tell me I need to understand, that it’s the autism, she’s learning, and she’s working with therapists on the behavior.
They will tell me over and over to be understanding.
On more than one occasion my parents scolded me for walking away and I asked them directly if they would rather I tell her to back off. My parents said I shouldn’t think that about my sister.
I told them they don’t even know the half of it. They were “appalled” by that. But I don’t want to be called a dumb jerk or told I’m ugly, to have her laugh at me when I do badly at math (I have dyscalculia), to have her make fun of me because I was upset my boss was hospitalized and he was pretty sick for a while.
She’s mean to a lot of people to the point I don’t even bring my friends around the house or her ever. But like I said it’s worse with me and it’s all the time.
The other side of things is my sister cannot be left unsupervised for long.
She goes into her world and will not eat or use the bathroom when needed. There were times she had extra tests done to see if anything else was going on. But nope. She also needed to be hospitalized before to help her with issues that came up as a result of her not using the bathroom and/or eating.
My sister will shut down regularly and it has put her in some dangerous situations. She will always need more help and won’t ever be capable of living entirely on her own.
My parent’s plan was always for me to take care of my sister when they were no longer able to or when they were gone.
I didn’t mind before. But now? No. I’m not doing it. I do not have the patience to love her through all her bad behavior. It was always there but it gets worse the older she gets and I would not be a good fit.
I could not just take it and I don’t want to. I don’t want to take care of her. I wish I didn’t have to see her every day as it is.
A week ago today my parents were telling me I needed to learn to be more patient and understanding with my sister because I would take care of her one day and I told them they need to start saving for her future care because I won’t do it anymore.
I told them I would not deal with that every day for the rest of my life. I told them I wanted a family one day and I would not expose my kids to her. They were angry and told me she was my sister and I needed to do better.
The past week has been strained with them telling me I’m treating her worse right now than she ever has.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Wow. Just wow at your parents foisting that responsibility on you. Even if you were the best of friends that’s a lifelong commitment they were just expecting you to pick up.
What about your life, your dreams, your future? Without the anger, you need to spell out to them that you are your person. You have a right to live your life and not just be a caretaker for your sister I feel for her and her future.
But your parents absolutely should start planning now” CarefulNow-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She might be your sister, but she’s not your responsibility. It’s a sad and complicated situation, but your parents can’t just pawn off on you. They shouldn’t scold you for leaving the house when you can’t take it anymore, it’s much better than staying there and exploding at her.
They shouldn’t forget you’re still a kid yourself. And it’s good on you to already tell them now you won’t be able/willing to take care of her later so they can start planning.” Dweia01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a horrible situation. Your purpose in life is not to take care of your sister or be mistreated. While your sister may not be able to control herself, that doesn’t mean her behavior is ok and it is quite understandable that you don’t want to take this on.
It is incredibly mature of you to realize that you are not suitable for this task, and honestly, you are the only one making a rational, adult decision on this topic. I am sure your parents are exhausted, physically, emotionally, and financially from this. That doesn’t justify their failure to protect you and be your parent too.
Putting this burden on the shoulders of a 17-year-old is phenomenally poor parenting. I mean, for goodness sake, they can’t seem to do it, but they expect you to be able to?” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Contributing To Roommate's Party Immediately, Despite Promising To Pay Back Later?
“I, M 21, live with a few roommates, M 21, M 25, and M 28.
M 28, let’s call him Max, decided for all of us that we’d be having a party for Halloween. There wasn’t exactly a question to the others if we were cool with that or not. We live in a 2-floor house and the party would be happening downstairs, my room is upstairs so it’s not like I had nowhere to go if I needed some quiet.
Max’s idea for the party was that it would be potluck style where everyone would bring something. The party was set for a few days before rent is due and the majority of my paycheck would be going to bills or transportation to/from work as I haven’t been making as much recently.
The day of the party arrives and things are going decently well. He invited me to go with him to the store beforehand and asked if I needed something. I said I didn’t but decided to follow anyway per his request so why not? At the store, he asked if I’d be drinking at the party and alluded to me buying some drinks for the party.
I said I couldn’t because most of the money I have on me is for my portion of the rent but would be glad to send him money when I get paid next. He then offered to buy it for me and everyone else if I paid him back.
I had no issues with this as again, my next paycheck coming in a week is the “fun” check that I can be more lenient with. Cut to the party later that night and I got a little hungry and admittedly was about to grab a deviled egg one of the guests made for the party.
He questioned why I was about to eat when not everyone had arrived yet and mentioned that I should wait until more people showed up to eat. Fine. Whatever. I’ll wait, makes sense.
He then brought up that if I wanted I could’ve contributed to the party and said so in front of his guests.
I quietly reminded him that at this moment I can’t financially do so which he was more than aware of and would be more than happy to retroactively contribute when I get paid. He said very loudly as to look good in front of his guests ‘Well I had to buy you drinks at the store’.
After that, I was embarrassed and didn’t say anything and he now is out in the open sharing my financial spot with everyone. I didn’t know what to say and stood quiet. Then he drilled further, still in front of the guests, louder, saying that by default I’m a cohost since I live here and said ‘You’re not immune from contributing just cause you’re a cohost’.
I never said I was and multiple times said I would contribute but wouldn’t be able to right now. I half snapped and said I could go upstairs then since I “didn’t contribute”. Fair right? I didn’t contribute so I just won’t be at the party.
He didn’t seem to like that and walked away and I’m now upstairs, vibing to my music in my own space writing this post.
AITJ for not contributing even if I’m gonna pay him back once I can financially do so next week?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You are paying for the party in two ways. 1. You are paying him back for the drinks next week, if you were a freeloader at the party that would mean you wouldn’t be paying him back, is that what he wants? Probably not.
2. It’s one-quarter your living space, you are all permitting him to have a party in the shared space. If it’s your space being used I think you have a right to join the party. Sounds like a complete jerk you should confront him about this (when both of you are sober) and if he is still being uncompliant it may be good to find new roommates.” Anxious_Set_6342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I was at that party I would be judging him, not you, for the whole scene. Talking nonsense about money in front of guests makes him look bad, not you. The fact that he’s expecting you to contribute equally when (it sounds like) you didn’t even invite anyone is stupid anyway… I mean, he’s (presumably) 7 years farther along a career path than you, and trying to make you split the cost of HIS party, and still trying to publicly shame you for not having the same amount of spare cash as him… sounds like he’s flailing to seem more on top of things than he is and is using you to do so.
I understand why you felt embarrassed, but I’d be willing to bet that witnesses were much more put off by him than you.” Oxford_comma_stan92
Another User Comments:
“Ntj Max is a jerk. Since he thinks you didn’t “contribute ” to his party and you went upstairs.
I wouldn’t even give him money for the drinks once your fun money comes in. He wants to look like he paid for everything then he can cover his parties from now on.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
12. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Aunt Use My Car Indefinitely?
“My aunt recently went through her second divorce and was out of a place to stay because of it.
We offered to let her live with us until she got back on her feet because she was unemployed. I had no problem with this because my house has a guest bed where she could stay in.
The next morning after her arrival I go downstairs to get breakfast and I’m greeted with my mom, dad, and aunt standing there waiting for me.
I say good morning to them and they don’t say it back, just straight to business. They told me that my aunt doesn’t have any form of transportation so she will be using my car until she finds a job and can get her own.
They tell me I have no car for an unknown amount of time. I can’t let this happen because of school, work, and friends but they tell me this is non-negotiable.
I bite back by saying that they’d have the right to make their terms non-negotiable if they paid the gas and insurance for the car (which they don’t, I do with money from my part-time job) and that my terms are non-negotiable.
Such terms are no, she will not use my car as if it is her own and not mine.
For the record, I already knew she needed a car and was willing to let her use mine on occasion if she asked permission, but given how they presented this to me, now the only exception I’ll make is if she needs a hospital.
They immediately blew up in my face about my comeback so I just tuned them out and focused on not spilling my Frosted Flakes but I managed to hear “You’re a part of this family” and “We make sacrifices for each other” blah blah blah I just was not having any of it.
I realized I wasn’t gonna enjoy my breakfast in peace so I gave up and just left them with “Behave like adults and maybe I will negotiate”.
My parents were gonna follow me, but my aunt panics and starts screaming at them rather than me so their focus shifts to calming her down rather than stopping me.
I go to my dad’s office and grab the spare keys from his desk and then upstairs to my room for my main keys and wallet. I leave the house with them still arguing about what they’re gonna do. I was also smart enough to turn off my location services and leave the tile inside my car on the floor.
I ended up going to my friend’s house to lie low for a bit. I explained the whole ordeal to her and she agreed with me and that they were wrong for trying to just take ownership of my car. Later, we meet up with friends and mess around for a bit, all while my phone is practically unusable because of the barrage of calls and texts.
I explain my situation to them and they also agree with me.
We ended up planning to have a sleepover at my friend’s place because it’s the weekend before Halloween, but also because I can’t go home right now.
Unfortunately, this is where the story ends.
I’m sitting next to my friend watching Breaking Bad with friends while writing this, and we’re both laughing at all of it. I’ll see if I can update later.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you say, letting her borrow your car when she needs it, from time to time, that’s reasonable.
Smart to take possession of all the keys, we all know what happens next. I don’t know what kind of people your folks are, but around here, the next thing we expect to hear about is them reporting the car stolen.” MercuryJellyfish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but a question, how old are you? From reading this, you may be a minor. Although it shouldn’t make a difference, if you are under 18 and in the US, it does. Under the age of majority, the parents have a great deal more latitude.
Are you in college? If so, who’s paying for it? Please understand that I agree that you’re right, just giving you a few things to consider.” mastimama0722
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your car. If your aunt was in an accident while driving, you could be held legally liable for any damages not covered by your insurance.
If your aunt or parents take the car, call the police and report it stolen. Also, cut Dad’s access to your bank account. There have been posts on Reddit by people whose parents have emptied the poster’s bank account to get control over the poster.” teresajs
11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Jealous Partner After She Snooped Through My Laptop?
“I (22F) live with my two roommates (22F) and (23M) – let’s call them Alexa and Mark. Mark and I have lived together since we started uni as we were best friends throughout high school and our families have always been close. Alexa moved in with us our second year as we found a 3-bedroom apartment much closer to the uni that we couldn’t afford on our own.
Mark met his partner (Amy) about two years ago and at first, everything was fine, she came over most weekends and we all got along so there was never a problem. That Christmas Mark and I drove back to our hometown together because we lived on the same street and my car isn’t great for winter driving.
Before we left Mark had to stop at Amy’s house to pick up some things he had left there the night before and when we got there Amy was furious saying that if he loved her he wouldn’t drive me as it’s disrespectful to their relationship and I would try something.
Mark told her I was just a friend and that he promised nothing would happen (it didn’t).
When we got to our hometown we found out one of our high school friends was having a party so we both went. Amy found out we were both at this party and called him freaking out demanding that he left and that she didn’t want him and me out together unless she could supervise.
She even called me and explained that she knew what I was doing and that I couldn’t stop him from loving her and she made it very clear that she was going to be in his life forever and I was temporary.
Ever since that Christmas Mark and I haven’t been as close.
I didn’t want to interfere with his relationship so I gave him space, we’re still living together but even now I feel like I can’t talk to him.
We’re all in our final year of uni now and since Mark and I are in the same program we have most of our classes together and we attend all the same campus events.
Amy claims I go to these events to get close to him without her around and I’m tired of it so I avoid him at the events. Amy spends almost every night at our apartment now and it’s been extremely uncomfortable for me.
She calls me a mean name if I’m wearing shorts and consistently tells me “She’s won Mark and I lost the game”. This past week I officially snapped at her.
I came back from a date with a guy from work and I caught her in my room on my laptop snooping through my messages with Mark.
I told her she was crazy and that she needed to get out of my house or I would call the cops. Mark wasn’t home at the time so she left and when Mark came home he freaked out on me calling me inconsiderate and rude.
I told him this is just as much my house as it is his and if she couldn’t respect my privacy then I didn’t want her here. Alexa sided with me as she also feels uncomfortable when Amy is around and doesn’t think I’m in the wrong.
Amy hasn’t been back here yet and Mark thinks I need to apologize for what I said but I don’t think I’m wrong so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and do not apologize she was going through your laptop (Why wasn’t it locked?).
Reinforce to point with Mark and Amy that she is no longer welcome in the apartment at all because she makes you uncomfortable and because she invaded your privacy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one has the right to invade our privacy, especially not over psychotic jealousy.
And how u dress up in our own home is none of her business. Lastly, if she is so insecure about her partner, they need to work on building that trust instead of dragging her into their mess. As for him asking u to apologize to her, tell him to ask his partner to apologize to u for her behavior the entire time.
While he’s at it, he should apologize to you too, for not being able to console her partner, turning a blind eye to her behavior towards u, and taking her side when she was clearly in the wrong.” never_the_one_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s over the line and if he’s defending her calling you names, snooping in your room and computer, and making you uncomfortable in your own home, your friendship with him is over.
She should be barred from the house full stop.” Reddoraptor
10. AITJ For Wanting To Switch Dorm Rooms Because Of My Roommate's Hygiene And Odd Habits?
“I (18F) got put into a 4-person dorm suite with 3 random people. I like everyone I’m with except for my actual shared bedroom roommate, a 21-year-old I’ll call Jane.
From the moment I met her, Jane came off as introverted and maybe shy.
She didn’t have much to say to me, but one of my other roommates has known her for a few years and likes rooming with her, so I figured it would all be good. The first night she was there (I moved in early), my room stank to heaven.
I couldn’t figure out what it was, it smelled like human funk mixed with food and cheese. I couldn’t see any signs of food or anything, so I thought it was just a weird smell that stuck from dinner or she cooked leftovers of some sort.
That was the first night we had been living together, and ever since then, there has been a consistent funk in our room. At this point, I didn’t think I could do anything. It pervaded our room and just stank so badly, but I could get over it and I managed. I figured it was a personal hygiene issue that I didn’t want to bring up since I could get on okay with it.
It has been like that for 3 months straight now, ever since mid-August. It is now almost November, and my room stinks like unwashed hair and bed sheets (and food if she ate any) unless the window is open. With winter coming, that’s just not going to be feasible all the time.
But now, her living quirks are coming through and I was going to man up and ask her to take out the trash instead of piling it up, lower the brightness on her laptop if she’s up late, etc., but now I’m uncomfortable in my own space and I want to just leave.
A little while ago, I stirred in the morning and noticed a weight on my bed that usually isn’t there, and I leaned up to see what was on my bed. It was a book of hers, placed very neatly and gently between my legs, on my bed. I do not know how it was there or why, but I quietly took it off my bed and went back to sleep.
This was eerie and uncomfortable, and if she wasn’t so standoffish and unapproachable, I would ask her what that was about. She just keeps to herself, uses her laptop until 5 am, and eats fragrant food in our tiny shared room. I don’t think she would speak to me if I didn’t speak first.
At this point, I just want to move out. A friend of mine is encouraging me to just talk to housing and move in with her or someone else, just to get out of this situation. The entire time, I felt unwelcome and uncomfortable in my own space because it was always stinky, she never really talked to me unless I said something first, and I was always the one cleaning up and taking out trash.
But this is different. WIBTJ for just switching rooms before talking to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she doesn’t have to be involved in your changing room. Understandably, you don’t want to confront her for fear of coming as a jerk or offending her but at the same time, you definitely can’t take this living standard anymore.
Just move out. It’s alright. If she asks (I doubt it if she is so shy) you can choose if to tell her the truth or not.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re just trying to spare her feelings at the end of the day.
But if you can’t transfer then not saying anything for this long, and then doing it now, might be a bit awkward! I might try to be diplomatic about it. Like saying the room has been a bit musty for a while and you’ve been trying to air it out but it’s not getting any better.
Maybe she could check her side too in case there’s an old plate or something somewhere?” esmegalileo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – I’m very sorry your living space is uncomfortable, I’ve been there and it stinks. But this is a great lesson to learn as a new adult.
You are solely responsible for advocating for yourself and handling communication. Your roommate is not a mind reader and she may not know any better, you don’t know how she was raised. If you aren’t okay with the situation, you need to voice that concern unless you have a reason to think doing so would be unsafe.
I would suggest requesting she set aside 15 minutes later this week to chat with you about your roommate experience together where you both will have time to discuss how you feel. If she becomes aggressive, overly defensive, or refuses to speak with you then you need to go to your RA and tell them what is going on and the RA with help facilitate proper meetings.
If the RA is unable to resolve the issue or your environment becomes hostile/unsafe then yes you should protect yourself and move out ASAP, do not feel the need to warn her.” KartlindWitch
9. AITJ For Choosing A Concert Over My Estranged Brother's Wedding?
“Ever since I was a child my brother and I have always had an estranged relationship. We never got along and were always fighting. But I always did my best to be a good sister. I gave up a lot in life for him and his events and never got much for myself growing up because it all went to him.
That has lasted into adulthood.
I went on to get married have kids and live my own life apart from him. He never showed up for any of it. To this day, we hardly ever talk. I try reaching out but he hardly ever responds.
Once in a blue moon. He’s recently met someone now and plans on spending his life with her. They both make very good money, more money than my husband and I and they travel constantly. We’ve asked them when they would be able to travel to have family vacations or at least visit the kids and they always say they have no time.
But then they will book trips to Europe or other places not caring how it affects the kids. Our kids ask about them all the time and we always have to make up reasons why they won’t visit them. Our oldest has seen my brother 2 times in their whole 8 years of life and our youngest only once.
We’ve tried very hard to visit them but they always decline saying they have no time for it. So we’ve given up on them.
Flash forward to last month. My husband surprised me with PIT tickets to a concert as our anniversary gift. I was so excited. I never get to do anything for myself and I get to go with a group of friends.
I have also never been to a concert. This will be my very first one with an artist I really want to see. All my friends and I are planning a whole weekend getaway to make it even better. I shared a picture of the ticket on my social media and my future sister-in-law saw it and asked me about it.
I told her all about it how excited I was and how it was my very first concert. It’s a few months away but still, I’m so excited. Now today I just got word that my brother and sister-in-law are announcing their engagement, and they picked their wedding date… it’s the same exact day of my concert.
They picked the date AFTER my husband bought the tickets and we announced we were going.
I’m torn. I have a big heart and don’t want to disappoint my family by not going. However, they never show up for us or my kids so why should I care?
They said they wanted my kids to be at the wedding as well. So if I don’t go then I kind of ruin the wedding for them because they have to find replacements for my kids. I would like to go to the wedding to support them however my husband just spent $800 each on tickets.
And they’re nonrefundable. My husband says forget them they never come to us so why should we cancel a concert for them?!. But I’m torn. I don’t want my family angry because I chose a concert over my own brother’s wedding.
But then again I never get anything for myself. So AITJ for not wanting to go to this wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why are you wasting energy on people who clearly don’t like you? Aside from everything else you listed, your SIL asked about the concert ticket.
She knew how excited you were. That means they either booked their wedding for that day so you wouldn’t attend, or they wanted to take away something you were excited about. Since they apparently want your kids (who they have zero relationship with) in the wedding, that says to me their reasoning for their wedding date is to take something from you.
They do not care about you. They do not care about your kids. So why are you expending energy on them? The fact you share parents with him isn’t enough of a reason to keep allowing him and now your SIL to hurt you and your kids.” Rough_Start_5396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Go to the concert. Did he skip your wedding? Barely met the kids (probably when you traveled home to visit?) It sounds like your brother was the golden child. You were raised to always bow to his needs. I can see how this may concern you in terms of your relationship with your parents/ family.
But it’s time to let go of the idea that you and your real family will ever matter to him besides what you can do for him. Tell him you and your family are “just too busy.” Go enjoy your show. Wear strong shoes so you don’t get trampled LOL.” Some_Range_9037
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has never been there for you, didn’t come to your wedding, and never sees you when you invite him to visit. You don’t owe him anything and certainly are not obligated to go to his wedding. Given that the wedding is large, you likely won’t get to spend much if any time with him that day in any event since he’ll be very busy and have many ppl to talk to.
I also think it is odd that he plans on having your kids at the wedding, yet has only seen your oldest twice?! send your regrets along with a gift, and go to your concert and enjoy yourself!” someperson717
8. AITJ For Being Upset With My Husband's Last Minute Changes That Disrupt Our Schedule?
“My (38f) husband (35m) has a long history of getting a bee in his bonnet for something that he suddenly wants done immediately.
Often, he pursues something up to a point and then changes his mind. Two prime examples: he just HAD to have our daughter’s ears pierced at 16 months (his culture), which is not easy after a year. I called many places before finding a piercing/tattoo shop that would do it.
I made the appointment, and he was okay with it the whole way, but suddenly like 2 hours before the appointment time, he changed his mind. I told him that was super messed up and unfair to do them, but he insisted and even yelled at me over it.
Then he blamed me for the shop not letting him make another appointment.
Another incident happened a couple of weeks ago. He decided he wanted a stationary bike ASAP. We found one on Marketplace and I had plans to meet them. I cleared my day, and that seller cleared theirs.
15 minutes before time for me to leave, he tells me he’s changed his mind. There are other examples but these two are the biggest in my mind. I work OT almost every week, he works FT but our schedules are different. Because I work nights, usually appointments, doctor visits, and such things fall on me.
That’s just how it works. But that can also often mean I might not enjoy a day off for weeks at a time, whereas he has every weekend off and he does things he enjoys with our daughter while I am working and sleeping.
This time, after living in our house for almost a year, he suddenly decided that this week was the time we absolutely MUST have plastic sheeting laid in our crawlspace.
The problem is that this week is when his mother is here from his home country, my parents are here from my home state, and our daughter turns 2. We have plans laid out and I am getting her birthday party ready. Without talking to me, he made 3 different appointments during the exact middle of the day on 3 separate days this week, which means I will be stuck at home all day (where we live, we have to take a ferryboat to go anywhere, so no reasonable chance of going out before or after the appointments).
I told him that doesn’t work for me to give up my days off this week to sit at home, especially when we had plans.
Now he’s upset and acting passive-aggressive like I don’t want to handle any responsibilities around the house. He asked his mom to just stay home to meet the contractors and told me to, “just go do whatever you want” in a huffy, clearly annoyed way.
But that means his mom has to stay here, so I guess I’ll end up staying anyway. I would be FINE with them on a different week or some other time, but this just wrecks my entire week, which was already planned. I don’t think I’m wrong here, but he thinks I’m being ridiculous.
I also think, because of his track record, that he’s very likely to get all 3 estimates and do nothing with them. He could prove me wrong this time, maybe. AITJ here? Or is it ridiculous to keep screwing with my time like this? Not to mention my parents’ time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to learn some impulse control. I would suggest sitting him down and giving examples of how this behavior is disruptive to the whole family. Maybe float the idea that when he has these impulses put them on a to-do list and revisit them in two weeks and see if it still seems like a good idea.
One thing I would not do is capitulate and stay home for that visit. That’s just reinforcing that he can get what he wants by continuing to act this way. Also, try to get him to articulate why something needs to be done ASAP, other than that’s what he wants.
If he can justify it then it can wait.” levophed72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you know this isn’t going to change until you tell him no. Tell him in no uncertain terms that no one will be home during the day and he either needs to take the days off or reschedule.
Stop enabling his behavior by being the one tasked with planning activities HE wants to have done or having to be at the mercy of how he schedules these things. He wants your daughter’s ears pierced? He can now find someone who will do it, and then let you know who it is so you can make an appointment that works for you.
He wants work done on the house. He is welcome to find vendors, but then turn the info over to you to schedule, or – gasp – he can take a day off to attend to these urgent projects. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and you are letting him get away with being a bad partner, probably because it’s easier to do it yourself than deal with his insane reactions, but that’s a whole other post.” Dismal_Pirate9139
Another User Comments:
“He’s controlling. What he’s doing is not ok because he’s interfering with your parents’ visit and because it’s disrespectful of your time. This is never going to end, I can tell you from experience. If he’s a decent person, it will hopefully balance out with some good points, and, over time, after lots of conflict, he might learn to work with you and respect your time.
But it’s a long road and you can rack up a lot of bitter things along the way – personal goals you didn’t reach because he hijacked your schedule with his random ideas, fun you didn’t get to have because he “voluntold” you for one unnecessary chore or another, physical exhaustion you experienced because he overbooked you even though you told him not to, frustration as you watched him go off to do his fun things while leaving you to do chores that got moved around to deal with the random stuff he came up with that he insisted was the most important thing ever.
How you handle it is your call. I’m just letting you know it’s probably going to be like this for the long term.” Cold_Activity1092
7. AITJ For Wanting To Pay Back Rent Instead Of Suing Our Neglectful Landlady?
“Up front, my wife and I agree this is not a situation that would end in divorce.
My wife and I (46f and 42m) are in the process of moving.
The landlady that the dispute is with rented to us for 3 years. Yesterday she delivered us a 48-hour pay or eviction notice. We haven’t paid our rent in 2 months. We’ve been in the process of moving, and the funds for rent went as part of our down payment.
We did expect to be gone a month ago, but we are a family of six, I work full-time, our kids are with my mom for the move, and my wife is physically disabled, so packing has been extremely slow. We were at the last stage of the move, where all we had to do is move one last load and do a deep clean, but after we got the notice, we just loaded up and drove off to avoid conflict.
Inside the house, there’s a bunch of busted up cheap furniture (ours, not the landlady’s), floors that haven’t been vacuumed since we started packing, a couple of small holes in the drywall from kids roughhousing, whatever mess my kids left in the corners of their closets, and just some assorted mess from packing materials.
I’ve seen deposits withheld for far less.
The reason we’re moving right now is because in the 3 years we’ve lived here, the landlady has only done repairs to the property once. Soon after we moved in, the roof was damaged in a storm and developed a major leak.
It took her two years to get a roofing crew. My wife and I would have done it, but I’m not handy and she’s disabled. Plus, money has been extremely tight.
It wasn’t until a minor ceiling collapse in the master bathroom and floors that started sagging that the landlady decided to fix anything, and she only fixed the hole in the roof.
She did not fix the sagging floor or the busted ceiling. We got tired of dealing with it, so we did what we had to do to find a permanent home.
We don’t really have the funds to pay the landlady. My wife thinks that we shouldn’t pay her at all due to her neglect of the property.
However, I look at the mess that we left, plus the fact that it took us a lot longer than was supposed to move, and I don’t like our chances if we get taken to court. The state we live in does not have very favorable rental laws for tenants.
Maybe if we had cleaned up before we left, but we were not able to.
We cannot afford to have a ruling against us in court. That would completely devastate our finances and we might lose the house that we just bought. We are already on a shoestring budget.
I told my wife that I believed I could convince the property manager to just let things go if we paid one month of back rent in installments over a few months, which we can afford, but barely. They can keep the deposit to cover the other month of back rent, and just eat the cost of the cleanup due to their neglect.
My wife disagrees and thinks we can win in court. She says I’d be a jerk for paying up instead of countersuing, which is what she wants to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not paying rent. What you should have done is put it in an escrow account until the needed repairs were done.
Also, if you needed the rent money for the downpayment, and your budget is so tight that you can’t pay a lot, how did you get approved for a mortgage? Or when you say you ‘bought’ the house, does it mean you’re under contract and have not finalized yet?
Because I can sure as anything tell you that if this hasn’t gone through underwriting and you don’t have a clear to close, you are in trouble if this gets reported to the credit bureau or the landlord has actually filed docs with the court.” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for leaving a mess and withholding rent the way you did. I don’t know what the deposit was, but I would expect them to ask for the full amount of back rent and the full cost of cleaning not covered by the deposit.
I also don’t find it very likely that they would accept any payment plan based on you guys seemingly just stopping paying rent. “Hey, I know we haven’t paid in months. But I promise we will this time.” Doesn’t work well. You will probably be sued, and almost certainly lose.
And it sounds like that will be a big issue for you.” Jolly_Pumpkin_8209
6. AITJ For Not Buying A Car Because My Wife Wants One But Won't Contribute Financially?
“My wife and I have been together for 5 years.
– 4/5 of our relationship I have been paying for most of my living because of her studies
– Wife wanted a child after a few years of being together. I wasn’t ready because she was still studying and our income wasn’t too great for a child. I still gave in and now we have a 1-year-old, wife still finalizing her thesis.
I had to sell my apartment and we decided to move from the center of the capital to about 40-50 mins of public transit.
– Still paying all the bills and most of the other expenses as well. I’m also giving random money to my wife so that she can go out with her friends.
-Wife wants to keep the child out of daycare until she is 3. I agreed because I know things are pretty bad at daycares in our country.
– Wife gets about 10% of what I get from social welfare support for not taking the child to daycare. So our income is pretty low even when I have an OK salary.
We don’t own a car. I never owned one and my wife didn’t own one when we met. That said, now that we moved to about 40 minutes of public transit from the capital center, my wife has started increasingly demanding that we get one so that moving around with the toddler would be faster.
Because of her nonexistent income, I would be the one to pay for the car and its all costs.
My POV:
1: Even if I bought a crappy cheap car, it would have to be me who paid all the costs and therefore my monthly income would be less than expenses.
I would also have to purchase or rent a parking lot which would cost thousands one way or another.
2: I don’t even want a car, my family never owned one, and I don’t have a driver’s license. It’s not in my b***d to drive, I drove the first part of a driver’s license when I was 18 and I didn’t like it at all.
3: We have a pretty good public transit network where we live. One of the reasons to moved to the fairly expensive area that we did was because we have all the services nearby (a giant mall with all the services we need within less than 10 minutes’ walk)
4: I have some good savings and theoretically could buy an OK car and we could live a few years on going over budget, but I’m already providing for my family almost fully because my wife simply did not have the patience to get any income for herself.
I don’t want to take extra financial burden and it goes against my financial values to use more money than I make.
Her POV:
She says she feels trapped where we live because it takes too long for her and our toddler to move around with public transit.
Her sister lives 1 hour away, her 2 friends live around 40 minutes away, and getting to the city center takes about 40-50 minutes.
I’m at my limit of providing solely what I want to provide without feeling I’m being exploited. We have everything we need in life to make it by, but I feel like my wife isn’t happy even though she got all she wanted.
So AITJ for saying she needs to step in and provide some income herself if she wants a car for us?”
Another User Comments:
“If you can’t afford it, it’s off the table until you can jointly discuss it and make a plan. Where is the extra money coming from???
She needs to be involved in that plan. Do not go into debt for this or run a monthly deficit for this, under the assumption that she will be working once the child is 3. My hunch is you will have another kid or your wife will find another reason to not be working by then.” AgitatedDot9313
Another User Comments:
“Sit down with your wife & show her your finances. Pointing fingers at each other will not solve your problem. Both of you should make a list of your current financial priorities. It appears you are thinking about your family & she is thinking about herself.
Family priorities always come first. If your wife is not willing to listen perhaps consider couples counseling or financial counseling to help you explain the situation in a way she can hear it. NTJ.” Alarming_Reply_6286
Another User Comments:
“She wanted a child before she finished her studies and before she got a job.
She needs to deal with the consequences of public transport taking a bit longer for her to get where she wants to go. After all, public transport will eventually get her to her destination. NTJ for not wanting to spend more than you earn solely for your partner to spend a little less time traveling.” DoIwantToKnow6417
5. AITJ For Telling My Parents I Never Considered Them As Such?
“I (19f) let my mother and father know that while I was growing up, I never considered them my parents.
For context, my parents have never really been involved with me and my life. They were with my older siblings but not as much with me. For as long as I can remember my parents were never really home, and when they were, they weren’t mentally or emotionally there.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that they worked as much as they could to make sure we were taken care of. Maybe I might sound immature when this is all said and done, but I don’t feel a parent/child connection with them. I feel affection for them but that’s it.
My entire childhood we were tight on money so I never saw my parents much because they worked overtime as much as they could. When they were there, they still weren’t there, or they were too busy with my older siblings to pay me any attention; I had been in a relationship with someone who had left me traumatized, my parents knew about him but didn’t pay attention to what I tried to tell them about what he did.
When I got out of that relationship, I had no one by my side. My parents were still gone, my sister had moved out and was starting her own family, and my brother was so wrapped up in his anger that I felt like I couldn’t go to him.
So I ended up hanging out with people who weren’t good influences on me.
Up until just recently, I had stopped trying to connect with my parents, I stopped hoping that they’d come to watch one of my volleyball matches. I stopped wishing that they’d just look my way.
I gave up. Only for them to tell me that they were divorcing and I’d have to go back and forth between houses. As time moved on, I started resenting both of them, as at one house I was left alone except for once or twice a month.
At the other house, I wasn’t left alone, but I wasn’t regarded either.
Eventually, it became worse. They started talking horribly about each other to me, or if I needed something, it became a ping-pong match of “Why don’t you go ask [another parent]” between them both.
A few months ago I hit my breaking point and blew up at my mother. I told her that I’d never actually seen her or my father as parent figures. That yeah, they took care of us, but that was it. That growing up it felt more like I was living with strangers.
They were so closed off that they closed their child out too. I learned to cook, clean, and do laundry on my own. That I was the one who taught me, not them.
Eventually, that came out to my father as well, and since then I have not talked to either of them about my thoughts or feelings.
That night, I overheard him break down because in his words he was “A failure of a father”.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks when parents get so bogged down in their problems that they neglect their children’s emotional needs. They definitely shouldn’t have made you their go either.
I am a little worried you bottled up your feelings though. It’s hard when you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to and your parents definitely shouldn’t have put you in this situation. However, as an adult, you will create bigger problems if you continue to bottle things up and then explode at people.
Considering the situation, I think you have a free pass here. I just want you to be able to reflect and make sure it’s not a habit. Also, if you are able some therapy might help you work through some of this.” crazybirdlady93
4. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out After He Bailed On Our Halloween Plans?
“So I, 16M, and my friend 15M (I’ll call him Ryan) have been friends for about 1 year now.
Ryan and I live in different cities and I have always really enjoyed seeing him when we aren’t playing video games.
Some context about me, my family has always been huge horror movie fans which means we are also HUGE Halloween fans. We go all out with large amounts of decorations and lots of money spent on costumes, decorations, and food.
This means we plan a bunch of events, usually including parties and movie marathons. Overall, Halloween has always been a huge part of my life, and we take it pretty seriously.
This year, Ryan and I decided to plan a bunch of Halloween events, including lots of baking, movie watching, and of course, trick-or-treating.
I started planning this in September and on the 17th of September, I asked Ryan if he would come to my town this Halloween, so we could go trick-or-treating. He responded with ‘Obviously’, and I marked it down on the calendar and went on with my day.
Later that month, I verified with him again that day, that he would be coming over on Halloween for trick or treating. He said ‘Yeah’ and we continued to plan.
This weekend, he came over on Friday, and we made some bad popcorn, and some awful trail mix.
We watched the FNAF movie, came home, played some games, and went to sleep. Today, after shopping for a Halloween costume ($80), I found out that he actually won’t be coming over on Tuesday, and that he made plans a week ago to go with somebody else.
He never told me that he wouldn’t be coming over, and I found out through another person. After I confronted him about it, he said, ‘I forgot’. I told him I had been planning this since September and how did you forget when it was pinned in our messages, and group chats.
He then also told me ‘I should not have told you this weekend’ but then went back to the ‘I forgot’ excuse. This is the weekend not even 3 days before trick or treating.
I wondered when he thought would have been a good time to tell me, was he planning on telling me the day of??
He said he was sorry that he wanted to make it up to me and that he had just forgotten.
I told him we JUST bought an $80 costume for trick or treating, and just now you’re telling me you actually won’t be coming over so I have no reason to have this costume??
He said he wanted to make it up to me and I told him he could do that by just keeping to your word and going with me. He didn’t respond and I got really angry at him for lying to me, I told him he should just go home now before the Halloween party since I was angry and I knew it would probably be awkward.
He got picked up, then I went to the party.
I understand that it’s probably a little dramatic for just trick or treating, but I think it’s more the fact he lied about something he knew was important to me, after telling me he would be coming over, also costing me 80 bucks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a lover of Halloween and a person who puts a lot of effort into planning, gosh that hurts. Confirming twice means you follow through. I don’t know how you confronted him about it, (hopefully with “so-and-so told me that you’re attending their party/movie/event but I have you confirmed to trick or treat with me, are you still coming?”) but I understand how much that hurts.
Hopefully, you have the graciousness to accept an apology if it comes. Don’t ever let anyone call you a jerk for unironically loving something as wonderful as Halloween.” Triton289
3. AITJ For Defending My Fiancée's Unconventional Name Against My Parents?
“My fiancée, Lyric, and I have been together for 5 years and have recently proposed to her.
Her family were super happy for us but mine were less so. My siblings were fine, though they all think I’m too young to get engaged (I’m 23). My parents are where the problem arises. They were always a little surprised that my fiancée’s name is Lyric.
When they first met her they asked what her real name was. They dropped it but I could tell a lot was going on in their heads. I told them they had such a strong reaction. They said they had never met someone with the name before.
I pointed out that they had, just one person but still. They were never outright rude to her though so I kept an eye on things between them and she didn’t feel like they were weird with her or disrespectful, and I checked in with her when we were around my family, just to be sure.
It was only when we announced the engagement that my parents told me I couldn’t possibly marry someone named Lyric, and what people would think about me being married to one of those people who was given a ridiculous name by her parents and who chose to keep it as an adult instead of changing it to an actual name vs something her parents decided would make her cool and stand out.
They said this is the real world and people named Lyric, Ryder, Jayden, Skye, Meadow, Rosie, Indie, Katniss, Khaleesi, Brynley, Honey, etc are the kind of people who get passed up for jobs and mocked behind their backs and pitied for sticking with something their parents saddled them with.
They told me they did not want me to marry someone named Lyric and I could find a respectable person who was not white trailer trash and clearly out to be an embarrassment to herself by proudly holding onto a name like Lyric.
I told my parents they were wrong to say that and I would not let them just insult Lyric like that without consequence.
They said it’s her parents they feel more disgusted by but she has been a bad influence and what about my future kids with Lyric? Are they supposed to just accept having a little Apple, Zoo, and Ireland running around? They said they could not honestly accept a Lyric into the family.
I told them they were being so judgmental and harsh on Lyric and her parents and the parents who use names they don’t like in general when they are the people who create problems in the first place. I said it was disgusting that they were being so awful about this and to imply that Lyric isn’t good enough because of her name shows how nasty and judgmental they are.
I told them they should look at themselves before judging others like that. I told them it was them I was embarrassed by, not Lyric.
I also told them not to worry about welcoming Lyric into the family because we wouldn’t want to be part of their family.
I walked away from them at that point. And I blocked them but they got to my siblings who said I should never have insulted our parents and I should be grown enough to handle an argument better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents don’t like someone because of their name?!
Good lord. They sound awful and you didn’t insult your parents. You told your parents that their behavior was garbage. You were a ton nicer than I would have been. And Lyric is an absolutely beautiful name.” Lacroix24601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sibling’s reaction is very odd.
Point out to them that your parents were incredibly rude and repeatedly insulted you and your fiancée, and that while you did, as a result of their behavior, criticize them, they have yet to apologize or withdraw their offensive, judgmental, and inappropriate comments. I suggest that you tell your siblings that you are open to resuming contact with your parents if they are willing to offer a genuine apology and make a commitment to treating you, and your fiancée, with respect.
Also – what exactly do they mean by saying you should have handled the argument better? It doesn’t sound as though you handled it badly – you stood up for yourself and your fiancée, you were blunt but so were they. Do your siblings know how your parents behaved, and how gratuitously offensive they were?
I suspect what they mean is that you should have buckled down and put up with their rudeness and insults. Congratulations on your engagement.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her name is her identity. And Lyric is such a beautiful name. In the part of the world where I live, unpopular names are appreciated. It’s ridiculous that they don’t want you to marry her just because of her name.
Truly ridiculous. Extremely Ridiculous. And if they are willing to cut off ties with their son because they don’t like the name of his (soon-to-be) wife, then that’s beyond any kind of rational, ethical, moral, logical (add other-al here) reasoning. I think yeah, you were right to disown them for making such a ridiculous statement about someone you are marrying.” wise_devil0
2. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Roommate's Medical Bills After She Fell From My Garden Bed?
“I (21F) live in a house with 4 other girls. This spring in May, I found some of those thick security glass blocks on a social media marketplace and used them to form a raised garden bed in the backyard.
Fast forward to July. New girls are moving into the unit below us (we live in a duplex). According to one of my roommates, we will call her Jane (20F), when the landlord came to check up on the property around the time of the new girls’ move-in, the landlord told Jane that the garden bed I made should be taken down and she gave Jane a verbal warning.
As of right now, I don’t know if there were any other witnesses to that interaction. But I do know that I did not receive an email warning about the garden bed, we did not get a group email or text either about it. So when Jane told me “The landlord says you can’t have that garden bed and gave us a warning” I was like “Oh that’s dumb.
If we get a fine, I’ll take care of it, but until the landlord gives us a written warning or a fine, I’m leaving it up.” Me and Jane agreed that it’s dumb that I supposedly can’t have it.
Fast forward to September. While I’m out of town, Jane hosts a party.
During the party, Jane (intoxicated, not sure if that affects the legality of this) stands on the garden bed, falls off, and gets a cut on her leg. She goes to the ER and gets stitches.
In the following weeks, she told me how much it got in the way during the crowded backyard party and that it was a hazard.
And I mean, yes. Having something that is just over ankle height on the ground while a bunch of intoxicated 20-year-olds are dancing around is bound to cause some falls. But how could I have considered that scenario before I made my herb garden??
Her insurance is not covering the cost of her ER visit and now that she’s gotten the medical bills, her parents want me to pay up since it was my garden bed.
Edit: I want to add that I learned her parents want me to pay via another roommate that Jane confided in. Jane and her parents have not come to me personally asking for money yet. Another roommate told me to warn me.
Continuing: One might say I should pay her bills because 1.
I didn’t ask everyone in the house if they were okay with me having the garden bed (and why would I? I live here and the thing is three feet wide. Sorry I wasn’t considering how it would interfere with the parties we’re not supposed to have) and 2.
Because I didn’t take it down after we got the warning (which there is no written proof of).
And I read the lease today and didn’t find anything suggesting I couldn’t have a garden bed. We have a fire pit which is against the lease.
We use it all the time. If one of us were intoxicated and fell on the fire pit, would there be the same attitude? Or if Jane fell onto some other object that was mine. Am I at fault just because that object belongs to me?
At the end of the day, she was intoxicated (illegal since she is 20), hosting a party in our yard (against the lease), and got hurt falling off of something that, as far as I can tell and lack proof saying otherwise, am allowed to have.
Am I wrong for not removing it as soon as Jane expressed that it was a hazard? Am I wrong for planning on saying no if she asks for money? Am I wrong for not removing it after this verbal warning from the landlord that I wasn’t present for and don’t have proof of?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You said Jane had AGREED with you that it was stupid that the landlord had ‘supposedly’ said the raised bed was not allowed. Sounds like Jane was ok with it until it became inconvenient for her. Stick to your guns OP… It’s not YOUR fault that Jane was irresponsible and this is 100% NOT on you.
I would have ignored it without some kind of official notice either. If it was that important to your landlord, they would have emailed called, or contacted you. If the landlord had called you personally though, I would have taken that seriously even if it wasn’t in writing.
But they didn’t call you or say anything else about it. I would assume that if the landlord cared, or had done this, they might have followed up the verbal warning to your friend with an email or something attempting to contact YOU if your roommate had told them it was your raised bed. Strange that they didn’t.” SnackOnThisBeefcake
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because of the hospital bills but because everything seems to be hearsay and you don’t even bother clarifying. This whole post is because you heard from someone that Jane wants you to pay up but somehow you don’t even check if that’s true before coming here and wasting everyone’s time.
We are supposed to pass judgment on Jane for something you heard from some other roommate.” nova9001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t a random person who got injured. Jane knew the garden bed was there and climbed it whilst intoxicated. That was her decision.
She could have stood on a chair, the result would probably have been the same or worse, as it’s higher. If you feel bad and want to do something, maybe offer to pay half, but no more than that. It was her silliness after all.
But I don’t think you have to pay anything if you don’t want to. Just out of curiosity, did any of your roommates use the herb garden as well?” ShadyUniverse
1. AITJ For Refusing To Be Friends With My Former Bully Step-Sister?
“I (17f) was 9 when my mom told me she was seeing someone.
My mom had me when she was young and my aunt, her sister, took care of me alongside my cousin we were the best of friends and as close as siblings. There was a girl in school called Hannah who was pretty awful to every single person.
My cousin was included in that more than I was but she said pretty unpleasant things to me sometimes too. Just not as often and nothing as bad as she said to others. She used to call my cousin slurs toward gay people because his friends were mostly girls.
She was so young that at the start teachers would dismiss it as her not understanding what she was saying and she probably did pick it up from somewhere but it didn’t mean she didn’t know what the words she used meant.
Hannah was always in trouble and a few times my aunt was called into the school to discuss what happened with my cousin.
Hannah’s dad was always in the school too because of her behavior. Hannah wasn’t alone either. She had one friend who was even worse than Hannah and more was done to her.
Then when I was 9 I found out my mom started seeing Hannah’s dad and they moved us in together quickly and they were married less than a year later.
Hannah was still acting that way after they got married. I ended up not seeing my aunt or cousin much because mom was mad my aunt didn’t include Hannah more and as a punishment, she denied us the chance to hang out even though my aunt had acted more like my mom than my mom had up to that point.
When Hannah was 13 her friend’s parents moved and she never saw her again. After that, she started to try and become close to me. I had always hated my mom marrying Hannah’s dad and I was never open to the idea of being close with Hannah.
I hated her then and nothing has changed on my end even though Hannah did change and isn’t a bully anymore.
Hannah has actually been really lonely the last few years because most kids won’t give her the time of day and the ones that do end up ignoring her once they realize how bad Hannah was to others.
My mom expected me to step in and “be Hannah’s sister and her friend” and we have fought about it a lot. Now that I’m older I do spend time with my cousin and my aunt and I don’t care if my mom hates it.
She told me I should be standing by my family aka Hannah and that I am holding her behavior as a young kid against her too much. She told me she’s my mom and she has done everything to raise me better than I am turning out to be and she did her best to bring us closer together.
I told Mom she never had control over us just because she got married to Hannah’s dad. I told her I would never want Hannah in my life and I will only ever hardly tolerate her presence and nothing she says can change that.
My mom said I was behaving more spitefully than she ever would have expected and that she was ashamed of me for saying all that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your mother was trying to force closeness to Hannah on everyone (including your aunt and cousin). That’s not possible to do, and it completely ignores the real harm she did and people’s feelings about it. Hannah needed to earn her relationships (even within the family), and you all should never have been forced (as that just backfires).
Both Hannah and your parents have gotten the results they created. Parents should have held her accountable. NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight, she wasn’t the one who raised you, she snatched you from your one and only parent figure and the cousin you grew up loving like a sibling, basically your REAL family in the ways that matter using the excuse that she is your egg donor?
The same egg donor that didn’t believe she was old enough to be a mom until she married and now wants to play happy family? NTJ 9yo is a young age for so many things, but it’s more than old enough to know not to say humiliating and hurtful things to others, your stepfather knew what she was doing, he knew who was encouraging her and what the consequences would be, and still he failed to parent her and fix her behavior, even after he married your mom and she became a parent figure in her life, and they knew how she was acting towards you, they still didn’t do anything about it.
The only reason she changed is because she’s now alone, the other kids were no longer afraid of her since the worst of the two was gone all they had to do was isolate her. It’s not as if she became a better person overnight, what happens once she has a new friend like the last one?
Her issue didn’t magically get solved, she clearly has issues if she believed it was funny to call a kid a slur at the age of 9. Your mother isn’t allowed to ask you to clean the mess she made, nor is she allowed to ask you to forgive and forget just because she wasn’t as bad to you as she was to others.
Actions have consequences, in this case, your stepsister needs to accept that her social life in school is over unless she switches to another school where no one knows her.” Lavender_Everett
Another User Comments:
“Hannah isn’t your family, she’s your mom‘s husband’s daughter, your aunt and cousin are your family.
You hear it all the time, after bullying others for years the bully has an epiphany and it’s supposed to magically erase the trauma they caused just because they were young. Being bullied when you are very young and developing your own personality is way more scarring than if it happens when you’re older.” Mereadsalot
