People Take Charge In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Insisting On The Name Of The Student My Daughter Laughed At?
“My 13-year-old daughter got her first detention today, as she claims, for “Laughing at another student’s 3D printed shoes.” After listening to her side of things, I began to ask her for specifics—like the name of the student—but she straight-up refused to tell me and kept repeating that their name didn’t matter.
In my mind, I was considering the bigger picture and potential future situations that could arise, such as the parents of that student reaching out to talk to me—and making a mental note to ensure my child is not bullying said child.
I told her that I would contact the school myself.
She immediately became hysterical and called her dad (she is very much a daddy’s girl) while crying, and he agreed with her that he didn’t see why the name was relevant, which only increased her level of disrespect toward me. I explained that it was now more about her belief that she can tell me “No” about anything I ask or insist on knowing, rather than about this specific situation, and she said she wanted to go stay at her dad’s now, so he is on the way to pick her up.
Am I the jerk for wanting the child’s name or for not being okay with her telling me no?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m reserving judgment for now as I feel like a lot of information is missing here because, from what you’ve stated, it sounds like you’re assuming your daughter was bullying the other child without actually talking to her about it.
If you enter into a discussion while treating your child like the enemy, then her response will generally be aggressive. Even in another comment, you stated you wanted to “make sure the other child didn’t feel bullied.” While that is kind to the other party, your daughter likely assumes that you will only see her as a bully because “her dad was a bully too.” If you treat your child like a bully without cause, eventually she’ll start acting in that way because she knows you won’t expect better.” Real-Accountant-3201
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular but no jerks here. You have a right to question the situation, but I doubt more happened than what she said. To me, this seems like the reaction of any 13-year-old who thinks their parent is making a bigger deal out of what happened and is already embarrassed and worried about being humiliated further.
In her mind, she’s already been punished, and you’re just going to make a huge deal out of something she perceives as unjust. The detention was for being disruptive; this is her first offense. There is no indication that this is a larger pattern of behavior unless I’ve missed something.
I can totally see this as just kids laughing at something that looks ridiculous (possibly the student didn’t even have them on—they were showing a picture) and also thinking it was funny. I don’t know. You have a right to get the bigger picture, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that it was not anything malicious.
The offense was listed as being disruptive, not bullying or being mean to a student. Her reaction doesn’t seem suspicious for a 13-year-old. I would give her a chance to cool down, then ask her about her reaction and explain why this makes you question her version of the situation.
She’s probably upset that you don’t believe her and feels the need to call the school to get the full story if she’s been honest with you. If you still have suspicions after that, then call. Unless she has a pattern of lying and/or bullying students, I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt first.” Nestle13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I stewed on this one for a while before posting my own judgment, though. The reason is that there seems to be a lot of context in the background here that isn’t addressed in the simple question. Some comments made after the OP shine some light on this, but not enough.
Your relationship with your ex and the father of your daughter has very clearly clouded your relationship with your daughter. Your daughter realizes and feels that, and it explains some of her actions. Look at your post – when you mention the daughter was a daddy’s girl, I can almost feel the contempt dripping off your fingertips.
You admit in a comment that you consider the father a bully and that your concerns about your daughter stem from that. You can not let your feelings about the father color your interactions with your daughter. She is her own person, growing into adulthood at a very difficult part of life for a child.
It’s unfair to burden her with your failed marriage. You asked what happened, and she told you. That wasn’t good enough – you needed her to flog herself and convince you why she isn’t like her bully father. There’s no wonder she shut down. And on that note, 13-year-olds (well, all children) do deserve respect and to have some privacy.
Of course as a parent, you have a lot of control over her life and that’s normal, but you have to give her some space to discover things on her own. She’s at an age where she is learning who she’s going to be as an adult eventually.
You can scream and blame your ex and burden your daughter with all that, but don’t look back when you are sitting alone at 80 wondering why your kid hasn’t called you in 30 years. Or, take a deep, introspective look at yourself now.” Formerruling1
21. AITJ For Yelling At My MIL For Forcing My Husband To Parent His Siblings?
“My mil hates me for being with her son. My (21F) husband (23M) and I have been together for 5 years, and the whole time he has been expected to take care of his siblings and mom.
My husband has two half siblings under 10 years old. His mom was single and was raising them by herself because their dad’s a deadbeat. However, my husband was forced to take on the father role since he was 16 – feeding them, bathing them, helping with their homework, shopping for them, etc. All while Mil was smoking and drinking with friends.
She even forced him to hand over his paycheck from a part-time job to pay for their presents and toys. This went on for years.
When my husband and I moved in together, she screamed at me for not quitting my job to care for her kids, saying that I’m only good for “pleasing” her son and that she shouldn’t have let us get together and he’ll come back to her when he’s done “playing”.
I usually don’t yell, but I snapped. I called her a lazy woman who can’t get her crap together for her kids and who is forcing her oldest son to be her youngest daddy. I also called her out for the financial and emotional abuse towards my husband and for her abuse and auto theft against me.
My husband already didn’t like his mom, but this set him off, and he essentially cut all ties with her and his siblings.
All her friends and family say I crossed the line and am manipulating my husband to not talk to his mom. My husband agrees with me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parentification of the child is one thing, and reason enough to go NC, but snapping at the child so for not submitting to parentification as well is a whole mother level of nope.” RandomNick42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s called parentification … making older kids take on parenting roles.
It’s a real thing—look it up, and I’m sure you’ll see that she checks many of the boxes. If she’s a crap parent putting those kids in danger or neglecting them, please reach out to other family if possible; if not, then CPS (child protection agency).” NightVelvet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t surprising that her friends side with her and that the family members are equally toxic or afraid she’ll lean on them. You did nothing wrong—she abused your husband, and you’ve helped liberate him.” Knittingfairy09113
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom’s Embarrassing Public Tantrum?
“My mother has had a history of taking out her anger on family members instead of dealing with it herself. An example would be how one of her employees didn’t do the hours they were meant to do, and instead of confronting them, she decided to take out her anger on me by yelling at me.
This is a regular occurrence, and I’ve been getting tired of her insulting me.
Another example would be how she had messed up an important email/document she had been working on in her office, and I happened to be quietly sitting in the room next door with my phone.
She essentially went into a panic and started yelling at me, telling me it’s my fault for distracting her and that she messed up because of me. I was very angry and stormed out of the room.
Earlier today was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
We were at a restaurant having lunch, and my father was annoyed because he hadn’t gotten a specific side on his dish that he had requested. He was told that the item he wanted had run out, so there was nothing that could be done; however, he was still annoyed. My mother became increasingly angry and just decided that “if he doesn’t want his food, I’ll take it,” and proceeded to take his plate and slam it on her side of the table.
The entire restaurant looked at her. After that, I told her that she had to stop, but all she did was yell at me to “shut up,” which caused the restaurant to look at us again. It was very embarrassing.
When we arrived home, she told me that I should “know my place” and “mind my own business” – at that point, I was angry.
I told her she had no right to treat us that way and that she was an embarrassment to the family in the restaurant. She tried to justify her actions, but I shut myself in my room and am now typing this.
I just want to know if I acted like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a prime example of the toxic trickle-down effect (boss yells at a worker, worker yells at a spouse, spouse yells at the kid, kid yells at the dog, dog bites someone, repeat). At some point, the cycle needs to end.
Your mother isn’t just embarrassing – she is exhibiting abusive behavior that isn’t conducive to raising a healthy, emotionally stable, and confident child. You’ll carry this resentment somewhere and take it out on them (yell at a teacher or an SO or friend who will take that resentment elsewhere, also).
You need to have a real conversation with your mom about how this behavior is affecting you. Hopefully, that causes her to look inward and not become even more angry or resentful. Do you have a relative you could talk to about it, like a grandparent or uncle/aunt?
NTJ.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom needs to get treatment for whatever it is she is going through. I think you should be commended for speaking up and letting her know that she was acting in an embarrassing way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like your mother throws tantrums like a toddler. The fact that she aimed her rage at your father over something so small is really concerning. So, no one but her is allowed to be upset ever? This sounds like you need to sit down as a family and get your mother some therapy for her anger.” lostalldoubt86
19. AITJ For Pressing Charges After My Partner Spent My Refund On His Son's Birthday?
“My partner and I purchased tickets with my money. We ended up not going to the show because it was canceled. An email was sent saying there would be a refund of the money that was supposed to go back to me. The website wouldn’t take my card, so I sent it to him via social media.
I have the social media pay thing with the purpose of the payment. When he told me it was canceled and they refunded the money, I said, “Good, now it’s going to my daughter’s birthday.”
It’s been well over 30-40 days, the usual amount of time it takes to get it.
I mainly notice it’s been over that long because my daughter’s birthday came and gone. I looked it up on the website. When I asked him about where my money was, he admitted to keeping and spending it all on his son’s birthday, which is here in a week or so.
I asked if he was going to pay me back the money that he had no permission to use. He looked at me and said, “Why would I? It was for my son.”
I’m out of a job right now and was counting on that money to buy more clothes and diapers for my daughter.
He has a steady, well-paying job; he could have paid for his son’s birthday with his own money. I’m planning on leaving and pressing charges for the stolen money. Would I be the jerk for pressing charges?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He stole from you.
Do whatever you need to do to try and get the money back. Just be aware that you may not be able to press criminal charges and may have to go through Small Claims Court. It will depend on where you live. Do keep any evidence you have, such as text messages, the social media receipt, any social media messages, and any voicemails you might have.
They will be invaluable in court.” Somebody_81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because what the heck, that’s my money … Ok, maybe you can work something else out just because you might not get the outcome you wanted. Try asking for the diapers and clothes instead of the money.
If that doesn’t work, you may be out of the money. Avoid transactions with him from now on.” LocdNLoadedd
Another User Comments:
“Press charges. Make sure his employer finds out that he was charged with theft. Some employers have a clause about being involved with law enforcement in a negative capacity.
NTJ. I was in a similar situation with my son’s mother; she tried to prove that I knew at an administrative hearing that she was committing welfare fraud. I was able to prove that I was not complicit in her crime. I would have lost my job had I not been able to prove my innocence.” harleyevo
18. AITJ For Demanding Divorce And Full Custody After MIL Poured A Drink On Me?
“My husband and I went to dinner with his family, and of course his mother was there. She started talking crap about me, saying I’m an awful person and that her son is twice as good as me and would do better without me.
Of course, I didn’t reply, but then she poured her drink on me, and everyone started laughing, including my husband. I screamed at him, basically launching into a huge rant, declaring that I’m done, that this is it, and that I’m going to be filing for divorce and seeking full custody.
When I tell you, he went berserk. He went nuts—this is a side of him I had never seen before. After that, I called my parents to come pick me up. When I got home, I explained everything to them.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stay with your parents. Get a lawyer and full custody. MIL sounds toxic and unsafe to have your kids around. As does your husband. Restraining order too.” Oceanside9987
Another User Comments:
“He is ramping up. When you later think about how much you miss who he used to be, remember that that was just an act.
This is the real him. NTJ and run.” BendingCollegeGrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, sorry for what happened to you. Divorce him and run as far away as you can. It’s clear that his whole family doesn’t respect you.” Kz_Mafuyu
17. AITJ For Shouting At My Mom For Riding A Motorcycle And Lying About It?
“I (16f) have a mom (45) and had an older brother (23).
My brother passed away when he was 23 due to a motorcycle accident a few years ago, and our family has never been the same because of it.
My mom and I also had a friend pass away last year from the same thing. And this year, his daughter put together a “ride” (where all of his friends who also love to ride bikes went for a ride for him).
My mom has sworn never to get on a bike and has forbidden me and my other brother (24) from ever getting on one, either. I would never want to do that anyway due to what happened.
So the ride came along, and we were all going to hang out after everyone was done with the ride.
It was outside, and there was food and everything, even a raffle to raise money for our friend’s daughter and for motorcycle safety.
My mom was supposed to pick me up from work, and we were going to head there right after, so imagine my surprise when my SIL and brother got me.
We got to my house to get ready, and when I was done, they kept stalling and saying to wait a little bit longer for Mom to get there. I assumed that she was at a store getting things that she needed.
So we finally got to the place, and my mom isn’t there, but I see her car.
So I asked a few people where my mom was. And they said they didn’t know. So I asked if she went on the ride. And everyone said no.
About 30 minutes later, I called my mom to see where she was, and my brother walked over.
He told me that wasn’t the best idea and explained that she did go on the ride.
At this point, I was so mad. She lied about where she was, and she told everyone else to lie to me.
I saw her pull up with everyone else, and out of everyone she rode with, she decided to ride with a heavy drinker.
And she was also a little intoxicated.
I found out that she went on the ride for almost 6 hours (when she told me she was only on it for a little bit). I found out that she was detained. She went up to my friend (who has PTSD from heavy drinkers in her family) while intoxicated and told her not to tell me.
She told everyone else at the party not to tell me as well. And she always cries when she sees a bike, even when she’s not on it. So why would she get on it in the first place?
So I started to scream at her in front of everyone and later told her to go screw herself (I know that was too far), but I feel as though I have the right to be mad.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I want to make sure I understand: brother and family friend died in motorcycle accidents, friends have a motorcycle ride event in their honor every year, mom told you to never get on a motorcycle, mom decides to go on a motorcycle for a long time and tells everyone to lie to you about it.
You have every right to be angry at her. Obviously, yelling at people in public is never a great idea, but I get why you did it. People are gonna be like “don’t treat your mom like that; she’s your mom,” but she sure wasn’t acting like a mom when she made the decision to tell everyone to lie to you.
NTJ and I hope everyone in this situation gets the help they need.” kittieful
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your mom did what she forbade you and your brother from doing. On top of that, she lied, got other people to lie for her, and got on a bike while intoxicated, possibly with an intoxicated driver.
All in all, being a very bad example for you and making you scared for her also—I’m guessing from your reaction. Maybe when things cool off, you should try and talk to her about how what she did made you feel. I’m sorry you had to be the adult and may have to be again, OP.
Hugs.” DBird747
Another User Comments:
“You have the right to be mad, absolutely. She betrayed your trust, endangered herself, and was hugely hypocritical. Are you a jerk for cussing your mom out in front of a bunch of friends and family? Kinda… Solely in regard to being respectful.
You definitely got your point across, and she has been called out and is now accountable for her actions, so maybe in the long run, this will have been a good conflict. Soft ESH, but your mom was definitely a jerk for what she did.” StrangelyEstranged93
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Toxic Cousin To My Wedding?
“My cousin and I are 33 and 30, respectively.
She’s been mean to me since I was a little baby. She’d lock me out of rooms, yell at me, exclude me, insult me, mock me, etc. I fought back when I was younger, but as a grown woman, I’ve decided to let it go and be civil.
However, she still treats me like I’m human garbage. Each time I see her, there’s always something she does or says to me that makes everyone in the room uncomfortable.
She invited me to her wedding, not sure why since she doesn’t like me. Maybe it was out of obligation, I don’t know.
I bought her a gift and drove 8 hours to attend her wedding. She was so rude to me at her wedding that my other cousins were uncomfortable and didn’t understand why since I was being so nice to her. She was so nice to everyone else.
She wouldn’t talk to me or would walk away while I was mid-sentence just to be rude. Like, nobody else would be trying to talk to her other than me. Sometimes she would say something snarky and then walk away.
Now, I don’t want to invite her to my wedding, but I’ll be inviting my other 15 cousins and other family members.
I would be singling her out and not inviting her, which is a huge slap in the face and might make things worse. However, I’m sick of her treating me like crap and I expect her to do it for the rest of my life.
I don’t want that type of energy at my wedding. I want to be respected on my big day.
She’s got some really terrible emotional issues, though. Her dad left her when she was a baby. Her stepdad, who took her in, passed away due to reasons I cannot post after he displayed severe signs of schizophrenia.
Her brother is heavily addicted to substances and actually smoked substances at her wedding (he’s not invited either). It was a huge and beautiful resort. It was extravagant and I’d also be upset.
Given all of this, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Have you ever disliked someone but couldn’t explain why?
Their presence alone was enough to irritate you, and while you knew it was irrational because they hadn’t outright done anything to deserve your ire, you just couldn’t bring yourself to like them. Well, that’s me with my older cousin. She’s super friendly and an undeniably lovable person.
I can’t stand to be around her. Don’t ask me why. I couldn’t make sense of it even if I tried. However, all of that being said, I have never once treated her badly. I was invited to be a bridesmaid for her wedding – probably out of obligation since we’re not particularly close – and I did everything I could to make her day special. I wore the dress she picked out for all of us, I smiled for photos, I congratulated her profusely and participated in all the quirky little wedding traditions she wanted. She deserved that much because, regardless of my personal feelings, she’s family.
Your cousin obviously doesn’t like you for whatever reason. Perhaps there’s really no reason at all. But OP, if she can’t be like me on your big day, don’t have her there. NTJ.” Sugar_Soul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of who invites you to their event, there’s something you should remember.
You are NOT obligated to invite someone to anything in your life if you don’t want to. If they get mad, let them. And if she shows up out of spite, have her kicked out, trespassed, or whatever you want. Your day = your rules.
(If she does try to crash your wedding, we need that update.) I do hope your day is beautiful and as happy as can be. I wish you and your betrothed all the best.” irish_miah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you stated, it’s your day and if she’s always treated you as horribly as you say, I wouldn’t want that energy near me on my day either.
Maybe before the wedding, have a conversation with her and ask her straight up, is there an issue? I would tell her how she makes you feel when she does certain things, so you’re not attacking her but voicing your feelings. From what you did share, it sounds like she’s been through a lot (this is not excusing her behavior), and she may be unable to see how her actions are affecting you.
It’s crazy how some people are that oblivious to their actions, but there are people who really do not know or have the emotional intelligence to understand and care. Depending on how the conversation goes, I would base the answer on that. If she’s open to listening to how you’ve made her feel and wants to improve the relationship, cool.
If not, let it roll off of you and do what you want as far as not inviting her. At the end of the day, you deserve happiness surrounded by love from those who love you. Congratulations, by the way!” Massive-Strawberry31
15. AITJ For Bringing Religion Into A Fight With My Intrusive Parents?
“My parents have a habit of looking over my shoulder when I’m on my phone.
I’m uncomfortable with people doing that for no particular reason. I just don’t feel comfortable, and told them so. They always respond by yelling at me and asking if I talk to “older men.” No, I don’t. I talk to the few friends I have.
The other reason I don’t show them is that they tend to be judgmental about the things my friends say. It’s usually anime stuff I have no interest in, but if someone posts a picture of an anime guy, my parents go off on how we’re doing something inappropriate.
I told them that they don’t need to worry about that because I’m asexual (having little to no attraction towards anyone). Basically, I came out to them lol.
They got really quiet and said that I (then in middle school) am too young to make decisions about my identity.
They brushed it off as, “Obviously we raised this child right because she (they) doesn’t want to engage in intimacy before she’s (they’re) married.”
I was annoyed but ignored them because we had to go somewhere and I didn’t want to get into a fight.
Fast forward to last night. They didn’t change any of their behaviors and happened to be on my phone when my friend came out as pansexual. I didn’t get the text because they took my phone away from me because they were suspicious (I didn’t want them to read a story that accepts values my parents are against).
They went off at me this morning.
Them: “What is this pansexual crap? Don’t they have any brains, you’re either attracted to men or women! You can’t be attracted to both genders; that’s against the religion-”
Me: “Hindu (We follow Hinduism) texts didn’t ostracize any part of the LGBT community.
Nobody in the family mentioned this topic. I don’t get what your problem is. Nobody even cared until the British Raj lol (Shows them a website to prove my point).”
And now they’re upset because I brought religion into an “unholy topic.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a bit confused (do they monitor phone calls, texts or both, are they upset you are ace or worried you are courting, or just oddly worried about “older men”…) Also, I don’t know if you are a minor or an adult. But I’ll still go NTJ because everyone deserves privacy and their conflicting issues sound bizarre.” ServelanDarrow
Another User Comments:
“Okay, I also come from Hindu parents and I can tell you how much irony and hypocrisy it is in Hinduism wanting to be Indian yet following Victorian era London rules. By the way, NTJ. Be you, and if possible get away from all the religion stuff as soon as possible, especially those religious people who are extremists.” riley_luci
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk but it’s pointless to try to use a religion’s holy texts to convince them of something. Their beliefs are a product of a lifetime of their lived experiences, informal teachings, traditions, and expectations as seen through a lens tinted by their politics, morals, family, and culture.
If you could get definitive answers to religious questions in a book, none of them would have sects.” o76923
14. AITJ For Refusing To Fix My Partner's PC After He Reinstalled Windows?
“My partner bought a PC to play Flight Simulator on, and recently some of the software broke, and he was not able to get Flight Simulator to work on the Quest 3.
He is currently in school for web development and has been working to become proficient with PC. He now knows more about coding than I do and has become quite proficient.
When his Flight Simulator broke, he asked me to fix it. I politely told him, “I can’t fix everything; it’s probably a simple issue.
This is a good test for you. You should try to fix it. Start with Steam, get the Quest to connect to Steam, and then try to get it to connect to Flight Simulator. If you still have trouble, I will help, but you need to try yourself.” He then responded, “Can’t I just reinstall Windows and start from scratch?” I told him, “No, don’t do that.
We installed loads of crazy drivers to get your Mac Studio Display to work on a PC. If you reinstall Windows, that will all be gone, and I don’t want to have to go through that nightmare again. Do not reinstall Windows.”
A few days later, he asked me to fix his PC because he had reinstalled Windows.
This really upset me since I had told him not to. I told him no, that it is now his problem. This isn’t the first time he has done this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You did, in fact, help him. He just didn’t want to do what you suggested because he wanted you to just do all of it for him.
In fact, he even doubled down and did the exact thing you advised him not to. So no, obviously not a jerk” hulahupallacup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. For most people, consequences are required for them to change. Let him deal with his. 2. People who treat you like this don’t respect your time.
It sounds like you’ve already set a boundary; I hope you’re able to continue enforcing it” Low_Philosophy_8377
Another User Comments:
“Don’t blame you. It’s called consequences. Your partner sounds like the kind of guy who will make everything a hundred times harder by trying to take what he believes to be lazy shortcuts.
I know he’s your partner, so this doesn’t really count, but word of advice—don’t let too many people know you’re proficient with computers. They’re like a sea of zombies, all hungry for computer assistance, and they’ll swarm you once they find out.” Keely369
13. AITJ For Stopping Meals For A Roommate Who Never Cooks?
“I (35F) have been living with my roommate for the last 4 years.
Together with my dad, we used to include her in all holiday dinners until she’d yell at us over truly stupid things (such as not doing potatoes the way she wanted, even though we did 100% of the cooking and she didn’t tell us she wanted things done differently); so we stopped the holiday dinners.
However, every once in a while, we still did certain meals together every couple of months or so. The last time we did a meal together with her was Halloween, and since then, she has been constantly making many requests for us to make certain meals for her.
Now, she’s aware that we’ve included other people in our meals a couple of times because they’re mutual friends. However, a few days ago, she made a comment about how we never do meals with her anymore. I calmly asked her what she meant by that, listed all the meals in which we had included her, and then pointed out to her that I could actually say that she has never made a single meal for us in years, so I don’t understand why she’d say that.
She then tried to backtrack, saying, “Well I guess not never.”
It was her comment that we never do meals with her that makes me want to stop them altogether because it just tells me that she never appreciated them to begin with. So AITJ for stopping meals?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you need her to be your roommate? I don’t know the circumstances of the living arrangements, but she seems to think you’ve been ignoring your duty to feed her. NTJ, but you really do not need to live with someone who hasn’t even attempted to make a meal in all the years you’ve lived together.
You owe her nothing. In a perfect world, she’d owe you money since you’ve been feeding her, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s never contributed to the cost.” chickendelish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are focusing on the never when you should really be focusing on the anymore part of her statement.
She is thinking about how much you used to include her compared to how little you do now, and if you care at all about whatever relationship you have with her, you need to sit her down and be honest about how her behavior has caused you and your dad to not want to include her as much as you used to.
She’s probably going to have her feelings hurt because people don’t like being confronted with their bad behavior, but she’s been hurting yours and your father’s for a while now, and that is something that needs to be confronted if the relationship is to be salvaged. Point out specific instances of her being rude; maybe use the potatoes as one.
Let her know that you and your father don’t mind taking requests for how food is made, but that you both still have the right to say no to that request and make it the way you planned to, and that she doesn’t have a right to yell at either of you.
Let her know that this instance made you realize that, over these four years, she has happily been included in your meals, but it has always been 100% at your and your father’s time and effort—never hers. She’s never made a meal that she included the two of you in, nor has she ever offered to help you two in the kitchen or to bring her own dish to the dinner.
Going forward, you will not put more effort into the relationship than she is willing to put in, and that means if she continues putting in zero effort, then you will also not put in any effort.” Thriillsy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your roommate has never cooked for you in four years while you included them until the complaints started is telling.
Tell them the next time they start to whine about being excluded, when are they going to go cook for you and your dad like you’ve done so many times? Don’t they think it’s long overdue? It should be an interesting reaction.” PassComprehensive425
12. AITJ For Requesting Payment For Babysitting My Sister's Kids?
“I (28F) have been babysitting my sister’s (35F) three kids (ages 4, 7, and 9) for years whenever she needs a break or has work commitments.
I love my nieces and nephew, and I understand parenting is tough, but it’s getting to a point where I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.
At first, it was occasional, but now it’s almost every weekend and sometimes even during the week when they’re sick and can’t go to school.
I work a full-time job, and my weekends are my only free time to relax or catch up on personal things. My sister, however, assumes I’m always available, often texting me last minute to “drop them off for a few hours” that turn into entire days.
Recently, I told her that I’d be happy to continue babysitting, but I’d like to be compensated, even if it’s just a little bit to cover my time. She got really upset and said, “family shouldn’t charge family,” and accused me of being selfish because I don’t have kids and “don’t understand what it’s like.”
I feel guilty because I know she’s a single mom and struggling, but at the same time, I feel like my kindness is being taken for granted. Our parents think I should “just help out” because “that’s what sisters do,” but I’m starting to feel resentful.
AITJ for asking to be paid for babysitting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your fault, nor your problem, that your sister is a single mother. Perhaps if she hadn’t abused your feelings and compassion, you wouldn’t be in the position of feeling taken advantage of and it wouldn’t have reached this point, but what she’s done is abusive; misleading you by saying “a few hours” and then being gone all day.
If she had to pay someone for the time she takes from them, she’d be more mindful of what she’s doing. Until she has to sacrifice something for what she wants, it holds no value to her, and to her, YOUR time has no value.
Stand your ground and stop letting yourself be taken advantage of. I have two sisters with children and they both did this kind of thing with me, our other sister, and other family members to the point that no one keeps any of their kids anymore because it always turns into sooooo much more than they ask for and we’ve all gotten burned out on it.
My youngest sister has 5 children and legitimately needs help, but I am very careful of offering or saying yes now because far too often, “a few hours” turned into whole days, so I know exactly what you’re feeling. It’s hard to put your foot down and draw a boundary that changes the dynamic, but she’s not being fair to you, and that’s not okay.” Miserable-Fondant-82
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I’ll say this: just stop babysitting. Payment is a weird hill to die on because, in the end, it seems more about her getting a break at the expense of you not getting one. All you did was give her a different point to focus on here, so it was just not the best move.
She’s not gonna use paying as a way to value your time—she’s gonna use it as a way to call you greedy. “No” is a complete sentence. I’d refuse the next time she asks. I would not break if she offers payment—she’ll make you the bad guy if you accept.
You need to set a line; she needs to deal with her own kids more.” whichwitch9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My sister did this exact same thing to me. Although, a few changes. She was a nail tech who worked from home, and I was unemployed but still job searching (I had left a bad relationship not too long before this and had just moved back home, so I was trying to get my life back together).
It started with a few days throughout the week to every single day plus weekends. When it got bad, I was waking up at 6 am to get to her house at 7 am to cook, clean, change diapers, do her grocery shopping, help with the kids’ homework, give them their baths and get them ready for bed. I had NO time to myself for anything.
Some days, I wouldn’t get home until 1 am and would still be expected to come back in 5 hours. No compensation at all. Job searching basically went out the window completely because I was too exhausted physically and mentally. Barely had time to eat, so I ate once a day.
When I asked for at least 20 bucks a week she attacked me with the same crap that I’m her sister so she shouldn’t have to pay me to be her sister and to care for my nephews. Which turned into fights between her and me, and her telling me how I didn’t have a job or the responsibly to care anyway.
I wonder why? BECAUSE ALL MY TIME WAS GOING TO HER AND HER FAMILY! I eventually put my foot down and told her to go find a babysitter that will tolerate everything I do for no pay.
Leaving was the best thing I did for myself.
The stress was gone, the exhaustion was gone, my mental health was back on track, and I was able to dive into job searches and found a job within two weeks. I love my nephews to the ends of the Earth, but I’m not their mother.
My sister has since been hiring babysitters, but they mostly leave after a week because the pay is too little for the amount of hours and work she expects from them. She will occasionally blame me for her struggles to keep a sitter and the amount of money she has to pay them.
I feel your sister will do the same to try and guilt you. Don’t give in!! It’s not our problem. She’s the one who decided to have children she couldn’t properly find accommodation for. It’s completely unfair to put your life aside for someone else’s choices.
I got my life back and I have every right to live it the way I choose. Not as a darn slave. Enjoy your freedom!!” AmazonianGiantess
11. AITJ For Denying A Loan To My Brother-In-Law Who Hurt Me During Postpartum?
“My brother-in-law and I have a disagreement from a few years back regarding a job.
They introduced me to my work, but then I got promoted, and they started slacking off. I tried to help them out, but they got mad at me and accused me of different things (like I’m getting arrogant, stupid, and stuff). This caused me to have postpartum depression since it was just three months since I gave birth at that time.
In the end, they were let go, and I continue to strive in my work.
Now, the problem is that recently, they started worrying about money (don’t know the details, but they have a tendency to splurge on material things). My husband is close with his brother and started asking if we could lend him some money to process some documents.
I said a hard no, and he was mad at me about it.
Just to note, I’m the one working for our family; my husband stays at home, and he is just now starting to look for a job. AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a loan. This is a gift. If your BIL can’t pay his bills now, he won’t be able to pay them later. It’s fine if your husband wants to give his brother money, but he should be giving him surplus money that he himself has earned, not money that his wife is earning to provide for the family.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “No, dear. My disposable income is not going to be disposed of that way. If you have spare money you would like to share, feel free. Keep in mind that first, you need to pay for your own expenses that you are responsible for.
Since I am already covering your share of your expenses, I am giving more than enough to your side of the family. I am not willing to give any more. Quite frankly, I am getting pretty tired of doing it for you. Capable adults take care of their own basic needs.
That includes you and your brother.”” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother-in-law burned that bridge when he disrespected you and caused you so much stress during a vulnerable time. Now he’s suddenly worried about money after splurging on material things? That’s not your responsibility to fix, especially since you’re the one carrying the financial load for your family.” Sweet_Candyy_
10. AITJ For Demanding My SIL And Her Partner Split The Steakhouse Bill After Their Splurge?
“I (26F) and my partner (27F) planned a birthday dinner for her father (FIL) at a steakhouse. A while back, I received a gift and a $200 gift card to this restaurant as a thank-you from a contractor I work closely with, which I thought would be perfect for the occasion.
During Christmas, I opened the gift (with the gift card), and my SIL (31F) was there to see me holding up the gift card. She immediately suggested we use it for FIL’s birthday. I agreed, but I didn’t realize she’d interpret “we” to mean she could invite her partner (recently reconciled after a year-long breakup) and go all-out with their orders.
A few days before the dinner, SIL asked if her partner could join. I was hesitant since he hadn’t been around for a year, and the family has mixed feelings about him. My partner doesn’t like conflict and said yes, so he came.
At the dinner, things got awkward fast. SIL and her partner ordered the most expensive items on the menu. They both ordered surf and turf with extra lobster tail while the rest of us ordered modestly. Their meal alone was over $150. At the end of the meal, SIL then suggested dessert, but I declined since my partner and I already bought a cake for FIL.
The bill came to be approximately $300 after tax and tip. I used the gift card but still had to pay $100 with my credit card. I asked SIL to cover her and her partner’s share and split the cost of FIL’s meal with me, explaining that the gift card wasn’t “free money” for her and her partner to splurge.
She got upset, said the gift card should cover everything, and stormed out with her partner.
Later, my partner and I drove my in-laws home and dropped them off in awkward silence. On the way back, my partner told me I was out of line, but I feel justified since SIL’s actions caused the bill to exceed the gift card’s value.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I wouldn’t have mentioned the gift card as being available for dinner for this. Even if you planned to use it, the contractor probably didn’t intend for you to use it for everyone. I would have also told them up front that the gift card was covering 3 meals.
Yours, your partner’s, and FIL’s. Everyone else would be responsible for their own meals. You could have easily then used it if you felt inclined to. You still aren’t the jerk because the sister and partner pretty much ordered the most expensive knowing it wasn’t them paying.” Radiant_Bee1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I agreed, but I didn’t realize she’d interpret “we” to mean she could invite her partner (recently reconciled after a year-long breakup) and go all-out with their orders.” Yeah, most people wouldn’t. Her ordering the most expensive items is bad enough; the partner freeloading as well makes this pretty appalling: “the gift card wasn’t “free money” for her and her partner to splurge.” Exactly right.
It was your present to spend as you chose. I’m puzzled by your partner’s reaction here. I think they should’ve backed you up. It’s a shame for the in-laws that it got awkward, but that’s on SIL for being a freeloading ignoramus.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you may need to scrutinize your partner’s behavior more than anything. What exactly did your ‘partner’ contribute to this occasion? This was ultimately for their family’s benefit, after all. It would be one thing if you were simply sacrificing the entirety of your gift certificate, which is very generous in itself, but your contribution should have absolutely stopped there!
It’s concerning that your partner let this happen to you. I would have just put the $200 voucher on the table and let the others figure out the rest. Why did the excess costs go on your credit card and not his? Are you expecting him to pay you back or do you have joint funds?
Did your partner outlay any funds at all for FIL’s birthday or did he just piggyback off you? Did either your partner or the sister get FIL a gift?” usernameCJ
9. AITJ For Getting A Stay-Away Order Against My Threatening Aunt?
“My husband and I have been trying to purchase my grandmother’s house for the last 5 years. I’ve lived there with my children for over a decade and cared for her before her passing in late 2023.
My grandmother was adamant that she wanted us to buy the home, but a previously filed trust agreement prevented her from legally being able to sell it to us. Upon her death, the trust was converted into half-ownership between my aunt and mom.
We moved ahead with a Promissory Note for my mom’s half and became half-owners.
The house is in rough shape, and my husband and I have spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of man-hours to make it livable. We have been paying every utility bill and keeping up with all maintenance and repairs. We have never asked my aunt or anyone, for that matter, for a dime, and we did it happily to help my grandma.
My aunt, who has long hated my mom (and me by extension), has now sued us for an amount much greater than the total value of the home and has been uncooperative and unreasonable with us and our attorney. We finally came to an agreement, and she was forced to attest to the judge that she would sell it for more than $60k over her appraised half (appraised by an appraiser that her lawyer hired).
In the interim, we are footing the insurance (which isn’t easy due to the state of the house) and paying the back taxes that were never paid, as we are working with our mortgage to get this loan closed.
Throughout the last 5 years, she has sent several threatening texts and likes to only come by the house when my husband and I are not home and our two children are.
She forced us to allow her daughter (my cousin) to move into our first floor (split level) for a year while we fronted the cost, and then it was left in an unlivable condition that my husband and I once again paid to restore out of our own pockets.
My aunt has a long history of suing people (besides us) and is not mentally stable. Once the house is solely in our name, we do not trust that she will not come onto our property when we are not home and do something malicious.
It has taken such a toll on us that we have considered throwing up our hands and trying to find a different home, but with a divorce decree with my ex-husband, we need to stay within their current school district. She is a chronically single 70-something retiree who could move anywhere in the world.
We want to get a stay-away order to stop her from being able to come onto our property, but some other family members believe it is unnecessary and that we are overreacting. We honestly don’t trust her, and our kids are worried, so we feel it is absolutely necessary.
AITJ for moving ahead with it?”
Another User Comments:
“Talk to your lawyer – I’m assuming you have one because of the court case. Once the place is legally yours, I think it would be reasonable to get an order keeping her away – also change the locks if there’s any chance she’s got a key and maybe put up a camera too.
NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“It’s not possible to say who, if anyone, is the jerk here because your story doesn’t make sense. The “stay away” order (you mean a restraining order?) is the least of your concerns. And unless the threat texts are extreme and credible, it doesn’t sound like you have grounds for one.
What’s the ownership structure for this property? Most should make it easier than you describe to get a court to force her to sell her half at a price that makes you whole for all the money you’ve put in, less the financial benefit you’ve gained from living there.
And if you chose to give that up in a “settlement” with your aunt, why isn’t this resolved already? What did this settlement actually accomplish for you? Either your lawyer is doing a bad job or – more likely – you really don’t understand this whole situation you’re involved in.” LoveMyLeaf
Another User Comments:
“Keep every single bill that you have paid in the last few years. Her share of all expenses paid solely by you needs to be deducted from the total value of the home before she gets a penny. If she shows up at the house, instruct your children not to open the door for her and to call you immediately.
If she becomes a problem, instruct them to call the police.” Strict_Research_1876
8. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Best Friend A Main Character In My Series?
“I am a 32-year-old female with cerebral palsy. I’m also an aspiring writer, and I just got into it with someone I love. I just got into a fight with a really close friend of mine, and I need a second opinion. I’m working on a series of novels, and my friend D (33) is really supportive.
I don’t expect anything to come of this; it’s a real passion project. Whichever person I care about is turned into a character—from my best friends to my brother to the family I wished I had—and everyone I love becomes a part of it so that if I die from my epilepsy, they have a piece of me to remember how much I love them.
That being said, my friend is obsessed with the idea of being a main character in my series. I turned her into a minor character because she doesn’t fit as a main one, although I tried, but this is a series of romance novels, and honestly, I don’t see her having chemistry with any of my male leads.
I have tried to gently explain that to her, even made a male lead for her, and even planned to do a spin-off book with her character and the cousin. But it just wasn’t enough. She flipped out today because one of my characters is paired with a female lead that she doesn’t like.
She kept saying, “Give him to me, why won’t you give me a character?” I don’t like Janet, and so on and so forth. I finally snapped, and here’s where I might be the jerk. I told her to get off my thing, and I already told her no. She doesn’t need to be the main character in every project of my life.
I am already giving her a spin-off book, and I’ve already made her a perfectly adequate love interest. Until yesterday, when she found out that I had reinstated this character, she was fine with it. I get it: she wants to be important, but sometimes the minor characters are important.
I feature her as much as I can, and she will get her own spin-off, but no—she is never going to be part of the main cast of the series.
She called me a jerk and hung up. And I just—I can’t believe this.
First of all, it’s my work; I don’t have to give anyone a character. I do this because I love them. As entitled as that sounds, I understand that, and I’m sorry, but it’s true. The other issue is that I have told her no on this multiple times.
I am not altering my main cast because she decided she wants in. Am I the jerk for finally putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Writing is a very personal thing, and you cannot write effectively about a character or topic that doesn’t fit with the story.
If your friend wants to be the star of the show, she can write her own story. Or, she can wait until you find her the perfect story that she fits in with. It would be an injustice to her to try and force her into a story that isn’t natural. Good luck with your writing!
Stick to your boundaries, and write what’s in your heart. That will not fail.” JennyM8675309
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Wait, are these characters based on the real people, or are they just named after them? Is this a real-life guy that you know that she’s asking to be, essentially, shipped with?
Is it solely based on people you know, or is it mostly OCs, with your loved ones included as both major, minor, and cameo parts? Cause I’m wondering if she feels that by being a minor character, it means she’s only a minor part of your life.
Is Janet a real person you guys know, or is she an OC? Trying to figure out if she’s feeling jealous and left out, or if she’s just caught up in the fun of trying to RP with an author.” Lamenardo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but as a fellow writer, some advice—You really need to intentionally create some distance between your IRL friends and family and your characters.
Make sure they know the characters may be “inspired by” them or loosely based on them but are not supposed to actually be them. Otherwise, this is only the tip of the iceberg. You are either going to wind up with a lot of unhappy people who may be offended by what you wrote about “them” in one way or another, or you are going to have to squash your artistic freedom to force your characters into a box that suits the real person.
The way to keep it fun and positive is to very deliberately make that separation.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Pushing My Wife To Attend Social Events Despite Her ADHD Excuses?
“My (47M) wife (45F) refuses to do anything with me that involves other people. She was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and takes medication for it. She also claims to have social anxiety disorder, though I’m not sure that’s ever been officially diagnosed. Anytime I ask her to join me at any kind of social event, or even to just go out to dinner ourselves at a nice restaurant, she refuses, claiming she can’t because of her ADHD.
If I push the issue too much, she has a fit, saying, “You don’t understand, I can’t…I have social anxiety!” and then sulks off and stops talking to me for the next hour or so.
Since high school, I’ve believed that I also have ADHD, but I’ve never bothered to get an official diagnosis.
I’m also extremely introverted, but I realized pretty early in my career that if I wanted to get ahead, I had to break out of my comfort zone. I’ve found ways to keep myself focused and organized, and I’ve put myself out there by volunteering to do things like presentations and leading training sessions.
These days, I can get up in front of an auditorium full of people without batting an eye (though small groups still give me some angst).
I currently serve on two non-profit boards, and a few times a year, we have events where spouses are invited, and, of course, I always go alone.
The only times my wife has joined me were when I was installed as president of one of those boards, when my term ended, and when I was presented with an award. My wife did attend two of my good friends’ weddings, but she insisted we leave as soon as dinner was over.
On the other hand, when there is something important to my wife, I’m expected to drop everything to be there with her. She even dragged me to her grandmother’s 80th birthday party about a month after we met. When her dad comes to visit (which he did four times last year), he stays for 2-3 weeks and I’m expected to take 2 or 3 days off from work to spend with him each time.
When my mom and sister come to visit, my wife allows them to stay for four days, tops, insists “I can’t just take time off at the last minute like you can” (even though she knows they’re coming weeks or months in advance and seems to have no trouble doing it when her dad comes), does everything she can to avoid them, and complains the whole time they’re here.
FWIW, my wife is a nurse, a career that’s got to be in the top 10 most demanding of social capital.
I know it’s hard to be social when you’re not used to it, so I try to be understanding, but I don’t feel that my wife is trying.
I’m perfectly fine with being a homebody most of the time, but sometimes it’s fun to get out and do things, and we never do. We have no “couples friends,” even though my wife knows all of my closest friends and, in most cases, their wives.
I’m sick of always making excuses for why she can’t make it to any of the work/org social events that I’m expected to attend, and I’m sick of the temper tantrums when I ask her to join me.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Clearly, your wife has an extreme aversion to socialization.
Your attempt to push her beyond her comfort level is unreasonable, and calling it “not adulting” is simply incorrect and self-serving. However, her sense of entitlement with people visiting your place is extreme. She should recognize the disparity of having her family members making long stays while limiting your family members to short ones.
You two need to talk and agree on consistent limits regardless of who is visiting.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Not married, but I am more of the introvert in my relationship. I have social anxiety as well and sound/light sensitivities that give me massive migraines.
There are some things that when my partner asks, I always say no (busy bar on a weekend, raves, etc); however, I always try to get out of my comfort zone and meet with his friends. The interactions can be awkward at first, but I fully believe a healthy relationship requires both parties to put in effort for the other; even if you don’t really want to, you do it because you love your partner.
I also get overstimulated when people come to stay in your home; however, if her family is doing it as well, then she needs to meet the same expectations that you’re supposed to meet with your family. So NTJ, and if your wife claims her social anxiety is that bad, then she needs to consider therapy, or else she’s just being lazy and making excuses, which isn’t fair to you.” noambitiononlyjokes
Another User Comments:
“You sound like a dear friend of mine, or at least like you’re in the position he’d be in right now if he married his most recent ex. This girl drained him to the point that he became a sort of shell of himself.
She also claimed to have severe ADHD and social anxiety that only really seemed to flare up when he wasn’t paying attention to her. When he was out with his friends, she would have panic attacks and spam text/call him until he came home.
When he brought her with him to combat this, she would pout in a corner if he dared to have a conversation that didn’t involve or center on her, or she’d storm off and hide for half an hour. I used to have a lot of sympathy for her until I realized that her panic attacks and stress episodes were miraculously absent as long as she was the center of attention.
For instance, her birthday party went off without a single hitch until he dared to leave her (one room away!) to say hi to me and some of our older friends. Then she was crying in the bathroom because she “just got too anxious all of a sudden.” The way that girl treated my friend wasn’t right.
It was manipulative and controlling. It eroded all of his relationships outside of her and kept him walking on constant eggshells. The way your wife is treating you isn’t right, either. Whether or not she’s doing it consciously, she’s manipulating you. Massive NTJ, and I hope you can set some better boundaries with her in the future.” SunstruckSeraph
6. AITJ For Kicking My Fiancé’s Mom Out Of Our Wedding Over Her Dress Choice?
“I, 28f, and my fiancé, 34m, are getting married in October of 2025. We’ve been together for 7 years as of this January and engaged for a year as of March.
We’ve always gotten along with both sides of each other’s families. Obviously, family has all their own problems no matter the side, but this has been a freaking nightmare.
I have 6 bridesmaids, and he obviously has 6 groomsmen. His sister is on my side of the bridesmaid list, and one of my best guy friends since fourth grade is in his.
I have my two sisters and three best friends. He also has his brother-in-law and four best friends. Everyone gets along, and everyone has been handling my psychotic tendencies when it comes to this wedding… except his mother.
By way of background, my fiancé is a country boy through and through.
He is a fisherman, a hunter, and listens to country music every day, etc., and I’m the opposite. I listen to rock/metal music, 99% of my wardrobe is black, I like the weirder/darker side of things, and I’m sort of just a goth kid who never grew out of it.
My wedding plans (yes, my fiancé has agreed to and loves everything we came up with) were to be married in our backyard (we have 12 acres, apple trees everywhere, and beautiful grass) and to have a reception at our favorite bar down the road. Our colors are black, rose gold, and lavender.
I’ll have black flowers mixed with purple flowers, and I will be wearing a black dress. This is where his mom decides to make everything about her.
His mom called me yesterday after finding out that I said “YES” to a black wedding dress, and said I’m not taking this seriously.
She said that just because I “like” black doesn’t mean I should be getting married in it too. She said I’m turning this whole wedding into a funeral, and that it’s not going to look pretty and that I won’t look pretty in a black dress.
She then commented about us being cheap and not wanting to spend a ton of money on a venue, and complained to me that I didn’t ask her anything when it comes to the wedding. She also called my fiancé and said she didn’t feel like I cared about her being a part of this and that I didn’t ask her to be in the wedding OR a bridesmaid.
She hates the flowers, hates the menu, and keeps telling him that she doesn’t even want to go.
He keeps telling me to pay no attention to her. It’s just a cry for help, and I should just do what I want to do.
But I’m getting so sick of her messing all over our wedding. Today was the last straw when he showed me the dress she ordered online. It was pretty much a freaking white dress. It was like a cream/off-white, but it was WHITE.
Yeah, whatever—I’m not wearing a white dress, but that’s not the freaking point. I don’t care what color I’m wearing; she’s not wearing white to my wedding. I called her and told her that if she plans on wearing that dress, she can wear it in heck because she will not come to our wedding.
She has now been blowing up my phone and leaving me and him voicemails, and now his sister is all upset with me. Did I overreact? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t call you the jerk but perhaps you may have overreacted (understandably), given the past interactions and her comments.
I have a few questions: If you’re being untraditional by wearing black, then why can’t someone wear a cream/off-white dress? Did you establish a dress code telling all your guests that they can’t wear cream/off-white? Or is it just her that cannot wear those colors?
Is your fiancé okay with his mom being kicked out of the wedding because of the dress she chose? If he is not, then y’all need to address your MIL together or him on his own about a compromise so his mom can attend the wedding and she can also stop being annoying.” Fun-Spite-9809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My DIL wore a black wedding dress and looked stunning! Bridesmaids wore a shade of red (maroon-ish?)… Again, stunning! Her bouquet was black and red roses. Married in their yard by a huge weeping willow tree. I got married after nearly 20 years of living with my SO.
I didn’t want to wear white. I wore this really subtle baby blue dress. My bridesmaids, however, all wore white. We got married outside at a public park next to a waterfall and catered in BBQ. I think your wedding sounds beautiful! As far as future MIL… um, good luck with her.
Hope your fiancé is backing you up. He can deal with her.” pinkflamingo-lj
Another User Comments:
“Future MIL doesn’t get to decide what you wear to get married in! You and your fiancé will be the judges of whether you look pretty or not—no one cares if she likes it.
You’re being cheap about your wedding? So what!? You’re allowed to be frugal! Has she offered to cough up a buttload of money to cover all sorts of expenses for you? Probably not, so she needs to keep her mouth shut. You didn’t ask her anything about the wedding because it’s NOT HER WEDDING!
You aren’t obligated to ask her anything or consider her opinion about the wedding or your choices at all. Ostensibly, she got married years ago to the father of her children—she had her chance to make decisions about a wedding then. If she didn’t, that’s too bad, but it’s on her—not your problem.
Why would you ask your future MIL to be a bridesmaid!? That’s weird, especially since she doesn’t like you or anything about the wedding. And she wants to wear white to the wedding? This lady is a hot mess and I’m so sorry you have to deal with her.
I hope that you don’t have to deal with her anymore after the wedding. Best of luck to you and congratulations! Have a beautiful wedding and enjoy yourselves! Your color choices sound beautiful, if nontraditional, and I hope you’ll share some pics with us.” mumtaz2004
5. AITJ For Standing Up For My Stepbrother’s Haircut Against His Parents?
“I took my younger step-brother to the barbershop today, and he left with a haircut a tad shorter than his usual style, but he still seemed to be content with it.
When we got home, however, his parents started berating him for his haircut, making jokes in (what I judged to be) bad taste and snarky comments. I stood up and asked them why they were being so mean, “It’s his hair and he can do with it as he pleases.
If he likes it, then it’s none of your business.” I was rude and, as such, was told to screw off and that it’s none of my business how they address him, etcetera.
I know he’s had issues with his body image in the past, so I’ve always been extra mindful about how I treat him.
And I know kids his age can be cruel, so I don’t think he should have to endure another round of what I perceive to be bullying inside his own home, especially when he might already be going through that at school. Was I a jerk for my comment?”
Another User Comments:
“You weren’t the jerk for standing up for your brother. It sounds like your response came from a place of genuine concern, especially knowing he’s struggled with body image issues. A supportive sibling can make a huge difference, especially if he’s already dealing with outside pressures.
While your tone might have come off as confrontational, your intent was to protect him. This is a good thing. His parents’ reaction suggests they may be defensive, but advocating for kindness toward your brother at home is reasonable and caring. NTJ.” spellbreaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My concern here is what sounds like a pattern of mistreatment. While awful, I wouldn’t say the interaction listed above would qualify for a CPS call, but if there were constant issues with the way they treat this child, I might keep that card in the back pocket.
Insulting your child for something outside their control, i.e. a barber taking a little too much off during a cut, and telling another child (minor? OP didn’t list ages) to ‘screw off’ is grounds for me to start finding a way to remove that child from their care.
These people sound like they are doing lasting damage to an impressionable child. No child deserves to have their first bully be their parents.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you learned, adults can be just as rotten and awful as any kid, and your stepbrother’s parents are no exception.
They’re the ones who threw a fit over something that really doesn’t matter that much. It’s hair, and it’ll grow back. At least your step-brother knows someone’s got his back.” Chance-Contract-1290
4. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Smoke Off Premises?
“Two of my roommates started smoking a few weeks ago, and while they’ve been considerate of the rest of us by smoking outside, I’m concerned about our lease. Smoking “on the premises” (which, as far as I understand as a legal term, includes the property inside and out) is prohibited by our lease and is one of very few things our lease lists as “material default,” which scares me.
I’m anxious about that because our property manager lives nearby and could happen to see them at any time, even if they’re not intentionally doing a drive-by.
I’m also more mildly concerned about the idea that the smell from their clothes will stick to things in the house and build up over time.
I’m not sure if that’s a reasonable worry.
WIBTJ if I asked them to take a walk around the block or something when they want to smoke?
I am biased here: If they had smoked when they moved in, it would have been a deal breaker for me because I can’t stand the smell personally.
But it’s a new habit, and I am genuinely concerned for our lease and any potential loss of our deposit.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go no jerks here and here’s why. Normally, on premises means lobby, hallways, etc… If they’re outdoors and not near anyone’s windows, they’re fine.
Just ask your agent. If you don’t wanna rat them out, say “hey, I’m having a friend come visit. They smoke, so I wanted to ask what on the premises means so I can tell them in advance.” You’ll have your answer and then can talk to the roomies.” LFGM1977
Another User Comments:
“I’m a non-smoker. However, I think many people have habits that others don’t like. That smell might bother another. Would it also be a problem if the smell of your favorite food, scent, or friend was an issue for them? Would you think it would be proper for them to ask you to keep your food, scent, or friends away?
As far as the language in your lease, I don’t think that’s relevant to the situation other than what you believe it can do for you.” Cahokanut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And more than likely, if you don’t report them, someone else will (if you have neighbors at all).
Smoking stinks. Smokers think they can cover it up, but it always gets everywhere and you can smell it so far away and through closed doors/windows. If you live in an apartment building, this is extra true. Your neighbors will for sure be able to smell it since it’s a non-smoking area.
Just as an example, I live in a non-smoking apartment building. Each unit has its own ventilation system. I still know every single time a neighbor in the same building is smoking. Doesn’t matter if they’re next door or if they’re two rows down through brick and mortar.
And I have a really notoriously bad sense of smell. Since no one else nearby is smoking, though, anytime someone does, it’s like lighting up a disgusting Christmas tree in the middle of a dark room. There’s just no missing it. Same goes for substances, too.
So if you partake and live in a non-smoking area, especially an area where substances aren’t legal, keep that in mind too.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Confronting My Wife Over Ignoring Our Daughter's Pain?
“Last night, my daughter was playing with Legos before bedtime in the living room. This morning, when our daughter woke up, she walked onto the living room rug and suddenly began crying while hopping on one foot. It was still early morning, and we all were a bit groggy.
Our daughter hopped to her mom looking for comfort. Instead of consoling her, my wife kept insisting she wasn’t hurt, saying she just tripped on the rug. Our daughter kept saying she had stepped on something, but my wife kept disregarding it.
I was quiet about the situation until this point when I stood up for our daughter and said, “I think she did step on something because she was playing with legos last night, and the rug is thick.” I looked at our daughter’s foot, and it was bleeding, so I cleaned it and put a bandaid on it.
I then put on a funny video of people stepping on legos to cheer our kid up and show her it happens to other people too.
After this, my wife stormed upstairs angrily. I waited a while to see if she came back, but she didn’t.
I decided to put our daughter in the tub, then went to check on my wife. When I checked on her, she was brooding and angry. I asked her what was wrong, and she denied that anything was wrong. I asked her why she had stormed upstairs if nothing was the matter; she then proceeded to say we were ganging up on her.
She said I provoked our daughter to go against her. I told her all I was doing was acknowledging that our daughter was hurt when she was denying it. She then said I should have never come upstairs and made her angry. I told her she was acting childish and that the situation was about helping our daughter, not about her.
We began arguing, with our daughter watching. Noticing this, I shut down the argument and took our daughter back to the bathroom to continue her bath and console her.
I now feel like I’m in the doghouse for no good reason. I understand my wife may feel like it’s us against her and probably feels isolated, but I personally feel that, in this situation, she is being immature and self-absorbed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Nothing wrong about standing up for your child and for what’s right. That being said, have you thought about why your wife reacted this way? Has her behavior always been this way? If it has, then you must find the root cause of it and if she requires any sort of help to take care of herself, then you must support her.
Your wife’s way of bottling her emotions and then having an outburst is going to affect your daughter negatively. She will see mom bottling up her emotions and thinking it is okay to do so. Please let her know that this is not okay. Teach her that it is never okay to keep your feelings bottled up.
Use this as an opportunity to teach her about sharing her feelings and emotions.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“My mom literally accused me of trying to tear her and my father apart when I was like 15. This is because he defended me when I was struggling with the beginning stages of psychosis, stopping her from yelling at me, which only made it worse, and gently calming me down and trying to figure out what was wrong.
Every time I had any issue and my dad comforted me, my mom would be jealous. She accused me of manipulating my dad against her. All I ever did was tell my dad that the way mom treated him wasn’t very nice (she’d constantly insult him and his interests, nag, and belittle him.
Complain that he didn’t help out more when he was doing 90% of housework, did the finances, and maintenance). Unfortunately, my mom never got better, and they are still together. OP, I’m not saying your wife is like my mom, but this may be a warning sign that things could get worse.
She needs to work through her jealousy and victimization. Your daughter was literally bleeding, and the first thought your wife had was to minimize her pain and make herself the victim. Just because you love your daughter doesn’t mean the daughter is replacing your wife or hogging all your love and care.
NTJ.” Deadr0b0t
Another User Comments:
“In my experience, when someone can’t admit to being wrong even when they are wrong (like this, a child was clearly hurt but they had incorrectly dismissed it), the person has a personality type where they can’t/won’t admit mistakes.
After living with someone like this for years, I started doing a lot of reading because it baffled me (and ultimately destroyed the relationship). What I read is that commonly, people like this are very insecure on the inside. This leads them to base their self-worth on things like being right.
When they are wrong, they can feel absolutely worthless, so instead, they often go into denial about it. The person I was with would actually say I was being mean if I disagreed with her and ‘didn’t support her’ if a situation like yours came up.
It was extremely hard to deal with as she refused to go to counseling or address it in any way (she only said she would go when it became clear I was done and leaving but by that stage all love was already lost between us and she was just scared of being alone so way to late).
I seriously wish you the best and hope your journey goes better than mine. I’m saying all this because I wish I had had a better understanding of what was happening years earlier. I might (or might not) have been able to figure out a better path forward.” slamnm
2. AITJ For Ripping Up A Painted Masterpiece Because My Partner Altered It Without Permission?
“Two years ago, I saw an original watercolor piece that I liked and I contacted the artist and bought it.
When the piece arrived, I sought a frame for it, but I hadn’t been able to find a frame for that size every time I went to the store. They were all too big or too small. So I just kept the piece in an envelope in my desk.
I would sometimes look at it, remember that I had to find a frame for it, but would later forget again. Work, family, and life leave little time to devote to thinking about a frame for a painting, and I don’t have any framing businesses near me; so that wasn’t an option either.
Today, my partner is dusting and comes out of the office showing me the painting on a spare frame he had been using for something else. I ask him if that frame is 9×12. He tells me it’s 8×10 and that he had to cut a piece of the artwork to make it fit.
When I look at it, the piece went from a centralized composition to having the composition indented to the left side because he cut a whole inch on that side to save the artist’s signature, which was on the extreme opposite end (for reference, imagine if you cut the Mona Lisa to the point where her head is no longer in the center).
When he notices that I’m perplexed, he nonchalantly tells me that the painting was in an envelope anyway, and it’s better if it’s out so we can see it. I get mad because this is not the first time he has taken something of mine and given it away, offered it to someone, or just not asked and done whatever he wanted with it.
His mother does the same thing with his things at her house. In their family, if you’re not using something, anyone can do with it as they please. I explained to him that in my family, you don’t do anything with other people’s stuff.
I have a tendency to ruminate on thoughts, so I try not to engage in negative emotions because then I just can’t let go of them and I cycle through them repeatedly, making my life miserable, and I have to devote a lot of energy to get back to normal. Every time I looked at the framed painting, I felt a new wave of sadness, anger, and frustration ripple over me.
So I took the frame down, removed the painting from it, ripped it into four pieces, and threw the pieces in the garbage. When my partner saw it, he was shocked and visibly hurt. I get that his intentions were good, but he ruined a piece of art that was not his to begin with.
Now it’s awkward at home because I’m still fuming and he’s sad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He was visibly sad? Him? The butcherer of the art?? NTJ. No, babe. He’s careless to the point of negligence and doesn’t know how to use a brain.
Or… he did this maliciously. To make you okay with his tendency to do crap like this. Bright. Red. Flags. I’m furious for you. You felt attached to this piece of art and kept it safe. You’ve been hunting for a way to display it, but only if you could find the perfect way to do so.
There was no rush. The frame would speak to you when it was time. But he not only destroyed the piece of art you loved, but he ruined the experience around it. This speaks to his character, and if he doesn’t understand why this was an unspeakable offense, I would dump him yesterday.
I could not live a life filled with so much disregard.” Pterodactyl_Noises
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The road to heck is paved with good intentions. This wasn’t a photo that could be cropped without detracting from it; every part of a painting is intentional and contributes to the whole.
Your partner ruined a piece of art that did not belong to him. He had no right to do that and has no right to be sad that you, its rightful owner, disposed of what he destroyed. I’d have done the same; seeing it framed like that would have irritated the crap out of me.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You’re human and you acted emotionally. For healthy communication and to avoid this occurring again, this would ideally be the catalyst for a much bigger conversation. For the sake of the argument, let’s say he was trying to be helpful and do something kind.
(This is why he might be hurt by your response.) I don’t have the full context of your relationship to know if these types of conversations have happened before, but if not, I would recommend you acknowledge his attempt to be thoughtful and thank him for that.
Dive directly into the issue. (It isn’t that he cut the artwork. It’s that he made a permanent decision about something that didn’t belong to him without consulting you first. The issue is boundaries and respect.) Let him know how it makes you feel when he doesn’t do this.
Set clear expectations moving forward: before making any decisions of any kind about giving away or changing things that belong to you, he must discuss his ideas with you. Your decision must be the final say. Let him know that you will do the same with his belongings (as you undoubtedly already do).
Ask for a verbal agreement to this, and give him space to ask questions and to provide examples of times he may not have followed this expectation in the past. If his intentions were truly good, and he is a reasonable person, this conversation will cause him to reflect and, hopefully, change his actions moving forward.
If he argues with you, makes you the bad guy, or continues to repeat these actions, you need to get out. The problem of disrespect will become much larger and impact your long-term relationship.” Professional_Day1038
1. AITJ For Exclusively Funding My Daughter's Wedding While My Stepdaughter Gets Nothing?
“I am a 45-year-old female, and I am married to John, a 50-year-old male. We have 2 daughters (one together, Hannah, 25, and one from his previous relationship, Alexa, 30).
Alexa is older and always got everything new, while Hannah always got the hand-me-downs. She never had much of her “own” things, so I wanted to make her wedding special.
Both of the girls have gotten engaged. I told Hannah I would pay for her wedding. I have been saving for her whole life.
Alexa asked John if he and her bio mom would be paying for her wedding, and he said no. He said she should have a wedding that she and her fiancé can afford.
The girls went to get lunch the other day, and Alexa found out I was paying for Hannah’s wedding. Alexa called John, crying that it’s unfair I am paying for Hannah’s wedding.
John thinks we should split the money evenly between the two girls.
I told him no because I was the one who had been saving the money. I told him if he’d like to pay for Alexa’s wedding, then he should speak with her mother so that they could see how much they could help.
John asked if I would be willing to give any money that is left from Hannah’s wedding to Alexa. I told him no; I was giving Hannah the whole account, and she could spend the money on whatever she wants.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are holding it against your stepdaughter that you took her old clothes for your daughter rather than buying new ones? I’d do the same thing, but what does wearing hand-me-downs have to do with a wedding? Technically, NTJ because it’s your money and so forth, but that stretch of a justification makes me think that deep down, you know this might not be the best decision.
You are certainly communicating to your stepdaughter that you don’t view her as a true daughter. Again, that’s your right in some sense, but she also has a right to treat you accordingly. I would.” GundyGalois
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Do you typically only pay Hannah’s expenses while John pays Alexa’s?
Is this the first time the girls became aware that Hannah had a wedding fund and Alexa did not? Do you and John keep your finances separate? It sounds unfair if this is the first time everyone is hearing about this.
Edited to NTJ as husband knew about the savings account, so he should have had a plan for Alexa’s wedding, or let her know there was no plan.” RHND2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John is making you his scapegoat for his choice, more than once, to not save money for his daughter. You told him about this when the girls were young. You discussed this when they were engaged, and both times, he basically said Alexa can deal with it herself.
Only when he came under fire is he trying to backpedal so that he doesn’t take the brunt of the scrutiny by relying on the work you’ve done for years. What an easy way out. He constantly says multiple times he’s not going to pay for his daughter’s wedding and digs his heels into it, and then tries to fall back on your sacrifice and nest egg to bail him out so he doesn’t look bad.
His ex also didn’t do it. Anyone saying this will worsen your relationship with Alexa might be right, but it’s really not your fault. Alexa isn’t 15 or 20, where she’s an adolescent adjusting to a stepmom. She’s a full-grown adult at 30, and for her to put this blame on you instead of her own parents’ choices is her fault.
For her to blame you is misdirecting the blame when you’ve had this conversation with John in the past and he’s always known about it.” starfire92
