People Are Swimming In Problems In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Not Paying With My Partner’s Credit Card?
Throwaway and fake names for everyone.
I (f26) and my partner ‘John’ (m27) have been together for 4 years and we have a mutual friend ‘Emily’ (f26). I grew up fairly poor with very little extra income, Emily grew up not “rich” but quite comfortable, and let’s just say John is in a completely different tax bracket.
I have my own job and my funds, it’s not nearly as much as John makes but we’ve sorted out who pays what based on percentages and it works for us and we communicate well in general, so if there are any problems things are easily resolved.
John has given me a second credit card to his account and offers to pay for things I need/want very often, but I only use it for things for both of us, emergencies, or times when I don’t have enough on me and I try to pay him back quickly.
Last night Emily and I went out for dinner and coffee or dessert afterwards. Emily knows that I have John’s credit card because she saw me spend quite a bit on John and I’s home when we were shopping one day.
Emily asks if I can cover for her until she gets paid within a week. I agree because she normally pays me back when she says she will. I normally wouldn’t lend funds to people unless they desperately need it but up until last night I trusted Emily completely.
When we get to the restaurant, she picks what she wants on the menu, orders a normal-sized meal, and then proceeds to flag down the server throughout the night and order a ridiculously expensive appetizer, many expensive items, sides, drinks, etc. I only got myself one entrée with a side and a drink.
Throughout the whole meal, Emily keeps mentioning how nice John is, that he gives me funds and pays for things that I want, and that every girl deserves someone who can spoil them. When the check comes, I pay for everything using my funds.
A week later, when Emily agreed to pay me back she sent me a text message saying:
“I hope John doesn’t mind if I wait for another two weeks, I’ve already spent my paycheck”
To which I replied:
“I paid that out of my funds, why would you assume that I used John’s funds, especially for something he wasn’t a part of?“
Emily then went on a text rant accusing me of being a jerk for having a rich partner and agreeing to cover for her, even though she knows I use his card for joint items or emergencies only.
She says that if she were in my place, she would treat all of her friends it’s just the right thing to do, especially since she’s mutual friends with both of us. She told me John should just cover the difference that I’m missing.
The last message I sent to her explained that I expect her to pay me back as soon as possible.
I conflicted because John can easily afford that dinner multiple times over and Emily lives pay to pay, but AITJ for not paying for my friend with my partner’s funds?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your ‘friend’ is a jerk and just uses you, there is no difference who’s money you used – she promised to pay back and now she is backpedaling, she feels entitled to YOUR bf money, this is very telling who she is – especially how she handled that meal – NOBODY orders tons of expensive crap when they can’t pay themselves unless they expect others to pay for it.
Get your money back from that crap person and cut her out from your life, she is a toxic, ungrateful, lying piece of bad individual.” forgeris
18. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Roommate About Their Need For Constant Validation While They're On Vacation?
“I, 30F, and my roommate/best friend, 32NB, A, have known each other since 2015 and lived together for the past 3 years.
It’s becoming very apparent that their cripplingly low self-esteem is starting to damage our relationship. What I mean by that is, that A cannot have a conversation that doesn’t circle back to them getting validation.
For the first time in years, I went out on a date the other day, and what was supposed to be a quick conversation with my best friend about a successful date became a two-hour discussion about whether or not I feel like A is unlovable.
They do this with any singular topic I bring up around them.
If I make a blanket statement around them, they’ll ask ‘That could be. Do you secretly hate me?’ If I clean up our shared apartment around them, they ask ‘Do you think I’m not good at cleaning?’ If I pet my cat but don’t pet theirs, they ask ‘Do you hate my cat?
Do you think I’m a bad owner?’
I feel like I’ve become A’s emotional support friend in a sense. At first, I was very happy that A felt comfortable with me enough to ask to be taken care of, but now it feels like A needs me for everything.
Before they form any opinion they have to talk to me about it. They are constantly making plans that involve me that they don’t even ask if I want to do. My other friends are getting irritated that A will usually crash plans or say they ‘need me.’ If I’m on the phone with my mom, A also joins in.
I feel like they need me more than anyone else in my life, and I have no idea how to make them understand this isn’t normal and is pushing me away without making them shut down.
Every time I try to criticize them at all, like, ‘Can you get your cat, she’s bullying my cat,’ or ‘Can you not touch my medical supplies, you threw away a vial of my insulin that was full,’ or ‘I really don’t like having to soothe you when we lose a match on our game, because it gives me no space to feel my feelings, I have to immediately jump into soothing you.’ A always comes back with ‘You don’t have to live with me.
We don’t have to be friends if we aren’t compatible.’
My fear is that I talk about all this and they’re going to react badly again. Or they’re going to jump into saying, “I’m so sorry, do you think I’m a bad person?”
I think the only way I can express the severity of my frustrations with them is by doing it while we’re apart, so I don’t have to stop everything to soothe and validate them. The issue is, that they are with family at Disneyworld until Monday.
Would I be the jerk if I wrote them this novel of issues I’m having with them, while they’re at Disney? I just feel like it’s the only way to not get steamrolled by their emotional reaction. I want to resolve this problem, but I’m worried I could ruin their vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, but only because of the timing. I understand needing to do it in a written format, but wait til they’re back. Ideally, be prepared with when you plan to move out (because you definitely will need to).
Get yourself out of town for a night or two when you send the message. They have challenges and you are NTJ for needing to distance yourself, but you need to be prepared for your relationship to end and not ruin their vacation while you do it.” Far-Belt9950
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, but not because of what you have to say, but because you could choose a better moment. And it feels like this is something you need to get off your chest to make your relationship work, or it is in danger of being a one-way street forever.
If it helps, people who are victimizing themselves are usually enabled by people who fit the role of always taking care of their needs first, no matter what. Sometimes letting them know this isn’t working for you can be a wake-up call.
But they sound like they could use some therapy, too.” GroundedHedgehog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, yet. I don’t think you’re a bad person for feeling this way. The constant need for validation and crashing your outings would be reason enough to put some emotional distance between the two of you, but throwing out your meds is grounds to end the friendship imo.
That said, while I understand why you feel the need to do so, I think sending them “a novel of issues” while they’re on vacation with their family is a little cruel, it is very likely going to ruin their vacation and probably your relationship by extension.
There’s a good chance the opinions of any mutual friends will be split on this as well. I’d say a very gentle YWBTJ, because I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t drop that novel after they get back and then stay the night with one of your other friends, instead of doing it while they’re on vacation.
That’s assuming there’s a good reason to salvage this friendship at all. Is there?” vinyl pirate
17. AITJ For Considering Exposing My Crush's Problematic Party Theme?
“I (21f) met my crush (21m) during a finance class we share. We were paired up to work on a group project, and I always catch him staring at me or making flirty remarks.
The thing is, he’s popular at our college (captain of one of our sports teams + president of his fraternity) so I’ve always felt small compared to him. I don’t think he could ever be with someone like me.
Flash forward to a couple of weeks ago, he asked if I would like to attend his birthday party. I’ve never been to a frat party before so that made me nervous, but I thought this would be a great way to get in his inner circle and be more outgoing.
I started planning the outfit I would wear, and the cutest way I could do my hair and makeup. I was honestly really excited to go. Closer to the party, I asked my crush what he was going to wear so that I didn’t over-dress, and lo and behold, there’s a theme.
I ask, “What’s the theme?” and he apprehensively says “Around the world”. I chuckled because a lot of terrible images came to mind, so I asked him to explain in more detail in case I was overreacting… I was not.
He said that each room of the frat house would be a different country, and he specifically wanted ME to be in the “Asia” room. For context, I’m East Asian and he’s white. I blink a couple of times in disbelief and he goes on about how there’s going to be “Mexican stuff” in the Mexico room, sushi in the Asia one… and I honestly did not ask about the Africa room that he mentioned, for the sake of my sanity.
All of this to say, my crush ended his explanation by asking if I could stand in the Asia room and serve drinks all night to his friends. He specifically mentioned me being a “geisha” and how it would make the whole experience more authentic.
He asked if I had a kimono to wear or anything with dragons and “typical Chinese stuff, you know?”. I was nodding my head along but honestly, I was in so much disbelief I didn’t know what to do.
He looked ecstatic when I nodded, and he threw in an “I love you, you’re the best”, which unfortunately made my heart flutter. He reassured me that I wouldn’t be working alone and a few of his frat bros were going to be “actors” as well in the other rooms. I looked at the Instagram page for his fraternity and it seems they are ALL WHITE… so… uh…
I told my friends about this proposition and they were laughing and crying. They said that I should go to the party and record what was going on to get him in trouble. The thing is, my crush is so incredibly nice to me and I want to believe he’s a good person but… geishas??
Actors? Did my crush see me for the first time and immediately think that I should be a prop?? If I end up going to his party, I’ll still have to PARTICIPATE and that feels gross to me, even if I’m exposing him.
Would I still be the jerk? Am I just overreacting to this bizarre theme?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh yeah, this is very very problematic. And he is NOT inviting you to a party, he is asking you to work for free in this party.
You would not be the jerk for exposing this, and I loved the idea of recording it. In this day and age if you don’t want to learn what is racism you need to be forced to. I am wondering if he had the idea for the “theme” because of you.
Please please please move on to your next crush.” Sad-Currency-3235
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but why is he still your crush after he’s shown his bigoted side? Just because he’s ‘nice’ to you? Your friends have good intentions in telling you to go and record the goings on, but that opens you up to a whole host of issues when he finds out it was you who reported it.
Because that will happen. So you need to decide what you’re willing to put up with if you go and record it. You could simply bring up your concerns to the Dean and let them take care of it. But I would not participate in this fiasco.” WolfSilverOak
16. AITJ For Giving A Senior Discount Without Informing The Customer?
“Until last month, I (23m) was working as a cashier at a thrift shop. On Thursdays, we offered a 10% discount for uni students/staff and seniors 55+. We had multiple signs up throughout the store advertising it.
On my last Thursday working there, I returned from a break and noticed a power scooter by the door that hadn’t been there previously.
I made a mental note to ask the SM who had been covering for me about it later if it was still there. Shortly thereafter, an older man walked up to me and said, “Some charity organization you guys are.
Your managers take all the good stuff straight from the back and put it on hold for themselves”. I responded by saying “Oh, well actually our store policy is that items do need to be priced and hit the sales floor before employees can put them on ho-” he then cut me off saying “NO THEY DON’T!”.
I, taken aback, said, “Uh..okay?”. The guy then stormed away.
I was peeved with how he cut me off, seeing as I had worked there for over 2 years, and I had never seen this guy there ever, and he was acting like he knew what he was talking about and I didn’t.
About 10 min later, he came back to the register with a few items. As I was ringing him, I paged the SM who was covering me to come up front, who arrived shortly and confirmed the scooter belonged to a customer who asked him to hold it behind the counter while they shopped. I didn’t call the older guy out overtly, but he heard the whole convo with my SM.
As I finished ringing him, I put in a 10% senior discount. I offered him a receipt, but I don’t recall if he accepted.
He returned the next day and approached me at the register with a few items and said“You didn’t give me my senior discount yesterday.
You were too busy talking to your manager about a scooter that I didn’t even ask about. Your priorities are messed up”.
I was annoyed because while he didn’t technically “ask” about the scooter, he was the one who made it an issue.
I responded by saying”I gave you a discount, on discount days I sometimes just give it to people auto-” he then cut me off saying “WELL YOU DIDN’T!”. I froze up and started awkwardly ringing him up. As I did, he continued his critique.
“You’re a disingenuous cashier, huh?”. I didn’t respond. He then said, “You’re a piece of work you know that?”.
After I finished ringing him, he asked “What’s yer name bud?”. I nervously told him I’d rather not say, to which he said “Aight, I’ll ask your coworker over there.”
He then approached my coworker and asked for my name, which they gave him. On his way out said to me, sarcastically, “Thanks a bunch, DGW7601.”
I feel like he was way standoffish, however, if he didn’t take a receipt then he had no way of knowing that I gave him a discount, and on my end it may have been worth apologizing for offering a discount for that day, just to keep the peace.
So, AITJ how I handled this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not even close. I would avoid all contact with him going forward and call your SM to help him instead. Explain to the SM beforehand that you will not be dealing with him anymore and why.” nothanks1312
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy was unhinged. Don’t let anyone talk to you like that – call your manager to intervene. That’s what they’re there for.” PotatoNecessary1732
Another User Comments:
“I would have called the manager and asked if they would look at the previous day’s receipts and confirm that you had given the discount and I wouldn’t be ringing his present purchase up until this was done!
Crazy coot!” ClerkAnnual3442
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Daughter's Friend To Her Party Because Her Mom Bullied Me?
“Past context: I was very heavily bullied as a teen. I had no friends through school and was a target to many.
I am currently 30 and still struggle with feelings of worthlessness stemming from this. While there were many bullies, one in particular was relentless, Rachel. Rachel was from another school, was two grades above me, and had never met me before when I received my first message from her online.
The message was vile, she said that I was repulsive, fat, ugly, etc, but I was used to receiving messages like this and didn’t respond. I then began to receive daily messages from this girl, telling me that the world would be better without me, detailed steps about what she thought I should do, etc. I blocked her, but she just made new accounts and continued these messages urging me to do dangerous things every single day for over a year.
While bullying as a whole had lasting impacts on me, her messages were some of the worst and most persistent I ever received and I still can’t bring myself to delete them.
Now: This morning while taking my kids to school, my daughter (5) asked me to walk with her to her classroom.
While we were walking to the door she noticed a friend and ran to say hello and introduce me. I noticed instantly that the mother with this child was Rachel. I genuinely felt like I was going to throw up, cause a scene, or cry so I continued quickly with the drop-off and left.
I have never seen this girl in person before today and have not heard from her in years, but it brought me back immediately to the year-long torment I experienced from her. My first concern, as trivial as it may sound, is that my daughter’s birthday party is coming up and we always invite everyone, as I don’t like to make any child feel excluded. My daughter has also mentioned this girl specifically to me as one of her best friends in the class, though this is only their second week of knowing each other.
We are handing out invitations on Monday of next week, and I’m completely torn on what to do about this girl. On the one hand, she is innocent and is my daughter’s friend. I would never want to cost my child a friendship or make her feel singled out by her classmates because of my drama.
On the other hand, after a little digging, Rachel is not only still a terrible person online but is also a single mom, meaning that if she accepted the invite SHE would be bringing her daughter to the party.
I also don’t know if I could handle the entire situation maturely and absolutely don’t want to end up in a screaming match or worse at my child’s party.
I can’t stop going back and forth in my mind and don’t think my thought process is sound right now. I don’t want to put my daughter into an uncomfortable situation.
WIBTJ if I didn’t invite this child to my daughter’s birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough situation. I’m sorry you were bullied so mercilessly. I do not think you should have a party for your daughter and invite the entire class except for the 5-year-old girl who did nothing wrong.
And I do not think you should have this woman in your house. Please consider having a different kind of party for your daughter with a few of her close friends or just family. And please get some help for the complex PTSD you are suffering because of this experience.
Having been there I can attest to the fact that there are excellent treatments available. Next year you might feel victorious having this woman in your home and having it not cause you such pain. NTJ” Dwinxx2000
Another User Comments:
“It’s not a grudge. It’s lived experience that informs you that you need to protect yourself and your daughter. Please understand that before you proceed with any action. I do think if you’re inviting some or all of the class, you’ll need to invite your daughter’s friend and endure some exposure to your old bully.
Perhaps a party where parents drop off and go away for two hours of blessed relaxation away from child care? Or a backyard party where your spouse entertains the parents in your living room while the children play? A very gentle YTJ, because I understand the experience and abhor bullies in all forms as an adult, and because you’re right – your behavior now will affect your daughter’s well-being.
You’re NTJ for the fear based on your lived experience, of course. Good luck.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, this one is hard. From your daughter’s perspective you would be the jerk because she is too young to understand, what’s going on, and in the end you would punish the girls for something, that has nothing to do with them.
But on the other hand, I understand your points. Is there a possibility, that someone else, who knows the background, manages the welcome and goodbyes of the kids so that you could avoid contact with your former bully?” No-Leg4864
14. AITJ For Not Attending My Cousin's Daughter's Wedding Due To Past Trauma?
“My mum learned that a family member who had previously hurt me in the past was attending my cousin’s (Steph) daughter’ (Rose) wedding.
Hence, I expressed concerns about attending, as did my family. My younger brother volunteered to attend and represent all of us.
So on their next visit to Steph’s home, my family politely declined their RSVP to the reception, with the possibility of attending the ceremony.
They still wanted to show their love and support and thought it might feel more comfortable to be in an open garden setting rather than a closed room reception. My brother would attend both. Steph’s family seemed to understand.
After their visit, my family was dropped from all communications with Steph’s family.
We were not invited to Rose’s hens. This hurt my family immensely and they took all of this as signs to not attend the ceremony. This did not affect me as due to the past trauma with the mutual family member, I always felt excluded from Steph’s family.
Over the years it did hurt me to feel unwanted around them, and I would often blame myself for what had happened in the past. But as time went on, I grew to be happy in my own space and confident in the connections I had with other cousins.
However, I was completely shocked and saddened for my family who for the first time were now experiencing the cold shoulder and exclusion by Steph’s family firsthand.
On the day of the wedding, Rose had unfriended me on social media, a day later or so, so did Steph.
My family was upset on my behalf, but I started to feel awkward and embarrassed, as if old wounds were opening up again. Days later Rose had unfriended my mum and sister, but Steph did not. This confused and upset my mum even more.
Eventually, my mum decided to message Steph, expressing sadness and confusion about what has come to be between their families but that she is fine with it, and that she will always have love towards Steph and her family. Between multiple message exchanges, Steph had explained that Rose had unfollowed us because she was hurt that we didn’t support her on her big day.
Steph was hurt on her daughter’s behalf as she felt that they had a strong bond between the families, excluding me (yes, this was stated in her message). She confirmed that she won’t unfriend my family but has with me because she never felt connected with me as she did with my family and Rose had claimed I would make snide comments towards her throughout the years, Steph said this was possible because of the bond my family had with Rose.
My mum explained that her family does include me and that I had raised the same concerns as Rose, so there was no point going back and forth as both parties will believe their own and so it’s best to leave it as that.
After reading the message exchange, with so much shock and wet eyes I thanked my mum for standing up for me.
I feel guilty about it all. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I’m not sure anybody did anything wrong here.
I find it odd that your parents declined the invitation but then expected to be invited to other wedding festivities. I do feel bad for whoever was getting married Things just don’t work out sometimes, people grow apart. Hopefully, your brother can maintain a relationship with them, and the rest of you don’t meddle in that” anesthesia
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like a tough situation, and it’s understandable why you’d feel guilty. You’ve set healthy boundaries for yourself due to past trauma, and, unfortunately, others might not fully understand that. You’re not obligated to put yourself in an uncomfortable or harmful position, especially given the past. Family dynamics can be complicated, but you’re NTJ for protecting your well-being.” LunaLuxe-XO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ I THINK YOUR MOM IS AWESOME I THINK YOUR MOM IS A ROCKSTAR I THINK IT’S WONDERFUL THAT SHE STOOD UP FOR YOU. It is completely immature for Rose and Steph to get upset that your family did not go to the reception.
You declined. They knew about it. It wasn’t some surprise thing. You and your family did the big adult thing you didn’t show up. You didn’t cause a scene. They knew you weren’t going. Your brother attended to represent the family.
I don’t think you really could have done anything more. The fact that Rose said snide comments to her Mom that you didn’t like her because she is close to your family, she’s trying to insinuate that your family likes her better is a crappy thing to do.
If Rose was threatened by you, she shouldn’t have invited you to the wedding. It does not matter what the past drama was because you didn’t bring it up. You just said you didn’t want to see that person and that is fine.
That is your boundary to make and I’m a little irritated at everyone at Reddit being like. Oh, it depends on what happened. when any other time they’re like don’t cross my boundary DIVORCE…” Efficient_Alps2361
13. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Use Vacation Time To Have A Break Due To My New Work Schedule?
“My wife (40F) and I (39M) have been married for 12 years and have 2 kids (9 & 7). We both work full-time, but I got promoted about 3 months ago which required a change to my work hours. I used to have the same standard M-F hours as my wife.
But my new role has me working 10-hour shifts Thursday-Sunday. This promotion came with a pretty substantial pay raise as well. My wife and I discussed how my change in hours would affect our family’s day-to-day lives, but we both agreed it would be worth it for the additional income.
I use my time off on Monday-Wednesday to do pretty much all the family shopping, errands, cleaning, and laundry and have even been able to make substantial progress on some long put-off home projects. I also cook dinners and prep weekly lunches for the kids and my wife.
The additional income is becoming noticeable as well as we haven’t had this much in our savings account in years.
A few weeks ago, my wife started griping about my new job. She hates that I am working all weekend because that means she’s with the kids the whole time.
She complains that she goes from working all week to solo parenting on weekends. Both our kids are in activities on weekends so she has been doing that by herself as well.
We talked about ways to ease some of the weekend stuff from her such as getting a babysitter, carpooling to kids’ activities, taking the kids to their grandparents, etc. But she still complains that all of the leg work for those things will be done by her because I’m at work.
She said she feels like she never has any time for herself since my hours got changed.
To try and alleviate this, I suggested that she make plans with friends to do something on Monday or Tuesday nights. She tried but got frustrated when her friends were busy those nights and wanted to get together on weekends.
This led to another argument with her telling me that she hates my new job and that I need to look into changing my hours again.
I told her that I have been trying everything to help ease the transition with my new job but all I’ve been met with is hostility and frustration.
I asked her if there was anything more I could do other than change my hours and she told me, “No.” She said she just hates that she doesn’t get a break and that I have 3 days to myself.
I started listing off all the ways I have been trying to make this easier and how much more money we are making and she cut me off and said the money isn’t worth it.
I got frustrated and told her if she needed time for herself, she should just use vacation time from work if she was not going to be reasonable and help me find a compromise.
She got even more mad and told me I was being a jerk.
She made me sleep in the guest room and told me that I can’t come back to our bed unless I fix this.”
Another User Comments:
“As a first step, you could try validating her. “You’re right, you aren’t getting much of a breather with me gone on the weekends.
You work hard at work and home, you deserve a break, too.” Her using vacation days is not a long-term solution to this issue. If you disagree- why don’t YOU take a vacation day and take over Saturday kid activity duties so she can have some downtime?” Metasequoia
Another User Comments:
“Ok, I’m the first to say how your spouse feels and the mental/emotional/physical load division is so important in a relationship. That being said it sounds like you do a lot to set your family up for success on your days off.
It also sounds like your wife is deeply overwhelmed. Are you able to help her in finding solutions for the weekends that would give her a day off or some flexibility here? When I was feeling deeply overwhelmed my husband protected time for me to do something for myself but I was so deep into burnout and overwhelmed that the idea of coming up with something else to do during that “me-time” made me cry.
For you both to earn this extra money she essentially gets no days off. Can you take on the responsibility of hiring out or ensuring she gets a day off and some time to herself?” Dense-Passion-2729
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – the problem isn’t with the compromises you’ve offered. It’s that you’re only offering her solutions for her to implement.
I didn’t see a single thing there about you validating her feelings, or spending your time to help alleviate the pressure. Have you dropped the kids off at the grandparents on a random Tuesday and run a bath for your wife ready for her when she got home?
Or arranged for them to pick up the kids on a Saturday? Have you ever even said “Jesus honey, your schedule must feel relentless with my new work. I get it. I understand.” You have the solutions, but all you’re doing is giving her suggestions.
Take the lead, man. Take care of her.” JesusImOld
12. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed After My Brother Tried To Buy Me Out Of Our Jointly Owned House?
“I (26M) and my brother (22M) bought a house together in July 2023 and took out a construction loan for renovations. I have a full-time job, so I couldn’t get to the house until around 3-4 pm most days, but my brother, who works part-time for our dad, had more flexibility.
I would work on the house every evening until 8 pm, while my brother handled more of the daytime work. Despite my efforts, he later accused me of not helping enough.
From the start, I made it clear I didn’t want to live in the house with him for 2 years, especially since I’m in a relationship.
He was the one who suggested my partner move in, which I had planned to discuss but he brought it up first. Once we finished the renovation and moved in, things went downhill. My brother was a terrible roommate, acting like a typical 21-year-old, but the disrespect was out of control.
I avoided confronting him to keep the peace, but at a family event, he blindsided me. He accused me of being lazy, saying I didn’t contribute enough to the renovation, and even suggested I shouldn’t be part of the deal anymore, wanting to buy me out.
He also criticized the work I did on smaller projects, like painting trim, while he handled cutting the boards (poorly, I might add). Ironically, he refused to let me help with the tasks he now holds against me.
What stung was that I fronted most of the funds to keep the project going.
My brother ran out of resources a few days in, and I had to cover almost everything after that. He only contributed to one part of the renovation, which ended up being a disaster, forcing me to hire someone else to fix it.
If I hadn’t stepped in financially, we’d still be working on the house.
During the renovation, my brother and dad (who both work in construction) would often argue while I continued working on smaller tasks or cleaning up. They never involved me in those discussions because they didn’t value my input, even though I’ve worked in electrical for a few years.
When it came time to discuss moving out, I brought up the idea with my brother. Surprisingly, he was on board and talked about moving his friends and partner in. I confirmed with others that he was fine with it.
However, I later found out he had been lying the whole time—he didn’t want me to stay involved at all, just out completely. My mom even advised me to move out for the sake of our relationship.
What bothers me is that I feel completely taken advantage of.
I gave my brother an opportunity at 21 that I never had, and now he’s painting me as lazy and trying to cut me out. He’s using our dad to cosign a new deal, while I’m left dealing with taxes and the stigma of being seen as the person who didn’t contribute.
I asked him multiple times if he was on board with the plan, and no one ever gave me any indication he wasn’t. I tried to make this work, and now I’m stuck feeling like the bad guy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, if you have a paper trail that can prove he’s lying in any way, go after him for defamation. Let none who speak falsehoods upon your name prosper.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should run from this situation.
I also think your dad is making a big mistake by co-signing. He did take advantage of you and now I guess it’s Dad’s turn. It sucks but you learned a valuable lesson and now you’re free.” Echo10000
11. AITJ For Not Knowing How To Handle My Partner's Mental Health Crisis?
“I’m writing this as a last resort.
I (25f) have been in a relationship with my partner (30m) for about a year now. He is my first healthy relationship. We both have a history of traumas. I’ve been dealing with depression for years and he has possible cptsd due to some very unmentionable things that happened in his childhood.
And we both possibly have ADHD. He has helped my mental health very much. He says that I’m the only good thing that happened to him. Even when I wanted to end it due to my relationship anxiety he was a rock and believed we could work this out.
He has never at least raised his voice at me.
For about a week now things have been different. He experienced some power outages. After the childhood trauma, he has been unable to stay with the lights turned off. Before meeting me he had nightmares of what happened and he heard voices almost every when he was alone since he was like 12.
And now it’s back again. But now after this, he has nightmares every single day. He says he also hears voices. He has mentioned this only briefly before but he said the nightmares and voices stopped just after he met me.
We are long distance. He is very different now. He gets very mad with his mom and other people. I suggested going to a doctor but he says he has to stabilize himself first or otherwise because of the anger he has, he will get angry with the doctor when he has to talk about that trauma again and says he can’t bear to talk about it at the state he’s in.
I don’t know what to do. The thing is I’m also very depressed. I’m a med student and they just started a mentally and physically draining part of the rotations. I’m hanging on by a thread, even before this.
I don’t have many friends and he was the only one there for him. With this, I feel like I have no one which has worsened my depression. Because of that, I haven’t been able to support him as well as I like also.
I’ve been grieving and crying randomly and also started to have some very bad thoughts.
I don’t know what to do. The person who was always there for me and who I leaned on is not there anymore.
He can’t look at the phone much and he can’t listen much these days. I feel angry, sad and depressed. I miss him. I have been feeling like I want to drop out of college because I don’t know if I can handle all of it without any support.
Even before this, I was doing badly but now I’m at my wit’s end.
I try to make him feel better but I’m failing at that too. And I’m scared I won’t be able to stay with him if his condition gets any worse.
He is exercising to stabilize himself but I don’t think it will help his auditory hallucinations. I really need some advice on how to handle this better how to help my partner and how to treat him. Please it would be of great help.”
Another User Comments:
“This does not sound healthy for either of you. You are not responsible for someone else’s mental health, no matter how much they try to make you responsible. He needs professional help, especially if he is hearing voices. It is OKAY to prioritize your mental health. No jerks here but it sounds like you could both benefit from some professional help.” Lucky_Six_1530
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sometimes the most helpful advice is not the advice you want to hear. Right now, you’re more like colliding black holes for each other than climbing the ladder of life together. I was extremely depressed in my early 20s and my partner broke up with me *because* I wasn’t the same with my depression.
And she was right to do so. It hurt SO bad at the time, but I couldn’t be there for her (or even *myself*) as the best version of myself because of the depression. Not what you probably want to hear, but I was able to work on myself on grow in ways I never could’ve had she stayed with me.
I think the most loving (while unfortunately simultaneously the most *short-term* painful) thing you could do for both of you all is break up. This post sounds more like a cry for help than a true AITJ post. Long story short, y’all need to find help *separately* from each other (i.e. break up) and then *maybe* if you’re *both* in a better mental state you can get back together and grow, but I wouldn’t stake your life on it.
Best of luck friend.” Red_Velvet_Donkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also – you need to not be responsible for treating him. You are dealing with everything yourself – and it looks like he isn’t. And at the end of the day, it is not your job to be his therapist or to save him – you can love him, and that makes this extra painful, but you can support him in getting help, and otherwise you need to make sure your health is prioritized.” joahchun
10. AITJ For Feeling Exploited And Considering Moving Out Of My Mom's House?
“I (18f) who just graduated high school in June. I moved in with my mom in 2022 after my sophomore year of high school.
I moved out of my dad’s house because it was a really bad household and I didn’t like staying there. My mom (in her late 30s) lives with 2 other people, 1 is her then significant other and now husband (in his 40s) and their close friend (in his 40s).
Before I moved in, my mom and her now husband (who got married 5 months ago) agreed that I would do the dishes, and clean my and their roommate’s bathroom (there are only 2 bathrooms and 1 in my mom’s and her husband’s room) and keep my room clean.
I liked this idea because I was cleaning a lot more at my dad’s house and I would get a dog at my mom’s house. We also agreed that if I helped clean parts of the house that weren’t my responsibility I would be paid.
Well, after a few months of living here, I don’t get a dog. I asked my mom about it and she said how we needed to fix the fence in the backyard and how I “wasn’t keeping the kitchen clean” I said how we agreed that I would do the dishes and not the kitchen but she said that she told me the kitchen and not the dishes.
After this, something told me that I won’t get a dog but I started to clean the kitchen. When I started school my room started to get kinda messy I will admit but not too messy where is going to take more than 30 minutes to clean, but my mom will always say that I can’t get the dog until I keep everything clean for 2 whole months.
Well, I started helping them do their laundry, I would do about 3-4 loads of laundry and get $20, but my mom’s husband would always say “I have credit on that 20” saying that I have to do more stuff for him to fully get the money.
Over time they stop paying for stuff, the only times that I would get money from them is if I asked for money, they would tell me to do something and say they still have credit on the money. My mom is never home.
The only times that she is home is when she is sleeping and taking a shower so I don’t get to see or talk to her a lot.
After a year of living there, I started to hate it.
My mom’s husband is really rude to me, he has called me lazy, stupid, and a jerk all in front of my mom, and all she does is look at me and tell me not to be rude. I don’t know what I did to be called a jerk but the fact that my mom let him call me that to my face and in front of her, I find kinda crazy.
Every day that passes my room keeps getting messy and dirty because having to get up at 5:30 am, go to school until 4:00 pm (I’m in after-school clubs), and clean up after my mom and her husband I’m too tired to clean my room and most of the time to do my homework, and sometimes I won’t have time to eat dinner so I would go to bed hungry.
This is not everything that I have to say so read the rest of it please and thank you.”
Another User Comments:
” As hard as it is, if you can move out do it. I can’t stand grown adults who expect their kids to do all the dirty work, as in the kitchen and bathroom with no help.
I had a similar situation and moved out at 16. I am now 50 and my only regret was not getting out sooner.” auntyalexia7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Moving out seems like a reasonable decision given the situation you’ve described. You’re dealing with unfair expectations, a lack of support, and disrespect, all while trying to balance school and other responsibilities.
It’s important to be in a living situation where you feel respected and supported. It sounds like you’ve tried to manage a lot of issues on your own, and, understandably, you’d want to make a change for your well-being.
It’s important to prioritize your mental health and find a living situation that works better for you….” clairemonas147
9. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Husband's Overbearing Family?
“My husband (M29) and I (F25) recently moved closer to his family (and further from mine) by multiple 100s of miles due to a career change for my husband.
We have had many discussions as a couple about how much time with each other’s families we are willing to give, and recently, I feel like that boundary has been crossed.
His mom and grandmother always act like it’s been three years since they’ve last seen him.
Granny guilt trips and pines about how short her time is on this earth, and demands his (and my) time for all major holidays, throwing huge sobbing fits and making rude remarks about me (especially focused on my weight) if we say we cannot meet up for a holiday.
One consistent remark she makes towards me is that I am “a huge wedge between him and his family, but that’s just my opinion I’m sorry”.
My mom turns 50 this year right at Christmas. Hubby and I are visiting my parents this year as last year, we spent Christmas with his family.
My parents live 30 hours away by car. His parents live 1.5 hours away by car. We have limited time with my family and have to make the time count, so we’re spending a full week at Christmas with my parents.
This is a huge issue for Granny and she always asks me if I have “changed my mind” for Christmas, insinuating I am ripping my husband away from family gatherings and that I should consider his needs.
His mom has requested our time at family gatherings every weekend since moving closer.
Hubby and I had agreed upon maybe 1 to 2 weekends a month for family visits. Since moving here, we have spent 8/12 weekends with his family, and several weekday dinners with them. It has been nearly impossible to get any unpacking done because so much of our time has been spent traveling to his family’s home and spending a full day there.
I’ve set a boundary that we cannot have guests over until we are unpacked. His side of the family does not like this boundary and asks me every time we visit if I have “put the house together yet” so they can visit.
We missed a family get-together this weekend due to work obligations and got a call from his sister saying we were sore losers for not attending (she rarely attends family functions due to work but we never say a word if she misses).
His mom wants to call soon to schedule a date for his family to come to visit our new house (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. —a huge family reunion!) and I am preparing to say no. When we moved here, we used all our savings and didn’t have the finances to furnish our near-empty home.
There’s not enough seating or furniture in our home to prepare guests; we finally got 2 chairs last week!
So, in preparation for angry comments from his family about how, “since we met, they never see my husband anymore”, I just need to know if I am the jerk for trying to set a boundary of what is our time and what is family time with his family.
Is this unfair or unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the changes that couples often need to make after they’re married is the division of holidays and family gatherings, and it’s a shame your in-laws don’t seem to understand and accept that.
What is your husband’s involvement in this when his family complains? These are issues and boundaries that he needs to set with them. If he’s leaving it up to you to deal with every time there’s a grievance, that’s not fair to you, and it’s only going to serve to further alienate your in-laws from you if you’re constantly cast in the role of “bad cop.” Ajstross
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is for not shutting down his family’s comments about you and setting boundaries. It’s the spouse’s job to manage their family’s expectations. They shouldn’t be messaging you about any of this. I would block them and tell hubby he needs to set firm boundaries.
Start scheduling unpacking, date nights, and whatever other activities WITHOUT his family. That way when they ask about coming over that weekend he can say no we have x planned. Also a 1.5-hour drive each way isn’t short….every weekend driving that much is ridiculous.
If they want to see him so bad they can also make the drive when it is convenient for you guys.” PSYCHaddictions
Another User Comments:
“You and your husband are spending so much time with his family that you can’t even unpack properly and they’re still unhappy with the amount of time spent with them and want to know when they can come see the new house?
They don’t give you time to do anything so how could you ever be ready to receive them? NTJ. You’re not keeping your husband from his family. You’re not forbidding him or anything. At this point no matter how much time you give them it will never be enough and they will find something to complain about.
Set firm boundaries OP and stick to them. Also, get your husband’s take to see where he stands. Your family deserves time too. ” Neither-Savings5104
8. AITJ For Not Seeing My Stepdad As My Real Dad And Not Giving Him A Traditional Role At My Wedding?
“My dad passed away suddenly when I (28f) was 7.
My parents were in the middle of their divorce at the time. My mom was already seeing my stepdad. But they broke up 2 months after my dad passed away because he was introduced to me and I had the biggest fit ever.
It was so out of character for me that family stepped in and told mom she needed to focus on me and my stepdad was hurt that everyone was so against them, so they broke up. They got back together when I was 10 and married when I was 13.
By the time they got back together, he decided he was going to prove that he could be a great “dad” to me and he devoted a lot of time to getting close to me, and I liked him a lot, but I never let him be my new “dad”.
This hurts him deeply. But my mom is bothered by it more. When I was 14 she told me all the terrible things my dad had done to her (while also admitting she did terrible things to him) and she asked me if that was the man I wanted to idealize and pine after instead of accepting a wonderful man who was willing to give us a second chance after the incident the first time.
I told my mom that Dad could be a terrible husband to her like she was a terrible wife to him. But they were still my parents and nobody could compare.
I do have a positive relationship with my stepdad.
But I would not say I love him as strongly as my parents. When I started planning my wedding earlier this year I asked him to escort my mom down the aisle and asked him if he wanted to pick a special pose for us for a photo of just the two of us.
He accepted but then asked me about walking me down the aisle and performing a dance with me. I told him I was walking with my fiancée because she and I decided we’d like to walk together and we weren’t doing any special dances other than our first dance.
He scolded me like a kid for not giving him a more traditional role. During his disappointment period, he told my mom and she told me I should make a speech to him during the wedding. Then she handed me this one she prepared that thanked him for being an amazing dad, that I couldn’t have asked for a better second dad, and heavily, leaned into the whole idea of him being my dad.
It even called him the most important man in my life.
I told her I could include him in the toast but the speech was not happening like she wanted. She told me this would make him feel way better.
I told her I wouldn’t stand there and lie. I told her I did not see him as my dad. She told me I should. That he deserves it. Then she told me I was being a brat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – To you he isn’t your Dad in the way your mom and he view him. And no amount of arguing or guilting you will ever change that. You are not a brat, but a mature woman who has looked at the situation and arrived at your feelings rationally.
You are not being mean, bratty, or anything but respectful. All the two of them are doing is thinking about themselves only and how it looks outwardly and not at you and how this is your special day. That right there shows that your feelings towards him are correct.
No real father, bio, or step would ever pressure you this way if they were the father they think they are to you in reality. Hold your head up high, walk down the aisle with your SO, and dance with them proudly.
And if they don’t like that, they don’t have to come.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“There is no right or wrong here whether you considered him your dad or not Trying to make you view him in a certain way, though, is wrong.
It is not up to them. Human relationships and feelings are way more complicated than this and given their behavior, it is more likely to push you away than make you consider your stepdad as a dad. They should focus on your good relationship instead of antagonizing a dead parent I do get his disappointment up to a point because it seems like he tried his best to take up the role of a father, yet the label of a father is being denied, but I said it doesn’t work this way I think your mother by telling you all the terrible things your father did to her, made things worse and apart from that, that was truly a terrible thing to do NTJ” FunctionAggressive75.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult. You are getting married and starting your new family with your beloved. Tell your mom as gently as you feel appropriate, that it’s not happening – that your ceremony, speeches, toasts, and dance will ALL be as you and your fiancee decide.
And that is the end of the discussion. Then shut it down every time she brings it up. It had all been very inappropriate – from the time your mom tried to drag you into the dysfunction of her marriage when you were just a child.
What gets me is you have a good relationship with your stepdad – and her pushing it is endangering that Don’t let her.” Amazing-Wave4704
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Contributed To My Insecurity About My Smile?
“I (25F) and my husband, Jake (25M), got married a few days ago and just came back from our honeymoon the day before yesterday. I’m very close with my parents even today and they’re probably the reason I’ve been able to achieve a lot of things and I often express my gratitude regarding that.
Today, we went to visit my parents because they had been insisting we should have dinner together now that we’re officially family. I’m an only child and none of my grandparents are there anymore so it was just me, Jake, Mom, and Dad.
After dinner, we were checking out the picture albums my parents had. Some of them were pictures of my parents when they were younger, me when I was younger, and loads of pictures of the vacations we took (my dad had a camera and he loved using it).
Jake noticed that the album only had 3-4 pictures of me smiling after I reached my teenage years and commented on that asking me why I didn’t smile for pictures. (I met Jake when we were 19 and at that point, I had already gotten therapy because of bullying in school and other stuff, I was a lot better and therefore, I didn’t talk too much about the previous stuff, even if I did, everything that happened with my parents were pretty small to what I faced at school so I never mentioned it or it just never stood out to me.)
He then went on to explain how much he loves my smile and my two big teeth (the two front teeth that you can see). He often commented that I looked like I bunny when I smiled and it was almost healing for me.
I then mentioned that when I was 12, one of my mother’s friends made a comment about how I smile so wide, showing all of my teeth and it wasn’t pretty, just disgusting and my mother relayed it to me without adding anything else (she made no comments of agreeing or disagreeing).
I said that I remembered it throughout my teenage years and the bullying just made it worse so I was always afraid of showing my teeth when I smiled and so, I never smiled in general.
To be honest, I don’t think much of it anymore.
I only really care about what Jake thinks and he only has positive things to say about me (at one point, I wanted to get a dental procedure done but after I started therapy, I just decided not to). The remark wasn’t supposed to highlight my mother as the “bad guy” but it seems like that’s what it did.
Mom and Dad were both there and heard it. My mom got pretty angry at me for “making something like that up”. I told her that it was true but she said she didn’t remember. It’s only understandable that I remember, given how big of an impact it had on me but I’m afraid I hurt my mother.
We’re close and I don’t want to strain our relationship. My dad is going back and forth on who’s wrong, who’s right so here I am to get my verdict.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moms do this a lot, it seems. Both the giving their kid an insecurity and then acting like THEY are the victim when you bring it up as an adult.
My mom told me that I needed to wear earrings all the time because they masked how fat my earlobes were. EARLOBES. I had no idea I had chubby ears until that point lol” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My wife had been in no contact with her father before I met her, and I never met him as a result.
One of the things she said to me was that he wouldn’t apologize for the things he had done to her as a child because he “didn’t remember.” He refused to accept the fact that 1) just because *he* didn’t remember, that they didn’t happen, and 2) *she* clearly remembered and was traumatized as a result.
Conversely, I remember when I was an adult and I told my dad about something he had done to me as a kid, and although he didn’t remember, either, he was nonetheless very apologetic about it when I mentioned it, and I could clearly see how bad he felt about having done it, even if he didn’t remember it.
That’s why I had a good relationship with my dad and she never spoke to hers. She pretty much said she considered my dad to be her only father.” PirateJohn75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has no right to be angry.
A mature, appropriate response would have been. “I don’t remember saying that. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that something I said so carelessly affected you so deeply. I apologize.” And your dad should be on your side. Is your mom often defensive?
Unable to hear criticism? Does the DARVO dance? To jump to anger and accuse you of lying seems like an extreme response. Is your relationship with your mom only good if you don’t make waves or say something she doesn’t like?
If so, you might want to discuss that in therapy – you may have internalized “I need to avoid conflict for people to love me” messaging. Sounds like you have a wonderful husband!” Miserable-Arm-6797
6. AITJ For Confronting A Teenager Over Disrespectful Comments About The Deaf Community?
“I (f28) work in a small shop and restaurant in an apartment complex. I deal a lot with the customers directly because I often assist with ringing up customers and taking orders even though I’m the manager.
There are a handful of teens who are disrespectful to me or my staff, but for the most part, the kids and teens are very polite and well-behaved.
The teen in question (m, approx 14-15) has been reprimanded in my shop before for going against one of our policies and using his bare hands to help himself to our loose sweets (we have an established system where one of our shop assistants helps the kids/teens with the sweets using gloves.
We have helped him personally this way before several times so he should know better). When I asked him if he had forgotten about hygiene, he apologized and we moved on. He did not seem like a disrespectful kid, just impatient and possibly didn’t think before he acted. That was about two weeks ago, but today there was a new incident that occurred outside of the store.
The complex has an open smoking area that’s about 10-15 meters from the store and gets a lot of sunshine, so I opt to smoke there rather than behind the restaurant kitchen (it’s still chilly in the mornings here). The aforementioned teen and a friend of his were sitting in the smoking area (not smoking, just chatting) and I sat across from them, greeted them, and started scrolling on my phone.
The teen was going on some tangent about people at school when he seemingly randomly switched to talking about Deaf people. As a person within the community (Hard of Hearing, may lose what’s left of my hearing within the next 10 years), I was quite taken aback by some of the stuff he was saying.
He was making fun of how some Deaf people make sounds or try to speak when they’re signing, and how they’re “stupid” for doing so because they don’t know how words sound. He also made some other comments along the lines of how stupid/funny Deaf people are in the way they act and then started making fun of them by fake signing and making the “noises” that some Deaf people make whilst communicating.
This is where I might be the jerk.
I looked up at him and his friend and very bluntly said “That’s incredibly disrespectful. I’m part of the Deaf community, and you should never make fun of anyone’s disability”. The teen and his friend stammered a little bit, got up, and left the smoking area.
I don’t regret standing up for my community. I don’t stand for prejudice at all ever and have kicked people out of my shop for being racist, homophobic, etc in the past. However, this was a teenager and I’m not his parent nor his teacher, and I’m worried it may not be my place to reprimand him.
I didn’t shout and I wasn’t aggressive, but I was blunt and to the point. I also feel like because I was essentially eavesdropping on their conversation (not by choice) I shouldn’t have butted into their conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you weren’t rude or nasty and You didn’t lose your temper. He and his friend were posturing for each other and didn’t think twice about how their comments would be perceived. You called them out on their foolishness.
More people need to do that. Just politely say, “Hey! That’s not right. Please be respectful.” thank you for saying something” Dontblink-S3.
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ!!! You were in a public area and had to be subjected to his rude behavior and comments.
Good for you for calling him out! You did it in a professional and mannerly way without shouting or turning the tables and mocking him so there’s no reason to question your reaction. You’ve heard the expression, “It takes a village?” Congratulations, you are a villager.
If his parents are decent people they will appreciate that you put a stop to that rude behavior. Better for someone to corrects him now than for him to continue being ignorant! Not to mention if he did that around the wrong people he could have more than just a bruised ego, he could have a fist in his face.” SchipperLeeLuv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way they stammered and scurried away shows that they were talking nonsense without really acknowledging they were talking about real people. You existing, calling them out, and being part of the Deaf community shocked them into realizing they were being jerks.
Hopefully the lesson sticks” corten
5. AITJ For Refusing A Playdate At A Young Mom's Home Due To Her Partner's Alleged Criminal Background?
“My youngest son Danny (5) started kindergarten last week. One of his friends from preschool is also in the same class. The boy, Lukas, is a sweet kid and I was happy to find out they would be together for kindergarten.
Lukas’s mom is only 19. Last year I tried to befriend her as our sons got along well and most of the other parents avoided her and gossiped a lot about her behind her back.
On Friday we got the boys together for a playdate at my home.
We had a nice chat while the boys played, and she opened up about how difficult it has been for her to interact with other parents. Afterward, she offered to host the next playdate.
I politely told her no but let her know I was happy to do playdates at my house or at a playground.
She was a little taken aback and asked me why. I told her the truth, that I didn’t feel comfortable going to her home.
This sounds harsh but I have my reasonings. A small reason (that I could overlook) is she lives in a tiny apartment in a bad part of town.
At my home, there’s a lot more space for the boys to play both indoors and outdoors.
One of my biggest reasons is her partner. I’ve heard a lot about him from the mom of one of my oldest son’s friends.
Her daughter went to school with him and has only horrible things to say about him. My biggest relevant concern is that according to her he is involved with illegal substances and has a criminal record and a pending case.
I don’t want my son in a home like this due to safety concerns.
I hate myself a little bit for my reasoning as a lot of it is based on gossip. However, as a mom, I feel my instincts about not going over there are right.
Even just for the possibility of her partner being there alone as every interaction I’ve had with him has been negative, he’s very unfriendly and cold, and I’ve seen him be rude to other parents at pick-up.
When I told Lukas’s mom that her partner was part of my reasoning, she became irritated. I told her I didn’t understand why she was with a guy like that.
She accused me of being like the other moms and spreading gossip, she claims half the things said about him aren’t even true. I expressed to her that she’d probably have an easier time getting along with other parents if she didn’t let her partner around the school and should expect gossip if she’s going to have a guy like that around her son.
She left mad as can be. I told my husband what happened, and he thinks I was somewhat of a jerk. He suggested I could have protected her feelings and prevented a falling out by giving other reasons for not going to her home.
He said it’s going to be a bummer if the boys can’t hang out anymore if she holds this against me and he also feels bad for the mom as it could have been nice for her to have an older mom in her circle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like gut instincts based on gossip are nonsense. Do you know what you could have done? I got to know her and her family better. You could have explained that while you appreciate the offer, you’d like to know her family better first. You told her that you don’t trust her because of gossip, which is a jerk move.
YTJ” Vapin-All-Day
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, did you even look up the partner’s name on Google to see if any of the criminal history is true? He might be rude to the other parents because they are spreading rumors about him.
It might turn out to be true but you’re still the jerk for only basing your decision on gossip.” channi_nisha
Another User Comments:
” YTJ It’s the irony of you thinking you’re superior to her because you’re older, whilst also making a steep judgment based on gossip sending me.
I was a young mum, and I was also the victim of the old mum clique treating me like garbage because I didn’t own my own house and my kids didn’t have designer clothes. Because my house was small and I have tattoos.
You know what else my kids didn’t have? Heavy drinker mothers only showed emotional availability when they were on their second bottle of wine, alone because their husbands were seeing someone else and everybody knew. My kids also didn’t have a mother who stayed with an abusive husband because the idea of losing said 5 bedroom house they could boast about was worse than raising their children with trauma.
But hey, they were old so they probably knew better, right?” PutridPriority3272
4. AITJ For Inviting My Nephew To My Wedding Despite My Brother's Objection?
“I (33M) am marrying my fiancé (37M) this winter. We’re putting together the guest list to send the invitations out and have run into an issue with my nephew and my brother.
My brother (38M) was 18 when his partner told him she was pregnant. They ended up moving in together and my brother decided to go to find work as a mechanic rather than go to college as he’d planned. My nephew was born a little while later.
They got married when she told him she was pregnant with their second kid (15F) and then had two more, both 10M.
Ever since my nephew was born he’s been literally one of my favourite people. I babysat him plenty of times, same with my other siblings, and have spent my twenties as their guncle.
My brother and I were close as kids and I’ve been close with his kids as well.
Five years ago my brother found out my nephew wasn’t his and his now ex-wife had been seeing someone else at the time and had suspected my oldest nephew wasn’t my brother’s since he was a little kid.
They ended up getting a divorce and my brother didn’t seek custody of my oldest nephew and said he didn’t want to see him. He told me that he needed time to process and would try to patch things up later.
That idea was kind of ruined when my nephew turned up at my brother’s apartment begging to talk. It turned into an argument between them.
For context, our father had just passed a couple of months earlier. During the argument, my nephew said something along the lines of “No wonder mom messed around with somebody else.
I bet Grandpa disliked you.” My brother cut things off then and there and has refused to see my nephew since. I stepped in as the main male figure in my nephew’s life, much as I dislike my ex-SIL.
I even took him out for his 18th birthday and took him looking at universities and he now goes to my alma mater.
I asked my brother how he wanted to handle the seating situation if they didn’t want to be close together.
My brother was angry I’d even invite my nephew after everything that happened. He said it’d be like inviting my ex-sil, “he’s not family, he’s just the jerk who disrespected our dad.”
I said he’s being petty and childish taking the words of a scared and angry 14-year-old so personally.
He was a kid who said something awful because his entire world was falling apart and the person he’d relied on for his whole life was suddenly pulling away, and instead of being understanding and doing family therapy or something like a grownup my brother decided to give adult weight to a teenager’s words and cut him off completely.
My nephew has said he’s okay with not going if it’s causing an issue, but I told him not to be ridiculous: he’s important to me and I want him there for when I marry my person.
I told him he shouldn’t let my brother’s inability to let go be his problem. My fiance agrees with me. My mom and sister both say I need to see it from my brother’s perspective. I think he’s just being petty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by a long shot. It’s not your nephew’s fault that he’s an affair child, and he certainly needs support right now. Your brother can feel betrayed and can be hurt by your nephew’s comment, but this isn’t about his feelings.
Your nephew’s life fell apart as much as your brother’s did, and you’re trying to be the best help you can be.” Anonymotron42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, you don’t get to say how your brother should feel. What your brother should do?
Does his deciding not to be a part of your nephew’s life suck? Yes. It is his choice though. He was 18 and his ex derailed his whole life with a lie. All his plans had to change because he was now responsible for a child.
He sacrificed what he wanted his future to be for a child only for it to not even be his. Until you experience this you can’t say he should be over it. Every time he sees your “nephew” it is a reminder and some people can’t get over that kind of hurt and betrayal.” kinoki44
Another User Comments:
“Yep going to be down but IDC why do men who find out the kid they were raising isn’t theirs always and I mean always have to put their feelings to the side or deep down?
You still call him your nephew that’s cool, invite him but don’t downplay your brother’s mental issues. NTJ but read the room dude, if your brother cut him off for saying that messed up statement and five years later he still doesn’t want to engage with him that’s saying a lot.” noletex107
3. AITJ For Wanting To Send My Late Husband's Belongings To His Family Without Their Consent?
“My husband died of cancer almost five months ago. He was diagnosed in July before last and passed in April of this year.
It’s been… a very hard year. He was 44.
He was estranged from his family most of his adult life but got in touch last January after we discussed what to do with his remains if he didn’t make it. He wanted his ashes to be spread, in part, on his family land.
I asked him to get in touch with his people because it would be uncomfortable if I, a near stranger, showed up one day to tell everyone he had died and not have answers for anyone. But hey! Let me spread his ashes, ok?
So he did, and they patched up things as best they could.
I got in touch with his people when it looked like he wasn’t going to make it and said if they wanted to see him, he was willing and now was the time.
Everyone came down, I helped them as much as I could and felt everyone had done their best to patch up relations, or at least as much as you can. It was all hugs and love to him, thank you to me for making it possible and caring for him (which sounds silly, he was my partner for over 10 years).
His family and I had a conversation about his ashes, I offered to have them split into two boxes and give them one, also they were getting his Jeep, some other beloved items, art, family heirlooms, and pictures, and my husband had put aside money for his two nephews college.
They’re nowhere near going, but we opted out of kids and he held no animosity toward his sister, he wanted her kids to have a better shot than either of them had. We live a few states away, but their family business would easily move everything.
I have never had a harder time giving away money in my life. I’ve gotten a few texts, no calls, one post on socials with photos of him as a kid and… that’s it. I message about once a month, politely asking how everyone is and gently trying to lead to when they’re coming for his things.
I’m getting anxious. His ashes are sitting there like a kid who forgot to get picked up after school. His jeep sits in the drive staring at me every time I come or go. I’ve boxes packed for them sitting next to the door and check ready.
I’m leaving our house in December, and I know that seems a long way off, but I’ve decided to sell my business and place here, time moves quickly and I’ve got a lot to do. I’m afraid I’ll never hear from these people again.
Would I be the jerk if I just paid for everything to arrive on their front lawn? Or… would I be the jerk if I called and started yelling at everyone first? Also… would I be the jerk if I said forget it, kept the money, passed out his possessions to people who actually cared and just forgot them?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry for your loss, and the continued pain that his family keeps dragging you through. I suggest sending a registered letter offering them one month to claim his items if they want them, and if that month passes, then do whatever you like with them to best support yourself.
NTJ.” Jeffrey_Friedl
Another User Comments:
“Please pay a lawyer to send a letter with a date as the final day and a neutral place for pickup. You don’t know these people or how they’re grieving or regrets they may be having.
You also don’t know how vicious they could be. A relative was in this situation. Took the items to a neutral space. The lawyer attended for the family to sign acceptance. They didn’t attend. It went smoothly and gave them peace that the family had the items their loved one intended for them to have. May you find peace and joy in your future again.
Sorry for the loss. ” Appropriate_Art_3863
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry for your loss. You may want to give them the heads up in advance that you’re moving out and ask them when are they going to pick up those said stuff.
If no reply/answer, you can pay for everything to arrive on their front lawn and probably bill them.” MischievousBish
2. AITJ For Celebrating My Happiness Despite My Brother's Recent Breakup?
“My wife (32F) and I (35M) have been together for over five years and we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. On top of that, we have our first baby due in a few months, something that most of our families seem over the moon about, except my brother (29M).
Until recently, he was engaged to his partner, but due to a set of circumstances that were at least partially his fault, it ended in a rather ugly break-up with him moving back in with my parents for the time being.
I’m not qualified to diagnose any mental conditions, but I can say from years of personal experience that he has some pretty major anger management problems; and when he gets upset, he tends to lash out at family members and make very impulsive decisions.
The other day, my wife and I invited my parents out to dinner. They brought my brother along as well, we didn’t specifically invite him but were originally fine with him joining because he’s family.
Naturally, the topic of conversation was largely around the upcoming baby, the anniversary trip we’d just returned from, etc. While I understand that these can be triggering topics for someone undergoing a break-up, it’s also the main topic these very excited first-time grandparents want to discuss when we get together nowadays, AND we had specifically invited them out to talk about baby stuff.
My brother was quiet and cold to us and then angrily stormed out of the restaurant. He returned when the waiter brought out his order and he ate it in silence and then stormed out again. When we left we just saw him sitting with his back against my parent’s car scowling at us.
We chose not to engage him at that time because he was hoping to elicit a reaction, and we just went home. He later group texted us a long screed about how unfair it is that we’re so happy and living our best lives while he is so miserable.
We responded that we understand if that’s a trigger for him and in the future, he should not feel obligated to join us if doing so causes negative feelings for him (mind you he had invited himself to this dinner in the first place).
I completely empathize with his situation and I can’t begin to understand how traumatizing it can be to end an engagement. We’ve tried to show him empathy but it’s difficult to speak with him about these topics because he is someone you often need to walk on eggshells around to prevent him from lashing out at you.
After this incident, my wife and I plan on keeping a healthy distance from my brother until he commits to getting his anger issues under control and to working with a psychiatric professional (he already speaks with a counselor but not someone who can prescribe him medications if necessary), as this stress is not good for the pregnancy.
We also worry about him being around the baby when he can’t control his emotions.
AITJ for celebrating our happiness with our family when my brother is going through a hard time right now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He created the problems so he lives with them.
You and your wife don’t need to feel bad or ashamed that things are going well for you. Break off contact because no matter what is said, he will spin it into a negative. Leave him out of things. He no doubt will spin that into a negative but that is inevitable.” messageinthebox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His mindset shouldn’t be what you and your wife need to cater to, and he was only at this dinner due to a loophole of him not explicitly being invited. It comes across like he’s in the misery loves company stage of post-break-up, raining on your parade because he has been washed out.
It does sound like your brother needs to do some work on himself, between the history of anger issues and the recent break up he’s not presenting himself very maturely. I don’t blame you for deciding to keep him at arm’s length when you want to enjoy your anniversary plus the new baby (congratulations on both).” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“You’re not at fault for celebrating your achievements. Your brother needs to take responsibility for his situation rather than dragging you down. You’re fully allowed to share joyful moments with your family, especially when it’s about your baby and marriage—these are monumental life events deserving of celebration.
His inability to manage his emotions is not your problem; it’s a reflection of him. Set clear boundaries, and prioritize your well-being and that of your wife and soon-to-be child. Focus on happiness without guilt; he must learn to deal with his feelings alone.” mopilazuqilip
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend My Parents Love Me More Because They Pay My Rent?
“I (22F) have a friend named Amy (22F) who I met in college. Currently, we are in our last semester of college. I live alone, but she shares her apartment with two other people.
We never really spoke about our finances much, but I know that both of our parents currently pay our rent.
The issue started when we talked about our plans.
I told her that I’m probably going to get a job and do my Master’s at the same time so that I can save up a little but also finally have my own money to spend on some things that I love and travel.
She laughed at me and asked me what kind of salary I expected while working part-time to be able to afford all that.
I shrugged and said I didn’t have any expenses that I’d need to cover really, just food and that’s it.
She looked shocked and asked me about rent and stuff and I said my parents would be paying for it. She then went on a rant about becoming an adult, how she can’t wait to be independent, how she doesn’t want to take money from her parents, and stuff like that.
For the most part, I tried to nod my head and listen to her, but then she said something like “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you.” And that made me feel embarrassed.
My parents want to pay for my apartment, they can easily afford it and I’m not the type of person to be ungrateful for it.
I spend a lot of time with them, I know they don’t lack money for anything, they travel, own their house, and have a good retirement plan. They don’t mind paying for me and I don’t mind taking it.
We have a good relationship.
I know this won’t be forever and I don’t expect it to be. Just a few years until I finish my degree and get a higher-paying job.
I got annoyed and told her to drop it, we could talk about something else but she continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle, and just more and more nonsense.
(Not sure how important it is, but between the two of us, my grades are significantly better and I’m a few exams ahead of her in terms of passing this semester)
I just cut her off and said “Well, I don’t know, maybe my parents love me more than yours love you so they want to pay.
I’m sorry for that. Can we now talk about something else?”
We haven’t talked since and I do feel bad because I know that love has nothing to do with money looking back, it’s such a rude thing to say, but I just said it to shut her up because she was insulting me and calling me spoiled for no reason.
I wasn’t even the one to start this conversation nor did I probe into her finances. She was the one who kept it going. Ever since that day, I feel a pit in my stomach and I didn’t want to insult her.
INFO/EDIT: just adding some stuff because I feel like it may be relevant.
I feel like Amy’s intention wasn’t genuine because she currently accepts her parents paying rent, food, utilities, and everything. So do I. The conversation was about after college.
I mention my academic success because she said I will never be ambitious when I try hard.
We also don’t live in the USA, and parental support isn’t so uncommon.
And lastly, while this may not convince people, I do appreciate my parents and everything they do for me.
I don’t plan to leech on them, and this is something they know and that’s what matters to me.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here She pushed you and was rude and combative; however, you didn’t have to engage in the conversation anymore.
Once she refused to change the subject, you could’ve just left. While I understand what you said was out of retaliation, it wasn’t necessary and was hurtful. Honestly, though, I don’t think it’s a huge loss to not speak to her.
She doesn’t sound like she’s a positive person to be around.” kylolahren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She started throwing stones with, “I’d feel like a bad daughter if I were you,” and then you said, “She continued talking about how her parents want her to be a real adult, how I’ll never want to be ambitious unless I struggle.” Sounds like you gave her a slice of humble pie.” JimmyAintSure4646
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s trying to shame you for having parents who will support you past adulthood. She’s probably been brought up with the belief that you don’t burden your parents as an adult and she sees them paying for you as you burdening them.
She did overstep a lot, should’ve shut her down earlier and said this conversation is over and if she continued, you should’ve just walked away. You shouldn’t hang out with someone who will go on a rant over something so minor and refuse to stop, even when you ask them to.
This is just going to be a constant theme if you let it keep going.” Smart_But123581321
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