People Get Swept Up In These "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Ending A Potential FWB Relationship Due To Lack Of Discretion?
“I’ve been at my job about a year and a coworker and I have been flirting pretty heavily for a few months. She recently brought up being friends with benefits, I was into it, but nothing has happened yet, just because we’ve been busy.
So yesterday at work the power went out for a few minutes, while we were in the dark her friend started yelling at us to not start anything in the dark and how we had to keep our hands off each other. We were on opposite sides of the office and her friend was screaming this, so everyone heard.
I’m a pretty private person and found this very awkward and embarrassing.
Later I asked her how the coworker knew about us and was told “they are best friends and tell each other everything.” This coworker has a very big mouth and I don’t want all my coworkers to know about my private life.
I mentioned my concerns and told her I don’t think being FWB was a good idea anymore. Now I’m getting treated like a jerk for “breaking her heart”. I saw this whole thing as a casual hookup and wasn’t interested in more.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Loose lips sink ships. It was already dicey being FWB at work, but the girl and her friend not being able to be discreet (before anything even happened) is a major concern. Sounds like she’d tell everyone everything, which would jeopardize OP’s job and/or reputation.
Also, the girl seems to actually be interested in more than FWB, so imagine the fallout from a misunderstanding of that relationship? Smart move OP, and not the jerk if you explicitly cite the friend’s actions.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the one wanting to be FWB in the first place but now you break her heart by telling her in a seemingly proper way that you’re not so much eager for it anymore?
She either can’t handle rejection, can’t accept your boundaries, or was hoping for more than FWB from the start.” IHateKoalas1
Another User Comments:
“Aww classic move right there, she was gonna use FWB to try and win your heart. Too bad it rarely ever works and she was headed towards heartbreak to start with.
NTJ you dodged a serious stage 5 clinger there!” Mlady_gemstone
21. AITJ For Using Profanity To Drive Away Noisy Kids In My Quiet Neighborhood?
“I live in a small rental townhouse community. 80 units are 1 BR and 10 units are 2 BR.
My point being probably 99% of us are single (I can only think of 3 married couples) and when I say there are no kids that live here, I mean that 100%. There are literally no kids.
Today was a beautiful morning in Atlanta and I was sitting outside with my dog enjoying my morning coffee when a woman with 2 boys showed up.
Never seen her before; she may live here but obviously, the 2 boys don’t. The kids were probably 8 & 6 years old and they started riding their scooters around in the parking lot in front of my house. And screaming (making siren sounds, etc.) and basically just being little boys (which I’m good with 99.9% of the time).
But today it was NOT WELCOMED.
So I called a friend of mine who curses frequently just so I would too and began a conversation where I was talking loudly to be heard over the screaming kids and I made sure to say the word “fudge” as much as possible.
After about 2 minutes the woman and kids moved on and if looks could kill I’d be a dead man.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Why do you own the outside, not even inside of your place of your shared community? Why are these boys whether they live there or not allowed to enjoy their morning, same as you?
No seriously YTJ. If you really couldn’t handle it for whatever reason you could have politely talked to them like human people or the women or….moved, put in headphones, ignored them, or a whole bunch of less jerk options.” Moonlightprincess36
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you handled it. Kids being loud outside are just kids being kids, get used to it. Screaming continuously for an extended period is inconsiderate and their mom should have parented them that while they can be loud and have fun they still need to be mindful of others.
YTJ because you could have politely spoken with the mother and just asked if she could ask the kids not to scream. You were a petty, immature jerk for calling a friend to repeatedly use expletives to literally drive off children.” Jsts0mebodysdaughter
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! You can’t possibly know EVERY person that lives there, not only that but who the heck do you think you are? You don’t own this place and just because today you don’t want to welcome little boys playing outside is not up to you.
The entitlement you have is ridiculous. Go back inside.” evilverdandi
20. AITJ For Spending My Earned Money On Taylor Swift Albums Instead Of Helping With Groceries?
“I (16M) have recently been working for my aunt’s small business for the summer where she pays me 50$ weekly.
I have been using the money I earn mostly for items that are essential (mostly hygiene products). I have even been helping my mom financially from time to time.
I am a huge Taylor Swift fan and so I wanted to buy physical copies of her albums. I bought 3 of her albums at a local music store and a CD player as well which cost me a little over 100$ (I ran out of money after buying them).
Now a few days later my mom asked me for money to buy groceries, I told her I didn’t have any money left and said I would give her money the next time I got paid. She got mad and asked me what I had spent my money on, I told her what I bought and then she yelled at me saying I had wasted my money and that I only think about myself.
I later got scolded by my dad as well for this. So am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your money, your choice. Unless you have an agreement with your parents to fork over a certain amount out of your paycheck (do they not work?!) then you should spend it or not as you see fit.
Learning to make those choices is a part of growing up. Just a hint…pop a few dollars away every week, dude…you never know when it might come in handy for a “need” (not just a “want”).” PigsIsEqual
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Groceries are not your responsibility in any way.
It’s awesome that you have helped out when you could but in my opinion, 16-year-olds should get to be a little selfish with their money as far as it being spent on personal items goes. It’s the only time in your life that you’re not responsible for adult things like bills and groceries.
Your parents are very wrong for being upset with you however they are obviously struggling and that creates a ton of stress. They need to find a better way to deal with that and their bills because neither is on you.” cherryblossom1994
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your money, your labor, your choice. If your parents need you to contribute to the household because money is tight, they need to arrange that with you ahead of time. (Paying a little of your earnings back into the household is generally a good idea, but if you are using your income to support yourself (buying necessities that your parents then don’t have to pay for, paying for bus fare or lunches etc) then that should be taken into account.) Just demanding money from you is wrong, you are not your mom’s wallet.
If your dad makes good money, why did she need yours? Is this just entitlement, not seeing you as your own person, or is she spending grocery money on something else?” Fortressa-
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Fiancé's Traditional Indian Family?
“I, an American, am engaged to my fiancé who is Indian.
His family came to the United States when he was young and has lived here ever since. They are very sweet but they have some traditional values with the main concern they want us to purchase a house with them. At first, it didn’t bother me until I actually took some time to think it through.
First off, I don’t want to feel the pressure of being one of the breadwinners as two of his family members do not work. It would lead me to resent them. Second, I am introverted and already feel pressure to be on when I am around them.
Third, they haven’t accepted the fact that I am sporty and don’t like girly activities. My fiancé wants us to live with them but I don’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A reasonable thing not to want. However, because of the lack of detail in your post, it sounds like you might not know that cultural expectations for relationships with Indian in-laws go much much deeper than just buying a house together and living together (I’m an Indian-American woman and my family lived on and off with my grandparents my whole life).
Your MIL will expect a daughter-in-law to cook with her every night, serve the men and guests, and do a lot of the cleaning and you won’t get to do any of it your way or in your style. Whether or not you work full-time won’t change this and neither would having kids (and there could be a lot of invasiveness and pressure about when you should be having them).
And like someone else mentioned, it will include elder care too, and a lot more besides. I’m an Indian woman and I don’t want these things, so it’s not going to go well for someone who doesn’t have a cultural context for these things (unless the parents really are understanding and intentionally communicate they will not be holding you to those standards).
Don’t know if it’s a dealbreaker for your fiance but it should be one for you.” yad-aljawza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a cultural difference. It won’t just be the money, but the role of women in the family, how things would be done if you have children, etc. I used to have a close friend whose family was Indian.
Her sister-in-law who was from a Canadian/British background and was miserable and ultimately couldn’t deal with the expectations/treatment. I knew this family well and they were all lovely people. I spent a lot of time at their place when I was a teen, but I could understand why the DIL had challenges living with them.
They all expected her to conform to their culture and made no concession for her different expectations of married life. Good luck. I suggest spending some quality time at their place before the wedding plans proceed. Make sure you really understand not only what it would mean to live with them, but expectations on a DIL.” del901
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but there are things that make people incompatible, no matter how much in love they are. Different attitudes towards money and childrearing, different and strong religious and political beliefs, and different cultural values. It needs hard work to make a marriage work if one or more of these differences exist. Are you prepared for that?
Because love is often not enough in one of these marriages. And it seems like the scale is already weighted against you, with your fiancé pushing for things to be what his family wants. What about what you want?” liefieblue
18. AITJ For Wanting To Take Our Green Waste Bin When We Move?
“Where I live the local council doesn’t give you a green waste bin, only the rubbish and recycling bins. If you want a green waste bin you have to provide your own and organise with the council to be added to the collection route. We did all this several years ago when we moved in.
Anyway, we are moving out of our house in the next few weeks and I said something about not forgetting to grab the bin to put on the truck. My partner thinks I’m insane to want to take a waste bin ($90) with us even though the new house doesn’t have one (that council has the same rules and the previous owners didn’t buy a bin) and we both enjoy being out in the garden so would have to buy one anyway.
The way I see it is it is not provided for the house like the other bins, is not marked with our street name or number and is actually my property.
WIBTJ for taking the green waste bin with us and not leaving it for the new owners?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought it, take it with you. I fail to see how this is any different than taking the sofa or the BBQ grill, etc. Especially since you will still have to buy a new one all over again. It would be different if you were moving someplace that you didn’t need it or couldn’t fit it in.
I think your partner is stuck on the concept that it’s a ‘dirty, outside thing’ and not seeing that it’s like a piece of furniture that you own?” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right; it doesn’t make any sense to leave your own property behind just to buy a new one.
If it helps your argument, the new owner might not even want it. If anything, I would say it’s rude to leave unexpected items behind that the new owner would then need to deal with. They may not want a bin at all. Or already have one.
Or they may want a new one, or a certain one; people can be particular, you never know. It’s not necessarily a kindness to leave the bin as they may just be annoyed at having to throw it out with all the garbage that comes with new things for a house.
You know that it’s useful to you, and it belongs to you, so take it with you.” HelenOfEddis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think this is one of those times where someone is trying to be polite through sacrifice. By leaving the bin, you are helping the new owners.
However. You paid for the bin, and if you leave it, you’d have to buy another bin. If your partner is willing to buy a second bin, then go for it, leave the bin. If not, take it.” aladin03
17. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Father For His Affair 5 Years Ago?
“I, (16F), don’t have a great relationship with my father due to him having an affair and breaking up my parents’ marriage. This happened 5 years ago, but my parents only told me 2 years ago, and I was livid. The divorce cost me my family and gave me severe depression, which is still lasting today.
My dad has been making an effort to try and be nicer to me and make my life normal again, but I still can’t bear to be around him or forgive him. I only stay at his house when my mom is out of town for more than a few days, and see him maybe once a month.
He wants me to forgive him and be in his life again, even start slowly with just going to dinners, but I just feel so betrayed and resent him for what he did.
People have said that it’s been 5 years and I should let it go, since he really does want to be in my life and is trying to change, but I just can’t bring myself to forgive him.
Am I the jerk for not forgiving him for something that happened 5 years ago?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your family changed forever and your sense of trust, safety, and view of your parents changed too. You should keep in mind that your parents are people and people can be real bad at times.
You were also a spectator not a participant in their marriage. Things happened within their marriage that you will never know and even if you did you may not understand them. Talk to your mom about your feelings, you might want to consider talking to a counselor too.
They can give you an unbiased opinion on the situation. If he was a good dad otherwise perhaps consider allowing him into your life, but go at your own pace and set boundaries for yourself.” noggysoodles
Another User Comments:
“What has he done to make amends?
Has he apologized? Has he explained his actions? Has he explained that he knows his actions gave you consequences even if they were unintended? If he is demanding forgiveness, then what has he done to earn it? The only people that get over an affair are the participants.
Children of affairs face unintended consequences of bad parental action. You don’t have to forgive him. You’re holding him accountable for his actions and he’s the adult. It would take him longer than five years to get over it and his father betrayed his mother, I promise you that.
Adulterers always expect more of the victims than themselves. NTJ. You reap what you sow.” BenjiCat17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It actually doesn’t matter what he wants. You know, when you are 20 and 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 and 70, you are going to look back and realize with compassion how wise you were.
This is simply how it is for people when their parents betray and undermine their entire life and leave things in shambles. There is no way that a parent can say to a 16-year-old to get over it and forgive them and snap their little magic fingers and think that everything‘s gonna be OK.
The way you feel about your father is logical. It’s based on facts and information. What he decided to do revealed who he was and you stopped trusting him. You might learn to trust him a little more and a little more. But he shredded your life.
I’m not even sure that he cares enough to realize this. He should go see a therapist with you. So he can understand the impact he’s had on your entire life. Or make amends that are sincere.
When people make amends, they look into what they did wrong and they think really carefully about what went into them making those choices and then they feel remorse and they have a conscience.
They have empathy for the person they harmed and then they go and they speak to them and tell them unconditionally that they are so very sorry. And they will not pressure them to respond in any way. That’s what it looks like when someone understands the harm they’ve caused and they’re mature and they take responsibility and they care about how broken they made you.
I’m so sorry. Please trust yourself because what you are saying about how you feel makes sense and is real. There are only 100 million people in your position who feel exactly the same way and have parents telling them to get over it. Which is nonsense.” mcclgwe
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Pay For My Holiday Trip?
“I am not employed right now. My significant other wants to fly home and see her family and friends for the holidays; she’s been working and can afford the trip. I cannot. I’ve encouraged her to go on her own as I know how important these people are in her life.
At present it would be extremely fiscally irresponsible for me to take a week+ long trip cross country.
She is completely opposed to going back without me, offering to pay for my flight despite not making much cheddar herself. I know the financial strain this would cause on an individual level, and also feel opposed to the idea of her family covering the added expense on my behalf.
They did a lot to support us in some turbulent times, and this is a time when we (I) should be more capable of supporting our own chosen lifestyles, whatever they may be.
My significant other wanted to add this – life is short. Time spent with those you love is more important.
We are healthy and can work and save, we have that ability. I want to spend time with the ones I love with the one I love the most.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if it’s her family offering to pay & you’re only refusing because of pride!
I agree that you shouldn’t spend money you don’t currently have on a flight. I agree that if she can’t genuinely & easily afford your flight as well as hers (eg if it would eat into emergency savings that she really should leave alone) then she shouldn’t be spending that money either.
Or guilting you because you don’t think she should do it. But if her family is offering, that implies that they like you, and like her, and want to make your lives nicer this Christmas. Letting your pride get in the way of that doesn’t seem like a wise decision.” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you just have different views on economy. She wants to see her family over Christmas AND be with you. She’s therefore willing to pay for you to come with her. I have more money than my husband, if we were to only do things he can afford to pay for himself we would have a much more boring life.
I therefore choose to pay for the whole family sometimes and he contributes what he can. You’re not employed at the moment, so the question is more, is your situation likely to change in the near future? Many people want time off over the holidays which opens up chances for those looking for work to make some extra money.
Do you have a job offer lined up over the holidays so it makes sense for you to stay behind and make money while she travels? If so, introduce that plan to her and tell her you can have your own special celebration before or after Christmas.
If not, if you’re just going to be home alone over the holidays doing nothing, then maybe you should consider going with her but maybe make sure that when you get a job you save up and pay her back/pay for the next trip for the both of you.
Also, if her family wants you as a guest, then they don’t mind treating you for a week. But you can be a nice house guest and offer to help with cooking, housework, etc, and therefore “pay them back” for having you. Whatever you decide think it through.
Good luck!” Waste-Phase-2857
Another User Comments:
“If you have been working in the home rather than outside the home then you are going to be contributing less in dollars to things like trips. You mention the added cost being problematic for your partner, but what about the family?
One thing that happens in families is that sometimes, some people pay more so that they get to spend the time they want with people who might not be able to afford it. And you say thank you and take it when you need it and you offer it up if you have it when someone else needs it.
As to your partner’s financial strain, are we talking pbjs and rice and beans for three months instead of going out to eat thrice a week or no idea how rent will be paid when the bills for this trip come in? Do you honestly expect to be starting a paying job in the week you would be with your partner’s family?
Or are you just already checked out of this relationship and don’t want to feel more indebted to your partner’s family? Or do you feel it is too soon in the relationship?
You also mention having gone through some turbulent times, but I think you’re still in or just barely on the road to recovery from those turbulent times.
Expecting that you should already be fixed and back to where you were already seems to be unreasonable. It takes a lot of time to right financial ships. You can’t afford this trip. Your partner can just barely afford this trip. How well off is the family?
If this is a nonissue for the family, you should go home. If the family is on the edge as your partner (and throwing short-term finances to the wind too), then you should not – unless there is some last chance thing going on where if you don’t go then you won’t see grandma alive again.” figarozero
15. AITJ For Inviting My Partner Over Despite My Sister's Discomfort?
“I (19F) have been with my partner (22M) for 9 months now, and he’s been coming to my house once (or sometimes twice, depending on his days off) a week to see me.
My sister complains every single time, without fail. Saying she “doesn’t want him in her house” and claiming to our parents that we bully her.
When he’s here we keep to ourselves. We’re either upstairs or downstairs watching TV, playing a game, or just relaxing with a drink before I make him dinner. We have absolutely nothing to do with her as she just hides in her room the entire time.
The only time they interact is if she’s downstairs when we get back, he’ll say hello to her.
And yet every single time he’s mentioned, she goes off on a tangent claiming she’s not comfortable, that it’s “weird” for me to have him here (???), that it’s “her house” and she should “get to choose whether guests come or not.”
We’ve given up the idea of him staying overnight when my parents go to a concert because the tantrum resulting from that suggestion was more than the actual having him stay here would have been worth. My reasons for preferring to have him there are the fact that he’s able to keep me distracted (I’m autistic and it’s unsettling to have people away from the house overnight), he brings me a lot of comfort and I’d feel better knowing I have another adult in the house.
I still have him over in the day. My parents are fine with this, and very open to the idea. They absolutely love him. My grandparents on both sides think he’s wonderful, as he met them all for my mum’s birthday party a little while back.
This whole issue with my sister is causing a fair amount of tension in my house, which came to a head on Thursday evening. She found out he would be coming over the next day and once again launched into her tangent, the same as above.
This time, I told her to stop complaining and that this happens every week so she really shouldn’t be shocked by it anymore. My parents took my side.
She’s completely refusing to talk to any of us.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but it might be a good idea to consider her point of view.
You say she hides in her room whenever he’s there – this probably suggests she’s very uncomfortable with his presence and it makes the safe space of her home feel not safe. She also clearly seems to have trouble expressing herself properly, so she may very well have a good reason to feel uncomfortable but hasn’t figured out how to say it (then again, maybe not… but you’ll never know by acting the way you are).
And she probably now also feels like everyone is dismissing her needs in favor of yours.” Difficult_Size_2998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re autistic, there is a decent chance she is as well-assessments frequently miss women because we mask so well. My “official” evaluation by a psychologist said I was not, but the assessment she used misses women and gifted people by a massive margin, and she didn’t utilize any of the rest of the massive amounts of assessments to make the determination.
My psychiatrist laughed at the evaluation and said she was completely confident diagnosing me as autistic. You have competing needs – she wants her home to be a sanctuary, you want to be able to use your home to have one of your safe people there.
It does seem like there should be a middle ground and compromise though.” midcen-mod1018
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These issues are obviously not isolated to your bf. It does seem slightly concerning that she seems uncomfortable around unfamiliar men, but that would be something you’d have to explore to find out if that’s a real concern.
However, seeing your responses about how she says you or someone else getting something that she doesn’t is “unfair”, she sounds like she’s mostly being a jealous brat who’s doing this for attention. As does a lot of the other behavior you’ve described. That’s not your problem to solve.
The rest of your family likes your bf and your sister seems to be raising such a stink because like many other things she’s tried, it has resulted in the attention she seeks. Her choosing to not talk to anyone seems like a win given the alternative.” gfair96
14. AITJ For Protesting Against My 11-Year-Old Brother Driving?
“My (16M) younger brother (11M) has always been interested in driving, he’s driven around in a buggy when we’re at the beach before, and for a while now my parents, mostly my dad (50M), have let him sit in their laps while they drive, though only close to where we live and when there’s few cars around.
Because of this, I think he’s gotten into his head that he’d be fully capable of normally driving a car, even in a crowded street.
Onto the main issue: Yesterday at dinner my brother mentioned that our mom (50F) gave him permission to drive around the area where we live, obviously, I immediately protested, since he’s 11, and my sister (18F) did as well, though she didn’t get as upset as I did.
After dinner, my brother and mom did in fact go out for a ride, even after I pleaded with them not to. I’m not sure if they let him drive alone without sitting on anyone’s lap, though my brother did imply that’s what would happen because he told me that he “could fully touch the pedals and still see”, but I didn’t get to ask if that’s what really happened as they both went straight to bed when they came back.
Honestly, I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here, he’s completely too young to be driving around, especially when they went out at night and it was completely pitch-black. But both my parents have really made me feel like I’m completely exaggerating by being concerned about this, they look really annoyed now and whenever I have expressed my discomfort about this situation in the past.
I really believe I’m right in saying he shouldn’t be driving, but am I stepping out of line by expressing these opinions and reprimanding my own parents about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s just plain stupid. Assuming you are in the US, it’s illegal for an 11-year-old to drive anywhere other than private property.
If he were to get into an accident (and the odds of that are certainly much higher at his age,) because he can’t legally drive, odds are your parents’ insurance would not cover it (they usually won’t cover damages resulting from illegal activities by the policyholder) — leaving them out of pocket for any damage, medical bills, and even lawsuits if another party was involved. And, odds are that they could be criminally charged too, even if he didn’t get in an accident.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You are absolutely not in the wrong. They are putting your brother in legitimate danger, and it sounds like your parents are dumb. If something happened and the airbag went off while your brother was sitting in their lap, he could get harmed. You are a 16-year-old and the fact is, you can’t do anything about this.
if you really want to mess up your family, you could call the cops while your brother is driving and get your parents probably arrested, but other than that, you don’t have power over the situation.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“I am going to (generously) assume your brother is competent at driving.
NTJ. Driving without a license is a crime, a crime that tends to extend the time you spend without a license. When the cops notice, whatever adult is with him will probably lose their license, and your brother may become ineligible to hold one for a while.
If there is an accident you won’t have any insurance, and could be considered the guilty party even if the accident was caused by the other driver. Very expensive if a person in an expensive car runs a red light and you hit them. (no cameras, your word against others on the lights, you are already driving without a license) Tell your parents from me, keep it off the road, take him to the go-cart track.” theZombieKat
13. AITJ For Quitting The Business Partnership With My Wife Due To Her Controlling Behavior?
“I (35f) and my wife (30f) met a year ago.
She is a civil engineer and owns her company and I was a physical therapist in ICU.
She was having trouble administering her business and, since I worked every other night, offered to help some days.
Some days turned to every day, every day turned to every time and I decided to quit my job to be her full-time partner.
The business was growing and I could make much more money if I helped full-time. She often said I was a natural at leadership and design.
We are now living and working together full time but we had some major problems with this arrangement for she is very controlling and doesn’t accept any kind of accountability when wrong.
Yesterday we took our nephew (3m – her brother’s son) to visit a site and see the pergola we were building. She then started to grow anxious and things got off track.
She pulled a cover with a lot of violence from the wood beams they should use that day.
I asked her three times not to for she could harm herself or others but she wouldn’t listen. The beams were knocked out to the floor very loudly and our nephew was terrified.
I snapped and yelled at her to stop rushing things and she looked at me in fury.
All the staff were embarrassed and kind of scared.
We headed back to the car and I offered to take our nephew home but she yelled at me that he was HER nephew and she picked him up to spend the day with her. She also said that I had no right calling her off in front of the staff.
I just gave up and left.
We stayed back and forth for hours last night and I decided to leave the partnership because this is not a one-time thing. She refuses to define my responsibilities or let me do only office work but also, grows angry at me when I call her wrongs even if is in particular.
This morning she told me that she thinks this relationship won’t work because if I have so many problems with her at the job she expects me to leave her soon.
I am at a loss completely but I don’t think I was wrong to terminate the partnership so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for quitting the partnership – I think that is the best outcome here. ESH for the situation you described though. From what I understand, you’re her administrative assistant – bookkeeping, etc. She is an engineer, responsible for a site. While she was working, you (her subordinate, who would not normally even be on site) undermined her, in front of her staff, for no reason.
This makes you a jerk because there is no context in which this was related to your job. It was like if someone brought their wife to work, and their wife criticized them in front of their employees. Even if what she was doing was clearly unsafe, it was not your place to give feedback.
It would be like if an accountant walked onto a construction site and started telling the foreman all the things they were doing wrong. She is a jerk because she shouldn’t be bringing you (or her 3-year-old nephew) to job sites. While YTJ for shouting, the reason it happened is her fault, so ESH.” FacetiousTomato
Another User Comments:
“You would never be a jerk for terminating your contract if you feel like the work environment is hostile or toxic. However, it doesn’t seem like we have a full picture and that’s also not the problem here. You blew that pergola situation way out of hand and that is what makes a) the rest of your story unreliable, and b) you a jerk.
1. You say this was a partnership but it doesn’t seem like you guys have equivalent duties at all. You “helping” does not equate to you being her equal partner with equal say. So I feel like your perception of the situation is already biased heavily in your favor.
2. Why did she start to grow anxious? It seems like something was legitimately bothering her but you make it sound like she was just being emotionally unstable. 3. You asked her three times to not do it, but she did. Maybe there was a legit reason to do so or not, but did you really think snapping at her (the literal boss) in front of everybody (her literal employees) was the right move??
It just sounds like you’re trying to undermine her authority, or like you’re trying to discipline her as an equal.” Flashy-Tear-1861
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You barely know this woman yet you’re married and a business partner within a year, quitting your job for this.
She sounds like she has some issues, especially with anger and self-control, which you may or may not have known, yet fully surrendered to the situation. I know relationships can move fast but this sounds like it was way too fast. Frankly, I don’t think any of this is going to work out.” ActuaryMean6433
12. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Dad's Partner's Sister For Being Rude To My Mum At His Funeral?
“My parents split up in the early 90s after 24 years of marriage and eventually divorced. They remained on reasonably good terms, my dad would still visit my mum’s family, my mum is still invited to family events on my dad’s side.
My mum has remained single, my dad had a number of partners and then around 12 years ago met Zara and they had a great relationship until my dad died suddenly two years ago. They were not married and did not live together, did not share finances and my brother and I were listed as his next of kin.
After Dad died I had primary responsibility for organising the funeral. Dad’s bank account paid for the cremation, cars, officiant, etc. I paid for flowers and for a “reception “and buffet lunch for 75 people afterward. My mum was a great help with the organizing and supporting my brother and me.
Zara was completely included in the planning. She chose Dad’s final outfit, she contributed to the eulogy from the officiant, she had final say on the coffin, she chose some of the flowers for the coffin and she chose one of the three pieces of music in the service (one I chose, one dad had always said he wanted at his funeral so really he chose it).
On the day, there were six of us in the first car – me, my brother, my mum, Zara, her daughter, and her sister Lucy, and the six of us sat together in the first pew.
After the funeral at the reception, we had a display table set up with photos in frames and an album.
The photos were contributed by us, by Zara, by the wider family, and by Mum. My mum told me today that at one point, she had gone to move some of the photos as they had been knocked over, and Lucy barged her out of the way, told her it was not up to her to touch the photos, and then said “I don’t know why you’re even here anyway, this is nothing to do with you.” My cousin’s wife confirmed it as she witnessed it.
Mum didn’t tell me at the time because the day was hard enough and she knew I’d kick Lucy out if I knew, and that would have been hard for Zara. But now that I do know, I am absolutely furious with Lucy. My mum had every right to be there to pay her respects to her ex-husband with whom she had two children and who remained a friend after their divorce.
She had every right to be there because my brother and I wanted her there. She had every right to be there because my dad would have wanted her there. And even if she didn’t have the right to be there, it absolutely was not Lucy’s place to say so.
WIBTJ if I told her that I know what she said and she was out of order?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But do you really want to do that? It’s been 2 years. But if it’s something that’ll give you peace of mind, write her a note but only if Lucy was an adult at the time.
If she was a teenager, however, “Zara” would feel the worst because her daughter’s actions would probably embarrass her greatly. Gently tell her that you were terribly hurt and disappointed by her cruel words because your parents had always remained friends and nothing more. Be short and direct.
Then end it. Do not communicate with her any further than that. Good luck!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“I think you would be the jerk to your mom if you did this. How your mother was treated is not at all ok but it has been two years and all you’d be doing if you brought it up now is digging up old hurts and potentially making yourself and your mother look bad.
Your mother was the one affected by this and she chose what she wanted to do. Let it go and keep letting it go. What will calling Lucy out do for your mother? Will it make the hurt go away? Will it change Lucy’s behavior?
Will it at all improve the situation or your mother’s life? Or will it just make you feel good and satisfy your anger? I think it’s that last one, I think you are very mad right now because you just found out that your mother was treated poorly and you want to defend her and make yourself feel better but there’s nothing to defend her from.
This is a hurt two years old with nothing to be gained by ripping it back open again.” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“No you wouldn’t, but it was 2 years ago. What’s the point in even bringing it up now? I just don’t even see a reason to do that.
How has she been with you at other times? If she normally was decent and fine and this was a one-time thing, I would chalk it up to the emotions from the day and just leave it be. You can’t go back and change it and if you’re looking for her to apologize to your mom, it’s not your place to worry about that, if your mom wants an apology, she can take it up with her.
My advice is to let it lie.” flynena-3
11. AITJ For Standing Up To My Family After They Humiliated Me For Helping A Friend?
“I (19F) feel completely drained and defeated. My family is tearing me apart, and I’m starting to feel like I don’t even belong anywhere. I need to know if I was in the wrong here because I’m genuinely losing it.
A while ago, my friend was supposed to stay at her aunt’s, but her aunt was out of town.
Dorms close at 7 PM, and it was 6:55, so I called my mom and asked if my friend could stay with us. She agreed at first but then called back saying no and that I should just give her money to leave, which didn’t make sense.
I knew my aunts, (who lived with my mom after she had a stroke to take care of her), pressured her into changing her mind.
I couldn’t leave my friend stranded, so I refused to go home without her. We stayed with another friend. The next day, my dad (parents are divorced) called me furious because one of my aunts complained to her husband, who called my dad to yell at me.
My dad picked me up, and I spent the ride being humiliated. When I got to my mom’s, one aunt wouldn’t let me inside, saying, “Go back to where you came from.” I had to wait outside for an hour before they let me in.
Once I got in, my mom “talked” to me, which was more humiliation. Now, my parents (especially my dad) are calling me every day, which has never happened before. Today, I was studying when my dad called again, saying my aunt’s husband called him to complain.
I told him I was studying, but later, he called back and started yelling, saying he was going to block me. I lost it and told my mom to tell her sister to stop calling him. My aunt (the one who dislikes me the most) yelled at me for speaking up and told me to stop because my mom is sick.
I snapped and told her to shut up. I overheard her later telling my other aunt that I made everything up to manipulate my mom. I called my dad to prove I wasn’t lying, and while he admitted the call happened, he turned it back on me, saying it was because I “tried running away.” My aunt laughed at my humiliation.
Now I’m going insane. They’re blaming me for everything, even saying I’m the reason my mom got sick. I’ve been isolating myself because I feel like a burden to everyone, including my friends. I feel like the worst person in the world.
Was I wrong to stand up for myself?
Did I mess up everything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not wrong for standing up for yourself. It sounds like you are from a culture where it is expected to bow down and give respect to elders even when they don’t deserve it. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself because no one else will.
It’s one of the hardest things to do when you’ve spent your life bowing down. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I deserve better.” Then go get a job and move away, possibly rent a room from a friend. Tell no one not even Mom where you are living.
Do not under any circumstances give money to your family they will try to demand it and guilt trip you into turning it over but remember it’s your escape money. They won’t want you to be able to leave because they want to keep you down because you’re easier to bully and manipulate so they can get their kicks.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re worthy, loving, and very caring. You, like your mom, are being bullied and abused by many family members. Aunts and uncles are having too much say in her situation and in your life. It seems your dad managed to step away from the ‘three ladies’ but is still too sympathetic to what they are saying – to the extent he is failing to support you in your choices.
The anxiety and distress being foisted upon you is impacting you because of your loving, trusting, and caring nature/culture. You, as a strong, independent woman, feel challenged and conflicted because of your support for others; and, to some extent, are not feeling supported. Your self-care is paramount.
You do not need to feel you would be abandoning your mom when you step out into your own life. Your studies are your gateway to your independent adult life. Your mom will cope – but you can visit her with clear consciousness… (don’t fund her, or get involved in ‘her family sickness’/discussions/arguments).
Stand strong. Maybe ‘leave home’/get a room or move…” Upbeat-Assistant8101
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear sweet soul – you are NTJ and are in a horrible position. Please start making plans to live somewhere else. Even if it takes a while to come to fruition.
And set boundaries. Don’t let them blame you for these things. If they blame you for something that isn’t your fault, walk away. If your father calls giving you a hard time, tell him you will talk to him when he wants to listen reasonably and then hang up.
Sending you hugs – and hoping you can create a living arrangement where you don’t have to have anything to do with any of them.” UndebateableMom
10. AITJ For Thanking My Wife For Her Birthday Present Before Opening It?
“My wife told me not to look at any mail or packages because she ordered me a birthday gift (didn’t even want one but that’s another conversation).
We live in an apartment building so sometimes the packages either go to my front door or the front entrance. If it’s small, it will go in our mailbox.
Anyway, I’m taking out the trash in my apartment building and see a red package in the front entrance for famous footwear with my address on it.
I didn’t open the package. I didn’t look for it. I didn’t open the mailbox. It’s not my fault the brand is on the box.
I sent it to my wife and said “thanks for the shoes.” I didn’t think it would blow up. Maybe this is where I messed up.
I don’t open the package but clearly, it’s some sort of shoe. I didn’t expect her to get mad but she got furious.
She said, “I told you not to look.”
“Why do you have to put your nose in everything.”
Maybe 30-40 more texts come.
She starts calling me names and compared me to her cousin’s partner, who apparently would never do this.
Now she’s not talking to me. I didn’t even want a gift. I told her no gifts.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re kinda the jerk, the text was obviously just to annoy her and get a rise out of her so why even do that, you did genuinely just happen across them, and it wasn’t like you were actively looking for them to ruin the surprise but at the same time you knew it was something special she was just trying to do for you and you seem to be grumpy about her just trying to do something nice for you.
Instead of sending a text that you knew would cause problems you could have just waited till you knew it was almost time for her to get back home and put the package back outside so she finds it and then she could go hide and wrap it for you.
Then you could just act surprised on your bday and be thankful that you have someone who wants to do nice things for you. As for her mean texts, I don’t think she should do that, but at the same time, you shouldn’t do something that you know is just gonna make someone mad enough to be mean to you either and then be like oh wow why would they do that.
Just kinda seems like you have fun trying to annoy her but don’t like it once she is annoyed.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Wife overreacted. You sent a text that can be seen as dismissive. You could have ignored the box and waited for her to present it to you.
It’s not your fault you saw it, but it is your fault you ruined it by saying something, especially something that comes off as unappreciative. Yes, the word “thanks” is in there, but “Thanks for the shoes” in text is extremely flat-toned, especially considering you weren’t supposed to know what she got you.
It’s like telling someone “Thanks for the socks” at Christmas. The unspoken subtext is (but socks kind of suck). You may not have meant it that way, but with context, it can read as that. And again, you also just ruined the surprise for her.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you definitely aren’t the jerk for walking outside and seeing a package at your front door, but even the way you wrote “(I didn’t even want a present but that’s another story)” you just sound so…cold. I’m also in the category of not necessarily wanting gifts but I sure as heck don’t act like that when I do receive them.
Your wife for sure overreacted, but something tells me pushing her buttons isn’t exactly new for you. Just from the way you tell the story it sounds like you weren’t even kidding around and were intentionally trying to make her upset. You know what I take it back.
You’re the jerk.” rotmonster
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Father-In-Law See His Grandchild Until He Apologizes?
“My (30f) husband (30m) is the only child of his father (82m). His parents have been divorced since he was 4 years old but still have a friendship relationship. My FIL is old as I already mentioned and has the mindset of a typical retired man.
Over the last couple of years, his health has started to slowly decline. He has prostate cancer which is luckily an easy battle, he’s getting more forgetful as you do with age, and obviously can’t do the things a young person can. He’s gotten slow and all that.
He is still able to live alone and my husband regularly does the shopping for him and helps him out with odd jobs he can’t do on his own or are too dangerous for him. As of now he always comes by every week to hang out with us and our toddler who he loves very much obviously.
The thing is, my FIL can be very petty. He has lost many friends and his wife over the years because of his behavior. He has such strange expectations of people and if they don’t meet his expectations he doesn’t talk to them. My father has known him for over 30 years and apparently, he’s always been like that.
So the only thing he does all day is visit the doctor and stay at home all day since he has nobody to talk to. It’s a different generation, I get it but still, it is mainly his own fault for being alone.
Yesterday my husband had gone to his dad’s home to bring his shopping and he was immediately berated for not taking him to one of his gardens.
Basically last Saturday my MIL came to babysit and we took our big lawnmower and other tools to a garden in another village that belongs to my FIL and we cut the grass, bushes, and trees. That garden was my FIL’s passion over most of his adult life but can’t take care of it anymore for obvious reasons.
My husband and I did all the work and sadly didn’t get everything done because it was getting late.
When my husband told him about that yesterday he exploded, saying we should have taken him along with us. Mind you, it was a very spontaneous decision because the weather was good for that sort of work on Saturday and we had taken him along before but he had always been in the way.
And we would have to drive him home and such since he doesn’t have a car.
My husband was obviously very upset about that argument. He works full time and taking care of that garden is an extra thing that he doesn’t really like to do since it’s extra work.
We already have our own house and garden AND the one where his dad lives so that’s three gardens in total. Also, we don’t pick any of the fruit from that garden or use it in general since we have our own. We literally only go to that garden to keep everything trimmed and healthy.
FIL hasn’t apologized after that argument and he’s supposed to come to visit today. I’m really thinking about only letting him inside the house and letting him see his only grandchild if he apologizes to my husband.
WIBTJ if I don’t let FIL see his granddaughter until he apologizes?”
Another User Comments:
“The dad is in his 80s and experiencing some cognitive decline. He’s not going to change his personality now and doesn’t have A LOT of time left. Sure the dad is being a jerk but does your husband really want the last few years of his dad’s life to be in a feud and using grandchildren as a bargaining chip?
Sometimes with old people, it’s better to keep the peace.” Direct_Surprise1312
Another User Comments:
“You and your husband were the jerks for going to his garden and not taking him. It’s his garden. He’s 82. He’s got health issues, age-related issues, and memory issues.
His mobility and independence are limited because he can’t just pick up and go himself easily. He’s lost a lot, as he aged. Yes, elderly people slow us down some. No, he won’t be “help” at the garden. But it’s his garden. Last minute decision or not, what would the harm have been in informing him and asking him if he wanted to go?
Take him, when you go, if he wants to go. He deserves that. He can spend time with your daughter while you and your husband do the work. And do the work to end with the result he wants. It’s his garden. He won’t live forever – why not cherish the time you have left with him?
View his involvement as an inconvenience, not quality time. And recognize that cognitive impairment can increase combativeness. My grandmother, who was never combative a day in her life, got quite bad as the dementia took hold. It was brutal to witness. I miss her dearly and wish I could have her in the capacity you have your FIL now.
IMO, while perhaps your FIL owes your husband an apology for things said when he reacted, you and your husband also owe him an apology for excluding him from something that is his.” Rascalthehorse
Another User Comments:
“I would say to follow your husband’s lead since this is mostly between the two of them, but I think you are also right to not allow a (likely) fight to happen in front of your daughter, especially since she’s been scared by it before.
I see a lot of people mentioning that he’s old and has cancer and doesn’t have a lot of time as reasons for why you should just let this go, but I don’t think that should have any effect on your decision. He’s well aware of his own situation and if he wants to pick fights and mistreat the people he cares about in his last days, then he’s decided that losing family members is worth whatever enjoyment he gets from those fights.
And since your daughter is already likely aware of the situation, letting this pass without any sort of apology will show your daughter that she should accept mistreatment simply because someone is ill. No matter what he’s going through, he’s still an adult with control over (at least most of) his actions.
An apology is the least your husband could’ve asked for considering that your FIL yelled at him after he took out time to help with something he didn’t need to help with (Your FIL is lucky that you aren’t both refusing to ever do work on his garden again after that).
And honestly, he’s probably upset about his lack of autonomy at the moment, so the most respectful thing you could do is treat him like a regular person who’s messed up, rather than coddling him (even if he doesn’t enjoy it) NTJ.” mooredanxieties
8. AITJ For Not Caring About My Estranged Brother's Homelessness?
“My (38M) brother (42M) and I grew up together and got along ok during our younger years but as we have gotten older we have grown a lot further apart.
About 10 or so years ago he got married to this lady (let’s call her T). Since then there has been nothing but constant drama around them both and it’s exhausting.
It all came to a head when T decided to post her feelings on social media (they are one of those couples that share a social media account), looking to get sympathy from friends and family while trying to make our mom and my wife look bad (It was one of those poor me/no one likes me posts), which backfires so she starts to accuse people of talking bad behind their backs and that we’re horrible people because we can’t let them be happy together and that all we do is talk bad about everyone and that they hope our kids end up as horrible as we are.
At this point, I had enough and cut contact because it wasn’t worth fighting a pointless argument. Since then I have gone no contact with them, my wife will get an occasional message about how it’s my wife’s and my mom’s fault that no one likes them, sprinkled with some name calling but my wife just shows them to me and I just laugh.
Just recently I found out that my brother and his wife may be homeless, but I have confirmed from multiple people who know him who have seen him panhandling where most of the homeless population are at in our city. I have been tempted to drive by and see if he’s there to have a good laugh (I would be the jerk at that point), but AITJ for not caring?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not caring but you would be the jerk for driving by to gloat over your brother’s misfortune. Deserved or not, enjoying someone’s bad luck is never a good thing.” plantprinses
Another User Comments:
“I am wondering how much of the drama was T’s doing and if your brother is suffering the consequences of trying to have her back (since he’s her husband).
No one should ever share their “dirty laundry” with people outside the family. That’s definitely not ok. While I can understand you may not currently feel compelled to help him, to say you don’t care that he may be homeless and is having to beg for money on the surface makes you sound a bit like YTJ.
Perhaps because I’ve been in that situation, where you have no place to go and the police won’t let you sit or lay down anywhere, where you don’t know where you’re going to sleep or when your next meal will be – I would not wish that on my worst enemy.” XipingX
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Unless you left something out, what this boils down to is you’re essentially wishing ill will on your brother because of meaningless social media gossip. That’s cold as ice. Nothing you described here is more than just social media nonsense.
If you just had a true neutral in not caring, that may be one thing, but your feelings go beyond that, based on your own description. This is incredibly petty. SIL and the brother get jerk points too since they started the social media drama.” Mobile_Following_198
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Aunt To Care For Her In Her Elder Years?
“My aunt wants me to move in with her when or if something should happen to my uncle.
I do not want to. I live best alone with my dog.
The reason I’m having issues with this is she was not around when my grandmother (her mother) was ill. She hid saying she couldn’t deal with the sadness. I assisted my grandma when she needed it and would go visit.
That woman helped raise me.
When my mom got sick and ultimately passed away, she refused to assist with anything other than one payment for the obit because she couldn’t handle the sadness. My brother and I were left to deal with my mother’s house and closing the estate.
Now she wants me to be her aide in her elder years and basically refuses the option of elder living. I just want to know if I’m the jerk if I start suggesting retirement living and such. I have no formal elderly training and feel it is a lot to ask.
Also, her house has multiple stairs and she has mobility issues now and eventually will not be able to maneuver them.
If I moved in with her and broke my lease I would never be able to live alone in this economy again based on my salary; should something happen to her.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your life to direct as you see fit, NOT your aunt’s. Definitely suggest alternatives to her so she can be thinking about them. Also, maybe locate a few places you think might be suitable and get some information for her.
Your aunt seems to have a history of dodging life’s responsibilities and a reliance on others to meet her needs. Those are her issues, not yours, and you certainly are not in any way obligated to arrange your life to accommodate her wishes, especially when doing so would be detrimental to you.
Sometimes it is hard to tell someone no, but please do not be bullied into something you know is not what you want and will, in the end, be a problem for your wellbeing.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Just tell her, that doesn’t work for me.
If she doesn’t want to end up in a nursing home, she should sell the house and move into one-level living and budget for a paid helper when she needs it. Is your uncle still competent? Advise him to downsize to a one-level home and set aside money for a caregiver if either one needs it, because you are not giving up your life and career to be aunties caregiver like she wants, so they need to make other arrangements.
If he is already failing, just send her a letter that gives her no ability to argue. She should have planned better by having children of her own to step in if she needed it.” Old-Mention9632
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You have told your aunt that you will not move in with her.
Reinforce it with you will not take care of her. Her husband is alive. It’s time for him to teach her whatever he does for her that she doesn’t know how to do. (Maybe let him know directly.) If your aunt wants to play brinksmanship (chicken) and do nothing to help herself, that is not your problem or your responsibility to fix.
You can reinforce that message with both her and your uncle. Regardless of her (un)willingness to help her own mom or your mom, you just don’t owe her more than you can or are willing to give to help her. I don’t want my children to have to rearrange their lives for me when I need more help.
Don’t get me wrong – I want their love and help as I age, but not in any way that requires them to disrupt the life path they are on.” swillshop
6. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Stop Inviting My Ex To Family Events?
“I (25F) recently ended things with my long-term partner (28M), and it’s been tough but I’m getting through it.
The problem is that my cousin (24F) and my ex were always friendly, and now she insists on inviting him to family events like holidays and birthday parties. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, especially because the breakup was a messy one, and I’m still healing.
I’ve talked to her multiple times, explaining how it feels awkward for me and asking if she could just keep her interactions with him outside of family events. She claims I’m being controlling and that it’s “her right” to invite anyone she wants, and I shouldn’t be “so sensitive.” She’s been posting photos with him on social media, and it just feels like she’s intentionally making me uncomfortable.
The rest of my family agrees with me, but she still insists that I’m overreacting. AITJ for telling her to stop inviting my ex to family events?”
Another User Comments:
“At the next family event ask your ex why he is so obsessed with you that he has to come to all family events just to be near you.
Tell him loudly that if he doesn’t stop harassing you you will file a restraining order. Make sure it’s loud enough for the older folks to hear it. Also, tell your cousin that you know she’s helping him try to get you back but you’re not ever going to get back with him.
If she wants to be involved with him then she needs to get him help with his obsessive behavior towards you. Yeah, this is all nonsense but it will make people wonder why your ex is really coming around.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your cousin is either involved with your ex, or wants to be. She is 100% a jerk because any normal person would know this behavior was wrong. There are plenty of other men out there to choose from. Your ex wants to be involved with your cousin.
It’s probably because he wants to make you uncomfortable, which is why he is attending all these family events. No normal human (who wasn’t being a vicious jerk) would want to be around the ex they just broke up with, especially with a messy breakup.
They are both being jerks and they know it.” LK_Feral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your family going to stand by and allow this to continue? I can tell you that my extended family would not. If an ex is ever invited, and it has happened, the invitation comes from the family member who used to be with the person.
A divorced relative wants her ex to be there because they are on friendly terms and she knows he would be alone otherwise? Of course. A niece wants to bring her sister’s ex to family events? No. She’d be warned that he’d be told to leave, and then if he showed up, he would be.” Auntie-Mam69
5. AITJ For Leaving My Kids With Their Dad While I Work?
“The father (M30) of my (F31) two kids (M2, F1) and I are recently separated but still live together and have had a few difficult years. We bought a house 2,5 years ago when I was first pregnant and him turning to the wrong “friends” for the renovating led to him taking harmful substances, which he (allegedly) stopped, us having big problems and him still having kind of a booze problem and overall bad health.
He wasn’t really there for the whole first year of the boy and whenever we need him because we are sick for example, he doesn’t make it. He is good at handling the boy but has problems with the girl (and crying children!).
So just recently I started a very small job again after being home as a parent, and usually my dad watched the girl but today there was no other solution than for my ex to watch both.
The little one wasn’t that happy and he refused to go on a walk with them or put them in the car (she usually sleeps then) and visit someone or anything. The only thing he does is put the TV on.
When I was done after 4 hours of work, he lost it on me saying I am ruining the children and if I don’t want to be a mother anymore I should tell him, I should be ashamed, and so on.
And that I should stop with the job until both go to kindergarten and take my old full-time job again (where I would have to work weekends too, where there’s no kindergarten…). So AITJ for leaving the kids with him and wanting to work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, the dad should be able to watch his kids for a bit without accusing you of ruining the kids (I notice he conveniently left out his substance issues from that conversation). You SHOULD be able to work even while the kids are small.
It’s good that your dad is able to help with that. But you have to consider whether your baby daddy actually can be used for that, not for his sake, but for yours and the kids. He’s there and he SHOULD be able to do this.
But can he? Will he? Does having him take the kids mean you open yourself to this kind of verbal abuse, and is that worth it? Is it necessary? Whatever we think about his jerkery, the simple fact of the matter is that you can’t make him babysit, and if you do, you can’t make rules for how he behaves with the kids or you, beyond things that are actual crimes.
The alternative is that he doesn’t watch the kids, which is the better option for everyone involved, but is that possible?” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“So, if he can’t be a parent for his own kids, and he wants you to stay home all day being a single parent, who exactly would be making the money to pay the mortgage for the roof over your heads, and the food to feed your kids?!
NTJ But it’s clear he’s not a capable parent. He’ll have to learn and adjust to the situation, just like you had to adjust to the situation HE put his family in. He’ll do good to remember how hard he is being a bad parent, for down the line, when the kids are more independent, and he thinks he can pretend to be super daddy, and demand custody stuff.
Keep his messages, and back them up, somehow.” Special_Lychee_6847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But honestly, I would come up with an alternate plan that doesn’t involve him ASAP. There are a lot of red flags here settling off my dad sense. Hey, if moms can get mom sense, we get to have dad sense lol!
And… I get it. I’m a single dad and have been since my daughter was 2 years old and my son was two weeks old. I know how hard it can be to find child care. I don’t think I ever had more than a day of vacation saved up when they were little because of all the time I had to take off for them.
But if he’s a heavy drinker and potentially using again (my guess), your kids may not be safe with him. I would look into a mom’s group, single parents group, or even a church group you could join where parents can help each other. I hope everything works out, and hats off to you!
It can be a thankless, tiring job single parenting. And don’t get me started on the double standard of how single moms are judged so much more harshly (“I wonder why couldn’t keep her man”) than single dads (“wow, he’s raising them by himself? What a strong man!”).
But one day, they will look back and realize the true gift you gave them – yourself. Just like they will remember what their dad didn’t give. Good luck to you!” dead_steve
4. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister After She Disrespected My Home?
“My sister Kara and her son Sam (who’s two) moved in with me because she caught her partner being unfaithful.
They have been a nightmare to live with. She hasn’t picked up after herself. I ended up having to watch her kid as she sat on her phone ignoring him.
The last straw was when the kid threw a heavy object at my TV and broke it and she laughed and said that’s what it’s like living with a toddler. I called my mom who lives 8 hours away saying Kara has to come live with you and my mom agreed to take Kara in.
Kara has a retail job so it’s not like she can’t find another especially with the holidays coming up. Kara is upset because her life is being uprooted and I only let her stay a week and didn’t give her time to mentally adjust to living with me.
Like I’m the problem.
I told her that it’s my home and she should have been on her best behavior with her child if she wanted a more permanent place with me. My sister said she’s trying and she had to uproot her life but I told her that doesn’t give her the right to disrupt mine and hopefully, she’ll be a better house guest at our mother’s.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is almost certainly going to be a nightmare to live with for your mother, but there’s nothing wrong with you advising her not to be. Your sister wasn’t “trying” except in the sense of being someone who tries your patience.
It’s good that she learns now, while she still has one more option, that being an entitled, inconsiderate house guest who thinks they can get away with anything really can get you thrown out on your ear.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Best kicking the relative out story yet!
Why? Because you did not wait for it to get worse. You had a major incident, and you responded with an appropriate move. Her moving!!!” SubjectBuilder3793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling her that, but perhaps for dumping her on your mother. Her laughing at the damage should have been laughing at her as you give her the bill and the boot.” mistdaemon
3. AITJ For Ignoring People Who Insist On Calling Me By The Wrong Name?
“My (16m) name is Nico and it’s not short for anything. On my birth certificate, it says Nico middle name last name. This is something a few people can’t understand and some people call me Nicholas. Even teachers who see me on the class list as Nico and not Nicholas.
I’m a foster kid. I’ve been in the system since I was 2. My mom is the only bio family I know but she’s not able to take care of me. I see her twice a year through court-ordered visits. But nobody in her family and I don’t have anything to do with my paternal side.
I’ve been with my current foster family for three years and I’m really happy with my foster parents and foster siblings. My foster parents actually want to help the kids they foster and their kids are cool with their parents fostering and don’t bully me or others for stealing their families.
So I hope I get to stay until I age out of the system.
My only problem is some of their extended family are snobs and they don’t like calling me Nico. So they call me Nicholas even after being corrected a million times. My foster parents have explained that my name is actually Nico, not Nicholas.
But the reply is always “But Nico is short for Nicholas!” A couple of the extended family have encouraged me to change my name because Nicholas sounds much more professional for an adult male, which I will be soon. I was like no thanks.
My foster parents told me I should ignore whenever someone calls me Nicholas now.
Unless they’re new and just assume. But I can ignore their family members who do it. So that’s what I did. I’ve ignored them a handful of times now and it bothers them so much.
Yesterday it happened twice because one kept trying to call “Nicholas” over and I just didn’t go.
The other asked “Nicholas” to pass the potatoes at dinner and I kept eating and didn’t pass anything. I was then called out for ignoring them and my foster parents said nobody knew who they were talking to because there was no Nicholas at the table.
One of my foster sisters said she assumed it was her “Nicole” and they got confused and that’s why she passed it instead.
I was told I should be more open to the wisdom others offer with name suggestions and stop being rude by ignoring people.
Even though my foster parents backed me up again. It made me feel a way because this really is my best foster experience and I don’t want to upset people in my foster family.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your foster parents sound great and clearly have your interests at heart.
Even the other kids, at least one anyway, are standing up for you. Your name is Nico. Not Nicholas. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to deliberately call you by a name that isn’t yours, especially with repeated corrections. It’s even more rude and disrespectful to practically demand you change your name from something you like and see as yours to something you don’t like and don’t want.
There’s also nothing wrong with Nico as a name. Sure, it’s not common, but it’s not really weird, either. Your name is your name and no one else gets to demand it be something different or call you by a name that isn’t yours. Keep listening to your foster parents, it’s them and their kids you want a good relationship with, not so much the extended family.
And if you back down now, the extended family will never respect you and will continue to demand you change things they don’t like against your will. Continue ignoring anyone who calls you by the wrong name unless it’s an honest mistake. Continue listening to your foster parents and letting them stand up for you, that’s part of their job as foster parents, and they’re proving they’re great at it.” WhiteKnightPrimal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, keep ignoring them when they call you ‘Nicholas’. However, I would add something, think up a different name for all of the people who keep calling you Nicholas. For example, Aunt Elizabeth is now Aunt Betty. Uncle Thomas is now Uncle Tommy.
Even better if you can make it longer instead of shorter like for example Grandma Rose is now Grandma Rosemary. If they get angry with you just say. “I think these names are much better and easier to say, they will help you in life.
You should take advice from someone who is better up to date with modern society.”” Orphen_1989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your foster parents are upset on your behalf. They could step in, but you’re at an age where you should be standing up for yourself.
They’re aware you might not feel comfortable doing so, so they’ve told you it’s ok because they’re annoyed too. This is also important because some kids don’t get taught that they are allowed to stand up for themselves and they become adults who don’t know how to stand up for themselves.
They want you to be able to stand up for yourself, with their support. They’re probably more upset off than they let on about those family members calling you the wrong name.” HungryTeap0t
2. AITJ For Letting My Husband's Ex Live With Us After Her Divorce?
“I (35F) have been married to my husband (37M) for 1 year but we’ve been together for 3. He has 2 children (6F) (8M) from his previous relationship. (We do not have any kids together.) Their mom Anne (34F) has one other child (4F). They have a good co-parenting relationship and Anne and I get along.
When Anne picked up the kids (we have week on week off), she told us that the kids might need to spend a few weeks with us because she and her current husband are getting a divorce. The house is in his name (he had it when they got together) and she’s been a stay-at-home mom for their whole relationship.
She said she was going to stay with her sister but they don’t have enough room for all 3 kids.
I jumped in before my husband could say anything and offered her the guest room and told her the girls can share a room here just like they do at her house.
That way she didn’t have to miss her time with the kids and we could help with her daughter while she gets a job and gets things figured out. She thanked us and said she’d let us know when she would be moving out as soon as she could.
My husband asked me if I was 100% okay with it, and that it wouldn’t be fair to get her in here and then have an issue later. I told him I was okay and we’d work through anything that comes up.
That was 3 months ago, she’s lived with us for 2 months now and everything is great.
It’s actually better than great if I’m being honest. Having her here means I don’t have to take both kids to the store if I need something for dinner. Housework is divided between 3 people. She’s gotten a job and isn’t having to pay for childcare (which is about $700 a week in our area) Even though I told her she didn’t have to she is giving us $500 a month for bills.
I was talking to my sister and cousin at our early Thanksgiving and my sister said I’m crazy for letting her stay with us. That I’m “devaluing myself as a partner” and “being a jerk to myself” for allowing this to continue. My cousin agrees with her.
She said the only reason his ex would agree to stay is if she still wanted to sleep with him and him agreeing means he wants it too.
I don’t see them behaving any differently than before, and I truly trust my husband. But now I’m starting to doubt my decision.
WIBTJ if I tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live? AITJ to myself if I don’t listen to them and let her stay?”
Another User Comments:
“TBH, I think you’re letting your family judge you on this. If things are going great, why change them?
Just because two people who have no idea about the situation and are on the outside looking in are saying it’s one thing vs. the other? It sounds like jealousy, if you ask me. Did they only say it after you gushed about how easy it was?
For most people, this would be a no, but most people don’t have the sort of relationship you have with your husband’s ex. And, like, did they split amicably? Has she ever shown ANY sort of inappropriate desires to your husband? If you feel there’s a reason to have her move out, then by all means do it.
But don’t let anyone force you to second-guess what you know to be true, either on the internet or in your personal life. Ultimately, if you see no red flags or “dangers,” then there’s no reason to kick her out.” BigPapaBear24
Another User Comments:
“People are nosy and pushy and annoying.
Until they said something, you were happy. You were happy with your husband and happy having the ex there. Now your sister and cousin have stirred up your doubts because you’re not living the traditional marriage. But why can’t exes just get along? He doesn’t have to be interested in her and she doesn’t have to be interested in him.
You’re supporting each other and it’s helping the kids which is amazing, and she’s being a good house guest. Ignore the noise coming at you and have a conversation with your husband about whether this is still working for him, if he wants her to move, and ask if you’re being a bad partner.
And tell him if you think he’s being a bad partner. Communicate. That’s all you have to do. Don’t ask her to leave because of your sister and your cousin. That could end up making your life harder and less fulfilled. The only person who you should consult is your husband.
NTJ (but your sister and cousin are).” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“As someone who currently has my ex and her new husband living with me temporarily because the cost of living in our area has gotten so high I can sympathize with this. My ex and I have a great co-parenting relationship and actually get along better now than we did the last 5-10 years we were married. Tell those other people to mind their own business.
It’s not their life. Do what works for you and yours. I’ve had a lot of people jealous of me and my ex that we get along and parent so well. Average divorced people I know have very toxic relationships with their exes and it’s hard for them to fathom that people can still be friends.
Granted if we didn’t have four kids maybe that would be a different story but having a toxic relationship sucks for the kids. Sounds like you and your husband are better people than most. Ignore them.” mikeyflyguy
1. AITJ For Being Upset My Brother Took Our Shared Robot Mop After Moving Out?
“My brother, Chris (27M fake name), moved in with my partner (28M) and me (26F) 7 years ago. We took pity on him after he was kicked out of my childhood home for substance use and was sleeping in his car.
At first, Chris and my partner got along great. After a few years of living together, Chris became more reclusive and distant from us both. Chores were not being done around the house and I was getting sick of cleaning up after him and his negative attitude.
Six months prior to the end of our lease I told Chris that he had to find another living situation. He did finally move out a few weeks prior to the end of our lease and I thought we all agreed about splitting up shared appliances and valuables.
One thing we did not discuss was our shared robot mopping device. We acquired this one day at my grandmother’s house a few years ago. She was moving and offered it to all three of us as she would not be using it.
So we brought that little robot home!
This thing is nothing fancy, just a small device you fill with cleaning solution and attach disposable mop pads.
Let me be clear, in the 4 years we have had this thing Chris has not ONCE paid for any replacement moping pads. NEVER had even turned the thing on.
It was always my partner or I splitting the cost of pads and setting this thing up to run nightly so we’d all wake up to clean floors downstairs.
Chris hasn’t returned his key because he’s still slowly moving things out. It’s been over a month now.
He always showed up unannounced to our home to gather boxes and his belongings. Sometimes we wouldn’t even realize he was there while we had been out.
Last night my partner was looking for our little robot friend as we had just gotten new pads delivered for it.
Turns out that after going crazy looking for this thing and texting Chris, he did take it, claiming “yeah, he is mine”.
This was the last straw. We had been so accommodating to this man for years. I just can’t believe Chris had the audacity to take our beloved robotic cleaning friend without a word.
I have let Chris know that we are no longer comfortable with him coming by unannounced and if he needs anything we will look for it ourselves. I also said he can return his key to the office and we will pick it up.
His response?
“Stop being weird I don’t want any of your trash stuff I already had all my useful grow equipment stolen anyways stop texting me before you make me mad.” (The grow stuff referred to here is indoor greenhouse and hydroponics. Which was verbally agreed for an even split of materials since both Chris and my partner acquired the equipment together.)
My partner ordered a camera that will be here tomorrow, I’ve contacted the leasing office to make them aware of the animosity between us and requested the locks to be changed.
I just want to know, am I going too far? This robot is not at all expensive, but it’s more about the principle to me.
I feel disrespected. We all have to see each other next week for Thanksgiving and I know it will be awkward.”
Another User Comments:
“Change the locks yourself… give several copies of the keys to the leasing office. That way you don’t have to wait.
If they don’t like your brand of lock they can replace it with one they do, or you can put their old locks back on when you leave. Then you are in control of the ‘when’ of that (ie NOW). And yes, tell the REA that you are not authorizing him (named, specifically) or anyone else to have keys anymore, and can they please ensure there are no misunderstandings given he was a past leaseholder.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“I think you know that you and your partner have been doing his chores, subsidizing his life, putting up with his antisocial behavior, and dealing with him crossing boundaries like waltzing in and out whenever he pleases with whatever he wants in a home he no longer lives in.
There’s a reason he didn’t look for anywhere else to live and he’ll be asking to move back in as soon as his next flatmates refuse to put up with his lazy entitled behavior. If he’s the type to break in, I’d pack up everything that could possibly be considered his and drop it off to him.
Changing the locks is a good idea too. Then you can use all the extra money you’ll save on utilities to buy another robot.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get the locks changed, give him maybe one final agreed-upon time for him to get the last of his stuff, and then block him and his access to your home.
You said it was inexpensive and just the principle of the matter, which you are 100% correct about. But I would mostly let the robot thing go, think of it as a fee for not having to deal with his nonsense anymore if it helps lol.
That dude sucks and now he has also burned a bridge with you. Don’t let him ruin your Thanksgiving! Go in there with a big smile on your face because you have done nothing wrong.” Buffalo-Empty
