People Are Sweating Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents' Dogs Out On Their Anniversary?
“For some background: my relationship with my parents is oftentimes very tense. There was a months-long period a few years ago where I had no contact with them. In 2021, I began rebuilding my relationship with them. At the beginning of 2022, my mother experienced health complications and spent a month within the ICU.
I dropped out of college to take care of her and run her business. Following her recovery, I continued to run her business as a means to pay them back for college tuition. While I ran her business, I returned to school and also still had a second job.
A few months ago, my father asked me to work as an assistant manager at his small trade business. He was having trouble finding someone to cover for when his manager will be absent for maternity leave. I asked for fewer hours at my second job and have been helping my father.
Today my parents celebrated their 25th anniversary.
At 8 am this morning I wished them a happy anniversary. My mother and father were supposed to come into my father’s business today so they could learn how to do payroll during the manager’s leave. They didn’t show up without saying anything and opted to go out to the city to celebrate.
My mother texted me asking to pick something up from the store after work. I live 5 minutes from my parents and often run errands for them. I realized I forgot after the store closed and apologized, asking if she wanted me to go elsewhere for it.
She said it was fine and to just grab it tomorrow. Fast forward to late in the evening and my father texts me questioning why I never let their dogs out. I apologize and say no one asked me to. I didn’t realize they would be out so late, and I didn’t realize the dogs were locked up.
He responded by saying that it was “no problem it’s only our 25th anniversary,” and began to bring up my mother’s health issues, how forgotten they were, they do everything for me, and that there was no excuse. I ruined their anniversary (because I assume one of the dogs had an accident inside).
I do let their dogs out for them, but only when they ask. Otherwise I don’t think about it. AITJ?
TLDR: My parents celebrated their 25th anniversary today in the city. I live 5 minutes from them. I didn’t realize they would be home so late and I didn’t realize their dogs were locked indoors.
They never asked me to let their dogs out to go to the bathroom so I didn’t think to. My parents returned home after a half day in the city to a potty accident. My father said I ruined their anniversary. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So, they didn’t show up to work, inform you ahead of time they were gonna do something else, didn’t fill you in that they would be out late, and certainly didn’t ask you to let the dogs out. How on earth can you be blamed here?
For all you knew, they made other arrangements for the dogs. That’s some narcissism right there.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents take you for granted to the point you’re now supposed to read their minds. You forgot to go to the store in time, and they forgot to ask you to let the dogs out in time.
None of that is major. All of it could have been avoided with you setting a reminder and them sending you a text. Tell them you’re a student, you are an assistant manager, you’re running your mother’s business, and you have a third job. You are not, however, a mind reader.
If they want you to let out their dogs, they need to ask you to do so. If you are not doing enough for them or not doing it well enough, you should all sit down and talk about which responsibilities they want to take off your plate so they’re not so disappointed. No good deed goes unpunished. I’m sorry they were so rude.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Aisle Seat On A Full Flight?
“After a VERY long two days of work travel, I’m boarding a very full Southwest flight from Las Vegas to Orange County/John Wayne (a 35 minute flight).
I have boarding position B24. Not great, not awful. I weasel my way towards the back to find the first available aisle seat. Row 21. I put my headphones in and start to doze off as I’m incredibly exhausted. The middle seat is open next to me.
A few minutes later the flight attendant announces to those still boarding (mostly C group), that there are no more aisle or window seats, and to start filling the middle seats. A short while later I get a tap on the shoulder from a guy and his partner (probably mid-late 20s).
The guy goes, “We’d like to sit together, can you move?” I say, “Sure, are there any aisle seats left?” (Slightly annoyed, knowing there weren’t any, but still willing to move for them). He goes, “Do you need an aisle seat?” I said, “Well I’d prefer one but it’s not a big deal.” He then goes “You can sit there (points to a middle seat one row up and across the aisle)”.
I said “Okay that’s fine.” Thinking it’s a 35 minute flight, it’s not a problem. Mind you, he is standing in the aisle next to my seat, and his partner is standing in the aisle one row up. I cannot get up until his partner moves so I can fill into that seat one row up and across the aisle.
I stand up and ask her to move so I can slide by.
She’s confused for some reason (and keeps telling her partner that it’s okay if they don’t sit together). And by the time she moves, another passenger sits in the seat I was going to move to.
So I say “Looks like that seat is taken now, and I don’t see anything else around us”. The partner goes “Well, we want to sit together, so can you find another seat?” I almost lost it. He said this in such an arrogant, entitled way as if my seat was already his.
The flight at this point was full and everyone was sitting down. I said “You know what, I’m not going to search for a seat now. There’s nothing in this area.” And there wasn’t. I stood up to check a few rows up and a few rows back.
I decided to stay and said “You guys are going to have to split up.” I sat back down in my original aisle seat. The FA then asked the couple to find their seats as they were the last ones standing. The partner grunted loudly while his partner calmly reminded him it’s okay, and he found a middle seat in the very last row.
His partner took the middle seat next to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no. As someone who flew every other week for 7 years, you met him more than halfway by looking for the replacement seat yourself before he copped an attitude. Can’t ask for more than that.
And NEVER give up a window or aisle seat for a middle seat. Screw that noise.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want guaranteed seats? Don’t fly Southwest. Also, your employer is the jerk for making you fly SWA on business. ShillinTheVillain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he disturbed you and asked you to get up and find yourself another seat so he can sit with his partner? The audacity. But you have been accommodating enough, OP, more than what that jerk deserved. I wouldn’t have even entertained his rear if it were me.
First of all, I don’t like how he asked you, “can you move?” Like where is the “please”? Second, all window and aisle seats have been occupied before he even asked. I would have politely and firmly told him “no, thanks,” put my headphones back on, and ended the convo right then.
He can grunt and moan all he wants, but first come first served and beggars can’t be choosers.” feliscatus_lover
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Niece A Sled Dog Ride Due To Safety Concerns?
“I have a small dog kennel that focuses on showline Siberians. I currently own 8 dogs and in winter I like to hook them to the specific sled and ride my team. We go on long trips, about 4-5 hours around the forest next to my property.
For those of y’all who don’t know, Siberians are fast AF. Even showline ones. When I had just six of them, I managed just fine, but this season I’ve got two yearlings who are both physically strong and very driven. The average speed is now way higher and to be honest at the start even I get scared a little, luckily the sled is equipped with brakes.
I have a 4F niece, who loves my dogs. They love her back, she always plays and cuddles with them whenever she and her sister-in-law come over. We had a few brushes with the sister-in-law regarding her irresponsibility around large dogs and small children. My dogs are 100% friendly, but it doesn’t mean they’re safe enough to be left unattended around a small child.
They won’t bite, but they may push, kick down, etc., and in the end of the day, they’re still large predators, no matter how many shows they win. My sister-in-law would always send my niece to play with the dogs alone when I’m not looking, and when I confronted her, she said she was raised around dogs and nothing ever happened.
My niece is having a birthday in a few weeks, and my sister-in-law wants me to give her a sled dog ride. She was even ready to pay for it. In theory, it doesn’t sound half bad, except for the fact that my dogs are fast AF, I have two insanely driven yearlings who lack in the training department a little bit and I don’t want my niece to get injured if we hit a tree or the sled rolls over, which absolutely may happen even if I take the smaller team, without the yearlings.
I explained that to my sister-in-law and showed her some of my medical records that occurred after my unluckiest sled dog trips and required medical attention. She said that I could just stand on the brake and shorten the trip. Both things I can do, but the thing about dog sleds is that if you brake hard, you may lose control, especially if it’s a small sled and the team is big, strong, and driven.
Even if I could, I would never ever risk someone else’s life, even to make a child happy.
Sister-in-law didn’t like the explanation and said I’m just being difficult and selfish. I’m not. I just don’t want my niece to get hurt, don’t want the liability that comes with it, and my sled isn’t even equipped to safely transport a passenger.
She said I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your niece’s safety should be the top priority, and it sounds like your sister-in-law is being irresponsible by trying to force you into giving her a sled ride with inexperienced dogs. Stick to your guns and don’t let anyone pressure you into putting someone else in danger.” chaussecursess25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister-in-law is a jerk for pushing this and sending your niece into unsafe situations. She is very entitled. Is it possible to use a smaller team with a smaller sled to design a safer ride? You’re under no obligation to, but it may help put this to bed. Sister-in-law should pay for any new equipment or adjustments needed though. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I can’t believe how irresponsible sister-in-law is. If she’s ready to pay, she should go to an actual sled dog facility (whatever they’re called in English) that are equipped to take passengers and have actual, like, permits and insurance policies and whatnot. You’re just doing it as a hobby and as an amateur, basically. I’m sure your niece would be happy just spending time with the dogs.
(And your sister-in-law is knowingly putting her in harm’s way constantly even with that!) Also, just a bit of a sidenote, this is a great post pointing out that even showline huskies aren’t just family pets that can live in an apartment! Sure, some individuals exist that aren’t as energetic, as loud, are easier to train, and don’t have such high prey drive, etc. One should never get a husky expecting it to be the one that differs from the norm.
It works out for some who will tell everyone who listens that their husky is so sweet, can be off-leash and never destroys anything… But the reality is that many huskies end up in shelters as they grow up.” Jatulintarha
19. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Brother's Flower Girl After A Block Party Dispute?
“Me (17F) and my brother (30M) (we’ll call him Tyler) both invited our friends to our neighborhood block party. Our family only had one cooler for drinks and it was left in the front yard for anyone to take if they were thirsty.
Tyler brought the cooler to the back so he and his friends could drink while they grilled. My friends and I got thirsty so we went to the back and got drinks and then went inside the house to relax and watch a movie. I let my friends have free reign of the drinks because I’m not going to gatekeep hydration.
Tyler comes inside the house and yells at me for letting my friends take all the drinks that his friends paid for. He started saying how they didn’t get their money’s worth, and my friends don’t live here and shouldn’t be left by themselves. I tell my friends not to go outside anymore because I don’t want to deal with my brother.
Later in the day, my brother came back inside to yell at me some more. He said one of my friends let our dog outside and he ate all of the meat he was grilling. I asked why his friends didn’t stop him since they were all hanging out outside, and he said they were in the front yard, not the back.
I asked him why it’s my issue if his friends left the meat unattended. He said because it was one of my friends who let our dog out and wasn’t paying attention to the grill. I told him it was not my friends’ responsibility to make sure our dog didn’t get out and to supervise the meat.
He left to hang out with his friends so I went back to hang out with mine.
Not too long later, I received a text saying, “You owe me $100.” If he didn’t want me to touch the drinks, he should’ve gotten another cooler for just him and his friends.
If he didn’t want our dog to steal the meat, he shouldn’t have left it out for him to get to.
The next day we were still arguing about it so when he left the house, I went to his room and put down $100 with a note that said “Find another flower girl”.
My parents said I should stop being so hard-headed and forgive him so I could be his flower girl. I said he’s the grown adult in this situation and he should be apologizing for accusing me. My sister (27) said I should stop being petty and just forgive him.
Should I listen to everyone and forgive him or stand my ground if or until he apologizes?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You shouldn’t have let your friends have free reign to take drinks that didn’t belong to them, they are old enough to be polite in other people’s homes.
He shouldn’t have left meat unattended when there is a dog in the house and a load of people around, any of whom could easily have left a door open. This is not a world-ending situation, and if this is as bad as the arguments between you get, then you can move on from it and celebrate the wedding with him.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother needs his own cooler, better friends, and a new flower girl; maybe the dog? He expects minor children to be the responsible parties here; if his friends brought the drinks, they should’ve been in a different cooler. 3rd paragraph indicates it’s a family cooler with family drinks.
If more were needed, he should’ve let your parents know. Your brother is responsible for watching the grill when he’s using it; he should’ve been there and put the dog back in the house. He should be talking to his friends about abandoning the grill when he was in the house.
I wouldn’t bother going to his wedding, it’s clear that anything that goes wrong will be your fault.” Emotional_Bonus_934
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but only in regards to the drinks. I would’ve just asked if my friends could grab some beforehand. If not, make sure you buy some yourself or tell your friends to bring drinks.
He should’ve paid attention to the meat though, he probably only pinned that on you because he was already mad over the drinks. I don’t think you should drop out of the wedding because this is so petty. But he shouldn’t have gotten so angry.” omar_afx
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepmom's Hypocrisy About My Daughter's Sugar Intake?
“My (31F) dad (66) married Nancy (63) over 10 years ago. Nancy has three sons- Rich, Steve, and Reggie. It’s no secret and almost some family joke that Reggie started drinking beer when he was 6 years old. Reggie got out of prison for meth/DUI related charges, announced he was HIV positive then went no contact with Nancy.
I became a mother 3 years ago to a baby girl. When she was an infant, I expressed wanting my daughter on a health food based diet. One weekend, I came out from the restroom and my dad had given my baby a popsicle!! I made a huge fuss and they all made comments about that being a grandparent’s job, to spoil the child with treats and sweets.
I vividly recall my stepmom saying that her kids were more fun to have over because they let the kids pig out. I started to let my kid go all out on the days we would visit. Naturally, my daughter has picked up on that and looks forward to the sweets at grandpa and nanny’s house.
Eventually, Nancy noticed 3’s excitement and said “why is she so obsessed with candy?! I NEVER gave my kids sweets this young and even to this day they don’t like desserts. You should have never even introduced her to sweets, she’s clearly addicted.”
The first time she said it, I reminded her that my dad was the one who gave my daughter sugar without my permission. I thought that sealed it, but every few weekends Nancy will drop that exact same phrasing when my kid asks for her sweet treat.
Visitors will jump in and say how cool it is that Nancy didn’t introduce her kids to sweets and that it’s really more nurture than nature blah blah. Nancy seems to use it when she wants a boost of attention or she gets bored. I continued to ignore it because Nancy recently started testing for memory loss.
She does have issues remembering details but she’s not disabled. Today, my daughter was eating a cookie on my lap and Nancy says “God, she loves sugar! Why do you think that is…..?”
With no one else to jump in, I said “Don’t all kids love sweets?” Nancy looked so pleased, crossed her arms and proudly said “not my kids!
I never gave them sugar and even now they don’t like it. It’s all about how you raise them.” I said “so beer was fine, just not sugars? Got it, Nancy was frozen like deer in headlights and said “he was sneaking those beers!”
I said maybe she should have regulated the beer more, instead worrying about sugar, and that I may allow my kid to have sugar, but I also make sure to monitor booze in my home. My dad called saying that Nancy has a terrible memory and probably doesn’t remember commenting the first time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If she genuinely is developing a bad memory unintentional YTJ. She literally can’t help it, and along with cognitive decline usually also comes prefrontal cortex decline where impulses kick in (basically “no filter”). It’s difficult to understand when you’ve seen the individual previously fine and capable their whole lives, but people *change.* I have literally had the same exact conversation with someone 6 times in 15 minutes.
Yes it’s annoying as heck, but they aren’t trying to do it. Advanced dementia is rough. But since she’s 63 I’m going to assume she isn’t that far gone yet (usually happens more around 70-80) and she’s just starting to get more general old age forgetful.
Same basic principle–just less pronounced in frequency/intensity. Still NTJ but keep in mind she’s not going to get better from here on out so keep that whole “they can’t help telling the same story over and over” in mind going forward.” cloistered_around
Another User Comments:
“Yes. You lashed out with intent to injure because she had done that to you. It’s fine to express hurt and anger about her trying to tell you how to raise your kids. It’s another to hit below the belt about her son. It was a dirty blow and you know it.
You need to apologize but then have a heart-to-heart talk about how much pain she’s been causing you by pushing the “addiction” guilt button for you. If she won’t go there then maybe it’s time to start going low contact. It’s likely she will slip up and do the same thing from time to time despite any agreement you make in that conversation.
I would give her grace if I thought it was accidental but remind her of the agreement made.” StreetTailor7596
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been a mother for only three years. Nancy, on the other hand, has a lifetime experience of motherhood compared to you and with your limited experience, you have no idea what it’s like to deal with the pain of having a child like Reggie.
Hopefully, you never will. Yeah, her memory sucks, so she probably doesn’t remember making the comments before or that it was her husband who caused the problem that she is talking about so you’re frustrated that she keeps making it. Still, the blow you made was low.
Nancy maybe wasn’t the best mother of all time, but newsflash, you won’t be either.” okIhaveANopinionHERE
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother-In-Law Doesn't Work And Lets My Sister Provide For Their Family?
“My sister “Katie” married her school sweetheart “John” as soon as they were old enough to do so. She went and studied medicine while he joined the army. John finished his time in the army around the time their first daughter was born. Because he was unemployed while Katie was working, he stayed home with the baby while she went straight back.
Fast forward a few years, and Katie is now a senior surgeon and head of her department. They’ve had a little boy and another little girl, and John still hasn’t gone back to work, because Katie makes more than enough for the family. I’ll be honest, I don’t approve of this.
I’m a SAHM to my two kids, and while I don’t think all women should be, I feel happiest being a mum and don’t think I’d enjoy anything else. My husband loves providing for us and I love taking care of them all. I don’t really care about “gender roles” but I can’t help but think John is taking advantage of her.
He’s a very fit and able-bodied man and learned lots of skills in the army according to Katie, so there’s no reason for him not to be working rather than putting all the financial burden on her.
I don’t have much respect for a man who lets a woman who has just given birth go straight back to a complex and physically/mentally demanding job, as though her body hadn’t already been through a lot.
He could’ve just gotten a job for a few months and let her have some maternity leave so she could bond with her babies. We live quite close to them and our kids go to the same school. My kids have started asking why Uncle John doesn’t go to work like their dad.
I had to explain that different people have different lifestyles and we have to be kind and accept it. But I did tell them that this isn’t right, and that a father should provide and protect his family like their dad does.
They also asked why John has painted nails (he lets their daughters put makeup on him and paint his nails).
I don’t have a problem with this, but I recognize society does, so I said he and the girls were just “being silly.” Unfortunately, this got back to their cousins, who told Katie, who phoned me up shouting at me, demanding I “keep my nose out of their business” and saying her children wouldn’t be playing with mine anymore.
I’ll admit that I shouldn’t have said anything to the kids, they’re too young to understand. But I told her that one day she would realise I was right, and that she’s wasted her life with a man who has leached off her. She got even angrier, hung up the phone and blocked me on everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brain is consumed by gender roles, even though you say you don’t care. Go back and read what you wrote. It’s all about your ideas of gender roles. Katie and John have a life that makes them happy. They’re doing it right.
Please do whatever it takes to straighten out your priorities and not pass toxic, limiting ideas on to your kids. Apologize to your sister and your kids. Tell them you were wrong, and ask them to help you do better.” Competitive_Cod_3843
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are both a misogynist and a woman. The worst kind of misogynist. You are judgmental. You are unable to believe that people can live a happy, healthy life outside of what you consider right. You say you don’t care about gender norms, but you absolutely do.
I have been home sick and on the internet all day. This post is the most disgusting thing I have read all day. You should be ashamed of yourself. YTJ, big time.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You do realize you’re leaching off your husband, right?
So why are you judging your BIL and sister again? Oh right, because they don’t fit into the traditional BS box… There’s nothing wrong with your sister and her family. She’s an educated woman who works in medicine, so I’m pretty sure she went back to work when she felt she was ready to go back to work.
As for your BIL, he sounds like a great father and a supportive husband. YTJ. I feel for your kids who are going to grow up believing that: – women have to become mothers. – women have to become SAHM. – men need to provide. – it’s wrong for people not to fit into what society expects of them.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Embarrassing My Friend's Partner After She Kept Belittling Me?
“My (f24) partner (m25) has a friend, Enzo (m26). They’re pretty close and Enzo has become a good friend of mine as well.
Enzo has a partner, Kat (f25). Kat is very much the “cool partner” and I am the complete opposite. That said, we normally get on fine. The only time I get a little bit irritated is when she takes shots at me being “high maintenance”.
She teases me whenever my partner pays for anything for me, gives me a piggyback when my feet hurt, brings the car round so I don’t have to walk, things like that. It’s always “omg if I talked to Enzo like that I’d be dumped” “You can’t do anything for yourself?
You wore the heels, suck it up”. I normally laugh it off, make a joke and leave it alone, but we’ve been hanging out a lot over the past few weeks and it’s really got on my nerves.
So a couple of days ago we were out to dinner with a bunch of other friends and a couple of the guys were teasing my partner about his obsession with cars.
One of the guys said “is your (latest car) the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?” And my partner said “no, that’s (me), and it’s a lifelong payment plan”. Everyone laughed, including me, I was not at all bothered by what he said, but Kat got offended. She started calling my partner all sorts of names for saying that about me.
I told her to calm down, I’m not offended and it has nothing to do with her. Kat then turned on me and started calling me all sorts of degrading things for being “okay with being treated like a commodity” and how she’s so glad she would never let a man talk about her like that.
The holier than thou attitude was just getting to me at that point, so I was just like, yeah, Kat enjoy being Miss Independent, meanwhile your partner is buying me flowers on your birthday. Kat just rolled her eyes and didn’t say anything after that but the rest of dinner was pretty awkward, and Kat and Enzo left the night early.
Enzo said while he understands Kat was wrong, she feels I humiliated her and that it’s worse because it was in front of people she didn’t know that well. A partner who was there said Kat deserved what I said, but also that she would be surprised if she showed her face with the group again.
It wasn’t my intention to make it so that Kat can’t come out with the group, it was just she was piling on with this rhetoric which okay that’s her opinion but who asked you? And yes maybe it was catty to bring up the flower thing but if she stands by her words then why was it such a big deal for me to bring it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She doesn’t get the same treatment from her partner so she’s got to bring down someone who does to make it look like it’s a bad thing. The only reason she’s a “cool partner” is because she’s a mean girl who makes everyone else look lesser by belittling them.
Honestly be proud for standing up for yourself. She’d do it forever if unchecked.” Spiritual_Process_87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can keep going on bad mouthing you and your partner in front of “people she doesn’t know”, but you shouldn’t retaliate? And you didn’t call her names or anything.
You just stated a fact. If she felt hurt by that, that is her own doing. Definitely not the jerk. It’s Ok to have different opinions and choices on life. But it’s not okay to badmouth the persons or their relationship. It’s literally none of her business.
You said that too. If she still didn’t wanna stop and you had to retaliate, it’s her issue. If she can’t show her face again, she did this to herself.” phoenix_ekawa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you definitely could’ve handled it differently. People will get very surprised when you start snapping at comments similar to other comments you’ve laughed off.
You were clearly annoyed over time, and you could have pulled her aside way earlier and been like “hey, I’m a bit sick of these comments, I don’t find it funny”. I don’t think things would’ve escalated if you would’ve diffused that tension.” Routine_Action_121
15. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Giving My Late Partner Lifts To The Bus Stop?
“My (29M) partner (22F) got out of uni and started working nearly a year ago now. She cannot drive and needs to get 2 buses to get to work which will be about a 70 minute journey. The bus stop is about 10-15 minutes walk from our house.
I drive to work fairly close by and the bus stop is near enough to on the way for me and I leave around the time she would need to get the bus. So I have been giving her lifts when she has a day shift (average 3 days a week I’d say).
Here’s the rub; I start at 8:30 am and I want to leave at 8:20 am. She refuses to wake up any earlier than 7:45 am, it is always a rush for her, and usually she is not ready by 8:20 am. If I then decide to leave without her, she will miss the bus, so I feel obliged to wait, and this often makes me late for work, sometimes I get lucky with traffic.
I don’t really get in trouble for being late but it stresses me out nonetheless.
Normally I wake up at 7.30 am or a little earlier, which gives me time to shower, eat breakfast and feed our pets. When she is not working and I feel particularly tired, sometimes I will get up at 7:45 am and it’s a bit of a rush, but I still manage.
If she is working and I feel particularly tired I ask her if she can get up first (we have one good shower) and she never will, so on the times where I don’t have the will for 7:30 am I don’t get in the shower until she is done at 8 am and then I miss breakfast and it’s not a good time.
So I feel that for both of us to be on time, one of us has to get up at 7:30am and the other at 7:45am. I don’t think that it should always have to be me especially given she is the one that needs a lift.
My partner is an anxious creature and her anxiety is often enflamed by her work, so I can appreciate that it may not always be easy to wake up, and she recently got signed off of work for a month because of her anxiety. During that month I was not late a single time.
I have been late twice in the week since she has been back. I feel that she does not care if I am late, nor that she considers that I might want to have the lie-in every once in a while without having to worry about being late.
I have bought this up many times, but she always gets very defensive and annoyed with me.
So would I be a jerk if I said no more lifts to the bus stop?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you tell her that in future you’re leaving at 8.15, and if she’s not ready, you’ll have to go without her.
She’s making you late *because she won’t get up on time*, and she doesn’t seem to see that it’s a problem. Anxiety isn’t an excuse for selfishness. If she has anxiety and she constantly underestimates the time it takes her to get ready for work, she may also have ADHD.
Even if she doesn’t – she may benefit from doing *as much as possible* the night before, so that her morning is less of a rush. Putting out her work clothes, prepping her breakfast, packing her lunch, taking a shower, etc.” Moose-Live
Another User Comments:
“I say this as someone who also drives his partner to the bus: NTJ. If you’re getting a ride, you don’t make someone else late because of it if you can avoid it. You could try the empathetic approach: ask her how she would feel if she were constantly late to work.
Explain to her that you get anxious too. If that doesn’t work, well, I don’t know. A harsher approach is to say that you’re leaving at a certain time and if she’s not ready, no ride.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You haven’t gotten in trouble for being late, YET.
That doesn’t mean that your persistent tardiness won’t be a problem in the future. Don’t take her to the bus stop anymore. She needs to get up earlier.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend's Stepfather About His Inappropriate Remarks?
“This has been a moral dilemma that has been stuck with me since July 4th. I (19F) have been invited to my friend’s (19M) 4th of July party, they needed help with catering, so I happily obliged. Before the party, I barely knew his stepfather (About mid-40s to early 50s) and who he was as a person.
At the time I was quite excited to meet his entire family since I heard very optimistic remarks from my friend about them. We gathered food and essentials for the party the day prior. I made the mostaccioli the night before and properly packed it so all we had to do was bake it when we got to the rental house.
We got to the party and at first, I had a blast!! When I was prepping food in the kitchen, I noticed him outside with my friend’s brothers setting up tents and the fireworks around the pond. Of course, I was under the impression that he was a hard-working family man that wanted to dedicate himself to his family and most importantly his wife.
Later in the evening I got the mostaccioli baked and took it outside for the family and friends to eat. I cleaned the kitchen up and about a half-hour later returned outside to enjoy and celebrate the most iconic American holiday. That was until he confronted me.
SF: “That was probably the best Mostaccioli I’ve ever had!!
Seriously, it’s splendid and the flavors go well.”Me: “Thank you!! I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was my first time making it so I was a bit concerned that it wouldn’t come out right.
SF: “Well it did. Actually (Glances over at my friend’s mom) you’re lucky that I’m married to that woman over there because if I wasn’t I would have a ring on your finger right now.”Me: (Becoming visibly uncomfortable) “Uh, yeah, of course”.Later on, he made even MORE remarks.
Even going as far as to saying how I would be the ‘perfect wife’ for him. At that point I just fled to my friend’s side and decided to stick with him for the rest of the night. That was until he got inebriated and became mouthy with me about what I was saying to my friend.
At that point I was done, I told him to “Leave me the heck alone you creepy jerk” and hid in my bedroom with my friend, refusing to leave at all. Yesterday was the only time I saw him prior to the events and he’s acting like everything is okay.
I have a feeling my friend didn’t tell his mom, and that the stepdad threw it under the rug. I was constantly told by his brothers that’s how “he is with women” and that “I’m overreacting” and now I feel emotionally conflicted over the situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s just trying his luck until someone takes his creepy bait. You didn’t bite so to him, no harm, no foul. He’s so wrong and evidently the rest of his family condones his nasty behavior with the fact that’s just how he is with women.
Not okay! You did nothing wrong; you didn’t overreact, and his audacity is disgusting. His assumption that some random 19-year-old would even want him is just mindboggling and so egotistical on his part. He’s the jerk. You are not, in any way, shape, fashion or form.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s disgusting and creepy. If it happens again, I would tell someone because that’s seriously icky. There is NO excuse for him ‘being like that with women’. And being gaslit by being told that you are overreacting is even worse, as the brother is enabling that kind of behavior.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, wow what a terrible guy. I’m not sure what you should do other than stay away from his dad as much as possible. Your friend is also kind of a jerk for not telling his mom that her husband is like that around a woman the age of her son.” User
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Be Flower Girls At My Sister's Wedding After Going No Contact?
“I (32 f) and my sister (28 f) have had a rocky relationship since our teen years.
In 2021 I was pregnant with my 4th child and my sister’s wedding date was set 2 weeks after my due date, so I already wasn’t sure if I would be able to attend, but she wanted my other 3 children to be her flower girls. We accepted and were excited to be part of the wedding.
In June I got into an argument with my mom when she waited until the last minute to inform us of Father’s Day plans, which resulted in us not being able to attend.
The argument got deep to where I completely opened up and expressed my personal feelings about how my whole family had treated me over the years and have always felt like the black sheep.
My mother said some horrible things, like I was treated poorly because of how difficult I was as a teen, plus several other things. She ultimately said I wasn’t deserving of their love because I was so difficult. After that, I decided to go no contact.
Well, my mom went running to my sister about it, and I received a nasty text saying I spoke so horribly to our mom and I NEEDED to apologize and that she didn’t deserve anything I said. All I said was how I felt. I never said anything bad or nasty about anyone.
I just expressed feelings.
When I told my sister that I wasn’t going to apologize for having feelings, she then verbally attacked me and said I was selfish and a horrible person, so I decided to go no contact with her as well. I ended up going no contact with my other 2 sisters as well after some related issues (but not my dad).
I tried to civily talk to my mom again after several weeks, but was met again with such narcissistic responses and a lot of gaslighting. A month before the wedding (a few days before I would unknowingly go into early labor) my sister contacted me through my dad and asked if my girls were still going to be in her wedding.
She said they were more than welcome to still be flower girls, but my husband and I could not even step foot at the venue, and that my mom and other sisters would be their caregivers the entire weekend. I considered but then politely declined. There was then an outburst from my mom and all my sisters about how selfish I was being and how it would just ruin the whole day.
The wedding ended up being beautiful and my girls weren’t missed, but now after reconnecting, I’m questioning whether or not I WAS being selfish. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was super easy to decide. They’re toxic. You made the right call to go NC with all of them.
Let them have their circus, you don’t need to be part of that mess. Congrats on the baby and on keeping your kids away from that nonsense.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You expressed your feelings and were told you were undeserving. Being around people who treat you like that is extremely unhealthy.
And I would NEVER allow my children at an event I wasn’t allowed at, being cared for by people who are already badmouthing me.” Pauscha580
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I think there’s an argument to be made for still allowing your children to have a relationship with your extended family even if you don’t get along with them, in this specific case (where they’re insulting you, not even trying to work things out, and only interested in having your children around as wedding decor) I think you did what you had to do.” Allaboutbird
12. AITJ For Advocating Professional Care For Grandpa Instead Of Providing It Myself?
“I live with my husband, his mother, his brother, his brother’s partner, their baby, and his grandpa. It’s a full house. Usually we pay rent, but we paid ahead a year.
I also recently lost my job, which was fine because of our agreement. Grandpa has been a fall risk and has dementia so he needs help with his medicine. Anyway, he got sick and had a lot of problems moving. I have caregiver experience so I knew what to do and how to take care of him.
The problem was that he needed help every 2 hours, 24 hours a day, and I had to buy all the supplies we didn’t have. My partner offered to help me but after the 4th day we had enough. Waking up so often and getting no sleep is pretty difficult for us.
So he texted his mom about needing to get help. She blew up, calling us all kinds of names. Demanding that we pay more rent, saying we don’t help around the house, and we should help because we are family. She called us ungrateful brats.
We tried to talk it out but she yelled in my face for 20 minutes about the same stuff. Now this is extra hurtful because I actually do nearly all the cleaning, buy all the food, and buy nearly all the soap and household supplies. I also take care of her 4 dogs while she’s at work and maintain the yard.
I tried to tell her that it’s too hard to provide care 24 hours out of the day by ourselves. We talked more the next day and she said she was struggling with money. She said grandpa’s expenses were too much by herself and no one in the house is paying rent.
My partner’s brother and partner just had a baby so I get it.
I suggested we get Grandpa on Medicare part C so she could save money on his medicine and food. Also, insurance would pay for a caregiver. She refused this money saving option.
In the end, she denies all the things I do for the house and wants us to give her more money. Even though we had a rental agreement, and I just lost my job. It seemed like we were getting to an agreement, but after she apologized for blowing up, she still said we don’t help out.
Our talk led nowhere and I just gave up on it. I feel like I’m sacrificing myself for this family and no one appreciates it( except my husband). I talked to my husband’s cousin and he said we should appreciate the mother-in-law more, and it’s her house, her rules.
So, did I overstep for advocating for grandpa to have professional care instead of just me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if he needs that much care he should be in a facility. I work in one and we have staff awake 24 hours a day to make sure they are safe and all needs met so family can be just that family and not so worn out that they can’t enjoy their family member.” Artistic_Tough5005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to get out of there. Rent a room in a house if you have to. This is incredibly toxic. Nothing you do will ever be enough.” Maleficent_Ad407
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner's Friend Took The Job I Applied For?
“I (21F) met my partner’s friend Sam (20F) when I started seeing my partner (22M). Since I met her, she’s been very competitive with me and gave pick-me vibes. So the reason I’m typing this is I applied for a job within walking distance from my house not even 6min away and they told me they’ll let me know when I need to come in for training so I told Sam and our friend group how happy I was to hear they’ll let me know when I can come in for training because I’m struggling to find a job with a good income and because it’s walking distance from my house that helped me a lot.
Well, the next day I got a message from Sam telling me she got the job that I wanted…
I told her I’m happy for you and then came the message from the company saying I don’t have to come in for the training anymore because they found someone else and I knew who.
So I then messaged Sam and said I don’t understand how you got the job when they told me they’ll let me know about the training and you knew I wanted/needed it and you don’t need it? (She lives with her parents far away from the job and her parents pay for everything without complaining because her parents are really really wealthy and she’s already had a job and her parents give her allowance money) and she just replied well I wanted to do something in my spare time and felt bored so I decided to go ask for the job 3 times after you told me about it and also don’t mention my name to the company ever because I told them about us being friends… so I just told her well I’m happy for you but also sad because I needed the job and the fact that you asked for the job knowing I wouldn’t get the job and I have the qualifications for it (I studied for the job and had experience since I was 16) and she told me well you snooze you lose.
Maybe you could ask them to be the cleaner! So I decided to just let it go and go to sleep but then my partner’s phone rang and he answered it and it was Sam crying that I hurt her feelings and how she needed the job because she was bored and at least I can still be cleaner and how I’m being a jerk for not being happy for her so my partner said whatever and just blocked her and I also blocked her.
I also found out that she lied to the owner and said I’m lazy and will quit after a week? AITJ? Because I would’ve thought you don’t go get jobs that your friends wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“She took the job to annoy and hurt you.
She will quit fairly quickly in my opinion. I would email the job, express your disappointment in not getting the role and ask that they keep you in mind should anything else come up, because you are super enthusiastic and really qualified etc (lay it on thick but don’t mention knowing the other girl or being in a hostile situation with her.) Make sure the job remembers you positively for when she leaves.
It may work in your favour but keep looking for other work as well.” Heraonolympia123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you are still generally interested in this job, maybe it would not hurt to make contact with them. If she is only doing this because she is bored, then she won’t last too long.
I would reach out and say thank you for the opportunity to interview, you are disappointed that you did not get the role, but wish them the best with the new hire, who incidentally you have met recently and is a close friend of your partner.
Tell them you would love to be considered for any future roles, and remind them of the parts of your resume that demonstrate you have commitment and are reliable, attach referee letters, and contact details. Hopefully they will put 2 and 2 together and realise there is some pettiness going on here” Spot_marks_the_x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I mean, what could you have done wrong here? From what you’ve said here, you’ve attempted to keep peace with this girl that you don’t care for. You applied for a job that you really want, that’s convenient, and that you need. This is a tricky situation because the person you need to talk to about Sam is your partner.
I’m kind of curious his take on this situation actually. Is this characteristic of Sam? Is this a you thing or a personality trait? I wish I had more advice here, but I don’t usually see this ending well. Either the partner thinks you’re jealous of the other girl and that ends up causing strife in the relationship, or the partner thinks you’re putting him in a lose-lose situation of having to choose.
One thing is for sure, I’d keep Sam out of the loop about future jobs.” Confettionthefloor
10. AITJ For Wanting To Lock My Room To Protect My Computer Setup From My Little Brother?
“I (16nb) live at home, with my aunt(28f) and little brother(4), as well as 2 dogs(1 and 3 f), and have my own room. In it, I have a computer setup(a PC, 4 monitors, an external hard drive, 2 webcams and currently 1 podcast mic on an arm), set up in a way that, if mismanaged, the podcast mic’s arm could damage a monitor, and the chair, which can lean back, could destroy the whole setup.
I also have a 3D printer behind my chair, which is sadly on the same level.
The total cost for the whole setup is 3500, which is a fair budget, but good, as I work at a small restaurant, which pays well, while trying to save for future costs.
The thing with this is that, usually, my little brother is not home when I am scheduled, as my aunt works. This week, it changed, and they were at home while I was scheduled. The issue, my little brother loves Minecraft and Roblox. My aunt would prefer to not download it on one of her devices, so she lets him on mine.
She says he isn’t allowed when I’m not there, but it’s still discomforting to me.
The brother was allowed, the day I’m writing this, unsupervised on my computer while I was showering. I knew, so I rushed it, but he didn’t want to get off when my aunt called(I wasn’t out of the bathroom yet, so the only issue was him being on it).
This wouldn’t be too bad, but he wants me to buy him robux, which I do not. But, I have gift cards on auto fill through Windows which, well, you know how Roblox returns are.
I also have VSCode installed, with the C++ extension, and it’s pinned to my taskbar.
I also do heavy work with PowerShell, so he can affect my computer on a low level. He plays Minecraft on my account, so I limit him to offline play. But, I can’t do so without being in the room. Setting his own account causes issues, too.
My account is, obviously, an admin account for the machine. I would install any desk, but I’m concerned due to scammers. I can’t turn my computer off, as when I use it, I need a very specific setup, and I’m downloading things 100% of the time.
I also am logged into my YouTube channel, which I have worked on for years and am trying to grow. I don’t feel like policing a baby when I’m working.
My aunt is a single mom, so there’s a lot on her shoulders. I understand why she can’t handle everything, and sometimes let’s the brother on it when I’m there, so I tried getting her to let me buy another computer for him, but she isn’t ok with it.
So, WIBTJ if I locked my door when I’m not home?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. That’s an expensive setup that a 4 yo should not be on, period, much less when you aren’t there. There are fairly inexpensive iPads (refurbished) or tablets that you should be able to modify out the wazoo for him to play on.
At 4 years old, he needs to be working on reading skills so you could set up educational programs on it. He should only be online with supervision.” OrneryQueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t trust little bro on your PC and expensive equipment, I get it.
I could also get if your aunt was not keen on you putting a lock on your door. I know if I were in her shoes I would say I need a key, and I still reserve the right to go into your room, when and if I need to.
What I don’t get is why your aunt wouldn’t let you get him his own computer for games or offer a solution, seeing as she does not want him on hers. (You paid for yours so you have a right to say no too.) I suggest getting a tablet for yourself, that brother could “borrow” to play Minecraft and Roblox on.
Thus he will not need to go on your PC.” yukibunny
9. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My Dad Instead Of My Mom?
“My parents have been divorced since I was three. My dad is my best friend. He has his flaws but I can never say he’s been a bad dad. He pays more than he should for child support and is in my life 100% of the time and pays everything for me beyond child support.
Although I love my mom, we’ve been arguing since I was very little and have never gotten along. She has helped me through thick and thin, I won’t lie, but I’m not happy living with her and my stepdad. I feel like the black sheep in that family and never treated right.
I don’t want to hurt my mom, but she’s hurt me so much. I got a speeding ticket a month ago, and decided to tell her instead of lying and she told me to go stay with my dad for the week, and since then I told her I’m not coming back.
She’s been arguing but also understanding and very emotional.
She’s been trying to manipulate me left and right and I want to be nice but I don’t think I can. For context, I have 2 little brothers, one on each side of the family.
My 11-year-old brother is with my mom and my stepdad. I’m scared it’ll diminish our relationship as well. To be honest, I don’t care how my stepdad feels, he’s a jerk and has never loved me a day in his life. Before I moved out my mom had booked a family vacation to Portugal for 2 weeks to see our grandparents because they’re getting very old and since they already paid for my ticket I decided to suck up my pride and go.
It’s been a great trip but a little awkward. We are leaving tonight and I made it clear that I’m staying with my dad when I get back. I told her I want her in my life, but I’m not her pe,t and she is already trying to give me chores to do at her house when I get back.
I love my mom, but I can’t live with her anymore, I start college in a month and I need one stable house to focus on my future. My senior year I fell into a bad habit, which is my fault, but it was because I was under constant stress due to living with my mom.
One of the days during Portugal my mom walked into my room freaking out about my dad stopping child support and it was really sad. I don’t know what to do and I feel bad. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ almost sounds like she’s using you as a cash cow.
Meaning, whilst living with her, she is getting money from your dad for the child support. It has just hit her that if you move in with him, she will then be the one having to pay the child support if that’s what he requests as he is taking custody.
I’m not sure she cares about you, sounds more like it’s about the money.” Duckie_plantmom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to stay with your dad, but you need to understand that it’s typical for teens to have ups and downs in their relationships with their parents and it’s always easier for the non-custodial parent to be the good guy.
I do hope things will be better when you’re living with your father, but you should expect that there will be rules and chores, and they will set expectations for your behavior in their home. Speeding tickets and bad habits are a no go for all parents.
The fact that you blame your mother for falling into bad habits shows just how immature you really are.” Glinda-The-Witch
8. AITJ For Suggesting My Partner Sell The House She Co-Owns With Her Ex?
“I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, we’ve been living together for 4 years. We currently rent a house together, and eventually when market prices come down a bit we will buy a house together.
My partner has an existing house that she bought with her ex partner. They are still technically married, but broke up 6 years ago. My partner is tight on money this month for various reasons, and I suggested she sell the house to give her more cashflow.
She says that she will only sell the house when I am ready to buy a new house with her. This is all fine and well, but the housing market is crazy right now and the prices are very high. I believe that the prices will fall over the next two years, and interest rates will come down, and that would be the best time for us to buy a house together.
As she is short on money this month I suggested she re-evaluate her financial situation and once again look at selling her house, or at least looking into how much money those living there are paying towards it and ensure that it is at least cost neutral to her.
Currently her ex-partner and her adopted son (adult, late 20s) are living in it. I suggested that it would be reasonable for the people living in the house to cover the mortgage and bills between them. She countered and said that she won’t force them to do that, and she sees herself paying into the house as an investment that will later pay off when she sells the house, as she will get half of the sale value.
She is quite insistent that she doesn’t want to be without a house at any point in time, so she will only sell when we buy together.
I personally think it is a bit of a ridiculous scenario that she’s paying towards a house that she isn’t living in in a different city, just so her ex and her adopted adult son don’t have to pay the full living costs of adult human beings….
meanwhile we pay market rate on a rental.
I’m unsure how it would work with equity ect, she believes the current method guarantees her half of the sale value when it comes… and believes that if.. for example, she makes her adopted son pay half the mortgage as rent, it would be unfair for her to take half of the sale value.
She does charge him rent, but between her ex and her adopted son they do not cover the costs of the house they live in.
Am I a jerk for requesting that she sell her house or at least get them to cover the costs of the house?”
Another User Comments:
“So she needs to divorce the partner. You have no idea how she will shake out financially until they are legally divorced. She may owe alimony or back child support. The partner might get the house. Her finances affect you and your future.
She is still married. If she dies, everything she has goes to the ex. Her ex gets her retirement. Her ex can come to your rental house and demand the television. I don’t know why you are all possessive of the house when everything she owns is half the ex’s.” vac_roc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is right about equity, she can’t really expect to collect the sale money if she wasn’t paying into the mortgage, regardless of whether she lived there or not. Nor can she proceed with selling the house unless ALL owners of the house agree, and that includes her ex.
There are ways around it, but they include lots of legal hurdles she is not willing to deal with right now. And have you considered that she wouldn’t want to burden her son with mortgage/rent in the current housing market because she loves him, even if it causes her financial difficulties, as she wants the best for her kid?” Sunny_Hill_1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is none of your business as you two are not currently sharing finances (and she is still technically married to someone else) and there are very complicated legal implications here that you do not understand. Stay out of it. If it starts affecting you because you have to cover part of her half of things, you can then decide whether to move out and get your place or cover her part, you don’t get to tell her what to do with a house that she owns with her husband.” HelpwithMIL3838
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Younger Sister's Education?
“Some background context, I (16f) have a little sister (4f) and we currently live with our parents in a foreign country.
We were once an upper middle-class family in a small Chinese town, but my parents brought me here 6 years ago for “my studies” and some other private reasons. It’s pretty rough, but we are still considered middle-class in terms of lifestyle and the amount of money we have.
My sister and I are in the same international school (it has kindergarten, middle school, and high school) and to be honest, it is one of the top international schools here (we receive financial aid).
By all means, I’m grateful that my parents did all that for me, and I’d say I’m doing well in school (finished freshman year with a 4.06 GPA and have quite a lot of extracurricular activities, interned in China this summer by myself for a month etc).
My parents aren’t good at speaking English, and they know close to nothing about my school life and teachers besides the things I tell them. So in my opinion, I’ve also worked hard these years as a non-native English speaker and moving schools for 3 times, and it’s not like I don’t have my own dreams and aspirations, I have them and that’s what I’m working towards.
I admit that I’m not that close with my parents due to past Asian trauma and them not understanding a lot of things about me even now, but I think I moved past that already, especially now I’m only 3 years away from going to college or university.
But recently, my parents, especially my mother, has started saying that they will send my sister to me after I graduate college, how they hope I can support her future studies financially, and today she said how she wants me to become a really successful student in an Ivy League school so my sister can benefit from that.
I don’t think that’s normal or reasonable.
If I have the time and money, of course I will help my sister, but at the end she’s not my child, why do I have to work in order to support her? I’m only going into sophomore year, but I’m so stressed out about university stuff, I would need a whole lot of scholarship to even go to a top university, and it’s not easy when I have to research everything by myself and build up my resume, but I never complained. I want to be successful because I have my dream, of course, I’d like to support my family as well, but do my parents really have to put all that extra pressure on me?
They had never helped me in school or extracurriculars (besides some math problems) for the past 5 years, am I really the jerk just because I don’t want to keep hearing how I should be responsible for my sister when she’s a teenager?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What is this even? Why have a kid and then kick it out the door to be raised by your other kid? Why have a second kid at all if you don’t want to nurture it? And eff the whole cultural thing…. that has just become code for too lazy to look after your own commitments.
OP, if I were you, I would smile and nod whenever it comes up. Then as soon as you have your diploma, pack your bags and run! to your best life. You can send money home if you feel guilty. PS don’t feel guilty” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“If your parents expect you to be that much of a success in life, you’ll have to go to a good school. If you go to a good school, presumably you’ll at least get a master’s. That’s eight-ish years of schooling, starting three years from now.
By that time, your little sister will be a sophomore in high school. She obviously can’t stay with you at college and you wouldn’t have time for her anyway. Assuming she’s going to go to college as well, that leaves a two-year window where you apparently have to provide for her on some level?
No jerks here because it’s not jerk-behavior to want siblings to help each other but I’m just not exactly sure what your parents expect of you here.” CursedLemon
6. AITJ For Choosing My Ex's Kids Over My Partner?
“When I was 22, I met Sylvie (23), a single mom with 1yo twins Jake & Julie. Sylvie had a rough past – orphaned at a young age, foster care, then getting addicted to various substances & being taken advantage of by her dealer as soon as she was 18.
When she got pregnant is when she cleaned up her life. She got sober, got her GED, & got an accounting certificate at community college. I really admire Sylvie for her tenacity, strength, & genuinely kind character.
Sylvie & I were together for 9 years. I was the only father figure her kids had since their dad wasn’t around.
I love them like they’re mine & they love me. Even after we split (it was amicable & kids were nearly 12), we made sure both knew I wasn’t leaving them. In the 3 years since, Sylvie & I have remained close friends. I spend holidays & birthdays with her/the kids (now 15).
When they were younger, I’d take them when Sylvie had activities (think occasional things like bachelorette parties, work trips, etc.) I’m even legally their NOK & there is legal paperwork that would give me guardianship should anything happen to their mom. Now that they’re older, they usually only stay with me if Sylvie is out of town for longer periods.
I also go to sports events, practices, recitals, etc. When they ask or take them out for events, I think they’d enjoy. I very much love these kids like they’re my own.
The issue: I’d been with “Darla” (30f) for 4mo & Sylvie is going out of town for work for 2.5 weeks in Aug..
This will be the first time Jake & Julie stay with me for an extended period since I met Darla. But I’ve been very transparent with Darla about Sylvie & the kids. She never seemed to have an issue with it before now. I let Darla know about Jake & Julie coming to stay & she got upset.
First she clarified that they weren’t genetically mine (true), then asked why I bothered “babysitting” them then. I told her I’m not babysitting. They’re my kids even if not genetically & I love them. She then told me my relationship with Julie specifically was “weird” & asked if I thought Julie was prettier than her in a smarmy tone.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I called Darla disgusting for even asking me that. Told her that Julie is a 15yo CHILD & isn’t in an imaginary beauty competition w/ a 30yo adult. Darla started crying, asking if I was choosing them over her.
I told her that there was no competition & asked her to please leave. She did, but only after making more cracks alluding to inappropriate things about Julie & me threatening police if she didn’t leave my property.
I feel like I was in the right, but this is the second relationship I’ve had that has ended because they haven’t “approved” of me still being in my ex’s kids’ lives.
So… AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this woman isn’t the one for you. Probably good you learned early on, if difficult given it’s not the first woman to end a relationship with you for being a father figure to these kids. Someone out there will respect and even enjoy your commitment to these kids.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: what on earth is wrong with your( now) ex saying that about your kids? That’s so wrong of her and disgusting for making that comment about a 15 year old girl. She wanted to be the only woman in your life and couldn’t see that these are your kids even if blood isn’t involved. What a pathetic jealous woman” Kkarotcake
5. AITJ For Letting My Nightmares Affect My Relationship With My Mom?
“So this is my first post on my throwaway account, and I don’t know what to do here. I, (16f) have been having these horrible recurring nightmares where everyone I love and hold close to my heart is out to get me. For more background though, I also have multiple mental disorders including an eating problem.
My mother (58) was and still is the main monster in my nightmare, and it could stem from the fact she’s the cause of at least 50% of my trauma. It’s caused a rift in our relationship as I’ve let the nightmare control how I act.
My attitude has been a whole lot worse due to the lack of sleep from said nightmare. (I get up at 8 am, but I don’t fall asleep till 5 am). I was extra slow with getting up today since I slept an extra 3hrs to get about 6hrs of sleep altogether.
She got mad at me for sleeping in today, and then it took me even longer to get downstairs. When I do, she asked me to give the pets water, but their dish was dirty, so I washed it as well, gave them fresh water, then was drying my hands.
She yelled at me for “standing around” and then had me go outside to work around our pool.
While she was telling me what to do, I zoned out close to when she was done. She got mad again and threatened to keep me home from a very important meeting that night.
Once we started working, she finally asked why I’ve been so moody and upset and bratty. I broke down and went off on everything. About the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the constant berating and a lot of other things she’s done (I won’t name them as they’re not relevant.) Mother continues to make it out to be my fault, claims satan is trying to drive a wedge between me and her.
I gave her several things that disprove this and explained once again that she’s just been invading my privacy more and more, and eventually it just got worse. She isn’t understanding me at all.
Prior to this, I had asked my older brother if it was bad I had thought about cutting her off when I moved out, and he said “No.” Well, she had to borrow my phone, had gone through my texts, saw this, and now is refusing to let me apologize and thinks I planned on cutting her off.
She chewed me out for being too skinny, says I’d be a horrible parent and that I might not even be able to have kids. She admitted to being a manipulator, and that she can see me coming with anything from a mile away.
I don’t know what to do because she isn’t accepting any apologies and I’m scared for my life. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. Your mum sounds unhinged. You really should try to find somebody you can talk to. Is there somebody in the church or at school you would trust (I’m assuming you go to church because of your mother’s silly comment about Satan – if not, ignore that).
You really need some help – you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this at your age. She’s the one who should be apologizing to you, not the other way around. For the record, if Satan is anywhere here, he’s the one working in your mother’s heart.” Zornorph
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is toxic and using you. She is using guilt as a weapon to force you to her will. Your older brother’s response is all the evidence you need. I would ask my older brother if he can take you in.
She’s a monster and is doing her very best to destroy you. You are the victim in this. You don’t owe this monster any apologies. You can’t reason with her. You won’t be able to set any boundaries. The best thing you can do is get out as soon as you can.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to get away from a source of stress and that sounds like what your relationship with your mom is right now. She doesn’t sound like a very pleasant person to be around. So sorry she invaded your privacy. In the end, that didn’t work so well for her, did it, as she saw something that didn’t make her very happy.
Her Satan talk is alarming. I’d hate that. She should instead realize you need some help with your sleep issues and other things that are causing you to be upset. Her criticisms are unfounded and cruel. She sounds like she’s got serious problems and I am afraid that is part of your problem.
Anyone outside the family that you can talk to about any of this?” Realistic_Head4279
4. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Ties With My Sister After She Didn't Invite Me To Her Baby Shower?
“Looking for some advice here…my older sister deliberately didn’t invite me to her baby shower. I don’t get along with her. My mom guilt trips me about water under the bridge, how we are all adults now, and family.
Felt bad, I got her unborn son a silver and a gold medallion only to find out I wasn’t invited. When confronted, my older sister outsourced the issue to her husband and some unnamed and fictitious 3rd party. Told my mom about how embarrassed I felt to find out about her baby shower through this “friend” of hers that she barely talks to in a year.
Yet I saw her on a Thursday but she didn’t mention anything. Until I “accidentally” found out on Saturday (2 days later).
Mind you that this is my older sister, she has forced me to apologize to her many partners before her current husband, that I found are total jerks…because I gave them “attitude”…if they were normal, decent human beings that didn’t also treat her like garbage then maybe I would have been cordial. (One of them was such a big jerk that he threatened to post her inappropriate photos if they didn’t get back together).
So my older sister got mad at me and pretty much said that I was the mean person for trying to defend her…btw she never married any of those jerks. Her current husband, he is a solid dude, seems like a responsible adult. Has respect for my parents, approachable, and treats her well.
My sister, on the other hand, is highly irresponsible, she expects everyone around her to clean up after her mess. Not once has she carried her weight and acted like an older sister. When she was young, she left home without a word to be with my mom’s friend’s son, a big jerk.
Mom bought her a condo and she wasn’t even in the country. Suddenly, my mom lost her job and my dad was laid off, I was on my 3rd year of uni. My mom fell into depression, then soon after that I too fell into depression…I felt trapped, couldn’t tell anyone but my doctor.
I felt so helpless because my parents were feeling that they were going to be in financial woes. While she was out there living the time of her life.
Long story short, I sent my sister a text about how she was a coward and that if she didn’t want me to come she should have been honest with my mom.
I told my mom that this is the time to stop playing favourites. Told my mom to give me her gifts back so that I can sell it back to the bank. I want to cut her out completely from my life, it’s not like she added any value to begin with.
I would really like some advice moving forward, AITJ for throwing a fit and wanting to cut ties? I’m tired and honestly putting up this farce doesn’t do good for anyone. I just want to be left alone. To be fair, I don’t even want to go to the baby shower.
I just want her to come clean with my family and stop telling them that we’re good, if we’re not. Be honest and just say we’re not. Live your life, and I’ll live mine.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are not going to change someone else.
Your choice is to either take your sister as she is or have no/low contact with her. Mourn the sister you wish you had, but decide what relationship you’re going to have with the sister you actually have. She’s not going to change, and trying to make her change is going to make both of you miserable.” Icy-Reflection6014
Another User Comments:
“YTJ .. if she doesn’t want you there it’s literally none of your business. You dont get to go and you don’t get to complain about it. You don’t get along why would she invite you and why would you want to go?
Go live your own life, mind your own business and stay out of hers.” No_Scarcity8249
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re harboring so much anger and resentment. You cannot force someone to change or do what you want then to do. You started by saying that y’all don’t get along, and proceeded to write 2 paragraphs about the things she’s done wrong, yet are surprised that she didn’t invite you?
Baby showers are happy events for the expectant parents, not places for your wants and needs to be catered to, or for you to carry in your baggage. Work on yourself and stop making your emotions dependent upon perceived slights by your sister. You’ll be much happier.” Square-Raspberry560
3. AITJ For Ripping Up My Stepdaughter's Signed Harry Styles Poster?
“I (40F) married my husband(43M) about 7 years ago, he had a daughter called M(14F) from a previous relationship. Me and M have always got along very well, her mother is not present in her life therefore she sees me as her mother-figure. I embraced this role as I cannot have children so I see M as my daughter.
In the past year, M has become obsessed with the singer Harry Styles, by obsessed I mean she will neglect family responsibilities just to talk to her friends about Harry Styles, no offense to the guy but I don’t know how they can talk about him so much.
When she first got into his music we decided it would be a good idea to go see him as he was touring near where we lived and we managed to find tickets from resellers as we were too late to get them ourselves (quite expensive by the way).
M was lucky enough to get him to sign her poster and it has become her prized possession.
For the past couple months, M has been neglecting her responsibilities (chores, helping with dinner etc.) Because she is either listening to, or talking about Harry Styles.
Me and my husband put up with this because we thought it would blow over but it has only got worse.
This takes us to yesterday, my husband and I made dinner after work and called M down, no response. We go up to her room to find that she is gone, her window wide open.
It turned out, after many phone calls, that she disappeared to town with her friends to go buy Harry Styles albums/merchandise. I was furious when I found this out, mostly because of the sheer stupidity of seeking out when we would’ve let her go anyway.
I decided that it was time she outgrew her Harry Styles obsession, so I waited for her to come home and ripped up her signed poster in front of her eyes.
She looked at me for a second before screaming, you would’ve thought we had died or something with how anguish-filled her screams were.
She looked at me with tears and shouted “I HATE YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY MUM, MY MUM WOULD NEVER DO THIS!” Before slamming the door in my face and locking it. My husband said that I went too far but I don’t see why she is so upset, she can just get another poster.
I even went into her room and offered to get her another signed poster (which are very expensive) but she just ignored me. I feel very guilty, however, this has been a long time coming in my opinion as she has been testing my patience for months now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why destroy something she cares about? You could have simply rolled it up and told her when she makes wiser decisions, she will get it back. She is 14, not 20, saying it is time to outgrow it is asinine and quite honestly belittling to a passion she has.
Congrats on fracturing a good relationship.” dustinwayner
Another User Comments:
“YTJ There are better ways you could have disciplined her for sneaking out and for ignoring her responsibilities other than destroying one of her possessions. You could have simply taken everything away (music, memorabilia, etc) for a week or so until she started being more responsible.
But tearing her autographed poster, something that has memories attached to it, was a step too far and nothing short of being a bully.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Wow, if this is real you are an insanely bad parent. She’s a teenager, yes she messed up but destroying her property that had special meaning to her is borderline abusive.
I don’t know if you’ll be able to repair the relationship after this. Also, this is not a “Harry Styles” problem. If Harry Styles didn’t exist, she would be into another artist, or activity to this degree. But wow, badly done to a degree where I would question your fitness as a parent if you react this way.
Childish and sadistic, you are the adult and you should act like it.” virghoe333
2. AITJ For Not Letting My Autistic Daughter Wear A Family Heirloom Necklace?
“My daughter, Cass, (13F) is obsessed with jewelry.
Above all, she loves necklaces. Cass has autism and said that the weight of a necklace around her neck is comforting to her. The problem is that she takes terrible care of her necklaces. She only wears one or two necklaces at a time but once she finds one she likes she never takes them off, ever.
She also has a terrible tendency to fidget with and yank at them when really excited or nervous, which has led to the destruction of a few necklaces. We realized this quickly and now only buy necklaces under $15, with no objection from Cass.
A few days when Cass returned from a stay with her grandparents (my parents-in-law), she showed off this beautiful necklace that her grandma had given her.
I told her that it was really pretty and looked good on her but warned her that this necklace is fragile and that she should be extra careful with it. She said okay and we moved on to a different conversation.
Yesterday, I talked to my mother-in-law and thanked her for the necklace.
She said you’re welcome and told me that it was a necklace that was a family heirloom and that had been passed down through generations of her family. Solid gold with a real sapphire in it, sentimental and priceless. Oh no. I finished the call and went to Cass and reminded her that she had to be extra careful with this necklace since it was really important to grandma, and told her that if she started to tug on it, I would have to take it away so she doesn’t break it.
She said okay and promised to be careful.
At dinner today my husband asked Cass if she wanted to go to the aquarium this weekend. She has been obsessed with fish recently and was extremely excited. She was excited enough that she, unconsciously, began tugging on her necklace.
I gently told her off and reminded her what I said earlier about tugging on it. Cass said she couldn’t help it and I said that that’s why I’m asking her to give it to me to keep safe. She got frustrated and began to cry a little, but after a minute, she nodded and said that okay, I could take it off.
I took off the necklace and she began crying more and ran to her room.
I tried to go and comfort Cass, but my husband said that I had done enough and went to comfort her. I think they are now both asleep in Cass’s room and I am conflicted. I feel terrible that I made my daughter cry, but if she had ended up breaking her necklace, she would’ve had a much worse breakdown.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I personally don’t think you’re the jerk, you’re just trying to stop a child from losing/breaking a family heirloom. That said (and I know this is going to sound harsh), it’s not your mum’s necklace, it’s your MIL’s. If I were you, I’d give the necklace back and tell your husband and MIL that you don’t trust her not to lose it and you’re not going to be held responsible if she does.
Let them decide what to do and when she loses it, they’ve only got themselves to blame. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mother-in-law the issue and that she is okay with it potentially getting damaged since it is so sentimental, or if it’s okay to store it away until Cass is older and can be more responsible with it.
I’d also recommend getting a duplicate in the meantime. It’s important to teach kids responsibilities and make sure they learn the value of objects. If you just let her do what she wants, she’s gonna be a brat in the future and ruin more things potentially.
Your husband should see that point of view as well and should have supported you. You need a United front on these types of issues” Starry_nightlive
1. AITJ For Teaching My Stepson How To Ride A Bike?
“Three years ago, I married the second love of my life. I was a widower and brought in my two boys, 16 and 14, to our family while my wife brought in her 11-year-old son, Josh, and we together adopted our 7-year-old, Adam. I consider all the boys my sons and I’d give away every cell of my being to keep them safe.
Josh’s biological father, John, has him for one week for every two weeks we have him. John doesn’t like me very much and I can’t say I’m fond of him, but we are generally cordial for the sake of Josh.
A few weeks ago, Adam said at dinner that he wanted to learn how to ride a bike.
I said of course, but my wife seemed a little hesitant to the idea. My wife and Josh then admitted that they have never ridden a bike before. My 14yo then asked them if they wanted to learn and, after Adam said it would be really cool, they both said yes.
We decided to make a family event out of it and spent over an hour in the park every day before dinner teaching them how to bike. Two weeks late,r when it was time for Josh’s week with his father, Adam and my wife were both able to pedal a short distance on two wheels and Josh was able to bike the whole way around the park without any training wheels.
Today, John and his wife started yelling at me as they dropped off Josh. Once I made sure Josh was out of hearing distance (my 16yo brought him inside since my wife was upstairs with a migraine) I asked John what the heck his problem was.
He said that I was a jerk for teaching “another man’s kid” how to bike and that I stole a very valuable bonding moment between a father and son. I said that it was a nice bonding moment between a father and son, seeing as I consider Josh my son and I believe he sees me as a father figure, and that he had 11 years to teach Josh how to bike.
I told him to leave and that we’ll see him in two weeks when he picks up Josh again.
I reassured my sons and my wife that everything was alright and we just ate dinner after a family bike ride as I’m writing this post. Now, I kind of get where he’s coming from.
Watching my boys, now all four of them (and my wife), take their first pedals without me holding onto them is truly an amazing moment. I’d be devastated if that was taken away from me. However, I think John just missed his chance. He had almost 12 years to teach him, if he really wanted to, he would’ve.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad taught me how to ride a bike when I was five. I still remember him loading the bike into the back of the car and taking me to a stretch of deserted country road so that I could learn without any traffic around (and some of my horribly scraped knees because neither one of us wanted training wheels.) Him cheering me on when I finally mastered it, going for ice cream after each ride – It absolutely IS a bonding experience, and it’s one that John chose not to have with his son for years and years.
The kid is eleven now. He waited too long, and that’s not on you or Josh.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NEVER THE jerk you’re a good man. Another man’s failure as a father is not your problem. You are raising your boys with love, that’s it, and they are lucky to have you.
When women complain to each other about some guy that just won’t do something they want him to do, the right answer is “If he wanted to, he would”. John can kiss your awesome-dad butt. If he really had wanted to teach his kid to ride a bike, he would have.
If he’s so bummed out, there’s still hiking, camping, fishing, math, science, “the talk”, talking to girls, basic boy hygiene, and shaving. He won’t step up so he gets to step out of the way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I think it would have been cool to shoot a text to his bio father just to let him know.
I generally like to give people the benefit of the doubt in situations like this that there could have been a reason they never did it. I missed out on my first two son’s first fishing trip and I was super upset (my wife went to visit family and her uncle took them fishing) but they were a heck of a lot younger.
So I get the want to experience something. However, again, you are NOT a jerk in any way, shape, or form. This just comes with juggling a split family. And it’s great to see you have bonded well with your stepson.” TheSciFiGuy80
