People Are Sure They're Right In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting To Prioritize My Life Over My Manipulative, Remission Mother?
“It all started back in 2020 when my mother became seriously ill. At that moment, she changed beyond recognition. She has myeloma, and I understand that some things are difficult for her, but… At that moment, she began to manipulate everyone: her parents, friends and colleagues, me, her only daughter.
At first, everything was not so bad. She asked to get medicine, take her to the hospital, and bring food or clothes. Then she began to talk about what we would do if she died. She began to ask to do things that she hid when she was in worse shape.
For example, go to the store on the first floor of the house or take out the trash. This is not difficult for me, but before, she said that she went outside to maintain muscle tone.
Then she went into remission, which lasted for a year and a half.
But she continued to behave the same and even worse. She would go to work and then ask me to come home from college during classes and take some documents to the other side of town. She would pull me out of work to go to a cafe urgently and bring her rolls or pizza because delivery was too expensive.
She would ask me to stand in line at concerts that I didn’t have a ticket for so that she would come closer to the beginning of the concert and not stand outside all day.
Fast forward to the present. I’m 19 years old.
I’m still in college and I had to quit my job because I couldn’t juggle it all and she didn’t like it. Every day she would snap at me in the mornings and evenings, constantly demanding that I go back to work, but she wouldn’t even consider switching to online learning (because 90% of my classmates switched to online learning in their first year and are doing well on their annual exams).
She also doesn’t accept that I can find a remote job, although she works from home several days a week.
Today she just exploded. She woke me up at 7 am, screaming at me to get out of her house and not come back until I found a job, constantly complaining that she was a poor sick woman and could not support me.
Let me note that I have not bought myself any clothes or electronics for over a year and a half. I have not even asked her for a nickel for a hobby or the internet or anything like that. Now we are sitting in separate rooms and she is trying to soften me with her tears.
She does not try to understand me, and I do not understand her. She is fine. The recent medical examination showed that she is continuing to remission, but she constantly talks about her death and wants me to continue to earn and give her money.
She gets angry if I talk to friends or play games on my only day off. What’s your verdict?”
Another User Comments:
“2020, so you were 14? 15? Have you discussed with others how her personality changed? There is a chance she was always like this and you never saw it because you were young.
NTJ. She is in remission, she is working, she doesn’t need a caretaker and you should focus on getting your life back on track. She is happily destroying your life to keep her needs met. Why? “She wants me to continue earning and give her money.” For whatever reason, if her mental health took a 180 or if you just weren’t aware before, you now have a cruel mother who is dragging you down without a care for your life.
She is using you as her personal bank and slave. That’s it. You don’t have to stand for that. She has used up all of her “But family” currency in the last four years. You no longer owe her, because she does not treat you like family, she treats you like trash she can order around at a whim.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-Sorry, it’s a difficult spot for a kid to be in and I’ll bet all the relatives ‘on her side’ saying ‘stick with it’ are doing so from a distance. I looked up her specific cancer and didn’t read where it specifically affects behavioral changes so hers may be tied to just being ‘in remission’ for a cancer that has no absolute cure even though there is continuing excellent progress in treatment.
That alone is a massive issue and she may be struggling with finances in ways you do not yet know about. Your dorm idea sounds good and an easy answer to relatives: ‘SHE asked me to leave.’ You may have to suspend school for work to pay for tuition etc…
Sorry. Meanwhile, one thing you can do to support her is to touch base with the facility where she was treated. They should have a social services or counseling office for patients AND families. I’d suggest talking with them and they can get word to her medical team(s) regarding behavior changes in ways you may not be able to.
Good luck.” A-Strange-Peg
Another User Comments:
“Such an unpleasant situation, sorry you are living it. I’m no doctor but as I understand it Myeloma, and other cancers, can cause personality changes so whilst it’s horrible for you to go through it’s all a part of the disease.
On balance you are NTJ but I think you would begin to feel all sorts of guilt if you were to abandon her; I think you should maybe look into some manner of respite care to take some of the pressure off your shoulders” shelfside1234
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's White Supremacist Brother To Our Wedding?
“My (33F) fiancé (31M) let’s call him Pat, and I are having a small 40-guest wedding this May.
We are only inviting our closest family and one friend each.
We gauged who we would invite based on who was able to make it to our engagement party. We both have very large extended families and we do not want nor can we afford a large wedding.
We are paying for this wedding on our own and have no contributions from family. At our engagement party, all of our family members told us to do “whatever we wanted” for our wedding and were aware that meant a small wedding or no wedding at all.
Pat has two half-brothers, two “full” brothers, and one half-sister. We don’t consider them half but it is relevant to the story. He is very close with three of those brothers and his sister. The other brother, let’s call him Joe, is not close with Pat.
It is important to know they are half brothers – Joe is white, Pat is not. Joe has some very far-right-leaning beliefs and is very open about being a white supremacist. This has caused obvious tension and we only see each other at large family events.
Beyond knowing that Joe’s beliefs are morally corrupt, Pat and I both have people of color and Black family members, as well as LGBTQ family and friends. We also are both advocates in several different communities. We do not align with these values and if it were up to us we would never interact with Joe.
For this reason and other more personal reasons, Joe is not invited to our wedding. Pat let their Mother, let’s call her Mallory, know that he is not inviting Joe to the wedding. Mallory did not take this well, stating that this would destroy the family and that if Joewass was not invited she would not attend.
Pat accepted this information and asked her to let us know ASAP so we can invite others who would like to attend.
Mallory then went to the majority of Pat’s extended family to try and get them all to shame him into inviting Joe. Pat has been fielding calls all week from his family and is at this point exhausted and upset.
I finally had enough and sent a text to Mallory last night advising that we are not interested in discussing our guest list and to let us know as soon as possible if she or anyone else is not attending so we can invite others.
I have two step-sisters and 17 aunts and uncles who are out of state and would love to attend if we had space. I won’t post the full text but I had a few friends and family members check it for me to make sure it was respectful but firm.
This is a boundary and we are not going to sway on it, but I am curious about others thoughts.
AITJ for not inviting my fiancé’s brother to our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first of all, Joe’ss entire belief goes against having any respect for people of color, including his brother.
So why would he subject himself to this? People can say what they want but in the end, it’s your wedding, and it’s your decision. Don’t feel bad for cutting toxic and negative people out of it.” Legitimate-Ad231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not only is the guest list your choice, but you have excellent reasons to not include Joe. You both get extra points for not allowing Mallory to blackmail you into including him. I think you’re being generous in still leaving her invitation open after she involved the whole family to try to pressure you.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. it’s your wedding you invite who you want. Mallory is a major jerk and needs to stay in her t,n ip it in the bud now.. she has a week to decide and the same goes for the family in question ..it’s not his kind of white clothing party so he can kick rocks with Mallory” GuyFromLI747.
19. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad And Sister For Scaring Our Sick Dog?
“I had my dog named Poptart since he was 2. He’s 10 now, so he’s getting older. Recently, he can’t help but explode diarrhea every other day before reaching the door to let him out.
He went on the carpet 2 seconds before my dad was letting him out and my dad freaked. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at Poptart and his tail was between his legs.
I woke up screaming after taking care of my mom at 2 AM and constantly waking up to make sure my mom was okay because she had a fever the entire night and the following morning.
I woke up in a panic and heard my dad screaming so I being concerned scrambled tripping down the stairs rushing to see what was going on.
My dad is mad because our dog made a mess. Like- My dad was the one who got the dog, and he isn’t even the one taking care of him.
M my sister, and my mom pick up all his mess, feed him, let him out, the regular. I play and teach him things etc.
All my dad does is complain and say ‘We need to do this together’ Yet the only thing this man does is lay his crusty behind on the couch and play games after coming home from work like he’s the one who does anything around here.
My dog ran upstairs, I went to see him and my dad was screaming for him to be let out. Then my sister was screaming at Poptart for being scared and literally trembling and shaking physically and I finally couldn’t take it anymore and screamed at her- “You’re sick!
You have this stupid idea because all you ever do is try to make people like you and favor you! Just because you won’t be praised for taking care of our darn dog doesn’t mean your dumb ego will be gone!”
After that, she told me I was too young to understand how things worked and that I would learn that I was stupid saying this, then she stormed off to her room and I took Poptart downstairs.
My dad was fuming, my mom with a fever sweating and getting angrier by the second with my dad, and when Poptart wasn’t going near Dad at all he started screaming at Poptart.
I yelled at my dad “He’s scared of you! Can’t you understand that?
He’s shaking physically so badly because of how you treated him.” I let Poptart back in and he was so scared he was hiding behind me, and he only listened to me. Poptart was shaking so badly that he dared to say “I think Poptart’s going to make a mess again” and my mom went crazy.
She said “No. He’s so darn scared of you that he’s shaking. Saying that doesn’t justify anything. You’re just mad because you know what you did was wrong and no one agrees with you.”
My dad went silent. He left the kitchen, went to the living room, and just sat in thought with the television on.
The day went pretty silent. I can’t understand this thought, so I needed some opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“Very upsetting. Unless you already know what’s wrong with your dog, it is not normal for a senior dog to have loose stool that often. Please make an app with the vet If you haven’t already.
In the meantime, you can use pads and towels, and dog diapers. Your dog may be in pain and the last thing that is going to help is your dad yelling at him. Yelling doesn’t help any dog. You guys need a plan and a schedule of how to manage this until the vet (who takes him out when who cleans up etc).
That is what we had to do when my senior dog got sick. We never yelled at him no matter how frustrating it was. Please give Poptart a much-needed hug. You NTJ for defending your dog but ESH if u don’t get him help.” blackbird163
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You only for bringing in a whole lot of other stuff when you wanted to ask your sister to stop yelling at the dog for being afraid. Ask the vet about changing Poptart’s food – frequent diarrhea is not at all a given just because a dog is getting older.
Remind your dad that stress causes an upset stomach too. And of course, the dog needs to go out more frequently. I hope your mom is okay.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is ridiculously immature and probably lives by the mindset that as long as he’s the breadwinner, that’s all the work that he needs to do around the house.
He probably got the dog onlyto haveg an accessory to his lifestyle but didn’t want to involve himself when he realized there’s actual responsibilities that come with it. if your dog has diarrhoea you take him to the doctor, not scream at him like a maniac.
he needs to learn his lesson. and I suspect your sister is adopting the same mindset he has, which needs to stop pronto. you did well telling them to shut up and realize that the dog is an animal that doesn’t understand human language and was terrified of all the loud noise, naturally because his ears would be sensitive.
NTJ.” literalfelony
18. AITJ For Getting A Girl With A Disability Out In Kickball Game?
“I feel really bad about it but I’m also conflicted so I wanted to post here to see if I should have handled it differently. I plan to apologize to Sydney next class & ask how to handle things properly in the future. I’m (F19) in a phys ed class at college & today we played kickball.
There are a couple of people in the class with disabilities. The girl involved has a mental disability (we’ll call Emma). Another student (we’ll call Sydney) is with Emma at all times. In class, Emma participates independently, for example in kickball she kicks, runs, & throws by herself; Sydney kicks after her & they play the defensive position together.
Emma communicates well with everyone & knows what’s going on, she just needs a little help sometimes, which is what Sydney does.
About halfway through the game, it was Emma’s turn to kick. The ball got thrown to me, & Emma wasn’t close to my base, so I tagged it and got her out.
Emma didn’t seem too upset, just said, “Aw man!” & got back in line. She was the second out that round & had already scored 3-4 times, so I didn’t think about it being a problem. She went on to score another 5 or 6 times if that’s important.
Her team beat ours by a landslide & Emma happily celebrated with them when it ended.
After the round when I got Emma out, Sydney came up to me & said “Seriously?” I didn’t answer, I just looked at her kind of confused, & she says again, “No, seriously.” I knew she meant me getting Emma out, but I didn’t know what to say, so I just turned away.
I worked exclusively with people of all ages with disabilities of all kinds from the ages of 14-17, usually 3-4 afternoons a week, & I was always told to treat them the same way I’d treat anyone else while also taking into account their disability.
When we played kickball there, they would get out, teams had winners, etc. but there was some leeway in that. For example, if a runner was close, the tagger might fumble so they got to base, or we’d run slower so they could tag us out.
This is what I based my actions on today, but it may be different in a largely neurotypical setting. No one has ever told me if I should interact with Emma differently. We’ve been in groups together before & no one’s ever said anything about the way I treat her.
I was pretty sure she got out when we last played kickball and other disabled students were being tagged out, so I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong.
I didn’t get Emma out again, & Sydney didn’t say anything else to me. Some of my team saw the interaction & no one got Emma out after that.
However, I have severe ADHD & sometimes don’t pick up on things as well as other people, so my team may have already understood to not get Emma out. When I tagged my base was the only time she did. AITJ? I was treating her the way I treat everyone else in the class and thought it was the right thing to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Emma didn’t care that she was out, she even displayed nice sportsmanship and continued with the game like anyone else. Sydney on the other hand is doing Emma a disservice, Sydney cannot expect others to bend to her and Emma’s will because Emma has disabilities.
Especially when it seems like Emma is okay with situations like these, all Sydney is doing is teaching Emma all the wrong lessons. Sydney needs to wake up and realize that maybe Emma WANTS to be treated like every other human being. Maybe Emma doesn’t want to be treated like she has limits?” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did exactly the right thing. Treat people equally while giving some grace to people when the situation calls for it, don’t be a jerk, and don’t pile on anyone. But not treating people differently who have a disability is the right thing to do.
I’ve never met anyone with a disability who wanted to be ignored or coddled They’re human. Just treat everyone fair and squarely. Might I take it a little easy on *anyone* who was struggling and hadn’t scored yet? Yes. But that’s not what happened here.
Emma kept up with the game just fine. She didn’t need anyone taking it easy on her.” Ok_Expression7723
17. AITJ For Removing My Child From My Mom's Care Due To Her Friend's Substance Use?
“I don’t like my mom’s best friend. I think she mistreats government assistance, doesn’t work when she is fully capable of working and takes advantage of my mom’s generosity.
I do not like when this friend comes around (she lives in a different state), and I try my best to avoid her. That being said, I have swallowed my feelings and have done things like invite this friend to my wedding, because she is my mom’s best friend.
The issue now is that I have a 2.5-year-old son, who my mom watches 2 days per week at her house while I and my husband are working. Last week, my mom’s friend came for a visit and was there for the 2 days that my mom watched my son.
The first day, my husband dropped my son off with no issue and I picked him up without going into my parents’ house (they were outside playing when I came to pick him up).
The second day, I dropped off and went into the house to talk to my mom for a few minutes.
As I was leaving it hit me that I could smell something weird. On my drive to work, it hit me that the smell was marijuana. I know that my mom’s friend smokes, it is legal in her state but it is not legal here.
So I texted my mom asking if her friend was smoking this morning. In her words “Yes, but only in the garage” and also that her friend “reeks” of it. So, I texted my husband and we decided that since we do not want our child around the smell of marijuana, my husband went to pick him up.
Now, I am getting guilt trips and accusations of being a jerk from my mom. She is accusing me of not trusting her to keep her grandchild safe. She is also upset because her friend was going home that day (my mom was planning on taking my son and driving her to the train station), so he would have only been exposed to her friend for a few more hours.
She is also accusing me of putting my brother’s guardianship in jeopardy (he is an adult but has a disability and can’t care for himself) because now she has had a child “removed from her care”.
Neither I nor my husband told my mom that we were worried about his safety, just that we did not want him exposed to the smell of marijuana.
We also told her that whenever her friend visits from now on, we will make other arrangements for our son. I am trying to keep my emotions out of this, but she has said some truly hurtful things to me now and implied that our relationship is ruined. I’m now questioning if I want him to continue going to her house, just with how rocky our relationship is now.
So, AITJ for “removing my child from her care”? And WIBTJ if I made other arrangements for his care in the future?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s your son and if you don’t want him around whoever for whatever reason that’s fine, it’s fair your mum is a little insulted, I’m sure she wouldn’t have let anything bad happen.
But out of interest, what do you think the smell of substances is going to do? It’s just a smell, I walk passed it in the street daily, unless your son is hanging out with her while she’s hotboxing the garage it’s fine.” Faeces_Species_1312
16. AITJ For Refusing To Sing Solo For My Girlfriend's Mom?
“So I (22 F) like to sing sometimes. As a kid, some people told me my voice was good (my grandmother in particular), but IMO, my voice is just fine.
I can carry a tune, but it’s nothing to write home about, and it’s very different from how it was 10-15 years ago when I sang in church a couple of times. I stopped doing any kind of performance because I didn’t like getting so much attention and had terrible social anxiety.
Over the years I’ve been learning to get more comfortable about singing around people, but I still don’t sign around others often because I don’t want to be put on the spot and asked to sing for somebody. It has happened a few times, and they haven’t all been courteous about taking a polite no for an answer.
This issue I’m having now is an example of that.
I was singing in the car with my partner’s (25 F) mom (64 F). She used to take and give singing lessons, and my partner has also taken singing lessons and has a beautiful voice.
Her mother is a bit overbearing about it, pushing my partner to sing for family events even when she says she’d rather not, but I had gotten comfortable at this point and my partner’s mom has respected my boundaries so far. She was singing along to a song I know, so I also started singing, and when it was over she commented on my voice and asked if I’d sing something for her with the radio off so she could have a better listen and maybe give me some lessons.
I told her no thank you, I’m not comfortable with that, I only sing along to things and do so for my enjoyment. I told her I’m not interested in lessons or anything, though I appreciate the offer, and that it’s just a bit of fun for me.
She got huffy very quickly and told me she could help me if I wouldn’t be so stubborn about it, and when I tried to apologize she kept making noises and interrupting me and saying “it’s fine it’s fine”. The rest of the ride was quiet, and when we got back to her house she went in and started complaining to my partner on the couch and my partner’s brother about how I was being such a sourpuss and disrespectful by not letting her “help me out”.
I just walked out and left because it was getting upsetting and overwhelming and I didn’t want to deal with it. I went back to my apartment and talked on the phone with my partner after and explained what happened. She told me she was sorry my mother overreacted but also asked why I couldn’t just sing for her.
I told her that I’d said no and that I wasn’t comfortable, and reminded her that she already knows I don’t like to sing for others. I told my partner she should talk her mom down and that I wouldn’t be coming back around that house until I felt comfortable again and received an apology.
My partner’s mom is angrier now, saying I owe her an apology, not vice versa, while my partner thinks we should both apologize. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s mother was over-the-top rude. You were polite and explained your reasons, and it should have been dropped at that point.
The fact that mom kept pushing moves her firmly into jerk territory, and it’s concerning that your partner won’t back you up and is expecting you to apologize.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also sing for my enjoyment. Like you, I’m somewhat self-conscious about singing in public and only really do so under 3 circumstances: I’m at church and not the only one singing, I’m singing along to the radio (or the theater when it’s specifically allowed, like the Megasix number in Six-any other time, I simply mouth along if I get the temptation to sing during live theater because I don’t want to take away from the cast and their amazing skills), or if I’m walking and have my earbuds in.
Your partner’s mom needs to remember that ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You explained to her that you don’t like to sing for others and she needed to accept that.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Partner’s mom was pushy when you told her you were not interested. Now she’s pouting because she didn’t get her way.
She sounds childish. No means no. She can’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. You should not apologize as you did nothing wrong.” glimmerseeker
15. AITJ For Insisting My Financially Irresponsible Brother Sells Me His Share Of Our House?
“I love my brother, and I want to stress he is a good guy, a good dad, but self-absorbed, focused on his kids to the exclusion of everything else, and hopeless financially.
If there’s money in his bank account, he spends it like water. I’m the opposite, in that I save and invest and spend within my means.
Any woman he gets involved with, he ends up supporting, and when he runs out of funds he comes begging me for help.
About 10 years ago we purchased a house together 50/50 (mainly so I could help him get on the property ladder and stabilize his living situation and it worked out cheaper for me as I had to keep loaning/giving money for rent). So far, I have paid off 2 previous women who assumed my brother was rolling in it.
They got disappointed and then put their hands out for large amounts of cash.
Now he’s separated from the mother of his 2 kids, who openly admits she only had babies with him because he had (she thought loads of) money.
12 months of back-and-forth legal with $100k of lawyer fees, and everything’s been settled. She gets 70% of his assets, and he has to pay his lawyer fees out of his remaining 30%.
He has to sell his share of the house to be able to pay her and the legal fees. He has no other assets and has never had any savings.
I have said that I will purchase his share of the house at current market value, and he and the kids can live in the house for a fixed (low) rent until the kids are 25.
My brother wants me to give him the cash to pay her out and pay the legal fees without selling me his share of the property based on the fact the property will keep going up in value and I’ll eventually get my money back (in 20 yrs when I am 68-70).
I can just about do this financially, but it’s my entire life savings plus a new mortgage for the remaining funds and it means I can’t retire and will have to continue working the next 12 years until I’m in my 60’s.
I can’t walk away from my very young nephews, and he knows this.
Morally, I just can’t. So please don’t make this suggestion. Kids in my family are everything and loved and protected, even from their parents’ stupidity, financial or otherwise.
Yet, I’m tired. Of being the financial fallback for a brother who never offers to help me in any way.
Who at 48 treats money like water? It’s safer for me, for the kids, if the property is in my name and his future relationships don’t have a claim on it.
He and my older brother are calling me heartless and think I should just finance everything and keep the property in both our names.
AITJ for standing firm about only giving him the money if he sells me his share of the property.
I feel awful, but I can’t think of another way to protect him, the kids, and me from his future dumb ass financial and relationship decisions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ make him sell you his half of the property, he’s not a good brother if he’s trying to take advantage of you. You’re not his parent and he is not a child you need to financially support. His kids will be fine because you’ll be around but if you keep letting him take advantage he will keep using you til you have nothing.
Please keep standing up for yourself.” viiriilovve
Another User Comments:
“Oh god, NTJ, please stick to your guns, and at least that will guarantee the children have a roof over their heads. You are not responsible for an adult man’s financial situation no matter who they are to you!
Also, tell the other brother to feel free to pay the money himself if he thinks you should. What’s the difference? Why is he exempt from doing it?” crazy_catlady-81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you leave him with the property rights you’ll end up in this exact situation again.
He’s not going to stop messing around incurring debts assuming you’ll buy him out” idreallyrathersleep
14. AITJ For Refusing To Show My Controlling Grandma My New Haircut?
“My grandma is very controlling and mean. She genuinely doesn’t understand that other people have different opinions and preferences.
She thinks all women should have short hair and be bleach blonde. Nothing wrong with that except she always makes passive-aggressive comments to everyone including strangers, “It looks like they need their hair done” or “Have you tried going blonde?”
Some of her comments are not passive-aggressive at all and are just straight-up aggressive.
Whenever I had hair longer than my shoulders for the first time in my life, I was invited to be a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding. My grandma told me that I better get my hair done before the wedding because it was so ugly it would ruin all my friend’s wedding photos.
So just to make my grandma shut up I told her I was growing my hair long to donate. She was upset. My grandma told me if I got my hair cut she would pay for it so I look nice for the wedding. But the wedding had been postponed for over a year due to unforeseen circumstances.
I declined. My grandma offered again several times. Closer to the wedding I agreed to get my hair done if my grandma paid for it but then she said she would only pay for it if I got highlights. Then I have to go to her favorite salon that cuts seniors’ hair exclusively.
Then I have to get my hair all bleached blonde with an old lady cut to match my grandma.
Of course, at this point, I put my foot down. I enjoyed having long hair and I didn’t appreciate being called ugly and I certainly wouldn’t get my hair cut like a grandma to make my unpleasant grandma happy.
So for the next few, years, I kept growing my hair until it was very long. I enjoyed my hair but the ends were dead and getting gross despite regular trims. The hair was also a lot of work to maintain and got stuck in car doors.
So I cut it to shoulder length last week.
Another layer of the story is that my grandma is dying. She probably has a few months left. My mom knows all about my grandma and my hair because she was witness to this. So my mom was thrilled that my grandma would see my hair and get excited but I told her I would be wearing my hair in a bun or clip to hide the length around my grandma because she was so mean for several years about it that she didn’t deserve to see it.
Maybe it is petty but my grandma is not a nice person. She has 4 children 25 grandchildren great-grandchildren and 3 great-great-grandchildren and only 1, my mom, can stand to remain in regular contact with her.
I still visit but I genuinely can’t handle more than 1 visit per month because I leave so upset.
So AITJ for refusing to show my grandma my new haircut?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course, you’re NTJ, not one bit. “My grandma told me that I better get my hair done before the wedding because it was so ugly it would ruin all my friend’s wedding photos She’s been repeatedly mean & nasty to me “Another layer of the story is that my grandma is dying.” That doesn’t suddenly get her a free pass for her years of mean-spirited behavior You’re going to see her DESPITE that, which says a lot about you being a nice & decent person.
You also have the right to protect yourself too & not go if it becomes too upsetting. Please remember that.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have no obligation to show her your hair especially if all she is going to do is mock it and make nasty comments.
Plus it’s just hair I mean her not seeing it isn’t gonna cause her any harm. You don’t have to show her anything in my opinion or cut your hair to please her. If she is passing I would’ve thought there would be more important things on people’s minds than your hair.” SouthsideGunn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, and I had a similar situation with a friend a couple of years ago! She was always telling me I should cut my hair shorter (and I think some people say that out of jealousy). So when I did cut it short (also to donate), I wore it up in a clip for her baby shower.
I didn’t want her to tell me how much better it looked now! So I feel ya. Your grandma sounds much meaner and more controlling than my friend, though. Sorry you had to deal with that for so long.” friendissues333
13. AITJ For Not Wanting Gifts From My Husband's Unsupportive Family?
“Family on my husband’s side (aunts/cousins) have always been very distant and just not friendly or welcoming to me as his partner, fiancé, now wife, and mother of our child.
When we got engaged, and married, our child none of his family ever said anything to either of us congratulating or showing any form of support. 1 of my aunts told him he was too young to get married when he was telling them he wanted to propose to me.
The last interaction I had with his family that really sealed the deal for me in terms of me not proactively putting myself in situations where I have to interact with them and made me say I’m not going to bring my children around them was at my baby shower.
A quick background, my MIL organized the baby shower so her family (my husband’s aunts/cousins) were invited. I didn’t manage any of the invitations at all. It was up to my mom and my MIL. At the baby shower, when my husband & I arrived, they were sitting at the front table and gave me the ugliest looks and didn’t say anything to either of us.
Throughout the baby shower, they just sat at their table, talking to each other and making comments about my family. Near the end of the baby shower, we opened gifts and then we had family and friends go around the room and congratulate us…
His family took the opportunity to again disregard me as his wife & mother of our future child.
When his family stood up to speak, they made it clear that they were just talking to my husband. The gifts they brought were all labeled “daddy‘s girl“, and the cards they signed had notes in them that just said “Dear, ‘my husband‘s name’ “
Throughout my pregnancy, my baby shower was the worst day that I felt throughout the entire pregnancy.
When my daughter was born, her 1st and 2nd birthdays – none of his family reached out to him/MIL to say anything or send gifts to our daughter.
Currently, my daughter is 2 & even though his aunts and cousins live within 30-45 min of us, we don’t see them & they have only seen our daughter once or twice only because we went to a funeral or we just happened to bump into them in the mall.
Recently, I’ve noticed his aunts have tried to give a few gifts through my mother-in-law to our daughter (ie lip, gloss, little toys), but I don’t want them in my house just because I don’t want to think about them. However, I feel a little conflicted because it is a gift that my daughter could play with & my daughter doesn’t know them.
I don’t intentionally introduce her to them or say ‘Oh look that’s your auntie, etc’. I follow my husband‘s lead and he feels the same way that I do about the whole situation. My MIL/BIL/FIL(divorced from MIL 20+ years ago) have all acknowledged how they act and said they understand if I don’t want to associate with them…
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ for excluding them from your next baby shower. You’re the guest of honor and should be surrounded by people who love and support you. Also NTJ for donating the toys if merely having them around makes you think of them.
But I think the best thing for you would be to figure out how to have these people distantly in your life without assigning any importance to them or their opinions. Perhaps letting your daughter play with/wreck their toys is a start.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ OK thank god you said something at the *very* end because the whole time I’m reading this I’ve got a voice in the back of my head screaming DONATE! That said, you might not want to let this get back to your child, because “you would have more toys, but mommy is spiteful” could be an awkward conversation — kids need to be a *little* older before they learn to appreciate just how sweet spite cay taste.
> In fact, 1 of my aunts told him he was too young to get married when he was telling them he wanted to propose to me. Feel like I have to ask: *how* young?” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Once you receive a gift, it is yours to use or dispose of as you see fit.
For me, if it is possible to donate an item, then I would feel that something good has come of it, rather than discarding an item that could be useful to someone else. But completely your call! You also can decide who will be invited to the shower or any upcoming events.
Since MIL/BIL/FIL seem understanding, I wouldn’t escalate this by returning the gifts as some suggest. It’s not worth your time and energy, and you’ll look like a better and stronger person.” greta_cat
12. AITJ For Moving A Girl's Laundry Out Of The Washer?
“I (20m) am living in a college dorm. It’s nice, but doing laundry sucks. There are only a few machines shared with the entire floor, and they’re usually full. The above floor is also having problems with their washers, so they’ve been using ours.
It’s a pain.
I was doing homework late last night and I figured it’d be a good time to do laundry. Even at 10:30, all the washers are in use. The earliest was done in ~10 minutes with the rest at 30ish, so I set a timer and went back to my room.
The timer’s done and I’m back, detergent and laundry in hand. A couple of minutes pass and the washer finishes, but no one’s in sight. That’s fine. I wait a few minutes and still no one. Hm. I waited a few more, and now I’m annoyed.
I decided to move their clothes to the top of the washer. It’s common in this situation. It’s been done to me before, and I’ve done it to others. It sucks when the guy moving it is careless and you have to fish for your clothes in the void behind the washers (if you even notice it’s loss), so I try to be careful.
I open the washer and start moving the clothes, and I don’t even realize it’s a girl’s clothes until I pull a… sensual and lacy piece of clothing. If I was any more lucid I would be bashful, but it barely registered. I’m almost done when I hear someone say “What the heck?!” behind me.
The owner of the clothes is here to fetch them, catching me with a pile of her clothes in hand, bra right on top. Just my luck. I’ve seen her, she’s in one of my classes, but she’s not on my floor and we’ve never talked. I have a very awkward conversation, not helped with my sleep-lagged synapses.
Here’s the gist:
“What are you doing with my clothes, creep?!”
“What? I just wanna use the washer.”
“UUh-huh I was watching you, and you were going PRETTY SLOW for just moving them.”
“Oh my god. I was making sure they didn’t fall.”
“Why the heck couldn’t you wait?”
At this point, I was out of it, so I just apologized and let her get her stuff. She was staring daggers at me the whole time. Then she just rushed out of the room, calling me a creep.
Look. We’re on the internet.
I know the stereotype, and I’m not winning any beauty contests. But I exercise/take care of myself, and I had a partner before. I’d like to think I look okay, and I’m not some creep. Was it a bad situation? Sure.
Could I have waited? Why, when a washer is already open? I’ve been in this exact situation with a dude, and neither of us batted an eye. I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Well, today arrived, and it was. My “creepy nature” has been perpetuated throughout the floor/class groups, and I’ve been catching dirty stares.
Most of my friends (male and female) agree it’s all nonsense, but I’ve got other people (strangers too, which is the worst part) saying I’m in the wrong. I don’t know. Hopefully, it’ll all blow over, but I’m planning to talk to an official and/or the girl to set things straight.
I guess I’m just posting this to get some perspective.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did what was normal and acceptable in this situation. If she doesn’t want someone touching her clothes, it’s her responsibility to be there to move them so the washer isn’t held up.
I get that it didn’t look great, but that’s not your fault since you were just trying to be careful. I’m sorry that this is damaging your reputation.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I lived in a building with a shared washer/dryer space I moved people’s clothes all the time and had mine moved before as well.
It’s perfectly common to do so in a situation where the person is not there to take the clothes out of the machine. If things get blown out of proportion by her, talk to someone in charge and I’m sure they’ll side with you on this.” okstar63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a creep. You’re trying to do your laundry and she was wrong to accuse you of that when you were doing her job of moving her clothes. It’s rude to let your laundry sit, especially when you know that washers don’t stay empty.
And she’s lucky. I was late by less than 5 minutes to get my wet clothes once and someone dumped them on the floor and it looked like they were stepped on too. You could have done worse. Considering how much college costs in general, I would be raising a fuss about this issue.
They need to fix the machines pronto and they need to remind all residents that they need to move their laundry along and not let it sit.” friendlily.
11. AITJ For Taking Space From My Parents Who Refuse My Help With Their Declining Health?
“A lot of scary things have happened. Falls, car accidents, getting lost driving, wandering off, forgetting names, information, details of events, forgetting the sequence of events, extremely erratic decision making, angry outbursts, sad outbursts, personality shifts. Moving from the forever home, excessive gifting to my brother from retirement funds.
No confirmation of dementia to my understanding. Doctors did confirm his type 2 diabetes has been out of control (he will not eat for his illness, and he will not see a nutritionist)
Where is my mom? She is there in denial. She is unconcerned and believes my dad will figure out the best solution.
When I try to help and redirect him, she lashes out at me. My dad appreciates help and direction when I tell him he can’t do something. He agrees he is having cognitive decline. We may argue, but he understands if he does something illogical or erratic.
My mom, though, she’ll say, “Your dad is capable; he can make decisions.”
My dad worked as a computer programmer for 45 years and he was a victim of an email scam, he spent 10 hours on the phone with scammers driving around to Target / 711 / pharmacies, etc getting them gift cards to “validate” identity.
I called my dad repeatedly to get him off the phone with them, and still, he couldn’t see it was a scam. I couldn’t convince either of them it was a scam for 10 hrs. When he finally quit with the scammer, I called the police on my mom’s behalf.
After this big incident, I made a plea for him to stop driving and for my mom to take this more seriously. My mom didn’t speak to me for a month she was so mad at me for trying to control her.
My dad tried to change his flight multiple times, thinking different times may be more convenient, but it would incidentally leave them without a hotel.
When I calmly told him no, not a good idea. She was upset with me for limiting him. He said he was dizzy & needed to lay down. Then started to carry a heavy suitcase up a small staircase. I stopped him, she was very upset with me.
My dad has made these reckless, unsafe decisions for himself and + my mother over the past 3 years now. She trusts men over herself and me every time. I can’t visit with them as a bystander, unable to voice an opinion when these unsafe things are happening all around me.
I can’t get onto a sinking boat and be silenced. It’s sad for me! I want to visit my dad while his memory is here. I want to help my mom learn how to manage the bills before it’s too late. I want to help them!
I can’t help them; they literally won’t let me help. Am I the jerk for taking some space? I’m not sure how to be around my dad at this moment without being *pragmatic* about the situation, and I cannot handle being scolded by my mom for being controlling”
Another User Comments:
“This is heartbreaking and I feel for you. Your mother is in denial and panicking at the moment (phone scam). She’s yelling at you because she’s scared and you’re reminding her that she should be dealing with these things.
She’s scared or intimidated or a procrastinator or semi-literate etc etc. I suggest you write a letter to your mother because she can absorb the information and review it in private and at her own pace. Explain what you see happening and the risks that brings to her and your father.
Refer to financial risks and future income, medical assessment and care he should have, services they might be able to access if she could have a financial planner or attorney review their paperwork to protect her in the future, she might be able to have a geriatric specialist / social worker consult to look at his prognosis and future needs.
If she can absorb some of this information when she’s not in a crisis it might get through to her. Tell her you are worried about them both and will support her through this but you can’t do it for her. When things go wrong tell them you are sorry this is happening and you hope it works out.
With your dukes down she may put her defences down and start to trust you. I’m sorry this is happening” Firm-Molasses-4913.
Another User Comments:
“That’s a pretty wild situation but it’s time to switch roles. You gotta take care of them and your mom’s gonna have to face the music eventually and hopefully, you can sit with her and explain just how dire the situation is that’s all you really can do rn” Kicks23142.
10. AITJ For Snapping At A Persistent Stranger Overseas?
“I snapped at a guy trying to approach me and now I feel bad about it.
I’m currently overseas solo. I was in the supermarket buying some water and this guy came along trying to talk to me. I’m generally open with strangers and like to know the locals.
At home, people talk to each other on the street, supermarket, mall…etc, and make small talk, so I went along with it. He asked where I was from and I told him, then he said he likes my hair, I said thank you, then he said he likes me, I said “What!”, he said “I like your hair” and again “I like you”.
I honestly was taken aback, kinda never been told by someone that they liked me, men where I’m from are never that obvious. He asked if I lived here, I said no and I explained that I’ll be leaving soon.
Then he proceeded to ask if I wanted to do something, and I said no thanks.
He asked when am I leaving, and I said tomorrow, just so that he’d know that there was no chance for a meeting. He tried asking for my number, I said no thanks. Then he said he’ll wait for me outside, maybe we can do something after.
I told him no, I was tired and would go straight to the hotel to rest, so he said, maybe he could come and we could do something, and again I said no. I was honestly surprised as I think he was basically inviting himself to my hotel room.
Then he kept saying I’ll wait for you outside.
He followed me to the register. His friends were with him and he kept going back to talk to them. They all waited behind me in line. I wanted to get away, so I moved to a different one.
By the time they followed me, there was at least one shopper between us. While waiting in line, I kept thinking that he said “I’ll wait for you outside” multiple times, and every time I tried to push back. I got a bit worried, I was tired after a long day and the last thing I wanted was to have to fend for myself on the way to the hotel.
I think I made a whole scenario in my head out of his persistence and this phrase!
Then he approached me in line and said that he’ll pay for my water and I told him no thanks. He said no, I’ll pay for it. This is where I snapped, I said “No thanks, I’m not interested, please just go away!!”.
I wasn’t shouting, but nervous enough for everyone nearby to see. I don’t think anyone took much notice though, It was busy, and no one cared. This is a non-English speaking country so probably some heard foreign gibberish. But I think he got the message and went away.
I paid and ran out.
I can’t help thinking that I may have overreacted! It is a different country and people may be behaving differently to how I’m used to. I keep thinking I could’ve handled this in a quieter, nicer way. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He was being a creep and threatening to follow you back to your hotel. He just wanted intimacy and even involved his friends in trying to surround you. Your reaction was the absolute minimum of what it took to get rid of him. It isn’t your job to make men who are acting inappropriately feel comfortable.
When someone is being creepy and not taking no for an answer you don’t have to let them down gently to keep from hurting their feelings. You did the exact right thing and please put out of your mind any doubts you have.” blippityblue72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did handle it nicely to begin with and made it more than clear you weren’t interested in this man but he kept pushing anyway and even tried to invite himself to your hotel room to ‘do something’ together. If it took you needing to snap at him before he got the message, that says more about the kind of person he is than you.
No means no in every country.” asphodel2020
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Charge Guests At Our Party?
“I (21F) live with five roommates in a college apartment. Four of us were randomly placed last year and became friends.
The only “issues” we’ve had thus far are with things like washing dishes and cleaning, which we easily resolve. We often plan events such as movie nights and get-togethers, one of which being Galentine’s.
We decided to host again and mentioned it here and there the past few weeks.
It wasn’t until this Tuesday that my roommate “Liz” (20F) brought up charging guests. Keep in mind that this is two days before the event. I responded suggesting that we instead ask people to bring snacks because I feel strongly that charging an entrance fee to friends is weird.
Liz responds saying that this would be more expensive than venmo-ing. I say that I guess it would be okay, but only if it’s stated in the invite.
Thursday comes around and Liz says $5-7. For context, we were expecting 25 guests. So, 25 guests x $5 = $125 and 25 x $7 = $175.
$125-$175 for booze, cheese, and fruit. “Emily” (21F) bought the booze and Liz bought the food for a charcuterie board, but haven’t told us how much they spent. “Jane” (20F) suggests $7, but I say we should have the correct amount, so as not to overcharge.
This is when Liz says two things that leave me in utter shock. She threw out her receipt by accident AND she bought the food with a gift card. At this point, I’m frustrated at her still expecting compensation. She quickly changes her mind, though.
I ask if everyone is opposed to splitting it between the six roommates. There’s dissent, and I let them know that I’ll just pay for my friends and me.
Then, Emily lets us know that the booze (four 750ml bottles) was a whopping $38.96.
In addition, we have a nearly full 1.5L bottle of vodka and mini wine bottles. She states that we “point blank don’t have enough booze” and that “we are charging at the door.” I say I think they’re overestimating how much we will drink, but Liz is also adamant.
At this point, I’m tired of giving suggestions and arguing and saying, “Okay. Let us know how much things end up costing.”
This is where things hit the fan. While stewing in my anger and frustration, I received a text from Emily (in the group chat) saying she bought more booze which brought the total amount spent to $97.96.
textedxt back confused at the cost, and she messaged me privately saying she went to a new store and couldn’t find the same bottle, so she decided to buy bellini mix and champagne separately because she didn’t want to drive to another store.
I told Emily that I didn’t think it was fair for me to pay even more when it was her decision to buy them separately and at a more expensive price.
I also felt it was unfair because she didn’t ask first and I was opposed to buying more booze in the first place. I let her know that I wouldn’t drink anything bought on Thursday and that my friends wouldn’t either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly, it just sounds like your roommates came up with a very strange arrangement for the party. At every college party I’ve been to, all guests are expected to bring their booze. The hosts will at most offer pre-drinks, which they’ll pay for themselves, along with snacks, etc. Let everyone bring their booze; that’ll ensure everyone can spend the amount they want to.” No_Perception878
8. AITJ For Arguing With My Mom Over My ADHD Medication?
“So, for a little context, I am a 16-year-old girl who was diagnosed with ADHD over 3 years ago and I have struggled with my neurological disorder my entire life.
I additionally have Type 1 Diabetes, which I was diagnosed with when I was 7, along with clinical depression and social anxiety. The combination of these things has made my life quite difficult to manage and both my physical and mental health has significantly suffered due to everything.
When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, I was immediately medicated for it, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was normal. I managed to go from getting straight C’s in my classes to getting straight A’s and being one of the top-performing students in my school.
I was able to turn my life around, I started doing archery and roller-skating, I could finally manage my time properly, I was able to study and learn properly, and I just felt human in a sense.
Over the past year my Mother, a 40-year-old female, has been acting weird around me and my medication.
She no longer trusts me to take it myself, she keeps the pill bottle in her purse or stashes it in her room, and she forbids me from taking them on weekends. I can understand wanting to take a break from my medication, I find that they become less effective over a week and typically try to take at least 1 or two days off them each week.
However, I am currently in grade 12 and I’m going to graduate in 7 months, I need at least 1 day on the weekends to study for my finals but she refuses to let me take my medication.
The other day we got into a huge argument over it, I never argue with anyone, so it was quite a big thing.
I was beginning to get fed up with her not letting me take my medication on the weekends, I wanted to add an extra day to the weekly cycle so I could have extra time to study and learn. This led to a fight, and she kept claiming that didn’t want me getting addicted (which I’m not, I can very easily stop taking them if I wanted), and that I would get moody when I took them (I sometimes get bad mood on the first day for a few hours, which is a normal side effect of the pills) and threatened to stop letting me take them all together.
She called me a spoilt brat afterward stormed out of my room and is now refusing to let me take my medication at all. I don’t know what to do. I need to be able to study for my exams and concentrate on assessments but it’s so much harder when I physically cannot.
I can understand where she’s coming from, but I feel like this is all just over the top and unnecessary. Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m reluctant to throw accusations like this around, but what your mother is doing is a combination of medical neglect and mistreatment.
Denying you medication prescribed by a doctor that you say has benefitted your health and functioning greatly is wrong. I’m scared for you. If nothing else, call the doctor who prescribed them and tell them what’s happening. Not only are they informed enough to decide whether you need the medication and the detriments of not taking it; but they’re also mandated reporters.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But your mother is… if I have the facts straight. You have been given a prescription by a medical doctor and that doctor has set the dose and frequency of when to take the medication. You want to follow that schedule (or at least closer than your mom wants you to). I would say your mother is out of line effectively changing a doctor’s prescription without consulting the doctor. ” LelandHeron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom called you a spoilt brat? I’m so sorry. That’s awful. Suggestion. Wait until things calm down. When they do, sit down with Mom. Stay calm. Explain that you’re looking towards your future and that your studies matter more than ever right now.
Also, let her know that you understand her concerns about addiction. Take accountability for any part you played in this argument. Then ask her to come to your doctor with you so that you can consult the expert together and take emotions out of it.
You two can ask the doctor together what is the best way forward that takes both your concerns and hers into consideration. Good luck” trishsf
7. AITJ For Not Waking Up With My Wife For Work And Arguing With My SIL About It?
“I (33m) have been with my now wife (30f) for 4.5 years and married for 1.5 years. I work from home and am salaried with some flexibility in work hours but typically M-F 8a-4p.
My wife goes to online college full-time for an advanced degree and works part-time (2 12-hour shifts, scheduled randomly between M-F, 7a-7p). Sleeping is not one of my strong suits so maintaining a healthy sleep schedule is something I struggle with. Often I am up significantly later than her on the nights she works where I usually tuck her in around 9:30p to wake up at 5:30a whereas I’m usually up till midnight or later to wake up at 8a.
As a side gig, my wife and I sell DIY crafts (mostly woodworking, embroidery, wreaths, etc.) to make some extra money so I usually do the electronic work for that or some other quiet activity so I don’t keep my wife awake. Typically, there is no reason for me to be up as early as my wife in her work morning, otherwise on her nonwork days/nights we typically go to bed and wake up around the same time.
Recently my wife’s dog has been having some health issues so on the days she works I’ve been getting up with her to help administer meds to the pup (it’s a two-person job since he strongly resists). This came up in casual conversation and my sister-in-law (wife’s half-sister) jumped in to say how shocked she was that I don’t wake up with my wife on the mornings she works.
For reference my SIL is married, doesn’t work, and also struggles with maintaining a healthy sleep schedule. She does not wake up with her husband before he goes into his regular 7a-5p job, however, she feels her excuse of sleep/mental health issues combined with caretaking for their dog (separation anxiety when they go to bed) is justification when in her opinion don’t have one.
I tried to brush this off because I knew it would unnecessarily escalate, but SIL wouldn’t drop it. Eventually, I retorted that my wife’s and my patterns are none of her business or concern. My wife has never worked consistent shifts throughout our relationship (3 12s nights 7p-7a, 5 8s 9a-5p, 3 12s 3p-3a, 2 12s 7a-7p, etc) so it just works for us, that she doesn’t even wake up when her husband goes to work, among others.
This ultimately became a heated exchange as anticipated between the two of us.
My wife and SIL don’t have the best relationship because of continued conflicts throughout childhood through adulthood and previous incidents of her sticking her nose where my wife believed it didn’t belong, and has since scolded my SIL which has only escalated the situation further SIL now believes she’s the victim of in her words “bullying”.
My wife and I have considered not waking up together every morning to be a nonissue, but I have also recently seen a TV show with a similar situation where one partner didn’t wake up for the other to go to work and was made out to be a bad person.
AITJ for giving in and causing a fight with my SIL? AITJ for not waking up when my wife goes to work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL is a nosy troublemaker who enjoys manufacturing drama. Why would you get up at 5:30 in the morning just because your wife does?
Make it make sense.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the only time I see it can be an issue is if there are kids involved and one parent is doing most of the work herding the kittens.” WavesnMountains
6. AITJ For Buying My Niece A Book To Understand Autism?
“I (25F) have a sister (32F) who has 5 children with her husband (32M), her children are Connor (11M), Emma (11F), Nicolette (9F), Wyatt (6M), and Elias (2M). Connor and Emma started middle school this year, though they went to different middle schools. Emma went to the middle school that most of her friends from the private elementary school she was at went to, both the elementary school she went to and the middle school were secular.
Connor is going to an Adventist school, both my sister and her husband come from atheist families and they are atheists themselves, however, Connor has been interested in religion since he was about 5, he prayed before basketball and he started asking his parents about religion, who taught him about various religions and branches, multiple friends he had on his basketball league are Adventist, and Connor started to become more interested and asked to go to their school.
He started this school year.
One of the kids Connor met at his school is Lionel (11M), Lionel is autistic, and he’s extremely intelligent, he doesn’t mask though,h and will use fidgets, doesn’t make eye contact,ct and will go on and on about his special interest in hospitality, he wants to own a hotel when he gets older.
I’ve met him a few times before and asked if his parents or anyone in his family are in hospitality, they aren’t, it’s just a passion of, his, and very cute to watch him go on.
Last weekend, I was at my sister’s house for some tea and dough and nuts, and Connor and Lionel were in the living room, playing some board game Connor had got on some Adventist website.
Emma and Wyatt were also in the living room, playing “school” (pretending to teach their stuffed animals). Emma started to comment on Lionel once he took out some chew necklace she had, he chewed on this necklace for sensory relief, this kind of thing is made for neurodivergent kids.
She asked why he was chewing on his necklace and said it made him look like a “stupid baby”, Connor got mad, and told her how he’d already explained to her why Lionel was different, Connor and Emma then started having a screaming match about whether it was ok that Lionel was “weird” (things like sensory issues, his special interest, etc).
My sister came running in to stop the yelling and told the kids to ignore each other, which they did.
Yesterday, I was in the bookstore with Connor after picking him up from some basketball event, Connor was looking at the religious books and then asked to go see if they had any books on autism.
Emma is an avid reader, and Connor thought getting her a book could help her understand Lionel. We found a fiction book about an autistic kid, a book we thought she’d enjoy.
When I went to my sister’s house, I gave Emma the book, she told me she was “never going to read it”, my sister then saw this and asked me to stop “instigating” Emma, and asked me to apologize to her.
I did but Emma could tell I was not being sincere. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think that this is exactly an “Uncle’s Job”. Maybe you can tell her something sincere. I guess you didn’t want to patronize her, but make her stronger and better.
That might be better to tell her than an apology. But in the end, it is a thing between her and Connor and since he asked for help, it might be best to advise him on possibilities of how HE can approach the situation and get Emma out of her defensive position.
And how he on the other hand can manage with more aplomb.” Atlantic_Waters
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You tried to help a child understand another child with autism. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing worth apologizing over. This is a classy way to help a child understand someone else and gain empathy for others.
Mom should have had your back as it would have made her job much easier too (if she bothered to correct her daughter’s behavior and educate her on Lionel).” TheSciFiGuy80
5. AITJ For Leaving An Acquaintance Alone At A Rooftop Bar?
“I (32m) took a weekend out of town in a warmer part of the country and spent one day visiting with my friend Alan (35m). He wanted to go to a rooftop bar, which I’m fine with, even though I don’t drink because I would just eat dinner and get a mocktail, but the problem is he told me at the last minute that his friends Roger and Cecelia (55m and 36f) would be joining us.
The thing about them is they are both socialites and very into booze culture. Roger has money and when he drinks, he turns into a frat boy jerk. Cecilia is very protective of Roger, and will not accept any criticism of him at all.
We got there, and it was worse because both Roger and Cecelia had had a few to drink already.
Roger ordered whiskeys for the table, and I showed him that I already had a drink. He, in his slashed state, started ripping into me about how I wasn’t having a real drink because there was no booze in it, and he just wanted me to have a good time.
I told him to please leave me alone, because I wanted to finish my food, but he would not come off of it. Alan and Cecelia both thought it was funny to a point, but Alan finally asked him to calm down a little.
About an hour in, Alan took a phone call and Cecilia excused herself to the bathroom.
I was left alone with Roger, and he was still being Roger. I was no longer having fun, texted Alan saying I was headed back to my Airbnb, and went to pay the check. As I was headed to the elevator, back down, Cecilia sort of intercepted me and asked what I was doing.
I told her that I was getting tired and just wanted to go back home, and she got Ricky and said “You left my partner alone?” I told her it was just for a minute, and he was at the table and was fine, but Cecilia started freaking out at me because I left Roger by himself.
I finally just said “Good night, Cecelia,” and went down the elevator. I was halfway to my car when I got a call from Alan, and he was concerned, saying that Cecilia was crying. I told him what it happened, and he told me he understood my concerns with Roger, but said I should have just held out for a couple more minutes to make sure he didn’t fall.
(Our table was right by the overlook and we were nine stories up)
As annoying, as Roger is, I don’t want him to die. But he was sitting down when I left him, and Cecilia was on her way back so I doubt he was in any grave danger.
For the two minutes, I took to pay for my meal. Plus, it’s not like we were the only people over there, there were lots of people eating and drinking, and anyone with half a conscience would have stepped in if he were in any real danger.”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, what, are you this guy’s babysitter/handler/daddy? If the dude is a heavy drinker he might stand up and take a header off the roof, he needs to be taken home by his date. But this is not your problem.
NTJ and you stuck it out with unpleasant and unexpected dinner companions as long as you could. At some point, it was time to go home. At least you realized it -and did it.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to be with heavy drinkers trying to pressure you into drinking booze.
I am having a hard time picturing this rooftop bar with no railings that would catch a fellow before he rolled off in his intoxicated state, but anyway, you hadn’t taken up the position of personal helper to this guy. Whether he rolls off the roof or not is ultimately his responsibility so NTJ on that account also.” FragrantEconomist386
4. AITJ For Getting Frustrated With My Mom's Constant Questions About My Life?
“I (34F) love my mom (71F) very much.
It’s been just the two of us for most of my life. But, because of that, she’s gotten in the habit of thinking she has the right to know every little thing about my life and give me her opinions about my life, even when I don’t ask her.
Now, both my mom and I have a bit of previous experience with international travel, and when it comes to Europe specifically, I have been there more than her. I only say this to explain that it’s not like she’s some international traveler and I have zero experience and need her advice.
I am going on a week-long trip to Europe with a friend (40F) next year (We live in the US). The trip involves sleeping on a small boat and traveling to different islands. I was on the phone with my mom the other day, and she said, “You are getting a cabin with two beds instead of one queen, right?” And I said, “Oh, I’m not sure yet.
But I told my friend that we could end up with either, and neither of us cares if we have to share a be since we’ve done it before on other trips”. My mom then said, “Well, can you ask the travel agent about it?” I said, “Probably, but it’s not something I’m worried about because we don’t care.” She kept asking me about talking to the travel agent about it, no matter how many times I said that we didn’t care.
I admit, that my voice got a little sharp by the end. She immediately got mad and started responding with things like, “Well I was just asking!” I tried to tell her that she wasn’t just asking, and she blamed me for not listening to her and that she didn’t say it like how I repeated back to her, which is how she always responds to this kind of stuff.
That whole conversation may sound like it’s not a big deal, but extrapolate it to so many other things. I feel like she says opinions and then attaches the word “right?” at the end just to make them questions. It always sounds like she is either assuming what my answer is going to be before she asks, or she is trying to tell me what she thinks I should do, but since she knows I hate unsolicited advice, she phrases it as a question.
Then, if my answer isn’t what she expects, she continues to question me about it. It’s even more frustrating because it usually happens with things that don’t even concern her, or shouldn’t be a big deal, like this cabin conversation.
So now, when she does this, I’ve started calmly asking her why she said it like that when she asks the first “question”.
This seems to make her mad too, but I’m simply trying to point out that she does say things the way I describe them. To me, it’s kind of similar to when someone makes a rude joke, and you ask them to explain why it’s funny to point out how rude it was.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she’s NTJ either. I understand all too well this situation can be frustrating. I suggest you try to see the bright side, your mom cares about you in her way, even if it’s kind of annoying for you.
Another piece of advice that I know it’s probably not that good but might be practical… in a situation like the one you described might be better to just tell her “I haven’t, but I will ask next time we talk” so she lets the topic go.
Chances are she will forget about it by next time or, you can avoid the topic, or say something like it was already booked with one large bed/ 2 separate beds, etc. Hope you get what I mean, just continue the conversation appreciating the comment but not getting stuck on it, it’s not worth the fight in.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand the mental exhaustion and frustration of the barrage of questions, especially when it’s the same one over and over. I think either asking “Why do you keep asking about that…is there some reason that particularly concerns you?” or saying, “Please don’t ask me about that again; I don’t have anything more to say about it” would be an appropriate response.” anonymom135
3. AITJ For Wanting My Freeloading Best Friend To Move Out?
“For context, my best friend(24F) and I(24F) have been friends since the fourth grade. We got close again in my senior year of high school and lived together in my first/only semester of college. We have been in several big fights, which I’ll admit are usually started by her and I react badly, which makes it worse.
But we always make up.
This time around, I feel the argument is just petty. We moved in together about a year and a half ago, in a mutually needed agreement. I was buying a house, but I wouldn’t be able to afford food and she needed a place to live.
We agreed that she would pay 500 a month plus groceries, and she and her two kids would move in with me and my daughter(whom I was pregnant with at the time). Throughout this time, while there have been things that have bothered me about living together such as chores, guests, etc. I have pretty much kept my mouth shut or been polite when asking her to respect my boundaries(usually those boundaries centered around respecting the fact that I had a child under one in the house).
I have let her borrow my car for months at a time, paid essentially all bills since May after she lost her grandmother and quit her job (so she owes me around 2500 dollars), quietly accepting the fact that some months she could only send me 40 dollars, staying with her kids while she worked evenings after I had just had my daughter, as well as recently taking her daughter to school, keeping up with the chores the best I can manage( we both struggle with depression which makes it difficult sometimes), etc.
A few days ago, her dog went into my room and dragged one of my daughter’s diapers out of my trash can and dragged it into her room. When she got home, she stepped in the mess. I can understand her being mad, but she proceeded to send me a Snapchat that I thought was very rude, so I texted her and said I didn’t appreciate the snap, and that I don’t talk to her like that so I’d appreciate if she didn’t talk like that to me.
She then told me that she was not capable of being any nicer in her response. From there, we got into an argument where she said I was gross for leaving my daughter’s diapers in my room and I said I would throw them away every day but I was no longer taking responsibility for them around the house.
(there’s more to the texts but it was all very reactive and petty on both ends) Her last response was that she would move out, pay me back, and I could figure out how I’d feed myself and my daughter on my own. I said okay, and we have not talked all week.
We’ve just been awkwardly coexisting when she is here.
Am I the jerk if I just give her a date to be out by? Should I reach out and try to solve this, or just let go and tell her to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is not your friend, understand that. She only sees you as a haven, where she can vent her frustrations and live for free and still have someone to take care of her children. You are, essentially, an acquaintance that she insists on parasitizing until the moment you no longer have anything to offer.
Since she has given the cue, give her a legal deadline to leave your house and talk to other potential roommates who could take her place.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Tell her to leave. She is not ever going to catch up on what she owes you.
If a grown woman with children thinks it is ok to quit her job when she has children to provide for and rent, she is not ever going to be responsible. She is not going to get any better. I would give her a 30-day notice to leave.
You would be better off financially without her. She is not paying you anyway. You can always find a better roommate” Catlady0329
Another User Comments:
“NTJ aside from being your “best friend’ what on earth does this leech bring to the table? She isn’t paying her bills – you are!
I would find out what your eviction process is and start there. As soon as your “bestie” figures out the gravy train is about to hit the last stop you’ll have to pry her out. Good luck!” Ok_Homework8692
2. AITJ For Being Upset Over My In-Laws Constantly Spoiling My Son?
“Am I the jerk for being upset? I (f31) and my husband (m30) have a three-year-old son. We live on a 30-acre plot with my in-laws about 5 acres away. My MIL watches our son while my and hubs are at work, so she spends lots of time with him.
She also spoils him excessively. Anytime they go to town, he gets a new toy, or he gets a cake pop, or a sucker, or something. It’s always something. It’s to the point that it’s not considered a treat anymore, in fact, my toddler has come to expect it.
So when I’m in town with him, and we walk past the toy section while grocery shopping, it turns into a meltdown becauseMommyy said no.
Now to preface this, it’s not just an ordinary Hot Wheels she’s gotten him. My son has 4 powerwheels vehicles (blue tractor, zero turn mower, jeep, excavator/digger).
The blue tractor is the oldest and often breaks but my husband keeps fixing it over and over again. The zero turn my son hardly rides. The Jeep is his favorite and it’s the fastest one. And the excavator/digger is broken and they haven’t taken the steps to warranty it out for whatever reason.
MIL found a monster truck with power wheels on a social media marketplace about an hour from where we live. She told FIL about it and he was going to be in the area so he agreed to pick it up. (MIL and FIL are divorced but are civil enough) MIL told my husband about a monster truck she wanted to get our son but he was under the impression it was a remote control car.
No one said anything to me about this. I feel VERY strongly that 5 powerwheels is about 4 too many. We don’t have anywhere to store them so they have to stay over at MIL’sL house since she has a raised porch and can park them under her porch.
My FIL was at my house when I got home from work and tried to take the fall saying it was his fault and he never gets to get anything for our son and just wanted to do something nice. The issue is MIL this morning before work had told me that SHE found it on the marketplace.
So clearly it wasn’t from FIL at all, he was just picking it up so she didn’t have to drive all that way.
I’m extremely frustrated because a) I was kept out of the loop about yet another large gift b) I was directly lied to about whose idea it was to try and take heat off MIL c) my husband doesn’t understand or agree with me being upset.
Toys especially big toys like this should be a treat, but it’s become an everyday occurrence. This has encouraged entitlement, and tantrums when my toddler is told no. My husband is annoyed with me for being upset because “I’m the only one with the problem here”
So please tell me, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 30 acres to roam free with the pick of his power wheel garage on his way to get some candy from grandma is a recipe for a troubled teen. However, you’re taking the right steps by making sure he doesn’t grow up spoiled. It’s good to have your kids have all of their needs met, but not all of their wants; you are doing that perfectly.
Talk to your husband, and try to get him on the same page as you. It’ll have more weight if he starts since she likely has a closer relationship with her son. Present a united front, and tell her that this is your child, and you are the parent; decisions falling under that category lie within your domain.
While you appreciate her help, you’ve seen a lot of kids grow up spoiled, and just want her to consult with you first so that your son doesn’t grow up the same way.” Sam_Pound_
Another User Comments:
“Not only should gifts like these be occasional (the bigger the gift, the less frequently it should be given), but the kid should not be seeing it being picked up during normal shopping trips.
You’re right that it is setting up unreasonable expectations and will lead to a spoiled, ungrateful kid. Nobody else seems to be thinking ahead. NTJ” HolyGonzo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ With regards to the toys, tell MIL 1 in = 1 out. Each time she gets a new toy for your son, get rid of one of the older ones.
Start with the 2 that are broken or keep breaking. That way you/your hubby doesn’t have to deal with trying to fix or store broken items. If she wants to keep getting him newer stuff, you can just keep getting rid of older stuff, not store it at her place, actually get rid of it.
Drive over it with a real tractor, and send it to Goodwill. However it leaves, it leaves. Gone. No playing with it at grandma’s place. As for her buying him garbage every time at the store, I have no advice, sorry.” JessieColt
1. AITJ For Refusing To Reconcile With My Partner's Overbearing Mother?
“I (F22) and my significant other, we’ll call him Robert (M22) have been in a relationship for almost 5 years now.
We get along really well and are considering buying a house together this year alongside getting engaged. However, as always something shows its head, my partner was raised by a single parent’s mum, and we’ll call her Emily (F42), it was just them so they are very close and currently live together.
The actual situation is I have not spoken to Emily in over two years now, it started with me planning a holiday for Robert’s birthday. It was planned all by myself and I paid for everything after Emily’s plan for our holiday fell through and I didn’t want him to not go anywhere as he was really excited. Emily never showed any plans for rescheduling and never let me know, like she had for the first holiday, that there was a plan.
Robert got wind of the fact I was planning something and told Emily, she reacted by messaging me and calling me a Snake, said I was manipulative for planning this behind her back, and felt extremely betrayed. I didn’t understand where this was coming from so just backed down, apologized multiple times, and immediately told her all my plans to involve her and asked if she had any recommendations.
We never recovered from this situation, and to this day, she still has multiple conversations with Robert, stressing him out. I don’t ever get told what’s been discussed but I know it’s not pleasant and she does say bad things about me, one thing she has said is that I’m planning to steal him away from her.
I’ve told Robert multiple times that if it ever came down to it, I’d admit defeat and leave him and his mum to it because I can’t live like that. It’s now getting to that stage unfortunately and we’re off to see a couples therapist.
Emily has made multiple passes to Robert saying that ‘she’d love to sit down and have coffee’ with me and ‘would love to just have one phone call’ but she’s expecting me to do all the work like she’s some victim and I have to solve everything when at this point I’m just done – I could see her across the street and have a conversation but I have no desire to go back to what we once were when I told her my secrets and showed my vulnerable side.
Let it be known, she has called me once….at half ten at night – I have anxiety and hearing issues and she knows, from when we still used to talk, that I don’t do phone calls. This has since been constantly used as a point against me because I never picked up the phone and I’m honestly at my wits end.
I don’t want to meet up, I don’t want to discuss what happened, and I don’t want to be the one who messages first as it will just play into her victim mentality but this is all severely hurting Robert as Emily is constantly at him and I’m at a loss.
So, AITJ for causing my partner more stress by refusing to contact his mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – For some single mother/son relationship it goes off the rails unhealthily when the bond becomes too strong and it comes from them being the ones taking care of each other.
His mother doesn’t think any woman is good enough for their son. And the reason she is pushing for a dialog with you but only on her terms is her way of staying in between you two. What you need to do is try to talk to your partner that you two, if you are planning to buy a house io also look to move to another city as well to get some distance from his mother as I see it.
He is not going to move up from her while she is so close and be constantly pick, pick, picking at you until you end up both divorcing. The unhealthy bond that exists has to be broken, it has to be done through it and will be hard.
Hopefully, your partner can see it as well otherwise this relationship is lost.” Mustng1966
