People Are Struggling To Explain These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Flexing My Wealth After A Man Tried To Flaunt His?
“I’ll say that I know this comes off as a flex, and my actions that led to this post were a flex, but I was curious if this rose to the level of being a jerk.
I stopped at the local upscale restaurant in my town for a drink one day after work. They are well known for their cocktails, and they have a huge bar area. The place is very much a date night type of place.
My style is usually pretty plain, and I was wearing a non-branding hoodie, jeans, and shoes on this day. I didn’t look homeless, but I didn’t exactly exude anything special.
A couple near me seemed to be on a date, where the guy started talking about how much money he makes as a car salesman, how he’s “all about that money”, how he likes finer things, and his goal was to support a stay-at-home wife and kids someday.
Then he tells her, “I’m on pace to make over $65,000 this year, and I estimate that I’m probably worth at least $200,000.”
I’m not sure why he needed to get me involved in the conversation, but he commented that he saw I was married and if I thought that $65,000 was a good amount or if I made enough to have my wife stay at home.
When I said my wife does work, but because she wants to, he then told his date that he wants a wife who wants to stay home.
I’ll skip over a lot of details, but he tried involving me more in his exhibition of wealth to his date, trying to play off my appearance.
It was a step too far, and then I started talking about the average housing cost in our area, the cost of childcare, etc. While $65,000 is good for a single person, it’s not enough to have a single-income family in our town.
He got frustrated and tried pushing back about his “net worth” being able to afford all this, and then asked me for my net worth.
I was cashed out from my tab, so I decided to flex on the way out: I brought up the app from my financial advisor that shows my net worth and said “I don’t keep track daily, but right now it seems to be $$$$.” I won’t give the exact amount, but it is in the 7 figures (US dollars).
His date had to catch herself from spitting out her wine, and I walked out the door.
So, AITJ for being petty like this?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk but we can put the other guy aside, you’re here and not him.
You let yourself down by acting like this (I don’t care about the effect on him by the way, not worried about his feelings or anything, he can deal with it), there’s something weird inside that made you want to be like this with a (n jerkish) stranger.
Strangers shouldn’t stir you at all really, non-reaction would have been cooler.” DonaldTellMeWhy
Another User Comments:
“I am OLD. My partner and I have saved and invested for decades and are comfortable. This man was bragging about his worth and invited you into the conversation.
He was trying to flex. I know many people don’t earn 65K in a year. They still manage to raise families. But it isn’t easy. You gave this clown a good financial lesson. NTJ, but I can be petty like that too.” Aggravating-Pain9249
23. AITJ For Asking My Sisters To Pay Rent After They Moved Into My House?
“Three years ago my sister, Sandra (32) moved into my house with her 3-year-old son after a messy divorce with her ex-husband.
I didn’t mind that she moved in, I have a great relationship with my family and was willing to help.
Not to mention, I had enough room for them.
5 months ago my other sister Cynthia (29) asked to move into my place as well. She lost her job and with no savings, she had to move out of her apartment.
I thought it was unfair if Sandra could stay, but Cynthia couldn’t, so I let her stay as well.
With Cynthia moving in, my house is now quite full. I am single and work long hours, so I don’t mind them being here.
Sandra and Cynthia also get along decently, not great, but better than when we were children.
Sandra’s ex was ordered to pay alimony and child support. Considering that he doesn’t make much, Sandra also doesn’t receive all that much.
Cynthia got a minimum-wage job recently. Now that both of them have a little income, I asked each of them to pay me $120 in rent.
It would help me financially if they would pay. I also think I am justified in asking considering they don’t pay for anything else (such as groceries, utilities, or gas).
I also help pay for my nephew’s expenses.
When I told them, it immediately caused an argument. Cynthia told me Sandra didn’t have to pay anything for the 3 years that she’s been here. Sandra explained that her financial situation then was horrible considering her ex-husband refused to pay alimony and child support until she was forced to.
Cynthia told me it’s still unfair and isn’t willing to pay rent. Sandra on the other hand told me she will pay starting next year (2025) because she needs to save more money. She told me the same last year but several things got in the way.
I understood her difficult position and hated bringing it up, but told her she went to Vegas twice last year on a girls’ trip and spent ridiculous amounts of her saved-up money in casinos, clubs, and luxury hotels.
She left her son with me. I didn’t mind, because I look after him a lot, especially if she wants to go out.
Sandra told me it was none of my business what she did in her private time.
They told our mother, who told me I can’t ask my sisters for money because they have difficult lives and mine isn’t. Also because they are family.
So, am I the jerk here?
I am 26M, don’t know if that’s relevant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sisters are both taking advantage of you. It is great that you want to support your family, but if mom thinks they don’t need to pay rent they can live with Mom or she can pay you their rent.
Establishing boundaries with family can be difficult, especially when you are used to being the fixer for everyone. If you can manage it, I would highly recommend speaking with a therapist to build your resilience and confidence in establishing boundaries.
Best of luck OP!” CrazyMinPinLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are being taken advantage of massively. Not only have you let them stay without them paying for rent, but they also have not pitched in for utilities OR paid for their groceries?!
Instead of saving money for your own life, you are spending it to pay their bills. You should not just ask them for 120$, you should be asking them for a share on all bills, utilities, groceries, internet, you name it.” RayTX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, you can ask for them to share in the costs of the household you are kind enough to let them live in! How is this even a question? They don’t get to save money at your expense just because you are family.
You can ask them to leave your home; they are not entitled to your charity.” ParsimoniousSalad
22. AITJ For Kicking My Sister And Her Friends Out Of My House Unannounced?
“I live in my childhood home with my brother. He and I plus a roommate share the rent and utilities. We have one sister who lived here up until about ten years ago. She’s moved from state to state to state and finally came back to this state but lives about two hours away.
My sister visits from time to time, she is usually pretty good about saying when she is coming, sometimes she will bring her animals when she goes on a trip and we will take care of them.
Fast forward to tonight, my brother and I are sitting in our common room playing a game.
My sister shows up completely unannounced with four friends. She did not communicate with any of us she would be coming let alone with company. She then asked my brother and I if we could pause our game, which we couldn’t.
Her friend came into the room and said “Wow looks like fun” in a condescending tone, and caught off guard I said “Yeah, it’s really fun having a bunch of strangers in my house,” to which I heard the reply “we’re not strangers.”
We’re not strangers, at least not all of us, two of the friends I recognized from my sister’s high school years, as older girls who would mock and torment me, and a decade later I’m still not rid of it.
All five of them make their way into my house, a place my sister has not lived in over a decade. After my comment, my sister takes me aside into the kitchen. I look at her and she grabs me by the face, saying “We just came from a funeral.” There was a tragedy in one of her friends’ lives which is the reason they all were back in this city.
It is horrible, and I do feel for my sister and her friends, but in that instant, I was so upset about her coming unannounced with company that I said “I don’t care where you came from, get out.”
They left shortly after and I called our parents to get ahead of it. For reference, she is 30 and I am 28, our parents live several states away from us. My dad told me I “showed my jerk” and that I could’ve handled it with more grace.
I think my sister was out of line with a complete lack of communication and just showing up in the night with a company like this is the place she still lives.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if she doesn’t currently live there.
That’s such an entitled mindset that she thinks she can do whatever she wants and it sounds like your parents enable her. You could have handled this with more tact but that being said the sister is way more in the wrong.
I don’t understand why your house had to be the place they went to. And her friends weren’t too sad about the tragedy if they were able to be condescending” Audixix.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, rude as heck to show up unannounced, even ruder to invite others into your home.
Just because she used to live there, does not give her the right to do either of those things. Yes, you could have handled it with more grace, but she could have told you she would be stopping by and asked if she could bring 4 people into your home, but been prepared for an alternative if you said no. Nothing will ever give her guests the right to be condescending in your home.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If my HS bullies walked into my house, they would feel lucky to walk out on two good legs. Forget that noise. Not only do you not show up unannounced, but you also do not show up when you’re not wanted. Sister knew they’d be unwanted, and I bet the girls knew it too.
If Dad’s so eager he can host them unannounced.” Tomboyish717
21. AITJ For Leaving My Husband At His Mom's House Because She Insisted On Serving Dinner?
“I am a 36 (F) who is married to my spouse 46 (M). We’ve been together for 12 years and have 7 beautiful children together.
My husband is the third and only boy in his family.
His family is very close to each other and will always choose each other over anyone else. Including their spouse and children.
For years, my children and I have put up with the antics of our extended family.
And today I finally put my foot down.
We had been out shopping and my children all were hungry. Very hungry. On the way home my husband wanted to stop at his Mom’s house for a quick sweet treat.
I knew of this ahead of time and was fine with it. Problem. We got the treat and even though my MIL knew I had been slow cooking a roast in the oven, she started insisting and serving food.
Several times we had told her we had food and needed to leave. But my husband caved and she immediately started getting food. She had already heated food and served my oldest son. She was getting some for my spouse when I got up and said: ‘I’m leaving because the meats are ready and I have to get it out of the oven.’
My spouse followed me and you could tell didn’t have the guts to stop his Mom. I wasn’t even angry at that point, just a sick feeling. I told him we would finish making dinner and pick them up when we were done.
So, me and three of my children went home. I called him when we made it back and in the conversation told him I wasn’t pleased with the insistence of his mom about serving food. She knew I had cooked. Not even an hour later, he called me when we were cooking and said he would have to come get the truck so he could bring the other children back.
I said fine and got back to work. But I know him. He wanted me to go get them. But it was a no. He came in his Mom’s truck, drove back in ours got the children and his Mom and then she got her truck and left.
Now he’s all angry and doesn’t talk to anyone or even look at anyone. So. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew you had dinner cooking. She knew you had dinner cooking. Everyone knew ‘the plan’ was a quick drop-in, but that was never the plan for your MIL.
There is a point where a man becomes an adult and learns to say no to his mum, and his mum doesn’t try to override the family’s decisions. It all sounds pretty annoying to me.” Resident_Pomelo_1337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yeah, your MIL is messing with you. She knows exactly what she is doing and that is trying to bust the two of you. It’s this passive-aggressive nonsense that drives me up the wall.
What I would tell hubby is that he either needs to side with you with his Mom constantly trying to play you as the fool or you are going to take the kids and leave. Make him decide, whether it is you or her.
Otherwise, until she passes you will deal with this nonsense all the time. This type of behavior is hateful. That foot of yours needs to come down hard now.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why do you put it up with this?
I sure wouldn’t they (my partner included) would get a one-strike deal. Once fine, but do it again, and I’d be done! I wouldn’t let myself put up with the in-laws taking over our plans. Your husband can grow a backbone apart from his mother or just stay and let her baby him while he has to pay child support while you raise those children right.
I’d told the ones that she did serve, “Please don’t eat that. We’ll get something on the way home for a snack, but we already have a dinner planned and cooking at home. Granny can serve you a meal another time when she lets us know ahead of time like she already knew I had a meal planned for y’all at home.” LadyPurpleButterfly
20. AITJ For Cancelling Plans With My Mum After She Invited My Brother Without Asking Me?
“I had plans to watch Traitors (a very popular show atm here in the UK, no spoilers please) with my mum at hers today, and I’d also be cooking dinner for us both.
(To add context, I use Hello Fresh so I didn’t have to go out and buy the ingredients especially).
About three hours before I’m due to go there I get a text saying that my brother and his family will be popping over to drop some of my nephew’s stuff off (as my mum is looking after him tomorrow) and that they will be staying for a curry so it’s up to me whether I want to eat the curry or bring my hello fresh still.
We had several episodes of The Traitors to watch, the final was on Friday and spoilers are everywhere, so I declined as we now won’t be doing either of the things we had planned. I told my mum that I thought we were watching traitors and I couldn’t be bothered to come if we weren’t doing that.
I haven’t had the best week and couldn’t be bothered socializing with my brother and his partner. I have been looking for a new job and had a couple of interviews this week but heard nothing back. My mum is aware of this.
My mum then accused me of having a bad attitude and that they wouldn’t be staying late and we could have fitted a couple of episodes in.
I asked her how I had a bad attitude when we already made plans and she just overrode them.
She explained how my brother and his partner have been very busy as the partner is going back to work tomorrow (after being on maternity leave) and that when my brother hinted at dinner she said yes to keep everyone happy.
Then again said how my attitude is bad because she is feeling “wobbly” (because my other brother moved out a couple of weeks ago and she’s an empty nester now) and that she’s better off alone tonight if that’s how I’m going to be.
For context, my brother lives a ten-minute walk/2 minute drive from my mum and has known about the arrangement of my mum looking after my nephew for months. He often leaves plans to that day and my mum always comments on this.
I said why didn’t she just say she was already having dinner and that I was looking forward to us having an evening together but that it feels like as soon as she gets a better offer I’m pushed to the side.
She hasn’t replied.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom didn’t “keep everyone happy” by changing plans. She made brother and his partner happy. She could have had them drop the kid’s stuff off and make plans for dinner with them another day.
Instead, she put you and y’all’s plans on the back burner.” justcelia13
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If your mum was babysitting your nephew then she couldn’t say no to them dropping his stuff off at her house and, in her head, she’s probably thinking that you might prefer it because then you don’t have to cook and you can see your brother too.
On the other hand, you wanted to watch Traitors before you hear any spoilers and your mum doesn’t appreciate how important that is to you.” Yikes44
19. AITJ For Wanting To Limit My MIL's Involvement In My Pregnancy?
“I (24F) and my husband (25M) are expecting our first baby. We decided to only tell our parents about it because it’s still early in the first trimester. My FIL was happy for us but my MIL was over the moon.
She has been texting us every day wanting updates which can be exhausting but my husband has taken the responsibility for most updates that way I’m not overwhelmed and stressed out. We had our confirmation appointment a few days ago and my OB did prenatal labs and scheduled us in for an ultrasound.
After the appointment, my husband texted my MIL and told her everything that happened in our group chat.
She followed up by asking when the ultrasound was. I told my husband that she was going to ask if she could come.
I have been upfront about my boundaries and told him that I’m not comfortable with anyone other than him being in the room for appointments, ultrasounds, testing, and birth. He has been accepting of this so I didn’t think it was an issue.
He texted my MIL back and told her when it was. She then asked if she could be there (like I said she would) and instead of giving her a firm no, he just told her about an office policy that only allows one person to come in with the patient.
She then wanted him to record it or FaceTime her.
I know that technically isn’t here physically being there but I would rather my husband be more present and not be on his phone or worrying about his mom at a time like that.
She then sent a text that I read as passive-aggressive about her just wanting to hear the heartbeat. This is where I may be the jerk. I told him that I wouldn’t be giving her any more updates regarding me or the baby.
She is getting too pushy and it is making me very uncomfortable because she is acting like it’s her baby. It upsets me to have to be that way with my MIL and my husband also thinks we can’t stop telling her anything about the baby.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to give advice that could save you YEARS of stress and worry. Ready? Here it is: Stop worrying about your in-laws. Let go of any worry or burden around what they will think or how they will feel.
Just let it all go. Instead, going forward, calmly and neutrally and will FULL CONFIDENCE – simply state what does/does not work for you. Pleasantly. In simple, short statements. No justifications, no explanations. Repeat as necessary. Walk away or change the subject when pressed. Take a lighthearted attitude that OF COURSE this is what you are/are not doing, because that is what any reasonable person would do / not do.
Let your husband have communication with them. It’s his problem. Does he overpromise something? Too bad, now he gets to do damage control. Just let it all go and focus on your healthy, happy baby.” Usual_Trash5197
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For heaven’s sake make your husband rein her in. She doesn’t have the right to *your private medical information*, she doesn’t have the right to be present at the birth, and if your husband doesn’t do his job and keep her at arm’s length he doesn’t deserve to be there either!” whynotbecause88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I can still see the nightmare your life will become the second that baby comes into this world. You and your husband need a united front. MIL cannot be in the delivery room, she cannot come to your home without calling and getting an okay, she cannot have unlimited access to your baby.
If she can’t follow the rules, then she can’t be in babies’ life. Tell FIL to S**U and get his wife under control. She isn’t being picked on. She is being given clear and simple boundaries.” BooCat3
18. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Dad's New York Trip As My 18th Birthday Present?
“I am 17 and my birthday is in late November, this year my dad has a race in New York around the same time as my birthday.
He invited me to go too and a few months after telling me he brought out it was going to be my 18th birthday present, I told him I was not coming anymore then.
My dad likes to run and this race is something he’s been planning to do for a while.
Last September he asked me if I wanted to go too since some of the friends he was going with were going to bring their children (who are around my age), I’ve never been to New York before so I agreed.
Fast forward to today, we’re in the car together, and he starts rambling about the trip bringing up stuff that didn’t make much sense, in the end asking me if I wanted to go, the conversation was supposed to end there but then he casually mentioned that the trip was going to be my 18th birthday present.
I kinda got confused because this trip was about him, he was going to New York regardless of my presence.
So I told him that, also asking why he didn’t mention it when he asked me 4 months earlier.
I admit I got upset so my tone wasn’t the greatest but he went on a tangent about how I wanted everything to be about me and what I was saying was not true (He sounded calm surprisingly).
Since he was not screaming at me I decided to cut the altercation by telling him I changed my mind and that I was not coming and to think about who was being selfish then got out of the car and walked the way back home alone.
So I know this wasn’t supposed to be my 18th birthday gift because:
4 months earlier he didn’t even mention it.
- The other kids are coming but the trip is not their birthday present.
- The trip is about his race and he would go regardless of my presence
- he tried to go around the fact as much as possible, making a nonsensical argument about how the trip was “a once in a lifetime occasion” (this meant he knew there was something wrong with it, he’s straight to the point person).
Telling me it was selfish to not go instead of saying ungrateful.
I’m now wondering if I’m actually being a jerk and I should accept the present and go to New York or my father just doesn’t want to think of a present and just made this pass as one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s just using this to not give you an 18th birthday present. This trip was planned long before your birthday and is centered completely around him and his friends running the race. This “birthday trip” is only 4 days long so one of those is taken up by the race, in comments you said prep is 2 days, and the other 1 will probably be spent doing things he wants to do and hanging out with his friends and their kids since this is what it’s centered around, where does your birthday come into the equation?
If the trip was for you you’d be choosing some activities you wanted to do in New York not just watching him race/prep for the race, has he asked for your input on what you want to do?
Where do you want to stay? Any restaurants you want to go to? It’s pretty clear he just realized the trip is close to your birthday and wanted to get a 2-for-1 deal instead of putting any real effort into your birthday.” Alternative-Pea-4434
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d suggest asking your dad to be honest about the full breakdown of the trip. What exactly about it will count as a celebration of your birthday? Is he paying for you to get out there and then expecting you to spend your own money?
Keep yourself entertained while he does everything race-related. If his answers aren’t satisfactory you could write him a letter listing that it’s not about how much money he wants to spend on you (for travel costs) it’s that he hasn’t considered how to celebrate YOU for your big day.
Personalized gifts are often about showing your love for someone else, and how well they know you. If he couldn’t care enough to do some emotional labor to make your birthday present something meaningful to you… then that’s why you’re upset.
Good luck.” I_wanna_be_anemone
Another User Comments:
“Get more details. How long will you be there? How much time will be devoted to race prep, the NYC Marathon, and after-race care — this isn’t just a few hours’ deals — vs.
sightseeing, shopping, and dining? While he is doing race things will you be expected to accompany him or permitted to go off on your own? If on your own will you be given money to do so or expected to use your own?
Is the whole trip going to be centered on the race or only part of the time? You (and we) need more information! If you are an afterthought I understand your upset. If the race is just part of it omg go and have an amazing time!” Fooftato
17. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Defending The Difficulty Of Vet School To My Friend?
“I 25 (M) am studying a DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine). I did an undergraduate degree in Microbiology and am 3 years through my 5 year DVM. So 6 years of schooling so far.
The other day I was back in my hometown for New Year’s and I ran into my old friend, who we’ll call Anna 26(F). Anna had a few gap years before starting a Bachelor of Science majoring in Physics.
She has just finished her second year.
Whilst we were drinking at her significant other (Marks) NYE party, she mentioned how lucky I am to be studying a DVM because I get to hang out with kittens and puppies.
I told her I’m very grateful to be studying this but it is a lot of work and the academic workload is a lot on top of placement as well.
She jokingly said, “Well at least it’s not quantum physics!” I laughed and told her I’d like to see her elbow deep in a cow’s backside.
She almost immediately changed her tone and said “I wish my studies were that easy, I’ve got books upon books of equations to complete.” She then went on to say how she’d wanted to be a vet when she was a child and how she should have chosen it since it’s a lot easier than her current degree.
She raved for a bit about how hard she studies and how easy it must be for me to slack off and spend time prancing around on a farm for credits.
I told her I was just joking around and that vet school is quite intense it’s very difficult to get into.
I explained it’s why I completed an undergrad degree first, and that I think a lot of people underestimate how difficult it is, despite being a medical doctorate.
Anna snapped back and said, “Well I got into physics school, so it shouldn’t be that difficult.”
I told her to get lost got up and left. Spent New Year with my family instead. Vet school has been hard for me and hearing her be so dismissive set me off, especially because I’ve never heard anyone say “physics school” before.
She just seemed intent on saying how much worse she has it. I ended up forgetting about it but 3 or 4 days later, Mark (Anna’s significant other, party host) sent me a message asking me to apologize to Anna.
He said I shouldn’t have sworn at her and my behavior was unreasonable.
I know I reacted a bit harshly but I’m not going to apologize. AITJ if I don’t apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I studied Physics because I could turn up to lectures, do the work set, (do extra examples and labs) and then go home.
It’s not easy, but it’s structured and not emotionally taxing. Veterinary medicine is a whole biology degree while simultaneously learning how to do things like putting a puppy to sleep. It is academically and emotionally demanding.
If it’s a competition, then veterinary medicine wins.” AditeAtlantic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, Anna started the unnecessary competition and was downplaying massively veterinarian medicine in a condescending manner, whilst you explained the aspects of why it was a difficult course without downplaying her course difficulty.
How you decided to end the conversation wasn’t with tact, you decided to throw it back all in one go. However, apologies are owed on both sides.” PandaLand447
16. AITJ For Refusing To Take Sides In My Children's Inheritance Dispute?
“Alright I’m in the middle of a nasty inheritance war and I feel really bad about it.
Firstly because a person I was close with once and was on decent terms with died.
My ex-husband recently passed away. We had two daughters together, Joycè (28F) and Bailey (25F). He also had a son John (17M), he and John’s mom weren’t married.
Joycè was very close to him. She’s a lawyer so she would be the one handling the whole situation legally.
Either way, by his will, the assets are divided this way. Joycè gets his property that they were renting out and the property they lived on, I think it’s worth about $200k+ combined. Bailey gets his SUV worth about $20k.
John gets his classic car worth about $50k. Neither I nor John’s mom are listed as beneficiaries.
It’s understandable considering that both John and Bailey live pretty much across the country from Joycè. Not to mention that Joycè was his favorite kid, it’s how he openly put it multiple times.
Now Bailey is ultra angry because she got the least valuable asset. John’s mom is angry because she would have to maintain a classic car, gas insurance maintenance, etc, the car is 50+ years old btw. Joycè is pretty much fine because she has the most valuable assets.
John’s mom wants to sell his car, but John says no. Bailey wants to trade her car for a piece of Joycè property. She and John’s mom founded a coalition against Joycè, basically what they want is to trade both cars for the property she rented out.
Joycè said no way, in response she got in touch with John who’s really into classic cars and doesn’t want to get rid of the car of his dreams, and got him on her side.
Everyone is pestering me because it’s a 2 v 2 situation and each side wants another unit on their team.
I said no way I’m taking sides and engaging in a nasty inheritance war. I openly told Bailey that she was going to fight against a very skilled lawyer and she was going to waste more money than she would gain, assuming she would gain anything, and probably destroy her relationship with her sister forever.
Truth be told, I probably won’t last much longer, and one day the only other relative she would have would be Joycè. I also openly told Joycè the same thing and I added that it’s a low blow trying to get a kid on her side and sparking a feud between a kid and his mom just because she wants to keep her property intact.
Now both sides say I’m the jerk just because I don’t want to be dragged into the conflict.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re right not to get involved in this senseless fight. Your ex-husband may have been unfair, but those were his assets, and he distributed them as he saw fit.
Others shouldn’t complain about receiving something they didn’t work for or didn’t cost them anything.” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t get involved. All of the children have received something from the jerk who has started this by treating his children so unequally.
It is highly unlikely they will successfully challenge the will. If Joyce doesn’t want to trade she doesn’t have to. She has legally inherited property. What to do with the cars is not your problem. The child with the classic car needs to sort it with his mother as to whether he sells it or insures it.” Dogmother123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You ex I presume thought very hard about what to give to whom. People coming in Johnny-Come-Lately wanting to change his wishes to me are horrendous here. Joyce should follow the wishes of the will to a T and then the receivers can hash it out afterwards to their little greedy heart’s delight with each other.
That way you can stay out of this mess with clean hands and conscience.” Mustng1966
15. AITJ For Putting My Husband's Dirty Socks In His Hat And Coat Pocket?
“I’ve been with my husband for almost nine years. I’ve accepted that he’s not the cleanest person and I don’t expect much. However, there’s one thing he does that makes me crazy. He takes his dirty socks off and leaves them in the living room.
We argue about it, and then he stops for a little and goes right back to doing it. He puts them on the bottom level of the coffee table. A few months ago we got into a huge argument because I came home from work and the kitchen was a mess, he left his work pants, coat, and hat on the couch, and the dirty socks were on the coffee table.
So I stuffed the socks in his hat. My reasoning was he’d see that they were gross enough to not want in his hat, so why would I want them in the living room? And these are socks that he’s had on for at least 12 hours.
He told me I was childish and immature. I told him I was aware it was petty, but talking to him about it and arguing with him hasn’t changed a thing so I figured petty might get the message across.
Anyway so I came home today and he works overnight so he was sleeping, but the kitchen was a mess, coat on the couch and dirty socks on the table. So I hung up his coat and stuffed the socks in his pocket.
He woke up later in a good mood, but when he put his coat on he freaked out and started yelling at me and said next time I leave a can of soda on the table he was going to pour it out all over my things.
I told him if I left a can of soda out for him to deal with then whatever happens would be my problem. The funny thing is, I don’t leave cans out. Sometimes when I’m lazy I’ll leave them next to the sink, but that’s only when the bag is full and I don’t feel like going into the basement for a new one..
anyway.. I’m aware that it was petty and I wasn’t trying to start a fight, but I’m so sick of dealing with his dirty socks and if I don’t move them, they just pile up.
Is this something I’m making a bigger deal than it needs to be? In my defense, I didn’t think it was going to start a fight. I thought he’d roll his eyes and throw them down the basement stairs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can agree that it’s gross dealing with dirty socks but I also think the argument is about more than the socks, like not feeling respected or listened to. Usually, it works well when you put people in their place like you did, but he seems to have turned it back on you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You were kinda being petty, but I sort of understand why. I would be annoyed too. Why on earth can’t he just put his socks in the laundry hamper? He knows that it bothers you, and it would be such an *easy thing* for him to just stop doing.
At this point, I’m guessing this is more about him disregarding your feelings than the socks themselves. I don’t even know what to suggest honestly other than trying to have a calm rational conversation about it. Try explaining to him that it’s not really about the socks.
It’s more about him doing something over and over again that makes you feel disrespected. If that doesn’t work, I have no idea what to even suggest because then that means he understands how you feel and just doesn’t care.
NTJ” DirectionEvening2566
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when my son (m21) was about 16, he got into the habit of leaving his dirty laundry on the landing on top of the stairs for me to take down to the wash basket.
I got so sick of constantly telling him to move them. I thought I’d just ignore them and see how long it takes him to move them. Well, instead of moving them, he just added to it, I got so irritated I took them all back into his bedroom and folded them in a pile on his bed and every time more clothes appeared on the landing they would go straight back in his room.
It took him about a week and a half to realize that I had not been washing and drying his clothes but just giving him back his dirty ones. He stopped leaving them on the landing after that, lol.” quirkygirlxxx
14. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbor's Son Over Loud Music?
“So I, 29F, have lived next door to my neighbors, “Tom” and “Melinda”, for my whole life, and he and his family have always been nice. He has a son, “Teddy”, who’s about 18-19. My parents moved out of state and left me the house when I turned 25, and my neighbor has always been there for advice if I needed it quick and we have dinner every weekend.
Anyways, yesterday around mid-late afternoon, I was watching TV when I heard some music coming from outside. I live on a corner lot and there is a 4-way stop outside my house. As I stepped outside, I noticed a car sitting at the intersection with the windows down and music blaring, and the driver looking around while singing.
Looking to see if he’s getting attention. He turns down my street and after passing my neighbor’s house he does a U-turn and parks in front of my neighbor’s house. Music still blaring. I walked closer to the car and Teddy got out of the passenger side of the car singing the song.
I yelled at them if they could be any louder and that I could hear their lousy music from inside my house. Teddy and his friend dare to start laughing at me and calling me a Karen. I yelled at Teddy that it’s common courtesy to not blare your music while driving in a neighborhood.
Teddy just stopped acknowledging me and went inside, and his friend just kept laughing at me and drove off.
5 minutes later I saw Tom’s car through my living room window and another 5 minutes later he was knocking at my door.
I assumed he was going to apologize for Teddy’s behavior but instead, he yelled at me for trying to parent his son. I explained the whole situation to him as I figured Teddy probably left out key details and explained he should teach his son common courtesy as he needs some lessons.
He called me a mean person and said my parents would be ashamed of me if they saw me right now. That hurt me and I shut the door on him and went to my room and cried.
I just got a text from Melinda that I was no longer invited to their home for our usual weekend dinners and that she and Tom were blocking my number. She also said I was no longer allowed to interact with her son in any way and if I “harassed” him again, they would be contacting authorities.
I think they’re overreacting, but I figured I’d ask for a 3rd party perspective. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ my god, you’re 29 but you’re acting like an 80-year-old man screaming at kids to get off of his lawn.
Just ridiculous how upset you were over 5 minutes of music. You need to relax before you give yourself a heart attack. You destroyed a 30-year friendship in about 30 seconds. Think about that.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need to look up your town’s noise regulations because noise in a neighborhood is to be expected. Loud music under a certain amount of decibels is to be expected. The kid would have left eventually and how loud or not they listen to their music in the middle of the day is none of your business if they are obeying the noise regulations for your town.
You should not have gone and yelled at a kid, regardless of how well you know the family, because you are not his parents. You should have calmly talked to the parents about how loud it was later when you weren’t upset.
You owe them an apology for verbally assaulting their child. That’s not a reasonable thing an adult does.” JamboreeJunket
Another User Comments:
” YTJ. If this was a recurring problem and you had already asked him to cut it out, sure.
The first time you heard some loud music coming from your teenage neighbor’s car, you went out and yelled at him. These people have been nothing but nice to you and you took the first opportunity you could find to cause an issue.
Of course, they’re going to defend their kid. It makes me wonder if they ever had to put up with you being an annoying teenager and never said anything only for you to quickly turn it around on them.
You need to grow up.” lavieboheme_
13. AITJ For Wanting Back All The Things I Bought For My Stepson After He Dropped Out Of College?
“My (46f) stepson (19m) left for a large university last August. He was very excited to have gotten into the best school for his degree, actuarial science. His mom did not want him out of state, she argued and enlisted her parents to lecture him about being too far from home up until the day we left.
I researched and found they offered in-state tuition to children of Veterans. I filled out all of the forms and saved us about $40k/ year. I quickly realized his parents were not going to help him with getting prepared after the only thing his mom had to contribute was a toaster.
He was worried I told him not to worry he would have what he needed.
I spent $2600 on his dorm furniture, rugs, fridge, TV, bedding towels cabinets, and everything he needed for a quad.
I also bought him a new Macbook Pro, Remarkable 2, and Airpod Pro Max.
Dh and I loaded up everything and I drove two states away and moved him in, stocked his dorm, and got him settled. But from day two of dropoff, he started feeling homesick. He was making great grades that part was easy.
Dad was talking to him every day encouraging him to stick out the first year because it gets better and trying to think of ways to make it easier.
Yesterday we got a call that the Friday before he withdrew from all his classes and his mom was there loading him up to bring him back.
But he left everything in the common areas behind for his roommates to keep including the fridge totaling about $1100. He said it’s not nice to take that stuff from them.
I’m very sad he made this decision. Not because of the stuff but because he had a great opportunity!!
In-state tuition at an outstanding school is the very best for his dreams. But he has no plans to return. He will be returning to live in his mom’s basement.
I think he plans on doing door dash but I also pay for his $1000/mo new truck payment that I bought him for his 16th birthday that was contingent on school.
That’s being sold. Nor am I going to continue to pay the $350/mo car ins due to his texting and driving ticket at 16.
I could justify that cost because he was an outstanding student and athlete.
AITJ for asking for everything back or was it a gift?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Stop spoiling your kids and maybe they wouldn’t act like money is worth little. What kind of person gets a 16-year-old a $1000/month truck payment and $350 insurance? You’ve earned this loss by teaching him terrible fiscal responsibility.
If you’re rich enough to drop $1000/month on a 16yr olds truck and pay to take away his consequences in texting and driving, you can respect his decision to let his most likely less fortunate dorm mates have the college fridge and stuff.
It’s a gift, it’s his to do with what he wants. You taught him the value of things and this is what he does with it.” IlLlIIOIllVlIIEllI
12. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Partner's Expensive Birthday Surprise After He Neglected Valentine's Day?
“So I lost my job last year and was not eligible for unemployment. It took me 3 months to find a new job and I ate up my savings. I am now comfortable with my new job and can pay bills and afford some little extras but have only a few hundred in savings.
I had planned on spending the majority on basketball tickets and a road trip for my partner for his birthday. The tickets were 220 each when I bought them and might go up. But the game would be on Valentine’s Day.
I had asked him a month ago if we could switch his birthday weekend and Valentine’s Day so I could take him on a surprise birthday trip. He agreed and took off on February 14th and 15th for the trip.
I gave him some ideas for Valentine’s Day and he said he would schedule something back in January. I mentioned the spa he said he would take me to last year for my birthday but didn’t or a wine tasting.
Cost of 40-60 per person. He said he would “handle” it.
The issue is that my partner mentioned to me last night that he made plans with family which I am not invited to for the entire weekend of his birthday.
February 16-18. I am working the weekend of February 9 to 11th. I asked him when we would celebrate Valentine’s Day and he shrugged. So it seems as though we won’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year.
Last year my partner took me to a restaurant but didn’t make a reservation so we ended up not being let in and going somewhere else and had to wait 2 hours to be seated. No planning effort on his part.
He promised to do better this year but it does not seem that he is following through.
The money I spent on the tickets can easily be refunded and I would even make a small profit. Plus I did not tell him what the surprise was so I can just change the plans to something cheaper/local for his birthday and do both his birthday and the spa for a couple’s trip.
I don’t feel comfortable spending my savings on a present in general but I love to spoil/plan fun things so I decided to go all out, I feel taken advantage of now that he is not reciprocating or even planning anything for Valentine’s Day and made other plans.
Is this spiteful or is it smart? My intention is not to hurt him, I still want to do something for his birthday. I’m just rethinking this big gift.
I didn’t make a decision yet so I appreciate any input.”
Another User Comments:
“Last year he completely failed at VDay. You feel taken advantage of when you do big holiday efforts that aren’t reciprocated. So why are you still planning big holiday efforts for someone who doesn’t reciprocate them?
Additionally, **you can’t afford this gift.** If it’s coming out of your savings, it’s not in your budget girl. Don’t go broke over a man who can’t be bothered to make a dinner reservation for you. NTJ for the bot, but seriously girl come on.” pomme_dor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Return the tickets. You can’t afford to spend all your savings on him right now, and he doesn’t seem to value the same thing for you anyway. Pick something much less expensive that you want to do too, so it’s a gift for both of you.
Talk to him about expectations going forward so you don’t end up resenting an imbalance (you might need to do less, you know). It’s pretty inconsiderate of him not to think of you after already making loose plans to do something with/for you over the time he now plans to spend exclusively with family.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you need to communicate with him about what you two think is important. You’ve assumed that he values Valentine’s Day the way you do and he’s not succeeding there. You can either assume he values Valentine’s day but not you, which I see other commenters suggesting.
My suggestion is to talk ahead of time about what each of you thinks is important in specific terms, otherwise, you are in for disappointment. And, yeah, return the tickets. Keep the $ as emergency fund. You’ll find a gift he’ll value, partly because you care enough to find a gift he values and because he does seem to value you.” rlrlrlrlrlr
11. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Entitled Nephew?
“My husband and I separated last year but decided to try to work things out in this year so I moved back in. The reason why this is relevant is that during our separation, he told my nephew he could live with him (now us) in exchange for him interning at hubby’s business.
My nephew is fresh out of high school and I get that he’s not mature yet but since he’s been staying with us, he has been (I feel) very entitled for the reasons I’m about to mention.
- Gets annoyed when I ask for him to clean up after himself
- Tells me to “ask” him if hubby and I want to play on the PlayStation WE bought
- Goes behind my back to ask hubby for things I already said no to
- Got annoyed that I said no to him drinking our booze when he lives here rent-free groceries paid ,etc, and gets paid to study (ie, he can buy his own)
- Isn’t grateful for the things we buy, like if I buy chocolate, he’ll say “I asked for two” or if I get him a cool drink, he’ll say we bought the wrong one. Also asked to get sweet things in a way that was like it was expected, said “We never buy treats”
- Tells his parents when hubby and I are having problems
- Has gotten annoyed at least twice about him having “only a little bit of free time to play on the PS” when me or hubby want to use it
- Goofs off while “studying,” like by using his phone, and playing games on the iPad, and when I encourage him to study and he doesn’t want to, I tell him not to put me in this position and he ssays “there’s no position, just don’t say anything.” All this even after I told hubby to give him more breaks
- After hubby took away some breaks he got annoyed, even though he goofs off a lot
- Takes more than he gives. For example, regularly aasksme for money but when I ask him for little things, including his responsibilities, he sighs or says I could have just done it
- Generally moody, especially when boundaries are asked to be respected
I know the healthy way to handle this is by having a conversation with him but we’ve had several and he just gets annoyed -nothing gets resolved. WIBTJ if I asked him to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“I go with NTJ since your title implies he does have a home to go to. However, I feel this needs to be discussed with your spouse since he’s the one who let your nephew move in while you were separated. It definitely shouldn’t be up to just you to kick your nephew out.
So I’m wondering what your husband’s stance on this is. Also, your post seems very one-sided and as everyone knows there are 3 sides to every story. Yours, nephews, and the truth. In this case, there is probably a 4th side, your husband’s.” Pumpernickelbrot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boys on average tend to be less mature than girls at that age but it seems you tried everything to make things better. Teenagers can be difficult and honestly, you shouldn’t have to manage someone else’s teenager.
You probably should put the ultimatum on the table but also have a serious discussion with his parents on his entitlement and lack of respect.” slecoanet
10. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Power To My Non-Paying Roommate's Room?
“This person (F25) has been living with me (F33) for almost a year now and we were friends only 6 months or so before that.
We split bills 50/50. She told me when I came back from vacation on Jan 8th (over text) that she didn’t get hired full-time and no longer had a job and didn’t have rent for January. Her fault for calling out most of her shifts.
What did she expect? smh
I ended up paying my part of the rent and begging my landlord to give her more time. They gave an additional 2 weeks to get rent together. I asked my roommate just a few days ago if she almost had rent and they said no, that they will not be paying and supposedly will be moving out next week.
She has completely ignored and avoided me all month, so much so that they won’t even have an in-person talk with me about what’s going on and what our next move is going to be. As I didn’t want myself and my 3-year-old to be homeless.
Reason for my post: I just got the electric bill in and asked her if she was going to pay their part and she hasn’t responded yet.
I have already switched the WiFi pw so she can’t use it because it’s not free so I feel it’s only necessary for the power to go next.
I have the breaker box in my room behind a locked door. So will I be the jerk if I cut the power to their room when they inevitably say they will not be paying their part of the electric?”
Another User Comments:
“If you each signed a lease separately just let it go and let the landlord deal with it. If you co-signed one contract then you are not the landlord (and can probably cut off the electricity without repercussions.) If you believe she is moving out then I would just let it slide.
A single room by itself doesn’t consume that much electricity so it’s just petty. You need to be more worried about the rent money. Which if you co-signed a lease, I’m guessing you’re accountable for.” HeWhoHasTooManyDogs
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ. You are taking in your hands to punish her, but that is not your role here – it might be your landlord, but not yours. Cutting off her power won’t magically make money appear. But it might give her a chance to complain and object to you or the landlord asking for the money.
Maybe your frustration and energy should be spent better to look for a new roommate?” User
Another User Comments:
“You need to follow the law, there are rules for this type of situation. Did he notify the landlord he is moving out?
If not, you should tell the landlord what’s going on and ask for advice. What kind of lease do you have? Month to month? Yearly? Don’t turn off electricity. Because if you do, and later try to sue your roommate.
He can turn this against you and say he moved out because you turned off electricity. If you have a proper rental agreement you will be able to take your roommate to small claims court after you cover the bills.
To sue your roommate, you need to have some proof of his behavior. Text message screenshots are admissible in court. So make sure you save all text messages you have, and if you don’t have any. Text him and ask about the date he is planning to pay rent and all other bills.
You need to have proof he owes you money.” Buffyredpoodle
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Child To Meet Their Difficult Grandfather?
“My wife (33F) and I (36M) are expecting our first child and I couldn’t be more excited.
The issue is with her father. Her biological parents split up when she was 1 year old and since then she has been between two dysfunctional households until she was 18.
She has somehow turned out an amazing human however her parents lack some emotional maturity.
Without going over the many ups and downs throughout their life, I’ll focus on our wedding where this started.
– He said he ‘didn’t feel welcome’ at the wedding despite us hand delivering a wedding invitation over a homemade meal. We didn’t speak for 2 months over this.
Finally, he booked his flights to come
– He decided to fly into our wedding at 6 pm the night before. Being too busy doing the final wedding organization, we asked him to take a 30-minute taxi from the airport but later we could catch up for a beer – he never replied to my calls/texts for that beer
– The next morning I saw my wife-to-be crying before our pre-wedding breakfast because the father-in-law was complaining about not being collected from the airport. I intervened and settled the situation down, but warned him to behave at his daughter’s wedding.
– After the wedding, I expected a sign from him that we could talk about these disagreements, however after 6 months passed with no sign of him reaching out, I decided to call him and express my disappointment with his behavior.
This started an argument blaming me for being upset which did not conclude to any resolution. I reached out 2 more times, and each time the conversations had the same outcome
– He has not tried to contact me once in a year, and the few times he has contacted my wife it was a similar disagreement ending in a fight.
– Hurtful comments he stated were “You’re not welcome in the family’, ‘It’s my (husband’s) problem that I’m upset’, and ‘I close the book on the relationship with you (husband)’.
We are now expecting our first kid in under a month and we want our son to have a grandpa.
I feel like introducing him to the grandchild gives into his behavior where he feels he won this argument (he is an ex-marine everything is about war)
We are in this weird stalemate where we can’t come to any sort of agreement/functional relationship.
He continues to ignore us. The fact this issue escalated over a taxi ride bewilders me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This absolute jerk has shown you on multiple occasions that he is an unacceptable facsimile of a human being, yet you still want to simply hand you and your family over to him so he can carry out more performative unpleasantness to get whatever twisted endorphin rush he’s pursuing?
Inconceivable! Your kid will never have him as a Grandfather in the same way your Daughter doesn’t have a decent father and you don’t have a decent father-in-law. Stop wasting your time.” BritishGuitarsNerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Dude I wouldn’t want my father if he was like that. Whenever I get married to whoever it is I hope their parents are normal. The fact you gave this man time to try and work things through for the sake of his daughter and even more so on her wedding day.
And he’s still acting like a baby who got his candy stolen is foolish. I give you props on the patience you have. Overall I’d say keep away your kids from the dude. But keep in mind you’ll have to talk with your wife hopefully, she understands.
But good luck man.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man is unlikely to change, and if you think that his comments are hurtful when addressed to you or your wife, I can tell you that they will sting a thousand times more when he turns his critical eye on your child and starts making comments about them and to them when they are old enough to talk.
My exFIL was in the Marines for 20 + years and went to war, yet was the kindest most patient person, although he had no hesitation in calling things out. He knew what was his business and what wasn’t.” Awildferretappears
8. AITJ For Wanting To Have Sleepovers Despite My Diabetes?
“I (15f) am a type 1 diabetic and was diagnosed when I was 11. Little backstory, my mom is a single mom & I am very self-sufficient and have been since my diagnosis- my mom has never been the one to give me shots or change my CGM device because I like to have control over it.
To be honest, I don’t even know if my mom would know how to change my insulin pump if it came down to it.
That said, my mom is my biggest supporter and medical advocate and I am so grateful to her for all that she does to keep me healthy, happy, and alive.
She spends hours on the phone with insurance and pays insane fees for insulin in the US and I love her very much.
She is a pretty chill mom, but she doesn’t play about my illness. The main issue I am having right now is sleepovers.
My mom doesn’t mind hosting my friends, which I like too & am happy for, but since I was diagnosed at 11 I have had 1 sleepover at someone else’s house (I am almost 16). My mom is very worried that my b***d sugar could drop in the night and I might not be awake to hear the alarms on my phone and possibly seize or slip into a coma.
I understand her concern and that she often stays awake at night making sure I am ok which I appreciate. However, I rarely have low b***d sugar at night and usually wake up when I do, plus the alarms are loud, and if I didn’t hear them someone else definitely would.
On top of that, my mom is just worried that my friend’s parents wouldn’t be able to care for me if I needed to.
I get why she’s so worried, but she has never been the main caretaker of my disease and that has always been me.
I also have had low b***d sugar many times before and I am always the one to take care of it. I also frequently go out until 1 or 2 in the morning and am fine. I am sick of having to tell my friends that I can’t sleep unless they come to mine.
So, am I the jerk for wanting to have sleepovers even though it worries my mom? I’m also learning to drive soon and I have no idea how she’s gonna handle that or college if I can’t even have a sleepover a block away.
I also get that this is quite childish but I feel that it’s a bigger issue regarding college, driving, and getting older in general. Thank you!”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom isn’t actively being a jerk, but she could chat with your friends’ parents to let them know what to do in case of an emergency.
She’ll probably feel better if she knows that your friends and their parents know what to do if your alarms go off and you don’t hear them.” Sandmint
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My sister was in the same boat as you for a very long time.
She never had sleepovers at other people’s houses because it just wasn’t safe for her. It’s probably nothing about you and more about the people you’d be staying with. I know my mom’s issue was that if my sister did have an emergency, none of her friends’ parents would know what to do.” Genderfluid_smolbean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, as the mom of a T1D, I do understand her feelings. I was terrified to let my daughter go places. However, I had already lost one child so I was overly terrified for my daughter.
Losing a child is the worst feeling in the world, and she’s scared. Maybe try taking a different approach with her… Offer to have the friend’s parents meet her, go over your needs, what to do, etc. That may help a lot.” GoreGoddezz
7. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome My Partner's Neglected Puppy?
“My (24F) partner (26M) has been depressed for the past two years because of an injury he’s still healing from.
About 6 months ago he got a life-changing surgery and he was doing amazing. After the surgery, he was adamant that he wanted to get a puppy to help keep him motivated to get out of the house and exercise and to just have a companion, etc.
I was very hesitant because I did not want a dog. We have a child (2) who takes up all of my time when I’m not working. I have my health problems as well and didn’t need any more stress on top of all of that.
But he promised me he would clean up all the messes, take it for walks every day, train it and everything else a puppy needs- and I wouldn’t have to do anything.
I ended up saying ok.
After a few months and a lot of fights, I realized he was never going to do what the dog needed so I stepped up and started potty training her and taking her for walks/ dog park. I had to readjust my entire day to fit those couple of hours in.
It wasn’t so bad, it was more that I was upset at my partner for making me have to do it as I’d told him I didn’t want to.
We don’t have a big enough backyard for her and when I’m not home (which is most of the day) she’s stuck inside by herself and tears the house apart.
She has gotten into a lot of my things and ripped them.
I’ve rearranged the house but she’s a nimble thing and can jump up onto my counters and the table and reach things from on top of shelves.
My partner could spend time with her as he works from home but chooses to close himself off in his office. When he’s not working, he’s in there playing games.
I said either he would step up or he’d have to get rid of it- which was a couple of weeks ago and nothing changed so I told him she needs to go to a family who will love her and give her what she needs.
But now my partner is crying on the phone to his parents because I’m making him get rid of her.
My sister says I’m the jerk and I feel like it, but I also think the dog is better off in another home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Animals are a huge commitment. You didn’t want him to get one. He hasn’t held up his end of the bargain. You, however, have made multiple, inconvenient concessions. She’s a puppy, she can thrive with a different family.
It would be less fair to keep her for 5 years and then get rid of her when her chances of adoption diminish.” Eaups87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what is he doing for your kid? It doesn’t sound like he does much in general, he needs to be devoting time to his child.
He doesn’t have time for a dog. If anyone pushes back tell them you expect them to come walk the dog 3 times a day or shut up. Find that poor dog a family who will spend time with it.” Leahthevagabond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you’re gonna rehome her, do it before your 2-year-old gets too attached. Separating an irresponsible adult from a dog is one thing. Separating a toddler attached to a dog is another, and if you wait too long you’ll be spending all your nights explaining how Rover is happy with the other family, I promise, and I know you miss her but it wasn’t right for our family, etc etc” diabeticweird0
6. AITJ For Not Inviting A Less Close Friend To My Family Dinner?
“I, f, didn’t invite a friend to a holiday dinner my brother, his partner and I were hosting.
I’m a generally private person and have never invited anyone to something I consider a family gathering outside of my family.
This was also the first dinner I was hosting with just my brother as all the years prior it was with our mom as well (she’s alive and well! My brother and I just don’t live in our home country anymore while our mom stayed there and none of us could manage travel due to work).
My brother urged me to invite a couple of friends so I invited a few I consider myself close to and their long-term significant others as I thought it would be awkward to not let their partners come.
One of the friends I’ve invited (Layla) later informed me a mutual friend of ours (Luke) was very disappointed for not receiving an invitation to the point where he gave away the gift he had intended for me to someone else.
I was slightly shocked by this since Luke and I have not been talking as much or seen each other as much as I have the others in their friend group, but what affected me the most is that one of the other people I’ve invited (Aaron) is Luke’s close friend, as well as mine and I, would have hoped that if something like this were to happen Aaron would at least talk to me about it, as the way Layla has said the two have already talked about it and it seemed that Aaron agreed with Luke as well as that Luke was very upset with the way it turned out.
I can somewhat understand why they would rather speak between each other or omit things from me since I’ve only recently started talking to them, as Aaron is someone I met at university and both Layla and Luke are people I’ve met through Aaron.
I understand we’re a part of the same friend group in a way but they rarely invite me if they hang out as a group and I usually spend most of my time with Layla, while Aaron and I are flatmates at university as well as one of the first friends I’ve made since moving, so I don’t see how it’s wrong that I haven’t invited Luke to something I see as only close friends and family, or why they haven’t even tried asking me for a reason and I had to find all of this out through Layla.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your fault Luke considers you a closer friend than you consider him. He has a right to feel disappointed, but that’s it. Who you feel comfortable inviting is completely up to you, no one else gets to make demands.” BluffinMcPuffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an adult people have to realize that your friends don’t have to invite you every time they are doing something. It doesn’t make you any less of a friend. I had to learn this the hard way.
It’s okay to feel left out. But this was childish on his part.” Josiejoji
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an adult people have to realize that your friends don’t have to invite you every time they are doing something.
It doesn’t make you any less of a friend. I had to learn this the hard way. It’s okay to feel left out. But this was childish on his part.” Josiejoji
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Rent While My Jobless Brother Lives For Free?
“I (F18) have been debating moving out of my mother’s (F58) house since the moment I started paying rent. It’s not that I don’t love my mom or think that I shouldn’t pay her rent but I think it’s not justified if I do.
What I mean by that is that my brother (M20) doesn’t pay her rent at all. He used to pay rent after he got out of high school but got paid a little more than I did. He got paid $16 while I got paid $14.
Each paycheck my mom took $150 out of his paycheck for rent since he got paid weekly, but since I get paid biweekly it always seems to be a bigger amount for me since I have to give $300 (Edit: I pay $600 to $900 a month) but at the same time, he got paid more than me so the rent is a more significant amount.
But anyway, back to why I don’t want to pay rent at all or at least a lot less.
I’m barely at the house, I work 2-11 while I stay at my partner’s house usually on my off days and after I get off from work.
I don’t eat anything I don’t buy, mostly because on my lunch break I just go out to eat and I don’t eat breakfast or lunch at my own house. Nevertheless, my brother, may I remind you again who is 20 years old, has no job, and just plays video games all day.
He hasn’t had a job since he got fired from his old one which has been about a year and a half. My mother babysits him and whenever I bring up that he should get a job she shuts me down and tells me that he doesn’t have to because he’s ashamed of how much he weighs.
Yes, my brother is a pretty hefty guy but it’s not so much where he couldn’t work.
I’ve offered to get him a job where I work but every time he says “I don’t want to work yet”.
So while I’m working 8 hours almost every day to get money that I wanted to save up for to get a car and now almost half of it is going to rent, my brother gets spoiled by my mother without having to pay rent.
She bought him his car, pays for his food, pays for his gas, is paying $10,000 for a weight loss surgery for him, and so much more while now what he uses for free (plus more) I’m having to pay for my own for which I barely use.
I’ve been saving to get a car and move out since I’ve gotten this job but the amount of money my mom wants me to pay each month has put a damper on how much I can save since I also pay for my food + other necessities.
AITJ for not wanting to pay the rent or at least pay less”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being annoyed that your brother is getting preferential treatment. However – you may benefit from asking your mom to see the bills directly and doing the math.
Is she cutting you a break that you aren’t recognizing because of your brother? Or, are you paying for a majority of the household expenses? Before you stir the pot, though, you may wish to ensure you have somewhere to go if things don’t go well…” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t sound too approachable about the subject though I think you need to talk with her about the rent, food, utilities, etc. Explain that you want to start saving money. You want her to go through the bills and show you how much everything is and how much you’d need to save to put down rent on a place.
That way you can see the outgoings and figure out a reasonable amount to pay for rent as well as insight on living on your own. Plus why is it between 600-900 that’s a huge difference.” BubblyAd6320
Another User Comments:
“I had a similar situation when I was younger. Long story short my brother was the golden boy, he earned more than me and didn’t pay rent. I felt like you were very annoyed then I just sucked it up and paid the rent.
Let me tell you the golden child won’t last forever. Think in 10 years down the line when your brother is still in his room and your mom’s having to fork out for him now let’s say your mom wants to move or have the place to herself she’s got tired of him being there.
She’ll be looking back and realizing you’re the golden child and your brother will be hearing constantly about his sister who gets up goes to work leads a good life has ambition. Why can’t you be more like your sister?
That’s how this will place out” Commercial_Sock_8212
4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Delay His Morning Coughing Routine Until We're Awake?
“My partner (M26) & I (F23) have been together for 8 years. Around 3 years into our relationship he became convinced that he had something wrong with his throat.
Every morning he wakes up and has to take a shower to “clear out his throat”. This consists of him coughing as hard as he can, hacking, spitting, etc for at the very least 15 minutes but can go upwards of 30 minutes.
He does this every single morning between 5 and 6:30 am. I’ve pushed him many times to try and get a family doctor, but he’s “always too busy”. I contacted doctor’s offices to ask if they were taking patients and tried to do it on his behalf, but I couldn’t.
At one point, he thought the issue was his teeth, so I contacted a dentist for him, I was able to create a file on his behalf and got him an appointment, he went one time but has refused to contact or go back since.
We have 2 children (3 & 5 months), so at this point, I pretty much have given up trying to get him help. I’m worn thin between trying to take care of myself & our children, (one having to be monitored for scoliosis, me having a laundry list of my problems I’m seeing a psychiatrist for)
This has been our problem lately. We have one bathroom, and that bathroom is smack dab in the middle between our 2 bedrooms. It wakes us up every single time. I’ve asked him to wait until we’re all awake to do that, which we normally wake up at 7:30.
But in his words, he doesn’t think it’s fair for him to have to sit around in pain until it’s convenient for me. I’ve tried explaining my point of view, we’re tired, I exclusively breastfeed our baby & have to wake up throughout the night to feed so it’s exhausting being woken up every day as early as 5 am because all you hear is coughing that’s echoing in your small bathroom.
I’ve tried alternate solutions so that everyone is happy, like putting rolled towels under the door to block noise and sleeping in the downstairs living room. But there’s no way to escape the sound. I honestly consider it sound torture.
This morning, we were all woken up again at 6 am and I got annoyed. I commented to him saying “Thanks for waking us up again” He thinks I’m the jerk because I’m not being considerate of him or his pain.
I think he’s the jerk because he refuses to get himself help and continues to make us suffer for it.
Am I the jerk for wanting my partner to wait until our children & I are awake to cough?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it is a health issue causing him to behave like this, his first call should be at a doctor’s office! He’s the jerk until he puts the work in to get it sorted, it’s negatively impacting his family but he doesn’t care enough to look into fixing it You’re a bit of the jerk, to yourself.
You’re taking on his entire mental load and he doesn’t even have the good grace to follow through on the work you put in, he won’t find a solution that works for you, you’re the one coming up with compromises and solutions, you have to make his dentist appointments ffs, you’re looking after the kids and another 26-year-old child, treat yourself better” BigCircleSmall.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can almost guarantee you that this coughing problem will stop if he stops smoking. The bigger problem is that your partner is inconsiderate of you and a jerk. He says you’re not being considerate of him and his pain?
What about him being considerate of his sleep-deprived wife who is still breastfeeding his five-month-old child? Does he have any redeeming qualities?” Royal_Basil_1915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-ish – sounds like an allergy or smoker’s cough. Shame on him for not doing what it takes to get his problem fixed. Sometimes you don’t have a lot of control over a cough mechanism if you are awake, so I’m sure a lot of it is because he is awake.
You’ve tried to push him toward a solution, but he’s not listening.” ptazdba
3. AITJ For Stopping My Mom From Pressuring My Step-Brother To Let Us See His Baby?
“My stepbrother (now in his mid-20s) was a jerk growing up. He despised me and my sister (I’m 19f, she’s 20) and bullied us real bad till the day he left for college. His parents put him in professional therapy, made him see his school’s guidance counselor, and he even stayed with his mom for a couple of weeks straight but his hatred for me and my sister just kept growing.
He treats my mom normally and politely.
He “changed” in the sense that he sort of just matured? He doesn’t pick on us and doesn’t actively go out of his way to bully us but it’s clear he dislikes us still.
My sister and I don’t care anymore and accept our relationship with him. My mom and stepdad are still concerned as to why he’s so hateful but since he’s grown, there’s nothing they can do about it.
So my stepbrother had a baby boy a few months ago and everyone has seen him except me and my sister. My mom’s shown us pictures (he’s adorable) but that’s it. While I’m a tiny bit sad, I respect his decision.
It’s his baby.
My mom is extremely upset though. She says he’s acting like we’re going to hurt the baby in some way and that she’s tired of him leaving us out. She thinks that she can pressure him into letting us see his baby because it worked for his wedding.
The thing is, we should respect his boundaries. Instead, I just won’t let him see my kids if I have any. Though I doubt he’d care. Either way, it’s not worth it and I’m sure he’d hate us even more.
The only reason the wedding didn’t end horrifically is because he was too busy/distracted to care. I’m sure it’d be different with his child.
I told my mom all this but she wouldn’t budge.
She started calling his number but I immediately snatched it and hung up. I then told her that she was not helping and was going to mess things up even more. I guess I got a little angrier/sarcastic and I told her that she can’t be dumb enough to think the “pressure” thing will work.
My mom started to tear up and said she was just trying to help and that she knew I was upset/frustrated but I couldn’t take it out on the one person trying to fix our relationship.
She promised she wouldn’t call but she’s still upset and my stepdad approached me saying that his son’s being frustrating and we shouldn’t let him turn us all against each other. But he agrees that pressuring him is messed up.
I admit I’m a bit frustrated and it probably affected my actions but my mom was still being ridiculous, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re correct for wanting to respect his boundaries. He has a great distaste towards you and your sister.
Although I feel bad for Mom, she needs to realize that no amount of pressure will create a stable and loving brother-sister relationship. It can have the opposite effect.” killerdramababy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your mom needs to back WAY off as you’re right, she’s going to make it worse.
It sounds like you’ve a clear head where things lie and sometimes that’s the best you can do. Your mom and stepdad can have a relationship with him and you can concentrate on being with people that aren’t hateful.” Temporary-King3339
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom does need to back off, but her heart is in the right place. You’ve come to terms with the fact that you don’t have a relationship with your step-brother and everyone but your mom has, as well.
She just needs to get there and stop pushing it. It’s sad, but this is not on anyone but him.” JenDCPDX
2. AITJ For Answering My Daughter-In-Law's Phone And Discovering Her Affair?
“I (45F) have a son (22) who recently got married to his high school sweetheart (let’s call her Lucy) about a year ago.
Me and my son have always had an amazing relationship since it was always just me and him because his dad left as soon as he was born.
Lucy has always been a sweet girl up until a few months ago when she started acting very odd around everyone.
She was always on secret phone calls around the house, going out early coming back late at night, and being cold towards my son. (I forgot to mention they are both living in my house because they are planning on buying their own soon)
The other day Lucy and my son were going to the store and Lucy left her phone here on accident and she got a phone call from someone called Anthony. I ignored the ringing but then the guy called again so I picked up and said “Hello, Lucy is not here right now.
Who is this?” To which the man responded, “Oh I’m her partner”. I gasped and hung up the phone put it down on the table and sat down pondering what had just happened.
When my son and Lucy got home I asked to talk to her in private and confronted her about it.
She gave a sour expression and blew up saying I was invading her privacy at that moment my son walked up to us and asked what was going on. I try and explain the situation but Lucy cuts me off saying I was invading her privacy by answering her phone calls.
I tell my son she is being unfaithful to him but he doesn’t believe me and tells Lucy to go upstairs and pack their things. While she is packing I’m trying to explain everything to my son but he just keeps shouting at me and as they leave I see Lucy give me a slight grin before walking out of the house and driving to stay at a friend’s.
I’ve been trying to get in contact with my son for the past few days and today he finally answered I told him he needed to divorce her because she is being unfaithful to which he cussed me out and hung up the phone.
I don’t know what to do as I can’t live with myself knowing that awful woman is being unfaithful to my baby. AITJ for answering my daughter in laws phone call?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t get involved. He eventually will find out about the unfaithfulness.
You already alerted him, now he is the one that needs to decide what to do. Your son is an adult and needs to learn from his mistakes. Just don’t receive her back into your home.” HilMickaelson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mother myself if I found out my daughter’s husband was being unfaithful to her, no matter how it came about. I would go above and beyond to make sure she gets her justice. Your son is like a wounded animal right now.
He is young, scared and confused. You are his mom and his lashing out at you is because you are probably the only person he feels safe expressing his true emotions. Give him space for a few days but you need to keep this fresh in his mind.
You didn’t answer the phone with malicious intent, the result is an unfortunate aftermath.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for answering the phone if it was truly left by accident and receiving multiple calls BUT you aren’t going to help your relationship with your son by pushing him on this.
He’s not a baby, but an adult who will make their own decisions and has the power to cut you out of his life if he so chooses. Right now, he’s going through a lot of emotions in a difficult situation and this is something that he and his wife will have to work through on their own without your involvement.
It is not your place to involve yourself in your son’s adult relationship. You do not have control over his actions going forward and trying to exert control will only damage the relationship further. The best thing to do is let him know that he has your support unconditionally whatever he might decide, drop it, and then support him whatever the outcome may be.” raeofthenerds
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To Our Italy Trip After She Complained About Our Last Vacation?
“So I (F20) go on a yearly vacation with my friend group (all females around the same age), there are about 6 of us, and last year we all went on vacation to Portugal, it was really fun, we all had a great time however my friend (F21), let’s call her Claire complained throughout the whole weekend.
She would make it clear that she wasn’t having fun, and that it was too hot for her to cope. She also complained that we were ‘doing too many activities/traveling around too much’ even though we had planned out exactly what we were going to do for each day, months in advance.
Claire did not have any input in the itinerary but we did send it to her and she had no complaints. She would even at times during the vacation go back to the hotel early and stay there for the whole day, only coming back when we all went for food/drinks.
After the vacation, Claire made it clear that she wouldn’t be interested in going abroad with us if we were going to another hot country, which we were all fine with.
A few months later she goes to Amsterdam with 2 of the girls in our group (they are not students), the rest of us weren’t invited but we were okay with it since they went during our college semester and wouldn’t be able to find time off it anyway.
So fast forward to now, we have all been saying in our group chat that we need to plan another vacation for the summer and Italy is a place we have all been wanting to go to, bear in mind Claire is in the group chat.
We have been sending countless TikTok and Instagram reels about Italy to the chat and finally decided to plan it. We did not invite Claire since it will be hotter there than it was when we were in Portugal so we thought she wouldn’t enjoy it.
When Claire found out about this she got mad at us for not inviting her and when we told her our reasoning she said it still would’ve been nice to at least be invited even though she didn’t want to go.
She also never replied to our countless group chat conversations about going to Italy, she made it very clear she wasn’t interested in another ‘hot vacation’, would probably end up complaining that we were doing too much AND she didn’t ask me or my 2 other friends if we wanted to go to Amsterdam even if she knew we couldn’t go.
So, AITJ for not inviting her even though I know she didn’t want to go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…put this back on Claire. I hate when people use the “woe is me” when they are the cause of their woe.
Ask her, in the group chat, “Claire, just so we all understand, you want us to invite you on a trip, knowing that you already told everyone that you would not travel with us outside the country again, knowing that you were in the same group chat as everyone else, just so you can tell us you do not want to go, again?!
Why pray to tell us all and provide a reasonable, adult explanation”.” Worth-Season3645
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