People Want Us To Be Straightforward With Them About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Disciplining My Disobedient Daughter?
“Last week, my daughter (F, 14) and I (M, 49) got into an argument over something menial. I have 3 kids, my daughter being the eldest, and I have custody over them every other weekend.
Now, this specific weekend I had made plans with my partner (F, 32) of 5 months to go to a college basketball game. I was hoping my ex-wife (F, 47) would take our kids for one more weekend than usual, but court-ordered is court-ordered, and I didn’t want to risk losing my kids.
So instead, I had hoped that my eldest would watch her two younger brothers (5 & 8) until I arrived home. She had told me about some ‘plans’ she had made prior, but I insisted that I had made these plans farther back than she did and I deserved at least one day off.
So I went with my partner and had a wonderful time, though I’ll admit that I did get a tad wasted and didn’t realize how much time had passed since we had first left. One thing led to another, and I got home pretty late.
After coming home, however — as I promised — my daughter started giving me attitude as soon as I walked through the door. At that point, my night had been more than long enough so I let it slide and sent her to her room.
The following morning she was still complaining about how I had ‘ruined her weekend’ (even though she still had that Sunday to do whatever she pleased), so I snapped. I told her that if it was such a hassle to watch over her brothers, then maybe she should stay at her mother’s house during the weekends I have custody.
She then responded by saying that she was already talking to her mother about planning that. So, I drew the line and grounded her for the next time she was over, saying that if she hated looking after her brothers so much, then she can do it until she gets used to it.
Now I’ll admit, that punishment was a bit harsh. But I feel that she needs to learn that she can’t always get what she wants and put herself above others. But now my ex-wife and daughter are both threatening the custody of my kids and calling me the jerk in this situation.
However, I fail to see how going out for ONE night and hoping my daughter could help me out would make me the jerk and unworthy of my children. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your daughter is not obligated to watch her siblings. She had plans, you made it very clear your plans were more important – a basketball game?
Really? – and made her watch them. You probably didn’t even offer to pay her, which you should have.
You’re the parent, not the owner. If your daughter has plans, find a real babysitter. Do you know what she got out of this punishment?
That you are going to now use her as free labor to go enjoy your life without them whenever you have them over. This is going to breed resentment, not a lesson learned.
We’ll be seeing you again when she’s 18 and goes no contact.” ThatsItImOverThis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, while going out and enjoying your life is reasonable, you crossed a line by not adhering to the boundaries you had established. Your daughter is 14 and while you may not like it she has her own social life to manage which is a part of their development.
Also, making statements like ‘Maybe you should stay with your mother’ is not a mature response. Whether you like it or not, she is becoming an adult and you need to start seeing her as that. I understand that she may not have the skill to cope with these adult emotions, you have to show her how best to manage them and that means owning up to your own mistakes.
What you should have done was apologize to your daughter for coming home later than you promised. If she were an adult and you did this, you’d be in the wrong.
You can be forgiven for poor handling of this situation, but you should admit you were out of line and you violated your word by coming home late.” Archon_Java
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
OPEN YOUR EARS AND LISTEN!
You are prioritizing your partner over your children. Stop being surprised that there are consequences.
Your daughter had plans. Made BEFORE yours. You didn’t care.
You never asked her about said plans and instead forced her to bend to your will.
Horrible.
Would you have preferred she left to attend to her plans, leaving the kids alone? You not having someone to watch your kids, during your SCHEDULED TIME, is no one’s problem but your own. Your daughter did you a solid and you’re giving her trouble for it.
You do realize that if they were left unsupervised in YOUR CUSTODY, there would be NO debate. You would lose custody. Why do you have to be told this?
Next time, listen when people talk to you, no matter who they are. You’re ungrateful and acting like a spoiled brat.
Throwing a tantrum because he has to take responsibility for the things he’s done.
What are you teaching your kids here? That it’s ok to forget your responsibilities so long as you force someone else to do them for you?
Grow up.” ClaymoreClair
16. AITJ For Getting My Sister In Trouble After She Stole My Clothes?
“I am transgender FTM (female to male), but I still wear ‘feminine’ clothing and am not out to my family yet.
I (14M) have a younger sister Grace (13F). Grace and I have pretty similar clothing styles and wear the same size clothes, so our stuff gets mixed up pretty often.
A couple of weeks ago I accidentally grabbed Grace’s shirt instead of my own and was wearing it, and when Grace saw it, she threw a fit. She was yelling and pulling my hair even. Our Mom rushed in to ask what was going on and Grace told our mom that I had been wearing her shirt.
Our mom was in disbelief that Grace was acting like this. She normally never acts like this. Our mom had me give the shirt back and then left the room, didn’t even punish Grace.
From that moment on Grace was a nightmare. She started throwing fits every time I was wearing something she wanted, even if it was my clothes, and our parents would just make me give her the clothes and leave them at that.
It went on like that for weeks up until last night, when I got a package that had some clothes I ordered online.
I did a little fashion show for our parents and they complimented the outfits I got. My mom particularly liked this purple sweater.
Later that evening I was wearing the sweater and Grace tried to do her thing of throwing a fit to get the sweater. My mom came in and was about to tell me to give her the sweater, but realized it was the one I had just bought.
She was confused until I told her about all the other times Grace had done this sort of thing, and how all those times they had made me give Grace my clothes.
Our mom went over to Grace’s closet and looked at it, and realized I was right.
Her closet was filled with my clothes. She went into my room and saw my closet was missing a ton of stuff.
Grace is now grounded, had to give back all my stuff, and her allowance is being put on hold for a month while mine is being increased during that time.
Grace is mad at me, AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents allowed her passage to step on her brother and she forced the door open… then got what was waiting on the other side. You were honest, patient about it (hoping they’d resolve it), and not malicious but just fed up.
The only jerks, in my opinion, would be your parents if they’re only accountable as far as punishing her and not actually directly talking to and apologizing to you. And maybe Grace if she wasn’t so young/boundary-pushing – kids can kinda be jerks sometimes but are also learning and it’s often less purposeful than this appears to be.” Crackinggood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grace clearly is having some sort of weird control issues going on here and decided to steal your clothes. I’m glad that you revealed to your mom what was going on because clearly, it wasn’t really in her mind that she was throwing these tantrums about things other than her own clothing.
I’m glad to see it’s not like your parents were doing this on purpose but just seemed fairly unobservant and of course, Grace is upset with you because she was trying to steal your entire wardrobe, including clothes you just bought!
I’d say you should have said something sooner, but clearly, there wasn’t enough evidence prior and now the proof is there.” The-Moocat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grace is testing boundaries, you let your parents know about her behavior, and they handled it. Grace will be angry for some time, but she’ll get over it eventually. If it seems that she still has some angry feelings left over, make sure to sit down with her when you are both feeling calm and talk things over.” VixNeko
15. AITJ For Using My Husband's Savings To Buy Back The Bike He Stole From Our Daughter?
“My daughter received a bike from her uncle (my brother) on her 11th birthday, she was over the moon and excited to use it because it was on her wishlist for so long.
Days ago, I discovered that my husband reached out to my brother to ask for the receipt for the bike and returned it to the store, and kept the funds for himself while my daughter was at school (the bike was at home). My daughter and I got home and she started crying after noticing the bike was gone.
My husband was home at the time, he told me he returned the bike and got funds in return to spend on something useful for us since the bike was just there as a ‘distraction’ and there was no need for it now since we’re in the dead of winter.
I was aggravated and lost it on him saying it wasn’t his, didn’t come from him, and he didn’t pay for it so he had no right to touch it ESPECIALLY knowing our daughter’s been wanting it for a long time and my brother was decent enough to buy it for her despite barely having funds to get him by.
I told him what he did was theft and insisted he hand over the funds to me so I could re-purchase it but he said he spent it on stuff for the house and doesn’t have any funds left now but I knew about the funds he was stashing away in the bedroom that he forbade me from touching and I took some of it and went out to re-purchase the bike while he was out the next day.
He found out and verbally lashed out at me saying I should’ve never touched the funds he was saving for himself which isn’t much but I lashed right back that I had to so I could re-purchase the bike he took from under our daughter.
He explained that he didn’t keep the funds for himself and instead spent it on necessities for our home but he was at fault for taking the bike in the first place and he was responsible for getting it back. He yelled at me for almost 10 minutes then stormed outside and started smoking.
My daughter asked why her dad was upset and that she no longer wants the bike if her dad doesn’t want her to have it, but I assured her that was not the case and told her she shouldn’t feel guilty and to just focus on enjoying her bike.
My husband hasn’t stopped grilling me about how I disrespected and undermined him and managed to make our daughter hate him after making him look like the bad guy, I again said he shouldn’t have touched the bike, end of the story. He’s called me a thief and juvenile for taking funds from his savings and being sneaky about it.
AITJ for the way I got the bike back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So… there are more red flags here than a matador’s convention.
OP, you’re married to an awful person. Obviously, there’s financial abuse happening, but there’s gaslighting and emotional and mental abuse happening as well.
Your husband purposefully took away something that brought your daughter great joy. For what reason? She’s ‘distracted’? From what? She’s 11 years old! Why is he punishing her for being a normal kid?
There are a lot of missing pieces here. Why is he hoarding cash?
Have you personally seen these ‘household necessities’ he claimed to have purchased with the funds from the returned bike? Is it possible he has a substance or gambling problem?
Don’t back down on this. Your marriage is abusive. Your daughter is growing up thinking this kind of behavior is ‘normal’.
You need to protect her. She would be far better off with her parents divorced and being kept away from a terrible father than she would be in a household where this abominable behavior is being modeled on a daily basis.
Hubby needs to be presented with two cards: a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
He can pick which one he wants to go with.” BabserellaWT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t steal the funds, your husband did and you corrected the situation, you said your family is going through some circumstances so maybe it’s affecting your husband, but it’s in those moments when you can see the true colors of a person.
He had no issues with stealing from your daughter and disrespecting her, he said it was because you needed things for the house but he has funds saved for personal purposes that he didn’t want to touch. I’m sorry to tell you this but your husband is a selfish and entitled person, you have to reconsider your relationship with him seriously because that man did not hesitate to hurt your daughter, and still can’t see anything wrong with it.
Please reevaluate your whole relationship because I doubt this is the first time he has shown this kind of behavior, maybe in a more subtle way.” Prici_ros
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The funds he should’ve used for the necessities are the funds he’s trying to hoard.
Not money he got from selling his own daughter’s gift from her uncle. Your daughter is not financially responsible for the household.
Also, the fact that he finds waiting until you and your daughter are out of the home to steal the bike AND allegedly already spend all the proceeds before you can object perfectly reasonable… but you taking funds to re-purchase her gift without his knowledge is forbidden and worthy of verbal abuse should tell you everything you need to know about this man.
This obsessive control over the household that he’s showing could easily turn into explicit terrible treatment, OP. He expected you to be a good little submissive wife and not question him at all, therefore his daughter would learn not to question him either and he can be happy and in complete control with both of you under his thumb.
If you are already working, please start saving in a bank account just for you and your daughter that he does not know about. If you’re not already working, please find a way to do so. You need to have a way out if he does become more abusive than he is now.
I personally would leave him now, but that’s your choice on your timeline.” jetfuel_o
14. AITJ For Being Upset With My Fiancé About A Video Game?
“Whenever I (24f) find a new hobby my fiancé (30m) piggybacks onto it, making it a competition, and tries to prove a point that whether or not I like something he’s better than me at it and it gets under my skin.
I got myself Breath of the Wild for Christmas and I was really really enjoying it until he started backseat gaming telling me how I should play, getting frustrated at me for not listening to him when he was distracting me from the game by saying generic things like ‘the monster is over there’, getting annoyed that I’m doing things like foraging.
I woke up this morning to him playing it which was fine until he started telling me ‘see, I got further than you.’, ‘it took you this long to get to this part but it only took me this long.’, ‘you can’t even ride a bear.’ And now I’m annoyed because I don’t want to play games for the competition of it, I just want to have fun.
He asked me if I was going to be playing it today and I told him I’m done playing it because I don’t want another thing I enjoy ruined because of his need to want to be better than me. He told me I’m being dramatic and that I’m selfish for not wanting him to play the game.
AITJ for being upset about this?
Edit: To add info, a lot of you are asking why I’m with him. Despite having some less-than-fantastic qualities he’s also really great when he wants to be. He’s also financially supporting our family while going to school, while I’m currently a stay-at-home mom who’s looking for a job.
I’d be financially and emotionally screwed if I left him. Plus I love him, which I feel like isn’t the most fantastic reason to stay with someone but I feel like I’d be devastated if we broke off the engagement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is really giving himself away here. You are not playing the game anymore but he can, presumably, still play the game if he wants?
However, the fact you are stopping means he feels he has to stop too. This is because he isn’t actually enjoying the game but enjoying being ‘better than you’ at it.
You already said he is like this with everything and, honestly, he sounds exhausting just reading what you wrote.
You are in no way the jerk but he has revealed to you a lot about what you should expect if you still end up getting married. Hope you are okay with everything you do/get excited about being a competition.
I hate to think if you have kids and he decides to compete with you for their love.” VoltesVoltron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have a problem with him playing the game you’re interested in, you have a problem with him being a jerk.
My husband used to do something like this, he made up stupid or gross lyrics to songs I liked and sang them repeatedly for months, totally ruining it for me. He just thought he was being clever and funny. When I told him it was not funny and it ruins any enjoyment I had in music, he took it that I was insulting his intelligence/humor.
He immediately stopped when I did the same thing to his favorite singer (who sounds like gravel on a dirt road so it was easy) for an hour on a car ride because, in his words ‘ok yea, that is very annoying’.
Tell your fiance to leave you alone or just stop talking when you’re playing because you can’t enjoy the game and if he doesn’t get it, then just talk to him nonstop while he’s playing and he’ll get it real fast as a gamer.
It’s petty but your fiance probably does not realize how annoying this behavior is and probably won’t back down because he sees it as an insult to his video game skills (which he obviously takes great pride in). Tell him it has nothing to do with how good he is at video games and you just want to enjoy the game by yourself.
Nip this in the bud because Zelda is a great game and what else are you going to give up in the future because of this jerk behavior?” FBB7943
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Honey, The Beatles might have sung that all you need is love, but you need way more than that to have a good marriage.
The behavior you describe is not okay and they are a major indication of how things will be in the future. And it will only get WORSE in the future unless he makes some serious changes. You might feel devastated, at first, if you broke the engagement off, but I guarantee you that you’ll heal from it when you realize how much happier you are because you’ll be able to truly enjoy things again.
Being really great when he wants to be while being a crap partner the majority of the time isn’t worth it.
I’m speaking from a place of knowing. I have addressed with my husband the issues we have. He has acknowledged that he needs to do better.
He swears to me that he will work on it. If he truly does put in the work and make the improvements and doesn’t just revert back after a few months, then our marriage might have a shot because – like you – I really do love him and I want to be with him.
But you can love someone and still know that being with them isn’t going to work or last.” SilverPhoenix2513
13. AITJ For Planning My Wedding Without An Engagement Ring?
“I (26f) have been with my partner for 5 years. We just moved in together.
Last year we started to talk about getting married. Who would we invite, where, when, and both agreed that it would be cool to get married on our anniversary, which doesn’t fall on a weekend until 2023.
So we say that’s a good date, it gives us time to save and to live together to see if we get along well for a lifetime commitment. We have shared those thoughts with close family and friends. Also, he said that he still has 2022 to propose whenever he thinks it’s best.
I have a group of 4 friends (all 26f). 1 of them just got engaged in early December. We are all over the moon, already talking about traveling somewhere for the bachelorette party.
That’s why, a few days ago, one of them asked if the bride-to-be already had an estimated date for the wedding, and therefore for the trip.
The conversation started with her not knowing exactly when they will get married, maybe this year or next one, we talked about us bridesmaids having to pay for the trip, how we could save money, etc. One of them said something like ‘please don’t get married in the same year’, talking to me.
I said, ‘late 2023, save the date’. To which the bride’s sister said ‘we’ll talk when you have a ring’. To which I said, ‘I don’t depend on a thing to know when/if I will get married’. (I believe it’s not like other times when women basically had to wait for their partner to propose in order to know if he wants to marry them or not.
My partner and I have talked about it, and we’re ok with our timeline.)
She messaged me saying I shouldn’t plan a wedding without an engagement ring, especially when we were talking about another wedding. I said I only said it because someone else told me not to get married the same year and I was making clear the date we were thinking, and we (us girls) have already talked about it so many times before.
And I wasn’t telling my friend when to/or not to get married. I’m not even planning anything. She still called me rude and said I should wait to be proposed to or at least until my friend chooses her date, in order to choose mine with a fair frame of time in between (I understand their worries about having to save for both events, and being hard if they’re in the same year).
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ring is just a formality. You and your partner should both be on the same page about things like this before the official proposal anyway.
It would be different if you were charging full speed ahead and making all of these plans by yourself while your partner was still trying to decide if he was ‘ready’ to propose but it sounds like this is a timeline you’ve established together.” angelcat00
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, and it’s not your friends’ and acquaintances’ business to lecture you about what a real engagement is or isn’t.
That being said, prepare yourself for your friends to be reluctant to save money for or to get too involved in helping with the planning of your wedding until they see ‘evidence’ – most of us have had an experience or two or three with that friend who has their wedding cart before the horse.
Obviously not in all, but in many circumstances, the reason there’s not a ring is that one person or the other (despite what they say) isn’t actually as invested as they should be.” schoolduesblues
12. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom My Career Decisions Are None Of Her Business?
“I (24 f) and my (67 f) stepmom have had an on-and-off bumpy relationship for the past few years now.
Having such a big age difference doesn’t help the case at all either. When she and my dad first got together when I was a teenager, she was welcoming. But for the past few years, we’ve been constantly butting heads.
I’m a preschool teacher, and I teach toddlers from 18 months to 3 years old.
I graduated 2 1/2 years ago with my degree in early childhood education and received my head teacher certification last October. During the winter break, I brought work home with me to finish things for my parent-teacher conferences in January, along with getting a head start on lesson plans.
I brought my work to my dad and stepmom the Sunday before going back to work to finish up while I did laundry (I do laundry at their house because my apartment doesn’t have machines). She struck up a conversation about what I was doing and I told her that I was preparing for parent-teacher conferences.
She looked at my paperwork and said ‘you know your parents don’t care about any of the stuff you’re writing down right? They just want to know their kid is behaving and not getting hurt.’ I argued with her that my parents actually do care about what I’m teaching them.
She followed up with ‘well you’re not a REAL teacher. You’re a daycare worker, it’s different.’ Now what I do isn’t your typical subject teaching. But regardless, I do teach.
I showed her the early development learning standards that I base my lesson plans on that show all the things toddlers can learn at their age and she kept going on about how I’m not a teacher and if I want to make a real salary teaching that I need to get a real degree.
We argued for about a half hour before I told her to stay out of the decision of my career. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the day. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your stepmother is ignorant of what is actually required of preschool teachers.
(I was one for a number of years, so I get how much unpaid work/lesson plans/anecdotal notations/prepping for conferences ECE has to do.) You are likely not going to make enough money working in the public sector to justify the amount of debt you would accrue to attain your master’s.
(edit, I meant as a public school teacher, not for other programs like HeadStart)
For what it’s worth, parent/teacher conferences were always my most stressful time, because we are giving parents critical feedback about their child’s development, and some of those conversations can be emotional minefields for some families.
The amount of documentation and a write-up (including resources) to give to the parents was a lot of work. You are doing great, by the way! I hope you get to enjoy many good years with the youngsters and ignore your stepmom. The bias against preschool teachers is almost worse than the bias against teachers and is a reflection of how little we value our youth and learning.
It’s good, meaningful work, and something to be proud of.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your stepmother doesn’t know what she is talking about. Early years are so very important and children absorb so much like sponges at this age. It may not be education in the sense of academics, but they learn so much about behaviors, socialization, and the world around them not to mention monitoring their development and their motor skills… And of course, the basics of the alphabet and numbers before they head off to big school (which your stepmom probably sees as real education, but which only shows her limited thinking).
All of which are important and age-appropriate. There is so much opportunity at this stage to influence, shape, and develop their cognitive processes and personalities now to set them up for emotional, physical, and academic success for the next few years.
You are doing very valuable work, OP and trust me, parents like my husband and I would be coming prepared to these conversations with a list of questions to ask you from mark-making and speech to behaviors and self-care (till you are sick of us!) and hanging off your every word!” smarthagirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your job is so important. I don’t even know where to start. Your stepmother seems like she was a TV parent. Just sit them in front of a screen till they’re old enough for free school. And then wonder why they’re behind and have the attention span of a goldfish… please keep doing what you’re doing.
You are nurturing young minds and a teacher at daycare such as yourself was able to spot my daughter’s disability. Early intervention has helped her be able to catch up to her peers, before kindergarten! Thank you, Dr. Martin. And thank you, OP.” Inner_Goose4664
11. AITJ For Trying To Get My Stolen Coat Back?
“Today I (14f) wore the new puffer coat that I got for Christmas to school. It’s the beach riot pastel one, I really loved it!
Somehow it disappeared this morning, I swear that I hung it up in my locker. I think either my locker partner didn’t close the door all the way or part of it was hanging out and it was pulled out.
At the end of the day, I saw a boy carrying it in the hallway. I confronted him and said that it was my coat and he stole it. He said he got it for his partner and was going to give it to her after school.
There was a teacher standing there and I told him that the kid stole my coat and the teacher asked if I had proof. I didn’t know what to say so I just tried to grab my coat from the boy and he pulled it away from me and the teacher got in between us and made me go into his classroom.
The teacher just let the boy go, came into the classroom, and told me I can’t just take stuff from people. I told him that boy stole my $200 coat and you just let him take it. I said that this was nonsense and he said I need to grow up because I don’t even know if it was really my coat and gave me detention for the rest of the week.
I’m so angry about the whole thing, I feel like the teacher just let him steal it and punished me for it.
UPDATE! I got it back! This morning I took a printout of the receipt, a picture of me with the coat from Christmas that my dad took (and printed out for me) and I wrote a description of all of the events.
I went to homeroom and checked in and then I went to the office and asked if I could talk to the principal. The secretary asked me why and I just said it was personal. She said ok and had me wait in the little lobby area outside the principal’s office.
I had to wait about 15 minutes and then she told me I could go in, I was honestly pretty nervous, I’d never talked to her before. I gave her my note and said that I wrote everything down because I was way too nervous to talk about it and she was ok with that.
She read my note, looked at the receipt and the picture, then did some stuff on her computer and asked me to go wait in the lobby again.
A couple of minutes later the boy came into the office, talked to the secretary, and walked right by me, and went into the principal’s office.
I couldn’t hear anything, I really tried lol. He was in there for like 10 super long minutes and then his partner came in and talked to the sec. and walked into the office too. She was in there for like a minute and then left again.
After another few minutes, she came back with my coat and walked back into the office.
They were in there for a couple more minutes. I was then asked to go back in and went in and sat down and the principal said the girl could go back to class and the boy needed to wait in the lobby.
The principal said that he told her that he found it on the floor so it is mine and she suggested putting my name on it somewhere. She did say that even though I was right I still have to go to detention for the rest of the week because there is zero tolerance for aggression and if anything like this happens again come to the office instead of handling it as I did.
She then gave me my coat and said I could go back to class and I thanked her.
As I was leaving she called the boy back into her office, but based on what she said I think he is going to get away with not getting in trouble.
I don’t really care though because I got it back.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The teacher you spoke to was correct – you have no proof at all that this person was holding your jacket. The fact that you thought you had the only one in school is irrelevant as there is no real reason someone else couldn’t have bought one themselves for exactly the same reason you did.
So by throwing out unfounded accusations and arguing, it probably sends fair enough that the teacher punished you and that you are the jerk.
This is a completely separate issue from the fact that your jacket was still stolen after being stored in what should have been s secure locker.
To this end, you should definitely be reporting this to your school (and the police) with the intention of getting it back. If you have any suspicions like having seen another student with what appears to be the same jacket then these should be included so that they can be investigated properly – for example checking CCTV to see if anyone accessed your locker, or if there are no cameras directly on it then seeing if you can spot someone leaving the area with a jacket they didn’t enter with.
This should be dealt with officially and responsibly though, not by accusing someone passing by without any proof.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The teacher should have kept the coat and contacted the student’s parents. A parent would know if their son purchased an expensive coat for his partner.
Your parents could have confirmed that the coat was yours.
I would have your parents contact the school and discuss this with the principal and the teacher who let the boy go. Do you know this boy? If you do I’m sure he and his parents can join the conversation.
I would also make a police report. The police won’t do anything but that boy’s name will be on file.” headoftheasylum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if your mom will not help, at least ask for the receipt and remember the size of the coat.
Show it to the administrators in the office and tell them which kid has the coat. Refuse to leave the office until it is resolved. Ask them for him to provide proof of purchase as well.
It is HIGHLY unlikely another child of similar age was able to shell out that kind of cash for a gift to his partner.
If the office does not cooperate, threaten them and say you will contact the police and also tell the other kid you will contact the police. This may scare either the office into cooperation or may just scare the kid or even his parents enough to give up the jacket.
If you really do choose to involve the police, it is likely they will not take it lightly given the high price of the jacket. This is NOT over.” picklemochi
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom The Harsh Truth About What My Brother Said?
“My (16 F) brother (23 M) and I are very close. We’ve had some crazy times together and he’s honestly my best friend. We may bicker from time to time, but we’re siblings what do you expect?
To get straight to the point, my mom (54 F) absolutely hates my SIL.
My brother met her while he was out at a party about 5 years ago. Long story short they hit it off and now she’s his wife. He proposed in February 2020 and the proposal was a nightmare.
He got on one knee and my mother went crazy, saying she didn’t want such a nasty, disrespectful woman to ruin our family.
She didn’t want her to make my brother ‘less than a man’ saying she wasn’t ‘woman enough’ to be with my brother, saying all of this spiteful stuff that quite frankly, wasn’t needed.
Since then, he decided to go non-contact with most of the family, except me and a few cousins.
And my mom didn’t bother to reach out since then. She thinks that he should have stuck up for her.
Recently, my brother posted a picture of his newborn son on his social media. I posted it on my story saying congratulations and one of my aunts showed the post to my mom – needless to say, she was hurt.
And I understand why she was hurt because it is her grandchild. But my brother told everyone (except for my mom) before he went no-contact that the only reason why he’s ceasing contact is that he won’t tolerate the disrespect of his wife.
They have three kids together and he’s made it clear she’s not going anywhere. He loves them with everything in him, which means he’s not taking any crap from anyone.
My mom asked me about the post and asked if I could call my brother to see if he would at least talk to her.
I did ask him and he said no. I asked why and he said ‘(my name) my family means everything to me, and if she can’t understand that means my wife and my kids, then I won’t see her. Simple as that.’ I understood and we continued talking, catching up, and stuff.
You know the usual.
The next day, she asked me if I called him and I said yes. I told her she wouldn’t like what he had to say and told her ‘the reason why he won’t talk to you is that he doesn’t like how you constantly disrespect his family’ and she said: ‘his family is not family of mine, he knew that when he got that witch pregnant the first time’.
About an hour later she took my phone, car, and TV out of my room. And told the family that I lied and made the whole situation up. And now the family is saying that I shouldn’t have lied and that I’m a bad daughter/sister.
I really don’t care, to be honest, because I don’t think I did anything wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is misogynistic and what she did to you was cruel.
She didn’t like hearing the truth and she’s making you pay for it: she can’t handle the fact she’s the reason why your brother won’t talk to her anymore.
One day she’ll probably do something that will drive you away too, and she will feel incredibly stupid alone with her anger and her ego.
You should consider talking about it to your brother to see if he can help you solve this: this lie about you that she told to everyone may escalate poorly…” Kalenne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘She didn’t want her to make my brother ‘less than a man’ saying she wasn’t ‘woman enough’ to be with my brother.’
Your brother sounds like he became a man when he stood up for his future wife.
Your mother could have chosen to respect that at any time and reached out with a sincere apology for her behavior at the proposal. She didn’t, so the estrangement stands.
The fact that she is punishing you for doing what she asked you to do because she didn’t like the results just shows how correct he was to cut her out.
She has no intention of being reasonable and she would rather burn her family ties to the ground than treat her children with any respect at all.
You did nothing wrong, but a lesson was learned here – no more acting as the messenger between your brother and mom.
Your brother doesn’t need you to do it and your mother will not reward you for it. Next time she asks you to contact him on her behalf (and she will), it’s gonna be a ‘sorry mom, no can do.'” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did absolutely nothing wrong and your mother’s reaction to what you told her proves your point. She still cannot see how she has cut off her nose to spite her face. Ask her if she would have accepted the treatment she is giving to her DIL from her own MIL.
She is just so intent on heaping disrespect on her own son’s wife. And for that reason, she does not get to speak to her son or see any of her grandchildren. Ask any other family members if what you said was such a lie, why is it your brother still has no contact with his own mother.
Then wait a couple of years until you are out of the house and cut her off as well. She’d probably treat any guy you have the same way she is treating her DIL.” lonelysilverrain
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner's Mom To Dinner?
“My partner (25m) and I (26f) have been in a long-distance relationship for two years.
My partner and I visit each other every few months. The plan is that he will move to the city I live in a year and a half.
He is an only child, and so am I. He was raised by a single mom his whole life.
He has a very close relationship with his mom, which is totally fine. Even though he owns his own apartment, he spends a lot of time with her every week like having dinner together multiple times a week. He is also often spending the weekends at her place, for example, Saturday nights.
I decided to visit him to celebrate his birthday and celebrate New Year’s together. We celebrated both with his mom. On another day this week, we went there for dinner. I have spent three out of seven days with his mom. This morning he asked if we should invite her to dinner at his place today.
I answered that I already have spent time with her three days this week, and I thought it was a bit too much. I said that we could invite her to dinner the next time I visit him. He became angry and told me that ‘This is how my family works and this is how we do it’.
I replied that I have already been to her place three times this week. He said that she feels ‘left out, and wants to be a part of our lives’ and I replied that I came to visit him, not his mom and that I was only here for a short amount of time and I want to spend the time with him.
I like to spend time with his mom, but since we are in a long-distance relationship I want to spend quality time with my partner before I leave. I am also doubting that he will move to my place in the future (two hours away by plane) if he feels that she is ‘left out’ in this situation…
AITJ?
Update: He came home and apologized and said he understood me. He explained that she never told him that she felt left out (which I never could imagine her saying either). He just thought she felt that way because he cares about her well-being and that she has cooked so much for us that he wanted to be nice to her and make her dinner too.
We agreed that we will invite her the next time I am visiting. He said that he has informed his mom that he is moving and that she knows about our plans. However, I will evaluate my relationship and really think if we are compatible because we come from very different family dynamics.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I agree with having doubts about him moving to be closer to you. He sounds like his relationship with his mom is super important to him, but it also sounds like he doesn’t know how to share his time with people outside of his mom.
I worry their relationship is a tad… codependent, I guess?
But I also think you could have expressed it better–rather than sounding like you don’t want to spend time with his mother anymore, you could have phrased it as wanting to spend personal one-on-one time with him alone.
Take it for what it is, a warning of how the future is going to be, and take some time to think about whether or not you could really live with his mother being involved in every aspect of your life. Because I don’t see him setting boundaries for fear of hurting his mother’s feelings.” ADHDLifer
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Because it is clear that he loves his mom and wants her around, and this is how he plans to live his life. He is not trying to tell you he’ll change or pull a bait and switch. This IS who he is.
You have every right to expect a certain amount of private time with your partner and have someone who will make and enforce healthy boundaries. This is who YOU are. Make the decision to let you both go to find someone else who will allow you both to be who you are.” SceneNational6303
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, NTJ. You just wanted to spend some time with your partner whom you haven’t seen in a while. I don’t see why that would be the issue. You need some time as a couple alone in order to keep the relationship of 2 going.
I do think that maybe you should ask your partner how his mother is lonely. And then maybe ask his mother if she is lonely. And judge their responses. Is the mother struggling with something and that’s why your partner is overly concerned with his mom?
Or is it just that the guy is just worrywart or can’t decide things without his mom?
Depending on what it is, I guess you might need to just talk with your man about what needs to be committed in order for you guys to live together in the future.” Adventurous-Doubt-57
I don't think he's a Mama's boy as others are saying . He just seems to have a close relationship with her. That's not a bad thing. However, he may be wrongly guessing at her needs. A lot of young adults think their parents won't have a fulfilling life when the kids move out. It's especially common when a single child has been raised by one parent. Perhaps his mom could reassure him that she will be fine and enjoying life.
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Lend My Mom Funds?
“I (21f) am a student on a €6000 student loan my tuition is €2400.
The loan is the only fund I have as I haven’t been able to find a job nor can I balance one right now. A good chunk of my loan goes to paying for my everyday needs, public transport, lunches, school materials, etc. My mother (56f) told me today that I need to give her 1000€ cause she has to pay her siblings and she would pay it back to me eventually.
I am not into the idea as last January she made me give her 3000€ to pay off her car. Leaving me with 600€ to live with. She didn’t pay me back until that August and I was so broke I couldn’t have lunch at my unpaid internship that took place in June (I was at a daycare working from 8 am to 4 pm).
She insists on me giving her funds cause I have a loan so it’s just free funds. I am almost 11k in debt right now which she doesn’t understand. I’m going to end up paying it back later and I always pointed out to her that I want to make sure my debt isn’t going to be too big for me in the future.
I asked her why can’t I and my brother (30m) just give her 500€ each. She told me I was being ridiculous cause my brother doesn’t have a loan. I then told her I need to think about it. After that, she said I am being ungrateful along with other things.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to give my mother 1000€?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – parents like that end up liabilities as they get older due to their reckless attitude towards financial management. Good on you for pushing back and realizing that the loan you have is not ‘free funds’.
Your loan is intended to help you get through college and have the most stress-free experience possible so that you can actually do well and secure a job that gives you a chance at paying it back. Your mother asking you to basically borrow against it negates the whole purpose of the loan.
Shame on her for not realizing this.” Nexus772B
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not free funds. It’s a fund meant for you to live. And she obviously doesn’t see you as a priority if she thinks that you starving yourself is a good thing.
Do not give in to her. Don’t even give her 500. You need to go low contact if she blows up about it and doesn’t understand that this isn’t simply money you got paid for studying, it’s a fund meant to help you survive studying and needs to get repaid.” Icy-Cold8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a school loan… that is not ‘free funds’ and your mother doesn’t seem to understand that. You need to pay that back, with interest.
Don’t give her the funds. She’s making it sound like you’re responsible for HER financial stresses, which you are not responsible for.
You have your own financial stresses, and her feeling like she’s entitled to your school loan is not right.
You need to set this boundary with her now before it gets out of hand. You need to explain to her that your school loan is just that, a loan.
You do have to pay that back, and if you can’t pay it back that could financially ruin you for a very long time.” MsPhantomhive84
7. AITJ For Yelling Inside The Cinema?
“Went to see the new Spiderman movie and decided to do an earlier showing at 4 pm since I work early the next morning.
(Won’t be doing that again due to today’s crowd). Most of the first half of the movie was punctuated with some younger kids talking a little above a whisper. I can ignore them, they are disruptive, but they are young kids probably enjoying their favorite superhero movie and really excited. A man in their row continually asks the kids to be quiet (take note: he has kids their age who are being silent) and every time he asked they would get quiet for a good amount of time.
Cue the mother and her infant child who cries loudly every 5 minutes for about 10 minutes straight each time.
It got to a point where a few movie go-ers raised the issue and loudly stated to quiet the crying baby. Well, the mother in question didn’t do much, not even take them out of the theatre for a bit.
It got so bad I eventually told the woman very audibly ‘Take the baby out of the loud theatre, it’s clearly annoyed and you can’t ignore it. Cause I certainly can’t!’ She told me to shut up she paid to be here, and a few other patrons yelled ‘So did I, and I didn’t want to hear a crying baby.’
I don’t blame the baby it isn’t their fault but I can’t fathom people who subject their infants to what must be extremely loud environments. Am I the jerk for telling the mother to deal with her child?
Edit: for clarity, I was on one side of a very large auditorium and they were on the opposite, so yelling seemed the best option as I am a quiet individual usually.
I don’t excuse my swearing just got frustrated. As for going to talk to staff, they showed up before I could even say something, so someone said something or they were already aware. Regardless, the woman came back later with the baby near the end and the baby cried through the ending as well.
Left it at that point since the movie had 20 mins left.
I am of the opinion that infants don’t belong in a loud movie cause it can be frightening and possibly damaging for them. I don’t want to be someone who shames new parents for doing social events.
However, infants don’t feel the same about being at the same event.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But in the future, perhaps get an employee to handle the issue, and if it repeats, go out and ask to speak to the manager and request a refund/new ticket for a different showing.
I still think you should have it this time around.
Just because someone with a baby paid to be at an event doesn’t mean that other patrons paid to have their experience ruined by a crying baby. It is basic etiquette to step out with a crying baby.
Sometimes having a baby or small children means you miss out on things.” ADHDLifer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Escalation without a payoff in a situation where the disturbance is the problem was obviously not going to do anything but make it worse.
You knew yelling at her wasn’t going to get her to leave since others had already done so unless you planned to rile up a mob to chase her out, and frankly that’s not your nor anyone else in the audience’s job.
She does have the right to bring her infant with her, otherwise, infants would strictly be forbidden from the theater.
Some people don’t have the option of babysitters, or even someone else in their life to assist with a child. She was, however, also a jerk for not considering how much of a disturbance it could, would, and did cause – less so before coming and moreso while it was causing a problem.
You may be justifiably frustrated or even angry at the woman for that, but putting aside your post-script attempt to claim concern for her baby (unless you are its personal doctor?), starting (or joining) a fight at the movie theater for any reason is a pretty jerk move.
Others already said this, but getting the staff to handle the situation was the real correct move, and the other people badgering her without doing so were also jerks. You, her, and everyone in this theater except maybe that one man’s children behaved pretty poorly.” HighClassTopHat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A loud movie theater is no place for a baby and is a completely selfish act on the parent’s part – the baby is obviously unhappy with the environment, and she is disrupting the movie for the entire auditorium.
I can understand someone with a well-behaved baby perhaps attempting this, but the moment it starts being disruptive they should be cutting their losses and leaving the showing.
So no, you are not a jerk for responding as you did – almost certainly to the relief of a lot of the other patrons who wanted to say exactly the same but hadn’t yet plucked up the courage.
Having a baby is hard, and I don’t grudge a mother without any support wanting to enjoy a movie, but she cannot expect to do it at the expense of everyone else there.
A cinema local to me puts on specific showings for various groups with specific needs – parent and child showings where some noise and disruption are expected and accepted being one. A fantastic idea, though one I also expect this parent to be too entitled to have bothered looking for (after all, then she would probably have her movie ruined by someone else’s baby crying…).” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. As a parent, I can’t see why a mom would take her infant to a movie theatre. A baby can’t be quiet or still enough to watch a whole movie at home, and loud surround sound speakers obviously are going to make a baby fussier than normal. That being said, you could’ve been quieter about it to not further disrupt everyone else’s movie experience as well.
Babies and annoyances are a risk you take when you go to a public movie theatre, just like when you buy a plane ticket. You hope it doesn’t happen, and try to ignore it when it does. I believe at some theatres you could also alert the ushers and they come in and escort the disruptive guests out of the theatre.” nixthename
6. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Come With Me To My Brother's Wedding?
“My younger brother Sean is getting married soon, he sent out invitations that included everyone in the family. I found out that he was going by the ‘no +1 unless engaged or married’ rule, I felt confused since I’ve been in a long-term (7 years now) relationship with my partner and I was counting on having her to come with me to the wedding.
I asked Sean and his fiancee about it and asked if they were aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a ‘too bad, so sad’ type of reaction, but I told him alright then he shouldn’t expect me to come either.
He freaked out and called mom who said since I’m the oldest in the family then my presence at the wedding is a must. I told them I will attend the wedding under one condition and that is to have my partner attend with me.
Sean tried to pull the ‘she’s not official’ and ‘she’s not family’ crap on me but I told him enough, I remained calm yet strict with my condition. Mom said my partner can miss one event no big deal and said I shouldn’t be putting conditions on my brother’s wedding to force his hand like that.
I said that is all I have and left after a huge meltdown from mom and Sean accusing me of trying to ‘alter’ the wedding, disrespecting their beliefs, and pushing my own on them, oh and went as far as accusing me of planning to steal the event so I could ‘propose’ to my partner.
The rest of the family got into it yelling at me for disrupting the wedding and trying to control and bully my brother into letting me do what I want on his wedding and said it wasn’t about and up to me to put conditions and went on about how I should support him as his only sibling and a father figure since dad is deceased. But I think I’m trying to stand by my partner and our relationship that means so much to me but they see it as me choosing her over my brother.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think an ‘engaged or married +1s only’ rule is perfectly sensible and they shouldn’t have to invite someone if they don’t want to. Their wedding, their rules, and all that.
However, they also should have expected that some would not care for that rule and would decline to attend.
And given that you are the groom’s brother, they also should have expected that you would not take it kindly if they informed you and your partner of seven years that she is not considered part of the family.
Some people think that it’s rude to ask for a +1 to be invited if they weren’t.
I disagree with that. I think that it’s OK to ask, but that the person who asks needs to be gracious if told no.
In an ideal world, they would have made an exception for your partner. In a slightly less-than-ideal world, they would have held firm to their rule, expressed regret that you would not attend the ceremony, and gotten back to the business of wedding planning.
But here’s where it goes off the rails: ‘I asked Sean and fiancee about it and asked if they were aware they were excluding my partner with this rule and they gave a ‘too bad, so sad’ type of reaction.’
This is tactless, rude, and dismissive.
And then they called in Mommy… and the whole thing exploded. Bringing in the whole family was an especially awful move. As long as this was between the four of you (you, your SO, your brother, and the bride), there was a chance you could have worked out something or come to a compromise.
But bringing in the family makes things a thousand times worse. Because now, there’s not just a private disagreement. There’s an audience. And once all of you are in front of the audience (your extended family), it’s nearly impossible for you to compromise or change your minds.
If you do so in front of an audience, then you’re publicly betraying a principle and losing face. So the battle lines harden.
Sounds to me like you need to mark down something for yourself to do on the wedding day that is at least several hundred miles away and possibly involves a pool, a few pina Coladas, and the Bananaboat Song.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A long-term, committed partner should not be considered any less an officially married couple, and at 7 years most families would count a significant other as a family member. I would imagine your partner has made an appearance at numerous family events over the year as well so it is not really as though she is an unknown stranger.
I think you are doing the right thing by standing up for your partner and her feelings, and it is actually your brother that is completely disregarding yours. Considering your family wants you to attend so much it really is a very minor request to have your partner be there as well.
Weddings I’ve attended in the past have always made exceptions for long-term partners as it would be considered rude not to acknowledge someone just because they lack a ring/piece of paper.
The ‘altering’ the wedding excuse is just crazy; as most people know, weddings are constantly changing, things go wrong, and quite frankly having an additional supporting family member (ring or not) on the day is actually a blessing!
At the end of the day, your partner is your long-term partner who you may be hoping to spend the remainder of your life with, and that is who you should be supporting.” bcrbaby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there’s more that OP needs to think about here.
First – It would be better if OP’s family viewed the conditions more as ‘guidelines’ for who to invite rather than rules where no exceptions can be made. (An example – I once attended a wedding that was ‘no children’ when I was 16, technically a child.
But I was also the aunt of the person getting married, so the exception made sense. Didn’t stop people from being mad though.) OP your partner seems to have landed in the same category as someone you’ve been casually going out with, but this sounds closer to a de facto relationship, maybe not an ‘official’ engagement or marriage but long-term monogamy from what I understand.
OP I offer this thought with no moral judgment at all, just as something for you to think about as you try to resolve this. You are part of a family, therefore the person who you are in a relationship with is also in a kind of relationship with your family.
Engagement or marriage offers some clarity about the nature of your relationship and the extent to which they should invest in the new family member. The question ‘what are your intentions?’ is an old-fashioned question but it’s an important question to establish clarity.
Perhaps your intention is that you don’t believe in marriage etc but she’s your partner who you love and you’re committed to each other. If that’s the case then you need to make that clear. I would put the wedding invite aside for the moment to have that deeper conversation first.
If on the other hand, you don’t have long-term plans with this woman then your family may be wondering to what extent should they be building a relationship with her. You’ve been together for 7 years which sounds solid. the other extreme would be someone who has a new partner every year, they get introduced to the family, the family embraces them, they break up, and then suddenly nieces and nephews are upset about why they don’t see their ‘aunt’ or ‘uncle’ anymore.
I hope this makes sense and that you can resolve this. I know this must be hard for you and especially your partner.” Boudicca_Grace
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Wife Needs To Pay Too?
“One of my best friends (who is the only one that is married) asked if I and a couple of others wanted to go on a trip together.
We have a small friend group of five people, and we haven’t done much together recently as life has gotten in the way.
His wife got to looking and found a place for us to stay. He, of course, had to include his wife in the trip.
Nice gal I guess, just kind of wanted it to be a friends-only trip. It’s fine and we all are used to it by now as they got married around 10 years ago. It’s been that way ever since.
She found a cheap price and rented it.
They figured out what it was per person and gave us the numbers on what we’d be paying per person.
Well, I did the math, and they didn’t include splitting the price six ways. They did it five ways. They did not include his wife in splitting it.
I called it out immediately and said I’m not paying another person’s share so that they might not pay twice. No one else really commented on it but I wasn’t having it, I felt it was unfair. My friend said he shouldn’t have to include his wife in the price, especially since they found and booked the place.
I said either she pays or doesn’t go.
He ended up telling me ‘no, now you’re not going? And if any of you agree, you won’t be going either. I’ll just go with my wife.’ Or something along those lines.
A whole argument followed. It’s caused a huge rift. I still think I was in the right, and I don’t understand how he doesn’t see it that way.
Seriously, is she not another guest? Why would she NOT have to pay for a spot too? AITJ for telling him she should have been included in the price?
Edit: My friend and I fixed it. All good. He had already ‘paid’ for the better room by putting down more of the deposit and not putting that in the total price.
I was a jerk and he was a bit of one too.”
Another User Comments:
“So the couple chose to invite you to go on a trip with them, they found a place to stay where each of you would get a room and the couple would share, 5 rooms for 6 people.
If it’s charged per room then it is absolutely fair. YTJ, you sound really resentful of his wife. You say you wanted it to be a boy’s trip, if you had planned it and invited people then it could be but you didn’t.
The friend AND his wife invited you and they planned it. You looked for something to complain about to try to get her kicked off the trip. Of course, he is gonna chose his wife of 10 YEARS over your whiny behind. He is right to say well if you don’t like it, you’re uninvited. None of the others had any complaints, only you threw a fit because you wanted no girls allowed.” PurpleMightyOwl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for insisting that she be included in the split. That’s a completely normal and fair way to handle things. I have lots of married couples as friends and while they are a social unit, they are individually responsible for their monetary contributions.
Your friend should not expect that you all pay his wife’s way.
That being said, you are a bit of a jerk for how you seemingly treat a person who has been around for more than a decade (assuming your friend didn’t get married on the first meet).
Why do you have so much distaste for your friend’s wife? Your annoyance with her for simply existing and therefore stealing your friend was palpable.” jetfuel_o
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The couple suggested the trip, found the rental, made the arrangements, paid the deposit, and asked everyone to split the cost of the housing according to how many rooms will be used. The exact same amount of space will be taken up if she goes or not so this is an extremely reasonable way to split up the cost. It’s not even including food or anything besides rooms. Instead of pitching a hissy fit and being nasty about it, here are some adult phrases you could have used at any point:
‘Hey, Friend, it’s been a while since we had just a guy’s weekend. Any chance you’d be interested in doing this trip just the boys?’ ‘Oh, I’d assumed since there were six of us, we’d split everything six ways, not five.
Can we talk about how we’re going to arrange this?’ ‘You know what, I’m not sure I’m feeling up for this trip anymore. I think I’ll tap out of this one and maybe I’ll join for the next one.’
Bottom line: you didn’t do anything to help organize this trip so you don’t have much standing to be annoyed about how the organizers decide to do it. If you have a better idea for how your vacations should be planned, you take the initiative to do the work next time.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Both you and your friend have taken pretty harsh positions and needlessly made it tense. You haven’t explained how the price of the thing is calculated.
I do vacations with friends and families where several couples all share costs.
Some hotels charge per head. So splitting costs per head that way would make sense and the wife should share the cost because her presence increases the cost. But it could be a house where everyone’s getting a room of their own. In that case, her presence doesn’t make the cost go up.
So there’s an argument to be made that if your friend was there by himself, the cost to him and you would be the same. Bringing her didn’t change the cost of the place, so why should she pay extra?
Arguments like she’s present so she must pay, or she booked it so she doesn’t have to pay, don’t make sense to me.
I’ve done a lot of these trips with family and friends splitting costs over the years. Best to figure out how the money is being split BEFORE someone puts the money out. This is not the of thing to wreck a long friendship over, though.
You’ll never miss the money nearly as much as you’ll miss a good friend.” pacohope
4. AITJ For Asking My Grandpa To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (23F) did not always have the best relationship with my father. He and my mom got divorced when I was still a baby and my mom had custody so I only saw him on weekends.
However, when I was about five or six years old he just disappeared from my life without a choice and no one heard from him for years. I later found out it was due to an ultimatum from his toxic ex at the time. I don’t know all the details but he supposedly left to protect me and returned to my life once she was out of the picture.
For context, I was about to turn 17 so I didn’t see or hear from my dad for about 11 years, my whole childhood.
My dad has worked hard to rebuild our relationship and has been a very loving and supportive parent however, due to him not being in my life all those years I’ve never been able to truly see him as a father.
My Grandfather on the other hand was there from the beginning and essentially became my dad. He was the one who helped raise me, showed up to all the important events, everything my dad should have done. He was even the one who taught me to ride a bike and to drive, and he was the one who accompanied me to those silly elementary school dad-daughter dances.
While I did forgive and accept my dad, I still see my Grandfather as my true father figure.
I got engaged about a year ago and we plan to get married after I graduate in the fall. My family is super happy and has been super involved in the wedding planning, including my dad.
The topic of walking me down the aisle came up one day and, after a lot of thought, I announced that I wanted my Grandfather to be the one to do it. Needless to say, my family was shocked despite my reasoning. I wanted the person who was there for me my whole life to share that special moment with me and sadly that person wasn’t my dad.
My dad was visibly heartbroken when he heard this since I’m his only child and he was so excited about this milestone, but he understood my reasons and promised to still be supportive.
Unfortunately, things haven’t been the same since my dad is still hurt by my decision and has become a bit more distant.
I heard from one of my aunts that he kept crying and cursing about how unfair the world was and how he wanted to take everything back. My family is tense as they’re literally 50/50 on the situation. One side agrees that my Grandfather was my father figure and he deserved the honor, but the other half is calling me cruel.
They said my dad was guilty enough for all the time he missed and I was just being petty and rubbing salt in the wound. He still plans to attend the wedding but it will hurt him greatly to just be treated as a guest rather than family.
I do love my dad and I didn’t mean to hurt him but I think my choice was justified so… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I will tell you that you have to choose who you want to walk you down the aisle. Your Dad and family need to stop using guilt as a weapon to make you change your mind.
You did nothing wrong, your Dad stepped out of your life for over a decade, there are consequences to that choice that he made. One big one is that another man had to step into the role of Father and was the father you needed and wanted. He doesn’t get to cry his way into a role he walked away from willingly.
HE chose a woman over his flesh and b***d, he now has to build the relationship to a new level. He can’t just be the person he was supposed to be because he wasn’t there for you. Your Grandfather was and did so because he loved you.
I would have a conversation with your father and tell him that simply where you have forgiven him for abandoning you, you have not forgotten what happened and that he can’t be upset that another man gets to walk you down the aisle because of his choice to walk away from you.” Scarletzoe
Another User Comments:
“It sucks, and you hurt his feelings, but no jerks here. He chose to pick his toxic ex over his daughter and left your mother to pick up the pieces, you were lucky enough to have a great grandpa that helped. This is the consequence of your dad’s actions.
He should be happy he can even be a part of your life. Maybe you can find another spot for him that sets him aside from ‘just a guest’ but not as much in the spotlight as walking you down the aisle? He could be waiting near the altar to give you a kiss on the cheek or something.
Just an idea to soften the blow for him?
I do think you need to sit down with him and talk it out. Tell him that you appreciate you’re getting to know him again, but when he left you, it hurt on so many levels, and it’s still an issue for you now.
But since grandpa was always there, the only thing that feels right is having your grandpa there to walk you down the aisle. Tell him you still love him and don’t want to hurt him, but this is your wedding and your happiness.
The things he says in his emotion are dramatic because that’s emotions, that’s how it feels for him at that moment.
Tell him you understand that he has all of these emotions and needs to sort through them. Your choice was justified entirely, all the people telling you that you are cruel only see it from his side of the story, they forget the fact that he just wasn’t there for 11 years.
And in those 11 years, you could’ve really gotten a lot of use out of your old man, he wasn’t there, but your grandfather was. Your grandfather really earned it to walk you down the aisle. We understand that dad was trying to protect you from his toxic ex, but he could’ve left the ex instead of you.
He could’ve made a better choice. Sadly he didn’t, and now he has to live with the consequences.” Dutch-CatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding. And your choice is just fine!
Can you offer your Dad another Dad-type role? Can you do the father/daughter dance with him?
Ask him to be part of the wedding in another way. Part of what might hurt his feelings is that everyone will SEE that you have chosen your grandfather over him, which… again, is 100% fine. But it will not stop hurting him. Since you do state that you love your dad and you don’t want to hurt him, find another obviously fatherly role to play (if you’re comfortable with that), and tell him you dearly want him to do that with you (like the dance, or another role in the wedding/reception).
Reassure him that you love him, and maybe tell him that, when you thought about getting married as a kiddo, you pictured your grandfather (because he was your father figure at the time). But that you still want your dad involved.” MamaBearsApron
3. AITJ For Asking My Mom And Dad To Go Wedding Dress Shopping With Me?
“The financial crisis of 2008 really took a toll on my family and led to my parent’s divorce. They remained extremely close friends and prioritized raising my siblings and me.
I am very close to both my parents.
They are now both remarried, and my stepfather and stepmom were really uncomfortable with their closeness. My stepdad really tried to change and now understands it because he also has a son from a previous relationship. My stepmom, however, was very much a ‘you have two separate homes’ kind of person and did not understand what it was like to grow up with divorced parents because she had no kids coming into the relationship (she does now).
So I am getting married and am going wedding dress shopping. I wanted to limit the people I took with me because of the global crisis. I obviously asked my mom, my sister, and my dad to come along. They were all excited to see me try on dresses.
I know that a lot of people don’t take their dads with them but I am really close to mine and wanted him to be there. My appointment is next week.
My stepmom got really angry and said that her relationship was being disrespected because I asked my parents to share this moment with me.
She was not happy it was something I wanted to share with my mom and dad together. She was also mad that I didn’t invite her for some reason, even though she and I are just not close. We are polite and I respect her as my dad’s wife.
I wanted to know if I am a jerk for not inviting her. I get that it’s my wedding and I can do whatever I want, but actions do have consequences. I want to know if I am the jerk because if yes, I will try to keep everyone sane and happy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a case of a failure to communicate and listen between your father and stepmother. He should have made it clear to her long before they got married that his friendship with your mum was essential to happily co-parent you and your siblings instead of letting it fester into what it’s become today.
Your stepmother also shouldn’t be this far into the relationship and still behave like this.
You are under no obligation to pander to this drama and should kick this back to your dad for him to deal with so that you’re not being stressed out by it as it’s his relationship.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blended families are hard work to manage and balance. Sounds like your parents have done a great job in keeping their relationship good for their kid(s). This is so rare. Step mum probably just has fear of missing out and feels threatened by their relationship and closeness that she can’t replicate, and worse is not part of.
You’re not close, and it’s your wedding dress trial – you can invite who you want and you want people you are close to there – understandably so.
She’s not your parent, so she doesn’t have a say, let alone an invite (unless you decide otherwise).
Basically, it’s your day, you can do what, and invite whomever, you like. She can’t force her way into this event in your life.” flamingosvossibop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but since she feels disrespected, you can very much let her know you didn’t realize she wanted to come and would love to have her there.
Seeing your mom and dad’s interactions as separated co-parents focusing on their daughter may also do her some good for understanding that it’s not a threat to her–just make sure to try and let her feel included.
That said, if you are still worried about the number of people or just inviting her at all being a pain, you can invite her to like, a planning brunch later, with just you, your sister, your mom, and your stepmom, to talk about the bridal plans and include her there.
Very much try to spin this as a matter of including her, and you not being sure if she wanted to be involved, but overall being happy that she wants to be included. Her reaction should help you determine how you want to move forward from there since you’ll have a better idea whether or not you legitimately may have hurt her feelings, or if she’s on the same stuff she’s been on for a while.” reddit_insane_inane
2. AITJ For Taking A Christmas Present From Our Daughter?
“Our oldest daughter (23) sent my youngest daughter (13) 250 feet of LED color-changing lights with a remote control. Here’s where the situation goes south.
The whole string of lights has an extremely sticky backing, meaning the only way to hang them is to stick them directly to the walls or ceiling. We, as parents, immediately told our youngest that she isn’t sticking any of that to our walls. They’ll totally ruin the walls and ceiling.
Then we told her that we’d go out and get a more appropriate lighting system in exchange for the one she got from her sister as a gift. My youngest texted my oldest and told her that she got her present, but we took it away from her.
So my oldest got mad and called my mom and told her that we took away the gift for no reason. That we had no right to take away something that didn’t belong to us. Now my mom is involved and throwing a tantrum. My mom called and yelled at us and hung up on us before we could explain anything.
Later that night after my youngest went to bed, I and my husband sat down and talked about the lights. I thought that maybe we could cut them in half and work out something to put them on. My husband, who rarely says no to anything, vetoed that.
Since he rarely ever said no, I had to ask why he wouldn’t allow it. He said with all of the other borderline inappropriate crap my oldest has gotten our youngest, her bedroom is starting to look like a nightclub and he has to draw the line somewhere.
I can see his point of view. My oldest has almost always sent my youngest inappropriate gifts and then gotten irate when we don’t let her have them. Last year she got her a fireman calendar where the men are missing the majority of their clothing.
We’re always made to feel like we’re jerks when we take away gifts from our daughter. My mom being involved isn’t helping matters because she’s the master at sending inappropriate gifts, mostly to my husband. Every time he sees a package addressed from her he goes into full panic mode and he’s scared to open it.
Now we’re over here questioning if we’re bad parents for not allowing my youngest to have any of these gifts. And we’ve also told my youngest that any contact between her and her sister and her and my mom is prohibited until we can get all of this drama stopped. Are we wrong for any of this?
EDIT: My youngest didn’t want the strip lights. She wanted a lamp to read with. She’s not the one that’s upset. My oldest daughter and my mom are.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your oldest daughter is incredibly irresponsible in buying her younger sister adult-themed calendars – so I am right with you on those.
The LED lights though? Why would you take those away? These are extremely common, I even have some up in a rental property. But if you didn’t want her sticking them to the wall for whatever reason – just say that. They also look cool lining tables and dressers and desks.
Or she could just remove the sticky at a small part to anchor them to something to hang.
While I get where your husband is coming from, because he’s sick of all of the gifts as a whole – not just this one – LED lights are not the hill he should be planting his flag on here.
He should have done this about literally any other present. Now his motivation and expectations of the girls are confusing. Now it just looks like you’re both saying No for the sake of saying No and totally invalidates your reactions to the other gifts.” Acedia_spark
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I already read what most people had to say, and here’s my hot take. You’re the jerk for taking the lights. And as the former (still) golden child I will explain your daughter’s actions.
Even if she did like the lights at this point she’ll refuse the gift not because she doesn’t want it, it’s because it’s easier to deal with parents like you if you just nod, obey, and listen.
By the language used sounds like the oldest is the black sheep of the family.
Since she is the ‘good’ daughter she is going to agree with you despite what she likes and thinks because the alternative is to be treated like her older sister and it’s obvious she doesn’t want that,
Y’all really chose a weird hill to die on though. Why the lights? They don’t have to go on the wall. They can go on the bed frame or nightstand. Dresser, doorway, TV. Literally anywhere else. (I have some on my vanity.)
Your oldest finally gives an age-appropriate gift and you screwed both of them.
To me, it sounds like you are petty and don’t want her to have the lights cause you said so (that not being a good reason at all btw) anyways. YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ.” Kakashisonlywife
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Oh lord. This is a lot.
Ok. To address the major players: Oldest daughter needs to run presents by you from now on. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with her about age-appropriate gifts. Grandma needs to butt out. You need to sit down and tell her that her involvement is not necessary.
You and Dad need to step up and actually parent. It seems to me that you are both complete doormats (especially you trying to come up with a ‘compromise’ after you’ve already said no). Shine up your spines and parent.
Finally, you need to sit down and have a frank conversation with your youngest. Tell her how inappropriate her sister’s gifts are.
Have the same conversation about age-appropriate gifts and behaviors. Tell her that running to Grandma is no longer a viable option and that tantrums will cease to work. And then maybe help her redecorate her room. Pose it as a fun project that you can do together.” MinagiV
1. WIBTJ If I Tell My Pregnant Friend That She And Her Kids Have To Leave My Apartment?
“In early December, I (F,34) invited a friend (F, 32) and her 2 kids to stay over one night, just because they were already there & it was late. Their living situation wasn’t ideal & this kind of turned into them never really leaving. She has always had a job but has never really paid any bills.
She has never paid rent or a utility bill or anything like that. My car isn’t working right now, so she gives me rides sometimes. I knew last month that I had to move, so I found an apt. It is bigger than I need but cheaper than my old apartment.
She wanted to move & get the apartment together, to which I reluctantly agreed because I’m a little short on funds right now.
Since early Dec, I have spent roughly $300 on groceries just for her & her kids. They had also helped themselves to mine.
I paid the first month’s rent on the new apartment & she has only paid me back $160, but we have already moved in. My electric bill (which is normally around $100) was $465 for the month of December. Her kids have ZERO boundaries and are constantly just running wild & she doesn’t care.
They stay up until 4 am. Her 4-year-old called me a witch the other day because I asked him to stop running at 1:30 AM. Her 9-year-old has been having accidents at night. She doesn’t have any furniture here, so they sleep on my futon & couch & use my blankets & that is what he’s been peeing on & she doesn’t clean it until I say something.
I came home tonight & she was making dinner, my dinner. I was supposed to be completely out of my apartment a week ago & there is still a ton of stuff there & she hasn’t helped me pack or move 1 thing.
She also asked to borrow one of my coats one day, about a week ago.
I told her that was fine, but to be careful bc it was expensive. She said that nothing would happen & if it did she’d pay for it. She’s worn it every day since & last night I saw a huge bleach stain on it.
She has yet to tell me. She has the jacket in her ‘room’, which she doesn’t even sleep in. She & her kids all sleep in the living room. We’ve only been here for a week & I already know that I can’t do it & I don’t want her son sleeping on my furniture because of his accidents.
She is not on the lease yet & hasn’t paid her share, WIBTJ if I tell her that it’s just not going to work? Oh, she’s also 8 months pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s inconsiderate and taking advantage of your kindness. Check the laws for tenants in your state/city and figure out if she’ll be considered a legal tenant at this point or not.
If she is, draft an eviction notice and give her time to find another apartment. If she’s not then ask her to leave or you’d call the cops.” Star1014light
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because it was incredibly irresponsible of you to begin cohabiting with someone without discussing any of the details.
She’s clearly the jerk for all the reasons you describe, but you really have created a mess here by just agreeing with it all, and that’s on you. I don’t mean to be harsh, but it feels like you really need a wake-up call to begin to have boundaries and enforce them.
I highly recommend individual therapy if you can find some low-cost options.
Extricating yourself from this situation needs to be your top priority. Just be very careful to do everything by the book. Tenancy laws differ from state to state (if you’re in the US) so be sure to do everything legally.” puppyfarts99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to your landlord about getting the locks changed. Get it done when you are home, even if you have to miss work, and she’s gone. Pack her stuff, give it to her when she gets home and let that be the end of it.
If you warn her, guaranteed things are going to get even worse and it’s not worth the risk of the damage she and her kids will do on their way out the door.” Tannim44
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Who signed the lease for the new place?
If you both did, you both can live there and are responsible for the rent. You need to learn about healthy boundaries. You don’t seem to communicate clearly and effectively with other people about your boundaries or theirs.
You need to start setting and maintaining boundaries with other people to protect your health and safety.
That means physical boundaries (Places you will or won’t go; The comfort level of your home – temperature, noise levels, clutter vs clear spaces. And your personal boundaries – when and how it is okay for others to touch you and your belongings.) Financial boundaries (What portion of expenses are yours, how accts will be registered and maintained, how these obligations will be handled regularly.
How much you save, and keep safely away from others’ access…) Emotional boundaries (You are responsible for regulating your emotional responses. You are NOT responsible for fixing other people’s feelings. Where your healthy limits need to be in different relationships.)
It seems like you are too agreeable, always saying ‘yes.’ Never saying ‘It’s time for you to go home’ or ‘Get your stuff out of here by (date) or it’s going in the dumpster.’
This has you living in chaotic circumstances. Because YOU need to start setting boundaries.” curious382
