KayeItsMe
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NTJ I disagree with people saying you should have let her bring a few dishes. Here's the reason - my MIL consistently nitpicked my cooking even when everyone else was raving about it, including her husband. It eas jealousy, pure and simple. I, however, did not consider it a competition and welcomed any dishes contributed by anyone else. Then, my MIL got advance notice of my menu and brought duplicates of some dishes. It didn't work out the way she hoped. Her versions were politely tasted while mine were gobbled up. She became even more critical of my cooking. I'm sure your MIL would have behaved even worse if her contributions just sat there while your cooking was eaten. With some MILs you just can't succeed.
BTW I learned to tell mine not to bring anything because we wanted her to be able to just relax and enjoy family time. After all the meals she has cooked for us, she deserves to be taken care of.
NTJ Hard truth from a voice of experience - if you help them out now, they will never quit asking for more, but they will never change the way they treat you. The golden child will be the one who benefits because if you ease their financial burden they will continue to shower her with money and material things. So, in essence, you will be financing the very person who made your childhood traumatic Don't help at all and don't feel any guilt. Go no contact with all of them. It's the best thing for your mental health.
NTJ If you need to get more assertive, start with your wife. She deliberately spilled wine on the boss's wife because she was jealous. That's petty and is sure to continue AND escalate. Her behavior is going to end your job. Make that plain to her.
NTJ You shouldn't have to give her an extravagant gift to "repair the relationship." Don't give in. It will not be just one time. Also, giving in would be rewarding her for abusive behavior. She is basically blackmailing you. It really doesn't sound like she has accepted you all as family.
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