People Plead For Straightforward Comments On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Hiding My Pie In My Room?
“Whenever we get or make sweets, my mom eats them. Doesn’t matter if it’s for anything or for anyone, etc.
So my (16F) mom (51F), my sister (19F), and I were in the kitchen this morning. I was trying to bake a pie, for the second time ever (homemade).
I know that when you make a pie, you’re supposed to let them set. (Last time I didn’t, and the pie fell apart.)
So when my pie got done baking, I hid it so my mom wouldn’t eat it. I let it set for 2 hours.
During the 2 hours, she kept making my sister ask me where the pie was. And apparently, she was turning the kitchen upside down looking for it. She went to me to ask where it was. I told her I was letting it set so it wouldn’t fall apart.
She eventually left.
I had hidden my pie in my room, and my room is connected to a porch by a window. I walked outside, made a loop around my house, and then walked to the porch and grabbed the pie from the window, and brought it in that way.
(To keep my hiding place unknown) When I finally brought the pie out, she said she didn’t want any of my pie and that I was ‘pulling a grandma.’ (Her mother was abusive) She was yelling at me about how she wouldn’t hide food from me, etc. I tried to tell her I just wanted to let the pie set, and she just yelled, ‘You don’t have to let a pie set.
You can eat it straight from the oven.’ (Paraphrasing here.)
My sister started to say that my mom hid food from us all the time (hiding candy, etc.) so she can’t say she wouldn’t do that to me. Then I tried to hand my mom a slice of pie, and she threw it on the table and left. My sister told me I didn’t do anything wrong, and most people wouldn’t care.
But I don’t know if she’s right. I can’t leave my room without my mom glaring at me. She also thinks animals got to the pie (She tells every person who tries to get a slice), and I won’t correct her because I don’t want to reveal my hiding place.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your mom is actually abusive to both you and your sister. I’m sure this isn’t the first time. It’s emotional and psychological mistreatment please go to someone about this. Because it’s not good for either of you to have to deal with someone like this blood-related or not.
Please tell someone that can help you.” NoFlight5759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother’s behavior is not normal. It probably is related to her mother’s abusive behavior, but that’s a reason that allows for understanding to work towards addressing a behavior – it does not give her a pass to treat you like this.
It is not normal to not be able to wait until the food is ready to be served (as long as other snacks/food are readily available so a person isn’t hungry.) It is not normal to turn a room upside down looking for a food item that you have been told is not ready yet, but will be ready in two hours.
(And yes, pie needs to rest after baking.)
It’s REALLY not okay to accuse you of being abusive to your mom with food. Waiting for food to finish resting is not abuse. You are the child here, you are not controlling her food access – she can go out and get her own pie.
Your mom has a problem, but she may not be able to see it – so I really encourage you to consider speaking to a nutritionist and therapist when you can (which may not be until you are an adult) so you don’t accidentally replicate some of these same unhealthy behaviors forward.
Then tossing the pie down, telling everyone else that animals got to it – it’s weird.
More pie for you I guess.
I wouldn’t reveal your hiding place either – people either trust you or they don’t. (But she’ll probably figure it out soon anyway.)” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“Your mother has an eating disorder, likely caused by abuse and food insecurity in her own childhood.
While your mother isn’t a jerk for having this problem, her lashing out at you is unacceptable and you are NTJ.
You might consider finding a friend’s house to do your baking at in the future.
Not only would that alleviate the pressure and tension caused by your mother’s compulsion, but it would also give you space to develop a healthier relationship with food for yourself. Although it doesn’t sound like you have developed an eating disorder, your mother’s behavior has without a doubt impacted your relationship with food.
If you can carve out some space to heal from that, your future self will thank you.” shadecamefromreading
22. AITJ For Not Keeping My Kid In Another Room While My Friend Is Over?
“I (33F) have a 9-month-old that is crawling. He is everywhere and into everything.
I have a playpen he oftentimes goes in and will put him in his crib for naptime. I have a friend (32F) who is pretty vocally child-free and they came over to plan for another friend’s bachelorette party. I was holding my son when she arrived.
She arrives, comes in and I can tell she is uncomfortable. I’m holding him and she asks me if I can put my son in a different room. I say no… my husband is golfing and he is awake so I want to watch him.
I put him in the nearby playpen, but he is just doing the happy baby yelling type of stuff. She mentions how the last time I came to her place I asked her to put her dog in another room (never mind it kept sniffing me and slobbering on my leg).
I told her that is very different, and I’ll leave him in his playpen. She starts arguing with me and I tell her she can leave, and we can do this another time. So she does and calls me a jerk on her way out.
Was I though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would heavily reconsider whether you want this person as your friend. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be child-free (I certainly don’t want a kid and have held fast to this desire my entire life) but that never gives someone the right to make demands of others who have kids just because they don’t want to be around them.
What happens when your child starts to walk around, and require even more supervision from you so they don’t end up getting hurt? This person can’t expect you to just put your child in another room when they are around every single time or eventually your kid is gonna realize that they have to be ‘locked away’ when this specific person comes over and resentment will start to build.
Also, a dog is very different from a child and is at a much less risk of severely harming themselves if left alone in another room for an hour compared to a HUMAN INFANT and the two situations cannot be compared to each other at all.” YourLocalCryptid64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is being ridiculously entitled. Women are allowed to be child-free but the ones who enter children’s spaces and expect them to disappear because they don’t like kids are freaking crazyyyyy in the head. I blame the internet.
On a serious note, if you genuinely care about keeping this friendship, you two need to have a sit-down convo and set your boundaries. Ie. explain to her in a nice tone how her behavior is inappropriate and that raising a dog vs a human baby is entirely different.
Her acting like it’s the same really gives ‘chronically online’ vibes… I don’t think she’s living in reality. LOL.
Also, let her know it’s your house and she’s not welcome to come over if she’s going to act that way.
That being said, she might say the same thing about you not going to her place if you don’t like her dog. Which she’s allowed to say and you’d have to respect that too. If she responds negatively and/or you don’t care to keep the friendship, I’d unfriend her.
LOL.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let’s assume that babies are completely equivalent to dogs in every way, or let’s just say you have a dog instead of a baby.
Here is why your request was reasonable, and hers wasn’t:
Her dog was touching you and getting their spit all over you.
This dog was not contained, and you asked for this dog to be contained so it couldn’t get its spit all over you. Your ‘dog’ was contained in a pen and incapable of slobbering all over your friend’s legs, even if they were in the same room.
Now let’s remember that as much as dogs are humankind’s best friend, they are not, in fact, human, and remember that your friend is a jerk.” artzbots
21. AITJ For Embarrassing My Wife In Front Of Our Friends?
“Last night, my wife, my 13-year-old son, and I had dinner with another couple I’ve known since high school and their two kids at their house.
After dinner, my son and the other boy left the table to play video games but were still in earshot.
The rest of us stayed at the table chatting, the conversation turned to tattoos and my friend mentioned my ex/baby mama’s brother who has some seriously impressive tattoos.
My wife made a comment about how their whole family is covered in tattoos and that my son would be covered in a few years. I responded that I wouldn’t mind as long as they weren’t crappy tattoos and she replied about him becoming unemployed trailer park trash like his mom’s family.
I became mad that she spoke about my son like that and how she characterized my ex’s family. My initial response was ‘I can’t believe you just said that.’ I followed this up by essentially telling her she had no right to talk about my son’s family like that and pass judgment on people she doesn’t know.
I also told her I don’t agree with her sentiment that tattoos equal unemployment and that also the majority of my ex’s family are happily employed and several of them are business owners. The brother with the nice tats for example was a semi-professional boxer, has a master’s degree, and owns his own business.
My ex’s family has a bad reputation and a lot of them do live in a trailer park and several of her brothers and uncles have been in and out of prison. However, she has a large family and the majority of them are great people, but they are all heavily judged in our local community.
They were also such an important part of my life when I was younger, my ex and I had our son senior year of high school, my family was unsupportive but hers was our village, and we couldn’t have done it without them. My ex’s grandpa gave me my first job, her brother helped me find a cheap car to buy and helped me fix it up.
They were my family for years, and although I’m no longer close with them, they are still important to my son, and I see their positive influence on him all the time. My wife doesn’t know them but I know she’s heard positive things from my son so I don’t understand why she would say what she did.
The night moved on but things with my wife remained awkward even after we left. When we were getting ready for bed, she told me I was a jerk for speaking to her like that in front of our friends and for defending my ex and making her look like a jerk in front of everybody.
I was aghast and told her she was the one that spoke diminishingly about my son and his family while he could hear her. I slept in a different room and didn’t speak to her for the rest of the night.
However, today I went to the gym with my brother, and he thought I was a jerk for blowing up at her in public and that I should have waited to mention what she said at home.
He also thinks I’m coming off as a jerk for defending my ex’s family to my wife and that it sends the ‘wrong message’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother was wrong, you sent the right message. Assuming your son overheard, he heard you call his stepmom out.
He heard the love and respect you have for him and the rest of the family, his mom, uncles, and grandparents. If you didn’t do that, he’d have gone to sleep thinking you agree with his stepmom, that he’ll end up unemployed in a trailer park.
You’re a good dad. Your wife though clearly not only disrespects your ex and her family, but she clearly also disrespects your son. Talk to him directly. Ask him about your wife, and listen.” Fatigue-Error
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… who is she to say that about your son in public?
Good on you for sticking up for your son regardless of if he heard or not. Who says that a child will become unemployed trailer trash? She said this in conversation and you responded appropriately in my opinion. She looked like a jerk in front of her friends because she acted like one and spouted nonsense.
You stood up for your kid and his mom’s family.
I shudder to think what she might say if you weren’t around. Please ask your son if she talks about his mom and her family to him.” PravinI123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sir, your wife made a jerk of herself.
And your brother is totally wrong.
Saying something to your wife privately about her wildly inappropriate behavior would have been an option had she not spoken ill of your son and his family within the child’s hearing. In speaking up and affirming your son at that moment, you made yourself a hero to your son.
Your wife’s negativity is alarming.” obadelia
20. AITJ For Telling My Unemployed Partner To Eat Less?
“My (28m) partner (26f) got laid off about 6 months ago. She has been unemployed ever since. This means money is tight. I am covering all of our rent, utilities, groceries, etc. Everything except for her car payment and gas money.
My problem is that my partner keeps eating all of our food. Like, all of it. We always run out of food money before my paycheck comes in. She’ll eat everything she wants, and leave me with plain crackers or lettuce. I mean, everything. Even stuff I’ve specifically labeled or said I want.
The cupboards will be bare and I’ll have to skip meals three days before my next paycheck because she’s eaten everything. She’s probably gained nearly thirty pounds since she was let go.
I came home from work for lunch the other day and brought each of us a Subway sandwich.
I only ate half of mine, so I popped it in the fridge and told her I’d just have it for dinner. When I got off work and went to get it, she’d already eaten it.
It really got out of hand when I bought some cupcakes to give to my sister (17f) for her birthday, and some pomegranate juice that I really love but can’t often have because it’s a little bit expensive.
I put them in the fridge, told her not to touch them, and both were gone. There was only one cupcake left out of a box of four full-sized ones and my juice was all gone.
I lost it. I screamed at her to stop eating everything I buy.
We’ve had this conversation before or tried to in a polite way, but she shuts me down and denies it. She says she’s hungry, and she’s stressed from being unemployed, and she can’t help it. I yelled at her and told her it was disgusting that I can’t leave food in my own home.
She started crying and telling me I’m ‘fat shaming her’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but she definitely is. Even if stress/emotional binge eating and whatnot is a real thing, she needs to realize how severe it’s gotten and try to find some way to cope better than claiming you’re fat shaming her for expecting to have your basic nutritional needs met and having your boundaries respected. I’d consider getting a lock for the fridge or something, even though she clearly needs some effective coping tools.” N0bother
Another User Comments:
“Jesus, you’re not fat-shaming her you’re shaming her for making you starve with no food. If she really cannot control herself to the point where she’s eating birthday cupcakes meant for someone else, then she has a serious eating disorder or if she’s simply indulging due to boredom (most likely given it started when she became unemployed) then she is actively choosing to starve you.
Think about that. Selfish level a million. NTJ.” Storm101xx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She isn’t working. Had to work for a week but it was too hard. So she’s choosing not to work. There are no kids so she is not a stay-at-home mom.
You have to go without food because she eats everything. You’re still doing chores 50/50. Even though you’re working and paying for everything. And she doesn’t want to do more because she feels like you’re taking advantage of her being unemployed.
The only person getting taken advantage of is you.
How long have you been together?
I mean, I understand stress eating. But eating so much and leaving nothing for you is just selfish.
You have to give her an ultimatum. Tell her that she has to find a job, any job, and she has to keep it.
Because you can’t afford to keep living like this. And if she still doesn’t want to then break up with her. Does she have parents or friends that she can stay with?” Kwikdraw55
19. AITJ For Saying That I Am Married?
“I have been in customer service for over a decade and I am really really good at it. I’m so good I have trained people, been a trainer, and have won so many awards for customer service.
While I have to send off supervisor calls still, most were because the customer wanted to compliment my work. There’s only one issue, a lot of men seem to think I have a gorgeous voice and because of that, I am often flirted with.
When I worked for a bank, it happened so often that I started telling the customers I was married when they would ask.
I would never offer this, but definitely would say ‘Yeah I’m married’ when they asked. It’s become nearly automatic now and usually seems to end all flirting. I did try telling a guy I was in a relationship (I was at the time and am in a new relationship), but that did not seem to be enough to keep the flirting from happening.
A coworker was asking what they should do when this happens to them and I let them know what I do and another coworker overheard us and said I was lying to customers and it was a jerk move. So, give me your true feelings on this one.
AITJ for telling customers I’m married?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a cheap engagement ring and/or wedding band from Etsy and wear it while at work. If you’re as good at customer service as you say you are, then a little non-verbal boundary may get the message across that you’re not interested in being chatted up.
Your co-worker on the other hand is the jerk for essentially supporting your ongoing harassment by customers for what I can only assume is the… sanctity of marriage?
For some reason, a lot of men only really seem to respect women when they appear to be the property of another man.” SandBrilliant2675
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not owe any details of your personal life to your customers, and the expectation of complete honesty on that front is unrealistic. Saying ‘I am married’ communicates that you are unavailable, is short, and seems to work. Possibly in an ideal world, saying ‘I am in a relationship’ or ‘I do not discuss details about my personal life’ would be enough, but if that does not seem to work, and you have found something that does, good for you.” Kindly_Egg_7480
Another User Comments:
“It’s plain and simple you’re working and the customers are just that, customers. It’s not a time you’re supposed to be flirting with customer service. Sure if the opportunity presents itself organically sure but if you get shut down move on.
Afterwards, it just becomes harassment and even then if you really want to break it down it’s harassment from the get-go. So no you’re NTJ for saying you’re married regardless if it’s a lie or not. You’re shutting down unprofessional behavior and the lies aren’t hurting anybody.
The coworker sounds jealous. Keep on doing you.” theshleepmaster
Coworker definitely sounds jealous.
18. AITJ For Getting Back At My Sister For Saying Negative Things About My Kids?
“I‘m pregnant with my 3rd boy and final baby. Sure a girl would’ve been sweet but it’s not something that matters to me. But ever since I told my sister the gender, she’s become a bit… mean?
with the way she talks about my children. She also keeps begging me to try again after my 3rd just in case I have a girl because girls are such a blessing. I don’t disagree but I’m quite happy with my own little blessings.
My sister still acted normal though so when she invited me and my family over we went. But when we got there my eldest ran to her for a hug and she brushed him off and started scolding him for not asking first. But this is their thing, he always runs up to her for a hug when he sees her and my sister has NEVER discouraged it before.
He doesn’t just go around hugging random people either.
Apart from me, she also invited her friends. None of them have kids except my sister and one other who’s pregnant. She started telling her pregnant friend the pros and cons of each gender but for boys, the only pro she put was ‘Well he won’t suffer as much as a girl will.’ I don’t think she’s wrong about this but my issue was with her making this the only good thing about having a boy.
The cons she put in were wild too. Like ‘they’re all borderline sociopathic’ or ‘you’ll turn into a weird boy mom’ and similar.
She also talked about how women unconsciously don’t want boy babies and our bodies actually try to fight off a pregnancy if it’s a boy.
But what annoyed me was her villainizing my kids. She picked apart the hugging incident, and talked about my other son being too confident in himself? But my eldest one being shy is an issue too because apparently a 3-year-old has ulterior motives. She then talked about how my 3rd is going to be just as bad ‘After all, it’s a boy.
But maybe that’s a good thing, I doubt the baby would matter much if it was a girl since you have your special little boys already.’
Even her friends looked uncomfortable the second she started analyzing me and my kids.
I kind of just went ‘What is wrong with you?’ She looked a bit taken aback by my tone but I told her that I understand that boys get a better start in life just because of their gender, but my kids are still under the age of 5 and haven’t done anything to make her act like such a jerk towards them.
I told her to go take her anger out on men that deserve it—unless of course, she’s only this brave when it comes to little kids that can’t fight back. In that case… how is she any better than a man?
My sister was upset and argued that my reaction is proof of what she was saying and I’m acting just like a crazy boy’s mom because I couldn’t handle a little criticism.
The only person on my side is her pregnant friend who revealed she’s pregnant with a boy + one other friend.
My sister thinks I should apologize for insulting her when she’s right. I want another opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is spewing misandry at children who don’t deserve it.
She’s also spewing straight-up insane garbage about women’s bodies and pregnancy and wanting girls instead of boys. Like that whole bit is just absolutely insane to me.
You’re not acting like a crazy boy mom because you didn’t do anything to deserve criticism and neither did your children.
She’s the one not able to take criticism. Seems like up until now she was happy to have her nephews around. What happened that made her switch to this toxicity?” Careful-Bumblebee-10
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, NTJ. She thinks you should apologize to her when she’s right, okay, she wasn’t right so no apology is needed. In all seriousness, this is really weird on her part, and pretty unacceptable to be treating kids differently based on gender.
While I definitely think it’s good to teach kids to ask before hugging and all that (and that it’s always ok to say no), that’s something for everyone, not just boys. And then everything was completely downhill from there, unacceptable to be saying about you and your kids.” CrowGuy555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, STAY AWAY FROM HER. Your sons were right there for all of this, it sounds like? And the younger one might be too little to understand, but the 3-year-old is old enough to at least get the broad strokes of ‘You’re a boy, and that means you’re bad and auntie is mad at you.’ That’s JUST as harmful as a little girl getting similar messaging.
I don’t know what she’s working through, but until she can keep it 100% to herself she doesn’t need to be around you or your kids. If you give her another chance, get yourself and the kids out of there the SECOND she starts with this crap.
You didn’t prove anything except that she’s so deep in whatever issues this is coming from that she eats and breathes confirmation bias.” inkpaperdream
17. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Invite Her Kids To Her Wedding?
“When my sister was 16 years old, she got pregnant with my nieces, gorgeous twin girls. She was not at all fit to be their mom and our parents were quite old by then and not able to care for them either, so I stepped in.
I’m almost 10 years older than her, I had finished my education by then and had a stable job and relationship. Seven years have passed and my nieces still live with me. My sister sees them regularly, but she never wanted to get custody of them.
To me, it seems like she sees them as my children. I love them as if they were, but still, they’re her kids.
A few weeks ago my sister told me that her partner proposed to her. They want to get married in autumn. I was excited at first and mentioned that the girls would be thrilled too.
She asked me not to tell them, cause she wanted to have a child-free wedding, although they both have children. Her fiance agreed and seemed to have no problem to exclude his kids. I told her I would not lie to the girls and she should tell them herself why they were not welcome at her wedding.
Later I heard from a relative that my sister’s soon-to-be stepkids would in fact be at the wedding. The girls were excluded, so her fiancé’s family would not get to know about ‘her *******s’. I was mad when I heard that and called my sister to confront her.
She didn’t even deny it. I told her I would not attend her wedding if she didn’t have the girls too and I also told her that she’s the *******.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you ever run into her fiancé let him know that you have guardianship of your nieces, even though they are your sister’s children.
I would make a healthy wager the fiancé doesn’t even know they are her daughters.
And her wanting to impress his side of the family hiding her ‘mistakes’, is a charade she will have to pull off til every single person on her husband’s side of the family is dead.
Any possible additional children will be loved and adored and the twins will be ignored. You & their father (if he is still in the picture) need to look at counseling/therapy options as this could be traumatic.
Thank you for being there for them.” HCIBSW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your sister called your nieces ‘screw-ups’ when in reality she got pregnant due to her own recklessness, not theirs. Your nieces didn’t ask to be brought to this miserable planet. She can do whatever she wants with her wedding, it’s her wedding.
But she is being immature right now by blaming her own daughters over something that wasn’t even their fault. It doesn’t matter if the child(ren) weren’t planned, it’s really not fair and very unreasonable of your sister to blame them for being born.” No-Effective6332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing if all kids were excluded. That’s unfortunate, but also valid. But if they’re solely excluded based on the fact she doesn’t want anyone to know she had kids as a teen, that’s utterly despicable. The fact that she’s made no effort to resume custody is sick.
She passed the buck onto you and is framing them as a mistake. This can be damaging to a child’s self-worth.” DNA_ligase
16. AITJ For Not Finding My Friends' Joke Amusing?
“I (19m) have mild autism and I was homeschooled. I have trouble navigating social situations (though I think I’ve gotten better since coming to college) which makes me think I might be in the wrong here.
Since coming to college, I got a group of friends and it’s been fun except they insist that I’m in love with our new friend Mark (20m). He joined our group about a month ago. Mark and I have a lot of things in common so we bonded quickly.
Because of that, our other friends said that ‘we are in love’ and ‘made for each other’. It was a good laugh until they kept repeating it. They kept making claims that made it sound like I had feelings for him and it got super weird.
For instance, one day we were hanging out in Mark’s dorm and I left when an emergency came up. In my rush, I left my charger. It got returned to me but the others claimed I left it on purpose so I ‘could leave a piece of me with him’.
Another time I was eating spaghetti and some of them said I was ‘practicing for what I’m going to do to Mark’… Comments like this occur about 6 or 7 times a day. I have no idea where it’s coming from. I’m not even gay.
A week ago, I asked Mark if he was as uncomfortable with it as I am. He didn’t know they said those things because they never said it to him. It’s only been to me (I don’t know why). I sent a message to our group chat: ‘Guys, the comments you make about me and Mark are really making me uncomfortable.
Especially since I found out they’ve only been directed at me. Please stop. I don’t find them funny or amusing.’ They apologized and said they wouldn’t do it again.
Friday, 6 of us (excluding Mark) went to dinner together. While we were waiting to order, Jada (19f) asked if I wanted to go out with Mark.
I told her no and to drop that stuff since it makes me uncomfortable. She asked why I was so uncomfortable if it was not true. I told her that’s exactly why: it’s not true but they keep talking like it is. She said it is true and she knows it’s true.
I could feel myself getting angry and didn’t want to melt down so I just left. Walked out and drove back to my dorm. I texted the group chat that I did not wish to be around Jada given what happened. Jada got mad and said I was ‘letting a guy ruin our friendship’ and ‘I didn’t know how to take a joke.’ I’ve ignored her messages and calls.
All of our friends side with me but a few of them said it was putting them in an awkward position and I should let it go. I already stated that I’m not the best with social interactions, so I’m thinking maybe I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you handled it very maturely. You brought it up to the group first. You made your feelings clear. When someone violated that boundary, you removed yourself rather than cause a scene in front of everyone. You have set a firmer boundary that you do not want to be around someone who is clearly ignoring the first boundary.
If Jada is having issues it is because of her own actions.” Inconceivable44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is definitely not about you missing social cues, I promise you. If any of your group of ‘friends’ try and tell you that, please don’t believe them.
It’s weird that they’ve got fixated on this idea of you having a romantic attraction to Mark, and even weirder that they only tease you about it and not him.
But given their frequency of bringing this up and then Jada continuing after you made it very politely but explicitly clear that it makes you uncomfortable and to stop, they are being jerks.
Her especially.
A joke is not a joke when the butt of the joke is not only unamused but also hurt by it. That’s just bullying.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You explained several times that this bothers you – actual friends would have stopped way before that, but decent people should have stopped at this point at the latest. Saying you’re ‘ruining a friendship over a guy’ makes it clear that she still tries to make fun of you and is not taking your feelings and opinions seriously.
Also, why is that even funny? Honestly, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it but for me, it is verging on homophobia because it has a feeling of ‘it’s funny because they’re both guys and that means they’d never actually do that’.
If you think that someone might actually get together you wouldn’t use it to make jokes because then you’d more or less just be stating facts. I don’t know, I might be way off base here but I’m still 100% sure that Jada sucks.” MiggoloandGiggles
15. AITJ For Not Having My Biological Father Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (28F) have our wedding scheduled for July 25, 2023. Growing up, my father was never really in my life.
He left the house when I turned 3, leaving my mother to take care of 3 kids all by herself. My brother (30M) reached out to his wife 2 years ago and invited them to his wedding. I kept my distance from them and spoke very little with my father.
My father speaks with my brother and sister (32F) regularly. My mother and her partner ‘Jeff’ have been together since I was a teenager. Jeff and I are very close. He and my fiancé get along. My brother and sister do not like Jeff. He was not invited to my brother’s wedding and my sister has made it clear that he won’t receive an invitation for hers.
Their reason behind it was that Jeff was trying to ruin our family. They hoped that my father and mother would get back together. Jeff has been wonderful towards my mother and even helped with my college tuition. He’s paying for the majority of our wedding.
My fiance and I took my mother and Jeff out for dinner and I asked him if he would like to walk me down the aisle. It was a very emotional dinner and it made my mother happy that Jeff wouldn’t be excluded.
I did not send an invite to my father as I did not want him to come.
My brother called asking why I asked Jeff to walk me down the aisle instead of my father. I told him that it was my decision and I was closer to Jeff. My brother made it clear that if Jeff was going, he would not come.
My sister is on the same page and she is one of my bridesmaids. I am now being called a jerk because I don’t want my biological father to walk me down as it is tradition. My siblings think I should forgive my father. So am I the jerk for wanting my mother’s partner to walk me down instead of my father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your big day. Your siblings need to be ok with having relationships with people who have relationships with people they don’t like. Like, they seriously wanna miss your big day over that? Hope you’re able to work things out with your siblings, but definitely do what makes you happy on your big day.
Walk with Jeff, and don’t invite your dad. And you know your siblings better than I do, but if they do end up coming, make sure you’re prepared to handle if they show up with your bio dad.” lrknst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your bio father abandoned you all 25 years ago and never restored contact until two years ago.
Your brother and sister are delusional if they think Jeff was trying to ruin your family or that somehow he prevented your father and mother from getting back together.
Now, they were a bit older than you when your bio father walked out, so they probably remember and love him a lot better than you ever will. Also, your mother got together with Jeff when they were older than you, so they never got as close to him.
So their perspective is different than yours. But to blame Jeff for the situation is unwarranted.
Tell your brother and sister that you’re sorry they feel that way, but Jeff is your father figure in a way that your bio father never was (like, he was present), and he’s going to be at your wedding.
If that means they will refuse to attend, you’ll miss them and hope they’ll reconsider, but you’re not changing your mind.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Clearly, your siblings are choosing your biological dad over you. No one should ever be forced to have a relationship with someone regardless of their relation to you.
It sounds like Jeff has played the father role for you and you have accepted him as one so it’s only fitting to have him walk you down the aisle if that’s who you wish to do so.
Congratulations and don’t let your siblings bully you into doing something they want, not what you want.” Key_Illustrator_6222
14. AITJ For Being Upset Over A Canceled Tattoo Appointment?
“I set up a tattoo appointment with someone I’ve gone to before, we have good chemistry and they are really good at bringing my ideas to life and I feel like we collaborate well. I reached back out to them over a month ago and detailed what I thought would be interesting with reference images and everything.
We got a date down and a deposit paid and I was super stoked! I reached out to them twice during the meantime and asked how the sketch was going/if we were still good for our agreed-upon time and they said everything was good and we were still on.
Yesterday was the day of the appointment and they tell me ‘Hey I need to push back an hour and a half’. I think no big deal, this thing happens so I started heading over a little later than planned. On my way over to the studio, they reach out to me and cancel the appointment because they didn’t start the sketch until today and wanted more time to work on it.
They said their schedule was booked up for the foreseeable future and didn’t give me a good time/try to work with me on getting a new time. I asked for my deposit back and after they sent it I outlined how the situation made me feel, I said it was really unprofessional that they had the idea and the date and the money for weeks and didn’t start working on the piece, I found it rude that they wouldn’t find the time to get me in for a reschedule, and that I felt like the situation wasn’t being taken seriously at all.
But despite all that, I still really want to get the piece from them and I’d appreciate it if we could find the time to reschedule and I gave some dates that worked for me. As soon as they read the message they said I’ll never get a tattoo from them again and blocked me?!
Am I the jerk for telling them how this made me feel? Was I too direct? Too forward? It’s a shame they’re a really cool person and their work is incredible and I was really excited to get this piece done and now I feel bad that I lost this connection.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, I won’t call you the jerk for it.
But a word of advice: if you want something from someone, you’re better off being nice to them rather than calling them a jerk.
Sure, they were a jerk. They took your money, didn’t finish the sketch in time, lied to you about having started work on it when they actually had not, and canceled your appointment last-minute—beyond last-minute, really, since they postponed the appointment by an hour and then canceled.
So you could reasonably choose to berate them for it. So NTJ.
What you can’t do, however, is berate them for it, and then expect them to welcome you back as a customer.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. They knew well before your appointment they weren’t ready for it, yet they first postpone an hour and then cancel altogether.
Most places will make you pay, partially or in full, for any missed appointment. Their time is valuable, but so is yours! Your email sounded respectful and just pointed out a problem of professionalism, which by blocking you they confirm they just lack. I am sure you will be able to find another artist.” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The main factor is that they haven’t even started working on the sketch. They should have used a different excuse like something came up but in my honest opinion, it’s downright disrespectful they couldn’t even be bothered to tell you before yesterday as they knew it was too late or even bother to come up with an excuse.
I wouldn’t be mad if my appointment was canceled last minute if something came up for the artist or there was a delay, but if I got a call after the artist pushed the appointment back saying they knew all along it wasn’t going to happen I would be mad.
I don’t care if they lied, sometimes a white lie is better than the truth.” User
13. AITJ For Not Thinking My Partner's Claims About An Unfair Work Environment Are True?
“My partner and I both work in the tech industry and both have 5 years of experience.
I have a CS/math degree and she has an electrical/electronics engineering degree.
I have been promoted to a senior level at my company and she has been promoted only once and is still a junior at her company.
She always complains about how things are unfair at all jobs she’s had (3 so far) and how she is not given opportunities, supposedly excluded from meetings (while still claiming she gets asked to take notes in meetings) and decisions.
She judges her coworkers for things they say that have nothing to do about work like when they talk about their wives and partners.
She and another woman once complained about a coworker for being rude in meetings and HR (which was dealt with by a woman) did not find anything wrong and dismissed their concerns.
She recently had a performance review and was not promoted and told that she needs to take on more challenges and told me that she does but is always told to hand over projects to other people when she starts them and excluded from the meetings.
I do believe that there is some sexism in the industry but I think she cannot blame everything on sexism and recognize that perhaps she has room to improve. She thinks that because she graduated with honors with a 4.0 that translates to industry performance. Her degree is also in electronics and is more hardware focused. I expressed this to her and suggested she follow her manager’s advice to grow and she got upset with me and called me a jerk.
I get her disappointment but I don’t think it is fair for her to expect me to just agree with everything she says.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You and she both have the same amount of experience in the industry, and she graduated with a 4.0 and honors so obviously she knows what she’s doing just as much as you do (if not more).
She is given projects that are then taken from her, not invited to meetings, invited to meetings to take notes (genuine question: have you ever been asked to take notes in a meeting? She isn’t a secretary, she has the same qualifications as you.), and her coworkers say sexist things about their wives and partners.
It’s bad enough that she and another woman made an official complaint to HR.
You seem to think your partner is blaming sexism even though by your own recount of her work environment, sexism is an issue. Which is no surprise, because you work in a historically sexist industry.
Instead of telling your partner to work harder or******* up, you should really try listening to her and providing support.” Sphalerite
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Were you asked to be the minute-taker in meetings? What about handing over your projects?
If she needs improvement then her manager needs to identify the areas she needs improvement and work on a development plan.
So her manager is either completely crappy or there is some truth to what she’s saying.
It’s interesting how you’re completely ready to infantilize your partner when you know she’s obviously bright and capable of learning stuff in your respective fields.
Why you have to research it is beyond me.
Look at your own 1950s attitude where you can’t just take her word for it and have to go research it for yourself… because what could a woman possibly know.
It’s precisely people who think like you that make the pace of progress infuriatingly slow.
Just get out of the way and you know support your partner.” SunMoonTruth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, because she is probably right and she probably is being held back by sexism. Second, because your role here is to be supportive of her and her career.
She is the expert on what’s happening at her work and you should be taking what she says at face value and offering whatever support she is asking for.
She is your partner and I assume her feelings matter to you. Understand that she is feeling undervalued and insecure at work and then when she talks to you, you are doubling that and now it is coming from the one person who is supposed to value her and offer her security.
You are failing.” ValleySparkles
12. AITJ For Teaching My Little Brother Spanish?
“I (17f) am my dad’s (34m) oldest kid, he and my mom were teen parents + not together for very long so I don’t have any full siblings. My baby brother Ben (2m) is from my dad’s marriage to his wife Eliza (33f).
My mom’s family is from Mexico, so while I don’t read or write in Spanish, I do speak it. I tend to sometimes forget a word in English and then replace it with its equivalent in Spanish, or sometimes I’ll switch languages because I’m thinking of one but trying to speak the other.
It usually happens when I’m not too focused, but no one has ever had an issue with it, and most people usually understand what I’m getting at based on context.
I babysit my little brother pretty often since my dad and Eliza work longer hours a few nights a week.
I don’t mind watching Ben at all because I love my brother, and he’s a total sweetheart. I’ve gotten into the habit of speaking to him and singing to him in Spanish. He really likes it, and I didn’t think he totally comprehended what I was saying but he’s clearly paying attention to my words.
The other night at dinner, Ben asked for more juice, but he said it in Spanish instead of English. Usually, when he speaks English, his sentences are two words at the most, but this was like a full-on sentence.
When Ben was in bed later, Eliza asked me if I had been teaching him Spanish.
I said that I’d been speaking to him in it, but I didn’t know that he picked up enough to be able to speak it himself.
She got mad at me and told me that I shouldn’t have taught her child anything without asking her permission first and that she wanted me to stop speaking to him in any language other than English from now on.
I brought it up to my dad later and he said that Eliza is his wife, so he supports her position, and that she’s also Ben’s mother so I should be consulting her when it comes to her child.
I mentioned it to my mom and she said Eliza is being ridiculous.
I feel kinda bad though. I wanna know if I overstepped or something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Sounds like you’re doing a lot of childcare for them though. If you’re the only one who speaks Spanish around him and his actual parents speak English and he is saying more in Spanish than English, it’s a really good sign that you do more parenting and speaking to him than his actual parents.
You didn’t intend to raise him bilingual but they would be foolish to stop it from happening as having a second language is a huge gift.
I feel certain that his parents are a bit embarrassed that it’s become obvious how much time you spend alone with him compared to them.” SweetErinyes
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a hired and paid babysitter; you’re his sister, so this is part of your relationship with him. I think you’re not only NTJ, but you’re giving him a wonderful gift. Being bilingual gives children a huge academic advantage as well as an advantage in life since they can communicate with more of the world’s population, and it makes it easier to learn future languages as well.
Don’t stop singing and speaking to him in Spanish, but see if your stepmother will look up some of the advantages and see what a wonderful thing you’re doing for your brother!” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is bonkers.
Kids who learn a second language earlier on have it easier later when they try to pick up other languages – so you are honestly helping in more ways than just child care. I’d venture to say she kind of lashed out because he hasn’t strung together a full-on sentence in English yet.
Jealousy is a hard thing to reckon with. Honestly maybe let things cool off then try to speak to her and your father with reason. You should not have to edit yourself around your family. They should be thankful for what you do for them.
They should also accept you as you are!
Anyways it sounds like you and your little bro have a great relationship! Hope you keep it up with him and this doesn’t affect it negatively.” lunaemespro
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister For Ruining My Vacation?
“I (24f) just traveled back to my home country to see my family. I’d planned this out separately with my other siblings as I wanted to spend time alone with them, and my sister (30f) had recently visited so it felt like perfect timing to go alone and get some quality time in.
I didn’t specifically do it to avoid her, we just don’t get along always, as with a lot of siblings out there. I let her know my plans a couple of weeks before, and she started arranging things to come on holiday at the same time.
I’ll admit I wasn’t thrilled, but it’s okay. I was just a little bit down as we butt heads on a lot of things, and we both have a short fuse with each other, so I knew we’d inevitably argue at some point.
We’ve been on holiday for three days now, and she’s been less than pleasant. Always making off-hand comments, ordering me around… silly petty things like don’t eat that, you can’t order that, no we can’t go there because I don’t want to, etc. I’ve been just ignoring it so far, but it built up quite a lot and I answered back this morning.
She was suggesting an onion dish that we should have for Sunday dinner, and it was something I’m really not into. Fine with me! I opted to have a different pasta dish for the rest of my family, no problem. However, as soon as my sister found out what I would be eating, she said it was unfair and selfish because she couldn’t eat both.
This ticked me off since she had suggested something she knew I didn’t like, and was now complaining that I was eating a different dish that she also liked. I suggested she had half and half, and she came back and told me ‘It’s not my fault you don’t like anything’.
Sounds offhand but that was the final straw, after all the other petty wind-up comments, and (unfortunately) in front of everyone I clapped back with ‘this was supposed to be MY holiday. I am the one who is supposed to be on holiday’.
My family went quiet, and my sister stormed out.
My mom told me I shouldn’t have said it, and my partner said I said the quiet thing out loud. Later on, my family told me she had been winding them up too, but I shouldn’t have said it.
My sister is now upset and not speaking to anyone and has said we won’t visit at the same time anymore.
She said she would come at Christmas, insinuating I would no longer be able to come. I’m definitely visiting my family at Christmas, and things like this won’t stop me.
I just need to know if I am the jerk. My mom is really upset which is making me think I went too far.
What is your verdict?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your family has their head in the sand. They want the appearance of pleasantness, so they put up with her bullying and look to you to suffer so they don’t have to address it. Your parents are weak in this aspect of life.
It is entirely acceptable for them to say ‘I love you but no, you will not behave this way’. But this isn’t their way and now inertia has taken over and they continue to perpetrate their offenses of omission.
You absolutely should have said what you said.
You are staking a claim to being treated like the way you should be treated, which is as a fully formed adult. You have a right to exist, and have the meals you want. I mean, she is 30, and still talking about you eating a meal you like ‘isn’t fair’?
Who the heck talks about fairness like that at 30? Maybe someone that is still fighting a battle that she didn’t win when she was 10?
You are unfortunately in co-dependency. Just because your mom is upset, doesn’t mean you are wrong. That was true when you were 3.
But not now. Let her be upset. Of course she will be upset, she can’t count on you to just be small, and take less for her sake. This is her problem to fix, not yours. And her mind will want to make it about you being wrong unless she goes to therapy to see that you aren’t wrong, you are simply being an adult.
And your mind will start to wander because we have unconscious beliefs that our parents know more than us and they are probably right… until we reexamine them and realize they are just some people that showed up first and they are just as wrong as the rest of us.
Finally, you need to put your sister on an information diet. She didn’t come home to have a great time with you, she came home to do battle like she always does. She came home to make sure your parents pick her over you because she is immature and insecure.
And it might stem all the way back to when she was 6 and you just showed up and they didn’t do enough to make sure she felt important and loved. Or maybe they did all they could but she just wouldn’t accept it. But definitely, you are NTJ.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s the boat rocker and everyone in the fam has been conditioned to just give in in order to keep the boat from rocking any more than she already does. Sadly, this has enabled her to just continue rocking the boat unchecked and she’s used to everyone else just letting her.
Your mom is unhappy because you addressed the real problem, your sister, and now your sister is rocking the boat harder which makes it less pleasant for them, and they’re blaming you for it, instead of addressing the ridiculousness of your sister.” Wilted_Peony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is so controlling she arranged to be there at the same time because heaven forbid people have fun without her. Talk to your family or at least mom. Explain that she is doing your sister no favors by playing her games.
She annoys people and pretending otherwise to keep the peace is teaching her to keep being a controlling jerk instead of working on herself. No family should walk on eggshells with one person to keep the peace or to have the whole family together. Screw that.
Don’t tolerate a bully for the sake of family.” redlippedvamp_69
10. AITJ For Not Answering My Dad's Mistress' Calls?
“It was just 2 years ago that my mother and I discovered that my dad had an affair and have a 12-year-old kid with that woman.
It was heartbreaking but my mom can’t really divorce my dad because she’s been a stay-at-home mom for years and she’s already old and can’t really find a job anymore.
I’m 23 and have only been working for almost 3 months now. I didn’t finish college due to falling into depression after the revelation of the affair, but no one can help me, my mom has her own problem and I don’t want to be financially reliant on my unfaithful father anymore, besides I’m an adult now.
And as an adult, I sucked it up and tried to get out of my depression as I look for a job.
Onto the topic, Dad paid a visit a few days ago. For some reason, my mom still loves him despite all of that so she welcomes him.
I work 7 am to 4 pm, 5 days a week. But since I don’t want to engage with that man, I didn’t come home till 8 in the evening. I didn’t talk to him much. He never said sorry or anything and tries to make simple conversation or ask about my life.
This man has been in and out of my life since I was 12 so yeah. I don’t really have a bond with him. At 9 pm, he left but he gave us a little cash (he haven’t given anything to us for a year), saying he’ll visit again.
After he left, I stayed in my room to rest and played with my phone, that’s when I noticed I had a few missed calls from someone. I didn’t recognize the number so I ignored it.
2 hours passed and I received another call from the same number.
I don’t really give out my phone number to be honest. And because of the scams that are going on I never really answer calls from unknown numbers except if I’m expecting a call from someone.
As expected, I dropped the call and went about my night.
Morning came, and I check my social media account for any messages from friends, that’s when I found a message from ‘that woman’ berating me for not answering my phone.
My dad doesn’t really have a phone so no one can really contact him when he goes out, except when he borrows a phone from his colleagues.
So the woman had been calling me to reach out to my dad who she knew went to visit us. She was calling me because her son got into an accident and they needed him for help. But since I’ve been ignoring calls the boy didn’t get treated early because they don’t have money to pay for an Uber or for the hospital. I don’t really care about her, but I’m not cold-hearted to not feel sorry for the kid.
I don’t accept him as a brother but I don’t blame him either.
I feel so guilty for ignoring the calls. If only I answered the phone I could’ve sent my dad early especially since I know that he was not coming back to his apartment when he mentioned he was going out for drinks with his friends.
AITJ for not answering the phone call?
I haven’t told this to my mom and can’t reach out to my dad or his friend because I don’t know which friend he’s with and I don’t have any contact info of his friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t know. You’re not obliged to answer your phone, particularly if it’s an unknown number. I don’t. Your dad should have asked if it was ok to share your phone number with her, then you would have known who was calling. And she could have texted explaining the situation when you didn’t answer.
This whole situation was caused by the fact that your dad chooses not to have a phone, which makes it harder for people to contact him. This is on him.” jenever_r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t the go-between for your dad and his mistress.
The first question is how did she get your phone number? If you have your number listed on social media remove it… And message her back and never contact you again for any reason before you block her on social media and on your phone… The mistress has a lot of nerve you don’t owe her an explanation about anything and it’s not your fault she can’t afford an Uber… she should have called an ambulance if her child was hurt.” RecentCharge655
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not answering your phone.
The kid is also NTJ, they didn’t ask to be born into this mess. Ultimately though they are not your responsibility and you had no reason to know that phone call was about that child being injured.
I feel for the child, but that child being without support makes your dad a jerk, not you.” laiks123
9. AITJ For Not Sharing The Proceeds From The Sold House With My Ex-Wife?
“My ex-wife (32F) and I (38m) were married for 5 years and after our first year of marriage, we bought a house. During the 4 years we were there together we had a son (2).
After 5 years of marriage, she asked for a divorce and stated she wanted to go back to her home country with a clean slate (no debt). So I assumed ownership of the house, car, medical bills, and credit card debt. I also got full custody of our son.
She got no alimony and no debt she had to pay off. A year and a half after the divorce I sold the house to move closer to my family. She found out that I had sold it and asked me for her share of the proceeds.
I told her no and that when we divorced she gave up all rights to that house. So some of her family think I’m wrong for not giving her any of the proceeds, AITJ for nor giving her any?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on the information provided, NTJ.
Your ex-wife willingly gave up her rights to the house, along with any claim to the proceeds from its sale, as part of the divorce settlement. It’s understandable that she might be disappointed to find out that you sold the house without her knowledge, but she is not entitled to any of the proceeds.
It’s important to stick to the terms of the divorce agreement and not give in to pressure from her family. You are not responsible for her financial situation post-divorce, especially since you were given full custody of your child.” anovelt
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion as a divorcee myself, you are absolutely NTJ.
I’ll explain: your ex-wife asked for a divorce so that she could move back to her own country. I assume there were (probably many) conversations about your little boy and the decision was reached that he would remain with you, thus making you the sole caregiver.
So she’s buggered off but now thinks that because you’ve sold the house she’s entitled to some of the proceeds. You haven’t said whether or not you were both paying the mortgage during your time as a married couple, but based on the fact that you’re not receiving a penny in support for your son, I don’t think she’s got any right to any money.
And her family has zero right to insert themselves into the discussion.
So, in summary: not the jerk.” DavidR703
Another User Comments:
“If she wanted the value of what she put into the car/house/the rest of whatever, then she should have had you buy it from her during the divorce.
Legally, it’s over. It’s been said and done.
Morally, it’s up to you. It wouldn’t be immoral to refuse, either. But you have to decide what you’re okay with. You have to live with the results.
Take into account that you have full custody of your child, she doesn’t have to pay any child support and was able to leave the country without any debt whatsoever.
You’ve also paid for all of your child’s food, clothes, entertainment, schooling, child care, and overall well-being since her departure.
NTJ.” Tenairi
8. AITJ For Not Being Comfortable With A Kid In The Room During Meetings?
“I teach at a private middle school. We have a resource teacher that advocates for students with learning disabilities and physical or mental health issues that may need a little extra help in school. She works with the parents to create an accommodation plan, advocates for the students with teachers, and has a class for them to do their homework with tutors, take tests, or catch up on things they missed in class.
This teacher has a daughter in 6th grade with cancer. The school changed her schedule so she has 2 core classes in the morning, a free period, her mom’s support class, then 2 more core classes in the afternoon.
During her free period and her mom’s support class, she usually naps in her mom’s office, which is right behind her mom’s classroom.
It’s usually not a problem but sometimes I or another teacher have to talk to her about one of her students and I don’t feel that it’s appropriate to discuss their private information when a student is in the room.
She and I recently had a meeting about one of her students and her daughter was sleeping maybe 3 feet away from me.
I asked if she could send her daughter to the nurse’s office or her classroom but she said no because she didn’t want to expose her kid to all of the germs in the nurse’s office and there was a student taking a test in her classroom.
She assured me that it was fine, her kid was asleep, and she was not going to hear anything.
I told her I don’t feel comfortable talking about this student in front of her daughter and that we’d have to postpone this meeting and either have it in my room, the library, or at a time when her daughter isn’t in her office.
She’s accusing me of using her daughter to drag the issue out but I just don’t feel comfortable having a meeting about a student with another student in the room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obviously this is a difficult and painful situation for all involved, the poor kid and it must be so hard for her mother.
BUT I do feel it’s unethical to talk about other students in front of a student, even if that student is asleep. What if she wakes up during the meeting? What if she isn’t really asleep, hears the information, and uses it against that student in some way?
(Not trying to imply the kid would really do that but an illness doesn’t automatically make you an angel so it’s something that needs to be considered).
I think her mother simply felt hurt and that you might insinuate that she is acting less ethically by having meetings next to her daughter, also this situation is obviously not easy for her in any way and she might feel you’re making it unnecessarily harder for her.
Nevertheless, the student’s right to privacy needs to be protected.” strawberryoverkill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were totally correct. It would be inappropriate for her to discuss students around her daughter. Doesn’t matter if she appears to be sleeping.
I would actually talk to your boss about this.
She is very obviously doing this with other teachers and that’s just not OK. A counselor at my high school put a bunch of private information in circulation through some similar crap. It’s just messed up. If you are in a situation where kids even might be confiding in you, you should really be treating them like actual people.
Your coworker clearly doesn’t.” admweirdbeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She needs to be reminded of the confidentiality agreement she’s breaking. If her daughter hears the wrong thing, this could lead to a massive issue. As in a job costing issue, if it went that far.
Today, people are extremely sensitive about things. So, if you’re talking about a confidential matter, and her daughter overhears and talks about it later, this is a very, very serious issue. Potentially career-ending.
One thing you should do is involve the administration in this matter.
They need to know due to the potential issues it could cause.” beaglebait68
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Bring Her Partner To My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in a few months, and I’ve been working really hard on planning the perfect day. My sister has been with her partner for about six months, and while I’ve met him a few times, I don’t know him that well.
I sent out invitations to my sister and her plus-one, assuming that she would bring her partner.
A few days ago, my sister called me to say that she and her partner had gotten into a fight, and she wasn’t sure if they were still together.
I told her that I was sorry to hear that, but I was looking forward to seeing her at the wedding regardless. She then asked if she could bring a friend instead of her partner, and I said that was fine.
Yesterday, my sister called me again to say that she and her partner had worked things out, and she wanted to bring him to the wedding after all.
I told her that I was sorry, but I had already given the caterer a final headcount, and there wasn’t room for an extra person. She got really upset and accused me of not caring about her happiness. I tried to explain that it wasn’t personal, but she hung up on me.
Now I’m wondering if I was too harsh. AITJ for telling my sister she can’t bring her partner to my wedding?
The friend is still coming and she wants to now bring both.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your expectation that she bring a +1 and be an adult and decide who it will be is totally reasonable.
If her friend doesn’t understand, they are a jerk friend. If her partner doesn’t understand that her plans moved on, he’s a jerk partner.
A sister’s job at a wedding is to help make your day as easy and awesome as possible or at the very least be a neutral guest who neither helps nor hinders.
She is failing by causing silly drama.
One option if you have the physical space to add a guest: Put it in her court and offer to let your sister pay the late change fee, added dinner, and any other costs associated with adding a guest at this point.
She should also pay you for the afternoon you’d have to take off work to coordinate the changes. See if her friend and her partner still have to come if it’s their dime. Make sure to say that guest number 2 goes wherever they fit in the seating plan because it would be unreasonable to ask you to redo that puzzle!” KoalaOriginal1260
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s flip-flopping about her date is not your problem. Your guest list and seating arrangements and catering have room for your sister and ONE guest. It’s firmly in your sister’s lap to decide whom to bring. Her choice is no reflection on you.
It’s a pity that she’s trying to make your big day about her. The best thing is not to engage in the matter anymore. You don’t want a petty squabble to overshadow the happiness and anticipation of getting married.” j4ckb1ng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a +1, which is standard and normal. I don’t see the point in her bringing another person in addition to her partner. I also can’t imagine being the friend, AKA an awkward third wheel who is effectively at a stranger’s wedding, assuming that your sister’s friend has never met you/doesn’t know you well.
What an odd request. If she doesn’t want to compromise by bringing only one person, she can make another seat available for her friend by uninviting herself.” lemonlady7
6. AITJ For Bailing Out Of My Sister's Wedding Because She Doesn't Care About My Comfort?
“My (24f) sister, Hannah (21f), is getting married in May. She’s been planning her dream wedding since before she was engaged and has a very specific image of what she wants.
We picked out the bridesmaid dresses in January and they’re all the same style but with different shades of the same color.
In late March, I was diagnosed with a condition that I’m going to be receiving treatments for via port until mid-June. Due to the port’s placement, the neckline of the bridesmaid dress I’m supposed to wear is extremely uncomfortable. When we went in for our final fittings, I requested that the neckline be made a little bit looser to accommodate this.
Hannah was annoyed by this request because, in her words, it makes the dress look trashy because all of the other dresses are very fitted and mine would then be a bit bigger on top.
I told her that if she wants me to wear the dress then it will need to be altered to be more comfortable.
I was then informed that my dress looking out of place will be something she remembers when thinking of her wedding. She said that I was being selfish for not sticking through mild discomfort for one day to help make her dream wedding a reality.
It hurt to hear that and, after considering my options, I pulled out of the wedding. I let her know and said that I’ll still come to the wedding and wear an approved dress, but, that I’m not willing to place perfect pictures over my own comfort.
This has caused a rift in our relationship and an argument among the wedding party. The maid of honor sent me a message chewing me out for pulling out a month before the wedding and I’m honestly not sure how to feel about the whole situation.
On the one hand, I feel guilty for not supporting my sister but on the other, I am hurt by her placing her wedding over me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And your sister has a b****y nerve to use the word ‘selfish’ over this.
You’re going through an illness serious enough that you had to get a port put in, which is deeply uncomfortable itself, but also usually means some form of chemo or other very unpleasant treatment on a very regular basis (they don’t bother putting a semi-permanent port into your vein unless they need access to it all the time).
As someone who is chronically ill, I can only imagine the discomfort you’re going through on a daily basis. The fact that you were willing to be in the wedding at all was lovely and thoughtful, and all you asked for was for your dress to not make you hurt even more than you already do.
I’m going to say it very bluntly: your sister’s response to you was childish and hateful, and even at 21 she is much too old not to understand what you’re coping with right now. More importantly, if she’s old enough to make lifetime vows to someone, she is old enough to understand that a neckline on her bridesmaid’s dress is the last thing anyone is going to pay attention to on her wedding day.
Shame on her. And shame on her maid of honor for ganging up on the bride’s sick sister over something so petty.
You are NTJ. They were very unkind, and there’s no reason to subject yourself to that when you’re already going through so much.
Not even for your sister’s wedding.” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I’d be worried that wearing too tight clothing over your port could cause an issue, like the port coming loose, the port causing damaging your vein, or an infection getting introduced directly into your bloodstream.
And to top it all off it would just hurt the entire wedding. Your physical health and your right to not be in needless pain trumps your sister’s ‘vision’ for her wedding photos.
It floors me how much dumb drama some people cause over wedding photos.
Especially since most people never display the group photos, usually it’s just shots of the couple that ends up on the wall, and all the rest of the photos are tucked away in the wedding album. This is such a non-issue.” DiligentPenguin16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked for minor alterations that would take pressure off your port. Bridesisterzilla threw a fit, along with her maid of honor. As someone who has utilized a port for several years, I know it can be very uncomfortable at times – especially in the beginning/or with pressure.
Wear your port, wear it proud! I’d honestly wear a strapless/one-shoulder dress to the wedding showing your port. If anyone asked about the port, or why you are not in the wedding party – tell them. Your sister would not allow your dress to be adjusted to accommodate your port.
As a paying parent, I’d pull back any extra things that I did not commit to. And trust me, her wedding won’t be picture perfect – up to her standards – something unforeseen usually happens. And that, the imperfectly perfect moments in life, are often the best ones.” Retirednursey
5. AITJ For Revealing What Coffee My Friend Drinks?
“I was having coffee with some friends, we’ll call them Ash and Beth. Beth is a huge coffee person. She has several different kinds of coffee machines and multiple different flavors and brands of coffee at her house.
I happen to see the bag for the coffee she was brewing that day and recognized it as the Bones coffee brand. While we were drinking Ash mentioned how much she loved the coffee and asked what brand it was. Beth replied it was a brand she found that can only be bought online.
Ash asked for the name again but Beth said she saw an advertisement for it on social media and she would just have to wait until she saw it herself. Ash who doesn’t really use social media was visibly agitated, so I told her it was Bones coffee.
She said thank you for telling me and the rest of the morning went by awkwardly.
Later that day I get a text from Beth saying it was a jerk move to tell her when she was trying to keep it a secret. She said coffee is her thing and she is allowed to want to keep something for herself.
I told her I don’t think Ash is all of a sudden going to become a coffee aficionado just from liking one flavor of coffee but Beth still insists I was in the wrong. I don’t see how telling a good friend the name of a coffee she likes makes me a jerk but maybe there is something I’m missing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There’s no good reason to withhold that information, she’s not protecting anyone or anything, it’s literally just to have a secret to lord over someone, that’s always (always always always) a jerk move that speaks to someone’s immaturity.
Call them on it.
I’d straight tell them there are two reasons to keep secrets, to protect someone and to be a jerk, so who is she protecting?” SaltyDangerHands
Another User Comments:
“Beth is definitely the jerk. Seriously – if Ash spent 15 minutes on social media after looking up ‘coffee’, Ash would get a Bones coffee ad.
I don’t even DRINK coffee, and I get ads for it ALL. THE. TIME. This is a ridiculously weird thing for Beth to gatekeep. Also, Ash could’ve probably googled ‘coffee that has blah blah blah on the bag’ and found out. This is not some kind of state secret.
Also, what kind of jerk wants to keep ‘good coffee’ for themselves? For Pete’s sake, I have a lot of good tea and I like to SHARE it and then I have excuses to get MORE TEA.
Beth needs a reality check.” esmerelofchaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your friend clearly has some serious insecurities and was keeping it secret for fear that you both only visit her for her coffee. She’s made this a part of her identity as a hostess and feels threatened by her friends being able to get the ‘good coffee’ at home instead of coming over.
I would consider reassuring her that you both love her and will continue coming over for coffee either way.” Broknhed
4. AITJ For Not Bringing A Gift Because They Said That No Gift Is Needed?
“I have twin boys who are nine. One of them received an invite to a birthday from a classmate. Since my boys are twins, I texted the parent and asked if my other son is invited also.
They responded yes absolutely.
I followed up and asked what the birthday boy liked as a present. The parent responded and said no presents are needed.
I, unfortunately, could not take them to the party so my wife took them. Apparently, everyone brought a present and my kids were the only ones who didn’t.
My wife and kids are still giving me a hard time because they felt awkward. My wife said social nicety should have dictated that we bring a gift.
I maintain that since we were given explicit instructions that no gifts are needed I don’t feel bad about it at all.
Am I or my family the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. They told you that you didn’t need to bring a gift so you didn’t. I would take that as the parent hinting that they didn’t want people bringing presents for whatever reason.
If your wife and kids think it’s such a big deal just go out, buy something, and explain the misunderstanding to the kid and their parents.” KrombopulosJeff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not uncommon for parents to not want gifts given to their kids because their kids already have too much crap and they don’t need another dozen toys.
You trusted and respected the parent’s wishes. You absolutely did the right thing.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The parents probably meant it when they said no gift was needed. Out of societal norms, other parents probably felt obligated to bring a gift or they may have not asked the parents and just assumed they needed to bring a gift. Your wife and sons aren’t jerks for feeling embarrassed in the situation.
You aren’t a jerk either. It is just an awkward situation that they were present, but you were unable to attend. So they had to deal with feeling embarrassed while attending the party and you didn’t. Especially if others at the party were whispering about it or looking at them strangely for not bringing a gift. No, we shouldn’t care what other’s think but that is a lot easier to say than do.” Such-Awareness-2960
3. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Husband On Buying Our Personal Shopper A Plane Ticket?
“My husband (43M) and I (43F) are frequent shoppers at a boutique where we’ve had the same personal shopper (PS) for the past few months.
She texts my husband pretty regularly when new merchandise comes in that she thinks I’ll like and is always absolutely sweet and helpful.
Yesterday while we were in the area my husband decided we should just stop in the store and see if there’s anything I liked. I picked out one pair of shoes knowing that it was all I needed. He however honed in on a few more items. Needless to say, what should have been a quick stop in the store was a bit longer and ended with him telling her how amazing she was.
On the way out the store manager (whom I had never met) stopped my husband to greet him and asked to be introduced to me. During that time, the district manager was also with her. So my husband took this opportunity to praise our PS to the two women, talking about how amazing she is and just really laying it on thick.
Now, here’s where I have the problem. Later that night as I was going through his phone to look for pictures of my daughter (it was late at night), I noticed a text pop up from our PS saying, ‘Oh you don’t have to do that!’ So when I clicked on the text I saw my husband was again praising her and in the text offered to BUY her a PLANE TICKET cross country because she had mentioned earlier she was hoping to see a relative there.
Even though the PS refused he kept insisting that he wanted to do it for her.
A few hours later I commented to him, ‘Hey can I see what (PS) texted you earlier before we came into the store? I want to see if she sent pics of the same products we viewed today.’ He said ok, but hesitated to hand me the phone.
When he did, I noticed the whole thread of him offering to buy her a plane ticket was deleted.
So I confronted him on it and said I saw it, so why was he holding it back from me? I pointed out omission is the same as lying.
He said that he just wants to be generous and thank her for all she does and knew that I would probably say no. I pointed out that the thank you was giving her our repeated business and being her loyal customer. I deemed this offer as completely inappropriate and even a little propositional in nature.
When I was a server in college I had a regular give me small gifts but always refused because my husband (then-partner) got mad and said the regular was likely interested in me. I never got anything as extravagant as a plane ticket though!
AITJ?
He thinks that it was an innocent gift of thanks whereas I disagree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re right, he isn’t just being generous in showing gratitude for her work, he’s trying to make a move on her. If he thought there was nothing inappropriate about what he was doing he wouldn’t have deleted it.
It seems like she’s not reciprocating his advances, so it wouldn’t be fair to punish her for his actions, but from now on probably suggest that communication comes through you, not him.” coppeliuseyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband doesn’t know how to appropriately handle a sales representative professional relationship.
He knows it’s inappropriate for you, so that’s why he hid it, but he obviously doesn’t see why it’s inappropriate in the larger picture. Like, if he wasn’t married, this is still borderline creepy/predatory behavior. It sounds like it’s not malicious but he is just not understanding why.
Personally, I would get a couples therapist for you two to help navigate this situation. It can be extremely helpful for both of you to get the perspective and guidance of a professional.” Wilted_Peony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, currently the woman isn’t either as she’s turned your husband down but that could change.
You should tell him that you want a new personal shopper. If he refuses, I would contact her boss and apologize for the ‘inappropriate’ non-work-related texts your husband is sending the employee and ask to change to a new personal shopper. This way the employee is covered if she is being put in a bad situation and it also lets her know that you know about the texts and are not happy about them.
This might take some of the temptation away from him.” Ladyvett
2. AITJ For Donating To My Sister's Chosen Charity Instead Of Getting Her A Gift?
“My younger sister recently celebrated her 26th birthday, for her birthday she posted a charity on social media and said that 2023 has been such a dark year for women that she doesn’t want any gifts because she wouldn’t even be able to enjoy her birthday and that she doesn’t want a party either that she just wants to raise awareness.
And that all she wants is for everyone to donate to this organization. She set her target to 2k. I saw that and donated $250 which is in line with how much I normally spend on her (I used to buy her clothes but recently I just send her funds on Venmo).
For what it’s worth, in my family, I am doing the best financially and my sister is in grad school.
I didn’t think anything was wrong, I Facetimed her for her birthday as well all was good and happy. Then three days later, she calls me and is like, hey did you forget to get me something for my birthday?
I was like didn’t you see I donated $250? She was like oh, yeah but that’s for charity, did you not get anything for me. I was like no. She got quiet and was like oh okay. I thought she was hurt but again thought we were good.
Then she calls me a day after and is like so you really aren’t getting me anything for my birthday? I was like no I spent $250 on your charity I am not giving you more. She then starts saying that I am being cheap and selfish, that that money was for charity and that she is my only sister, and that if she was in my position she would be generous.
And that I can afford to do both. I was like you said yourself you wouldn’t even be able to enjoy any gifts for your birthday, and I told her if you wanted people to do both then say it on your social media post. You don’t get credit for being so virtuous for not wanting anything else online but still demanding extra gifts.
She called me a jerk and hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and time to stop wasting that kind of money on your fake virtue signaling, entitled sister. Send a card from now on. She’s not your spouse, you don’t need to spend that kind of money on her every birthday.
It’s only made her grow more entitled and unappreciative. You gave her $250 and she wanted more and called you names when you didn’t. If she were my sister that would be the last day she received a gift from me.” skydork2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is awful. She publicly states she doesn’t want anything for her bday, she’d rather folks donate to charity. Then she hit you up and has the audacity to ASK you if you forgot to get her something. Is she not aware that no one owes you a gift, regardless of the occasion?
Not for bdays, Xmas, graduation, etc.
Then, the icing on the cake is she accuses you of being able to afford a gift for her and a hefty donation to charity. Your financial situation and what she thinks you can or cannot afford is none of her business.
She’s a brat and if she were my sister, she’d never get another gift from me for any reason. Instead, every time an occasion came around that called for a gift, I’d donate to charity in her name and tell her that was her gift.” lady_etiquette
Another User Comments:
“Okay, NTJ, But… ‘donate to a charity for my birthday’ is so random. Friends and acquaintances don’t feel the need to buy you things. Family still celebrates as they normally would. She was not clear in her expectations if she wanted her family to do differently, but I would definitely have checked with her before donating $250.
Checking in with her in person (text, call, zoom) would have saved a lot of frustration for both of you.” JacksNTag
1. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Not Reach Out To My Sister?
“Back in 2018, my sister made the decision to move out as soon as she turned 18 with her partner and never talk to our family again.
I can understand why my sister did this as my parents can be toxic at times. (They can be toxic physically and mentally.) What drove her away was when she was a few months away from her 18th birthday she was grounded for a month because instead of coming home after work she stayed a little too long talking to her partner in the parking lot.
My parents tracked her location when she wasn’t home right away and showed up at her job parking lot, they cussed her out and her partner and threatened to call the cops on him.
I still live at home as an adult because I am in college full time and I can not afford to live on my own.
(it does take a toll on my mental health) Anyways my parents found out my sister bought a house and they figured out the location of the house and are going to try to talk to her. Keep in mind they have tried to do this in the past and it never ends well.
It always ends with yelling and the cops being called.
My parents told me about how they know where she lives and talked about stopping by her house and talking to her and I said this was a bad idea because obviously she hasn’t tried to reach out so she doesn’t want anything to do with our family.
My mom started yelling at me, saying, ‘I’m inconsiderate of their feelings, and she’s my daughter, you don’t understand.’ They are saying I’m choosing sides and threatening to kick me out of the house, but I generally feel like they are starting unnecessary drama.
Should I not have said anything and let things play out? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“OP you’re NTJ, your parents are. They have no concept of boundaries and even if they do I highly doubt they are about respecting those boundaries. If they keep trying to contact your sister and start showing up at her house they’re going to have a restraining order placed against them by your sister I can almost guarantee it.
Your parents sound awful and I hope you are able to move out of their home soon as continuing to live with them is not good for your well-being.” ariesgal11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are absolutely right. Any interaction between your sister and your parents (based on past experiences and how they left things) is going to be crappy.
Nothing good will come of it. And I can understand a mother missing her daughter, but this is verging on stalking and harassing behavior. If the daughter wants nothing to do with the parents, the parents should leave her alone. Simple as that. I’m surprised the sister hasn’t gotten a restraining order on them yet.” StarryCatTTV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, perhaps you could act as a go-between. Maybe set up a meeting. I’m sure it won’t be successful, but your parents don’t want to hear ‘she is gone, accept it’. They want a solution. Find a way that works with your sister and your parents.
However, your parents don’t seem keen on going slow and steady. They don’t seem prepared to be humble, to accept blame for why things went wrong. They need to tread lightly.” BlackTransAm78
