People Spill All The Drama In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Keeping My Deceased Ex's Life Insurance Money Despite His Mother's Objections?
“I recently learned that my ex-partner passed away of cancer in March. His mom called me last week to inform me of his passing and to inform me that she and I are listed as beneficiaries on his life insurance from his employer.
She instantly tells me that she doesn’t know why he never changed it but I can decline or sign the cheque over to her once I receive it.
Instantly I am in shock, he’s gone? And he left me on there?
Why? I went back and forth wondering if this was on purpose or accidental.. it had been years, approximately 6 since we mutually civilly split up.
I was informed he had a new partner that lived with him and she has 2 kids from a previous relationship that threw a wrench into things more..
is there a reason she never got put on it? Was this all just a big mistake?
Today it has been 1 week and this has been very hard especially since his mom has been terrorizing me all week trying to get me to agree to give her this money.
She has said the most hurtful things and has sent me the most disrespectful photos and videos of her son in his last moments.
As of right now, I haven’t even gotten in touch with the insurance company, I have no idea how much this is or if I need a lawyer’s help at this point.
Well, today is the day I woke up knowing 100% I am keeping this money and I am not going to feel bad at all for helping my family with a gift my ex left for me.
Unfortunately part of me still wonders if it’s the right thing to do by my ex.. and if these were his wishes in the end.
A little info to add, my home burnt to the ground 3 years ago July 20th and October 1st 2 years ago my mom passed from cancer as well… it has been a long hard few years and this money would literally buy me new clothes for the first time in 3 years..
my little clan could really use this money and I think my ex knew that..”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly were not meant to be the beneficiary. This is obviously an oversight since you stated yourself that you had not spoken to him in ages, and broke up 6 years ago.
People don’t always update these things like they should, and he may have even forgotten that it existed. You should sign over the money to his mother and his current partner should receive a portion, especially since they live together and I’m sure she will have unexpected bills that she will now have to cover on her own.
People keep commenting that you have to update your beneficiaries yearly. This is absolutely not true for all companies and insurance policies. I worked as a state employee for 6 years and the only time I updated my life insurance beneficiaries was when I got married and requested to do so.” Trash_panda422
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You rarely get prompted with work insurance to update details and most of us just forget we even nominated someone in the first place. You haven’t spoken to him, there’s no hidden meaning in him leaving it to you – it’s clearly an oversight.
You say you’re guilt-free – you aren’t because you asked the question here – presumably to assuage your conscience. Sorry but the very fact that you are asking means you know you’re wrong and that it’s not what was intended. I may be in the minority – time will tell – but you know in your heart that it’s wrong, you want the validation of strangers and I would personally try to do what your own conscience is telling you.
If you genuinely believe it’s ok – and only you know him here – then that’s up to you. We both know you don’t though.” Coast-Prestigious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, like pure evil.
I thought this was going to end up with your SO still pining for you. Then I read about his partner who was a single mom and thought you were considering giving it to her instead of his mom, but nope, your evil, selfish self is keeping it for yourself?!
“Was this all just a big mistake?” I mean, yes, obviously, and you know that. You broke up 6 years ago, he’s moved on, lives with someone else, he likely hadn’t even thought of you in years.
Men, please please review your beneficiaries! I don’t know what it is about young men who think they’re immortal. You’re not, get your affairs in order because you just never know what trauma your lack of planning will put your loved ones through after your death.
I can’t even imagine the pain of his mother and partner watching an ex who didn’t even know he’d died walk away with his money.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Extended Family's Lunch?
“So my aunt and uncle are coming into town to visit for a weekend and I was planning on inviting them to a lunch (with myself paying).
My parents would be joining us too.
While on the phone with my parents today, the topic of the lunch was brought up and my mom mentioned that it would be rude to not invite a few other family members (who live here) to the lunch.
These family members are on the same side of the family as my aunt and uncle who are visiting. I told her that I was only planning on inviting the visiting aunt and uncle (and my parents).
My mom said that wouldn’t do and I responded with “in that case, I probably won’t be joining the lunch”. She said I was cheap and can “go eat my money” and that I valued money over family.
I pushed back a bit and said “just admit you only want me to come along so I can pay” and then she snapped and hung up the phone.
For some context, I make nearly double what my dad makes (my mom doesn’t work).
The extra family members that my mom said I had to invite probably would have only been an extra $100 or so, which wouldn’t have been a huge deal financially for me. But I just couldn’t stand the fact that my mom was forcing me to invite additional family members and then also have me cover the bill for them.
AITJ for not wanting to pay for the extended family for a lunch out together?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you’re the one who planned on paying, you get to decide who comes. Now, your mom could have said that she’d like to invite so and so along, as they are family that would like to see your aunt and uncle too, but she understands that you may not be able to cover all of those people so she will cover those additions (or everyone or additional people can pay for themselves).
To ask you to cover a whole mini family reunion’s worth of people is not fair.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“My BFF invited her sibling, sibling’s SO, and her mother to brunch. Her mother invited seven more people and told everyone that brunch was on her.
In the end, she told BFF to “get this” as she didn’t have any money, then sauntered out of the restaurant, stealing the tip off an empty table on her way past. NTJ.” My_Name_Is_Amos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is in the wrong here. You are hosting a few people for lunch. SHE is not the host. Therefore, she doesn’t get a say in who you invite. In addition, it’s rich that she’s calling YOU cheap.
She doesn’t work and doesn’t plan on contributing to the cost. That’s called mooching.” ElmLane62
19. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Jobless Mother-In-Law And Brother-In-Law?
“My wife and I have been married now for just over 5 years and we have an 8-month-old. My mother (60) and brother-in-law (24) were told in October 2023 that they needed to move out of where they were living end of December 2023.
My wife tried to help them then to sort it out, but it was told to her to, “mind her own business.”
Fast forward to early Jan 2024, and they end up on the street for 1 night in which my wife decides to fetch them and take them to places she organized for them for 2 weeks.
2 weeks later, they end up on our couch saying they will be out by end of January.
They do not have jobs, which obviously means no stable income. My MIL does random massages and my BIL does not work.
So our expenses doubled and they don’t bat an eye.
The end of January comes long and they cannot move out and there is no desire to look for work and both of them just sit on the couch 95% of the day.
After multiple conversations, arguments, and disagreements and them making excuses, my BIL gets a job end of April and my MIL is still just sitting.
Currently, I am thinking about moving out because I am done with this.
But I gave them till the end of June to pack their bags and leave.
AITJ for wanting to kick them out?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, as an alternative if you can afford it, as soon as possible, take them to an affordable extended stay hotel and pay for a couple of weeks stay.
That way there is a real deadline and it will be the hotel kicking them to the curb and not you. Then you need to have a serious conversation with your wife.” Key_Plastic_3372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I did this myself with my sister. She was living with my mother. Lifted absolutely not one finger around the house to help our mom, and contributed nothing. Not working despite the fact that she has an occupation in which she earns mid-six figures.
Just laying on the couch watching TV and sleeping, surrounded by filth. My mom was about to have a nervous breakdown. I stepped in and gave my sister a deadline that included a clear date and time for moving out and what the consequences would be if she wasn’t out by then (I’d be stopping by and loading her stuff into a van and putting it in storage myself).
She was VERY angry with me, but she did get out before the deadline. It was hard to do, but I had to choose between my elderly mother’s health and safety and my sister. My sister may have been having mental health issues, but I felt that unless she took steps to address it herself, there was nothing I could do and I couldn’t have her drag an elderly woman down with her.
It seemed like some tough love was needed.” Mimila1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, tell her she needs to get a job so she can support her mother and brother when you and the baby move out.
That you are no longer living with her family and they aren’t good influences on any child so you will be asking for full custody since your wife is unable to put her family before extended family.
Hopefully, that will scare wife into taking action and siding with you.” wlfwrtr
18. AITJ For Considering Not Calling My Grandfather After His Sexist Comments?
“I come from a very old-school Italian family. Men are at the top, they do the speaking and are dominant. I was raised in the United States and “think I’m a man”.
I am unapologetically loud and boisterous, make my opinions known, and don’t let anyone in my family belittle me just because I am a woman. My grandfather has always liked that about me, he loved how spicy I was and my sense of humor.
I don’t know if he is getting more conservative with age, but lately, he has been making comments that I talk too much, even though I know I do not talk half as much as my father and uncles do.
They will literally dominate the conversation and I’m used to them telling me I talk too much because they say that as a way to just dismiss me when they want to have a man talk and get annoyed that I am voicing my opinions when all the other women are silent.
Today he said something that really shocked me. We were talking about a massive win I had at my job and how proud I was of myself. I saw him making the hand gestures that I was talking too much, which was very surprising because I had just started describing the win.
When I saw him making those motions with his hands I stopped talking and stared at him, and everyone turned to look at him. He said “you should have been a lawyer, people would leave the room just to stop listening to you”.
I just laughed at him and kept talking, but after thinking about it, I don’t know why I should continue to go out of my way to call him every week. He is literally estranged from many of my aunts and uncles because of his behavior but has never been cold to me lately.
I know if I tell my family they’ll tell me I’m being petty and I guess I am. But to me if he thinks I talk too much and people would leave the room to not have to hear me, why would I go out of my way to call him and chat with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this situation. I will add that it’s possible you are exhausting to be around, based on how you wrote this post. Also, it’s a red flag when anyone, male or female, says they like to “make their opinions known”… But again, NTJ in this instance.
You’re free to “make your opinions known” to everyone, your grandfather is free to complain about you expressing your opinions so freely, and you are free to stop talking to him because of it.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry OP. Misogynist bullying from family hurts, but it’s worse when it comes from people you didn’t expect to hurt you like that I would recommend giving yourself some time to cool down, and then when you’re ready, confronting your grandfather with how much he hurt you and give him the opportunity to apologize.
It seems like your relationship with him matters to you, so it’s worth at least giving him the chance to make things better and actively put the ball in his court. But it’s not your obligation.” RysnAtHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a 21 y/o woman born, raised and currently living in Italy, your relatives are not being “old school Italian men”, they’re being massive misogynistic jerks. Yes, the conversations can get loud and ranty, especially during family meals, everyone seems to interrupt each other to voice their own opinion, but EVERYONE does it, men, women, if the gnocchi could talk they would do it too!
They are just using “being traditional” as an excuse to be jerks. For your grandpa, I would absolutely do as you said, it might be petty but it’s justified…. if he asks why are you not calling him as much, just say “I thought you wanted me to talk less and I did.”” S0ul_arts
17. AITJ For Telling Extended Family That My Parents Blame Me For Being Bullied And Forcing Us To Move Back Home?
“I (17m) have a stutter. It’s pretty bad and worse whenever I’m anxious or going through heightened emotions in general. People find it hard to understand me. It was always hard for me to be comfortable talking around new people and it was very few people I would say much to or around.
It was just too embarrassing and people weren’t always kind.
When I was 8 my parents moved us to another state. It was really hard for me. I was upset about the move and my parents scolded me for reacting negatively instead of positively and they were dismissive over my fears of talking around so many new people.
They told me it was the best thing for our family and I needed to give it a real shot and turn my attitude around because being so down about it wasn’t fair to my siblings (all younger) who deserved to have a fun and exciting move.
The move was honestly terrible and how miserable I was about it was cemented when I started being bullied on my very first day of the new school in the new state. One kid heard me speak to the teacher and he was mercilessly cruel about my stutter.
Kids called me ‘(redacted) Red’ because of him, the nickname sticking for 8 years and it wasn’t just him that bullied me but other kids joined in too. Any time I came close to making friends the bullying got in the way.
It got really bad in high school and my mental health suffered as a result. My siblings could be just as bad, sometimes even calling me the nickname because they said I was so miserable that I deserved it.
There was an incident last year and my mom’s parents got involved and told my parents to send me home to them, my parents refused, and it became a back-and-forth fight and in the end, my parents moved us back home.
But my whole family resented me for it. They would comment that I never did anything to make the bullying better, that I wanted to be bullied so we could go home, and they said I shouldn’t have let the bullying get as far as it did.
But I told my parents and they did nothing. I told the school and they ignored it except for a couple of bigger incidents. Heck, even my siblings adopted the nickname so what was I supposed to do?
Things with my family were so bad and when we had the whole extended family together for the first time, talk went to us moving back after so long and it was clear my family wasn’t happy with the move back and they were asking why they were acting like it was such a big deal. My dad told them only one person wanted this move and for the most ridiculous reason too.
They asked what that meant and I said they blame me for being bullied which forced us to move back. My parents yelled at me to leave the table and my siblings started complaining about me being a “slur”.
Everyone was yelling after that and my parents told me after I had no business saying what I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This doesn’t sound right. Why’d your whole family have to move back after 9 years?
Your parents could’ve just sent you to live with your grandparents, where you’d be protected. There’s another reason they were willing/had to. Will your grandparents allow you to live with them for a few years?
That could help your mental health. Has anyone tried to get you help for your stutter/anxiety? See if health insurance will help with the cost? Please look into it.” Livvysgma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your family seems like your biggest bullies.
And I’m glad that you have some people fighting for you. Being bullied by especially your family sucks. And the fact that they chose to bully you instead of help you from the time you were young is just disgusting of your parents.
I really do hope you get to move in with some other family member. Being upset with you for a stutter is one of the most childish things your family and those kids from high school can do.
I wish you the best.” Direct_Set8770
Another User Comments:
“Almost nobody at 8 years old wants to move. We moved when I was 6 and my parents bought me Bedtime Bear from the Care Bears cartoon to help with the nightmares.
It’s NORMAL to stress over a move as a child. Also, what in the blue blazes were you supposed to do to stop people from bullying you? Beat them up? Because that would have just gotten you in trouble too.
It was on your PARENTS to stand the line with the school and stop this. It was on your PARENTS to shut down your siblings. NTJ. Quite frankly your household seems downright toxic to you if not downright abusive to you.
(Emotional abuse is a thing.) Stay strong and move in with your grandparents or other family the second you can and possibly cut your immediate family out of their life. They have been treating you like crap for years over things you needed support on and were NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
I wish I could give you a hug.” KimB-booksncats-11
16. AITJ For Confronting Parents Who Illegally Park In Disabled Spaces At School?
“I (38F) am a mother of one (M9). He and I and his other mother (42F) all have invisible physical disabilities. The disabled parking permit in my car is registered to me – the only one who can drive – but either of the others is eligible for one and could get it if there was a need to.
It is a constant ongoing source of annoyance and anger to me that other parents park in the disabled parking spaces outside the school when they do not have a valid permit. Aside from the obvious moral issues, this is also illegal. You can be fined a significant amount if caught doing this.
I have complained often and at length to teachers, and the school’s administration (I think they fear me approaching at this point) but they say (correctly) that all they can do is educate. They put out notices, they put up signs.
I understand where they are coming from when they tell me they aren’t in a position to enforce the law – they’re not cops.
It’s very often the same few people who do it, and I’ve often thought about saying something myself, but never have, until today.
My partner happened to be with me (which is not usual) when I picked up my son today, and there was no disabled space available because a woman was parked diagonally across TWO spaces – one of them disabled only.
She was not one of the usual suspects, and she was still sitting in her car, so once I had my son, I told him to go to the car and wait with mummy. Then I approached this woman and had the following verbatim conversation.
“Excuse me, ma’am. Do you have a disabled permit?”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well. No I don’t, but I have 3 children, and I don’t want them to walk too far along the road.”
She then rolled the window back up.
I was at this point absolutely furious. I went to my car, and grabbed my phone, went back and took a photo of this lady’s number plate. Not necessarily with the actual intent to report her.
Just so I can if I want to, or maybe the realization that it’s a thing I CAN do would remind her it’s against the law.
In the other disabled space, also parked illegally, was a woman who does it all the time.
She called out for me to “Get lost, jerk!” and “stop harassing her”. I didn’t feel I was “harassing” her. I spoke to her one time, and then took one photo of her number plate, which took like ninety seconds all up.
My partner says I didn’t do anything wrong.
But I am second guessing myself because there were stacks of parents there and no one weighed in on my side, but someone did on the side of the woman blatantly breaking the law?
It’s not one of the big ticket laws or anything – she’s hardly a murderer, but it’s a law that’s got an obvious reason. I thought surely most people can agree you don’t park in spaces meant only for disabled people.
Am I the jerk? For the conversation? The photo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there is no permit, there’s no permit. As I’m sure you are aware, not all disabilities are obvious, so checking for a permit before acting is the right thing to do.
Perhaps call the police non-emergency number and explain the problem. They may be willing to come at pickup time at the school all by themselves and deal with these obnoxious women. Especially the one whose special snowflake children can’t walk to a regular parking space, yet everyone else’s children obviously can handle it.” EvilHRLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People parking in disabled parking bays without a permit is an absolute pet hate of mine and I’m not even disabled. I actually have a heap of printed notes in my car that say “Selfishness is NOT a disability!” Every time I see one of these jerks I photograph their car clearly in a disabled bay, leave a note on their windshield, and report to the police.
Every single time. Forget those guys. You need to throw away your fear and do it OP. In the event it does come back on your son then report that too. Be relentless. Some people only learn respect the hard way.
You’ve tried asking nicely, you gave them a chance to do the right thing, now it’s time to go hard.” Outrageous-Ad-9635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my country, having a disabled parking badge means that – if accessible parking isn’t available – you are permitted to park on double yellow lines (“do not park here”) as long as it’s safe.
If your regulations are similar, I would use that to park as close as you need in areas that usually aren’t permitted. Try to pull back from confrontation though – they’re so entitled that arguing doesn’t do any good, and you don’t want to fight in front of the kids.
Discretion also cuts down on the chances that your kid will be bullied because you got someone’s parents into trouble. Instead take a discreet photo or two that shows the registration plate, lack of disabled badge, and position in the parking space, and then build up a record that clearly proves how often you are unable to use disabled facilities because other people are abusing them by illegal parking.
Maybe even talk to a lawyer about how best to get results – I suspect the best option may be to try and set up a meeting between you, someone from the school board, the principal, and someone from the local traffic enforcement.” Normal-Height-8577
15. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Siblings While My Parents Are Out Of The Country?
“I (19, female) have many many younger siblings. My parents have 10 children total, me being the oldest. For most of my life I have had to take responsibility and help them, and sometimes it got unmanageable. I guess you could say I have oldest-daughter syndrome.
But overall, I love my siblings, and for the older ones, they can take care of themselves for the most part
My parents don’t normally leave the country but lately, a relative of my dad’s passed away and they have to go back to Austria soon to attend the funeral and other things like that.
Neither I nor my siblings knew them well so we are not attending, plus travel costs.
Things came into conflict when my parents told me that my closest brother (16) and I would be taking care of my siblings alone.
All of them. We suggested anything. Hiring someone, bringing in a friend of my parents, anything really. But they turned it down. They are solitary and don’t like the idea.
I told my parents that I was in university and my brother was in high school and we have a large amount of responsibilities we need to meet right now, especially with the end of the school year.
I was quite stern when I told them this, which may have been very rude of me. I was very staunch in the fact that I would not be taking care of them because it would cause unnecessary strain on me I was unprepared for.
While it is not absolutely impossible, I know I will be doing the majority of the work since I am the oldest while also having my own things like university. By the end of the week when my parents come back I probably will be completely burnt out and exhausted.
We have no relatives in this country or any other family members and are hesitant to bring friends into the house.
I really don’t know what to say. I feel like I’m overreacting and perhaps being selfish for not wanting to care for my siblings especially since it’s an emergency and just a week.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Their request is ridiculous. You’re barely an adult yourself, and they want to toss the load of childcare, 8 younger siblings, for a whole week, on you and your underage brother???
Even if you’re old enough to do adult tasks, your brother cannot take on the whole load at any point you’re in class or are otherwise temporarily unavailable. Don’t agree to it, and don’t let them decide to make your brother the sole caregiver either.
Your parents are giant jerks for having that many kids and trying to force two teenagers to do their jobs while they leave the country for a straight week. Not even the city, or a state, the whole country.
You are not selfish at all to refuse that deal.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“One of the consequences of having 10 children is that you don’t have the flexibility to travel to this sort of thing.
They made that choice, to have those children, and this is how it goes. You are not the one who chose to have the children and it’s not really ok to force the care of the children on to you, especially when it can impact your own future.
You should have the opportunity to build a life for yourself, just as your parents did. I don’t understand why your parents are hesitant to bring friends into the house. What is that all about? For people who have large families, often having a large social network of other, like-minded people, is one of the ways they make it work.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“Ask your parents the following: What’s the backup plan if OP is too sick to take care of the younger siblings? What if the family vehicles need a tow or expensive repair while overseas?
What if one of the minor kids needs to go to the doctor or ER for injury or illness? Have they left you documentation giving you permission to authorize medical care? What if something goes wrong with the house?
How do you pay and who do you call if there is a flood, blocked drain, electrical issue, heat or AC, etc? Make sure to write down your schedule for that week of classes and exams when your phone must be off and you cannot be disturbed. Same for the high school-age brother.
Ask who will respond to the kids during those times. NTJ – this is a completely inappropriate ask by your parents both developmentally (no offense but no 19-year-old is ready to be 100% responsible for nine younger siblings) and it will impinge on your exams.” Unhappy-Plant-3836
14. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Leave Because They Criticized Our Lifestyle?
“I’m upset so I will get right to the point. My husband and I both make well over six figures. But we work long hours and as a result, when we are not working or at the gym working out, we just want to veg out.
So, we (when not working) will generally make breakfast but order out lunch and dinner or go out to eat. If we are working, we eat out all three meals. Our loans are paid off, we own our condo, and we have no children.
So, eating/ordering out makes us happy. We also have a cleaning lady come twice a week to clean our home and do our laundry.
Our parents came to visit and were upset that we didn’t cook for them the whole week except for breakfast (we took the week off because we both knew both sets of parents were coming).
We told them we don’t cook except for breakfast but our condo is right next store to a plaza that has a grocery, and they are welcome to cook if they like. But there were quite a few restaurants that we have yet to take them to so why not try one of them?
They got on us on how much money we were spending, and my mother-in-law got on me when the cleaning lady came and said I should be doing the cleaning because she worked and cleaned and took care of kids so she doesn’t get why I can’t.
Which upset me so I went off and told her “Because I’m not superwoman, have no desire to be and refuse to try and if she wants a participation trophy for being overworked and underpaid, she can head to the bar and have a shot of Jameson.” I then told her and my parents that I did not spend 4 years in college and two in graduate school to play Florence from The Jeffersons (it’s an 80s show that my parents love to watch).
So, they went on to complain about how much money we were “wasting”. My husband told them that it is not their money it’s ours and we don’t consider it a waste. We told them the last thing we want to do when we get off from work is cook and clean.
My husband told his mom that he never understood why she would work herself to the bone like that even when he and his sisters tried to pitch in and help, she insisted on doing everything herself.
I told her I will not be doing that.
So, they went on about an emergency fund. We told them before we started living the way we do we made sure our student loans were paid off and we each have a year’s salary saved up plus investments, so we are good thank you.
My dad tried to be intrusive and ask how much money we both made, and we said, “None of your business!!!” at the same time, which made us both laugh but they were not laughing. They didn’t like our reaction and felt we were wasting money.
We told them if they have a problem with our lifestyle, they could all leave. So, they ubered to a hotel. We really didn’t want them to leave just to drop the subject.
So, are we jerks for telling them they could leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you are living a lifestyle they simply can’t understand. You’ve been smart with your money – didn’t have a bunch of children to pay for – have good educations, good jobs.
It sounds as if you’ve tried to explain – without giving them info that is none of their business. You went a bit far with the ‘you can leave’ as they did not have much choice at that point.
When you talk to them (eventually) just tell them (nicely) that your finances and what you spend are NOT up for discussion. My son and daughter-in-law have a lifestyle similar to yours – and unlike your parents…I am SO happy they are able to enjoy life without worries about finances.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You invited your parents into your home, they were comfortable, you were making them breakfast and treating them to meals, I assume at decent restaurants. You assured them that you are financially accomplished and secure, and they were still being critical and instead of calming down when you laid a very basic ultimatum for people who were disrespecting you in your own home, they chose to leave.
There are apologies owed here and they are overwhelmingly from your parents. If my children were doing well enough to be debt-free and able to hire a housekeeper and invite me for a vacation, I would be jumping for joy, not crabbing at them to do their own laundry.” EclecticSpree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s okay for parents to tell their children, “my house, my rules, and if you don’t like it, you can leave,” but it’s not okay to tell parents the same thing when they’re being wildly rude in a home that isn’t theirs?
I think asking them to leave was significantly kinder than what could have been potentially said or done. Why they thought any of your choices were any of their business is beyond me. They completely ignored you proving your success and stability for one small choice they didn’t approve of.
Honestly, I’d love to eat out more if it was in my budget. Saving time, energy, and money, and not having food accidentally go to waste sounds great and you can spend more quality time with your partner.” HolyUnicornBatman
13. AITJ For Moving Out, Going No-Contact, And Not Attending My Mom's Wedding?
“My mom (39F) and I (19F) have always had issues with each other. However, I’ve been away at college for the past year and completely independent. I have paid for my own dorm housing, car payments, and any other living expenses.
There have been no points where I reached out to ask for anything. But in between moving from my dorm to my apartment, there was a 3 month gap where I didn’t have a place to stay so my mom let me go back home for the summer.
I was eager to find a job or internship to stay busy and contribute to household expenses. Yet, my mom insisted I take a month off to relax, only to hit me with a list of chores and expectations out of nowhere.
Walking the dogs at 7 am, 12 pm and 7 pm, doing all the laundry for everyone living in the house (2M, 2F), deep cleaning all of the bathrooms in the house, sweeping all floors, vacuuming all floors, mopping all floors, and what she referred to as the “daily tasks” of errands she would need me to run and extra chores she would want me to do.
She expected me to complete the list in its entirety every day of the week too. And when I tried to negotiate a compromise, she shut me down and said that I would either cooperate with the list or move out immediately.
So I got all of my stuff packed and left the next morning. I’m now living with my dad and staying no contact with my mom despite her attempts to reach out and meet up with me.
The issue is that she has her wedding with my stepdad planned for a week from now. I don’t plan on going. This is their 3rd time getting remarried and I don’t really think it’s something special I’m missing.
I’ve gotten numerous messages from both her, her best friend, and my stepdad. My mom is asking me to meet for dinner and talk. My stepdad is telling me they miss me and ‘families fight sometimes but we have to stick together’ and my mom ‘will be broken’ without me there.
My mom’s best friend is asking if I will be there since she’s arranging the event.
I’ve only responded to the best friend one time, stating that I wouldn’t be attending the wedding.
She responded with a story guilt-tripping me about how she lost her mom when she was 24 and never forgave herself for the memories she missed out on.
I haven’t responded to any of them now.
I still do not plan on going to the wedding and I do not plan on staying in contact. There’s a lot more history with my mom, and I’ve been considering going no-contact for a while but there are not enough pages in the world to write that story.
I’ve felt pretty confident in my actions but I also have anxiety so of course now I’m overthinking everything I’ve done and wondering if I’ve made the right decisions. So a couple of questions here…
AITJ for moving out?
AITJ for not attending the wedding?
AITJ for going no-contact?”
Another User Comments:
“”Wow. I’m sorry you missed out on memories with your mom. My problem is that I have lots of memories with my mom, the most recent of which is when she deliberately manipulated me in an attempt to force me into being her slave and then threatened to make me homeless, knowing that I no longer had access to the options I would have had if she had been honest. Thankfully, I was able to escape with the support of my real parent.
I do find it interesting that you only reached out to me when she wanted something from me, and not when I could have used help.” NTJ. Your mother is clearly not remorseful for her despicable behavior, otherwise, she would be taking responsibility for her actions and assuring you (either directly or through her proxies) that she understood and accepted your refusal to go, but that she hoped someday she would be able to make it up to you.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went NC with my mom and older sister when I was fourteen. When I was 15 1/2, we started interacting again, partially because of the guilt-tripping of my family, but also because that was when my oldest nephew was born.
It was not great, because nothing had changed, and she didn’t see anything wrong with what she had done. My mom had been sick for my entire life, and she died almost exactly a year later.
Don’t believe your mom’s friend. Like most people, I do have some regrets in my life, but I have never regretted this. It’s painful to even have to come to that decision, but learning to walk away from something like this is among the most valuable things you could ever do for yourself.
And maybe she will understand, and maybe she will get help to make it right at one point, but you are not losing anything that hasn’t already been lost by allowing this to keep going on.” FlatConclusion8847
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not “missing out” on spending time with a toxic person, especially if what you’re really missing out on is “second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse”.
So what if she’s your mom, by the same logic you’re her child. I wish bystanders would put some decent thought into what could have happened that the result was you doing NC. Speaking from experience, it’s hard to come to terms with having a parent so toxic you go LC or NC.
I found “The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists” by Eleanor Payson helpful, especially for putting words to my experiences and the dynamics that I grew up with, with a toxic mother.” Suspicious-Duck-1288
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Didn't Include Me In My Grandfather's Funeral?
“I (17F) am in a happy home with both my parents (49F and 56M) still married. I’m an only child.
But our biggest family problem is my parents’ in-laws. My grandmother on my dad’s side tried to take me as a baby since she always wanted a daughter but my dad was her only child. And my grandmother on my mom’s side has always hated my dad for existing.
My grandfather on my dad’s side was neutral. But my grandfather on my mom’s side was a heavy drinker who couldn’t stay faithful. He was married 9 times before he died and each time was unfaithful to his current wife with his next.
But I loved my grandfather to bits even if he had flaws. He made up for them in many ways and I will always be grateful for that. But things went south for him a few years back when he married his last wife.
She was addicted to pain meds and gambling. Forced him more booze to keep him oblivious from her deeds. She took all his income and gambled that and his car away. In a year’s time, my grandfather went from still looking human to a pile of bone and skin that couldn’t even stand up.
Two years ago during one of my exams, my mom got the call that he was sent to the ER and a few minutes later died. Everyone was crying and my heart was truly broken. I was bawling my eyes out and the next day I sat at a desk with a test I couldn’t write.
I failed the test and took the bus home. When I got home it was abandoned. I know my mom took the day off work due to her emotional situation and my dad took a day off to support her.
But no one was home. I stayed up late worried sick only to find out my entire family attended his funeral without me. They waited till I was gone and then drove to do the preparation.
And I was left in the dust.
We’ve been to his house after his death once or twice but I still don’t feel as though he’s dead. My parents are blaming me and calling me names for feeling the way I do and my mom still feels as though she’s the only one who has the right to feel upset.
My friends and family all pick my parent’s side and say it isn’t that big a deal and I should get over it. So I want to know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I won’t pass judgment but I will say that what your family did was awful.
My great-grandfather died when I was 10 and no one would tell me that he had passed but I was an observant child and knew that he had passed despite all the hush-hush around me. I wasn’t allowed to attend his funeral because “I was too young” and 30 years later I still hold resentment for what they denied me.
I don’t dwell on it, but whenever he is mentioned that resentment bubbles up to the surface, it’s probably the only thing I can’t forgive them for. We all need a chance to say a final goodbye to a loved one who has passed. I’m sorry they denied you that.
I hope you can find the time to visit where he was laid to rest and say your final goodbye, it won’t be the same, it won’t change how you feel about your family but it will help you and your grief in losing him.
Condolences.” Beautiful-Way-2259
Another User Comments:
“Grief is different for everyone. You have the right to be angry at your folks, but they may have been doing it for your benefit in their minds. There are special grief counselors, or even your school counselors who can help you get past this and work through the anger and resentment you feel.
There is no right side to this, no reason to prolong your grief or continue discussing it with your family, it’s not helping you process this. Your friends may not really understand the depth of your feelings on this anyway.
My GM passed and I was unable to go to the funeral, and it took a while for me to remember she had passed. BUT, I was there when my mom passed and I still think ‘oh I’ll call and tell her…’ so maybe you would feel like he was still with you anyway, even if you had gone.” Knit_pixelbyte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’m so sorry for your loss!! Your parents are treating you horribly! You’re absolutely entitled to feel sad that your grandpa died, and it’s incredibly disgusting that your parents left you out of his funeral and had the audacity to say school was more important!
I wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly on that test either if I were in that situation and I’d likely take a day out of school entirely (yes, grief/mental health is an entirely valid reason to stay home from school for a day).
You were denied closure that you 100% deserved, and I’m so sorry that happened! Take care.” jdlauria1
11. AITJ For Not Seeing My Dad During My Exam Period?
“I (17M) am currently taking my A-levels in the UK (for context, these are the end-of-school exams, and are probably the most important tests of my life).
The exams last for 4/5 weeks, and I have 9 papers.
My dad messaged me this morning asking if I wanted to go out for lunch today – my parents are divorced, and I live with my mum and see my dad whenever we arrange something, typically once a week.
I said that I couldn’t, that I was sorry but I have a paper on Monday and I’m spending all weekend cramming.
My dad was upset, saying that I don’t spend any time with him, and only value my mother as a parent.
I don’t know how to explain to him that I haven’t been spending any time with her either – I don’t think he’d even believe me.
I don’t know if I’m the jerk for not seeing him?
These exams are very important, but I do feel bad that my dad doesn’t get to see me often and acknowledge how difficult it must be for him. I arranged to have dinner the day of my last exam in two weeks, but he still seems annoyed?
Any advice would be great.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is the adult and parent of this relationship so if he wants to spend time with you he can come and sit with you while you study or even study with you.
You do need to take breaks so that you don’t burn out so maybe take up his offer for lunch but ask him if he wouldn’t mind picking up the food and you guys can eat together at your house during a study break and then you can get right back to it.
It’s never your responsibility to make sure your parents are spending enough time with you, it’s always always always on them to make the time and put in the effort. Good luck on your exams, try to stay relaxed and remember that you’ve been prepping for this for a while, you got this!!” SeniorAd5565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ultimately you have to prioritize your future and exams are super important. I’m sure he misses you and wishes he saw you more, but he can also reach out more than once a week if that’s the case.
The burden of forming and maintaining a relationship should fall on the parents, not the child. I would be curious to know how far away he lives and the dynamics of that. You aren’t studying every waking moment of being awake.
That’s not a good way to consolidate information anyway. You do have to eat as well. Maybe in the future, you could suggest him coming over for lunch for like 30 minutes to an hour instead of going out.
If your family situation doesn’t allow for him to be in the same house, then maybe you could go out and sit in the car with him with some sandwiches and talk. It’s not ideal, but at least everyone wins then.
You get to have lunch. Your dad is happy he got to see you 30 minutes out of your day.” mlwirtjes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was not the right time to get into this. He should understand that.
It sounds like this is about a lot more than this particular time. It sounds like pent-up frustration from years of your mom getting a lot more time than him. I’m guessing he lost about a year of seeing you at all during 2020 because you were locked down with Mom instead of him, right?
That makes it even worse. He’s never getting that year back – a situation my brother is in with my niece too. Now, they’re reaching the finish line of raising you, and seeing you even less is probably going to start happening soon.
It’s a normal time for him to reflect on exactly how much time he lost out on with you because of the divorce. He’s dead wrong to do this now, but address the issue once school is complete.
For now, don’t give it space in your head and focus on your tests and papers. Good luck!” Pale_Cranberry1502
10. AITJ For Subtly Kicking The Chairs Of Disruptive Teens At My Brother's School Performance?
“So just last night, my (19f) partner (19f) and I went to go watch my brother’s school performance. All was going well until we got seated. These 4 kids who were 2 years younger than us sat in front of us.
They were obnoxious and loud, constantly yelling out stupid remarks like “Oh my god! Is that Peter Pan??” Whilst looking at a picture of Peter Pan (the play was about Peter Pan). I actually ended up responding “no it’s George Washington” but of course they ignored me as they were just doing it to be stupid which in itself was rather annoying.
My partner and I ignored them choosing to focus on the show but that got even harder to do as they apparently knew one of the kids that were performing so every time they saw this person they would start standing and throwing gang signs in the air trying to grab this little child’s attention.
Mind you they were around 16/17 and the kid was like 10 or 11. They were also constantly giggling and sitting on top of each other. Occasionally they got up and started fighting over whose chair they wanted.
Eventually, I got tired of this and began to subtly kick the chair in front of me.
Not hard but repetitively. They didn’t notice at first but then began scooting their chair forward so I would not be able to reach. They also started complaining to their friends who kept looking between me and the chair.
I of course just ignored them and watched the play as I kicked. I told my partner what I was doing, and he was giggling at the fact that they could disturb people but couldn’t handle being disturbed themselves.
At some point, this like 7yr old kid saw me kicking the chair, we made direct eye contact and nodded. He then joined in, kicking their chairs as well. I was waiting for them to say something, but they ended up just being quiet for the rest of the show, so I kind of got what I wanted. I stopped kicking once they quieted down.
However, I kind of feel like that might have been a little unnecessary, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t mention that you told them to stop it and to be quiet.
I assume you did that. If you didn’t you would be with e s h. Annoying them silently was a good option if you stopped kicking after they behaved.” Pastafarus
Another User Comments:
“They don’t seem (from your description) like the type of kids who can be reasoned with using words so telling them to stop probably wouldn’t have worked. Giving them a taste of their own medicine usually does though and it did for you.
Since you stopped when they did, NTJ.” Chevy00marks
9. AITJ For Telling My SIL To Stop Asking Me Questions About Kids She Doesn't Like The Answers To?
“I’m a teacher and sometimes because of this, my SIL (husband’s sister) will ask me questions about kids that she never likes the answers to. For the most part, it’s focused around kids and blended families because she and her husband have made one and there are things they question that she then expects me to give more insight into supposedly, but I feel like she wants validation and gets mad when it doesn’t happen.
I’ll list a couple of examples:
Her oldest kid’s teacher sent home a message on his school tablet. The message was addressed to the parent specifically and not the parents. She was upset to learn her son had asked for it to be addressed that way vs to the parents.
She asked me if that was something kids would normally do instead of letting it be “to the parents of child”. I told her my school handled it differently but I know from some teachers who used to send home actual notes, that they did encounter some kids who would specify even if they had an active stepparent.
She told me that’s abnormal and I said it’s something teachers encounter. I told her I get corrected if I say parents to a kid instead of parent sometimes and I learn not to do it.
She told me that was utter nonsense and kids don’t really do that kind of thing.
Her older two kids and her stepkids all use step and half exclusively and they never use brother/sister for siblings, not full bio.
She asked in the context of school do I hear this often and I said yes. I said I hear kids use step and half for siblings and it’s about 50/50 in my experience. She refused to believe it was that frequent and that the parents don’t put a stop to it.
She accused me of lying.
Context on SIL’s family: SIL had two bio kids when she met her husband. Both of them have different fathers. Her oldest kid’s father died 5 years ago and they broke up during her pregnancy, she and her second kid’s father broke up when both were still pretty young.
Her husband has three kids. One from a college partner and two from his ex-wife. Together SIL and her husband have two kids together. So they are very blended and there are some other parents involved. More so with her husband’s exes.
The kids range from 14 now down to 3.
I have taught second and third grade so younger kids generally. Because her older kids and stepkids were younger when the families blended she comes to me. But I’m tired of her answering questions she doesn’t want the answers to or doesn’t like the answers to.
So when she asked me a question last week I told her to stop asking questions she doesn’t want the answers to. She told me I should be willing to help out and I’m wrong to say whether she does or doesn’t want the answers.
My husband told her I was right and she always takes it out on me when she doesn’t hear what she likes. But other members of their family feel like I should just keep answering her questions and apologize for saying what I did (she told them).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SIL doesn’t have to like the answers, she is totally the jerk for arguing with them – how on earth can she think she’s “right” about your actual experience, and I’m actually really mad for you that you are feeling forced to apologize for what you witness every day as part of your job!
Seems like your husband has your back, so stand your ground on this, and maybe just grey rock by saying “Every family is different, I don’t think my experience on this is useful to you” and change the subject, rinse, repeat as required?” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my mom is like your SIL. She wants to pretend the world is perfect and that everything is fine. But the reality is that it’s incredibly difficult to have a blended family.
It takes real effort on everyone’s part to make it work and it sounds like your SIL is not up to the tasks. It’s easier to bury your head in the sand than to face the harsh reality that her kids may not be happy in their blended family.
I would turn her away if I were you. “You should consult an expert” (which they should definitely do, these kids need therapy and help). If she has issues, put your husband on SIL duty.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have something similar going on with my IL but I’m a vet so the questions are about pets. They didn’t like my answers (you shouldn’t give chicken bones to dogs and yes, you should give shots to your cats) till one time I had to cut the visit short, went to the car and my husband went back inside to shout to all of them that I’m a great vet and if I deign myself to answer one of their questions the only possible answers is “thank you, Doctor, for your knowledge” (we’re called doctor in the country I live).
Since then, if asked, I answer “it depends”, “it’s a complicated subject”, “I haven’t seen your pet, I don’t have all the facts nor have your vet report so I can’t know for sure” and finish the conversation there.
If the animal has some health issue, I point at it (a limp, ticks, weight changes… these kinds of things). They always say it’s not there (it’s almost funny when I’m pointing at the actual tick) and I always say “well, I do see this symptom” and drop the subject.
Not my hill to die on.” CardoconAlmendras
8. AITJ For Booking A Solo Vacation Because My Husband's Leg Pain Prevents Him From Traveling?
“My husband has had this leg pain on and off for a year that no one knows why. The doctors, p**************s, etc all can’t figure it out. So far it caused him to stop exercising and walk the dogs but otherwise, he is mobile (going to work on a Friday basis, shopping, traveling for work last year, and plans to travel for work this September.)
We had a vacation booked to the Galápagos Islands next week that I was excited about but he told me last week he is uncomfortable going because of his leg. I compromised and said what if we just go to a resort?
He’s still uncomfortable but finally, after a lot of fighting, he proposed we drive to a cottage nearby. This was supposed to be a two-week vacation but he wants to shorten it to a week because there isn’t much to do locally.
I disagreed, I hadn’t had a vacation in 7 months and after weeks of will I won’t I go on vacation I just booked a tour for myself. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Where in the leg is this leg pain?
To be honest it sounds as if he has done the worst thing possible to deal with his pains. He has given up and stopped doing a lot of things which will cause his leg muscles to weaken.
Personally, my response to an unknown leg pain would be more exercise rather than less. NTJ just because he doesn’t want to do anything doesn’t mean that you need to curl up and die because he has a sore leg.” naraic-
Another User Comments:
“Good luck with that. Sounds like you think he is faking leg pain? If he is, he deserves to stay home by himself. If the pain is real, he may feel bitter towards your solo vacation.
For me personally, I don’t think I would be able to enjoy a vacation if my wife was not able to attend, for medical reasons.” Much_Injury_8180
Another User Comments:
“NTJ since sometimes he works normally and functions normally, so it won’t bother you if you both go on a vacation unless your activities there require some physical stuff then that might be what he is worried about, but other than that I can’t see any reason he can’t go on with that planned vacation.
Also, you going alone might not be a good idea but if it will make you happy then you can do it, as long as you both agree with it and can cause no big harm to your relationship.” Cheymai_
7. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Accidentally Achieved My Dream Goal In My Own Hobby?
“My partner (28M) and I (27F) have been together for about 18 months and recently signed a lease to move in together in 2 months.
This is the first time either of us has lived with a significant other and we’re both pretty excited about it. We have different hobbies and I’ll admit that he’s better about showing interest in my things than I am with his.
My biggest hobby is dragonflies. I’m part of a non-profit in our state that works on studying, identifying, education, community outreach, conservation, etc. Yes, huge nerd stuff I know. My partner isn’t nearly as interested in dragonflies as I am, but he’s great about listening to and embracing my enthusiasm for them.
I finally convinced him to come with me to one of our community outreach/education events this past weekend.
These events are mostly geared towards kids and getting them outside and interested in nature. We give them nets and turn them loose to try and catch dragonflies then help identify them.
This helps us collect data for what kinds of species are in different areas.
I was working the identification booth at this event and told my partner he should grab a net and see if he could catch anything.
He’s seen me chasing dragonflies with nets before and always makes jokes about how funny I look trying to catch something that is flying erratically so I kind of wanted to see him try.
He went out into a prairie with a group and came back maybe 15 minutes later with a dragonfly in his net.
He had the biggest smile on his face and was so proud when he brought it to me to identify it. Seeing him embrace my hobby like that and enjoy it made my heart so happy.
But when I looked at the dragonfly to identify it, I was shocked. It was a very rare species. So rare in fact that it had never been recorded in our state before. Ever. This is a huge deal in the dragonfly community.
It’s called getting a state record and it’s something that people who study dragonflies their entire lives never achieve. Getting a state record is one of my biggest goals in dragonfly study and he accomplished it in 15 minutes.
Obviously, this became the talk of the event and my partner was getting a lot of attention from my colleagues in the non-profit. Some of them made jokes to me that I should have been bringing my partner to these events a long time ago.
Not going to lie, it made me feel like crap.
On our way home, he was still excited about it and telling me how cool it was. I tried to be excited for him too and hide how I was really feeling, but he must have picked up on it.
He asked me what was wrong and I kind of snapped at him that he just accomplished something in 15 minutes that is one of my biggest goals and something I will probably never do.
He got defensive and told me that I’m the one who begged him to come to this event and that I’m being a jerk for making him into a bad guy simply for doing exactly what I asked him to do.
I know I should just be happy for him, but I can’t bring myself to that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I totally understand why you feel hurt by this, and you’re valid to be a little upset, but it wasn’t your partner’s fault and it’s not fair to take your feelings out on him.
If you don’t feel happy for him right now that’s okay, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be snapped at, especially because he probably came along to make you happy. I don’t have any expertise in dragonfly identification, but it seems pretty cool to me that you were the one to identify it, even if you didn’t catch it, if he had caught that and you weren’t there he might have just let it go, so it’s still a pretty impressive thing to be a part of, hopefully, you can come to see that with time, but for now I think you owe your partner an apology.” Insect-Plenty
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, he listened to everything you told him to do, tried to show interest in your hobby, and had zero control over the results. He doesn’t know anything about dragonflies, didn’t know it was rare or anything malicious.
If a different person in his group had found that dragonfly and all the focus was on them, would you feel that way about them? That you’re so passionate about dragonflies and their conservation but then don’t want to celebrate what sounds like an exciting and important find?” dark-toast
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. He showed an interest in your hobby and you sent him out with a net in the hopes of embarrassing him. Instead, a rare dragonfly happened to fly by and he caught it.
He didn’t catch it maliciously. It just happened to be there. And now you’re mad at him because he got some recognition from the vast, worldwide dragonfly community. If you hadn’t sent him out with a net so that you could laugh at him, perhaps you would have caught that butterfly and gotten your face on the cover of Dragonfly Monthly.” Fresh_Sector3917
6. AITJ For Reporting My Co-Worker Who Kept Touching My Hair Despite My Requests Not To?
“I (MtF 24) work at a supermarket. There’s one guy in particular who is a bit of a jokester and seems to like messing with people.
He’s probably about 60 or so.
Last shift I felt him pull on my hair. He’s done this before while comparing me to Samson from the Bible. I didn’t say anything at the time, just let it go because he’s old and a bit weird.
I have kind of a thing about people touching my hair though, and especially someone I barely know, it’s just weird and uncomfortable to me, not to mention he pulled hard enough for it to hurt.
So I asked him politely not to do it anymore. I don’t mind him messing with me in other ways, I explained, just not touching my hair. He instantly started mocking me, saying things to the effect of “ooooohh I’m a woman, don’t touch my hair”.
Again, I decided it wasn’t worth it and let it go.
Then about 30 minutes later he comes up to me and starts arguing with me that he didn’t pull my hair. I tell him he did, because I felt it, but he explains no, he actually flicked my head with his finger.
Now I can see this, I think what happened is he flicked my head, and his finger caught in my hair, it’s quite thick and I wear my hair in a pretty tight ponytail.
So I tell him I believe him, and to let me explain.
He interrupts me multiple times, telling me emphatically that he didn’t pull on my hair. I put my earbuds back in and bring it to my manager when I get a chance. She then talked to his manager.
I wasn’t going to take it to management until he started interrupting me and not letting me explain what I thought happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and absolutely, you should take it to the management.
Deliberately flicking your head, or pulling your hair, or even touching your hair after you’ve told them not to – that’s not a small thing. You should take it to the management when that kind of thing escalates, and I’m glad you did.
And by “escalation” I mean that OWG doesn’t stop when he’s asked nicely. That instantly takes it over the line from “jokester” to bully. I hope Old Weird Guy stops. Or quits. Either one.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“Ah, yes, I know this one … I’ll bet the next one will be “no-one has ever complained before” 1) times move on, old man, and a b****y good thing too (I’m in my 50s btw, I remember early in my working life most management would have just laughed this kind of thing off/called you over-sensitive about ‘banter’) 2) your boundaries are yours, and if no-one else has them, that’s not your problem, he is old enough to restrain himself 100% NTJ.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – report this and if it continues, he should be fired for creating a hostile work situation. This is way beyond the bounds of what is acceptable employee behavior. If your HR does nothing, seek an attorney.
Document the times and what he does when he interacts with you if it isn’t in the course of your normal work as well. I am sorry you are at this place and this is definitely not on you.” catstaffer329
5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Gym Contest Winnings With My Partner?
“My partner and I frequent the gym together. The gym was hosting a contest for a $100 gift card, to enter you have to post a pic and tag them.
It’s a simple little contest and I had told him we should each try and submit to it, not thinking I even had the chance of winning. Lo and behold, I posted a picture of us on my account, and he never submitted anything.
Today, I was announced as one of the winners. I was excited to tell him I won. At first, he was too but the tables turned when I mentioned getting some stuff for my sister. She is getting into the gym and doesn’t even have a lot of the essentials like a bag or headphones.
He seemed upset and called me selfish for not sharing the gift card with him since he is in the picture. I mentioned splitting it 3 ways but ultimately I don’t think I have to share it with anyone.
I feel like, I won so I can spend the gift card however I’d like.
Side note in the past for Christmas his family has given US gift cards with large sums. Most of the time we share them, but there are a few times he used the card all for himself.
I see this as the same issue but not selfish. To me, not a big deal, I assume I was only included in the gift by association anyway so there was no harm in him not sharing.
I truly cannot understand where he is coming from, and what would have been a sweet score has now turned into a burden.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He sounds like he’s being a bit too entitled and demanding over this.
It’s really not something to get too upset over. But I also don’t see why you are so adamant about not splitting evenly with him either. Yes, it’s posted to your account, but it IS a photo of both of you.
You may not have even won if he weren’t in the photo. I think it’s fair for him to feel a bit used if you entered a contest with him and then kept the prize to yourself.
It sounds more like you entered it TOGETHER, you just happened to submit one entry and he didn’t submit the second one.” Jazzlike_Property692
Another User Comments:
“I feel like he’s technically right since it was a pic of both of you that won and you should have offered to split the winnings with him.
If you want to use your half on your sister, that’s fine. That said, he’s throwing a massive hissy fit over $50, which I’m sad to say is a laughable amount to get upset over these days.
And based on your comments about his previous use of shared gift cards, I’d say you’ve got yourself partnered up with a selfish baby. You’re not the jerk. Keep the gift card for you and your sister.
Consider finding a better person to partner with.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for spending the gift card on yourself or whatever you want to use it for. However, you shouldn’t expect that he uses gifts from his family “for both of you” equally on both of you.
As far as I’m concerned, those are in reality gifts for him and if he gets you something small with the gift card, that’s plenty. When considering if this is fair, ask yourself if your parents get him valuable gifts for the holidays.
Also who pays for gifts for his parents? I bet that he pays and puts your name on the card. This situation is like that.” asecretnarwhal
4. AITJ For Banning My Mentally Ill Mother From My Kids Until She Seeks Help?
“My mom has had an undiagnosed mental disorder for years now, which includes thinking she is getting married at the harbor and illegally boarding someone’s $4 million yacht repeatedly, thinking she is being followed and driving her car into the restricted area of the county jail for “help” which got her arrested, thinking her phone has been cloned, hearing voices, etc.
I have tried to persuade her to get some help so she doesn’t have to live with this torment, but she insists she is fine. So I told her she is not allowed around my children until she does get help.
I don’t want my kids around that or hearing her talk like that in person or on the phone. She has repeatedly shown up at both of their schools. Both school personnel know what’s going on so they don’t let her in, but today she showed up at the beach while my 6-year-old was there on his field trip.
I had to go pick him up and bring him home.
Now my kids are being directly affected by this, not being able to participate in school activities and it’s not fair to the school staff to have to constantly take time away from other students and tasks to deal with her almost daily.
I don’t know what to do about this….”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Psych nurse here. She very likely has schizophrenia. And she doesn’t sound like a danger to herself or others at this point, or gravely disabled, which is the criteria in my state to do a 72-hour hold.
She could even be homeless and not be gravely disabled as long as she is eating, sleeping, and meeting a minimal hygiene standard. It is not a crime to be mentally ill or mentally ill and refuse to see a psychiatrist or take medication.
Many, many people are psychotic, delusional, and/or paranoid and hold down jobs. You’d be amazed.
One woman worked as a secretary before telling her family she had known she was Jesus for a whole year.
They did convince her to seek professional help but it was a fixed delusion, that is one that she wasn’t giving up regardless of medication, therapy, etc. She pretty much kept her delusion to herself and continued to work.
I’d keep careful watch and not let your kids around her when you see her start slipping into her delusions. Unfortunately, your kids may become part of her paranoia and she may try to take them “to save them” from some scary person only she can see.
I would never let her alone with the kids and have strict rules with the school that she is never to take them, pick them up, go on any field trips, etc and you are to be called if she gets crazy, and to call the police if the situation escalates.
You’ll have to explain to the kids, at an age-appropriate level, about mental illness and how sometimes Grandma’s brain just doesn’t work right. Good luck to you. Mental illness is very tiring for the family to deal with, especially with a family member who won’t seek medical care.” BargainHunter333
Another User Comments:
“Oh, I’m so sorry. This sounds awful, especially if she’s figuring out about field trips. Do you know how that might have happened? It seems as though locking down that information would be good (if possible).
Others have suggested a psychiatric hold or restraining order, and both of those seem like good ideas (if possible). I’m sure you realize that this can escalate into kidnapping, so getting expert help/advice is pretty urgent.
NTJ.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk! You are being a very good mom. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this and it sounds like you are breaking a cycle of trauma by keeping your kids out of this situation.
Good job Mom; you are putting them first. I understand why you might have survivor’s guilt, but it sounds like you’re doing everything you can here. This situation is really hard. The fact that people with mental health problems can’t really easily get help is not made easier by our legal system.
You could try applying for a conservatorship, but I would sure understand if you didn’t want to.” FindAriadne
3. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Unauthorized Guest To The Landlord?
“My (F20) roommate (F19) is moving out of our apartment but decided to allow her friend (F20) to stay in her room for about 2 weeks because she needed a place to stay.
My roommate explained to me that her friend had nowhere else to stay, so she was going to live there in place of her for 2 weeks while she found somewhere else to go.
I felt really uncomfortable with this. I had never met this person before and didn’t want a stranger to be in my apartment, so I was entirely against this. I said as much, but she told me essentially that it was her room and she could decide what to do with it, so no matter how I felt she was letting her friend stay.
In our lease, however, no overnight guests are allowed for over 3 nights in a row, and there is absolutely no subletting. So I went to the office and explained the situation. The roommate’s friend was promptly kicked out of our property.
My roommate is pretty mad at me for doing this, and I feel conflicted. I don’t want to leave anyone with nowhere to stay, but at the same time, I feel I have a right to feel comfortable and safe in my own apartment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did not know this person. Your roommate doesn’t have the right to break the rules, especially when she is taking no risk while you are taking all the risks.
This unknown person could have invited anyone over. Plus, in some places, she could have become a tenant. And what would you have done should she have refused to leave?” MercuryRising92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason that apartment complexes have that stipulation is because the unnamed tenant can assume/establish residency rights and it’s a huge pain in the behind to get them legally evicted (minimum 3 months in most areas).
They probably would evict you and possibly try to assign some financial responsibility to you. Most “amateur” landlords don’t know this and they end up trying to use the police to evict the new unnamed tenant.
They are never happy when police tell them it’s a civil issue and they have to legally evict them. They get angrier when told they cannot do anything (shut off utilities/change the lock/block access) because that would be criminal and they could be arrested.” MotoKenji25
Another User Comments:
“I think you should have told your roommate you would go to the landlord, but NTJ. You are allowed to not want the disruption of a subletter, even before considering that you don’t know this person and it is not at all clear that she will be able to leave after 2 weeks.
Roommate isn’t just breaching her contract with the landlord — she’s breaching her contract with you too, and knowing that you were not in agreement with her she told you she would proceed to breach the contract.
You are within your rights to enforce the contract.” FindingLate8524
2. AITJ For Leaving My Parents Behind When They Missed Our Cruise Departure?
“I graduated from high school back in December.
As a gift, my parents got me a cruise. It was also for my 18th birthday. It was also a family vacation. We usually stay at all-inclusive resorts but I have always wanted to go on a cruise.
I told my parents it was different and that if we went on excursions we had to follow the schedule no matter what.
Well, it was a week-long cruise and they would not head back to the ship when I said it was time to go.
They were busy shopping and bargaining with the locals. I finally said that I was heading back to the ship. My mom waved me off.
They missed the departure. By a lot. Like 45 minutes. They got ahold of me through WhatsApp.
They wanted to know why I didn’t get the boat to wait for them.
I wanted to scream that they were not going to inconvenience 3,998 people because two could not understand what a schedule was.
They ended up having to fly to the next port from there and it was expensive.
They are angry at me for leaving them behind.
I don’t know what I was supposed to do. They literally told me that they knew what they were doing.
I wish I had never asked for this.
They are making me miserable because I left without them.”
Another User Comments:
“What precisely do they think you could have done? Kidnapped the captain? Staged your own drowning? You didn’t abandon them, they abandoned you, don’t let them weasel word this around to being your fault in any way, shape, or form!
I’m really sorry your parents have ruined this for you. It’s pretty pathetic of them to blame you for their extremely easy-to-avoid deliberate bad decision. They owe you at least two apologies, one for ignoring your sage advice in the first place, the second for behaving like spoiled 4-year-olds.
NTJ and I really hope you make your parents read this thread.” The_Coaltrain
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been on a half-dozen cruises in my life. On every single one, the information about returning to the ship on time was: listed on the tickets, announced in welcome/safety announcements, on a placard in the room, and prominently posted when you disembarked the ship.
Your parents are adults… There is absolutely no excuse for them to claim that they were unaware of this extremely basic rule of cruising. On top of that, you even warned them when you were off the ship, and they chose to disregard you.
And now they have the nerve to blame you for not magically having the authority to override all of the ship’s policies? NTJ.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“They wanted you to miss the cruise with them?
What are they? Children? That would have been even more expensive needing one more flight ticket. Besides, all your belongings were on the ship I assume. At least someone was on the ship to hand over all the information, like updates on if the ship has a delay.
What the next stop is and where exactly? They wanted you to suffer the consequences of their mistakes? They already left you stressed about being on time yourself, then waiting for them and missing the boat, not showing up on time.
18 is still kinda young, barely an adult to be left alone on a big ship. If they wanted you to miss the boat along with them, they should be the ones making guidelines like, what if x, what do we as a group do?
You were very clear you were returning to the boat. You did nothing wrong. They should apologize to you instead.” Individual-Table6786
1. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's Wrong To Blame His Ex For Their Son Not Accepting His New Wife?
“My brother has a 7-year-old son with his ex. They divorced 2 years ago and my brother is now remarried. My brother and his ex share custody of their son.
SIL has been in their lives for 18 months and living with them for 10 months. In March my nephew had to draw his family for school. He drew his mom, his maternal grandparents, my brother and me, my husband and our daughter.
He did not draw SIL. My brother and SIL quizzed him on this and he said SIL isn’t his family so he didn’t draw her. They told him that was wrong and SIL is his family, she’s his bonus mommy and he has two moms now and not just one.
My nephew told them no and he ran to his room crying. He didn’t change the drawing or add SIL to it.
My brother immediately blamed his ex for this. He decided there was no way my nephew could just not like SIL or not be close enough to her yet to count her, it had to be his ex.
This led to him starting a fight with her and filing for full custody but they never made it to court because his reasoning was weak. My brother and SIL decided my nephew needed counseling and got him in after a month and after one or two sessions Mother’s Day came and went and there was another “incident” because my nephew didn’t call SIL on Mother’s Day or make her anything.
This was also my nephew’s mom’s fault according to my brother.
Then last week my brother spoke to the counselor my nephew sees and she told him she didn’t believe his ex was involved in this.
He dismissed her opinion and came to vent to me. He basically shut out what the counselor said because he wants to believe his ex is to blame. I told him he’s wrong to blame his ex without any proof and that he should be open to other possibilities for why my nephew feels the way he does.
He told me I’m stupid and naive if I think it’s not his ex and he explained how amazing SIL is and how it can’t be her fault (I never claimed it was). He asked what kind of sister I am when I side with his ex over him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He sounds like the jerk to me. You gave him your honest opinion. You didn’t say it to hurt him or your nephew. And there is always more than one side to a story that involves more than one person.
It sounds like your brother wants to blame his ex for everything. I’m betting he blames her for the divorce? The kid sees things the way he sees things. And basically, he’s right. He’s old enough to know that stepmom is not his mom, why should he give her something for Mother’s Day?
That’s most likely no one’s “fault” it’s just how it is. You might let him know that vilifying your nephew’s mother to him is not going to win stepmom any points in the nephew’s book, it’s just going to make it worse.
Maybe your brother should be going to counseling with.” cordelia1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because your brother is full-out hogging that role!! His attitude about this will affect his son and it is making him feel like he has to choose between his parents.
Your poor nephew! I hope that he figures out he’s got to be a team with his ex in raising their child and that parents need to be advocates for that boy above themselves. And stepmom hopefully knows being a mom is earned, because parenting is a verb, and until she’s earned it she gets to be a valued member of his dad’s life and then the child’s life.
The toll of this type of behavior can be steep and your nephew is the one that holds the bill. I hope your brother can take a step back and see that, and with time everything should fall in place.
Your nephew will just have more people that love him, and yes maybe some great bonus parents!” Technical_Flight6270
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe try one more time with your brother: “Brother, it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault – not SIL’s, not ex’s, not yours, not nephew’s.
Your wife can be the most amazing person in the world. That doesn’t mean nephew has to feel that she should be his mommy or bonus mommy. He would probably feel the same about anyone from Mother Teresa to Princess Kate to Mary Poppins.
If you keep focusing on nephew has to feel the way you/SIL expects him to, then you will be the one who keeps poisoning all of the family relationships – nephew/you, nephew/SIL, you/ex, SIL/ex.
The one relationship you probably won’t spoil is nephew/ex. Because she will be the only parent he sees actually listening to how he feels and caring to work with him/support him as you all navigate building a blended family.
You don’t have to like being told that nephew can think and feel differently than you, but you darn well better believe it and learn how to accept that.*”” swillshop
