People Speak Their Mind In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Asking My Friend For A Screenshot Of The Expensive Movie Ticket She Bought For Me?
“I was planning to watch a movie with a friend, she texted me asking if she should book tickets online. I agreed and was on board immediately. She texted me back saying she had booked the tickets and I owed her $25.
I thanked her for booking the ticket but was a little surprised since movie tickets typically don’t cost that much (not that I can’t afford it, I just haven’t paid that much for a ticket).
Anyway, I told her I’d pay her and asked her for a screenshot of my ticket.
She sent a rather passive-aggressive message with a tinge of disappointment: “oh wow, do you really think I’d deceive you? So much for being your friend.” I didn’t know how to reply because I didn’t even think about that, I genuinely wanted to understand why the ticket was expensive.
I’m going to pay her in a bit, but this text left a sour taste in my mouth and I don’t even know if I should actually go. She hasn’t sent the screenshot yet. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I’ll say NTJ for now, since it sounds like you were more concerned about the price than whether or not she was deceiving you, but it really depends on how you phrased it and if it left room for a negative interpretation.
That being said I ask for screenshots all the time when I do this with friends, but that’s because I get to the theater super early (I love those dumb trivia games) and they’re pretty good at letting me take my seat with just a screenshot of the ticket.” literalgarbageyo
Another User Comments:
“For reference, I just looked up an IMAX showing here in NV for 7 pm tonight. The ticket itself is $17 plus a $2 booking fee. That’s typically the most expensive showing we have out here. On Fandango, I think you can pre-order concessions that add to the bill.
But if she didn’t do that and you’re not going to an IMAX showing, I highly doubt the cost of the ticket is $25. NTJ for wanting to know how much the ticket is. If it IS $25, good lord…I’d wait till the movie came out on a streaming service.” GingerSnapNV
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Movie tickets are notoriously expensive, especially if it’s something like iMax or whatever gimmick theatres are using as an attempt to stay relevant. I just Googled “Imax ticket prices” and it’s about $20 for adults, so $25 isn’t too far off and could be reflective of your area.
If I were suspicious, I probably would have looked up the ticket price myself first. Or worded it differently like, “HOLY CRAP, I’m happy to pay but man when did tickets get so expensive?” But the way you broached the subject makes you a jerk.” echoCashMeOusside
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece While Caring For My Newborn?
“I (24 f) am a new mum, my baby is almost 3 months old and I look after him on my own most days while my partner is at work. We live with my partner’s mum who also works most days.
A few weeks ago when my partner’s mum thought she had tomorrow off she agreed to look after my partner’s sister’s daughter (female 4) so my partner’s sister could go to a wedding child-free (her daughter was invited she just doesn’t want to take her) but now my partner’s mum has to work tomorrow and his sister asked me if I could look after her.
I said I wouldn’t feel comfortable because my niece isn’t fully potty trained and she can be a bit of a handful also it would be an all-day thing. Before I had my baby I would have done it no question but I just feel I wouldn’t be able to handle both my niece and my son.
My partner’s sister is livid and has said I’m not being fair and that she would do it for me if this were the other way around. It’s not like she can’t go with her daughter she just doesn’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a new mother who had to take care of a 3-month-old, you already have enough on your plate. If the wedding is really soon, then you don’t have any obligation at all as your partner’s mother agreed but then canceled it, and then your partner’s sister sprung it on you suddenly with less than a day until the wedding.
Even if there still is time before the wedding, you still have no reason to babysit, and if she is mad at you for not being available to babysit when she can hire a babysitter, she’s the jerk.” CurryMuncherM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your SIL has never shown how entitled she feels before, consider this a blessing.
Now you know she may see a request on her part as an obligation on your part. As everyone else here has stated, you are not required to babysit. If she was just boiling over because you couldn’t be the quick, free fix to her problem, accept her apology should she offer one.
Given that her 4-year-old is not potty trained and a potential handful, your SIL may have reacted out of disappointment that she may not get her child-free night. (I once had a co-worker demand that I watch her four children on a Saturday night when her husband got called away on business.
When I told her that I had plans, she said that since I was the only one she would feel comfortable leaving her kids with, I was “preventing her from attending her event.”) Stay calm. Stand your ground. She may be sore about it for a while, so don’t pick the scab as you move forward.
Know that she can’t be relied upon to help you out in a similar situation if she holds a grudge. You made the best decision for yourself and your child, and that’s okay!” GladysKravitz21
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Life happens and it’s not always an ideal situation.
I don’t think anyone should ever be forced to take care of a kid that they are uncomfortable taking care of. That said, I think you’re probably underestimating your own capability. Chances are that the mother of the girl has various tricks to keep her busy/occupied so you could properly juggle both (parents usually have to figure out how to keep their kids occupied for stuff like plane rides or other long, boring waiting periods).
Plus, in terms of how you would manage potty issues, non-potty-trained kids are going to be closer to what you already do with the 3mo. Just bigger diapers that are probably pull-ups so they’re easier to swap, and bigger targets to wipe. If anything, it might even give you an idea of what to expect when your baby reaches that age (if he/she isn’t potty trained by then).
Sometimes it can be handy to have that little bit of info tucked away for the future. All that said, those are all assumptions and I could be totally wrong on every one of them. I always think people should be able to say no when asked for favors.
Otherwise, it’s not a favor, and you’re not their servant.” HolyGonzo
19. AITJ For Refunding My Friend's Concert Ticket After She Decided To Go With My Bullies?
“In December I bought my friend and me tickets to one of our favorite bands so we could go together.
Being someone who doesn’t have a job and barely has a stable income, I spent about 150$ on the tickets. Now in April, I get a text from her saying that she’s going with other people to the concert. Not just any other people, but people who used to bully me and made my life a living nightmare for two years.
I was very upset when I found this out.
So, I talked to some people for advice and they all said I should use the extra ticket for someone else or refund it. I don’t want to go to this concert with anyone else but her.
So I decided to refund the ticket. Now she’s asking if I can give her the ticket. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her text said she was going to the concert with other people. If she needed the ticket, she should have told you then.
I always thought these venues had somewhat assigned seating so was she going to sit by you, then leave with the others? In any event, she changed the contract on you and never offered to pay for the ticket.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the ticket for her and you to go together.
She abandoned you. You don’t owe her anything including the ticket. It’s yours to do as you please. If you want to still enjoy the concert alone, go alone. You mentioned you refunded the ticket. You didn’t mention yours. It’s sad she ditched you for a couple of bullies.
Sounds like she’s not a good friend to you. You should refund her as well like you did her concert ticket and get a new friend.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had actually given her the ticket you would be out of luck.
But a gift is not given until it is handed over and, until then, you can change your mind. Also, your friend is amazingly immature and/or selfish. Ask yourself this. If the tables were turned would you make a commitment, back out to go with someone else, and then still expect the first person to pay for you?
(Let’s leave out the bullies because that doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be acceptable even if they were your bestest buddies). I hope the answer to my question is no. You should expect and demand the same kind of respect and courtesy from your friends. Let this be a much-needed lesson to her.” 8kijcj
18. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Mom Christmas Decorations For Her July Birthday?
“I’m a December baby.
My birthday is December 21st and it’s awful for all the reasons you can imagine. From combined gifts to very few birthday parties to getting Christmas-related items…it just all stinks. My biggest dislike is getting Xmas related gifts for my birthday. Christmas is 4 days later.
You can’t just wait 4 days to give me those items?!
Before I get to the issue let me state, with very few exceptions, my parents have always been great about keeping my birthday as separate from Christmas as humanly possible. From planning birthday parties in November to always giving me birthday gifts wrapped in birthday paper, and everything in-between.
This is why I feel I may be the jerk if I follow through with my plan.
This year, as every year, my mom asked for suggestions on what to get me for my birthday/Christmas. Like every year I gave her budget-friendly options that I would thoroughly enjoy.
However, she and my father, apparently, decided to throw the list in the nearest fire and do as they pleased. This led to some…interesting choices.
Two of those choices were a Santa Christmas Caroler decoration and a Christmas snow globe…for my birthday. Again, Christmas is 4 days later…those gifts couldn’t have waited?
I’m very grateful that they bought me anything and the decorations are adorable but, they feel like something you’d buy Great Aunt Mildred when you can’t think of anything she might like.
These are my parents. They raised me and know me inside and out…plus, I gave them a list of suggestions and nothing on my list was more than $50 dollars which was within the $100 budget my mother gave me.
I just feel kind of hurt and like I was an afterthought this year. So, my petty little heart wants to give my mother Christmas decorations for her birthday…in July…to make my point. Does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk to be honest, if they have done their best to keep things as separate as possible up until this year, I think a conversation with your parents is more in order than a revenge gift. Is there something wrong that you don’t know about?
I’d include saying that you are really concerned about them because they’ve always been so very good not to tie the two together. You might learn some things that take the sting out of what happened this year. If nothing else, it will communicate your feelings far better than Christmas in July would.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“INFO: How old are you? If you are 12, this stinks, and NTJ. If you are 21, how long do you expect to receive thoughtful gifts from your parents? My parents stopped with major gifts when we were around 14 because at some point, you need to grow out of it.
You cannot continue giving major gifts well into adulthood. Something small (e.g., a snow globe), sure, but not the full nine yards. Adult gifts are small and an afterthought because you are an adult now. If you cannot feel certain of being loved without material items to prop up that feeling, you need to grow up and/or get therapy.
At a certain point, parents and children assume they are loved and don’t need to prove it with gifts. Give your parents a break.” glamourcrow
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you would be the jerk for doing this. I just don’t think it will work how you think it will.
If she likes decorations, she’ll just think it was a nice gift. A better way to do it if you want to make a point would be to give her something she has said she doesn’t want. I always think it’s weird to give Christmas-themed gifts for Christmas, because the day is over at that point.
Now the recipient can’t use the gift for a whole year. So maybe that’s their logic for giving it to you on your birthday. You can actually use it that year.” LibraryMegan
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Husband's Family On Every Holiday?
“I (25F) and my husband (25M) are currently fighting. We currently live 6 hours away from his family. It seems that for every holiday we have to drop everything and go visit them.
This year, I made it pretty clear that by going for Thanksgiving I wanted to stay home for Christmas. My brother flew up to visit with us and is here until 02 Jan. Suddenly he’s dropping hints about all of us going which I playfully brush off.
Today it comes to a breaking point. Apparently, several members of his family called him to ask if he was coming for Christmas and why not. He asks to remind me why we are not going home for Christmas. Again I try to play him off with a, we went for Thanksgiving remember?
Because I don’t want to drive for 6 hours silly? It’s our kitten’s first Christmas! Can’t miss that! But it makes him angry. He says “I guess this will just be a miserable Christmas then.”
To be honest, I’m a bit stunned by this. Last Christmas he was in Mexico with family, we didn’t even spend it together.
I tried to offer that we could for New Year’s but no, now he doesn’t want to go at all. He tells me “This isn’t what I expected from marriage, you not wanting to go see my family or whatever this is”. I cry. We get home and put groceries away and I hide in our guest room.
I send him a message with my thoughts since I can type better than talk. I tell him that I’m jealous that his family will always come first. That when his family makes plans, he will move mountains but if I want to do something, he’ll shoot me down.
We’ve been together for 7 years, married for 3. Am I asking too much to just want to spend a single holiday with my husband? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You have both grown up and have incompatible lifestyle values. Move on and find an adult who likes you and agrees with you on this stuff.
It isn’t all about love or a shared history – we should pick life partners who want to have a similar/compatible life. Kids – stop marrying your high school sweethearts in your early twenties! There is never any harm in waiting a few more years to marry if you are meant for each other – a lot of relationships don’t survive the difference between who you are at 18 and 25.” Affectionate_Oven610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like a combination of two things: by answering playfully and brushing it off, I think your husband has the impression that you decided on a whim that suddenly, you’re just not down to visit his family. He doesn’t take it seriously.
I suggest an open conversation where you tell him exactly why you don’t want to go with a straight face, no playful tones or chuckles or making light of it. I also think he’s not making an effort to hear you, and he’s bullying you into what he wants to do.
This is wildly uncool, so bring that up as well.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“Ugh. Gaslighting husbands. NTJ. I sincerely hope you have the backbone to tell him to get lost with his continual nonsense, and he can go by himself to see his family.
I get that you’re in love and have been together a long time, but is this what you want the rest of your life to be? Spoiler: It will be unless there are consequences for his behavior. This is borderline abuse.” Waffle_of_Doom
16. AITJ For Wanting To Remove A Toxic Bridesmaid From My Wedding Party?
“I need advice on removing a bridesmaid who’s caused stress and repeatedly crossed boundaries. I asked her because I valued our friendship, but her behavior since has made me regret it. The wedding isn’t until August 2026, but I’m already losing sleep over her actions.
Here are some examples:
1. At my engagement party, she made mean comments about another friend, mocked my Maid of Honor (my sister), and claimed she’d “take over” her role.
2. At a bridesmaids’ brunch, she was rude to others and later told my fiancé she thought she had feelings for him, which was completely inappropriate.
Adding more context here: she said, I thought I had feelings for you and then realized I didn’t and it was just a good friendship, which is still so messed up and inappropriate – I thought it sounded like an intrusive thought so I forgave her…
3. At a party I hosted, she argued about arrival times, guilt-tripped me, disrupted the evening, and refused to contribute to event costs while expecting special treatment.
4. She invited herself to my family’s Christmas despite having other options, putting me in an awkward position.
5. She argued with her sister for not being chosen as a bridesmaid, making her feel guilty.
Her entitled and manipulative behavior has made it clear she’s not a good fit for my bridal party. I don’t want unnecessary drama and I also can’t keep prioritizing her feelings over my own peace.
Am I the jerk for not wanting her in my bridal party anymore?
Should I address it directly now or wait until closer to the wedding? Any advice would be appreciated!”
Another User Comments:
“This is such an obvious one that you have to be karma farming. Why are you even friends with this awful person? You’re the jerk for being mean to yourself by allowing this jerk to remain in your friend group at all.
Like I would actually get angry with a friend if they came to me handwringing about this situation. Stand up for yourself for goodness’ sake.” Jabberbrill
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. I think if you kept her in the bridal party, besides drama you risk your other friends, family, and fiance being upset at you for allowing her to be such a bully.
Do not wait. Your wedding is so far out, this will give her time (years) to accept her newly demoted place and either correct her behavior or fade out of the friendship. Send it in writing (email or text), so she can’t twist any words and you don’t have to deal with the immediate emotional response.
I’m sure there are etiquette websites that can help craft how to rescind the title. It seems she can’t keep a little jealousy in check as well as trying to push for the top spot of being your best friend. My goal for my wedding was that it would be stress and argument-free, that nothing about planning an important event would add disharmony to my relationship, and was a practice ground for how well we communicate and solve problems.” hyperfixmum
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. You need to get rid of this friend. She is toxic. If you keep her in your life she will do worse things. Her “having feelings” for your fiancé will become more of a problem in the future.
Trust me when I say they will try more. Dump that friend and move on. I highly recommend doing it now and do not wait.” Extension-Ad-7667
15. AITJ For Refusing To Use All My Dead Mother's Money For Her Funeral?
“My mother passed away a few days ago and now I’m (22M) arguing with my older sister (29F) and my older brother (27M) about who is paying for the funeral or who is paying how much. Normally you would think everybody pays the same portion or depending on their income or savings but the problem is that I have no income because I stopped attending evening school because they refused to let me care for my now-deceased mother and attend at the same time.
I have 3 younger siblings, one is 17F, the other 19F, and the third 21M, but they were not really suited to care for our mother and attended school themselves.
That’s why our mother always sent me money so that I could pay the bills (I live with my younger siblings).
Because I was better with money than my mother, we had €5,000 in our account when she passed away. Since she is no longer with us, I am looking for a job (I am going to join the Bundeswehr and now have to find a job to tide me over until I am in service) and so are my siblings who are no longer in school, and we are using the 5000€ to pay bills until then.
I know it’s partly my fault that I wasn’t better prepared for this but you have other things on your mind than looking for a job when your own mother is dying on the couch and doctors are failing to treat her (she was just being sent from one hospital to the next).
Now to my AITJ. We think that the funeral should cost between €6000 and €8000 and my older siblings want me to use the entire €5000 for the funeral, which means I can’t pay the rent or electricity and water for me and my siblings. I know that I have to pay something in any case, which I have already done.
I have already transferred €1700 to the funeral plan + 1600€ which was still in my mother’s account (which I don’t count as part of my portion), even though I or anyone else in the house doesn’t earn any money (what we are currently working on). But they want me to use the entire €5000 with the argument that it is my mother’s money even though she gave it to me so that I could pay rent and other expenses for me and my younger siblings.
My younger siblings and everyone I’ve asked think it’s pretty outrageous to ask for something like that. I understand that you can’t just pay for a funeral, but we already have €3,400 together without my older siblings contributing anything. And I haven’t even mentioned the hospital bills we have to pay (because my mom was self-employed and never really took care of her health insurance) that my older siblings don’t even think about.
So, AITJ for refusing to use all the money my deceased mother left me to pay for her funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You couldn’t study or work because you were caring for your mother. “I can’t pay the rent or electricity and water for me and my siblings.” “But they want me to use the entire €5000 with the argument that it is my mother’s money even though she gave it to me so that I could pay rent and other expenses for me and my younger siblings.” Your mother’s wishes are clear.
She wanted you & your younger siblings to be able to continue running your household & be safe. You contributed what you could. Your older siblings are out of line here. Sorry for your loss. This internet stranger sends you condolences.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ those aren’t funeral funds, it’s not your mom’s estate or even an inheritance – that’s the money you were allotted to care for your siblings. Wild that your older siblings think the three recently orphaned barely adults and a legal child should be the ones footing the bill for the funeral because that is exactly what they’re suggesting.
I don’t think it’s even appropriate that you should pay as much as you have. What are your older siblings doing to help support the siblings who are still in school, and the one who was forced to drop out to be a caregiver?” hadesarrow3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I feel so sad for this. If they can pay, it should be at least split evenly. How dare they claim what mum gave you before her passing, when they know the only means you will use that money is for keeping the young ones afloat.
It’s not that you are keeping it for yourself. It’s living costs, a roof over you three, and food to feed you all. I would’ve maybe understood if your older siblings have nothing whatsoever so much so the funeral cannot happen but it’s not the case?
Have you and your younger siblings’ everyday life first. For goodness sake, wasn’t it common practice that the elderly siblings take care of their younger ones when mum and dad are gone…? Just like what you are doing right now? More so with this sort of age difference where two of your siblings are 17 and 19?
I wouldn’t blame them for not doing so, if they were really struggling and there were no possible sources of money from them, but if that’s not the case, the audacity to claim rights to the small seed money mum gave to the little ones… I know in Germany things are more independent, but in many countries in this sort of situation, the older siblings will come up with a plan to help the younger ones first, not snatching the scrap of money which is meant to pay next month bills and food for the very young adult siblings who’s barely exiting their teens.
I would not buckle down and would not take sympathy for them at all. You do what you think is right and be strong.” Different_Move_1497
14. AITJ For Charging More For Additional Wedding Photography Work Despite Health Issues?
“I (25F) was asked to be the wedding photographer for my friend’s (28F) wedding. Although I only had experience in artistic photography and public events, I reluctantly agreed after being assured it wasn’t “that different.” I offered to do the engagement and ceremony photos for $300, which is an extremely low rate, considering my limited experience.
A week before the wedding, my friend revealed new plans: I was to photograph the salon preparations starting at 7:00 AM, the ceremony, a reception the next day, and a park shoot afterward. This was way more than we initially discussed. After consulting with her mom and sister (my best friend), I decided to increase the fee by $250 for the additional locations and time, bringing the total to $550.
The couple agreed.
The wedding went smoothly, but the reception was small, poorly lit, and difficult to shoot, and the park shoot was long. By the end, I had thousands of photos to sort through. I told them it would take months to finish editing, which they understood, and reminded them I was still awaiting the rest of the payment.
Shortly after the wedding, I developed severe health issues, was hospitalized, and was later diagnosed with a tumor crushing my windpipe. Surgery and recovery delayed my ability to work on the photos. Needing funds for my medical bills, I asked for the remaining payment, but Bride 2 responded that they didn’t want to pay because the photos weren’t finished. She also claimed they had felt pressured to agree to the price increase.
I reminded her that they had changed the scope of the work last minute and that I was already undercharging. She dismissed me, saying I wasn’t a “real professional” and implying my work wasn’t worth the price.
This was devastating. I had agreed to five shoots and worked through severe illness for a fraction of what most professionals would charge.
Eventually, they agreed to pay the full amount but only after I delivered all the unedited photos. Once I sent everything, they blocked me on all social media, and I was effectively cut off from the family. This created tension with my best friend, as I couldn’t attend events when her sister and wife were present.
Fast forward five years. My best friend, feeling caught in the middle, asked if I could apologize to smooth things over. Wanting to support her, I sent a heartfelt apology, admitting I should’ve drawn up a contract and regretting the negative feelings surrounding their wedding.
Bride 1 responded coldly, claiming she didn’t know I was sick and blaming me entirely. My best friend now feels worse, as her attempt to resolve things backfired.
I’m left wondering: Was I wrong to charge more for the additional work, even though it was still a very low rate?
And could I have handled the apology better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. The bride was overly demanding and just wanted something for cheap. You decided on a price, and then she added additional tasks, which absolutely necessitated a price increase. Then, she tried to shaft you on the payment because you had severe health issues and couldn’t get things to her in what she considered a timely fashion.
People like this are not your friends, and anyone who sides with her is not your friend either.
2. Your best friend was a jerk for asking you to apologize. This was one of those “be the better person” situations where you were asked to apologize when you were not the person in the wrong.
The bride was a jerk, and you shouldn’t have apologized to her at all. The bride had already shown you and everyone else what kind of person she was, so I don’t really feel bad for your best friend being upset after the apology backfired. She should never have asked you to begin with, and I do question why you needed to be the one to apologize.
3. The bride’s response to your apology just goes to further solidify the fact that she is a major jerk. She was the one in the wrong, but you apologized anyway; she then doubled down and continued to put all the blame on you. She is a selfish human being who has no empathy for others and is just not a good person in general. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people expect the person who was wronged to “be the better person” and make amends first. There is no point in apologizing when you weren’t the one at fault to begin with.
I really hope that your best friend rethinks her friendship with the bride; if she doesn’t, I would rethink your friendship with her. You went out of your way to appease your best friend and apologize when you had nothing to apologize for, and you were treated horribly again.
Some people just don’t change, and you should always think twice about people expecting you to be the “better person” rather than asking the person who was actually wrong to apologize.” Icy_Cardiologist8444
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but ESH. I work in freelance. I often give my friends and families free projects and it’s totally reasonable to be late on those projects because you have other priorities, clients, etc. but even on underbid projects it is very unprofessional to ask for final payment before work is done.
Your health issues are not your client’s problem and when you asked for payment, they became your client. Also, she shouldn’t be expanding the scope of work, but that’s also on you for not making a clear contract. This is why I never charge close friends and if anything I ask for a nice gift or a gift card.” Diylion
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn here between everyone’s a jerk and no jerks here, but honestly leaning towards the first, mostly because I’m not sure why you expected to get paid when you hadn’t delivered the photos? Typically, the final payment would be upon delivery, correct?
I realize this is all fuzzy without a contract (which honestly is mistake #1 but we all live and learn) but to me, it seems like you were asked to do a job (which yes, literally was “take pictures” but we all know that means “give them photos of their day” and then you were upset they hadn’t paid before you had actually finished the job?
Am I missing something?” HurrricaneeK
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Partner A Ride And Asking Her To Walk?
“Earlier, my partner called me asking if I wanted burgers.
I said yes, but then she mentioned I’d need to give her a ride because she couldn’t take burgers on a 30-minute bus ride. I asked what she preferred to do, and she said she was “indifferent.” So I said, “If that’s the case, let’s just eat what we have at home.”
Fast forward 30 minutes, and we had this WhatsApp conversation where she said her bus got delayed, so I offered a ride again. She then refused the ride because I wasn’t going to pick her up in the correct place. I told her to walk 15 minutes to meet me somewhere I could park more easily.
She expected me to just pull to the side and put hazard lights on. When she got home, she was furious, threw doughnuts on the table, and said we’re “done” and that she doesn’t want anything more from me. She accused me of always making a big deal when she asks for a ride and brought up past incidents, like:
1. Five years ago, when I didn’t drive her to a party in icy weather, making her take a two-hour bus ride.
2. Six months ago, when she got off the bus at the wrong stop around 1–2 a.m., a stranger brought her home, and I didn’t offer to pick her up despite her texting me the whole time.
She said these incidents (and others) made her feel she can’t rely on me and doesn’t want to ask me for anything again. After telling me we’re “over,” she spent an hour in the shower and came out acting like nothing happened—singing and being all happy.
I feel like I would’ve gone if she had just been upfront about needing a ride, but she said she was indifferent, and her question seemed more about the burgers than the bus. Am I wrong here? Or is this whole thing just confusing?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Oooh I foresee this is not just about the rides. And the one half a year ago? Oh I would dump you right at that time. I remember when I told my ex in a manic moment (I broke my leg and he went partying the next day while I was in pain, what a loving supporting partner).
I went fully normal after. I already planned my exit and had to stay on my game to leave comfortably. Which I did in the end.” idontlikespiderplant
Another User Comments:
“Your partner seems like she is catering for you and doing acts of service (which seems to be her love language based on the burgers question and bringing you doughnuts).
You seem to not be reciprocating. NTJ but you both need to improve a little, she needs to communicate more that she would like to be catered to as well – seems it has been on her mind and it would make her feel loved & taken care of.
You’re not a mind reader so she needs to communicate it. She now has – admittedly not the best, but seems she was hungry and waiting in the cold, she just unloaded while she was in the wrong mood. But now that she has, you can put that into action and pick her up/drop her off more.
In the grand scheme of things, is that really a big sacrifice to make for her? Doesn’t seem like she wants a lift every day but especially on occasions like this she needs you to attend to her a little more it seems. Try to understand her love language and cater to it in that way.
Maybe next time offer to pick her up and get burgers with her, rather than wait for her to ask? Proactive > Reactive.” maddaeq
Another User Comments:
“I kinda can see how YTJ. She asked if you wanted burgers and you expect her to get them and bring them to you on a long bus ride.
And rather than getting up and meeting her at the restaurant (or whatever) you decided laziness and chilling at home was a better option. I know it could be more complex than that, but wanting burgers but not bad enough to go get them does come off as lazy.
You had the expectation that she would just do it, and you didn’t offer your help anyway. It may not be something that you thought about really, but it obviously bothered her that you couldn’t help get your own dinner. (By leaving the house).
And then the offer you DID give was still putting most of the work in her court. And yeah, stopping on the side of the road for 30 seconds with hazards is not that big of a deal. So being unwilling to do that is a jerk move.” Persontoperson31
12. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Own Kids Instead Of My In-Laws?
“I have been with my husband for 14 years and we have an 11-year-old daughter. I was previously married and have a 19-year-old son and 18-year-old daughter from that marriage.
As I said, my husband and I have been together for 14 years. In that time I have had to put up with his jerk of a father constantly putting me down and making it clear he thinks I’m not good enough for his son.
We both dislike each other intensely but remain civil for the sake of the family. I love his mother and siblings and their families. All of them – except him. He makes snide remarks any chance he gets and takes any opportunity to put me down or criticize anything I do.
His family knows what he’s like, but doesn’t make an issue of it so as not to upset his mum – which I understand. They’ve also put up with him and his attitude all their lives so it doesn’t really phase them anymore. I can live with that.
Here’s where it gets tricky. My MIL is terminally ill with inoperable cancer. She has been given a year. 3 at the most. This could be her last Christmas, although I really hope it’s not. As all 3 of their children are adults with their own extended families, it becomes a juggling act and we (hubby, child, and myself) are usually the only ones there on Christmas day with them.
I also have my adult children who I would like to spend some of the day with. Again, trying to coordinate with them and if/when they’re with their dad and his family.
Cut to May of this year. I was fired from my job for something I didn’t do.
It’s now in the hands of my lawyer, but my reputation has been damaged. It has really affected me and destroyed my confidence as I had a great reputation prior.
So. I know that if I spend Christmas day at my in-laws’, he is going to bring up why I’m not working, etc (they don’t know why).
This will inevitably lead to me not wanting to discuss it, and him pushing the issue. If I tell him I don’t want to talk about it, he’ll make a big deal about it. If I do tell him why, he’ll turn it all around on me and use it to support his view that I’m not good enough.
In either case, things will be uncomfortable and may escalate further (verbally). My mental state is not great right now and I’m sick of his nonsense.
I don’t want that to upset my MiL, I want her to enjoy the day. I also don’t want our daughter to witness it and get upset.
He won’t care as he will put more importance on bringing me down, rather than being happy as a family.
I would obviously rather spend my time with my oldest two before they grow up and have families of their own and it becomes even more hectic.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t see them, but I think you know what I mean.
So, WIBTJ if I stay home with my oldest kids and enjoy part of the day with them instead of going to my in-laws and risking an argument?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if this is your MIL’s last Christmas, will you regret not spending it with her? Personally, I would rather suck it up and spend time with someone I love who is dying. But that’s not a morally superior choice – just something to make sure you’re fully okay with.
Beyond that, what on earth is your husband doing? Why doesn’t he tell his father to cut it out? Why doesn’t he stand up for you? This should not be something you deal with alone.” anonoaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but do you really have a FIL problem?
It sounds like you have a husband problem as well. He should protect you from that vile behavior. Personally, I’d go just for MIL. But also, I wouldn’t have put up with his behavior this long. Open your mouth, protect yourself, not ‘the peace’. Because honestly, is there really any sort of peace when you go home all cramped up because of all the tension?
Maybe ask some hard questions like “why would you say that, knowing it would hurt me?”. People like that do not like to admit out loud that they intend to hurt and spite. I’m really sorry you’re in this terrible situation and I do hope it gets better for you.” HyperDsloth
Another User Comments:
“I just think that maybe you might regret maybe this being the last Christmas with your mil. Have you thought about not telling the truth about why you’re not working? You started a new business that can be done at home. You’d love to tell him about it at another time.
You just want to enjoy the day with family. You won the lottery or similar so you don’t need to for a bit. No loans or big gifts though, sorry. Obviously, you’d have to tell hubby. Tell him you’re pregnant or something else just to annoy him.
Make a game of it. Pretend you can’t hear him but can everyone else. Could you talk to your mil and let her know you will be acting a part and she might enjoy it? Is it possible to have your mil come over on a different day and have an intimate lunch or dinner without the jerk she’s married to??
Just a different way of looking at it. Ultimately it’s up to you and what you feel is best. Hope it turns out to be a wonderful time no matter what you decide.” No_Raise6934
11. AITJ For Buying A Kitchen Cart Due To My Roommate's Kitchen Appliance Overload?
“I live in a house with two roommates and a decently sized kitchen. The problem is that we don’t have a lot of counter space. My roommate Helen has a microwave, a sous vide machine, and a toaster oven that takes up a lot of space.
This doesn’t give me room for ingredient and meal prep. I also enjoy baking bread and it’s hard to knead dough when you have a quarter of counter space to work with.
I bought a rolling kitchen cart so that I have more room to cook.
But when Helen saw it and put two and two together, she got really upset at me. She took the cart as a jab at her.
Helen has an autoimmune disorder that affects her diet. She bought the sous vide machine and the toaster oven so she could eat food that was okay for her.
We’ve gotten into arguments over how to use the kitchen space because she uses her gadgets maybe once or twice a week and I don’t have room for my own cooking. We once had an argument over whether I should store my rice cooker when I’m not using it.
Whenever we try to address this problem, she uses her illness to trump my argument that other people use the kitchen, not just her. It’s like her illness takes priority over the two other people who live in the house.
Since I got the kitchen cart, Helen has been icing me out.
She asked if I can return the cart because, to her, my getting it is a diss to her.
I bought the cart because I need room to cook which she refuses to make. It’s the holidays and I have a ton of baking I need to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Is everyone in the apartment allowed to use the microwave, toaster oven, and sous vide or just her? If just her, she’s a counterhog. She needs a cart or get one of those stacking shelf things so her stuff is vertical, not spread out over the counter.
And really a sous vide is just such a waste of space. My cousin got one as a wedding present. Vacuum-sealed meat thrown in an electric pot of boiling water. In 2 months, she was trying to sell it to me. “You cook a lot of fancy stuff, right?
You need this.” No, just no. I’m not a chef on a cooking show with a timer in the background.” Better-Turnover2783
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you were the jerk, you would have told Helen to move her stuff when it’s not in use. You didn’t, you just sorted out some additional workspace for yourself, which can be moved out of the way when it’s not needed. She is being a total jerk about it: her illness does not give her a free pass to be inconsiderate about shared space, and it sounds like you are all allowing her already to use additional kitchen resources.
If she doesn’t want to share, then she needs to move. Her seeing the very presence of the cart as some kind of comment from you is HER problem – if you haven’t made any actual comments about it then she needs to get over it.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time she brings up her illness, as the reason why she must have everything her way and you must not take up any space, I think I would say to her that if her illness truly demands that she have all the counter space and that her roommates have absolutely no space in the kitchen, then she should probably look to live alone AND that while she and you are roommates, she will need to pay more to have the exclusive control that her illness requires she has.
If she is going to claim that she requires the extra accommodations, then she is going to have to pay extra for it. Another option is to allow her 1/3 the counter space to store her appliances/use however she wants. The other 2/3 space is yours and your other roommate’s space to use however you want.
And you can continue to use the cart and tell her that she has no say in your use of the space when she is taking up more than her share and refuses to be considerate or respectful of your and other roommate’s right to use the space as well.” swillshop
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Deceased Brother's Ashes To Our Estranged Aunt?
“I 26F recently lost my brother 47M. Two days after his death, our aunt contacted us requesting some of his ashes. Some back story, this aunt and her sisters have been unkind to my brother and myself our entire lives. We later found out it was their hatred for our mother that fueled it.
They would say mean things, leave us out of gatherings, and more. As well as our grandmother. My mother finally removed me from the situation but my brother was old enough to make his own decisions and he always hoped they’d love him for real and stuck around.
My brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness and that’s when my aunts came out of the woodwork to “take care” of him. Providing him somewhere to stay or giving him some funds. But it wasn’t out of the goodness of their hearts.
Once he got well enough to care for himself, they’d leave him again till he was on death’s door again.
Flash forward to now. He passed and my aunt sent my mother a fake condolence text where she quickly asked for some of his ashes because it would make her family feel better with his passing.
No apology for how they treated my mother or two of her children for years. No real sentiment behind what she was saying. Everything was drowned out by the fact that she wanted his ashes so HER and HER family could feel better after his passing.
Nothing about what my mother or myself might need. Nothing about helping us out with anything. Being there if we needed them. Just sorry your son died but my family and I feel sad about it so can you let us have something incredibly intimate so we can feel better?
My mother couldn’t believe it and didn’t answer but I sent my own message in secret telling her how disrespectful her text was and her lack of empathy was astounding. I told her no she couldn’t have any ashes and to never contact my mother again.
Suddenly I am the bad guy because my aunts feel they deserve some of his ashes. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is weirdly intrusive and feeling that this is inappropriate is normal. You are the normal one here. ”Please never contact my mother again, your request is weird and inappropriate.
I have no idea why you want the ashes of my brother but obviously, we aren’t supplying tourist tokens here. Ye,s you spoke to him on and off over the years, but are you asking for the neighbor’s ashes too? Do you have a giant glass jar of ashes and you label each layer?
This one is Uncle Bob, and that one is the next-door neighbor’s cat, and here is Cousin and that one is the Librarian from high school? No? Good, but still… weird. No. You can’t have his ashes.” (And… I’m really sorry you’ve lost your brother.
You and your mum deserved more years with him.)” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am part of a group that gives the worst possible advice. It is a group where we support one another through tough times by coming up with the silliest, most outré plots we can, with the understanding that no one should really take that terrible advice.
It is in that spirit that I offer the following: Find a set of colorful and unique blown glass ornaments, one for each aunt (bonus if you thrift them). Take a snapshot of them perfectly and excessively wrapped in bubble wrap and sitting in a box, then partially break all but one.
Send aunts a group message with the picture telling them that bro’s ashes have been scattered per his wishes, but that at great personal expense, you’ve sent the last portion of his ashes to a glass blower that makes them into one-of-a-kind ornaments for his beloved aunties.
Then ship the box first class or UPS to the aunt you like least. Sit back and watch them whine about the shipping and fight over the one whole ornament. Merry Christmas Everyone!” SilverDarner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom and I made fake ashes for my dad’s substance-abuser partner at the time of his death.
We disliked her and she’s part of the reason he died but she’s very good at creating drama and I just did not have the energy for it. She kept pushing and pushing for some of his ashes and to be honest NO ONE was getting any of his ashes not even my siblings or myself, his ashes were buried in the grave and we didn’t want to split them up.
But she wouldn’t take no for an answer and it was stressing my mom out bad while she’s living with stage 4 cancer and paying for her ex-husband’s funeral because nobody else could/would! So…Fireplace ashes mixed with coarse salt and we haven’t heard from the partner since the funeral 2+ years ago thank goodness.” RedPandaPrincess93
9. AITJ For Not Celebrating Christmas With My Family After They Ignored My Daughter's Birthday?
“I, a 32-year-old female, have a very large family with 8 siblings.
My family is calling me a jerk because I am not doing Christmas with them this year.
My mother is particularly upset, saying I am causing drama and overreacting. I’ve declined invites to the annual light switch-on event my parents throw, the Christmas Eve party, and am not spending out for Christmas gifts.
I have also not sent out my daughter’s wish list this year.
This is because my daughter, 13 (Sam), had her birthday in August and despite my entire family living within a 5-mile radius of us, only one of my family members, my brother 35, whom we’ll call Chris, gave my daughter anything for her birthday.
The rest did not even get her a 99p card. Even after I messaged them on the day, the only thing she got was a text message from my mum and a social media post. Though my daughter is not on social media!
During the year, I had gotten all under 18’s birthday, Easter, and even just because I saw it and knew they would like it, gifts.
I have 2 younger siblings and 14 nieces and nephews. All of my older siblings have 2+ kids. I fully support that giving does not require receiving but when it comes to birthdays, family should celebrate, especially when it’s a kid’s birthday.
My partner’s (female 38) family (my daughter is from my previous marriage) all managed to send gifts and cards from a different country which made me feel so much worse.
My family literally drives past my home on the way to and from work/school runs.
The day after her birthday, I sent out a very emotional message to the family chat explaining that excluding Chris, none of them made any effort and that was a terrible way to treat a child and honestly, it broke my heart.
Still, none of them wished her a happy birthday or got her anything.
Chris sent me a message saying how sorry he was and he arranged to come over the weekend after Sam’s birthday to make a big fuss of her. Chris is an angel, has always been supportive, and even made time to visit us when we lived 2 hours away.
So I told them that I won’t be getting anyone’s family who missed my daughter’s birthday, Christmas presents from us this year! So am I the jerk for saying if they are not going to act as a family, I won’t be treating them as family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they want gifts for the nephews/nieces and for you to attend Christmas as a family, then they should treat you and your daughter as a family as well. They didn’t even call her??? I remember when my birthday was on an odd day my uncles/aunts always called me and sang Happy Birthday over the phone with my cousins.
It’s not the gift but the fact that they remembered and they called to wish to me. Out of those under 18, I’m sure some are teenagers who have their own phones. They could’ve called as well or sent a voice message, a video, or something to your daughter.
They are very thoughtless. Make sure that you have a great Christmas preparation for your daughter though. It will be sad for her to miss out on fun because of your family.” CupcakeMurder86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We are in a similar situation with my daughter.
We have an only child, my husband’s brothers each have three kids. Those kids are all celebrated and spoiled while my daughter is ignored or treated second class. The last straw was a Christmas gathering at my BIL’s house. There were multiple nieces and nephews there, including a few kids of family friends.
Every single person there got hundreds and hundreds of dollars of thoughtful gifts – sports jerseys, drones, custom blankets, designer jewelry, etc. My daughter got a few age-inappropriate things from the dollar store (eg, a coloring book and off-brand playdough from the dollar store for a 12-year-old).
My daughter held it together but cried on the way home. I decided at that moment that my daughter would never feel that she was less than anyone else. So we stopped everything. No visits, no gifts. Nothing. I did not make a stink about it.
We just don’t go to anything. Don’t send gifts. It’s not about trying to punish anyone. Or making a point. It’s entirely about my daughter, her feelings, and the impact this treatment could have on her self-esteem. I want to show her that she does not have to accept poor treatment.
And she is better than that. So, OP you are NTJ. Your daughter comes first.” HeatherAnne1975
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am sorry that’s happening to you. You’ve mentioned that your daughter is autistic and that you are in a lesbian relationship – not to be presumptuous, but could any of these things be the reason why your family is acting like they do?
I mean, either would be a terrible reason and you would be justified to go no contact over such a thing, I am just trying to understand why they chose to be cruel to your daughter in particular.” Max_at_Red
8. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Daughter For Driving Practice?
“My (56f) daughter (17f) has her learner’s permit. She wants me to take her to practice driving. I agreed. But I warned her very clearly upfront… be ready to walk out the door when I get home.
Because if I walk into the house and sit down? We are not going.
Background: I’m a single working mom. I clean houses for a living. Obviously, it’s physically demanding. I’m exhausted when I come home most days. Once I finally sit down at the end of the day?
I do not want to get back up.
She has an incredibly bad habit of being late/making me wait. She is on the spectrum. She struggles with time management. I refuse to let her use that as an excuse. I try to teach her ways to get around it.
Start getting ready earlier, set alarms, etc. I even help her with reminders. The one thing I will not do is enable her. She needs to learn to respect other people’s time instead of saying “oh well, it’s my ASD.”
Currently: I worked an especially hard day yesterday.
I was still willing to take her driving when I got home. I texted her I was on my way. She asked how long? 45 minutes. I texted her when I was about 5 minutes away. Be ready.
Here is where it went wrong. Apparently, she decided to get on the treadmill for 45 minutes.
Lost track of time. She wanted to shower before we went. I told her no. Be ready when I get there. She got in the shower anyway. I walked in while she was still showering. Which means I’d have to sit and wait while she finished showering and got dressed.
I refused. Once my behind sat down… I wasn’t getting back up. I was crystal clear about that. She now thinks I’m an unreasonable jerk. I understand her challenges. If it was a one-off thing? I’d be more lenient. But this is chronic. And disrespectful of others.
Was I a jerk for not taking her anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set clear boundaries and you’re allowed to do so. I have ADHD and of course I have issues with different things, but that doesn’t mean everyone around me just has to take the consequences.
Having a diagnosis might be an explanation for certain things, meaning people shouldn’t yell at you and say stuff like “you just don’t want it enough”, but it doesn’t mean people can’t set boundaries or make demands if they’re doing something for you.” piqueboo369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An ex of mine was (and potentially still is) similar with time. I really, really wish that it had been focused more on when she was younger. I wish it were not the case, but it is part of why she is an ex of mine.
Most of the reason was distance, but yeah. That strain did not help. Two cents that might work, take it or leave it: It is likely she has no internal clock. That is fair. You are doing everything you can to help nudging her. The next step might be to point her toward external time teller tools.
Does she like music? If so, tell her to make music lists. One with songs that add up at 15 min, one for 30, one for 45, and so on. I worked with peculiar teens for quite some years, and that was the main trick we used to get them going in the mornings.
After a while, they would get it in their mind that ok, when song A played, it was time to eat breakfast, song B was going, shower, song C, brushing teeth, song D, put on shoes, and then there is THE FINAAAAAAAAL COUNT DOWN, NOW WE RUSH TO PUT ON BACKPACK AND RUN FOR THE BUS GUYS!!!” MistressLyda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You communicated clearly throughout the time leading up to you getting home. You made it clear that, if she wasn’t ready to go when you got home, you weren’t going. You even gave her a 5-minute heads-up that you were about to be home.
This wasn’t a surprise. You didn’t just change your mind. You didn’t decide you’d rather do something else instead. No broken promises, no gotchas, no-nonsense. Also, I have ADHD, and get that time is hard. That’s why I have alarms, calendar reminders, sticky notes, and some semblance of a routine.
They help, but when they don’t, the fallout is mine to deal with. (My wife is awesome and super helpful, but she’s not my personal assistant.) I wasn’t always like this. It used to be an unholy disaster pretty much all the time. If I had my stuff together, I was miserable inside from the stress and anxiety of white-knuckling through stuff I had to get done.
You’re helping your daughter by letting the consequences happen. This time, she didn’t get to practice driving that day. It’s not a life-ruining consequence. She didn’t miss a job interview, blow a final at school, or whatever other big thing. She can drive another day, and what she learned from this can help her manage the big stuff that she won’t be able to just do another day.” PNW-Woodworker
7. AITJ For Showing More Affection To One Nephew Over My Niece?
“I (F32) have two SILs (husband’s sisters) & both of them are great & share an amazing relationship with them.
One of them, let’s call her Amy stayed very close to us for a very long time. I have literally seen her son since he was a baby. I felt really close to this kid even before I got married to his uncle. And now that he is family, I feel a special bond with him.
He was with us during his 3rd birthday & Amy was going through a medical emergency at that time so I arranged a whole party for him. Since he was in a different city during his 4th birthday, I sent him a hand-picked gift basket with all the toys that I knew he wanted. A few months later, it was my other SIL’s (let’s call her Brittany) daughter’s birthday.
She is also a super cute kid & I have nothing but good feelings towards her but since they have always stayed in a different city from the very beginning, I don’t feel that attached to her & I don’t have any special bond with her.
I did not send any special birthday gift to her but my husband sent Brittany cash from our side asking her to use it to buy anything her daughter needs for her birthday. Brittany was super sweet about it but later my MIL commented on how I discriminate between my niece & nephew.
I felt bad because it’s true that I love my nephew more but it’s just because I have spent way more time with him & he is the first kid that I have actually seen up close since his baby days. Now I am feeling guilty.
AITJ for this? Should I make extra effort to make sure that it never comes across this way again?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What you did was hurtful. The little girl hopefully doesn’t know the difference but her parents sure do. Treating kids equally in these situations is best. You could have asked her mom what she wanted for her birthday, making a pretty basket for her, filling it up with the things that she’s into and wanting for her birthday.
But you didn’t. Because you love the other boy more. That’s sad. I hope you make it up to her. You need to apologize and do better as their aunt. My mom used to say “When you hurt my children, it hurts me more than anything you could ever do to me.”” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are both your niece and nephew. Obviously, it is okay to feel closer to one that you know better. But you should be trying to know the other one better then. Not sure of her age, but even as a baby, a short video call does wonders.
My daughter at 3 was “playing” with her auntie who lives a 6-hour plane ride away. She would put the phone in the oven and cook her, lol. And she loves all the fun filters and stuff. And the few times she has met her aunt in person she has loved spending time with her and already knows her very well.
It is great to have so much technology that can keep us close.” Personibe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t live near you, and you don’t know the child well. You still wanted her to have something she would enjoy, and you sent cash. I would say that it would be BETTER to ask Mom what she wants and make the effort to get and send what she wants vs just sending cash and putting the burden on Mom, but it’s not that outlandish for people to have different levels of closeness with family members who live near and spend time with them vs ones who live apart and don’t visit often.
I’d just be glad a distant relative thought of my kid, even if it wasn’t personalized.” justlemmeread
6. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep In A Separate Room From My Partner?
“My partner and I have been living together for a couple of years. We almost always have been sleeping with separate blankets as it’s more comfortable for us both. Lately, I’ve been falling asleep in the spare bedroom. If I’m being honest, I love being able to spread out at night and not have to feel bad about not laying still during the night or getting up for the bathroom.
My partner says he must’ve done something wrong and is not happy about the arrangement but I don’t necessarily want to go back to sleeping in the same bed every night. He actually takes it quite personally like I must not love him and no amount of reassurance gets him to be ok with me going to a different room.
I’ve been spending a few nights in a row then back to sharing and then finding a reason to spend a night separately again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My wife and I have separate bedrooms. She has severe insomnia, and I get up 263737 times.
It works for us. But it’s probably hard not to feel a little insecure when your partner suddenly wants to separate, especially if that bedtime closeness was important to you. Maybe there’s a compromise?” Desperate-Trash-2438
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not because you want your own bed but because you’re trying to suggest it’s for him, but even in this post, you’ve never stated he ever complained about you moving around or getting up.
You want separate bedrooms for you for some reason, but don’t try to blame it on him or invalidate his feelings. It’s very logical to take it personally if you’ve been together for years and never mentioned this and just out of the blue moves into another room.” eNcraty
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk! Wanting your own space to sleep is totally normal. It sounds like you’ve found what works for you, and it’s not about not loving him. His feelings are valid, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting comfort.
Maybe have a chat to explain it better and find a balance that works for both of you… Or, maybe have a guaranteed night where you sleep together? And other nights where you’re by yourself?” JollySwimmerHere
5. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Get A Driver's License?
“My partner has never gotten a license, he’s now 28M and still has no interest in pursuing a license. It’s getting frustrating, we don’t live somewhere with any good public transit so 99% of the time he has to get rides or I have to drive him…
It seems like sometimes he recognizes that it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable for me and his friends, he’ll say stuff like “haha I should stop being a bum and get a license and a car huh.”
But then when I try to encourage him to drive he shuts down.
I offer to teach him, to let him use my car to practice and to even walk him through the test. He just ignores me and goes silent… what do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to find out why he’s hung up on this…most people are excited to get their license and do not put it off, and certainly don’t actively avoid getting it.
He might need some professional help getting over whatever the reason is that he is procrastinating getting it. If it is sheer laziness, then he’s not marriage material…” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“I always laugh at these posts..because the same people calling him a bum will also say anxiety is a good reason to not do things or go out and socialize.
There are a lot of people in this world who are terrified of driving a car. I was one of these people. I didn’t get my license till I was late 30s because I was terrified. My anxiety driving was through the roof. It took me the full 5 years to get my full license.
I can’t even count how many full-on panic attacks I had while learning to drive. There were times I walked home because I refused to drive home. For some people, it’s not something they ever want to do. Or will ever feel comfortable doing. I still dislike driving 7 years after writing my test. I still only drive city and rural roads and I don’t like driving by myself.
Being a male there’s also the stereotypical expectation that they are going to get their licence at 16 and buy a car immediately. But not all men want to drive…give him a break and see if you can get him to give you a reason for what’s stopping him.
You may be surprised.” ticklemee2023
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is it possible he has car-related trauma? You’re absolutely NTJ for wanting him to learn but is there a possibility something needs to be addressed first? I didn’t get my license at 16 because at 13, my entire friend group plus one of their older brothers died in a car crash getting ice cream.
I would’ve been there too if I wasn’t grounded that week. A heavy drinker’s semi-truck crashed into them while going the wrong way on a back road. 3 DOAs, 1 died in transit to the hospital, and 1 died in the surgery. I found out through one’s parent.
I started studying last year but then in January this year I was hospitalized in a bad accident I was a passenger in. So now I’m back in therapy and not ready at 21 years old. My husband fully understands and drives me everywhere, and never makes a fuss but I just know it’s annoying.
I plan on getting one soon but right now every car ride gives me anxiety. Is it possible that your partner needs something addressed first before being confident or ready?” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Wanting To Leave An International Trip Early Due To My SO's Dad's Behavior?
“Came on an international trip 20+ hours away with my SO and their family. Before we left I let my SO know I had reservations about going on a trip with their parents.
A couple of days in the food from a restaurant did not sit well on my digestive system and when my SO asked their dad for medication their dad was condescending that we should carry medication on us (we do but at the hotel). Feeling bad already this made me cry.
SO stood up to their dad but it was a huge fight. At the end, their dad apologized and we did too but we had to go talk with the dad. I know we all apologized but thinking over the convo there are things that their dad said that don’t sit well.
(Listed below).
Things SO’s dad said/behavior:
– we need to learn from SO’s parents’ marriage of 30 years since ours will be statistically destined to fail by 50%
– women are weaker (makes jokes about where to find a pretty woman even though he knows his wife is uncomfortable with this)
– dad has been putting off a medical appointment so we could all go on this trip but his doctor recommended it to check whether it’s cancer or not and this might be the only time we go on a trip together. (No mention of this until my SO/I were talking about his condescending behavior toward me being sick)
– have caught his dad checking out other women
– we should leave if we aren’t having a good time
On top of this, I found my own SO checking out other people and we are supposed to be celebrating our anniversary on this trip. My SO says I have been rude to their parents and SO ever since.
I’ve primarily been quieter and more on my phone since all this happened but if someone asks me a question I do respond. We have about two weeks left but am I the jerk for telling my SO I’m going home already even though SO’s dad might have cancer?”
Another User Comments:
“Here is the real question. Do you want to continue this relationship or not? The parents will prob always be involved. You will be expected to interact with Dad more often. Can you do that? Can you give your SO the “me or them” talk?
Leaving will cause a huge rift between you and your partner. Is that worth it to you? NTJ for wanting to leave regardless of feelings towards a person. No one is ever the jerk for wanting to leave a trip early for any reason. But doing so may have significant consequences to your relationship and that is really what you should be considering.” ecmcgee1997
Another User Comments:
“Well that’s quite a mess. ESH I guess. Just going to call your partner’s family in-laws for brevity.
Your in-laws because they’re obviously behaving rather atrociously. I don’t think I really need to explain this part.
You because you are kind of acting like a child.
You’re an adult (I hope). Don’t go on a trip you don’t want to go on. If you want to set conditions on a trip that you have concerns about, then do it. Crying because you failed to take medication with you is not exactly mature behavior.
Sulking is also not an appropriate response for an adult. It’s quite typical for people to get sick eating food from other countries because you’re not used to the food from that country. Canceling a trip and going home early instead of finding a less wasteful option (like booking separate accommodations if needed, booking things to do separately from the in-laws, etc) is also a childish response.
There is also zero chance you were bamboozled by a sudden change in behavior by all of the parties, and YOU are the one responsible for your own happiness. You put yourself in this situation and have chosen to respond to it this way. You’re not responsible for their behavior, but you ARE responsible for your own.
Your SO because he was looking at other women, and also just generally doesn’t sound like he was helping the situation any. The potential cancer situation is totally irrelevant, and a doctor saying something should be checked doesn’t mean he’s going to die next week.
All of the above might sound harsh, but the important thing is that when you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, you can start controlling them. As long as you believe others are responsible for your happiness/unhappiness, you will be miserable and the cycle will continue.” notrightmeowthx
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look I know this will be an unpopular take, but the older generations are always going to be judgemental and problematic. I have a hard time believing you didn’t know who your significant other’s dad was before this trip, in terms of being uncaring and misogynistic.
It’s possible, but it’s also unlikely. The same goes for your significant other. You’re telling me that in your entire relationship, he has not had a wandering eye but now on this vacation he does? Again, possible but unlikely. It seems more to me that you are noticing it more because you’re uncomfortable already, and you’re contrasting with his dad and not just his own behavior.
Things you don’t like are being highlighted. It’s not wrong, but unless he actually does something wrong (checking out other people is not, whatever anyone else tells you; eyes wander, we look at things we like) like actually talking to someone else or commenting or making THEM uncomfortable, as long as he’s paying attention to you, what his eyes do moment to moment shouldn’t be a big deal. But… none of those allowances change how you feel, which is lonely, unsupported, and uncared for.
Those are valid reasons to leave this trip early, and you’re not in the wrong here either.
What I suspect is actually wrong is spending so much time with your significant other’s parents in a place where you are out of your element. Your significant other’s parents, especially the father, are grating on you.
So, go if you need to. Taking care of yourself is paramount here. Expect fallout at home. You have some tense discussions coming up, in your home and across the homes of you and your significant other’s parents. This trip seems to be putting the spotlight on some behaviors you don’t appreciate in your significant other, and those need addressing.
You may also need to address how much time, especially future vacation time, you are willing to spend with these people.” rockology_adam
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom Money To Enjoy My Vacation?
“I (26F) give my mom a set amount of funds every month. She’s retired and gets a pension, but she says it’s not enough to cover her expenses.
She insists that it’s my responsibility as her daughter to help her out financially.
My sister and her husband give my mom more funds than I do, and they have a baby, which makes me feel even guiltier. They often remind me that they manage to give more, even with their extra responsibilities.
This month, I decided not to give my mom her usual amount because I planned a 10-day vacation with my fiancé to another city. I could have still gone on the trip while giving her the funds, but I wanted to have more spending funds to fully enjoy my time away.
Now my mom is upset, and her attitude toward me has shifted. This isn’t the first time she’s been cold or distant when I couldn’t (or didn’t) give her funds. Even though I know I could technically afford both, I feel guilty for choosing to prioritize myself and my vacation instead.
So, AITJ for skipping my monthly contribution to my mom so I could have more financial freedom on my trip?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ children are under no obligation to pay their parents’ bills, maybe help them when you can but make sure you’re taking care of your own finances first (savings….).
Given that you’re 26 I’m guessing your mother has years to go before she’s considered elderly. Why isn’t your mom asking her children for funds anyway? Is she permanently disabled? You get to enjoy yourself, it’s your funds, not hers. As for sister since she’s a 2 income household they’re able to give more than you.
But again why is your mom expecting either of you to support her?” Few-Product-9937
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a narcissist, and you have been born and bred her victim. The guilt you feel is manufactured, and her shaming and guilt trips are purposeful manipulation.
It is not your responsibility as a child to take care of your parent; rather, it is the opposite. You do not owe your parents anything. Especially with the situation seeming like she is lying. There is no way she is unable to cover her basic payments.
She must be overspending and making you purchase all her luxuries.” FirefliesInTheLeaves
Another User Comments:
“Soft ESH. I appreciate there are cultural differences in familial obligations and you’re getting a largely US culture response where parents are obligated to help children (some would say til 18 only), not the other way around, you didn’t choose to be born, etc. From what’s been said about her pension and COL, it does sound like she’s taking advantage of you, and her behavior towards you for not giving the funds is far from maternal, that being said, you say you only gave her a few days notice that you would not be sending her any funds that month.
That was really not nice of you. If she’s living beyond her means, that’s not going to change over a couple of days, you did not give her enough time to deal with the loss of income. It’s clear now that a relationship with your mother comes at a price.
It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth the cost.” Ready-Cucumber-8922
2. AITJ For Reacting Strongly To A Hostile Parking Accusation At My Regular Framing Store?
“Today I (a 31-year-old woman) brought a piece of art in for framing to the local framers. I live in a small town. I have been a customer of them for years, doing much framing with them.
I paint myself but I also enjoy art and like to get pieces framed. I have gotten many items framed with them.
I parked in customer parking. I spent quite a bit of money with them that day – around $100. The woman recognized me and gave me a regular customer discount.
It was also not busy at all, with several car spaces open.
Following paying I didn’t move my car straight away. I saw on my step counter I needed to get a few more steps in so I walked to the main section of town and grabbed some food before heading back to the car and leaving.
I was backing my car out and a man approached my car as I was backing out. I did not recognize him. He started saying I wasn’t allowed to park there. He was quite hostile. I told him I was a customer and continued to back out in order to leave.
He started trying to get me to stop and try to stop me leaving. This made me uncomfortable. I told him to get away from me. He was saying “hold on, hold on”. I told him to “get the heck away from me”. I exited the premises but could see him in my rearview mirror.
I want to be clear there were several parking spaces open.
When I got home I called the Framer and told her a hostile man was bothering me outside her store. She said it was her husband. She said he misinterpreted the situation and thought I was a noncustomer parked in customer parking.
She defended him saying that he wouldn’t have approached me rudely and I escalated the situation too quickly, insinuating her husband was targeted by me because he was a white man.
I told her that her husband had not even asked me if I was a customer but immediately started throwing around accusations.
I told her I had told him I was a customer but that still did not seem good enough for him and he was trying to stop me from leaving before I swore at him. I did think it was likely he had profiled me because my car is not very nice but I did not say this.
I also said I wanted my money back and my art back. When I said this she seemed upset and wanted me to reconsider. I said I was feeling upset about what happened and would think on it.
I ran into my mum in the driveway and asked her to pick up my art and get my money back.
She did this quickly and said the woman seemed flustered and a bit surprised and upset. I think she had thought I would go ahead with them but I was upset she had defended him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a busy parking lot or it was full that day, that’s one thing.
It sounds like you went for a short walk. Not a big deal. The second the man tried to prevent you from leaving, is when the situation took a turn. You were justified in yelling and swearing. I would’ve done the same. I also wouldn’t spend money at that business ever again.
The wife should’ve apologized and left it at that. But she wanted to defend her husband instead of keeping a customer. She chose her husband, and in turn, you chose not to do business with her anymore. Actions have consequences.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“That shop owner should have been falling over herself apologizing when you called upset. While I can see from her perspective that maybe she would think her husband wasn’t really in the wrong and that OP over-escalated, she is a fool for trying to defend him to an angry customer who was nearly false-imprisoned in her parking lot.
Especially a loyal repeat customer. The “white man” stuff just brings it even more over the top. Clear NTJ. That lady has crap customer service and it’s so funny that she was shocked that insulting and intimidating a customer cost her loyal business.” Old-Smokey-42069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they had a problem with you leaving your car parked there for 20 extra minutes, that’s fine. When the man got hostile, ignored your explanation, and most of all tried to block you in, he went way over the line. The wife doubling down made it worse.
If he had politely approached you as he should have, that would be different. If the wife had just apologized for her husband’s behavior, that’d be different too. Canceling your order was the correct option, especially given the shades of classism and racism that their words/behavior/actions displayed. How hard would it have been for him to calmly say “We would appreciate it if people only park in our spaces while they’re inside our shop, to make sure there are enough spaces for all of our customers”?
Or for her to say “I’m sorry my husband upset you. He didn’t realize that you are our customer. We’ve had problems with people filling up our parking spaces without being customers here.” Easy.” Winterwynd
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive 3 Hours For Christmas Lunch?
“A week ago, I suggested to my brother that I host Christmas lunch at my place and have him and his wife over.
He liked the idea of spending Christmas together but said he didn’t want to deal with the Christmas traffic to get to my side of the city. Instead, he proposed that we celebrate on another day.
I was fine with that and suggested we pick a location halfway between us if we weren’t going to meet on Christmas Day itself.
Fast forward to today, he called me after discussing it with his wife and offered to host at their place instead. My first reaction was to ask if this didn’t just reintroduce the issue of having to deal with Christmas traffic—the very reason he didn’t want to come to my place.
He immediately got defensive and suggested we just do our own thing for the holidays.
For context, my brother often drives long distances, while I rarely do. Additionally, I have health issues that make long trips harder for me to manage.
So, AITJ for not wanting to drive 3 hours each way for Christmas lunch—especially when he was the one who didn’t want to deal with traffic in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Relationships are about compromise. Are there any other extenuating circumstances? Like are they caretakers for small children, elderly, or pets that can’t be left alone for a half day? Is there any mass transit available to help? You make it sound like you live on opposite sides of a city—that must be a big metro area, so wondering if there are any trains, etc, that can make commuting easier?
Good luck. If not, just meet over FaceTime or Zoom, I guess.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your initial response was valid and he probably got mad because when he asked his wife, she asked why they couldn’t come here instead? His brain probably shut off and didn’t compute that the explanation he gave would be responded back to him.
He is mad because he realized at that moment his asking that of you was stupid and should have never been asked. Basically, the light bulb came on and he realized he is an idiot.” Victor-Grimm
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm… You’re both maybe sort of not completely hearing each other out and being reactive, but maybe your brother is more reactive.
Maybe your brother’s wife reminded him that they only get Christmas off from work and making even an hour-and-a-half trip any other day would not be possible. Have they driven the three hours in the past to see you? Do you ever go see them?
How bad is your health issue? Is it completely inhibitive and they’re not being sensitive to it or is it manageable? Do they have kids they would have to travel with? Do you think they might have a reason for it to feel like they put more work into seeing you than you put into seeing them or the other way around?
These are all things you should discuss and be open to hearing from one another and both be ready to compromise. Admittedly, your brother’s reaction of just throwing his hands up and suggesting you just cancel seeing each other seems a bit dramatic, like he might be hard to compromise with, but I’d suggest to try and speak again and ask questions about what are challenges in seeing one another and trying to come to a compromise that works for both of you.” That_UsrNm_Is_Taken
