People Don’t Spare Any Details In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Coworker Use My Bathroom Because He's Known For Destroying Toilets?
“I’ve been working from home quite a lot over the past couple of years and have been lucky enough to be given a work computer, adjustable standing desk, and work chair.
I ended up handing my notice into work a few weeks ago because I’m heavily pregnant and I’m looking to become a full-time mother to my kid for a few months anyway.
Work has gifted me the desk and chair, and has generally been amazing throughout the crazy last two years and my pregnancy.
They wanted the computer back though, which is totally understandable.
Enter my coworker who was sent to retrieve my computer. Let’s just call him Frotan. He is notorious at work for destroying toilets. I mean like a few times a day he’ll go and atomically erupt which can be heard and smelt throughout the office.
I can hear him fart from down the corridor and through at least two walls, and my coworkers have said that he leaves water and splatters of poo everywhere on the floor and wall surrounding the bathroom.
So he comes over and asks to use the bathroom when he picks up the computer and all the cords.
I have everything already bundled up in a box, and just hand it to him at the door and say that I’d prefer it if he didn’t come in as he doesn’t respect toilets. He looked gobsmacked, but I was also home alone and pregnant so there was no way I was going to let him splurt mud all over my bathroom for me to clean up.
I politely thanked him and shut and locked the door and went to make a few phone calls.
I got a call from my boss later that afternoon alerting me that my coworker had put in a complaint about my treatment of him and that he had very hurt feelings and that he ended up having to use the public toilet at a park nearby.
My boss heavily implied I was in the wrong, but I don’t think I was.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frotan, Destroyer of Toilets can go desecrate a different temple. Send a note to your soon-to-be ex-boss. Let him know that you are pregnant and as you were alone, you did not feel safe having Frotan in the house, or in letting Frotan know you were alone.
Further, Frotan’s legendary level of unsanitary habits has never been addressed by HR, or the company as a whole. He now has plenty of fiber for future movement on this issue. Wish him the best of luck in the future, but as a past employee, such odious concerns are now firmly a gas of the past.” Internal_Set_6564
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to allow anyone to use your toilet. I don’t buy that his feelings were hurt because he knows what condition he leaves the work bathroom in. It wasn’t a newsflash. Maybe he thinks he has the entire office tricked into not knowing he is the guilty party, but that’s another story.
You couldn’t pay me enough money to clean up a mess like that, and I’m a nurse. The only apology I would make is to the person who had to clean the public park restrooms after he was done. I see no case for HR since this did not occur at work.
It was in your private home and since the work computer was given back, your home wasn’t even an extension of work anymore.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Good lord….. You could have at least lied to the guy. I’d be willing to bet the guy is very self-conscious about his tummy troubles.
The last thing he needed was you telling him that he doesn’t “respect toilets”. It would have been as easy as “Sorry, I’m actually waiting on a plumber cause I’m having issues with my plumbing”. He doesn’t get to use your bathroom and his feelings are spared. Long story short, learn some tact…..” SigSauerPower320
20. AITJ For Leaving My Baby With A Full Diaper And Sleeping While My Wife Was Away?
“My (F) wife (F) and I had a child 5 months ago. She was the one who got pregnant.
She is on maternity leave and I work from home, so we usually have a fair division of chores around the house and in relation to our son.
2 weeks ago, as we agreed, I took 2 days off and went to a music event in my country because my favorite band would play and I wouldn’t be able to go with a baby (very open place, cold, lots of people).
This event was in my state capital, 3 hours away. But I had my cell phone with me all the time and whatever happened, I would go back to the house.
This week was the break of my wife who loves to fish and went fishing with her father and brothers on Thursday and Friday and would return at the end of the day on Friday.
In theory, she would have a phone signal, but due to unforeseen circumstances, she didn’t (she lost her cell phone after falling into the lake).
I will summarize these two days in a few moments: teething, my son crying, irritable, sleeping a few hours, and fever.
I even took it to the pediatrician to really be sure and all this was reported to my wife, who didn’t receive any of the messages (but I didn’t worry because these fishing trips happen to have no signal).
On Friday, exhausted, and not getting enough sleep for two days, I ended up sleeping with our son on the couch for like 2 hours (I didn’t even think about the danger, I just slept).
I woke up to the door opening and my wife walking in, all happy.
I was a zombie, literally handed our kid over to her (without saying anything or answering her stuff), and went up to my room and locked myself in there (I don’t really remember that).
I only left the room 3 hours later and well rested.
When I came back, our son was already asleep and she was angry, saying that I left our son with a diaper full and he was hungry. That I had been irresponsible for leaving him on the couch while I was sleeping and him.
I felt super disconcerted by this scolding and it’s still in my mind. But yesterday it was difficult, I tried to work for 9 hours and I couldn’t do almost anything because I had to take care of our son. I was really exhausted.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to be too hard on you but yeah…YTJ. I get how hard it can be to be on your own with a five-month-old, but it appears it got to the point of neglect where you weren’t changing his diaper, feeding him when he needed to be fed, or following safe sleep practices you and your wife agreed on.
After just two days on your own. And you didn’t even speak to her when she got home. Wouldn’t you be kind of freaked out and upset to be handed a hungry baby with a wet diaper and then ignored by your wife?
In general, you should both be able to get breaks without guilt or without needing to come back and ‘make up’ for the time resting by doing more than your share. If this becomes your pattern it will be very hard for your wife to get any time to rest.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s just a shame there was no advance warning that infants need 24/7 responsible adult care. It’s also a shame you weren’t notified that relatives and friends sometimes can be called in to help struggling new parents. Falling asleep with an infant on the sofa?
Even less cool. Hiding away in a locked room, not discussing the issues? Real good parenting move. Of course when it was your weekend away, your partner had no issues with a growing infant at all, is that what you thought? Time to sharpen up.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Needing a break after a tough few days of single parenting is understandable. (Single parents out there, I don’t know how you do it, you are all amazing). However, falling asleep on the couch with an infant is irresponsible and dangerous.
Even more so since you claim to be so sleep-deprived. You need to understand you easily could be planning a funeral right now. Second, when you hand off parenting duties, you don’t just hand a baby off and walk away and lock the door. That’s a jerk move.
5 minutes of conversation and explanation would not have killed you. I got news for you, it’s only going to get harder, I hope you can collect yourself and realize you have a lot of work ahead of you.” Aeronaut71
Also that she referred to her ba y as " it"
19. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Read My Journals Without Permission?
“I (28M) have kept journals since I was a teenager. It’s a huge creative and emotional outlet for me.
I’ve saved them all from over the years and easily have a good 15+ notebooks on the bookshelf in my office, full of my innermost thoughts starting from the time I was about 16 to now. I’ve allowed my wife (27F) access to them a few times to giggle over the musings of teenage boy me.
We get a good laugh out of them, especially after we’ve had a few drinks. However, I’m always around to give permission during these times. She’s never looked at them on her own until recently – to my knowledge.
For the last few weeks, my wife has been making increasingly weird comments that I’ve done my best to brush off.
Last night, though, we got into a heated argument about something unrelated and the truth came out. She admitted to having gone through other journals of mine.
I have a very good friend (34M) who I met during my last years of college that I consider to be my ‘one that got away.’ It’s not something I’ve brought up to anyone as I’m incredibly protective over that time in my life.
I wrote about him constantly in my older journals when he was a bigger part of my life, and I still write about him occasionally today.
My wife explained that it had started out as innocent (which I’m not sure I believe) and she had gone to grab one of the journals we typically read through together.
Instead, she grabbed one from my college days. Once she began reading, she “couldn’t stop.”
I refused to engage in this conversation with her because the information had been obtained in a violating way. She said if I didn’t want people to read them, I shouldn’t have written it down and read them with her in the past.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if your wife wanted to read from your journals without your presence, she should have just ASKED. Even if she was just looking for the kind of entertainment she usually gets from them, it was incredibly invasive of her to open them without explicit permission.
Reading someone else’s journal without permission is pretty widely considered to be a terrible breach of privacy. Is she really getting mad at you for things that happened presumably before you even started seeing her?” Pretend-Rutabaga-206
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s lives are full of nuance and things that might have been.
I see no harm in documenting those things as a way to process feelings. You might have been better off telling her about this friend yourself if it was such a significant thing for you, but that doesn’t excuse her from reading them without your knowledge or permission.
Without knowing if you do still have feelings for this person which could impact your current relationship (or wrote things which could lead your wife to believe you do) it’s hard to provide judgment so going with ESH.” descentbecomesafall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I too love to journal, and I would be aghast at anyone going through them without my permission as it’s often a form of therapy for me.
It’s a way to get my innermost emotions and thoughts out of my head without judgment and work through those feelings. Your wife knew exactly what she was doing, and you giving permission with you there is not the same as a carte blanche.
This is such a massive violation of trust, if she can’t see that and still argues that it was within her right, I would argue this is a case where you need a third party such as a therapist involved so she can understand how bad a transgression this was and if y’all can move forward from it.
Because for me that would take a lot to heal the relationship. Especially since as you described it sounds like she is using your past feelings against you. That definitely cannot continue. Best of luck.” Local_Persimmon_5563
18. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Driving My Friend To Work Because He's Inconsiderate?
“I 20F have been giving my friend 22M a ride to work when he needs it for a few months now. He has a license but no truck of his own and refuses to buy one. His dad lets him use his truck sometimes but when he doesn’t, he calls me or our mutual friend.
But when neither of us picks up he and his partner will spam call us 5-10+ times until we give in regardless of if it interferes with our jobs/other plans which has gotten old VERY quickly.
On top of this, the trip for me and our mutual friend is 50-60 miles a day if we go pick up this guy from his dad’s apartment, take him to work, drive back to our own house, and then rinse and repeat when he gets off work.
So, AITJ if I stop taking him to work and he gets fired because of it? I’d feel terrible if he did get fired but honestly, I can’t be available 24/7 when his dad decides to not allow him to use his truck and this guy refuses to take an Uber.
He’s even called off work/been 20 minutes to an hour late because of his lack of responsibility.”
Another User Comments:
“How exactly does this couple enhance your life? Do they do kind things for you? Invite you over for meals or take you out for dinner?
Do you favors of any kind when you need help? Why in the world are you allowing users to take advantage of you in this way?” cat-lover76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No good deed goes unpunished. He and his partner are playing you for a sucker.
Not even paying for gas is like him laughing up his sleeve at you. He gets to take your time and money and you get harassed into the bargain. You’re like a badly-treated unpaid servant. With all of the disrespect you have been given, I would just cut him off and tell him to find his own way even if that means paying for an Uber, or riding his own knob, swollen to massive size with entitlement, to work.
His woes are his alone. He can buy a truck or get another job. Not your problem.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“Every job I have had in my life has asked one simple question: Do you have reliable transportation to make it to work? Since this person does not have his own reliable transportation it’s not your responsibility to get him there and back.
You are NTJ here. Let this be a life lesson for this grown jerk man and hopefully a wake-up call too. Look at it this way, it’s not your circus and it’s not your monkeys. Be firm and say no and tell him it’s his responsibility to get his jerk self to his job because your job doesn’t pay you to bring his immature jerk self to work.” kwflick67
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Husband After He Insulted My Cooking?
“My husband doesn’t know how to cook. He is also not a fan of the food I cook from my country of origin.
Seeing him living off fast food motivated me to learn to cook his family’s common meals. It took me a while to get it done properly but now I can cook an entire list of his favorite meals. He praises my cooking and encourages me to learn more.
While we were eating dinner at his parent’s house, I had to excuse myself to go wash my hands after I was done. I left the table and my husband was still eating. As I was making my way back I heard his dad tell him to take it easy because he was eating a lot.
He then asked my husband if I cook for him and if he eats well at home. My husband said that I do cook for him but the food I make can only be fed to pigs, not humans. I was hurt and so offended.
I showed up in front of him and told him I would no longer be cooking for him after this comment. He was turning in his seat as I walked right past him, took my purse, and said I was headed home. He got back later saying it wasn’t like that and that even if it was then I should be happy he still eats my food when it’s still “not perfect” yet.
He said he was trying to protect my feelings and I hurt him when I said I won’t cook anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He said he was “trying to protect your feelings” by saying your food was only fit for pigs? That’s a flat-out lie.
You don’t protect someone’s feelings by saying their food is fit for pigs. Take some time away from him, and decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life – with someone who will insult you to others, and claim that these insults are “sparing your feelings.” If there was something wrong with your cooking, he needed to talk to you about it privately and politely.
E.g., if you used more salt than he cares for, you can’t adjust the next time you make the dish if he never tells you! It’s his own fault if your cooking doesn’t improve, if he says it is wonderful, and then complains that you don’t improve it when you don’t know that a dish unfamiliar to you isn’t quite right.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he learned this kind of nonsense at home because acting like it’s your responsibility to keep him fed and his expectation that his tastes be catered to is deeply ingrained in him. There isn’t much redeeming about a man who holds his partner to a standard he himself can’t keep, because I can bet his food would be unfit for pigs at all.
My dad couldn’t cook anything that didn’t have two-step instructions on the box. AKA 1. Heat. 2. Eat. But he would never say a single bad word about food served to him. The man ate gratefully. Your husband needs a lesson in humility. It’s disgusting to treat you this way.
Let him go back to fast food. NTJ.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your husband sucks. How dare he criticize your food so blatantly after you learned how to cook food for him? Not only was he ungrateful that you wanted to cook for him in the first place but then also criticized you when you took the time and energy to learn how to cook his favorite foods!
You need to find someone who appreciates you or at least make him understand that what he said is not okay. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Threatening To Cut Off My Dad If He Continues To Drag Out The Divorce?
“My parents have been separated for 3 years now. My dad moved to a different city before said separation while my mom stayed at home supporting my 3 younger sisters.
Our dad has since moved on and has been seeing a woman for 2 years. He continues to drag out the divorce by declining to respond or send the proper forms so that things can be finalized. We’ve long suspected he’s been doing this to hide finances.
It’s been a really long, grueling process, especially for my mom who is struggling to make ends meet while supporting 3 kids.
Meanwhile, he’s out here living his best life and bragging to me and my sisters about how his partner’s mom absolutely loves him and thinks he’s such a great man for her daughter.
We’re all sick of it. Our mom gave up her career to support him and raised 4 kids and he doesn’t even have the decency to end this civilly.
Here is where I may be the jerk. We know the divorce is technically not our business but my sisters and I just want this to end and we want them both to be happy.
It really hurts all of us to see our mom so broken down by this long drawn-out game our father is playing.
So, WIBTJ if I to talk to him about me and my sisters no longer having a relationship with him if he continues to disrespect our mother and drag out the divorce past the end of this year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your dad is. He’s putting all of you through horrible stress and pain out of selfishness. You say he was a great dad before this. Was there some catastrophic experience he had that changed him completely when your parents separated?
If not, it’s not likely he really was very good to you before this. He left for another city, right when you and your siblings were going through the pain of the separation, instead of being there for you and supporting you through it. Instead of ‘just’ having to deal with your parents’ separation, you all had to deal with your dad not physically being there to look after you either.
These are the actions of a very neglectful parent. As is leaving your mother to struggle financially when it affects his children so badly too. My point is that cutting off contact with him, at least for a while, might be a good thing. It might give you a chance to properly evaluate what kind of dad he really is.
The very fact you have to give him this ultimatum to stop putting you all through torment says it all.” MarnOo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ divorce is your business because it affects your family both emotionally and financially. Based on your comments it does sound like he’s trying to avoid having to divide his assets, so it’s in your mother and siblings’ best interest to get this done and over with as soon as possible.
This is just one of the tools at your disposal. I don’t know where you live, but in most jurisdictions, it is entirely possible to obtain a divorce without the other person’s participation or agreement. There may be a requirement for separation for a specific period of time, but since your dad left three years ago this is not a concern.
I would look into this option right away.” Goeppertia_Insignis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Omg OP, I feel for your mother. No seriously. I do. I know exactly what she is going through. I’m a single mother of 3. I’ve been trying to get divorced for 8 YEARS.
He doesn’t pay child support. He doesn’t pay for anything. We lost our house because he doesn’t pay for anything, so we are staying with my mother, while he got a new house, never talks to our children anymore, and had his partner living with him.
Like seriously he hadn’t talked to our son in about 5 years. You’re not the jerk. You’re just fed up with the way that jerk treats your mother.” Automatic_Western_50
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wait For My Coworker After Work?
“My coworker (23M) and I (20F) are apparently best friends even though I’ve only known him for two months.
Should be noted that we did hang out outside of work twice already, two of which I kinda forced myself into (new to friends). I obviously don’t feel the same way as it takes me longer to get attached to others. Especially if they are displaying signs of romantic interest (I’m repulsed by romantic advances).
He has been, or at least that’s what I’ve been interpreting. He keeps claiming that it’s not the case but I’m not convinced. Especially with all that he is asking of me. I won’t go into detail and will focus on the main point of this post.
I work at an amusement park and usually, we have two people who get off an hour and 15 minutes early and the rest stay till close. Well, when he gets off early he claims that he sticks around so he can ride rides within the last hour.
He then walks with me after I’m done. I, however, don’t wait.
Today I get off early and he stays till close. He suggested that I wait for him today, reminding me that he waits for me. I said that I’d rather not (because I genuinely don’t want to, I’m not attached enough to wait in the hot sun for an hour and 15 minutes).
He jokingly said that he won’t wait for me next time, to which I shrugged and said that was fine (and I meant it). He then proceeded to tell me that he hoped that I would stay for him since he does it for me.
Again, I shrugged and smiled. Apparently, another co-worker knows about this and tells me that I’m being rude for not waiting on him.
Now I’m thinking that as a friend I should stay, and that what I did wasn’t very friend-like. Was I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because he’s decided you’re friends (or friends on the way to friends with benefits) doesn’t mean you need to be friends. And even if you do want to be friends, you don’t have to go along with plans he made without consulting you.
Either tell him straight up that the waiting for you is making you uncomfortable and you really need it to stop, and then talk to your manager if it doesn’t, or just let him do his own thing and deal with the disappointment on his own if it doesn’t work out the way he decided it would in his head.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to spend time with him if you don’t want to. It sounds like you were really clear about how you feel. As long as you don’t give him any mixed signals you are good. One thing I am curious about is where you said you are repulsed by romantic advances?
Did you mean to indicate just from him or from everyone? It’s okay if that’s how you feel but I don’t know how you could ever avoid people making romantic advances.” AttentionRoyal2276
Another User Comments:
“Oh so not the jerk here. The simple fact that he’s outright asking you to reciprocate just because he does it first raises all kinds of red flags IMHO.
You owe him nothing and especially not your time off work. As for the colleague, they’re slightly a jerk here too 1) for butting in matters that don’t concern them in the first place and 2) for further disrespecting your boundaries by trying to make you feel bad.
If anything, your nosy colleague is the rude one. I don’t know if you’ve communicated your boundaries clearly to him but given how clear-cut is your post, I would assume so. Still, don’t back down and reassert them as much as needed. If possible maybe talk to a colleague you do trust enough and explain them the situation, as a prevention should things escalate (which is what worries me because he’s been disregarding what you’ve been communicating for his own want…).
Remember that as your friend, he shouldn’t be trumping his want with your clearly set boundary and that doesn’t make you rude in any way.” Psychological_Ad3329
14. AITJ For Letting My Son And His Wife Move In Against My Wife's Wishes?
“Last May, our son, at 18, asked his partner to marry him. They’d only been together since January, both had just graduated high school, my son had just started a job, and it shocked all of us.
They’d obviously just started their relationship but they were hugely, hugely locked into that honeymoon phase, saw each other every day, texted and called all day and night. He had no ring to propose with and promised her that would come later. He told her he was going to take care of her and that she didn’t need to work.
He asked me to trust him that he knew what he was doing and asked me for money to buy her a ring. I did. They married in December. I told my son that I trusted him to handle everything.
A few weeks ago, he lost his job.
He started asking his mom if they could live with us as the rent was now too unmanageable. She was, and still is vehemently against their marriage. She felt it was too young, too fast, too reckless, and she doesn’t feel his wife has much to offer.
She thinks his wife is pretty much style over substance. He said he felt that if he could get his mom to greenlight, it’d be fine. My wife said no and kept telling him that he has to face these consequences.
While I get and respect my wife’s points, I’m not about to have my son and his wife living in the streets and I let them move in.
My wife thinks I’m the jerk for not giving her a united front and she thinks I’m “shielding them from life lessons”. Furthermore, she’s not happy that there are 2 more mouths to feed and neither one of them works.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You enabled, if not actively encouraged, your son to marry his partner so soon in their relationship.
That he told her that she didn’t have to work is not just delusional but also denies them of accomplishments that could form the foundation for a lifelong commitment. There’s no chance of: “we did this together”; at best, it will be: “look at all I’ve done and given up for you.” Now, you’re actively shielding them from the consequences of their bad decisions.
They have to figure out how to manage their life as a couple. You’re not going to always be around to bail them out. Though you paint your wife in a bad light, she has a point. You’ve chosen to assume the responsibility for two additional lives and mouths without any evidence that they will do all they can to get themselves out of the mess they got into — with your active support, I might add.
If I were your wife, I’d move out and start divorce proceedings.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is there some compelling reason that YOU get a unilateral say in this matter? Are you the only one that pays for the house and the groceries etc etc etc?
When another adult joins the household, it should generally be a joint decision between all other adults in the household… if there isn’t some darn good reason that the power dynamic is unbalanced. Are your two new housemates even looking for employment? Do they cook and clean for themselves?
Do they try to help you out while they’re staying with you, or do they get to act like two kids on summer break? I don’t want to just assume that your wife is now playing maid to her adult son and his wife, but… dude, is she?” graywisteria
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… You couldn’t stop them from getting married but it does seem you have set his life up for being entitled and unrealistic. Any 18-year-old promising the world to someone else and getting married that young is naive but being that naive comes from somewhere.
You clearly have not prepared him for realistic expectations in life and then do things like buy the ring and bail him out Give them a set amount of rent to pay, tell them they both need to get jobs within 4 weeks to stay with you, apologize to your wife, and if they cannot meet those rules they need to be kicked out.
I cannot stress enough how much you will ruin his life if you don’t stop bailing out his idiocy and entitlement at every turn. He wants to be an adult, then let him. Stupid games win stupid prizes and it seems like your wife is the only one to understand that.” vancitymala
13. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Mother's Day At Home Instead Of Visiting My MIL?
“A couple of days ago, my MIL brought to my attention how upset and betrayed? (her words) she felt that we did not come over and visit for Mother’s Day this year. I proceeded to tell her we did not visit anyone this year, even my own mom and family.
I told her it was also my day, as I am a mom as well, and we chose to stay home.
Backstory starts here: I have been a mom for going on four years and each Mother’s Day has been super stressful trying to coordinate events and buy gifts.
I told my fiancé that this year I didn’t want to be stressed, I just wanted to hang out at the house with him and our kids, eat good food, and maybe go out somewhere. We ended up staying home, relaxing and it was so nice.
After the conversation with my MIL, I can’t help but feel guilty and like I made the wrong choice. I’m horrible with personal boundaries, but slowly setting them for myself and my family so that may be why I am feeling this way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… Both you and your MIL are treating your fiancé like he is less than a fully grown adult. And I would guess that he plays into that a lot. You never should have been buying gifts for his mother on Mother’s Day – That has always been his job.
You don’t owe your MIL a visit on Mother’s Day, but her son kind of does. There are exceptions to this – some people are no contact, some people have family who lives thousands of miles away, etc. But having kids doesn’t negate your relationship with your family of origin.
Boundaries are important, but there are ways to have boundaries while still acknowledging the needs of others. I get why you wanted to stay home. But to me, the logical solution is that he takes the kids out for a couple of hours to see his mother while you get a massage, chill at home, or whatever.
You get some kid-free time, grandma gets some acknowledgment. It is win-win.” elinordash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I had the same issue with my MIL. My mother lived in a different state. I would send her plants for her garden every year and a nice card.
My brother-in-law lives out of state and would send his mother flowers. Because my immediate family lived nearby we would get together with MIL. She always chose this fancy place for brunch that requires getting dressed up. Before kids, I never minded, but with toddler twins, and later a toddler and twin preschoolers getting everybody dressed and out the door was a lot of work.
Not the way I wanted to spend what should also be my day. So one year I said enough. I wanted to sleep in. Spend my day in shorts and a t-shirt playing outside with the kids. My husband would cook. If he wanted to go to his mom’s for a little while he could.
We sent her chocolate (her favorite) and a card. Suddenly I was this horrible person for not seeing her on Mother’s Day. When the kids got bigger and capable of dressing themselves we went back to the fancy brunch. For a few years in between we invited them to dinner.
I do not have grandkids yet but have already decided that Mother’s Day plans will be at the discretion of the person in the mothering trenches.” BrinaGu3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made the decision to do what’s best for you. You set boundaries for yourself and said enough is enough, you’ve got to take yourself into consideration, too.
You’re by no means obligated to spend time with or visit anyone on Mother’s Day. Besides, as you said, you’re a mom too. That day is just as much about you as it is about her, and it’s important that you and your family can celebrate without any of the stress or anxiety that comes with trying to juggle so many “obligations” to others.
I wanna add that unless your MIL was really guilty trippy or couldn’t/wouldn’t accept your explanation, she’d not be a jerk either just for expressing how she felt. If she did do those things, that’s entirely different.” Legitimate-Effort616
12. AITJ For Leaving The Dinner Table Early Due To My Eating Disorder?
“My (32F) husband (33M) is very well-mannered. That’s not to say that I have poor manners, but he was raised in a household with a particular emphasis on manners, etiquette, etc. My house was far more relaxed and casual.
My husband waits until I am finished with my meal until he leaves the dinner table. He insists I do the same thing, which I usually do, except there is one problem. I have battled an eating disorder my whole life. I currently have issues when I’m around food because I don’t know when to stop eating.
I’ll eat beyond the point of fullness, keep eating, then hate myself and regret it. It’s a vicious cycle. So through therapy, I have learned that my solution is to remove myself from the food or environment when I know I’m no longer hungry.
This means that when I’m done eating I have to leave the kitchen or leave the table or else I know I will just keep eating. I won’t stuff my face or anything, but I will slowly keep picking at the food in front of me, or keep scavenging through the pantry while he eats.
I hate this, so I have one simple solution: walk away.
My husband knows this, he knows about my historic and current battle with eating disorders, but he still insists that my one solution shouldn’t be something so “rude” because he always waits for me to finish before leaving.
I think he’s being kind of ridiculous to insist I stay out of mere politeness when it is at the expense of my physical and mental well-being.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can get over himself. He knows your health issue yet is putting his upbringing over your well-being.
He is pretty much saying screw your health because I want you to sit here with me because I choose to do something I don’t have to for the sake of “manners”. What he is doing is rude. You are not a child. You do not need to placate him.
As another poster has said if it was IBS or incontinence, would he expect you to sit there? Defecate or urinate on yourself, no. Maybe he should seek therapy over this. It sounds controlling. Can’t believe what I just read. I’m all for manners (if they make sense and it’s my own home or know what is expected so can decide whether I want to go or not if someone else’s) but not at the expense of someone’s health.
There are other ways to spend time together.” PhoenixRosehere
Another User Comments:
“So you need to put yourself in danger to meet a broad societal rule? The purpose of polite rules is that they’re a way of saying “I respect you” and “I want you to feel comfortable” using actions.
They are not intended to endanger anyone. They are not meant to be a rigid way of life. It’s about consideration and care, not blindly following a set of rules. Does it occur to your husband that he is failing in his husbandly duties to protect and cherish you?
That his need for rigid rules endangers your health. Shame on him. NTJ.” PattersonsOlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely not the jerk but your husband is being an insensitive jerk when he knows your history and what you’re dealing with. And it doesn’t matter how much all that etiquette and good manners were taught to him being sensitive to other people’s needs and situations trumps those any day of the week.
Or else he’s just being rude. But it sounds more like control. And it’s great to stick to the letter of the law of etiquette when you have guests over or when you’re out in public and why you would not want him to have poor table manners, but it doesn’t mean that you have to strictly adhere to those things when you’re in the comfort of your own home.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Telling My Homophobic Mom About My Partner And Our Family Issues?
“Yesterday, I (19f) tried informing my mom that I would be going out with my partner, as I wanted to respect her and not go sneaking around behind her back. My mother does not approve of the fact that I am gay, and because of this my partner and I hid our relationship from her for many years, which I agree is bad.
When telling her that I would be going out, I did, however, make it clear that I was informing her and not asking for permission. My mother then began giving her opinions on gay and trans people. She went on about disliking my partner, about how I should just try seeing a boy just to make sure.
The whole time, I really did try and keep my cool in order to not start an argument, but what she was saying was just too upsetting.
We got on the topic of my bad attitude ever since I got home from college. I’ll admit, I’ve been pretty rude to my parents ever since I got back from school, but I just no longer have any politeness to give.
The environment in which I live is just exhausting and has been a big cause of my depression throughout my life.
I told my mom that the way in which she’s treated me throughout my life has been the cause of my depression from a very young age.
She started crying, saying that I’m making this all about me and that if I hate her so badly, I should just stop talking to her. My intention wasn’t to cause a rift, it was to tell her that this family isn’t healthy for me and that if we change and be better, we can be happier.
I suggested family counseling but was pretty quickly shot down. My mom told me that what I said has shown her that I hate her and that nothing will ever be the same. She also implied that if I do choose to go on this outing, I might be getting kicked out on account of the way that I have betrayed her.
My intention was not to make her feel bad; I just wanted to tell her what her behavior was doing to me so maybe we could fix things. I know I didn’t handle everything in the best way, and I got angry and said many things that would be considered hurtful during the argument.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hello Op, how are you doing? Well, hate to break the news, but based on some things you said in your post your mom seems to be quite manipulative. Things Like “if I hate her so badly” “I hate her and that nothing will ever be the same” And “the way that I have betrayed her” are quite overdramatic.
In other words, she’s trying to make you feel guilty so she can use that guilt to make you do what she wants you to do. I myself lived with a mother who is an expert on the matter and learned to deal with it.
My advice is, don’t budge. If you live in her house try to get away from there ASAP.” GasosoCheiroso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom doesn’t accept you as you are… It CAN be a cause of your depression. The fact that she refuses family counseling shows that she doesn’t want to question her beliefs and hopes you’ll reject yourself just for her.
And your proposition is proof that you don’t hate her as you want things to go better. Telling you to try with a guy is awful… It’s like someone tells her to try to be in a relationship with a girl because she has never done it and can’t be sure.
Teenage is a difficult age to pass and any disrespect can trigger a rude response… If your mom doesn’t respect you and who you are, being a mother who is mostly critical of their child… it’s a toxic family relationship. You’re the child of the relationship.
You did your best to keep yourself from saying hurtful things but your mom who’s the adult of the relationship didn’t and it’s not okay. Crying like that and making it feel like all is your fault is just manipulating the love you have for her.
I don’t have any advice to give because homophobic parents of an LGBT+ child don’t want to listen. I hope someone in the comments can help you. Please stay strong and go out with your partner anyway.” Ptite_Suisse
10. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Didn't Visit Me In The ICU?
“In April, I went to the ICU 3 times in 3 weeks. I have what’s called a shunt in my head, it’s like a dam that drains spinal fluid and prevents a bunch of that fluid from putting pressure on my head and just making life pure discomfort.
I got one at 2, it crapped out at 15, my family knew the one I got at 15 would crap out at some point in my 20s. I’m 23, it crapped out in April so, I went to the ICU the first time to get it fixed. It just wasn’t working for me, so visit #2 was to take it out, that didn’t work, so visit #3 was to put it back in and tweak it.
Anyway, 3 weeks in a hospital bed with a tube in my skull. I got visited by extended family that had to fly in, I saw friends I hadn’t seen since high school, but, my partner only called and texted. It hurt me. I thought, here’s this person I’ve been with for 3 years who I love and she can’t swing by for an hour?
But she has time to go see friends in Wisconsin?
I voiced this to her, that I was hurt there was no visit. She defended it with:
“I was scared.”
“I didn’t want to see you with tubes everywhere.”
“I thought I’d lose you,” (all the more reason to come down when you think about it)
“You told me it was all going to be fine.”
“I checked up on you daily.”
She said I was a jerk for bringing this up instead of choosing to celebrate that I’m fine now
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is an interesting one. 1st, you’re NTJ for bringing it up.
Couples are supposed to communicate. 2nd, your feelings about feeling abandoned are legit. Did you/were you able to bring them up to her during your stay as well? If so, that changes things a bit. Either way, she did speak to you daily and she may be genuinely afraid of the hospital or have some trauma around seeing someone in the hospital. So the situation may still be salvageable.
This is a lifetime health issue for you and you two need to discuss it more. You need to make your expectations and needs around it clear and she needs to discuss any of her fears, if that’s indeed what caused her to stay away Then you two need to 1.
Find a common agreement for moving forward, or 2. Realize you’re not compatible in this area and make a decision if that’s acceptable to you or not.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hi, ICU admin here. There are a lot of times when visitors make our jobs harder, ie.
getting in the way, agitating the patient who needs rest, being difficult/confrontational/defiant when asked to follow visitor guidelines, etc. There are also a lot of times when visitors are a valued part of the treatment team. They help with the patient’s morale, reorient confused patients, and provide valuable information when the patient is unable to speak for themselves, you get the drift. I’ll be honest with you, more often than not, we have to be the bad guy who kicks visitors out when the patient is overwhelmed, tired, or visiting hours are over.
This makes us pretty unpopular because people tend to want to show up for their loved one in the ICU. You have every right to be hurt and disappointed that your partner didn’t make the time to visit you during a stressful hospitalization. Her response to your admission of having hurt feelings is dismissive and selfish.
Speaking for myself only, I would set aside my own discomfort if it meant I could ease the discomfort of my husband during a time when he needed me. I know he would do the same for me. You are NTJ, I wish you well in your recovery, and hope you find peace wherever you land with your partner.” JustLikeaMiniMaII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We never know what is going to happen in our lives. There are always ups and downs. What we need to know is that our partner will be there for us otherwise what is the point? Lose your job, family member dies, get injured – all things that cause us major stress and things we would hope to get support for when dealing with.
She did the opposite of what anyone would need in that situation. I’m not big on telling people to end things. I believe in therapy and trying before throwing in the towel. But I don’t see how you could ever trust her to be there for you.
Why wait for the next major life event before you realize she will flake out?” Background_Owl_3474
9. AITJ For Enforcing A No Phone Rule During Family Dinner And Punishing My Son For Disobeying?
“We feel that family dinner is important in our family. It is a time to relax, talk about our day and have fun.
We have a rule that phones and electronic devices are not allowed at the table. Right before the meal starts, we put the electronics in a drawer and they stay till everyone is done eating and the food is cleaned up. We ask anyone (immediate family, visiting family, friends) to put their phones away if they eat with us at our house.
Yesterday I asked my teenage son to put his phone away. He said no and that he thought the rule was stupid. We told him he needed to put it away, anyway, and he was rude for the rest of dinner. He wolfed down his food, said he didn’t feel like talking, and when dinner was over, he refused to help clean up.
He blamed us for missing important messages and later on, when I heard him talking to his friend on the phone, he called me a “bad parent”. I took his phone away and told him he has lost it for a week for being rude during dinner and the bad parent remark.
AITJ? My son thinks the punishment is too harsh and he must have vented to his aunt too because she told me that the no phones rule at the table is mean and makes her kids not want to come over for family dinner during the weekend.
So, AITJ for how I punished my son, and for asking people not to bring their phones to family dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are establishing family rules and dealing with a teenager who feels they can push those rules. I’m glad you added the consequence for his venting.
Before this gets too much worse, I would suggest you talk with your son in a calm and mature way and explain the reasons why you feel this rule is so important. Also, explain that having a phone is a privilege and not a right.
Finally, make sure your spouse and you are on the same page for everything. If you can do all that, this kid will be a better adult.” Ickyhouse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all, it’s your house and he’s a teenager so you get to make the rules.
It doesn’t matter how he feels about it. But the rest of your family attacking you over it is way out of line and ridiculous. And one week without a phone is not enough punishment for the way he treated everyone. Not only was he rude, but he refused to clean up and help after dinner which is completely unacceptable.
I would turn that phone off for a month and tell him that you can renegotiate it at the end of the month. If his behavior has been appropriate, if he has done what is expected of him, and if he has treated you with respect he might get that phone turned back on.
But I would also begin making him pay for it because that’s the only way he’s going to appreciate it. You have a small window of opportunity to turn this kid’s behavior around and you need to put him in a position of earning all privileges.
This is called tough love and it’s the best thing you could do for him unless you want to start saving up for his therapy bills.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Your house your rules. If people can’t sit down through one meal without an electronic device, well my friend, that means they have an addiction.
2. I’m assuming you pay the cell phone bill and for the phone. Having a cell phone is a privilege, not a right. He broke the rules. He also disrespected you by telling you the rule is stupid and by calling you a bad parent. 3. Being grounded for a week and losing his cell phone privileges is reasonable.
4. If he is throwing that much of a fit about the phone issue, I would suggest getting him in therapy so you can help him work through the issues of his dependency on his phone. 4. You could use the Google Family Link app on everyone’s phone and let them keep their phones instead of taking them.
The family link allows you to control screen time. The kids can’t use the phone during designated hours and if they want more screen time the phone will prompt them to send the parents a message asking. If they do you received it and can remove the screentime lock for a certain period of time.
But ultimately you control when they use the phone. You are able to set it to where they can only message the parents when screen time is off.” Poison-Dart-Frog89
8. AITJ For Giving My Dad An Ultimatum To Start Caring Or Lose Me At 18?
“My 14F dad 47M has always favored my brother 10M and never really cared much about how I feel. Background: ever since my brother was born he would get practically whatever he wanted and would guilt my dad into getting him out of situations he should have been punished for.
I had a hard time getting along with my brother due to him not caring about my feelings. He would yell at me for no reason so I would do the same and get grounded when my dad stood there and watched it happen but didn’t care and I got in trouble.
Yes, I’ve heard the “you know better lecture” but in my opinion, I think it was just an excuse so his perfect little prince wouldn’t get in trouble. My mom knew all this happened and knew it was pulling me into a deep hole of depression and anxiety so last Christmas she rented a house and moved us out but I wasn’t the only reason (they have some issues and want a divorce).
Recently, my mom and I went on a trip and we started talking about my dad and stuff like that and she asked me how my relationship with him was going. I told her I’m done trying to build one with him because the last few times he either blew me off or got mad at me for no reason.
I have been told many times by my family that he doesn’t know how to take care of a girl because that’s how his dad was with my dad’s sister. I’ve seen it and I believe it but I have mentioned to my dad time and time again that he has always blown me off and never seemed to care about me much and I personally think he could have listened and changed at least a little.
When I moved out with my mom he said he wanted to have a relationship with me so I agreed to try. Over the last 3 months he hasn’t tried but once to have a relationship with me and when I go over to try and spend time with him he sits on the couch and watches TV and barely notices me.
So when I told my mom I was done trying she said I needed to try harder so I told her if he wants a relationship with me he can get his act straight and notice or listen to how I feel. I will think about trying again or he won’t see me ever again after I’m 18.
I know giving an ultimatum wasn’t the way to go but I felt it was right at the moment. My mom got upset and told me he is my dad and I should try but I think it should be a joint effort and I don’t go to his house anymore for obvious reasons.
The only thing she agreed on was he should have cared more when we lived with him.
My mom thinks this choice is stupid and honestly, I don’t care at this point because I see this as if he isn’t going to try or even give a darn then why should I?
He can either start trying to build even a sliver of a relationship, he can pay more attention and care about what I say or feel and get his priorities straight or he won’t see me anymore once I have the choice.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It turns out NOBODY knows how to raise a little girl OR a little boy when they first become parents. But guess what! For YEARS before you were born, the internet existed. The whole 9 months you were developing inside your mother, your dad had access to the library.
YouTube has been a thing longer than you have OP. And there are videos out there, parenting videos, and teaching videos that can help people with good tips and advice on how to raise kids. Books have existed for a couple hundred years at least, and at least 5 of those books talk about raising kids.
Probably more actually. Your dad has access to information, resources, other fathers, advice, and help. All for free. He has chosen to not make use of any of that help, which means he’s lazy. Nobody knows how to be a parent. But you read, study, get advice, and figure it out by putting in effort.
You aren’t responsible for managing your parents’ feelings, or for building the relationships. They are the adults. They chose this life. They started this family, and it’s their actions that dictate how the family functions. Your dad is getting the relationship with you that he built.
Don’t feel bad for giving him what he’s asked for. NTJ.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But neither is your mom. She seems to really want the best for you. Now I don’t know your mom, but I’m probably closer to her in age than you.
At a certain point, it becomes clear that your parents won’t be with you forever. And as they get older, it becomes really salient a fact. For me, I have a good relationship with mine and I am trying to hold on to every moment I can.
I’m not sure what her relationship with her dad is, but if she has a good one, she may recognize that once a dad is gone… That’s it. There are no do-overs and it sucks to have regrets. Now I recognize that your relationship with your dad is really not good.
And you don’t feel that way. And you have every right to go NC at 18 if you want. And you absolutely should. I am willing to bet your mom is worried that you will regret it one day when you’re old and grey, and your dad is in his last days.” Hungry-Grade4446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you hit the nail right on the head. Let me make this perfectly clear: you are the CHILD and he is the ADULT. Your mom expects it to be the other way around. You were dependent on him enough as it were up until now, you don’t need to give him carte blanche to treat you like rubbish when you are finally in a situation to avoid it.
Besides, what is this lame excuse about him not knowing how to take care of a girl?! We are human beings before we are defined by our sex chromosomes…” samanthacarter4
7. AITJ For Wanting To Go Back Home Because My Partner's Family Is Judging Me?
“My (24F) partner (26M) and I have our own house but for the last few days, he’s been wanting to stay at his grandma’s.
I’m ok with staying just one night but we have been here close to 3 weeks. I consistently feel like I’m being judged as a mom by his mom. She and a few of the other girls (his family) that stay here go running to him saying I don’t do anything to help when every time I offer help they tell me no or turn their heads and ignore me.
I’ve bought food that I’m able to hold down (which isn’t much since I have a stomach issue) and it’s all gone besides my pasta and ice cream. I needed a granola bar because I hadn’t eaten anything and I was feeling weak (I usually can’t eat anything besides granola when I’m feeling like this or I throw it up) and there was none left in the box.
Just an empty box. Then I saw a message on his phone from one of them saying that I was eating everything today but all I had was a small plate of spaghetti and 2 breakfast sausages. I usually just eat 2 breakfast sausages since they ate all of my food.
He gave me half of a Subway sandwich when he got off work but I laid it down for a few mins and it went missing.
I’m currently hungry and wanting food but refuse to go get anything due to the text I saw.
Due to that, I asked him again if we can just go back to our house saying I miss my dog (his cousin has been staying at the house taking care of her) and using her as an excuse so he doesn’t think I have something against his family or don’t like them.
Every time I bring up going back to the house he gets whiny and starts throwing a fit acting like I’m an utter self-absorbed jerk. I just want to actually be able to eat and take care of my child without feeling like I’m being judged. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, go home. Your partner does not have any right to keep you there. Your health is suffering. You miss your home and dog. Your partner’s family is being rude and cruel to you. What more reason do you need? If you are concerned about your safety being home alone, don’t be alone at home.
Get a relative or friend to stay with you. If your partner gets whiny and starts throwing a fit, get rid of that partner and get a new one. Your partner does not have any right to keep you at his grandma’s.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“If he doesn’t want to go home and you’re not going to go home alone then what? You’re going to continue to starve in someone else’s house with your child? I get being scared but there are security cameras, alarms, and self-defense tools.
You can even sleep with a knife on the nightstand for comfort. Have you considered the possibility that he doesn’t want to go home? His behavior is a good indicator that he doesn’t want to go home or at least has no intentions to do so anytime soon.
NTJ.” Adorable-Glass6478
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, he shouldn’t be allowing his family to talk negatively about you in any way shape, or form, let alone to the point you don’t feel welcome. You should never feel judged around family. When he married you, he married you into his family, making it his responsibility to make sure they make you feel welcome.
3 weeks is a long time to be away from home, especially with a child/children, and your medical condition. He needs to stick up for you and put an end to their negativity immediately. I’m disgusted by his family’s actions. I would tell him how they are making you feel, especially how they’ve been taking the few things you can eat and lying about/judging you for what little you do consume.
Is there something stopping you from just going home with or without him? And what’s his reasoning for wanting to stay?” bettypitchig
6. AITJ For Not Buying My Uncooperative Son Special Groceries Like His Brothers?
“I’ve been struggling with my 12-year-old son due to task avoidance and refusing to be proactive. He’s like a lazy coworker or sibling who ends up costing you time and/or resources every time you deal with them.
For example, his chores. He’s assigned to do the dishes. He complains about having to wash dishes he didn’t use. Another example is showering. I have to tell him to shower and when he does, it’s half-hearted.
Recently he had a fit that I was buying stuff for my two other boys from the grocery store but not him.
Nothing big but stuff like avocados or Hawaiian bread or wafers.
I used that as a learning opportunity for him. I explained that I hate grocery shopping. When my other sons ask me to buy stuff, I automatically remember how cooperative, helpful, and behaved they were during the week.
Of course, I’ll buy them those things.
I said you can’t expect people to do things for you when you won’t do things for them AND you make more work for them.
My son said he understood and would be more agreeable. I did need to go grocery shopping and as a gesture of goodwill, I bought him his own Ben and Jerry’s mini cups for dessert or after-school treats.
I got him Chewy Gooey Cookie, Dirt Cake, and Phish Food.
That made him very happy because he felt like a big kid.
Well all this week, he’s been acting like a little jerk. I even thought about sending him to his mother’s. When I did my weekly grocery shopping trip, I did not get him anything special but I did for my other sons.
He was really upset and accused me of basically playing favorites.
Note: I don’t take my kids with me to the store because I go during my lunch break (I WFH).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. He is 12 years old, this lazy mentality is par for the course.
It is your job as a parent to teach him the importance of good hygiene and that every family member is expected to pitch in. 2. If you really wanna equate being a parent with time = resources, you need to understand that you are supposed to be making the ultimate investment by teaching your kids how to be good human beings.
3. Sending your child to the other parent as punishment/ you don’t wanna deal with your child’s growing pains i.e. laziness, makes you a horrible parent.” KnittyWench
Another User Comments:
“I honestly was going to say NTJ based solely on your post, but I also read your comment, and YTJ, but not for the ice cream.
It’s for your general attitude. 1) Your child sounds like they have a neurological disorder. Despite your comments, puberty is not a neurological disorder. ADHD is, and it sounds like that might be what he has. PLEASE get him tested, and PLEASE understand that neurological disorders are very important to have diagnosed, and, without that diagnosis, it can lead to a child and adult that doesn’t understand why they’re different, which can lead to depression.
So, again, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get him checked. 2) You’re being overly strict in general, and this will lead to resentful kids. Take it from someone who is resentful. The limits you’re setting with your children will only make them sneaky, dishonest, and distrustful of you.
I’m not saying you need to be their best friend, but I can guarantee that, as is, they will never come to you if they have a problem, and that’s what being a parent is actually about; taking care of your kids, not treating them like prisoners.” Mkyi
Another User Comments:
“In that age, kids have a MASSIVE cognitive growth spurt and as a result, two things happen. Since they suddenly understand so much more, start to ponder deep philosophical questions, etc, they tend to think they understand more than other people around them.
The other thing that happens is that they become extremely tired and hungry due to the rapid development of the brain. I think this is a degree of parenting challenge you haven’t had since your children were three, and you might have to think about this in a new way.
For example, you could sit your children down and reevaluate the chores together. If they are indeed big and grown, then they can decide everyone’s chores, rewards for doing them, and punishments for not, in a democratic way as equals to you. That could help them feel respected and understand that no one wants to do these jobs but since they have to be done to have a functioning household, someone has to do it.
A plus is that maybe you guys could figure out a way that works better for everybody. I, for example, hate doing dishes more than anything while my partner doesn’t mind. I do laundry and such instead, which he hates and I really don’t mind.
Working out the rules together could be beneficial and make your children feel like their voices matter at the same time.” Wumbletweed
5. AITJ For Writing Inappropriate Jokes On My Food In The Office Fridge?
“I work in a pretty large office. We have a very big staff lounge with a big fridge. Some people in that office have no problem using other people’s food in the fridge. Everyone labels their stuff. I put my salad dressing, coffee creamer, milk, and cereal in the same spot with all the labels facing away so somebody would have to turn the bottles to see the labels.
For over a year I’ve been writing silly/inappropriate things on my food to make myself laugh and to deter others from using my stuff. I find these hilarious. On my milk it says, “strange homeless person’s breastmilk.” They are only meant for me.
A woman I work with apparently just had a baby.
When she saw me grab my things out of the fridge she said “omg that’s your stuff. What you wrote there is really insensitive, this is a public fridge.” I just say yes I know, they are inside jokes. Then she starts to lecture me because I guess she had trouble breastfeeding her new baby, and seeing breast milk in the fridge is a trigger for her.
I go I don’t see what that has to do with my food. If she hadn’t been touching my things she wouldn’t have been triggered. She claimed she would report me to hr. I say good I’ll tell them you’re touching everyone’s stuff.
I kinda feel like the jerk because these jokes were never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a workplace, there’s a level of professionalism expected. You also said you purposefully put everything in with the label facing away, so people have to turn it around to see the label – meaning people have to touch it and turn it to see who it belongs to.
You’re going to report her to HR for “touching everyone’s stuff” when you purposefully stage your things to be touched?” QuackLikeMe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I personally do not understand anyone using someone else’s food from a company fridge and have seen it happen in many a workplace.
Regardless of whether or not you intended harm, you purposefully wrote offensive things on your food which can get you in trouble with HR for creating a hostile work environment. An easier solution would be to buy a container that locks to keep your food in, if you’re worried about it disappearing, or report any theft to HR if your food goes missing.
There are more adult ways to handle this kind of thing.” Jennabear82
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There can be legitimate reasons people are looking at your stuff – most places I’ve worked at, the cleaners are tasked to go through the work fridge each week and toss out stuff that’s over a week old (stops there being rotten food left in there).
Other people may see it in passing if they have to move your stuff – you don’t own a specific spot in the fridge. In a shared fridge, your stuff will get knocked about and moved around at some point. Things like coffee creamer and milk there can also be some that’s for all office use and some that isn’t – so you’ll get some people checking for a label.
There’s plenty of SFW jokes you could’ve come up with instead of this nonsense. Save it for your home fridge.” quenishi
4. AITJ For Insisting My Daughter Be With Me On My Ex's Custody Day?
“I (30f) have a 5-year-old daughter Annie with my ex Daniel (28m).
We have a 50/50 agreement with a 5-2-2-5 schedule. Daniel has a partner Jessie (25f) who I cannot stand. We do not get along and she has manipulated my daughter into liking her more. They both have. She sometimes doesn’t even want to speak to me or come to my house when their time is up but once she’s here she loves being with Mommy.
I have tried to get along with this girl but she has played the victim so much that my ex claims I’m mistreating her when I’m not. I just want what’s best for my daughter and she just wants to cause a rift between us.
Sometimes during his custody days, Annie is left alone with Jessie when I am available and that is not fair. I asked for the right of first refusal but Daniel refused to add it to our agreement so they wouldn’t put it in since we already are “high conflict”.
I had a day off and Jessie took Annie to the carnival with her cousin so that I couldn’t see my daughter. I showed up at the carnival with the police and demanded my child back. Annie started crying wanting to stay and Jessie just kept apologizing to her saying “just go have fun with Mommy, daddy will get you later”.
She texted me that I was being evil and my ex said it’s not fair to alienate Annie from his other family members which include her future stepmom, and claims he’s going to take me to court but no court system is going to say send Annie with someone else when her mom is free.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This was NOT your custody day. Being in her dad’s custody means Annie is living within her dad’s household – it does not just mean solely whenever her dad is physically present. Under that logic, your ex could come claim custody any time you got a babysitter, or let Annie go to a friend’s house while you ran errands.
“Claims he’s going to take me to court but no court system is going to say send Annie with someone else when her mom is free.” Yeah, go test that one in court. You just interfered with your ex’s custodial time under a legal custody agreement.
You’re the one messing up here.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you don’t currently have the right of first refusal, so your daughter was legitimately in the custody of her father and his designated caregiver Jessie when you had the police get involved at a carnival. Police interference in custody is terribly traumatic for a child and you invoked this when it wasn’t even “your” time.
All parties should be working in the best interests of your poor child. I originally thought ESH since you describe Jessie and your ex as alienating your daughter but frankly, it seems like you’re doing that yourself. In this specific incident, Jessie was soothing and calm towards Annie and did not retaliate your hostility in front of the child.
I do understand that it’s frustrating to share your child and not be able to spend your free time with her, but unfortunately, that happens with split parents and especially those who cannot cooperate.” no_good_namez
Another User Comments:
“Sorry OP YTJ. My son likes his dad way more than he likes me and it breaks my heart, but honestly, that’s just life.
People like other people more. She’s just a kid. She knows you’re her mom and she loves you. But it honestly sounds like Jessie is here to stay. Make peace with it. Maybe switch to a 2-2-3 split? 5 days is a long time to be away from her, I can’t imagine how that feels.
I’m sorry your feelings are hurt, but allowing her to have a relationship with her stepmom really is best for her. And you don’t seem to have to worry about her mistreating your daughter in any way. She seems to really love her and wants to spoil her.
I’m sorry I know it’s hard. But like I said see if switching to 2-2-3 is easier on everyone seriously I hate to see the 5-2-2-5 splits at this age, or the 7-7 split. It’s just too much time apart.
Bouncing back and forth is really tough too though so there’s no easy solution. But you are most definitely being a jerk unnecessarily. Play nice for your daughter’s sake.” Quilting_and_crafts
3. AITJ For Locking My Brother's Best Friend Out Of Our Vacation Home?
“My brother has been best friends with Julian since they were both 5. My entire family loves him except for me. Admittedly my reason for not liking him is super childish but I felt like he stole my brother from me when I was younger and I never really got over it.
Julian sometimes comes on vacation with our family. This happened while we were all staying at my family’s vacation home. He has recently developed a habit of calling me “princess” in a really sarcastic way to imply I’m spoilt. It gets under my skin and he knows it.
It was late at night and I was tidying up the kitchen. I was going to take the trash out but he made a sarcastic comment about how princesses don’t usually do that and offered to do it instead. When he went outside, I locked the doors so he couldn’t come back inside.
Everybody else was sleeping and I refused to let him back in.
Eventually, he called my brother who came down to unlock the door. Both of them were angry at me and then my brother mentioned it to my parents the next day who were also upset with me for locking him out.
They told me I was too old to be behaving childishly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The people telling you to “talk it out” have to be either trolling or extremely naive to the point of absurdism. It’s obvious OP doesn’t like it, that’s why he continues to say it.
Stop insulting OP’s intelligence as if this is somehow a cryptic situation and not blatant antagonism. But like, OP, what were you expecting? Obviously, your brother is annoyed, he had to be woken up to get the door. Did you think your plan was so brilliant that the dude would just be stuck outside with no recourse?
And your parents are annoyed because you put their guest in danger. You’re not a jerk for your feelings, but it was childish, absolutely. ESH.” Puhhhleeze
Another User Comments:
“ESH. It’s obnoxious and immature for him to repeatedly taunt you as spoiled, but you proved him right by locking him out.
Don’t be surprised if Psycho Princess is your new nickname after this. You are the problem in this dynamic. Instead of being insane towards your brother’s lifelong friend because you’re jealous of the friendship they have, try building up your relationship with your brother instead.
You can both be important people in his life but only if you stop this kind of behavior.” OkraGarden
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, he was being a jerk to you, but you hate him for stealing your brother away. You were 3 when they became friends.
He hardly stole a 3 yr old from a 5 yr old. Your brother having a best friend who isn’t his little sister is the norm. You definitely come off as spoiled if you are angry at him for being your brother’s best friend. He was helping you clean after everyone else went to bed and you locked him out of the house.
That is incredibly childish. What he is doing is standard big-brother teasing. If you weren’t so angry and short-sighted, you might see that he didn’t steal your big brother away, he became your 2nd big brother.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
2. AITJ For Not Taking A Kid's Homework To School?
“I am a first-grade teacher. My daughter, 21f, is a nanny to a little boy (6) in my class.
I made sure she knew from the start that the boy she takes care of would not be getting any special treatment from me. We’ve gotten into arguments about this before because I make the office call his parents, who then call her, instead of texting her directly when there is a problem which apparently caused him to miss lunch one day (he skipped music to eat later in the day).
The other day my daughter came home and said the boy forgot his homework in her car and asked if I could take it to work with me so he wouldn’t get in trouble for not turning in his work. I told her no, she’ll have to drop it off at the school like everyone else and she started yelling at me that the school is 15 miles away (her school is only 3 miles from my work) and that she’ll have to leave the house 2 hours early to get the work to him in time.
I reminded her that I told her this boy won’t be getting special treatment just because she’s his nanny but she thinks I’m being heartless just to spite her and the kid. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There’s a difference between special treatment and showing empathy to others.
There’s literally no downside to you taking his homework and giving it to him but you know what’s an inconvenience, taking 2 hours out of your day just to drop off homework. Your daughter is right, in this situation, you are not only being cold and inconsiderate to the boy but to your own daughter as well.
Do something like this a few more times and your daughter won’t even bother to interact with you at all.” Ok_Media_0210
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Some of this stuff sounds less like favoritism and more like being a decent person/working with your kids.
What does it cost you to make the kid’s nanny the official point of contact for minor problems like a missed lunch? Or taking the kid’s homework to a place you’re already going? You’ve drawn a pointless line in the sand that doesn’t help anybody and only serves to make life harder for your daughter and a 6-year-old kid.” hauptj2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If a nanny showed up at the school to hand you the child’s homework they forgot in their car, would you take it? The only difference here is that the nanny in question lives with you and asked you to skip the middle man (the school).
So instead of you both simultaneously driving to the same location so that she can now hand you the paper just to turn around and go back home and get ready and go to her own school, she’s asking to remove the extra step of going to the same place as you.
It just makes no logistical sense to me. Two cars driving to the exact same place from the exact same place when one is just dropping a piece of paper there and then have to double back and then drive more wasting both time and gas.
I would get it if she asked you to give the kid an A for C-level work because he is her charge. That’s special treatment. Always giving him extra bonus points and not the other kids is special treatment. Giving him preferential tasks in class is special treatment.
Giving him extra snacks the other kids aren’t getting from you is special treatment. Transporting a piece of paper that your daughter has in her possession at YOUR house to the building the paper needs to go to because your daughter asked isn’t special treatment for the boy.
It is for your daughter. Because she’s your daughter. I can’t imagine my old teachers saying “OP, I saw your nanny at the coffee shop before school this morning and she tried to give me your homework because you forgot it in the car but I’m not accepting it because you’re not handing it in yourself.
No special treatment.” Even the most strict teacher I had would have accepted it. Your daughter is just going to see this as her mother not helping her. Not caring for her.” Clever_mudblood
1. AITJ For Planning My Wedding Before My MOH's Wedding?
“I, female, 29, (23 at the time) got pregnant with my eldest daughter.
I was not married at the time but it was important to me to be married before the baby arrived.
My best friend and I when we were growing up, vowed to be each other’s MOH when we got married. Our favorite movie to watch was Bride Wars.
We both wanted a late spring/early summer wedding and joked about us being the real-life bride wars.
She got engaged to her long-time partner around the time I got pregnant. She was planning her wedding for the following June the next year. We were texting back and forth about wedding ideas and I said that I wanted to get married before the baby was born and was thinking of June of this year since the baby was due in September.
She stopped replying to me and later that night I got a text from her fiancé that I was an awful friend and was selfish that I would start planning my wedding and have my wedding before my friend when she is the one who got engaged first. I assured him that I didn’t mean anything by it but I just wanted to be married before the baby came.
I even agreed to move my wedding up earlier so I wouldn’t have a June wedding like her. He then proceeded to tell me that she didn’t want me as her MOH.
I ended up getting married in April, had another MOH, and had my baby in September.
My ex-friend texted me months later and apologized. Me being the forgiving and people pleaser I am accepted her apology. She said that she wishes that I could be her MOH but it would be too late to do that since the wedding was in a couple weeks but wanted me to be in the wedding somehow and suggested I walk her dog down the aisle.
Yes, her dog. I brought this up to my husband before I responded to her. He just looked at me and laughed and said you are not doing that. I told her that I was fine just attending the wedding.
She then asked if my 9-month-old daughter would be another flower girl but I would have to walk her down the aisle, I agreed to that.
The wedding was a few weeks away and she sent me the details of the rehearsal dinner on the Friday before the wedding. I informed her that I was going to be a little late because I couldn’t get out of work early and another co-worker that I back up was out that day.
She responded with a “K”. Fast forward to that Friday, I got out of work and went straight there. I was half an hour late and (pregnant with my second daughter) waddled up the field to the rehearsal carrying my daughter. Her dad walks up to me and tells me to leave because I couldn’t be bothered to show up on time and that his daughter no longer wants me in the wedding.
A few years later she did not apologize but just said that she missed me and I felt the same but to me, our friendship was never fully restored. She just wanted everything to be normal again. It was brought up that she got opinions from 8 other people and they said I was in the wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Help the 20- and 30-somethings if nobody else is allowed to get married while their friends are engaged. It sounds like you’ve outgrown this friendship, and you’re better off for it. She was a childhood friend clinging to childish priorities but you are a grown woman, making hard but adult decisions.
If anything, work on being less of a people pleaser. You don’t have to set your hair on fire to keep other people warm. And people who use you and treat you like you’re disposable aren’t actually your friends. Live your best, confident life, lady.
NTJ.” Kooky-Compote-2528
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get married when you need to/want to. Your wedding date is never going to work for/please everyone. You didn’t plan on getting married right before her, the week of, or the same day. You offered to move it so it wouldn’t compete.
It doesn’t matter that you were pregnant. You could have been not pregnant and decided to elope because your fiancé hated weddings and she would have been mad at you. She got mad because she wasn’t the center of attention 24/7. She didn’t even have the guts to tell you she was upset and talk like an adult.
Her fiancé and then her dad did it for her. I wouldn’t renew the friendship unless she apologizes and you think she’s matured/have seen that she’s matured.” daniyellidaniyelli
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You’re not a jerk for getting married first and she was being overdramatic about that but this entire several years-long drama, wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so stubborn on getting married before giving birth.
What exactly made that SUCH a big deal?? I got married when my daughter was like 4 months old. It’s NOT a huge deal to have a baby before you’re a Mrs. So yeah. Everyone’s a jerk here. She could’ve chilled out and you could’ve figured out marriages before a baby isn’t THAT big of a deal.” Zestyclose-Hour8614
