People Get Some Heat For Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors For Free Childcare After Supporting Them Financially For Months?
“My significant other (28m) and I (26f) have these amazing friends S (34m) and K (31f) who live across the street.
About a year ago they fell into some hard times and their car broke down. We helped them as much as we could by taking over the trash bill, and internet and giving them money when they asked. We had 2 cars and when S asked to use 1 for a few weeks we said yes because I wasn’t working.
We just told S he needed to put gas in it.
Well, a few weeks turned into months, and during this time I found out I was pregnant with our first child. We told them that when our child was born we would NEED the car back because I couldn’t stomach the thought of being home alone with an infant while my husband was at work.
They said okay and they would give our car back and have theirs fixed by the time our daughter was born.
We had our baby shower out of state and when we returned they had sold the car they were trying to fix.
I was 2 months away from giving birth, they still had our car and said they had no plans of getting another. I was upset and I explained my concerns to my s/o and he told me he would handle it.
Nothing changed but they reassured us that they still planned on giving us the car back when our daughter was born so I let it go.
My daughter was born 4 months ago and we still do not have our car back.
I’m in constant anxiety every time I see S leave to the point I have actually puked on multiple occasions.
K runs a daycare in their home while S is bouncing from job to job because of a new type of injury after working 4-6 weeks at a job, causing him to always lose his job.
My s/o refuses to talk to me about it and 10 months of paying their bills and ours is starting to take a toll on us financially. So I am getting a job. It’s close to home so I can walk but we need childcare.
(This is where I might be the jerk) I told K that I’m getting a job and will need childcare. She said that she’d love to take our daughter and how excited she was. I then said to her “because of the bills and the car, can we call our payment for childcare even?” K told me that I was being unreasonable.
Right away I was like, what the heck? But then I thought “ok, maybe it was a bit much to ask for” so I told her that I wouldn’t pay what she is charging the other parents but I would pay an agreed-upon pro-rated amount.
She started yelling at me and telling me I was a bad friend and how dare I ask for a cheaper rate when this is how she makes a living. I just walked away.
Well, I guess K told S and S messaged my s/o and my s/o told me I was being a jerk for asking for free childcare.
Part of me feels like I need to just say forget it and stop paying for their trash, and internet, giving them money, and take my car back and the other part of me feels like I should apologize and just pay what K wants for childcare and continue paying the trash, internet, car note and insurance.”
Another User Comments:
“Is the only reason you are considering putting your new child into daycare & returning to work because you are paying for your neighbor’s trash & internet services and allowing them full use of a vehicle you are paying the financing & insurance for?!??
NTJ, stop paying their bills and you won’t need free childcare or any childcare. I have dear friends I consider family; I would allow to live in my home without a 2nd thought but if my spouse/partner earns enough to allow me to stay home with our child I’d be a jerk all day and not care before I left my child & went back to work to pay their bills…” AndStillShePersisted
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’ve been letting this go on for too long and too far. You’ve been paying their bills for months, loaned them a car for years, and when they didn’t give back the car when you needed it yourself, you just shrugged. Then when you asked if she could at least watch your kid and got turned down, you decided to ask internet strangers if you were too harsh?
They’re not friends, you’re their ATM. But I’ll up you one more: If your husband still refuses to talk about those bills, it’s time for a divorce. Either he’s an even worse pushover than you are, or your friendly neighbor has been repaying him in “other” ways already.” DutchTinCan
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk to yourselves and by proxy your kid. You two are effectively doormats. They never had any intention of returning the car. They consider it their car. Either go over there with your keys (please tell me you didn’t give them your only keys) and bring the car back to your property or report the car as stolen and tell the police exactly where it is.
Your neighbors have shown you exactly who they are so believe them. They’re the types that that kid’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie warns you about. They are not your friends. They saw your kindness and preyed upon it to get the maximum they could from you.” GoodQueenFluffenChop
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother Invited My Ex To His Wedding?
“My (29f) ex ‘John’ (33m) and I divorced last year because of infidelity, I’m now with my current partner ‘Tom’ (41m). My brother ‘Mark’ (31m) is good friends with John and they’ve remained friends after our divorce.
So Mark is getting married later this year and I recently found out that John is invited. I asked Mark why he invited John knowing I’m going to be there. Mark said that John is his friend and he’ll be invited, if I have an issue I can just not come.
I got upset and told Mark he’s picking a friend over his own sister and disrespecting me, especially after I didn’t receive a +1 for Tom either. Mark said I was acting entitled.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You were unfaithful to your brother’s friend John.
He wants his friend John at the wedding. He’s inviting you because you’re family even though you hurt his friend. He’s already made a compromise by inviting you. He does not want you to bring the unfaithful partner Tom to the wedding and hurt his friend.
Makes perfect sense. I don’t see what reasoning you need to “ask” about. It’s Mark’s wedding. He gets to decide who’s invited. Sounds like you’re lucky you got an invite at all. You are not required to attend if you don’t want to go alone.
YTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not about you. It’s about your brother. It’s his wedding. Not yours. You can’t expect him to cut his friend out of his life. I just saw OP’s comment where she commented that she was unfaithful and is mad her lowly affair partner wasn’t invited. What a piece of work.
OP you’re unfaithful so your opinion doesn’t matter. Do everyone a favor and don’t go to the wedding. And your brother is an absolute beast for not being manipulated into changing his guest list for his unfaithful sister.” ninja-gecko
Another User Comments:
“”My (29f) my ex ‘John’ (33m) and I divorced last year because of infidelity.” Wow, what a misleading and scummy way to write, “I two-timed my husband and he threw me to the curb like the trash I am.” Your brother is under no obligation to condone your infidelity.
The only reason you are even still in his life right now is because you’re his sister. He has every right to maintain a relationship with his ex-BIL who WAS TWO-TIMED and he has every right to deny THE MAN YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH an invite to his wedding.
YTJ, and if I was your sibling, I’d be embarrassed to be related to you.” The_Iron_Mountie
20. AITJ For Celebrating My Single Mom On Father's Day?
“I was raised by a single mother. Dad left when I was three and my brother was three months old, haven’t heard from him since. I think it’s horrific how many people look down on single mothers so I like to show appreciation whenever I can.
Obviously, my family did not really celebrate Father’s Day growing up but since I started working as a teenager I like to get my mother cards/a gift on that day as kind of a “appreciate that you had to do the work of two parents” kind of gift.
I started seeing my partner about six months ago and he knows my family history. When Father’s Day rolled around this year he asked me to join him and his family for their annual Father’s Day BBQ and I let him know I would love to I would just need to drop off my mom’s gift to her first.
He looked at me with a really strange expression and asked me why I would give my mom something on Father’s Day. I explained the gift thing and he just got weirdly offended. He said that single mothers were already celebrated enough throughout the year and my gifts made it seem like Father’s Day was a joke compared to Mother’s Day, because instead of being sad about my dad I chose to celebrate my mom.
We argued and I declined to go to his family’s event and spent the day with my mom.
He ended things because of it and according to my friends I kind of deserved it because it made me come off like I think fathers aren’t as important as mothers and I should have acted more excited to spend Father’s Day with my partner’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“Disrespecting single moms has become a Father’s Day trend. I saw a ton of memes this year telling SMs to shut up or sit down since it’s not their day. It’s bad enough that there are memes picking on single moms all year.
I really don’t see how they’re being over-celebrated. I saw a few social media posts from children of single moms saying their mom did everything for them, and I saw one post from a single mom saying she was taking time to herself for how hard she worked, and she also thanked her dad.
I feel like Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are family holidays and deeply personal. However people who want to do it doesn’t take away from anyone else. But your partner making it a zero-sum game is a big issue.” amb3ergris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This day can be celebrated as it’s fit for family. There are no rules. You can do what you feel is right, how can someone tell you how to celebrate? Why should you “celebrate” by being sad about your absent father?
He is gone, so he has no right to have a day reserved for him. You celebrate the parent who stayed. Glad you broke up, this boy has no idea how hard it is to be a single mother.
HE is a misogynist for whom a single woman with children “loses value.” Ditch him.” lt_everoarke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your ex is in the right place now – out of your life. And you are not in the wrong, your friends are in the wrong.
You didn’t want to skip out, you wanted to drop off a gift and then attend an event. You recognize your mom’s efforts and want to make sure she knows that you understand and are grateful. Your ex is clueless.
Also, I grew up celebrating all holidays and special events at different times of the year because my dad was in the military. We would have birthday parties at different times of the year, we did Mother’s Day and Father’s Day at different times.
We even celebrated Christmas in July once and Santa bought us presents, it’s not the date that matters, it’s the intent. Good for you to recognize your mom. And thank the universe that your ex is out of the picture.” craftycorgimom
19. AITJ For Calling My Husband To Be Cute When He Dislikes Phone Calls?
“My husband and I were both headed home from our jobs and it happened that I pulled up behind him at a light.
So I called him to be cute and talk about how the guy in front of me is so fine. But before I could even say anything he responded with, “can it wait till we get home?” And I know I can’t exactly replicate to you guys his tone, but it was as if he was fed up.
And so I said that I was just trying to be cute and I didn’t realize he was in a bad mood, and that he’s always in a bad mood. And he is, I am a very bubbly person and he is just so grumpy all the time.
And then he went on this whole lecture about how he knew I was behind him and I didn’t have to call him because I should know that he doesn’t like talking on the phone. And how can I be blaming him for being in a bad mood when he wasn’t, and that I should know all the stuff… Etc. And then I was sitting there tearing up because how is it that I called him to give him a compliment, and he turned it around to make me feel like an idiot?
Like am I the jerk here? I do know that he doesn’t like being on the phone, but like every single time I call him, he has to sound annoyed? As if he’s exhausted by me before I can even talk?”
Another User Comments:
“”I do know that he doesn’t like being on the phone, but like every single time I call him he has to sound annoyed?” If you know he doesn’t like being on the phone then why do you call him?
Perhaps he sounds annoyed because you’re repeatedly doing something that he’s told you he doesn’t like. You might think it’s cute to call him when you see him in traffic, but that’s because the phone doesn’t bother you. He might enjoy the alone time on the drive home as a chance to unwind and clear his head from work before arriving home.
Maybe he spends most of his time at work on the phone and is tired of it at the end of the day. The reason doesn’t really matter. His aversion to the phone is legitimate, regardless. You will probably find he’s less grumpy if you stop communicating with him in a mode that he clearly doesn’t like.
YTJ.” joanclaytonesq
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew this was a boundary for him and you just stomped all over his boundary because you wanted to be cute. Your intention doesn’t matter, you still totally disregarded his boundaries for your own wants and desires.
What you were really saying is it doesn’t matter what you want or need, I’m more important. Then you’re surprised he’s upset. Judging from what you’ve said this isn’t the first time you’ve done it either.
You’re determined to change him and make him like what you want. Why don’t you love and respect him for who he is?” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Respect his boundaries. We don’t know why he doesn’t like phone calls.
My spouse used to tickle me to be cute, I find tickling torture and will lash out when touched like that. Stemmed from forced tickles when I was young. Some people just don’t understand. Spouse thought I was overreacting at first I guess or kept forgetting, finally he stopped but if he didn’t, we were over.
But whenever he did with our friends, and I lashed out and got mad, I was seen as the bad one. Just respect his boundaries and who cares if you are “trying to be cute”? You are trying to make yourself feel good by acting cute?
Obviously, he doesn’t think so. So who are you doing it for? Listen to him, and stop.” OldKing7199
18. AITJ For Saying My Partner Is My Partner In A Group Chat?
“I have been seeing my partner for the better part of a year. We are both in our mid-twenties. His ex-fiancee (30F) is often around our friend groups so he and I have been around her often, and with zero problems…at least while everyone is around.
Later we will usually hear about how hard it was for her to see him, something like that. They broke up in April 2021. He broke it off, it was a toxic relationship, bullet dodged for them both, right? I wish.
Last week, a bunch of us were in a group text. I made a joking comment that some of our friends should lay off my partner with their teasing because he has me to defend him now.
The next message comes in from his ex-fiancee: “please remove me from this chat.
This is not good for my mental health.”
Then her twin sister texts me the next morning, a whole novel about how the ex gets triggered by seeing my partner and could I please be sensitive in group chats.
I asked if she meant to not say that we were together because that’s what I said. She responded with a guilt trip about how I have no idea the trauma her sister’s been through and this is an opportunity to do good.
The best part is, that she’s seeing a mutual friend of my partner and me, and he was in the offending group chat, too. I’ve blocked both the ex and her twin sister since but…really, was that insensitive to say?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your partner, not hers, and she has to accept that. She has no right to him anymore and you don’t need to tiptoe around her. If she has that much trauma, remove herself from the group for a while and seek professional help.
Also, why didn’t she remove herself from the group chat? Unless it wasn’t possible on her end, that just screams “pay attention to me and feel sad for me” because she could’ve just done it herself.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a group chat with people close to their 30s. I’m a little baffled because I forgot you all weren’t younger until someone in the comments said something. Although she needed it for her mental health, silencing a group chat or asking someone to remove you privately would have been better.
It seemed like a moment to tell you all to cool it down. You shouldn’t be made to feel extremely reserved in stating your relationship status with friends. Although you all should be courteous, there is a moment where you are putting in too much mental effort to be around them with your partner and not state or bring it up.” theHauntingowl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like both your partner’s ex and her sister are being overdramatic. However, if the ex does really have so much trauma from a toxic relationship that’s been over for more than a year that she can’t bear any passing mention of her ex being in a new relationship, despite herself being in a new relationship, then she likely needs professional help to overcome it.
You catering to this demand would likely not help her actually do that. You weren’t being insensitive at all. Good on you for blocking them. Life is sometimes just easier that way.” throwaway87878788
17. AITJ For Cutting Off My Sister After She Shared My Traumatic Experience?
“I cut my sister Addy off five years ago after I found out she told her husband (Kip) about a traumatic experience. Kip brought it up at some point and joked that I attract drama.
I told them to leave and blocked her on everything.
I can’t say what the incident was on here but it involved intoxicated men and things I am still in therapy for.
I told Addy that I never wanted to speak to her again. She sent me a scathing text message about how I was a mean person and deserved what happened. It was 100% Kip on her phone, but I blocked them both and told my family I was done trying to make it work.
Kip ended up leaving Addy, and they divorced.
Addy has tried to speak to people in our family and the only people speaking to her are cousins, our aunt, and my parents. My brother knows what happened to me and refuses to speak to Addy for telling Kip.
My parents have asked that I speak to her. I told them that I would cut them off if they tried to force this. I didn’t care if Addy was in a scary marriage, she should never have told him about it…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She not only exposed you to an attack from him, she told you you deserved it! The exposure of your assault was horrible, but to me, her bigger sin was attacking you for being attacked. She is a bad person.
You owe her nothing, certainly not another opportunity to hurt you on purpose. She needs to work out her issues without your help.” sezit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given the information in your comments, this wasn’t something that would have come up, or that he could have seen a text about.
It was something that happened before she even met Kip and she had no reason to be talking about it. She made that choice. Also, she’s never expressed any remorse, let alone apologized to you, instead she makes excuses.
She doesn’t sound like someone I would really want in my life either. And you have made it clear that you just don’t feel comfortable with her given the past and that is totally understandable.” ObviouslyObsessed18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have an ex-friend in a controlling and abusive relationship. He talked her into making a false report about me to the police to try and ruin my life because he didn’t like that I called him out on his nonsense.
I had the police show up at my door (nothing happened since I hadn’t actually done any of the things they said I did). When I said her name the police confirmed that was who made the report.
I ended the friendship immediately and I will never forgive her nor have her in my life under any circumstances. You are not obligated to forgive anyone for any reason.” MoneyResult6010
16. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister With Her Kids After Years Of Being Mistreated?
“My sister (22f) was the favorite child and she kept making my (18f) life a living nightmare.
She would blame everything on me and no one in my family believed me when I said that it wasn’t me. My stepfather at the time was a really huge jerk to me and kept manipulating my mom into not believing me.
But now that my mom and I left my sister realized that she needed to be nice to me since my mom is now single and she is taking care of me whilst I’m transitioning.
My sister has one daughter (2y/o) and one son (6 months old) and she was expecting me to help her take care of her kids when she’s away.
I told her that I would not help because I do not have the time for it since I am currently looking for a job. When I told her that she went to my mom and she kept complaining that I should help her since we’re family and that’s what families do.
My mom told her that it is my choice and that she should respect it but my sister then forced her children on me because she had to go to work and their father was sleeping since he is working night shifts.
When she came back I told her that if she does that again I’ll call the cops. I also told her that I didn’t want to be part of their lives because I don’t consider my sister as part of my family because she made me lose my entire childhood.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister didn’t sow the seeds for favors during your whole life, and it’s not your job to make some for her to call on now. If she wasn’t ready to be a parent she needs to handle the consequences, rather than making you handle them for her.” therealandy04
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so let’s make it clear, she treated you like garbage, and again, she wants you to take care of her children, with the “we’re a family!” card. Stick to your word OP.” PewDieFanno1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made her own bed. I feel like I have said this way too much in my life, but here we go again: other people’s children are not your responsibility. Besides, kids are a handful. You still wouldn’t be the jerk if you were close to her and still refused to watch her kids.
You don’t owe anyone free childcare.” polly-adler
15. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Stepdad The Real Reason I Cut Contact With My Mom?
“My (F28) mother (F52) and I have always had a difficult relationship, I was treated harshly compared to my siblings and never felt like she had time for me (she told me as much).
The problem is she cannot acknowledge her wrongdoings and will do/say anything to make it seem like I am overreacting. After a specific incident (too long to post here but am happy to provide more detail), I had enough, after consulting a therapist I decided the relationship was only causing me pain so I cut contact.
I found out recently she lied about the reason I cut contact, saying it was because I had not been invited to a family meal, this was absolutely not true and made me seem petty and like I was overreacting.
My stepdad regularly checks in on me and does not try to force me to talk to my mum but says that she is sad about the situation and loves me very much, I feel like if that were true she would not be lying about the reason we don’t speak to paint her in a better light.
My stepdad knows what she can be like as he has been there pretty much my whole life. I want to tell him the truth about why we don’t speak because I don’t like that she is lying to him or that she is making out like I am hurting her by cutting her out for no good reason.
What may make me the jerk is by telling him I know this will cause friction between them and they are due to get married next year, I don’t want to potentially cause issues in their relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said that stepdad “knows what she can be like as he has been there pretty much my whole life”, then probably it isn’t the first time your mom acted like that and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him.
He seems like a decent man and if he asks you about your and your mom’s relationship, truth is a good option. Otherwise, you would lie to him too.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“If you really want to be safe you can let him know that her reason is not what she says it is, and you don’t believe her distress but that you don’t want to share.
It makes sense you don’t want to add to any conflict in the relationship. It’s not about being a jerk but also keeping yourself safe.” Gullible-String-4616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell him the truth. Tell anyone who asks the truth.
Stop letting your mother continue to control your life and the narrative. If people get mad at her because of hearing the truth, then that is HER fault, not yours. She is the source of the conflict. Why are you protecting a person that does not deserve to be protected and who would clearly not protect you?
She’s selfish and you deserve better.” MissBerrylicious
14. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Stepdaughters?
“My husband (38) has two daughters 13 and 16 who never clean up after themselves or help around the house.
I (22) do not expect them to think of me as their mom, I honestly didn’t even know about them until 3 months into our marriage after I found out I was pregnant because he had no interest in being involved up until he found out I was expecting.
Hasn’t seen them in 3 years and he didn’t think to let me know that he was a father!
Their mom agreed to allow them over every other week for a week. We’ve been doing this for 5 months which is very short but honestly, I can’t stand being their maid, I’m expected to cook for them, clean up after them, and take all their insults and just outright rudeness.
I’m heavily pregnant and feel sick all the time, I’m not a neat freak but at the same time, I hate being in a messy environment and so does my husband. But my husband isn’t the one home with them because he’s at work and doesn’t do much cleaning himself because he’s tired after work.
The most recent time was when each of them invited 2 friends over and had some kind of food fight when I left to go to a doctor’s appointment, I was gone for a little over an hour. When I came back home I tried my best to be as calm as possible and started to clean the mess and asked if they could help me.
They just sat on the couch and watched me while laughing so I dropped all the stuff I started picking up and said I’m not cleaning this up for you so get up off your butt and clean up.
They straight out said no and the younger one even said make me. So I called their dad almost in tears asking him to speak to his daughters and their friends and get them to the very least clean up after themselves.
He blamed their mess on me saying I shouldn’t have left them home alone long enough for them to create such a mess and that I should be cleaning the mess up. What I don’t understand is that he is the one who told me they’d be fine if I left them home alone to go to my doctor’s appointment which is all I did.
I told him that I will not be cleaning the mess and that I’m going to my brother’s house until he makes his daughters clean up after themselves.
Maybe he feels guilt for being out of their lives for so long but I think it’s super unfair that he allows them to just walk over me but at the same time maybe me cleaning up the mess would’ve brought us all closer together, I don’t know….
Anyway, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave when they come over for the week. Go stay with a friend, a family member, or in a hotel. Your husband is being neglectful if not abusive towards you by making you cook, clean, and be belittled and exploited by his children, all while you’re pregnant.
That much stress can cause you harm during your pregnancy. You don’t have to deal with any of it. When it’s time for his daughters to come over, leave for the week. Only come back once they’re gone. And if the house is a wreck when you get back, make him clean it or make him hire a maid.
Your husband doesn’t sound like a catch at all. I hope you have the economic means to leave and support yourself if necessary.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Did you really ask that question? NO, it will not bring you closer together, NO you are NTJ, but you would be if you put up with this nonsense.
He doesn’t see his daughters for 3 years, 3 Y-E-A-R-S and only tells you about them after you are pregnant? Then he wants to be back in their lives and have them visit, but wants you to wait on them hand and foot, while pregnant, with them treating you like nonsense, and him making excuses for their nonsense behavior?
OH NO TO THE HECK NO!!! We would have already had a serious meeting after I kicked his behind up to his shoulders. And those 2 girls, would not be back in my house until they learned some manners and respect.
If this is the life you want or if you are not going to do anything to improve it, don’t complain, but if it’s not, then you better get everyone on the same page and let all know what will and will not be happening.
Don’t let them push you around.” charlie1550
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in an unfortunate situation. I know that divorce isn’t really an option, based on your comments, and that you are trying to operate the best you can in this framework.
Your husband is expecting you to parent his children that you didn’t know about before marriage while managing the household duties and being heavily pregnant. That is not okay. If he wants his kids around, then he needs to set rules and boundaries for them and be around to enforce them.
They are not your kids and they have no relationship with you. You definitely are not an authority figure to them, nor is that your job. Personally, I would tell your husband that his children cannot come over unless he is going to be there to parent them.
You are his wife, not his babysitter. If he wants a relationship with his kids, then he needs to be responsible for it. I am truly sorry you are in such an untenable situation. Right now, your focus has to be on keeping you and your unborn child safe.
Understand that if you don’t get this taken care of while you are pregnant, and lay down some rules, this will be much harder after the baby is born.” Additional-Tea1521
13. AITJ For Telling My MIL We Won't Baptize Our Children?
“I want to make sure I (34m) am not the jerk when I tell my MIL categorically my wife (35f) and I will not be baptizing our children.
My MIL is not really religious, she never goes to church, my wife and I are both atheists with myself being quite outspoken on my dislike for religion and yet so often in conversation, it gets brought up about us baptizing our children.
I generally keep quiet and let my wife do the talking and while she never really tells her no outright, she makes it clear it’s not in our plans.
Until one evening, MIL was watching the kids on Juneteenth (my wife and I didn’t have off work but daycares were closed), it gets brought up again, but this time with a pretty bad guilt trip (IMO).
MIL asks my wife again and says my wife’s grandmother would have wanted us to do this. My wife was close to her grandmother who passed away over a decade ago for context.
My wife got a little upset and clearly didn’t want to say no, so I chimed in and said something along the lines of “Please stop asking us to baptize our children, we are not religious, YOU are not religious, we will not be doing it.” MIL was taken aback and stormed off, my wife said I could have been a bit gentler.
But I am just so sick of her constantly asking, she knows my views on religion, she knows my wife’s views, and yet she keeps trying to force the issue on us so I kind of just snapped to hopefully end the constant nagging about it.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you made it clear in a polite way many times before, so this time you bluntly, but not rudely, reiterated that you weren’t doing it while making it clear that you’d like her to stop bringing it up.
My grandma used to beg me and my parents to get me baptized, and my parents left the decision up to me, but they did ask why I wouldn’t just do it to make her happy. Now, I’m not religious so maybe I’m wrong but, isn’t that not enough?
Like, you can be baptized but if you don’t actively practice that religion, doesn’t that render the baptism moot? Besides, it’s never too late right? If your children grow up and decide to be religious, they can make that decision on their own.” onewithoutwinter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be careful of her watching the kids. My parents were in the same situation and eventually had to limit some contact with certain relatives because they threatened to have me christened without them. Not sure how that would have really happened, but they didn’t want to risk it.” Crazybat8647
Another User Comments:
“My wife and I aren’t particularly religious, neither are my in-laws, but my parents are fervent, go-to-Mass-daily Catholics. And I was brought up Catholic. For many reasons, I’m no longer a practicing Catholic, and I had that (difficult) conversation with my parents about my reasoning.
When we had kids, we had them baptized because it was a nice way to bring the families together to meet and celebrate our new kids, and for us to connect to part of my own heritage/family history.
We let our kids decide if they wanted to pursue religion past that point. Our oldest did, and she went through Penance and Communion. She considered going through Confirmation but decided against it and didn’t pursue it further.
Our other kids weren’t interested and we didn’t force it. Long way of saying, that you have to do what you feel is best as parents, and the MIL needs to respect those boundaries. You’re certainly not the jerk, for your reasons, and it sounds like you had little choice but to put your foot down.
I would suggest, when ready, that you reach out to MIL and calmly lay out your reasons once again with the understanding that it will be the last conversation on the matter.” Rockingduck-2014
12. AITJ For Cutting Off My Future Mother-In-Law Over Her Distasteful Jokes?
“I, 23f, met my partner now fiance, 25m, a few years back. Everything was great until I met his mother. His mother wasn’t so much of the problem as the things she would say, especially with traumatic events typically involving young girls and women (hopefully you see where I was going with this).
She’s told me these things numerous times, trying to get me to see her “sense of humor”.
At one point I got so annoyed and said something like “if we ever have kids don’t expect to be in their lives”.
She just laughed and said, “of course, I’ll be in their lives silly, I’m going to be their granny,” and walked away, not knowing I meant every word.
After that, we just stopped talking to her. Well, fast forward to now where I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our first child (a girl).
We went no contact with her and she wasn’t even supposed to find out. However, SIL posted a photo with us and a few of our mutual friends at the mall. A few hours later when we return, my fiance gets a call from his mother wanting to talk to me.
She asked me why I never told her and I reminded her of what I said back then and she called me a heartless jerk for not letting her see her only grandchildren. (SIL is infertile) It’s been a few weeks and my fiance and I are staying at my aunt’s house waiting for the fighting to calm down.
Some think I’m being dramatic and that I should just keep an eye on her. The thing is I work full time so I can’t watch her most of the time, and I refuse to budge.
Thankfully, most everyone is on my side but AITJ for sticking to a “joke rule”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion. You are thinking of the safety of your child. Who knows what dark traits she is hiding? Sounds like you didn’t spend a lot of time together, which means she is probably trying to show you her BEST SIDE with those horrible jokes.
Imagine her at her worst. Unbelievable. I don’t think you handled it the best way, though. Like, when she left thinking it was a joke, you should definitely have made it clear that it wasn’t, you meant it, at least if she doesn’t get a grip and stop making fun of people for being traumatized. Maybe she would have improved if you had done that.
I’m only saying that because your child might resent you if they learn this grandma exists and they were kept from seeing her, regardless of motives. For this reason, I’d allow her to see the kid ONLY under times you can supervise, like on holidays or weekends when you are free.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to decide who is in your life and, at least for a while, who is in your kids’ lives. I’m guessing your fiancé is on board with being NC with his mother, you didn’t mention it in the post so I’m assuming but that seems important info too.
To be honest, I’d examine some of your reasoning, this woman doesn’t sound abusive or anything just has some humor/views you find distasteful. Not to say that’s not enough to not interact with her if you choose, it’s your life not hers, but going NC does seem a little over the top.” physioworld
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have a joke rule – nothing you’ve said even implies there’s a rule. You tried to cut your MIL out of your life because you don’t like her questionable sense of humor without a warning.
And the closest thing you did give for warning, you were fully aware she didn’t know you were being serious. You apparently didn’t plan to allow her into your child’s life, without actually giving her a chance to follow this rule (that you don’t actually have).
Your work schedule is absolutely irrelevant. Firstly, the only reason you’d have to watch her all the time is if you don’t trust your fiance – don’t you trust your fiance? Secondly, you can just insist she only see the baby when you are there.” DerpDevilDD
11. AITJ For Accidentally Unplugging The Wifi During My Fiancé's Game?
“I (20 f) have been with my fiancé (23 m) for a little over a year now and we have been living together for almost a year now.
Recently we got 2 new kittens and my little siblings have been wanting to see them so yesterday was the only day I wasn’t going to be working all day so on Friday I asked my fiancé if it would be okay if they came to visit to meet the kittens.
He said it was fine and they got to come over yesterday.
Everything was going well, my siblings were playing with the kittens my fiancé was chilling playing video games and everything was good. Later in the day, I asked my siblings if they wanted to watch TV and they said yes.
I found out that the TV was unplugged so I plugged it in but in the process, I accidentally unplugged the wifi and the wifi went down instantly. My fiancé got mad saying that he was in the middle of a ranked match with his friends and because of my dumb mistake he is going to lose the match.
It did come back on and he did lose and ranked down. He got so angry that he just walked out and started to text me to get out and get my darn siblings out, that he can ever just come home and chill.
I apologized and said it was an accident but he didn’t care. He kept texting me that I’m the reason he’s always so stressed out and he just needs a break from me and that I should “accidentally” pack my stuff up and spend the night with my parents.
I drove my siblings back to my parents and I went back to the apartment and came home to my fiancé playing his game again with his friends and ignoring me and then later acting as if the argument never happened. I just need some advice I guess, these types of arguments happen a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“I sometimes play ranked games like this with my friends. I get annoyed when my fiancée interrupts them. It would never occur to me to lash out at her like that. He needs to be in therapy really working on this issue if you are going to stick around.
I don’t know, just think about a life together, you do something to annoy him(all partners will annoy each other to some degree at some point) and he will tell you to get out. You are far too young to settle for being treated this way.” randolphmd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your fiancé’s behavior was horrific. Loving partners don’t blow up and cuss out their partners over a mistake. They also don’t kick each other out of their shared residence. You guys BOTH live in that apartment and he doesn’t get to demand you leave while has has an adult-sized tantrum over a video game.
There are a lot of red flags here OP, and you deserve better.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“He’s too old to still have his “young guy anger”. I say that because my son had horrible explosive anger as a teen but by 20 it had dissipated to something manageable and by 23 he had control of his emotions.
It was a long road. And I’ll probably be called a Boomer though I’m not, but, it’s a shame how much young men are into video games. I’m not against gaming but it does seem to breed disrespect and disregard for the actual relationships around them.
I don’t know, just my unscientific observation. I think you should find someone mature enough for an adult relationship where people work through their problems and talk. NTJ.” Lemgirl
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law At The Birth Of My Child?
“I’m (25) 8 months pregnant and have made it clear to my partner this whole time that I don’t want my mother-in-law (my partner’s mother) at the birth of my child (her grandson).
This whole time he’s been saying it’s weird and he doesn’t understand why I don’t want her there, and she recently said she can’t wait to be there.
He remained silent and none of us said how I felt.
I don’t have the best relationship with her. I’m very much against the way she raised my partner and still treats him (I never told her this as I try not to cause too much conflict so she thinks we’re on excellent terms).
She ALWAYS expresses her opinion on how things should be, and if people don’t listen, she’ll get upset and I just don’t need that energy when I’m giving birth, and a part of me fears I’ll end up yelling at her if she as much as thinks about getting involved in what I should or shouldn’t do.
I should mention my mum will be there, and I already know my MIL will be mad that she’s not allowed to be there when my mum will be so regardless, there’ll be a conflict.
So AITJ for refusing to have her at the birth of my son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Feel free to refer your partner to the dozens of posts alone reaffirming that the person undergoing the life-threatening experience of giving birth gets to decide who they want in the room. Period. Or simply go ahead and call the hospital, make your wishes clear, and then make it clear to your partner and his mom that any attempts to counter those wishes will be rebuffed – because, again, doctors and nurses are not going to want to unnecessarily stress out the patient during an already stressful situation.
Then tell your partner the two of you have a *lot* of work to do before the baby gets here in terms of clearing up that his mom is not an equal partner in this endeavor, even if that means going to counseling – or, if he still insists he’s not doing anything wrong here, rethinking whether you’re going to be doing this with him entirely.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, birth is a vulnerable thing, you are literally exposed to every single person who comes in and out of that room like you’re some sort of exhibit and the tension and emotions are running high.
It’s your choice who you want to have in the room, if you don’t want your MIL there that’s YOUR CHOICE. MIL can be upset all she wants about YOUR MOM being there but overall it isn’t her business nor is it her decision.
She can meet the kid when it arrives.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I know you’re under a lot of stress from pregnancy and stuff but please, GROW A SPINE. Start setting boundaries and speaking up NOW. It’s not a spectator sport.
It’s a medical procedure that YOU alone are going to be going through. He gets ZERO say whether he understands or not. You think her trying to enforce her way of things will suddenly vanish when your baby is born?
They will intensify by about a million. Tell her, you only plan on having your mum and partner there. Use hospital rules if you need to. Tell the midwives/ward staff that she is NOT allowed in. They are usually like rottweilers because their only concerns are a happy, healthy, safe delivery for mum and baby, not what MIL wants or feels entitled to.
NTJ.” HunterDangerous1366
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Half The Grocery Bill When I'm Not Home Most Of The Week?
“We’re all 25 years old.
I work 3 days a week from Monday to Wednesday. I’m gone for the entirety of those days and usually get back either very late on Wednesday or sometime on Thursday if I’m too far from home to travel back after work.
My partner and I live together and usually order 3 meals each week, they are meant for 2 people, but there are always leftovers so, the meals pretty much last almost the full week. My partner still goes shopping every Friday after she’s back from work and recently she’s taken our friend ‘Max’ with her.
We all went to the same school.
Now, for some months, my partner started inviting Max for dinner on those days when I’m not home. She doesn’t like being by herself and says she ‘needs a reason to cook’ and Max helps her with that.
I don’t mind the fact that she invites him, what bothers me is that when I get home, I either have to eat leftovers or frozen pizza.
The meals we order are always around $40 and then there’s also the grocery bill, which my partner and I split equally.
We’ve gotten into a rather unrelated argument but it led up to me saying “I don’t get why I pay half the grocery bills if I don’t even get to eat most of it”. It upset her right off and she blamed me for never helping her with groceries/shopping and saying that if I’d cook with her like Max does, I’d be able to ‘have a nice meal’ instead of warming up frozen stuff or eating at my parents’ place.
She’s been really furious about my comment and hasn’t much talked to me since that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First off: I disagree with posters calling her out for being unfaithful. She sounds lonely and taken for granted, and wants friendly company to distract from those feelings.
It is nice that you turned down Max’s offer to pay for groceries. I agree it’s the well-mannered choice in that situation.
Second: To directly answer what your “question” is, you pay half the grocery money because you eat the groceries bought.
Like frozen pizza, which comes out to more $/per serving than any typical, budget-aware meal cooked at home. It’s more convenient for you than cooking when you come home from work, so you’re paying for that convenience.
If you elect to eat leftovers, you’re eating the ingredients that you helped purchase, but your partner turned into a meal.
Let’s talk about what I think you’re actually mad about: your partner isn’t playing Betty Draper with an apron on, cold beer in hand, with the casserole timer dinging just as you walk through the door (despite it being hours past a regular dinner time).
You’re upset that you work “so hard” and she is living her own life while you work unconventional hours. Or you expect a working woman to also work for you as a domestic servant/housewife, despite never articulating that fully, making a value proposition, and asking her opinion on it.
You pouted because she doesn’t go out of her way to serve you. Which… why would she?
Third: It sounds to me like she does all the kitchen management- what to buy, what to cook, actually cooking, restocking staples and snacks, etc. I’d be upset as well if I were her and for good reason.
You’re not being appreciative or helpful in the slightest.
Also, (fourth) are you regularly ditching nighttimes spent with her to eat with your parents? Clearly, it’s often enough that you specifically pointed out that you eat there if you’re not eating “frozen stuff” at home.
And if that’s the case, it’s just straight-up weird. What grown man is dropping by his parent’s place for grub alone, late at night after work, without his live-in partner who stocks his fridge with food and hasn’t seen him in a day+?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s pretty clear it’s YTJ. I completely can understand why your partner wants someone to eat with. It’s not really fun making meals that you put work into, and then just having to eat them by yourself.
And why is it that you pay for half the groceries? Because you still eat her food. It doesn’t matter if it’s leftovers or not, warming up food isn’t the hardest thing in the world. She cooks (what seems to be all) the meals in the house.
That’s work in and of itself. It’s ridiculous for you to say “I can’t believe I have to pay for half of grocery money”. It sounds to me like you don’t really appreciate what your partner does. Do you expect her to eat frozen food/leftovers when you’re at work and only make meals while you’re home?
I think an easy compromise is she makes 1 or 2 meals while you’re at work, and another one a day that you’re home. She and her friend can eat leftovers as well as a meal. You and your partner sound terrible at communication.” RainshadowChien
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except Max, since in a comment you said he’s offered to pay for his share. Why not just do that? If your partner wants to have someone over regularly, that person can pay – it’s not the same as inviting them for a dinner once in a while and even then it’s normal for the other person to contribute.
Your partner shouldn’t expect you to just pay half for that. If you don’t like the food you’re getting on your days off, why don’t you help with cooking and groceries?” worldwearypumpkin
8. AITJ For Not Approving Of My Wife's Strict Diet?
“My wife (37F) was diagnosed with pre-diabetes last year. She has a family history so it wasn’t too surprising but she was already a healthy eater so it was a bit surprising she would get it. I have diabetes and it’s controlled with metformin and it sucks to have to take pills but it’s not the end of the world for me.
For her it was and she immediately went on a no-sugar, low-carb diet like keto and started exercising.
It’s good she’s working out but she was so rigid with her diet she wouldn’t have a single drink at New Year’s and canceled all our outings even to her favorite restaurants.
We have date nights at home now but it sucks because she can only eat certain things and I feel guilty eating dessert in front of her so no more dessert or wine with dinner. She was pretty obsessed and tracked her blood sugar to make sure it was going down and after she had a sandwich and it went up she refused to eat more sandwiches.
It’s been 9 months and she went back to her doctor and she was cleared of the prediabetic diagnosis and her weight went from (170lb to 130lb).
But I thought once she was better she would be less strict with her diet.
Our date nights are now lean steaks and asparagus and I asked her if she wanted to go to our favorite restaurant to celebrate and she told me if she eats there again she’s going to go back to prediabetes so she is going to stick to her current no sugar low carb diet for life.
I told her she’s going too far and she’s developing an eating disorder and she got angry and accused me of wanting her to join me in diabetes but she would rather die than be ok with getting diabetes.
I’m shocked because she thinks I’m less than with diabetes and she’s treating it like a life sentence. We had an argument in the car and she packed her bags and left for her mom’s house saying she needs space.”
Another User Comments:
“I think I have to lean towards ESH on this one. Your wife clearly cares about her health. You’ve outlined that she was healthy prior to going to the doctor about this issue. My husband is a type 1 (yes, I know it is not the same thing) and diabetes is no joke.
She wants to avoid it, and that should be respected. That being said, she does need to compromise with you. I assure you she can go to your favorite restaurant and find a low-carb option. There is zero reason she can’t accompany you on a date night and just order chicken or a salad.
It’s up to her to have the discipline to say no to dessert. I think her telling you that she would rather die than have diabetes, a condition you live with is extremely unkind and hurtful. You saying that she has an eating disorder is similarly unkind and hurtful.
You guys should really go to counseling to discuss this. It’s okay for her to want to be healthy, and it’s okay for you to want to live your life and have your date nights. It’s not okay for you to be unkind to each other.
You are supposed to be teammates.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you didn’t handle it well. Most qualified degree medical nutritionists will tell you any extreme diets are not a good idea and a well-balanced diet is what you should be aiming for.
What might be good for you in one area can be bad for you in another. Paleo diets can mean good blood sugar but also low calcium and vitamin D. Also high levels of saturated fats. But none of us are going to be able to make a judgment because we don’t know exactly what your wife eats.
Your wife’s diet that has no flexibility in it at all does sound obsessive. It sounds like you could both do with going to a qualified medical nutritionist/dietitian and making sure that both of you are on a health diet not just one that seems healthy and that may be a better way to deal with this.
Let an expert tell you and her.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“Your diet and food choices will change throughout your life. Our body changes and the older you get the bigger the health risks. From someone who is pre-diabetic and has a family history of this, I get her point of view.
I watched my Dad go from a diabetic to being on dialysis three times a week. They put a permanent thing in his arm so that they could hook him up to the machine. It was terrible watching him go through all of it.
He hated how much of his life was not enjoyed because of it. I never wanted to go through that myself. So, my diet choices and exercise has been changing a lot as I’m trying to find the right formula.
Meanwhile, my husband has his own physical challenges where he has to eat certain foods too. My advice, let her figure out what is best for herself and what makes her feel good. That should not be your decision.
I get it. You want to enjoy a meal out but you need to realize that diabetes is a serious thing and if she wants to not tempt herself by eating out, then allow it. Your focus, and importance, should be that she wants to be around for a long time as healthy as she can.
She is giving you love and a long life with her which should be way more important than a restaurant meal. I don’t necessarily think you are a jerk for wanting to spend time with your wife but you are not seeing the bigger picture.
For judgment sake: YTJ.” Theunpolitical
7. AITJ For Wearing A Revealing Dress To Shut My Grandma Up About Femininity?
“My 19f whole family and I spent Christmas together as usual.
Normally I wear a shirt and trousers since I’m not usually comfortable with dresses and skirts but this time I have decided to just do my grandma a favor and be “her feminine granddaughter” (her words).
Since I never wear dresses I had to dive into the deepest and darkest corners of my closet to finally find a dress that fit me.
Since all the other dresses were way too small for me (were bought for me by relatives etc) I decided on a dark blue dress.
The only problem was, it had a deep v-cut. Think like barely hiding my two hills deep.
So before I wore it I asked her if she was sure if I should wear a dress and she gave me an attitude about how girls should be “feminine”.
You want feminine? I’ll give you feminine.
So I showed up in my dress that barely contained my hills and strutted confidently to the table.
Except my grandma started ripping into me about my hills. Mind you it wasn’t even the dress she had a problem with, it was my hills (she said that).
And after hours and hours of her berating me, I finally had enough and told her point blank that I don’t give a darn what she thinks of me and my dress choices.
She stopped bringing that topic up afterwards and when we drove home, I got an earful from my dad who had to endure their criticism of me.
To sum up, my entire family thinks I’m the jerk.
But I don’t think I should apologize since she absolutely tried to break me and my self-confidence just for simply having big hills.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for a few reasons. One, OP says they’re 19. In every single state that is considered an adult by law. It no longer matters what your family thinks because they don’t have much say anyway.
Two, said grandma sounds like a boomer. So what if you’re showing off skin? Around family, what does it matter? I mean… at least you had clothes on. She was already giving you attitude and you obliged despite not even having to; she just didn’t like the way you did it.
To me, sounds like she would have found anything to complain about. Third, I dunno, maybe she’s jealous lmao. You shouldn’t apologize at the very least. She made a scene out of nothing, something you can’t control.
Wouldn’t worry myself with it.” SomberSweetheart
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sure your grandmother shouldn’t be riding you about your clothes. But you’ve handled that in a way that was guaranteed to escalate the drama. The right approach would have been to say “Grandma, I’m glad we can spend some time together, but I don’t comment on your clothes, and you must not comment on mine.” And then change the subject.” cjack68
Another User Comments:
“I mean you knew you’d get a reaction from the dress, and didn’t bother putting on a tank top under or sweater over. It sounds like you poked the bear out of spite, got the reaction that you expected, and took your chance to curse at her.
Yea, she’s annoying for pushing you to be more feminine, and lame for not accepting your body as-is, but you’re also kinda a jerk for instigating and cursing at your grandma. Everyone’s a jerk here.” Spicy_Alien_Baby
6. AITJ For Not Taking My Mom's Place To Watch My Nephews Resulting In My Sister's Car Accident?
“My mom, my little sisters, my older brother and nephews, and I all live in 3 different states from each other.
My brother has a 2-year-old and a newborn and asked me earlier this year if I would come help his wife watch the boys when he went out of town. I accepted, the flights were booked.
A week before he cancels and says he’ll need me for another date but doesn’t give it to me.
I asked him multiple times what the date was because I don’t have last-minute flight money, so finally he tells me “don’t worry Mom is coming to visit that weekend anyway so we’re covered.” Cool I forget about it.
At this point, I’m well into my first trimester becoming almost nonfunctional from morning sickness so I didn’t really want to go anyway but I would’ve because I already agreed to it. My mom says if I really want to come I can come instead of her and I say no it’s fine she can keep her plans.
My mom is a terrible planner btw.
So the weekend comes everything is fine. I call my mom to see my nephews and she’s upset and tells me that my 17-year-old sister just got into a car wreck.
My sister JUST got her license like still walking around with the paper copy and in my opinion, is not responsible enough to be driving around town with her friends in my mom’s car while my mom is out of town but my mom let her.
Sadly she got into a crash and it was her fault. She’s mostly okay but she’s been having headaches and my mom says she just seems depressed. My mom doesn’t know the state of the other driver and my sister was not yet on her insurance so she’s also extremely worried about the financial ramifications along with my sister.
So she blames me for being selfish and not just taking her place with my nephews because in her words if she was home none of it would’ve ever happened.
Now some might think she’s just very emotional right now looking for someone to blame but I am mom’s least favorite child.
She’s blamed me for things since I was a kid and still holds grudges about them 10-15 years later. She won’t ever let this go. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course you aren’t. Your mother should set her own boundaries with her favorite children.
She told one of them she’d visit and gave the other permission to use her car while she had no driving experience – and while she wasn’t on the insurance yet. None of that is your fault. Don’t let your mother guilt you into any of this.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t blame your brother for your current mess, though it sounds like he does need to get better at timely communication. Honestly, the one to blame here is definitely your mother. She sounds like a piece of work to be truthful.
If your mother wanted you to come watch your nephews instead of her back when you had the one call, she should have said something instead of just playing coy and saying “if you really want to, you can come”.
And you do not wait on getting a kid on your insurance, especially because of reasons like this. A shame that this happened, and I hope your sister isn’t too spooked from the accident.” the_servant_of_evil
Another User Comments:
“My mom and I are sitting in the living room watching TV. At commercial, she gets up goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, gets a drink, closes the fridge, and comes back into the living room. Commercial over, show starts, 3-4 minutes pass, the sound of a big CRASH comes from the kitchen.
My mom turns to me: What Did You DO!?! Yeah, you are NTJ. Your mom is selfish and doesn’t want to be responsible for anything. The fact that she holds grudges and blames you doesn’t mean that you are to blame or that she’s in the right.
She’s not. Learn that now, internalize that now, and think “if she was a random person, would I feel the same guilt?” No? Because it’s irrational? Right, small steps but one day you will be able to just look at her and feel pity but not much else.” The1Eileen
5. AITJ For Refusing To Cosign Bail For My Addicted Brother-In-Law?
“My brother-in-law (35 years old) is an addict. He has been in prison for felony charges related to possessing, distributing, and manufacturing substances in the past. He was recently arrested again for selling to an undercover cop. I believe he is still on parole too.
So, not looking good.
My mother-in-law was not comfortable posting bail for him. She has financial issues and really cannot afford the $10,000 to give a bondsman. I have tried to tell her she should not as she isn’t able to but I think my brother-in-law and his partner have guilted her into it.
They found a bondsman who would take $3,000. However, my MIL is retired and lives in an apartment. My brother-in-law has basically been squatting in his old apartment. They need a cosigner who has a job and owns a home.
My home with my husband is in my name. So here comes the problem. They want me to cosign. Supposedly there is no collateral, we wouldn’t lose my house or something if he didn’t show up to court or missed payments.
I have said no though because I don’t think anyone should be bailing him out. He made his choices and was aware of the consequences. I am also not comfortable signing my name to something that is bad for my mother-in-law financially.
Basically, why would I sign my name to something I disagree with?
After I said no they were both coming at me. My mother-in-law said it’s her business who she helps and I said I agree, it is also my business what I sign my name to.
My brother-in-law is basically begging me to do it even though I said no, insisting he is going to stay sober and work to pay some of the money and how this deal saves them money. “You’re my only hope,” he told me.
Mind you we don’t talk outside of family gatherings
AITJ for saying no? My husband is at least on my side but mostly because he doesn’t believe there is no collateral if I sign. I don’t even want to talk to the bondsman.
My no should be enough for them but they aren’t respecting that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but your MIL is an enabler. Addicts always make promises to get what they want, and people who believe them are called fools.
Do NOT beat yourself up. You didn’t cause this, and you can not fix this. Let BIL suffer the consequences for his actions, maybe that will keep him clean and sober – well at least for the time he is in jail.
As an aside, who is footing the bill for the lawyer?” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“With a 10k bond, his bail is 100k cause they charge you 10% and unless he’s released under very specific conditions the bondsman can keep coming after you for more money.
And the guy being willing to take 3k means the other 7k is coming from somewhere somehow. Also with his charges, his history, and the fact that he did that stuff while on parole it’s probably in your best interest to stay away from that mess.
Thankfully your husband agrees.” Booze4Blood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother-in-law is so far down the rabbit hole he’s selling to undercover cops. He may be a criminal but he’s very bad at it. He can’t sit in lockup and wait for his court date if he can’t make bail.
It’s not your responsibility to guarantee his bond. He’ll get his arraignment. The judge can reduce the bond, release him on his own recognizance, or keep him in lock up. The only urgency to bond your brother-in-law out is he’ll have to go thru withdrawal cold turkey.
He’s an addict, he will screw up again if he’s out on remand. It’s too big a risk to take.” Peony-Pony
4. AITJ For Wanting To Eat The Leftovers?
“My (24M) brother (29M) is always complaining dramatically about his studying. He says things like “Nobody on this planet works as hard as I do”.
Almost every day, he’s complaining that he feels sick or something because he’s studying so much. He comes up to you and says things like “my body hurts I’ve studied so much and I’m dizzy. I’m probably working more than the president”.
It’s 90% of what he talks about. He is studying for a master’s in computer science. I’m working a full-time job and also studying. He’s done things before where he would refuse to put his dish in the dishwasher because “his time is most valuable when he has to study so much”.
Our parents put an end to that.
Anyway, our mom is out of town for a month, but she left a bunch of food in containers in the freezer for us. I’ve been mostly making food for myself or eating out.
However, he came up to me to request that I do not eat any of the food she left until a week from now because “I have a really hard test coming up and don’t want to cook while studying.
I am getting sick from studying and need the food for emergencies. This is the hardest time of my life. You can have the food after next week”. I guess he’s scared the food will finish and he’ll be forced to cook.
There is plenty of food left. He’s also said it’s the hardest time of his life every week, so I doubt it. I said if I want to eat it, I will because it’s for everyone, not just him.
He asked our dad too, which I think is ridiculous because our dad works hard, pays for the ingredients and it’s his house, his food, and his wife who made it. He called me a selfish jerk and claims our mom made the food specifically for him, but I know that’s a lie because our mom would tell me it was and wouldn’t do that.
I responded that it’s not his food to claim entirely as his and that nobody doubts he works hard, but he acts as if he’s the only person who works hard. Everybody works hard and nobody complains as much as him.
He says “I work harder than everyone though”. Many people in our extended family have tried to talk to him about his constant complaining, but he says “I need to share how I feel with others”.
He’s been like this ever since high school.
He claims he never takes brand and studies nonstop. I’ve seen him play games after saying he studied. While there isn’t anything wrong with taking breaks and gaming, it’s just that he is lying. I do not doubt he’s studying since he’s in a difficult master’s program and doing fine, but it gets annoying.
I have friends taking more classes than him and working full time who do not complain as much as him who doesn’t work. I also don’t think it’s right to expect everyone else to not eat food for him.
Why should I not eat food because he has a test coming up? Why should our dad not eat the food? I compromised that I’ll make sure there are at least 4 containers of food. Am I being selfish and not understanding of him by refusing to not eat the food at all and saying he should complain less?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to connect with a mental health counselor from his school, this level of crazy-making and obsessing about his busyness is detrimental, especially because he only escalates and never acknowledges his ability to relax (even when you know he does have time to do some recreation.) I have friends like this and when they got help for their anxiety, depression, or executive function/neurodivergent issues, their demeanor changed. Even my husband will go into a doom cycle of assuming his stress level will never diminish and he is having terrible times and I point out to him that he needs to refocus his mindset (I offer him my opinion constructively, not dismissively of his very real feelings.) Your brother is making unhealthy self-fulfilling prophecies of busyness and doom spirals that he may never snap out of unless he makes an effort.
If he doesn’t make an effort, he alienates everyone. No one wants to hear how he is busier than anyone in history. But his expressions of discomfort and stress need to be directed to actual professionals because he is only weaponizing his suffering to bludgeon those around him into sympathizing with his exaggerated feelings.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, NTJ. But man, do you need to move out and away from this guy. He needs help, I hope he gets it, but him trying to police food meant for everyone by lying… Like, wtf?!
You’re a much better person than I am. I’d be 88 kinds of petty and be like “Oh, not eat what food? This food?” Then proceed to fix myself a plate while saying something like “I need to fuel up for my trip back to earth.
When is your unrealistic butt getting back there again?” But, all petty fantasies aside, he seriously needs a reality check and professional help.” Corvia12
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but your entitled, self-absorbed brother is. You are definitely right in saying he should complain less.
Telling others not to eat because he is unwilling to multi-task or just wants to take an easier route that is unfair and inconveniences others is straight out of the jerk user’s manual. He is entirely too old to be throwing tantrums. If he can’t handle studying and feeding himself how is he supposed to properly use his degree and function in the real world?
Someone else mentioned seeing an MH counselor which he sounds like in desperate need of. However, that doesn’t excuse his treatment of you and your dad. Stand your ground and Bon Appetit!” HoneyCombs1639
3. AITJ For Banning My Son's Friends Until They Admit To Breaking My Laptop?
“My son is 19. A few weeks ago he had some of his friends over which is fine.
I went to bed early and when I went to bed, my son and his friends were in the basement.
I came down the next morning and went to check my emails. My laptop was in the same place I left it last night, but the screen was cracked, and it looked like there was a drink spilled on it.
When my son got up I asked him if he knew who had damaged my laptop. He said he didn’t know and they had been in the basement while I had left my laptop in the dining room. I told him there was no way the laptop broke its own screen and spilled a drink on itself so if it wasn’t him then it was one of his friends.
He swore up and down that no one had touched my laptop. I was like okay, then no friends over until someone fesses up.
I don’t think he took me seriously because I came home from work a few days later and he had some of his friends over.
I apologized to them but informed them no one had owned up to breaking my laptop so I wasn’t allowing company over in the meantime. My son is very upset, and says I’m embarrassing him. I’m of the mind that I don’t want people in my house who feel it’s okay to break my things and then hide it.
I’ve made it clear I don’t expect them to replace it, I just want someone to own up to it and apologize. My sister has told me the punishment is harsh, and she agrees I’m embarrassing my son. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your son is an adult and I question how he knew where the laptop was if in fact no one broke it. I can understand being embarrassed if I was the culprit but they should fess up (even if they don’t want to tell you, if it was his friend, the friend can tell him in private and ask that he apologize on their behalf and offer to pay you).
Stand your ground! Having friends over while you live with your parents is a privilege, not a right! They can go hang out at someone else’s house till they want to act like adults.” Phoenix101982
Another User Comments:
“INFO.
Were your son and his friends the only ones there? How long had it been since you’d used your laptop? You said your sister rang in on the matter and was on your son’s side. Was she over on the day in question?
Is it possible that she broke the laptop? Does she have kids? If so did they have access to the laptop? Do you have a significant other? Maybe they did it and are not fessing up. Do you have pets?
It’s reasonable that a dog jumping on a table could topple a glass on the laptop and step on it cracking the window. Did anyone else have access to the laptop between the last time you used it and the time you found it broken?
Was anyone else in the house aside from your son’s friend that could’ve broken it? Also, to be honest my parents always told me to put away my expensive things in a safe place. I’m sure you’ve probably had to tell your kids this from time to time.
Honestly, if you had put your laptop away in a secure place like your bedroom it wouldn’t have gotten damaged at all.” Firecrotch2014
Another User Comments:
“What? That is not even a punishment, how is your sister saying it’s too harsh?
It’s very normal to not want the person who broke your belongings in your house. And hide it??? Shameless. Even for a bunch of teenagers. NTJ. Your son is an adult in most countries, he should learn to behave like one.
If he doesn’t respect you and your house, he is old enough to get his own place.” Reddit User
2. AITJ For Calling My Mom During Labor And Upsetting My Husband?
“I have a very low pain tolerance so giving birth wasn’t fun.
My husband and I agreed it would be just us in the room but we would tell our parents when I went into labor so they could wait outside if they wanted to.
I don’t know what happened but I was terrified and in agony and I started crying for my mum.
My husband tried to calm me down but it wasn’t helping and I got so worked up I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He did end up calling my mum who managed to get me to calm down.
Afterward, I noticed my husband was really quiet and distant. I don’t think he was trying to make it obvious but I noticed and so did his parents. When I first asked him, he wouldn’t talk about it and repeatedly said he was just tired. My mother-in-law was the one who told me he felt sidelined because of what happened and how I relied on my mum instead of him.
I asked him once it was just the two of us and he denied it again. When I told him I was sorry he ignored me at first and then got upset at me for saying it again. He told me to drop it but I tried to explain it wasn’t because he did anything wrong and I wasn’t trying to sideline him but he got angry at me and snapped at me to stop apologizing and to drop it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You got the help you needed and you yourself said he’s not taking his emotions out on you or trying to make it obvious. He can’t help what he’s feeling, I think he’s trying to shake it off and move forward, focusing on your kid, but you constantly pushing for an answer from him, talking to his parents about it, and reminding him that you called for your mom at the last minute isn’t helping or allowing him to do that.
Sometimes you just gotta drop it and let them move forward on their own time, which is what he’s asked of you. He can’t help feeling miffed anymore than you could help wanting your mom more than him in that moment, but I don’t think he’s trying to take it out on you, he’s asking you to stop asking, you’re the one refusing to let it go.” Summoning-Freaks
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom knows you the longest. She’s been there for every boo-boo. She knows how to calm you when you’re in pain. Wanting your parents in times of stress is a natural urge.
At the same time, your husband felt bad because he feels he’s not enough to comfort you. He knows he did nothing wrong, but he wishes he were enough for you. He feels inadequate & embarrassed. He doesn’t want to talk about it because he knows these feelings will pass & talking about it is making him feel worse.
You two should focus on your new baby right now. He will talk about his feelings when he’s ready.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not because you called for her, and not because of how things went in the delivery room.
I say you’re the jerk because he is allowed to have feelings and to be upset, but he actively told you he didn’t want to talk about it, he then actively asked you to stop going about the conversation how you were, but you continued. He clearly didn’t want to upset you or you to feel guilty about it, he was trying to deal with his feelings on his own without you being involved and you denied him the ability to process and approach the issue how he needed to.
People fall into this trap all the time, you apologized because you felt that is what was needed, but you didn’t stop to listen to what he actually needed, and by insisting you made the situation about your feelings alone instead of his or both of yours.
That indicates that while well-intentioned, your apology is actually deep down to make yourself feel better about how he’s feeling rather than to fix or acknowledge how he is feeling. It’s unfortunate that it ended up that way, but you need to learn how to let people have the space they need to process, especially if your kid is gonna be anything like that and need space to deal with their own emotions before talking about it.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Leaving My MIL's Dinner Because It Was Past My Toddler's Bedtime?
“My mother-in-law is always late. Whenever we go over for supper, it’s usually served an hour later than she says it will be. One night I had my 2-year-old over and supper was extremely late (as usual). It was so late that it was past his bedtime (in her defense, he goes to bed really early, like 5:30 or 6 pm because he’s an early-to-bed early-to-rise kind of guy).
Everyone started to sit down for supper (finally), and the food hadn’t even come out of the oven yet. That would mean we’d need to wait at least another 10 mins for it to cool enough for him to eat.
He was already cranky and starting to throw tantrums from being hungry and tired.
I said that this was ridiculous, and I grabbed him and headed home to feed him and put him to bed (we live only a few minutes away, and I had leftovers that I heated up).
I made it clear how mad I was over dinner being over an hour late and still not ready to eat.
I left my husband there with our 4 year old (I figured she could stay up later than usual because she’s a bit older).
I apologized the next day to my MIL over text and explained my frustrations. She didn’t respond. I’m just so sick of my time and schedule not being respected. Since this happened I usually opt to be the one to host supper so that it gets on the table at a decent time.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your MIL should be respectful of other people’s time …. But dinner was done… you couldn’t wait 10 minutes for it to be served? Even if you only lived a few minutes away….
No way you got a toddler into their car seat, drove home, unloaded said toddler, warmed up leftovers, and then served them all in under 10 minutes. So wouldn’t it have been better to just… wait for dinner? All in all, 5:30 is not an unreasonable time to have dinner and I don’t think 10 minutes is worth the conflict you’ve not caused within your family.” Propofol_Totalis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Some people are always late. And always will be. We give my sister event start times 45-60 minutes earlier than normal, otherwise, she’s late. So you knew this about your MIL. 5:30 is not an unreasonable dinner time.
There’s no way you got home, fed, and to bed in that time. No one faults a toddler for eating before everyone else. So bring finger food for him to start with if he’s getting hungry, carrots, pasta, ham bits..
it’s not hard to pack some toddler foods in a bag and some goldfish etc for the 4-year-old. Then heat and feed them.. they can try Grandma’s creations with everyone else when it’s ready. Get creative and bring his favorite blanket and let him sleep while everyone eats.” Dvilindskys
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is this really that serious? In every family gathering we have, we SAY, “dinner is at X time”, but that isn’t what time food is set on the table. It means that’s what time people can arrive.
We socialize for an hour or so. Sip our drinks and maybe snack on some finger foods. Then at some point after that, maybe 10-20 minutes into the next hour, dinner is plated and served. This is common on both my mom’s and my dad’s side.
On holidays there’s an even greater disparity from when we get there to when food is served so we have more time to spend together. Like, we will be told “Thanksgiving dinner is at 2 pm”, we show up at 2 pm, we socialize from 2 pm to 5 pm, dinner is actually served at 5 pm.
Same with Easter, Christmas, etc With normal dinners it’s an hour to two hours max. Is my family the only one that does this?” neeksknowsbest
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