People Anticipate Some Backlash From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Donating To The Theater So My Kids Could Get The Roles They Want?
“I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, 14 and 17. Both are highly involved in community theater. We live in a small town and honestly, donations talk a lot here.
My kids love getting lead roles but neither are very good actors. However I learned a few years ago, if I make a decent donation to the community theater they attend, the kids tend to get the roles they want and therefore kids are happy.
My wife was also a theater kid and has remarked she’s shocked at how often my kids get leading roles when it seems there are other kids clearly better suited for certain roles. Not thinking it would be a problem, I told my wife that I’d been making donations to the theater with an unspoken understanding that my kids get the roles they want in the upcoming productions.
It comes out of my funds and doesn’t affect my joint finances so no impact on my wife’s money.
This somehow annoyed my wife who said my kids are not only unfairly getting the roles, the kids who work hard at their auditions are getting screwed over because of me and not getting the same chances as my kids.
She then said my kids don’t deserve a lot of their roles and I’m setting them up to fail by creating an unrealistic expectation. She’s mostly upset because she feels I and the theater have been grossly unfair to the other kids.
I see it as it’s just a community theater thing, it’s not a big deal, none of these kids have that much talent and none are future Broadway or movie stars. My kids are happy and in the long run, it’s not hurting anyone.
My wife is currently refusing to speak to me until I promise ‘to stop bribing my kids’ way into roles they didn’t earn.’
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I agree with your wife. Roles should go to best-suited, not best-funded, actors.
Everyone in the production suffers when the overall show is hampered by leads who can’t carry the show. So yes, people are being hurt. Whether or not someone is Broadway-bound, the participants have dreams and aspirations. Everyone is worthy of pursuing them, and should be weighed by their talent, not their parents’ pocketbook.” Jerilyn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your kids are living in a warped reality thinking they are earning these roles based on their talent. They’re in for a shock when Daddy isn’t there to pay for the roles anymore. Not only that but when they find out you’ve been bankrolling their theater success, they’ll likely have massive issues trying to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t think they were good enough on their own to get any roles.
What you think is good now is going to crush them later on.
You’re doing them a HUGE disservice and you’re being so dishonest with them. They won’t forget that.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Talk about exercising privilege. This is a classic example, kids, of how difficult it can be for people to get ahead who don’t have the same leg-ups, benefits, parents, demographics, etc in life.
It’s not just community theatre. It’s a culture that’s perpetuated every time this happens. You are really letting your kids down. They need to learn how to succeed on merit and build the resilience to deal with disappointment or they will struggle in life unless of course you bribe/buy everything they’ll ever need in life.” bernadette-welch
19. AITJ For Having Bedding With The Same Design As My Friend's Wedding Dress?
“One of my friends (Amber) from high school is getting married, we haven’t been close in a handful of years but she did ask me to be a bridesmaid. She later said it was because she, her still best friend (let’s call her Chloe), and I were a trio back in high school so it felt weird not asking me.
We went dress shopping with all 5 bridesmaids/maid of honor, her mom, grandma, and FMIL. It was a nice time, we all had brunch and then she tried on dresses. Her fiancé is Catholic and she wanted a traditional style dress.
The one she picked was white with silver embroidery in a pattern that I thought looked familiar but couldn’t place it at the time.
A week later and I post a picture of my toddler on my bed. She was laying in a way that made it look like the design was surrounding her perfectly, it looked like it was on purpose and I used my nice camera too, it’s a really nice picture.
Chloe commented, first saying ‘awwww’ but then said, ‘wait, is that Amber’s dress?’ I replied that it was my bedding. She then made a group chat with me and Amber and said ‘Why didn’t you say anything to Amber when she bought a dress that has the same design and colors as your bedding?’ I said I didn’t realize that it was the same.
Amber said, ‘it’s weird that you bought bedding that matches my dress.’ And I told her that I’ve had this bedding for 3 years now. They both demanded that I take the picture of my child off social media and I said no so they blocked me and another bridesmaid said that they told her to uninvite me.
I had put the deposit for the bachelorette party (we split it 5 ways and my 1/5 was the deposit, no one else had put anything down yet. It’s at a resort at a casino that my family frequents so I got us a good deal on a very nice suite…) and since I’m uninvited I canceled the reservation so I could get my funds back.
Now everyone is saying that I’m a jerk and that I took it too far by canceling the bachelorette.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No one would automatically think their bedding looks like a dress. So there is no reason you’d look at the dress or picture & think of your friend’s dress.
It sounds like a one-in-a-million situation & they’re taking it personally as if you didn’t say something intentionally.
NTJ. They need to take off their rose-colored glasses & look at life for what it is.” Pixiedust027
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s bedding! That’s just some nonsense. I can’t believe the audacity and entitlement they have, they expected you to keep the reservation when they uninvited you for something so petty and unnecessary. They are adults yet acting like children.
You’re better off. Glad you got your deposit back because if you did not cancel, you would not have gotten your money back from Bridezilla and her minions. Good riddance to them.” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If she uninvited you, she shouldn’t get a good deal at her bachelorette because of you.
There’s nothing to say she can’t have her bachelorette at the casino still, but it’ll be split between fewer people and cost them all a bit more now. That’s on them, not on you.
You didn’t do anything wrong here.
It’s not like you looked at the dress and burst out laughing saying ‘Oh my god, the dress looks like my bedding’ and made fun of her for it.
It’s sad when people get butt-hurt over something trivial. Also, they blocked you, not the other way around.” JaneDoe_83
18. AITJ For Wanting To Get My Surgery Done Here In Australia?
“I (25F) have been living in Australia for the last 4 years.
Last month I fractured my hand and had to get surgery. My parents wanted me to take sick leave and come to India to get it fixed. Their reasoning: it’d be very expensive to get it fixed here, and it would be easier to have someone to take care of me.
I understand their concern, but I wanted to be able to fix things where possible. I suggested I’d to talk to the doctors and explore my options before I decide to fly to India. After talking to doctors, I realized that it was cheaper to stay here and get the surgery as my insurance covered most of it.
I didn’t want to go to India for various reasons. First, I want to have the chance to try and fix things by myself wherever possible. Second, I had some major changes happening at work and I wanted to be around for that.
And lastly, my father has been looking into various marriage proposals for me even though I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want an arranged marriage. I’d been planning on telling them about my non-Indian partner and didn’t want to be there until I’d done that.
Also, I came back from India after a month-long vacation in November, so it’s not like I hadn’t seen them in a long time.
When I called up my father to tell him that I want to get the surgery done here, he blew up.
He screamed at me for 10 minutes, saying things like ‘You have absolutely zero sense in you. You just always assume that you know best’, ‘Just because you got a little bit of money you think you can handle everything yourself.
Of course you don’t even care if we’re dead or alive’, ‘You’d rather cut all contact with your family because you prefer this independent life’, ‘We don’t have any right to take care of our own family members now.
Yeah, sure stay with people there that you call friends because they’re above your family to you now’ and ultimately ‘Let us know if you even want us in your life anymore’. And he blocked me after that. This was 4 weeks ago.
I got the surgery done and haven’t heard from them at all. I called my mother 3 times and she hasn’t picked up. My brother is getting mad at me that I’m not making more of an effort to reach out to them but honestly, I’m furious too now.
They had concerns about me getting my surgery done here, and I got solutions to their concerns. They still insisted I come to India which just makes me believe that all they care about is control. They wanted me in India to ease my life, but when I decided to get the surgery done here, they did not hesitate to put additional stress on me.
Also, it’s their anniversary in a couple of days and I might not get a chance to wish them.
I’m working hard to be a strong independent woman, and I want to have the best relationship with my parents.
But I am just afraid that having that kind of relationship would come with me having a lot less control over my life. AITJ for not giving that up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re absolutely right, this is a control thing and it seems like your parents can’t stand you wanting an independent life.
They likely viewed this as a way of getting you back in the country to try and gain control over your life again. Your dad’s reaction is the classic reaction of someone that needs control and is having it taken away from them.
Don’t succumb to the pressure here OP. You should live your life the way you want to, not the way that your parents expect you to.” thegodcomplex17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But surely you knew that. This isn’t about helping you, it’s about them trying to prove you need them, and that need leading to control.
It’s a major parental mistake to make a child feel dependent on them, leading to a lot of failures to launch. You already surpassed that and are well into your adult life.
Stand your ground and let them know while you WANT them in your life, you do not NEED them in it if they behave like this.
Lower your efforts towards contact and it’s likely they will seek you when they accept they don’t have the upper hand anymore. That would be a good time to tell them about the arranged marriage thing.” Puzzleheaded-Dig-704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They didn’t want you there to make your life easier, they wanted you there because they are seeing your independence threatening their control.
You are going to have to decide what you want, though. If you want independence, you will likely have to sacrifice damage to your relationship with your parents at least a little, maybe a lot.
Hopefully, it would be short-term and they would come around when they realize you are a happy, capable adult, but whether they will for sure is impossible to predict.
The reality is that you are in an unfair position where you cannot assert your independence without negatively impacting your relationship with your parents.
Personally, I’d go the independence route and maybe go low (or even no) contact for a while to protect myself from being pulled back into their circle of power, but it has to be your decision.” Material-Profit5923
17. AITJ For Not Canceling Plans For My Inconsiderate Mother-In-Law?
“My (35f) husband (37m) has a special needs sister (30).
For 10 months out of the year, she lives with my mother-in-law. My MIL ran out on my husband and the family when my husband was just a teenager. My husband hardly ever speaks to her, other than to communicate about his sister.
They have a very strained relationship, but his sister doesn’t really understand and obviously still speaks to her mother.
Twice a year, my SIL comes for a month-long visit. She uses disability services and is able to fly on her own, but obviously, someone has to go pick her up.
Now, my husband has always called his mother a very selfish person. I’ve never had much interaction with her until recently but I’m starting to understand. There’s always a designated month that my SIL will come to visit, but my MIL usually picks the particular date and time based on what is cheapest. The problem is she often books the flight without checking with the people picking her up.
Usually, this is my FIL’s job to coordinate, but this year my SIL will be staying with us. My FIL has already made it known that he will be out of town for work the first week of her trip.
This leaves us in charge of coordinating and picking up, which we are happy to do. However, my MIL booked the flight on a day that we already had plans, without checking with us first. We didn’t even know she was ready to book.
She didn’t ask when we were available.
We told her that we couldn’t cancel, as we had bought tickets to a charity event. She’s now furious with us and threatening to cancel my SIL’s trip if we don’t cancel our plans because the plane tickets are not refundable and she refuses to pay for another one.
My husband wants to cave, but we paid a lot of money for these tickets and ours are also not refundable. I don’t want her to cancel the trip because it will only hurt my SIL, but we are very involved in this charity and have obligations at the event.
AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL sounds so entitled and self-serving. She can’t be mad at you and your husband if she didn’t bother to arrange the plans previously. Seems like she just assumes you will be available and hopes for the best. She can’t act so horrified when you say you can’t just drop your plans.
It’s not even as if the plans are interchangeable, it’s a charity event and you have obligations. MIL needs to face the consequences of her own actions for once, it’s annoying for the sister to be caught in the crossfire but it’s MIL’s fault ultimately.” steve_rogerz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you guys cave this won’t be the last time she pulls a stunt like this. She needs to learn to communicate rather than just make plans without checking with the people that she wants to help her.
She needs to learn that while you guys are happy to help, your lives do not revolve around helping her and you have your own lives that involve other things and she needs to respect that. She needs to respect your time and not just make plans without making sure they work for you.” ConditionBig6373
Another User Comments:
“‘We told her that we couldn’t cancel, as we had bought tickets to a charity event. She’s now furious with us and threatening to cancel my SIL’s trip if we don’t cancel our plans because the plane tickets are not refundable and she refuses to pay for another one.’
NTJ. She’s trying to blackmail you. She’s not going to cancel the trip, as she would lose the entire plane fare. She will (unless she’s really stupid) pay the $50 penalty to change the dates.
And maybe next time she will do the obvious thing which is to check with you before she buys the tickets.” Background-Lab-4896
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Receive A Dog As A Gift?
“My (30F) fiancé (32M) just gifted me a puppy on Sunday.
Whilst that sounds adorable and I’m sure a lot of people would love that, I’m not happy about it. Firstly, I’m not a dog person. I don’t hate dogs, I’d just rather love them from afar.
Secondly, we live in an apartment and already have a kitten that will be 1 next month. Thirdly, he asked if I wanted a puppy, I said no, and he got it anyway as a ‘gift’ to me. Fourthly, we can’t afford it!
He’s now calling me heartless and mean for not wanting his gift. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute, however, I feel manipulated/gaslit and think it’s a huge decision that should have been made together.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Dogs are not gifts. They are commitments. And in most cases over a decade. He was completely irresponsible, immature, and sly. It’s unfair to you, but frankly in this situation the worse off is the dog.
That pup is quickly learning about the world, fears, and feelings. He’s risking messing this pup up. Choosing a dog is a big deal to determine if your lifestyle suits that dog. It should be carefully considered. Plus what does it say about his respect for you that he can make such a huge potential 15-year commitment on your behalf without asking and calling you the cruel one?
NTJ. Your fiancé is and questionable.” Nessa-E
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a very manipulative and irresponsible gift. He gave it to you, so it’s your responsibility to look after it. He’s putting you in the position of being ‘heartless’ if you are ungrateful, yet owning a dog is a huge long-term responsibility, not something that you should take on without serious forethought.
You don’t say what kind of dog it is, and you don’t know if it will be a suitable breed for an apartment/a resident cat/your lifestyle.
A lot of people choose their pet dog based on how cute it is and how it will add to their feed; I believe strongly that you should figure out what kind of owner you would be so you can pick a dog that you can look after responsibly.
Eg, I wouldn’t be a good owner of a dog that needs a lot of grooming or a small yappy dog, but I am an excellent owner to a dog that needs to be walked twice a day on schedule.
Also, it seems like your partner wants the dog but not the responsibility, he wants the fun but not the serious conversation – so he has definitely sidestepped all the mature approaches by making this a ‘gift’. When the dog is hard work or trouble, it will be your dog.
You haven’t had a chance to prepare or figure out how to work your current schedule around the dog’s needs.
I would suggest rehoming the dog as soon as possible so it has minimal disruption. You might need to rehome your partner too if he has such little respect for your relationship as a partnership.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, animals aren’t something to be gifted. Second, pets in a shared household are two yeses & one no. He asked & you said no. That’s where it should have ended unless you changed your mind.
The fact that he ignored what you said & now is surprised Pikachu because you’re not delighted by his ‘gift’ is a red flag. Again, you said no & yet he still did what he wanted & is now trying to make you the bad guy for not going along with him steamrolling you into caring for a dog that is obvious that he wanted, but expects you to take care of.
After all, why ‘gift’ it to you when he knew you didn’t want a dog?
Animals are a huge responsibility & you didn’t agree nor sign up for this puppy. He’s put both you & the puppy in a horrible position for being selfish & getting it knowing you weren’t on board.
I know it sounds cruel, but find a good home for the puppy that is happy to have it. Your partner did ‘gift’ him to you after all, & you would be doing the responsible thing by making sure it’s cared for the best way possible.
As for your partner, I’d wave a treat at the car door until he hopped in & then drive him to the nearest shelter (family/friends) & drop him off. But ultimately, that’s your choice to make. Don’t let him guilt you & please make sure the puppy isn’t mistreated & finds a good & loving home.” DearOP_
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Undo An Unofficial Wedding I Was A Part Of?
“When I was younger, I went on an overseas trip with my mom and stepdad to go see his side of the family. Almost as soon as we landed, they started arguing. I was sent outside, and when I came back in, my mom was acting… cagey.
She told me one of my stepdad’s cousins was getting married in two days, but not to worry about it. She kept saying that and was acting really strange, so I kept pushing until she explained. Yes, the cousin was getting married to me, but only symbolically.
The cousin’s family was desperate and needed a cultural wedding to happen for some reason. He’d already agreed to help out, so she couldn’t really say no, but not to worry because it didn’t mean anything because it was only symbolic, which is when I figured out how he was helping out.
She reassured me that it didn’t mean anything and begged me to just be polite. It was just going to be a fun party and a good opportunity to learn more about other cultures. That entire day is a blur, but the food was good.
We went home fairly early. My mom and I spent the rest of the trip just us while my stepdad was with his family, but once we got home, everything was completely normal and we never really talked about any of that again.
Until today.
My stepdad called to ask if we (me, my wife, and my daughter) would come for a vacation in his home country. He would pay for everything. He was really pushing for it, so I pushed back, and he confessed that along with family time, he also needed me to come along so they could undo the symbolic marriage so that the cousin could get married to her SO because she currently can’t because she’s considered to be already married to me.
I don’t see a reason to. It wasn’t a legal wedding in the first place, it literally couldn’t have been for several reasons, so there shouldn’t be anything to undo. He said he was sorry that this happened, but now we can just fix this and ‘never think about it again’.
I don’t really want to go to his country, it’s not really safe to go there in the first place, and I really don’t like the idea of getting trapped somewhere again where I don’t know the language or what’s going on.
He’s telling me that I’m selfish because while it obviously doesn’t affect me, not fixing it does affect the cousin and ‘isn’t letting her move on’. My mom is pleading with me to go, that it’s one day out of a vacation that my stepfather is willing to pay for because he ‘feels so terrible’ about it.
My wife doesn’t think I should go because it’s not safe and it’s not something that should be my problem anyway. I’ve asked my father, and he’s torn. Obviously, I don’t have to go but if it is that easy, maybe a free vacation isn’t a bad idea and I’d be helping someone.
I don’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“Ok, first of all, you need to contact a lawyer.
You, OP, may be a bigamist. Did you even think of that?
And yea, your stepdad says it wasn’t a ‘real’ wedding.
Well, it sounds like he said a lot of things. But ask yourself, if it wasn’t a ‘real’ wedding, why are thousands of dollars being spent to get you to fly to another country to nullify a wedding that was only symbolic?
Not to mention the matter of personal safety in this unknown country…
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but DO NOT GO. Seriously.
If you weren’t legally married and it was only symbolic as your mother and stepfather claim, then there is NO reason for you to go there.
None. Anything that needs clearing up can be done via Zoom (and you need to bring your own interpreter).
I can offhand think of a couple of reasons that your presence would be needed. First, if it was not symbolic or if it is now time to make it official. (And in that case, you need to educate yourself about the laws for bigamy in that country and what might happen to your wife and daughter.) Second, if a young male can be married off without his consent what is going to stop your stepfather from marrying your daughter off?
You don’t know the language so how would you object?
Your stepfather is lying through his teeth and your mother has already proven she can’t be trusted to have your best interest at heart. I don’t understand why you seem to think it would be a good idea to trust either of them now.
Either way, your life is yours to throw away – but at least make sure your wife and daughter are not coming along for that particular ride.” SlackingOff231
Another User Comments:
“If they can arrange a marriage without your consent or willingness, then they can do other stuff.
Maybe the first wedding was symbolic, and now they need you for the legal marriage. Maybe she wants to emigrate and needs you for that. Or she needs you to financially support her because her SO cannot? You don’t understand what they are saying, and your stepfather already used you once before.
Something is very suspicious. I am imagining the country because of the danger factor, so if she was considered married all this time, then how is she able to openly be in a relationship with someone that is not her husband?
YTJ to yourself if you went. I wouldn’t trust your stepfather. I bet he got paid the first time for serving you up on a silver platter. Don’t know what he’s up to now, but I wouldn’t.
They can do it by Skype if they have to but with your own interpreter.” Historical-Goal-3786
14. AITJ For Keeping My Wife's Life Insurance?
“I lost my wife unexpectedly, and it has been one of the most difficult times in my life.
She left me with $200,000 in life insurance, and I used $20,000 of it to cover the funeral expenses.
Now, my wife’s family is demanding a large portion of the remaining life insurance money. Her parents want to use it to rebuild their home in Florida which was destroyed in a recent hurricane.
The thing is, they didn’t have insurance, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to cover their losses with the money that my wife left me.
My wife’s brother also wants a portion of the money to pay for his college tuition.
While I sympathize with his situation, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to fund his education. My wife left this money to me for a reason, and it’s up to me to decide how to use it.
When I told my wife’s family that I couldn’t give them the money they were asking for, they accused me of being selfish and not caring about their situation.
They said that my wife would have wanted them to have the money and that I was going against her wishes.
I feel terrible for my wife’s family, but I also have my own financial responsibilities. I have bills to pay, and I want to make sure that I can take care of myself in the future.
I don’t want to put myself in a difficult financial situation by giving away a large portion of the life insurance money.
This is an opportunity for me to pay off my debts and buy the dream home my wife and I always wanted. Maybe I’m being selfish but I feel like I am not in the wrong.
My wife and I never really discussed what to do with life insurance money other than the occasional joke of buying the dream home we want or a starter one. I miss her so terribly.
Am I the jerk for refusing to give my wife’s family a large portion of her life insurance money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Life insurance is taken out to help someone’s immediate family, usually a spouse, to financially weather the loss of an income or role in the family. It’s not lottery winnings. Respectfully, her family treating this life insurance as a windfall is abhorrent.
It’s not theirs.
Also, there’s a reason you designate beneficiaries on those policies. The deceased had a choice about where the funds were going to go.
I am terribly sorry for your loss, OP.” Vituperated
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Insurance money is meant to replace the income of the deceased. If your wife was still employed she would be paying bills and contributing to a new home, not funding her parents’ rebuild or her brother’s education.
You are using the money as it is intended. In your time of grief, don’t be bullied into poor financial planning. I’m sorry for your loss.” JudgingYourBehavior
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your wife wanted to leave her life insurance money to them, she would have set them up as beneficiaries.
She didn’t. She left it to you. It’s very standard to leave life insurance for the surviving spouse and/or kids. She’s no longer there and a part of YOUR life. It’s for YOU. It’s for plans you will no longer be able to have together.
It’s very greedy and awful for your in-laws to demand this money. It’s too late but they probably should not have even been told how much it was as it was none of their business and you used it to pay for the funeral. Period.
You are the one who suffered the loss of your life partner. Their demands appear to be based on bad decisions THEY made. Don’t give them a dime, that money is really not that much and if you start giving them a little, they will keep wanting more.
Expect to go no contact with them as a result (on your part).” KarmaWillGetYa
As others have mentioned, your wife had every opportunity to name any and all of her family as beneficiaries, but she didn't; she left everything to you. And now you know part of the reason why. She knew perfectly well what they'd do, and she very neatly circumvented it. Not one thin dime should you give ANY of them. What ghouls they are, to think of her death as some kind of financial opportunity. I'd have nothing to do with them ever again.
13. WIBTJ If I Stop Babysitting My Sister-In-Law's Kids?
“I am 36 weeks pregnant and could go into labor any time.
I’ve been watching my SIL’s 2 kids, 5 months and 1 1/2-year-old Mon-Fri since late January. The 5-month-old just sleeps and eats since she is still like a newborn. The 1 1/2-year-old gets into everything and I try to make sure she’s not doing anything she’s not supposed to so I’m constantly picking her up to put her on the couch or in the living room with me, she is over 25 lbs.
I put her up in the high chair to eat and it’s hard on my body.
For nap time her room is downstairs so I have to lift her up over the baby gate by the stairs and carry her down and it’s the same when I get her up in the morning.
It’s exhausting and has gotten harder. Originally it was just the two and it was only supposed to be temporary but she recently got custody of her 3 other kids who are all in school/daycare. She used to be home latest 5 PM, now she’s home latest 6:30 PM because she has to pick her kids up from school/daycare.
By the way, she pays me from her own paycheck which I get $300 every 2 weeks. Ever since she’s been getting home late and I’ve had to watch all 5 kids for two days because of Easter I don’t get paid extra.
I have told her multiple times that she needs to find daycare for her two youngest soon as I could go into labor anytime and I need to be home and I also need to get the rest of the house ready as I don’t have time during the week and only able to do so much every weekend as it’s the only time I can relax.
A few weeks ago I told her that by the beginning of May, I need to start staying home and she read it and responded 2 hours later saying ‘Okay thank you.’ I haven’t heard anything else from her about it until I asked her two days ago about the daycare situation and all she said was ‘still looking’ and that one daycare she was looking at had no open spots.
I am starting to be resentful and overwhelmed because I really do not want to go into labor at their house and I feel like I’m being taken advantage of considering she’s paying me very little though she makes about $4000 a month.
She seems to not have a plan if I go into labor unexpectedly (not a big enough car, as she’s looking for a 3-row vehicle for all her kids and not having any backup plans for if I go into labor while still watching her kids).
I am the main person who watches them as there seems to be no one else that could. She’s the breadwinner in the house so her taking off work is not possible as that would put them in a tough spot financially.
At this point, I feel like just telling her that if she doesn’t have daycare by May 1st that I will not show up and I gave her a heads-up months in advance many times. I feel like she is just waiting until I’m in the hospital giving birth to come up with a plan and she’s wanting my water to break and go into labor at her house.
The question is WIBTJ if I tell her that I will not show up to their house to watch the kids by May 1st even if she doesn’t have childcare?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve given her plenty of notice.
I sympathize with her because it is difficult to find childcare and she’s going to have to pay more than she pays you but that does not make it your burden to carry. Sometimes people need a kick in the butt to do something that is hard and she clearly does to find new childcare.
I’d absolutely stop before you go into labor or else she’ll be showing up at your house with her kids the day you’re back from the hospital with your newborn.” yeahipostedthat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re about to go into labor and it appears that your SIL doesn’t care.
She just wants a sitter. She’s taking advantage of you. Give her the notice. If she tells you she needs more time don’t give it to her. She had plenty already. If the deadline rolls around and still no other arrangements have been made don’t give in.
Stand your ground. You’re in no condition to be watching other people’s little ones. As far as after the delivery still stand your ground. You’ll have your hands full with a newborn. By the way, congratulations.” KylieJadaHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Look I get it, she is in deep trouble, but SHE is in that deep trouble, not you. You have a whole situation, with a rapidly approaching deadline to focus on. Rationally, she knew MONTHS ago she needed to get the situation addressed. You did not show up 36 weeks preggo yesterday.
She should have been planning this transition weeks ago. Her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part. She sounds like she will have to take a week off and figure this out.” ChaoticCapricorn
Your SIL is grossly underpaying and overworking you. OF COURSE she's not going to let you go without a fight. She's paying you THREE DOLLARS AND SEVENTY FIVE CENTS AN HOUR, if you're working 40 hours per week and getting paid $300 for two weeks work.
Stop. Stop YESTERDAY. She's taking horrific advantage of you.
And where is your brother in all this? Why is he allowing his wife to jerk you like this? Shame on both of them. You could work 40 hours every two weeks at McDonalds and make more money than they're paying you. It's outrageous.
Tell her you're no longer available to babysit her spawn, doctor's orders. And go home and REST. And tear your brother a new one. They're both trash and deserve each other.
12. AITJ For Causing Someone's Gym Membership To Get Revoked?
“I (35F) joined a gym near my house recently.
I picked this one because it has a circuit area, and I’ve only ever done circuit workouts before, so while I’m learning the ropes, I wanted something familiar.
The circuit area is different from the rest of the gym.
The workout is 1 minute per machine and the area is designated for people doing that workout. There are signs posted clearly, and there is a timer on a screen on the wall. The rules are there for all to see.
Limit: 1 minute per machine.
The machines aren’t different from the ones in the rest of the gym, so many of the gym goers use the circuit machines when the matching one is occupied. When no one is using the circuit area, this doesn’t matter and no one tells them not to.
But when someone is, they are expected to move off a machine that someone needs to complete their workout. I’ve had to ask people to move a few times, for some, I even had to point out the rules, and people typically move without incident.
Until the other day… I was doing my workout and a man was using a machine in the middle of the circuit area. I skipped over the machine he was on, hoping he would be done by the time I was done with the other 5-6 machines I would be using.
When I was done, he wasn’t, and after glancing over to see if the matching machine was free (it wasn’t) I asked him if he could move for just one minute so I could finish up. He said no. I tried to explain that the area he was in wasn’t for regular workouts and that I just needed that one machine to complete my workout.
He said no again. I pointed out the rule sign and timer, and he started yelling at me, saying he’d been a member however many years and no newbie was going to come in and tell him what he can and can’t use, and called me some names I won’t repeat.
I got a staff member who told him he had to move, and eventually he did, and I used the machine for exactly one minute. I was quite shaken at being screamed at by a grown man in a public place though.
I went home and emailed the gym owner complaining about the man. They replied and said after reviewing the security footage, they have revoked his membership.
My gym friends say I’m a jerk for going that far with it and getting his membership revoked over one minute of workout.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They reviewed the security footage. Security videos often don’t have audio, and that would be difficult to facilitate in a gym anyway. They wouldn’t be able to hear him yelling at you anyway. So it was his behavior toward you, disregard for rules, the need for personnel intervention, and (I’m assuming) his behavior during said intervention….
that got him banned. All of it together. No gym is going to ban someone because another member demands it. LOL. But your complaint did prompt an instigation, and his behavior was deemed ban-able. LOL.” id0nt3xist99
Another User Comments:
“Nope NTJ. You asked several times and he refused regardless of the very clearly stated rules, and apparently, he also called you names for pointing it out to him. Dude should probably invest in a home gym if he’s going to be rude and refuse to follow basic rules.
Nah your friends are wrong on this one. Good for you for putting him in his place. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or get screamed at by a literally grown man for trying to use a community machine. He can’t gatekeep it.
I’d be cautious for a while going forward though. Some people are crazies, and if he had the audacity to get irrationally angry with you in a public setting, then I wouldn’t put it past him that he might try to lash out at you.
Carry some pepper spray on your way in and out of that gym for quite some time. I don’t want to scare you but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” spicyhooligan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to change your perspective and only take accountability for what you actually did.
YOU did not get him banned.
You emailed the gym owner to let them know that someone yelled at you for trying to complete your workout. You were following the rules, he was not. He insulted you and threatened you.
All you did was email the owner.
The person who got the man banned? The owner. Personally, I think it was 100% the right move to ban him, but, even if it wasn’t, it’s the owner’s fault. He made the decision to ban him.
It’s also the man’s fault for choosing to yell at you.
To recap: You were trying to do your workout as intended by the gym. A man was breaking the rules, you asked him to move, and he yelled at you and threatened you.
You let the owner know what happened, and the man was banned. How in the world is it your fault he got banned?” robertstobe
11. AITJ For Causing My Roommate To Send Her Service Dog Back Home?
“I live in an apartment complex and have been looking for months now trying to find a roommate. Used the internet & finally found someone I thought was a great fit (F). We talked about her moving in. F mentioned that her work wanted her in their office nearby me as soon as possible.
We worked with the apartment complex and F was able to move in 2 days later.
However, F didn’t tell me F had a service dog until after F had signed the lease and told me about 6 hours before she moved in.
I’ve never had dogs, and our apartment charges an additional monthly fee to have an animal in the room, but F told me that he was always with her and that she would pay the change in price. I told her I was okay with that and they moved in that night.
The weekend rolls around, and F tells me F’s going to drive back to her parent’s house (about 2 hours away), finish packing up the last of her things and be back. I said okay, assuming the dog would go with her.
F left the apartment around 5 am. While working on homework, I heard whining coming from F’s room at 11. I opened the door and there was her dog. I took him outside and he went to the bathroom. I texted her letting her know and asked why F didn’t take him with her.
F said that she was almost back and thanked me for taking him out. F came back around 12:30, and I asked again why he hadn’t gone with her. Her response? There wasn’t enough room in her friend’s car, but her mom would be picking her up later with a big truck.
I said it made sense then went to take a nap.
When I woke up at 1:30 pm, F was gone and her doors were closed, so I went back to studying. Until at 6 pm when I heard scratching coming from her room.
F had left her service dog again. I took him out, again, and texted F saying he had been whining. F’s response: he must’ve been whining since he missed her and I didn’t need to take him out since she had let him out 5 hours ago when she’d been at the apartment.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. F came home at 10:30 pm. The next day, F decided she was going to go out. F took the dog out around 11 and then brought him back to the room and then left. I was studying in my room and around 12:30 her dog opened my door and barked at me.
I walked out of my room and there in my living room was a fresh pile of dog poo.
I was upset. I texted her and told her what happened. F said she was sorry and that she’d clean up the mess.
She came back 10 minutes later and we talked about it. I told her I was upset and F responded by offering to have her mom take the service dog back to her parent’s house. I was confused and asked if didn’t she need her service dog.
F told me she’d get through okay and that it was more important to her that I wasn’t upset in my own house and F didn’t want me upset with her.
AITJ for making a big deal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a service dog. Honestly, you need to reconsider having F as your roommate. She’s been dishonest about the dog and purposely hid his existence until the last minute to manipulate you into accepting her in the apartment.
She’s a terrible dog owner and that animal is suffering from being locked up in a bedroom for hours on end.
Yes her parents should definitely take the dog since she’s neglecting him. But you should also terminate her lease and find someone else.
She’s a walking red flag.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t even tell you she had the dog until it was too late for you to say anything about it.
Also, please correct me if I’m wrong, but the fact that she leaves her dog locked up in a room all the time tells me it might not actually be a service dog.
Most people have service dogs because they need them. Which would mean she should be bringing the dog with her to most places. It almost seems like a cop-out reason for her not telling you she had a pet in the beginning.
Because legally you can’t tell her to not have a service dog. Even in buildings that typically don’t allow pets.
Either way, this pet deserves a better life. I’d be making a pretty big deal out of it too.” spicyhooligan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She should have told you about the dog before you agreed for her to move in. She hid the dog for a reason, probably because she’s been rejected by other roommates in the past. But the issue is that you could have had an allergy to dogs that would have put your health at risk and she didn’t care.
She claims it’s a service dog but never takes it anywhere with her. It seems she leaves it home all day and I have a feeling she knows you’re there so you will do what’s necessary for taking the dog out and taking care of it when she’s out.
Her responses to you seem very passive, as though she doesn’t care much about how this is affecting you.
This is not a service dog if she’s leaving it at home all the time. She’s probably pretending or applying for it to be a service dog just so she can’t be refused a lease.
Not being told about the dog and then having to clean up and take care of it is worth making a big deal out of. She’s taking advantage.” West-Kaleidoscope129
10. AITJ For Expecting My Wife To Help More With House Chores?
“My wife (34) and I (30) have been married for four years now, after a 6-year LDR followed by 1 year of cohabitation before the marriage.
Just before getting married I moved to be with her in Europe where she was finishing her PhD and applying for citizenship. Since I was doing a masters in the meantime, I took up a bit more of the housework.
She would cook the occasional meal and organize, but she wouldn’t touch anything that had to do with cleaning or scrubbing. Even then, however, it was JUST manageable.
And then came the baby.
I pulled full night shifts QD and full weekends taking care of the baby.
She would breast-feed the baby during the day, and cook meals when I had to go to classes, but that was it. She was well-connected locally and spoke the language so to be fair she spent a lot of time networking, getting second-hand baby stuff, arranging for daycare, and government-subsidized maternity help (cleaning, cooking, etc, 4 hours/week).
However, all manual labor she would defer or just ignore. A few months later, my mother moved in to help us full-time. We made it until the kid could go to daycare at 4 months, and things started getting better…
And then I started working.
We were actually supposed to go home after I graduated with my master’s but because the administration in Europe moves at a sloth pace the whole process was unduly extended by a year. I found a meh-job on short notice and started working, as a second baby came along.
Before the second kid arrived, my days started at 05:30 waking to catch the train to work, and ended around 11 pm after putting the first kid to bed and finishing all the chores.
Now the second kid has arrived and my mom is here to help again.
But even as my wife gets more help, she just keeps delegating fewer and fewer tasks to herself. I am still sleeping 4-6 hours a day, and the extra time generated by my mother’s presence just went to my wife’s personal free time.
In the years since she finished her Ph.D., got a work-from-home research job, and started a freelance side job, in total working about 30h per week, published three papers, passed two language exams, and made a ton more local friends.
Meanwhile, I am losing touch with friends and family back home, working a dead-end job in a foreign country, struggling with the language, and watching my job prospects go steadily down. Recently, she asked if I would consider working 80%, and taking one day off each week to ‘spend more time with the kids’.
When I try to communicate, all she would say is; ‘You’re too pessimistic about your future, just try harder’, ‘We have a dishwasher so ‘cleaning the kitchen’ doesn’t count as a chore’, ‘I arranged for 4 hours of cleaning per week so I’m doing my job’.
Now she wants to cancel our plans to go back because she ‘feels comfortable here’.
Am I the bad one for expecting that my spouse pulls her own weight in terms of housework and contribution to the family?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude you’re overwhelmed. This isn’t about chores at all! You’re being left behind career-wise and slowly being pushed into the stay-at-home dad life! This happens to women when we have kids all the time. Maybe organize your thoughts before you try negotiating with her again.
You’re scared! Just like every parent who feels themselves being pushed to stay home and have zero earning power by either life, our partners, or lack of opportunities. Spreadsheet the crap out of this and figure a way out!
There are no jerks here but the way things are going, you’ll be miserable soon!” Cabbage_Patch_Itch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you live in a house with a roommate, whether it be a friend or significant other, there is the unspoken rule of 50/50 housecleaning.
It doesn’t sound like your wife is doing anything other than what can help her professionally.
You guys have much bigger problems than household chores though. To me, it’s clear she does not respect you as a person who has hopes and dreams for his future outside of his family.
She only wants you there to take care of the household duties and the kids.” concernedreader1982
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you weren’t happy with her behavior with 1 baby and thought, ‘Surely a second baby will help this situation!’
And she is doing childcare and cleaning. You say she ‘arranged’ four hours of cleaning, either she’s doing it or she’s paying someone to do it, but either way, it’s getting done.
You want a 1950s housewife and your wife is a modern woman who knows she is more than a baby machine/housekeeper.
It doesn’t sound like your marriage is working out. Which is a bummer. She wants to stay there, you want to go home. She wants a career and a life, you want a stay-at-home mom. Time to decide if this is how you want to live your life or not.” No-Locksmith-8590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys are failing to be a married couple who are supposed to support each other. And with that, she is failing a TON more than you. I normally roll my eyes when people encourage therapy for things that a conversation would fix.
But your case definitely needs couples counseling. Your marriage is floundering.
And for god’s sake, why the heck did you even have a kid in this situation? And, considering how bad things got, you even had a second kid! Having a child isn’t a thing that could check on a list of what people should do to be a successful person.
It’s a responsibility that requires an incredible amount of work and time, and you’re struggling with both.
Your mother is so kind to leave your home so she could help. Without her, you would be worse off.” Treehorn8
You are being completely taken advantage of. She's acting like you're her parent, not her partner. She wants you to be a house husband and you don't want to be. You need counseling for this one, not the internet.
9. AITJ For Using The Wrong Words When Complimenting My Cousin?
“So I (28NB) have an almost non-existent relationship with my father’s side of the family (I am in no contact with my father). While growing up we spent almost all our vacations with them and they were awful to me.
They always treated me like I was weird and ugly and made remarks about me being fat and quiet and made me feel so scared that I had selective mutism around them.
The only one who was kind to me was my cousin June, she was super patient and is the only family member I have contact with.
Recently my cousin was telling me that her son was diagnosed with autism (grade 1). I told her that I am on the spectrum too and was diagnosed a year ago and that if she wanted I could buy things for my nephew (chewing toys, earphones, etc).
She accepted and we started to talk about my nephew’s needs and how hard it is for her to take him to a lot of specialists for therapy as a single mom.
I told her that I understand how hard it is for her and for my nephew and I am proud of her for all the effort and care she puts in and of all the people in the family I was glad that she was the one with an autistic child.
Not because I think it’s great that my nephew is autistic but because I know how awful the rest of the family is and I am thankful for her patience all those years as she made me feel accepted and was the only member of the family who tried to know me.
I also think it’s great that my nephew has a good mom.
But she stopped speaking to me and my partner told me that what I said was well-meaning but it came out really harsh. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I know what you meant, but I can understand why it could have been taken the wrong way and unintentionally hurt or offended her.
I think you should try to clarify what you meant, but tread carefully on how you talk to her about how awful the rest of her family is.
She might not share that opinion and maybe that was part of what she found offensive. It sounds like you have a positive relationship and it would be a shame for it to die over this. Be careful not to use this talking point as a way to take a jab at her family, I don’t think that will play out well.
Just emphasize the positive, that you know how loving, kind, and capable she will be as a parent and how much her child will benefit from that.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not terribly so, but still.
The sentiment you were trying to make is very kind and shows how much you respect and appreciate your cousin.
The words you spoke though were just… bad. Even if saying things like ‘I’m glad my kid wasn’t born with Down Syndrome’ or ‘Wow of all the ones in the family, it’s a good thing YOUR kid turned out autistic’ is true, that doesn’t mean they should be spoken, and especially not that bluntly.
Sometimes it’s the words themselves that matter, even if the intention behind them was good. Apologize to your cousin for the way the sentiment came out and try to think more carefully about what you say regarding sensitive topics in the future.” Odd_Measurement3643
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Definitely well-intentioned but you’re also saying that to someone who maybe isn’t seeing this in the best light right now.
Raising kids on the spectrum can range from easy, to mildly challenging, to heartbreaking and emotionally exhausting, your cousin is in the beginning stages of figuring out where her journey as a parent to a child with ASD is and is in a position where she is financially limited to help her kid.
You’re correct, it does take a certain person to be able to raise a neurodivergent child and to do so with grace, love, and endless patience but that doesn’t mean it’s always something people aspired to have to do.
Grant your cousin some space and reach out with an apology in time.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. While I get where you are coming from, that did not need to be said. It was also poorly phrased for what you were trying to convey. Also… she was venting about how hard it is as a single parent to effectively manage all her son’s care needs.
Not the time to pipe up with that kind of sentiment, even if well-intentioned. Apologize, and maybe use it as an opportunity to tell her all the things she did right that helped you. Put the reasoning behind the sentiment into words instead of telling her you are glad she’s the one with the autistic child.
Explain how much her patience and acceptance meant to you and that because of that, you know she will be a great mom to her son and not beat herself up about having some limits.” sabrecmc2
8. AITJ For Expressing My Disapproval Of My Sister's Partner's Proposal?
“I (26f) was invited to my grandparents’ 54th wedding anniversary along with the rest of my family. My sister (28f) brought along her (39m) partner, which wasn’t unusual as they’ve been together for three years now. I’ve never liked him due to their large (in my opinion) age difference.
It’s just always been really awkward being around him, which may be my fault as I’ve been cold to him. Our parents don’t seem to have any issues with him.
Anyways, at their anniversary dinner, my grandpa gave a speech about my grandma, which was really sweet.
After his speech, my sister’s partner stood up and started tearing up and talking about how much he loved my sister. He then got down on one knee and proposed to her. I thought that this was really weird as it was my grandparents’ anniversary dinner and it was supposed to be about them.
I stood up and cleared my throat at them to try and send them the message that this was not the time or place. I know it probably wasn’t up to me to say something, but I’ve never liked my sister’s partner and thought this was a really inappropriate setting.
My sister’s partner then started yelling at me saying that I was ruining their special moment. My sister just stood next to him with her arms crossed. No one else said anything and we left immediately after. I feel like I’ve ruined my grandparents’ anniversary and, on top of that, made my sister and her partner mad at me.
Our mom and dad have yet to say anything, and I can’t stop thinking about how awkward the whole situation was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your grandparents have had 54 anniversaries (good for them btw) and you are upset that at one their granddaughter got proposed to?
No grandparent would ever be upset with this. I get it’s their party but it’s not a wedding, it’s not the 10th anniversary, it’s not the 50th it is the 54th. This seems like a good place to propose to me, especially if they wanted to have the whole family see it.
Your issue is being an overprotective sibling. It doesn’t matter how they met or the age gap you just think you know better than your sister. She can choose who to be with and you need to trust she knows best for herself.
This mentality has now caused more harm than good because you’ve now embarrassed your sister at one of the most important moments of her life. I assume that’s what you wanted so congrats, don’t expect to be invited to the wedding.
What you should have done was just let him finish and if it was a bad thing the entire family would grill him. Notice how you were the only one to interrupt though?” No_Barracuda3622
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Sister’s partner is a jerk for having the absolute audacity to make someone else’s celebration about him. The yelling at you was ridiculous. The whole thing is just so gross and tacky. Sister is a jerk for going along with the above.
I’d be livid and completely humiliated if I were her. You’re a jerk for making an even bigger scene. Had you just let it play out the anniversary celebration probably could have been salvaged.
Your poor grandparents deserved better.” Momsters123
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At the time, you didn’t know if your grandparents had okayed the proposal. If they didn’t, he was kinda rude but maybe wanted the whole family to be there for their special moment.
But regardless, it wasn’t up to you to speak up and so rudely.
Can’t you even consider how much this guy loves your sister (tearing up is a big clue)? Also, his age isn’t your business, their relationship is theirs.
I hope you really think about how wrong you were to do this AND apologize to everyone: grands, sis & guy, and your parents.
Do better or expect to be excluded in the future.” IDICbeliever
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – except Grandma and Grandpa. I think this is definitely coming off as more, you’re not good enough for my sister. But I think it is a jerk move to be so lazy or uncreative to try and steal an ANNIVERSARY for a proposal. Find your own way to show your love.
Your Grandma and Grandpa were having a beautiful moment enjoying the lives they have lived together. Although I would LOVE to know what your parents and grandparents think of him proposing. I’m guessing they would have a better idea whether it was the right call or not.” Large-Record7642
7. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors Not To Hang Out On My Lawn While Walking Their Dogs?
“We had new neighbors move in ~4 months ago or so and they have three little dogs. They have a small yard, so they always walk their dogs on our lawn. They do pick up their feces (to my knowledge, at least), but they’ve never once asked if they could use our lawn, they never even look at us or acknowledge this when we’ve come home and they’ve been on our lawn.
I don’t mean they just stroll by while they’re on a walk – I mean they walk deep into our lawn by our cars and hang out for 5 – 10 min sometimes. So I asked the other day if they could please stop doing it, and they became super combative with me about it.
They started yelling at me and telling me to get documentation from the town that states they can’t walk their dog on our lawn.
AITJ for asking them to stop walking their dogs on our lawn all the time even though they pick up their feces?
Especially when not only have they never asked, but they’ve never even said hello when we’ve literally walked past them while they’re on our lawn waiting for their dogs to go to the bathroom?”
Another User Comments:
“The only time this bugs me is when people don’t pick up after their dogs. (Sometimes I have to remind myself that the sidewalks are super hot or they have deicing solvents on them that wreck pooch paws. So, just seeing someone’s dog on my grass doesn’t annoy me.
But, that’s me.) I don’t consider them using my lawn as long as they keep things tidy.
But it’s your yard – not mine. And you get to tell people you prefer they stick to the walkways and dog paths, rather than use your lawn for toileting.
It’s not public property. It’s private and anyone in their right mind has to respect that. So, NTJ. The documentation you need to supply is the right of the homeowner, so they can let that nonsense go. Call the municipality and seek they address the matter.
A citation will cure these people of their entitlement and arrogance. (At least you didn’t borrow a dog to sic on them.)” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your new neighbors told you what you need to do and now you need to do it.
Go to your local police and find out what you need to obtain or do, to get them to charge your new neighbors with trespassing on your property on a daily basis. Once they receive the fine to which they demanded from you and only then will they cease and desist.
But if that’s too much trouble go and buy those cracker fireworks that make the big boom. Deploy each time they step foot onto your lawn. The dogs will be trained to not want to go near your property by the noise.” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since he asked, you can tell him you’ll sue him for trespassing several times even when confronted and asked not to do so. Your lawn, your property. Would he be ok if you go into his house and used the loo in the hallway or the bedroom?
Why do you need to have a peed lawn when it’s not even your pet? Tell him about trespassing and if he continues to do so, take pics of him and the dog, better if you have something like a newspaper with the date on it (so you have proof) and call the cops because ‘some stranger’ is in your property without your consent.
If you have those dated pics, he won’t have any defense or can’t accuse you of lying.” KawaiKuroNeko
6. AITJ For Not Welcoming My Biological Mom Back Into My Life?
“My biological mother (38F) gave birth to me when she was 18. Even now I’m (20M) still getting stories about how inattentive and neglectful she was, even if it was unintentional. She gave birth to my little sister when she was 19.
Our lives with her were more than traumatizing.
Anyway, when I was around 5, we were finally taken away and put into a foster home until my grandmother (72F) adopted us. We were supposed to have visitations with my birth mother, who for the sake of this post, I’ll refer to as my BM, but there were maybe only 4 times I can remember she actually showed. I remember as a child sobbing to my grandmother in the car about why my mother didn’t love or want me.
It took until I was 12 to accept that I’d never see her again.
Fast forward to when I’m 16, I’m at my aunt’s with my sister and grandmother, who I call my mother when my aunt says she has a surprise for us.
Before I can ask, she shoves both me and my sister out her front door and shuts and locks it for me to see my BM standing there. Then I feel a wave of emotions flooding through me. Part of me was angry, part of me was slightly happy, but almost all of me was confused. I don’t remember much of that night because of the sudden shock but it resulted in my BM coming to live with us.
I was apprehensive at first and now I know I had every reason to be because it’s like living with an immature 14-year-old. She never does anything around the house when asked by me, my sister, or my and HER mother.
She complains when asked, and only an argument and berating will get her to even consider it before someone else gets tired of waiting.
Towards the end of March, we got into another huge argument where my mother was present.
I’ll spare the details of the argument but she had commented that she was doing her best to make right what she did to me and my sister since she’s been back. I screamed that almost 5 years of being back won’t earn her a place in my life again after over a decade of her being gone.
I meant every word but I can’t get rid of this feeling of guilt for seeing her cry and watching her hug me but not moving.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom lost the plot during your formative years and there is no turning back.
She may have had reasons (excuses) and may want to make everything right now, but her track record of being unreliable is a fact and completely trusting her ever is unlikely to happen.
If you haven’t I would recommend some kind of therapy for processing all of this.
It may help to just be able to talk to someone and lay it all out on the table. You have been through things.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, those are your emotions after your BM abandoned you and your sister for all those years, and after having you face the consequences of her very bad choices the years when she had you living with her.
She gave up her ‘right’ to be a part of your life when she left you, so now that she’s back it doesn’t mean that she’ll automatically be a part of your life just because she came back; she has to fight for it to earn it.” AlternativeConcept93
5. AITJ For Suggesting My Mother-In-Law Stays At A Hotel?
“My MIL lives about 8 hours away.
Now that my husband and I have children (2 years old + almost newborn) she insists on staying with us for a week every 2 months so she can see her grandchildren. The problem is, my husband and I are burnt out from hosting her.
She doesn’t help out with childcare, housework, etc. only adds to my workload. We are having a baby in about a month and she expects to stay with us for a week once we come home from the hospital.
We have gently suggested she gets a hotel, to which she replied she can’t afford it (mind you, my MIL makes good money, she’s just bad at saving it). I don’t want to keep her from her grandchildren, but at the same time, I am tired of hosting a high-maintenance person every two months.
I’ve also suggested she stays with her sister, to which she replied that she doesn’t want to see her sister she wants to see us. Am I the jerk for telling her she can stay with us a few times a year, but every 2 months is too much?
Especially when I’m freshly postpartum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve set your boundaries. Let her clearly know what happens when they are crossed.
They may be her grandchildren, but they are yours first and foremost (and your partner’s). What you say goes.
Your house, your rules.
If she wants to see you all so much, then she’ll quickly learn to respect your boundaries and start helping around when she stays. If she doesn’t, then she deals with the consequences.
Don’t feel bad if it comes down to not allowing her to see your children.
If she really wants to see them she’ll come around fast enough. What she is doing is disrespectful and inconsiderate, even more so when someone is pregnant and postpartum (in the future).
Stand your ground and make your boundaries abundantly clear.” LumpyPosition8502
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, this is a reasonable thing for you to do if you haven’t recently had a baby. It’s especially reasonable if you have recently had a baby.
Your MIL isn’t entitled to anything in regard to her grandchildren.
I don’t say that to mean I think it’s good to not let her have a relationship with them or to imply that her relationship with them should be used as leverage to get things from her.
All I mean is that you shouldn’t allow the concept of ‘keeping her from her grandchildren’ to be used as a weapon to guilt you into letting her walk all over you.
Now what you need to do is make your husband be the man because it’s his mother. If he’s not on your side about this that’s a whole different problem.
NTJ.” NuketheCow_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is being an overbearing mooch.
You are not keeping her from her grandkids. You are telling her she may not stay at your house for a week every 2 months. If she is motivated enough to see them then she can stop spending money on something else or spring for a hotel.
When you consider the fact that she turns down staying with her sister there is a clear element of the power play going on here. She is demanding she control access to your house and family on her terms, and her terms alone.
Don’t fall for it. Politely tell her it is her sister’s or a hotel if she wants to visit. If she balks, too bad. Does your husband have your back with this?” VariousTry4624
4. AITJ For Thinking 4 Weeks With My Mother-In-Law Is Too Much?
“This summer, I (30m) am fortunate enough to spend 8 weeks in Malaysia with my partner (33f) of 2 years.
She is from Vietnam and for a variety of visa reasons she cannot go there, so she wants her mother to join our trip. She has not seen her for 4 years, and I’m looking forward to meeting her.
However, where I get apprehensive is that I have never met her before, she doesn’t speak English and my partner wants her there for 3-4 weeks, not the initial 2 weeks discussed. I have social anxiety issues that I’ve been battling for the past few years, and spending this much time with a stranger is going to be exhausting and overload me mentally, I wouldn’t want to even spend this long with my own parents (and I get on really well with them).
On the one hand, I want my partner to have all the time with her mum, she has a lot of catching up to do! On the other hand, I don’t want it to be at the expense of my well-being.
My partner has reacted very strongly to suggesting she does some solo trips with her mom to break this up and give me breathing room and hates the idea that this is a compromise (in her view it is not even a compromise as I should be doing it by default).
I have stated that 1-2 weeks is the likely max I could be around someone new without withdrawing, but she hates that I put an artificial time limit on time with her family (and please note that I have no objection to her spending that long, just me being a part of it).
We have had a lot of fights on this topic and even though I have to work remotely for part of the time she would be there, knowing I am either failing as a partner by not giving her what she wants or failing as a partner by not wanting to spend time with her mother when she’s there is giving me a lot of anxiety on what should be a trip of a lifetime.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not wanting to vacation with your MIL for that long. I wonder if your partner’s dislike of compromise is worse due to not having seen her mother for so long, alongside the fact that it doesn’t sound like seeing her again would be easy, considering you’re meeting in Malaysia.
That being said, culturally, it’s very normal for Vietnamese parents to not only vacation but also to live with their children… In fact, that’s often what is expected. The bare minimum would be financially contributing to your in-laws, at least in my experience.
That side of the globe has very different expectations. I am making assumptions here based on ‘she is from Vietnam’ rather than ‘we’, but if that’s not something you’re comfortable with, you should probably think about discussing your partner’s expectations of the future.
Cultural differences can be very impactful on a relationship, and may also contribute to her feelings about this trip?” Puzzleheaded_Put1764
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your partner very reasonably wants to spend some quality time with her mother whom she hasn’t seen for four years.
You very reasonably are anxious about spending 4 weeks with someone who you’ve never met and don’t share a language with. Mother is probably apprehensive about spending 4 weeks with someone she has never met and will have limited communication with.
Unfortunately, this will be difficult to navigate for everyone.
My best advice would be to encourage your partner and mother to find things to do together so you can have some space to yourself. Likewise, mother should plan a few things to do by herself so you and your partner can have some time together as a couple.” Unable_Ad5655
Another User Comments:
“You are in the right. You want to go on vacation with your partner, not with her family. From your partner’s perspective, she hasn’t seen her mom for a number of years and is probably longing to spend time with her – and this clouds her vision of how this arrangement will affect you.
Would it be possible to take the path of least resistance, and go on solo trips yourself while they are spending time together? If they want to stay together for 4 weeks, you can keep them company on week 1, book a solo trip (dunno, check local AirBnB experiences?) for week 2, come back for a couple of days, go again – something like that.
I am sure there are activities which you are interested in, but your partner isn’t.
It is not an ideal solution, but better than keep arguing.
No jerks here.” Ok_Bookkeeper_3481
3. AITJ For Eating The Last Chocolate Ice Cream?
“My (M18) oldest brother (M30) has a 10-year-old daughter that he didn’t know of until now. When he found out about her he moved back in with our parents because apparently he needs help raising a child even though she is not a baby and she is pretty independent so IDK why he needs so much help.
The problem is everyone is always spoiling her and fawning over her. She is always at our home like I don’t remember the last time she went back to her mom’s home. And she is really rude too so I don’t understand why everyone is obsessed with her.
Yesterday I ate the last chocolate ice cream that was in the fridge. She comes back from school demanding to know who ate her chocolate ice cream (my parents always buy ice cream when they go shopping how was I supposed to know it was hers?) I told her to just eat another ice cream but she demanded I go get chocolate ice cream for her.
I told her no but my parents also insisted I had to go buy ice cream NOW.
I couldn’t help it anymore. I started to yell at them and told them that they are spoiling her and I’m not going to go buy ice cream NOW just because she doesn’t want to eat rocky road instead.
I told them that the kid is not as special as everyone thinks and she is actually very annoying and that annoying brat turned to me and called me a pathetic jerk and my parents think I WAS the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Thing about young children is that wherever their parent(s) live is usually considered their home too. So expecting that your brother will stop spending time with her at your house, or that your parents won’t crave to make up for the missed time isn’t a reasonable expectation.
About the ice cream. You knew it wasn’t ‘yours’ right? So, let’s not be silly about that part.
You sound jealous – not righteous. She’s your niece and I certainly understand you are over the universe centering around her, that won’t change anything.
And lastly YTJ for wanting to pick on a 10-year-old. This doesn’t have to be hard. But, you seem to want to make it so. You don’t have to give your niece special attention. You do need to be polite and understanding.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
This kid grew up for many years without her father, it is safe to assume this has caused her pain in the past. She was raised, probably by a young single mother (?), and maybe does not have the best relationship with her (seeing how she doesn’t seem to go often to the one person raising her).
Your family suddenly got a new family member. Even though the 10-year-old doesn’t require that much ‘physical’ help as a baby, it must have been a shock for your brother, and suddenly he’s raising a teenager. 10 is too young to be home alone often and still needs a lot of guidance.
I can see why he could be overwhelmed and look to your parents for support.
I see a lot of people dealing with complicated emotions. Your brother and parents suck because they seem to overcompensate in a harmful way: overindulgence, never saying no, and spoiling her.
It is very good they welcomed her, but she needs to be parented, especially if she is so often in their house. And you shouldn’t have said those things. While you shouldn’t have bought ice cream (unless it was clear it was hers), and you have valid concerns, you called the 10-year-old names in anger.
The 10-year-old definitely has had her own issues in the past. It sounds like you (an adult) are very jealous of her (a child). Sit your parents down and talk about your genuine concerns, when she can’t hear you. Don’t go yelling bad stuff about a child.” Yes_Im_the_mole
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If your parents have an open-fridge eating policy, then you’re not the jerk for eating the ice cream, but you’re the jerk for everything else. Even though your niece is 10, your brother is coming into everything with 0 parenting skills.
Parenting takes time to learn, and 10-year-olds still need a lot of time, attention, and care. Your brother moving back in to get help is not unreasonable.
Second, people aren’t fawning over her because she’s special. Are you being intentionally ignorant?
They missed out on 10 years of her life, of course they’re going to try to make up for lost time. Not to mention this has to be an incredibly hard experience for her–which is likely why she may be acting out and being rude.
Suddenly meeting her father and paternal family after 10 years is a huge change!
You are too old to scream at a child and call her annoying. She’s 10. You’re 18. Act your age. It’s fine to tell your parents that you think the expectation you should replace the ice cream is unreasonable without insulting a child.
I’m also confused as to why you seem so surprised the child insulted you back, considering you’d just called her ‘not special’ and ‘annoying.’
Honestly, I think the fact that you keep coming back to how unpleasant this child is says a lot about the situation.
Whether or not the kid is a perfect angel is irrelevant – you’re not more or less of a jerk for not getting the ice cream if the kid’s well-behaved. It sounds like you projected your general annoyance towards her onto this situation, so you behaved immaturely and resorted to putting down the kid instead of having an actual discussion of why your parents’ expectations were unreasonable.” Charming-Barnacle-15
2. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister A Share Of My Grandma's Inheritance?
“I (30m) lost my mom when I was 5. Despite being so young I had very vivid and treasured memories of my mom and did not take to my dad seeing other women a year after her death well. My dad recognized that he knew this would be hard for me but said that as the parent/adult, he knew what was best even if it didn’t seem that way at first, and that I’d thank him in the long run.
Not long after that, he married my stepmom ‘Lucy’ and when I began to act out over it my dad said that parenting alone was hard and that my sister ‘Jessica’ (28f) needed a mom. My dad even got my maternal grandparents to tell me that everything would be fine and that I needed to be a ‘good boy.’
That was enough to get me to behave during the wedding but once Lucy moved in and started redecorating I started acting out again. My dad had had enough and just started punishing me whenever I acted out or made Lucy upset as well as used the ‘Jessica isn’t acting out like this’ and to be honest, Jessica was easily pleased and wasn’t alive long enough to have the same attachment to our mom as I did.
It really upset me when Jessica started calling Lucy ‘mom’ and it really ticked me off when Lucy started referring to me as her son. I always corrected it when she tried that around me.
It got worse when I was 8 and Lucy had her own kids because then my dad and she started pushing for adoption.
Jessica, obviously, had no problems with it but I refused. My dad had my maternal grandparents come in again and tell me that adoption wouldn’t be that bad but I still refused. Lucy and my dad pushed for the adoption anyway but thankfully the judge listened to my feelings in a private room and denied it.
After that therapy started but it didn’t last so they also tried the ‘since you don’t want to be a part of THIS family you don’t get X or you can’t come to do Y’ but I was too stubborn for that method to work on me.
The only one who I felt was on my side was my paternal aunt who kept sticking up for me whenever she’d see what Lucy and my dad were trying to do, so when I turned 18 I went straight to her.
It was when I became a legal adult that my maternal grandparents confessed that they were never O.K. with the situation but my dad threatened to keep me and my sister away if they didn’t show support. I was furious, so furious that I had my surname legally changed to my mom’s maiden name as I wanted nothing to do with my dad and only ever really talked to my paternal aunt.
Fast forward to now and my grandma has passed away (grandpa died in 2020) and according to their will only their legal grandchildren are to split a $250,000 inheritance and since Jessica is legally Lucy’s daughter all she got was a framed photo of my mom and a letter.
Jessica doesn’t think it’s fair and thinks I should share but I told her to get funds from her legal grandparents. My aunt thinks I’m being a bit harsh so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do not give her half of this money.
Your sister is a grown adult now. She had plenty of opportunities to forge some sort of relationship with her biological grandparents after she was old enough, and she chose not to.
If your grandparents intended for her to have half of their money, they would have prepared their estate planning to reflect that, and they didn’t.
Writing wills is not that complicated, it is clear the money was always meant for OP. Your dad and sister made you feel guilty for your feelings before and they were clearly wrong, don’t let them do it to you again.” Vivid-Volume6917
Another User Comments:
“I’m on the fence leaning towards YTJ because your sister was so young when your mom died and your stepmother entered the picture. You freely admit that your dad and stepmother manipulated the other trusted adults in your life and every situation to try to shape you into what they expected from the situation, so I’m sure they did the exact same thing to your little sister.
It just wasn’t as hard to do to Jessica and it worked completely because she was so young. I don’t think it’s her fault for being manipulated as a small child and the outcome was exactly what you’d expect.
Your mom’s parents were still her grandparents and it’s not right that she was cut out completely.” Fit_Government5736
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the adults in your life (including your grandparents if they continued to have a grandparent relationship with Jessica) absolutely were.
Why am I including Grandparents as the jerks? Because they maintained a grandparent relationship with Jessica, then the legal status is irrelevant, and they are simply blaming a 4-year-old for wanting a mum and a young child for believing the parents she knew.
I feel for you OP, and I don’t know if you should have to share, but remember you were 5, and while you remember your mother, your sister almost certainly has at best vague memories, so her acceptance of the situation is part ‘the only thing she ever knew’ and holding on to stability.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Except you sister. She was raised by Lucy completely, she is her mother. Holding a grudge against her because she doesn’t remember your birth mother is quite ridiculous, and the fact that it has persisted until now 25 years later shows that you still have a lot of maturing to do.
Your feelings towards your father and Lucy are completely justified though, their actions after your mom’s death and how they used family against you to try and pressure you were super messed up, it’s definitely why you are so maladjusted with your relationship with your sister.
I think you need to think long and hard about why your aunt, who is quite clearly the only adult in your life who is well put together, thinks you are being too harsh.” ellieetsch
1. AITJ For Referring My Partner's Son To My Workplace's Scholarship Instead Of My Niece?
“My boss gives out a scholarship every year for a high school senior who is a relative to an employee.
It’s very informal. Basically just have to tell my boss about the kid. If there’s more than one kid’s name put forward my boss will pick based on who’s the best academically. Not many employees have relatives in high school though, so there’s usually no competition.
When I first learned about this perk years ago I told my brothers and sisters about it and that I could put their names forward. I just asked them to remind me. They both have a lot of kids and I find it hard to keep track of what grade they’re in.
My partner’s son (Eric) is a senior this year. He’s planning to go to college next year, so I brought up my work’s scholarship to him. No other employees had any high school senior relatives, so my boss gave Eric the scholarship.
Now my sister recently reminded me that her daughter (Camille) is graduating and to tell my boss. When I told her that Eric already got the scholarship for this year she was really angry. She believes I should have checked with her or our brother to make sure that none of their kids were graduating before I offered this to Eric.
My brother agrees with this and thinks it’s pretty crappy that Camille is the only one who’s not going to get the money when all her other siblings and cousins got it and she was in their words ‘promised’ this scholarship.
Furthermore, my sister pointed out that Camille is a better student academically than Eric. Also that Camille is actually family who I have known her whole life. Eric is not since I and his mom are not married and we don’t live together.
That’s true, but only because she and I don’t believe in marriage. We just don’t live together right now because Eric’s high school is too far away from my work. While I only met Eric a little under 3 years ago I have a much better relationship with him than with Camille.
I’m not his dad, but we do stuff together all the time. If I’m being honest had I known Camille was a senior I think I still would have leaned towards getting the scholarship for Eric. Even though he’s not technically family he feels more important to me.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s one thing to be disappointed. But acting like an entitled ingrate is another thing. Eric makes sense. You’re closer to him, and his finances are likely to impact yours, even if you and your partner don’t pull your money.
Because a scholarship for him means she has to pay less toward his school, she will have more to save or spend. I wouldn’t forward the names of any nieces and nephews if any remain until someone thinks of you and apologizes.
NTJ.” dekebasswood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if someone else in your company put a family member up for the scholarship the same year she may not have got it anyways if her name was submitted. Therefore your siblings should not rely on this scholarship to pay for their children’s education because it’s not a guarantee.
Second, it’s your workplace’s scholarship. You’re the employee. So it’s ultimately your decision to put forward who you choose for the scholarship. If your siblings want to take advantage of that, then they should apply for a job there and advocate for their own kids that you don’t even have much of a relationship with.
Third, in regards to your relationship with your nieces/nephews, it’s awfully generous of you to put their names forward at all. By you stating that you didn’t know she was graduating this year, I’ll also assume you didn’t get an invitation to her graduation.
Mighty bold of them to feel entitled to the scholarship when they don’t care enough to invite you to important milestones and events of the children that you’re financially supporting.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because of this: ‘I just asked them to remind me.
They both have a lot of kids and I find it hard to keep track of what grade they’re in.’
But this is still kinda shaky. I can see how Camille thought she could bank on the scholarship. I can see how her mom and dad may have thought that a few months before graduation is enough to notice.
But I do think the responsibility is on them to follow through with you in a timely manner.
What would you have done if two kids in the family graduated in the same year? Would you have relied on who’s stronger academically?
Because if yes, and you were reminded of Camille in time, then it works out in her favor. Now if you chose not to submit her name in that situation, so that Eric wins, then YTJ.” Poesy-WordHoard
They didn't remind you until the scholarship was already given out. Also, it's not a guarantee, a different employee might have had a smarter daughter or nephew might have gotten it.
It's done and over. I'd be honest and say while I love my niece, Eric and I are very close also. He would be my stepson already, if his mother and I believed in marriage. So, of course I'm going to recommend Eric this time. I'm sorry you're angry though.
