People Make Snap Judgments In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Allowing Small Children At Our Wedding Reception?
“My fiancé (42) and I (40) decided to have mostly an adult-only reception. We did decide to allow kids 12+. We did not directly put this on our invites since our reception is for about 120 people and only 6 of those people have kids under 12.
So, we spoke to the people with younger kids to tell them multiple times that it was for adults only.
Fast forward to now. One family member is extremely upset that their 2 kids (1 child is 5, the other is a 2-week-old baby) can’t come to a “family” function and to add, they already bought special outfits for them, and their one child was excited for the reception.
Now, stating they won’t go. Which is fine for us. It’s our choice to not allow small children and it’s their choice not to come.
I informed them that they had known it was adult only 2 months before the invitations even went out and even after they went out.
They are angry that we won’t make an exception. Our stance is simple. We don’t want small kids screaming, running around everywhere, or messing anything up.
AITJ for not allowing small children to our reception?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are always some parents who think the world must revolve around their kids 24/7 every single day of the year, who think that their main protagonist of the universe (aka their child) should of course be the exception to any rule, and so on.
They will not listen to reason and all you can do is hold your ground by firmly but politely not giving an inch. They will think of themselves as the biggest victims in the world because their mini-messiah is not front and center. They are exactly the type of parents who would sit there and not leave as their baby screamed through the wedding vows.
For complete peace of mind you might want to arrange a “bouncer” who will refuse entry and, if necessary, remove anyone who brings their kids anyway assuming they can just bulldoze their way through so their kid can be the star of your day.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“Although I do find it odd that kids 12+ are allowed but the wedding is adults only, it does seem a tad misleading. I’m still going NTJ because that one family member should not expect you to change your wedding just to accommodate them.
If they feel offended that you’re not letting young children be allowed, perhaps they should find someone to look after their kids or choose not to attend. (Especially if they had more than 2 months to figure things out.) As well as you put your foot down this far, if you give that person and their kids an exemption to your rules then what’s the point of the rules?” SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wedding was adults-only for a few reasons: 1) we didn’t want the risk of fussing/crying disrupting the ceremony, 2) we wanted everyone to be present and enjoy the event and not have to miss out or go home early or whatever because of their kid (we asked everyone to refrain from using their phones for the same reason) and 3) reception venue didn’t allow children anyway.
We lost a few guests, but that’s just how it goes. Some of my now husband’s friends bailed last minute when they asked about bringing their infant and we clarified that no kids also meant no babies in arms (sometimes the rules are different). We suggested they call the concierge at the hotel and ask to be hooked up with a babysitting service for the evening.
But they declined and didn’t come, which was a bummer. At least there was no entitlement or bad blood involved. I absolutely do not regret not having kids at the wedding, even if it meant not getting to see a few people. I’d been to too many where kids/babies disrupted things in one way or another and didn’t want that for us or any of our guests.
Too bad some parents are unable or unwilling to understand that.” queeniev14
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Bill Equally At Family Dinners?
“My family tends to do large quite expensive dinners for birthday parties, anniversaries, etc. figure $500 for a dinner of 5 people.
In any case, my wife and I are expecting and so I told my family I was not comfortable spending that much on a dinner…I’d be happy to pay my (and my wife’s) own way and split the birthday person’s meal, but I didn’t just want to divide the meal three ways.
(Partly because my wife isn’t drinking (obviously) and my family tends to crush 3-4 high-end cocktails each at these events). They were supportive.
In any case, I recently found a good deal on a trip and decided to book it as a baby moon with my wife and my family roundly criticized me and said…if you’ve got money for that I don’t want to hear about not being able to pay for birthdays.
I didn’t start a fight but I explained that it isn’t that I can’t afford these dinners (like, I wouldn’t starve if I had to pay), but it just didn’t seem totally reasonable for me to be subsidizing my siblings’ drinks on my dad’s birthday.
I don’t know if they were truly mad, but I suspect there is some animosity. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a waitress and I often ask “Is this together or separate?” And sometimes you can sort of tell one person wants to be separate but some loudmouth says “put it together and we can figure it out.” Then that person orders all kinds of expensive stuff and wants to divide the bill equally among people.
Honestly, it’s easy for me to do it per person because of the computer system. Just pull the waitress aside if you need to and pay your own or something. I do see their thought process about the trip BUT it’s unrelated really.” exotics
Another User Comments:
“Extreme example but recently in Vegas, I kept getting hit with the four-way split and I don’t even drink. I finally pulled the cord when we had an 800 tab – apparently, they were ordering $60 drinks and I had ordered a $70 meal and tea.
Long story short they were also intoxicated and confused but when we discussed it in the light of day they were mortified that they had been so oblivious. Your family is nuts – enjoy your baby, your trip, and just be that quirky family member who inexplicably won’t share bills.
Good luck with your baby! NTJ.” Responsible_Candle86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just don’t understand this concept of splitting the bill into equal per-person portions that do not accurately reflect what each person ordered. If I get a $30 steak meal with all the trimmings plus 3 $10 beverages, why should my sibling who had $10 chicken strips and a water have to help pay for my indulgence?
That would just be unforgivably rude. You also should not have to pay for the indulgence of fellow diners.” iammeallthetime
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Sister-In-Law And Her Newborn?
“My husband mentioned today that he talked with his sister who currently lives in a different state and she told him that she’s struggling.
Now we were planning on moving out of our apartment and finding another place so he mentioned to her that she, her partner, and her newborn could move with us and we all live together.
I told him no I don’t want to live with a newborn.
We have a toddler. I’ve lived with a newborn already and I don’t want my sleep disturbed by the baby waking up. Also, I never met her partner so to just move right in isn’t comfortable with me. Plus I don’t trust that they’re going to pay their half of the rent and bills.
So AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Does he realize how this would realistically work out? Like, does he realize that there’d be more people underfoot, taking up space, having different schedules, having different levels of cleanliness/loudness/social interests/etc? Even if all your personalities meshed well, there’s still going to be the “I need to shower first because you used all the hot water last time” and “When you finish the butter can you go buy more or at least let me know so I can grab some because I need it for dinner tonight” problems that come with living with other people.
I feel like he’s probably only seeing the “I’m a great guy for letting my needy sister and her family live here” side of things and not how he’ll actually have to live around these people 24/7. And that’s not even mentioning the financial aspect.” MikkiLake
Another User Comments:
“Nope you are NTJ. Wrong of him to offer without asking you and you’ve mentioned a bunch of very solid reasons not to feel comfortable with it. You don’t know the partner, you don’t want to live with a stranger. You don’t want to live with a newborn because you’re (rightly) concerned about the effect it’ll have on your own child (having a newborn in the house affects everyone in the house so it’s right to want to be comfortable).
I don’t know how the finances are in your house or your sister-in-law’s house, but regardless it is right of you to be worried about things like rent and bills. Your husband shouldn’t make this decision without consulting you when it can so clearly negatively affect you and your child.” Narrow_Inside_3642
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but might as well do the move and just save up all your money to leave him and take your kid. Especially if his sister is staying home with the kids you can work extra hours and start looking for a roommate who won’t mind a toddler running around, you never know until you actually start looking for a place.
Your situation isn’t going to change unless you do it yourself.” Extension-Battle-941
19. AITJ For Leaving Work Due To My Boss's Constant Arguing Triggers My PTSD?
“I work for a very small business. It’s the owner and about five employees. So no HR dept. I love my job and the work I do. The problem is my boss and his partner.
They are ALWAYS arguing. It happens multiple times a day/week. I’ve verbally addressed it before and said I would have to start leaving when they argue. It triggers my PTSD (childhood trauma) and I’m left shaking at my desk when it happens.
Today was the final straw. After weeks of no change, I sent an email to my boss calling the behavior unprofessional. I also stated that I felt it was creating a toxic and hostile work environment. And that if it continues I would seek employment elsewhere.
He brushed off my concerns, so I packed up and left for the day without another word. Just left in the middle of a project. They can argue until they’re blue in the face, but I don’t need to subject myself to it.
I don’t have another job lined up and now I’m second-guessing myself. I’ve been told I’m a jerk because I have responsibilities and can’t just leave my job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should be looking for a new job obviously.
Do you mean you just up and quit? Do you have emergency savings? Because otherwise you definitely should have been biding your time while you find something new. You could have said I will work from home when fights start? I’d look for something in a bigger company that had a solid HR department and a nice company culture/vibe because stuff like this happens in small places of employment all the time.
I also wonder if you would benefit from further work on your mental health if just hearing people bickering is this upsetting to you. Because I can see how that could be life-limiting.” KickIt77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also protect yourself. You don’t have the same protections that you have at a larger company – companies under 15 employees do not have the follow the ADA (since this is medically related to your PTSD) or discrimination based on protected classes (which is what “hostile workplace” means legally).
They can fire you for job abandonment and you’d have little recourse. Not a reason not to remove yourself from the situation whenever you can, and I’d suggest looking for a new job anyway. But just be careful if you don’t have savings to ride you over if this gets to a tipping point!” dalpaengee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And RUN! I got a job once at a small print and design shop. Husband and wife plus one other person. It was TERRIBLE! I can handle disagreements about creative work, but the husband and wife would argue about domestic stuff every day.
Shouting at each other and storming out of the building. 4 days of this, and I just didn’t show up ever again. When they called, I let it go to voicemail and didn’t bother listening to the messages. That kind of place won’t change.
They’re used to it. A guy I knew from school started there a year after I left. They were still arguing every day.” kevwelch
18. AITJ For Letting My Cats Run Around In My Apartment?
“My partner (22M) and I (22F) both live in a 3rd-floor apartment. We chose this apartment so we wouldn’t have to hear people above us and would have a semi-peaceful apartment life.
We have two cats, one being a kitten so they play a lot together and sometimes get the zoomies and run through the apartment back and forth.
Lately, our neighbors downstairs have been banging on their ceiling when the cats run.
I try to be understanding with it in some instances like if it’s late at night or if our bedroom door is open, considering their bedroom is underneath ours. So I’ll try and close the door to that room.
But lately, they have been doing it during the day, such as around 11 am-3 pm. Or sometimes around 7 pm. This frustrates me as it’s not even quiet hours, and my cats cannot go outside to play, they’re inside and don’t have a choice but to stay inside.
They need time to run and exercise.
I’ve talked to people around me about this situation and they told me it isn’t my problem and I should ignore it because they chose their apartment knowing they’d have upstairs neighbors. And I understand that but I feel guilty or anxious with the cats just running now because of the loud banging.
So I just want to know AITJ for letting my cats run around my apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can file a complaint about their banging and ask the property manager to speak to them. Guarantee the banging is louder than the cats, one of the most notoriously nimble and light-footed creatures.
Complaining about the sound of cats during the daytime is ridiculous. Your neighbors are also telling you something by siding with you so quickly. Sometimes people are intentionally unpleasant in apartment situations because they’ve figured out that if they’re unpleasant enough, they can keep a unit adjacent to them mostly vacant by harassing any new residents until they move out.
I suspect that’s what’s going on here. These people don’t want upstairs neighbors but don’t want to live on the third floor, so their solution is to harass their upstairs neighbors until they move. You can nip this in the bud by complaining about their behavior so that their trick no longer works as it now creates unpleasantness for them.
Also: non-zero chance management has already surmised they are the problem and are just waiting for someone to complain about their behavior so that management can follow up and either get it to stop or force them to move out.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Cats can be loud when they have zoomies sometimes, do you have hardwood floors or carpet? A lot of flats have covenants saying it has to be carpet except in the hallways, bathrooms, and bedrooms. I have carpet with a very thick underlay for this exact reason.
If you only have hardwood floors it could make it sound much louder than it is to your downstairs neighbors albeit unintentionally.” Winterfox1994
Another User Comments:
“My cat is 8lbs and I have carpet throughout my condo, minus kitchen dining room, and 2 bathrooms. She gets the zoomies every evening around 8 pm and mostly runs on the carpet.
My neighbor below will text me saying “oh someone has the zoomies!” I apologized the first couple weeks I had her and every time I did my neighbor would tell me “it’s not a problem at all, I love hearing her running around!” I’d be annoyed if I had neighbors banging on the ceiling and scaring her.
Not much you can do when dogs and cats get the zoomies.” TinyPenguinTears15
17. AITJ For Defending My Adoption Story Against My Partner's Brother's Partner?
“My partner (20f) and I (20m) were at a party at her brother’s (27m) house. Her brother’s new partner (25f) was also there and she was really interested in talking to me. My partner and I were confused by it but I was friendly until she got super pushy and wouldn’t back off.
I’m adopted. She’s adopted. She wanted to talk to a fellow adoptee and asked my story. Once she heard it she got really weird with me. She asked me if I had found my parents yet and I told her I didn’t need to find them, I knew my parents.
They raised me. She rolled her eyes and told me those were my buyers, not my parents.
For context. I had the “worst adoption” one where I was adopted at birth and my parents “bought” me. Not quite what happened. I explained when she questioned stuff.
But she ignored me. I was adopted privately. My birth people knew my parents and approached them about taking me since they didn’t want to be parents. My parents did pay for my birth mother’s expenses and gave them some money during the rest of the pregnancy but I don’t feel bought, personally.
And I don’t feel like my parents are monsters or some evil baby-buying people.
My partner told her she was being weird and it wasn’t a great way to meet us. She said the minute she found out I was adopted she knew we needed to meet and talk.
My partner tried to get her brother to intervene when his partner wouldn’t leave it but he was intoxicated and not fit to do anything. I tried walking away but she followed us around.
She tried to spew all this anti-adoption stuff and she insulted my parents.
I told her I was happy I was adopted. Didn’t want to hear rubbish about my parent. She wanted me to open my eyes and told me I’d regret not finding my real family. I told her to shut up, she doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know my family, and she has no right to pester me about her opinion.
I told her to mind her own business in the future because nobody should be told how they feel.
She made a scene and we left. My partner’s brother called a couple of days later and he said I really upset his partner and why did I have to be so rude to her.
She was just trying to engage adoptee to adoptee. My partner told him she did a terrible job. Then his partner started texting my partner to tell me I was rude without a good reason.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“People who are adopted are allowed to feel however THEY feel about THEIR adoption story.
If they have issues with that, they are more than welcome to take that up with their adoptive families and hash it out with a therapist who specializes in trauma and adoption. They don’t get to decide that every adoptee must feel the same way and harass them if they push back because they in fact have no problem with their adoption story and have a good relationship with their family.
NTJ, and stay away from her as much as possible because she is unhinged.” Winter_Raisin_591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was the one being rude. A party is not the place to bring it up. From your description, it sounds like your birth parents were surrogates for your adoptive parents.
Maybe in the future explain it that way. Brother’s partner had no right to pry into someone’s personal life when she was told to back off. You had very good reason to be rude because she refused to listen when being told to leave you alone, she refused to allow you to walk away.
Tell brother that if he hadn’t been so intoxicated when he was asked to help maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point of you feeling the need to be rude.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I rarely think telling people to “shut up” is justified, but this is one of those cases.
Dayum! I’m sorry this person felt compelled to spew her own unresolved trauma all over you. She was fully in the wrong here, and I think there is a lot of extra info to read here about who she is and how she functions in the world.
Steer clear of her as much as possible. If the brother thinks this kind of behavior is ok, then I’d be careful there too. Covering the expenses of a pregnant mother whose baby you’re going to adopt is not uncommon, and frankly should be expected out of common decency when the situation allows.
Your origin story sounds kind. Not exploitative.” Late_Description_268
16. AITJ For Using The Disabled Stall As A Recovering Cancer Patient?
“I (23F) am a recovering cancer patient. I’ve been cancer-free for two years now, but I had very aggressive chemotherapy and as such, now have a plethora of health issues.
I’ve lost enough muscle tone in my legs that I struggle to stand up, especially if I’ve 1.) been sitting for a long time or 2.) if whatever I was seated on puts my bottom below my knees. I also struggle with severe muscle fatigue if I’ve had to walk a “long” way or for a “long” period of time (i.e. around the grocery store, in the mall, from a far-away parking spot, et cetera).
I needed to go to the store today. I was alone and I’m far too proud to use a scooter, because 1). I’m very young and don’t look old enough to use one and 2). I’ve put on a good bit of weight from the steroids that were part of my chemo regimen, so I feel embarrassed using a scooter or really any type of mobility aid because I know it just makes it seem like I’m too lazy to walk.
So I powered through and walked. I’m still in the process of getting a handicap placard, and there were no parking spaces close to the store, so I had to park a good way away. By the time I got inside, I was already exhausted and also needed to pee, so I headed to the bathroom and into the disabled stall because it had railings to hold on to whereas the “regular” stalls did not.
When I finished, I opened the door only to see a woman in a wheelchair sitting there, waiting to use it. She gave me a really dirty look, rolled her eyes, and wheeled into the stall. I didn’t say anything, but it left me wondering if I was in the wrong.
So, am I the jerk for using the disabled stall?”
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes, people have to wait to pee. You needed the accessories because your body wasn’t up to par. So did she. When two people need the same stall, someone is going to have to wait.
You were just as entitled as she was to avail yourself of the extra help. If she was rude enough to judge your physical limitations from your appearance, shame on her. (I had cancer, too, and sometimes I was just too tired to return my shopping cart – I got judged. They simply had no idea what I was going through.
I realize now, I was a wonder woman.)” ArmadilloDays
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unlike designated parking spaces, anyone can use a “handicapped” bathroom stall. In cases where there’s a line to use the restroom, it is a best practice to allow people who clearly must use the stall to go ahead of anyone who can use any stall.
But it’s very common and totally OK for anyone to use the stall. I’d also like to note that, more often than not, changing tables are in the “handicapped” stalls. If that doesn’t signal “anyone can use this stall”, I don’t know what does.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“What’s up with women in wheelchairs thinking they are the only ones allowed to use the handicap stall? It’s handicap accessible not only for handicapped people. You and everyone else have the same right to use it just as her.
If it’s open, I always use it because I need that extra space especially when I have 3 young kids with me. I wasn’t about to leave them alone while I went. I used to bring the stroller in there and when they were toddlers, they came in and waited. Next time stand up for yourself and say something.” gumballbubbles
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Socialize With My Husband's Family As Much As He Does?
“I’ve been married for 1 year and moved in with my in-laws, happily and by choice about 2 months ago. My in-laws are about 4 hours away from where my family lives.
I am not a very social person generally. I don’t like big family gatherings or parties and I really do not like just ‘popping over’ in the evenings. My husband likes to visit his extended family every weekend 4/5x over the weekend as they are very close.
I go maybe 1x out of the 4 or 5 times he visits them each weekend. I absolutely hate it when his family pops over in the evenings after work when I’m all tuckered out and have no social battery left, but I firm it and put on a happy face and socialize.
However, my husband has started to say that I hate his family because I don’t like socializing with them. I’ve explained to him that I don’t even socialize with my own extended family as much as he does and I like my own quiet time.
He wants me to start visiting his family more. I said I couldn’t compromise on it because I was already pushing myself to the limit of what I can tolerate and he is now upset with me. It’s not like he didn’t know I wasn’t exactly an extrovert before he met me and married me, so I don’t know what the shock and surprise are about me saying I won’t compromise on it to protect my own mental health and energy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your perspective is pretty reasonable to me. It does seem like the two of you are on opposite ends of the spectrum of socialization and actually his level of socialization is, to me at least, the more extreme version if he’s having 4-5 visits each weekend with his extended family.
It’s unfortunate and uncool of him to have made this into a criticism of you. I would speculate this might be stemming from his family giving him a hard time about you not joining, or making comments to him about you rejecting them. But even if that’s the case, his job is to support and understand you, not make you step out of your comfort zone to appease other people.
You do visit, regularly (sounds like you see them at least once a weekend AND accommodate evening drop-ins AND for the love of god, you LIVE WITH HIS FAMILY). He needs to can it. Remind him that if you hated his family, you wouldn’t be living with them.
He needs to support and appreciate you and give you the space you ask for. You aren’t doing anything wrong.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like you’ve been living with a reasonable compromise that works for both of you – you get time to yourself on weekends while he goes out and socializes.
It’s not really fair for him to insist you socialize with his family constantly. you live with the in-laws already. It’s ok for you to want to be alone and recharge as long as you see the extended family for major occasions and are nice to them.
If this is such a big deal to him, he should’ve brought it up before y’all got married since it seems like a compatibility issue to be honest.” andromache97
Another User Comments:
“My husband has a huge extended family. I belonged to a nuclear family with hardly any interactions between my own extended family.
My husband initially thought I would love having so many people but he quickly got used to the dynamic that for me, it would cause anxiety not merriment. He doesn’t force me, we compromise like you’re already doing. I meet his family when I feel comfortable and he can do whatever he feels good to do, I don’t complain.
Your husband has to understand that every person is different, it’s not about hating his people, but it’s a personal choice. His happiness can be you pushing your boundaries but it doesn’t work always.” Top-Present-7641
14. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Set Boundaries With Our Bedbug-Infested Parents?
“My younger sister and I currently live together in an apartment.
Backstory – my parents’ house became infested with bedbugs over a decade ago.
They refused to do anything about it and let it become a huge problem (they’re everywhere – beds, in the walls, furniture, in the carpet, etc). My sisters and I were forced to deal with them also, which has left me with major PTSD.
When I was old enough to leave, I got my own apartment and made sure to not bring any bugs with me.
When my younger sister asked to live with me, I was hesitant because I knew my parents still had bedbugs, but nonetheless, I instructed her on how to clean/steam her items and allowed her to move in. Thankfully no bugs transferred to my apartment.
Although my sister is very aware of my parent’s bed bug issue (that they refuse to do anything about), she refuses to place any boundaries with them as I have. She continues to give my mother rides in her car (although my mom has her own car), she occasionally goes to visit my parents at their place, etc. I told her that doing this places us at risk of getting bedbugs.
She already knows about my PTSD. My sister doesn’t see it that way and thinks I’m just being overdramatic and trying to keep her away from the family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I live in a major city and had an infestation years ago when it was a “thing” in our area.
Really, at the time, I completely avoided people for weeks. (I worked out of my house even then, so work wasn’t an issue.) But when people approached me I told them to step back. Eventually, after all the prep and extermination and follow-up exterminations, the bedbugs were gone, but I have remained super conscious of putting myself at risk for another infestation.
(No more thrifting of clothing for me!) I would tell your sister that if she wants to continue in-person contact with your parents, she needs to leave your home. You don’t even have to be mean about it. Just tell her you have to protect yourself.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am probably THE worst person to have an open mind about being tolerant of people who are not hyper diligent about those horrible bugs. Just the idea makes me feel antsy. I KNOW they aren’t a life/death danger to humans, but the very thought – UGH!
So you’re NTJ. Maybe this will help: Rather than citing your PTSD issues tell her your MD has said that the prior heavy exposure you had in the past has made you highly reactive to both the bites and their droppings. I do NOT discount your PTSD but that and the word ‘allergic’ has been overused so often, others discount it.
By the way, a hair dryer set on HIGH is a good weapon!!” A-Strange-Peg
Another User Comments:
“I found out the reason some people don’t care as much or aren’t as diligent: human reactions to bedbugs vary. My sister and I lived in an apartment together, and one of her friends had bedbugs and she introduced bedbugs into our apartment.
She did not care at all. She was not worried. But you know what? When they bit her, nothing happened. So she barely had to acknowledge their existence. When they bit me, I got quarter-size, painful swollen bug bites all over my skin. Anyway, that’s when I learned that not all humans actually even react to bed bug bites.
NTJ at all. I wouldn’t wish bedbugs on most anyone, and asking someone to take steps not to get bedbugs because someone they know has bedbugs is a reasonable ask. I tried, and ultimately failed, to ask the same of my sister. She didn’t take it seriously.” pink_gem
13. AITJ For Confronting My Nanny Over Excessive Screen Time And Phone Usage?
“I recently hired an older woman as a live-in nanny for my 1.5-year-old daughter while I work from home. She’s been with us for three weeks, and things were going well—my shy daughter had warmed up to her.
Besides watching and playing with my daughter, she has no other duties (we have a housekeeper and chef, and I handle all diapering, bathing, and bedtime).
Lately, I noticed she’s on her phone more, scrolling through social media, especially when my daughter watches TV or her iPad.
One main reason I hired a nanny was to reduce my daughter’s screen time with more engaging activities. We discussed this in the beginning, and she seemed to understand.
Today, while my daughter, the nanny, and I were playing outside, I went inside to shower.
When I came back, I found the nanny on the couch watching videos while my daughter watched YouTube. My husband had previously asked me to be patient with her, so I kept that in mind. However, when she saw me, she went to the kitchen, made a call, and laughed and chatted while I prepared food for my daughter.
At one point, she told me I “should” be the one to feed my daughter, and when I asked why, she said, “I thought you’d want to.”
I then asked her to reduce her phone use around my daughter, which led to her raising her voice, saying no other employer had asked her to stop using her phone, and that she’d always used it while working.
I reminded her that I’d seen her leave my daughter alone briefly on camera and that I expected her full attention, especially since I was upstairs. She became defensive, saying I shouldn’t prevent her from talking to her teenage daughter three times a day.
After I started feeding my daughter, the nanny followed me, still visibly upset. She said if I wasn’t happy with her work, I should just say so, and implied I was making her feel inexperienced. I calmly told her I didn’t want to argue in front of my child and explained that I expect reasonable requests to be respected in my home.
This calmed her down slightly, but she remained visibly agitated, huffing and tapping her fingers as I fed my daughter.
Once my daughter finished eating, I told the nanny that I’d take her upstairs to let the nanny cool off. She mockingly laughed as I left. Now, I’m wondering if I overreacted, or if she truly doesn’t respect me and my household.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A nanny is supposed to relieve your stress, not cause more. As a very experienced babysitter, toddler teacher, and caregiver, my advice is to let her go. She has an extremely easy job considering she doesn’t have any housework to do and she can’t even follow your one rule – no screen time for your ONE AND A HALF year old.
And on top of that, she has the audacity to back-talk you? No.” xCoffee-Addictx
Another User Comments:
“My mother, a nanny, charged two rates. One for just babysitting and another charge for extra education (helping with homework/tutoring essentially). Babysitting still included reading and outdoor/playtime.
She covered a wide range of ages. Occupying kids can take a lot of energy and her general theme was 45mins “one-to-one” and 15mins “free” time, aka the period she could take a supervised breather/check her phone, etc. This is kinda normal for offices etc, smokers take breaks or people get a coffee/tea, etc. So even though you’re doing a lot of the special activities, that actually makes it harder for her to fill her time in but doesn’t excuse her at all for making no effort.
The other issue my mother had was not enough materials/toys/playthings to work with but off your post, I bet you’re not the kind to leave your baby wanting. It was very helpful when she arrived and there was a whiteboard or prepared list of activities she could choose from, coz every parent has a preference.
Lastly, if you’re paying minimum wage you’ll get minimum effort. That is just how it is. All over the world, the economy sucks. If you’re paying above minimum wage (and no I don’t mean like 1 quid/dollar extra, more like 2-5) then hammer down or fire her.
Watching an iPad really messes with their eyesight and honestly, I wouldn’t allow more than 1-2 hours a day MAX. Regardless of the weather, unless it’s like a thunderstorm or hailstone, can she take the little one out into the garden every hour to birdwatch and look at the clouds?
One more chance with VERY CLEAR instructions that are written on paper/emailed/on a whiteboard. Since doing introductions can be annoying one last chance for her to step up. Give her a week and if it doesn’t improve, bye-bye. You’re right to have cameras though, it’s not someone I’d like to leave kids with unsupervised. She’s like this now, imagine if she was left to her own devices…” Possible_Tie_2110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and darn I wish I could work for you. I only get to spend 4 hours a week with my niece because of her schedule but in those 4 hours, I take her climbing do crafts, coloring, play games. Anything and love it.
The only rules are no screaming and I can’t be active due to my disability. My niece wants to do screen time at first but it really doesn’t take much to get her engaged (and she usually comes right from kindergarten and an after-activity like dance or soccer and is tired).
This nanny has an easy job and is taking advantage of it. You can find better. Heck, right now I do dog walking and even though I get paid for 30 minutes I find myself giving the dogs an hour walk because I enjoy being with them and they enjoy it.
Find someone who enjoys interacting with your kid. You can do better. (Unless you pay poorly in which case it’s on you but I don’t get that feeling.)” throw1away9932s
12. AITJ For Banning My Roommate From Using My Kitchenware And Ingredients?
“For the past couple of months, my roommate E has been using my spices, sauces, and other similar ingredients like condiments. We had one argument about it in our last apartment, but he said he’ll stop, but that he won’t cover the cost of the stuff he used because it’s not that expensive/doesn’t know the full cost of things.
I was upset but begrudgingly accepted it since we were already in a roommate contract for next year at the time and I didn’t know how much it all cost either.
Fast forward a year and the same roommate and his partner have been continuously cooking and using my stuff over and over again without me asking.
Anytime I brought it up I was met with dismissal and that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. They claim they replace the stuff, but I started keeping track, and I’d end up paying for things I used maybe 1/5 of the time before having to replace them.
Often, I’d go to make a recipe and find that something was already used up.
Ultimately, I felt like nothing I said really mattered because I didn’t exactly record picture-by-picture posts of the sauce/spice amounts changing by day lol. Eventually, his timing of cooking dinner changed to roughly mine (6 – 7 PM) so we were often cooking at similar times.
When this would happen I would often see that he used my stuff and I asked them if he could help buy the next one. For the first couple of times, he said yeah yeah, but eventually I was just flat-out ignored. It came to a boiling point when he and his partner started taunting me with a bottle of saffron I had stored up ( super expensive spice) and started putting it in their rice dish for no reason at all just to spite me.
I blew up again and not even a week later he used my cilantro and I tell him explicitly not to use it, and his partner tells him to back off, but he just says forget it I’m pretty sure it’s mine, it’s not his cilantro rotted in the fridge 1 week ago.
I tell him that his was rotten and he just didn’t believe me since we had been fighting so often up to that point.
That night I just said that I was done and they weren’t allowed to use anything I own, knives, cups, plates, pots/pans, etc. He said that was too far, and tried to retaliate by saying I couldn’t use anything he bought either, but he quickly realized he only brought about 1 glass and 4 plates.
He then complained that there is no way he can cook/clean without any of the stuff and that it’s not fair that my other roommates can still use it.
In the end, he did restock a few ingredients, but it was nowhere near enough to cover what he’d used. We agreed he could only use salt and pepper and was banned from touching my nicer kitchenware
I know it sounds extreme, but I feel like I tried setting boundaries, and he just kept crossing them. AITJ for going full nuclear on my roommate and essentially locking him out of being able to cook without spending lots of money to restock the pantry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would go further, keep a set of spices in your room, and the set of spices that are in the kitchen I would change the ingredients. Like mark the garlic as onion powder, add a ton of salt to a spice so it ruins their food, or the turmeric as saffron, add the same color to the same color, add cayenne to the paprika..
and so on. You can buy a locked bin for the fridge to keep your items that need to be refrigerated. Just do this once and act shocked as they might start chipping in for spices. Or you could just ask for 40 bucks to help repurchase what they used. They may not really be big on how to buy the spices, but if they used your saffron, that’s just wrong.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) Buy locking containers and keep your supplies in your room until the situation changes. 2) Same with a mini fridge. Get a hasp lock for it, and/or for your bedroom door. 3) Do not follow advice to spike food with ingredients like ExLax or Metamucil.
This is assault, and don’t ever stoop to this level. Don’t tamper with spices to ruin their food, lest you want to look forward to the same. They already disrespect you, why invite even more disrespect — with perhaps even worse ingredients than too much salt?
4) As annoying as it is, box up your pots, pans, cookware — everything, and “loan it” to the proper roommates, under your supervision, but not to the bad roommates. Explain to the good roommates that while it’s inconvenient and unfortunate, you are being used and abused by the bad roommates and they brought this on, to the detriment of the entire household.
5) Will this be forever? Perhaps, perhaps not. They don’t change because there are no consequences. You need to give them actual consequences, and perhaps the restriction will make them realize how MUCH they rely on you because the absence of your ingredients and cookware will really drive the point home, that their use is not inconsequential.” condimentia
Another User Comments:
“I started keeping track of my grocery bills a couple of years ago. Condiments and spices run about five percent of my total groceries. So it isn’t inconsequential. All those little shakes add up and people who are new to cooking and buying their own groceries don’t realize it.
It is easy to split a bag of rice or estimate bread costs, but measuring BBQ sauce is impossible.” Zardozin
11. AITJ For Wanting To Charge For A Coverup Of A Mistranslated Tattoo I Did?
“I’m one year into tattooing, this is the first coverup I do of a tattoo that I did. I tattooed a saying in Arabic on a girl’s back a few weeks ago and we both thought it translated to “appreciate life” because the translation was right under the words in Arabic in the photo she sent me.
She texted me a few days ago saying that she wants me to delete the pic of her tattoo from my page because it actually translates to something awful.
I was so shocked, I ran the pic through the translation lens myself like 5 times and the tattoo did, in fact, mean something gross.
I usually check what clients’ tattoos mean beforehand when they are in a foreign language, but I did not check this one because the translation came with the reference pic. I quickly deleted the post and told her that I’m happy to work on a coverup together if she’s down for it.
She was, and I finished the design today. She likes it and we are gonna do it
The thing is, I feel very guilty about this whole thing because it never happened to me before. I feel really sorry that I put that on someone’s body and I am very happy to cover it, but I feel so ashamed of charging her for this coverup because I somehow feel like it’s my fault.
I, as the artist, should have checked the translation and I’m afraid that there is a possibility that she thought the coverup was free, so when I tell her a price she will blame me for the tattoo and end up on bad terms. It was her first tattoo and we have a common friend so she may think that I offered my coverup services as an apology, but to be honest I don’t even know if I did anything wrong???
Maybe I’m overthinking.
I’m so conflicted and I don’t know what to do. On one side I do feel for her and I want to help her, but on the other side, this is a complex tattoo that I don’t really afford to give out for free.
If she was my friend I would totally do it for free but she’s a friend’s partner’s friend, so I don’t even know what our status is to be able to give out my resources like that. WIBTJ if I charge her for this coverup?
If I do, I will cut it down a lot though.”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion: You would be the jerk. I don’t blame you at all for the mistranslation. I think it’s her responsibility to understand what the text meant before approaching you to get it tattooed. Should you have done some due diligence?
Perhaps, but you’re certainly not a jerk. However, with that being said, it seems there wasn’t any discussion around additional work to cover the tattoo up until you yourself suggested it. She just wanted the picture removed. You could have said “I’m so sorry, I’m happy to cover it up at a discounted cost as I feel bad”, but it sounds like you didn’t.
You simply offered to cover it up. If it was me, I would have understood this as a gesture of goodwill, to cover up what the artist herself describes as “nasty”. Hence me leaning towards you would be the jerk.” GrapefruitNo9284
Another User Comments:
“I think you could say something like “Usually that design would cost XYZ amount, partly because it’s going to take a while.
But since it was one of my first professional tats, I’ll give you the best discount I can, because even though it wasn’t my error, I don’t like the idea you’ve got a tat you’re not happy with.” You have to avoid even a hint of any blame for you, and you deserve to be paid for your expertise.
Saying something like that shows goodwill, and that you want clients to be happy so you’ll take a loss or a cut in profit, whilst avoiding blame.” Elly_Fant628
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But as a fellow freelancer, I wouldn’t charge for the time, just the materials (if that.) You can’t buy the kind of reputation and referrals you’d get for doing this for her.
Her story will become ‘I did this stupid thing and was saved by my tattoo artist’ vs. becoming the villain every time she talks about it. I had a hairdresser mess up my silver highlights right before my wedding a couple of years ago because she didn’t do a consult before taking over for my previous hairdresser, and I walked out with copper blond hair instead of silver-white like usual. When I complained about it, she offered to have me in after my wedding because she didn’t have time to fix it.
I just asked her not to charge for the haircut because she hadn’t finished that part of the service, and she refunded just that and then blocked me. I bring it up because I use her as an example when I speak nationally at marketing conferences.
I tell everyone I know about it. I bring it up at the drop of a hat. And the girl who fixed my hair is the one I refer all my business to. I would walk on hot coals for her. Be the one in this story who fixes it.” Reading_With_My_Dog
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Wearing My Shoes?
“I (20F) live with my mom as I am working and going to university. Today I was upset because my mom wore my running sneakers without asking, she texted me while walking our dog saying she wore them and to not be mad. I am obviously mad, I told her to stop wearing them as she has ruined another pair of expensive shoes I own.
My running sneakers are kind of gross as well, as I run in them a decent bit.
The shoes she had ‘ruined’ were Birkenstock sandals that she had worn so much they formed to her feet to the point they rub my feet on the sides because they didn’t form correctly to my feet so I had to stop wearing them after I told her multiple times to stop.
I don’t mind her wearing my Crocs and winter boots it’s a bit different as I don’t wear them often and only for small tasks but these two shoes are important they fit right.
Anytime I tell her to stop she gets upset and says I’m being dramatic and it’s just shoes she won’t stretch or change anything about them.
AITJ for being angry at her over this and telling her to stop wearing?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t agree with just helping yourself to the belongings of those you live with although I know for some people it’s normal. Of course I’m going to say NTJ.
But shoes? Fit in shoes is extremely important, and many shoes, not just Birkenstocks, change their shape depending on who is wearing them. They aren’t going to fit the original owner if they’re regularly being worn by someone else – and that doesn’t even take into account someone sloshing through mud puddles with the running shoes, or whatever they decide to do with them.
It’s not “just shoes”. Decent shoes are expensive. Shoes that fit just right and are comfortable and ideal for the purpose are often hard to find. You don’t want someone else wearing them when you need them, and you certainly don’t want them damaged or ruined. Make a blanket rule that NONE of your shoes or boots are to be borrowed, and hide them if needed.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“I would be super upset if somebody, anybody wore my running shoes. My running shoes are actually for running. I don’t wear them any other time. They are expensive as heck and I need them to run comfortably. I would not be happy if someone wore most of my other shoes too.
Flip flops would be the exception but I would probably throw them away or a least in the wash because sharing shoes is yucky.” SKULLDIVERGURL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a boundary issue, and the fact that your mother can’t respect the (very reasonable) boundary you set – even as she’s admitting that she knows it will upset you – is a massive red flag.
She values whatever pleasure it is she’s getting from wearing your shoes more than she values your peace of mind. I can’t begin to guess how she’s justifying it to herself, but it almost sounds like some sort of compulsive behavior. It also leads me to question what other boundaries she’s violating.
This is unhealthy. If you can sit down with her and get to the root of why she feels compelled, or entitled, or whatever other motivation she has for doing this, perhaps you can solve it. But until/unless that happens, you should probably start enforcing your boundaries (as others have said here) with locks or some other form of preventative measure.” craic_d
9. AITJ For Withholding Payment From House Sitters Until They Apologize For Eating Our Gifts?
“I’ve been having my neighbors’ high school-aged sons take my dogs out three times a day while I’m away. Initially, everything went smoothly with no issues. However, during one of their recent visits, one of the boys forgot to close the gate, and the dogs ended up having accidents on our white rugs and carpets upstairs.
The parents apologized and insisted we didn’t have to pay, as they felt terrible about the situation. It was tough for us, especially since we had just returned from a four-hour drive and had to clean for over three hours.
Despite that incident, we decided to rely on them again for our three-week trip.
The dogs were well taken care of, thankfully. But just before we left, friends we hadn’t seen since 2019 visited us from Switzerland and brought several gifts, including eight specialty chocolate bars and ten Ovomaltine bars, which we stored in our pantry. Unfortunately, one of the boys ate ALL of the chocolate without asking.
He also basically finished an almost new box of 30 Tim Tams and ate instant noodles and left the dirty dish in our dishwasher. When we confronted the parents, they mentioned he does this, assuming people won’t notice. Parent said she would talk to him about it but I’ve yet to hear back from them.
We feel it’s rude, especially since he didn’t even leave a bit of the chocolate gifts for us. My wife is super sad about it because it was from her childhood friend and she feels so upset whenever she walks into the pantry.
She’s beating herself up over not keeping the gifts hidden and I’m pretty sure she’s losing sleep over it.
My wife suggested we withhold payment until we hear back from them and hopefully get some kind of apology.
So, AITJ for not wanting to pay them yet until an apology?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are paying them for their work and trusting them in your home, you have a reasonable expectation that things are as you found them and they do what you asked. Teens screw up. I know I did. Natural consequences are great teachers.
Not paying for the moment is totally fine. Deducting the cost of the items is fine too. Don’t be a jerk, be kind and clear with the kid, but it’s okay for there to be consequences for bad decisions and it’s okay to let them know that while you understand why they were tempted, they made a bad choice and that you are no longer comfortable trusting them in your home while you are away.
Stealing your stuff is different than forgetting the gate.” KoalaOriginal1260
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “When we confronted the parents, they mentioned he does this, assuming people won’t notice.” This is where I have an issue. They knew he was eating their food without consent so he was basically stealing and didn’t reprimand him or tell you that he does this.
I personally would add up the cost of everything he ate and include the cost of getting it shipped from abroad and give the parents the bill.” seaturtle541
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – don’t withhold the pay for waiting for an apology.
It’s perfectly reasonable to deduct the cost of the chocolate unless you gave them permission to help themselves to food. It is crazy they ate all the chocolate bars, but then again, it’s teen boys you’re dealing with, and eating that many chocolate bars over three weeks wouldn’t seem unreasonable to them.
My guess is you wanted to actually save money by hiring them, and they already had an accident the first time, but you decided to give them a second chance to likely save money. You get what you pay for. Hire someone else next time.” EvenKaleidoscope7285
8. AITJ For Wanting A Child-Free Wedding Because Of My Partner's Misbehaving Nieces And Nephews?
“My partner (male 35) and I (female 30) got engaged this year. I love my partner very much. However, I don’t really click with his family. Nothing personal, no issues or arguments, just different people and I keep to myself.
My partner has two older siblings who have young children and babies. The children are not well-behaved. They are often demanding, have tantrums to get their own way, meltdown/cry and yell over minor things, etc.
I don’t really want a wedding with them present.
However, I believe my partner’s siblings will be offended if we ask for a child-free wedding. I still want to ask that they do not attend. If it causes too much trouble, I guess the next option is to elope.
I lose out by eloping too, as I won’t have my closest family members with me on my wedding day.
But I don’t really see another option.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve read your comments in addition to the post. I’ve got in-laws of my own and unfortunately getting married does mean they become your family. You may not like them but you will see them at holidays and other big moments in your life.
Your fiancé’s family is just as important to him as your family is to you. I think you’re NTJ for wanting a child-free wedding but I strongly suggest shifting your philosophy on what it means to be married and joining families.” Effective_Hearing_79
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does your fiancé 100% agree with you? Would there be no exceptions (like no one else gets to bring children or babies)? Is this a hill you’re willing to die on, even if it creates a bigger rift between you and his family?
If the answer to all three is yes, then make the announcement. But consider other options, like a formal ceremony where no children attend, but a reception that accommodates your relatives and friends who have children. A wedding is not just another instagrammable party—it’s supposed to be a celebration and marriage of two families.
By skipping this ritual, you miss an opportunity to strengthen a bond that you admit is already weak. And trust me, it’s a lot harder to build your relationship with your soon-to-be husband if you have unnecessarily alienated his family. It’s not just a chance for your fiancé to meet your family—it’s supposed to cut both ways.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for seemingly not getting your fiancé’s input in this. While I agree that it’s difficult, there are other compromises too – we had a kid’s area and nannies at our wedding, away from the main events, so their parents could still be present and enjoy the day.
They all behaved SO WELL despite our fears because they were so excited to be part of the wedding. And if you already aren’t gelling with the family this could take you into villain territory for them so I would also watch out for that…” Then-Dragonfruit-702
7. AITJ For Redirecting My Personal Trainer's Unqualified Medical Advice?
“I’ve been training with a personal trainer for about 1.5 months. While the workouts are good, his attitude is a turn-off; he’s often rude, arrogant, and often reminds me how “lucky” I am to have a spot since he’s fully booked.
He frequently gives unqualified medical advice, calling himself an “integrative health practitioner.” I have a family member who’s a doctor, and they confirmed most of his advice is nonsense. My PCP even once said, “Who is this guy? He’s crazy, stay away from him.”
During our last session, we talked about my recent blood work results. He has access to it because he insisted on knowing. I’d already reviewed them with my PCP, family, and dietitian(RD)—all said I’m perfectly healthy. But he started nitpicking certain numbers, creating unnecessary concerns.
He’s done this before, especially with my diet, which is already pretty clean. I pay over $1/minute and hired him as a trainer, not for medical advice, so I don’t want him diving into health theories during our sessions.
I tried changing the topic casually:
Me: “But hey, my cholesterol was pretty high a couple of years ago, so I was mostly concerned about that. I’m just glad it’s back to normal now.”
Trainer: “That’s good! What was it before?”
Me: “I don’t remember, but my PCP said it was high enough to consider meds if it didn’t improve in a year.”
Trainer: “Oh, you don’t want to be on a statin—it’s a terrible medication. You can lower cholesterol with supplements. What statins actually do to your body is…, and this and that supplements can do.” (goes on about it)
Me (already annoyed, but playful tone): “Eh, I don’t think it’s relevant.
Cholesterol isn’t an issue for me now anyways.”
His expression suddenly changed, and he looked visibly upset.
Trainer: “Hey, don’t do that to me ever again.”
Me: “Huh? Do what?”
Trainer: “Don’t ever tell me what I can/can’t say. That’s extremely rude.”
Me: “I’m just saying my cholesterol and everything else is fine, so whether to take meds or not isn’t relevant here.”
Trainer: “I was educating you on what I know. I’ve trained for a very long time to learn all this. How much do you know about human health?
I am 10 years older than you. I don’t deserve this kind of disrespect.”
The tension escalated from there, and he left mid-session. Later, he emailed me his take, claiming I disrespectfully interrupted his “important education” and was unprofessional. He said he looks forward to future sessions, but I feel this email is just to avoid a refund later.
This was our fourth heated interaction, so I’m done.
I signed a 6-month contract, paid a retention fee (one month) and the second month’s fee last week. I still have unused sessions. The contract says no refunds if service ends due to “inappropriate conduct.” I think he’s framing my behavior as “inappropriate” to avoid refunding over $1000.
He’s also failed to fulfill some minor contract commitments, which I wonder if I could leverage. AITJ for redirecting him?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ and don’t take medical advice from people who are not trained professionals, especially considering that two different doctors have confirmed that his advice is not good.
It sounds like he is going to try to keep the money that you’ve already paid him. If he does, I would say definitely file against him in small claims court, and also threaten to report and/or sue him for unlicensed practice of medicine.
Almost every state has laws against it (although they vary from state to state) calling himself a “health practitioner” would be a violation in a lot of states. More important though, if he really thinks that you are going to report or sue him, there’s a good chance he’ll just give the money back to avoid the risk and expense of hiring a lawyer.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“Your PCP is 100% correct. Who is this guy? He’s crazy, stay away from him. NTJ – This guy bullied you into giving him your personal medical info so he could play doctor, then got alarmingly controlling when you tried to politely change the subject.
He is leaving mid-session and presumably still expecting you to foot the bill when his behavior is extremely unprofessional. He’s framing your behavior as inappropriate? To whom? You need to go above his head and report him because he has no business being a trainer, or being in a position where he feels emboldened to push himself on others.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“I’d think that him giving you unlicensed medical advice would be a contract breach on his part. Is this contract through a gym like 24-hour fitness? Demand to see the list of certifications of the “integrative health practitioner.” I don’t think they’d want to be on the hook for something adverse happening to you because you listened to a quack’s advice.
Definitely switch trainers or try to get your money back. Point out that you paid for body training, not a lecture on supplements, etc, and that you feel like he was running the clock out on your session so you didn’t get the full benefit of your workout.
The fact that he walked away from you mid-session is so unprofessional. NTJ.” Majestic_Register346
6. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up My Wife's Hangover Vomit?
“My one issue is vomit (and my wife knows this). It makes me immediately need to vomit.
My wife drinks very infrequently (like a few times a year max) but when she does she is usually quite hungover the next day.
We went to a Halloween party last night and I was the designated driver – she had a great time and consumed several beverages (2 bottles of wine over the evening to be exact). We got in at around 3:30 am and crashed. This morning I was woken up to her asking for help at 8 am.
She felt the urge to vomit (aggressively) but didn’t lift open the toilet seat cover in time so it went EVERYWHERE. All over the toilet, the floor, the walls, the garbage, etc. It’s a mess.
She asked me to clean it – I said absolutely not.
So she shut the door and is currently trying to sleep off the hangover on the couch – waking every hour or so to vomit again. I’ve been looking after her and did a pharmacy run for electrolyte powders, Pepto, etc., but I draw the line at cleaning up her vomit again.
I feel guilty because it’s sitting in the bathroom waiting for her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like she’s sick because of an illness. She’s sick because she drank too much. She didn’t have to drink that much to enjoy herself. She can clean it up herself.
And yes, she is a jerk for doing this and then expecting you to clean it up, especially if she knows you have a thing about vomit. Note: You would be a jerk though if she was vomiting because of an illness.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a young woman, I often drank to physical sickness, such as that your wife is experiencing. If I vomited, no way would I ever expect anyone else to clean it up. That’s on me for drinking too much and it’s part of the price I had to pay for the good time I had the night before.
This might come across as kind of harsh, but even if she’s hungover, she should have a short period right after she vomits when she feels well enough to do the cleanup. You’re taking care of her by getting her what she needs to help her body process the heavy drinking, but she should be doing her own cleanup.
She drank it, she can deal with it.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did this to herself. Gotta clean up your own puke, that’s the rule. If you can’t do that, don’t drink. If I was a jerk and made a mess, I’m not running to my husband to help.
Now, when my aunt was living with her partner, he was very squeamish over any type of bodily fluids. However, she had very serious bouts of illness due to complications with her type 1 diabetes. There were surgeries throughout her life and a lot of not-so-fun things he graciously helped her with regardless of his gagging while he did it, out of pure love and care.
That was a situation where he really stepped up in tough times. The situation you describe is not one of those situations and it’s kinda mean to put that on you when she knows that’s just not your jam (who would want to clean up their spouse’s self-inflicted puke anyway?)” ShirtCharming6459
5. AITJ For Crying When My Partner Wouldn't Buy Me Pads?
“I (27F) don’t know how to respond to my current situation, I am out of pads and have been since last night, I am actively bleeding and my flow is heavy.
I took a shower this morning to kinda help but I asked my spouse (26F) to go get pads. They told me they intended to go get pads with their friend which would have been 3 to 4 hours since arriving home. I decided to wait a bit and figured I would be okay but within a span of an hour, I am at my limit.
I asked my spouse for their debit card to go get pads myself since they weren’t going any time soon, but they said no. Their solution was for me to use rolled toilet paper until then. I told them no, that’s uncomfortable and I am bleeding through my garments.
They said that they would wash them since they were doing laundry this weekend. They gave me a bunch of “Oh it’ll be okay, it won’t harm you, it won’t cause any issues, or whatever, I’ve gone 6 to 8 hours before just having tissues” kind of talk.
That’s not the point, I don’t think anyone should be okay with using tissue unless they have to. The only thing that is stopping them from getting pads is them, they just want to wait for their friend because they need someone to accompany them.
They only just now left to go get them because I began to sob. Before they left they asked me why I needed their debit card, I had just paid our car insurance and cat supplies, which left me with 50 USD for gas for the week more or less.
For context, my spouse is neurodivergent and confirmed to have ADHD, and I know about task paralysis, but why not let me do it myself then? Why be stubborn? We’ve been together for a decade… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain here ESH.
Your partner should’ve been willing to help. Can’t you borrow some of her pads? I wouldn’t want to be with such an uncaring partner. But also, if you don’t share finances (which is weird but your choice), and you don’t share pads (also odd but still your choice), then why are you asking for your spouse’s debit card?
Go get your own pads with your own money! You’re acting like you have no choice at all but sit at home bleeding through your clothes waiting for your partner to rescue you, but that’s not true. You can go yourself and you can use your own money.
Also, rolled-up toilet paper is uncomfortable, but nobody in their right mind would sit around bleeding through their clothes if they had 0 pads. Anybody with a brain would use rolled-up toilet paper as an emergency measure to prevent clothes from being ruined while they were on their way to get pads.
And you’ve just been free bleeding since LAST NIGHT??? Why didn’t you get pads last night?!” rampaginghuffelpuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but man I have so so many questions…. 1) Is this unusual? Do you often find yourself frustrated and talking to a wall?
Do they use neurodivergence or ADHD as an excuse for not being able to meet basic relationship needs? 2) Is there a reason you paid so many bills that you’re down to $50 for gas money for the week but they still have spare cash? Is your division of bills fair based on your relative income?
If you earn X% and she earns Y% are you dividing the household bills along those percentages? What’s the reason that you don’t both feel equally broke or equally able to buy sanitary pads?” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only does it feel gross when you bleed through, it can be upsetting to be in that state, unable to keep yourself clean, in discomfort from the period, and generally miserable.
Yes, you originally were okay with a wait, but things changed and you made it clear that you really needed this one thing from your partner now. They made you keep waiting, suggested something that would NOT be as comfortable and wouldn’t let you go order your own, even though your cash just went to household bills.
I’d be upset, too. Still, be sure to keep extra supplies from now on.” SolitaryTeaParty
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Toddler For An Adult-Only Holiday?
“My fiancé’s cousin is one of his best friends and they used to go on holiday together every year but for the last 2 years, my fiancé hasn’t gone because we had a baby. Our son is 2 now so his cousin thinks I should be fine leaving him with family so he can have my fiancé on his holiday.
I told him I would rather bring my son with us but he’s adamant it’s an adult-only holiday so I won’t be going which means my fiancé also won’t be going because there’s no way he’s going to go without me.
So now his cousin is upset with me because he thinks I should be fine going at this point. He has tried to compromise the length of the holiday and the destination but it hasn’t changed my mind.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Children change things. You don’t mention how long this vacation is for but finding even family to babysit a toddler for more than a couple hours isn’t always a doable option. His cousin just needs to understand until the child is a few years older, like old enough to attend a summer camp, adult vacations are out for you and the hubby.
He just has to come to terms with the fact that his party isn’t the most important thing in your husband’s life.” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And ignore all the people trying to say you are controlling. Obviously, if the cousin is trying to convince YOU to go, the fiance has made it clear he is not interested in solo vacations anymore.
I’m not sure why that’s so difficult for people to get. I didn’t leave my kid with anyone but their father overnight until they were like 5. A lot of parents don’t. You are doing just fine OP.” Swiss_Miss_77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This may come as a shock to a lot of young, unmarried, childless people, but when you’re married, and especially with a young child, you really don’t get to just do whatever you want, lol!
You’re a unit, a member of a team, that shares responsibilities. You check with each other and take your partner’s opinion with a lot of consideration and respect. You don’t just decide you’re going away for a bunch of days and leaving everything up to your partner, or using your limited time off away from your family, even if you’d kind of like to.
That’s the purpose of committing and being married, with kids. You can always stay single and child-free if that’s not the way you want to live, there’s nothing wrong with it, but when you have young kids, anything more than a weekend away is a big burden to whoever has the child/ren, including grandparents.
They may not have the stamina for more than a couple of days anyway.” NotPennysBoat721
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Friends With My Partner's Daughters After They Ignored Me?
“I’m (42) seeing Tim (59), a widower. He’s in banking, I’m a bartender. I know what it looks like. His 2 daughters thought the same thing, but he’s broke as a joke and I’ve got a trust fund, so actually no.
He’s broke because his late wife got cancer.
3 times. He ran up 6 credit cards, 2nd mortgage on the house, cashed out his retirement, everything and anything to get her the treatment she needed and then to get treatment enough to see both daughters married.
His daughters live 6hrs drive away.
We drove to them for Xmas last year and the year before.
They ignored me, dragged Tim away when he tried to include me, and prevented their husbands from making even small talk with me by talking over me.
Year 1 Tim chastised them, and they apologized (to him, not me). They blamed the pain of seeing their dad with a woman who wasn’t their mum.
Year 2, they did it again.
This year I told Tim not again. He could go, I would never ask him not to see his daughters for Xmas but I’ll stay here.
Tim didn’t love the idea because me going with him means we can share the responsibility of driving when his back starts to bother him.
(He hates to fly) His 2010 deathtrap is starting to go anyway, so I leased him a comfy luxury ride (my brother has a dealership).
He called the girls, super excited that he’d be able to see them more often without having to worry about his back, who then blew up and accused him of spending their mother’s money on a “nonsense house and car to impress some bimbo bartender and didn’t offer them a dime for their weddings.”
In the ensuing argument it came out that they assumed there had been a life insurance policy, nor did they have any idea about the credit card debt or the 2nd mortgage that the house was underwater on, or that Tim was looking at foreclosure and bankruptcy until he moved in with me.
They did not realize it was my house, that he pays no bills save the water bill (man takes excessive showers), and shared groceries.
Now the girls want my number. They are sorry I “felt lonely” at Xmas.
They want to come visit and stay with us next year!
Conveniently in summer, I live near a beach.
I’ve told Tim absolutely not about giving out my number. I’m happy to be polite if they come to visit Tim but, we’re not going to be friends. If they had talked to me for even 2 seconds they’d have understood.
I am not shy about admitting the only thing I have ever contributed to my blessed financial state is “not developing a crippling substance addiction” like my cousin Danny did.
Tim thinks I’m being too unforgiving. They would have warmed up to me eventually but knowing how generous I am being with their father has made them warm up quicker.
I maintain I don’t care about now or later, they had their chance to not be catty brats over incorrect assumptions that I was taking advantage of him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe them a darn thing. That being said, they are his kids and you gotta consider that if you don’t extend an olive branch that means he will be pulled in the middle, and eventually push will come to shove.
Is that something you’re comfortable with?” Stardust_Shinah
Another User Comments:
“Considering that the daughters knew nothing at all about their parents’ financial state BEFORE you arrived, it’s safe to assume that they did not regularly have conversations with their parents about planning for end of life, etc. It’s hard to say who is the jerk without knowing if your partner ever corrected their assumptions that you were being supported by him.
It COULD be concerning as an adult to see your parent making extravagant purchases for/with a partner. You say you know what the situation looks like to outsiders… so why would you not be understanding of them thinking it is what it looks like?
So my question would be: Did your partner ever tell them that they have things backward and that he doesn’t support you financially at all, and in fact you support him?” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“Putting myself in the situation as his daughters.
It would be hard for me to see my dad move on especially to someone younger and different than my mom after a tough death. Even as adults these types of things bring out the worst in a person. If he’s a decent guy and he says his daughters are decent people then perhaps chalk it up to a trauma response and them thinking you were using their poor sad sap dad.
Knowing that someone cared for my dad enough to help him through an emotionally and financially difficult period would mean a lot to me. It’s possible they do appreciate you more now that they know you’re helping their dad rather than taking advantage.
I think it’s in your best interest to accept the olive branch but hold back a bit for your own security. You may end up gaining some bonus fun cast of characters in your life. Or they are jerks and you can tell Tim to keep his family separate.
NTJ – but also sometimes being a jerk happens because life is hard and losing your mom sucks.” Itslikeazenthing
2. AITJ For Refusing To Eat Seafood At A Business Dinner?
“I had to go to a business dinner with my husband. Unfortunately, we went to a set-menu restaurant and the main course was a lobster dish. I absolutely hate any type of seafood so I never ate any of it.
I tried to make it look like I was eating but I didn’t do a good job and the client’s wife kept asking me if I was feeling unwell and that’s why I wasn’t eating. It kept taking the attention away from the conversation my husband and the client were having.
My husband leaned over to tell me to just eat some of it three times and each time he was getting more and more annoyed with me. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, though, so on the drive home he was upset with me for embarrassing him and acting like a picky child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t eat seafood, and this is a menu where you were not allowed to adjust. When asked, you should have just stated that you don’t eat seafood. Simple as that. Though I’m surprised with how many people have seafood allergies, you were unable to make any adjustments.
I don’t eat any seafood at all. I cannot stand the textures or the smell. Sometimes I get grief about it. My mom and sister are incredibly adventurous eaters and love cooking. I’m pretty closed-minded about food and loathe cooking. Needless to say, there’s been plenty of times I haven’t fit in.
I’m guessing your husband is well aware of your distaste for seafood. For a business meeting, it was his job to arrange for you to eat something else When he found out what the set menu was. That makes him the jerk for putting you in this position.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“Yes, barring an allergy, when you go to a business dinner, you eat a polite amount of the food, even if it’s not something you like. And no you don’t weaponize food allergies, as I can see some people suggesting in the comments.
That’s cheap. Also, you damage the credibility of people with genuine allergies, because who’s to say there weren’t traces of fish in other things you ate, eg fish stock, and you ate those just fine. That reinforces the idea that people claim allergies for convenience, and it makes it that much harder for the next person to come along who has a genuine allergy.
Sometimes you just need to be an adult and do the polite thing. There are times when you can’t be a picky eater. This reads as you having a sulk because you ‘had’ to go to a business meeting, and finding a way to make it clear how much you didn’t want to be there.
And I dare say that is why your husband was so upset. YTJ.” Medievalmoomin
Another User Comments:
“ESH – both you and your husband, that is. He’s gross and controlling, and you need to learn to use your words like an adult. Honestly, in just a few sentences of your description, it gave kind of a gross parent-child vibe to your relationship which I’m desperately hoping is not the case and just me lacking more context.
You’re a jerk for “pretending to eat” and playing with your food (which is childish and immature, and a ridiculous way to handle this), and not just being polite and forthright and saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m really not fond of seafood at all and struggle to eat it, is there any chance the chef might have an alternative available?” right at the outset.
If it’s a restaurant fancy enough to have a set menu, it’s almost guaranteed that they have a couple of pieces of chicken or steak, or some pasta set aside for EXACTLY situations like this (unexpected vegetarians, etc.). LOTS of people don’t eat fish/seafood, and they don’t pay prix fixe menu prices to be left with an entree they cannot eat.
Frankly, it’s incredibly odd even for a set menu not to offer a choice of 2-3 entrees for precisely this reason. I mean, kudos for not making a fuss, but also, you have a lot of growing up to do, and it was just plain silly not to just make a polite request. Your behavior, while at least not loud, clearly drew attention to you and was unnecessarily childish…you didn’t need to play with your food or “pretend” anything.
You just had to be politely honest.
Your husband, on the other hand, is a MASSIVE jerk for suggesting that the answer was for you to choke down food that he knows you can’t stand; and he was an even bigger jerk (and frankly, made a fool of himself in front of his boss) by aggressively berating you, his spouse, in front of company.
You aren’t his child, you’re his life partner. It is not his job to tell you what to eat, or to push you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, especially in front of others like that. He sounds…well, if not abusive then like a controlling jerk.
Your whole dynamic sounds toxic AF, with him trying to tell you what to do and you unable to just speak up for yourself and ask for what you want. ESH.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
1. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Daily Meals For My Sister's Picky Eater Kids?
“My older sister (37F) has 3 kids under 10. I (25M) don’t have kids yet but I’m a junior sous-chef and I cook a lot in my spare time. During some recent time off from work my sister asked if I could babysit her kids after school for three days.
I said yes. I watched the kids. She paid me for it and I thought that would be it. But then she asked me what the kids ate with me after the week had ended and then she wanted to know how I got her kids to eat a full meal.
Her kids are picky eaters. They are typically the kids who will eat what they like off a plate (meat and potatoes, rice or noodles) and then leave the rest (veggies, sauces). According to my sister and BIL, even if you give more veggies than something else they won’t eat them and they’ll wait until their next meal and if you give all veggies or insist they eat the veggies before anything else, they’ll skip the meal. I sort of knew that about them before I babysat so I blended veggies and other good stuff into their dinner the first day with me and the second day I served them but hid them in plain sight and on the last day I just served them in a way they don’t get them normally and because they knew they had them they ate them without an issue.
But they wouldn’t eat them for my sister or BIL after. There was some back and forth between us and I shared some recipes but my sister said she couldn’t get them to eat the food. So she wanted me to make food for her kids every day.
I asked if she was going to pay me for spending all that time and money and she told me I should do it as a way to help my nieces and nephews stay healthy. I told her it’s a big ask. She told me I have the chance to really help and put my skills to good use for family.
I feel like it’s asking a lot because they expect me to make something every day for the kids. But my sister feels like I’m being a bad brother and uncle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has she seen how expensive a bag of groceries is lately?!
And she wants you to increase your grocery spending by three-fold for free?! Not only that but your time and effort to cook a nice meal should be compensated. I used to work service industry, I know a lot of cooks who ate like garbage at home because they spent all day cooking for other people, so the last thing they wanted to do when they got home was cook more food.
It’s close to the holidays, I might offer to either spend time with her teaching her how to cook or get her some cooking lessons so she can mimic the meals you made for her kids. Clearly, the kids like the veggies when cooked a specific way.
(My mom used to just boil Brussels sprouts; I HATED them as a kid. I finally had them roasted as an adult and thought – why couldn’t they have been like this? I would have eaten them more often!)” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“She and her husband can just learn to cook & model good eating behavior instead of focusing on the kids eating vegetables – the kids likely feel pressured & resistant whereas with you it was no pressure & a pleasant dining experience.
My niblings love to eat at my house because I don’t make the whole meal about getting them to eat, and try to involve them in the process where possible, and I eat the same food with them. Tell sister to check out “Kids Eat In Color” for tons of other info on picky eaters.” 000ps-Crow_No
Another User Comments:
“Don’t let her delude you into thinking an unpaid personal chef is something her children are entitled to. This isn’t even like her asking you to give them free haircuts because you’re a stylist. She’s asking you to take on a whole part-time job so she doesn’t have to put effort into getting her kids to eat healthy.
You can be sure that while she’s telling you it’s no big deal, she’s dreaming about all the time she’s going to have because she doesn’t have to cook dinner anymore. The time saved on dishes alone! You did more than enough by teaching her kids that healthy meals can taste good and giving her recipes.
She can drag her butt to your kitchen and roll up her sleeves if she’s serious about getting her kids to eat better. NTJ.” 1568314
