People Want To Know If They Should Have Regrets In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Mom After A Disastrous Family Dinner?
“My parents had me really young (like 16) and my mum moved after I was born so my dad took care of me alone while still in school. I (14f) started meeting my mum (31f) last year when she came back all of a sudden and we meet every month.
My dad (31m) doesn’t like my mum and wouldn’t talk to her if he could.
Recently my mum and I got into a fight because I didn’t want to invite her to my birthday party because we aren’t close. So to smooth things over my grandparents proposed that we all have a family dinner together to celebrate separately.
So my dad and I had dinner with them yesterday and it was a disaster. At first, it was fine. But my dad was really uncomfortable and it was just awkward all around.
Then my grandparents started talking about my mum’s involvement in my life.
Like “maybe you and your mum can go somewhere together” that kind of thing. My mum suggested that she could send me to school in the mornings, which my dad does. And I could tell my dad was getting annoyed and he said it’s fine, and she didn’t need to do that.
Then my grandparents started to get angry and asked why he was so against them, while my mum just looked embarrassed and didn’t say anything. Then my grandma said “she needs her mother to have a REAL family, just her dad is not enough”.
My dad got so mad that he just told me to pack up and we were going.
And when we got home my dad just locked himself in his room and I could hear him crying. At that point I was just angry so today I called my mum and told her I didn’t want to see her ever again. She started crying and tried to apologize but I hung up on her.
She sent me voicemails saying that I shouldn’t punish her for what her parents said and that I need to stop overreacting.
I don’t know if I’m being too extreme and overreacting. My dad says I can decide but he looks conflicted honestly and my mum crying made me feel kind of bad.
So am I the jerk? I don’t know if it’s justified to stop seeing my mum even though she didn’t say that stuff just her parents.”
Another User Comments:
“”Then my grandma said “she needs her mother to have a REAL family, just her dad is not enough.”” That’s rich, considering it was your “REAL” mom that abandoned you!
Tell grandma that dad has been plenty family, as he’s the one who has actually raised and cared for you for 14 years. NTJ – Grandma can just go away. I would suggest leaving the door open for your mom, so long as she understands that grandma et al are now on your NC list, and that’s non-negotiable.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For 13-ish, where has your mom been? Not with you. Who held you when you cried? Who was there for you to celebrate your achievements? Who took care of you when you were sick? Not your bio mom. Your dad has been there for you.
Your bio mom showing up and showing seeds of discontent is disrespectful. Your grandparents, aka your bio mom’s parents, are happy to throw your dad away now that their child has decided to be a parent. Your bio mom had the opportunity to tell her parents to back down when they said your dad isn’t enough.
But she stayed quiet. How very mature and classy of her. Now. Go hug your dad, tell him you love him, and let him know you know he’s enough and then some. Slow down on meeting your bio mom for the time being. And – has she ever told you why she abandoned you?” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“When my mom came back after a decade and I started spending time with her, my dad didn’t like it but understood. I called to ask if I could stay a little longer during the summer (I was 16 and really just wanted to see my friend who happened to live right next door, along with my partner) he said no and all of a sudden, I heard my mom on the line.
She had been listening to our conversation without me even knowing. They told me to hang up so I did and I heard them fighting. When I got back to my dad’s the next day, he broke down. He felt like I had ganged up on him, he thought I did it on purpose and knew she was on the line.
I hadn’t seen my dad cry in years, since I was a kid. I will always regret not holding my mother accountable for what she did that day. Even though your mom wasn’t the one to say what your grandparents said, she didn’t speak up or defend your dad.
She didn’t tell them to shut up and show respect to the man who took care of you when she refused to and, since she was only 16 when they moved, when THEY allowed your dad to take on the responsibility alone. She also said you were overreacting, which just shows you she doesn’t understand the depth of the issue.
She isn’t sorry for any of it. She’s just sorry you’re giving her consequences.” Next-Firefighter4667
20. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Wife A Horse While I'm Stuck In A Job I Hate?
“I work in an intense, unfulfilling job six days a week. My wife has not had a paying job since we got engaged 16 years ago. 7 years ago, I quit my “change the world” job, which paid little, but conferred distinction and a sense of doing what is right — for a mercenary, awful job I hate, but which pays 10 times as much.
My wife enthusiastically supported, indeed urged, my job change to the higher paying but awful job. For a while, I held it all in, but over time, particularly recently, I’ve told her clearly that this job is leading me to an early grave. It is awful, the people and stuff I deal with every day.
It is immensely stressful and not rewarding in the least. But of course, as the pay rolled in, our standard of living increased, and the amount we spend each month is eye-watering.
Last night, at a cocktail party with my friends, my wife had too much to drink, and on the way home, tearfully told me that I “just don’t understand her,” and that what she “truly needs to feel fulfilled is a horse.” We know many people with horses.
After a few questions, where she kept replying that this horse or that “wasn’t good enough for her,” our discussion devolved into shouting.
I view this as a pretty simple thing. I want to go back to a job I like someday. I’d like to reduce our spending so I don’t need to work until I’m 80.
My son wants to visit Madagascar. My point is that people’s wants, practical (not working until I’m 80 in an awful job) or impractical (visiting Madagascar) are often placed aside.
Also FYI – I don’t have any hobbies. So it’s not like I’m spending money on cars or something and then telling her that she can’t.
I should add that we live in the suburbs of a big city. We do not have a backyard where a horse can graze. We would need to first buy a special breed of horse she demands for tens of thousands of dollars, pay for feed, veterinary, stable, insurance, etc. We’re talking HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars.
Another stone in my backpack. Basically guaranteeing that I will never be able to do anything else.
I view this as her saying, in so many terms: Well I want to be fulfilled, but I don’t give a darn about your stress and fulfillment.
Am I the jerk for not rushing to buy her a horse?”
Another User Comments:
“Lifelong horse girl here: Your wife is correct. You don’t understand. People fortunate enough to be born without a horse obsession will never understand. The joy of just watching them hang out in the pasture is inexplicable to anyone not afflicted. My whole life I loved horses, and had the privilege of owning several. It broke my heart when they passed, but I’ll never stop wanting horses in my life.
It’s a sickness.
That said, you should not buy your wife a horse. You don’t say anything about her current involvement with horses. Is this just a whim? Has she ever been on a horse? Taking lessons? Had a horse growing up? Owning a horse is a huge commitment.
They can live to be 30+ years old, requiring more care as they age to the point where they can’t be ridden, but still expensive to keep. Will that provide the fulfillment she needs? She needs to get a job so she can pay for lessons and then lease a suitable horse.
Along the way, she should work at a barn, shovel manure, carry water, sit with them while waiting for the vet, cold hose their aching legs, carry hay bales, search for lost shoes in the pasture, learn how to bandage cuts….all the no riding things that take up 90% of horse time.
If she still loves it, then she can buy a horse and you can decide at that time if you want to contribute. NTJ.” Born_Significance691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she can get a job, and when she has spare money (after she’s paid her share of the household expenses), she can spend it on what she likes.
In the meantime, you need to lay out a solid plan to change your work-life balance and do fulfilling work. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness so that she gets to enjoy the perks of disposable income. As the balance of your life changes, so should each of your roles, and that means if you are starting to feel burnt out, she needs to pick up some of the slack.” New-Razzmatazz2148
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry. Just out of curiosity, what would happen if you didn’t shout at each other, but did ask, “Why do you get to be fulfilled, and yet I don’t?” She’ll DARVO, but you can stick to it–“I’m genuinely curious.
I’m miserable in my job and completely unfulfilled. Why is that okay with you?” Keep asking in terms of curiosity–she’ll either begin to think (if she loves you), or get really mad (if she’s just using you.) NTJ.” hubertburnette
19. AITJ For Not Telling My In-Laws We're On Vacation When They Plan To Visit Uninvited?
“I’ll (31M) just say that my wife’s (Cami, 38F) parents have always been terrible people. When she graduated from high school, she went to college and only came home for short visits. Her relationship with her parents has always been strained. For me, in low doses, they are tolerable, and sometimes even funny (but they are the joke).
When they would come to visit, they’d stay a week or more and act like our house was a B&B and they were on vacation. One time I asked them to take our son to school because I had some meetings and my MIL actually said that they were on vacation not here to run our errands and besides, Cami should be taking him to school because she’s the mom (they are big on traditional wife roles).
The supposed point of their visits is to spend time with their grandson, but there was frankly little of that. He’d come home from school and they’d say hi, but go back to watching NewsMax and the WWII channel. After their last visit, I told my wife that the next time they should stay in a hotel.
I work from home and they have no boundaries or respect for others.
All fun and games when dealing with family, but recently, they finally went too far and my wife went no contact with them. We were having a marital issue and she moved out for a few weeks.
Once they found out, they took it to a whole different level and it went from classic over-the-top traditional wife roles/religious hypocrite/boomers being fools nonsense to vicious. When she stopped answering their calls/texts/emails, they started in on me. I’ve only responded once, telling them that they were in the wrong and need to apologize to their daughter and they can’t use me to do an end around.
I haven’t told them that we’ve reconciled and my wife is back home, but even if she was a hated ex, I would not let these fools use me to bypass her.
Cami and I have planned a family vacation and one of the recent emails from my inlaws stated that they intend to just show up uninvited. As it turns out, it will be while we are gone.
They want to see their grandson and because they think we are still separated, stated that Cami wouldn’t even have to know. Do I break the NC and tell them that we won’t be there? It seems cruel to let them come and knock on the door and not even know that we are gone.
On the other hand, it’s pretty presumptuous to just demand a visit and tell me when (and not ask if that works for us). I also feel like if I respond, I’ll be opening the door and they would just demand to come some other time.
To me, this is a problem they need to solve with their daughter.
Additional info: I have security cameras, a ring doorbell, an alarm system, and a nosy neighbor. I’ve also removed their code from the electronic locks. I’ll know if they show up.
In the end, to contact them or not is my wife’s call.
I’m just getting ready for the conversation.”
Another User Comments:
“You maintain YOUR NC – but this needs to be passed over to “Cami” to decide how she wants to respond to this. Sounds like they need some serious boundary lessons. A really good one is to show up unexpectedly to have no one there.
Make sure you have cameras to protect your property. But this needs to be “Cami’s” decision, not yours.” banjadev
Another User Comments:
“I am torn – because I am all for ‘malicious compliance’ and ‘justifiable pettiness’ … but acknowledge that it sometimes is jerk behavior. So I am going with NTJ – because while I think that you COULD help them avoid wasting time, I feel you are not under any obligation.
Anyone who shows up uninvited is a jerk. So allowing them to be frustrated because they couldn’t push themselves on you is just … life. However – I would absolutely recommend ensuring you have external & internal cameras and/or an alarm that will ensure that they don’t try to enter your house … and call the police if they do.” txa1265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a mean move to not let them know. They are the jerks. They just invited themselves to visit you without your consent. They need to be taught a lesson. You are NC with them, so why would you reply & tell them?
Don’t tell them anything. Just go on your trip & don’t give a second thought to them. They’ll be surprised when you’re not there & they will probably call you every name in the book, but maybe it will stop them from just showing up whenever they please.” NOTTHATKAREN1
18. AITJ For Complaining About My Family Exercising In My Room?
“I (16m) live in a house with my dad (45m), brother (13m), and mom (43f). I used to have my own small room downstairs that I was fine with. My parents then decided to renovate and turn it into extra space in the bathroom.
There used to be a storage room in my house that contained all the exercise equipment including a treadmill and weights.
After this renovation, my room was moved to there. The equipment did not move because there is “nowhere else to put it,” even though I have proposed numerous different spots in the house it could be.
My family now uses the equipment almost daily and I have to leave my room due to invasion of privacy, or too much noise to do what I want comfortably.
I feel I may be the jerk because I complain vocally about this usage and want them to move the equipment. I have been against this since day one but my parents call me a jerk and tell me that I’m trying to stop them from being healthy.
They also say that I’m being inconsiderate of everyone else in the house and that I need to compromise. This has caused several arguments and yelling matches between me and my parents.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, they stole your room to add to the bathroom.
Weird, but if the bathroom was really small, maybe I could understand why they’d want it a little bigger. Second, they made you move into a room that had an established purpose and refused to find a new place for that stuff. Third, you’re right, that is an invasion of privacy for everyone to barge into your room just to exercise.” Dialogue_Buddy_101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The spiteful gremlin in me says to randomly walk into their bedroom and do sets of sit-ups and push-ups when they’re in there without asking permission. Just walk in and start doing sets. And when they say “What are you doing?” just say “I’m exercising, that’s what other people’s private spaces are for isn’t it?” Start slowly moving hand weights and the like into their room.
Dunno how well that’d go over but I’m a bit of a pest so that’s how I’d respond l**o.” TrashPandaLJTAR
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How many rooms are there in the house? Does your brother have his own room? Could you suggest that you and your brother share the largest of those two rooms and the smaller one can be a dedicated gym room?
I appreciate you might not want to share with your brother and he probably wants to keep his own room, but it’s unacceptable for him to have a private room and that you sleep in what has now become a communal room for the use of everyone in the house whenever they feel like it when this means you can no longer use this room.
Do you have grandparents or aunts/uncles you could talk to about this who might be able to talk to your parents about this? But yeah, I’d suggest moving into one bedroom with your brother. Your parents will then have to deal with two complaining kids, and then hopefully see how unfairly they treated you by singling you out to not have your own space.
You can also see if you can talk to a teacher or counselor at school, especially if you feel your home situation affects your ability to do homework and your sense of comfort and safety in your home.” almalauha
17. AITJ For Doing My Own Research Before Asking My Cousin For Advice?
“Today I was looking at and researching the product I wanted to buy, I’ve already spent a good amount researching it before this and have learned a lot about it.
I told my parents that and the conversation went something like this:
Parents: You should really ask your cousin, they work in a store that sells those, they could help you out.
Me: Of course! I just wanted to let you know I’ve done some research myself so I know what to look for and what I can expect to get.
Parents: But you should ask your cousin.
Me: I already said I will? I’m just saying that I’ve done research myself, I’m not saying I know exactly what’s the best product to buy but I have a good grasp of what’s good and what’s bad.
Parents: BUT YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR COUSIN.
Me: ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING??? OF COURSE I’M GONNA ASK THEM I’M JUST SAYING I’VE DONE MY PART IN DOING RESEARCH ON IT.
Parents: THAT’S IT GO TO YOUR ROOM, DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE JERK.
I seriously don’t get how they got mad over this.
I wasn’t saying I know exactly what to buy or that I won’t ask my cousin, nowhere close to that. I then told them that must mean they think I’m incompetent if my research means nothing to them, and they got even MORE angry. I genuinely don’t get how.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“They remind me of someone in my family – take my advice: “Ok,” and walk away. No, “I want you to understand I’m doing my own research” on anything. “Talk to your cousin.” “Ok.” They don’t want me to be an autonomous person who can make my own decisions.
They don’t want to admit I’m getting into things that they have no idea or control over. They want me to follow their orders. Anything but blind agreement with their plan on how to do things is considered insubordination. And they aren’t even military.” s***********y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s a suggestion. After the second time they give you unsolicited advice that disregards what you’ve said, change the subject. After 2nd offense by them, “Can you believe what a beautiful day it is? Can’t believe I’m wasting it inside!” and then head outside.
Or “If I’m ever gonna get that homework done, I need to get on it!” Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. Be pleasant and seemingly oblivious to their annoyance. Continue on your happy way. Also, avoid telling them anything when possible.” DuchessOfAquitaine
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
You agreed with your parents and added more information, my experience has told me that this is very typical behavior. Not making excuses at all, but your parents sound like they are having a hard time acknowledging that you are growing up. I would be so proud of my kid if they told me they have done research on a product and they’ve developed an opinion on it.
It would be a sign that you are growing up and able to make decisions like an adult. Which is a bit bittersweet.” ajultosparkle
16. AITJ For Not Paying My Roommate's Deposit After She Broke Our Lease Agreement?
“My roommate and I moved in together in September of last year. I found us the apartment, went on all the tours, met with the landlord, and all she had to do was sign the lease.
She and I are on one lease together for one year, so it’s up at the end of August this year. We’ve gotten along well for the most part, we never spent a ton of time together while living together. If I had a problem, I would come to her about it.
We both work and don’t have a ton of money.
A couple of months ago she let me know she was planning on breaking the lease agreement and finding someone to take her half of the lease over. I said that was fine but that finding someone would be her responsibility since she was breaking the lease.
It’s been a few months and so far she’s brought me one person to tour the place to move in. This person is younger than me and doesn’t have a job. Also, my roommate failed to list our place as the correct rent amount on a social media marketplace.
She listed it as $800 when the cost is $825 without utilities included. She was expecting the sub-letter to pay her half of the deposit that she paid when she moved in ($825).
I recently got a new job that pays a lot more and I didn’t want to stress about finding a new roommate on her short notice.
I told her I would just take over the whole lease. She then asked me if I would be paying her the $825 of her deposit back. I said no, I don’t have that money and I’m not moving out anytime soon. She is telling me I’m stealing $1600 from her because she paid rent through May and her half of the deposit.
This makes no sense to me since that money goes to our landlord and not me and I won’t be getting a deposit back since I’m not planning to move anytime soon.
I’m also pregnant and didn’t want to have to share my space with anyone after my baby comes.
If I let a roommate move in and sublet and they want to renew the lease, I can’t say no. I wouldn’t have that option anymore. I told my roommate that since she is breaking her lease, she put herself in this situation.
She’s so mad at me and I’m just wondering if I really am doing something wrong. My landlord told me I don’t have to pay her but she’s insisting that I’m the one messing her over when she made the decision to break the lease agreement.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No you’re NTJ. You’re not going anywhere. You’re not kicking her out. You’re not doing anything except staying right where you’ve been living. HOWEVER, there is a caveat: If you both paid part of the deposit, then if you move out and receive said deposit back you should forward her portion of it to her.
This may be in a year or two or five. But she paid in, so it’s partly hers. Alternatively, you can buy her out of it now (which is what she’s asking). But it’s not on her to demand option 2.” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“Before y’all get ahead of yourselves I think you should ask your property manager about how the deposit works. It’s entirely likely the check for her half of the returned deposit will go to her regardless of whatever deals y’all make. And you’re assuming you will get that deposit back.
Really depends, most management companies will nickel and dime you for almost all of it. That aside, you’re doing her a favor. She’s perfectly within her rights to break the lease under those stipulations of the lease. You don’t owe her anything.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t owe her $1600. If she paid through May, then she can stay through May, you aren’t forcing her to leave. As far as the deposit – tell her when YOU move out, you’ll give her half of whatever you get back at that time (that would be fair).
Actually circling back to May, if she already moved out, the most I would even consider is figuring up what rent comes out to daily, multiplying it out by what’s left in the month (from this point forward. Anyone not moved in would not have paid her for the full month either).
But still, I’d put it all in writing and you both sign in front of the landlord or some other 3rd person. Thing is, her making plans to move out, she’s probably just angry because she might have been counting on all those funds for whatever her moving forward plans were, which she shouldn’t have done.
Her lack of action is not your emergency.” CornerSevere
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Mother's Lies At My Grandparents' Funeral?
“My grandparents passed away recently. I followed the guidelines my grandma set up for her final event. Her Church, her burial plot, her casket, and the same for my grandpa. I just didn’t expect it to be a joint funeral. I sent out the notifications to friends of theirs and family after the date was set in stone.
Their friends all came, so did most of my grandma’s church but no family showed up. I wasn’t surprised, I hadn’t seen most of them in about 4 years.
I had a great time with my grandparents’ friends and then I went back home and cried my heart out.
I had been their sole caregiver and I didn’t know what to do without them. I had taken care of them for 15 years. It started with little things like lifting heavy things and escalated to needing to change the bed twice a night sometimes. I was empty and started to scroll through my grandpa’s social media to see pictures he posted before his memory went.
I found a group, started about 3 years ago that was being flooded with activity. When I went poking around I found out it was my mother who was hosting a funeral at her church and was ‘trying to get final expenses taken care of.’ I was stunned. Here was the woman I hadn’t spoken to since throwing her out of the house for stealing jewelry and upsetting Grandma terribly by using her Alzheimer’s against her.
‘How could you forget my birthday! You promised to give me this!’
I went to the funeral my mother had planned and listened to the pastor and then my mother got up to talk. She told everyone how hard it was taking care of them and something inside me roared to life.
I don’t remember everything I said, but it did include that she didn’t pay for anything for them, not their caskets, not their burial plots, not their cremation, nothing. I told everyone I put them to rest at the funeral Grandma planned herself 4 days prior.
I said she’d never paid for any of their care or even seen them for 4 years.
I was asked to leave and drove home. Later, a cousin asked me if what I said was true, and when I said it was and I could provide proof, they explained my mother had been taking funds from the family for years to pay for their care at a facility because they had outlived their insurance policy.
They also explained I got a lot of people in trouble because somewhere in the speech I shouted I had done it all alone for years without any help. A lot of family members used my grandparents as an excuse to get out of work and had invited their coworkers to the funeral. By hearing my outburst they were now in trouble for lying as for the reasons for leaving work or missing days.
She then went on to ask me about the inheritance and when that would be passed out. I told her that if anyone had earned the inheritance it had already been taken care of. I thought I was in the right, but now I’m doubting myself after so many cousins and family members are calling to tell me I handled it really poorly.
AITJ? Did I handle this badly? Everyone’s telling me I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m honestly not entirely sure how you could have handled that better without being ignored. Your family members created these situations for themselves and now must deal with the consequences.
I mean most if not all of them came to their actual funerals! You handled everything both for their care over the last 15 years and in their passing. And that’s probably been very hard for you, especially if you don’t have any support yourself (I hope you do).
Be kinder to yourself, you’re grieving and will need some time to heal.” Circinct
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hire a probate attorney. ASAP. If they left anything at all behind, hire a probate attorney. And I mean anything at all. Having trouble accessing a bank account?
That’s because your power of attorney (if you had one) is void now that they are gone. Some banks are nice, some require probate. They had a house? Probate. Find the wills. If they had things like a house and bank accounts you can no longer access and no wills, the best you can do is get an attorney or your mother can and will try to take everything as a direct heir.
Mess with her plans. Search naela.org (National Association of Elder Law Attorneys) to find someone in your area to help you. I’m so sorry for your loss. You have enough on your plate. Get an attorney to lighten the load. Just call. You’ll eventually find someone like me who will be sad with you AND know everything you need to do.
It gets better, I promise. ” BrightFirelyt
Another User Comments:
“There’s an old saying my gran used to use: Sunshine is the best disinfectant. All you did was shine so brightly that the truth came out. It’s not your fault that the rest of your family turned out to be filthy liars when your light turned up.
NTJ. You did your duty as the defender of your grandparents’ honor and did it admirably. My incubator (that woman was never a mother to me), during my grandmother’s wake, was going on and on about how much she’d done for her mother-in-law over the years.
I snapped. I pointed out how she did little to nothing for Gran, she dumped my newborn butt on the woman 15 days after Gran had her hip rebuilt with seven pins in the bone; that after my grandfather died, I went to work after school and during vacation periods, picking produce, because my mother did not contribute towards my upbringing; and I finally went off about how my grandmother’s last conscious act on this Earth was defending me against my incubator, which brought on a fatal stroke.
I’m pretty certain that is why I got re-homed 26 days later.” CoppertopTX
14. AITJ For Leaving My Stepdaughter Out Of My Will And Leaving Everything To Her Son?
“My stepdaughter (21) left her one-month-old baby with me and my husband claiming her mental health issues were stopping her from being a mom. Yes, she has issues but she didn’t even try to be the mom he deserves.
She had him for less than two weeks before palming him off on me to go out with her friends. We’ve now found out that she left him to go back to her substance-abusing ex.
I never wanted children of my own and was happy being a stepmom to her despite the issues we have had over the years because of her mental health and her bio mom being toxic and causing her to have massive dips in her mental health where she’s attempted to take her life.
My husband and I are now planning on doing our wills. We have talked about it and have agreed that we will leave everything to our grandson save for some of my jewellery which I will be leaving to my sister as it was my Nan’s which I had recast. The reason we want to leave everything to him is because of my stepdaughter’s attitude towards money and personal belongings.
She stole my mother-in-law’s engagement ring and sold it for substances and we think she took my wedding ring off the side in the kitchen after I’d taken it off to do some cleaning. We’ve never been able to prove she took mine but she has admitted taking my MIL’s.
We have talked about having everything put into a trust with our friends as trustees so she can’t try and get her hands on it that way.
She knows about our plans and started accusing us of not caring about her and wanting her to suffer because we won’t help her out.
We are raising her son with no financial support from her or his dad (who has never met him) so we can’t afford to help her out when we have to buy everything he needs (I have given up work to stay home with him until he’s older so we only have one income).
We don’t want her to suffer but we also don’t want our grandson to go without because of her life choices.
AITJ for cutting her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But get legal custody ASAP. It is especially important for daycare and school and hospitals.
Talk to her and try to get her on long-term birth control so she doesn’t have any more kids you will also have to take care of. And if you/your husband can’t do this for 18 years or have health concerns, you may look into other people for adoption.
It is better at a younger age.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“Dealing with substance abuse is so hard on families. Tough love is tough on both sides. Your instincts are right but your lawyer should set up a trust that gives your grandchild limited access until they are 25 or 30.
You don’t want the substance abuser to steal it from a vulnerable child. I have dealt with this, and there will come a time in their teens when they can get sucked into the lies substance abusers tell them. Best of luck.” enkilekee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and maybe you should look into a trust that lasts beyond his 18th birthday. If you both pass when he is in his teens or as a young adult, he may be very vulnerable to being manipulated by his mother, his only close relative.
A trust that pays him a living until he’s 25 (if that’s possible) rather than a lump sum on his 18th birthday might be useful. And try to structure it so he can leave the money in place, and continue to live off the income, so he’s not burdened with a huge wodge of cash and complicated investment decisions the day he comes into the money.
I am glad he has you!” kimba-the-tabby-lion
13. AITJ For Refusing To Go On Vacation With My Dad And His New Family?
“I’m (16m) being raised by my maternal grandparents. After my mom passed away my dad decided he needed to get away and left me with them. We had all lived with my grandparents before that so it wasn’t a huge change but I missed my dad.
I was only 5 when it all happened. Three years later he came back and he was engaged and he wanted me to be a family with him and “Sandy”. He and my grandparents fought in court over me because my grandparents were my legal guardians.
Reunification therapy was ordered for the two of us and the courts let him see me for one weekend a month at the start. The reunification therapy didn’t go the way it was meant to (with me wanting to live with him and feeling comfortable living with him again) and so it was decided my grandparents would keep custody of me and he would get every other weekend visitation.
He was also allowed one week of vacation every summer until I turned 16 (so this will be the first summer it’s not a legal obligation).
My dad and Sandy have kids together and my dad has tried to get me to want them. Not just Sandy or his other kids but him.
He knows I don’t want to be part of his family. He knows I see going to his house as a chore. And I know he tries but I’m not interested. I never hid that from him either. But my dad and Sandy took it for granted that I’d be going on vacation with them this year and it’s not happening.
Once I told them it was like this huge deal and my dad and Sandy freaked because they told their kids I’d be going and the last weekend I was there the kids were telling me they wanted us to go on this water slide together.
Sandy told me I could go for the sake of the kids and I asked her why I’d do that. So then she was like, you should be the one to tell them since it’ll make them sad. I told her they were the ones who assumed and didn’t ask so I wasn’t going to do their parenting for them.
Dad asked me to reconsider. He told me he feels like he’s losing me and these next two years will be big for our relationship in the future. I told him he lost me 11 years ago.
Sandy and Dad are now both mad at me for not telling the kids myself.
They told me I should grow up and take accountability and protect my innocent siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for the loss of your mom and your dad’s hurtful actions. You sound very articulate and clear in your thinking. It’s 100% not your job to tell their children anything.
If they are decent parents at all, they will be able to let them know in a way that doesn’t do damage. Sure, they may be bummed, but you obviously don’t live with them so they have an awareness that your situation is not the same as theirs.
Your dad and Sandy are being manipulative, in my opinion. I wish you the best of luck in life!” tawstwfg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Sandy and your father sure are. Your dad made his bed and doesn’t want to lie in it. It does sound like he wanted you to be in his life and was having a hard time grieving when your mom died. HOWEVER, so were you!
And he left you! Your feelings are so so valid and I’m sorry you lost in the dad department but it sounds like you really won in the grandparent department. It’s not your siblings’ fault that your dad sucks and Sandy sucks, just like it isn’t your fault your dad sucks.
You absolutely are not obligated to go on this vacation OR be the one to tell them that you aren’t going, as you said that is 100 percent the parents’ job. I guess – just remember they have bad parents and one day they may truly be able to relate to you – just not today as it sounds like they are young.
Best of luck OP!” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if I was forced for years as a kid to go somewhere I didn’t want to go – as soon as I could I would never go again or have anything to do with those who made me.
You are under zero obligation to tell their kids you aren’t going on vacation with them. They are just telling you that you have to do it as a form of manipulation and control. It’s easy for them to tell their kids that OP has other plans and won’t be joining them.
They are just trying to guilt and manipulate you. Do you have to go to their house anymore (legally) now that you are 16? Do you want to or are you completely done with them? Ps – I feel you on not having any bond with their kids or them.
You can’t force that.” Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Ex's Non-Refundable Surprise Trip Tickets?
“My 25F partner James 27M and I have been together 1.5 years and are long distance right now. Before this, he was a great partner and we had discussed getting married. I was a postgrad student so he was the breadwinner when we met, until I graduated and landed a job that pays more than he earns.
We have always split our expenses proportional to income, with me now paying more.
I had a big falling out with James last month, after our mutual friend Jane 26F divorced our other friend Dan 24M after finding out he had an affair. The 4 of us are part of a bigger friend group made of couples, and our friend group split when Jane found out some of them knew about Dan’s affair and kept quiet.
I didn’t know of the affair, and was upset when I found out James knew about Dan’s affair and kept it a secret out of loyalty to Dan.
His lack of morals and his genuine confusion at why Jane doesn’t want to be friends with him or why I am upset over his actions is why we broke up.
James doesn’t understand why I am making a big deal over this and for weeks after we broke up begged me to reconsider. It has been really awkward in our friend group with first Dan and Jane splitting and our group dividing into two and since then the group has gotten smaller as I split with James.
He then went radio silent, and messaged me about sorting our expenses. As we are long distance we pay rent/groceries separately, but James comes to visit me once a month for a weekend/few days as my job doesn’t allow me to visit him.
Plane tickets are expensive, so we usually split the ticket cost, with me paying more. James had planned to surprise me for my upcoming birthday and bought tickets for a week-long trip.
He wants me to compensate him for the tickets in the normal proportion I usually cover, but I don’t think this is fair as he booked those tickets and we aren’t together anymore.
He called me and was upset as the tickets aren’t refundable/exchangeable and if he does use them he has no place to stay as I won’t let him in because I am being stubborn. I am only considering paying to keep the peace especially since our friend group has suffered, but my sister thinks I should just block him and find new friends in my area.
I can afford to pay, and I know the tickets are very expensive for James.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buying non-exchangeable tickets for a surprise trip is a risk in any case. Whether or not he has a place to stay if he uses the tickets is also not your problem to solve.
If you chose to send him some money that would be a generous gesture, but you don’t have to. And you don’t have to discuss with the friend group what the arrangements are. You can block him without removing all the other friends from your life – although it is probably time to start building more connections local to you who aren’t friends with James.” serioushobbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is probably far simpler than it seems if you take out the reason for the breakup. The tickets were bought while you were together but the trip would be after BUT it was intended as a birthday gift. Do you normally pay for birthday gifts proportionally?
Or just your LDR travel? Do people usually bill exes for birthday gifts if the relationship ends before the birthday? (Still you can clear yourself of the relationship and all entanglements in a way that fits your budget so I’d probably pay it. But this is AITJ not should I?)” Tiny_Shelter440
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t together and you didn’t even know about the tickets before. It would be one thing if you had already agreed to pay for this trip, but it was a surprise for your birthday. If it was any other birthday present would you have felt the need to pay?
Also, I don’t like the way you say he can’t stay there because you are being stubborn. He can’t stay with you because you broke up and therefore he no longer has that level of access to you. You broke up for the very valid reason of not being able to trust him anymore.
He may not think that knowing a friend is unfaithful and keeping quiet is a big deal, but you do. And if he doesn’t see the problem of his friend being unfaithful to his other friend how can you trust him to not be unfaithful either?
I’m with your sister, you should block him and find new friends in your current location. Especially if you plan to stay there long term and aren’t moving back to where the current friend group is.” EmotionalFix
11. AITJ For Reporting A Resident Who Lets His Dog Swim In Our Apartment's Pool?
“I (24M) live in a dog-friendly apartment complex in Arizona.
It’s starting to get extremely hot around here. The dog-friendly part of my complex is miserable. Dog poo everywhere, barking, I’m moving out in 2 months of this complex.
I went to the pool last Friday and a guy was letting his dog swim in the pool.
He blatantly ignored the no-dogs sign. I pointed out the sign, and let him know his dog shouldn’t be there. He babbles some stuff and didn’t leave. I left and reported him. Management said thank you and noted it.
Today he was there again, I didn’t engage and went to management again.
I went back out to the pool, I wasn’t going to let that guy ruin it this Friday. I went back out. A few minutes later security came and kicked the guy out.
The guy saw me, remembered me from last week, and called me a jerk for reporting him.
I said you are the one that messed up and brought your dog here. He said the dog and he can’t do anything during the day except swim. I said too bad. Security asked him to leave again and he started leaving. He said I should have a little respect for his situation and that if I don’t want dogs around, don’t live in a dog-friendly complex.
I told him to shut up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude can buy a kiddie pool and give his dog some shallow hose/tap water to lie in. Surely chlorine isn’t good for a dog’s coat. Maybe the “shut up” part was a bit much, but it doesn’t matter if the complex is dog friendly, the pool is not so he was still wrong there.” CarbonationRequired
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s the rules. I have a puppy and have had dogs and don’t expect everyone to automatically be okay with their fur everywhere so I don’t get why he thought that was okay. I also feel like all you had to do was complain and let management take it from there but that doesn’t make you a jerk either.” QtK_Dash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So sick of everyone acting like their pets are their children and deserve the same activities and freedoms as a human child. It is a dog. It belongs in places that dogs belong. If he wants the dog to swim he should find some public water like a lake or ocean to go to.” Neither_Ask_2374
10. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Admitted My Brother Is His Favorite?
“I (16M) wasn’t expecting to be my dad’s (34M) favorite. I kinda hoped he loved us equally or would at least lie about it, but I guess I was wrong. This morning my brother (17M) jokingly asked our dad who was his favorite and he answered. Usually, he’d dodge the question but this time he like fully answered. I was just minding my business eating breakfast and he told my brother that he was the favorite.
Completely ruined my day. I expected my dad to say both of us or no one or something like that but no. I asked my dad if he was serious and he started laughing until he noticed that I got sad. He said that he thought about it and he had more stuff in common with my brother which is why he’s the favorite.
I told my dad that I always thought he didn’t like me but having it said out loud was different. My dad then started getting defensive saying that he didn’t like me less and I wasn’t interpreting it right. I asked my dad to clarify exactly what he meant and he said that he just likes spending more time with my brother because he relates to him more because they have common interests.
He tried to assure me that he still loves me the same but if I’m being honest that only hurt me worse. I told my dad that I’d appreciate it if he’d not answer any more questions when I’m around from now on and this upset him.
He told me that he didn’t mean to upset me but he did though. I told him again that I always knew I wasn’t liked very well because I can see that he visibly enjoys spending more time with my brother than he does with me and hearing him openly say that he was the favorite child wasn’t surprising it was just hurtful to know that I was right.
I guess this hurt my dad’s feelings because he just hugged me and told me that he was sorry if he made me feel that way as it wasn’t his intention and then he started to cry. He went to his room and hasn’t come out yet which was about an hour ago.
I feel bad for making my dad cry because that’s not something he does often and because of that it’s abnormal at least for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was really inappropriate and cruel of him to say out loud that he had a favorite, and then he doubled down instead of pretending it was a joke or something.
Your dad brought this on himself. He said something mean, hurt your feelings, then cried and acted like it was your fault – when it was actually all his fault. Does he do this in other areas? When he makes mistakes, does he regularly try to blame someone else?” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father should never have said that in front of you even if it’s how he feels. Just a real jerk thing to do. Let him cry. And your brother is truly a jerk for asking that type of question in the first place.
That said, get used to the idea that your father does love you, he did say so. But some parents just can’t help themselves, they let their favoritism show. It’s not fair to you, but it’s also not a massive thumbs down to you either.
Whatever you do, don’t try to compete for your father’s love. Love yourself and be happy with who you are. You are enough.” hadMcDofordinner
9. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Husband's Joke About Our History?
“My (42F) husband 48(M) brought me to an alumni event for his high school. I didn’t know anyone there and was slightly uncomfortable but making the best of it by his side.
We got into a conversation with a group of men and one asked how we met. We told them we met on an app and then my husband said “I suspect she was on that app longer than she told me at first” and he smiled and kind of wink winked at his old buddies.
This didn’t sit well with me so after I asked him if he meant that and he said it was just a joke. That answer also didn’t sit well with me because it was kind of embarrassing and hurtful that he would throw that out there and it’s also just not true.
I never told him anything untrue about how long I was on that app.
So as we walked home he asked me what I was thinking about and I said I was still feeling hurt and embarrassed about the comment he made and now we have been fighting about that and how I always assume the worst etc. Things calmed down and I’m told him that the reunion situation is awkward for me and being the butt of a joke just really didn’t help idk.
AITJ for not taking a joke?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be offended at that statement too. It isn’t funny, and is downright insulting. Ask him what the funny part was, and I don’t think he will be able to answer. I can only imagine it is an updated “on the shelf” reference, which, again, isn’t funny but insulting.
I’d like to know what “the best” is that you could have taken it as, because I can only see a “worst”. He sounds awful.” WhyNott99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone would have been offended by that “joke.” But the only person who looked bad in that situation is your husband.
His buddies might have laughed in embarrassment at him being disloyal to you in front of them, but they were not laughing at you. It would be a very long road back to any kind of good feelings for my husband if he bullied me like this to try to impress some old friends.
I can’t actually imagine having the same respect for him again.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“Ok I’m going to help you here. My husband did a similar thing at his HS reunion. It burned me because upon meeting people I made comments like “Yep, I’m the one who was lucky enough to land XXX.” People obv knew I was playing, no one really thought I was that enthralled but I got props from the friends for acting all giddy that I was his wife.
Then, the joke he made, in front of everyone. Similar to the one you heard but in a different style. At the time, I was soooo angry and we fought about it too. Today I’m happy to report I’ve gotten so much mileage out of that evening, 40 years later.
If the crowd is right, I bring it up as a harmless ribbing, and he still cringes at his silly insecurity at the big reunion and is so embarrassed to have cared that much about the people he sat next to in sophomore chem. It will pass.
It’s on him, not you. Enjoy!” Minisweetie2
8. AITJ For Reporting A Guest Sneaking Her Friend Into Our Hostel?
“I recently stayed at a popular hostel while backpacking through Europe. The hostel had clear rules: everyone must pay for their stay, and guests are not allowed to sneak in non-paying visitors. The staff emphasized that this policy helps keep prices low and helps ensure everyone’s safety.
One evening, I noticed a fellow guest, let’s call her Emma, sneaking her friend into the dorm. They were giggling and trying to be discreet, but it was obvious. At first, I thought it was none of my business, but then I started to worry about the implications.
What about the security risks of an unknown person being in the dorms? If she did something, the hostel would have none of her details to track her down. Also, it’s really just not fair. I paid full price for my bed, and yet other people can just illegally do what they want for free?
After much internal debate, I decided to report it to the front desk. The staff thanked me and handled the situation discreetly, but Emma found out it was me. She confronted me angrily and accused me of being a snitch and ruining her friend’s trip.
Obviously, this made me very uncomfortable, and since the confrontation, I’ve been questioning if I was even right to say anything given how upset Emma got.
Now, I’m conflicted. I understand wanting to help a friend save money and that everyone hates snitches, but I also think rules should be respected for the benefit of everyone.
I even specifically booked a small dorm room because I was nervous about staying with too many people.
AITJ for reporting Emma for sneaking in her friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Snitch culture is stupid and for criminals, not responsible, mature people. What “ruined” her friend’s trip was the friend’s desire to deceive a hostel or inability to pay for a service they needed. Don’t doubt that you did the right thing just because Emma was loud and rude about it.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work for a hostel in my city and there are some stories about people sneaking in. Once, the ex of the bartender snuck in with the help of a bunch of girls she befriended and the ex ended up stealing some gin bottles just to mess with him and get him in trouble.
Even if there’s no background checking, hostels get all your info (passport number, credit card, name, etc) when you check in, so you think twice before acting funny.” Dri_Seven
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coming from someone who worked as a cleaner in a hostel for a few years.
If there’s no record of them, they can easily damage property or steal someone’s things with no paper trail. Hostels are typically a little more cramped for space so you’re taking away a paid-for guest’s space. Besides the above, they’re really cheap compared to other accommodations.
If her friend can’t afford it, she should wait until she can to travel since I can guarantee everything else during her travels will overall equate to more than a bed in a hostel.” cloocherhoochie
7. AITJ For Leaving My Dad On The Side Of The Road After He Threw A Tantrum?
“My dad (72M) went cycling this Sunday morning and ran into issues with his bike close to where I (30F) live.
I woke up around 08:30 am with a couple of missed calls and called him back about 15 minutes later. He asked if I could give him a lift, and I agreed.
He gave vague directions, mentioning landmarks like the “Grand Spice” hotel and where fishermen sell fish—things that aren’t on Google Maps.
My dad hates using Google Maps and has difficulty with directions. I eventually found him after not too long, only calling him once to clarify his location, though he hung up on me in the midst of it.
He loaded his bike into my car, and we drove off.
I explained that I struggled to follow his directions because I don’t eat fish and this is local knowledge, so I wouldn’t know where the fishermen sell fish. This upset him. As we passed the “Sugar Reef” hotel, which he referred to as the “Grand Spice” hotel (an old name I was unaware of and how I explained there was no way I would have known the hotel by this name), he became enraged. He started screaming, bashing the dashboard, and stomping his feet while I was driving.
I stopped the car and asked if he wanted to make his own way home. He got out, leaving the bike with me. I drove off.
I’ve been in a good place lately—regular therapy, eating well, exercising, and taking accountability for myself. This incident felt out of place with how everything else has been going.
I don’t feel anger, just disappointment that a simple thing got so out of hand.
I haven’t had much contact with my dad lately, and things have been peaceful. Now it feels like this incident has disturbed that peace. I don’t want to cut him out of my life, but I also don’t want to tolerate such behavior.
Reflecting back, this was normal behavior for him while I was growing up. As I think about having kids myself, I realize this isn’t right. I wouldn’t want my child to witness or experience this.
I do have issues like low self-esteem, shame, social anxiety, and lack of trust, which I believe were largely fueled by my childhood with him.
My mum shares the same sentiment for herself. For context, they are divorced now, but there was a huge power imbalance with a 20-year age gap between them. He married my mum at 18; she came from a poor background, and he was the “one with the money and executive control.” I’ve worked my way to the point where I don’t rely on him anymore, and my life feels better for it.
I can do favors for him now, which I feel good about.
I love both my parents, but I know neither of them, especially my dad, would consider therapy. They are both very rigid, and I don’t think they will change, so I just focus on myself.
Anyway AITJ here? Should I return his bike and move on? I just want to drop it at his house tomorrow when he’s out, I don’t think there will be any healthy resolution other than letting it go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, you did him a favor and he threw a tantrum when you explained you didn’t understand his directions.
Someone yelling and bashing things while you’re driving is dangerous and could have caused you to crash. Glad you are in therapy and getting the help you need. Personally, I would just drop the bike off and go low contact with him after this.
He’s proven he doesn’t care about how his actions affect you. I think confronting him about this will cause another tantrum and will hurt you more. It’s not worth your sanity and health.” LikelyNotAFan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like he likes to take his bad attitude out on women he thinks should owe him fealty.
The problem with that logic is your mom preferred divorce over dealing with his nonsense and you’re realizing your life is better without him and his nastiness. Being alone at 72 is the natural consequence of a lifetime of bullying and being angry all the time at people whom he was supposed to love and cherish.
Keep up with therapy and I hope you fill your life with only kind people.” newtonianlaws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry OP, but I don’t think your dad can be fixed. These types of old men are stuck. They know how they lived, and refuse to acknowledge they’re going to die.
They hurt people, and there’s no excuse for that, no matter how bad or bland your life has been. They seep through the cracks of your resolve and have you thinking at 3 am about something from years ago, they’re poison. Love your dad for who he is (as much as you can), you’re not responsible for fixing your parents after they’ve already messed up.
Trust me, I tried, and he never changed.” Kitchen_Adeptness284
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's New Friend On A Pre-Planned Trip?
“I (29m) have planned a trip for my daughter (12) and her friends (12-13f) to go see her favorite singer.
I paid for 5 tickets for me, my daughter (we’ll call A), her cousin (Z14), and her two friends (X&Y) to go see Olivia Rodrigo.
I’ve paid for plane tickets across the country, 3 nights accommodation and booked 1 activity. Both X&Y’s parents have chipped in a little and prepared dinner and spending money. One of their mums is tagging along as well as A’s mum, auntie, and my wife.
Overall the entire trip is mostly being funded by myself and my brother (Z’s father). I don’t mind. I love that I’m creating a memorable trip for my girl and her friends who are welcome regulars in my house. I also really don’t mind the music.
We have always hung out and listened to her, I’ve learned most of the lyrics, and stayed up for announcements and everything. It’s a whole world she’s in and I’ve always been a willing participant.
However, a new girl (G) has joined her friend group at school.
She also likes Olivia Rodrigo and the trip was announced after she joined the group. I quickly got a call from G’s mum telling me she was devastated she wasn’t invited. I tried to explain that the trip was planned before I realized they were even friends, but she wouldn’t have it.
I got a call from A’s mum later asking if G could come to the trip. I explained that sure she could come, but someone would have to explain to her she couldn’t come to the show. Both she and my wife think that I need to consider giving up my ticket and letting them go alone.
No one is really sure if they’re okay with it, being that it’s a different city and all. But they are all good and responsible girls. I am not okay with it.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to take my kid’s friend she’s only known for 4 months.
I also don’t know if I trust letting them all go alone. The girl is nice, I know she would be eternally grateful but I think she needs to sit this one out.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It sucks for G but maybe her mom can buy her own ticket and she and G can go.
It’s actually quite nice IMHO after seeing a story of a father dropping his 9-year-old on two older girls at an Olivia concert cause he didn’t want to be there, that you also a father actually want to spend time with your daughter at an event she loves.
Is there some kind of compromise you could make? Like bringing G souvenirs or something?” sunlightofourpast
Another User Comments:
“There’s no way five 12-year-olds should go to a concert by themselves. She was late to the party. She’s missing this event. Of course she wants to go.
It’s nice that her parents are willing to pay for everything, but obviously, they can’t get a ticket unless they scalp it and they don’t want to pay for that. Stand firm. You are absolutely correct in not letting five 12-year-olds go to see a concert by themselves.
You’re being the responsible parent and her parents are not. They just don’t want to hear their daughter whine. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. End of the day you didn’t know they were friends, and quite a lot of concerts (I don’t know about Olivia’s personally) state that an adult must go if the kids are under a certain age (typically 16).
You have paid for the majority of it so it is your decision. Also, if A was really close to G already, surely she would have mentioned something at the time? You didn’t purposefully exclude your daughter’s new friend, but you should not be expected to move around things and pay for an extra person last minute.” Consistent_Search917
5. AITJ For Selling The House My Daughter Was Living In For Free And Upgraded?
“I inherited a home years ago from my mother.
It was overall outdated but in good condition. It is five hours away from where I live. My daughter (26) and her husband fell on hard times and I allowed her to move in about 2 years ago for free. It is near the city they work in.
I paid for everything and was letting them use it to get back on their feet.
I informed them they can make changes to the home just not to take out walls or any huge stuff. The last time I was at the home was about a year ago and it just looked like they painted.
The house is causing issues for my finances now and I have had multiple people reach out to me to sell. I also want to sell it since I am tired of seeing the home, it just reminds me of my mom and that she is gone.
So being a landlord isn’t good for my mental health.
So I decided to sell, I informed my daughter that they have 6 months to find a new place. This started an argument, she apparently put in a lot of upgrades such as redoing the stairs, kitchen, and are in the middle of the bathroom.
That I am screwing them over and that now the house is worth more.
She called me a jerk for this and I reminded them I gave them two years of free housing.
I am on the fence and want more opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Did you have a conversation with your daughter before telling them they had 6 months to move out? Even if she was just a tenant and not your daughter, the polite thing to do is to have the conversation before issuing the eviction notice. There’s obviously a disconnect between the two of you in terms of upgrades to the house but regardless, you’re going to benefit from the work they’ve put in.
There should be some form of compensation to them.” janewilson90
Another User Comments:
“The house is 5 hours away. How is seeing it bad for your mental health? Why didn’t you just ask your daughter to start paying rent to cover whatever it’s costing you financially?
If they’re the ones doing the upgrades, and you didn’t have to worry about late rent since you didn’t charge them any, how is being a landlord bad for your mental health? Seems you like the upgrades, and just want to sell to make a quick buck.
Be prepared to never see your daughter or future grandkids ever again. Hope it’s worth it. YTJ.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, with your daughter leaning into slight jerk territory. I think it’s fair for your daughter to be upset, especially when they’re putting work into the house where you’ll likely see the return of that effort and they’ll have just lost money on investing into the house.
This is a risk you take when you do any work on a home you don’t own but it would definitely be disheartening when it’s a relative selling the place you’ve put effort into. But you do have the right to sell, especially if the home is becoming a financial burden to you.
You did warn them not to do anything major and it sounds like they didn’t run any of these new changes past you. Do you have the option to sell to them?” coastalkid92
They obviously did those things without consulting you or discussing financial arrangements if you did ever decide to sell the place. Sounds like they expected to live there rent free until you passed on and she inherited the house.
As for those who complained about discussing selling the house before you gave them the news they had to leave, they're wrong. You have no responsibility to discuss your plans for the house with your daughter in advance. It doesn't sound like there are any legal papers in place about her tenancy there.
You're giving them six months notice to find a new place to live. That's probably more notice than regular landlord would give, so I'd say you're being very generous here in addition to them living rent free for as long as they have. They weren't saving money to "get back on their feet" if they were doing renovations to a home that they don't own.
NTA, regardless of what your daughter may think. She sounds a little entitled to your house. You could offer her to buy the house from you at a discounted rate considering you inherited it to begin with, but you're not obligated to do that either. And don't let her guilt trip you about seeing your grandchildren. Family is family, but business is business. Keep them separated.
4. AITJ For Celebrating My Stepdaughter's College Acceptance?
“My (M47) ex-wife (F44) and I have one daughter, Nicole (F17). We divorced when Nicole was 9. We’re effective at co-parenting, and I believe we’ve brought Nicole up to be a smart, grounded, and mature individual.
I met my current wife, Annabel (F45), five years ago.
I was introduced to her through a colleague and we hit it off. Annabel has a daughter, Leah (F17), from a previous relationship. Leah and I got off to a rocky start, which I understood as she was a 12/13-year-old girl adjusting to a new family dynamic, but we now have quite a strong relationship, and I do love her.
Unsurprisingly, Leah and Nicole have always butted heads. I didn’t expect them to be “sisters” or anything because this isn’t a fairytale but they’re very competitive with each other. They’re both competitive and driven and as they have a lot in common, there’s always been a game of oneupmanship.
A few months back, it was time to apply for colleges for them both. I visited a few colleges with Nicole and one with Leah, and helped them both with writing applications. Of all the colleges they visited, they (annoyingly) both had the same college as their favorite.
Long story short, Leah ended up getting in and Nicole didn’t. Nicole was really upset but I tried to tell her how the other colleges she did get a place for were still great. I didn’t figure there was any benefit to telling her Leah got in but my wife, Leah, her grandparents, uncle, aunt, and I went for a meal to celebrate the achievement.
Of course, my wife put a photo of it up on social media saying how “proud she was of Leah getting into X college”.
Nicole saw this and went crazy telling me how I’d favored my “witchy stepdaughter” over her, I didn’t care about her, how could I celebrate her achievement when my actual daughter didn’t get in.
My ex also gave me an earful on the phone saying how inconsiderate it was to Nicole and I should be favoring my own daughter.
The whole thing has caused increased resentment between Nicole and Leah, and Nicole still mentions it and how annoyed she is by the situation.
I feel there was nothing wrong with celebrating Leah’s achievement because I love her and I was proud, but maybe I shouldn’t have when I know Nicole didn’t get in?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are flaming this guy for not throwing his daughter a dinner but his daughter said she didn’t want one.
It would have been ridiculous at the time to force her to have a dinner. Now, OP, I would suggest that you throw your daughter a going away party and maybe have a dinner for her now to celebrate her achievements. You could also do one of those cheesy things and buy her a bunch of branded stuff from her college.
Good luck in whatever you do, that’s a rough situation.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Nicole needs to understand that celebrating someone else’s achievements does not take anything away from her own. Now that she has started to get more excited about the school she did get into you also need to make it a point to celebrate her achievement as well.
Having a step-sibling that is the same age/ grade level as you is really difficult especially if you are a competitive person. People are constantly making comparisons between the two of you, you are constantly comparing yourself to the other and you have to share a parent with them.
Make sure to celebrate them both and not compare their achievements or their paths in life.” Happy_Elephant4225
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did you celebrate Nicole in any way and post it on social media? Did you even bother to take her to the other colleges she was accepted to and help her determine which other college to select?
Why didn’t you celebrate both girls together rather than single one out? At a minimum, you should have been honest and told Nicole upfront!! She was going to find out eventually. You need to evaluate what kind of relationship you want with your daughter for the future.
If you don’t make sure she knows she is loved and valued by you, you just might lose her forever.” Reddit User
3. AITJ For Wanting To Postpone Our Family Trip To Europe Until Our Son Is Older?
“My husband and I have a 5 y/o son. He’s a good kid, but he’s a handful, the way all young kids are. I for one am exhausted by parenthood and we definitely will not be having more children.
My husband loves to travel, and he still talks about our honeymoon to Europe on a regular basis.
This was eight years ago, long before we had our child, and I admit that was a fabulous trip. But ever since we got pregnant, my husband daydreamed about taking our child along to Europe, showing them sights, etc. He never got that experience as a child and wanted our son to have that.
I did travel as a young child, but it was definitely a lot for my parents to deal with and in hindsight, it would’ve just been easier to wait till we were older.
With the summer coming up, my husband is insisting on planning a trip to Europe for the three of us.
He would’ve pushed for it sooner but health issues were a factor for the first couple years, and then after that it still didn’t feel like the right time. We’ve taken small road trips with our son before, a few hours driving distance mostly to see family members.
Last summer we did a trip to Disney World with my in-laws and while that was fine, it was so draining and I think my son was a bit young for it and we should’ve waited a couple more years. I feel like for Europe, even more so.
Maybe when he’s well into grade school, 8 or 9?
I brought this up with my husband and he’s begging me to reconsider, he misses traveling so much and hates that we never go anywhere. I reminded him that ‘going places’ is 5x more work now than it was pre-kids.
He’s a very involved dad but he tends to see things like this with rose-colored glasses, while I’m more detail-oriented and can foresee all the tiny little problems. In short, this wouldn’t be a vacation at all.
AITJ for asking my husband to postpone his dream once again until kiddo is older?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kid’s going to barely remember it. The trip is for your husband, not the kid. But you can take family vacations. We always did when I was a kid. Just make them simple. Going to national parks is good because you can drive to see sights and do a little walking to wear the kid out.
No pressure to plan excursions. You’re just there to exist. All those vacations meant more to me than Disney World.” Trepenwitz
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, you are right in not wanting to take a trip to Europe that young. No one will get much out of it except your husband.
Go when the kid is old. But you also have a problem where you flat out don’t want to travel and see it all as a headache. It’s not and it gets easier with kids the more they get used to it. You need to compromise and come up with travel ideas within a 4-hour flight range.
Take a trip to Fl (not Disney) and spend time on the beach, go explore the Everglades, drive to Key West or something. Take a short flight out West and go on a national parts tour. Go see Chicago and spend the day exploring the wonderful museums. Even Myrtle Beach for sand and sun, with a side of things for adults.
There are a ton of trips you can do with kids that are fun. I’ve been taking my kid on trips since she was little. It was harder when she was little, but it’s been totally worth it.” CodexAnima
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – if it’s important to your husband then why dismiss it out of hand?
Yes traveling with kids is more annoying/effort than traveling without kids, but it is still worth it. Otherwise, you just put your life on hold while you wait for it to be “easy” to travel with your son and I bet you’ll find excuses year after year.
Take the trip, set low expectations, and make the memories.” bobloblawblahblah
2. AITJ For Not Giving My Parents My Baby Blanket From Great Grandma For Their New Baby?
“My great-grandma made a baby blanket for me when my mom was pregnant.
She did that for all her kids, grandkids, and then great-grandkids. I was the youngest until now. Great grandma would make it clear to the parents involved that the baby she made the blankets for should be considered the owners and it shouldn’t be something they kept from us.
So this is what always happened. I always had mine. My parents did try to take it from me a few times but great grandma stepped in each and every time. I loved mine because she had started experimenting with her knitting and my blanket is more unique than the rest and feels just a little more personal. I treasure it despite being a 17-year-old guy.
I treasure it more because my great grandma died when I was 10 and I miss her like crazy.
So my parents couldn’t have more kids for years. They tried for years and even did IVF when I was 7 but didn’t have another kid from it.
Their focus being so set on that, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. This is something extended family brought to their attention a few times. It was comments like “I just want a baby so bad, I can’t imagine my life without a child” from my mom and comments from my dad like “we feel so incomplete without a baby” that would get family members to take notice.
Those were some of the kinds of comments that left me feeling as I do. It was never “another baby” it was always “a baby” like I was invisible. They talked about having a baby being their biggest dream. It stung so much to have their life focus around that and they’d get so depressed about not having a baby.
Great-grandma, before she died, told them to be thankful for “the blessing” (aka me) and how they already had a baby and they were letting me grow up without them. It didn’t change anything. And I did basically grow up without my parents. They have no idea who my friends are or what’s going on in my life.
This was a surprise pregnancy and my parents are so excited. They did all the early tests to find out they’re having a girl and they started shopping for all kinds of stuff for her. But then my mom got sad because great grandma isn’t around to knit her a blanket too.
So they told me they wanted mine. They didn’t ask. They told me. And when I said no they grew angry. They said she deserves to have a blanket from great grandma and their baby needs one. I asked what I was and they said “an almost grown man”.
I left the blanket with my best friend because I was afraid my parents would search the house to find it. They were so angry and they started doing the guilt trips saying my baby sister deserves better and how can I look at myself in the mirror knowing I don’t want to share this with her.
They told me it’s like I don’t even want her to exist or I hate her for something and she’s not even born yet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let you be guilt-tripped by them. It seems they just want a baby. Something to cuddle and who is depending on them.
And as soon as the baby outgrows to need them all the time, the baby is basically an adult and they want another baby. I’m sorry that they are like that to you. And no it doesn’t mean that you hate the new baby. It means you don’t want to share what you got from a beloved family member with the child that was always held over you, even way before it existed. It was a wise decision to leave the blanket with your best friend because it sounds like your parents wouldn’t respect your wish.
Hope the rest of your family treats you better and you have someone to talk to or rely on. Best cut off your parents as soon as you can or go LC – don’t think that they will even notice (until you will become a parent yourself and they could spoil another (grand)baby).” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wonderful Great Grandma was very specific that it was yours, not theirs. Also your baby sister will never have met her so it won’t mean anything to her anyway. What your parents need to do is to make their own (knit, quilt or whatever) and keep the tradition going that way.
I had a patchwork baby quilt that was made up of beautiful fabric scraps from clothes my grandmother had made (she did a lot of dressmaking and kept the scraps). As I got older I started to recognize them in the clothes she wore, which was lovely.” Yikes44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The blanket was a gift for you, so I see no reason for you to give it up to your unborn sister. It won’t even mean anything to her since she won’t be able to meet your great-grandmother. Are you confident that you’re actually the biological child of both of your parents?
Their behavior and infertility issues make me wonder if there was some other way that you came into their lives (adoption, child of only one of them, etc.). I guess I could also see it as them wanting a girl or being obsessed with the first couple of years of life.
Might be worth asking about. That would explain their behavior over the years, but it would by no means excuse it.” Spectral-Slight
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Brother's Pets While He's Away And I'm About To Give Birth?
“I am 9 months pregnant, just a couple of weeks away from giving birth. And my mom had been wanting to come to help my husband (26) and me (24) ever since we found out we were having a baby.
My brother (32) lives an hour-ish away, and we’ve been pretty much “sharing” our mom since we are both her kids and she wants to be with us both; even if my brother mostly just wants our mom to come over to help him clean and keep his house together—because he and his partner are both slobs and don’t know how to handle a household.
She is with me now but he still asks her sometimes if she can come just to do a quick “cleanup”. We are pretty close even though his father is not my father; we grew up together and have an ok relationship.
He found out over the weekend his father has been hiding a bad illness from him and he’s now in the hospital. So my brother decided he will be leaving the country this week since this emergency has come up.
He has a fish, a hamster, and a dog that are my niece’s. And his partner—who’s apparently got very bad anxiety and codependency, is coming too. She can’t stay behind to take care of things while my brother is gone or she will “lose her mind.” And since they’re both leaving, he’s asking our mom to take care of his pets until the end of the week.
My husband and I have 2 dogs and a guinea pig and instead of asking a friend or neighbor, he asked our mom to take care of these things, and she came up with the idea of bringing all his pets here, so she can take care of them and also wait for our baby to arrive at the same time.
This would mean that our house would be fuller, we would need to take care of 3 more pets, keep switching between kennels for our dogs since they hate each other. So I would be putting my own dogs away in their own house, which I think is kinda unfair.
I told my mom I would rather have her go to my brother’s place and save myself from the headache and the stress of it considering our baby could come at any point. But she’s sad that she is trying to help us both, and by going to my brother’s place, she could potentially miss the birth of our child.
My husband and I feel abandoned and pretty hurt since this is not the first nor the last time my brother just throws us under the bus for his personal agenda. And this also means that our mom is leaving us during these important times.
I want to support my brother in this tough time, but I feel like I’m the one getting screwed over, I think everything could go smoothly if his partner stayed back and took care of their house, instead of asking our mom.
I also get our mom’s POV and how this could be painful for her since she wants to help us both.
They don’t seem to understand how important it is for me to keep plans, keep my sanity and calm, as well as to have our mom in the delivery room with me.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your brother should be less reliant on your mother and should be more willing to find alternatives to her.
You seem to hold a pretty negative opinion of your brother and your mother’s relationship that might be clouding your judgment here. Also, his father is in hospital – it’s actually very very reasonable and expected for his wife to go with him to support him, and it’s not really fair for you to look down on them for that.
Your mother needs to make her choice and stick with it. She’ll only be an hour away, odds are that she’ll be able to get to you once you go into labor with plenty of time. It can happen very quickly but that’s not usually the case.
If she wants to take care of the animals, she can go to his house and do it and accept that she’ll have to travel if and when you go into labor. If she wants to stay with you, she’ll have to find a way to reasonably board the dogs or something instead of moving them in.
Those are both reasonable compromises for the situation.” charley_warlzz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother’s situation is not a vacation or some other convenience he should have planned for, his father has a serious illness and I see near 0 empathy from you about this.
Yes, his partner should go with him to support him. It’s a big deal. Calling it a “personal agenda” is just insulting. Yes, it’s an inconvenience to have more pets at your house. Honestly, the only one that seems problematic is the dog so maybe you can find a boarding option.
But in the scheme of things it’s not a big deal, and you are trying to force your mom to pick a favorite kid (and potentially miss the birth of a grandchild) over an unwillingness to bend a little. Yes, you’ve got a lot going on and not a lot of bandwidth for your brother but you’re coming off as very selfish here.
You want everything that you want and no one else seems to matter to you.” antizana
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your brother is going through something as important as you are. Your mother is trying her best to accommodate both of you. One hour is not that far and your mother can come back with time to spare when you go into labour.
I agree with previous comments saying you can take the fish and hamster, they are small pets that won’t bother you that much, and they are quite low maintenance. The compromise has to be about the dog. Maybe there is a place that can take him for a few days.” Chemical_Cut7396
