People Need A Shoulder To Lean On After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Using My Partner's Savings To Replace My Camera He Broke?
“My 24f partner 26m asked if he could have my camera to take with him to the beach with his friends.
I said no but he took it anyway and didn’t tell me. He then came home to tell me that it broke. I was furious because 1) I never gave him permission to take it. and 2) it’s an expensive camera. I demanded that he pay me for a replacement but he kept stalling saying he didn’t have money.
He has been saving up for a new PS after his old one broke. It was about $450 in total so I took it and added about $80 to buy a new camera that was similar to my old one.
He found out about it this morning and went off on me saying I shouldn’t have touched his money that he worked so hard to save.
I told him he broke my camera and was responsible for paying for a replacement. He yelled at me saying that what happened with him was all accidental whereas what I did was on purpose and petty and theft as well. We had a big argument and he had his friend come tell me how I messed up by taking his money and acting sneaky about it.
He wants his money back now and is pressuring me to return the camera saying it’s not as essential as the PS he was planning to buy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He broke your camera after stealing it. This clearly displays he values you less than he values himself.
You wanted him to not take the camera? Well, he wanted to take it and what he wants is more important. You want him to replace the camera he broke? He wants a PlayStation and what he wants is more important. Have some value for yourself, if he insists on associating so little worth to you at least have the self-worth to move on.” HaveAMorcelOfMyMind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because SO started this situation by taking your camera after you had already told him no. Him playing the ‘theft’ card on you taking his money is pretty interesting considering he had stolen your camera and then broke it. Should he have volunteered the funds to get you a new camera?
Yes as when you borrow something from someone and then lose or break it it is on you to fix or replace it. Doesn’t matter if it was an accident or not. In this more so as again you had already told him no. And if he wanted to avoid all of this he should have volunteered to take it to a place of your choosing to see if it could be fixed. So taking the funds was not the most politically correct thing to do but SO played a stupid game and now he gets a stupid prize.
I wouldn’t return the camera and quite honestly I would be sure anything else you value hasn’t walked out the door assuming you live together as this sounds like it could escalate in him taking the camera or other things to get his money.
And is this really someone you want to continue a relationship with based on his actions?” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – it’s not ok to take something without permission. Period. That money was rightfully yours, absolutely. But it still doesn’t make it ok for you to take his money.
There are other ways for you to get repaid. Legal ways, now you’ve opened yourself up to theft charges. He’s the bigger jerk of course, he has no right to your camera and took it against you saying no. At least you have some right to the money you took, which makes you a smaller jerk.
He has no respect for you or your things. He thinks he’s more important than you. I hope you see that.” QueenKeisha
21. AITJ For Not Trusting My Little Sister While I Was Running Away?
“I ran away for 10 months before my dad had me found. I don’t want to go into the details about why I ran but it had everything to do with my dad and his willingness to use his children to get what he wants without any consideration for what we wanted.
I have 3 sisters, two older sisters, and one younger sister. Both my older sisters knew I was going to run before I did it and both helped me plan how I would do it and gave me money so I would be okay for a little while.
They both risked themselves to help me so I wanted them to know that I was okay after I had left and I continued getting in touch periodically.
I never contacted my little sister because, to be frank, she’s got a big mouth and is a daddy’s girl.
I didn’t trust that she wouldn’t tell him and if he found out she was secretly speaking to me, she would be in a worse situation than my two older sisters would.
My little sister doesn’t see it my way and is angry at me for not staying in contact with her.
We’ve had multiple fights because she wants an apology and I won’t give it to her. During the most recent fight, I told her I didn’t tell her because she had a big mouth. She hasn’t spoken to me since and has told my other sisters she was glad she wouldn’t have to see me again after my wedding and that I was an embarrassment to the family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I hope you are ok? I assume you’re not in the US, but there are often resources that can help people get away from abusive situations and things like forced marriages. It is really difficult, but this is something that if you make it to some countries, they will grant you refugee status.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“Are there emergency resources in your country for women? I’m assuming this is an arranged marriage that you are running away from. Given that you are no longer a minor, it is alarming that your father searched for you for 10 months and forced you to come back home.
Obviously NTJ, but do you have an embassy and can seek asylum in another country?” Nyankitty666
Another User Comments:
“There is clearly a loooootttt going on here that you aren’t telling us. The situation with little sis is the LEAST of my concerns. Is this an arranged marriage?
Are you in danger? Can you provide some cultural context because none of this makes sense to me as an American.” Ceecee_soup
20. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Cultural Appropriation At Our Prom?
“I’m 18(F) South Asian (Indian) and my friend let’s call her Apple is (18F). She’s Black (Race is important here).
We are having a prom in our sixth form.
Anyway, Apple is one of my close friends however she’s not into Indians or Indian culture which is FINE by me. I take no offense because obviously, you can’t force someone to like your culture. However, she’s always made some rude racist remarks about my people and my culture which I’ve let slide a few times and educated her.
However, I’ve called her out and she said the only reason I’m doing it is because she’s black which is not true. (If anyone else was doing the same thing I’d have no problems calling them out too.)
Anyway at our prom, I decided to wear a blue lehenga (Vani by Vani Vats-Dull blue embroidered lehenga for people interested) however Apple decided that she was going to wear Lehenga too with South Asian jewelry.
Bear in mind that she’s always made some rude remarks about my culture and made some fairly generalized remarks about South Asians so I told her if she does then wearing the Lehenga would be cultural appropriation (Even if she didn’t say those remarks that would still be cultural appropriation because she’s not South Asian) especially knowing how she feels about South Asians and our culture.
She started getting defensive that I was being racist to her because she’s black and that black people can’t appropriate culture because she is from a marginalized group.
She also brought up the fact that how I’m “letting” my other friend who is not Indian wear a lehenga too….
my other friend is Half Nepalese/Half Indian still South Asian and almost all South Asian cultures are very similar. Anyway, If she wants to wear it she can wear it, I can’t control that however I will call Cultural Appropriation when I see it.
Now she has texted me saying how I’m being anti-black and a jerk and made several TikTok posts about me and how I’m a racist. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just because someone is part of one culture doesn’t mean they can’t behave racist towards other cultures.
It’s no free pass for any sort of behavior. Calling such behavior out isn’t wrong and shouldn’t be accepted. Racism shouldn’t have to be tolerated by you or anyone. I completely understand that if she behaves racist towards your culture you don’t want her to wear clothing from it.
She doesn’t deserve to pick things she likes from the culture and not respect any part of it. Also wrong of her to try and call out you for “letting” your other friend wear and appropriate their own culture when she doesn’t seem to care that it’s part of your other friend’s culture.” lucia_waffles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s nothing wrong with wearing Asian clothing from a UK perspective provided it is done with respect eg non Asian attending an Asian wedding or another event where the person is close friends, in-laws, mixed marriage etc, etc. The girl however is clearly not coming at it with respect and courtesy.
I think off the top of my head there are some African styles that can resemble Indian ones aren’t there? There are worse examples of cultural appropriation of Indian clothing in the UK. For quite a while now there has been a trend where (for lack of a better term) hippies wear trousers and other clothing that is basically made out of Sari fabric.
Anyhow, I’m guessing that you probably won’t be able to change her mind? The clothing in Indian shops is stunning and often a lot cheaper than what you’d find in a white formal wear shop. You might want to try steering her to try and minimize the appropriation angle, maybe see if you could get her to pursue African accessories rather than her also having Bindi and Henna?” Haunting_Being
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your friend seems to have absorbed some very twisted views. ANYONE can behave in a manner of cultural appropriation. If she loved the culture, and what it stood for then it would be appreciation, but she doesn’t. Apple seems to think the color of her skin makes her immune to everything that applies to the rest of the world.
She’s rather entitled. You should send her this thread but something tells me she’s wilfully blind to these situations so she’ll never view it as such. Ps. Why are you friends with someone who is racist towards your culture?” Electrical_Age_6542
19. AITJ For Prioritizing My Son's School Over My Ex's Wedding Plans?
“My ex has supervised visitation of our 5-year-old son.
The grandparents are the ones picking up, dropping off, and coordinating my son’s vacations and visits. My ex may briefly see his son during these visits but I think it’s because the grandparents force his hand. My ex does not call, text, or FaceTime our son.
My ex is not involved at all in our son’s life.
Things didn’t start to get terrible until Christmas of this past year. My ex didn’t call or FaceTime on Christmas at all. I tried to FaceTime him but no answer. I sent a video of our son opening the ONE present my ex and his fiance sent him.
In February I get a call from the grandparents asking about changing travel plans for May (when my ex gets married). The original plan was they were going to pick up my son after school on Friday and drive down to GA for the wedding on Saturday.
They then inform me that the ex & fiance have now planned a rehearsal dinner for that Friday night and the wedding is now in Tallahassee, FL. This means they would have to get my son early Friday morning to make the rehearsal dinner on time and now they have to fly instead of drive.
I said I was upset because not once did my ex ever ask what our son’s school schedule was when they planned all this out. Our son is repeating Prek4 next year because of his hearing loss and speech delay so this is the last time he will be with this group of friends.
The grandparents even admitted that they think the ex forgot my son was even going to be at their wedding!
To keep the peace I said yes but I sent my ex a text saying that if our son isn’t a priority in his plans ever again, I am saying no.
After the storm that ensued with my ex, he still did not call on Valentine’s Day or Easter.
So grandparents call again in March and ask me for a favor. They said ex set up an appointment for my son to get fitted at Men’s Wearhouse for his suit for their wedding and asked that I take him before April.
My jaw dropped but I did it anyway.
So on my ex’s birthday, I didn’t force my son to call and wish him a happy birthday. I figured if ex wanted to talk to son, he can call.
Fast forward to today, my son’s birthday.
There has been no phone call, no FaceTime, no card, no present, no nothing from my ex. To say I’m upset is an understatement.
So, WIBTJ for telling the grandparents that my son is going to go spend the last day of school with his friends because my ex can’t even call on his bday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you really have done too much. This guy puts forth no effort. What happens if something happens to the grandparents or they can’t at some point? You know he doesn’t give a darn and you shouldn’t have been so accommodating. I think at some point as this child gets older it will do more harm than good.
Let his grandparents see him on their own and facilitate their own relationship. Leave him out of it. Do not have them coordinating for him. This guy is getting married and his new wife and any kids will take priority over him. Do not let his new wife coordinate or facilitate.
If he doesn’t do it then it doesn’t happen. The grandparents mean well but this will hurt him in the long run and as he is getting older.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. Obviously, the grandparents want him there more than his “dad” does, and I feel like they want him there more because “he should be there he’s the son” than because of a genuine care for their grandson.
All he would be doing is fulfilling an obligation. If dad doesn’t care about his son, I completely agree that your son shouldn’t be forced to make sacrifices that will give him no love in return. If anything he should spend it with his friends, who actually know him.
It’s so sad to see how a child could be completely disregarded this way, and then used as a puppet. Honestly, I don’t know how the grandparents have the nerve to see what their son does and even facilitate this behavior by doing things dad should do.
You and your son owe them nothing. Honestly, I wouldn’t even let him go. It’s absolutely hypocritical that he should have to celebrate Dad’s love when he gets none of it himself. He should have a great last day with his friends and you should take him out to have a nice weekend, giving him the love you clearly have so much of to give.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Missing the last day of school is rough for a child. It’s generally a fun day, a sort of party. And a rehearsal dinner is boring for a young child. But the grandparents need to be there, and if they are the ones who are taking care of your son for the trip, he needs to travel with them.
Be clear about what you’re doing. You’re not just saying your son will be in school on Friday. You’re not just saying he won’t make the rehearsal. Unless you are prepared to bring him there, you’re saying your son will not be at his father’s wedding.
Because there is no way for the grandparents to fly back, pick him up, and make it back in time for them to be at the wedding. And the person you’ll be making grieve by doing this is not your son’s father. It is your son’s grandparents, who clearly are devoted to your son, and trying desperately to get his father to step up and be a proper father.
They’ve paid for the plane ticket, they’ve made the arrangements, and they want their grandson with them as they watch their son marry. They, not your ex, are the ones who will have wasted their money on the trip you pull your son out of.
You may need to have some difficult conversations with them about your son’s father. How many times do they try to arrange something between your son and his father, only to have his father bail? How often are your son’s hopes raised and then disappointed?
Whatever you decide on, however, think about how it will affect your son and his grandparents. Your ex is clearly indifferent to your son, and won’t feel whatever you want him to feel if your son winds up not showing up. Keeping your son home won’t work to teach your ex a lesson or as any sort of consequence for his actions that he’ll understand.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
18. AITJ For Giving My Friend My Wife's Unused Period Products?
“My (27M) wife (24F) and I live in a small town and recently my close friend from childhood (27F) moved here as well.
A couple of days ago, my friend messaged me in the evening at ~8 pm asking if there were any stores open, she was looking for a pharmacy specifically. As I said, it’s a small town and everything closes at 6 and the city is an hour away and everything would also probably be closed by the time she drove there.
After some more prodding, she tells me she’s out of period products. So I look under the sink and see that there was an unopened box of pads and I tell my friend that she can have it. I give her the box of pads, then text my wife (who’s staying with her parents for the week) what happened and also tell her that I’ll replace it the next day.
The next thing I know, I get a bunch of texts from my wife calling me a jerk, saying that I should’ve asked her first, and she would’ve told me no. I also got texts from her sister telling me how weird this situation was.
I guess she had a more conservative upbringing, whereas I feel like this isn’t any different than my friend running out of toilet paper or toothpaste and didn’t see the need to run it by my wife first. But I’m feeling like a jerk here for not keeping that into consideration, I guess I wasn’t thinking about how my wife would’ve felt.
I just thought, well, my friend needs pads and I have a box.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Some people have stricter boundaries about who can give away their personal products so I’m not going to fault your wife for being upset about it.
Giving somebody else’s things away without asking isn’t particularly cool. On the other hand, your friend was in a tight spot and you were able to help her out. Not sure why you needed to text your wife about it if you were able to replace them before she got back, but live and learn.
INFO: Do you live in one of the regions/countries that’s currently having a period supply shortage? Because if she only has a particular product that works for her and that’s one she can’t find right now, this may be why she’s so angry. You say she has multiple boxes, but if she has a heavy flow that may not be that many “periods” worth of product.” suffragette_citizen
Another User Comments:
“I was all in to go for a negative judgment, but no, NTJ. You say there were multiple boxes, your wife wasn’t even there, and your friend was desperate. Okay, bad planning on the friend’s part, and I would expect her to pay you back, but I do not see the big deal. If I was in that situation and a friend said ‘no’ I’d be upset, and asking a lot of questions.
I don’t know any woman that would leave another in that kind of bind…. but maybe I just know more liberal/open people? Most women have been in a public toilet at one time or another when someone shouts they need a pad/tampon, and every time I’ve witnessed it, numerous women start hunting through their bags to help.
I don’t see this as hugely different. I honestly don’t understand your wife’s reaction.” Down-Right-Mystical
Another User Comments:
“If you’ve been raised that way, then discussions about periods are private, personal, and kept between people you are very close to. You are taught to link periods with your ‘lady parts’, & with secretive behavior.
You may feel they are as everyday as toothpaste, but to others, it means 1) another woman has discussed her lady parts with you 2) you didn’t reject this type of interaction and knowledge, and now you know when her lady parts are ‘available’ or on its ‘week off’ and 3) you were physically in this woman’s presence (to hand over the pads) while your wife was away.
Basically, your wife feels like you handed over her undergarments. She probably knows on some level it’s not a reasonable thing to object to, but it can be hard to overcome conditioning. NTJ btw, but I can understand the possible chain of thought here, I have heard it expressed by multiple people.” badnewsfaery
17. AITJ For Refusing To Store My Dad's 13' Kayak In My Apartment?
“I (25F) am moving to a new apartment near the beach, and my dad (51M) wants me to bring his 13’ kayak with me and store it in my apartment for him for when he visits. He loves to kayak on the ocean and will be visiting me frequently (we are very close and both enjoy the ocean).
He would have to fly to visit me, so it doesn’t work to fly with the kayak each time he visits.
The only problem…I am living in an apartment! It is pretty spacious (1200 sq feet), 2 bedrooms, but I don’t have any place to store a 13-foot kayak unless it is in my living room or the master bedroom.
I love interior decorating and creating a nice space since I have a very stressful job, and having a 13-foot kayak that doesn’t fit sitting in the middle of my apartment does not make it a cozy place.
My dad is upset because he has stored things for me in the past in his basement when I lived in a city near him, so he says I “owe him”.
However, he had plenty of room (a 6-bedroom house with a full basement and attached storage garage). I would store a smaller kayak for him, or if I had more space I would of course store it for him, but I don’t.
My dad thinks I am ungrateful and should do this for him.
I don’t feel I’m a jerk because I think requests for storing should take into account the ratio of the size of the item to the size of the space.
Since people will probably ask….no, my dad is not paying my rent and has never paid any of my bills/rent/tuition since I was 18, so he does not have financial entitlement to my space.
However, he has helped me with stuff physically like moving and storing stuff in his basement.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is pretty cut and dry. A 13-foot kayak is definitely too big to store inside an apartment. I wonder if the building you live in has storage units/areas in the basement that might be rented?
If so perhaps your father could rent one through you and store it there. For example, my building has storage units that would fit a 13-foot kayak for under $50/month.” poeadam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was gonna go no jerks here – like, it’s fine that he asked, but it’s also ok that you said no, and that was that.
Then you said he’s telling you that you owe him, and he stored stuff for you, etc. Now he’s a jerk about this. You don’t owe him for storing your stuff, and if that was conditional, he should have let you know before you stored your stuff.
You’ve also raised a fair point about the sizing difference in space and how that’s an unfair comparison. Only store it if you decide you’re ok with it, not because you feel guilty.” Wolfenbro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a massive difference between storing something for someone in a garage or loft space designed for storage and being asked to store a large and unwieldy item in a two-bedroom apartment.
If you had a garage and could hang it on the wall then maybe, but not in your living room. If having the kayak there is so important to him, then it is fair that he has to find suitable storage himself – renting a lockup or garage, or looking for local kayak groups who may be able to help.” nrsys
16. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Hiding My Brother's Autism Diagnosis?
“I (25F) am the oldest of all my siblings. My brother (21M) has always been a little different as a kid and even now. My mom told me that he had really bad ADHD and put him on Adderall for the majority of his childhood.
He would always do unusual things and would act really differently but I just thought it was because of his ADHD.
Well, I ended up moving to NYC and was hearing from my brother about the struggles of living at home. My parents did not teach my brother basic skills that we didn’t learn in high school.
Such as dealing with conflict, how to be financially stable, how to cook, how to clean up after yourself. Just basic stuff that I feel like I was taught as a kid. But I feel like since my brother was a little difficult they didn’t really take the time to teach him.
I invited my brother to come live with me so he could really experience adulthood with the supervision of myself who would teach him some basic budgeting skills, cooking, etc. This only lasted about two months because my brother was driving me crazy. He just wasn’t grasping or learning anything I was teaching him.
(he ended up moving back home because I knew NYC would be too much for him. But he eventually got kicked out a year later by my parents).
I told my mom my struggles and came to find out that he’s been on the spectrum of autism his whole life.
I asked my mom why she kept that from me and she said because it doesn’t change anything about him. I told her that it makes a huge difference and that I would’ve approached him in a different way rather than getting super frustrated at him.
And then I told her that it’s unfair that they kicked him out knowing that he’s autistic and doesn’t really understand what it means to be an adult yet. Honestly, the way my parents just treated and punished him as a normal kid instead of taking the extra time to teach him in a way that works is awful.
I understand it’s more difficult but he deserves the extra time, now my brother is going job to job and living paycheck to paycheck because he wasn’t given the proper attention throughout his childhood. My mom took this and said she must be a terrible mother and that she tried her best. AITJ for bringing this up to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for talking to her about a very bad decision on the part of your parents. They belong to the old school of “Let’s pretend this doesn’t exist, and we won’t have to do anything about it.” Suggestion: When your mother tries to make herself into a martyr with the “Oh, I guess I am just a terrible mother” move, don’t let her manipulate you into backing up.
Lean in and say, “Yes, you are right. It was a terrible choice to ignore his diagnosis. I hope you’ll make an effort to help him overcome the damage you inflicted on him. It’s good that you acknowledge your mistake.”” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mother is a terrible mother. Instead of finding someone to work with him, she medicated him, and it sounds like probably wrongly since his diagnosis is autism, not ADHD, to make him more controllable for her. That is disgusting. If the subject comes up, you should feel completely comfortable pointing out that she did what was best for her and was no help to him and, yes, that makes her a terrible mother.
She let him flounder and then threw him out when the entire reason he foundered was because of her choices, both choices to not get him the help he needed (which may have been available at his school) and to medicate him for something that he does not have.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“I feel this post to my soul. You are NTJ and a good sibling to your brother. I myself was actually diagnosed with ADD when I was 8 (so back in the late 90s when girls were extremely underdiagnosed so I have it pretty bad).
I was diagnosed but never given any treatment. My parents were against medication. For my entire life I never understood myself, why the information of school was easy to my brain, but getting good grades was impossible. I would blow up out of what most people told me were stupid reasons, and get in trouble a lot.
I struggled, and I never understood why. I was told I had ADD, but never what it meant.
I didn’t understand until my oldest daughter was diagnosed on the spectrum and I started my own research. Teaching methods, learning styles matter. Thinking someone is normal and no outside consideration is needed causes more problems than the diagnosis itself.
It’s the old school way of thinking and parenting and something I’m struggling with myself with my own parents. There have been many hard conversations, because they do love me and my daughters, but struggle with our differences. My mother also does the (what I call) woe is me I’m a terrible person because you said I did something wrong, whenever there is a disagreement.
Stand firm with yourself, don’t be cruel, but be firm in having those hard conversations and not letting them gaslight you. And help your brother, let him know you are his ally and didn’t understand before but do now, and want to help in any way you can.” No_Drag_6179
15. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Husband's Family Without Prior Notice?
“I work two nursing jobs. I have just finished up a 4 in a row on nights. I don’t get good sleep, about 3-4 hours/day.
My husband called me and said his family just called and said they were in town wanting to stop by this evening.
I told him absolutely not. He got very upset with me. His family has done this before (a couple of times) and we have accommodated them. My point is that they knew well ahead of time that they were coming to the area and should have planned accordingly.
I work two jobs and we have two kids (2 & 12 yo boys). I’m not running around cleaning to entertain guests after I work and am running on very little sleep. (Especially when his mother and father just visited two weeks prior and stayed for an entire week at our house.)
He said fine they can come tomorrow. I said no to that too. It’s our son’s first day of school and it’s just all too much. I constantly bend over backward and feel like he is just mad because I’m not caving this time. His point is that I would do it for my family.
But my family plans ahead and I know weeks prior that they are coming into town. I told him his options are to see them without me (not at the house) or that I would leave when they come over (and I’m not cleaning for them to come and that he would need to).
I would like to enjoy my two days off before going back to work. AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. I’ve got family that does this stuff but boundaries are boundaries. Nursing is exhausting. Parenting is exhausting. Living is exhausting.
Your rest is important, and as my dad loves to say: Your lack of planning is not my emergency. My experience here is that no amount of back-bending calms the beast of boundaryless extended family. They are gonna find something to be mad about. So they can be salty all they want.
All you can do is calmly tell them you can’t accomplish a visit, tell them you’d love to see them when they are able to plan a visit with advance notice and let them feel however they are going to feel about that.” skeptical_hope
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. It’s common courtesy for people – including family – to give plenty of notice and ask permission before visiting someone’s home. It’s also plain common sense that having people over is stressful, not to mention that cleaning is real work.
You already did your share of work this week. Besides, a stressed-out partner isn’t going to result in an enjoyable visit anyway, never mind the other stuff.” witcher_rat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it sounds like “you would do it for your family” is a moot point as your family doesn’t put you in this position and actually more than likely you would not allow for it from your family even less as you likely feel more empowered to say “umm yeah nope” to your family than his.
You are not the jerk for needing notice to have guests over, especially with kids and then especially with working 2 jobs. Your time off is sacred and needs to be protected and planned for so you get some downtime (as I know my “days off” with kids don’t actually mean a day “off” but rather a day full of other commitments and things to do).
Your boundary that he is welcome to connect with them without you is super reasonable. He is an adult, he wants to see them okay yay, but he shouldn’t need you to facilitate it and you shouldn’t have to be host or attend all interactions.
You are not saying they are not welcome at all only that you need space and time for yourself at the moment and will be declining a hang out with them. Good for you for sticking to your boundary and need right now.” Interesting-Film-369
14. AITJ For Posting An Old Snap Story That Upset My Partner?
“My partner (M20) and I (F20) have been together for roughly 10 months now.
So on Snap yesterday I got a “2 years ago today” video of an incident that happened to me while I was in another state. My friends and I had a lake day and invited a guy that I had never met before.
This guy ended up getting severely inebriated and gave me some not-very-lovey love bites on my neck. My friend later that day took a video of it to see how much the marks showed up. This was the video that I saw again after 2 years, and without thinking I posted it to a very private Snap story, Both my partner and I have dark senses of humor so I put the caption as “2 years ago I found out I was tasty”, where the only people who could see it were those that knew the whole story.
In the moment, I know it wasn’t showing off or trying to get a certain reaction from people, it was simply just a “darn y’all remember this?” laughing at it kind of thing.
My partner started texting me asking me what on earth I posted and saying that we needed to have a serious talk.
I call to him yelling at me, calling me foolish, and basically saying it was embarrassing that other people were seeing me being intimate with someone else. It was clear he did not remember the story I told him a while back and was misinterpreting these marks as a sort of intimate moment between him and me, even though I had never before met the guy or done anything with him.
I am definitely not excusing my actions, and after some thought I texted him a very long paragraph trying to make up for what I did by apologizing, trying to explain my actions but also saying that I felt hurt by his reaction because he should know me better and know I didn’t have bad intentions.
It hurt even more realizing that if the situation were reversed I would never come to him like this, and even if I was upset about something in the past I would at least respectfully bring it up because that is a big thing for him.
Clearly, he didn’t listen to what I said and 8 hours later was still insulting me for posting the video. Called me immature and a “16 yo girl” several times, even though I did agree that my actions were thoughtless. Yet I felt like the way I tried to handle it and make amends was somewhat mature.
He said I was just reaping the consequences of what I had done and that I had the audacity to think it was okay to show people that I was messing around.
Overall, the best I could do from that point on was acknowledge my mistake as well as try and make it right with him.
Obviously didn’t go well, and this whole issue seems to me like it’s more of an image and ego thing to him rather than genuine concern over me making light of something that had happened to me in the past. He seems to only care about how this affects how people see our relationship and himself, which doesn’t make sense to me because only 3 people saw it and all were there when it happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t understand either. You were right by apologizing immediately but it could be that he is not ready yet to talk about it, and if that’s the case you must wait for him until he is ready to talk about it in a calm(er) manner.
You can also tell him you will wait until he can do so I don’t think the yelling and insulting are justified, his ego and pride may be hurt but that is no reason for him to treat you like that, so if you’re not about that life just end thing with him because things aren’t going to change from here.
Decide if you want to be with him despite that. Overall NTJ, but be careful with the next steps from here. He may be hurt/angry because of another thing.” mintpink11
Another User Comments:
“Honey, do you want your entire life to be like this?
This isn’t going to be a one-and-done thing. You mentioned in another comment that he is dominant but so are you and you find yourself submitting to keep the peace. Uhhh no that’s not how that should work. If you find yourself submitting just to keep the peace???
There’s something up and at this point you just need to step back take a deep breath and reevaluate whether or not you want to be treated like this. Most people don’t change, they become worse though. I get why he is upset, I mean I’d be upset if my husband posted something like that but part of relationships is having communication and understanding, and if he had a good reason for posting something like that or an inside joke to it I’d be willing to listen and not blow up.
Yes it hurts to be single especially if you like being intimate with a partner but you gotta do what’s best and realize that there are more fish in the sea.” Night-light51
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You actually understand why he’s mad, you just expect him to be over it because you’ve explained yourself.
Regardless of what your intention was, perception is altogether different. He needs space to cool off before y’all can have a rational conversation. He’s overreacting, and the name-calling is unjustifiable. You can deliver an apology then, as sincerely as possible but no groveling. Then, you should address his unwarranted reaction, blowing up at the first sign of trouble is not a good sign.
Whether it’s an insecurity thing, a dominance thing, or an appearance thing doesn’t make it okay, but it would benefit both of you to understand why he reacted that way. If he can’t articulate it, then it’s something that’s more problematic as a default defense mechanism.” flentaldoss
13. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Brother For Disrupting My Sleep And Triggering My Seizures?
“My brother is an adult man and he still lives at home, which is completely fine I just feel there needs to be some rules.
My brother’s room is directly next to mine so I can hear 90% of everything he watches on TV or even his phone, he has a new partner and you can guess what they get up to. They make so much noise which is okay as it’s normal. The only problem is that I am epileptic and when I don’t get a full sleep or get too tired I have a seizure, so when all I can hear is them up at 3 am I feel dizzy and very spaced out.
The last straw was the other day it was 3 am and I woke up to the sounds of them hooking up again. I woke up for 5 minutes before I had a seizure. The next day I explained this to my brother but he literally says he does not care.
A few weeks go by and we are at dinner with our parents and siblings and other family. My brother pokes a joke saying how I haven’t had my partner around in a while, he thinks he finally left me, people laughed. I reply with “yeah but at least I don’t stay up all hours causing my sibling to have a seizure.” Jaws dropped especially his partner’s and he got up said it was too far and left. My mum says that’s a personal matter and I shouldn’t have said that.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The empathy displayed by your mom is disgusting. Your brother demeaned you and made jokes about your romantic life, and he got called out for his behavior in his romantic life and its impact on your health. If his partner didn’t know this, she needed to.
From what it sounds like, your parents don’t seem to care too much about your health and wellbeing, if they’re upset about your brother’s embarrassment and not about you having seizures. NTJ.” Huntress_of_the_Moon
Another User Comments:
“When living with others it is absolutely necessary to be considerate of others.
Especially as you have a medical condition which means you need proper sleep. There should be a rule that all has to be quiet after a certain time, and it has to be enforced every night. Try and get your parents to agree to this.
If they don’t go for it, ask a parent to sleep in your room for a while so they can witness the problem. Maybe say you’re scared for your health and need someone there in case you have a seizure. Or see if there’s a way to swap rooms with someone so you aren’t right next door to him.” methough1
Another User Comments:
“It’s your condition, you can share it with whomever you want, and if you felt that was the time then so be it. I bet his partner didn’t know that you had a seizure due to them being up. She was probably more mortified than he was.
You were NTJ, they needed to hear that…at least she did. He doesn’t care. Actions have consequences and this is a consequence of your brother’s ‘I don’t care’ attitude. If he couldn’t handle the consequence he should have taken your issue more seriously. Also, it just shows he does not care about you.
Can’t seizures do serious damage? I don’t know much about them, but I am guessing the aftermath is less severe with some than others?” lostinspace_1988
12. AITJ For Wanting Praise From My Family For My High Grades?
“I 16F, have been studying on my own ever since the schools closed for an extended period. Not that no one wasn’t able to help me but because they didn’t want to. “You’re the eldest, you can manage on your own,” they said…
I only have two sisters, one in 3rd grade and one in 7th grade.
And my mom, grandparents, and 4 aunts are all helping them with different subjects… If they see me doing nothing because I finished my assignments, they’d ask me to help because it’s my “obligation”.
Keep in mind that I have asked them for help but they just kept on saying, “you can do it, you can do it” and I’ll just cry in my room not knowing what to do…
Last week, my grades were posted and they were all 9’s. I excitedly showed it to my family so I can hear how happy they are for me, but they just told me to thank God for it and continued watching the TV.
I got mad and stormed out of the room.
My mom followed, yelling at me and saying that I was being disrespectful.
I explained how I just wanted praise because I managed to do it on my own like they said… But she said I was being a spoiled brat and an attention seeker.
I’m starting to think it’s true.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the reason they refused to help was because the material was probably well beyond them and they would just be confused. The reason that they ‘thanked god’ was because the fact that you have intellectually surpassed them is too much for their fragile egos to handle so of course it’s divine intervention and not your own hard work and intelligence.
People like this will drag you down to their level because they can’t handle the thought of being less than. Don’t let them.” ExpertRaccoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not an attention seeker. It’s entirely normal for families to celebrate the achievements of their kids – you did well, and you deserve to be told that.
So this is me telling you that. I was high achieving as a kid – I was in a family that valued academic achievement, and I received appropriate support for it. For all but a very few people, high grades are a result of hard work, something that you have discovered for yourself.
Keep at it, and one way or the other, it’s likely good things will come your way – either directly as a result of the high grades or more broadly because you are developing a work ethic – in other words, you are someone who is willing to put in the work because you know good things flow from it.
Try to find friends, try to find teachers, try to find counselors, after-school programs, that focus on academic support so that you are among others who value your high grades.” Boeing367-80
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! I’m so proud of you!
I’m so sorry that your family didn’t respond the way that you wanted. You’re learning a valuable life lesson. You keep striving. You keep overachieving. Pretty soon, you can write your own ticket to the best college or university. Keep getting good grades and when you finish, you can make friends and your found family.
People who love and appreciate and support you. You hold your head high. Your time at home is short. You’re writing a great future right now. NTJ.” Maleficent-Ear3571
11. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband's Early Morning Alarm?
“My husband (42) works on a rotational schedule, he’s away at work for two weeks at a time and home for two weeks at a time.
While at work he wakes up very early, around 4 am every day. When he’s home he doesn’t remember to turn off his alarm or says he wants to maintain the same schedule. The problem is, I don’t want to wake up at 4 am, after getting up numerous times throughout the night because of our two young children I’m still not sleeping through the night.
Sometimes his alarm will go off multiple times in the morning because he just hits snooze. He isn’t waking up at this time. His alarm goes off he shuts it off or snoozes it and rolls over and goes back to bed. It’s not that simple for me.
Last week while his phone was in his hand I asked him to turn off his alarm. He said he would later. I said, but your phone is in your hand right now, please turn it off. He didn’t. And for the next 4 days, his alarm went off.
Last night while his phone was in his hand I asked him to turn his alarm off. He said he did. He lied because I was woken up again by his alarm this morning. I lost it this morning threw a pillow at him and told him he’s a selfish inconsiderate jerk.
He told me I’m overreacting and to build a bridge and get over it, it’s no big deal. I’m the one causing all the fuss and I should just ignore the alarm. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you were complaining about the alarm when he was working; different story.
But your husband is a right jerk to keep it on when he’s not working. He may want to wake up at 4 am but that doesn’t mean you have to!! If he’s going to insist on keeping his alarm on during his days off then he can go sleep somewhere else!!!
No need to wake you up when there’s absolutely no need. And while he’s at it HE can deal with the kids not sleeping through the night as clearly he’s ok with getting up at 4 am regardless of work or not.” FlyGuy1922
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband used to do this same thing with his alarm and repetitive snoozing — even when he didn’t have to wake up. I’m a light sleeper, and I wake up at the first alarm, so this felt especially frustrating for me when he wouldn’t end up getting out of bed. I’d just be awake there, knowing I was now up well before I needed to and probably wasn’t going to fall back to sleep.
It had gotten to the point of me just completely turning off his phone in the middle of the night so I wouldn’t have to get up until my alarm in the morning. I knew that was shady, but in the morning when he’d wake up and ask “Hey, why did you turn off my alarm?” he started understanding the feeling of having your sleep experience controlled by someone else.
What really worked, though, was when I finally sat down and explained that this mattered to me and I needed to see him care about that. It was so important to me that, if he didn’t want to start getting up with his alarm or turning it off because he knew he wasn’t going to use it, I said I’d put a bed in our 2nd room and just sleep there.
Fortunately, I never had to do that.” sunshinegirl252
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why people think that you absolutely have to share a room with someone and put up with this kind of jerk behavior. Your husband is absolutely inconsiderate and can’t give one darn about your feelings or how much sleep you get or not.
In fact, he lied to you about it and that should give you plenty to think about. Fix up another bedroom to sleep there unless you can change his behavior. Just some thought about what he brings to the table and if it’s worth living with someone who is this much of a jerk to you.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear The Religious Necklace My Partner Gave Me?
“I’ve (21F) only been seeing Josh (21M) for just over a year. We both met through a friend at college and were friends first and then started seeing each other. I had no idea that he was Christian (not the issue here I swear), and found out the second week of seeing each other when we tried to arrange a date but I realized how involved with the church he actually was and how much he volunteers.
Basically, his week is like this: Monday he helps out at the music club, Tuesday helps run a prayer group in the church, Thursday & Saturday he has choir practice at night and then on Sunday, he goes to church then volunteers at Sunday school.
I don’t mind any of this, but it sometimes makes it hard to plan anything.
So a few weeks ago we went out for lunch and he bumped into an older lady from his church. He introduced me as his “friend” so I was a little annoyed at that, and he said that the church would probably question him for seeing someone who isn’t religious.
Since this, I feel like he’s trying to force it on me a little? He gifted me a bible, started asking me to come to the church groups during the week. I ended up going to the Sunday service last week only because he was complaining but I’ve told him I won’t be going back.
He then said he wanted to go to a fundraiser thing for the church (barbeque and fun day apparently) and I agreed to go because it’s at a lake house and actually sounds like a good day out. He went out and bought me a whole outfit he says is more “appropriate” and a silver cross necklace that was expensive (I looked online and it cost him around $300).
So I said I would go but not wearing that outfit, and I’d consider the cross.
The more I’ve been thinking about it though, the worse I feel. I really don’t want to wear it, and feel like he is embarrassed because he would have to explain to people that I’m not religious.
So I want to know WIBTJ if I now tell him I don’t want to wear it?”
Another User Comments:
“So, let me get this straight. He wants you to lie about being religious, wants to control what you are wearing, and is trying guilt trip you to go to church and complains when you don’t, and is embarrassed to call you his partner to a church member?
OP, think very carefully if you want to live like that. If you are okay with constantly being guilt-tripped for not going to church, being told what you wear is not right, your jewelry isn’t right, why aren’t you doing X,y,z? He was too embarrassed to call you his partner in front of a church member?
Was he ashamed of you? I’m 20 years older than you and just married a guy who’s religious, while I am not. BUT, he doesn’t control what I wear, try to scold me for not going to church, or push religious jewelry at me, nor does feel embarrassed about me.
I go to church with him on special occasions that are important to him and don’t go the rest of the time. He either stays home with me or takes the kids to church, or a lot of times one stays home with me. A relationship, above love, is also about respect.
and it feels to me like he doesn’t respect who and what YOU are, OP, enough to accept you without trying to change you. NTJ – think carefully about if you want to live like this for even another moment.” lurker0931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re being incredibly respectful and understanding by going with him, and especially by being open to the outfit. I’d suggest having a conversation with him about boundaries and how this is starting to feel like he’s pushing you into his religion. Maybe say that you appreciate the thought of the necklace gift, but that you’d be more comfortable if he’d return it since you don’t want to wear a religious symbol when you don’t identify that way.
You could likely say it feels disrespectful to wear as someone who isn’t religious.” razzledazzle626
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to seriously consider the fact that you two are not compatible. My opinion as a Christian: There is a reason why the Bible tells us (Christians) not to marry (or go out with) people who are not also Christians, it causes issues like this.
He should have never started a relationship with you knowing you don’t follow his religion, he’s the one hiding his relationship with you, big ol’ red flag fyi, and trying to make you “look” like a Christian in front of his church, which is another red flag.
He’s the one at fault, this is his doing. Every relationship I have seen that starts out with one being religious and the other not, ends in three ways. 1: the nonreligious people become religious. 2: the religious person leaves the religion. 3: they marry and/or keep going out as is, nether going the other way.
This one always ends badly in heartbreak, sometimes in abuse. I’ve seen abuse from the (so-called) Christian side and from the non-religious side. It never ends well. Really take time to reflect and think about this relationship.” Peacefull_Orchid
9. AITJ For Babysitting My Partner's Sister's Kids Despite His Family's Disapproval?
“MIL’s stepchildren hate her. Every time we get together as a family it is a mess. I used to think from the way they were talking she was the other woman, but then they confirmed she isn’t, they are just really really mad because their dad loves her.
Honestly, step-FIL is a bit gross and over the top about it, but come on, grow up. His oldest daughter “Julie” is the worst and he has previously fought with her about how she treats MIL. Julie recently was meaner than usual. Step- FIL was furious and had his worst fight yet with Julie.
He decided to take away her allowance and her kid’s nanny for three weeks and at the end of the three weeks she needs to apologize to MIL to get the stuff back. (He is going to pay the nanny anyway, she just can’t do any work for Julie) Julie did try to apologize right away, but he said she has to wait three weeks regardless.
Julie is a SAHM but she struggles to have the kids all day by herself. She has been calling me crying and asking me to babysit. I agreed because I love kids and I’m a college student, so I take what extra income I can get.
Well MIL and Step-FIL found out and are upset. Step-FIL yelled at me for undermining him. I told him Julie and I are both adults and we can do whatever the heck we want. MIL is mad though and feels like I’m helping Julie get away with it, and I feel kind of bad because MIL and I have a good relationship for the most part, and I agree Julie was out of line.
I still feel I’m not in the wrong because it is better for the kids, money is money, and I feel like MIL can’t get it because she has never had to be financially independent, nor did she ever work/go to college.”
Another User Comments:
“Why can’t she look after her own kids though? She had them, she needs to care for them if she can’t afford a nanny she can do daycare. YTJ- you’ve no idea what MIL has done in her life or how she has felt. You are just wanting the money more than understanding the morals behind it.
Julie is a SAHM, by choice AND has a nanny. IF she can’t take care of her own kids for a short time, it’s very strange.” shadow-foxe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how judgemental you are at MIL. “I feel like MIL can’t get it because she has never had to be financially independent, nor did she ever work/go to college.” Who are you to decide this?
Sounds like the stepkids aren’t the only problem. Also, you agree Julie was out of line…so you go and support her for being out of line? And a SAHM needs a nanny because 3 kids are too much? And Daddy pays for this? Unless there are special needs, no. Julie sounds like all the things you just accused MIL of.” burneredmonton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like the commenters are trying to get at Julie or SFIL, but since they can’t, they’re going after the broke college student who has no dog in this fight and isn’t going to turn down an opportunity for income because why should they?
Can we think it’s foolish to get embroiled in this mess? Sure. Can we think this whole family setup is bizarre? Obviously. If you’re broke and someone calls you with a babysitting opportunity, are you a jerk for not turning it down because your partner’s stepfather is trying to teach his adult daughter a lesson that has nothing to do with you?
No. I don’t think you’re a jerk. Maybe next time SFIL can pay you to not babysit. Or maybe he can start weaning his children off in significant, long-term ways that will make crazy little deals like this unnecessary.” The_Krudler
8. AITJ For Arguing Against My Dad's Decision To Install Carpet In Our New Bathroom?
“I (18M) live at home with my dad (58) and my mother (54), we have lived in the same home since I was born and have never done anything to the house.
It was built in the 90s and it’s stayed that way. Never even opened a can of paint to patch up scuffs. Over the last couple of weeks, we have started to do up the house a little.
We’ve painted the living room, hall, and landing upstairs, cleared out a lot of junk, and ordered a new sofa.
The living room now looks and feels great. We are moving onto the bathrooms. Our main family bathroom has one toilet, one sink, one bath, no shower, blue painted wood accents, and worst of all, beige carpet. I loathe this carpet. It is original to the house and has never been changed.
We will be putting in a walk-in shower. My dad refuses to take out the carpet and put down, vinyl, laminate or tile or anything similar. Instead, he wants to buy a new carpet. For a modern bathroom. I have attempted to explain to him why that is a bad idea.
Carpet retains bad smells, moisture, and dirt, as well as a breeding ground for bacteria and mold. He disagrees and gets extremely angry any time I try to explain why it’s such a bad idea. His reason for keeping the carpet is that he hates the feeling of cold tile on his feet.
My answer to that is. Buy a bathmat.
He’s now going on about how now when we have new carpet in the bathroom, we will all have to be careful about stepping out of the shower with wet feet because he doesn’t want it to get moldy.
This issue could be solved with one easy and cheap switch to vinyl flooring and no one would have to tip toe around him.
I’ve spent my whole life stepping out of the shower onto wet carpet and feeling it squelch beneath my feet, and because of it, the en suite bathroom (where the only shower is) is full of black mold.
I can’t even put a bottle in the shower without a black ring forming around it. He doesn’t seem to see how unsanitary it is. It constantly smells of mildew.
My dad’s ego seems so fragile, he is refusing to admit he is in the wrong.
My dad also believes that because I am not as “old and wise” as him, I couldn’t possibly know anything or be correct about anything ever, and refuses to admit he is wrong. He is so stuck in the past, we have already had to talk him out of getting beige tile put into this new bathroom.
Not only is this a stupid idea, it could potentially be dangerous to our health, and his wallet. I don’t want in two years’ time for them to have to rip it all up again and waste what little money we have to actually spend on this.
He’s only thinking about himself. But because I’m not paying for it, I can’t even get a word in, despite being the one who is having to use it every day. He won’t even be using this shower as he will continue to use the en suite.
He is getting so angry over this, I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your father is a moron. Normally with cosmetic choices when it isn’t your house, yeah you should shut up. But this is a health issue that affects everyone who lives there, and since they are your parents you have at least some duty towards looking after them.
Black mold is no joke, and I strongly suspect that when you pull up the old stuff that’s what you will find. Hopefully, that will be a wake-up call for the Village Idiot because it is going to happen whether you step out of the shower with wet feet or not.
Perhaps he doesn’t know how steam works? At any rate, do your best to convince your mother to put her foot down. And then move out asap.” WholeCollection6454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s how I think this will play out: 1) Your dad will go to order new carpet.
The salesperson will tell him that carpet in the bathroom is a horrible idea. 2). If your dad insists on proceeding when the installers remove the carpet they’ll find a moldy, rotted subfloor that needs to be replaced before they’ll do the install. 3). Your dad will need to hire someone to do that repair.
He may have difficulty finding someone who is willing to work with mold. He may need to hire a remediation company. 4). New carpet gets installed. 5) When he gets ready to sell the house, he’ll have to disclose the mold and water damage. However, he won’t be able to say that the problem has been remedied, because he redid exactly the same thing that caused the problem.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I work with carpets. It’s not uncommon for them to have chunks of 1-2m offcuts remaining after each roll that ends up in the bin. Most of the time, you can just drive to their warehouse and ask the manager (not the sales team, those guys are leeches) for the bin pieces and they’ll likely be happy for you to grab it from the bin.
Those pieces will be perfect for a walkway between the shower and the door. Roll it out and let it sun dry once a week and everyone is happy. If you need to reshape it, Stanley blade cuts right through the back (cut from the back as you will definitely struggle to cut through the carpet).
Everyone’s happy, the dirty mess of soggy carpet can be fixed with one sunny afternoon.” k3g
7. AITJ For Inviting My Estranged Half-Sisters To My Son's Baptism Against My Dad's Wishes?
“I 30m grew up with my dad telling me about his first wife. She was unfaithful to my dad multiple times so he divorced her. She and my dad had twin daughters together (my half-sisters).
Because of the fact that the mother of my half-sisters was unfaithful to my dad, he for some reason blamed them as well and he never wanted me to know them growing up. When I was 19, I found one of my sisters on social media and when I told my dad about it he flipped out and threatened to disown me as well so I never reached out.
Now, I’m in my 30s and I have bought my own home + my wife and I have a 1-year-old son who we decided to have baptized. When writing down the list of guests I remembered my half-sisters. I always wanted to meet them so I finally decided to reach out to them.
My wife and I invited both of them over for dinner and it was really nice to know them. Before they left, I gave them invitations to my son’s baptism and told them they could come if they were comfortable with it. Both of them agreed to come.
Fast forward to today, we were at church for the baptism ceremony. My dad looked at me with eyes of fury as he saw my sisters next to me. Once the ceremony ended I went home. My dad called me. Before I could even say anything, he started screaming at me.
“I don’t want those two devils in our lives,” he said. I just hung up. I don’t know what to make of this situation. I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t do anything wrong. They are not devils; they are the daughters that he walked out on because of his first wife’s unfaithfulness, and they are your sisters, your blood.
You have the right to meet and know them, and he has no right to dictate to you on this. It appears that you will have to make a choice whom you will have in your life; I would pick your sisters.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems to be a huge overreaction. As others have said, it’s almost like he’s afraid you are going to find out something he doesn’t want you to, like maybe he was the one who was unfaithful & not her? If she was unfaithful multiple times perhaps he has doubts about whether he is their father but it’s surprising he wouldn’t have told you, if that’s the case.
Have your sisters said anything about him not having any contact for all those years?” VLC31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your father is hiding something that your half-sisters know. Maybe it was he who was unfaithful and not the first wife? Maybe even with your mum?
And he doesn’t want you to know that he and your mum had an affair? Or something even worse he did to them? I can not think of a single thing two children could’ve done to call them devils. That’s so much hatred. There has to be more to this.
Maybe they aren’t his? But why not just tell you? That would get them out of your life right away as you wouldn’t be related. I think I’d tell your dad that until he gives you a reason for why he is so hostile you see no reason not to be in contact with your half-sisters.
Maybe I’d even ask them if they know why your dad cut contact with them. They must’ve at least been given some explanation whether that was the truth has to be seen.” xxSKSxx_
6. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Stepmom Before Visiting Again?
“My dad and I are tight, however, my stepmom (married to my dad) is a total nightmare.
The last time I was at their house was Thanksgiving when my cousin who grew up on the West Coast (and is SM’s golden child) came to visit. The whole time my dad was at work and I got stuck at the house while SM and my sisters fawned over my cousin, kissing her behind for being in nursing school.
I was in my second year of my PhD yet nobody seemed to care or even acknowledge me.
Then SM turns to me and says “it’s not like you’ll ever make as much as your cousin while working in education!” Everyone started laughing and I got really upset.
I told her that was rude and that she should be grateful I’m at least in a capacity to help others. Oh, and nobody stood up for me. Then they all went back to ignoring me the rest of the night so I removed myself and went upstairs to instead work on homework.
SM then comes upstairs and accuses me of being “disrespectful “ and not spending time with the family while we’re all here. I told her that what she said to me was unacceptable and that she has always been my bully (we have a long history between us).
I then get back home and all is good with my dad, but I’m still hurt that SM ruined my Thanksgiving and the chance to reconnect with my cousin after 10 years.
WIBTJ if I insist SM apologizes sincerely before I come back to them?
She always complains that I’m not there enough, but I feel like it would be the perfect opportunity to hold her accountable since nobody else will.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s ridiculous that she’s accusing you of being disrespectful after diminishing your accomplishments and mocking you.
Ask for an apology and inform her that should she decide to put you down again, she would be risking permanently damaging your relationship. Side note: Depending on the program and field of study, I actually find PhD students more impressive than nursing students. Don’t let her comments about your potential income get you down either; your income ceiling is likely much higher than she thinks.
You’re seriously impressive OP.” alter_ego103
Another User Comments:
“I feel you, but it’s not an issue of “WIBTJ” here. You appear to be fighting a losing battle. Sounds like SM would think you would be the jerk if you “insist” (a “demand” as seen by SM) an apology.
As someone in a similar position (great family, no-filter stepmother), unfortunately, you have to suck it up. Always try to be the better person. In my experience, the biting remarks of SM speak more about her character. Most importantly, SM will never change, so expect these remarks for the rest of your life.
Learn to deal with them with humor or if possible, a positive retort…like you did. However, stay in the room. Leaving only gives SM the pleasure of knowing she got to you. I wish I could offer more, but if you expect her to change…well…that will never happen.
I’m happy you have a great relationship with your father. Treasure that.” twashappenstance
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to reserve judgment until OP tells us what she said before her SM made that comment. No one randomly turns around and just makes that kind of remark out of nowhere, it’s part of a conversation comment.
We know OP was upset her cousin was the center of attention. How was OP displaying that, and did that prompt the comment? It may be that OP just made a remark about her own educational progress in which case NTJ or it could be that OP in her frustration took a dig at her cousin and this comment was a response to that dig.
Regardless, the immediate events proceeding this remark are important but OP hasn’t included them.” throwAWweddingwoe
5. AITJ For Considering Not Waking Up My Fiancé For Work Anymore?
“My fiancé 30M and I 22F have lived together for over a year and a half.
I work part-time because I’m in college and he works full-time. I go into work a few hours earlier than he does and I’m normally off around 30 minutes after his shift starts, depending on the day.
The issue is, he rarely wakes up on time.
He sleeps through his alarms frequently or falls asleep randomly. Sometimes we wonder if he has narcolepsy because he will literally fall asleep at the drop of a hat and after just having been alert and fully awake, but he doesn’t have health insurance and we live check to check so we can’t really find out for sure.
Luckily his job is short-staffed and very lenient so he hasn’t been let go yet but I’m getting more and more worried. I often have to wake him up multiple times before he’ll stay awake and he also gets mad when I do, even though he knows he’s on the brink of losing his job.
Today, he was supposed to go into work at noon. I tried to wake him up around 1 (I didn’t notice he wasn’t working as I was in another room), again at 2, 3, and now at 4 pm. He snapped at me and asked me what my problem was and said “screw you”.
I am now debating not waking him up anymore when it happens again. On one hand, he’s an adult and should be able to wake up on his own. On the other hand, if he loses his job we will struggle pretty badly, and we also don’t know if he has a legit medical condition causing him to sleep all the time.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t wake him up anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing him a favor and he snaps? He was supposed to be at work at noon and you’re still trying to get him to wake up at 4? Give yourself a break.
What did he do before you met? Have his mother wake him up? I understand the possibility of a potential medical issue. My mother is narcoleptic and is treated for it so that helps, but she would never snap at my dad for waking her up, she knows he’s there for her.
Hope your fiancé figures it out too.” RiotMedia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ has he checked into sleep apnea too? If he isn’t breathing well when he is sleeping then it will affect him, his health, and as he can be awake end up falling asleep, and driving is the worst as they can nod off in their sleep, even if talking to you.
My husband has it and many times slept through the alarm clock, thankfully he works nights, but has missed appointments before due to missing his alarm, or shut off the alarm and back to sleep. Tell him since he is so mean to you when you wake him up you’re not doing it anymore.
Or give silent treatment until he apologizes, if you’re going to cuss at me then I just won’t talk to you.” Awkward_Joke_5748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s his responsibility as an adult to get up in time for work. Especially as it doesn’t seem as though he has to wake up at sparrow-fart… One thing though… My husband had this problem and it was starting to worry me as he works construction.
He got tested and turns out he had sleep apnea! He would literally stop breathing for 20-30 seconds at a time. That doesn’t sound so bad but he was chronically deprived of oxygen and not getting quality sleep. Now he has a CPAP machine to sleep with and WOW!
He’s like a NEW MAN!! If this is your partner’s issue, he will feel like a million bucks the first time he sleeps for 8 hours and gets adequate oxygen the whole night.” Mindless_Contract708
4. AITJ For Not Wanting MIL To Stay After My Fourth Baby Is Born?
“My spouse and I have 3 kids all the same gender and will soon have baby number 4. Baby 4 will be the opposite gender.
MIL had 3 kids. The new baby is the opposite gender of the kids she had.
We live 4 hours away from MIL. She never visits us.
We only see her if we visit. She never calls us. It’s us calling her.
MIL never helped with the first 3 kids. Would only ever hold a baby. Never feed or change nappy. Now that baby number 4 is coming and is different from what she had she is so interested. Wants to stay for a month after the baby is born to help us.
Wants to help bathe and change the new baby.
I said no. She has never been interested before. It shouldn’t matter now that this baby is a different gender to our other 3 kids (and the kids she birthed).
My spouse is happy she is interested finally.
But I think her interest is too late.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – MIL doesn’t want to ‘help’. She wants a do-over kid for the one she never got. Nope nope nope. If she can start regularly contacting and showing interest in her already existing grandchildren maybe she gets to meet the new little one down the track but otherwise?
She can get stuffed.” CartographerPlane685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is primed to make this child THE GOLDEN CHILD and it’s also likely to be ALL ABOUT HER. From what you’ve said this will do more harm than good plus it’s invasive — a MONTH when you don’t want her there?
Or need her there? No. NTJ. Feel bad for your spouse she’s not showing interest in them but in something shiny and new based on their sex?” angel9_writes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations! I’m with you, I think your MIL is already playing favorites and you won’t need her “help” anyway.
This is your fourth baby, you know what you are doing. Having MIL stay with you for a month would be a nightmare and since when has jamming someone else into your house when you already have a bunch of kids, fun? No way. As a fellow mother of four, I have to say the fourth baby is easy!
Just slots right in like they were always there. The third was way harder in terms of logistics, in my opinion – you only have 2 hands, only 2 adults, etc., and figuring out how to juggle the third was tricky at first. By number four, you are used to being outnumbered.” StabbyMum
3. AITJ For Not Comforting My Coworker During Her Meltdown?
“Someone at work was having a bad day right when getting into work. I was supposed to work with her in our business but she said that we can’t right now (which was normal) so we waited. She tried to sleep because she said she didn’t feel good but after an hour, she kept repeating that she wasn’t feeling well and telling me that she was sorry and mentioning my name as she said “OP I’m sorry I don’t feel good.” She kept repeating it until she started to cry, which made me uncomfortable.
I don’t like people crying. I don’t know how to handle it and I’ve known her for about a month, all I know is her name. We’re not that close other than that. I have autism which makes me mentally analyze things in a different way than other people.
I figured that maybe since I didn’t respond to her telling me that she wasn’t feeling well, that maybe she assumed I didn’t hear her, but when she kept repeating “I’m sorry I don’t feel good” all I could think of saying was “Ok”. What else was I supposed to say?
I at least acknowledged her speaking to me, but she ended up calling someone to pick her up and I had to tell our boss that she left for the day (which didn’t make the boss happy). I thought nothing of it at the time.
Today, though, I was going to ask how she was, and she said, “I don’t want to talk to you today. You didn’t care that I was having a meltdown yesterday.” Which was completely false. I barely know this coworker, and I don’t have any knowledge of her comfort levels (was I supposed to comfort her or something?).
Most people don’t like to be hugged. At least I don’t. I don’t know what I could have done differently.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like she expected you to give her a bunch of attention and fawn over her. When you’re at work and you feel so lousy that you think you need to sleep, you don’t sleep at work, you go home.
The only other thing that would have been appropriate for you to do is to offer to call someone to pick her up or to call management or emergency services if she was actually in distress. You have absolutely no obligation to anyone ‘having a meltdown’ at work, unless you are their manager it is not anywhere close to your responsibility.
NTJ, kinda sounds like she’s fishing for attention and pity, which makes her the jerk.” NoHorseNoMustache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had a few times where I felt so bad that I couldn’t think of what to do. I’d just stand there and repeat something like, “I don’t feel so well” if someone asked what was happening.
Coworkers would step in and help me sit down, get me water, and see if I needed to go home. It’s possible that’s what was happening with your coworker and she eventually had a meltdown because you didn’t help her. To her, it would have seemed like you didn’t care.
If she’s sick frequently, she needs to see a doctor. It’s also possible that she was a bit scared and just wanted some reassurance and when she didn’t get it, she had her meltdown. She might also be an attention-seeker or trying to get out of working her shift. It’s difficult to say.
If she has another episode where she keeps saying she’s sick, ask her if she needs if she needs help and go from there.” MythologicalRiddle
Another User Comments:
“For your best interests, you handled it well and stayed out of it. What happens in well-intentioned displays of empathy can escalate into harassment or unsafe workplace accusations.
Then you would be jobless because say you gave your coworker a hug or took her out for coffee, she could and likely would have filed a complaint with HR accusing you of harassment. Resist the urge to engage in any more non-work related dialogue, unstable people use it as a victim trap.” sky-walker75
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Follow My Fiancé's Family Tradition Of Cutting The Wedding Dress?
“My fiancé’s family has a tradition where on the wedding night the groom cuts the bride out of her dress. They even have a special knife they use to do it and the next day everybody makes a big deal about the cut-up dress.
I told my fiancé I don’t want to do it but he said he wants to and that it’s the only tradition he isn’t willing to budge on. There are other traditions he’s agreed to scrap, but he said this one is harmless and it’s important to him that we keep some of their traditions.
He and his family are upset with me since they feel like I’m erasing so many of their important traditions and since my fiancé really wants to keep this one, they feel like I should compromise.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t even about the dress.
Cutting the bride out of her clothing has inappropriate stolen bride/conquest vibes. This is the only thing we have to judge, but this one thing makes it seem his family devalues women. He can’t help that his family sucks, but he shouldn’t support it and pressure you to conform.
The situation is gross and I’d be rethinking the whole thing unless it’s a serious one-off and they are all fantastic people in your other experiences.” Ummmm-no2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That seems a bit… Squicky to me. It reads waaay too much “wedding night equals groom gets his way” for my taste.
Regardless of my own opinion, you have the right to say no to any tradition the other family has. They want to use a blue-colored safety pin on a handkerchief and you don’t want it? You can decline. That’s how a partnership works. You talk about what you do and don’t agree to do, and the two of you come to the decision.
The two of you. Screw what the other family thinks. Now if he’s putting his foot down? This may be worth a discussion about why. “Because tradition” is not a good enough argument for me. Why did this tradition start and why is it specifically important to him?
He needs to be able to intelligently defend his point. If, after a calm and rational discussion, you decide to do this, cool. I have a feeling that he will not be able to defend this.” Decent_Ad6389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have a throwaway dress for that.
I would be devastated seeing my actual dress being cut up. And if you’re not comfortable being cut out of a dress and objectified in a strange way then set your boundary and keep it! That is so odd, you’re not some piece of property to be looked over before your husband agrees to take you home.
This is so creepy just in context with the idea of getting married and what it meant to women to get married. Seriously reconsider this union. Best of luck!” Glad-Ability4018
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister About A Tracker In Her Car?
“I (23M) went to pick up food with my sister (30F) when I was alerted on my phone about a tracking device in her car. When we got back home we began to search for the tracking device and found it in a compartment in the trunk of her car.
Immediately we thought about worse possible scenarios like if she was being followed but I decided to tell her to ask her husband (35M) if he had placed it there.
She gave him a call and he in fact did place the device but since he never told her about it they began arguing about why he needed to be tracking her.
He says it’s for if their car ever gets stolen but she thinks he’s suspicious of her being unfaithful. Now I’m getting heat from my parents about even finding the tracking device in the first place so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could have been really, really bad.
Of course you told her. If you hadn’t told her and she got hurt, you never would have forgiven yourself. As it is, I’m really side-eyeing her husband. I think she’s right. I can’t imagine my husband putting a tracker on my car for a non-nefarious purpose and not being like “hey babe, I put an airtag in the car in case it gets stolen.”” rainyreminder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you literally had nothing to do with their argument? Your parents are whack for thinking you share any blame. Your sister is 100% right to question her husband and you were 100% right to bring it up. Plus you stayed out of it beyond bringing this to her attention.
It’s good that she knows because honestly, there have been way too many creeps using these and some people have gotten seriously hurt.” VixNeko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister was being stalked. It doesn’t matter that it was by her own husband. The fact of the matter is, he did not tell her about the tracking device, meaning that the reason he gave is most likely a lie.
If it was really about the car being stolen, he would have told her about it. He would have been upfront about it before even putting it in the car, or even purchasing it to begin with. That’s not what he did. He purchased it without her knowledge, put it in her car without her knowledge, and who knows how long it has been in there.
He has been able to see exactly where his wife goes at any time of any day, without her knowing that he has access to this knowledge. It does not matter that he is her husband. It is creepy and stalker behavior. It does not get a pass just because they got married.” Siren04200
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