People Feel Set Up In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Look After A Single Father's Child For The Sixth Or Seventh Time?
“I have 2 daughters in their early teens.
The older one is autistic. A couple of years ago my younger daughter had a sleepover with 6 or so friends for her birthday. A few days later we had a request from the father (Gary) of one of these girls (Elsie) for her to stay over because he had to work a night shift. My wife and I were surprised by this as we didn’t know him and we wouldn’t want our kids staying with someone we didn’t know.
We said yes though and she stayed.
Elsie and Gary then signed up for a weekly class that both my kids do. Since Gary doesn’t drive I give them a lift every week. This is the only interaction I have with Gary, I’m not close with him at all.
Despite this, he asked on a few more occasions (maybe 3 or 4) for Elsie to stay at our house. My daughter has grown away from being friends with Elsie over the past year or two and my older autistic daughter doesn’t like the invasion of her space that having someone stay brings.
It also complicates work from home as we need our office setup as an extra bedroom. Our kids normally cycle to school but Elsie doesn’t have a bike so I need to drive them which is an inconvenience to me. Even so, we always agreed to have her help Gary out as he’s a single parent and she was in need.
Recently though he has become ill and been admitted to hospital. He asked for her to stay with us while he was in and we agreed as he’s a single father and we felt sorry for him. We ended up having her here for 5 days, but we weren’t sure how long it would be initially.
Gary knew he would need to go back into the hospital at some point but made no arrangements for Elsie and assumed she could stay with us again.
He ended up going back in earlier than expected and dumped her on us again. We felt we had no choice but to look after her.
Again we had no idea what idea this would be for. It was ten days this time and we were all beyond our comfort zone with the situation, but my autistic daughter was struggling with having a guest in the house for that long.
A few days after Gary got out of hospital he messaged us to say he might have to go in again and that she would like to stay with us again.
This is where I may be the jerk, I shut this down quickly and said that there is no way she can stay again. I feel bad because he is a single parent and claims he has no one else to turn to, but I feel that he has had plenty of time to sort out other arrangements and that I need to put my children first. Her mother is alive but not an option for reasons that I don’t know about.
So AITJ for not helping out a sick father in need for the sixth or seventh time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar problem with a neighbor girl. Her single Dad kept saying he was offered extra shifts and needed the $. Turns out he was just getting high.
Are you sure Gary is staying at the hospital? Have you ever asked Gary where there is mom? Where are grandparents? Does he have any family in the area? I guess his answer doesn’t matter because you’re done being the long-term care provider.
Saying there’s no way she can stay here was a bit harsh, but Gary doesn’t seem aware of social norms, so he probably didn’t notice.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“Hmm. If I were to say YTJ it would be because he had no way of knowing this wasn’t working, and so he didn’t have to sort out other arrangements.
Because you could have told him when it became obvious he was relying solely on your family. But, your family has done a lot to accommodate him so I can’t say you’re a jerk in any way. Just shortsighted. And I can’t say he’s a jerk because he may be right he doesn’t have anyone else to turn to, and didn’t know that he should be looking.
No jerks here. It would be very kind of you to point him towards other resources- the school, the teachers of the class the kids take together, the hospital-that may be able to help him find another option.” Ok-Position7403
22. AITJ For Leaving My Rescheduled Birthday Lunch Because Of My Dad's Insensitivity?
“I am 24F and it is my 25th birthday next week and I share my birthday with my Grandfather. My parents split when I was young and I have been an only child my entire life. I don’t ask for much, and I’m a chronic people-pleaser.
My dad is in his 50s and has a wife 20 years his junior who is pregnant with their/her first child. She is from a different country that is 10+ hours away.
I had a birthday lunch scheduled for next weekend which was planned around my Dad’s schedule.
However, my dad called me on Thursday and said joyfully “I’m flying to my *wife’s home country* on Tuesday so family lunch is canceled”
I asked some follow-up questions and found out that her family was going to a theme park. He asked if I had plans for the weekend, and I told him I did because I’d already organized multiple things with multiple people.
I ended the call and cried.
I talked to my friends, canceled my plans, and rescheduled the family lunch for Saturday (36 hours from the phone call to the new lunch)
Everything gets organized and it gets to Saturday. I am 30 minutes into the 2-hour drive to my parent’s town and get a call from my grandmother asking where I am.
I had aimed to arrive at noon, but left late and there was traffic so my arrival time was planned for 12:45 pm. Lunch is always 12/12:30. My grandmother told me my Dad had moved lunch to 11:30 and no one had informed me, that I was the only person who needed to travel more than 20 minutes.
I spoke to my grandmother about dropping my dog at her house before lunch as I would be staying in the area the night, and couldn’t have him at the venue. She was more than happy with this and said my dad’s dog wouldn’t be there, which was necessary as the dogs do not get along.
I continue on the drive, and the family chat has messages relating to people arriving and my dad being late.
It’s 12:45 and I get to my grandparent’s house, and I see my dad’s dog in the window. He’d dropped him off and didn’t tell anyone.
I now have nowhere to take my dog and am on the brink of tears. I go to lunch and wish my grandfather a happy birthday and give him his present but let him know I will not be staying.
I told him about the dog situation and a family member commented that I looked like I was about to break down.
I told them I’d had a terrible week, and I pretty much was. My dad’s wife says they can take their dog somewhere else and I tell her it’s too late, so she just gets up from the table and walks away.
I went to leave and my dad stopped me. He said he knew he’d hurt me, he’d had a sleepless night, and he was sorry and wanted me to stay. I told him I didn’t want to stay, yes he had hurt me and I wanted to leave.
He let me go and then stopped me again and said “You’re being a real brat.”
So I left and I didn’t go back.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sucks though. He knew he hurt you and when you didn’t just tell him it was ok that he mistreated you he called you names.
He’s 50 and acting like he’s 5. I’m so sorry your dad is treating you this way, remember that you don’t have to interact with him if you’re not ready/comfortable. Kids, including adult kids, don’t owe their parents anything and deserve to be treated with respect at the very least. You’re not being treated with respect so you have no obligation to show him any either.” Misty2484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rescheduling a birthday meal so they can go to an amusement park doesn’t exactly scream “My daughter’s 25th birthday is important to me!” And then to say you’re being a real brat is just the icing on the cake. He didn’t care.
His wife also didn’t care. No one bothered to update you that lunch was moved up. No one said your dad brought the dog. It seems like you’re an afterthought and to feel that way at your shared birthday meal is awful. ” archetyping101
21. AITJ For Not Initiating Conversation With My Wife's Passive Aggressive Cousin?
“My wife has a set of cousins that are siblings (one is a male in his mid-20s and the other is a female in her late 20s). I’ve gotten along well with the older one, every time we meet, we have a good conversation, catch up on how things are going, etc etc. However, the other one is, well, kind of passive-aggressive.
Not particularly easy to talk to, and when he does talk, he sometimes comes off as condescending since he acts like a know-it-all, he will occasionally downplay things that I say in an attempt to knock me down a peg. Furthermore, in every interaction we have, I feel like I have actively been the one to initiate it.
Aside from greetings, he doesn’t really try to speak with me.
Anyway, here’s the situation: went to my wife’s cousin’s house for dinner. It was me, my wife, my wife’s parents, my wife’s cousins, and my wife’s cousins parents.
From the time I got in, the male cousin’s only interaction with me was to say hi. For the rest of the evening he either busied himself with setting up for dinner or engaged in conversation with my wife. I decided I would let him run with it this time.
I didn’t engage either. Literally sat next to him the whole evening and matched his energy. I spoke with his sister because she was happy to talk but I refrained from chasing after the male cousin and trying to initiate conversation. My wife signaled to me a few times in the evening to try and talk with him but I straight up told her no. If I’m a guest in your house and you’re hosting, I kind of feel like you should make an effort to engage.
It shouldn’t be on me to chase you.
Anyway, now that it’s been a few days I wanted to get some external perspective. AITJ here? On one hand, I guess I can see how a house guest should talk with their hosts and be more friendly but given the history here I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Was that rude of me? Should I have been the bigger person and just sucked it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of people will probably disagree with me on this, but I’m so jaded to BS that “family” tries to push that I’m over people like your cousin-in-law.
We are all too old to be acting like that, and life is too short to be stressed out trying to please passive-aggressive narcissists.” Smilodon_populator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It appears that both of you don’t care for the other, so why bother trying to initiate a conversation?
Let your wife know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. The dude isn’t interested in talking to you for whatever reason, and since you ‘match that energy’ while still being friendly with others, I don’t see a problem here.
I don’t know what she thinks will happen if you try to talk to the guy, other than him being his usually rude self. Ask her what she’s expecting to happen. Honestly, if my adult kids were rude to the company in my own home, I’d be embarrassed on my own end, not upset at my guest.” fernswordgirl432
20. AITJ For Not Accepting My Husband's Expensive Household Appliances As My Christmas Gift?
“I (42 F) and my husband (43 M) have been together for about 25 years now. Our wedding anniversary is even Christmas Day! So, to put it simply, I love Christmas!
This year will be our first Christmas as empty nesters. Our child has flown the coop and so I said that I would like to keep Christmas small.
I’ve got multiple chronic illnesses and over the years the work of making Christmas magical has gotten more and more difficult.
So, both of us agreed a week ago to cap the total amount spent on each other at $100, so the gifts would be just regular things we like.
I sent him an Amazon wishlist and additional shops with items to choose from.
I’m also disabled and have limited income, so $100 is the maximum I could do. My husband sometimes gives me an allowance for gas and food but it depends on his mood.
Today is Black Friday. I left the house to try and find some deals I could afford for Christmas. My husband doesn’t give me a list, but that’s okay because I know what he likes and what his clothing size is, so I can just shop for him.
I just returned, and there’s a big box covered with a blanket in the living room. My husband was super excited and said that this was my Christmas gift, and he wanted me to open it now because there’s something that goes with it that he still needs to order but it’s only on sale today and he wants my input on which one to pick.
So…I “unwrapped” my Christmas gift to find a….
Microwave oven.
It’s a very nice Microwave. It’s a built-in that we will need to install. And our Microwave broke last week, so I’m glad to get a replacement at Black Friday prices.
The “matching” gift is a stove from the same brand.
There are 2 options on sale. Our stove element is dying and my husband already rejected fixing the part because the stove is so old. It’s a very nice stove.
My husband is very happy. He said I can now get back to cooking at home.
And how now he doesn’t need to bother with any more shopping or wrapping gifts, both things he dislikes.
I told him that I was glad he saved money on things we needed to replace but I was not accepting this as my Christmas gift. We can call it the anniversary gifts, as those are usually larger items we buy together that we both use (think TVs and such) and we often shop together on Black Friday for those gifts… but the limit for Christmas is $100, not $3000+.
My husband got upset when I said I wasn’t accepting the Microwave and stove for Christmas. He said I’m ungrateful and just want more stuff from him because I can’t buy it for myself. He said he should just return everything since I don’t give a darn about the work he put into giving me something nice.
Then he went upstairs to his office and didn’t come back down, even when I made breakfast.
AITJ for not accepting his gifts? They are nice and we do need them. Should I apologize so we keep them, because we do need them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you guys agreed on no more than 100 dollars per person. If he wants to buy the oven as a family gift then that’s different but him trying to lump them into your gifts seems like an easy way to get out of the “hard work” of buying off the list provided.” daphneodaisy
Another User Comments:
“He gave you more hard labor to do with your chronic illnesses because he doesn’t want to cook, shop, or be bothered. Why, woman aren’t you accepting his “generous” gift for you (himself)? This isn’t a gift dude. This is just the regular ball and chain we drag around every other day.
Tell him it can be his gift from you. See how he likes it then?” Technical-Habit-5114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Domestic appliances that are really ‘for the household’ are not Christmas gifts. Your gift should be something for you to enjoy. If the microwave and oven need to be replaced, they should come out of the household budget.
Your husband is the jerk in this scenario.” BackgroundGate3
19. AITJ For Expecting A Formal Invitation To Family Gatherings?
“I am 48, M, and have been with my partner for 10 years. I have 4 kids, all over the age of 16, all but 1 are out of the house and either have their places or are in college. Every year, every event rather, inevitably someone randomly will ask me the day before or the day of something like “Are you coming to so and so’s house for …….” Thanksgiving this time.
I always have the same response, I wasn’t invited. Everyone knows my mother has a bad memory and the excuse always seems to me to be, we told Mom to invite you. And my response is ALWAYS “Well CLEARLY SHE DIDN’T” yet they continue to do the same for every Thanksgiving and Christmas, birthday or other.
(My mother said Happy Birthday to me on my social media feed, no one else even said anything that day except my partner and my kids, no one in my family, we all live 10 minutes from each other.) It’s to the point I am branded the black sheep, everyone thinks I am anti-social and don’t want to be anywhere with them, yet I never get made to feel like I am supposed to be there.
AITJ for thinking I deserve to be asked to come to things? Am I supposed to just know I am invited? Even if that has NEVER been the way things are done in our family? 2 of my sisters are wedding and event planners so I feel like not inviting me and then saying we told mom is a passive-aggressive way of not inviting me or excusing themselves of any guilt.
I’m to the point I just don’t even WANT to be invited anywhere! I am tired of being made to feel like I am the one avoiding people when it’s them who seem to be avoiding me. I am just upset. Long day.
AITJ for not going to something I wasn’t invited to?
Like if I was doing a Christmas party, I would invite people. I wouldn’t just plan it and expect people to know they are invited right? I don’t want to keep doing this if I am wrong and it’s me.
AITJ? I did not go and now everyone is mad at me and acts like it’s just normal for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but devil’s advocate, is it possible they just assume that you will be coming to these events? Like if you have 10 core family members and you always do Thanksgiving and Christmas together, could it just be assumed that it’s an open invitation, without needing to formally invite all 10 people each time?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m on your side, but you could always call them ahead of the holiday and say, “What are the plans this year?” or something like that. Sometimes families assume that the same close relations are invited by default.” Trick_Photograph9758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, It sucks not to be invited to get-togethers, especially family events. Growing up, my nickname was “me too” because my dad would ask the whole family, “Who wants to get ice cream?” and I’d always assume I wasn’t included in those asked so I’d ask “Me too?” I’ve never really shaken the feeling that I’m not included in an invitation to everyone.
I’m wondering if you don’t have a bit of the same about you. I’m not anti-social, but I rarely will if ever invite myself or ask to be invited. Talk with them, ask them if you are invited. They could be assuming an open invitation, and you are assuming you need an individual invitation for each family event.
They were upset you weren’t there. They missed you.” Bedivemade
Another User Comments:
“Mate, there’s something you’ve not told here. You have your generation’s family and your mother and you are repeatedly not being invited to family events that everyone else is attending.
There is a reason and I’m fairly sure you know what it is but aren’t adding that. Then we add in a partner of 10 years (but no marriage- really? You either want to marry this woman or you don’t) 4 adult kids who live somewhere else and also don’t appear to be inviting you to join them for the holiday.
But also- you don’t appear to be inviting any of them to a meal Hosted at your home. So, I am going with the assumption that something has happened where you aren’t welcome by the rest of your sibling-level family or your kids and that’s more important than getting offended by no invitation.” nowaynohowanyway
18. AITJ For Suggesting My Stressed S/O Exercise For Mental Health?
“My significant other seems to be very on edge lately (and rightfully so) we have a lot going on (moving, kids, job changes)…etc. The other day, she seemed to be losing it with frustration at one of our kids and was yelling—which, happens, and the kid, who is almost a teenager didn’t help (he didn’t pack all his clothes and this was the fourth weekend in a row where we asked him to do it and took time out of our day to help—only to find out more clothes had been hidden in mysterious places…I won’t go on).
It was annoying—but it is, unfortunately, relatively normal for kids his age…that was yesterday. Today I commented on how it may be nice when we move to take advantage of working out again. Significant other says it doesn’t help and only makes things more stressful—I suggested maybe something else, yoga…etc since physical activity can help reduce stress and lubricate the neurons.
This was not well received. My significant other started yelling at me—I made it clear that this had zero to do with physical attraction at all (and it does not) and that I intended to communicate a thought I had about how helpful it would be.
I was told—this was not the first time we had a conversation about working out—this is true, it’s just that circumstances change and I don’t recall bringing it up recently (at least not within the last 4-6 months), and 2, I’m being condescending.
I was also told that my statements about the mental health benefits/ stress reduction weren’t helpful after she already said she did not want to work out.
I brought it up in the context of our transition because the area we are moving to has a little more accessibility to the outdoors.
This turned into her shouting at me and me explaining that my intent was not to upset her and that I was sorry for that. She went on about how once something is said it cannot be taken back etc…
I pointed out that I didn’t believe this all needed to be communicated by screaming at me and that, while I understand she is upset even if I don’t understand the reason, I pointed out that in the past 24hr, she has yelled at me and my kids when she has been upset about something, also, for context, our toddler was right there.
Since I made the comment—I essentially set things in motion, however, I didn’t anticipate this level of response and not in front of the kids.
I don’t find this appropriate, especially in front of the kids. I get it if I say something upsetting, and no, maybe I don’t understand the reason, but I can still see that someone is upset and respect that, but I shouldn’t be yelled at for that.
I didn’t think my comment was insensitive and I tried to highlight that it came from a good place since I was trying to suggest something, but I was told that it was too controlling.
Based on what was said to me, I fully expect to be told I am the jerk—if that’s the case please just offer constructive suggestions.
I do not like the yelling and I want to bring that up—because I don’t want to be told I’m controlling for now pointing out how I think there are more constructive ways to disagree, and I’m sensitive to the fact that coming off as diplomatic in and of itself can seem controlling if you hurt someone’s feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here .. she needs to control her anger… As for you “I was told—this was not the first time we had a conversation about working out—this is true, it’s just that circumstances change and I don’t recall bringing it up recently (at least not within the last 4-6 months), and 2, I’m being condescending.
I was also told that my statements about the mental health benefits/ stress reduction weren’t helpful after she already said she did not want to work out.” you were told several times .. it doesn’t matter if you brought it up in your entire relationship, she said no and you waited until you thought she forgot..
how about letting her deciding if and when it’s the right time and not according to your circumstances..” GuyFromLI747
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – When I read your title, where you suggested exercise for mental health, I thought, “Well at least he didn’t say she should try yoga.” And then you flipping suggested yoga.
That’s practically a meme in mental health circles for what a worthless suggestion it is – usually as an alternative to that ‘unnatural’ medication. Do you think any of the crap you listed she doesn’t already know about? Then you brought her appearance into it, unprovoked?
Were you TRYING to push every one of her buttons? Because that’s an amazing feat if you did it all by accident.” MurnSwag2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here but gently, you made a potentially innocuous comment, but she’s already stressed and hasn’t wanted to discuss this topic previously.
I might be reading too much into the language but you talked about your kids and a toddler. Apologies if I’ve misunderstood but it sounds like you have a kid with significant other and others from a previous relationship. How are they feeling about the move?
And your newer relationship? Are they digging their heels in because they’re uncomfortable with what’s happening? She shouldn’t have yelled but talk to everyone and see how they’re all doing. There’s a reason for all this stress, try and get to the root cause.” Efficient-Tax-8398
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Half-Brother's Friends To My Wedding?
“I (24F) am the youngest of three. My half siblings, both male are 13 and 15 years older than me. My mom also lived with my older brother since my dad passed away.
One is married with 2 kids, and one is single.
We planned our wedding earlier this year, and because of the small time limit of 2 months, we had a venue for 60 people. My half siblings, my SIL, and my kids were invited along with my mom.
Here is where the problem comes in. My mom and I don’t have the best relationship.
She had a problem when I came out as bisexual, and our relationship has always been strained, even more so after the death of my dad, but that’s a story for another time.
So about a month after our Save The Dates went out, my mother sent me a message saying the oldest brother wanted to invite his friend, the friend’s partner, and his son to our wedding as they didn’t know anyone who would be there, but he didn’t contact me himself.
I told her that my then-fiance and I would consider it if he contacted me himself. 2 weeks before the wedding, I asked again if they wanted to rsvp. My mom did, but my siblings never did, even after I asked them a few times. No Response.
My brother went behind my back and asked his friend and his partner if they would be able to take off from work that Sunday since they were invited to a wedding, and the friend went as far as to ask his ex-wife for custody of their child that weekend, all of this without my knowing.
After I found out, I sent a message to him telling him that his friend was not invited, neither was his partner or his kid. I would have appreciated it if they had talked to me first since there was a possibility of people not coming to our wedding, but since he went behind my back, I don’t want his friends at our wedding.
He sent me a very nasty message about how no one in the household would attend our wedding since I’m a stuck-up mean person and don’t even want to help look after my mom with a bunch of other nasty words in between that I can’t say.
(He has 3 businesses, while I don’t have a job)
After a huge fight between me and my mother, I decided it would be best if they weren’t there. The siblings, one’s wife, and their kids all blocked me on WhatsApp.
Our wedding was fun, and a magical experience I will never forget, but now my mom is holding it against me for not saying sorry about my message about not inviting the friend, and to keep the peace within the family.
I can’t have a normal conversation with her without it involving my half-siblings and our wedding somehow.
Should I have said sorry about the message, and invited them before the fight escalated to the point where I cut off contact, or Am I The Jerk for saying I don’t regret the message I sent him?
I believe I am a jerk since everyone from my mom’s family has been sending me messages telling me that I am a jerk for not inviting them since I am the youngest sibling that will have a wedding and I denied my half siblings their rights”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And honestly, your siblings and mom weren’t able to communicate with you and didn’t come to your wedding! And they still make you feel like you were the jerk? Honestly, cut them out. You don’t need people like that, who see you just as an afterthought.
You weren’t enough for your brother to come to your wedding? He couldn’t communicate. But your mom still is mad at you? Why aren’t you mad at them and still let her hurt you?” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No one has a right to be invited to a wedding, and those that do need to be gracious guests and not invite others along to an event not run by them.
To transgress further and send nasty texts they risk having consequences put in place that have them uninvited to the happy event. Which is what happened. Of course, none of the uninvited are going to own up to their behavior being the reason they were excluded from the event.” Longjumping_Win4291
16. AITJ For Taking The Master Bedroom In An AirBNB I Paid The Most For?
“So my wife’s mother has ALS, and she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her and her 2 brothers, their wives, and kids. This could be the last Thanksgiving she gets to share with her Mom and brothers all together.
So we all decide to get an Airbnb for 5 days. My wife’s brothers live in Illinois and my mother-in-law and I live in Florida. So the oldest brother’s wife books the place, something we all said looks good. Also to add, all 3 families, besides my wife’s mom have a dog.
So in this house will be my family, my wife and I and 2 boys. My wife’s oldest brother and his wife along with 4 boys, then my wife’s youngest brother and his wife with a 1.5 yr old. When we booked it, we had 3 weeks until check-in.
Four days before we checked in, my wife’s oldest brother called and said hey, younger brother’s wife says she is calling the Master Bedroom and Master Bathroom, cause the 1.5-year-old needs the biggest bathroom to sleep in a pack-in-play. So the house has 1 king bed (which is the master bedroom)and 2 queen beds.
Then a room with bunk beds, a room with 2 single beds, and a room with 2 sets of bunk beds. So to make this story short. My family is paying 1k, the oldest brother’s wife is paying 850, and the youngest brother who had the request is paying 400.
Why the difference, Wes and our oldest brother are staying Sunday-Friday the youngest is staying Tuesday to Friday. Both of the brother’s dogs are free, mine is $125, and still, to this day, I have yet to find out why their dogs are free and mine is 125, oh ya cause only 2 dogs are free.
So that’s why I’m paying the most.
Well back to the request of room, my wife and I took the master room, and all chaos broke loose. But am I wrong for taking the only king bed ’cause I’m paying $1000 or should the brother who is paying $400 and coming 2 days later get it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you are paying the most and staying the longest. Calling dibs when you are coming late and leaving early is a no-go. I’m sure the pack-and-play fits elsewhere. She sounds like she thinks she deserves it because she has a baby just figure out a way to communicate without sounding like a jerk.
You could say something like – since we are getting there two days in advance- we will scope out the rooms. If the other rooms don’t fit the pack n play we will swap with you for those two nights. I have had my kids in pack-n-plays in closets, bathrooms, etc. I’m sure it will fit in another room.
NTJ.” jo-mama-cp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for taking the room, but a little for not saying so when dibs were called. All your reasons are completely valid. You’re paying 2.5x more than them, and 25% more than the other sibling. If you’d said it earlier, everyone would have been cooled off by now.
Don’t allow this to be an issue for the holiday with MIL.” SomebodyNew75
15. AITJ For Retaliating Against My Brother's Disruptive Gaming Habits?
“I have a younger brother with whom I don’t get along very well. We have always shared a room since we were kids, and our personalities are very different from each other.
Not too recently, the TV in our room was upgraded to a much bigger and better one.
Our dad bought a brand-new TV for his room and gave us his “old” TV, which is still pretty darn good. My brother and I made a verbal agreement to take turns using the TV in our room. Day 1 was my turn, Day 2 was his turn, and so on.
(We didn’t have anything else at that time, like a monitor or something else, so we had to rely on our TV for entertainment.)
I would use my day to play games on my Nintendo Switch. He would use his day to play games on his PlayStation.
The agreement was working just fine the first couple of weeks until he decided to go complain to our mother. (Why not talk it out with me first? I have no idea.) He argues that the “1 day me – 1 day him” structure is unfair because I have a Nintendo Switch, and I could just play handheld / table-top mode when it’s his day, while he can’t play at all when it’s my day, and he demanded more days for him.
Yes reader, I agree with you, this is a silly, if not, a dumb fight in which I could easily just comply with his request, and let him have one more day, which I would have probably done if he had come to me and explained the reason why.
But he didn’t, instead, he went with the safe option of resorting to my parents first, the reason? Well for context, in my household, when you argue, usually whoever “cries” or victimizes themselves first, automatically wins, because in many scenarios, my parents don’t care to indulge in why the argument happened or what led to it, they just automatically take the side whoever “cries” the most, I despise this methodology to win an argument and I’ve never used it, but my brother has, many times, and it usually works for him.
So, naturally, when I heard he accused my parents of making him agree on something he didn’t agree on (again, he DID agree) I was mad, really mad, because he always does it, and I always comply and don’t fight back to not make matters worst because “I’m the big brother” but this time I was not having it.
I was genuinely so mad I argued back (and on time) that it was not unfair, that he could have perfectly chosen to have a Nintendo Switch as I did instead of a Playstation, and that while my console is a hybrid, his console was way more powerful and could run games better than mine.
To my fortune, my parents agreed with my argument and decided to keep the 1 day me – 1 day him structure as is.
I won, or.. did I?
The agreement was kept as it was originally intended and our lives continued, however, some weeks after, on his days, he would play Fortnite with his friends, and he would always scream very loud when playing with them, even when he was just supposedly talking, he was screaming even though his mic was right in his mouth.
(Disclaimer, I also tend to scream or be loud when I’m playing with my friends, but I am mindful of who is doing what at that time, so if my brother is doing homework or my parents are fast asleep, I keep as quiet at possible out of respect of those around me), but my brother on the other hand, he doesn’t care.
He would talk or scream very loudly to his friends in the same room as me while I was doing homework.
I asked him multiple times to not scream and to talk normally because his friends were gonna be able to hear him anyway, he just said “ok” and continued with his screaming.
This same scenario happened multiple times in which I reminded him that he didn’t need to scream in order to talk and that he needed to stop screaming because I was trying to get some homework done, and he would just continue screaming without caring.
I even tried to put on some headphones but that didn’t work, I even thought he was getting me back for winning the argument about us having a day each to play, eventually, I, had no other choice but to rely on my last resource.
I went straight to my parents to tell them the situation, and, while a little skeptical at first, they agreed to go and warn him to not scream because I was doing homework, my brother stopped screaming for the day FINALLY, and I did my homework with no problem.
That lasted… 2 days. The next day we returned to the same routine of him screaming his guts out when playing with his friends and me telling him to please stop so I could do my homework in peace, only to resort one more time to my parents to shut him up.
This routine repeated about 5 times until the 5th time when I went to my parents, they told me they were “tired” of telling him to shut up and that “it was his room too”.
I was speechless, the people who literally have the authority to ground him and teach him a lesson as they would do with me, just told me they were “tired”.
And that I had to deal with it because “it was his room too”, well what about “it’s my room too, huh?”, they didn’t seem to care.
So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I am the only one in my family who knows how to restart the router from the gateway IP, but they don’t know that I can, or that it’s even possible.
So… I would just wait for him to be on a Fortnite match.. and when he was about to win or he was in a big building fight, I would just restart the modem, causing him to lose the match right at the end making him very mad.
He would sometimes ask me, “Did the internet also go down for you too?”, to which I would respond “No, it’s going fine for me”.
I did this multiple times as payback to him always screaming while I was doing homework one day, one of his favorite YouTubers went live with an event for his subscribers, and my brother being a fan and all, tried to get in the event with his favorite YouTuber.
You can already guess what I did, didn’t you?
He was furious, He was screaming so furiously that even my mom had to calm him down. I eventually interrupted and said “Yeah, the internet is pretty weak upstairs, all because the modem is downstairs”, that one phrase was all it took.
My brother immediately took his PlayStation and connected it to the living room TV downstairs (mind you, it is a much smaller TV than the one in our room, but it’s next to the modem) where he was able to play his Fortnite matches and, well..
the internet would work just fine throughout the match, I guess getting closer to the modem did work.
I was finally free, not only did I finally get the room to be quiet again so I could concentrate on my homework and studying, but I also got the TV in my room all for myself.
And well, my brother kept screaming like he usually does, but this time it was downstairs where I could ignore him easily (since he was not next to me anymore).
Do you know who couldn’t ignore him so easily?
You guessed it, my parents.
They usually take a nap mid-afternoon, and well, my brother’s screaming would constantly wake them up from their nap.
Making them snap at him for waking them up. (I wish they had that energy when I complained). One of those times when he got yelled at for waking them up, I even dared to tell my mom “But it’s his house too” to which she gave me a deadly stare, but it was worth it.
So, AITJ? Would you have done anything differently?”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sisters Borrow My Car Anymore?
“I (20M) recently bought my first car, it’s a used but reliable sedan that I worked really hard to save up for.
I’m a college student and I can only work part time so it took me longer than I’d like to admit if I’m being honest. I’m proud of it and take good care of it because it’s my only means of getting to work, school, running errands, etc.
My sisters, Lily (22F) and Hannah (25F) don’t have cars. Lily takes public transportation, and Hannah mostly relies on her partner to drive her places. Ever since I got my car, they’ve been asking me to borrow it just for a bit here and there.
At first, I didn’t mind letting them use it occasionally like when they had something urgent or needed a ride somewhere.
But over time, it started feeling like they were taking advantage. Lily would borrow it for a quick errand and not return it for hours.
Hannah once used it to drive to a friend’s house but came back with an empty tank of gas and didn’t refill it. Another time, she left it a mess with fast food wrappers and crumbs everywhere.
The final straw was last week when Lily asked to borrow the car to go to the grocery store.
She ended up driving to another city to hang out with friends, which I only found out because she posted about it on social media. She didn’t tell me and came back way later than she said she would. When I confronted her, she said, What’s the big deal?
It’s just a car.
I told both of them that I’m no longer letting anyone borrow my car unless it’s an emergency. They got super defensive, saying I was being unfair and selfish. Hannah said it’s not like you’re using it 24/7.
Lily called me a “bad brother” for not helping out. Now they’re both annoyed with me and complaining to our parents, who think I should be more flexible.
AITJ for refusing to let my sisters borrow my car anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They need to get their vehicles, an Uber, or find another way.
You saved for that car. You said it took you longer than you’d like to admit. Does your insurance even cover drivers that aren’t you? What happens if they wreck it? Will your insurance cover them as drivers? Can you afford your deductible rn? These are the questions I’d be asking myself.
You’re not being a jerk. Also, they don’t respect you loaning them the car even. They lie about where they are going with it, don’t fill up the tank, and leave it a mess.? No way. I’d tell them to get their own. A good sibling wouldn’t do that to you.
You’re not a bad brother. They’re just being shifty sisters.” Current-Name1334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: They’re abusing a privilege. If they understood that and apologized, you could maybe give them another chance–but instead, they’re oblivious to how entitled their actions are. Keep your car to yourself, because these are exactly the kind of people who would get in a fender bender and then insist they don’t have to help pay for the damages.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve lied about their whereabouts when they have borrowed the car before. They have disrespected you by bringing the car back with an empty gas tank and trash everywhere. They’re old enough to work & save for their car.
Your parents can also let them borrow their cars.” MaeSilver909
13. AITJ For Expecting My Older Sister To Transport Our Wheelchair-Bound Younger Sister To My Wedding?
“My partner and I are both in our 30s and due to get married in a little over a year.
He has no family, and I have 2 sisters and their partners. Our wedding is a very supportive friend environment with very little family involvement, over the years our friends have become our family.
I am close to my 2 sisters but we are very different and neither of them has the same vision for the big day that I do.
My older sister wants to be involved but I honestly don’t need or want her fussing around me, I need her to turn up as a guest and enjoy the day.
That being said, I have asked her to do 1 thing for me. Get my younger sister to the wedding on time.
That’s it! Our younger sister is an adult wheelchair user without her own transport, I am her transport, but on the wedding day, I can’t be.
My older sister decided that the younger one could stay with her to get ready – the problem there is that my older sister’s house has stairs and younger sis cannot manage stairs.
Younger sis has politely declined, saying she would be more comfortable getting ready at home, and asked to be picked up from there.
I don’t see the issue with this! The older sis says this will cause a problem and put her day out and that the younger one shouldn’t be so demanding.
I got upset and told her that she has one job and she needs to make it happen, it’s 40-60 mins out of her day to get her to our wedding. I do not want to hear anything else about it.
I told her if she couldn’t do that for me then she couldn’t do the things she wanted to like keeping my engagement ring safe, and meeting and greeting people.
AITJ for expecting my older sister to sort this?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone stinks here Honestly, your younger sister needs to figure her stuff out. She and her partner are grown-ups. Everyone is being obnoxious and rigid. The older sister does not need to be in charge of the younger sister’s transportation.
She also doesn’t have to be involved in any of those other little tasks. Release her from any participation and let your sisters get ready and get themselves to your wedding without each other’s or your intervention.” bananaphone1549
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you might want to lower your expectations of older sis.
Maybe you have a friend who can help younger sis get there. And don’t be entrusting your ring to older sis… just carry it yourself tbh. I had an unreliable maid of honor who left the ring in the car. It takes a wedding ceremony memorable but not in a good way.” Sue_in_Victoria
Another User Comments:
“Let me start by saying that I am not disabled, so maybe I don’t understand all the issues. However, I have seen disabled adults drive their own adapted vehicles and generally manage their lives like adults. If that is not possible, why can’t YS arrange for her transportation with a service?
You hint that she may suffer from mild anxiety. Given the choice, I would rather learn to cope with my anxiety than continue to be a burden and source of contention for my sisters. You are not doing YS any favors by coddling her. And it is not OS’s responsibility to transport YS any more than it is yours.
It is your wedding day. You have other responsibilities — like trying to be happy. Tell YS that she needs to arrange her transport. No jerks here.” ImportantOnion9937
12. AITJ For Suggesting Two Separate Birthday Parties To Avoid Drama?
“So here’s the situation: One of my best friends and I share the same birthday, and for years we’ve celebrated together.
This year, I want to invite a friend (let’s call her Sarah) to my party. We’re not super close, but she’s invited me to her parties before, and I feel it would be rude not to invite her. The issue is, that my friend briefly saw Sarah years ago (before he got with his current partner), and his partner hates her.
Last year, it caused a huge scene when they were at the same event.
I talked to my friend about it, and he said he’d feel uncomfortable if Sarah was invited. However, he also told me he doesn’t want me to not invite someone just because of him.
I suggested we have two separate parties on different days—one where Sarah can come and another where he can celebrate without feeling uncomfortable. But now he’s saying that having two parties would make him feel left out or bad, and honestly, I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of their drama.
I’m starting to feel manipulated because no matter what I do, it feels like I’ll end up being the bad guy. I don’t want to cause any tension, but I also don’t think it’s fair that I have to change my plans because of an issue from years ago.
So, AITJ for suggesting two separate parties on different days? Or should I just not invite Sarah to avoid the drama altogether?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My dude is not getting “left out” if he gets his party AND gets invited to yours. He’s being fully included. If he chooses not to attend, that’s on him and something he needs to take up with his partner.
Don’t make your partner’s problems your problems or allow her to interfere with your other relationships. Her feelings shouldn’t have any deciding power over *your* party. After all, you’re not choosing to see her. He is. So if she’s going to act stinky about someone, that’s *his* problem to take up within his relationship.
Give him the choice of two parties OR a combined one with Sarah. Those are two great options, and he can choose how he wants to handle his partner’s insecurity regarding his ex.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“If you’re having a joint birthday with your best friend, definitely don’t invite his ex.
If you have two birthday parties, I doubt your best friend will come if the only reason for doing so is to accommodate his ex. I feel like you just need to choose who you care about more, your best friend or his ex, and then make plans around that.
I honestly don’t think anyone is a jerk here, but I guess if anything they are the jerks for forcing you to pick between them. NTJ” puntacana24
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stop Wearing Crocs On Our Dates?
“My partner (23M) and I (22F) are medium/long distance (2 hours) and only see each other on the weekends. We’ve been going out to nicer restaurants and bars for dinners and going on cute dates. When we went apple picking, I asked him not to wear Crocs because it’s muddy, slippery, etc. It started a mini argument but eventually, he switched to boots.
When we went out to dinner that night, he wore the Crocs again.
We are planning our Halloween costumes and the next time we see each other I asked him if he would wear shoes other than Crocs. More than just the functionality part, they just aren’t really what you wear when going to bars or eating at nice restaurants.
He even admitted to not wearing Crocs to school often (PhD) as he “dresses nicer for school”. I think it’s fun picking out cute outfits I know he likes and doing my makeup when I get to see him. When I asked if he doesn’t like dressing up when we see each other, he said that it shouldn’t matter what you wear.
Like yes, but also there’s a reason why people don’t wear Crocs to weddings or job interviews.
He feels like I am controlling him by asking him not to wear Crocs, and I guess I am, but I feel like I’m going crazy trying to explain to him why Crocs isn’t a shoe for every single occasion.
I’m not trying to throw out his Crocs or anything, but I just really like it when he dresses a little nicer and doesn’t wear sweatpants and Crocs out.
He thinks that it’s superficial to care about what you look like and that he doesn’t “think I look prettier” when I pick out an outfit and do makeup.
I love him and think he’s cute no matter what, but I really do love it when I know he puts a little effort in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not being “controlling” by asking him to look nice when you go out to a nice place.
You’re asking him to be respectful of the occasion and setting. That’s just good manners. He can be bothered to dress nice for school, but not for you. That sucks.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be irritated AF, too. My husband has a couple of pairs of Crocs but he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them outside of our property or at a campsite.
I have bright Barbie-pink crocs for yardwork and camping too, but I’d never wear them out in ‘real’ public. If he shows up again in Crocs when you’re supposed to be going out, wipe off all your makeup, throw on a ratty t-shirt and a pair of sweats then insist you only go to a drive-through fast-food place.
If it doesn’t matter what you look like, why should it matter where you eat? Especially if it’s so much trouble for him to dress up nice for you. Yeah, I’m like that. If you ask once and he still disregards a simple completely reasonable request, he can sit in it.
Alternately – take him shoe-shopping for some nice casual slip-on dressy-type shoes. Those work with everything and don’t scream ‘trailer park’.” theoracle
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You seem to take his choice of footwear personally, like he does not care about you because he does not dress up for you.
If this is a pervasive attitude on his part then your relationship is doomed. If he does other things to show you affection–take turns picking activities, give and take in conversations, legitimately care about what you say and do–then the relationship seems otherwise healthy. There may be another reason he wears Crocs, as his feet hurt, but he is not ready to share.
This is the kind of thing that can escalate into a fight that can end the relationship. Is this the hill you want to die on?” haymaker
10. AITJ For Refusing To Host Thanksgiving After Last Year's Disaster?
“Last year, I (f30) and my darling husband (DH) (m30) hosted my in-laws for Thanksgiving. It was a disaster.
I am a nurse and work nights, I was exhausted, I was late making dinner, and my DH’s grandparents had to get fast food because I took too long to cook. My mother-in-law was supposed to bring three sides but she ended up bringing one frozen meatloaf that was about six inches long to feed 9 people.
Essentially, she brought nothing to share, they came over and at the end of the night, they packed up all of our food and took it with them. (We were under the impression they were putting the food in our fridge because that’s what they said they were doing).
We had absolutely no leftovers. Earlier this year, my husband’s grandmother died after a3-weekk hospital stay.
I did everything I could to be there for my mother-in-law. I brought food, showed up every other day to spend time with Grandma, and drove Grandpa back and forth to visit.
When she passed I bought my mother-in-law a dress for the funeral, I checked in on my mother-in-law, and my husband and I drove Grandpa to the funeral. Ever since my mother-in-law has been standoff-ish. I don’t know why, I’ve run myself ragged to take care of her.
Her children don’t check in on her as often as I do. (Or did). A week ago she called me to ask about Thanksgiving dinner and I told her I wasn’t cooking. I was tired, I worked a lot (50 hours a week) and I didn’t appreciate people taking food they didn’t cook out of my kitchen.
She immediately started crying and telling me she lost her best friend, it was the first holiday season without her mom, she was sad, and she was lonely. I told her tough luck. I’m tired of being taken for granted. She called my DH who said he is staying out of it, but that now might not be the time for me to make a “grand statement”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s time your husband manages his family. He can’t only be a bystander. I would help out Grandpa if needed and everything else is a DH problem. Also, your mother-in-law couldn’t make the side dishes like it was discussed beforehand last year, never communicated about it,t and took your food with her home I assume without asking.
She wouldn’t be much help this year either.” MariKJa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell husband you’re not making a grand statement, you are doing the same as him and staying out of it. If he wants to host then he’s more than welcome to do the cooking and everything else that is needed for them.
They have other children whose homes they can go to but you’re staying out of it.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is a husband problem. How dare he stay out of dealing with *his* mother? How dare he expect *you* to cook? I think you shouldn’t forbid *him* from hosting, but he needs to understand that of course you‘re not the one to cook and clean for his event.” RiverSong_777
9. AITJ For Coming Home Late And Spending The Day Outside?
“I (20M) have been leaving the house at 7 a.m. to go to work and coming home at 8-10 p.m. because I hang out with my partner (22F) and I go to the gym.
I used to come home between 12 and 3 a.m., but I stopped because my parents didn’t like that, and I understand.
Four days ago, I came back home at 9:40 p.m., and my parents yelled at me so loudly that even my siblings could hear.
My father kept insisting that there was no reason I should be out late or be outside for that long and that I should come home immediately after work. He then started accusing me of being “too American” and into hookup culture (they don’t know I have a partner).
I explained that after work, I go to the gym or class and hang out with friends, but they hated that answer, calling me a bum. My dad kept attacking me, saying I was useless, didn’t bond with the family, and never updated them on anything.
I told them how hard it is even to pick up the phone because whenever I tell them I’m with friends, they start video calling me, yelling, and blowing up my phone. I even stopped coming home as late as I used to, making an effort to come back at 8-10 p.m., sometimes earlier, to accommodate them.
I even come home right after work, then go back out to the gym or class so they know I’m safe.
They refused to listen and told me that if I was going to be out so long and forget about my family, I should just move out and live on my own instead of living here and being a roommate.
Since that day, they’ve been like this every single day.
AITJ for coming home late at 8-10 pm or spending the whole day outside constantly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you‘ve got a lot on your plate, and on top of that, your parents have made it unpleasant for you to spend time with them.
Actions have consequences. If they weren’t constantly all over you and upset about you making what sound like very reasonable, responsible uses of your income to improve your opportunities in life, you might want to be home more.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re 20, not 12.
You should be able to exhibit some sort of independence while being respectful. Offer one or two family nights per week, as an option, in exchange for not being intrusive on the other night. The accusation of being “too American” leads me to believe there’s a cultural aspect to consider.
What is it and how can you be respectful yet independent? Worst case – offer up some lowball amount of “rent” monthly to buy your autonomy.” Inculcatedin2024
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Set Boundaries With His Ex-Wife?
“I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible. I, 33F, have been with my partner, 40M, for 5 years. We both have daughters from previous relationships- when my daughter is with her Dad, I stay with my partner as he has his daughter 90% of the time.
We don’t reside together but have a loving, supportive, and easy relationship.
My partner and his ex-wife, we will call her Susie have a very positive and friendly relationship. For the first 4+ years of our relationship, I admired and respected their parenting arrangement. It took some getting used to for me as she would walk in the house unannounced and unexpectedly, and make herself comfortable, often with friends in tow to spend the day by the pool or hang out on the deck.
My partner who is very nonconfrontational, set no boundaries as it allowed him to parent his daughter consistently. Susie has not demonstrated a great interest in the day-to-day parenting role so he likes to keep the peace so his daughter has the stability she needs.
The issue began 6 months ago (when her long-term relationship ended) suddenly her presence has increased significantly. She will invite herself for supper and along on activities we’ve planned with the girls, she will call my partner numerous times a day, unrelated to their daughter.
He won’t answer when we are together but it’s still aggravating because she’ll then call their daughter to get his attention.
I stayed in my lane until she invited herself along on a holiday we planned for our girls, claiming it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
It’s not, it’s Disney and she took her daughter there 2 years ago when she was still with her partner. I told my partner that he needs to tell Susie that she’s not coming and he is uncomfortable about “rocking the boat” and her seeking more time with their daughter as he doesn’t feel she is stable enough to provide consistency or stability.
He’s probably not wrong but I am not interested in spending my vacation with his ex-wife so told him to pick. AITJ or are my feelings valid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s made it clear that he is completely unwilling to set boundaries with his ex, either now or in the future, and it sounds like his ex has picked up on that.
Now your daughter’s holiday is going to be impacted by his unwillingness to set boundaries. This will continue to happen until you end things with him because as he’s made clear, he’s not interested in setting boundaries with his ex. So that’s never going to happen.
Is this a relationship you want to continue? One with a man who cares more about his ex’s negative emotions than your own? One where you can never progress or move in together because otherwise, your daughter will pay the price for his lack of boundaries more than she already is?
One where you are in second place behind his ex? One where you are seeing an invertebrate?” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“So he is letting her have their way on everything, even dictating your life, just for fear that she might lash out if he dared to disagree with her on anything.
And this is how you are going to live the rest of your life, dependent on her whims? Sounds like she knows exactly what she’s doing – and why would she change anything or slightly inconvenience herself at all, when she is living her best life, at your expense?
She needs to be told! And he needs to get a proper care plan in place through the courts. Stop being a doormat and set your boundaries, until your partner can also do the same. NTJ.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to set the line somewhere because he obviously won’t.
However, be aware that he may not be willing to stand on that line with you I have to ask though. You describe the relationship as “easy.” Is it truly easy, or are you avoiding confrontation about a situation that you know you won’t get him to budge on?
You also mention him as non-confrontational. I just worry after reading this if things are truly easy breezy. Just a question/thought from a stranger who has NO info on your relationship beyond the snapshot of this post. I respect that he wants to keep his child’s life consistent and maximize his time with her.
I do. And I don’t think that parents who are able/willing/wanting to spend time together is wonderful. But also, this isn’t modeling healthy boundaries for the kiddo either. She has to learn to set boundaries from somewhere. And where does the ex’s presence stop?
If you were to move in together? Buy a house together? When does it stop?” ASpoonfullOfSass
7. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Uncomfortable Airplane Seats With My Partner?
“This past weekend, I 23M, and my partner “Julie” 24F took a weekend trip. We’re both students so we had to budget where we could, so we bought basic economy tickets and just took whatever seats they assigned us. They were both middle seats, which was expected, but when we boarded the plane home, it was obvious that one seat was much better than the other.
Julie was assigned to a seat between a morbidly obese man who was spilling into her seat, and a woman on her other side who wasn’t as huge but was still quite big. My seat was next to two normal-sized people. The thing is, I’m pretty big–6’5” and 220 with broad shoulders.
Julie isn’t tiny herself–she’s 5’10 and 165–but she’s much smaller than me. Julie immediately asked if we could switch seats, to which I said no. I knew Julie would be uncomfortable in the seats, but I don’t even think I could fit between the passengers on either side of her.
After some arguing back and forth, Julie sighed and went to her seat.
I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but Julie was very cold to me when we landed. I offered to get us dinner on the way out but she said her back hurt from the flight and she wanted to lay down.
I got the hint that she was upset about the seating arrangement. I told her it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2-hour flight, and that it’s better for her than me because she’s smaller.
She told me to drop it and just drive her home.
That night, I went to hang out with some of our mutual friends (Julie had originally planned on coming with too, but she did not come). They asked where Julie was and I told her she was upset with me.
When I told them why, the consensus was that I should have switched seats with her because it was the chivalrous thing to do, though some people agreed Julie was overreacting. They said it wasn’t about who was bigger, it was about me protecting my partner.
Now I kinda feel like a jerk and like I should apologize. Was I wrong for not switching seats with Julie?”
Another User Comments:
“On this one, I won’t weigh in (pun intended) on the NTJ/YTJ question. I will say this, however. Should this ever happen again, IMMEDIATELY UPON BOARDING, advise the FA that there is no room to sit in your assigned seat because of a COS (Customer of Size).
If the COS can’t put the armrest down, he or she will be deboarded. If the COS can but is preventing you from sitting, ask for the Senior or Purser to explain the problem (nicely and calmly), and ask that it be resolved. DO NOT deplane and speak to the GA (Gate Agent), if suggested. You may be able to get a better seat but, most likely, you’ll be told they can book you on a later flight.”augerr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for lecturing her after the flight that it “wasn’t a big deal” and then bringing it up to your friends so they could all decide whether her feelings were reasonable. Let the woman be grumpy about a bad experience in peace.
As for giving up the seat…of course, you’re not obliged to. But my husband and I would have each tried to convince the other person to take the more comfortable seat, rather than each trying to take it for ourselves. In our entire 7 year relationship, my husband has never once put his comfort above mine.
I gladly make sacrifices for him too. She asked you to make a sacrifice for her, and you said no, and that’s your right, but it’s certainly unattractive and you should be aware that she can find someone less selfish.” Fine-Bit-7537
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for minimizing her discomfort, not for refusing to switch. “I told her it wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things and it was only a 2-hour flight” It was a big deal to her, and it was a big enough deal to you to not switch.
You didn’t even try, it’s one thing if you try and it just doesn’t work, it’s another not trying at all. Also, her being a female, she is most likely more sensitive to touch than you as a man. I don’t know dude. Not switching with her was a very unmanly thing to do.” No-Barnacle436
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My New Neighbor To Modify Plumbing On My Property?
“I live in a ground floor unit of a strata-managed building. 11 years, no issues. It’s not ideal but my upstairs neighbour’s water isolation tap is in my private courtyard but I have always given access to previous owners.
A new neighbor bought the unit above me a couple of months ago, she wanted to do bathroom and kitchen renovations. She gave me about 12 hours’ notice that it would be “noisy” but didn’t mention the water. The next morning, her builder started cutting the pipes without checking that her water was turned off.
My second bedroom and bathroom were flooded. Have only now just settled the insurance claim as he admitted fault.
About a week after that the Owners Corp asked me for them to access the isolation tap so they could do plumbing works. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were doing as I was busy with family but after they left I discovered they’d placed a long copper pipe up the middle of my wall (the pipes were previously all internal).
I complained and the OC issued a breach notice to remove it within 28 days. They continued with their renovations and on day 25 asked if they could move the pipe to run along the bottom of my wall instead – less noticeable. I rejected that also.
My reasoning was the OC plumber had told me there would have been an easy solution that didn’t involve my property if they weren’t such “cowboys” and gutted everything – his words.
Long story short, she got lawyers involved to send me and OC a letter refusing to remove the pipe and would take us to VCAT in the matter if we tried to.
They are now saying it’s too late to put it back the way it was and implement the easy solution and that it would cost them $10k to pull everything out.
AITJ I think this is a “them” problem and not a “me” problem. I don’t owe this woman anything.
I was only dragged into this because her tradies were incompetent.
I worked my rear off to save to buy myself my own safe space as an autistic adult and she has come in and blown it to smithereens by flooding my unit, deceiving me, and violating my safe space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s inconvenient for everyone, including her, that these pipes are on your property, but knowing that, she should have given you more notice, and you are within your rights to want the pipes to look exactly like they did previously.” PurpleMuskogee
Another User Comments:
“Is there anywhere in your building contract stating that the pipe can be put there regardless of your opinion or something? As long as that space/the wall is your property you can dictate how it looks and what goes up, it was previously internal, which didn’t bother you – and it was technically their/the builder’s fault that the pipes got damaged during the renovations.
I also think if she can afford to get lawyers in on the matter they should be able to afford to put the pipes internally again.NTJ” loathes
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Homeless, Substance Using Nephew Anymore?
“My nephew is currently homeless. This is the 3rd time in about the last 12 or so years. He has had lifelong substance use issues and at some point ends up messing up somehow. I’ve helped in the past and gotten burned every time, as has his other family.
I’ve let him stay twice at different times, and both found him passed out on the floor. The last time I let him stay, he brought illegal substances into my house and that was when he was told he was no longer welcome here. He went into a treatment program shortly after and got into a Section 8 housing apartment.
He’s been on methadone for about 5 years now, but sometimes drinks and takes Klonopin and blacks out and does stupid stuff. He had an altercation with another tenant last month. He used some highly offensive language, got a complaint filed against him, which he messed up not responding to, and as a result, was evicted. Then shows up here while trying to get his mom (who has pretty much cut him out of her life at this point)to let him stay with her.
No was the answer and so I let him have one night on my couch.
Anyway, I let him store some things in my garage a week later, but he’s now 3 times just shown up at my house under the guise of getting something from his stuff, asking to use the shower, complaining about how unfair everything is and nothing is his fault… I have anxiety issues, and he knows this and that coming here without any warning is very stressful for me.
I’ve been stressing out thinking any day is going to be him knocking at my door. Today was that day and he’s now been here for 3 hours and I just don’t want to deal with him anymore. I got frustrated and snapped at him asking to do laundry here (which would take another 2 hours) and told him that I don’t want him to bring his laundry here or whatever anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your nephew was blessed to be able to get into treatment and have section 8 housing. He doesn’t even sound like a decent guest for a few hours. So your next challenge will be to decide where to put his things.
Because he will use those as an excuse to keep popping up.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve already done a lot for him. He’s burned all his other bridges with his addiction and behavior. Honestly, you should have stayed firm after he brought illegal substances into your house.
Even if he went to rehab, he isn’t better. Stop letting him into your home. Tell him to take his stuff–you don’t know what’s in there. You don’t need the police knocking on your door with a warrant, or worse, a substance dealer or someone like that looking for him or their stuff.
Who knows what could happen? Also, if he isn’t already stealing from you, he will. Consider going to an Al-anon meeting. That’s for people with loved ones with addictions.” SoMuchMoreEagle
4. AITJ For Saying We Were Leaving Because My Husband Wanted To Leave?
“I went with my husband to a sporting event. It was soccer. I haven’t seen soccer at the university level before. It was hot and we were sitting in the sun. I was mad at myself for forgetting the sunblock. I used the program to cover up my legs but other than that it wasn’t terrible.
I asked my husband questions as the game progressed. The bleachers are a tight fit with all the fans and when I noticed that the couple next to the stairs had left I took the opportunity to take a bathroom break.
On the way back I saw a friend of mine.
I had mentioned to her about forgetting the sunblock. She didn’t have any but gave me lotion since something is better than nothing. I returned to the bleachers and started lathering the lotion, explaining to my husband how I got it. After about five minutes it was half time and my spouse said “Ready to go?” In a surprise, I said, Umm ok sure.” On the way out I asked him why we were leaving and his answers were no. “Are you too hot?” “No.” “Are you bored?” “No.”
I saw my friend again. She was surprised that I was leaving. She asked why and I said my husband wanted to leave. My husband looked at me and said “You are lying.” I didn’t know how to respond and just laughed it off. Later I told him how humiliating it was to be called a liar in front of someone else, especially when he was the one who wouldn’t explain why we were leaving.
He finally told me that we were leaving because I wasn’t having fun. I asked him why he felt that way. He said it was just a vibe. A part of me is struggling with this, being called a liar by my spouse in front of someone else when I felt like I was not lying.
AITJ for saying we were leaving because my spouse wanted to leave? Or is he the jerk for calling me a liar? Or are we both the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband was wrong to call you a liar in front of anyone, and just plain wrong, because you made a factual statement.
You were leaving because he wanted to: he made that decision himself; you did not ask to leave. As to the rest: he’s not a mind reader, and if he ‘thought’ you weren’t having fun then he should ASK to confirm it, before throwing you under the bus as the ‘reason’ he chose to leave.
Maybe you need to tell him he’s not so good at reading the ‘vvibes and he should stick with using verbal communication in the future.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Well, for one he’s terrible at communication. He assumed something, acted on it, and then blamed you for it.
That is a big red flag that something abusive people have very little info to go on, but it’s something to think about. If he makes you question whether or not your reality is true, please don’t ignore that. It’s a classic narcissist tactic.” VividChaos
3. AITJ For Not Inviting A Friend To My Birthday After She Publicly Humiliated Me?
“I (30F) went to a gathering a few months back and my “friend” (30F) was there as well.
We have hung out in groups before so I was just entering the gathering expecting to have a good time. I like to make self-deprecating jokes and have always been the “clown” in friendship groups so I’m totally fine laughing at myself.
My “friend” suddenly started to make very mean comments aimed at me disguised as a joke.
She got the group to somehow laugh at me and the cute “funny” anecdote I shared from my childhood suddenly became “She is so stupid to let’s laugh at her”. When we would talk about serious things and I would share my opinion, she would just burst out laughing like I said something, and then I asked What’ss funny?” and she would say “Nothing, just the way you said it is funny”
My other friend was showing me a video that really upset her and I was trying to sympathize with her and I said “Ya it’s a very sad clip”. The “friend” saw the video and said, Yeah, I think it’s sad but it’s not as sad as you (me) are making it seem, you’re just pretending so she (another friend) will like you”.
And then she laughs as if it is a joke. I was too stunned to speak. Other people also called her a “school bully” jokingly and she just started to say Ohh I wasn’t a bully, I was just cool”
She also goes on to make fun of the gift I got my friend saying it is ugly.
She never behaved this way before so I have no idea where this came from.
I left the gathering thinking I was never going to talk to her again. She texted me apologizing for her behavior so she probably knew she did something wrong.
Last week, I had my birthday party, and every year, she was invited but this year, I invited everyone in our friend circle but her.
At the party, everything was great but one of our friends brought up the fact that “she” was missing. It suddenly made me feel like maybe I overreacted and maybe I should have invited her if everyone else was invited. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope.
She’s been odious towards you for a long time. Can’t tell whether it’s because she’s insecure and deflecting, whether you’re more attractive / achieved more or she’s just a bully who enjoys belittling people. Whatever the reason shyness is a waste of space in your life and emotions.
It was your party ergo your prerogative. NTJ PS. Happy belated birthday” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve had people act like to me out of nowhere. You were smart not to invite her after “the apology “. I found when people start doing that they sometimes play the “mean/nice “ on purpose.
They want to keep you off guard for when they strike again. I don’t understand why they do it when it does seem to be like a fun game for them but no actual reason.” Final-Context6625
2. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Dictate My Son's Birthday Cake Flavor?
“My 5-year-old son’s birthday is coming up and he wants a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. It’s his birthday so I said yes.
My mother-in-law can be a selfish cow sometimes and my son was telling her how he’s getting chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream.
My mother-in-law said she didn’t like that and my son should get something we all like.
My son said “It’s not your birthday so you don’t get a say.” This would be normally disrespectful but recently said this to my son when went to his friend’s party.
When my son didn’t like the cake flavor we discussed how the birthday person gets to choose their cake flavor because it’s their special day.
My mother-in-law was shocked and I told her the same thing I told my son “When it’s your birthday you can get whatever flavor of cake you want.”
My mother-in-law called me a mean person and my son a spoiled brat. So I told her “With that attitude you won’t be coming to the party”
My husband was surprised and tried to talk me into ordering his mom a cake she would enjoy after our son and I was “rude” to her.
I said no it isn’t her day and that just teaches our son to act entitled at other people’s parties if we don’t stick to the rules and etiquette that we explain to him it will just make him confused, entitled, and spoiled.
My husband saw the truth in that because our son was excited about his birthday cake for his birthday and now understands that not everything is about him. Other people get to enjoy their special event how they want to. In return, my son gets to enjoy his special events and occasions how he wants to.
My mother-in-law doesn’t seem to get that and wants my son to write her a “sorry note” and what he did wrong. My husband and I don’t feel like my son did anything wrong by repeating what his parents told him.
My mother-in-law said she’s not coming to the birthday party or getting him a gift without the apology note.
I told my mother-in-law that’s all on her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother-in-law’s behavior is so entitled and rude that she got called on it by a 5-year-old. That should sting, but it should be a wake-up call that she’s incredibly out of pocket.
It’s not spoiled at all to want to have your birthday cake in your favorite flavor, but it’s incredibly spoiled and selfish to tell someone else to change their birthday cake flavor to suit you. Someone is acting like a spoiled brat 5-year-old here, but it’s not the actual 5-year-old.
And hopefully, mother-in-law sticks to her word. You’ll have a better time without her and her childish behavior in attendance when you’re trying to teach your son how to act with maturity. I think your son acted well. His statement wasn’t rude at all. The rudeness was coming from your mother-in-law, and he simply shut that down and stood up for himself.
That’s very impressive from a 5-year-old!” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mother-in-law your son will apologize after she writes you a “sorry note” for calling you a mean person and your son a brat. I predict that will happen exactly never. I think you’re taking the exact right tone here.
If she expects to make her grandson’s events all about her, she must understand how that is not going to work. (I feel some sympathy for your husband’s childhood.) If she expects that calling names will get what she wants, she is less mature than your 5-year-old.
NTJ. Keep up the good work.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
1. AITJ For Expecting My Stay-At-Home Husband To Do More Chores?
“For context, we have 3 children, 5,3, and 1. We have always both worked, but he became the sole breadwinner whilst I was doing my (unpaid) training to qualify as a nurse.
As I was approaching qualification and starting my job he expressed that he would like to quit work and become a SAHD with me being the sole earner.
We can afford this and I thought it was a great idea. My only concern was that he is somewhat undomesticated and frankly our relationship has always been skewed in this way.
It has been like pulling teeth getting him to engage in basic chores like washing, cooking, the dishes, ironing, etc. I raised this when he wanted to stop work and he made all sorts of promises about how he would now have more time to do the domestic jobs because he wasn’t working.
Well fast forward a year after this arrangement started, and not only am I the sole breadwinner but when I get home from my 13-hour shifts I am left with what can only be described as a bombsite in the house. I am averaging about 1.5 hours of cleaning up per night when I get home and it’s making me incredibly resentful of him.
I will say that the children are beautifully cared for and I have no issues with this part of the arrangement, he is very good at organizing their calendar, dealing with school stuff, etc.
Am I expecting too much of him? Our eldest is at school so he’s only actually got 2 kids during the day and yet somehow can’t manage to load the dishwasher or hang the washing out.
For comparison I work 4x a week and on my days off look after the kids so he can pursue his hobbies etc (I have no problem with this). I do not struggle to look after the children and get all of the jobs done, I just don’t get time to sit in front of the TV all day…
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Okay, what? Your husband is at home all day with the kids alone and you expect the house to be crispy clean when you get home? Girl if the roles were switched here the comments would be full of “omg he has no clue about how hard it is to take care of children.
He is abusive and doesn’t cherish the work you put into raising his children. Leave him, it will only get worse. Bla Yada yada.” Your husband is doing his best. He is obviously not used to this but your children will grow, and the house will be clean someday.
You should support him as much as he supports you. Childcare is HARD work, too. And you say yourself he is doing great with the kids. That should be all that matters. I only can guess, but since you said nothing, I assume he does all the cooking and shopping, too.
With 3 Kids!!! That man is a hero, just like all the mothers in the same position. If I were your husband I would be heartbroken to be treated and talked about that way. He deserves a thank you for raising your children with love.” CookieQueasy9020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The beauty of having the purse strings is that you can take the money he gets for his entertainment and spend it on a cleaner. Let him know his budget is going to be cut by the cost of cleaning services unless he wants that money to do the job.
Otherwise, I’d move out. Let him. Live how he wants, and take care of the kids, you’ll visit, and the cleaning won’t be your problem.” NinjaHidingintheOpen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though after the kids are in bed ask him why you shouldn’t divorce and be a single mom if he is going to not be a loving supportive equal partner to you.
Or don’t ask him that. Instead, leave all the kids with him for a week and go stay at a friend’s or family member’s house. Text him after your bags are in the car and you are driving away. Go to work during the week if you need to, just don’t come home.
Ignore all the angry/sad/crying guilt trips from your husband for a week. The entire week ask yourself how is being with your husband better than being a single mom? Because to me it sounds like you already are one only your husband has trapped you from seeing others.” Super_Reading2048
