People Want To Settle The Score In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Reporting My In-Laws For Elder Neglect Of My Husband's Grandmother?
“My husband’s grandmother lives with my mother-in-law’s sister and her husband, and they have been neglecting and gaslighting her for over a year now.
They beg her for her SS check when she and her husband are doctors and make around 200k EACH! They throw her belongings away and then tell her “you said we could, you just forgot.”
Lately, they have been denying her using the laundry machine and showering.
She cries and tells me she wishes she was dead so she didn’t have to deal with it… I called for a police investigation for elder neglect and now my husband’s family is mad at me and I don’t know what to do… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Elder abuse is not a joke. I am not one to call the cops in situations where violence isn’t already present because of their tendency to introduce it, however, I will call the cops 365 days a year to deal with issues of abuse.
That being said I think adult protective services may be better equipped here, but the cops may be able to help expedite the involvement of other agencies.” pinap45454
Another User Comments:
“Info. There is not nearly enough information here to make a judgment. What did you witness and what is based on the grandmother telling you?
Does grandmother have dementia? How often have you interacted with her? Are there signs of neglect? Smell, dirty clothes, bruises/sores, weight change, etc. Have you talked to your in-laws or the aunt and uncle about her condition or comments? As for the specifics you mentioned, the SS check dropoff be going toward her care.
Just because they could afford it does not mean they should be paying for everything. As for throwing away items, maybe she did say they could put maybe she is making it up. Sounds like a very common accusation from people facing dementia. As for laundry and showering, it could be unsafe for her to do those alone, or she could be forgetting due to dementia.
Presumably, since she had to live with them, she is not capable of independent living at this point. Without more information on her physical and mental well-being, I can’t make a judgment. Aging is often not pretty.” CogentCogitations
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Elder abuse is a real thing; I’ve seen it too often to want to see it ignored, any more than ignoring child abuse.
Also, I have seen elders with dementia say that so and so stole my SS check, and then so and so can show where they put it in that person’s account that so and so is set up as guardian of. However, asking for SS checks?
It doesn’t sound as though she has dementia. And showering? Are they medical doctors? If so, shame on them and good on you for calling the police to investigate. Only thing that I’d change is who I call, at least here in the States. I’d call the Dept.
on Aging or Adult Protective Services.” PickleNotaBigDill
21. AITJ For Not Paying For Meals After Getting My Family Into An Expensive Resort For Free?
“I got my family into an expensive resort for free with a benefit from my job.
We’ve been here three days so far, and this morning at breakfast my sister joked “OP should get this one since he hasn’t paid for anything yet.” People had been rotating paying for meals.
I laughed and said “I got all of you in. You’re treating me.” I meant it in good humor.
My cousin snapped at me though. “Oh so we’re just supposed to feed you for free without you chipping in? You didn’t even pay for the tickets.”
True, I didn’t pay for the tickets, but they would have been thousands of dollars for everyone without me.
The mood was awkward after my cousin said that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d use a flat voice and stare, “Again, I got you all in. I earned these tickets. If you think that these are a windfall and I don’t deserve some consideration for the effort I make at work, then maybe you should have paid.
As it is, you don’t have to worry about paying for me next time, because I don’t want ungrateful people hanging around me on vacation and I won’t be inviting you again on my dime.”” DameofDames
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All benefits are worked into your pay packet, you earn slightly less as you get xx benefits built into your pay.
Your employment/labor got you those tickets, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Your cousin is being the jerk and I would’ve turned around quoted the savings and let him know that next time he can pay for his own $xx tickets into the park, and you will pay for your own meals.
Better not lose time being grumpy and instead enjoy this free trip into the park as it will be his last one, through you.” gemma156
Another User Comments:
“ESH, they saved thousands of dollars ffs. Now they are there having the freebie, they have decided to look at it a different way.
Honestly, I think they’ve had a good gripe about you not paying for your meals. If I were you, I’d start paying for your own meals. You too got a really cheap holiday, it is a bum move to expect other people to pay your way throughout the entire holiday.
It wouldn’t hurt you to spend your own money on yourself. If they’ve paid for you up till now, that really is more than enough thanks.” Fit_General7058
20. AITJ For Being Upset After My Family Trashed My Room Over A Dirty Dish?
“I (18F) recently have been moving in with my partner and his family. My family has no issue with this, and so I have been doing it slowly (not moving everything all at once, leaving unnecessary stuff at my parents’ house).
For some context: I have always had an issue with leaving dirty dishes in my room. This has resulted in my family not allowing me to eat in my room in the past. I left a few dishes in the room when I went to stay at my partner’s for a few days.
My family had asked me to take the bowls out before I left, so I did, but I apparently missed one.
I came back today to grab a few things to find my room trashed. My pillows and blankets were thrown onto the floor, and half of my things were moved from where I had them.
A bowl and a plate were sitting on my bed, which I didn’t remember having in my room, so I’m absolutely positive my family put it there to prove a point.
This wouldn’t upset me so much if my cosplay things hadn’t been damaged. My family knows how devoted I am to cosplaying and how much it matters to me.
I had a lot of my cosplay accessories in a small box next to my bed (think those small fabric foldable storage boxes), and when I came home, it had been moved and most of what I had in it was missing. Not only that but one of my more expensive wigs ($30) was thrown into a corner and was tangled beyond repair.
Needless to say, I feel as though I cannot be trusted and like I am not allowed to have my own space in their home.
This is not the first time my things have been moved. My brother (28M) has really bad OCD and possibly autism, so when things are not in a good spot for him, he moves them.
My shower products have been moved from the shower to under the sink multiple times, and I have told him this bothers me, but he continues to do it. I am 100% certain he was the one who threw my stuff around.
The fact that my things are constantly moved into their house makes me feel like my things are not worthy of their respect, so I feel like they do not deserve my respect.
I feel as though I did cause this indirectly. I was the one that left dishes in my room and I have been warned about it before, but if I knew my room would be trashed I would have gotten them out.
Was it a fair “punishment”?
Or do I have the right to be this upset? Is it irrational to refuse to speak to them and demand I am paid for what I lost?”
Another User Comments:
“Instead of giving you a verdict, I will just offer you some advice. I’m 33m so I’ve been a teenager and dealt with parents and moving out and difficult family situations and all that stuff.
I also have the perspective of hindsight on that part of my life being a grown man. There is no doubt that you and your property were disrespected. However, I would not say you aren’t speaking to them or demanding an apology or any of that.
While you would be right, it’s immature. You are also entering an exciting period of your life that is not easy. Moving out is a big and scary step. What I would do is call a family meeting. I would generate a discussion with your family about what happened and how this incident made you feel.
Communication is going to be the most important part of any relationship in your life from here on out. Talk with your parents. Talk with your brother. Tell them how you feel and find out how they feel and why this happened. I’m almost certain it will end with someone apologizing.
At 18 years old, I would highly recommend not burning any bridges with your family on your way out the door. Remember, you are the one who is in the right in this conflict, but don’t die on a molehill. See if you can work this one out with your family before you fully move out.” KloppsTotts
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This moving out slowly thing isn’t a good idea, for one, as it’s kind of acting entitled to two bedrooms. I would move ASAP. Secondly, leaving plates and bowls in your room repeatedly, especially if you’re going away for a few days, is really bad for everyone in the house.
They attract mice and flies, they’re really hard to clean after, and the fact that they’ve asked you nicely so many times and you haven’t stopped doing it is really disrespectful. With that said, trashing your room and all your things is a horrible way to deal with it, really inappropriate and I feel so bad for your cosplay stuff getting destroyed. So yeah I wouldn’t get up on my high horse if I were you, the way the title implies, but you absolutely have the right to say this is inappropriate and demand the money back.” undead_sissy
Another User Comments:
“Having your room vandalized is far too large a consequence for leaving dirty dishes. Maybe it would be fitting if you had done the same to someone else but for dishes? NTJ. I have a roommate that leaves dirty dishes in her room, and even though all of the dishes are mine, never would I ransack her room and damage her property.
To everyone saying it is a just consequence, imagine if this happened to you, and the objects of your passion were ruined and had to be replaced. OP, as someone who was never allowed privacy, like a door to my room, and learned to hide things my entire life (jacket pockets that are hanging in a closet is a great spot if you stay longer btw), have a serious and calm/collected conversation with your parents.
You are young and about to begin your life as an adult, and you will probably need them. Don’t trash your relationship with them like how someone trashed your room. Good luck!” AcrobaticSlip3258
19. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date For My Pregnant Sister?
“I have known my would-be husband for a very long time and we had finally been able to convince our parents to let us tie the knot. My sister is expecting and her due date coincides with my wedding week, so she and her husband won’t be able to attend.
They said I am selfish for not moving my date 4 months later, which will match the wedding season of the year (November-December).
Few points:
1. I initially thought she would be able to attend as she also planned the same, but later she realized it would be impossible to travel.
2. The date was chosen by my in-laws and I don’t want to upset them so I never requested them. I only discussed it with my fiance, who told me it would be possible but would also look really bad on me and my family as our family was pressuring for an ASAP wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like there’s a lot missing from this situation. Why did you have to convince your parents to let you marry? Why did your in-laws choose the date instead of you and your fiancé? How close are you and your sister?
Did you know her due date when the wedding date was picked? If you had to convince your parents to let you marry, why are they pushing for a quickie wedding?” Select-Anxiety-1557
Another User Comments:
“My brother-in-law’s father couldn’t attend his wedding to my sister because he had just had surgery and couldn’t travel.
This was before live streaming was really a thing, so instead, his mom held her phone up so he could hear the wedding. You’re never going to find a day when every single person can be there and you can get the venue you want and the photographer you want and….
all the things you want. You do the best you can and good enough is good enough.” IntroductionKindly33
Another User Comments:
“Why is your family pressuring you to marry? I don’t know what to even say… why are your in-laws deciding the date? If you would’ve said you chose the date and you like it and don’t care if she can come I would’ve said NTJ but it seems it’s not even your decision, do you have a say at all?
I can’t make a judgment here.” randomoverthinker_
18. AITJ For Not Replacing My Roommate's YETI After She Dented My New Car?
“My housemate and I are coworkers, and OKAY friends (we more coexist well). I got a brand new 2022 model car two weeks ago and over the weekend she put a dent in it with her car door. It’s fairly small, but it creased the body and we are unable to fix it without a 4-500$ repair.
I borrowed her 64oz YETI about a week ago and left it in my lunchbox at work, and the lunchbox and YETI have gone missing. She asked for me to replace it for her. Normally I absolutely would, but I told her that we should call it even because she dented my brand new 28,000$ car and I lost her $65 mug.
She’s annoyed with that but I genuinely don’t feel bad – of course I apologized for it but it’s not like I threw it out the window of my car or purposefully lost it. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Both were accidents. You both apologized (so I assume).
You aren’t technically wrong. But I think it shows what type of person you are when you decided to cash in your roommate’s accident so you don’t have to feel entitled to pay for their things. Bottom line: Don’t take their crap.
If you’re worried about your car, tell them to pay for it. If they can’t immediately then let them pay you back in small amounts. Don’t go hovering the accident over their head like a jerk. Either tell them to pay for it or get over it.” PurplefaceMofuMofu
Another User Comments:
“The roommate is a decent amount of jerk, you’re a small smidgen of jerk. You can’t just decide things are equivalent. They want you to replace the stuff you lost which is fair. If you feel like they owe you for damaging your vehicle, request payment for the vehicle.
You can’t just combine issues and decide unilaterally what is fair. So discuss each issue separately, if they owe you for the vehicle, have them pay you for the vehicle. Then pay them for the stuff you lost.” Cross33
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I don’t think it works that way.
You can’t just go around breaking or losing her stuff and then “call it even” because she put a dent in your car. If you’re going to be that way about it, go through insurance and have them cover the damage or have her pay for the damage out of pocket.” Substantial_Ad7919
17. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Participating In Joint Gifts Because I Never Receive One?
“For years now my group of friends has had the tradition of doing joint gifts every time someone’s birthday comes around.
(basically, everyone gives a bit of money to someone who then buys a gift).
But I somehow never got one, even though I participated in every gift, and we’re pretty tight, or so I think. This year, the same thing, nothing.
To be honest, I might be a grown adult, but I feel pretty sad and left out.
I just wished my friends would get together to get me something they think I’ll like or enjoy like I did for each and every one of them.
I don’t even care about the value or nature of said gift. It’s been kinda frustrating, and I think I want to stop since I’m clearly not treated the same way.
So, WIBTJ if I stopped participating in joint gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should really bring it up with your friend group. Either the whole group or even just one or two people you feel particularly close to. Ask if there’s a reason they do joint gifts for everyone except you.
Whether intentional or not (I honestly don’t see how it could NOT be intentional), they’re leaving you out and of course it makes you feel bad when coming from people you think are close to you!” adkai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am not surprised you feel left out because YOU ARE being left out!
Is there one particular person that organizes it? I would mention to someone that you won’t be contributing anymore as you being forgotten once is upsetting but twice is a real insult especially as you wouldn’t be insensitive to ignore someone else’s birthday.” tigerz0973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The next time you are asked just tell them no and then say why. Do it nicely. I’d say something like I notice that we don’t do it for everyone and I don’t find that fair or kind, so I’d rather not contribute anymore.
If they ask for specifics, tell them. The same thing happened to me with 3 friends and dinners. My birthday was last and only 3 weeks after the last one. Not one peep about going out for me and we had gone to Ruth Chris’ steakhouse for them which was not cheap.
It was quite hurtful.” Msmediator
16. AITJ For Leaving My Husband Alone With Our 9-Year-Old While I Visit My Elderly Parents?
“Thanks to circumstances, I haven’t seen my parents in a number of years. They’re too old to make the long flight from Canada to me, in New Zealand.
Meanwhile hubby has reasons for not wanting us 3 to all go there….at least no time soon.
So with his very reluctant acceptance, I bought a ticket to go there by myself. He’s not happy. Mostly because he’ll be looking after our 9-year-old boy by himself while I’m away, with very little to no help.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. What if they pass and I miss the chance to see them?
Hubby says he gets my reasons for doing this but is upset anyway. He doesn’t think he’ll cope. If he had his way, I wouldn’t go.
I understand him but at the same time, it’s not like I’ve lumped him with a massive amount of extra work. We both work, but as the mom I get off early to do pick-up and after-school activities. So aside from having to get off early from work for a few weeks, which his boss has agreed to, he’ll just be doing what I normally do.
At least that’s how I see it.
Am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Hopefully this will make your husband appreciate all you do for your family. I understand it will be frustrating for him to be the sole parent while you are gone but it isn’t like you are going to the beach for 2 weeks.
You’re going to see your elderly parents. Please go! If something happened to them you would forever regret it. Is there a teenager in the neighborhood who can help out for the 2 weeks you are gone with babysitting? That might ease some of the burdens on your husband.
Also, help stock the fridge and freezer with easy meals (it shouldn’t be necessary but would be a nice gesture on your part) Your husband needs to look at this as a time for some quality bonding time with just him and your 9-year-old. Play it up as a dad and son time.
Can he take a few days off and they have a mini trip just the two of them? Maybe catch a sporting event or whatever they are into together.” Brain_Dead_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am frankly quite disturbed. Would your husband think you couldn’t cope if the child was left with you while he was away?
Yikes. More worried about how the poor kid is going to feel being cared for by an obviously resentful and reluctant parent. Kids pick up on that. They can tell they are not wanted. They can tell when the caretaker thinks they are a burden.
It’s damaging. The anger OP’s husband is expressing for having to *gasp* parent his own child is…probably indicative of a bigger problem.” Confident_Fortune_32
Another User Comments:
“HOLY CRAP, NTJ – he can’t cope watching his NINE-YEAR-OLD CHILD?!? This isn’t an infant that’s up crying every two hours.
It’s a kid. They should be pretty functional on their own at that age. My wife went to NJ to be with her mother and left me week after week with my six kids and I coped. Granted, the top two are old enough to do for themselves, but it still meant dealing with food for kids going down to seven.
If he can’t do one kid for two weeks that’s nine, then I question his ability to be a parent. Heck, or to have a difficult job.” Lurkingentropy
15. AITJ For Blocking My Parents After They Tried To Guilt-Trip Me Into Caregiving?
“My grandma has dementia and lives with my parents and 24 yo brother. For the past couple of months, I’ve been visiting my grandma with my sister every Monday. My sis was going out of town the last week of April, so my dad asked me if I was still coming.
I had an interview scheduled that day, but I figured I could talk to the recruiter and reschedule, so I replied to my dad with, “I can if y’all want/need me to.”
Then I get this text from my mom:
“Yes sweetie your dad, I & grandma do need you!
Dad would not have asked you if he didn’t. With that being said, never mind. You were never my choice, I’ll ask your uncle. But Dad being Dad, always thinks he can depend on you! I know better! I apologize if I sound harsh, but I’ve given up on believing you wouldn’t turn your back on your grandma after all she & your grandpa did for you.
And if your uncle fails me, then your grandma is ultimately the one who will suffer, because she will have to wait in her excrement till I get home from work. Also, I am not mad/angry with you. I’m a realist & accept you, for you!
Some people just can’t be caregivers, especially to the elderly. It is a selfless job, very difficult & overwhelming. I love you.”
Me:
“Please stop telling me you love me when all you do is tear me down at every opportunity. That’s not love.
That’s emotional manipulation and abuse.”
Mom:
“What did I text you earlier that was so hurtful & abusive? And if I was trying to use manipulation, then my intent would be to expect you to change your mind… when I know you WILL NOT!
I’m just trying to convince your dad to stop expecting you to change. He believes that if he asks, he will receive & that is not the case with you. And whether you believe it or not, I do love you! No matter what you do, I will always love you!”
Me:
“This is exactly what I mean when I talk about toxicity and boundaries. Just because we’re family doesn’t mean I or anyone should just accept any type of awful treatment from another just because they are blood. If you’re not telling me that I was a bad sister to my siblings, then you’re saying that I’m a terrible daughter, and now granddaughter.
Therefore, I’m better off loving you from afar, especially if you and Dad now can’t even see what you do to me. I won’t keep forgiving the same behavior with no accountability or change. And just so you know I’m blocking you and Dad because I don’t care for the back and forth when you both just twist my words to suit your agenda.”
My sis seems understanding and is just concerned that I will end up isolating myself. My bro said we’ve all endured mean words and things done to us by our parents and vice versa, so I should just get over it.
I feel like more of a pawn/investment to my parents because they have been trying to control/manipulate me my entire life.
Usually by throwing anything and everything they ever did for me in my face, to guilt-trip me into doing something for them. So when I blocked them, I finally felt liberated and relieved.”
Another User Comments:
NTJ. She was horrible and mean, when you called her on it she acted shocked and denied it.
She is so passive-aggressive and horrible. All because you missed one trip? Also, is your interview for a job?? Never reschedule, they won’t consider you. I once rescheduled because I had a medical device inserted that day (uncomfortable and not birth control), they never answered my calls afterward.
It sounds like all she brings is misery to your life. I don’t blame you for blocking them. We only have one life, don’t spend it entertaining jerks.” Flowerofiron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her text was extremely manipulative and passive-aggressive. She’s a highly skilled manipulator.
It actually drips malice and bile. Very nasty indeed, like honey laced with poison. You do need to cut her out permanently. Your brother doesn’t want you to rock the boat and keep on suffering this. But staying NC your relief will continue and you will recover by getting out early.
The brain gets over childbirth and you forget just how bad it was, same with parental abuse. One day you will wonder was it really that bad? Keep that text to remind yourself that it was.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!! Jesus, you did what was best for you!!
I am in the same situation more or less. I moved to another country for work, I am so relieved to not see my dad at all. He continued to harass me with phone calls, and I had to answer right away. Not call back when I could (if I was maybe sleeping).
He started getting angrier that I was avoiding his calls until I flat out told him I don’t ever want to talk on the phone, he always keeps going on for at least 1hr and no, I cannot put up with that. I have been telling him for at least 10 years that I prefer texting, but no, he cannot harass me over text (and by harass I mean going on with things he wants to know, not by asking how my day was: how much do you earn?
How much is the gas bill? How much do you spend on food? I am on my own, +30 years old, I don’t ask for money, never did). And yes, I felt so good just a few weeks ago when I told him (by text ahahah) how I felt, and that he never makes any effort to ask me about me or my pets.
I mean a text doesn’t take that much time: “how’s the weather? How are the rabbits?” So no, please don’t give up, you did good blocking them!!” Moonshot_12
14. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Dad With His Failing Business On My Days Off?
“My (25/M) dad (59/M) just started a new business and it is failing.
I feel bad and he asked me to help him on my days off, so I have been.
In the past two weeks, I have been working 55 hours at my other physical job and I am completely exhausted, also from not being able to sleep at night and averaging 3-4 hours of sleep per night.
If I have a day off, my dad wakes me up at 8 AM to go to work with him to give him a hand until 5 PM. I barely have any time to do things that I want to do, which include hiking, watching a movie, and just overall resting up from the week.
He told me that I don’t need any “days off” and to “man up”. He says that but is also a huge hypocrite because he has the weekends off to do whatever he wants.
If I sleep in, my mother will yell and guilt trip me calling me a “lazy jerk” who won’t help my “poor father”.
I kind of went off on him today because I helped him over at work, went home to catch up on sleep, and an hour later he called me to come back because he needed a hand with something else. He also does not pay me for the help, so I’m also wasting gas money when I could be saving up big time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oof. NTJ. AND stop that right now. Take time off for yourself. Get some rest. Set boundaries with your parents, and hold those boundaries. His failing business is NOT your fault & you should not be made to feel it is.
They are taking advantage of your youth and health to make up for poor decisions they’ve made. They will ruin your health and well-being if you allow them to continue. If they cannot honor your boundaries, then cut contact until they do. Trust me- Your body only lasts so long when you abuse it, and working 80 hours a week at a physical job with no or very little rest will destroy you in short order.
Good luck.” RiverDragon64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He should be thankful you’re willing to help him, but instead he asks for more of your time and says you need to man up when you say you’re tired. He could use that same philosophy on himself and his new business.
Since he has the weekends off it would have been nice of him to see what he could do for you (like run errands or house chores). You’re young, but working 7 days a week and the hours you’re putting in will take a toll on your health.
Decide what you can and cannot do for your dad and tell him. He’ll need to man up and accept it.” debdnow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is pretty outrageous behavior from both your parents. You have the right to decide what is healthy for you in terms of work and rest. Your mother calling you lazy, etc, and them telling you to man up and you don’t need a day off, is all gaslighting you so that you feel uncertain of your position and so do what they want.
It’s up to you now as the adult to draw the line.” AffectionateMine2220
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kids To Dress In Union Jack Colors For Their Nursery's Jubilee Party?
“The nursery is having a jubilee party next week (they’re closed on the actual Bank Holidays), and they’ve asked the kids to dress in red/white/blue for the day.
As an Irish man (living in England) I am anti-royal and I’m not comfortable dressing my children up to celebrate such an outdated institution.
I’ve no real issue with the party itself, as they’re only 2, so they won’t understand/remember it, so they’ll be attending anyway as it’ll just be part of their regular day at nursery.
My wife reckons I’m overreacting and that they should dress up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but possibly not the hill to die on. As you said, the kids are too young to understand what the significance of the colours is and will probably just feel left out.
I’d feel differently if the parents were being asked to wear flag colours too but that doesn’t seem to be the case. At the end of the day, you’ve chosen to raise your children in England and therefore despite your own nationality, the Royals and the Union Jack do play a role in your kids’ upbringing and identity.
Personally, I’d wait til they’re older and use it as a talking point to explain your viewpoint but still allow them to make their own minds up.” icklegizmo
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Forget the monarchy, but your wife isn’t wrong to be fine with colours for something the kids have no grasp of.
If the kids are young enough they won’t feel left out, just let them pick between a couple of outfits (at least one in colour and one not) that day. If they’re old enough to feel left out and get excited for the party, they’re old enough to decide for themselves.
“Lots of people will dress up in these colours, what do you want to wear?” and just let it go if they want to fit in. Refusal to participate is ineffectual and pointless, because nobody truly notices or cares about this, and your energy is better spent exposing them to these ideas in very simple terms so they rebel on their own.” fire_sign
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have plenty of years ahead of you in which to teach your kids about the nuances of politics. Not wanting to dress them up in flag colours is reasonable. I would say it’s fine to either send them to the nursery in regular clothes or just skip the day entirely—you can take the day off work and keep them home with you.
They’re too young to understand that they might be missing a particular day of events. My sister lives in a different country and I know she has opted to just keep her kids at home on a theme day of preschool that she doesn’t really want to deal with explaining.
(I particularly remember her doing this when her European daycare had a “cowboys and Indians” theme day and she really did not want to get into the depressing US history of our Indigenous population with three-year-olds).” fizzbangwhiz
12. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancée About Wiping Her Greasy Hands On A Cinema Seat?
“My fiancée and I went to watch a movie.
Fiancée loves extra butter on her popcorn. She forgot to grab napkins, and her hands were all greasy. She asked if she could wipe them on my pants. I declined. So she wiped her greasy hands all over the top of the seat in front of her.
After the movie I told her it was not an acceptable way to get her hands cleaned, and super inconsiderate of the person in front of her. She disagreed, told me I don’t get to tell her what’s right or wrong, and said she didn’t have time to get up before the movie started and now won’t talk to me.
Am I the jerk for speaking up and telling her I felt it was wrong to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is. “She asked if she could wipe them on my pants.” What is wrong with wiping them on her own pants?!? (Or skirt, or leggings, or whatever.) I hope she learned a valuable lesson here: don’t forget napkins.
And I’m totally judging your fiancée harshly for her “I will put out other people so I’m not negatively impacted” actions. Good luck in that marriage, OP.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, well, you are NTJ. Your fiancée is absolutely the jerk. She’s gross and inconsiderate, not only to anyone who might want to sit in that seat but also to the employee who had to clean the seat because she couldn’t be bothered to wipe her hands on her own clothes or just get up and go get the napkins.
Yeah, have some conversations about this unless you’re good with spending your life with someone who lacks compassion for others and also expects people to clean up after her.” SamathaYoga
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Wow, just wow. It’s one thing to discreetly wipe your hands down your own legs if you have water on them.
Butter is fat or grease and absolutely another thing. She has possibly now stuck an unwanted grease mark on the top of the unsuspecting person who sat in front of her. The cinema may now have a cleaning problem on their seat cover. Also covering your hands in grease and asking your partner if you can wipe that all over their clothes????
Pointing out how antisocial that action was is not dictating her actions – just pointing out the nature of what she did. I’d take a very cool look at how she acts at home and if she’s terribly inconsiderate (if an action is convenient for *her*) at other times too.
Because if she’s not self-centered to the point of casually dumping on others, she has to be really stupid to not realize the difference between water and grease spots.” cynical_old_mare
11. AITJ For Feeling Intimidated By My Younger Brother's Size And Attitude?
“My (18F) little brother (16M) lately has been really unkind to me.
He tried to make me cook stuff for him when our parents aren’t at home, and even if I have work to do he still basically forces me. He does this by using his size and I’m a really small person, like 5’1 and he’s like 6’2-6’3.
I basically have to do what he says.
I know he would never actually try to hurt me since he’s never laid a finger on me and in general isn’t an aggressive person, but I don’t feel like I’m his older sister anymore.
To be honest, I want our relationship to be back to when he used to respect me and think of me as his older sister, but I know that won’t happen again.”
Another User Comments:
“Female with four brothers. One older, three younger. Each of them tried this on me at some point in their teenage years.
It’s like they’re testing out male/female interactions (no dirty minds, please) by seeing what behavior sis will put up with. Not saying this is every case. Just my experience. Each brother was looked straight in the eye (please note, I’m 5’6 and the shortest of them is 6′) and was basically told, “I know where your balls are and I know how to hurt them.
I also know where you sleep at night. Still want me to stick around?” At 16, if your brother has no prior history of putting his hands on you or any partner, he likely won’t do it now. But as his older sister, I’d say you have an obligation to nip this behavior in the bud.
And if you really want to be the jerk, next time he “makes” you make him food, before handing it to him, hock a nasty loogie and spit in it right before handing it to him with a smile. He will NEVER ask you to make him food ever again.” kmcDoesItBetter
Another User Comments:
“Reminds me of my brothers, except they would get physical, not saying it would happen to you. However, your parents should be told. He shouldn’t be using his size to intimidate people. Seems like he is trying it out to see how far he can go with it.
He is being a bully. He is doing something threatening to get what he wants and he is probably enjoying it. You want to nip this in the bud now as he could find himself in serious trouble if he thinks intimidating people (especially women) gets him what he wants.
If you don’t think he will lay his hands on you, then put him in his place and tell him that this is no way to treat not only his sister but any female and to get out of your personal space. Also, maybe look into self-defense courses for you.
But speak to your parents….” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and he is almost certainly just posturing. But. It isn’t ok and you should stop caving. He is your younger brother for goodness sake. Stop allowing yourself to be intimidated. Stand up to him and have a backup plan for if he escalates it.
It is highly, highly unlikely that he will touch you, and if he does it is even less likely that anything he does will injure you. He is still young enough to have the fear of Mom in him. Use that to your advantage. One of my brothers pulled this with me once, and he wasn’t even trying to get me to do anything for him, he was just angry.
Punched me in the jaw. I acted like a crazy person flapping my hands around his face to get him to back off, and then later when he came to apologize I looked him dead in the eye with no expression and told him quite calmly that if he ever touched me again he would regret it.
He has walked on eggshells around me for the past 25 years. The point is, in sibling dynamics, YOU are the alpha. He knows it and is trying to see if he can topple you. Show him he can’t.” WholeCollection6454
10. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Emotionally Draining Sister?
“I (23F) have a close relationship with my sister (27F), but lately, I feel like I’ve become her emotional dumping ground. She often vents to me about her relationships, which I tried to support at first by listening and offering advice. However, it’s become exhausting, especially since I’ve never been in a serious relationship myself and feel out of my depth.
In her last relationship, she kept returning to a toxic ex, breaking up and reconciling repeatedly. Despite my advice, the cycle continued, making me question why I’m even involved. Recently, she moved on to a new partner and called to talk about the relationship.
I told her I no longer want to be deeply involved because it’s draining and stressful.
I also pointed out how our calls often drag on for hours, despite me trying to wrap them up. She’ll say, “Just five more minutes,” which turns into 20-30 minutes more.
It feels like she expects me to always be available, while I have my own life and responsibilities. When I’ve had emotional breakdowns, she has supported me, but I rarely call her for advice—certainly not at the same frequency or intensity.
Another frustration is that in our family group chats, she rarely engages with what others share.
Instead, she focuses on herself, her life, and now her relationship. This pattern worsens when she’s in a relationship, as all she talks about is her partner.
She says she just needs someone to listen, not advice, and that I shouldn’t feel pressured. But even just listening is stressful for me.
I also pointed out that I don’t lean on her nearly as much; when I’ve asked for help, it’s usually for practical advice, not emotional venting. She accused me of never asking how she’s doing, but our calls often start with her asking briefly about me, then segueing into her venting.
It feels like her “care” is just a lead-in to talk about herself.
Now, I’m rethinking staying with her during my upcoming internship in her city. She’d suggested I stay with her, with my mum offering to cover part of her rent if I stay with her, but considering her new relationship and our communication issues, I’m unsure.
Living alone will cost more, but I can afford it. I worry that voicing my boundaries has hurt our bond, and I feel conflicted.
Part of this may stem from our personalities: she’s a mega extrovert who constantly needs to verbalize her thoughts, while I’m an introvert who finds this overwhelming.
I feel I’ve been clear about my emotional limits, but they don’t seem respected.
AITJ for setting this boundary and telling my sister I don’t want to listen to her relationship problems anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. She is emotionally draining you.
I completely understand. I don’t have a sibling (anymore) but I had a friend like this. She didn’t give a care about my life only herself and for me to be a vent/support person about her feelings, problems, and gripes. It became so exhausting that my husband started to notice because it took a toll on me psychologically.
I finally said that enough was enough. If she needs someone to listen to her? Tell her to get a darn psychiatrist. And please, even if it costs you more money, don’t live with her. She will drain you more than just cash.” Adventurous-Bee4823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting those boundaries is super important to preserving your own peace. Sounds like your sister suffers from main character syndrome. I often end up being the person that certain family and friends trauma dump or vent about relationships to — and it can be absolutely exhausting, leaving me feeling totally drained. I’ve started asking people up front “are you looking for feedback or are you just looking to vent?” and also being more direct/firm about whether I have the capacity and/or space to hold for them in that moment.
People who get angry or don’t accept when you set boundaries need them the most, and it’s most important to stick to them. Next time you say 5 minutes and she goes over, switch your phone into airplane mode. It will show as “call dropped” instead of looking like you hung up.
Oops! Heheheh But yeah — your time, energy, and peace are your most precious commodity in life. And it’s expensive, but absolutely worth investing in and prioritizing. It really might be worth having your own place, despite the cost. Maintaining those boundaries will be a lot easier that way.” eirasmus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely do not move in with her. If you did that, you might irreparably harm the relationship you have with her. What she’s asking of you now is too much. You should consider, by yourself, how much would you LIKE to talk to her?
If you’re having 2-hour long calls with her twice a week, would it feel good to have 1 30-minute call every 2 weeks? Try to figure out what both the frequency and duration should be. If she calls you more often than that, just let it go to voicemail.
If she wants to hang onto you longer than you want to stay on, prepare some excuses for getting off the phone immediately. Some examples: 1. Someone’s at the door. 2. My oven timer just went. off 3. I’m leaving to see a friend now. 4. Someone else is calling me.
5. I’ve got to go right now.
I’m giving you these excuses because I think that if your sister’s been able to string you along with 5 more minutes, you’re probably not comfortable just telling her you’re done.” algunarubia
9. AITJ For Asking My Overstaying FIL To Stop Cooking Stinky Food In Our Apartment?
“My fiance, two kids and I moved across the country. His dad helped drive the truck until we picked up our nephew who drove the rest of the way.
We had agreed that FIL would stay with us for one month so we could start paying him back for what he paid to help us move. One month has turned into three now.
FIL has caused a ton of issues already by running his mouth or by leaving our front door open and he just leaves.
He’s also done a ton of other things that aren’t really relevant to this post, but I can go into more detail if anyone asks.
Fiancé, kids, and I take day trips pretty regularly to the park. Every single time we leave for a couple hours FIL will cook something that leaves the entire apartment smelling terrible.
The smell will hit you in the face even before opening the door. It’s awful. Today it was the absolute worst. I couldn’t even get my key into the lock before feeling like I was about to vomit.
Fiancé also stated he couldn’t breathe, he had to run outside for fresh air.
We have every candle I own lit, the ceiling fans on full blast, the windows open and it’s been almost 2 hours since coming home and it still reeks. It’s nauseating.
I don’t know exactly what he’s making but I have seen some of the stuff he’s cooked before and the best way I can describe it is black tar.
The smell is strong and nauseating. It doesn’t even look edible.
My fiance and I started talking. I want to tell FIL to not cook whatever it is he’s cooking to smell the whole apartment up but fiancé is saying it’s not right to tell a grown man what he can or can’t do.
The thing is, FIL is a guest. He’s not paying rent. He’s not helping with the bills. He’s doing nothing of that sort. He does buy his own food but I’ve seen him take food from us before as well as other things of mine.
Would I be the jerk if I told my FIL he can’t cook whatever it is that smells terribly? I’m not trying to say he can’t cook at all, just can’t cook what is making us sick.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he’s been living completely rent and expenses free for three months.
I would say you’ve paid him back for whatever it cost him to move you with free lodging. Is it possible your husband has a different agreement with his father that you’re unaware of? It sounds like it’s not a short-term thing and that he is not a guest. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your fiancé and let him know it’s time for his father to go back to his own residence.
Let your fiancé handle it. You mentioned that you live in an apartment so I’m sure your other neighbors also smell it and it could be reported to your landlord.” United-Manner20
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. You are NTJ but both FIL and fiancé are ridiculous.
I can’t imagine how it would feel to move with my love, bringing along his dad, expecting his dad to stay a month, but then staying indefinitely… leaving your door open, (dangerous,) taking your food and OTHER things? (Theft.) Stinking up the place? (RUDE!) He would have to go… and let your husband know that this is YOUR home, and it’s absolutely in your right to set the rules.
The nonsense about “not right to tell a grown man what to do” would only apply if said grown man was a paying roommate on the lease. In this case, no. He’s not a guest; he’s a pest.” Secret_Sister_Sarah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
FIL has overstayed his welcome. You agreed on him staying for a month, and it’s now turned into three. He should have been gone two months ago. Yes, he drove the truck part way and that was a tremendous help. You paid him back by allowing him to stay with you, rent-free, for the month and I’m sure you also did other things to thank him, as well.
That time has come to an end. In addition to the cooking, he’s caused other problems in your home, and it’s time that he heads back to his own home. Your fiance needs to stand strong with you in thanking your FIL for the help he provided, and you’ll forever be grateful.
But it’s time you settle your family back into a routine again. That is important for the children, too. Discuss his plans for returning home, and follow through to make sure they happen. The fact that he helped you does not entitle him to stay, indefinitely, and upend the peace in your home.” Aggressive_Cattle320
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Than The Usual Amount For A Group Birthday Gift?
“My friend group (approximately 20 people) has a vague tradition that whenever someone celebrates their birthday and throws a party, most people attending that are closer to them create a group chat and discuss gifts for them. Usually, this amounts to approximately 4-8$ for each person (equally divided), and usually, there are about 15-20 people contributing.
Considering the size of the group, such a present is usually once every 1-2 months. In the beginning, people have the opportunity to leave the conversation if they don’t want to partake.
I had a birthday party with one other person who has a birthday close to me a few weeks ago, and obviously we weren’t part of the planning (of the presents), but my wife was and because most people contributed about 4$ and some didn’t pay at all, there was approximately 50$ unpaid she had to pay (and for my taste, the gift was too expensive anyway, I actually would be completely fine with a cheaper one).
The same was true for the other person and his wife.
Now last week, another friend F29 threw a birthday party. I couldn’t attend, but I was added to a group where the gift was discussed. I said I won’t attend but I can chip in, expecting the regular present value.
I didn’t have time at all to react to the chat because it was created a day before the party (on a working day). When I opened the chat in the evening I saw a payment request for 20$ each (there were only about 10 people and they chose a very expensive present).
I said that I didn’t get to have a word in the selection process, that I’m not even attending, and that I think it’s too much money, given that it’s almost triple what is usually asked. I didn’t want to pay the full amount, but as I said, I will chip in – with the standard amount being 8$, and that is being generous since most people pitched in with 4$ for my present.
To that I got angry reactions that I should’ve said something before, that we’re adults so we give adult presents etc. I argued that I didn’t have time to react and that for my present a few weeks ago, my wife had to pay a lot from her own pocket, and even then, the present was about half the price of this one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however for this very reason this is why I don’t agree with group presents. One, you have to chip in, even though out of 20 people and 20 parties you’re obviously gonna be closer to some than others, and regardless you have to all agree on a present.
It shouldn’t be more unless it’s a big birthday! And also if I were to do this mad tradition, I would ask if people could donate what they could, but most people are donating 20 or whatnot. It’s like when you start a new office job and you have to provide for a collection every 3rd day but you don’t know everyone.” RebeccaCheeseburger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adult presents do not need to cost $200. I will guarantee that you are not the only one appalled by the price creep of the presents. Instead of letting one or two people make the choice, the group should find out ahead of time what number of people will be contributing, and then multiply that number by $6, the median donation.
Whether in friend groups or in work groups, there is always someone who wants to be the pet. Be the one who gets extravagant nonsense for the birthday person or the boss. It’s not necessary, and it’s unfair to the group members who have other needs for their money.” McDuchess
Another User Comments:
“Yes. “Chip in” presents always cause issues. When we plan celebrations in my office I usually go out and get a card and a gift card or gift in advance. I will keep it in my office or car so that I don’t forget on the big day.
Invariably, others in the office wait until the last minute or the day before and want to sign my card and give me a few bucks towards the gift. If this were pre-planned it would be okay but I usually determine how much I will spend depending on my relationship with the gift receiver.
So I bought a $50 gift card because I worked pretty closely with an expectant mom, 1 person wanted to give me $25 to sign my card and another just wanted to sign my card. I had to tell both of them that I had already signed and sealed my card.
They were less than pleased, but I didn’t want the coworker I worked closely with to think I would spend only $25 or $17 (split 3 ways) on her.” 2bFree-614
7. AITJ For Wanting Personal Time While Caring For My Partner's Sister?
“My (28NB) partner Oscar (28M) and I have been together for 6 years. Oscar has a half-sister, Elise (8F). Their dad Matt (56M) is a surgeon and often works long and unsociable hours, so we often look after Elise, and we both absolutely adore her.
A year ago Matt married Diane (47F), who doesn’t like kids. If he’s working late, Diane brings Elise over to ours and we cook dinner, help with homework, play with her, put her to bed, etc. Diane often stays until around midnight. We offered to go round to theirs instead so Elise’s sleep wasn’t disturbed, but Diane said she’d rather come to us.
As much as I love Elise, I’m getting really sick of the intrusion into our lives. Oscar and I don’t get much time together, and now a lot of it is spent entertaining Diane. We don’t watch much TV – we’re both PhD students, so we often spend evenings writing, reading, preparing for classes, or just talking and listening to music.
Diane only wants to watch TV, but never makes any suggestions for shows or movies, instead complaining about how we don’t have all the streaming services she has. When we find something, she spends a lot of time on her phone or trying to point out “plot holes” which often amount to characters making decisions that she wouldn’t personally make.
I can’t enjoy or even follow what we’re watching, so I started reading books on my phone to pass the time.
The other night, I had some work to do after dinner, so I excused myself. After I finished, I stayed in the study and read my book.
I honestly wanted to go to bed, but Elise was sleeping in there and I was too tired to face Diane at that point. When Diane was leaving, I came out to say goodbye and help with Elise. Oscar asked how my work was going and, thinking nothing of it, I said great, I’d finished it and had started the book he recommended.
Diane didn’t say anything, but the next day Oscar got a long message from Matt about how unwelcome we’d made her feel: I should have finished my work before she arrived; it was unfair to make her watch a foreign language movie when she hates reading subtitles; I made her feel like she was annoying and I didn’t enjoy spending time with her, and I disrespected Oscar by leaving him alone.
He said Diane now felt uncomfortable bringing Elise around again and was completely overwhelmed by the thought of looking after Elise by herself.
Oscar doesn’t think I’m in the wrong, but I should apologize anyway just to smooth things over. Initially, I thought Diane was overreacting, but now I’m worried that I was disrespectful.
I did effectively just go and sit by myself instead of spending time with her, and I chose not to come back after I had finished my work because, in that moment, I didn’t want to spend time with her. Honestly, I’m worried that I’ve spent too long around students/academics and I’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s not normal to sit alone reading instead of entertaining guests.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is, in fact, wearing out her welcome. This is something you need to bring up with your partner- visits need to happen less frequently (are we talking once a week? Multiple times a week? Every day?), be of shorter duration, and/or allow you to opt-out occasionally.
It’s not your job to constantly entertain Diane or parent this kid. Anyways you and your partner need to make a decision and he needs to communicate it with his family. None of this is your problem.” antizana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not a guest if she’s inviting herself around and staying until midnight, she’s an imposition.
Unless you want this to be your norm, you need to start standing up for yourself and put your foot down. “Elise is welcome to have dinner with us, but we have a strict bedtime of x o’clock.” Leave yourself as much downtime as you need. “We will come over to yours, we’re not up to hosting tonight.” Then leave when Elise is in bed. “I have to x and y tonight, unfortunately, we aren’t free.” Or even just straight up, “I’m sorry, we aren’t free tonight.” At this point, you are babysitting Diane more than you are Elise, which you aren’t obligated to do especially to the detriment of yourself.
Overwhelmed taking care of Elise by herself? My rear. She’s 8, not 3. If she really is overwhelmed she shouldn’t have married a man with a child that young. Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong and she’s using this to be controlling and force you to do what she wants to do (as she has been this whole time).
You didn’t leave her locked outside, she was inside with her own show on and accompanied by your partner. You didn’t invite her over, she’s not your guest, and you are allowed to spend your free time reading or – god forbid – SLEEPING.
Who the heck stays over until midnight uninvited???” salukiqueen
Another User Comments:
“Why do her feelings matter? She obviously doesn’t care about your feelings. Why should you put the effort into caring about hers? She is choosing to be offended. She is choosing to not parent her stepdaughter, which, what in the world was Matt thinking, marrying someone who doesn’t like kids when he has one?
This is the perfect opportunity to say “We have enough on our plate, if you need a babysitter to keep you entertained go make some friends… Little sister is always welcome of course, but time for the adult to grow up and entertain herself.”” tiredoftryingtobe
6. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Coffee Shop Table With A Stranger Who Smelled Bad?
“I 22F was studying at a popular coffee shop in my town yesterday afternoon. It was crowded, but I was lucky enough to get a 2 person table with an outlet. I stayed there for maybe three hours and ordered multiple items throughout my stay.
About an hour into my stay, a girl about my age who reeked of a certain substance asked if she could share my table so she could study as well.
I looked around and every other chair was occupied and there were even people standing beside the tables. I absolutely despise the smell of that substance. It’s legal in my state so there are no issues there, but it makes me nauseous and gives me a headache, so I knew there was no way I would get anything done with that girl across from me.
Without mentioning her smell, I told her no and that I needed my personal space.
Instead of walking away, she pressed and said that if I wanted my personal space I shouldn’t study in the most popular coffee shop in town. I then told her that I specifically didn’t want her at my table because she smelled like a farm of that substance and she should take a shower before she tried to infringe on strangers’ personal space.
I thought she would go away after that, but she told me she was sitting at my table whether I liked it or not. She put her things down, maybe thinking I would leave.
Instead, I flagged down an employee and explained the situation. She sided with me and asked the girl to leave, threatening to call security if she didn’t do so.
I resumed my work but felt a bit shaken by the situation. Later that evening, I recalled what happened to some of my friends. I thought that they would all agree that she was being a jerk, but to my surprise, a couple of my friends told me I was the unreasonable one.
One of them is familiar with the coffee shop and told me that it was rude of me to hog a table (even though I bought two drinks and a pastry throughout my stay) and that if I really had a problem with someone smelling bad, I should have just left. Another one of my friends said that my comment about how that person smelled was out of line, and even if someone is being rude I shouldn’t talk like that to a stranger.
This sparked a huge debate until I agreed to post on this sub to settle this once and for all. So, am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were at the table first. And it was a small 2-person table, it’s not like you were sitting by yourself at a big (4+ person) table and not letting anyone else sit there.
When my husband and I sit together at a 2-person table at a cafe there’s barely room for both of us plus our laptops, I can’t imagine letting a stranger sit that up close and personal next to me, especially if they smelled bad.
You could have offered her the chair, she could take it and sit somewhere else. But IMO you politely declined and then she was the one who pushed it, THEN you mentioned her smell. She deserved it at that point when she wouldn’t accept no for an answer.” anbaric26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re purchasing items regularly, you have full right to stay at your table and study. You have no obligation to share your table with anyone. Especially someone who smells. I say this as a former server. Can you imagine sitting at a table in a full restaurant, enjoying a drink, and someone coming up and demanding to sit with you?
That’s unthinkable to me. She has a right to ask. You have a right to say no. That should have been the end of things. I would be shaken too. Screw that person. (Yeah you could have been more polite and just said, “sorry, you smell like that substance and I’m very sensitive to that odor.” But, she was rude to you.
Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.)” skweekykleen69
Another User Comments:
“What would you have done if she was sitting just as close but at her own table? People are super entitled what if she smelled like strawberries and you hate strawberries?
What smells you like and dislike is your problem not other people’s. You’re out in public and news flash the public smells. If you’re sensitive to smells you probably should have studied at your home where you are in control of the smells.
It has nothing to do with that substance, people complain about perfume or laundry soap and expect people to adhere to their sensitivities out in public. And if your friends told you that you were wrong it’s probably because you’re unreasonable in other aspects of your life as well.
YTJ.” SpeedTiny6052
5. AITJ For Defending My Partner After She Was Called The "Token Asian"?
“My partner is not from the same town as me, she recently moved here. She and I have been together for a few years but she’s a shy introverted girl and a bit socially awkward. We live in a Western country so she’s kind of living between two cultures because she’s East Asian.
Anyway, I have some female friends and I thought I could set her up with them and they could go on girl outings. And she could finally have some female friends here to hang out with rather than just me.
My partner liked the idea and my friends were also keen to get to know her.
They met up the first time and were planning stuff when one of the girls jokingly referred to my partner as the “token Asian”. (They’re all stereotypical white girls, as basic and stereotypically white as you can get) and it just felt so unnecessary and offensive to me.
My partner laughed it off but I got angry and told them off and demanded they apologize to her.
The whole situation got very awkward and now the entire plans are cancelled. My partner thinks I overreacted and I ruined her chance to make friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but talk to your partner about this, explain why you’re upset, and then LISTEN to how she feels about the situation. If she genuinely doesn’t care, then you should probably drop it. If she doesn’t care, and it still bothers you, you should drop the friends instead.
Because what your friend said was racist. I don’t necessarily think it’s worth ending a friendship over IF you think she was just making a bad joke AND your partner doesn’t actually care, though.” Secret_University120
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not taking your cues from your partner and finding out how she felt before jumping in.
You kinda sound like you don’t really respect your female friends very much for being “too white”, but that doesn’t tell us anything about who they are as people. Your partner is the one who is most affected, and she’s the one who would be better able to tell if that comment was genuinely meant as an awkward way of including her or racist, and she was fine.
So you made a deal where there shouldn’t be and made everything awkward for everyone.” RivSilver
Another User Comments:
“As a black man who had been called token a lot, YTJ and overreacted. It was made as a joke, and on top of that, being called a token isn’t necessarily bad or racist. Just means you’re the outlier in your friend group.
Now, the chance for your partner to make other female friends has passed for the time being, and it’s your fault completely. Now, if at the moment your partner was clearly upset or bothered by it, then yeah, you should stick up for her. However, you gotta learn to read the room when a joke is made and it isn’t at your expense.” jwldabeast
4. AITJ For Refusing Help From My Parents After They Moved My Baby Without My Consent?
“First-time mom here (30F). My husband works away from home for a few months, so I’m on my own for now. Our baby is 3 months old.
Lately, the lack of sleep has been catching up with me and I told my mom I’m not feeling well to say the least and I should probably get a couple of hours extra sleep.
I have never asked for any help from anyone until now so it was hard for me to finally cave in and admit I need it now. It’s also hard to even think about leaving my baby with someone else.
So when my mom offered to sit with him for a few hours, I agreed but it would be best if he stayed at home where I was sleeping, so I don’t feel anxious and can actually fall asleep.
She agreed. They went outside to have a walk (we have a pretty big property). When I woke up two hours later, it was already getting dark, no one was inside the house so I went outside looking for them as I also saw the stroller wasn’t inside.
After 5 minutes of looking for them and realizing they were not there, my eyes welled up and I started panicking, ran after my phone, and called my mom (thankfully she picked up).
Apparently, she decided it was best for me they went to her house so they don’t make noise and disturb my sleep.
My dad picked them up. With no car seat might I add… Although it’s only a 5-minute drive, still anything can happen. My mom actually left a note but she put it in a really poor place so I didn’t see it and it didn’t save me from panicking.
When I went to them I wasn’t angry, I appreciated the help and the thought behind their actions but I also explained why it wasn’t the best solution for me or my son. They didn’t agree and still think they were right to do what they did and they know what I need best…
So because of this, I am struggling even more to ask for help and leave my baby with them. It will take time for me to stop stressing and overthinking and fully trust them again. I explained this to them as I can’t be sure what else they could be doing opposite of what we previously agreed to and they feel very hurt saying I’m hormonal and don’t understand what’s best for me.
I agree on being hormonal but that doesn’t undo what they did. Actually, I expected them to be a bit more understanding of my anxieties but it is what it is.
So AITJ for not asking for/refusing help with their grandchild for some time?
Am I overreacting?
FYI: I would never restrict them visiting us and I will still take my son to visit them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your parents sure are! It was WRONG of them to remove your infant from your home without your knowledge.
It was SUPER-WRONG for them to take your infant in a car, without a car seat. They didn’t HELP you at all! Sure you slept, but then you had a huge panic and so the net benefit to you was zero. Adding in the loss of trust?
They’re in the hole. AND THEY’RE NOT EVRN SORRY!! (I’m so angry on your behalf right now!) Can you have a mother’s helper come over and spend time IN YOUR HOUSE with the baby, so you can have a nap? Can you outsource anything else (cooking/cleaning) so you can sleep when the baby sleeps?” Chi-lan-tro
Another User Comments:
“Uhm, isn’t that kidnapping? Removing a child from its parent without prior consent? Doesn’t matter if the perpetrator is family or not. It shows you that your mother feels that she has any say over your child. She hasn’t. It’s your child, you are the parent, you get to call the shots.
Driving a child without a proper seat is something that could get your child harmed in an accident and also could get your father fined. Plus it can paint you as a negligent parent even if you didn’t know what your parents did. It’s your child, it’s your responsibility and you’re accountable for what happens to him.
Your parents tell you you’re hormonal and don’t understand what’s best for you, but that’s not necessarily true, you know. Even if you’re hormonal, as long as your child is safe with you, they should butt unless specifically asked. Yes, they are your parents, but you’re a mother now, just like your mother.
You’re on equal terms: you’re not a child.” plantprinses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made a decision that was BEST for her at the time. The minute she said it was the right thing to do and they knew best, nope, no ma’am. You get no more unsupervised access.
She told you flat out that she will always choose her decisions over yours. And then to not even admit they were wrong or possibly even could’ve been wrong? No. Idc if they raised you, it’s not their child. There’s no better way to set a new mother into postpartum than to spike her anxiety through the roof!!
Please talk to someone, just to navigate through postpartum (not even depression or anxiety, just having the baby)! It’s for your benefit and your baby’s if you get to fill your own cup up, momma! Good luck with your sweet new baby! Best wishes.” Recent-Necessary-362
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can't Join My Birthday Trip To Ireland?
“I’m turning 19 in a few weeks and my parents are taking me to Ireland for like a week. My sister is staying home with her daughter because neither I nor my parents want them with us because all she normally does on vacation with us is complain.
We were all at the table and she asked what I was doing for my birthday and my mother told her we were going to Ireland and my sister said: “am I and (her daughter) going?” Our mom kinda looked at her like are you seriously asking that and said no. My sister asked why and my mother was basically like first of all why would we take a 2-year-old on a 6 hour+ flight and also it’s for my birthday.
I also chimed in and said I didn’t want my niece there because she would ruin the trip which is maybe kind of harsh but it’s the truth.
My sister took offense to this and started playing the victim and was saying “I’m always being left out of things” which is kind of true because I’ve been on 3 vacations this year and they’ve all been me and my parents, but it’s because taking a toddler on vacation changes things, and she’s also been on a vacation with her friends while her daughter stayed at home so it’s not like she never leaves the country.
And she’s also 26 so I don’t know why she would still want to go on vacation with our parents.
She kept complaining about it and I was like “if you want to go on a vacation you can book your own because you’re not coming with us”.
She got mad and basically called me a jerk while our parents were still sitting there.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You were mean to your sister, and you should have let your mom respond as she is the host of the trip. I agree that crossing the pond with a toddler is a nightmare, and NO one wants to travel with a two-year-old (even their own), and pubs, castles, and cobblestones are ideal not for strollers.
You could have been kinder. You are still at home, and given your age, I assume you are a high school senior or college freshman. Sis is a full-grown woman with a child of her own. it was pretty presumptuous of her to demand to tag along.
let alone ruin a grown-up trip with a toddler. I assume your sister went on trips with your family when she was your age or still at home? Have your parents included sis in the past and done nice things for your nibbling? If there’s a history of disparity, then mom especially stinks here.” AnnoyedRedheadedMom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I think it’s really telling no one told her until she asked. If you weren’t doing anything wrong, why wouldn’t it have come up in conversation? I understand why the rest of you might not have wanted her there, but an adult conversation was the way to handle it.
Plus, you’ve been on three family trip vacations, has your sister been treated to anything equivalent? Or at the very least, when she was 19, was she taken on three trips that you were left home for because you were only 12? She isn’t entitled to vacation, especially given the added difficulties of bringing a toddler, but there’s something to be said for the fact that she’s clearly being excluded, and it sounds like no one is discussing it with her.
To be clear, it’s not that I think your sister handled this well, but I think most people would react poorly.” CrazyAstronaut3283
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with a soft NTJ.
“Because all she normally does on vacation with us is complain.” I understand this line perfectly.
My sister cannot do ANYTHING fun without complaining or making some type of scene. It ruined many of my birthdays growing up; I learned at a young age to simply not ask for anything since she would always throw some kind of fit ruining the event (we couldn’t even go to the mall 90 minutes away for the closest not-Goodwill bookstore without her crying in the parking lot that they didn’t buy her anything even though she didn’t like books).
It also ruined many a vacation since as soon as we’d do an activity my mom and I liked but she didn’t, she would start complaining (like, you didn’t have to come you know?). So I get the frustration. That’s even ignoring the things that have to change when traveling with a toddler (btw, where is baby daddy in this situation, does sis not consider him part of the family?
Can he not watch the tot?).
Anyway, my family is poor (lower “middle” class anyway), but I was a scholarship kid at a private school so I had some friends from wealthier families who could afford this lifestyle of multiple vacations per year. One thing I’ve noticed as we’ve grown up is that even when they’ve moved out and started having their own families, some would still expect their parents to pay their kids way.
I don’t blame them for offering any support or living together to save money (this economy sucks, rent is expensive, save where you can, multi-generational homes can be amazing when the family isn’t toxic), but vacations are a luxury. And it sounds to me that sister is looking for a free vacation rather than to actually be there to celebrate OP’s bday.” huffpuffpass7
2. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Partner Allowed A Sleepover While I'm Recovering From Surgery?
“I (44F) had major surgery last week. I am home recovering and off work for 2 weeks, with 4-6 weeks recommended before resuming life relatively ‘normally’.
My partner (42M) informed me late yesterday afternoon that his son (13M) was having 5 friends for a sleepover tonight. It’s now Saturday where I live.
I had no prior knowledge that he’d allowed his son to organize this and it’s for no special reason, it’s just because.
I was instantly upset. I asked why he would agree to that not only without speaking to me first but also when I was just home from the hospital and recovering from major surgery.
His response was that he didn’t think it would affect me and he just forgot to mention it.
I started crying, saying that I felt so uncared for and that he was being inconsiderate of my healing and recovery. He continued to reiterate that he didn’t see how it should affect me and that it wasn’t a big deal.
He suggested that if it bothered me that much, I could go and stay at my mum’s for the night. I didn’t wait until the next day (today, Saturday), I packed a suitcase and drove myself to my mum’s right then. Even though I’m not supposed to be driving yet.
He has sent messages saying I’m overreacting and that he still doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I don’t understand how he thinks an additional 5 teenage boys in a house with 1 toilet and the living space right next to our bedroom where I’m supposed to be resting and recovering, won’t affect me.
AITJ for leaving right away, when in fact, I don’t think I should have left at all. I think the sleepover should have been canceled for another time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the wake of a major surgery, your husband should be doing everything in his power to ensure that you’re comfortable and that you have a peaceful place to recover.
Instead, he decided to have 5 teenagers over. You are in no state to be hosting a party and that decision was either very stupid or very ignorant on his behalf. I’m sorry to break it to you, but your husband either A.) doesn’t care about your recovery nearly as much as he should, or B.) has no idea what post-op recovery requires and refuses to believe you when you tell him what you need.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“Middle-aged guy, here. Commenting in large part to demonstrate that we are not all clueless jerks. My thoughts: 1) Having 5 extra teenage boys spending the night in a small flat with 1 bathroom is a terrible idea under any circumstances. 2) There is no universe in which I would agree to allow my kid to invite five kids to sleep over without consulting my spouse, even if she was in perfect health.
Probably even if she was out of town, and we lived in a six-bedroom mansion. It’s just inconsiderate. 3) I wouldn’t need to consult my spouse to know that inviting kids overnight while she’s recovering from surgery is a non-starter. Just… no. That is such an obviously stupid and inconsiderate thing to do.” Sorry-Analysis8628
Another User Comments:
“”He continued to reiterate that he didn’t see how it should affect me and that it wasn’t a big deal…” Does he need his hearing checked? This man obviously has issues with ‘hearing’ what’s being said to him. This stopped him from validating your right to have legitimate feelings and stress over the surprise situation.
The fact that even with tears, a physical sign of stress and vulnerability, he still just repeated his reasoning – he practically doubled down on you. The fact he didn’t physically stop you from driving, from possible damage when you shouldn’t be driving, and were overly emotional, well… Actions speak louder than words.
Now none of this means it’s a completely hopeless situation. You don’t have to make any hard and fast decisions right now.
Personally, I’d suggest that you stay away if at all possible and take time to think things through. Write a list of all the reasons you love him and focus on why you chose him to begin with.
Tell him, that after his inability to hear what you were saying, to realize this was an issue for you due to your current health situation, you need time to reevaluate the relationship. Explain to him that his inability to be empathetic and work with you to find some form of compromise doesn’t bode well for a healthy relationship.
I’d go NC for the next few weeks. Give yourself time to heal, time to relax, and focus on you. When optional, candle-lit baths with soft music and a good book – if you’d enjoy this type of thing. Whatever you’re into in the way of pampering, treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated by him.
Sometimes when we accept situations and refocus on ourselves we find exactly what it is that we really need. Be blessed.” No-Court-2969
1. AITJ For Calling Out A Woman Holding Her Dog Near People's Food In A Restaurant?
“I was picking up my food from a popular salad chain in NYC when I noticed that another customer was in there with her dog. She was holding her dog up — it wasn’t on the ground or in a bag– and its face and paws were all up in people’s food pickup orders.
It’s a dog so it was sniffing. I get it, dogs are curious especially around food. But I also saw the dog outside before going in and saw that the dog urinated on the ground prior to going into the restaurant and that its paws stepped into its own urine.
I was disgusted to see that its paws were so close to the food, in addition to its face sniffing all around everyone’s food. I noticed that not all of the lids were fully covering the food waiting for pickup.
I told this person that I thought it was disgusting to hold her dog up so close to everyone’s food.
I left the restaurant and she followed me outside basically harassing me. She said that her dog was a service dog. I told her I didn’t know what that had to do with the fact that she was holding her dog up to other people’s food and that was still disgusting for people who are picking up their own food orders.
I asked why she couldn’t just put the dog on the ground or in a bag when she went inside the restaurant, but she just kept repeating that it was a service dog. I realized that I wasn’t going to get through to her with my point so I left, but she just kept shouting at me as I was trying to walk away.
AITJ here for calling this person out and saying that it was disgusting to let her dog be so close to other people’s food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Service dogs don’t get up on counters to smell people’s food. Service dogs are supposed to be well-trained enough to be in public WITHOUT causing health issues.
Even if it was a service dog, unless it’s helping her read her name on the labels, it has no business being near people’s food. Personally, while I love dogs in general, the entitlement of some people with their dogs in other people’s space is disgusting enough that I’ve told restaurant staff about the health violation of having a dog on a tabletop and had the staff make them put the dog on the floor.
So, you’re not the problem here. She is, and her so-called “service” dog ruins the reputation of actual service dogs everywhere.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“Last year, a woman stalked and harassed me because she put her bare feet on the communal table at a local coffee shop.
I went to the staff to raise my concerns about her bare, sweaty feet on a table I’d literally just had my food on. She claimed that my not wanting her sweaty feet next to my pastries was discrimination against her because she had leg pain, and elevating her feet helped her enormously.
(There were plenty of chairs in the restaurant that she could have used to rest her feet on. Perhaps not a hundred percent couth, but INFINITELY less gross.) Apparently, my complaint meant she was no longer allowed to use the coffee shop tables as a footrest, and she harassed me for a MONTH over it.
Accommodating a disability does not require food service industries to accommodate literal food safety issues. A service dog, for example, can very reasonably be asked to wait on the floor while the person with the dog is standing beside pickup orders. NTJ.” mecistops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The issue wasn’t that it was a service dog. The issue was that its owner was holding the darned thing up to everyone’s food. Putting the dog down, as you suggested, would have solved that. Heck, angling her body to the side so the dog was further away from the food would have worked. None of those actions would affect the dog’s ability to do its service.
Most people I know are very contentious about making sure their service dog blends into the setting, and couldn’t be considered a nuisance/hygiene risk. I hate to say it, but this type of person makes me question if the dog was actually a service dog.
Which hurts people with actual service dogs.” Suitable-Tear-6179
