People Want To See If We're On Their Side In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite My Uncle's Family To My Wedding?
“My Aunty Donna had a stillborn baby when I was three, she met a woman (Sandra) at a support group who also had a stillbirth and introduced Sandra to her brother, my Uncle Bob. Bob and Sandra move to another country, get married and have two kids Jake and Kelly. Sandra turns out to be a total witch, emails Donna saying she never deserved to be a mother, she would have made a terrible mother and it’s a good thing her baby is gone.
Cue family rift between Donna and Bob, with the family taking Donna’s side. Donna has since passed away and Bob wasn’t able to afford to fly home for her funeral.
Fast forward to now and I’m getting married next year and Kelly is currently 18 and pregnant (on purpose). I’ve never had that much to do with them as they live overseas and I don’t like Sandra for what she did.
Bob, Sandra, and Kelly invite themselves to stay with my parents when they come over as my wedding will be ‘the perfect chance for Kelly to show off her baby’. My mum says no, there’s no room for anyone to stay at their house, and that we weren’t having any kids at our wedding which they are now mean about as they can’t afford to get a hotel.
They haven’t actually spoken to me about it, it’s all been through my mum and my grandma who tries to keep the peace.
I was on the fence about inviting them, but after this, I actually don’t want to because I don’t want the drama. My mum says that they’re family so I have to invite them and my grandma doesn’t want the family to argue so thinks I should invite them.
I’m considering just inviting my uncle and not his wife or their kids, but would that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to exclude/include whoever you choose. If you don’t want them there, don’t invite them. You could go a step further and explain that the invitation you WERE going to give has been rescinded due to the childish, entitled behavior they’ve shown thus far by inviting themselves to the wedding and people’s homes.
Also, absolutely nothing wrong with being upfront about the fact that your wedding isn’t their teen daughter’s announcement platform, and they can organize, and pay for, a venue to do that on their own time with people that actually care about her or her kid.” AdmirableWorth5325
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ for not inviting any of them.
And that’s what I’d recommend because they clearly all have boundary/entitlement issues and you can bet your butt that uncle will bring wife and kids AND grandkid anyway if he’s invited. It’s your wedding, you don’t have to invite anyone that you don’t want to regardless of their bloodline. Plus if you invite them it will cause drama anyway because they will make it all about Kelly and her baby and probably make some snide remarks about how great it is that your aunt Donna couldn’t be there for your wedding but they all could (because they clearly are nasty, mean people that hated her for some reason).
For your own sanity, don’t invite any of them.” Kitchen-Wealth-3714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But honestly, you should invite neither. Bob turned out to be as bad as Sandra, after not even apologizing to his sister for the mean things his wife said.
It’s your wedding, so if you’re family never had a backbone, it’s time for you to make the hard decision everyone is afraid of.
Call your uncle and tell him you never sent an invitation and you don’t plan to. Tell him you would like to honor the memory of your aunt Donna and that he and his entire family are not invited, regardless of what he spoke with your mom.
You’re now a young adult getting married. Time for you to learn to stand up for yourself and make some hard decisions which you consider right based on your moral principles.” esk_7140
17. AITJ For Not Accepting Responsibility For Breaking My Sister's Laptop?
“I (F18) have a younger sister Holly (F13).
Recently, our parents went away on vacation for a week.
Holly is a pretty sensible kid most of the time but sometimes has a really bad temper when she doesn’t get what she wants.
She has a laptop that she got for her birthday in July this year. My dad set up parental controls on it before giving it to Holly. Only me and my parents have the password to the parental controls.
The controls stop Holly from looking at inappropriate websites and stop her from using the laptop between 9 pm and 6 am.
One night, Holly was playing on the laptop in her room and asked me to type in the password so she could get an extra 15 minutes on there as it was nearly 9 pm. I told Holly no because she needs to get up for school in the morning. Holly started protesting and begging and I gave her a firm no.
She got really angry and started screaming at me and saying I’m the worst sister ever, and saying that the laptop is a piece of junk with parental controls on it. She ran towards the stairs and kicked the laptop down the stairs, and it broke.
I yelled at Holly and asked her what was she thinking.
She started crying, called me a witch, and said that she was fed up with being treated like a child, then ran into her room and slammed the door.
I put the broken laptop away in a box hidden in my room for when my parents came back, in case it could be fixed.
Holly was very cold to me ever since the argument.
When my parents got back the other day, I told them about what happened in private and showed them the broken laptop. It turns out Holly had already told them and they were really angry at me, and said that I shouldn’t have argued with Holly and just given her the extra time. They said the broken laptop is partially my fault and I was ‘not being a responsible adult’.
My dad has a friend who owns a computer repair shop and he said that the laptop is not realistically fixable. My parents expect me to contribute funds to get Holly a new laptop which I think is absolutely ridiculous but they’re insisting that I was in the wrong and should contribute, but I genuinely don’t see how?
Any third opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She IS a child, so her tantrum is moot. YOU did not kick it. Honestly, if my kid did that to their laptop they would not be getting a new one.
If your parents insist on you being financially responsible send them a bill for the unpaid babysitting you just did which should cover the laptop.
I doubt they’d want a kid who smashes laptops in a temper tantrum to be left home alone so use that. Say next time they want to go somewhere you will be staying at a friend’s house.” Auroraburst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s not supposed to use her laptop between 9 pm-6 am then you’re just following the rule your parents set.
Instead of throwing a tantrum like a child, Holly could have asked your parents and they could have told you it was okay to extend this time. But without that, you following the rule. It’s not on you in the slightest. If holly wants to stop being treated like a child, she needs to stop acting like one.
And for your parents to blame you… Everyone sucks here except you.” itsMousy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But everyone else here is. Your parents set the rules for a 9 pm finish time. You enforced them, and it caused you a lot of challenging behavior to manage in doing so. And that brings me to the sister.
That is pure and unacceptable behavior. Based on the response it sounds like your parents probably give in often, rather than dealing with a tantrum. She should not be getting a new laptop anytime soon from anyone, let alone one you help pay for. Your parents are reinforcing her acting this way, and in doing so, are going to continue making it harder to manage in the future.
I recommend they use those funds to help get her some counseling so she can deal with her emotions in a healthier way. Then she can earn back the laptop herself.
Sorry you’re dealing with this, OP. This is not your problem to pay for. Why have a time limit at all if you are not going to stick to it?
Ugh….” PeachMoose18
16. AITJ For Snapping When My Friend's Partner Told Me To Eat More?
“I’m a junior in high school. Over the summer my friend Brittany started going out with Andy. No idea what she sees in him but whatever.
Andy is one of those guys that thinks he’s a trash and all women want him but really he’s just an opinionated jerk that most people don’t even like.
I play rugby and I’m getting really into it. Watching what I eat, eating more protein, exercising more yada yada. I feel better when I eat better. I’ve been bringing my lunch more often because it’s healthier than the cafeteria food.
Andy has made some stupid comments because I play rugby, like ‘don’t most girls play softball or dance?
I wouldn’t date someone that played rugby’. I just said ‘good’. Then if he hears me say I’m going to the weight room (usually to run on the treadmill but it’s all one room) he says ‘what are you trying to become some gross muscle chick?’ I ignored him.
I have lunch with Brittany and Andy 2x a week.
Whether I bring a salad or a sandwich he makes comments about my diet and how I need to eat more.
Whenever I say anything to or look at Brittany she just shrugs and says ‘that’s just how he is’ or ‘he’s just kidding’.
Today we were at lunch and I had a salad with lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, green peppers, chicken and water.
He said, ‘that’s your lunch? You need to eat more you’re going to be just skin and bones, you’ll pass out at practice and get kicked off the team’.
I finally snapped and said ‘I don’t even have practice today and you’d be the absolute last person I’d take exercise or diet advice from considering you’re what, over 100 pounds overweight and not in any sports besides video games.
So what would you know about it anyway?’
Then I looked at Brittany and said ‘from now on don’t talk to me unless he’s not with you’. I went and sat by some other friends until lunch ended.
Later Brittany said I was wrong to make fun of Andy’s weight, and that he was just making conversation and trying to help.
She said what I said was basically bullying and that I should apologize because I don’t know what his situation is just like he doesn’t know mine. I told her not to hold her breath.
I know I shouldn’t have thrown his weight in his face but I’m sick of him judging me on EVERYTHING.
I don’t care what he thinks but it’s annoying like he thinks he’s in charge or something.
AITJ for snapping at him like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Good for you for not taking his nonsense anymore.
Your friendship with Brittany will go cold for a while, but that’s normal (she is now in love and her hormones are talking).
There is no reason to her now because, in the early stages of love, the hormones are so strong nothing will make her see Andy for who he is.
Just be ready to forgive Brittany (if you truly consider her a friend) when she gets her heart broken a few months from now.” esk_7140
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhh, everyone sucks here, but since you’re a child I can understand snapping after being consistently bullied like that. For future reference, it’s best to not talk to those types of people anymore. You made it clear the comments weren’t ok, but your friend couldn’t be bothered to talk to him or stand up for you, and now she’s mad about your comment.
However, your comment was also super rude and out of line. Fighting fire with fire, as they say, just makes a bigger fire. However, like I said, since you’re just a kid I’ll give you some time to grow up. People will always say mean things, honesty. What’s always going to feel the best is not stooping to their level, but removing yourself from the mitsreatment.” MovieLover1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s a bundle of red flags who seems to think women only exist for him to project his wants onto. Your looks, hobbies, and body are none of his freaking business. You don’t exist to ensure that every woman he looks at fits his personal criteria. He wasn’t ‘trying to help’, he was trying to police your body and femininity because your choices, like potentially having muscle, didn’t appeal to HIM and would make him not enjoy thinking of you inappropriately as if his ability to be h***y when looking at you should be your first concern.
Then he started mansplaining diet and exercise to you on top of it. You can tell Brittany that you were just trying to help him, too. You were helping him get back in his lane because apparently, he forgot where it was.
Brittany is just trying to placate him because, sadly, too many people believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship.
Stick to your guns. You don’t owe him an apology and you were right to set boundaries. Just because Brittany is willing to put up with him doesn’t mean you have to. It may be better to cut her off completely until this guy is out of her life, as she will likely try to bring him around again, and just hang out with other people instead.” Slight_Flamingo_7697
You
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15. AITJ For Not Moving The Dog To A Different Spot When She Gave Birth?
“My mum is breeding her chihuahua but because of her grandmother dying, I was left to take care of the dog and the birthing process.
My mum did tell me not to let her bleed/give birth over the fancy, fluffy bed (that’s actually water resistant underneath anyway) because it is expensive.
Minnie (the dog) was struggling when it came to giving birth. I didn’t want to move her because during the start of contractions she was whining and breathing heavily.
I was more worried about calling the vet.
My mum is pretty mad and upset over the bed since it’s stained with b***d, AITJ for not moving Minnie to a different spot to give birth on?
I was only tasked to look after Minnie a few days before she gave birth. Also, my mum wanted her to have the bed throughout pregnancy s she was comfortable but not when she was giving birth.
The bed is probably where Minnie decided to ‘nest’ and I’ve learned it causes the dog to become stressed and causes more birth complications (she was already struggling to breathe during contractions).
5 years ago we bred our cat because she wanted to show us the lifecycle. It all went easy and we kept the kittens.
She thought ‘small dog, doesn’t need whelping box’ and all she had for the dog was a playpen with a towel in it, in the back room where no one really goes.
Please do not call her a jerk for getting her priorities straight. Her grandmother was about to say goodbye which is far more important than a dog giving birth considering I could watch over it for her.
She is just as in experienced as me when it comes to the birthing process.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dogs being preparing their ‘nest’ for labor before they actually go into labor. That was where the dog felt the safest, any reputable breeder knows that preventing them from choosing their nest would could the dog a lot of anxiety.
If your mother didn’t want the dog to nest on the bed, it should have either been removed or covered as soon as the dog became pregnant. If you had just covered the bed, the dog likely would have removed it because they didn’t create the nest.
It’s clear that this breeding was done without any preparation or planning.
Your mother should have had an alternative prepared, and the dog should have been given time to see that space as a safe space. The birth most definitely should not have been left to you if you’re not experienced with assisting a dog in giving birth, it should have been taken to a boarding hospital that can take care of the dog and its puppies and can identify when the dog is going into labor before it does.” Longjumping-Bend-488
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but, Mum has failed to prepare for her dog having puppies.
Anyone breeding for the first time should be mentored by a recognized breeder with lots of knowledge on puppy rearing and the health of the mama dog. If mum had done this her more experienced mentor could have helped and advised on building a whelping box in plenty of time.
The experienced breeder could have advised whether the dog was worth breeding from as a good healthy example of the breed, with good hip and elbow scores plus, health tests relevant to the breed. Well done on helping this poor little dog at least be comfortable and survive giving birth.” Hot_Success_7986
Another User Comments:
“‘Please do not call her a jerk for getting her priorities straight. Her grandmother was about to say goodbye which is far more important than a dog giving birth considering I could watch over it for her. She is just as in experienced as me when it comes to the birthing process.’
Your mom is NTJ for prioritizing her dying grandmother.
BUT she is a massive jerk for producing more puppies that are more likely than not will end up in the shelter. For producing puppies with ZERO clue what she is doing. I bet there were none of the necessary steps taken BEFORE starting the production process. And NO what she did was not breeding.
It’s just producing puppies.” Wolfmoon-123
14. AITJ For Not Paying More Than Half Of Our Rent?
“My (23f) husband (25m) X wants me to contribute more to rent than him.
Right now, we are splitting the rent equally and we have separate finances. I have my own small business doing digital marketing and work from home full time. X does freelancing videography work for some of my clients.
The problem is while the income I earn is consistent, his videography work is not. The video work he does is random, sometimes he goes a month or more without a job, and sometimes he gets a couple of jobs a week.
Because of this X recently has taken on a part-time day job working 10-12 hours a week.
Because X only works part-time he makes significantly less than me, but he chooses to work part-time. He has the ability to get more hours or a second job but he doesn’t. I choose to work full time, therefore I make more funds.
If we were both working the same amount of time and I was making more, I would think it’s fair that I contribute more. However, that’s not the case. X thinks I am being stingy with my funds and it is unfair that we split the rent 50/50.
He has even said to me that if he has to pay half then he doesn’t know if it’s worth it to live here (with me).
Anytime I buy something that is non-essential he brings up how I should be using the funds to contribute more. So I have to know from an outside perspective, AITJ for not paying more than half of our rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He agreed to separate finances. He chooses to impoverish himself by only working 10-12 hrs per week or every other month.
Choices have consequences.
You said ‘He has even said to me that if he has to pay half then he doesn’t know if it’s worth it to live here (with me). Anytime I buy something that is non-essential he brings up how I should be using the funds to contribute more.’
Doubtful he can live ANYWHERE else on his sparse earnings (other than mommy & daddy) so that is an idle threat.
But why would you want to remain with someone who expects to live like peter pan while you work extra to pay for things?
Anytime he gripes about you buying something non-essential & tells you that you should be contributing more, tell him he should be working more, equivalent to a full-time job, and then he won’t be so concerned with your ‘non-essential’ purchases.
Hope you can work something out, but given his age, he doesn’t seem very ambitious & seems to lack initiative. I’m sorry to say but unless this pattern is broken now. You may be picking up his slack financially throughout your marriage.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell him it has to even out somewhere.
If you contribute more financially, then he needs to contribute more domestically. You have less free time because you work more, thus causing you to have more $. He has less $ because he chooses to work less, thus causing him to have more free time. To even it out he needs to give up more of his free time and take on more domestic duties (cleaning, grocery shopping, etc) in return for you paying more.
Not 100% of the chores should be on him, but a good majority.
It’s not fair to pay the majority and still be expected to do half (or more) of the domestic work too. This goes for any partnership. You either split everything 50/50 financially and housework, or you find a balance you both think is fair.
If he doesn’t like it or it doesn’t work for you guys, tell him too badly. He has the potential to earn more. If he wants more spending funds he has to figure it out.
And tell him good luck saving funds by moving out. Like in what world would that be cheaper?” Tasty-Biscotti355
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he wants to earn more, there are other part-time jobs he could get to supplement his videographer job.
I think it’s fair to discuss how things are broken down. For me, it matters whether he is trying to get work and contribute financially. If he was working full-time or part-time due to health, then sure.
If I genuinely thought someone was getting all the work they could, then fine. They are doing what they can and I’d be happy to split things based on what we earned.
But if he’s been working part-time for a long time with no real cause, and hasn’t worked to remedy that, whilst complaining about bills, that’s on him.
Does he do the housework? Because he should be doing most of it if he is at home a lot more and working shorter hours.
It’s also a red flag that he is threatening to move out or even with you if he doesn’t get his way – he DOES realize he’ll be paying 100% of his costs of living if he lives alone, right?
To me, this makes him look entitled like he doesn’t want to work and he wants you to subsidize him whilst he plays videography as a hobby.” linerva
13. AITJ For Not Entertaining My Parents' Guests?
“My (27M) birthday was on 9/26. My parents invited their friends from New York to stay with us on O’ahu from 9/20-10/3. on 9/25 my parents went on a trip with their guests to the Big Island and missed my birthday.
No big deal, I’ll have another one. I had a celebration with my friends last night, we went to a restaurant, did karaoke, then drank until 6 am. I have been extremely busy with my college courses and am taking 17 credits this semester. I am a bit reclusive and tend to stay in my room alone.
I have been doing this my entire life and am uncomfortable around people that I don’t know very well.
When the guests arrived, I made sure to say hello and welcome them. Even though it makes me uncomfortable, I want to make sure to be respectful, and if my parents want them to stay with us then I have no issue with it.
During their stay, I pretty much stayed in my room. To be honest, I haven’t interacted with them since that initial welcome. When I’ve seen my parents in passing I always make some conversation and try to be a good housemate. I clean, I do the dishes, I don’t rely on them for meals, and I am basically self-sufficient in every respect except finances.
Once I graduate next year, I’m going to move out and get a Job in my field to become completely independent.
As I mentioned earlier, I was out drinking until 6 AM last night and slept until about 7 PM. not great, not healthy, but it was for my birthday so I thought whatever. My parents had a party at our house today and I slept through most of it.
When I woke up, I had a paper to write, so that’s what I did. Once I finished my paper, I went upstairs to get some leftovers. I saw my mom, so I said hello, how was the party, etc. She told me to sit down and that we needed to talk. I did, and she asked why I’m so mad.
I told her I wasn’t mad. She said ‘then why are you such a jerk?’ I asked why she would say that, and she said that I wasn’t helping them entertain their guests.
I don’t think this is my responsibility. I’m an adult. I had an extremely busy week and made it through. I didn’t have the energy to face my anxiety and interact with their guests.
I apologized to my mom but it wasn’t enough. She ended up yelling at me, so I left. My mom has a drinking problem and was wasted, so not a huge surprise. But there is some truth to what she said. I haven’t entertained their guests, I haven’t interacted with anyone much this week, and I missed their party.
So, AITJ? My mom certainly thinks so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a part of their relationship. This was your parents’ friends; your parents were the hosts, NOT you. You may be living in their house, but you are not living their LIFE. You have your own life, your own responsibilities, and your own schedule.
In the absence of communication with you, your mother made up a scenario in her mind of what you were thinking/doing. She got it wrong, and she didn’t have the ability to turn her thinking around when you set her straight; instead, she doubled down – continued to blame you as if you were being rude to the guests.
It is not your responsibility to ‘entertain’ their guests – you didn’t invite them, and you didn’t make any plans with them. All you have to do is pop in here or there to say Hi, and be sociable when you see them. That’s it.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ guests are not your responsibility.
If you had no conversation about attending the party, then they have no right to assume you would. Probably the bigger problem with everything is your mom’s drinking. Likely, if she did not have this problem, she may approach everything differently, with better reasoning and empathy. And also, if you have a pattern of binge drinking, with a mother who has a drinking problem, as you describe, remember, there is a genetic predisposition to it.
You don’t want to be going down the same pathway as your mom, even if it takes a long ten years to get to it.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those were/are your parent’s friends, who they invited to stay, so is their responsibility to entertain. You have your own responsibilities to address with school, as well as your own challenges when dealing with people you don’t know.
Your mom is a jerk. This is for how she treated you during that argument, for expecting you to put your life and responsibilities on hold, and for having this argument while she was wasted.
If you choose to, have a new discussion with her when she is sober. Explain your side and such. Offer to listen to her expectations, but make sure she knows that you are focused on what’s important to you.
Best of luck navigating this one till you graduate.” TheMerle1975
12. AITJ For Blaming My Dad For Not Establishing A Relationship With Me?
“I (19 female) am one in 20 kids (range 26-5) but only two of my brothers have the same mom as I do but anyways, this all happened a few weeks ago, and the entire side of the family other than my sisters are saying that I am the jerk.
So my bio dad was never there for me growing up he had left before I was even born when he found out I was a girl and came back to my mom for my two brothers (14 and 13) and he always took very good care of them, but always brushed me aside when I was four I and my cousin were staying there and he had gotten really wasted and kicked us both out of the house which is when I found my adoptive dad he never officially adopted me but he had always told me that he would’ve if he had the chance my adoptive dad was always there.
He always took care of me, and I always had fun with my brothers from him. But that’s beside the point my adoptive dad was the one I’ve always seen as my dad.
My two younger brothers decided that they wanted to re-connect with our bio dad and so my mom let them reconnect and he said that he wanted to reconnect with me so I went for my great grandmother‘s birthday because I still have a decent relationship with the rest of the family, except for him and his mother (his mother called me mentally challenged in court.
I’m not I only have ADHD.) but anyways, a few weeks ago he had asked me why I was being so distant and I told him that he should know the answer to that by now. and he was so confused when I told him everything. he said it was not my fault and I told him straight up.
Yes, it is your fault it’s always been your fault that you don’t have a relationship with me you just choose not to admit it just admit it you hate the fact that I’m a girl and that my mom had a girl first. It’s a recurring pattern with you. You always leave and come back if the woman you’re with has a girl so you can try for a boy.
This is why all your daughters don’t want to relationship with you either and that is why I have an adoptive father because you were never good enough to be one to me, I get that I was harsh with what I said, but he really wasn’t seeing how bad it had really affected me my older brother (22) told me that I was being way too harsh for no good reason, and to not put the blame on somebody else for me being so miserable and all my other brothers and the rest of that side of the family are saying that I’m the jerk by blowing up on him so I’m wondering am I the jerk for blowing up on my biological father for abandoning me and then not seeing why I had such a problem of building a relationship?
UPDATE (December 4th, 2022) my youngest sister’s (14f) mom is taking him to court to remove the visitations with bio dad after she saw my sister’s texts with me about how bad it was over there she is 14 and the court here tends to lead towards the favor of the child rather than the parents and I may need to go to court as a witness same as my other sisters we are all talking about this in our GC I’ll be sure to give another update when the trial happens.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you will now be a lot better for being able to say all that stuff to the actual sperm donor instead of having it all churning around inside you. Good for you. Many of us never get the chance. Now go live your best life and don’t let all those siblings dictate your life for you and run your life by committee.
Put them on an information diet.” Which_Pudding_4332
Another User Comments:
“I guess it all depends on how much your brother’s opinions matter to you. It doesn’t sound like any of them respect your reasons. But are you really interested in their opinions? This is between you and your bio father.
To be honest, you can’t expect them to understand your reasons though.
They may have inherited the missing gene for ’cause and effect’ from their father.
Doesn’t seem like something worth discussing or listening to.
NTJ” Unagi-86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing dad is starting to worry about being lonely and getting older. He either can’t or won’t rely on his precious sons to look after him, so he’s hoping one of those unwanted daughters will finally be useful to him.
Your dad is a jerk, don’t let him wear you down or guilt trip you. You don’t have to care for someone who abandoned you and thinks he can have a relationship only on his terms when he’s ready. He’s 19 years too late. Hopefully, none of your sisters fall for his crocodile tears.” adlittle
11. AITJ For Defending Myself To My Partner's Dad?
“So basically I am a surveyor and only went to community college. I make a living wage of 30hr. I recently met my SO’s dad and he said my job was pointless. He said I was wasting time and should have tried to be an engineer instead. He said anyone with a high school diploma and I had no future prospects and was shaming me and speaking demeaning towards me.
I asked what he did, and he said he was an economist. I said ‘great, it’s not like we have a million of those doing pointless stuff except losing people funds’. He got really mad and actually kicked me out of his house for dinner.
My SO said it was my fault and he doesn’t like people challenging him.
She said in the future just nod politely no matter how rude he gets. I told her no, and if she didn’t like it she could find a new man. She cried and said I was being unreasonable
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, her dad is controlling, self-important, rude, and bullying, plus whatever other extents he goes to when he’s not monitoring his behavior because he’s meeting someone new.
He’s abusive to his family, your SO is so used to being mistreated that she can’t fathom anyone not allowing his terrible behavior, and he was definitely combing the waters to see how much mistreatment he could unload onto you, but that doesn’t mean you have to sign up as his newest victim. Good on you for setting your own boundaries, but you’re not exactly showing your SO what actual real love is by letting her know she means so little to you that you’d cut and run before helping or supporting her to find her way out.
NTJ, but barely.” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO’s father however is. You get introduced to him and he insults your profession and calls what you do useless!? He invites you into his house to bash and demean you. When you turn it around on him he gets angry and throws you and now your SO is telling you you should shut up!?
This is a no-brainer here. You know this answer. Sadly that man showed you who he is… it’s up to you now to believe him. If this relationship is new to your SO I’d seriously think of going forward with it. Because you are headed for LOTS of drama in that family. Imagine how it’ll be when kids are introduced to this mess (if you choose to have any).
You aren’t in a relationship with the father true. However, there should be a relatively respectable and kind relationship with all family members. Those are the relationships that enjoy less stress and have emotional support when issues arise.
Good luck OP you may need it.” User
Another User Comments:
“Surveying isn’t pointless, and though you made a very fair point about economists, you did sass him in his own house.
He may have been trying to goad you into a reaction – bullies do that.
If you and your SO stay together for the long haul, you’re stuck with this guy, though, unless you both cut him off. Which sounds satisfying but it can suck, especially if she doesn’t want that.
NTJ, but I’m really sorry for you and your SO.” Comfortable_Okra_805
10. AITJ For Causing Stress On My Mom?
“I have older siblings, my mom had an affair on her first husband and that’s how my younger brother and I were born. My parents couldn’t afford daycare so my older sisters were pretty much forced into taking care of us.
Flash forward some years and my oldest sister (Will call her Katherine) Got a man and my mom was very jealous and said horrible things about him.
Then when Katherine who was well over the age of 18 told my mom that she would be moving in with her partner my mom went ballistic and made it like she was selfish for not staying and taking care of my brother and me. My mom said that pretty much she wasn’t welcome over and didn’t want her seeing us which cut me off from my sister.
This devastated me at age 11 because I was very attached to my sister.
To make matters worse my mom ended up getting into my sister’s email and reading all the emails she and her partner had exchanged with each other and printed them… she read them with my other older sister (Will call her Cindy) and even showed them to my grandparents and twisted stories to turn my grandparents against her.
For years my mom and Katherine did not talk but my mom called her in 2018 to apologize.
Now flash forward to 2022 and Kathrine is living her absolute best life. Still with her husband, and they’ve done very well for themselves just overall very happy and financially well.
Well, Katherine brought up a rumor she was hearing from someone else in the family about her husband, and my other older sister Cindy and I immediately knew where it had come from and what she was talking about.
See when I was age 13 my mom found contraceptives in Cindy’s closet and because Cindy didn’t have a man or go places much besides my sister’s house to hang out with Katherine and her husband she jumped to the conclusion that Cindy was having an affair with Kathrine’s husband. I didn’t believe this to be true even at age 13, but my mom went and ran this rumor to my dad/others.
So I told Katherine all of this. I clarified how the rumor started and that Mom was who started it years ago. Kathrine warned me she would confront our mom which I was fine with and what did my mother do? She DENIED EVERYTHING. She says I’m lying, and my father just backed on it.
Now my mom was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) this year… My mother will call Katherine and say how she doesn’t know how they’re going to pay the bills, etc. and Katherine has helped them numerous times, giving them thousands of dollars.
Well, Kathrine found out more stuff our mom did in the past and our mom freaked out which caused my dad to send me a nasty text saying that my mother has a serious health issue and that she does not need the stress I am causing her and that I need to stop with the drama and how disappointed he was in me which caused us to fight and when my aunt called my mother to confront her on both Katherine’s behave and mine and our mother told my aunt I am crazy/not to believe me.
UPDATE: The latest thing that happened was about two weeks ago I accidentally mentioned to Katherine that years ago my mother ripped a picture of my nephew up while angry and cleaning. I thought Cindy had already told Katherine this but she didn’t and Katherine confront my mother and my mother just denied that she did it and more.
Which caused my partners to send me the following nasty texts…
MOM: Sarah you need to call me ’cause that’s not true! I never said the things you are saying. And Brain never was here. You need to stop this childish stuff. Kathrine is my daughter and has a lot on her plate. Doesn’t need any of this.
You need to stop and leave my name out of your gossip. You know Sarah I didn’t even call you after my brain scan which wasn’t good. I called Kathrine was in tears. Ran three red lights coming home. You know nothing of what I’m going through. Please leave me alone. I have enough of what I’m dealing with.
I don’t need this trash I have a good relationship with Kathrine and I will never ever have her feeling bad about anything. Not as long as I’m breathing. I don’t care who it is. I told you before to just stop it’s exhausting stop texting all that be an adult and pick up the phone.
DAD: Maybe if you took a minute to find out how your mother is doing you would realize she doesn’t need any more crap in her life. She is not in a good place. You really disappointed me!
I texted my dad back trying to explain to him the situation and tell him how mom was lying about not saying stuff he knows full well she did and got the following text back…
DAD: That didn’t happen. Stop with the drama. Your mother has a growth on her brain and You never stopped to call her to find out anything. If you have a problem with someone do not ever bring me or your mother into it. There is a serious health problem in this house. I’m done!
And I have not spoken to them since this occurred..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, your mom is a bad person. If she didn’t want to experience consequences for her horrible mistreatment of your sister, she shouldn’t have committed those acts. Consider telling your mom how you really feel about her and distancing yourself from her entirely.
Your dad has enabled your mother’s behavior all of these years. He’s also a bad person.” imothro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is a bad person. She happens to have MS. Having a serious health disorder does not make her a good person or make everyone obligated to let her behave so badly. Since your mother is insistent on creating drama within your family, it would be best if you and your siblings went no contact or low contact.
It’s not healthy for anyone to participate in her nonsense.
She was a bad person before she got sick and she is still a bad person. Nobody should feel obligated to help her out financially. Let her figure it out for herself. Your father was complicit in enabling your mother’s bad behavior. He is not a good guy.
You are all mistreated in some way and the best thing for you to heal is to cut her off. Therapy would be a really good idea, and possibly some extra therapy with your siblings so you can support each other.
I am so sorry for the pain and turmoil you must be feeling.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. When people cause issues & create lies like this it has a tendency to catch back up with them one way or another. Although it caught back up with your mother at an unfortunate time, it’s still her fault because she created these lies in the first place.
I think you did the right thing by telling your sister the truth because otherwise, it could have caused unneeded trouble in her relationship. Stay strong.” mwehde
9. AITJ For Asking My Mom Why She's Obsessed About Talking About People's Weight?
“My mom has this weird thing where she’s OBSESSED with gossiping about other peoples’ weight. After we see any people we know in public and they have gained weight she always says ‘Have you noticed that ____has gained weight?’ I dread going to events with her or seeing people we know who have gained weight because I know that as soon as we are in the car she will be like ‘Did you notice that ____ has gained weight?’
Well, today we ran into someone in public who has gained weight. We said bye and then as soon as we were out of earshot my mom whispered to me ‘Did you notice that they have gained weight?’ It was like the entire conversation it’s all she could think about was their weight.
Loudly, so the person could still hear, I screamed ‘WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH TALKING ABOUT PEOPLES WEIGHT’.
Now my mom is livid obviously. But I am pleased. I have always wanted to do this trick and the environment was the perfect timing because it was not a social event with other people but it was quiet enough where we were in public that the person would hear.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Calling out your mother’s behavior is fine but YTJ for doing it so that person could hear. You could’ve shamed your mother publicly without being within earshot of the person who would obviously know that they were the one being talked about. Your actions probably hurt their feelings more than your mother’s, and they did nothing wrong.
They weren’t going to hear you and think ‘wow thank you OP for exposing your mom’s two-faced, superficial behavior!’, they’re just going to feel embarrassed and more self-conscious about their own weight gain if they were already.” lexippon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – yeah, your mom needed to be called on her behavior but you hurt an innocent party deliberately.
If you’d done this when only a stranger could hear, and there could still be some stigma for your mom because that’s an embarrassing thing for someone to hear even someone you don’t know, in that scenario I could go NTJ. But if you really wanted to let others know about your mother’s ill will, you should tell them to their face and in as private a place as possible.
Sure, in a perfect world, only your mom should feel ashamed, but rarely are people so immune to the ignorant comments of others.” Accomplished-Art8681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for embarrassing your mother – she had it coming.
But if the other person heard you, and they’re self-conscious about their weight gain and their feelings were hurt just so you could put your mother in her place?
Then… you might be the jerk – because it’s not worth sacrificing another person’s self-worth just to hammer home a message to your mom, no matter how badly she needed to hear it.” No_Carob2670
Another User Comments:
“Have you tried the non-nuclear option of telling your mother what she’s doing is rude and that you don’t care if so-and-so has gained weight?
Instead, you’ve dragged an innocent bystander into this. Many people who gain weight are sensitive about it, and knowing that your mother is gossiping about it behind their back could be really hurtful. Obviously, the solution should be that people stop caring about others’ weight so much. But in the meantime, you’re way better off addressing it in a way that doesn’t drag someone else into the situation and doesn’t potentially damage their already challenged self-esteem.
Everyone sucks here.” colorsofthestorm
8. AITJ For Not Knocking On My Bathroom Door?
“I (22F) live in a college dorm and have done so for the past 4 years. I’m kinda shy so when I moved I didn’t ask anyone how things worked around the dorm and just watched the older girls figure it out.
Nowadays I’m one of the oldest still living here. Our bathroom looks pretty much like a public bathroom. Toilet stalls on one side and shower stalls on the other (all with privacy doors).
Yesterday I went to the bathroom, and the last stall isn’t really visible from the entrance door, so I didn’t realize that one of the girls from the other room was there until she shut the privacy door.
Early today I went to the bathroom again and she was there washing her hands and talking to one of the boys from another floor (they have their own bathroom, so he was there only for her. He’s on our floor a lot), I went to one of the toilet stalls and she stopped me before I closed the door.
She asked me if I could knock on the entrance door. I was confused cause I’ve always seen our bathrooms as basically public bathrooms, and I replied as such.
She then asked what if she wasn’t wearing clothes, I was still confused cause why won’t she have clothes in the middle of the bathroom and not inside the stall covering herself with a towel before going to her room?
But I said if she had been exposed, I would have apologized and looked away. She said ‘But then you would have still seen me without clothes’, and that it wouldn’t cost me anything to knock. I was still confused, so I just closed the toilet stall cause I really needed to pee, which probably wasn’t nice.
My friends say I should have just agreed with her and started knocking, but I’ve never done so and it’s shared space, so I don’t feel like I should have to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you need to knock on the entrance door if the stalls have doors? All privacy comes from the stall door, doesn’t it?
She can’t occupy all the space and chat with a friend at the same time and inhibit others from entering the space because it isn’t designed for single occupancy just as a public restroom with stalls and doors is not designed for single occupancy. She sounds unintelligent to me?
Had she been exposed in the middle of the room and not behind a stall door, that would have been her personal problem?
When you share occupancy no one can assume sole use of the space.
NTJ. Not your problem and not even worth an outside mediation from the RA, in my opinion. I was an RA years and years ago. And all I would say to your roommate is, ‘Get over yourself. The shared bathroom is shared’.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. When there are privacy doors you stay behind them when you don’t have clothes. You don’t have to knock to enter the common area. If she did not want to be seen without clothes she should’ve stayed behind the privacy door. You cannot expect others to stay out of a common area because you want to be exposed there.
That is highly inappropriate. And why is there a man in your bathroom area for her? That is also HIGHLY inappropriate if you’d ask me. He did not need to be there. So she is out of line and next time you see her you could tell her she is out of line.” Pollythepony1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people do things like this because it makes them feel powerful. Do you knock on the door when you go to the bathroom at a gym? She’s trying to make a power play. If you do it it might end there and she will feel like she won or she might start trying power plays in other ways also.
If you don’t do it it might end right there or they might try to start power plays in other ways. It can get annoying. Or your dorm might just have a strange culture of knocking on the bathroom door when the bathroom is obviously set up for multiple people to use at the same time.” ImAScientistToo
7. AITJ For Thinking It's Too Late To Change My Son's Nickname?
“My son’s given name is William, but no one calls him that. We all call him Willie, like his grandfather. When they’re together they go by big Willie and little Willie. My husband had the same thing with his grandfather. They were big Will and lil Wil. For eight years my son has gone by Willie.
My husband has started trying to get our son to answer to Will. This confuses our son. I don’t really understand why he’s doing this. He’ll call for our son with the name Will and our son won’t respond. Yesterday he asked why our son wasn’t answering and he said he didn’t call him, and they started arguing.
I confronted him, and he said we need to stop calling him Willie because it’s a silly puerile name. I don’t understand why this is now suddenly an issue after so much time. Husband says it’s a fine name for a little kid, but as he gets older it will prevent people from taking him seriously.
I don’t agree, but regardless, shouldn’t he have thought of that before? He was the one who wanted to name our son William, and for eight years he went along with the Willie nickname. It’s too late.
My husband said I’m being immature and unsupportive, but am I? I secretly suspect he fought with his dad and that’s what all this is about, but heaven forbid I suggest such a thing.
Should I just start calling Willie Will?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand where both of you are coming from. I do however have to side with your husband here. I dunno about the US or other countries, but ‘willy’ in the UK is what people (children especially) call their manhood.
So yeah, Will would be a lot better, and jokes aside, he’ll also not be bullied for having a more old-fashioned name.
I guarantee children will make fun of him if his nickname is Willie. In primary school, I had a good friend whose SURNAME was Williams, and the onslaught was brutal.
Oh, and PLEASE don’t call him Willie Will either. That’s arguably much worse.
Edit: This went completely over my head – what about asking your son what HE wants to have as a nickname?
Sometimes nicknames are made by the owner of the name instead of the family. If your son likes Willie, keep Willie. If he prefers Bill, Will, or Billy-Bob-Bartholomew, he can opt to use that name.” AFatal_3rR0R
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I don’t really get what the big deal is. I can see what your husband is saying because kids will make anything dirty if they can, but also your family can still call him willie, after all, they have his whole life.
I feel like people with the name William go by many nicknames (will, wills, bill, willie, etc.) I think your husband’s unreasonable for expecting everyone to stop calling him willie altogether but also what’s the problem with him also being called will? I don’t know, just seems like a non-issue to me that you both clearly feel really strongly about.
Everyone has a family nickname that your friends may not call you.
Edit: why don’t both you and your husband ask your son what HE wants to be referred to as? It’s not like he’s a toddler he’s 8 he can have a preference at this point.” thrwawy_17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
At eight, the kid is big enough to be making some of his own decisions, and what people call you is fundamental.
Con: kids are both incredibly accepting and kind, and also incredibly exclusive and cruel. His friends probably don’t care, but if a bully decides to target your kid, they will almost certainly use his name to put him down.
And then get other kids to do the same.
Pro: the fact that the kid is so against being called anything else means that there’s obviously no one who is using his name to bully him.
Your husband needs to have a respectful conversation with your son. It’s no good him deciding and trying to talk you into it – if the kid was three or even four, then you could probably get away with that, but eight is quite far along to be dictating this sort of thing.
Talk to your husband, and point out that if the name ever becomes a problem for the kid, he will be uncomfortable asking you guys to change if you’re the ones bullying and haranguing him now.
Little kids grow out of little kid names, but at their own pace, and it takes longer if they’re talked down to.
CHILDREN ARE JUST SMALL HUMANS. THEY SHOULD HAVE AGENCY OVER CERTAIN THINGS FROM EARLY YEARS. NOT BEING ON THE PLANET AS LONG AS YOU ARE DOES NOT EQUAL LESS INTELLIGENCE, JUST LESS KNOWLEDGE.
Your husband doesn’t get to reset the kid’s name without the kid’s agreement. Conversation is the name of the game, as is accepting the kid’s answer and you making sure the kid knows that if he changes his mind, that’s absolutely fine and his decision to make.
Lastly: one of the guys at my work is called Willie – or, rather Wullie. No one makes jokes about his name. He’s a tall, sixty-something butcher and everyone respects him.
Remember that baby William might go for ‘Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy’.
For real though – by the time he moves on to the next school he’ll probably want to go by a different version of his name, but if he wants to stick with Willie, that’s his choice.” BatmanLink
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, almost soft YTJ.
Research actually has shown differences in employment opportunities and also in how people morally judge you based on names. Willie is going to be a problem as your child ages.
Separately, it is a bit concerning (developmentally) that an eight-year-old child can’t extrapolate Will from Willie.
Have you ever discussed what his full name is with him? An eight-year should absolutely know their full name and also recognize what they are called as a nickname.
The soft YTJ comes from you making assumptions that your husband’s insistence is based on some fight. He has legitimate concerns, though he should make this change in cooperation with your son, not force it upon him.
I’m not sure if you’re saying ‘it’s too late’ because your son is conditioned to the nickname or because your husband isn’t allowed to have issues after using it for eight years. In either case, you’re wrong. and in the second, a bit of a jerk.
I did research on how names transition throughout one’s lifespan.
In fact, William was one example, that people often go by ‘Billy,’ then ‘Bill,’ then ‘William’ as they age and enter more professional contexts (obviously not all, but common).
Your husband may be jumping the gun on the change (though dropping Willie from school settings and using only at home would be smart) but you are in fact being a bit naive and judgemental about your husband’s concerns.” bmoreskyandsea
It was a child's nickname and he wanted to be called an adult name.
Your son will one day change his name to something else.
Dad's dad is Will, dad is Will, he wants his son to be Will too. Not horrible but id let kiddo pick.
6. AITJ For Moving My Stuff Out?
“I was in the military living in the barracks with my roommate and we got along great. Fast forward a year and some change later it’s my time to get out of the military. My roommate is getting promoted to a rank where she gets BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) so she’s moving off base and needs a roommate for an apartment because it’s expensive to live in this area.
I’m not from this area but I told her when I got out I’d find a job here and I’d be her roommate since we go along so well. Also around this time, she got into a relationship with a guy. When we moved into our apartment he started staying with us too not on the lease.
A few months ago they told me the news of their getting married. They told me they wanted to start off their married life not living with a roommate. I took this as they were doing to move out of the apartment so I needed to find someone to move in with me. I talked to one of my friends who said she’d be down to move in after they moved out.
I thought everything was falling into place so I didn’t think too much of it.
A month passed and they clarified to me that they weren’t moving out they wanted me to move out. I was more panicked at this but I searched around for a place to live. My friends I told about the situation told me they can’t kick me out if I’m on the lease, I told them I get it they want to be alone.
I’ll find something. I planned to move middle of September because they were getting married on October 1st.
September came and my mom came to help me with the move. We packed up all of my things. They didn’t really realize how much of the stuff there was mine but I packed all my stuff.
the big thing of mine was the washer and dryer my mom had got me. The day after moving she sent me a picture of one of the empty drawers I had left an oven mitt in with a lengthy text saying how it was frustrating looking back at all the stuff that was left and seeing stuff like that, and how she wished I would have talked to her about it before packing it up and leaving.
The thing was she wasn’t around when I was packing it up but what I go from it she wanted me to talk to them about what I was taking so they knew what they needed to replace. And she said leaving the oven mitt like that felt passive-aggressive. In my mind, they’d get all sorts of these things as wedding gifts so I didn’t think they’d be hurt about me taking what’s mine.
I didn’t end up responding to the text because I wasn’t sure what to say.
Now we’re on October 1st the day of the wedding, I got everything I could need for the wedding, and the gift spent nearly 150 dollars on it all. The morning about 5 hours before the wedding and she texts me please don’t come today.
I couldn’t see what I did wrong other than taking what was mine and moving like they asked, so I need to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s a bit sucky at the beginning when neither you nor they clarified who was moving out. Then they decided to clarify a month after the initial conversation which was a jerk move, but at least they clarified.
For the appliances, if you (or your family) bought them, of course, you’d move them. They’re the jerks for thinking that you’d just leave expensive white goods in a flat you’d no longer be living in.
My guess is that they’re not very good at communicating anything, seeing as they didn’t tell you who was moving out, nor did they ask you to leave your stuff (for free, lol).
Also INFO: ‘she wanted me to talk to them about what I was taking so they knew what they needed to replace’ – did she send this before or after you packed up? If it was after you moved, you’re NTJ. If it’s before, then maybe you could’ve sat down and given her a list of stuff but… we’re all adults, how do you not keep track of things you use in your house and who owns what.” tofu_deluxe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For the record, no, you don’t owe someone a list of your possessions, that you are of course taking with you because they’re your possessions (that you let them use for free up till then, by the way). After all, you happened to be so incredibly nice enough to move out early to accommodate them.
This is basically the definition of ‘no good deed goes unpunished.’
Your former roommate is incredibly self-absorbed and has a wack-a-do set of expectations here. You have done nothing wrong here, except perhaps be too accommodating. You’re much better off without this ‘friend’.” PARA9535307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So overall I do not think you are the jerk.
She needed a roommate and you looked for a job so you could live with her in an area that you’re not even from. Then she wants you to move out because she wants to live with her now husband without a roommate, (understandable but she also didn’t tell you that immediately, practically expected you to figure it out on your own.) I’d say you were very gracious about the whole thing.
However, if it were me I would’ve messaged her to let her know that it’s only fair that you take what belongs to you when you leave. It’s just a respectful thing to do. I know she wasn’t entirely respectful to you but it’s out of courtesy.” iamwhousayim
5. AITJ For Having A Terrible Reaction When My Daughter Broke Her Arm?
“I (41M) have two daughters with my wife (38F). I have a 10 y/o, ‘Carol’ & a 7 y/o, ‘Jane’.
I was at the playground with my children whilst my wife was shopping. I was sitting on a park bench by the playground.
I heard an argument between the two girls & said ‘what’s going on?’ My 7-year-old, yelled, ‘that’s not fair!’ & began running towards me shouting ‘daaaad’. Jane was doing a kind of fake, frustrated cry where her face was scrunched up, but no tears were coming out. As her eyes were closed she didn’t see the edge of the playground barrier (wooden fence almost about 4 inches high to keep the bark in).
She tripped and landed hard on the concrete path. She didn’t put her arm out in time & (I found out later) she had a clean break through both her radius & ulna. She got up, went pale pretty much immediately & held her arm out looking at me in confusion. She wasn’t even crying. Her arm was legitimately floppy.
I was also in shock & turned away quickly & stood there for a few seconds with my mouth open. I then turned back at my daughter who just said ‘daddy?’ & realized I wasn’t imagining, her arm was truly snapped in half & flopping.
I literally ran to the bush behind the park bench & vomited multiple times for about 45 seconds.
My 7 y/o finally began to cry & I could hear my 10y/o comforting her. I felt terrible hearing my 10 y/o do my job & yelled at myself internally to get it together. I went over to my 7 y/o & said, you’ll be okay, let’s go to the hospital. I was struggling to look at her.
My 10-year-old was looking at me weirdly.
We were close to the hospital so I went straight to the emergency department & they put her in a room immediately. We were waiting for the technician to take us to get an x-ray, I messaged my wife, who rushed to the hospital. It didn’t take too long to get the x-ray, speak with the doctors, and get a cast, we were back home probably 3 hours later.
After dinner, I was helping my 7 y/o get changed into her pajamas (she was struggling with her cast) & setting her up in bed with pillows & a movie. At this time my 10-year-old was helping my wife with tidying up the kitchen. During this time my 10-year-old gave an in-depth (albeit slightly exaggerated) version of events at the park.
My wife waited til both girls were in the bed & then ripped into me.
She said I was a bad dad & Jane needed comfort & support & I was being selfish. I told her I didn’t want to have that reaction, I didn’t anticipate that reaction but it was a crazy thing to see with my own eyes that I had never seen before.
She asked why I didn’t hug her & I said I was scared of touching her arm but was rubbing her back on the way back to the car. She called me pathetic for vomiting & made me feel terrible. I spoke to my sister about it, as she has 4 children. She says my reaction was understandable, but can also understand why my wife was upset I didn’t handle it in the greatest fashion.
AITJ?
UPDATE – My wife arranged to have my inlaws take the children out to dinner so we could have some alone time this evening. She apologized profusely for how she spoke & said she felt terrible about calling me a bad father & assured me I was not. She explained that she felt bad about not being there, and she was irritated I didn’t call her immediately (but understood why I didn’t).
She said mostly it was a scary situation for her that she had made worse in her head. She said she was overwhelmed by the whole situation & felt helpless seeing our usually incredibly high-energy & boisterous daughter, pale & out of sorts. Both children have been in high spirits today and laughing about yesterday. My 7 y/o is running around the house like nothing happened. Slightly unnerving but mostly just glad to see her back to herself.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You reacted viscerally, pulled yourself together, then became the support the children needed and launched into action.
Your child told your wife what happened, leaving no detail spared, as children are prone to do.
Your wife heard that you weren’t immediately supportive and, having not been there, was upset that her child may have felt alone through this.
Just try imagining if this had happened at school and your children had told you both that one of them had to calm the other because the teacher first turned their back on your child, then ran off to vomit.
A big discussion about how it all went down should clear this all up. I do think she owes you an apology for the particular words used.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People have visceral reactions to stuff like that. Yeah, it would’ve been great if you had comforted her then… but it wouldn’t have been great if you vomited on her. Worrying about hurting her arm more is a good concern.
Kids fall and break bones all the time, it’s almost a rite of passage.
If she’s not mentally hurt from it, she’ll be fine and your wife needs to relax. Your reaction doesn’t make you a bad parent; if you had refused to bring her to the hospital it’d be a different answer.
Your wife is probably upset because she’s worried about your kids, and assumed that if it was her, she’d ‘do things different/better’ and is taking it out, wrongly, on you.” blondeflamingos
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I understand why your wife is upset – from her perspective, you weren’t there for your distressed child in an emergency.
I do think she’s being quite harsh though – this was a visceral response that you had no control over. As soon as you were capable, which doesn’t sound like long, you did what needed to be done.
I suspect your wife has never seen something so shocking so doesn’t understand how some people react to it and it really wasn’t your choice. Some of us are naturally wired to deal with this stuff better than others – that’s why some people hit the deck watching b***d bring drawn whereas others become vascular surgeons.
For what it’s worth, I’m a doctor and have definitely seen my fair share of things like this and they don’t generally get to me. However, the first time my kid came in drenched in b***d (SPECTACULAR nosebleed) I definitely froze for a second before acting. It’s different when it’s your child.
Hope your lass makes a quick recovery.” kb-g
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a human being. You are not perfect. You threw up over the very upsetting image of your child seriously hurt, pulled yourself together, and took care of her.
Your 10-year-old probably doesn’t completely understand the gut-punch reaction, because she is a kid. Her sister is hurt, and that is upsetting, but it is her sister that she was JUST having a fight with.
And Dad is there to make sure everything will be fine, so why be too worried? Daddy is superman, and nothing can be too bad if Daddy is here to fix it. This mindset of hers means you are a great dad who loves and protects his kids. So seeing you react so is her first inkling that… oh.
Daddy is human, and can’t fix everything, Daddy gets scared just like me. Not a bad thing, if you talk with your daughters and acknowledge that you are human, and while you might not always do exactly the right thing all the time, you will always do your very best to protect and care for your girls.
This will help deepen the bond of trust and love between you and your daughters.
Your wife… is a sticky problem in my opinion. I get that she is upset that your youngest is hurt, but she isn’t being fair to you. She has to see her kid in a cast and in pain, and that sucks, and she probably feels horrible that she wasn’t there to stop it from happening, which while illogical is understandable because she’s mom, and mom is supposed to be able to fix everything, just like dad is.
But on the other hand… you saw the floppy, and that image is gonna haunt you. You deserve comfort too, not to be berated.
Try to give your wife some space to feel her feelings, and give yourself some grace. Cuddle and love on your girls, and write/draw something cool on the cast. All the internet hugs to you and your family OP.” Fabulous-Ad-5284
4. WIBTJ If I Sell My Kid's Car?
“I’ve been trying to get my kid (23) to get their license for years now. We don’t have (and in the past haven’t been able to afford) a second car, but with a license, they could at least borrow mine. My dad passed in July and didn’t leave much, but he did leave me a car.
Nothing I’d trust on a cross-country road trip, but good enough for puttering around locally.
I can’t go pick it up until my seasonal 7-day work weekends sometime in mid to late October, and I’ve already been planning and saving to buy myself a brand-new vehicle at the end of the year. So I told my kid if they could show effort toward driving by then by at least getting their learner permit, I’d give them ‘Papa’s car’ to drive, otherwise, I’d sell it and put the funds toward my new car.
I asked them today (Oct 2nd) if they’d been working on their permit studying, practice tests, making an appointment with the DMV, or anything. They said not yet, so I said ‘I guess I’m putting the money from Papa’s car toward my new one then’ and continued getting ready for work. My kid asked how much I thought I’d get for it and when they could expect ‘their half.’
I laughed and asked why they thought they would be getting a payout for not holding up their end of the bargain, let alone half. They said it because it was ‘their car too,’ and I reminded them that as of now it is my car, and I had offered to share/gift it to them if certain terms were met, and they haven’t been yet.
My mom thinks it would be wrong to keep all the funds if I sell, and I should at least throw my kid a couple of hundred bucks from the sale or buy them a nice gift with some of the proceeds, because ‘that was their grandfather too, not just your dad’, but my dad’s few assets weren’t left to ‘us’, they were left to me.
I gave my kid the terms of getting something out of the inheritance, it’s up to them to meet them, in my opinion. But my mom and kid are already guilt-tripping me hard for ‘promising my kid something then taking it away.’ I don’t see it that way, but AITJ?
ETA: My kid still has a couple of weeks if not more to get their permit and keep the car if they do, I just don’t think they need a payout or to ‘get something out of it’ if they don’t.
An update and some answers: My kid is non-binary, so thank you to those who took the same care I did to not unnecessarily gender them. Also, I gave birth to them, what else would I call them but ‘my kid’ as I’m describing their relationship to me? Y’all telling me they’re a grown person like I’m unaware of their chronological age is weird and pedantic.
My kid doesn’t have a fear or hangup about driving, just didn’t see a need to rush into it as they’re a homebody, don’t have a huge crowd of friends they go out with and can get to their classes via bus. Far from being entitled, they rarely ask me or my mom for rides anywhere, as they prefer to walk, and we’re the ones who have to insist on driving them if it’s too hot out or too far.
They’ve just been lucky so far to be satisfied with the limited range that gives them.
Talked to my kid, and pointed out we don’t have good public transportation, and won’t always live somewhere everything they need is within easy walking distance, and it would benefit them to prepare now, even if they choose not to drive regularly for a while longer.
They do tend to think in the very short term, so hadn’t considered that or that I wouldn’t immediately expect them to start driving just because they’re capable. I told them I wouldn’t, so long as they understand I’m not going to chauffeur them around (which they don’t even expect now).
Talked to my mom (she and my dad were never married and had a… complicated relationship), reestablished that I am my father’s only heir, and her opinion wasn’t needed on what I do with what he left me.
My uncle bought her and her siblings out of their share of my grandmother’s house when she died, and I told my mom she can have an opinion on what I do with the car or the money I get out of it when I get my cut of that. Once I put it to her that way, she agreed to back off, and neither pushes my kid to drive or not drive or side eye what I choose to do with the car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered your kid the use of a car if they learned to drive. You never promised them any funds, much less an incentive for not learning how to drive.
If your mom thinks that your kid should have a remembrance of his grandfather, that’s a beautiful idea. Since money makes a lousy remembrance, she might want to look at any personal items he left behind and see if any of them might be meaningful to his grandson.
All that being said… I’d encourage you to stop pushing your kid to learn how to drive. He’s 23: if your nudging hasn’t worked yet, it’s not going to. And there’s nothing wrong with not being a driver! In my experience, people who choose not to learn to drive either have lifestyles that are extremely conducive to alternative forms of transportation or else they have some strong discomfort with driving (and someone who is not comfortable behind the wheel is a danger to themselves and everyone else on the road)
Sure, being a non-driver limits some options they have, but as long as they’re willing to accept that, it is a perfectly valid life choice. That doesn’t mean you were obligated to provide alternate forms of transportation for them, that’s their responsibility.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“You are already the jerk by not simply making a decision yourself on what’s best for you and your family.
If you want your child to drive, you help them do the steps. Part of maturity is learning how to meet deadlines and apply for jobs and permits and other opportunities. Most kids learn it by having their parents help them through each step together. Waiting until your child fails and then saying ‘too bad you flunked my test, no car for you’ doesn’t help anyone, though it does teach your child to trust you less.
If you are trying to get them to leave home and not depend on you because you are not dependable, then maybe this would be one way to get that across.” Alteripse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your kid had the time to either meet your conditions or approach you and ask you for clarification about what would happen to the car as they had no plans to learn to drive; instead, they made up a scenario in their own head where they would get half if the car was sold.
You were crystal clear and they did not only take no initiative whatsoever, but they also made a completely unwarranted assumption that contradicted what you had actually said. You are not to blame for that and owe them nothing. It should be a lesson learned – enabling this type of thinking just sets you up for them taking this attitude in other situations, thinking that they can always get what they want in the end regardless of what you say.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re still describing your adult son as ‘your kid’. At 23 he is no kid but a young man, who is responsible enough to get his own license. Stop making his life so comfortable as he is obviously not putting work into being independent, while he has mum’s taxi/household services at his beck and call.
When he’s sick of paying out for taxis/Uber he will get motivated to change that.” gemma156
3. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Help With Groceries?
“My MIL recently moved to the US as a resident sponsored by my wife. She is currently living with us until she is able to stand on her own two feet financially. I understand that she is family and I am all for supporting her as long as it takes for her to become financially stable.
I really don’t mind having her in the house since she is a very considerate guest and does help out around the house.
She just recently found a new job that pays a decent wage considering it is her first one. Her employer lets her work 30-40 hrs a week. Taking this into consideration, I thought it was a good time for her to start helping with her share of the groceries.
My SO got on my case about it since her sister does send $200-300 a month to help with her expenses and she wants her mom to save 100% of her income to build an emergency savings account and buy a car. I personally think she can still meet those goals while helping out with groceries since it would just require a fraction of her pay and she literally doesn’t have to pay for anything else except the gas budget.
Final comment, if needed, we are capable of fully subsidizing my MIL, but I don’t want this to become the norm and want to set expectations. As she becomes more financially stable over time, I do think it’s fair to gradually ask her to contribute a bit more to other house expenses.
So, let me know what you think.
AITJ?
Edit: We live in an HCOL (high cost of living) area where groceries amount to $500 a person. Also, MIL has been living with us for about 10 months. The contribution I would be asking for is less than $50 a week.
Edit: I am also expecting she’ll need to live with us for 2 or more yrs before she is independent.
Edit: MIL does help around the house a bit, but it’s not consistent. So she is not necessarily spending a lot of time helping with house shores; especially now that she works 30-40hrs. At the moment she is mostly just cleaning after herself.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like you’re fearing that your MIL will become too dependent on you, and your wife is fearing that your MIL won’t get the support she needs to become independent.
These are actually quite compatible fears, I’m sure if you sit down and make a plan so you all know what to expect these coming years and are on the same page you’ll be able to work it out.” NoWiseWords
Another User Comments:
“4 weeks in a month and you’re asking for $200-300; that is equal to or MORE than $50 per week.
Based on that alone I’m going to say YTJ since SIL sends that amount monthly to help offset MIL’s expenses. And yeah, unless she starts buying a ton of clothes and going out on the town with her wages it is more sensible for her to save up to move out. Let it go.” Active_Sentence9302
Another User Comments:
“You do realize when your wife agreed to sponsor her for her residency she put it in writing that she will be financially responsible for her mother for five years, and so would you since you’re married. It’s not something people think about when they want to bring family members over and they don’t always grasp the full extent.
MIL is very lucky to have quickly found a job she can eventually support herself with but you’re expecting her to be out in 2 years. I understand wanting to have an extra contribution when living in an HCOL area but she recently found a job and now you want her to pay so it doesn’t sound like this was thoroughly discussed. Speak with wife and MIL and come to an agreement on her contributions.
It’s only fair she contributes but again, your wife is ultimately responsible for the agreement and her mother. No jerks here.” jadenabi
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless you are so poor that you can’t buy a cup of coffee once in a while in the HCOL place you live. By all means, tell your wife you want her mother out of your home as soon as possible but the tone of your post offends me.
Also, it’s amazing how much one can save on food at Sam’s or Costco.” lonnielee3
2. AITJ For Blaming My Friend For His Bad Life Situation?
“My (25F) former friend, Sam (FtM 25), had the misfortune to be born into an incredibly bigoted ut rich and Sam stood to inherit a lot of funds from his grandfather. Understandably, both of these things factored into Sam’s decision not to come out to his family. At least not until his grandpa died and he got his inheritance.
That was until 2 years ago when he called me very early in the morning to say he’d been thinking about coming out to his parents and asked what I thought. I told him that it was a bad idea due to a combination of him: definitely getting written out of the will, getting kicked out of his parent’s house & cut off all together.
Not having any savings. And not having another place to stay.
Well, Sam didn’t like that. He accused me of being transphobic and a bad friend, amongst other things. A few more blow-ups later which, along with my little sister, helped me realize that my friendship with Sam was unhealthily one-sided. It led to me making the difficult decision to cut Sam out of my life.
I sent him one final email saying I was sorry about the fight, that I wished him well in whatever he chose to do but that I also felt neither of us was getting much good out of our relationship. Then I blocked him and forced myself to push Sam out of my mind.
It was hard.
I worried about Sam a lot but was able to move out of my life. I spent these last two years working on myself and it paid off – I climbed the ladder closer to my dream job, being in the best shape of my life, and, most importantly, met my wonderful fiance! Eventually, I managed to mostly forget about Sam.
That brings us to yesterday. I was running errands when I stopped for coffee. When I was waiting for my drink, I heard someone call my name. It was Sam, and he looked ROUGH! To the point, I didn’t even recognize him at first.
Anyway, Sam decided to join me. I awkwardly asked him how he’d been and Sam launched into this long rant about how hard his life became after he came out to his parents.
He got kicked out and cut off by his family. And, since he didn’t have enough savings to rent anywhere, Sam ended up having to couch surf for the past 2 years – losing a lot of friends when they got tired of him. Sam apparently got so depressed about everything that he stopped going to work and was finally fired about six months ago.
When he was finally done, I honestly told Sam that I was sorry for everything he went through. He asked me if that was it and another blow-up happened. Sam accused me of abandoning him when he needed my help. I said I DID offer him help back then, but it just wasn’t help that Sam liked. Then I told Sam that everything that happened to him was something I warned about and that I didn’t feel much sympathy for him because of that.
He knew the risks, but still came out, so he couldn’t gripe about the consequences.
I left after that and everyone who knows what happened is split on my response. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like he makes everybody else responsible for his life. He had a job after his parents thew him out.
Why could he never get an apartment or even a room? No, friends need to be responsible for him. Then when they were sick of him it was their fault that he get depressed and lost his job. And it was your fault for not being more supportive back then and now like WHAT?! Did he expect that you offered him a place to stay?
I guess, he did. He is responsible for his decisions. Sure it is awful to have such parents but he knew what would happen. He should be prepared for the outcome. He can’t expect that others are always supporting him, parents, friends…” EvilFinch
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There was no need to play the ‘told you so’ card and say you didn’t feel sorry for him.
That demonstrates zero empathy – and was just plain cruel. He’s been dealt a crap hand in life and regardless of the foreseeability of his crappy family’s reactions that is no reason not to empathize, or judge him for deciding that coming out was too important for him not to do. You don’t have to have an ongoing personal relationship with someone to be kind to them in a coffee shop.
He was the jerk in the way he accosted you.” workingtoohardstill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But saying it to him when he obviously is going through an extremely difficult time is kind of like pouring salt in a wound, kicking someone when they are down, etc. Going from leading a wealthy lifestyle, and having a family to couch surfing is undoubtedly very difficult
While what you said was true, because you did caution him about the consequences beforehand, he may have felt his mental health wouldn’t allow him to continue living a lie, his life, his timing, and his consequences.
There was no need to remind him that YOU WERE RIGHT, he already knows that. You definitely could have shown him much more empathy and compassion, it’s free, and doesn’t hurt you in any way so can’t say YTJ, you could’ve been more caring.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You have every right to cut ties with somebody who is impeding your happiness, but I also don’t think you were the good friend to him you think you were.
He came to you looking for support before coming out to his parents and you casually told him to live a lie forever for financial gain.
Whether or not you were right about the repercussions, it’s pretty cruel not to consider what that meant for him or to feel ‘no sympathy’ for him being abandoned for simply living his life.
A lot of the things that are going well for you in life (a loving supportive family, a happy romantic relationship, quickly climbing the ladder at work) are not nearly as possible for him simply because of how he was born.
Is that your fault? No. But it’s a good time to recognize your privilege.” JennnnnP
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepdad To My Wedding?
“I (23 female) got married to the love of my life just a couple of months ago. We are extremely happy and my whole family has been supportive, despite my getting married quite young. That is apart from my stepdad. When I first told him that my (at the time), partner of 8 years had proposed to me, he got very angry and yelled at me, saying that it was ‘disgraceful’ to get married at such a young age.
My mother tried to settle him but in the end, he walked out and got in his car, and didn’t come back till 1 am. When he came back he was extremely wasted and my mum had to take care of him. He continued to be unsupportive of my marriage, while my dad was happy for me and told me to do whatever my heart led me to.
In the months leading up to my wedding, I started pondering whether I should truly invite my stepdad to my wedding. I asked him if he would want to come since he found it so bad, and he said he would rather die than come to my ‘illegal’ (it is fully legal), wedding. I decided to not invite him as he wished and went about the wedding plans.
On the days before my wedding, my mum found out I hadn’t invited my stepdad. She got upset and said it wouldn’t be the same without him. I said it made no sense for him to come since he didn’t agree with it, and he himself said he didn’t want to attend. My mum told me that I was definitely lying and said she would bring him no matter what I said.
I got angry at her and said, ‘it’s my wedding. I get to decide who comes’. She stormed out the door.
On the day of my wedding, she shows up with my stepdad and I decided to just go with it since I didn’t want to ruin my special day. However, throughout the whole ceremony, my stepdad was giving me the stink eye and kept muttering rude things about me, my husband, and everyone else who attended. I got upset after the wedding and refused to speak to him.
I haven’t spoken to my stepdad or my mum since then and I want to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His reaction to the news was totally out of the left field. How is it illegal? Honestly wondering if there’s been any inappropriate relationship with the stepdad and if the idea of you marrying was that you were leaving him or something because something isn’t right here.
He can be upset that you haven’t experienced any relationship outside of your now husband (since you started going out at 15) and he’s sad for you. But the glaring and rude remarks, getting wasted over it, etc are all indicators that something is wrong here.
Aside from what I said above, definitely NTJ. Your wedding.
You do whatever you want. You were gracious enough not to make a scene and have them escorted out even after how disrespectful he was at the wedding.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being dumb. Not wanting to speak with them AFTER accepting them at the wedding BECAUSE your mother decides for the both of you is a jerk move.
You should have been firm with your decision and removed him (and her if needed) from your party. You wanted to have the best of both worlds but that’s not how this world works. Hope you learned from it and gained some balls to say and maintain your NOs and YESes.” LuiisOliveira05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And your mom is a giant one. She allowed him to be rude to you and had the nerve to get offended when you took him at his word. Then, she adds the cherry on top of this crap Sunday and brings him to your wedding, where your memory of him is him talking trash.
She willfully tried to ruin your day.
Neither deserves a place in your life with the way they’re acting. Stepdad sounds creepy at his offense about your marriage.” Fire_or_water_kai
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I understand why you didn’t want him there, but he comes as a package deals with your mom.
Now that you are married, how would you feel if people invited your husband to events but didn’t invite you? You can’t demand that people respect your marriage while you disrespect theirs. But, since you didn’t want him there, your mom should have respected that choice and not come herself. Bringing him when he wasn’t invited is why it’s ‘everyone sucks here’ for me.” User
There's no need to explain why your stepfather is one as that's pretty clear from your post.
But your mother is one too. She didn't believe you when you told her what your stepfather said to you and then brought him anyway.
They may be a double act but they don't both have to go to the same events. Your mother was free not to attend at all. I can see why you didn't make a fuss as it wasn't worth it.
I'd be cutting contact with both of them for this.
