People Solicit Sane Judgment From Us About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Getting Lost When My Wife Told Me To Get Lost?
“My (28m) wife (27f) is 7 months pregnant. Since she’s been pregnant she has been having a go at me for small things like if I don’t make dinner for her or when I cook her the wrong thing.
Before she was pregnant she was never like this she was always very sweet.
Yesterday my wife came back from her parents’ house and I made homemade pizza for us. She told me she doesn’t want pizza and to cook her something else. I told her if it’s quick and easy I’ll make it, and she asked for homemade chicken dumplings.
I told her I’m not making that because that will take ages. She told me she was pregnant and is craving dumplings. I told her ‘I know you’re pregnant but I’m not making dumplings for you’. She started having a rage that I wouldn’t cook her something.
It was 6 pm I’m not whipping out all these ingredients. I told her to make it herself or not have anything.
When I had my pizza she was sitting on the couch sobbing saying that I don’t love her or the baby. I told her I’ll make dumplings tomorrow night for her but not tonight.
She told me to get lost somewhere else. I asked my friend if I could stay the night with him and he said yes. Packed clothes and slammed the door behind me. When I was halfway to my friends my wife texted me begging for me to come back so I told her to ‘get lost’ like she did with me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy hormones can be overwhelming to experience but are no excuse for continued bad behavior. She’s the jerk for acting like a spoiled child & asking you to get lost, but it isn’t great that you chose to respond in kind.
Was this normal behavior from her pre-pregnancy? If not, why don’t you try to have a conversation with her when you’re both calm about her mood swings and how it’s impacting you? Maybe she needs to speak to a professional if she’s having a hard time managing her emotions and it’s impacting her relationships.” BackgroundPoem3735
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would remind your wife that while she is pregnant it doesn’t mean that she can treat you like a slave. If she is willing to pick something that’s easier to make, you’ll be happy to do that for her.
She may have raging hormones but she needs to remember who she was before she was pregnant and acting like a raging person isn’t appealing.
Taking out her anger on you shouldn’t be a go-to. How is she going to be with her child when they don’t do what she wants them to do? Is she gonna tell them to get lost too?
You however need to understand that when you’re hungry that you become hangry.
Learn to keep your cool but stand your ground and tell your partner, because that’s what she is, that her attitude isn’t on. If she wants food she can have what you’re willing to make. Being pregnant doesn’t excuse the treatment you give others but you can recognize your behavior afterward and do something about it.
Asking in advance what she wants to eat for needing to make it might also help. So before she left her parents so when she gets home, you’d made it. Planning helps to avoid arguments.” Bluebell2519
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ
It doesn’t matter what anyone says on here, hormones are no excuse for her behavior.
You made dinner. It was a nice dinner! She tossed a fit because you wouldn’t spend more time making something else for her. (She could have made it if she wanted it that bad) Then she cries and sobs that you don’t love her or the baby because of it.
She can take that emotional manipulation and kick rocks.
She told you to get lost, so you got lost. She doesn’t get to call you sobbing and begging for you to come back.
She needs to get control of herself and stop taking everything out on you.
You don’t have to put up with her attitude and mistreatment just because she’s pregnant. She’s not special and she doesn’t get a pass.” Comfortable_Sock4229
18. AITJ For Causing My Aunt To Move Out?
“My aunt (65 f) and I (38 f) have been living together since the start of the global crisis.
She had asked to live with me after my father’s side of the family cut ties with her, and I had said yes because despite our differences, the crisis had been tough on all of us and I couldn’t turn her away.
My older brother (we will call him E) had asked me last minute to take care of my father while he looks for a house to live in with E.
I was a bit peeved because it wasn’t in my schedule to look after someone else. I work a lot during the day (I am a nurse), plus I have two children who are both in high school. Because of this, I asked my aunt if she could help out with my dad while I was at work before I said anything to E.
My aunt said she’d be happy to help since that’s her cousin. I assured her she didn’t have to and I could always just tell my brother no, but she insisted so I said yes. The first day my dad comes is on the weekend and everything goes fine.
I didn’t have work so I helped my father around with my aunt while my kids pitched in here and there too. The situation was going fine until I started going back to work.
For about three days, I had left home from work thinking my aunt was taking care of my father while I was away with the help of my kids when they got home from school.
Well, when I had actually asked how my aunt was doing with my father (I had asked this because my father seemed sleepier than usual), my kids had looked at me confused and told me that she hadn’t been taking care of him. They then let me know that she’d take them out of school earlier than usual just to drop them off to care for their grandpa.
I was obviously furious. Not only would she lie to me over the phone when I checked up on her, but she was also taking my kids out of school to do what she insisted on doing. I of course confronted her and told her that her lying to me and taking my kids out of school to take care of their grandpa was way out of line and I told her that she could either take care of him like she said she would or he could go back to E.
She didn’t say anything to me and when I woke up to find her the next morning, she had taken all her stuff and gone to my cousin’s house. Now my family is blowing up my and my sibling’s phones calling us selfish for not taking responsibility for our father despite us all being grown adults with full-time jobs and children.
I understand taking care of someone is a hard task, and I don’t think I should’ve threatened to send my father back, but I just had to get some insight. AITJ?
Edit: E sent my father down to live with me because he couldn’t constantly care for him.
That being said, the only reason I had accepted was that I checked in with my household, aunt included, and asked if it was okay
In my family, anyone who is older than you is considered an aunt or uncle.
My aunt was put on the emergency card when school started again in case of emergencies, that was why she was able to pull them out.
On the topic, my children assumed I was the one telling my aunt to pull them out, which is why they never brought it up to me.
Me saying I would move my dad out was not in logic and out of anger. I would never move that old man out, but I did blow it up when I told her I would if she couldn’t handle it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father needs responsible care. It’s wrong to take teenagers out of school to care for him when your aunt, a supposedly responsible adult, was to be doing it. What was your aunt doing?
Your reaction was mild and reasonable.
Since you couldn’t work and your aunt couldn’t be trusted, you had no other choice but send your father back to E. You simply asked your aunt if she could be trusted from then on.
Your aunt chose to leave. I am baffled that you’re the villain in this story.
When I started reading, I thought the story was going to be much different.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t make your aunt do anything, she left of her own accord – though you’d have been well within your rights to throw her out for taking your kids out of school.
That’s just absurdly unacceptable behavior, and that she did it to cover for her failure to keep her word just makes it worse. Consider yourself well rid of her, and get together with E to work out your dad’s care.” EpiphanaeaSedai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but given she lied repeatedly to you, and probably encouraged/forced your kids to lie, she is 100% lying to other people about what happened. I’d set the story straight but be prepared for her telling whoever she goes to next that you’re conspiring against her.
Kinda wondering why her family had previously cut ties with her…” muse273
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay With My Parents Who Gave My Room To My Brother?
“My mom is a person with a kind heart who has gone through a lot, and as a result suffered addiction.
She’s not just a nasty person. And my stepdad is also a great man who stood up for me as a father figure. I still love my family, things are just complicated.
So my mom was a heavy drinker my entire childhood. My dad wasn’t really in the picture and I was primarily raised by my grandparents, but I’ve lived with my mom for the past 9 years.
She went to rehab and got sober a few months before I (F19) moved away to college across the country. We were finally starting to get close again for the first time ever, when a month after she was out of rehab, she tells me she was pregnant with another baby.
My stepdad is a great guy but I was still upset at the news. He has another 7-year-old kid with my mom who I love. I told them I felt hurt and their response was pretty much, ‘She’s sober now, get over it.’ Anyway, I moved to college and was feeling pretty resentful.
So Christmas is coming up after my first semester in college, and a few weeks before I’m supposed to fly out they reveal to me that they gave my room to my little brother, painted it, and moved all my things to a storage unit.
was really upset that they didn’t consult with me. They told me I could stay in the guest room, and the moment my flight lands my mom tells me that my step dads parents are actually staying in the guest room, so I would have to sleep on the couch in the living room.
Luckily my partner is from the same city as me and I can stay with her, but I can’t tell if I am being unreasonably upset. AITJ?
Edit: I was hurt about the baby because it felt like they were starting a new family without me the moment I moved across the country.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It makes sense that they need to make room for a new baby, but doing so without even telling you is pretty mean.
But now there’s no room for you at all?
The comfort of babies and grandparents kind of takes precedence over people who are young adults and no longer live at home full-time, but this is pretty trashy.
I expect you would feel not so resentful if they had explained this to you ahead of time, and asked what you would like to have to happen to your things, rather than just transferring everything to a storage unit.” JaniePage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents suck.
It is alright they gave your room to one of their other kids. You are not living there anymore. You cannot expect them to fully keep it the way it was. They offered you a guestroom. Which is perfectly fine…
And then they said never mind, we find the other people more important.
And this happened last minute, without anything consideration.
They seem to do everything without considering you.” International_Yam_80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think maybe this isn’t about the room. Your mom’s addiction cost you the childhood parents owe children—to be there, be present, and do the best they can for their kids.
Now she’s starting another family when you’re gone, and by giving your room to your new sibling—all while keeping a guest room—she’s making you feel understandably excluded from her new family. Like guests have a place in her home, but you don’t?
Part of recovery is admitting the pain your addiction caused others and making amends. Has she done this with you? Has she admitted what her addiction did to your childhood? If she genuinely wants to make amends, maybe explain to her how you’re feeling—how her actions now are opening old wounds for you, and how they make you feel excluded from her new family.
Making amends doesn’t mean groveling at the feet of those she’s wrong for the rest of her life, but it does mean acknowledging that the pain she caused in the past can be ongoing long after her recovery began. She should be doing her best to make up for the time she lost with you.
And even though you’re an adult, you’re still her child.
I don’t necessarily think your mom is the jerk here, either. I don’t know enough about her to pass judgment. Plus, if you’re making it all about the room when you talk to her, she may not realize how she’s making you feel.
If however, you talk to her clearly, and she’s still dismissive, it’s probably time you set up some boundaries in your life with respect to her to prevent her from causing you any more trauma than she already has.
As a mom myself, my mommy’s heart goes out to you.
Your childhood was not your fault, and the way you feel now is valid and reasonable. Good luck with everything.” Alohomora-394
Another User Comments:
“The parents didn’t do anything wrong to give the baby your room, except that they should have talked to you about it first, just out of common courtesy.
They have to run their home in the way that makes the most sense. Since you primarily live on campus, it would be a waste to leave your room unoccupied. That’s what the guest room is for… It’s for shorter-term stays – which yours is.
I understand that your feelings are a lot deeper than the room itself. I get that. But at the end of the day, they have a family and children that need to have bedrooms, and this setup makes the most sense.
Again, they should not have surprised you with this information.
I can understand that you would feel like crap knowing your things have been thrown into storage unbeknownst to you.
Where your parents went very wrong is switching up sleeping arrangements at the last minute. They kicked you out of the guest room and placed you on the couch.
That is cold and unacceptable. I can understand you wanting to go stay with your partner… NTJ” TheRebornMessenger
16. AITJ For Not Caring About My Ex-Wife's Concerns?
“My ex-wife, Cara (38F), and I (38M) got married young and it wasn’t a good marriage. Cara was traditionally attractive and whenever we got married she acted like she settled and never stopped anyone from suggesting she was better looking.
When our daughter (12F) was little she didn’t stop going out because her friends were single. Every weekend I was at home watching our kid. During this time I became friends with my daughter’s teacher Amber (37F). She was previously divorced and became someone I confided with.
She would constantly hype me up about myself. Then some of my friends see Cara flirting with guys at a bar. I ask her about it. She says I was being jealous and should just be ‘happy that she choose me’. That was the final straw and we divorced 7 years ago.
After I divorced me and amber became very close friends. Cara’s convinced that amber broke up our marriage even though I’ve said countless times she never once told me to do that. I and Amber didn’t start going out until 4 years after my divorce.
We just were good friends and then eventually everything clicked 4 years later (and multiple partners in between).
So now to my ex-wife’s issues. So amber and my daughter have formed a very close friendship. Amber was ‘aunt amber’ for 3 years when my daughter was young.
So lots of Christmas and birthday gifts. She helped me with some of the girl dad things I didn’t know how to do. Now we’ve been together for 4 years so she’s known amber for a total of 7 years. Ambers’s sister is getting married and has asked my daughter to be a bridesmaid.
Part of being a bridesmaid is going to the bachelorette party which is at a beach area about 5 hours from where we live so I have no problem with her going with amber. They have spent time alone plenty of time and the woman is a teacher.
I have no concerns. My ex-wife is blowing up about it. Saying she doesn’t trust the situation and it’s against the rules of our custody to allow her overnight without my supervision. I said that isn’t true, and if she wants to make a big deal about it then I’ll go to the bachelorette party, rent a nearby hotel room and say I’m in the vicinity in case of emergency.
My wife’s sister isn’t that wild of a person, I don’t see this becoming out of hand. The other issue my ex has is a tattoo that is gonna be happening after the trip. My SO wants a ‘legacy tattoo’. Which is going to be a tree with her grandma’s name, her mom’s name, her sister’s name, and then my daughter’s name.
It’s like a family tattoo. We asked my daughter if she had any issues with it. She didn’t and absolutely loved the idea of it. My ex-wife is telling my parents about it now. Saying it she is uncomfortable and I don’t care.
I said personally it doesn’t bother me and it’s not harming anyone so I plan to allow for both. My ex is now dragging my name thru the mud to our mutual friends about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It would seem that because of your past with Cara, you’re acting kind of like a petulant teenager now, dismissing Cara’s very real concerns about your minor child going to an adult party with someone who is a biological stranger, who has no idea how this bachelorette party is going to turn out.
Will there be drinking at this party? Will Amber be drinking while she’s in charge of a minor? Why would Amber want to take a child to an adult function? Are there going to be other children there? If it wasn’t Cara bringing up this concern, would you be minded to listen?
Are you trying to get back at her by ignoring her concerns?
If it was anyone other than Cara raising these concerns, would you still allow your child to stay overnight with a bunch of strangers, some of whom may be getting wasted, maybe talking about adult topics that children shouldn’t be hearing?
I would say YTJ for letting your dislike of Cara get in the way of safeguarding your daughter.
As for the tattoo, that’s Amber’s business, but I can see why Cara would be angry about it. A person wants to get a tattoo with a child’s name, who is not related to them, and who might not even be in their life in five years.
Cara doesn’t have the right to dictate what Amber gets tattooed on her own body, but she does have a right to feel some type of way about Amber getting her child’s name tattooed on her.” Fearless-Golf-8496
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and very surprised you don’t see how bizarre this story is…
You spent half the story trying to discredit your daughter’s mom in ways that are completely irrelevant to the problem at hand. In fact, all it really tells me is that you were both emotionally dishonest with each other.
You don’t see how it’s inappropriate for a 12-year-old to be at an overnight bachelorette party without the supervision of a parent.
Sorry to tell you but that’s not normal especially if there’s drinking involved (which is common for these types of parties).
Her mother is clearly expressing very valid concerns on this but you choose to ignore her and say she’s making a big deal out of it.
The whole ‘family tattoo’ thing is a big red flag for me when Amber is acting your daughter is her daughter when you both aren’t even married yet. It makes me question Amber’s decision-making and not sure would trust her to make responsible, thoughtful choices
First, you start by calling Amber your partner but then towards the end of the story, you call her your wife when you say ‘my wife’s sister’ which comes across as a red flag for me. Either you’re not getting your story straight or elevating the relationship with Amber to something it’s not, which also makes me question your decision-making.” Link-loves-Zelda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is all super weird. The tattoo thing is weird. She’s not her child, she’s not even her stepchild. You are not married to her. It’s completely inappropriate for her to have a tattoo pretending that that is her child. You’re OK with us because you just want to stick it to your ex.
Which I get.
The bachelorette party is completely inappropriate. No one is going to want a 12-year-old at a Bachelorette weekend. It’s meant to be filled with dirty jokes and laundry, not fidget spinners and sand castles. I’m on good terms with my ex and we co-parent very well together.
I would absolutely have a problem with my daughter going to a bachelorette party with or without him there. But especially with someone who is just your significant other. You don’t even seem to know the actual plan other than the fact that they’re going to be at a beach 5 hours away.
With no parent there. Completely inappropriate.
Stop trying to score points off of your ex and act like an actual parent.” PettyWhite81
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend A Lot On My Partner's Daughter's Gift?
“I (24f) and my partner (35m) have a baby boy together (1m). My partner has a daughter from a previous relationship (14f).
I used to come on holiday to this country and have known my partner’s family including his daughter since I was 18, I only began a relationship with him when I was 20. I always took his daughter to the beach and museums and she used to always spend her summer with me and a few of my cousins.
Overall, she’s a nice girl. Her relationship with her father is rocky, to say the least. She only used to see her father when she wanted money for luxurious items or in the summer because he lived near the beach (which is when I would be here on holiday too).
When I moved in with her father and got pregnant shortly after we went through a period where we had little money. We sometimes struggled to buy the necessities, but he always sent child support to his daughter’s mother. When my son was around 7 months his daughter told me that she was jealous of him because I and her father gave him so many kisses and always played with him so much.
We have since tried to make plans with her alone but she prefers to be with her friends which I know is normal at her age.
When my son turned 1 he loved one of his cousin’s toy cars that he could get in and drive around but it was too expensive for me.
I was unable to buy him a gift (due to not having enough money) but I managed to take him to the zoo. That day I promised myself that I would do everything to make sure that by Christmas he had the buggy/toy car.
That day his sister did not want to come to the zoo with us and wasn’t even bothered about seeing my son/her brother. Although this made me sad I completely understand as she was going through a hard time accepting she had a new brother.
I have now started a job that pays really well and has enough money to buy a car for my son. The car is around €180, I feel the need to buy it because my son deserves it and I worked hard for it. My partner is now saying that since ‘we’ are buying this for our son we should also offer the same monetary amount of €180 to his daughter.
I told him that I am willing to give her a gift but not ready to spend over €100 on her. My expectation was that I would give €100 and him the other €100. (His daughter has specifically requested money as she is saving for an iPhone)
Over these last years, I feel hurt as I have always been nice and treated his daughter as much as I could, even when I lived in a different country.
My son is now 1 and she has only seen him 5 times because she doesn’t care to see him. I feel like this may interfere with my better judgment because she is a child, however, at 14 she should know better and understand that a baby requires more attention.
If she had made more of an effort with my son/her brother I would perhaps be more willing, I know that sounds bad but I am a little hurt by her lack of connection to my son. I feel that her dad should understand that I love my son and am willing to work harder for him and spend more than I am for a child that is not mine.
So AITJ for not wanting to gift my partner’s daughter in the same monetary amount as I am my son?
Edit: I do appreciate that his daughter is jealous of our son but her father has spoken to her about this and tried to explain that he loves both of them the same.
I just wanted to clarify that I’m not saying that we should not gift her something. It’s just that he has HIS money and I have MY money. I pay the bills, I pay my son’s clothing, all of our food, etc. I am even paying for the €180 toy car alone.
He only spends his money on child maintenance (for his daughter), his car, and smoking.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have the right to spend the money how you see fit. But emotions + money are clouding your thinking, here.
One-year-olds do not care about the value of a gift. You are purchasing the car because it means a lot to YOU, not him.
That’s fine, as long as you acknowledge it.
A 14-year-old is a child. And that is just about the most selfish age there is. It’s quite natural that she doesn’t care much for her baby brother’s company. She’s just old enough to move around the world herself, and she’s figuring out what kind of person she’s going to be.
And testing boundaries.
That said, gifts don’t have to be measured in dollars. There may be something else you could give her that doesn’t cost the same amount but will show her that you care and that you are considering her individual needs. Can you and your husband sit down and figure out what you’d like to give her without comparing it to the $$ of the car?” romanceauthorz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is what happens when the new chick in dad’s life is not too much older than dad’s older kids. You are expecting a fourteen-year-old child to act like an adult when YOU can’t seem to act like an adult.
She doesn’t have to make an effort for you. In her eyes, you were an 18-year-old whom her 30-year-old father started seeing, and he focused most of his attention on you and she felt alone and ignored once you were there. Then you get pregnant, which introduces another little person that is taking her dad’s attention (not your son’s fault, of course).
She is in arguably the toughest time in any kid’s life – early teens – and you are making those years harder rather than easier, likely because you are immature as well. That is the fault of your partner as well – he picked you and obviously hasn’t prioritized his daughter in this situation.
Keep in mind, you are the partner, and there is a massive age difference here. It is highly likely that at some point you will be outta there, either by your choice or his, and his daughter is going to be a mess because dad’s partner, who he placed above her, treated her like a second-class citizen but expected her to act like a fully-grown adult and he didn’t stand up for her.
Please do better.” eurmahm
Another User Comments:
“You have the right to spend your money how you want to. You saved up for something specific and now have the funds to do so.
Your partner does have a good point, that spending different amounts on the kids is only going to push her further away.
However, I don’t understand what he is contributing here. You are paying 180 toward your son, and willing to pay 100 toward his daughter. What is he paying?
I think it’s important to realize that your stepdaughter is clearly feeling replaced by or overshadowed by the baby.
You say your partner doesn’t have the best relationship with her, and that’s what you’re seeing now. A 14-year-old doesn’t understand things like him prioritizing her child support. They understand showing up and being there for her, which it sounds like he didn’t do.
I think some compassion is due here, but at the end of the day this relationship with her is really her father to mend, so NTJ” gcot802
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – the kid has already expressed jealousy and a feeling that the new baby is loved more than she is.
An extravagant gift for him and a lesser than one for her will only confirm that in her eyes. You may not want to spend equal amounts on a child that isn’t yours, but if you and your partner spend your finances as a unit, then that’s what needs to happen.
If what you’re saying is that your partner wants you to give 180 for his kid completely out of your own money, then both of you suck. As for the kid not being interested in your baby, give her time. Not all people enjoy dealing with kids when they are very young.
Her lack of interest may also be a manifestation of hurt. Have you and her father done anything to make her feel included in your new family?” Chunks_of_Funk
14. AITJ For Refusing To Cook When It Was My Already My Turn To?
“I live with three housemates, let’s call them ‘Hannah’ ‘Stacey’, and ‘Meg’.
We are all usually home Monday-Thursday, and it was suggested that to save money and have a communal event, we share dinner those nights each of us taking turns to cook.
Stacey is gluten-free and vegetarian (the sort that eats fish and eggs and stuff, but not red meat or chicken) Hannah is also gluten-free, I’m allergic to potatoes and tomatoes. When I raise we’ve got a few dietary requirements to consider Stacey agrees the no tomato thing will be a bit limiting but is still encouraging saying ‘half of us are gluten-free, most things these days are vegetarian, and how hard is it just not to eat a potato?’
I explain that potato is often used as a filler or an ingredient and you need to check for it.
We decide to go ahead.
Monday Stacey makes potato bake with salad. She seems surprised I won’t even try the potato bake, and doesn’t seem to really get that being allergic to potatoes means I can’t eat potato bake even if it’s ‘organic’ ‘gluten-free’ ‘homemade’ and ‘really yummy.’ The salad is literally just lettuce and cucumber without dressing.
Tuesday Meg makes crumbed fish and chips of the ‘buy in a bag and chuck it in the oven variety.’ She remembered the no potato thing and got some microwaveable vegetables for me instead of chips, but when I asked her if the fish contained potato I got a blank stare and an ‘uh… it’s fish, the box said gluten-free?’ So I fished the box out of the bin and it contained potato flakes.
I remind everyone again about checking ingredients.
Wednesday Hannah makes gluten-free pasta bake. It’s not a tomato-based sauce. I ask if she’s checked the ingredients of the gluten-free pasta and… nope. It has potatoes. There are literally only two ingredients in this pasta, chickpea and potato.
She feels really bad and offers to make me something else, but I say it’s fine and I’ll just have cereal.
But, it really isn’t fine, because I haven’t really had a meal any night. Individually, everything was understandable, but three nights in a row was just too much.
So Thursday morning I message everyone saying it’s not working out, I don’t want to do the meal share and I won’t be cooking that night. I say I’m happy for them to still do the meal share, but that including me is just too difficult and it will be easier for all if I arrange it for myself.
Hannah gets it, but thinks I should have given everyone a second chance and that I at least should have seen out my turn to cook. She said, ‘gluten-free is easy because it says it on the box, but having to read ingredients isn’t normal.’ Stacey thinks I’m a straight-up jerk who didn’t appreciate that she made a meal from scratch and then refused to cook for her because I ‘didn’t like what she made.’ Meg doesn’t care, but wouldn’t take sides.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Petty me says to cook something they can’t eat, then tell them you didn’t check the box because they established that it wasn’t necessary.
The truth is that you have actual dietary restrictions and they have, from what you’ve written, strong dietary preferences (I think one girl might have an intolerance, but you haven’t said specifically).
But their attitude towards your intolerance is quite indicative that they don’t understand that not only are your food requirements not optional, but they are also health-harming if not followed. You told them what was required, gave them specific guidance, and they failed to follow through.
You do not owe them a meal because they never provided you with one.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allergic. It is not a matter of taste, it’s a matter of your health. If you do decide to continue, make sure that everybody understands that.
That means no cross-contamination, no ‘oh I’m sorry I didn’t look at the ingredients, that’s weird’, and no guilt-tripping when you won’t eat what they make. They’ve broken your trust to an extent and they have to earn it back.
Canceling in the morning isn’t a big deal, they literally have all day to find other dinner plans.
The roommate who’s still upset that you didn’t eat her potato bake needs to really understand that she could harm you with ANY potatoes.
I’m sorry this is going on, I hope somehow the situation resolves and everything goes back to normal. Best of luck!” Stunning_Bottle8138
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Reading ingredients is quite normal especially if you’re sticking to a particular diet, intolerant, or allergic to something.
You gave the girls enough chances, after that first night the others should have at least been more careful but chose not to. You should still cook on your night but after that just don’t take part in this and only cook for yourself.
Although if you want to be petty then cook a dish that you know they can’t eat and then act surprised when they don’t eat it. Even though it’s ‘Organic’ ‘Gluten-free’ and ‘homemade’.
Also, I hope these girls never have children who are allergic to something given that don’t read ingredients or do but don’t care.” Sanzu456
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Go Home If She Has Problems With My Son?
“Once a month we’ll have dinner with my in-laws.
It usually takes place at their home but this month they suggested we eat out. When we arrived at their home my father-in-law asked my son what he wanted to eat. As my in-laws never asked her daughters or anyone else, my sister-in-law was angry and claimed they always favored my son over them which isn’t true.
She raised her voice and was making comments about how they only cared about their ‘little prince’ which is what my in-laws call my son. She was upsetting my son and making him feel like he did something wrong so I was getting angry too.
I told her she could always go home if she had a problem with it which only made her angrier. Her husband had to take her into another room to calm her down and my husband made a comment about how I hadn’t helped the situation.
She did apologize to my in-laws but was acting like I didn’t exist for the rest of the night even though we were sitting directly opposite each other.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
So your in-laws do favor your son – I mean I know two things about them and can clearly see it.
You should say something or at the very least acknowledge it.
But you are the jerk because you got in the middle of a conversation/argument that wasn’t about you and told someone to leave a house that isn’t yours like… What? How entitled can you be?
If you were really worried about your son you could take him to another room, in no way did you get involved and be a jerk. Make your son feel better…” awkward-name12345
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sounds like grandparents are showing favoritism, SIL should not have said that stuff in front of your son, and you reacted poorly.
I understand wanting to step in and protect your son, but you can’t tell someone to leave if it’s not your house. She was feeling hurt and you escalated the situation. I think an honest conversation with the siblings and grandparents (without children present) needs to happen moving forward.” Acrobatic_Ad4519
Another User Comments:
“The parents-in-law are the jerks, you stood up for your son but she had every right to point out what looks like favoritism but directed it at the whole group instead of the ones who were showing the favoritism if she spoke to you privately about it this it might have been a different situation, but pay attention to how they act towards her daughters and see if it looks like they are treating them differently then your son.
My sister and brother-in-law have limited contact with his mother after learning that when his 3 kids (previous marriage) would go over there she would treat the youngest like a princess and expect the older siblings to act like that as well and has gone so far as to tell the youngest to go to her mother (not my sister) and tell her she should just sign over parental rights of her to (my brother in laws) mother who will actually take care of her.
They might actually be treating your son with favoritism, just pay attention and if it is true then you and your husband talk to her and her husband privately to discuss what to do, and if they aren’t showing favoritism at all then you have nothing to apologize for.” IDK-My-BFFJill
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here leaning on YTJ. She didn’t handle it well, but it sounds like there’s a large amount of favoritism going on that you should not be encouraging.
There are ways you as an adult can mitigate this even if your inlaws won’t – like making sure to ask your nieces what they want right after.
If your son is getting preferential treatment, you may be harming him as well by allowing it. If it is rooted in sexism, that can start an unhealthy view of women that can make relationships difficult later in life. Even if he chooses not to be in a straight relationship, you can’t really not interact with women – they’re 50% of the population, after all.” whichwitch9
12. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy The Same Day My Cousin Announced Her Engagement?
“I (F30) am a part of an extended family group chat on social media. My family rarely chats in the group unless there is a big life event happening or we are organizing a family event. Earlier this year, one of my aunties asked if anyone had any life updates to share.
My cousin (F30) had a particularly big life update and announced she got engaged to her partner of 7 years first. All the family including myself congratulated her and I was genuinely very happy. I didn’t think too much of it at the time but I thought since we were going around sharing our life updates, I thought it would only be fitting to announce my pregnancy in the group chat as well.
All my family congratulated me as well and everyone seemed really excited about my baby news including my cousin.
A couple of days later, my cousin messages a long paragraph absolutely furious. She accused me of stealing her spotlight announcing my pregnancy on the same day as her engagement, although she seemed happy for me in the group chat the day before.
I immediately apologized to her and felt so guilty after the fact. My cousin never messages me back after my apology and I didn’t talk to her again for the rest of my pregnancy.
I feel really sad about all this as it’s now formed a wedge between my mum and my aunty as they have taken sides.
To top it all off several months later, my beautiful baby daughter was born on the same day as my cousin’s birthday (co-incidence right?). I have very recently given birth to a beautiful daughter and I wanted to make a baby announcement on the day she was born.
However, I could not bring myself to do it because my cousin just turned 30 which is a huge milestone. I am already not on speaking terms with my cousin and her family just over this and don’t want to steal my cousin’s spotlight a second time.
Although I feel deep down that I have every right to celebrate my daughter’s birth and her future birthdays without having to feel guilty of stealing someone else’s spotlight just because they share a birthday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Why on Earth is your cousin’s engagement more significant than your pregnancy?
And even if it was bad form to announce your pregnancy right after she announced the engagement, you apologized as soon as you learned that it hurt her. And she didn’t talk to you for the rest of your pregnancy. What is that? Announce the birth of your child.
Starting a life is as significant as living one for 30 years. You have every right to celebrate your life, please don’t let your aunt or your cousin make you believe that you’re less important than she is.” Ms-Creant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the whole idea that a single message in a group chat automatically means no one can say anything interesting for a week is completely insane.
You both had announcements, so you both announced them. It’s not like people can’t pay attention to two things at once. Are you supposed to remember everything everyone has announced? For how long? And in a group chat of all things! This is an insane thing for someone to get angry about, and the whole idea of ‘someone’s day’ or ‘someone’s moment’ is ridiculous.
Two people can have moments!” Hairy_Dirt3361
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘Earlier this year, one of my aunties asked if anyone had any life updates to share.’
Okay. So this wasn’t an event – this was someone asking for updates on a group chat.
The etiquette is don’t use someone else’s event to announce your own thing. (At least, not without talking to the event person first and getting their permission.)
A group chat isn’t an event. You didn’t ‘steal’ anything. Two people can both have happy, big news on the same day.
Now, if you had a habit of always waiting until she makes a big announcement to immediately announce your own, that pattern would be pretty ick and make it seem like you were in a competition. That doesn’t seem to be the case here.
Unfortunately not being the jerk isn’t going to change that your cousin has decided to no longer speak to you.” Kettlewise
People.. cousin needs to realize everything isn’t always about her.
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Husband To Take Our Child Abroad Early To See His Parents?
“Usually, we spend the whole of December with my in-laws but this year my oldest started school and the term wasn’t over until the 15th so we had to delay the visit.
My husband suggested he take our youngest to visit his parents at the beginning of December and then we could join them once our oldest was finished with school.
I said no for several reasons. Our youngest is 2 and she’s never been away from me for more than a few hours before so I didn’t think it was a good idea to see how she would cope with a 2-hour+ flight separating us.
Our oldest would also be upset and jealous that they got to go early while he was stuck at home because of school which I didn’t think was fair to him. He also had 3 weeks off from school which is plenty of time for a visit so it wasn’t like my husband was only going to see his family for a few days if he didn’t go at the beginning of December like we usually would.
He’s still mad that I wouldn’t let him and our daughter go early as he had things he needed to get done which he hasn’t been able to do as we’re busy doing things with the kids now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He may feel because he’s Dad that it shouldn’t be an issue – but there’s no way a 2-year-old is going to be happy without Mommy, not only on the plane but for 2 weeks. Also, it’s different than if 1 parent went away on a business trip for 2 weeks – in that case, the child would still be in their own home, doing their everyday routine; they’d still miss Mom/Dad but it wouldn’t be as traumatic as to find themselves in a completely different house, with people they don’t remember.
If she were 5 or 6 it would be a different story.
You did everybody a favor.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
At some point your two year old is going to need to be seperated from you. This is a controlled situation to do it that your husband is opting into.
It’d also be some nice solo daddy daughter time.
Life isn’t always fair. Your oldest knows that sometimes you do what my gram called adventures with your youngest while they are at school and the time the two of you had could equally be great solo bonding time where they get to just have mom and do things with out their sibling after school.” gdex86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like you have some pretty reasonable issues with them going early. It feels a bit odd that he’s so prepared to take the youngest and go, as it sounds like you’re the primary caretaker of a pretty young child.
Yet he needed to get some things done while taking care of that child. I can’t imagine he knows what he’d be in for if he had gone; if the child was older, it would be different. Plus, you still get plenty of time with family, wherever you’re going.
Sounds like times are changing in your lives, not every year can be the same.” mallentine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘Our youngest is 2 and she’s never been away from me for more than a few hours before’
Seems like it’s something that you should have addressed way before.
Doesn’t she go to daycare? Doesn’t she get to spend alone time with your husband at all? You are setting your kid up to be co-dependent on you.
‘Our oldest would also be upset and jealous’
It’s up to you to make this moment special for your kid.
If they are at school age, they are old enough to understand how the world works. I am pretty sure any kid with a toddler sibling would be THRILLED to have their mom all to themselves for a couple of weeks. It’s only up to YOU to make it special.
So basically, my impression here is that you are preventing your husband and youngest from having quality time together just because you don’t want to do some parenting.” MaybeAWalrus
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner's Parents For Hijacking My Birthday Trip?
“In preparation for my (2x/F) birthday that recently passed, my partner (2x/M) booked an overseas trip. It was a surprise, so I left everything to him.
A month before the trip, he informed me that his parents (5x/F, M) would be tagging along. This was unexpected to me. I was uncomfortable but the booking had already been made. I probably asked if we were sleeping in separate rooms, and he replied no due to financial constraints (fair), but I later forgot that I asked. He did assure me that his parents would have separate activities and we would have alone time.
The trip came around – a three-day, two-night trip.
Day 1. While in transit I asked why the arrangement was. He disclosed to me that his mother had made a big fuss when she found out about this trip (he had been traveling with me a lot, and she was upset that he hadn’t been making time for his parents).
On the basis that her birthday falls on the same week as mine (surprise), she insisted on joining the trip. So how could her only son say no?
I did not take this new information well emotionally, especially because I don’t like his mother to begin with.
Also, the fact that this was straight-up an emotionally manipulative move.
We check into accommodations and I realize we’re sharing one room. We have no privacy. We have no alone time together on the first day. I sleep conflicted.
Day 2 was where it all went wrong.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and with the flu. I was mentally spiraling, thinking how dare his mother impinge on a trip FOR ME like this.
I was this close to crying and I couldn’t even tell my partner OR cry.
Naturally, I had zero interest in entertaining his parents. Later I was told that I was frowning the entire day, unreceptive, and disengaged, and when his mother spoke to me I replied to her brusquely and avoided eye contact. I avoided conversations and slept whenever I could in the car.
Day 3 and until now. The trip ended and I felt more liberated than anything else. A few days later my partner informs me that his mother was very offended by my actions on Day 2 and she thinks I’m a brat who can’t respect her elders.
She doesn’t want to see me for the time being. Oh no, I think. How tragic. God, how little I care.
To be fair, his parents had done nothing to offend me during the trip. They did not impose on me any expectations or rules, and I would even say that his mother was accommodating and kind to me throughout.
That’s the one thing that makes me feel mildly bad. But, in my opinion, they should never have made what was my birthday trip into a family trip. I regret acting so childishly and perhaps I should have dealt with it better, but I am not apologetic for my feelings.
Maybe she didn’t deserve it, but she shouldn’t have come. And maybe my behavior during the trip was because I wanted to punish everyone, scorched-earth style.
Curious – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for going on the trip once you heard the parents were tagging along.
You don’t like the mother. You were disappointed that they were coming. You didn’t even have separate accommodations from people you view as infringing on you. Your partner is a moron for arranging this trip. But you still went along with something you didn’t like.
You behaved like a child over something that was no surprise to you. What did you expect your pouting to do? You simply should have declined to participate in the trip at all. You know your own boundaries. You don’t get to punish others when you yourself choose to disregard them.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You should have pushed back as soon as you knew the plan included his parents.
Personally, and this may be a cultural thing, I find it weird you all shared a room for a birthday trip. The original plan involved you two going and paying without them, so if they wanted to go they should have paid their way.
Period. Full stop.
You had an opportunity to push that earlier on in the process, so waiting to sulk once there is really not helpful to anyone. I get that you were sick and not feeling good, but it also doesn’t suddenly make it all better.
You and your partner need serious work on how you communicate with each other and you should apologize if you weren’t clear and upfront with everyone beforehand that you had objections to the plans.” MayhemAbounds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously your birthday trip with your partner turned into an awful family vacation sharing a single room with his parents and you were not feeling well and you were supposed to entertain them heck no it was your trip you were there for you not them.
You need to ask yourself if you want this type of crap happening all the time because your partner needs to grow a spine and boundaries with his mother or you need a new guy because if 1 of the two doesn’t happen you’re going to be putting up with this for the rest of your life.” Fainora
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner for arranging it and his parents for breaking in on your trip. But you hold some responsibility, too, since you had every opportunity to back out of it.
‘A month before the trip, he informed me that his parents (5x/F, M) would be tagging along.’
I’d have said ‘Um, what? I thought this trip was for my birthday. Why are your parents coming?’
‘I probably asked if we were sleeping in separate rooms, and he replied no due to financial constraints (fair),’
This is the point in which you say, ‘I’m not sharing a room with your (expletive deleted) parents!
Go ahead and have fun; I’ll stay here.’
The fact is, you should be mad at your partner more than at his mom.” SamSpayedPI
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Son's Toys To My Ex's New Kids?
“My ex (39M) and I (40F) share a son (20M), we divorced when our son was five because my ex came out to me as gay, right after our divorce my ex became an absent parent for the next six years of my son’s life it was until he settled down with his current husband that he became a way better parent to our son having him 50% of the time and taking care of him.
Even if my ex kind of forgot about our son for six years, his parents didn’t, they disowned their son but still wanted to be part of my son’s life, They are wealthy so my son never missed anything in his life, (they even contributed to my son’s college and are even paying for his apartment and expenses so he doesn’t worry about finding a part-time job) they got him every type of toys from the ages 3 to 10, those are expensive and amazing toys for a child.
My son was so careful as a child so the toys are as good as new, they are all packed and saved in a room at my house waiting for my future grandkids to play with their dad’s old toys.
Here is the thing: my ex married this man, and had kids the twins just turned three and my ex called to say that he’d pick some of my son’s old toys to give to his kids, I had to call my son to see if he was ok with this and he told me he didn’t really care and I could do what I wanted with the toys, so I told my ex that I decided to keep them for our future grandchildren because they are the ones who have the right to possess what their dad once owned, he called me a jerk for not letting his kids have the toys since my son doesn’t really care much about them and there are kids around who can play with them and this was also a way to connect with their big brother.
I mean I think I’d be the jerk if they couldn’t afford it but c’mon ex’s husband is a dermatologist and ex is an engineer, they can afford toys. My husband thinks I’m the jerk for the only reason that they are unused now and some other kids could be playing.
But there is also a chance these kids are not as careful as my son and can get them broken.
Edit: Ex was in fact disowned for being gay.
He wasn’t present in my son’s life until my son turned 11 that’s when he started buying my son all the toys, those toys from ages 11-16 were donated a couple of years ago.
He still paid child support.
He didn’t sign away his parental rights, the first agreement after the divorce was that I would have my son and he’d visit, but he often skipped the visitations and my son barely saw him for six years.
He didn’t have an affair.
The toys I have stored are for kids ages from 3-10. My ex knows about them because we have improved our relationship over the years and he had visited me a couple of times.
My son sees his little brothers as FAMILY, former in-laws sadly don’t and call them ‘plastic/synthetic babies’.
My former in-laws and I don’t have the relationship we used to, they expected me to be alone forever. They got mad when I engaged to my fiancé (now husband) because ‘I wasn’t teaching my son a good example’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your ex is.
He’s an amazing father? Are you kidding? Amazing father? Suddenly he remembers he has a kid after 6 years. He dumped his kid for 6 years and then comes back… that doesn’t make him anything BUT an amazing JERK! Then he is mad that you’re not giving him toys that clearly don’t belong to him and probably didn’t pay for a dime, since he abandoned you and your child.
Don’t care if he came out gay. Has nothing to do with how he treated your son.
Don’t think twice about what he thinks of you. Don’t give him anything. His ‘new’ kids are his responsibility, not yours. He sounds abusive.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your ex has some nerve! I think you did the right thing by asking your son. They are technically HIS toys. But if he doesn’t care what you do with them, then it’s totally your right to save them for potential grandchildren.
Also, the fact that he wants those specific toys, when he likely has a boatload of money, means he’s either super cheap, or, his parents aren’t involved in his younger children’s lives, and he thinks getting his hands on toys his parents purchased will somehow make up for their ruined relationship.
But it’s not on you to heal the damage he caused with his actions. So don’t worry about it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your son has these toys because your in-laws stepped up when your ex abandoned him. They made sure he didn’t go without from his paternal side.
He doesn’t get to demand toys from you simply because he wants them. He didn’t even have the courtesy to ask nicely. He can afford toys for his kids. He had more than six years of not spending on your son to save for them.
Plus he can afford toys for his children. My guess is he wants these toys because his parents bought them.
His children don’t have a connection with their grandparents because they disowned the ex. He’s trying to use these toys to falsify a connection.
Giving the toys to his kids mean they have something from them and something from their big brother. His situation with his parents is unfortunate, but he made a choice to lie to you and then abandon his responsibilities. You don’t owe him any favors.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Your ex's family though...sheesh smh
8. AITJ Not Wanting A Birthday Cake?
“I (m20) turned twenty recently and celebrated my birthday surrounded only by friends.
The reason is that the birthdays I HAD to spend with my family were always terrible. I hate being the center of attention at social gatherings, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I always plead with my parents to keep the celebration small and casual or not do anything at all, but my father, who was always the one who did everything, never listened. My mom just tagged along.
I ended up miserable because the reason we had to celebrate – according to my father – was because PEOPLE wanted to celebrate me, and refusing would make them sad and think I wouldn’t want to see them. Which isn’t true, I think the people he invited are all great, but I’d rather spend time with them on a normal day where we could act naturally.
My father said I had to pretend to be happy, even if I was sick, tired, or in a bad mood, which I definitely would be, or else I would ruin the day for everyone else and everyone I loved would start to resent me for rejecting them when they wanted to show me their love.
Two years ago, I moved out and live now with my grandmother and am in very low contact with my father due to the crap he pulled when I was still living with him. I am in therapy now and getting better. The interactions with my father are more like between neighbors than father and son, and I think we never had such a pleasant relationship before.
I have a friend who is born the same day as me and we celebrate our birthdays now together and I never had any idea how wholesome birthday celebrations can be when your boundaries are respected.
For my birthdays, my father would always bake a chocolate cake with smarties.
Last year, he came to me and gave it to and I took it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings as it was a nice gesture, but ended up feeding it only to my friends and not eating a bite of it myself.
Just looking at it brings back the bad memories and I definitely didn’t want to eat it because I might have thrown up. I felt tense just carrying it and only could breathe out when it disappeared.
This year, I wanted to be able to enjoy myself completely, so when my father wanted to give me the cake again, I politely declined, said while I appreciate the gesture, I do not want any cake, and suggested he and my mother should just eat it instead.
This is where I might be the jerk:
My mother’s coworker’s kids helped bake and decorate the cake and put a lot of effort into it. Today, they asked my mother were excitedly how I liked the cake and she told them that I rejected it and she and my father ate it instead.
The kids were very upset and sad and I feel guilty because it was just a cake and I could have given it to my friends instead again (it’s a tasty chocolate cake, I just don’t like it because of the memories) and they only meant well.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay so no jerks here, but you look like a jerk.
The cake is clearly a trigger for you, but your parents didn’t know that. (Which I surmise from you saying that ‘they only meant well.’) Communicating or navigating our triggers is our responsibility.
Communicating about the trigger doesn’t read like it’s an option at this point, so it’s important to be cognizant of how other people see your responses. Without context, rejecting a hand-made gift created especially for you looks like a jerk move.” IndependentFilm4353
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘they only meant well’
No, they didn’t mean well. If they truly meant well, they’d respected your boundaries and not given you a cake that rips open old wounds. They’re still trying to control you and make you cater to their whims.
I also doubt those kids do actually exist. Why would kids you don’t even know care about your birthday cake?
I call nonsense on that one, added drama to make you feel bad again for not doing what they want.
Your birthday is about you. About what makes you happy. People who ignore your wishes and needs on your own birthday so they can have what they want are not meaning well.
They’re cruel and selfish.” GrayDottedPony
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – except maybe your mom for telling the kids that you declined the cake.
Your parents tried to do something they thought was nice, but you declined and reaffirmed a boundary that they accepted.
Birthdays are clearly a sore spot and I think it’s going to take time for you and your family to find a place where everyone is comfortable.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get your parents didn’t respect your wishes as a child but they don’t do that anymore.
Even though your relationship is strained, they still go through the effort of baking you a cake – not buying one – baking one. And because you didn’t tell them you didn’t want a cake (you failed to set that boundary) they went ahead and devoted their time to it because they thought you liked it.
You essentially created this situation and threw it back in their faces. Why should they lie to protect you? You could have simply accepted the cake, then a while later told them you didn’t want cakes anymore.” ninja-gecko
7. WIBTJ If I Take The Vegetable Peels Home?
“We are having Christmas dinner with my in-laws. Everyone is responsible for bringing one part of the meal. We are all coming together on Christmas Day. My partner and I are bringing the vegetables and the turkey. We bought them from a local farmer as I wanted to use the vegetable peels and turkey carcasses to make stock.
My partner’s SIL has told MIL that she wants the carcass and MIl has told her that’s fine. Annoying, but whatever.
I know I can get another carcass from the local farmer, he’s the husband of my friend. BIL (not married to SIL, partner has 3 brothers) messaged me to say he will be collecting the peels as normal and he would rather I put them in a box than a bag.
Apparently, he gets free eggs from a friend who has chickens in exchange for him giving the friend all his kitchen scraps to feed them. BIL gets the kitchen scraps from most people in the family, he doesn’t get ours as we compost them. I told BIL not this year as I was going to use them to make stock for my son as we are weaning him.
With my son being so young, he can’t have salt so I wanted to make my own stock for when I’m cooking meals for my son so I know if there’s salt in it. He responded that he wasn’t asking, he was telling. Partner has said that once we’re done peeling the vegetable he’ll just put them in the car so BIL can’t have them as son is more important than chickens.
WIBTJ if I took the peelings anyway? I feel like I am being a jerk as this has been the way for years. This is my first family Christmas with my in-laws and I don’t want to get off to a bad start with them.
Edit: the vegetables are of better quality than the ones we usually buy, which is why I wanted to use them. Prepping them at home isn’t an option, peeling vegetables is the only Christmas dinner task my MIL can help with as she has mobility issues.
So she’s looking forward to doing the peeling. I do realize this is the pettiest thing to argue about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You bought the veggies and turkey, you should honestly be getting the peels and carcass. I’d talk to SIL and explain that you’re sorry MIL said she could have it, but you are needing it to make soup stock for your baby.
If she puts up a fuss, I think you’re well within your rights to remind her that you bought the turkey so it’s only fair you get the carcass. Can’t just be giving away an expensive bird like that. In this economy?!
Also, your husband needs to have a discussion with his brother about the way he talks to you. ‘I’m not asking, I’m telling’? Excuse you sir, who do you think you are? A jerk that’s who. He has no right to speak to you that way, or anyone else for that matter.
That is completely unacceptable behavior. Your husband needs to step up in a major way with his family. His wife and baby need to be in the #1 spot. Yes, this might be a silly thing to be such a big issue but the REAL concern is the way his family is trying to steamroll you over it.” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But go ahead and peel the vegetables an hour or so before, that way you don’t have to fight with BIL over them.
If you have to peel them at the house, then maybe just do it in your car or something.
Otherwise, have your husband act like a body guard over those peels. Make it clear that they’re already having the carcass, they don’t get your peels too. Your son’s stock comes before their chicken eggs.” Intrepid-Database-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re your carcasses and peels.
Your BiL seems to be a bit entitled. If he’s still doubling down you can say he can bring your dozen free eggs on Christmas. Eggs for peels. A trade. Perhaps enter your MiLs home telling everybody about the amazing broth recipes you want to try with the carcass.
Other than that. Be on your guard that nobody takes the peels and carcass. Perhaps peel into a box and your husband can put it in your car like he suggested.” PhantomStrangeSolitu
6. AITJ For Shouting At My Husband For Sitting Around When He Has Renal Failure?
“My husband (42) and I (31) had a baby in 2021. A few weeks after the baby was born he went into the hospital for pneumonia which led to finding out he was in end-of-life renal failure and would need a transplant.
Fast forward, he has been on dialysis for a year and on short-term/FMLA and now long-term SSD from work for the whole year. I have been paying the mortgage, car payment, internet, water, and garbage, plus any needs that the baby has for food diapers, and clothes.
He pays for the electricity and Hulu live so he can watch football. He recently has been helping with groceries more after some past arguments. He sometimes will cook for us. He never cleans up after himself. I work and watch our son all day, clean, do laundry, take out the trash, walk our dog, and schedule everyone’s appointments all while he sleeps or sits in his room gaming all day.
I have argued with him multiple times saying how tired I am of it and of him not being part of the family. I love him but honestly, I’m so tired, tired of never being appreciated, of him being a jerk whenever I try and get him to be part of the family, and of never having a moment to myself.
I will say that he is absolutely amazing with our son when he does come out. I love watching them play and read together. I find it heartbreaking when my son is always checking to see if he is awake and saying dada. I feel guilty because I know he doesn’t feel well and that I can’t really know how poorly he feels but I’m just so fed up with having to handle everything for everyone.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s a terrible situation and your feelings are valid and it’s impossible to know from the outside what he’s mentally and physically capable of with all he’s going through. I hope you get the supports you need soon and that all goes well with your testing as a potential donor.
Please get counseling for yourself even if he doesn’t want to. There’s immense grief under the stress of the day to day but all is landing on you right now so you likely can’t begin to access that.” Accomplished_Ad1837
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is a ton here that isn’t the fault of anyone. End-stage renal failure is miserable. You feel absolutely overwhelmed. He sleeps all day in part from the disease. And having a partner with a fatal disease where only a transplant is the option must be scary as well.
And the money stuff needs to be sorted.
But you seem to hold the illness up as his personal failing. You have told him he isn’t part of the family. Ouch. I try to get him to be a part of the family. Ouch.
Yet, he is amazing with kids when he isn’t asleep.
Find out what level of exhaustion is typical or can his treatment be tweaked? Is there a way to maximize or schedule his good time? How much activity is good for him? But, above all else, appreciate the time has he with you and your child.
With luck, happier days are ahead. But, he might not find a donor, or the organ being rejected. Will you be ok if this is how you spent your last days together?” tropicaldiver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Caregiver burnout is real. You are supporting the entire household as well as running the household with no support.
Is there anyone… a family member, a friend, or a local support organization that can help with perhaps prepping a few meals or some light housekeeping or childcare for a few hours a week? Also, I’ll be the one to say it. It sounds like he’s using his diagnosis as an excuse not to be responsible for more around the home and it’s an unfair burden on you.
If he’s well enough to sit and play video games all day then he can read to his child, he can fold laundry, he can get on the phone to make appointments, he can do more of the ‘light’ duties.” Any-Blackberry-5557
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you might be the jerk, he is possibly dying and you’re worried about little things.
I wonder if you really love him or just got knocked up. You never said how long yall have been together just that got a kid in 2021. If you guys just started out you haven’t built the love needed to shoulder this burden. I know you’re stressed and drained and if you’re staying out of guilt then you are not the jerk… you’re just in a bad spot.
If y’all have been together for years and this happened, YTJ… whatever you’re feeling multiply that by 10 and you may get close to how he is feeling. You didn’t say he was going through dialysis but I assume he is… that itself is taxing on the body.
He is not able to be the man he use to be he has to depend on you which feels bad enough and then you’re probably fussing at him all the time making him feel more useless. This is why it’s said that women and kids are the only ones loved unconditionally.
Men need to be useful and right now you don’t see his use. I feel sorry for him. This is key to understanding the roots of our lives vs the branches.” Infamous-Horror-2096
5. AITJ For Not Calling My Sister By Her New Name?
“So, a few months ago, my (17f) sister (16f) told me she would like to use a different name than her birth name.
For the sake of this post, the name she wants to have is Daisy. My sister gave me these 3 reasons.
First, she dislikes her original name because it is spelled ‘weird’ (it is spelled normally). Second, her original name is ‘made fun of online because it is a basic white girl name’.
We are white. And lastly, her new SO did not like that her name was the same as his sister and this made him uncomfortable. So she wishes to change it because of him. She told me this and I, hopefully understandably, refused because those are absurd reasons to change your name.
And changing your name for a boy? That is beyond me.
Now context for the next part. I am myself, queer. I am a lesbian and I use she/they pronouns. The thing is, my sister is not queer. If she was, say, trans I would not have a problem with her wanting to change her name.
In fact, I would support it. However, that is not the case here.
I have spoken to my family and close friends and they all agree with me that her reasons to be called daisy are, for lack of a better word, stupid.
However, she is convinced that I am ‘evil’ even though I have apologized and explained why.
Moreso she has been telling my friends lies about me at our school to get people to hate me. Someone has even gone so far as to claim I am ‘homophobic’ for not calling her daisy. But she isn’t changing her name for a gender-related reason?
So, am I the jerk?
Note: most people call her by her original name, not Daisy.
I’ve decided to apologize to my sister as she deserves one. And I will try to have a talk with her, but (because of unrelated reasons) she may not listen to me.
I think I should respect her autonomy and will be calling her by her name.
I do want to say, as I should have mentioned it, I would have called her it to begin with if she has not mentioned the relationship thing. Changing your identity for a boy makes me concerned for her.
But it is not my life and I will encourage my family to call her Daisy as well.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Yeah changing your name for a partner isn’t a great reason. But you are the jerk for this thinking.
‘Now context for the next part.
I am myself, queer. I am a lesbian and I use she/they pronouns. The thing is, my sister is not queer. If she was, say, trans I would not have a problem with her wanting to change her name. In fact, I would support it.
However, that is not the case here.’
Doesn’t matter. She didn’t get to choose her name. In the same way, someone who is trans didn’t choose how they were born. You can’t pick and choose what part of someone’s autonomy is justified.
If a trans or non-binary individual can cycle through names to try out what feels right, why can’t your sister?
It’s hypocrisy.” Justcommenting121
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, name changes aren’t always about the LGBTQ community. And you listed two different reasons that have nothing to do with her relationship, and they are actually valid reasons for wanting to change a name.
She isn’t trying to change her name legally, she just wants people to address her by a different one.
Why does it affect you so much that you had to run around talking to them about something that doesn’t concern you, affect you, or change your life in any shape or form? You made this into a bigger deal than she did.” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t get to police the ‘acceptable’ reasons for people changing their name.
Your sister has made a request that is honestly no skin off your nose. Please call me by a different name. It’s her first reason that’s the most important.
She DISLIKES her name. That should be enough. But no, you’re going to keep calling her a name she dislikes because… you’ve decided that’s not good enough?
Get over yourself. Stop policing other people’s names.” mynamecouldbesam
4. AITJ For Not Doing Anything When My Friend's Partner Was Crying Over Miso Soup?
“I am 18F and my friend Mark is 19M.
We decided to go out with his brother (15) and the brother’s SO (15). Whenever we go out with them, Mark and I pay for the two of them since they’re young and don’t have stable incomes yet. sometimes they bring a small amount of money like 10-20 dollars and pay some, and then we pay the rest.
When we got to the restaurant I chose, They were both surprised by the price and were hesitant to choose something too pricey but we assured them it was fine. Brother chose a big platter of sushi and the girl felt too scared to choose anything.
When the waitress came and asked what we would want, I ordered for her because I didn’t want her to be the only one not eating. I got her miso soup which was really cheap.
Brother said thank you for getting her something since she didn’t choose anything.
I said no problem. Brother then tried to get his SO to say thank you, but she would whisper in his ear and he would speak for her. ‘She said she’s too shy to say thank you.’ I giggled and said no worries, but he kept trying to persuade her to say thank you because he said it was rude for her not to.
The persuasion kept going until the food came out which was like 10 minutes.
The food came and we started eating. Everyone except her. She buried her face into his jacket and started crying quietly. I was confused but super hungry so I kept eating. I asked what was wrong and it took 5 minutes for her to whisper in his ear what was wrong so her SO could tell us.
‘She said she isn’t hungry anymore and feels bad for wasting your money.’
The miso soup was two dollars. I told her I could make two dollars back very fast, so she shouldn’t worry. After that, she just kept shaking her head and had like a mini breakdown.
I didn’t know what to do. I was kind of uncomfortable, so after I told her that it wasn’t a big deal I just started talking to Mark. We talked about what we did earlier in the day while his brother handled the girl’s breakdown.
He didn’t get to eat much of his food because she wanted him to keep holding her. That part did kind of make me unhappy
This happened a few weeks ago and my friend just brought it up, saying that I should’ve said more to make her feel better.
I said it seemed like his brother had it under control so I didn’t wanna do anything. Was I the jerk for not saying or doing more?”
Another User Comments:
“It seems the girl is suffering from some major anxiety at the very least. It certainly isn’t your job to be her therapist or to console her, but the world is a better place when humans can afford compassion for one another.
You did nothing wrong and it is only natural for you to feel uncomfortable, and awkward and not know what to do in that situation. It seems you did more than Mark did and you’re the person with the least connection to the girl so I’m not sure why he expected you to be the one consoling her compared to him.
NTJ.” xreiachan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like what was going on had nothing to do with the miso soup or you. Maybe she’s going through a bad time in general with mental health, or maybe school or family problems are getting to her, or she’s having really heavy social anxiety.
She was very uncomfortable, and it seemed like more attention just made her more uncomfortable. So, for you to briefly assure her that everything was okay and then just let it go, which is what you did, sounds like the best thing you could have done.” SuLiaodai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe your friend thinks that since you’re a woman you should naturally know how to console and comfort another female person, better than her actual partner.
The girl sounds strange and neurotic, and I doubt that you would have done any better than Mark’s brother in making her feel better.” Grouchy-Bluejay-4092
I'm worried about her.
3. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Brother-In-Law's Kid?
“My (28m) sister (32f) has been with her husband (34m) for about 8 years and married for 4.
He has one kid from before they got together who is 9, we’ll call him L. I used to not see them too often outside of holidays because I previously lived in a different state for pretty much their entire relationship.
I’ve recently moved back in with my parents who live like 20 mins away from my sis.
In the past few months or so, they constantly leave L with my parents whenever they go to appointments or dates. Usually twice a week L will be here for like 6 hours. My mom loves to take care of him and hang out with him but I usually just stay out of the way in my room.
This week, my parents are going to visit some family out of state and my sis asked if she could drop off L at my parents’ house like they usually do because she and her husband were going to a basketball game and asked if I could keep an eye on him.
I said no, he’s not related to me and therefore not my responsibility. This made her upset because she said she raised L since he was one and he was practically her own child. I shrugged and said that it still wasn’t my responsibility to watch him.
She became really standoffish and she said even though it wasn’t my responsibility to watch her kid, she would really appreciate it if I did this favor for her. I suggested she get a babysitter or something, but she said they didn’t have another sitter that they could trust because they usually ask my parents or another couple they know, but both are out of town.
She said she’d pay me for watching him, said it would be easy because he mainly just plays games, watches TV, and goes to sleep, and that I’d just need to heat up and feed him some dinner that she would prepare, but I said that I didn’t want to worry about anything in case something happened. I suggested she give her tickets to someone else or maybe just one of them goes.
That annoyed her and she said that I was being a jerk for not doing her this favor, but, I don’t know, I really don’t think it’s my responsibility to watch this kid that I’m not close to, and not even related to.
AITJ?
EDIT: I overheard my sister stressed out making phone calls trying to find a sitter and I felt bad, so I agreed to watch L for the night. We played Minecraft together and it was a lot of fun.
I think I had some resentment for some past family stuff that I was unfairly taking out on my sister and her family.
Calling my nephew unrelated to me was just cruel and I can see why my sister got upset.
After some time has passed, I think I was definitely the jerk here. Babysitting L really wasn’t that big of an ask (it’s not like my sis asked me to watch a newborn) and I’m happy that I was able to grow a little bit closer with him.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
‘I said no, he’s not related to me and therefore not my responsibility.’
You’re the jerk for how you framed this. You aren’t responsible for watching someone else’s kid, it’s simply nice to watch your nephew (who is, through marriage, related to you).
But you made this about him not being related, which is really trashy.
But of course, she’s a jerk for making plans without a sitter and then expecting you’d pick up the slack.” reggiesnap
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
No. It’s not your responsibility to watch the kid.
It was also not your parents’ responsibility to let their 28-year-old come move back in either.
You know they normally babysit the kid, but your parents will be out of town. Maybe be a little less entitled and selfish, especially when your sister also offered to pay for the time.
And very jerk move about not being related when your MOM loves the kid. Literally sounds like immature jealousy on your part.” WholeAd2742
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, you are related. Yes, you are family. To say you are not is a real jerk perspective regardless of anything else.
Yes, your sister is a jerk because she assumed daycare was covered and didn’t take no for no.
I have some sympathy for her as she probably didn’t realize her parents would be gone when she bought the tickets, the tickets could be expensive, and it would be a pain (or even unrealistic) to find a one-time childcare company with questionable quality.
But that doesn’t change the fact that you said no and she should accept that.
Both you and your sister are jerks.” Headgamerz
Your sister is the jerk for continuing to ask even after you said no. Especially after you stated you were uncomfortable watching the child.
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To Christmas Dinner?
“I (23F) just found out that my (17M) step-brother is coming down for Christmas. I and he don’t get along for a multitude of reasons. When he was younger, he stole money from my room and lit my makeup brushes on fire in the bathroom sink.
As his punishment, he wasn’t allowed to come over for that weekend he was supposed to visit, and my dad allowed me to buy a lock to put on my door. That was his only punishment for destroying my things after I had been nothing but nice to him, even giving him money so he wouldn’t steal mine.
He’s coming down this year, and my dad and stepmom were planning on hiding it from me until Christmas Eve when I went over and would see him there. Well, their plans got foiled by my younger brother, and now I don’t want to go to the Christmas party and plan on locking myself in my room when they come over to my grandma’s on Christmas.
I didn’t feel bad about it, but my brother says I’m being over dramatic by not celebrating so now I’m second-guessing myself. AITJ?
ETA: I was 16 and he was 11 when this happened. I understand that happened 6 years ago, but he faced no consequences, didn’t show remorse, and my parents didn’t hold him responsible.
On top of that, I’ve seen him maybe twice since then and locked myself in my room every time. I’m more upset with my parents because my dad won’t let me other my step-brother visit for less, and I think it’s unfair he’s not considering my feelings in this.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you need to grow up. This happened 6 years ago and you’ve barely interacted with him since then. Plus, he was a CHILD when it happened. Put on your big girl pants and see if he’s actually changed. If you truly give him a chance and he proves himself to still be a jerk, then you’ll be justified in feeling the way you do.
As it is now, you’re punishing him and your family for something that happened 6 years ago and he was a little kid. Talk about holding a grudge.” partyboysouth
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your parents should have told you they plan to bring another guest to your home, regardless of who it is.
But honestly, something is seriously whacked in your fam if 11-year-olds are setting fires, a week of grounding is considered an inconsequential punishment, and another (step)child is permanently banned ‘for less’. And you suck for having such strong feelings about a child without recognizing that your actual problem is with your parents and the dynamics they foster(ed).
By ‘everyone sucks here’ I mean you and your stepmom and dad; there’s not enough info to judge your brother or this stepbrother who, again, was 11 at the time of this incident.” no_good_namez
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. The parents for not having him face some sort of age-appropriate accountability for stealing and destroying your things.
Additionally, they should have replaced what was damaged and taken and paid for the lock themselves. You for holding a grudge against an 11-year-old kid to the point where you are still acting out towards him six years later when your real issue is how your parents mishandled the whole situation.
You’re a 23-year-old, it’s time to act like the adult here and place the blame for your anger with your parents where it rightfully belongs. Because at this point the only person you are hurting with this behavior is yourself.” Grannywine
1. AITJ For Not Coming To Church With My Grandma?
“My abuela is quite elderly and not doing well, and I knew that she would be coming home for Christmas Eve. Now, I’m not a religious person, and my abuela has always tried to shove religion down my throat, but I was going to try to go to church with her.
My mom asked many times and I told her that I would try my best to go.
Then, Saturday comes, and I’m still several hours away from college, and my mom calls, saying that my abuela is coming this weekend and that I should be at church.
She said that I committed, and therefore I have to go. I broke my butt to get home, and, when I arrived, I saw my abuela. She immediately started telling me how she heard about my partner, that I’m a bad person, etc. This went on for hours.
She then told me that I would be coming to church with her.
Straight up, I told her no. After hours of hearing how bad I was, I wasn’t going to go sit in the pews and listen to more of the same. My mom was yelling at me because I committed to going, but I just felt uncomfortable.
I went back to college for the final week.
Now, all of my family hates me. They’re saying that I won’t probably get another time to see my abuela and that she is threatening to remove me from the inheritance. My sister said that I’m letting my own lack of religion get in the way of making my abuela happy and that I ruined Christmas.
On one hand, I see their point, it was childish of me. On the other, I broke my butt to get home, and she couldn’t even be grateful enough to not be a jerk to me, as per usual.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m queer and also religious, so I get the whole church thing (I go on holidays but other than that I’m pretty private with my own stuff).
You agreed to go, but the situation changed. What should have been an act of family and love was turned into scolding and penance.
You did not agree to that.
You didn’t deserve that, and you should not have to sit there and be made to feel that way by family on a holiday.
You did not ruin anything. They did.” GoldenGoof19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think first of all she shouldn’t get on your case about your lifestyle because it’s your choice and it’s your way of life. Secondly, your mom should’ve had your back when your grandmother was berating you like that.
That is not the way to get you to do anything they wanted you to do. Finally, they have to stop being rude about your religious views or lack thereof because they sound like they really don’t care what you think. Hope everything works out in the end.” jlames80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you might be sorry about this decision later. Your grandma is going to die, possibly before you ever see her again. At the moment you are angry at her because she doesn’t agree with your life choices and tells you so, but later when she’s dead and it’s too late you might be sorry you didn’t go to church with her one last time because it was important to her.
Or maybe it won’t bother you at all and you’ll spend the rest of your life feeling positive this was a great choice, (shrugs). But life is short, and some things can’t be taken back.” Asaneth
